When you’re looking for a nanny or household manager, what do you think are reasonable expectations for her (or his) qualifications? Would your answer change if you happened to be a Silicon Valley CEO who is a single mom of twins? Her recent job posting for a household manager/cook/nanny has gone viral, and we thought it’d be great to discuss it today.
If you’ve hired a nanny, what were your requirements? How hard was it to find a nanny that fit your specific needs?
{related: maternity suits for professional women}
When Kat told me about the ad, which is making waves in the news this week (The Washington Post, Vox, Jezebel), I expected to scoff at the job description for its unrealistic expectations. Maybe it would be a Nanny Diaries type of situation, with a horrible, demanding parent. Online, the nanny-seeking mom has been called classist, racist, “bananas batsh*t,” “a lunatic,” and more.
But when I read excerpts of the job posting (I can’t find it online, and a tweet with screenshots has been deleted), it seemed pretty reasonable for her situation, which, it probably goes without saying, is very different from mine.
{related: would you hire a housekeeper or household manager?}
I became convinced that the mom is far from a “lunatic” after I read her interview at Slate, in which she anonymously explained some of the duties of the position (and commented on emotional labor, sexism, and more).
Her ideal candidate is a great cook, can form a close relationship with the family, can bodysurf and ski, is able to swim in the ocean (and in rivers), and possesses “intelligence, education, analytical skills, [and] thoughtfulness” to enable her to research family vacations, the kids’ activities, and so on. OK, being able to bodysurf and ski may seem a bit out-there for nanny qualifications, but if a single mom needs help caring for her kids on beach and ski vacations, doesn’t it make sense?
{related: how to level up your childcare}
Here are some of the job perks this CEO mom detailed for the $35–$40/hour position:
- Free housing (in the “pool cottage”) if desired
- Use of a car
- Paid days off, paid holidays, vacation pay
- Time and a half for overtime
- Health benefits
- Free travel (on the job, of course) to Europe, Central America, etc.
- Assistance from the housekeeper, au pair, property manager, and “gardener/handyman”
I’ve never been a nanny myself, just an occasional low-paid babysitter as a teenager, but assuming this mom is a fair and reasonably pleasant boss, this seems like a good gig.
Readers, what do you think? Are the mom’s requirements reasonable or ridiculous? Do you agree with her assertion in Slate that “If I were Scott McNealy, former CEO of Sun Microsystems, […] nobody would think twice”?
{related: here’s what happened when Kat tried to hire a virtual assistant to delegate family tasks}
UPDATE: OK, now that I see the full job listing (thanks, anonymous commenter!), I do think it’s a bit … excessive, and personally, I would be wary of an employer who is THAT specific about her needs.
But aside from the cooking part (some unrealistic expectations there!) and a couple of other requirements, most of the duties seem like “things a mother does all the time.” That makes sense — the mom mentioned the famous 1971 essay, “I Want a Wife,” in her Slate interview.
{related: check out some of our top working mom diaries, including
- a BigLaw mom in Chicago and a BigLaw mom in LA
- a mom in finance at a Fortune 500 company
- an income partner in Boston
- doctor in NYC
Anonymous says
Here’s the ad: https://www.google.com/search?ibp=htl;jobs&hl=en-US&kgs=95cdd49a31d7228d&q=household+manager/cook/nanny+needed+for+family+in+menlo+park&shndl=-1&source=sh/x/im/textlists/detail&entrypoint=sh/x/im/textlists/detail%23fpstate=tldetail&htidocid=kT0Qs7hyXyaMfR0FAAAAAA==&htiq=household+manager/cook/nanny+needed+for+family+in+menlo+park&htivrt=jobs#htivrt=jobs&htidocid=m-dp0a8nQ4VVnjT-AAAAAA%3D%3D&fpstate=tldetail
Kate says
Thank you!
Legally Brunette says
I didn’t hear about this earlier but find it fascinating. I wish the actual job posting was still available online. It’s not wrong to make one’s expectations very clear — she’s a CEO, she’s a single mom, and she’s ready to pay top dollar for great help.
My question is, are there people who can fulfill her requirements? The overlap between nannies and accomplished skiers who also river swim is pretty small, I would think. I hope she does fine someone great.
Anonymous says
I worked as an after school nanny in NYC while in college. Requirements like “can ski” or “ “speaks [European] language” were understood to be “hiring middle class white girl”. I haven’t seen anyone talk about this as a racial dimension, but her requirements seem designed to not have a person of color in the role.
ER says
I live in this moms town and saw the ad on my next door feed. I don’t think that’s the case. Her previous childcare situation was an au pair from Latin America. FWIW my au pair from Latin America learned how to ski here and speaks a European language.
Anonymous says
Agreed. Spanish and Portuguese are European languages that are also widely spoken in Latin America.
Anonymous says
Cool! I’m glad my lived experience is totally negated by … the nanny she got rid of being brown?
I’m so glad no one here is racist!
Anonymous says
So cool that your lived experience in nyc also applies to the Bay Area. Those two places are clearly super identical
ER says
My comment wasn’t directed toward your experience. Just the last sentence where you applied it to this woman — whom I feel like I actually know from another online forum. She works in an employment adjacent area and is always speaking up against employment discrimination in online ads that are posted on next door. Also your comment about “got rid of” suggests you don’t understand the au pair visa program.
Anonymous says
And now I can’t reply to those who replied to me.
ER: Actually, I read the Slate interview with her where she states she has two au pairs currently and her previous nanny was placed with a “google family” (WTF). I figured that you were referring to her nanny, since that was the person this position would replace. I do understand how au pairs work (though I’ll admit in NYC they aren’t common among the rich, only the wealthy and I’ve never actually met someone who had one or was one IRL.
Anonymous 6:29pm: I know believing other people who are kinda racist, but not malevolently racist makes you feel better about something about yourself (I’m guessing, not diverse friend group/work place where all the staff is brown and attorneys are white/annoyance that you aren’t getting a signed copy of American Dirt?), but I’m white and the other nannies (and even some of the moms) clearly laid this stuff out — asking for sports experience like swimming, tennis or ice skating were jobs where they were hiring young white women. Moms snarked about other moms for hiring like this, other nannies warned me to avoid jobs like that (due to the belief that the husbands were shopping for affair partners, which seemed unlikely) I can’t even describe this as an open secret, since there was no secret. I get that the racial dimensions of the East and West in the US are different (I grew up around anti-Mexican/Native American racism, but little anti-black racism due to demographics), I’m pretty sure that across the US nannies are hired from populations of women overwhelmingly poor, of color and foreign-born. To hire a “better caliber” of nanny means the same thing in the US as hiring “a better caliber” of anything: probably white, probably college educated and yeah it’s racist. Expensive individual athletics have been identified as a way for colleges to give affirmative action to white students. So yeah I’m calling someone who isn’t you racist, and why does that hurt your feelings?
Anonymous says
In the Bay Area, everyone wealthy skies. It’s The Thing. There aren’t that many wealthy non-white, non-Asian people in the Bay Area, but I definitely didn’t read the ad as her specifying she wanted a white person.
Anonymous says
I think it’s totally reasonable for a single mom with her job to want lots of paid help. But it’s unreasonable to expect one person to be an amazing caregiver for her kids, a Michelin-quality personal chef, and a personal assistant. Those are three entirely different jobs,and it would run one person into the ground to try to do all this. That was my main objection to it. A “household manager,” which I think is what she labeled it, would typically supervise and manage a nanny/housekeeper/chef/assistant and not do all those jobs themselves.
Anon says
yes, this. no one person can do all of these things.
Rosie says
I agree with this, and that person is also supposed to develop love for the mom’s children. Given the gamut of responsibilities, the level of attention to detail required for all, and the many skills required for the position, I think the pay offered is very low. In fact, I think that the only people who do all of that for a household are mothers, and they put their all into it because the work is for their own children. In brief, I think it’s too much to ask, for too little money.
Anonymous says
I still can’t believe this is an actual job posting and not a joke. However, the author is definitely from California because her sample math problem is about “going to the snow.” I grew up in California and have never heard a non-Californian use that expression.
Anon says
Lol yes. I used to live in the Bay Area and that’s such a California thing to say.
Ann says
Lol. Time and a half is what you are required by law to pay for overtime for hourly employees.
More power to this mom. I can see how this went viral but it makes sense for the right position. This is this mother’s way of saying this is a well compensated job and she is looking for a nanny who is young, active and able to travel multiple times per year with the family. FYI in my pricey DC suburb the going rate for a nanny of 2 kids is $20 per hour, for 3 or more it is up to $25 per hour.
I have a full time nanny I found by placing an ad on care dot com and all I put in the listing was my photo, description of the kids and ages, salary hours we needed and that there would be light housekeeping, children’s laundry and the requirement of a background check, clean driving record, etc. she has worked for us since 2018 and she is wonderful.
Anonymous says
I don’t think it’s an unreasonable role- she has an au pair, a handyman and a cleaning person. What she wants is a super on the ball SAHM type person to be the mom she wants to be when she’s not there.
The JD itself is a little…extra…and I wouldn’t want to work for her for that reason. But I after sifting through the silliness of it all, the woman has 2 10 year olds and basically needs a SAHM to help figure out vacations/camps, interact with the kids, do basic household stuff in the way she wants it done (cooking organic, cleaning, etc).
It reads to me like a paid yuppie SAHM gig for two 10 year olds and a high maintenance spouse.
Anonymous says
This was my reaction.
CCLA says
Agreed. Good for her for communicating expectations. She may not find someone who ticks all the boxes, but the ad itself doesn’t strike me as problematic, just unusually detailed.
Spirograph says
Yes, this was my take, too. This job description (aside from organic and allergen-friendly cooking) is basically the goals I would have for myself if I were a wealthy SAHM with a staff. I don’t think it’s unreasonable at all to seek help of this sort if you have the means to pay for it.
Re: the comment above about there being a racial dimension to this… I think it’s much more classist than racist. Skiing skews white, but it definitely excludes people without $$. If your kids ski, though, it’s reasonable to want their caretaker to be able to follow them! My sister au paired for a family (in Switzerland) that paid for her ski lessons so she could accompany their kids.
cbackson says
Yeah, TBH I felt for her reading it bc I thought she was refreshingly honest about expectations. Yes, is it kind of extra? Sure. But you know going into it exactly what you’re dealing with. Honestly, at a certain time in my life I would have been very interested in this job (and other than skiing, I fit most of the requirements).
Anon says
My language skills are rusty, but if I ever quit my BigLaw job (and, you know, didn’t have my own kid and household to co-manage), I otherwise fit her requirements.
Anonymous says
Right? My language skills are rusty too, but I would have been all over this in my 20s. And if I didn’t have my own household to manage, I’d enjoy being paid to manage someone else’s. I don’t ski, but I bet I could keep up with her kids on my snowboard.
Lobbyist says
I meet the requirements too. But have my own job — much better paying — and my own kids.
cbackson says
Also, the linked interview with her is worth a read. She’s pretty explicit about the fact that she’s basically hiring a SAHM .
Anonymous says
After reading the interview, I kind of love her. I do think she’s right there’s an element of sexism to the reaction (the broad reaction, not necessarily on this board) to the posting, but I disagree that people wouldn’t blink if some male CEO posted the ad. I think it’s much more likely they would say “where is the kid’s mom that you need to hire someone to do all these things?”
I also need a wife. And this reminded me that I need to get summer camps in order.
SJ says
Yes, me too! I actually felt a moment of solidarity with this woman around summer camps.
Anonanonanon says
Like most folks here, I’m a bit conflicted.
On the one hand, good for her for clearly communicating her expectations! If someone thinks it’s crazy, they don’t have to waste their time applying. They can read it, chuckle, and move on!
BUT I think the cooking expectations are what makes it a bit…much. Especially reading articles about why beef is bad (??). I’d imagine it’s rare to find a Household Manager who can also fill the full-time chef role? This person is also managing multiple staff members, which most of us know takes a lot of time out of your day…
Jessamyn says
This is honestly kind of an amazing reference for high-functioning working women who are considering becoming SAHMs. Like, this is what they would be capable of and spend time doing as a SAHM. It honestly sounds amazing, and really good for the family. Hmmm…
Anonymous says
The vast majority of SAHMs, however educated and however big a career they had before staying home, do not do anywhere near all of this. This woman is *incredibly* particular, which is her prerogative, but it doesn’t describe me or most high-achieving women I know, even if we didn’t work and had much more time on our hands.
Anonymous says
No, this is what the author thinks or wishes she could do as a SAHM, not necessarily what she would actually be able to do.
SC says
Right. I’m exhausted just reading this. I’m a good cook, and her expectations around cooking seem like they’d require a full-time personal chef. Her expectations around vacationing seem like she should be hiring a travel agent (there was a lot of detail about vacation planning).
Her expectations around childcare are weirdly specific (examples of doing math problems “in the wild”) and vague (how much time will be devoted to childcare if there’s an au pair?) and unrealistic (taking kids shopping AND driving to sports practices AND cooking healthy dinners AND helping with “light” homework).
Anon says
Exactly. Like, if I stayed home I’d definitely cook more with fresh ingredients and rely less on takeout and frozen pizza. But cook to her specifications?! No freaking way.
Jessamyn says
Well, sure, of course. I more meant the broad categories, like:
1. cooking interesting, healthy, delicious meals
2. engaging in physical fitness and sports with the kids and on my own
3. intentionally planning vacations far in advance, taking advantage of discounts and credit card points (as opposed to now where we book everything last minute and pay cash because who has time to plan)
4. managing things like hiring handymen to make home repairs right when they are needed, rather than living with broken doorknobs and leaky faucets for weeks or months on end
5. doing homework with the kids rather than blowing it off because we’re all too tired and scattered in the evenings
Anon says
But she asked for sooooooo much more than just those five broad things. There were copious, exacting requirements about how all of them had to be done, and that’s what people are talking about, not the fact that she wants healthy homecooked meals or a nanny who can do physical activities with her kids. Also, I don’t get the thing about needing to be a SAHM to use credit card points – it literally takes no extra time to book w/points instead of miles? It doesn’t require any research. I outsource as much as I can and don’t have time for clipping coupons or things like that, but credit card points are just sitting there for you to use with the click of a button.
Anonanonanon says
Also now I’m wondering if I’M crazy.
We’re going to be hiring a late afternoon/early evening housekeeper/nanny for 15 hours a week. Very light on the childcare responsibilities (will be watching our very responsible 10-year-old when he gets off the bus, and maybe drive him to practices), heavier on the cleaning. I was considering posting an example task list for the week with the announcement to give people a concrete idea of what I’m asking for, but now I’m wondering if that’s overboard?
Ann says
Yes, I think that’s overboard. You can give those details in the interviews.
Sarabeth says
A day late, but I’ve hired for that kind of position recently. I put an example task list in the job listing, but it was much more basic. Along the lines of “daily: cook dinner from written recipe, clean kitchen, tidy living room. Weekly: clean bathrooms and bedrooms, sweep/mop/dust living room. Drive to pick up children from afterschool activities as needed.”
I didn’t list out every step to cleaning the kitchen, etc.
Anonymous says
We can’t do it all. I think the ad is awesome.
CHL says
The only thing I found weird was that I would typically see someone like this using an agency, not posting a random ad.
Wow says
The Slate article said that she tried going through an agency and they kept sending her the wrong kinds of candidates (e.g. someone who was an expert at taking care of babies but not older kids). So i guess she figured she would try on her own to find someone.
aelle says
I saw this on Twitter when it first blew up. A few nannies and former nannies commented that, frantic tone and weird manager vibe aside, the requirements and responsibilities were pretty realistic for high end nannies, although the market rate would be low 6 figures, not 70-75K like the Slate interview mentions.