For our second Week in the Life of a Working Mom series, I’m happy to introduce Reader L., who is a 29-year-old BigLaw mom in Chicago with a toddler and a work-at-home dad. Our usual caveat applies: please remember that this is is a real person who has feelings and isn’t gaining anything from this, unlike your usual friendly (soul-deadened, thick-skinned, cold-hearted, money-grubbing) blogger — so please be kind with any comments. Thank you! – Kat
If you’d like to be featured (anonymously or otherwise) for a “week in the life of a working mom” feature, please fill out this form here! You can see all posts in this series here.
Psst: if you’re interested in the BigLaw lifestyle, you may find our interviews with a lawyer mom working reduced hours.
First, Some Basics about this Working Mom…
Name: L.
Lives: Chicago
Job: BigLaw corporate junior associate
Age: 29
Home Situation:
I live on the first floor of a standard Chicago two-flat (3-bed, 1-bath apartment) with my husband (30-year-old computer programmer and work-at-home dad) and our 20-month-old daughter.
Childcare Situation:
We have a nanny who comes three mornings a week (15 hours total). Otherwise my husband stays home and takes care of our daughter. Whenever we have my parents or my husband’s parents in from out of town, they watch the baby for an afternoon/evening, too. We pay the nanny $20/hour for 15 hours a week, paid on the books (so with taxes/fees, etc., works out to $23/hour).
Last Week in My Life
Sunday
6:30 a.m. – Toddler (“F.”) wakes up in our bed. We try to ignore her or give her a book so we can sleep a little later. I give in and nurse her and then my husband gets up to change her diaper and get started on breakfast while I put a pillow over my head and sleep for another 20 minutes.
7:30-9:30 a.m. – We slowly do breakfast, showers, etc. F. wants to get in the shower with me to ‘”rinse,” so my shower takes forever. We try to get things ready to get out the door for church — quiet toys, the diaper bag.
9:30 a.m. – We drive to church. (We meant to leave at 9:00). Fortunately traffic is light so we get there a bit early and can let F. run off some energy outside before going in.
10:00 a.m. – 12:00 p.m. – Church. We go every week. F. stays in the service with us, which is a lot easier after 16ish months.
12:00 p.m. – 1:00 p.m. – We hurry home and throw together lunch before putting F. down for a nap at 1:00 (she missed her morning nap).
1:00-2:30 – I nap while she’s napping; when she wakes up I take her in bed with me and we snuggle and read books.
2:30-4:30 p.m. – We get a snack and go to the park. I take 100% responsibility for F. on Sundays — it’s my husband’s day “off” since he has her the rest of the week.
4:30-7:00 p.m. – We have friends over for dinner. We started inviting people over on Sunday afternoons/early evenings as much as possible since it’s really the only time we can guarantee we will be available and relaxed. Dinner is not fancy. I think we ordered takeout. Friends left at 6:30ish so they could get their own kids to bed at 7:00.
7:00-8:00 p.m. – I do bath/bed routine with F. Husband takes over when she starts asking for daddy.
8:00-10:00 p.m. – I fold laundry, tidy up the kitchen, and read a romance novel.
10:00 p.m. – Bed.
Monday
6:30 a.m. – I wake up and nurse F., empty the dishwasher and get her started on breakfast. Husband makes coffee. I take a shower and get ready for work; I have old makeup brushes that F. likes to play with while I do my makeup. Husband packs a lunch.
8:00 a.m. – I leave for work. I take the El. On my way to work I place an Instacart order to be delivered my office with snacks for the week.
8:40 a.m. – I walk into my office and proceed to do online shopping for half an hour — I order a bunch of stuff on Primary for F. I do all of her clothes shopping.
9:15 a.m. – Husband texts me that he’s at the park with F. and relays her latest funny antic. I like getting a couple photos or videos of her throughout the day. Monday the nanny does not come so my husband takes care of F. all day — they are both usually in their pajamas still when I leave. They do not go to any planned events/classes during the week but will sometimes arrange a playdate with another stay-at-home dad from church, and he takes her on “adventures” on the train to new parks/woods/playgrounds.
9:20 a.m. – I actually start work. I usually eat lunch at my desk, whatever husband has packed + the snacks I order from Instacart. Twice a week I make it a point to have lunch with a contact or someone from my department. I keep a list of people to reach out to.
5:40 p.m. – I leave for a networking reception. It is at a bar and huge and packed and very much not my scene, so I leave after talking to two people and take an Uber home, and resolve to do more networking in ways I feel more comfortable with (mostly one-on-one coffees…). In the Uber I send emails to some contacts from before law school, and manage to set up one coffee for the next week before getting very carsick.
6:30 p.m. – I arrive home, change clothes, and sit down to eat dinner with my family. After dinner I nurse F. and do bedtime.
8:00 p.m. – I fold more laundry and lay out my gym clothes. I think about working but nothing is pressing so I finish my romance novel from yesterday while intermittently complaining to my husband about the awful networking event.
10:30 p.m. – I get F. when she wakes up and bring her to our bed.
Here’s some additional info from L. about their family arrangement regarding her husband taking care of their daughter on weekdays:
After we were married, we sort of negotiated whose career would come first (chronologically), and it was clear to both of us that my career goals had less flexibility re: timing than his. That left my husband as the primary parent, which was a role we had contemplated for him for a long time. The initial plan was for him to stay home full time, but he had a great opportunity to keep working part time after our daughter was born. … For right now we love how this works — my husband enjoys being home and I am so grateful my daughter can be at home with him; it adds a lot of flexibility to my hours and I’m not distracted by childcare concerns.
Tuesday
5:30 a.m. – My alarm goes off and wakes up F. I try to get her to go back to sleep but she will not, and now I am late for the gym. I eat a banana and run the three blocks to the gym, arriving at 6:15.
6:15-7:00 a.m. – I meet with my trainer. It makes my workouts more efficient because I don’t have to think about it or keep track.
7:00 a.m. – I run back home, shower, nurse F., and get ready. I am sort of annoyed that my husband still doesn’t have coffee made; he has been snoozing on the couch while F. destroys the living room while I was at the gym.
8:00 a.m. – Leave for work.
8:30 a.m. – The nanny arrives. She’ll be at the house until 1:30, so my husband will shut himself in his office and work. He’s lucky to have a very flexible job and is also working on a couple projects of his own. He likes being home with F. but it’s definitely good for him to have work in his field too.
9:30 a.m. – Actually start work. Ugh, again. I’m definitely not hitting my hours target this year; the department has been a little slow and I hate scrounging for work, and am great at procrastinating instead of going around to get work.
1:00 p.m. – I return from lunch with a junior partner who I really like to find that I was staffed on a new deal and have approximately seven million voicemails and emails about it. Start panicking quietly.
6:30 p.m. – Leave work “late” because of the work from the new deal.
7:00 p.m. – Arrive home and jump into bath and bed; husband and F. have already eaten dinner at 6:30. Starving because I haven’t had a chance to eat since lunch (and I’m still nursing which = hungry all the time).
8:00 p.m. – Log back on my laptop and work on new deal.
12:00 a.m. – Go to bed.
Pogo says
These are so interesting!
I like hearing about couples with very different careers/industries, like how L and her husband decided to prioritize her career because it’s more time-sensitive for advancement. Husband and I are in very similar industries, so this wasn’t a conversation we ever had.
Anonymous says
Really interesting! L doesn’t give herself enough credit for how much she contributes to household organization (kid clothing/finances/cards+ gifts to family/friends). It does seem like food is a challenge – my DH does our grocery shopping. We have a joint list via google and I check off what I want him to buy. Otherwise we’d eat half as many vegetables. Precut or frozen veggies/fruits are great. Plus high protein breakfast cereal/apples/bananas/individual serving high protein yoghurt/high quality canned tuna are staples for me that he wouldn’t think of on his own. He never buys the stuff that are my staples unless I’ve marked them off on the list but I can live with that.
Amy says
Agree on food being a challenge! We have a CSA for produce and another for meat. They deliver a box of produce weekly and meat monthly, so we always have something. Of course this depends on where you live, but we’ve been doing it for 12 years now and it makes a huge impact on how healthy we eat. We do a Costco run every couple months (or a Google order from Costco if too busy) and stop for only dairy at the store as needed.
Cate says
I love this new series.
Anon says
Love this new series. BigLaw senior associate here, due late summer with baby #1, husband decided to be a stay-at-home dad and is shutting down his solo practice for when my leave is up. Always nice to hear the tips and trips. Due to nausea (still at 24 weeks – finally got insurance to cover Diclegis, thank god), husband signed us up for Peapod and now we both coordinate on grocery orders via app because I just can’t do all the foods/smells. On weeks that I am busy he orders what he wants and I get a text before the order cut off to add what I think I will need for the week. Will be interesting to see how it goes once baby is here, he’s at home and I’m back at work, but for pregnancy purposes it has been a god-send.
Rebecca says
Love this series! I love to see how these women carve out time for themselves and family. I’m curious if “garden” is a euphemism…LOL!
mascot says
Garden is euphemism from the main s!te for exactly the type of nekkid relations that you think it is.
marketingchic says
Also loving the series. I’d really appreciate a story with two parents working outside the home, and daycare (vs. nanny or au pair). I have NOT figured out the time-for-myself thing.
Lilliet says
I do this! Long story short, it’s hard.
Anon says
I do this too, and I haven’t figured it out yet. My week would just be a series of “oh I’m late yet again” and “oh sh!t it’s Teacher Appreciation Week next week” and “efffffff I forgot to get a babysitter for tomorrow, who haven’t we bothered in the last week or so and might actually be free?”
Ace says
+1 that it’s hard. I had a nanny for the first 6 years, then switched to a combo of daycare/afterschool care/etc. when older kid started kindergarten. The hard stop of “you much pick up kid by 6” makes it a lot harder to adjust compared to having a devoted caregiver who can stay late. still figuring it out!
SML says
If you’re looking for someone to do a story on 2 working parents, and kid in an in-home daycare, I’d be interested in doing it!
BKDC says
I, too, am really enjoying this series, but agree that there is a need to highlight two WOHM parents with a kid in daycare. I think this is actually the most common set-up.
BKDC says
oops, WOH
Another BigLaw Parent says
We are also two full-time WOH parents with kiddo in daycare. Baby #2 due this summer. I’d also be curious to have a BigLaw post during a busy season. L sounds relatively balanced for now because work is slow. And kudos to L for actually being balanced during that time! Many of us squander that time vegging / worrying about being behind on billables instead of engaging in self-care (e.g., sleep, going to the gym, more social activities, etc.)
Also, it would be great as this series continues to see how people’s weeks shift with older kids (e.g., elementary, middle school).
L. says
So, I just came off of three much busier weeks (closed two deals this morning) and I can tell you what changed! In the week I wrote about above, I spent 63 hours at work or doing work-related things (47.75 hours in the office and 14.25 hours at home).
In the last three weeks, I managed to cram more hours in doing the following:
1) I got up at 5:30 every day and work for two hours at home before getting ready, nursing F, and going in to the office. (Only made it to the gym once a week instead of twice).
2) I worked a lot later at night – until 11:00 every night and some nights until 1:30 or so.
3) I worked more on Saturdays – on the Saturday in the article, I worked 7 hours; last week Saturday I worked 15-ish hours (6:30 a.m. to 1:30 a.m. with breaks to eat and take F. to the park/put her to bed). That is definitely unusual for me! I almost always work 4-8 hours on a Saturday, usually from home although I go into the office 1-2x/month.
4) I did fewer personal tasks during the workday – no online shopping, no thissite reading, no errands/research. I spaced off a preschool tour I was supposed to attend – just didn’t show. Guess we’re not getting into that preschool. I rescheduled a dentist appointment I was supposed to go to for next week, when it should be slow again. I also did fewer lunches and coffees with people, and put off any pro bono work I can (although that rough Saturday was mostly spent on pro bono and non-billable work that I just couldn’t put off any more).
Things that don’t change, even when I’m busy:
1) Our Sunday schedule – if I don’t get a Sunday afternoon nap I am sunk for the week.
2) Being home for bedtime.
3) Getting outside at least once on Saturday with F.
When it is *really* slow, I’ll take a morning with F. and won’t go in until 11:00 am (this is less visible than leaving early, and since I’m a junior associate I typically get hit with work later in the day anyway). I also try to do all my personal tasks/bill paying/CLEs/article writing/networking coffees during slow periods so that when it gets busy again I don’t have to do any of that. That helps me keep my time at the office to a pretty consistent 45-50 hours, and it’s just how late I work at night/on weekends that is the variable.
L. says
finally, I would also be curious to hear about what it looks like to have more children, and older children! It is so nice to be able to look ahead/mentally prepare/peek into someone’s life who’s a bit “ahead” of you.
I’d also be curious about how women in consulting or at more demanding biglaw firms make it work with kids/family – I chose my firm in part because it is a bit more relaxed about hours requirements and has relatively reasonable work expectations.
Anonymous says
I am a BigLaw income partner in Chicago at a “life style” firm with a spouse that works a demanding job, as well. We have two kids- a two and four year old. I am expecting number three in September. Not much changes with more kids… things just get more chaotic. We have decided we need to lean a little harder on outside help.
Amy says
Also – thanks L for sharing and commenting here with follow up!
Amy says
Agree! We both work professionally and travel, me frequently (~40% travel/the rest from home) and my husband occasionally. We had our kids in daycare from 4-5 months through kindergarten. Now they are in 2nd and K, our careers have gotten more complicated (via promotion) and school covers less than daycare did. Did I mention I also do a ton of volunteering for school and will be PTA president next year? My work is in consulting/professional services so its a bit different from Law, although I totally relate to most women on this board.
Every day feels like a balancing act whether I’m home or away, but it does work. We’re both pretty happy and wouldn’t change much, but the recent “getting help” post has us considering a housekeeper.
I’m always looking to hear more from women in my situation. Not sure where they are hanging out online. I guess I should offer to share my story here, since its a bit difference from he others.
Sarah says
Me three (four? five?…) Yeah, it’s hard. I’m late to work a lot.
Spirograph says
I love this series, too!
L – your Sunday sounds very similar to mine, except I revel in church services without kids while they’re in nursery/sunday school. Our families aren’t local, so we instituted “Family Dinner” on most Sundays with a rotating cast of friends-with-kids. The kids usually eat early and then we send them somewhere to play while the adults enjoy mostly uninterrupted (depending on which family we invited) grownup dinner time. Not fancy — the food is takeout half the time, or something easy like soup / pasta / pot roast — just a good way to unwind a bit and pretend we have a social life. We occasionally consider inviting friends-without-kids, but feel like the level of chaos in our household is overwhelming for people who don’t have kids of their own, and they’re less understanding of “sorry we need to cut this short, kiddo is having a meltdown” situations.
I’m very impressed that you wake up early to go to the gym on a regular basis. I always have grand plans to do that, but it’s not working out for me right now while my sleep is so inconsistent with a baby. Plus, I feel like I need to nurse pre-gym or I’m uncomfortable. But maybe if your body is used to it, it’s not so bad?
L. says
Yeah, I need to get better at making time for friends without kids because I have the same hesitation about inviting them to the dinner-with-yelling-kids and park-with-running-kids that contstitute our entire social life.
Re: gym – this is a new thing since F. was 14 months or so. Before that my exercise consisted of sometimes doing squats while I pushed her on the swings at the park. Until she was 18ish months I did nurse before gym. We nightweaned a few months ago and now my body can handle no pre-gym nurse.
Anne says
I love this series so much. I also nursed my first till he was 21 months and I got pregnant with number 2, and we also co-sleep with him (mostly out of laziness but I like being close to him since I work all day). I related to L a lot about those points.
L. says
I’m so glad to hear this! I got a lot of pressure (from women partners at my firm!) to wean right at one year and there was widespread disbelief among my friends that I actually liked co-sleeping/could keep it up with a nutty job. I just was not willing to change the way I wanted to raise my baby in order to suit the expectations of my job, and so far I’ve made it work. My last review was good but of course I have that omnipresent junior associate fear that I am on the verge of being fired at all times so….
ECM says
Really like this series. Women are so hard on themselves… it’s helpful for me as a new mom, and new reader, to see that everyone is just trying to make it!! We are a two-parent working household who both travel and try to make daycare work, with no local family or friends, which is basically hilarious. Thankfully we do a lot of laughing so as not to cry! We also have 2 very active, needy dogs which surprisingly can be more challenging sometimes than the childcare. My husband tends to step up more as I am a larger financial contributor to the house, but I have guilt about it (of course). Reading these stories helps me realize that everyone else is just trying to make it work too. From the outside, especially through social media, everyone can appear as if they have it completely together… but nice to see behind the scenes a bit. Thanks!
Mrs. Jones says
I really enjoy this series too.
Frozen Peach says
This series is amazing! There’s a saying “don’t compare your insides to other people’s outsides.” Hearing the nitty gritty “behind the scenes” makes that SO much easier.
PrettyPrimadonna says
Great series!
Katie M says
As someone who doesn’t yet have a child but is getting to maybe be at that point (lol) this series is amazing. Can’t wait to read more of them. Would also not mind reading week-in-the-life of couples without kids as well, mainly for division of labor examples. Also think it would be nice to see examples of people with older kids too. Great series!
Tere says
I love the idea about the old make-up brushes! LO is very into watching me get ready in the morning and I will definitely be stealing this idea.