CorporetteMoms

Updated: Nov 1, 2018 122 Comments · by

Nursing Tuesday: Dolman Sleeve Tee

Nursing

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A woman wearing a Dolman Sleeve Tee.If you’re on the hunt for a long-sleeved maternity/nursing tee, this one from Bun Maternity is winning rave reviews. I like that it’s available in four colors, sizes S-XL, and only $43 — and I always feel like a dolman sleeve is flattering and slightly modern. Bun Maternity ‘Softie’ Maternity/Nursing Dolman Sleeve Tee (L-2)

Sales of note for 9.10.24

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Comments

  1. FTMinFL says

    Happy Tuesday, ladies! We are hoping to move our ten-month-old from daycare to a nanny and we are beginning the search today. We hope this will be a long term relationship with someone who will care for the current child and for future children. Those of you who have a nanny, do you have any tips or lessons learned for the search or for getting started with the relationship?

    • Betty says

      My two biggest recommendations: (1) Be clear with your expectations. If you want your nanny to wash, fold and put the baby’s laundry away twice per week, then say exactly that. If you want your nanny to get the baby out of the house at least once per day, then be clear. I hate micromanaging our child care providers but have found that there are actually certain things that I want done, and it benefits everyone if I am very clear. We now have an au pair but I created a detailed weekly schedule and checklist for chores. (2) Check references. I have found that many people are unwilling to give a bad reference, but if you ask: “If I were to hire [Mary] as our nanny, what advice would you have to help me manage her?” you will get incredibly helpful information.

      • Anonymous says

        This is really great advice. Parents are so different that a nanny can’t be expected to meet your expectations unless you’re super clear about them.

        • Katala says

          +1 I wish we had gotten better info before hiring our current nanny. This question is a good idea.

          I agree about being clear with expectations, but also think about how much initiative you would like the nanny to take. If you want them outside a certain amount, yes, state that clearly. But other things like activities, what to do once outside, what and when to feed kiddo… I wish we had dug into this more, because to me one of the benefits of having a childcare expert watch the kid is that they would bring ideas for crafts, games, songs, parks to go to – all stuff that I just don’t have time to figure out and prepare for. Our current nanny does none of that. We have to come up with all the ideas of things to do and since we don’t think of new stuff all the time, I feel like his days are really repetitive and not as stimulating as they could be.

          Also following for advice on building the relationship. Our nanny never says a word about her life, which is fine if you want privacy, but I don’t feel a connection with her at all. I’m not sure how it will go when I’m on mat leave and home all day.

    • Anon says

      It is a hard line between being “friends” and an “employer”. We loved our nanny. She was full time for 2 years and part time for 2-3 more years until she decided she was in love with my husband. We were so sad because we were at her wedding; her college graduation; she kept my oldest while I was having baby number 2; and then she confessed her feelings to us and her husband. Obviously, we couldn’t use her anymore and it was very sad and shocking. I wish we would have been more “employer/employee” and maybe it wouldn’t have happened but that is hard for someone taking care of your kids.

      • Anonymous says

        Wow, that is quite a story, and I’m sorry things turned out that way.

        Agree to decide for yourselves and feel out with candidates whether this is primarily a surrogate family member or employer-employee relationship. It doesn’t matter which, but you must be on the same page. I really disliked my nanny (and am much happier with daycare/school) because I wanted to manage an employee who cared for my baby while I was at work, not gain an extra MIL, and she was obviously used to/looking for a more intimate role in the family. You obviously want to have a friendly relationship with someone in such an important role, but think about where the line is.

        Questions about communication, conflict resolution, and current relationship with previous employers could help feel this out. The suggested question for references in the post above about managing is great, too. I ignored some red flags in my interview, obviously. (E.g. wanting to show me 500 pictures on her phone of the previous kids, comments that she still regularly babysits overnight, goes on vacations and has dinner with the previous family, etc.)

    • anon says

      agree on the references and ask specifically about reliability/calling in sick/late etc. Ask about how they have communicated with parents in the past (be kind of open ended). For some people it’s really important to get updates, photos etc throughout the day, and that was not important to us, which was good because I don’t think our nanny would have been into it. Finally, as someone who interviews a lot of people as part of my job, I struggled to get over the “professional interview skills” as opposed to things that make you good as a nanny (reliability, caring, experience handling children). I had some people that were great at selling themselves but had terrible references, and the nanny who we chose and LOVE was quieter and not self-promoting, but had amazing references and was great.

      • blueridge29 says

        Late to this post, but let the nanny interact with your baby. Some nannies may not have the best interview skills but shine with kids.

  2. Anon in NYC says

    Ugh. Our favorite daycare teacher is leaving to be a nanny for one of the families who is having a second kid.

    • Anonymous says

      That’s so frustrating. I LOVE one of the teachers at my daughter’s daycare and I actually fantasize about this scenario.

    • Em says

      Our daycare has a clause in their gigantic handbook that if you do this you have to pay them a $2500 finders fee. Otherwise we would do this….

  3. To the person who asked about a doula says

    Responding to yesterday’s question. Did not have a doula for my first and thought it was a “hippy, crunchy” thing that only granola mammas did. Ended up with a c-section, which was fine but not what I wanted. DH was in the room and wanted to help but didn’t know what he was doing. :) So not much in the way of advocacy. Lots of difficulty with nursing and felt that the nurses were not very helpful.

    Hired a highly recommended doula for my second child, met with her a few times before labor to talk about expectations and that I wanted a VBAC, and she was incredibly helpful during labor. I knew that I would ultimately get the epidural, but I wanted to try to go as long as I could without it to help speed up my labor. There is no way no how I would have managed to go that long without meds without her. After birth, she came home several times to help me with nursing, since it was so difficult the first time around.

    I think it’s critical to choose a doula you connect with. Most of them will have a free consult. Interview a few and see who you like. Also find someone who will help you with nursing after birth, if that’s the path you choose. Nursing is very difficult for so many moms. Good luck.

  4. more sleep & snot says

    Another sleep question… my almost 1 yo has been okay about sleeping all the way through the night. He will go for a couple weeks, but something always seems to come up to disturb it (developmental milestone, sickness, teething, etc.). The latest thing is some serious congestion going on almost 2 weeks now. It causes him to cough and also vomit sometimes, and sometimes he has trouble breathing. We did benadryl for the first few days while it was really bad, but it wasn’t perfect because the mucus build up would just cause him to gag and vomit whenever he woke up in the middle of the night. We have a humidifier in his room, and he won’t sleep on a tilt (he’ll just roll to the bottom).

    And now I feel like we are starting to develop bad habits, like feeding him when he wakes up in the middle of the night, or waiting with him in his room until he falls asleep (otherwise we get screaming and standing that escalates).

    I want to do CIO again, but feel like it is really mean to do this while he is physically struggling and uncomfortable. Also, it’s becoming less and less effective each round we have to do it after a disturbance – he’s just getting better at holding out until we give in, which we never had to have a high tolerance for because he used to “get it” fairly quickly.

    Anyway, I don’t even really know what I’m asking. I’m thinking about calling a sleep consultant, but should I wait until the congestion is all gone? Any other advice from others that have gone through it?

    • Anonymous says

      Have you taken him to the doctor? Does he have asthma or a persistent sinus infection?

      I definitely would not do any form of CIO as long as you have breathing and vomit issues.

      • Huzzah! says

        Yeah, this doesn’t sound like a sleep problem as much as a sick kiddo.

        Heck, as an adult I’ve had colds where I was miserable and couldn’t sleep for weeks on end- this is the same thing.

      • Meg Murry says

        +1 to no full out CIO when he is miserable for reasons he can’t control, like being super congested. I think “fuss it out” is probably ok in that circumstance – I think what I call “fuss it out” is similar to “le pause” in Bringing up Bebe – when he wakes, wait just a few minutes to see if he’s actually waking up and the crying/fussing is escalating, vs if he’s just fussing in his sleep or barely awake and will settle back down in 5 minutes or less, and you intervening actually causes his to wake up further.

        Has the congestion come and go (like 2 different colds, where he’s gotten better and then worse again)? Or has it been steady or escalating for the 2 weeks. I’d call the pediatrician, but I’d say 2 weeks of being unable to get good sleep due to congestion is reason to at least get him looked at. Does it get worse every night but then better again during the day? Do you have a family history of seasonal allergies? Has the filter on the humidifier been changed recently?

        I think this is one for the pediatrician before the sleep consultant, and depending on what the doctor says (because unfortunately it may just be a series of colds he has to work through) you’ll have to come up with your next plan. When my oldest developed croup with every single cold his first winter, I pretty much had to get permission to switch to a 4.5 day workweek so I could take at least 1 day a week to sleep and recover (and then work from home the other half day or work from home a couple of nights a week) to avoid going into negative PTO. My husband and I took turns either picking one of us to take the majority of a night’s duty of hanging out with the miserable kid in a steamy bathroom, or took 3-4 hour shifts on the really bad nights. The only good thing about it was that the croup really only hit during the night, and my son was only at “regular sniffly cold” level during most days, so he could still go to daycare and whoever took the night shift could come home and collapse.

    • Anon in NYC says

      Don’t worry about sleep training while he’s sick. Once he’s recovered, you can go back to sleep training principles. Are you using the Nose Frida? You don’t want to overdo it, but when my daughter is really muscus-y, we do it 2x a day. It really helps a lot with congestion. Put him in a steamy bathroom for 10 minutes or so at night to loosen everything up and then use the Nose Frida.

      I have a 15 month old who is generally a good sleeper. We did CIO when she was younger, and still wait for a few minutes before going into her room if she wakes up in the middle of the night. But, for us at least, all that goes out the window when she’s sick or teething and we worry about her sleep when she’s recovered. There was a period of time where she was waking up every night for multiple nights in a row, while she was otherwise completely fine, and we revisited sleep training (more like Ferber).

    • mascot says

      For congestion, have you tried one of those vaporizer plug-ins or doing the vapor rub on his feet? I swear by the plug-ins for both kids and adults. You can do the vapors in the humidifier too if it has capability.

    • JayJay says

      My son, who had obstructive sleep apnea and needed a tonsillectomy, had those same symptoms around that same age. Agree with all the recommendations to have a doctor check him out.

    • BTanon says

      +1 for for taking him to the pediatrician. My son gets wheezy when he’s sick, and sometimes I didn’t realize just how bad his breathing sounded because it had gotten gradually worse over time. He now has a nebulizer, which we break out when he starts getting sick to help things from escalating. It helps tremendously. You may not be dealing with the same thing, but it’s definitely worth checking!

    • MDMom says

      So my kid also has a sensitive gag-vomit reflex and will vomit when heavily congested, so I sympathize with that. But 2 weeks is a long time to be that congested. And my kid doesnt typically vomit while laying in crib, even if he has hacking cough. He will vomit in carseat or when a coughing fit starts while eating/drinking. Agree that you should have him checked out by doctor (again, if you went last week and they said it was nothing). He may need a nebulizer or similar to help open always. In any event, address the congestion first, then deal with sleep.

    • more sleep & snot says

      Thanks all for the input! He is actually doing much better now than he was initially. When we went to to doc at the outset when things were BAD, doc said it was just a virus and everything else looked fine. Maybe I will call back this week and see if I should be more concerned.

      Also, I am impressed when I hear about any child who will tolerate the NoseFrida. My son got wide-eyed and screamed like someone was sucking out his soul, and then never let me do it again (like, we would have to hold him down likely to the point of injury if we even wanted another chance at it).

      • Katala says

        That’s so funny, mine loves the nose frida. He sticks his nose out when we show it to him and giggles after. Kids are so weird.

      • Anon in NYC says

        We have to pin my daughter down to use the Nose Frida. It’s definitely more challenging now that she’s bigger!

  5. Commuting with Infant says

    I am currently looking at different infant day care options. Ideally, we would be starting at around 3 months. I have the luxury of having a small day care facility for infants in my office building. I work downtown in public transportation city. Currently, I take the subway (or equivalent) every day to work. I could also take a longer bus ride. Is the thought of commuting with an infant crazy? Is it even safe? I can alter my hours (like 7-4) which might make the trains less congested, but I am still not sure about safety. Baby carriers or strollers? Train or bus? Should I just look for centers closer to my home? Thanks in advance!

    • Lurker says

      Can you clarify what type of safety you are concerned with? Random muggings/kidnappings are unlikely. If you mean what happens if the bus or the subway gets in a crash and you are baby wearing? That I don’t know. I think the subway is a lot less likely to crash than a bus and if it does crash, it would likely be more minor than a bus but I have no real idea.

    • CLMom says

      I can’t speak to the public transportation, however I love having my daughter so nearby. I can breastfeed and cuddle. It’s a special treat in my work day. And, I know all the teachers very well because of my time spent there.

    • Anonymous says

      You can totally commute with a baby. I’d baby wear and baby will probably sleep through the whole thing. Use a front carrier and a backpack for supplies. Keep doubles of as much as possible at the office so you minimize what you are carrying (e.g. leave a pump at the office if you’re pumping).

    • Meg Murry says

      Kat had a thread here a while back about daycare near home vs daycare near work, and I think most people weighed in on daycare near home being preferable, although there are some trade offs that may make daycare at your office a better option.

      You aren’t crazy to consider it, since the center exists obviously some people take advantage of it. Can you pay attention and see if you notice any people with baby carriers or strollers on your commute? I would guess a carrier would be easier to maneuver, especially in older systems without much elevator access, but a stroller would help to avoid having a hot, potentially spit-uppy baby pressed against your work clothes every day.

      I’d say the advantages are:
      -You could potentially nurse at drop-off and pickup plus possibly lunchtime, cutting down on the amount of times you need to pump at work (or possibly making it so you don’t have to pump at all)
      -If you have a longer commute, you don’t have to worry about leaving at 5 to make a 6 pm pickup near home – you could work until 5:45 and still make a 6 pm pickup.

      Disadvantages:
      -Do you have a partner, and do they work near where you do? What would they do if you were sick or traveling for work – would they take the baby to daycare despite it being way out of the way, or would they need to find backup care?
      -You would have to do all pickups and dropoffs (again, unless your partner lives close), cutting into your ability to ever work late or do dinner meetings, etc.
      -If it’s only for infants, you’d still have to find somewhere else in a year or so.

      Question marks-
      How does the cost compare to other centers? Does your company/office subsidize the care in some way?
      How are the hours and holiday closures compared to other centers?

      I think it’s worth touring both your in-office facilty and others near where you live before you make the call. You could also ask if there are any current parents who would be willing to talk to you about how they make it work (or you could just find a way to position yourself near the door close to closing time and watch to see if you see people exiting with strollers, baby carriers or what).

      • Anonymous says

        I’m normally Team Close to Home but the ability to spend commute time snuggling with baby in a carrier sounds awesome to me. I’d nurse before you leave daycare/office though so baby is full and sleepy for the commute.

    • Anon in NYC says

      I take my daughter on the subway during rush hour. I baby wear. A stroller during rush hour is a nightmare and should be avoided unless absolutely necessary (and sometimes it is – life happens). It’s perfectly safe to take a kid on public transportation (germs and all), although I occasionally need to be more protective of personal space because sometimes people don’t see her strapped to my chest.

      Honestly, the biggest annoyances are carrying a ton of stuff (my stuff, her stuff, etc.) and getting sweaty. Just make peace with the fact that your LO may cry and get super fussy on the train/bus. I don’t care about that at all (she’s a kid, it happens), but my husband gets a little self-conscious.

    • NewMomAnon says

      I’ve done a train commute in DC with a baby in tow for a short time, and can say that a baby carrier is 100% the way to go. Getting a stroller down the escalators was challenging, and on a good day, half the elevators are out of service and/or only on the wrong side of the platform so you have to take multiple elevators. It was the first time I realized how challenging that set up would be for folks with disabilities….

      Get a backpack or wheely bag instead of a traditional one-shoulder diaper bag (but put your wallet, phone, other valuables in your pocket or in the pocket of the baby carrier, not in the diaper bag). And check out the Mommy Shorts blog; she did a walking/bus commute with an infant in a carrier and now does it with her toddler and older daughter.

      As for the center in your building – do it!!! Your mornings may be harder, and you’ll occasionally have to deal with a fussy baby on public transit, but it would have made returning to work so much easier if I could have popped in during the day to see my kiddo. Enlist your co-parent’s help for mornings so neither of you has to prep solo with a baby in tow.

    • ChiLaw says

      My kiddo goes to “school” (daycare, whatevvvvvs) at my work. I was surprised at how strongly most people favored the “close to home” option when this last came up. I love having my daughter right here! It’s a little annoying, I guess, when I’m traveling and husband has to drop her off, but that’s outweighed by the convenience of not making an extra stop in the morning, and being right nearby if she gets a bump on the head or has to be sent home. Now that she’s getting to be a better and better talker, I’m loving chatting about her day on the drive home!

  6. CPA Lady says

    I am seriously so grateful for you all.

    The daycare vs school debacle currently going on at the main s i te makes me so. so. grateful that we can just ask questions here and not have our word choices picked apart and that we remain civil for the most part even when we disagree.

    The end.

    • Maddie Ross says

      Amen! I seriously want to know if that “Anonymous” posting is all one person with a beef. I sure appreciate you ladies!

      • Lyssa says

        I very much think that’s the case. I think that someone out there just looks for something to latch onto and make a fuss about, just to amuse him/herself. (And it works very well.)

    • Anonymous says

      Agree. It’s a bit crazy over there. I avoid asking anything mom related on the main site now.

    • JayJay says

      I was about to post the same thing. Thank you to everyone here for being sane and helpful.

    • Betty says

      Yes. Yes. Yes. I feel like there is a community here that is so very tough to find.

    • Clementine says

      YES. YES to all of this.

      And to those who want to fight out what to call something- I have many battles that are worth being fought. This is not one of them.

    • Legally Brunette says

      Oh my goodness YES!!! What is wrong with people? To the OP — if your reading this, I hope you realize that many of us understand that this is a hard decision.

      • Anon says

        Thank you – and thank you for your comments on the main s!te. I also really, really like the Montessori method, but I just don’t know if it trumps the convenience factor.

      • Meg Murry says

        Yes, we don’t say “school” because we are trying to be pretentious or obnoxious or better than people that put their kids in “daycare”. Honestly, I say “school” more often than not because it’s only 1 syllable and therefore rolls off my tongue better, and refer to my child’s “teachers” because many of the staff there have education degrees that would allow them to leave and be licensed teachers at local schools, but they are *choosing* to work at the daycare instead. And again, “teacher” rolls off the tongue easier than “daycare staff members” or “childcare providers”.

        When I’m talking to people I don’t know, I often use the word “center” instead, as in “oh yeah, my youngest goes to pre-k at a really great center near our house” because our daycare has the word “center” as part of it’s name. Or I’ll say “daycare” – I don’t care. But I typically say “time to get ready for school!” or “what did you do at school today?” when talking to my kids.

        But back to the original thread – yes, I’m so happy we have our internet “village” here – and for the OP on the main s!te, we promise not to bite your head off over word choice.

        As far as the decision for the OP, I can totally see the conflict and why on one hand it would be easier to not rock the boat, while on the other it would be easier to consolidate to one drop-off, pick-up, closing schedule and calendar – plus saving money.

        Since OP is more toward consolidating to one school and her husband is more toward leaving them where they are – how does it impact each of you? Is he saying “leave them where they are” but OP is doing 80% of the running around to handle 2 pick-ups? Or is he willing to put in the time to make sure that separate pickups and drop-offs aren’t such a burden on OP, and doing some of the emotional labor involved in juggling 2 different school calendars, etc?

        Oh, and I just re-read and saw the part about mandatory hours at the older kid’s school. Maybe it’s different since OP is already used to that but for me that would be the straw that broke my back on the decision – and the only way I’d stay at the Montessori school would be if my husband was willing to commit to doing 100% (or at least a real 50/50 – not he says he’ll do 50% but then doesn’t actually keep up with it) of the volunteer hours for our family.

    • CHJ says

      AMEN! I saw that whole thread and my heart went out to OP. You guys are the best.

    • PhilanthropyGirl says

      Oh my lands – this is why I’ve almost stopped checking in on the regular s!te (had to pop over to see what you were talking about). I don’t think I’ve posted a comment over there in a year that hasn’t been snarked at by someone – parenting related or no.

      I just don’t understand the mean-girl attitude or the desperate desire to make other people feel bad.

      Thanks for making this a great place, ladies.

    • pockets says

      I almost never read the main site comments and went specifically to do so now. Oh wow! I call my kid’s daycare “school” to her because I want her to get used to the idea of going to school – i.e., during the day you go to school and the adults go to work. I never thought I was like making a huge political issue of it. It’s snarky of me but I want to say that most of those posts have to be written by people who don’t have children.

      • Anonymous says

        I called day care “school” for the exact same reason, and so did the teachers.

        On the flip side, my kid is now in elementary school and attends an after-school program. The school calls all after-school programs “day care.” I sometimes slip and refer to the after-school program as “day care” in conversation with people not affiliated with the school, which gets me criticism for saying that my 5th-grader goes to day care.

      • Wow says

        Before I had kids, I asked my then 2-year old nephew how he liked his daycare. He gave me this very puzzled expression and responded, “What’s daycare? I go to school.”

        :)

      • Anon says

        Exact same reason here – normalizing the idea that my job is to go to work, their job is to go to school. Honestly never thought more about it than that.

    • Anon says

      Hi – THANK YOU! OP here, and I just clicked over to this s i t e and already feel better. A few thoughts – 1 – I posted intentionally on the main s i t e b/c I wanted the benefit of parents with older kids who do not typically post here. I was hoping the answer would be, yes – probably some behavioral bumps during the transition, but ultimately, everything will be fine and you’ll forget that this was a hard decision. But, instead, I think I collected responses from a lot of people who do not have kids, and so the balance of being a working parent is just too foreign.

      2 – I will admit, however, that I feel like the Montessori method is beneficial, and suits older kid’s personality. Whether this matters long term is a total unknown to us.

      3 – re: the name issue, I’ve always called the programs “school” – and I’ve never thought about the distinction? Both programs start with 2 year olds and go through middle or high school. They technically aren’t “daycares,” and I don’t think of them as “daycares” — ironically, because I couldn’t get them INTO daycares! They both had nannies, as we couldn’t get off the daycare waitlists in time for me to get back to work. Oy.

      • CHJ says

        I’m glad you posted over here too! So my thoughts – I have a 3 year old, and he is very sensitive about where he goes to school. We did have to change schools a few months ago, and it took him about six weeks to adapt. He eventually made new friends, but it wasn’t as easy as changing schools when he was younger. I wouldn’t move him again without serious thought, but it can be done and you just have to manage the transition to make it easy on her.

        On Montessori vs. play-based, we’ve never done Montessori, but his current school is play-based and he really loves it. They spend tons of time outside and he has a blast everyday.

        On school/daycare, there’s a great chapter in Bringing Up Bebe on the history of the daycare/preschool divide in America, and it’s completely fascinating. It’s all about class divisions and the history of working motherhood in America.

        Good luck and sorry you got caught in a firestorm!

      • Anonymous says

        I was horrified by the responses you got on the main site and almost broke my self-imposed ban on posting on the main site to tell you to come post here. I have elementary aged kids and read here daily, so there are at least a few of us. I have considered various options for school (and preschool/daycare/summer camp) based on the factors you are considering. Based on my experience, if older kid is happy and the inconvenience isn’t too much, I would leave it be. I remember when my oldest (also a shy kid who doesn’t like change) was 4 and we had to do the summer camp thing for the first time. We sent him to the summer camp at his school and it was a terrible fit for him and he was adamant that he never wanted to go back. He cried for hours every night. It was awful. In successive summers, we have given him a choice of camps that are acceptable to us from the hours/location/cost perspective and he has been much happier. So I don’t disagree with your approach of asking kids what they prefer if both options work for you. All of that said, what works for my family may not work for yours.

        We transitioned daycare once (at 11 months for the oldest) and then the oldest moved again when he went to preschool at almost 3. Youngest only did one transition, from daycare to preschool, and both go to elementary where they went to preschool. We didn’t have issues with the transitions, but my son was too young to have an opinion the first time and both were excited about going to preschool, so that helped.

        Anyway, not sure what the conclusion is, but it’s anecdata.

        • Anon says

          Both of these responses are really helpful. My older kid’s behavior really takes a nosedive when her routine changes, and I’m seeing that 3 and 4 is when they do start to have an opinion about these things. No, it’s not her decision to make, but she knows her school and she has three best friends at her current school. As inconvenient as two drop offs are, it is equally inconvenient to fight a 3 year old who will not eat breakfast, get herself dressed, or get into the car b/c she is a puddle of tears about going to school.

          As for the response above, I agree that it matters who takes on the lionshare of the work. With two drop-offs, my husband and I each drop off a kid. We would probably rotate who drops off if we consolidate programs. I pick up both b/c I work fewer hours than he does.

          • Wow says

            What about hiring a college sitter to pick up the older one from the Montessori school, if you decide to stick with the current arrangement? That’s what we did when we had our kids in two different schools. So worth the money for the added convenience.

          • Meg Murry says

            While I agree that 3 and 4 is when they start to have opinions on these things, I also think you need to remember that if you ask a change-adverse child if they want to make a change, they are almost definitely going to say “no, I don’t want anything to change”. Sometimes you have to make a change that is best for the whole family, and I think framing it as giving the child a choice (and then going against that choice) could make it worse.

            All that said, from an outsiders perspective I think the long term gains of having 2 kids at one building plus the financial savings over a couple of years would outweigh the short term difficulties of a cranky kid for a few weeks – but I can also see being at a point where you are willing to put up with the inconveniences because you have a routine built around them and you don’t have the mental bandwidth to put yourself through the changes right now.

      • Spirograph says

        Oh.my.gosh. That thread is insane.

        Fwiw, my kids’ school director specifically points out to parents that she runs a school, not a daycare, and prefers that we use that term. Yeah there’s really no curriculum for infants, but the licensing is different (they are dual licensed for preschool years) and it’s an important distinction.

        I had no idea non-parents were so snippy about this terminology. Pre-kids, my coworker would talk about taking her 2 year old daughter to “school” and how she called it that because it was more appealing to the child to make it sound like a big-girl thing. I never gave it a second thought. And I am someone who is very, very picky with my words. Ffs.

        Anyway! As far as transitions… I haven’t done one with an older/more opinionated 3 year old, but at 1 and 2 with a shy kid, it was totally fine after a month or so. I say do what makes your life easiest. High quality care is high quality care, and the differentiations at the top are probably not important in the long run… But if you think the (probably stormy) transition period counteracts the eventual convenience, that’s a fair way to weigh your options.

        (It’s hilarious how the nonparents on the main s1te seem to think that 2 and 3 year olds are just little blobs that willingly go along with whatever is easiest for their parents. If only!)

      • Momata says

        Holy cray cray, main s i t e. Sorry you got hit with all that snark (I’m assuming mostly from nonparents with more energy to get worked up over things like that). I call it a “school” to my kids to make them feel more excited about it (as in, “please for the love of g_d finish your breakfast and let’s goooooooo”).

        As for your question — I am in favor of convenience and consolidation (forms due at the same time, one dropoff, same allergy/food rules, water play and picture day on the same days) over marginal differences in “quality” and “education.” I agree the transition might be tough but if you’re looking at another year of two different schedules, I’d buckle down and muscle through the transition.

    • FVNC says

      OMG, yes. I wanted to tell the poster over there to come on over here. Such a ridiculous conversation.

    • PEN says

      I just came to post the same thing—OMG it is awful over there.

      And I would put the kiddos in one place–my two are together and I like that they get to see each other during the day

    • Pigpen's Mama says

      Jebus, some of those posters need to go back to school…excuse me, DAYCARE and learn how to play well with others…

    • OCAssociate says

      This is exactly what I thought as I read that thread. So grateful for the women over here!

    • PhilanthropyGirl says

      Not TBK, but found this helpful. Thanks!

      My 2 YO – showing no signs of readiness – started asking to use the “pah-deh” the same day I bought his potty chair. I hadn’t really decided on a “method” – and this article makes me feel like it’s easy and good to let him lead the way to using said “pah-deh” whenever he’s ready.

  8. Anonymous says

    Branching off the day care post above (OP posted on the main s i t e because she wanted opinions from parents of older children)–my child is nine years old and in the fifth grade, and I still read the comments here because I haven’t found a good discussion forum for parents of school-aged children and parenting discussions on the main s i t e can get nasty. Are there any other moms of older kids here?

    • Anonymous says

      Try posting here anyway. My oldest is in kindergarten but many/majority of my friends kids are school age so lots of chat about school age issues. Other posters may be the same.

    • Anon says

      OP of what shall forever be called the “Daycare Debacle” post, and I think I learned my lesson. Searching for the perspective of parents of older kids part was probably irrelevant. I think I wanted affirmation that this decision will soon feel distant, but really, the perspective of parents who are actively and currently slogging through the balance of being a working parent is more beneficial (that is, readers of this s i t e). I’ve seen some other posts from parents of older kids on the main s i t e go similarly off the rails. Even if the posters can’t relate directly to the issue, it is easier to understand that parenting while working is a balance of everyone and there is more empathy here. Honestly, that’s usually more helpful than a silver bullet answer, as such an answer usually doesn’t exist (or why would the person be posting?!).

    • Anonymous says

      I posted above — I have kids in elementary school. I read most days (unless work is too crazy) but don’t post a lot — at this point I barely remember the baby years well enough to be able to make useful comments.

    • Meg Murry says

      I have a 9 year old in 4th grade and a 4.5 year old in pre-k – at a daycare center that we call school :-)

      There are other semi-regulars here with elementary school age kids as well. I agree that the comments tend to skew more to infant through pre-school age in general, but there at least a few of us here with older kids. Pick a name and stay a while and maybe more will join us.

    • mascot says

      I’ve got a 6 year old and appreciate that there are some similarly situated folks here.

    • H says

      I’ve seen lots of posts about older kids! I have a toddler but I like reading about the older kids too. Preview of coming attractions, if you will.

    • MomAnon4This says

      my son is 7yo in 2nd grade. I also have younger 2 (toddler and newborn).

    • Ally McBeal says

      My kids are 3 and 6. Not “older,” but also no longer in the baby phase.

  9. Betty says

    How do you all pull yourselves out of a working parent funk? I’m having a week/month where being a working parent feels so tough. Demanding work deadlines plus back-to-school season (ice cream socials! meet the teacher night! swimming classes have started!) have me ready to scream. I generally like (but not love) my job and have no fantasies of being a SAHM. Today, I miss my kids and just wish this whole working-parent juggle were easier.

    • I need a name says

      Commiseration. I was so excited for school to start because it meant the end of crazy day camp transportation hassles. Then the kid got hit with two hours of homework a night, a cold, and her third sports injury this calendar year, which means I get to take time off of work to take her to PT. I spent yesterday evening at the Girl Scout parent meeting getting suckered into volunteering to lead a million activities, and tonight is Back-to-School Night.

      Hang in there. It usually slows down at least a little in October.

    • Anonymous says

      Dealing with the same thing — getting used to balancing more homework, lots of back-to-school events, fall sports and a September birthday and party to plan. Plus a trial next week and my spouse on a business trip this week. My motto for September is “the only way out is through.” I’ve made as much peace as I can with the fact that it is going to be a terrible month.

    • JayJay says

      I’m with you. Sometimes I literally repeat to myself Senior Attorney’s advice: “The only way out is through.”

      My husband and I also make a point to try and have one weekend per month where we have a few plans as possible and purposely just block off both days with nothing planned (other than any sports the kids have on Saturday morning). It helps to at least get a chance to sit at home and catch up on the week.

  10. Clementine says

    Seeking external validation.

    So we’re looking at buying the kiddo a convertible carseat and have prettymuch settled on a Diono Radian. I’m also thinking we’ll pick up a spare carseat for travel/grandparents/picking up a friend. Right now we’re looking at a Cosco Scenera, but are open to another budget-friendly seat.

    1) Please verify that it totally makes sense to buy two carseats
    2) Any drawbacks to the brands I’ve mentioned?
    3) Insert snarky statement about how in my day, babies were strapped on the roof rack or some nonsense.

    • Anonymous says

      1. I think this makes sense. We have carseats permanently in grandparents’ minivan. My secret shame is that I don’t really know how to install a carseat properly.

      2. We got Britax, which is like the only brand I’ve ever developed a fierce loyalty to; I can’t really explain it. So far so good. Can’t speak to other brands.

      3. In all other occasions, the kids skateboard behind the car holding onto the bumper.

    • CPA Lady says

      I own both of those and like them both a lot for their various uses. The diono is a beast. The picture on amazon of some lady cheerfully carrying it through the airport with a shoulder strap is hilarious. It has a steel frame and is incredibly heavy.

      1. It has been very helpful and convenient to have the cosco as an extra on hand to use in a grandparent’s car or to have in case I need to put a second kid in my car. Also, it’s light enough to be easily carried. I’m going to bring it on the airplane for xmas. I dont know if it will fit or I’ll have to check it. TBD on that.
      2. The diono is narrow, but it’s very tall (which is great if you have a tall kid and want to rear face for an extended period of time). I have had it rear facing in two different smallish SUVs, and it just barely fits, so I dont know how well it would fit in a tiny car. You can buy a special pad made to go with the carseat if you need it to be more upright to get it to fit.
      3. In my day I carried my child uphill both ways in the snow. All the way to school.

      • quail says

        I also own both of these. Wish I had done more research because the Radian has turned our compact car into a 2 person plus baby car (I’m going to look into the angle adjuster right now! Did not know about that!) Or we are thinking about using the Scenera as our main seat until we can turn the kid front-facing.

        Scenera is great. Love it for travel- easy to install on airplanes and rental cars using the seat belt.

        • Anonymous says

          If the angle adjuster doesn’t work – definitely look at the Clek seats. We did three across -including two rearfacing in a European rental car this past summer.

    • Anonymous says

      1) makes sense to buy two as it’s a pain to install/uninstall your main seat once you get a good fit. Scenera is cheaper than the cost of aggravation associated with install/uninstall on main seat

      2) For main seat I like the Clek Fllo over the Diono Radian as it has a shorter seat pitch when rear facing and same extended rear facting. Dionos can cause the front seats to be far forward because of the long seat pitch.

      3) babies weren’t strapped to the roof rack – they had to learn to hold on with their bare hands ;)

    • NewMomAnon says

      1. It does make sense. I have used a lightweight, cheaper “travel” car seat more than I expected (including when I made an emergency pickup of a friend’s toddler after friend had a medical issue). I wouldn’t want to lug my big Evenflo on trips, and wouldn’t want to risk it getting bashed around/cup holders ripped/ dirty. Also, I’m not inclined to risk the hailstorm of goldfish crackers that would descend on me if I tried to pick it up.

      2. No thoughts on Diono (although I’ve heard good reviews). I have the Cosco Scenara for my travel seat. It doesn’t have the quick clips for installation that my Evenflo seat has, so it’s more challenging to install (manageably challenging, though) . But it was the lightest seat I could find and really inexpensive. It also works with the luggage strap to double as an airport stroller. Two thumbs up.

      3. Pretty sure my parents just floated me behind the plane on a bungee cord instead of paying for an airplane seat when I was a kid. Kids these days don’t know how good they got it. *shakes fist*

      • Maddie Ross says

        Second the thoughts about the Cosco being difficult to install. We also have one (as a third seat actually) to use for grandparents, etc. It is so hard to install that we actually never do. We always end up removing one of our Britax Marathons (which I heart so hard) and just using it instead. Frankly, if you want a Cosco, I’d be happy to give you mine if you lived close.

        • NewMomAnon says

          I found that the LATCH install was very difficult, but it was relatively easy to install the seat belt passthrough. Unless I’m using it for several days, I just do the quick belt passthrough install in rental cars now.

          • Maddie Ross says

            Interesting, I’ll have to try that. It’s the LATCH system that’s so impossible. And as someone said below, always causes me to lose a fingernail or two (and my patience) in the process.

    • Betty says

      It makes sense to have multiple car seats. We are probably at the extreme, but we have six (eight if you count the grandparent’s car) for our two kids. Two in my car, two in my husband’s and two in the au pair’s car. We have the Cosco Scenera in the grandparent’s car.

      My husband lovingly tells the story (that was told to him) about his parents driving cross country with him in a pack and play in the back of the van. They would tap the brakes to get him to lie back down. Ahhh the good old days.

      • Faye says

        The tapping-brakes story makes me laugh!!!

        And we have 6 seats for our two kids. Two in my car, two in DH’s, and two at the grandparents (which they now use for other grandkids as well). Totally worth it for our suburban life.

    • Spirograph says

      It makes total sense to buy two. We started off trying to minimize the number of car seats because cost, but convenience wins. No experience with Cosco, but I have several Diono Radians (used both rear and front facing. get the angle adjuster if you’re rear facing) and no complaints. They are HEAVY and not the easiest to install, but those things have zero day to day impact on my life.

    • PhilanthropyGirl says

      1. Absolutely makes sense. My parents ended up buying the second seat, and they use it exclusively, but it has been a huge help on more than one occasion.

      2. I love our Diono Radian RTX – I never have trouble with tangled straps, it tightens easily, seems comfortable and fits well in our van. DH says install was easy. We haven’t converted it yet – it’s still RF; I like that it RF’s to 45 lbs instead of the standard 35. I’m suspect of the RF height limit, as my 2 YO is 10″ from the height limit, but only has a couple of inches to the “less than 1.5″ to the top of the back of the seat.” Aside from that, I have not a single complaint. If the angle of the seat pushes your front seats too far forward, an angle adjuster is available. Ours fits between our two front seats and hasn’t been an issue.

      3. The only car stories I’ve heard about myself involve a cross country trip while potty-training, and lots of pottychairs in cornfields. Apparently in the early 80’s there were no rest stops in Kansas. I am reminded frequently that my dad, as a toddler, road in the front on the the bench seat with neither a carseat nor a seatbelt. This usually comes up during the tense “when to stop rear-facing” discussions.

      • Anonymous says

        Drives me crazy when my parents finishing ‘tsk’ing about extended rearfacing being unnecessary only to get into their car with side airbags and buckle their shoulder belts. Sigh.

        • Anons says

          Just tell them that Sweden, which rearfaces children until age 4, had no child fatalities last year (or maybe 2014?). I am sure that statistic can be criticized (its a small country, they don’t drive as much, yadda, yadda), but none! Part of that has to be rearfacing, and it is just amazing to me that every Swedish child on the road was kept safe. Wish the U.S. could pay more attention to trying to get brag-worthy stats like that.

    • Meg Murry says

      We have the older model of Cosco Scenara as a backup seat (which is expired! Gasp! I’m not concerned because it spent the majority of it’s life in a climate controlled garage and I’d rather have my father and MIL using a seat they are finally comfortable with than spend the next year worried they installed a new seat wrong).

      The major pros of the Cosco Scenara is that it’s soooo lightweight compared to everything else out there, and is fairly easy to install most of the time. *However*, at least it our seat the latch clips were a bit of a pain to un-install (my mother and MIL couldn’t get it, and I always lose at least one fingernail in the process of doing it for them). Since my mother has to take the seat in and out of her car and she generally has to do it without me, we wound up getting her a slightly more expensive (Evenflo maybe?) seat that has special latch connectors that are more like a seatbelt button to release, rather than metal clips you have to push on with your thumbs.

      Not sure if it’s available around you, but our suburban Babies R Us had a minivan seat in the middle of the car seat aisle so you could try installing and un-installing. If you are going to be the person installing the seats every time and you’re ok with the annoyance, the Scenara is fine. But if you’re trusting seat installation to someone else, you probably want to do a dry run with that person to see if you need to pay a little more find a seat that makes installing and uninstalling easier for people who aren’t familiar with it.

      Insert snark here about how much time I spent as a child riding in the “way way back” of a station wagon, cramming 4 or 5 kids across the back bench seat of a compact car, or riding around in the back of a pickup truck. I consider it a win that my parents and in-laws at least try to use a car seat with my kids, and in return I try to make it as easy as possible (without spending hundreds of dollars) for them to use the car seats.

      • Sarabeth says

        We also have the Evenflo (Tribute, I think?) as the grandparents’ car seat. It was on sale when we bought it, so only marginally more expensive than the Cosco, and the ease of install was important to us since I need to trust my parents to install it correctly when I’m not there.

        • Katala says

          We have an Evenflo as a second, too. It was available with faster shipping than the cosco and similarly priced. It’s great for travel. Not too heavy and easy to install. Completely worth the storage space in our apartment.

          When DS outgrew his infant bucket (at like 8 months!) we bought a Diono and Chicco nextfit. We chose the Chicco as it looked easier to install and more comfy for kiddo. He’s barely fitting rearfacing at 16 months, though, so maybe we should have gone with the taller seat.

          Hm, I have no stories about my car riding experiences, and my brother was born when I was 8 but I cannot remember a thing about his gear. My mom “remembers” sleeping in a dresser drawer as an infant, so there’s that.

          • Katarina says

            I am really surprised that your 16 month old is about to outgrow the Chicco Nextfit in height rear facing. Is the shell completely extended? My 3 year old was 38″ with a long torso when we switched, and was still not close to outgrowing it height-wise.

    • Anons says

      We have a Combi Cocorro as our travel seat. I love having a lightweight seat that is easy to install with the seatbelt, not the latch (which vary from car to car and can be hard to use in an unfamiliar vehicle). So to answer your questions:

      (1) Totally worth it.
      (2) I think the Cosco can be hard to install, but maybe this can be overcome with practice. Also, it probably won’t rearface as long as heavier seats. With my Combi, however, I have been happy to have a carseat I can trust and know the history of rather than rely on rental car companies when we travel. So the trade-off is worth it for me, for our travel seat. (In our cars, she will rearface until she can drive herself, as far as I am concerned.). Another travel seat to check out might be the Immi Go. It is used by Uber and I think it is supposed to be lightweight and easy to install.
      3) No snarky comments here!

    • Dead Horse says

      #3. Car seats?! Only rich, smug mommies call them “car seats,” which they say to affirm their class status and superiority over the rest of the driving public. We strap our kids into metal folding chairs with a rusty bike chain, and call them “chairs.”

    • Jdubs says

      I originally bought the Diono for my 2nd kid when she graduated from the infant bucket with the intention of using it for travel (look at the lady in the picture! It folds! Has a strap! Its so narrow for the airplane!) Ha! It hasn’t left our car since we got it. I immediately bought the Scenara for travel and it has been great. I agree with the above that the latches on the Scenera sort of suck, but I just do it with a buckle install since we were using it for travel I needed to do buckle in cabs, airplane anyway and it basically just as easy.

    • ChiLaw says

      I have both of those, for the same reasons.

      Boy the Radian is a BEAST. We have a Honda CRV and still have to keep the front seats way forward to fit it in (with the recommended 3″ of clearance). Though two people can ride in the back seat next to it. And it’s sturdy and tall, and you can keep ’em rear facing in it like forever, so I like it.

      I wanted to *love* the Scenara because it has a smaller footprint, but it doesn’t feel as stable to me, and the straps are kinda glitchy/don’t move smoothly, and generally it’s more of a pain than the giant Radian. So Scenara stays in grandparents’ car/comes with us for travel, and the Radian in stays in mine.

    • hoola hoopa says

      1) If you’ll be using a second car or carrying a second kid frequently, a second seat makes sense. We have a full set in both our cars and a full set for the grandparents (who watch the kids two days a week). If not, get a Britax with Clicktight instead of the Radian and just move when you need to. Seriously the best thing ever (and I’ve owned MANY carseats over the years). It really is a snap to move carseats around (although it’s HEAVY).

      2) Instead of the Scenera, get the cheap Evenflo (Titan, I think?) In general, I find Evenflo does the best with inexpensive seats. They seem more comfortable and well made.

      3) Just wait until you need to get three carseats into a car. Then queue up the headaches!!!

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