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Anonymous says
Does anyone have recommendations for an easy to clean dining room rug? We don’t have a separate dining room per se so it’s really just for under our table in the eating area of the kitchen. With toddlers graduating to the dining room table our current rug isn’t cutting it and is now filthy. I also hate cleaning it and we do have a mat under her chair but the food tends to go beyond the mat. I’m sort of considering getting an indoor outdoor rug but not sure if that’s too strange.
Anonymous says
We have an indoor-outdoor rug under our dining table. If it survives toddlerhood, it’ll move to our porch. We don’t have a very formal house (small 50s ranch), so no one’s expecting anything fancy, and the pattern goes with our overall color scheme. No one’s going to look too closely at the rug under your dining table.
NYCer says
We just forgo a rug under our table at this stage of the game for that reason. That being said, I think an indoor outdoor rug would be fine in your case if you want to have a rug.
TheElms says
Is not having a rug an option? We don’t have rugs under the kitchen table or the dining room table. For me, its not worth the trouble and its so much easier to run the vacuum for 2 minutes or wipe the floor with a rag after dinner. My oldest is 3.5 and if it was just her I think we could have a rug now and I’m sure it will continue to get much better over the next year, so its not a forever stage of life.
Cb says
Yep, same, we don’t have a rug.
Anon says
Same, our kitchen-dining space is rug free and we only have rugs in rooms where there’s no food allowed (bedrooms, living room, play areas).
anon says
We decided to forgo the rug. Now that my kids are older, we don’t have wet messes anymore but there are still enough crumbs and debris that I don’t see going back to a rug. I’d rather just sweep it up and move on than try to keep a rug clean.
Anonymous says
My parents have never had a rug under the dining room table and it never occurred to me to have one. It seems like asking for trouble.
Anonymous says
This. I find it gross when there are carpeted floors, carpet, rugs or otherwise under eating spaces.
Anon says
We also have an indoor -outdoor rug. We have a 5 year old and the rug mostly looks in very good condition. There’s one corner of it, but the dog is to blame for that not our kid.
Anon says
There’s one corner of it that’s in bad shape *
Lily says
We have a polyester (rugs.com) rug in a sort of abstract, irregular pattern in mostly dark colors. This hides any stains or crumbs very well. But we also have a dog who almost immediately cleans up any dropped food or spilled liquids. Then we also have a carpet shampooer machine, which I don’t run as often as I should, but at least every couple months and if there are any major spills. I also have a little green clean machine one for minor spills, also use that on the sofa or anything else upholstered.
I like the look of a rug under the dining table so I’m willing to deal with maintaining it. But don’t get an expensive one, and make sure it has an irregular pattern and darker colors.
You could do a ruggable but I’d still recommend only darker colors and preferably with a pattern.
Pogo says
Hello from the other side of a COVID positive toddler, prepping for a board meeting, and burst pipes. What a time to be alive.
GCA says
Oh gosh! Sorry – sending you strength and coffee…
There was a fire in my town on Saturday morning – it was so cold that the firefighters tried several frozen hydrants before they found one that worked. Yikes.
Spirograph says
Oh no, I’m sorry, and congratulations on getting through! I’m stuck in the middle of board meeting prep right now and I can’t imagine trying to add burst pipes and a covid+ kid to the mix.
So Anon says
Oh no!! I’m so sorry that you have all of that on your plate. Some days the goal is just to make it to the finish line!
Last Minute Disney says
Yesterday we booked a Disney trip for Thurs-Sat this week. I’m an uber planner and this is the opposite of everything my Type A self typically does (but it’s also a little refreshing?). I’m in Orlando for work through Thurs, and #yolo plus credit card points got the best of us so DH and 4.5 year old DD will fly in to meet me Wednesday night.
We used a travel agent so we’ve locked down park hopper passes, a few good meal reservations (will do the rest on the fly) and a resort hotel. I haven’t been to Disney since I was 10 in the 90s so idk what else I’m missing. Do we need the genie+ pass, which I understand to enable you to “fast lane” it to the front of some rides? She’s little so I don’t see us doing Tower of Terror, Space Mountain or anything as a group, fwiw.
Also, talk to me about attire for me specifically. My DH, who lived in FL for a bit in his 20s, says legitimately anything goes. It’ll be 80s on Thursday then dropping to 60s by Saturday. Gym shorts on Thursday and leggings/joggers with sneakers on Friday and Saturday? Maybe jeans one day with sneakers? Trying to not overthink it but also want to look decent enough. Any words of advice or other wisdom to share? I was going to take a cross body and DH would wear his backpack when we’re in the park for souvenirs, waterbottles, etc.
I fly out at 5am tomorrow so any advice you have would be most appreciated as this is now a mad, self-inflicted scramble. thank you!
Anonymous says
I would not wear jeans if there is any possibility you will get rained on or splashed with water on a ride. They take forever to dry.
Anonymous says
You couldn’t pay me to wear jeans to Disney. Even when it’s not that hot, it can be miserably hot. I’d bring one pair, then plan on t-shirts and shorts/skorts/leggings. It’s beyond casual there. If you’re splurging anyway with park hopper, I’d go all the way and splurge with Genie +. It’s very worth it, particularly with small kids, but do yourself a favor and watch a couple of youtube videos on how it works before you go. Magic Kingdom was the best park for that age, but also my least favorite in that it was crowded and stressful…so go in with a rough idea of what rides are your priorities, have an idea of where you want to eat (if it’s quick service, just have a few in mind, order 45 min before you think you’ll want to eat, and definitely 100% do mobile order — click “I’m here” as you’re walking over to the place). You know your kid, but I would recommend a stroller for 4.5 if you’re planning on full days (even if you aren’t). It’s a ton of walking, and even if it feels a little unnecessary, you get more bang for your buck out of the parks if you aren’t carrying a tired kid around on your shoulders all day. You can rent from Kingdom Strollers for a great price (if not sold out) and they’ll drop it off at your resort (maybe just Disney resorts, though)>
Anon says
Just did Disney last week with a 5YO for the first time since high school. The jogging stroller which we hadn’t used since my kid was 1YO was critical and we also used it to store layers, snacks, a cooler with drinks, etc. and it allowed us to extend our day with a solid stroller nap. A turkish towel makes a good stroller cover and can be used for chilly mornings. If DH cannot bring one, then I would definitely consider renting (also note that Disney restricts stroller sizes now, so check that). By the end of our third day, DD was in the stroller more often than not. Wear gym shoes (I logged 20K steps a day and my sister’s garmin recorded 8-10 miles of walking each day). It was cool when we were there (60s day, 40s morning and night), and I wore either jeans or yoga pants with a sweatshirt (and yes, anything goes, and I saw a lot of things I would have never set foot in public wearing).
Magicbands are the key to the resort (room key, park pass, etc.) so definitely get those. The app for disney (and the regular Genie AI, which is free) is critical. You can look up wait times for rides, and you tell it what you want to do and it keeps an eye on those attractions to help you figure out good times to do them with forecasted low wait times. We canceled our restaurant reservations (you can cancel up to 2 hours before with no penalty) in favor of mobile ordering. It was easy to find a place to sit and gave us a lot more flexibility about where we were in the park (e.g., we were at the back of magic kingdom when we would have otherwise had to be eating at the front). Also with a super picky 5YO, the $30 per kid $60 per adult table service menus were a bit much and we were much better off packing her a peanut butter and nutella sandwich and supplementing with snack items.
We did not use Genie plus. I found it overwhelming to figure out and it really only gets you into 2 extra rides per day. With a 5YO, it wasn’t worth it to us for rides she would not enjoy anyways. DD is over 4 feet tall, so we did not run into any ride height restrictions, but if your kid is on the shorter side those are listed on the paper maps and in the app. Her favorite things were meeting princesses (Anna and Elsa at Summer House in Epcot and Cinderella and Elena at the Fairytale Princess House in Magic Kingdom) and roller coasters (Space Mountain, Thunder Mountain Railroad, Mount Everest (animal kingdom)) because apparently she is an adrenaline junkie. The Safari in Animal Kingdom is worth waiting in line for. She also really liked Dumbo because they heard you into a play area while you wait in line (which my (child free) sister said she need full scale disinfectant after following DD into the cesspool of little kids indoors, but YMMV).
Good luck and remember it’s about having fun!
Anon says
Also forgot that if you are doing full days, bring a back-up powerbank and cord so you can recharge while on the go. My phone was drained by early afternoon given the heavy app use to plot our way around the park.
OP says
Oh my goodness, a stroller hadn’t crossed my mind. We haven’t used one in well over a year.
Are we likely to find stroller rental lines? That alone is a reason to figure out how bring one ourselves.
Anon says
Ask your travel agent (the person who flat out told me that I would be crazy not to use a stroller even if my kid hadn’t used a stroller in years). I actually had to explain to DD that the stroller was for her to sit in because she has no memory of using one. Our travel agent was going to give us the name of a few rental companies (and told us the ones the park rents are hard plastic and pretty uncomfortable but better than nothing), but I dug the jogger out of the basement since I knew it had a high enough weight limit to fit my giant of a 5YO.
Liza says
I absolutely love this blog for all things Disney planning: https://www.disneytouristblog.com/. Tom’s writing style is easy to read, practical, and his advice for our Disney trip was SPOT on. Search for the topic you want to know more about and good luck!
I would NOT WEAR JEANS omg, so uncomfortable in the humidity and when you’re walking miles a day. I would wear something with zippable pockets. I wore these to Disney and they were perfect: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B07M6KKPF1/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_search_asin_title?ie=UTF8&psc=1.
I recommend both of you bring backpacks – you’ll want to be hands-free.
Mary Moo Cow says
We went to Disney in January with our 7.5 and 5.5 year old, and it was a blast! I, too, had not been in eons. I hope you have fun!
We paid for Genie Plus for Hollywood Studios, and it wasn’t worth it for us (we’re not Stars Wars people.) We bought it for our second day day for Magic Kingdom, and it was worth it! I didn’t set an alarm or watch tutorials; I just logged on after breakfast to see what was available, booked some stuff for the morning, and then we booked what was available for the next hour throughout the day as we were waiting in line. We used it for meeting Mickey and the princesses, the Monster’s Inc. show, Little Mermaid, Haunted Mansion, Peter Pan, Dumbo, and Aladdin rides. So it was useful for more than big kid rides.
I did wear jeans! Your DH is right; lots of women wear athletic gear, lots wear custom t-shirts, and some women look enviably put together in ponte pants and sweaters. I was not one of them, but I did try and I was comfortable. One day I wore white jeans, a red sweater, and Rothy’s; one day I wore black J. Crew Cameron pants and a denim button down and tennis shoes; one day I wore a Lilly Pulitzer blouse and white jeans (when in Rome…) I found my Rothy’s to be more comfortable than tennis shoes. I packed a light jacket for the day and layered with Numi camisoles or a heattech camisole, but when it got colder at night, I wished I had a heavier jacket. Stashing a packable jacket or vest in the backpack could be helpful. I wore a diaperbag backpack and packed blister blocker, Excedrin, hand sanitizer, water bottles, a small wallet with kids’ cards (DH and I had magic bands, but kids didn’t, so they needed Keys to the World cards), gift cards to spend, and a portable phone charger.
Anon says
I’m blown away that you could get away with Rotheys at Disney. Last time I was at Disney, my feet were killing me after walking over 12 miles and standing all day in the best running shoes in my closet. Rotheys and white jeans? How…how???
Mary Moo Cow says
My feet hurt in my running shoes, but not my Rothy’s! I was stunned, too. And my youngest threw up on them while we were waiting for our luggage when we got home, so it was nice to be able to throw them in the washer. Same kid also put something red and sticky on the back of the white jeans. Ahh, memories!
Anonymous says
Athleta venice joggers were clutch for me at Disney! And I think I wore Toms one day then switched to my actual running shoes, I preferred something cushioned for all the standing around.
Anonymous says
Leggings shorts athleisure do not wear jeans
Anonymous says
Couple tips:
I didn’t see you mention a stroller. Even though your kiddo is 4.5 you should bring one, or prepare to have really short days. When we went last time I had a 4 year old, a 6 year old and an 8 year old and they all fought over the one portable stroller we brought.
Wear shorts or leggings and sneakers or shoes like birkenstocks. Don’t wear jeans to the parks. Make sure you have hats and sunscreen.
We did genie plus one day and found it worthwhile to have some really short lines, but we went during our April school vacation week so it was busier than a “non peak” weekend.
OP says
I asked above but is the stroller rental process there efficient? If not we’ll bring it but would prefer to rent if it’s not a headache. We’d be bringing our Bob. She’s too long for the umbrella we have (99% height basically her whole life..).
Anonymous says
I don’t know, we brought our old McLaren collapsible. Which was way too small for my 6 and 8 year old but they made it work nonetheless! In fact I have a pic of my then 4 year old standing, carrying her backpack, and my two older kids BOTH in the stroller (one on top of the other). :)
Anonymous says
I don’t know, we brought our old McLaren collapsible. Which was way too small for my 6 and 8 year old (i think technically had a 50 lb limit?) but they made it work nonetheless! In fact I have a pic of my then 4 year old standing, carrying her backpack, and my two older kids BOTH in the stroller (one on top of the other). :)
Ashley says
Look up Kingdom Strollers! You can rent a Bob and they’ll deliver to/pick up from your hotel.
NOVA Anon says
+1 for Kingdom Strollers. They are the absolute best. I’ll try to find time to weigh in with more, but with a 4.5 year old you’ll absolutely need a stroller.
I did a last minute trip in 2017 and it was one of the best decisions ever. You’ll have a blast!
FVNC says
I think the stroller advice is “know your kid” dependent. We went last year with our 8 yr old and not-quite-5 yr old. Both were fine walking all day with appropriate breaks. BUT, the 5 yr old is pretty small so the occasional piggy back ride wasn’t a big deal. Hope you have a great trip!
Anonymous says
Definitely know your kid. We did Disney stroller-free at 3y11mo and it was so much easier than schlepping a stroller, but our kid was tiny enough to carry easily (we did this only on the way back to the car at the end of the day) and had loudly refused to ride in the stroller since the day she learned to walk.
Anon says
Yes. We used the red Disney stroller in November. There was always a short line but it moved super quickly. Probably took us about 10 minutes the first day to buy the multi day pass, then 3-5 min per day to get a stroller and 3 min to drop it off.
CCLA says
We have only done disneyland and DCA, but IIRC the actual park size of each individual park isn’t much different from being in magic kingdom vs disneyland for instance. FWIW I’m team no stroller at that age (I know I’m in the minority) – I love the freedom of not having to park it, maneuver it, etc. We have done stroller free as young as 3.5, know your kid but I’m just here to say it’s doable.
Also always athleisure and sneakers. I’ve done it in jeans and sandals as a kid-free young adult but now chasing kids no thanks.
Anon says
I had a friend who just went to Disneyworld with a young 3 and a young 5 and they got away with no stroller, and her kids don’t seem unusually good at walking to me. I think it’s definitely doable especially if you’re open to a more relaxed pace.
Anonymous says
FWIW—with a kid your age, I love bringing a stroller to store all of the crap I need throughout the day (snacks, sunscreen, extra clothes/jackets, etc) and parking it in one spot for a while near whatever we’re doing. You don’t have to have it with you all of the time to have it fairly accessible (and muuuuuch closer than the lockers at the front of the park). Obv, there is a risk of theft so don’t leave anything too precious in there, but there is usually a cast member nearby keeping watch. But then I have it for long walks across the park or back to the parking structure. (I have only done Disneyland, though.)
Anon says
Doesn’t a backpack work for that?
Anonymous says
Yes, but then it’s on your shoulders all day. It gets heavy.
Cb says
Oh Pogo, that’s awful, I’m so sorry!
Help! says
Help with girls eighth birthday present ideas? It’s hard getting presents right after Christmas! She’s getting an experience gift but I’d like something she can unwrap!
Anon says
My niece loved those break open your own geode kits.
Anon says
Is there something that can go with the theme of the experience gift? My daughter was gifted the zoo/safari pack of magnatiles to go with a zoo membership. We’ve gotten a lot of use out of it.
OP says
So the experience gift is tickets to see wicked when it comes to town, which I think will be very fun. She’s into gymnastics (still very much a beginner) and also playing softball right now.
Anonymous says
If you want a “wow” gift, one of those folding foam floor beams is great for gymnastics play and does not take up much room.
OP says
Love this idea!
Anonymous says
I have a 9 year old softballer too. You could get her any of the following if she doesn’t already have them:
Batting gloves
sliding pants
actual softball cleats
hot pink infield mask or batting helmet
her own bat
her own hear bag
good water bottle
hot pink laces for her cleats
Mary Moo Cow says
My 8 year old is super into beading and jewelry making now. She would love a kit (Michael’s has a ton, from cheap to elaborate).
Is there a book series she’s into, or books you can tie into the experience?
For 8th birthday parties, we’ve given an art supplies box and The 100 Dresses book, and I’ve seen gifted Star Girls books, Baby Sitter’s Club Little Sister’s graphic novels, Wimpy Kid books, Barbies, a blind box unicorn-puppy thing, and art supplies.
OP says
these are all great – thanks all! she’s into some series but tends to get them at the library, which I love! she does love art supplies and projects.
Anon says
My kids read tons of library books, but also still enjoy having their own copies of books they particularly love to reread, if she has any like that.
Spirograph says
What does she like? My 8 year old is very into “girly” things like dolls, mermaids, unicorns, makeup, etc. Recent birthday hits include a “mermaid potion kit,” doll accessories, a (kids) makeup set, and a set of unicorn stencils & stickers.
Anonymous says
I am here for this question. Various budget ideas
Instax camera and fun film/accessories
super elaborate slime kit (something like this: https://www.amazon.com/Original-Stationery-Unicorn-Christmas-Crafts/dp/B0B3N97SL3/ref=asc_df_B0B3N97SL3/?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=598281371410&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=8738739887419621455&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9001878&hvtargid=pla-1728382858982&psc=1®ion_id=674469)
bath bomb making kit
Clue
Card games like Taco Cat Goat Cheese Pizza, Sleeping Queens, Exploding Kittens etc
Bathrobe and slippers
comfy sweatshirt
extreme dot to dot coloring books
gumball machine and something to put in it (we used skittles)
caboodle
light up rollerblades
elaborate lego set (harry potter wizard chess was a huge hit at christmas over here)
books
LED strip room lights
desk organizer & planner
sport stuff if she does sports (mine got a new basketball and new bball sneaks for christmas for example)
air force 1s if she doesn’t have them
sleeping bag & pillow or other “sleepover” stuff (bag, flashlight etc) if she does sleepovers
OP says
Wow, i bow down! things like “desk organizer and planner” are just so very much up my 8 year old’s alley. amazing list!
Anonymous says
My girls are 7 and 9. My 9 year old *begged* for the day planner at the beginning of 3rd grade this year when we were shopping at target. She told me that she needed it because I wouldn’t let her have a phone so she has no way of keeping track of her life. I couldn’t argue with that! Since then it’s become a hotly requested item in our circle of friends.
anonM says
Birthday/holiday gift idea. My family bought my 3 and 5 yo a set from Sarah’s Silks – 3 different sizes of silks and wooden clips for fort-making. The kids have already been using them nonstop. It was pricier than I would have bought for them, but it was a GREAT idea for having a few people chip in together for something that I fully expect to grow with them and be able to keep around/pass down for a long time.
Anonymous says
For a budget-friendly alternative, buy some flat bedsheets from the thrift store (I got 8 kid-print twin sized for about $10) and some strong clothespins (I already had some but I have seen them in hardware stores for around $5 or so for a good sized package).
Anonymous says
What is the best way, or most considerate gracious way to handle when your child (in my case, 3.5 boy) has some ability and your friend’s child/children do not have that skill/ability? Skill/ability may not be the right term. Basically, the situation that has come up is that a family we are really good friends with (have know. The parents since College, so like 15 plus years) has kids the same age as our son. Our son eats basically everything except for fresh fruit (which I recognize is unusual) and super spicy food. We went to a very casual dinner at a diner with this family over the weekend. My child ate a lamb gyro, French fries and part of my salad and then asked the server for steamed asparagus, and got a little upset when the didn’t have it (which did not surprise us at all that they didn’t have it, it’s a diner!! but my son insists on ordering himself in restaurants). DH and I haven’t done anything to specifically encourage our son to eat these foods, he just has wanted to try them when he sees us eating them and then proceeds to eat them. Our friends that we were with; their kids only wanted to eat a few French fries and that was it. I felt so awkward about it- I know that they struggle with getting their kids to eat anything, but they just don’t want to (and the kids are in the 90%+ percentile, so no concerns about them growing at all). I just feel… embarrassed? bad? that my child eats so well and so easily when it is such a struggle for other families. I don’t draw attention to it, but our server made a comment that he’s never seen a family order for a kid where they didn’t have to make substitutions to the dish ordered and our friends made a comment that they we’re impressed with how our son eats. We have some struggles in other areas, it’s just not with eating. Is there a best practices way to handle this?
Spirograph says
Did your friends say anything about it? To me this is an “it is what it is” situation and doesn’t warrant further comment. It *especially* doesn’t warrant further comment if you friends don’t bring it up, first. You should respond to the server with something along the lines of “yes, we lucked out that he likes so many foods!” and move on. We have friends with a very very picky eater, and one of our kids eats like your son. It’s something we chuckle about from time to time, but neither couple sees it as an indictment or triumph of our parenting skills. Kids are just different.
Spirograph says
reading fail, I see that your friends were “impressed.” I’d still take this as idle chatter and not worth turning into A Thing.
NYCer says
Personally, I think you’re overthinking this. And you definitely do not need to feel bad or embarrassed! In my experience, all parents know that kids develop differently and have different personalities and strengths. My younger daughter is an extremely picky eater at the moment, but I never feel awkward if we are with a similar aged kid who eats everything. Like your friends, I might also may a comment like “I’m impressed he is such a good eater” – but it doesn’t mean I feel bad that my kid isn’t! I think most people realize that it will even out in the long run.
anon says
You’re overthinking this. Order what you want to order, and just don’t comment on food choices (yours or the other kids). And yes, be very, very grateful that food is not an issue for you guys.
anonM says
+1. Kids also go through stages or change (my kids aren’t very picky, but 5yo now only wants to order things like pizza from the kids menu, and has had some funny stages of things like only wanting shredded cheese and rejecting all melted or sliced cheese).
For your question of dealing with different developmental milestones/abilities, this won’t be your last time dealing with that. And, some of the inevitable comparisons could be much more serious. It sounds like you are close to this family. I’d really try to pay attention to and praise the other family’s kids on their strengths, too.
anon says
Yep, enjoy it in case it doesn’t last! Aat 3.5 my kids ate everything except super spicy food, but around 5 turned way pickier and started only eating a handful of fruits and veg (instead of anything they were given) and rejected most of the dinners they used to love.
GCA says
+1 to all this. I have one ‘adventurous’ eater and fully get where OP is coming from – trying to be kind but also overthinking it a bit. I probably could’ve written OP’s post when my first was a toddler! Seconding all the advice to just say “welp, I can’t really take credit, we’re very lucky”. (Kid 2 is a much more typical degree of picky. Again, can’t take credit or blame there.)
One of my close friends has a kid the same age who was good friends with my kid when we lived nearby, and who used to be extremely picky. I’m close enough to her that we can have a laugh about how her kid doesn’t eat, mine doesn’t sleep, and they’re equally scatterbrained, but she is the exception and we don’t make any comparisons in front of the kids.
Anon says
Just say nothing or it comes across as humble bragging.
We have this issue with family – same age cousins – my kid loves the amusement parks rides, all the movies, active stuff but her similar age cousin is afraid or unwilling to do those things. The best thing is not to comment either way or if forced to, a benign everyone likes different things statement.
Lily says
I’d just mostly ignore it, but if someone offers a compliment, you can say, “thanks, it makes our life easier! can’t claim any credit” and move along. If your friends ask for advice, I’d emphasize you didn’t do anything specific other than allow him to try your food, and say that kids are just different and most kids are picky to some extent. Who knows what he will eat when he’s 5 or 6, these things change so much over time.
Anonymous says
“Thanks, we know we’ve lucked out with that. Kids are funny, aren’t they?”
Anon says
Best way to handle this IMO is to brush it off and say “kids will be kids, certainly nothing we’ve done, and we’re very grateful he’s turned out this way”. And if you want to be even more casual about it “yes, he eats like a champ but X is such a struggle for us, you know every kid has their things!” and then change the subject. And for the love of all that’s holy, do not offer any advice to your friends about eating unless they specifically ask.
Signed, Mom of a 5YO who eats only 25 foods (most of which are beige) despite Mom’s best efforts
Runner says
The beige diet! We know it well here.
So Anon says
I agree with responding, “kids will be kids” or something like that. There is nothing to be embarrassed about or a need to say anything further. For me, this falls into the category of – we don’t talk about what other people eat/don’t eat, what other people weigh or their appearances. We generally do not know the full story about anyone else, and what people eat is very personal – both as adults and as kids. I would have this be a non-issue and move on.
Anon says
Gently, this is not a thing. Agreed with other posters on what to say. I’d be careful for your own stake not to overthink it.
I have kids that eat like OP’s kid and like OP’s friends’ kid, depending on the day/phase/mood.
Liza says
Lol what in the actual is this question. It seems like you think your friends should be ashamed that their kid didn’t eat much and that your kid is some eating supergenius. My advice on how to “handle” this is a breezy, “Oh thanks, yes he likes lots of things,” then move on to an actual interesting subject.
Anon says
Yeah I read this as a humble brag despite the caveats.
Anonymous says
Same. I have a friend who cannot read the room and if someone asks “my kids don’t like vegatables how do yours do with them” she’ll respond with something ala “my kids LOVE every single gourmet organic non gmo meal I’ve ever made them”. But secretly, one of her children wakes up at 4am every single day.
I have one adventurous eater and one non adventurous eater.
anon says
It’s absolutely a humble brag and OP knows it.
Anon says
I did too.
anon says
Same.
joker says
Totally reads like spam. There is not a 3yo I know who would 1) order for themself and 2) ask for steamed asparagus without the parents being SUPER try-hard.
Anonymous says
My kid at 3 would, they had a favorite food and wanted to ask for it everywhere. Obviously they were taught that restaurant means pick something from the menu, but yeah, while this could probably be spam, there are 3yos who would do that.
Anon says
Yeah I don’t think the story sounds unbelievable (and I have a very picky eater). But I think the OP sounds smug.
Anon says
I had a 2 year old who would wail at green beans being taken away. Guess who is 14 and will only eat green beans (and all other vegetables) if disapproving looks are given? Also, cue younger brother who only eats white foods. Kids eat what they want.
Anonymous says
Yeah a of all start teaching your son that he can’t order whatever in restaurants that’s weird and annoying and then b of all do
Literally nothing else this is a made up problem you don’t need to solve.
Anon says
+1 – THIS.
Also, steamed asparagus isn’t something I’d brag about my kid wanting…sounds gross.
Anon says
It’s great with mayo – there’s my PSA for the day.
NYCer says
Haha I like steamed asparagus too!
(My kids do not.)
Anonymous says
This!
Setting a kid up for failure like that by letting him ask for something mom knows is not available is not only cruel, it screams “I’m looking for attention”.
Anonymous says
This. That’s pretty rude behaviour. Let him know the options on the menu. It’s a restaurant not a personal chef. I’d be way more embarrassed about trying to let a 3 year old order off menu than anyone should be about kids wanting French fries. Your friend was trying to be nice when you were cringe.
Anonymous says
idk but you can just shrug it off and say you did nothing. I have a kid like your son, a kid like your friend’s kid, and a 3rd who is super picky but will only eat extremely healthy things (won’t touch french fries or mac and cheese, only eats raw fruits etc).
I did nothing. I eat like garbage.
Anonymous says
Yeah, I also have 3 and the same mix of one eats everything, one eats only carbs+cheese, and one is picky but not along typical kid lines.
In general this is a poopcup-y question. Not in an obnoxious way (unless the OP is giving advice), just in the sort of way that… if you had more than one kid, you would know that a kids’ relationship to food at this age is 95% luck of the draw.
Anon says
Eh, you’re overthinking it. I’d just say “we’re impressed too” and laugh about it. I have two fantastic eaters – regularly eat raw oysters, spicy indian curries, really anything. And it is so much more expensive eating out with them than their little sister who only eats grilled cheese! so i usually make a joke about how they’re not cheap dates.
And be ready and open for a future picky eater. We did nothing different between these three kids.
I thought you were going to say something about athletics! Or reading! All of those are much more fraught. But again, you gotta just shrug.
Anonymous says
Yes, I wonder how it will be when OP’s child or their peers start learning to read.
Anon says
I mean this gently, but this reads as humble bragging. It’s absolutely wonderful that your kid has an adventurous palate and is awesome at ordering! That’s great!! Really and truly. But, this situation is a not, nor should it ever be, an “issue” that has to be addressed or interfere with your relationship with other people….My super adventurous eater is now 12, but only ate chicken nuggets for 3 years. I recall the mock concern from friends who had adventurous toddler eaters. It was never helpful, it never actually had anything to do with my kid, and so I just ignored it, as I figured everything would even out, which it eventually did.
In general, I’ve been a parent long enough to know sometimes your kid is the one with the awesome party trick, and sometimes your kid is the observer to the other kid’s party trick. The happiest way to raise them is to genuinely and truly celebrate the other kids’ party tricks and remove any sense of ownership of your own kids’ party tricks. Just be genuinely happy when (your or other people’s) kids do something awesome.
Spirograph says
+ a million to your second paragraph
Anonymous says
Your second paragraph is spot on!
I would add that in my personal experience, the adult-kids who have the best relationships with their parents are the ones whose parents lived by your second paragraph.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Just another +1 to the second paragraph.
Anonymous says
+1 to your second paragraph. I haven’t been a parent for that long, but these things can change from week to week in early childhood (hour by hour for some toddlers!).
Anonymous says
Congratulations? I guess?
Honestly, you seem way too invested in this. I mean, you’re “embarassed” what is that all about?
Gently, ignore it and stop comparing your kid to theirs. They are different people with different personalities and different likes and dislikes.
Anonymous says
You’re weirdly humble braggy about this. Plenty of people don’t have problems with their kids eating. No one is going to ask for tips about something that is not a problem.
I have 3 – they’ve all had the same food since birth and they all have different preferences/likes/dislikes. Just like how DH loves pasta sauce with roasted fennel and I hate it. Some days I feel like I need a chart to keep track of which one likes roast asparagus and roasted chestnuts but not roasted carrots or which one likes artichokes but not olives on pizza night.
Why does your kid won’t eat fresh fruit? Isn’t that like a massive category to miss out on. Maybe try cutting fun shapes? Or fruit kabobs?
Anonymous says
Only address if your friend brings it up and then all I would say is “ha, each kid has their own easy things and their own struggles.” My goodness friends know that my child potty trained very easily and slept through the night without any sleep training from 12 weeks but they also know he had major anxiety and meltdowns. He learned to read on his own but still struggles to tie shoes at 8. Etc. these things all even out over time.
anon says
Wait. You’re saying your 3.5 year old independently ordered steamed asparagus off menu? Don’t buy it for a second. I get the sense you’re embellishing, deliberately or not I haven’t the slightest. Let this go. This is nothing. Next week your kid will be the one that isn’t doing the Party Trick (taken from above – intend on using frequently btw) and it will likely be a nice check on parenting reality.
Anon says
I have a very picky eater (100% beige food over here) and agree with the comments above that every kid has some areas where they’re doing “party tricks” and some where they’re not, but I don’t think this is necessarily made up. My daughter’s best friend’s favorite food is steamed broccoli and she asks for it everywhere she goes. I know the family and they aren’t weird or restrictive about food. Some kids just develop a love for vegetables.
Anonymous says
My kid had a favorite food at 3 they wanted to ask for everywhere. It happens.
bigcareerdecision says
I have been debating a career decision/job move. I have a 5 y old and 10 y old and love what I do but constantly feel like I don’t have enough time for my hobbies, friends, etc. I have a tenure-track job psychology job. Will have tenure in the next 2-3 years. Job takes 30ish hours a week in the academic year. Absolutely love the research but feel like I spend more time than I want teaching/mentoring/going to dumb faculty meetings. I also have a small side private practice as a psychologist (myself and 2 therapists) that makes 2-2.5X per year as my academic job (range dependent on patient flow and summer salary for academia, varies every year) with 15ish hours per week. I really like it but do find it is something I couldn’t do full time. I have been torn between:
1. Continue this set up. The biggest con is I am busier than I would like and rushing from thing to thing, and do a bit of what I don’t love but also don’t hate (mentoring grad students, faculty meetings, teach 1-3 classes per year depending on grants). Tenure at my institution is a joke so it’s a very cushy job, which is a pro, and something I could do until I am 80 with minimal stress.
2. Walk away from research and just do the private practice. Pro is I know it’s unicorn situation with income/work ratio, meaning, etc. but I worry I would be bored out of my mind without research. Also the benefits issue if my husband ever lost his job. I can increase patient flow a bit to up but likely couldn’t do more than 20 hours per week and stay sane. But would be nice to get kids at 3 and have zero on my mind since once I am done with patients I am done vs. research is never ending. Income loss wouldn’t be huge as I could make up the income lost in academia with easily 5ish hours per week of extra work.
3. Go to a non-tenure academic medical center job + private practice. Pro is none of the stuff I don’t love (teaching, mentoring, faculty meetings) and just get to do research/not feel scattered. Con is my salary is 100% dependent on grants so it’s the stress of getting grants (but maybe ok because I can always see more private practice patients and maybe even make it a part time thing or do plan 2 if this goes terribly). I currently have enough grant funding to cover my salary for 5 years so its the perfect time for this move, but my understanding is grants get harder once you get more senior.
bigcareerdecision says
I got cut off before I could post the question, but I am curious as to what others would do in my situation, especially as moms?
Vicky Austin says
I like the sound of 3, and you can reassess in 5 years when your funding runs out.
Anonymous says
If you really want to spend more time at home / on hobbies, that’s 2. You will lose the fulfillment from research but gain the fulfillment of having a more rewarding/less stressful life outside of work.
1 and 3 won’t free up your personal time which seems to be the goal. Between those two I’d choose 1 because it seems to have higher compensation and more stability, even with the tasks you don’t like. Enables you to throw some money at the problem to free up time. Would you rather chase grants or do mentoring? Both are stressful in their own ways.
Spirograph says
With the caveat that my own career is nothing like this and I might be having some grass-is-greener envy, I would stick with what you have. With tenure so close it seems like waste to give up that kind of security. IME every job has the equivalent of dumb faculty meetings, so I would expect there also to be something you don’t love at the research-centric job. Since you mention feeling overstretched, maybe downshift a bit on private practice for a few years. You can always scale that back up when your kids are older or if you need some extra $$.
Mary Moo Cow says
I could see myself doing any of those, but particularly 1 or 2. What’s most appealing to me about 2 is the 3 p.m. cut off and having the afternoon with my kids. Maybe you feel as I do that as kids get older, I want more time with them. I do question whether you could truly have zero on your mind when you log off, even if you have a hard no emergency policy. I could see myself doing light research on my own with the aim of writing an academic journal article or pitching casual articles on semi-regular schedule for a niche publication (like my city’s family magazine) after a few months. Is that appealing or an option for you?
As for 3, the fear of the unknown holds me back. DH is a freelancer, and I just don’t have that risk tolerance. Are you saying you have 5 years salary guaranteed, now? Then it might be more palatable and you can reevaluate in 4-4.5 years.
Good luck with whatever you decide!
OP says
I do! Without getting into academic details, I got a grant for junior faculty that covers 100% of my salary for the next 5 years (that I can likely move to any institution I want). Its almost like I would choose 3 as a way to eventually have 2, unless the grant thing goes easy for me and I can keep funding myself forever. The grant is fun to do, so my next 5 years would be a work from home when I want type situation putting in 15-20 hours of work per week for the grant for the next 5 years if I choose to take it to a medical center where I don’t have to deal with the BS of a psychology department. After that I would need 2 of these type of grants at a time to cover my entire salary.
Anon says
what is your goal and which option lets you get there? will your stress level at all decrease once you are tenured and how will your responsibilities in academia change if at all? i’m assuming you mostly see adults if you’d be able to be done by 3 every day? is income currently an issue – if it’s not, and i realize this might seem counter productive for the short term, but could you cut back 5 hours in private practice, so you are more at 40 hours a week until you get tenure? see what things are like once you are tenured and then determine if option 2 or 3 makes more sense? i am a more risk averse person, which is where my thinking is coming from and wondering what if anything will change for you once you are tenured?
Anon says
Departmental service responsibilities, i.e., the parts of the job she likes least, typically ramp up after tenure. In my husband’s department you can’t even serve on committees pre-tenure, but post-tenure you have to be on one and post-promotion to full professor you’re expected to be on two or do one committee and significant other service. If getting tenure isn’t a huge hurdle (sounds like the case for OP) it probably won’t have much impact to her stress levels.
Anonymous says
Girl what? You’re living the dream. Keep doing it. Working 45 hours a week making great money doing interesting not terribly taxing work.
Anon says
What do you love most in your job- research or patients? Will tenure let you scale back on some of your non—preferred work?
OP says
I would say if I had to rank, it would be: 1. Research; 2. Patients; 3. Teaching/Mentoring 4. All the other BS that comes with academia (faculty meetings, interviewing, service – this is the only part of my job that I hate). Unfortunately tenure likely means that #4 will stay the same or even go up. Doing option #3 would mean no more 3 or 4.
Anon says
I’d be hesitant to do #2 then, it’s hard to resume research once you’ve jumped off, especially since you have your 5 year grant. I think it’s definitely worthwhile looking into/interviewing for positions at #3. I will warn you that there’s plenty of BS stuff at my medical center too (meetings, giving lectures etc) so make sure you fully know what you’re getting into. I also hated the insecurity of being entirely grant funded, but if you have #2 to fall back on, that might not be a problem. Sounds like really the only benefit of #1 is job security, but that’s not worth much if you don’t enjoy the job!
Anon says
Maybe psych is different, but my husband is a professor in a STEM field and every academic we know hates #4 and a lot of them hate #3. They’re all in it for the research and put up with the other BS because (in many fields anyway) being an academic is the only way to really do research.
There is an option you didn’t list that I immediately thought of: discontinue private practice and have more time for research and more time for your family. Is that something you’d consider? If you’re really only working 30 hours a week at the academic job, you should have a very family-friendly schedule if you’re only doing that. If research is really your #1 it sounds like maybe that should be on the table.
OP says
I have thought of it, and almost everyone I know doesn’t do private practice. My only problem with that is the time/money ratio. I make 2.5x more in my private practice as a psychologist (I charge very high private pay only session fees bc I am in a HCOL area and have a niche specialty), and for 1.5 days a week I make 2.5x as much as my academic salary. It feels so silly to walk away from that since it feels like such easy money (it’s also fairly meaningful and also useful for my research given that it is treatment development). But I could and maybe should see fewer patients.
Anon says
Ah yeah that makes sense. I get the time/money ratio thing. I just feel like one of the perks of being an academic is the ability to pick your kids up at 3 pm and take them out for ice cream just because, so for me it would be hard to give up that flexibility. Cutting back on patients seems like a good middle ground, and I assume it would be relatively easy to go back to your original schedule if you decide you want to.
Anon says
Regular poster but anon for this.
A teenager in our family ended their life on Friday. They were bright, thinking about the future, and had so much ahead of them. Please hug your kids and loved ones extra tightly today in their memory.
The parents have asked for space and are taking this time on their own terms, which is the least they can ask for. We are on standby for travel/support, but if anyone has any other tips/resources they can share (outside of sending meals, flowers, etc.), please do.
anon says
I’m so sorry for you and your family’s great, great loss.
If there are any young(ish) adults affected, like older cousins/siblings, I’d highly recommend The Dinner Party, a grief group 21-45 year olds.
Calendar reminders to yourself before the holidays, the birthdate, and a year from the death to reach out to the parents.
Before you talk directly to the parents, I’d recommend doing some reading on suicide and loss of children so that you feel comfortable enough to avoid the major feet-in-mouth moments that people do when they’re too uncomfortable. (Like, don’t say things like They’re in A Better Place, etc.) For such a big, complicated grief like this, try to remind yourself that you are there to sit with their pain. Nothing you can say will take it away, so just sit with it, no matter how hard it is for you.
EDAnon says
I agree with calendaring events and make it recurring so you send acknowledgements for a few years.
A (close) colleague of mine lost their amazing teen to suicide. It was still one of the worst experiences of my life and I didn’t know the kiddo well. It was shocking and horribly sad. I recommend calling your EAP if you have it. They were a good first point of coaching for me in talking to the family.
So Anon says
I am so sorry for your family’s loss. I think a bit depends on how close you were to this part of the family. Can you step in (or do they want) logistical help in the days to come? Can you help plan the funeral or some aspect of it (communication with the school or something else)? Can you be the point to gather pictures (or short video clips) from the teen’s friends and other family? My biggest advice is to remember to support in and vent/dump out: support those more closely impacted and vent or dump your own thoughts/emotions on those less closely impacted. Hugs.
OP says
Thank you – we don’t know if they even want to do anything yet. I could very much see them keeping it to their family unit + dogs. They’ve been in touch with authorities and school.
I love your biggest tip at the end. I talked to a friend about this and she reminded me of the same thing/different framing – “circle of grief”.
Anonymous says
I’m so, so sorry, how devastating. If you have some happy memories of the child that you can write down and share with the parents in a letter or a card, I’m sure they’d be happy to have them.
Also, set some calendar notifications sporadically throughout the next several months and maybe on child’s birthday and anniversary of their death, and check in or share another memory on those occasions.
Anon says
I’m sorry for your loss. One thing to keep in mind is the risk of suicide contagion and how your words/actions can lessen that risk. This is an important thing to consider but something that is understandably not going to be on the parents’ radars right away – I think it’s better for friends/family to help with. There are some helpful tips here: https://answers.childrenshospital.org/suicide-contagion/
“The way people talk about suicide can also increase other students’ risk. For instance, the more details about how the person took their life are made public, the greater the risk that other students may engage in similar behavior. To reduce such risk, parents and school officials can take a cue from the news media’s suicide reporting guidelines. The voluntary guidelines aim to reduce the chance of suicide contagion by:
not focusing on the method or location of suicide
not speculating what event or person may have triggered the suicide
not suggesting suicide is an understandable response to difficult feelings.”
The link also has helpful tips for what you CAN do.
Anonymous says
If you have children in your family, I would make sure they are able to process this grief as well. I lost a pretty close friend to suicide at 16, and dear friend at 22.
When I was 16, a lot of the adults glosses over things in a way that felt like they didn’t trust us to handle our own grief. His parents however did not. They welcomed us, his friend group, to grieve with them which was (IMO) kind, thoughtful, and the best thing they could do for us.
Isabella says
Recommendations for a swimsuit top? I’m looking for something as cheap as I can go while still having everything stay put. I’m not much of a swimmer but will be hefting an active toddler. I will probably buy bike short bottoms separately but a two piece with very modest bottoms would be a bonus.
Anonymous says
In your situation, I’d probably go to target and see what they have in tankini tops with decent straps. They usually sell tops and bottoms separately so you could choose what kind of bottoms you prefer.
Anonymous says
Athleta has a ton of high-neck options as well as shorts. I’ve also been happy with Lands’ End, though they tend to be more matronly.
GCA says
Late to this and I don’t know how much support you’re looking for in a swimsuit, but I’ve been very happy with my Target Kona Sol top!
Help me think about this says
Okay, big monday energy for you all. My second grader’s teacher expressed strong concerns about how slow she is to complete her work to us last week at our conference. She gets the questions right, she’s incredibly thorough, she answers everything, but she turns in her work much later than the other students or, for example, on a spelling test sometimes has to go up to the desk and get some of the words repeated to her so she can fill it in.
We talked about whether she has attention issues. She’s incredibly focused, so the teacher would say no, but I suspect so. But beyond that, we’re not looking to medicate her or anything like that. If I verbally ask her all the spell test words she will rattle them right back to me, so one thing I’m wondering if she just needs to get quicker putting pen to paper and getting her answers down. She’s a very neat writer, and she cares about that. Any thoughts from you all’s experience?
I also get the sense the teacher gets exasperated and does not love her, which is an unfortunate other realization – DD is super sweet and conscientious and a hard worker and that just feels unfortunate that she’s got an energetic young teacher who does not love having to move her along. I’m posting that not for advice but just to vent I guess because I’d never even say that out loud. Teacher told me her sister was considering DD’s name for a baby and her BIL tends to do things really slowly and it drives them nuts so she warned her about DD’s personality and whether it went with the name! It was as a joke, but still!
Anonymous says
It wasn’t an appropriate joke. And to me your daughter sounds maybe a touch anxious/perfectionist so I would be reinforcing “done is better than perfect” at home. Like “oh, it’s time to finish this! It’s not exactly perfect but that’s ok it is good enough!”
OP says
Thanks for this (and reading my short essay!) Yeah, I don’t know that she’s a perfectionist so much as wanting to do things right? We are regularly yelling “perfect is the enemy of the good!” down at her while she’s doing homework such that it’s become a family joke. But good point, I’m going to try to drive that home (and maybe make it less of a family joke). But we’re also trying not to take her slowness too seriously – I really wasn’t until this conference! – because her fundamentals are all strong.
Anon says
What do you think a perfectionist is?
Anonymous says
Wanting to do things right at the expense of getting them done at all is classically what perfectionism is and I don’t think it’s about telling her at all. It’s about showing her.
Anonymous says
I have a kid that has some attention issues- but they are the squirmy kind too. She’s also super bright. What works for us sometimes is setting it up as a challenge. “Teacher told me that the class has had to wait for you in the past because you are the last one to pack up at the end of the day [Kid: “no they don’t!” me: [ignores this]] . Do you think you could be second to last tomorrow if you tried?” Next day: “I was first in line!”
Sometimes with our kiddo we need to really explain what things are A Problem or A Thing That Should Change because she doesn’t see being the last one in line/holding the class up as a particular problem.
Might make sense to see if she’s slow in other things, not just schoolwork. Mine for example takes no fewer than 45 minutes to get up and out the door while my other kids are up and at the bus stop in <15 (all girls, all have long hair, all lay their clothes out the night before). She's also been like this since she was a toddler.
Anon says
I think you’re talking about two different things, here.
If she has attention issues such that she gets distracted, then look at ADHD coping skills. (This is my kid–she can spell the week’s words perfectly correctly the first time she hears them on Monday night, but put her in a classroom and ask her to focus on writing things down when there are a million other things going on, well, good luck.)
If it’s because she writes really slowly so that everything can be perfect, then some modeling about how as long as it’s legible is good enough probably makes sense.
Anonymous says
This could be so many things–ADHD (hyperfocus is a symptom) or some other executive functioning disorder, anxiety, a processing disorder, or just normal-ish 7-year-old pokiness. If she has ADHD and you don’t believe medication is necessary or desirable, there are other options including a 504 allowing extra time on tests, ADHD coaching, etc. If you are truly concerned I’d make an appointment for an evaluation with a private educational psychologist.
OP says
Yeah, thanks for this – I kind of think it could be a number of things. And I’m not in the classroom so I’m not sure how to get to the bottom of it. Would an evaluation make sense in that context? Would it feel like overkill for my well behaved very focused second grader based on just being really slow?
Anonymous says
If it is impeding her ability to be successful in school–which it sounds like it is; it certainly will as she gets older and has more tests–then yes, it is relevant to an IEP evaluation. My son now has an IEP for his trouble writing; he’s just getting occupational therapy. But the evaluation covered all kinds of things, including what is apparently an atypical gait. They told me that he wouldn’t quality for school-based PT since it wasn’t impeding his ability to get from class to class or participate in school, but we might want to have a physical therapist evaluate him privately. The evaluation also included a psychological component, input from his pediatrician, etc.
Anonymous says
I would push to get her evaluated for an IEP in case there is something going on that she could get help with. I am guessing the process for this varies but if the teacher thinks she’s really “abnormal,” maybe she will support your request. In my area, you need to submit a formal request in writing and make sure there is a paper trail. Then follow up constantly.
The teacher’s joke is of course inappropriate. I’m sure there is a lot to recommend about youth and energy, but when I realize that the interns at my office may have as much work experience as 1st-year teachers, I shudder. Like anything else, teaching is a skill you get better at over time.
Anonymous says
An IEP is for services (e.g., speech therapy) in school; a 504 is for accommodations (e.g., extra time on tests). The school’s incentive is to avoid either one, but especially an IEP. If you have the resources you will do much better with a private evaluation. If you come in with a pre-written 504 plan it’s likely you’ll get what you want.
Anonymous says
Thanks for clarifying. In our case the school-based evaluation resulted in our son getting both services and accommodations. But I am not an expert and certainly understand the school has an incentive to provide as little as possible.
Anonymous says
Different opinion…it sounds to me like your daughter is a human being who takes her time and cares about the quality of her work. And the teacher is a jerk. I don’t know why people think it’s ok to treat kids like this. If it’s really a concern, get her evaluated by the school.
Anon says
I don’t have great advice, but that “joke” is horrendously inappropriate! I’m so sorry that happened to you. I would have been livid.
OP says
Yeah, it really didn’t even hit me until we were leaving the classroom because generally teachers really love DD. Her first grade teacher adored her. It made me sad that she clearly hasn’t clicked with her teacher this year! Hoping she ends up with someone who is a better personality match next year. I’m going to talk to her pediatrician about getting an evaluation done. I’m not sure what we’d be looking for, but I’d like to get a sense of what her challenges really are. (Because I do think she has some classroom time issues that could become a problem regardless of how much I do or don’t think this teacher is working well with her) Thanks all!
Anon says
This sounds like my son, though he is in K right now. Teachers have commented on his “thoroughness” and how he often has to be convinced to set things aside and move on. I notice the same things at home – among other tip-offs – and have long suspected adhd. I think looking into a private eval might be where I’m headed.
As comparison, my oldest (7) is more of what I’d call a perfectionist – he wants to get the right answer, gets extremely distressed if things don’t come easy to him, etc. But he doesn’t care about neatness and likes to do things quickly.
Runner says
I have been thinking about a big family vacation somewhere in August. Think, Machu Picchu, Finland, etc. My twins would be 4.5 by then. They are finally getting to a place where I can imagine it would be fun to explore something new with them, but also springing money for an African Safari seems…silly given that they won’t remember it. They are also still young enough to ruin a vacation or make it difficult.
Should we:
(1) Pick a tour company. Which one? Are there ones that accept families with kids that little? Good destinations?
(2) Just go to Europe for a week or so? Stay in one place, go to a beach, enjoy ourselves?
(3) Other ideas?
We would be flying from the mountain west. I’d love to do something international but could probably be talked into most things.
NYCer says
I would go to Europe for a week. Mallorca and Corsica are both great for a family trip. We like the south of France too, but I may be biased because my husband has family there. Lucerne or Lugano in Switzerland are also very fun (and gorgeous) if you don’t want to do the beach.
We have traveled a lot with our kids, but I am definitely not adventurous enough to take a 4.5 year old to Machu Picchu. YMMV.
Anon says
+1to NYCer. I would also add Florence/Tuscany as a great family destination with preschoolers in Europe.
If you haven’t traveled outside the US with kids yet, I can’t imagine starting with Machu Picchu or safari. For context, my 5 year old has been to Europe half a dozen times and Hawaii/Caribbean another half dozen, and we haven’t yet attempted anything farther than Europe. We’re doing that for the first time next year when she’ll be 6; going to Australia, which is a much longer flight than what we’ve done before, but pretty familiar (same language, fully modernized country) once you get there. Developing countries and all the restrictions about what you can’t eat add an additional layer of complication to travel, and there’s way too much hiking in Machu Picchu (at least the way I’d want to do it) for even the most athletic 4 year old.
Anon says
my twins are currently 4.5 years old. The company Backroads runs trips for kids as young as 4, but personally i would never want to do that with my twins. I find packing/unpacking/repacking kind of stressful and think it is easiest to go to one place for a week, or at most two stops. while traveling with them at 4.5 is easier than it was before, they still get tired/meltdown over seemingly irrational things. i think if i had only one 4.5 year old, we’d take bigger trips, but my twins at least feed off each other. Europe from the mountain west is far – have your kids done a lot of far flights? Why do you want to do something international? To expose your kids to a different culture? Like what is the goal of the trip?
Runner says
I hear you on twins feeding off each other. Goal for the trip — to make me feel like a person again? I just have been so hunkered down with job family saving money, rinse repeat, and recently lost my job and got some severance. I am planning on doing some “just me” travel but I’ve really started to love going places with the kids.
twinss says
I have 3 year old twins, and I took them on a hut to hut trip in Canada last summer at 2.5, we did a hut to hut in Maine when they were 1, and we will be spending 2 weeks in Switzerland this year doing something similar. There were hard moments, no question, but (1) these trips leave me feeling invincible and empowered, and (2) helped me regain my sense of self after a few years where I struggled with how much twins rocked me (physically and emotionally). Just here to cheer you on, and say that I am a huge fan of these trips. My kids have also risen to the occasion, and they are – honestly – harder on Sunday afternoons after being home all weekend then they are on our adventure travels.
Twins too says
I would LOVE to connect with you about this. My twins are 2.5 and my most favorite vacation ever was hut to hit hiking in Tasmania pre kids. My burner is carrotinthecity at g mail. Would be thrilled to hear about how you pulled this off!
Anonymous says
For me this would be the perfect age to go somewhere in Europe with beautiful mountain scenery and great food where you can stay at tourist farms. Some cousins went to a tourist farm in Italy years ago, I stayed at a few in the Julian Alps in Slovenia, and I think they’re exactly the right speed for younger kids. Your breakfast and dinner are typically included, there is usually some working aspect to the farm, and the lodgings are basic. I really love them. I’m sure there are similar options in Scandinavia if that’s more your interest. But you can find them on Tripadvisor.
Anon says
My advice would be to do more adventurous travel (e.g., Europe or Asia – both of which are quite a schlep from the western US) but take the trip at a fairly relaxed, kid-friendly pace once you’re at your destination, or to plan a more adventurous activity like hiking but stay within the US or at least within a couple timezones of home. I don’t really see the need to combine farflung travel and an ambitious activity at this age, and I think it would be exhausting with two 4 year olds to try to have an “adventure” trip while battling jet lag. I’m well-traveled (40+ countries, six continents) but there are still lots of places that excite me that are closer to home and more relaxing than Machu Picchu. Our spring break trip with similar age kids is southern Spain (Sevilla) and the Algarve region of Portugal. I’ve never been to Portugal or that part of Spain. Europe is large and it would take dozens of trips to see the whole continent in depth. I don’t think you have to go way off the beaten path to find epic new experiences, unless you’re one of those people who’s been to 100 countries.
Also I know Machu Picchu was probably just an example, but right now there is a lot of unrest in Peru and I would be very hesitant to go there at all, but especially with kids. I’m not even sure Machu Picchu is open for tourism at the moment.
Anonymous says
For adhd moms- do you have any specific coping skills, or potential therapy types to recommend to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
My 7 y/o May or may not technically have adhd (no impact to learning) but she has *raging* attention issues. It has gotten worse in the past year or so but it’s always been a thing. She will now fidget with anything she can touch and it drinks me bonkers at home- and her teacher has mentioned it in passing more than once. She gets a “fidget” at school; i honestly think it does more harm than good but I’m not the teacher! They don’t work at home. When I watch her in her activities, she manages too get things done but in any kind of downtime she’s unbelievably distractible. The one sport she’s not like that is swimming, which I firmly believe is because she’s busy not drowning ;).
I don’t know where to start- her ped asked if we wanted to pursue a diagnosis, but I’m not sure what the benefit would be. In talking to her teacher, we know she wouldn’t qualify now since she’s a super bright kid that is doing really well in school. I don’t want to spend the time
and money to get her a diagnosis when we don’t actually need accommodations, but I would like her to start building some coping skills.
Is this a therapy thing? In my research I’m finding therapists who work with kids that have a diagnosis, but would they also just work with kids that have adhd like behaviors? Are there resources you could recommend with strategies we can start using at home?
We have read up on parenting adhd kids and found a lot of the advice very useful to manage some of her behaviors.
Anonymous says
“she wouldn’t qualify now since she’s a super bright kid that is doing really well in school”
Oh, man. Plenty of kids with ADHD are incredibly intelligent and do well in school. They use their intelligence and work harder than everyone else to get by and to mask their issues, until everything just falls apart. If you think she has ADHD it is far better to have it diagnosed and treated appropriately now (this does not necessarily mean meds at this time) than to wait until a crisis. You don’t even have to tell the school about the diagnosis unless you want accommodations.
Anon says
so yes there are therapists that work on these issues, and you do not necessarily need a formal diagnosis, but i’d like to push back on the idea that “we know she wouldn’t qualify now since she’s a super bright kid that is doing really well in school”. – won’t qualify for accommodations? there are reasons to seek a diagnosis other than just simply to get accommodations. therapy would probably be more impactful after an evaluation
anon says
I have bright straight-A kids, too, and they 100% qualify for an ADHD diagnosis (as determined by their neuropsych evaluation). I’m expecting it to impact their learning more as they get older, so it’s helpful to have the diagnosis in place.
In terms of time and money, our diagnosis process cost us co-pays, the time to take the kid to the evaluation, the time to fill out forms before hand, and the time to meet with the evaluator afterwards. All-told, took maybe a day total out of my work hours and didn’t cost much at all.
Anonymous says
Ah interesting. I have a close friend who is a parent to a 12 year old that was recently diagnosed. It was several thousands of dollars to go through the process- a lot was not covered by her (very good) insurance. Most of the neuropsych was out of pocket and that’s what she told me the bulk of the cost was.
Separately, two kids in my daughter’s class have what I’m calling “ADHD” because they didn’t meet criteria for diagnosis but very clearly have attention issues, like my kid. In both cases they were told the diagnosis required an impact to school performance.
Anonymous says
That is incorrect. An IEP or 504 requires an impact on learning, but even those don’t necessarily require poor grades. A child with ADHD may still be “performing” at a high level while having to work much harder than necessary, like the child who gets As in math but screams for two hours every night about doing the homework.
anon says
+1. I have a very intelligent (per IQ testing as part of her overall evaluation and teacher feedback) girl with an official ADHD diagnosis per a development pediatrician and neurology practice. It is not negatively impacting her objective school performance yet, but we’ve been warned by our regular ped and the specialists that that will likely change as she gets older, school gets harder, and social dynamics become more complex, so we have the diagnosis and 504 plan in place now. Why wait and let her needlessly suffer first?
Also want to highlight that there’s a lot more to ADHD than a lot of people know, and outward objective performance is not the sole factor. What’s going on internally for her is HUGE. Yes, maybe she’s a high performer, but she’s working twice as hard and has significant anxiety to be a high performer, and there could be a lot of self-esteem issues below the surface.
So Anon says
I am going to gently push back on there being no benefit to having a diagnosis. Getting a diagnosis can be a huge benefit, in and of itself. Your child may not qualify for an IEP because their “performance” is not impacted, but that may change down the line. They may still qualify for a 504, which you can proactively put into place in case the need arises. Having a diagnosis will also help you know how to frame your parenting and approach different struggles. Behaviors for ADHD and anxiety can look very similar, but have different roots and need different approaches. For your child’s benefit, helping them to understand how their brain works is helpful. Otherwise, they may grow up thinking that if they “just tried harder,” then they would not have the challenges that they do.
Anonymous says
OP here- this is helpful! I’m not really set against it, but based on some community feedback it didn’t seem like a good use of time at this point. Maybe that’s not the case!
I guess what I’m saying is that diagnosis or no, she exhibits the behaviors and we found the parenting strategies super helpful and would love to be able to give her other life strategies as the need arises.
Anon says
I just had my cvs generic test for my third pregnancy. This was my first done via abdominal versus up the pipe. The doctor spent WAY more time preparing me for pain associated with the abdomen approach as compared to my past other procedures which went the other way. But I found the abdomen much less painful. It got me wondering whether others has the same experience, but whether the medical establishment has a perception of abdominal being more painful perhaps because it’s a procedure that both woman and men could have a report pain from? Or was it totally random for me and I lucked out on not having too much pain? Curious if others had a similar experience.
Hoping to stay lucky for the results in a couple weeks…
Anonymous says
Genetic, not generic…sorry…
Anon says
I don’t understand what you’re describing….is this a new thing? I had genetic screening when I was pregnant 5+ years ago, but it was just a blood test.
I did find abdominal ultrasounds surprisingly painful; I really didn’t enjoy them and thought overall they were more painful than v*ginal ultrasounds, probably because they were trying to be gentler on the v*ginal ones.
TheElms says
I don’t know if you’ll get many responses. I think most folks do the non-invasive blood test (NIPT) at around 9-12 weeks and then if that comes back positive do an amnio rather than a cvs. (Or at least this is what my OB told me they would likely recommend).
Anonymous says
I had a CVS abdominally because of a borderline high NT. Turned out to be nothing. But I immediately had a CVS right after the ultrasound and it was so stressful and emotionally fraught. Maybe my pain tolerance was lower given the massive fear of the results but I remember crying during the procedure — partly the pain, partly the emotions. I didn’t really have painful cramping after though.
Anon says
My CVS was the most painful thing I’ve ever experienced in my life, including labor and amniocentesis. Maybe some of it was psychological because I knew it was a doomed pregnancy but I have a fairly high discomfort threshold (I’ve had four IUDs put in, two before kids, acknowledge it was painful but that did not prevent me from doing it many times over) and by the end of it I was yelling at the doctor in pain. The (different) doctor who did my amnio said she had CVS done twenty years ago, still remembers the pain, and would never do it again. She then assured me the amnio is not as painful, which it was not. So I think you got super lucky on the pain. I wish you the best of luck with the results!
Anon says
Someone here or on the main board recommended Journeys International recently and ever since I’ve been daydreaming about taking my family to the Galapagos. You know, after we win the lottery. Highly rated company, from what I can tell. Lots of amazing stuff to consider.
Anon says
Galapagos would be a great destination for slightly older kids, but it involves more hiking than most 4 year olds can do. Unless you have unicorn kids, 4 is kind of an awkward age because they’re too big to wear and too young to walk really far.