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Ladies who’ve been on the hunt for a child carrier recently — which are your favorites? I always liked our Boba carrier (we had the 3G), and my friends loved their Ergos — but these LILLEbaby carriers are growing in popularity. This pictured version is ergonomically friendly, has six positions, and has an airflow-friendly fabric. Plus, this one is good until 45 pounds, which, whoa, is for a mom much more motivated than I was (I quit babywearing when they reached 25-30 pounds!). The carrier is $125 at Amazon and Nordstrom. SIX-Position, 360° Ergonomic Baby & Child Carrier by LILLEbaby – The COMPLETE Airflow (Black)
(L-all)
Building a maternity wardrobe for work? Check out our page with more suggestions along both classic and trendy/seasonal lines.
Sales of note for 9.10.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 30% off your purchase
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Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Birthday sale, 40-50% off & extra 20% off select styles
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- Target – BOGO 25% off select haircare, up to 25% off floor care items; up to 30% off indoor furniture up to 20% off TVs
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- The concept of “backup care” is so stupid…
- I need tips on managing employees in BigLaw who have to leave for daycare pickup…
- I’m thinking of leaning out to spend more time with my family – how can I find the perfect job for that?
- I’m now a SAHM and my husband needs to step up…
- How can I change my thinking to better recognize some of my husband’s contributions as important, like organizing the shed?
- What are your tips to having a good weekend with kids, especially with little kids? Do you have a set routine or plan?
AIMS says
Two questions.
1. Baby started sitting and standing up in her crib and now wakes up all the time because she basically does this in her sleep and sometimes plopping her right back down doesn’t work. I know this is something she just has to learn and will grow out of but I am exhausted! It also makes it hard to put her down because she flips over, gets on her knees and then is up. I feel like I am playing with the crankiest rolly polly every night. Any tips for how to deal/help?
2. She still takes 3 naps but the first is really short, maybe 30-40 min. We’ve tried to do the 2-3-4 nap schedule but she never sleeps long enough on the first nap to make this work. The second nap is usually an hour or so about 2 hrs after the first. I’d love for her to consolidate the morning nap, but maybe its too soon? Is this something babies do on their own or is there something I should be doing to help this along?
Legally Brunette says
We kind of “trained” our son to respond to a loud “shhhhh” through the baby monitor. Basically, when we put him down to sleep, we would pat him briefly and whisper “shhh shhh” for a minute or so. During the night, if he ever stands up, we simply repeat “shhhh” through the monitor. It works amazingly well, it’s essentially a cue for him that he needs to lie back down. We have done this for both kids and the response is instantaneous. Would something like that work?
AIMS says
No baby monitor (small apartment). The problem is that if you don’t get to her immediately she gets upset and wakes herself up. I feel like this will eventually take care of itself but it’s been a rough couple of weeks because first she started sitting up and before we could deal with that conclusively, she started to also stand up.
Anonymous says
How old is your baby? Advice will differ based on age.
AIMS says
Almost 10 months.
Anonymous says
At 10 months she’d probably moving towards 1 nap which is why 2-3-4 doesn’t work because she’s not tired enough before the first nap to stay asleep long enough. I’d try to keep her awake for at least 3 or 4 hours before trying the first nap. Ideally the first nap is longer and then the shorter second nap will drop away. Try napping her 10:30/11 to 12:30/1/1:30 Make sure she gets a big snack before nap time. She might need another 1/2 hour nap around 3:30 as well. Really depends on the baby. My oldest at that age only napped once a day but she slept 3 hours at a time (12-3pm). My youngest needed two shorter naps (1hr morning, 1 hr afternoon) until 18 months.
Anons says
I thought that most kids didn’t drop to one nap on their own until 15 to 18 months? Obviously this is an average, and many daycares push for one nap around 12 months. But 10 months seems a bit early to be moving to a one nap schedule.
Here is the Sleep Lady on this topic: http://sleeplady.com/napping/naps-naps-and-naps-how-when-and-why/
I would be hesitant to put a 10 month old on a one-nap schedule unless all signs pointed to that outcome after a week or two. Until then, I would be more likely to blame a sleep regression or being overtired before I would assume that it was time to go to one nap.
You are right that all kids are different. That seems to make the sleep stuff so hard.
Anonymous says
Interesting that it’s so late! I’m in Canada and when we go back to work at one year, almost all the babies are on a one big (2-3 hour) nap schedule. Usually early lunch at 11:30ish and nap 12-3 or so. Seems like the preference in the states is more two separate 1.5 hr naps?
I’d be pretty cautious about taking sleep advice from that ‘Sleep Lady’ person – she has a client quote on her website about a 6 month old going from nursing 4x a night to sleep 12 hours which seems super unhelpful and anti- BF.
Anonymous says
Yeah, my 10 month old seems to be moving toward a single nap. I’m hoping it’s just teething, because I need her to nap twice a day to make my freelance job work.
Anons says
Sorry about the Sleep Lady link, I don’t really use her website. I was just looking for a source for the 15-18 months thing. I believe I first read it in Ferber or another medical sleep book, so I think the 15-18 month thing is legit even if the Sleep Lady is not.
Anon in NYC says
It sounds like she’s ready to drop a nap. I think at around that age my daughter went from 3 to 2. She only really went down to 1 nap at 12-ish months, when daycare pressed the issue to get her on the toddler room schedule.
I never really followed a schedule with my daughter – I just sort of kept in mind, “okay, she needs no more than X hours of awake time between naps at this age” and would try to generally go from there. See https://www.preciouslittlesleep.com/are-you-keeping-baby-awake-too-long/
I would try to consolidate the two morning naps. Perhaps start by pushing back the first nap.
AIMS says
Thanks. She gets very cranky if she doesn’t sleep so I am just wondering how much to push it I guess. Maybe I can do very small increments of ten minutes at a time.
Jen says
Depends how much sleep she’s getting at night, but my kid was on her way to one nap at 10 months- she was definately only napping. 1-3:30 on her 1st birthday. But she slept 7:30-7:30; advice may differ if she’s getting up super early.
Anon in NYC says
I think this is definitely a know-your-kid thing. I think I did about 30 minutes or so at a time.
Anonymous says
Ugh. Site at my reply. Trying again.
2 – 3- 4 schedule isn’t recommended by sleep consultants. 4 hours of wake time isn’t recommended until around 12 months, and usually babies then need more than 2 hours in the morning.
At 10 months, my kiddo woke between 6 – 7, nap 1 was at 9:00 for 90 minutes (woke her if necessary), nap 2 at 1:30 (max 2 hours), bed 3.5 hours later. We stayed with this same schedule from 12 – 14.5 months except for bed was 4 hours later (so around 7:00). This was all based on recommendations from a sleep consultant.
10 months is too early to switch to one nap- most sleep consultants recommend this happening between 15 – 18 months. Wake windows will be too long one one nap and you will have one overtired baby. I do agree that you should drop the third nap though.
For nap lengths: we used “crib hour” with success. Idea is that if baby wakes before 60 minutes of sleep, leave them to see if they will fall back asleep. This worked more often than not.
Re: standing- in my (limited) experience, you need to leave kiddo alone to figure it out.
ER says
This sounds exactly right to me. What about using a sleepsack for problem #1?
Anonymous says
I am the anonymous above. Sleep sack doesnt prevent my kiddo from standing. She can actually fully walk with it still on.
AIMS says
Thanks! Yeah, I am not even considering one nap at this point, just thinking that it would be good to have two longer ones vs. three shorter. The first one, especially, is usually very short. Sometimes she’ll take nap no. 2 less than 2 hours after the first which makes me think she would be better off sleeping more for nap no. 1 but she doesn’t seem to want to stay in the crib at all. Any attempts to leave her there are just met with tears and standing up. She sleeps 12 hours at night from about 630 to 630 usually.
She generally sleeps well, I think she is just getting more sensitive to sound now so little things will wake her than were never an issue before. I think we’ll try pushing the first nap a little to see if she’ll sleep longer but she has a harder time going to sleep if she is tired so I am reluctant to tire her too much.
The sleep sack does nothing to her ability to stand, unfortunately. I guess I have to resign myself to just riding this one out.
Katala says
This all happened with my son about that age. We really don’t push a schedule with him, and I think he dropped the first short nap with a combo of sleeping in a little later and second nap moving earlier. It’s pretty clear when he’s tired, so we just take his lead and IIRC he did this himself around 10 months. He’s 16 months now and for the last several weeks our nanny/DH have been failing at getting him down for his afternoon nap. I keep telling them he’s probably ready for only one nap, so he needs to stay awake longer in the morning (I am apparently the only one who reads about these things, but I’m not home in the afternoon) but I digress…
Also had a similar issue with standing. He would sometimes fall back asleep sitting or standing and bang his head on the crib. This resolved on its own fairly quickly. We had the nanny work on helping him learn to get down from a standing position and that helped so he didn’t get upset he was stuck upright. Exhausting, for sure, but I do think only lasted 2 weeks or so? It seemed so long in the moment after getting used to full nights of sleep!
Anonymous says
Oh, something I actually know a smidge about! I tried out the Boba 3G, a wrap, a Beko, and we landed on the Lillebaby and never looked back – love LOVE the lillebabies, primarily for the lumbar support in the back, which is crucial, but it is also just so smartly designed. The Boba 3G is quite good as well, and the pockets are convenient and it’s not complicated, however, it was just a bit too boxy for my frame – never quite got my little one to sit right without the shoulder straps coming off. The Beko is raved about for those with smaller frames, fyi, however, the two-handed clips are absolutely maddening, as you really can’t get it on/off very quickly, or, rather, I couldn’t. Probably worth a try for those who are petite though, as some folks get the hang of it. I liked a wrap, and the fabrics are really stunning beautiful, but my husband refused to wear one (though I’ve seen pics of very “manly” fabrics that guys go for) and it’s just a bit more hassle than quick snapping in a soft-structured carrier like the boba/ergo/lilles. We finally tried out a friend’s lillebaby, around the time I was going to give up, and it was just a breeze. The complete/original has a smart back support, built-in extremely smart hood to protect against the sun or to provide dark/quiet for napping, and there’s a pocket on the side for phone/wallet/whatever. SO smart. You can wear the baby facing in, facing out, or on your back, and there’s different seat settings (narrow vs. wide) to accommodate the different positions and your baby’s growth. Just simple and smart. There are other styles (e.g., airflow, which is a mesh fabric that’s ostensibly cooler, though i’ve not tried, and the “all-seasons,” which has a panel on the back that unzips to reveal the mesh/airflow material. i just thought that looked complicated and you lose the pocket, but others rave about it) as well, as well as different fabrics. Really the best thing though is the lumbar support, as you barely feel any of the baby’s weight – and I have not such a great back, nor am I fit, and I can manage just fine with our 20-pounder so far. My husband loves it as well, and it’s made traveling with her MUCH easier, as we don’t have to schlep or maneuver a stroller in tight places (e.g., the state fair, which is a nightmare for strollers).
I will say, I never in a million years imagined that I’d be into babywearing, but I can’t say enough good things about it! I like having my little one close on our commute (by bus) to and from work – it’s such a calming and nice way to start the day, and makes me feel much better about then leaving her at daycare, as we have just had that time together. And she loves it, and is very calm and soothed in it and loves to observe the world. For those who might wonder (as I sure did), I wear suits/nice work clothing, and it hasn’t been a problem. When she was very little and I worried about spit-up or other stains, I simply wore a different plain shirt and then just quickly changed shirts at daycare. That only lasted perhaps a month in the heat of the summer, and I had my nicer shirt folded around some tissue paper (or sometimes not! depends on how much I was rushing) in my purse. Really not a big deal. Now that she’s older, I don’t bother.
Sarabeth says
Also love the Lillebaby. My family should be a Lillebaby ad – we are often walking around on the weekends with both kids in Lillebaby carriers. We have the toddler size for the three year old, and it’s a remarkably comfortable way to carry 35 pounds of preschooler.
I also wear the baby in a wrap and ring sling regularly, but my husband doesn’t have the patience for a wrap and has never gotten the hang of the ring sling.
Preferences for soft structured carriers do seem to vary a lot, though! I don’t think the Lillebaby would work well for petite women, since I have the shoulders cinched almost all the way down and I’m 5’5″ with a long torso. If you have a Babywearing International chapter (or a more informal group) near you, you can often go try out a lot of different ones before you commit to buying.
MDMom says
Anyone have recs for one that would work for petite women? We have an ergo 360 and a ktan, which I loved when baby was little. But he’s 16 months now and ive basically stopped using the ergo because it’s not comfortable for longer than 10-15 min (it’s also hot). Part of this is that maybe I should switch to back carry instead of front facing out? Ive been thinking it would be nice to have this for that tone when we get home and baby is whining/clinging to my legs while I try to make dinner. Suggestions? Should I just try back carry on the ergo? Wont baby just wipe snot in my hair? Im not trying to drop $100+ on yet another carrier.
MDMom says
Ok after reading other responses, it sounds like maybe I need something like the infantino mai tai. Anyone know if this would be good for a petite frame person carrying a 16 month old?
Anonymous says
I’m on the petite side as well, and that is why i struggled with a number of the carriers (ergo, boba). The beko’s straps were good, but the two-handed snap was terrible. The lille is wonderful for petite women! forward facing in or back carry will always put less pressure on your back than the front carry (just the mechanics/physics of how the baby’s snuggled in). if i was in your shoes, i’d sell the ergo (very resellable) and invest in the lille – not kidding. or, if you’re committed to the lille, can you simply have him front carry facing in? I gather not?
MDMom says
Before I buy something new, I’m going to try a back carry with the ergo. I don’t know why I never thought to try it before. Well I guess I did but was worried about hair pulling/snot wiping. But I never actually tried. Depending how that goes, I’ll see if I need to buy something new. Thanks!
Sarabeth says
I’ve heard good things about Kinderpack. But yeah, switching to a back carry is going to make it WAY more comfortable. Front facing-out is the position that places the most stress on your back.
H says
We have a Lillebaby; we actually got it for my husband (I used the K’Tan). It never seemed like LO was really comfortable in it. Our friends’ babies in the Baby Bjorn looked much more comfortable.
Anonymous says
so much depends on which position you try the baby in and the build of the person carrying it. i’ve had the opposite experience. definitely worth trying out 1-2 carriers to see what works! one major advantage of the lille over all the other carriers is the lumbar support, which makes it MUCH more comfortable for the wearer.
Anonymous says
I forgot, but I tried the K’tan as well (the first one!), and the Boba air. The K’tan was easy – basically, a pre-sewn loop of fabric to make wrapping easier – but just not sturdy enough nor secure-feeling. Fabric was stretching down, my hips ached, and baby wasn’t close enough to kiss. could be great for nursing though and if you’re not moving around much. The Boba Air is nifty in that it’s lightweight sturdy material that folds into a little pack, but you aren’t supposed to use it until baby is 30 lbs., I believe (or maybe 20?). Wasn’t useful to us when our little one was so small, though i’d be up for looking at it again when the time comes. i liked that you could throw it into a diaper bag and have as an option for when you need to ditch the stroller. Do wonder how comfortable it is at the shoulders though, since there’s no padding.
EB0220 says
I have used many different carriers over the 4+ years since my oldest was born. Kinderpacks are my favorite soft structured carrier by far. They come in 4 different sizes (infant, standard, toddler, preschool). They have excellent resale value, so you can just sell your smaller carrier for a bigger one when the time comes. It can be a bit tough to get one, but lately they have increased their production and it’s not as challenging. There are great buy/sell/trade groups on Facebook. These carriers have a mesh center panel, which makes them very cool. I can comfortably carry my 45 lb 4 year old in my toddler size. I barely notice my 32 lb 2 year old.
EB0220 says
I should have added – the infant kinderpack has a built-in strap on the seat of the panel, so you can cinch the seat. This allows you to adjust the width perfectly for your kiddo – very important for babies especially. Other carriers I tried had a narrow setting and a wide setting and were never quite right. Other carriers I’ve tried:
– Ergo Sport: No longer made. Thinner fabric. I used this for a long time with my oldest and really liked it. It was only good up to 30 lb though.
– Boba 3g: OK but the seat had no padding on the edges and it irritated my baby’s skin. Also the seat was hard to cinch down for a smaller baby.
– Beco Gemini: Two different seat settings but SO HOT. No.
– Ergo Classic: So hot, infant insert is torture. Nope nope.
– Baby Bjorn: Obviously no
Non SSCs:
– Ring slings: Cool but I never felt secure. I liked these for nursing when my kid was little but that was about it.
– Woven wraps: Awesome and beautiful, but not as easy as a structured carrier. I used them to carry #1 when I was pregnant with #2. Because you can tie them in many different ways, you can carry without putting weight on your belly. I couldn’t stand any pressure on my stomach beyond the first trimester with #2.
Need a change from Ergo says
I LOVE my Ergo – I’m interested that Kat gave up baby wearing around 25-30 lbs – that’s actually when I started because I found carrying baby on my hip all the time was creating bad posture and a sore back.
But, on the weekend, my toddler (almost 2) figured out how to open the side zipper pocket on the ergo while he’s in it. Is there another carrier that’s like the ergo but with the zipper in a harder to reach location? I really want a zippered pocket to stash my phone/tissues/a diaper and a couple wipes because that what I don’t have to carry a purse/other bag. Lenny Lambs look too ‘floppy’ in the waistband/shoulders to me and no pocket.
My sister in law has a manduca (most popular carrier in europe) but I can’t remember if it has a zippered pocket.
Sarabeth says
You can get pockets that attach to the waist best of an ergo, I’m pretty sure.
Anonymous says
Thanks! This looks perfect!
Meg Murry says
And for a bit of a “hack” – does the zipper have a hole in the end of it? It would be more inconvenient for you, but you could put a safety pin through the hole (or loop a bit of ribbon through the hole, and then put a pin on that) and pin the pocket shut. Or possibly rig some kind of S-biner to sewed on loop/safety pin clasp. My children were both very adept at breaking into any and everything, so I had to come up with a lot of “hacks” like this (I used a lot of mini s-biners to connect together anything with dual zippers, and mini luggage locks for things I absolutely couldn’t chance them breaking into, like the pouch with my pillbox) because otherwise every time I turned my back I’d find the entire contents of my purse/diaper bag/gym bag, etc scattered to the 4 winds.
Meg Murry says
The carrier I liked best (8+ years ago) was a toddler patapum, but it’s made in Europe and I don’t think it was every widely available in the US. Because it was “toddler” sized, it was recommended for 18 months+, but we started using it probably around 12 months with my oldest. I really liked that it wasn’t overly complicated to adjust, and because it was meant for older kids it had a tall pouch.
I borrowed an Ergo from a friend for my second, and I was really not a fan – I get that they were one of the first carriers of that style to go mainstream (as opposed to the Bjorn style which they claimed wasn’t good for the baby’s hips), but I could not figure out how to make it comfortable, and my kid didn’t feel as secure in the shorter pouch, so we almost never used it.
Honestly, what I used more than anything else was a DIY ring sling I made from rings from slingring dot com and a clearance bed sheet my mother cut and hemmed for me. It wasn’t pretty, but it was good for wearing around the house so I could have at least 1 hand free (I never felt secure enough to go no-handed) in order to get something done while calming a fussy infant.
L says
I like the Bjorn One. My husband and I both have relatively slight builds, and I have no problems adjust the straps tight enough. I’ve used it since our daughter was about three months old (11 lbs) to 2.25 years (23 lbs). I have yet to artfully learn to switch her from my front to my back in it, but I can do it single handedly if I’m sitting down–especially now that she is old enough to follow verbal cues and help the process along. I’ve also been able to successfully loosen the straps and very discretely breastfeed her in it–again, while sitting down, I don’t think this would work when standing. I made made my BIL and SIL try it on–they have pretty much exactly the opposite build that I do–and they found it far comfier than their older, cheaper carrier, so I bought one for them as well.
Closet Redux says
My mother is visiting from out of town. We see each other about twice a year. I am 5 and half months pregnant and she keeps saying (over the phone, mostly, to my dad, her siblings, etc.) that I am “Very Pregnant.” MOM, WHY???
Anon in NYC says
ugh. My mom did stuff like that too. She kept telling me, “you’re going to have a HUGE BABY” even after I told her that it made me feel bad.
CHJ says
Seriously, what is it about our parents’ generation and making these comments? My mom and mother-in-law both did this constantly. It’s so rude. Was it not rude in the 1970s/80s? Hang in there, OP. I’m sure you look great and are rocking the much more flattering maternity clothes that we have today.
Closet Redux says
I want to make a phone call in her ear shot and say something like, “My mom is visiting and she is Very Old.” She’s 68. She would hate it!
AIMS says
Hahaha, please do it. Sometimes the only way to make someone see the light is to make them experience what you are talking about.
AIMS says
Also: just as a counterpoint, my mom kept asking me if my doctor was concerned that the baby wasn’t growing because she thought I should look bigger. I don’t think you can win with pregnancy.
MomAnon4This says
+ 1million
My female ob/gyne told me a story about going grocery shopping every week and the cashier would comment on her (the doctor’s pregnancy) and give my doctor mild anxiety about her own pregnancy!
PinkKeyboard says
Ugggh. I’m so sorry. If it makes you feel better, my mom asked me if I would fit in the booth in a restaurant. I did gain 50 lbs but I started at 130 and I’m 5’6″ so even fully pregnant this was visibly not going to be an issue.
Sam says
My mom asked if I could still drive my car to work! LOL. I was one of those with a slim build but disproportionately large tummy. So there’s no winning with pregnancy. (Except for the baby of course).
NewMomAnon says
I stayed with my parents on a vacation recently, and was air-drying my bra in the laundry room of the vacation house. My mom she saw it and said she “thought a teenager was in the house again” and that she hasn’t seen a bra that small since she bought me my first training bra. This is the same woman who couldn’t stop making horrible remarks about how big I was while pregnant, and how long it took me to lose the baby weight. Can’t win. Ever.
I thought of replying that I hadn’t seen underpants as large as hers since her mother died, but decided I wanted to set a better example for my kid.
Jen says
I got “you are SO MUCH BIGGER than with your first!” And she thought I was making it up when I told her i was about 10lbs less the whole way through.
Closet Redux says
Haha, these are all so great. Thanks, mamas!
Anon in NYC says
I loved my Ergo 360 (didn’t really try any other brands) but we just bought the Beco toddler because my daughter is reaching the weight limit for some of the carry positions in the Ergo. To me, the Beco toddler was much more comfortable than the Tula (too wide), and I liked the option for the crossed back straps, but the 2 handed clip release is annoying.
quail says
Not babywearing, but once kiddo hit 25 pounds we switch to a hiking backpack (Deuter brand) and are SO happy with our choice. We mostly used the baby carrier for hikes and kiddo hated being back carried in a carrier but loves his backpack throne.
quail says
And we used the Ergo with insert, then baby bjorn, then ergo 360. Would just do Ergo 360 the whole time next time – but we had a winter baby so the insert was not a problem. I would also do more wraps around the house.
NewMomAnon says
Ooo, I’ve been thinking about hiking backpacks – can you say more about the brands you tried, features, comfort as compared to a SSC, etc? I’m a little overwhelmed and they are SO expensive and take up so much space. It also seems like a lot of them only go up to 40 pounds, which doesn’t buy me any advantage over my Ergo (and my daughter is a giant so we will probably hit that weight in the next 6-8 months).
Anon in mpls says
We also have a dueter pack and we love it. Even though it’s meant for hiking, we use it around the neighborhood and occasionally when we mow the lawn ( we have a manual mower). My 12 month old son loves his “thrown” and it’s much more comfortable to me than a carrier. It’s pricey, but not compared to other technical outdoor equipment. My son cries when we take him out of it.
Anonymous says
We had a Deuter and loved it. It had an adjustable torso length, which was key because I am long-waisted and my husband is tall. I much preferred it to the Kelty packs we tried because the pack’s center of gravity felt closer to my body. With the Kelty packs, it felt like the kid was swinging around way up there in outer space just waiting to pull me off balance.
Anonymous says
Replying to myself to add that the 40-pound limit never came into play for two reasons: 1. 40 lbs of child plus the weight of the pack would never have been a safe load for me and would have been pushing it even for my (large) husband. 2. Kiddo started refusing to ride in the pack around age 3.
LegalMomma says
+1 Adding to the chorus of love our Deuter – especially the adjustable torso bit (I’m 5’6″ and husband is 6’6″). The lumbar support on ours is also fantastic.
quail says
We tried whatever they had at our local REI – three different Deuters and a Kelty, I think. Originally going to go with the Deuter Air but found the lumbar support much better with the 1 and 2. Went with the 2, probably should have gone with the 3 but they didn’t have it in-store (we ended up buying the sunshade separately which is included with the 3). The pillow has been clutch as kid invariably falls asleep on the hike (the Air did not have the pillow). Deuter was just the most comfortable. We also have a height differential between me and the spouse and it works great. Oh, and the pack has a pretty large carrying-stuff space, which I hadn’t counted on, like a small daypack. All the diapers/toys/snacks can fit in there.
In addition to hiking, we used it while traveling and it was great for the airport, walking around towns, etc. Obviously you lose some of the carrying capacity of the stroller and it’s more tiring, but it was easier to navigate airports with other suitcases with the kid on the back.
Our kid is 19 months now and about 26 pounds? I don’t know how it will work when he’s larger – I would feel comfortable carrying him, but my guess is he will decide he doesn’t like it before he outgrows it. But he’s a littler guy so we might get more mileage out of it. He does sometimes pull my hair but we’re working on that. He does want to get in it every time he sees it.
babwearer says
I am kind of obsessed with babywearing and I have tried all the major types. It is so personal and depends a lot on the temperment and body types of both you and your baby. I alway recommend a new mom start out with a ring sling. Ring slings can be used right from day one and don’t need a hot, bulky infant insert. They are easier to learn than a wrap and you can nurse in them without having to take the baby in and out of it. They are also quick for ups and downs, just pop the baby in and go. I still use one with my 22 month old. As they get bigger, ring slings become impractical for long periods of time. If I am going grocery shopping or something, I like to use a mei tai, usually a wrap conversion. It’s a rectangle of fabric with strips of fabric attached that you tie onto yourself. I have always found SSCs (aka buckle carriers: Erogs, Bjorns, Lillibabies, etc.) bulky and hard to get a good fit on. With a wrap conversion mei tai, you have the ease of an SSC without the bulk. You have the amazing fit and breathability (ie, you won’t sweat your ass off!) of a wrap without the steep learning curve and fussiness.
quail says
Anyone have recommendations for toddler (size 6 or 7) snow boots and rain gear?
anne-on says
Really like the Boden snow pants, though I went gap (on sale, natch) for base layers. I also tend to scoop them up at the end of the season, they are almost always available on clearance. LL Bean is also great for both, but I found Boden slightly cheaper with a coupon and the sizing is generous, so the 4-5 fit my 3.5 yr old, will definitely fit in this year, and possibly next year as well.
Snow boots/rain boots are 6pm all the way, I sort by % marked down. Kamuk, Sorel, and Merrel are all great for my wide footed kiddo.
quail says
Thanks! Did not think ahead for end of season sales and now suddenly it’s fall. I’ll check out the Boden snow pants and 6pm for boots.
anon says
Look on ebay
anon says
For snow boots, look for some in which the front and back halves come apart as much as possible so you can better jam the foot in there. (I’ll try to report back with an actual brand recommendation later) I think my son has high arches or something, but it was super hard to get his foot in boots when he was younger. And he totally refused to stand up in them the first winter he had some.
When my son was younger (2ish?), I loved the used Hanna Anderson 1-piece snowsuit I got at a thrift store. Last year we used Gap snow pants. I would just try to find something cheap/used unless you know they will get a lot of use.
anon says
Reporting back – contrary to my previous advice, I got Crocs Winter Puff boots from 6pm when my son was 2. These are very light but they don’t have a 2 part top. And last year (age 3), Kamik Snowbug – these have the 2 part top. I usually order several different brands from Amazon and do an in-home “shoe store” to see which my child will tolerate. Then I send the others back.
Meg Murry says
My kids have only ever had rain boots from places like Target, and they’ve always been fine – but they generally only need them for stomping in puddles around our yard and walking back and forth from house to car to daycare, so I don’t know how well they would hold up if you needed the kid to wear them for multi-block walks.
However, the best investment we’ve ever received was a firefighter themed raincoat, that I think my MIL got from Kohls, Target or Walmart, that was paired with firefighter boots from Target and firefighter jammies. My kids loved wearing it, and both of them wore it as a Halloween costume for more than one year. So if you haven’t already bought a costume for this year (or have multiple Halloween events), a themed raincoat can easily serve double duty. I’ve also seen cute ones that were Batman, Thomas, ladybug, butterfly, etc themed.
quail says
Oooh great call on the themed raincoat.
We are trying to make snow boots do rain boot duty for the fall as I am sure if I bought rainboots he would outgrow them by spring and would wear them for approximately two weeks this fall before it got too cold. I’m mostly concerned about weight/size with the snow boots since kiddo isn’t quite even two years old yet but do all my shopping online so it’s hard to tell what’s too heavy/big.
Yoga pants! says
Bogs were awesome for us – easy on and off for toddlers with built in handles on both sides of each boot. Not too heavy. Easy to keep clean. Lasted 2 years per kid so even though pricey the cost per wear was low.
Betty says
We live in cold, snowy (except for last year) New England. I always buy the Target snow boots because I can buy a few pair for when one boot randomly goes missing and they are lightweight. I tried LLBean boots, but they were like cement blocks on my kids’ feet.
AnonMN says
Chiming in late to say Kamiks are awesome for that age!!
As for buying ahead, I wouldn’t for shoes. My toddler jumped from 7s last year to 10s this year. You just never know how they are going to grow.
Clogs? says
Any clog wearing moms out there? I love clogs and work in a casual workplace. Not necessarily professional dansko-type clogs, more like No.6 or Sven or Bryr. Specific styles or types you like for stability and comfort and style? I know clogs aren’t for everyone but I love them. Thanks!
NewMomAnon says
I used a homemade sling (literally just a folded over loop of fabric slung over one shoulder) when kiddo was tiny. I tried a Moby wrap, but it was too much of a production and stretched out during use, so it was a hassle. Kiddo also liked to get her feet under her and push up, which felt really unsafe. It was also really hot, and I didn’t like the way I looked when wearing it.
Once she was big enough I used the Ergo (I didn’t like the infant insert). I still use it, and she’s 35+ pounds and over 3 feet tall. I do only back carries now because the front carries hurt my back, and the straps cut across my throat in a hip carry. She never tolerated the hood, and the pocket is too hard to access in back carry, but the shoulder stance fits my narrow shoulders.
I also got the Boba Air when I started doing more travel with her. It folds up into a tiny pouch which makes it easier to pack. I like it for travel or throwing in my purse for a weekend day out and about, but it’s definitely not as comfortable as the padded straps on the Ergo.
I wish I had tried the K’tan and/or the Boba wrap (which looked softer and stretchier than the Moby), and I wish the 360 soft structured carriers had been available when my kiddo was little – she would have loved to face out once in a while.
Emmer says
This post sparked a kind of terror in me that I question whether is normal….I’m 14 weeks now, and I am finding the thought of deciding what baby “gear” to get to be overwhelming and terrifying. Some extremely generous friends and coworkers have offered to give me a lot of their old stuff, but I feel like I can’t even begin to process what will be useful/best for me. I already am worried about finding clothes to wear (it seems like I can wear less and less of my pre-pregnancy clothes every day), getting projects done around the house that we’ve been putting off, turning our office into a nursery, and figuring out post-baby childcare options – the baby gear stuff just feels like too much for me to handle now. When do I actually need to start thinking about it?
(Before anyone asks, yes I have a partner and he is very supportive, but my job gives me more free time and he is spearheading a lot of the household projects we need to get done, so this isn’t something I can totally outsource to him).
Anonymous says
I’m 22 weeks and totally with you (actually you seem to be ahead of me with planning). I’ll start thinking about baby gear in the third trimester but before my shower. Maternity clothes are a big enough challenge for now ;-)
RDC says
First, don’t panic. You need surprisingly few things when you first get home with the baby, and after that pretty much everything is available in 2 days (hallelujah for Amazon prime). Baby bargains (the book) was really helpful in sorting out what were essentials vs needs vs wants and where it was worth splurging more. And I’d say do take your coworkers up on their offers – babies go through things so quickly that it’s great if you can avoid paying full price for stuff. I’ve gotten tons of baby stuff (and maternity clothes) used, and it makes me feel much better about not using it for long or if the baby just never takes to that piece of gear. A lot of it is personal preference as to which gear works bet for you and the baby, so it’s helpful to be able to try different brands / versions.
Anonymous says
completely and totally agree with RDC – well said. i liked reading about gear just b/c i enjoyed it, but i didn’t actually buy anything – wait, not true, i registered for a k’tan, which we ended up returning and using the Target credit for a different carrier, but that was later – until after the little one was born and we took things one step at a time. definitely take up your coworkers on their offers! saves SO much money. we borrowed newborn clothes (nb and 0-3 months) from friends, as well as toys and various other things. organized and shoved into a closet and pull out as need. a great way to see which brands of things and which types of things work for you without the investment. the only thing you need to really worry about is just a place for baby to sleep, a stock of diapers, and 1 or 2 types of bottles on hand. (really, actually, just 1 type, esp. if you’re breastfeeding, but i say 2 b/c in those early days you don’t feel like venturing out to buy htings unless you have to.) that’s it. and a swaddle, which the hospital will provide you with. i read waaay too much about different swaddle types, registered for some, and then just ended up using the hospital one all the time as it was the best. once you have the above 4 items, the rest is bonus.
H says
Your feelings are totally normal! Aside from maternity clothes, I would recommend looking into childcare NOW. Depending on your area, there might be huge demand and waitlists so you’ll want to explore your options as soon as possible. You can google questions to ask child care providers.
As far as gear goes, there is A LOT of stuff out there for babies; some products are great, some aren’t, some are perfect for you, others hate them. If you have a close friend with a baby or toddler, I would chat with her/him and get a feel for what they use. And then think about your lifestyle and what you would like. Also, you are very early on in the process – focus on your stuff now (taking care of yourself, maternity clothes, childcare) and then you can focus on the baby’s stuff.
FWIW, I found Lucie’s List very helpful in laying out the different types of things I would need and it gave product recommendations/reviews. I didn’t get all of the exact brands it mentioned, but it was helpful to know the different types of bouncers, bottles, etc that were out there.
Congrats and good luck! You’ll be fine!
CHJ says
+1. I’d prioritize childcare options over everything else right now. If you are going with a nanny it’s probably too early, but if you are going with daycare, it’s a good time to start touring and getting on waitlists.
mascot says
+2 about figuring out childcare. It’s one of the few things that you can’t 100% take control of. The rest- the gear, the clothes, etc. can all be handled with a computer and some Amazon Prime shipping. I feel like there’s such pressure to have a stockpile of supplies and gear like you are living in the remote wilderness. Chances are you can get most anything you need at a 24hr drugstore or with overnight shipping. Baby Bargains is a good start and ask some trusted friends for their suggestions and hand-me -down gear.
FirstTimeDaycareMom says
+3 on Childcare being the priority. There is nothing more stressful than having your return date looming, baby in your arms, and no clear idea who will be watching that baby for you in the weeks to come.
Next priority – sleep research. I wish so much that I’d spent even 5% of the time I spent on researching all the stuff I’d need and instead spent it reading a little about newborn and baby sleep. I strongly recommend reading a little bit from The Happiest Baby on the Block, and also anything and everything on http://www.preciouslittlesleep.com. Hopefully your baby will be a better sleeper than mine!
Also +1 for Lucie’s list as the best resource for what to buy. HUGE timesaver. Way more helpful to me than the Baby Bargains book, which is what I started with before finding Lucie’s List.
Yoga pants! says
+1 to prioritizing reading about sleep and Id add child development more generally. I really enjoyed reading about gear but in hindsight that was soooo much less important than know what on earth to do w a baby!
anon says
I’m 33 weeks and feel like I should be overwhelmed, but I am feeling much less so than my husband (or mother, for that matter). Really, if I were making these decisions myself, I’d order a baby box and buy nothing other than that and a car seat before birth.
Anon says
+1 Just scrolled down to recommend Lucie’s List. You sign up for her emails and get a PDF chart of her best picks in each category. I literally limited my choices to what she had reviewed. Yes, there may be some unicorn out there, but pre-kid-me didn’t know enough to find it.
PatsyStone says
+1 to Lucie’s List. It really helped me keep my sanity when I was so overwhelmed and too afraid to start.
Maddie Ross says
It can be overwhelming, but it doesn’t have to be. I strongly recommend investing in the book “Baby Bargains”. It goes through and lists out all the different categories of “stuff” and rates them consumer reports style both by quality and price. I skimmed it initially and then would use to look up specific stuff as we finished out our registry.
As far as offers from co-workers or friends, IMO, feel free to turn down or drag out as necessary. You’re still so early, it’s totally fine to tell people you haven’t made decisions yet about what you need/want, etc. And it’s always totally fine to tell people you very much appreciate the offer, but have already taken care of (fill in the blank).
CHJ says
You have tons of time – no need to panic!
I really like Lucie’s List for researching baby gear. She reviews gear at different price points and explains whether you need the thing or not. I think we bought too much stuff before our baby was born, to be honest, but it is also part of the fun and anticipation.
AIMS says
I think at this point you’re fine! If you want to have a baby shower, you will probably need to figure the gear out at some point so you can register. Otherwise, don’t sweat it.
I barely did anything before baby was born. I think if you have some baby clothes, diapers, some swaddle blankets, a place for the baby to sleep, and a car seat, you’re fine. Amazon will bring you the rest very quickly! You can sort it out as you settle in. Also people will gift you a lot and you’ll probably get more hand me downs. The only thing we really bought was a car seat and stroller. Someone gave us a pack and play as a gift and that was great for baby to sleep next to us when we first brought her home. The rest really took care of itself. Lucie’s list is a good resource but has its own overestimations. I didn’t need any of the post partum stuff she recommends save for the nipple balm and the large maxi pads. Again, its nothing you can’t get at the drugstore if you need it.
Em says
I researched stuff minimally, typed out a list of what I planned to get, and sent it to a friend of mine that was on her third kid. She edited it for me and made comments on what I probably didn’t need. The only thing she told me not to get but I got anyway was a baby carrier (Boba wrap and Tula carrier – both of which I LOVED and used a ton). The only thing we got that we ended up not using was the car seat cover (I just threw a blanket over it if we were going out in inclement weather).
Anonymous says
Literally my only melt down when I was pregnant was when picking out gear. I mean bawling in front of the computer.
I have 2 pieces of advice. Your neighbors probably have a similar lifestyle and needs as you. Turn to them / your local mom listserv for gear and clothing recs. (Not to mention getting used stuff cheap or free.)
And two, buy the Keekaroo peanut changer. It’s been the best thing ever.
BKDC says
The keekaroo changer is by far my favorite baby gear. Yes, it is expensive, but it is so easy to clean. Newborn poops are messy. And changing a fidgety toddler’s diaper is also messy, but for different reasons.
Em says
+1 this was one of our few splurges. I was on the fence about it but we ended up getting it and I am so glad we did.
Anonymous says
I’m 14 weeks and feel exactly.the.same.way. I actually hate the baby bargains book because its 600 pages long (literally). I feel like it’s overwhelming. My baby shower is going to be a bit earlier than most, so I just found a registry checklist on pinterest and started registering for what was highly rated on amazon. I do have *some* idea of what I need based on siblings/friends. I had a family member who was more interested in consumer reports pick out the safest carseat/crib and I said “that looks good”. I just really don’t enjoy researching baby gear at all.
EB0220 says
I refused to enter Babies R Us or start a registry of any kind when I was pregnant with my first. Finally, around the end of the second trimester, my sister in law came to visit and dragged me to a baby store. I feel you.
Anonymous says
I’m Jewish and in our culture people tend to be very superstitious and not want to make plans for the baby in advance for fear of bringing bad luck. I know some people who didn’t buy a single thing for baby in advance (like literally, the dad and/or grandma were running out for diapers the day the baby was born). That’s extreme but you really don’t have to buy a ton of gear. I would focus on arranging childcare and then on buying essentials like a car seat, diapers, a few baby outfits, a stroller, etc. You really do not need a Pinterest-ready nursery set up when you get home from the hospital – your baby will sleep in a bassinet in your room for the first few months anyway.
ChiLaw says
That’s interesting! I had the same superstition and I wonder if it’s something I passively absorbed from my culturally Jewish upbringing.
Leslie Knope says
1. Figure out childcare. (Take it from someone who didn’t and spent 9 months on a waitlist)
2. Where will baby sleep when he/she comes home?
3. Carseat
4. Stroller/baby carrier
5. Newborn clothes
6. Diaper changing set up
Everything else can wait.
I registered at Baby List and they had sample registries. I found that helpful. Also, Pinterest had good lists of baby essentials. Lucas List was a favorite. I also LOVE researching baby stuff, organizing it, labeling bins etc. Like it was basically my part time job when I was pregnant. I had terrible insomnia all through and would stay up in the late hours of the night and research diaper pails/baby monitors etc. But I get its not for everyone. If you have a friend with a baby, ask what gear worked for them.
Violation of Privacy says
How much do you take into consideration your child’s privacy and dignity when you post stuff on facebook/your own blog/what have you? I read the article “Why I Decided to Stop Writing About My Children” by Elizabeth Bastos and it’s really made me stop and think. For instance, my kid used the toilet for the first time ever this weekend. I posted about it on my mostly private blog but not facebook. But is putting it on the blog too much too? I didn’t give gory details. I just wanted to write it down somewhere, and I use my blog as a journal.
Anonymous says
I think about what I would have been comfortable seeing online about myself when I was a teenager (if we’d had internet then) and use that as a guide.
I have Facebook set so that only my friends can see my pictures and if they share, no one beyond my friends can see it (haven’t told my mom this).
TBK says
We only post photos of the kids on a password protected, invite only site. But keeping them off FB is getting harder as they’re at more events with other kids. Their school posts photos on the school’s FB page, but without any tags or names, and we haven’t requested they be kept off (we don’t want to be THOSE parents, either).
Anonymous says
This is our situation. I don’t do Facebook so I am not 100% sure, but I believe a child can only be tagged if he/she has an account on Facebook. My husband uses Facebook once in a while, and family members have posted pictures of our daughter and tagged them with his name.
Anon in NYC says
I do post photos of my kid on FB, but very sparingly, and put the rest in an invite-only group for grandparents. I try to be cognizant of her privacy, while also sharing my life with my friends.
MDMom says
I think what the author was talking about there was a bit different than say sharing pics on Facebook- she was writing publicly available articles with info about her kids (as do many bloggers/writers actually). I think a lot of it depends on your own personal comfort level. I am extremely private myself. I have a Facebook page but post nothing on it at all. I usually update my profile pic maybe 1x yr, or less. So I’ve never posted anything about my kid, not even a birth announcement. I don’t have instagram or a blog or anything. I text when I want to share something. I think this is on the extreme side though, based on what I’ve seen my friends do. My motivation is partly my kid’s privacy but mostly it’s my own need for privacy.
If I were going to share on fb or similar, id have to figure out how to cut down my friends list or limit who can see things. I am just uncomfortable with an acquaintance I’ve barely seen since high school knowing stuff about me/my kid’s lives.
Somewhat related thought: I remember after that nanny killed those little kids in nyc a few years back, you could read the mom’s entire public blog about her kid’s lives, first steps, first words, etc. The media pulled pics from it for their articles. It was very sweet and I read almost the whole thing and just bawled. I still don’t know if that was a good thing or not, that strangers could read this and mourn her kids.
Violation of Privacy says
Yeah, that’s a good point about personal comfort.
I am not a very private person at all. When I was growing up there was a lot of secrecy (which I think is the other side of the coin of privacy) about a parent’s drinking and drug use and it was very traumatic to have to keep that a secret and pretend everything was okay when it really really wasn’t. I only started healing from that when I was able to share with other people some of the things that had happened in my life. So since then I am not very private.
I’ve always been sort of an open book (within reason) on FB, and have posted mundane life updates and pictures of myself and my kid pretty regularly. But there are obviously limits, and I’m trying to navigate how to handle this without violating her privacy before she’s old enough to be able to voice an opinion. I’ve just been thinking about what my parents did when I was growing up– the annual xmas letter with photos, phone calls to my aunts, etc. I never felt like my privacy was violated by that. It is just so different these days though, and I’m sure it’ll be very different in the future too.
NewMomAnon says
A mom blogger I follow has a policy that she posts about her tween and teenage daughters only if (a) they consent or (b) if they are incapable of consenting (one of her daughters has special needs), only if she determines that a teenage version of her children would not be embarrassed to read that story at a later date. Her policy is to never post about tantrums or other “big feelings,” not post about puberty issues or other “body” issues (including toileting), and not post pictures of other children without their permission. She saves conversations about these things for private forums, anonymous forums, or in-person conversations with trusted friends and advisors.
Those seem like good rules to me. I try to make it a point to post on FB only those things that I actively want to convey to my child – my pride in her achievements, my love of her fierce little personality, my awe at how her brain processes the world. FB is a place to tell my friends (limited privacy settings) how much and why I love my daughter.
I know I have friends who don’t post anything about their kids on FB, and that seems extreme to me. I also have friends who use FB to complain about their tweens, and I want to tell them to stop every time I see another post. It’s a tough balance.
Anon says
My child is still a baby, so I haven’t had to make a lot of these decisions yet, but based on my own reactions seeing what others post about their kids, I have a good idea of what I am and am not willing to post. I don’t have an issue posting pictures of my child to FB. I won’t post anything negative about my child, though, which is the same policy I take about my husband. I also won’t post anything my child would be embarrassed of as a teenager (no naked baby photos). Maybe that means I’m not keeping it “real” or that I’m trying to make my life seem perfect, but I don’t think social media is the place to post poop/bathroom photos of your toddler (I’ve had multiple friends post both of these types of photos) or vent about your spouse.
Legally Brunette says
I take it into a lot of consideration, which is why I very rarely post photos of my kids on FB. I think I have posted 3 or 4 pics total, a few of which you can’t see their faces. I don’t like the idea of posting where they aren’t old enough to consent. I also have friends who are constantly oversharing pics of their kids on FB and that has veered me in the opposite direction, I suppose.
I’m perfectly fine with sharing pics with family through text, Google plus,etc. But not on FB as much. It’s also because all of the 400 “friends” I have I have not seen in years and I don’t particularly care that they see pics of my kids.
TBK says
Potty training question. Has anyone tried a method other than boot camp/Oh Cr*p? I’m not necessarily ruling out that method, it’s just that I’m wondering what else is out there. Also, at least Oh Cr*p really focuses on going young — 20 to 30 months. My guys are just 30 months and they just started going to preschool two days a week, and they’re now down with their “we’re now going to school” colds, so I don’t see doing potty training within the next month or so. But then our au pair is leaving at the end of November (sigh) and I cannot imagine such a massive transition is the right time for potty training. They do have to be 100% trained by next fall for the 3 yo room at school, but that’s a long ways off. Just wondering what our options are, and what the drawbacks of waiting until closer to 3 yo might be.
Jen says
Drawbacks- ALL the diapers! My kid is turning 3 in Nov and has been potty trained since this time last year (last poop accident was Sept 15th 2015, a momentous day! Still has pee accidents every once in a while whe distracted…) and night trained since April.
I’m spoiled, but I cannot imagine still changing poop diapers. There are kids in her daycare that aren’t trained at 3, so it happens, I just…ugh. What a pain.
So that’s my feedback. If you’re ok dealing with diapers then I’m are they’ll figure it out eventually.
Spirograph says
+1. My son was fully potty trained around 2.5 and I was so glad because the poop was just getting bigger and grosser.
Granted, daycare took care of a lot of the legwork, but it was such a nonissue. We had to remember to have kiddo sit on the potty frequently for a couple weekends, but it wasn’t some big upheaval event in his or our lives. Maybe I was just really, really lucky, but I kind of think the baby industry builds up potty training to be A Big Deal when it doesn’t need to be.
All kids are different but if yours are showing interest and signs of readiness, I’d just go for it. Worst case it’s a massive fail and you try again later, but I don’t think there’s ever going to be a “perfect time” without external distractions and transitions.
TBK says
Zero interest. Zero caring about being wet/dirty. Although one son did tell me in the airport bathroom recently “that a toilet. I love toilets!” Great, kid. You’ve never once said “I love you” or “I love mama,” but “I love toilets” you’ve got down. Still not sure he’s actually interested in using it (or knows what “love” means).
Spirograph says
Lol@loving toilets. Gosh, I didn’t ever think about the logistics involved with 2 potty training kids simultaneously… Good luck to you whenever you tackle it! If they were ready, I’d ask the au pair to try potty training and give her the nicest going away present EVER if she succeeded, but if they really have no interest, you probably have to wait of face a major uphill battle.
Do you have a little kid potty in your bathroom? We just kind of plunked one in there with no fanfare when son was around a year and a half, and have it back again for my daughter. She’s used it successfully a few times and interest in it waxes and wanes (we ask if she wants to sit on it before bath and whenever she follows big brother into the bathroom, even if she’s fully clothed), but it’s there hopefully being tempting and normalizing the idea that she *could* use it instead of diapers, even though we’re not pushing it yet, and don’t plan to for several months.
TBK says
I really am not bothered by the diapers. In fact, I’m dreading being done with them. It’s so easy to go to the park! And with diapers, I can change them both at the same time. I have no delusions that they’ll both have to go to the bathroom at the same time. I’m guessing it just won’t be worth going out with them for awhile if we’re spending every two seconds doubling back to the bathroom because now someone else needs to pee. And then my great fear: one in diapers, one potty trained. Worst of both worlds!
Tired Mommy says
I’m with you. My son will be 3 next month and I have not pushed potty training because I’m lazy (also just had another baby, 5 months old), but I’m feeling the pressure because of the requirement for moving to the next room. They say he does great at school, but when we ask at home, he refuses and says he doesn’t need to go. We tried putting underwear on him this weekend, and he peed in the pantry (tile floors, thank god). This wasn’t upsetting to him, just like oh look, I peed on the floor. He also pooped in his underwear and continued playing without missing a step, so I don’t think he’s really ready yet. Sighhhhhhhh
AB says
I just potty trained my twin boys (3 years, 2 months) over Labor Day weekend. We did the boot camp — which really ended up being the better part of a week hanging around the house. My husband and I split up the weekdays after the long weekend. We were hugely successfully — day care was amazed that they were so well-trained in just a week. I credit most of it to waiting until they were really old enough to get it. Like you, I had no interest in one in diapers, one out of diapers. My mantra is wait if you can.
TBK says
Thank you for the permission to wait! I think if I had just one, doing it earlier would be better. But with two, the diapers are just so much easier. (We’re also keeping them in cribs as long as possible!) No one seems terribly interested yet or terribly bothered by the diapers, so I think maybe we’ll just wait until after Christmas (they’ll be three in March). My current au pair will be thrilled — she didn’t want to do potty training and now it looks like it might be the new one who gets the chore!
CHJ says
I’m in the “wait until they are ready” camp.
For many months, we had a potty around and encouraged my son to use it (sticker charts, jelly beans, etc.) but didn’t really push the issue. Over time, around his 3rd birthday, he suddenly became more interested in it and would ask for a new diaper if his was wet. Around that same time, he saw his best friend use the potty during a playdate, and suddenly it all just clicked into place. We put him in undies — cold turkey — one weekend and that was it. We made no progress when he wasn’t ready, and the whole thing was very easy and fast once he was ready.
MomAnon4This says
If they have to be “100%” ready by a certain time…I guess start now?!
I swear it took us 2 years to potty-train our son… at about age 2, I noticed his pee times, like after the bath, and started putting him on a training potty while I read to him some of the potty training books. We talked a lot about feeling the pee inside of you. At home we had underwear. We did sticker charts. We did bribes. It wasn’t terrible, he was making progress, but it wasn’t sticking or fool-proof. At age 3 (literally the same day he went for age 3 well-exam) he wanted to wear only underwear, no diapers. And it was another year after that before there were NO accidents and I stopped carrying extra underwear and pants around.
And then there was the nighttime training… So, good luck.
TBK says
Well, the school understands that they have accidents. But by next year, they’re supposed to be in underwear (the school doesn’t allow pull-ups at any age), be able to get their pants on and off by themselves, and be able to wipe themselves. But I’m not even thinking about overnight training yet.
sfg says
Since it’s babywearing day – what is the secret to getting my kid into the back carry? I have a Tula but I imagine it’s the same for all the structured carriers. Have watched many YouTube videos but cannot figure it out.
EB0220 says
Make sure the carrier straps are loose. Position the carrier so the baby pouch is hanging down one hip (I prefer my right hip, I am right-handed). Put baby on the hip where the baby pouch is hanging. Pull the panel up over baby’s back. Now – here’s the tricky part. Get the left strap onto your left shoulder. Tighten enough so it won’t slip off. Now put your arms over baby’s head, lean forward and scooch baby from hip to back. Put right arm in right strap and tighten. Bounce and scoot to reposition.
Get someone to spot you the first few times until you get the hang of it. I just did this with my 4 year old over the weekend and it was tough to get my arms over her head. Ha.
NewMomAnon says
Here is how I do it with a toddler in the Ergo:
I clip the belt around my waist with the pocket (the seat/pouch/whatever) hanging down by my right hip.
Lift child up, rest her on my right hip, and bring up the pocket over kiddo’s back with one hand.
(here is where I deviate from the official instructions):
Lean forward and scooch kiddo around until she is laying out on my back with the pocket still over her. I do this with both hands.
Holding kiddo with my left hand, use my right hand to find the right arm strap and pull it onto my shoulder
Switch hands; holding kiddo with my right hand, use my left hand to find the left arm strap and pull it on
Stand up, bounce my hips a bit with my hands under kiddo’s bottom to get kiddo positioned correctly in the pocket
Clip the chest clip to secure everything
I think the official line is to get kiddo seated on your hip, and then hold kiddo with your right hand while using the left hand to reach around and find the arm strap, and then shift kiddo to your back. I couldn’t ever do that correctly; I’m not flexible enough to reach my left arm all the way around my body (?!!).
The only hiccup I’ve found with my way is the left arm strap sometimes gets twisted, which isn’t comfortable for either of us. But I can usually do it in under a minute now. Practice is the key, and full length mirrors help to check that everything is done right.
Sarabeth says
How old is your kid? Once mine was maybe 14 months old I found the “superman” flip to be much easier than going from hip to back.
Eileen says
I have the panel hang down my back, get the kid on my hip, scoot him around to the back, and pull up the panel over him, get one arm in, and then the other one. It took some figuring out (I sat on the bed the first few times so if he fell, he’d hit something soft), but now its pretty routine. Just keep practicing!
Parents & parties says
We are having my kid’s first “friend” party in a few weeks (he’s turning 3) and on a Saturday afternoon. We are having my local(ish- about 90 minutes away) up to celebrate that weekend as well, but don’t want to have the family at the friend party because they’d just be superfluous adults (divorced parents, dads girlfriend, brother, bro’s fiancé, maybe my sister). We’ll either do dinner say or brunch Sunday.
BUT my mom is now telling (not asking) me that she’s going to come to the kid party on Sat, “to help.” I don’t need her help, and she’ll just be in the way. More importantly, an extra grandma isn’t a big deal, but I’m sure my dad would want to come too. And with dad comes dad’s GF and now we have 3 adults, maybe 4 if my sister gets a ride with my mom.
Do I suck it up and let my mom come? Invite dad etc too to avoid hurt feelings? Tell everyone fire code won’t allow it (white lie) and we’ll see them for dinner as planned?
I have a 4 month old and thought I could get mom to “help” by staying home with the baby but apparently she just wants to be at the party (and offered to watch baby there…)
Anon says
Have you never been to a kids birthday party? There are tons of adults. I don’t see what the big deal is. let her come, she wants to be there for her grandchild’s first big birthday with her peers. Send an email out to everyone and state that attendance is optional.
I would not use the Fire Code lie, as when they see pictures they will be they have been obviously excluded.
Anon in NYC says
Your mom just wants to come to the party. My mom would want to do the same. My mom would also tell me that she wants to “help” but then actually do nothing. All of which is incredibly frustrating. But…. it’s family. Let her (and your other family members) come if they want to. But also make them watch your 4 month old.
MomAnon4This says
At kid’s parties I’d take as much “help” or real help as possible. My joke is that kids’ parties are Downton Abbey, but we’re the footmen, serving the wellborn noble children. Put the 4monthold in her arms at the big kid’s party. No harm done. Order more pizza and a bigger cake. It’s not worth the effort.
Going to a kid’s party without kids there s u c k s bigtime. If they want to suffer, it’s on them.
Katala says
I’m not a fan of the “it’s family, let them do what they want” argument. If you don’t want her there and she’s pushing boundaries by telling (not asking!) you that she’ll be there, I think it’s totally fine and actually healthy to tell her, no, we’re not having adults other than parents of kiddo’s friends at this party, if you would like to help it would be great if you could watch 4-month-old at home. I would avoid the white lie though (in theory, in practice I’d probably chicken out on the confrontation).
TBK says
My post seems to have gotten eaten (not in moderation — it appeared with the other comments, then the screen just showed my comment as the only comment, and now it’s vanished). Short version: what methods of potty training have people used besides boot camp/Oh Cr&p? Trying to see what might work for my boys. TIA!
TBK says
Okay, I keep trying to post a question about p*tty training, but it keeps getting either eaten (the first one) or stuck in moderation (I assume the second one). Besides the three day marathon version, what other methods exist and what ages are they best for? (Apologies if my other post show up and it appears that I’m posting endless comments about the topic.) Let’s hope this shows up.
Momata says
I am surprised to see so many of you wear your young toddlers. Perhaps I’m missing a good way to get our family out and about. I stopped babywearing once kid could sit in a stroller. When do y’all wear the kids?
Anon in NYC says
I wear my toddler on the subway during rush hour, or if we’re going somewhere and the stroller would be inconvenient. I don’t really wear her that much otherwise (like to go for 1+ mile walks).
sfg says
In the airport. Walking to a local restaurant where there isn’t much room to collapse/store the stroller. Public transit without too much walking on either end. Quick errands to/from the car.
My kid didn’t walk until 18 months and we walk a lot on the weekends, so that might factor into my experience more than anything else.
EB0220 says
Most travel (train, plane, bus, subway) or outdoor activity with uneven ground. I almost always find it easier and more pleasant to wear my kid then to deal with a stroller. I use the stroller around the neighborhood to walk to the pool/playground but hardly ever take it anywhere.
NewMomAnon says
Anytime kiddo is clingy but I need two hands. Getting kiddo from my apartment to the car in the garage when we are in a hurry or not on the most cooperative terms. Stuck in my messenger bag for times we go for a walk and kiddo wants to walk, but I suspect she’ll get tired eventually. Fairs or festivals on uneven surfaces, or crowded standing situations (parades, marathon viewing, protests, business events, family parties) where a stroller is a liability or would exclude me from conversations. Air travel. Anytime kiddo asks to be put in it (which is often lately).
Jdubs says
Out and about with two kids and one stroller…when the older one wants a ride, she gets the stroller and the toddler gets the carrier. Also, baseball games or other large events. Carrier is great for toddler containment.
Anonymous says
grocery shopping, hiking, going out to a cafe…hate bringing the stroller unless we absolutely have to.
Sarabeth says
Pretty much everywhere! Our daughter is now 3, so we mostly wear for hikes or longer walks, but until about 2.5 we kept a carrier in the diaper bag. She’d go up anytime she got tired of walking, and we never had to worry about what to do with a stroller if we were going somewhere with stairs, narrow aisles, etc.
Anonymous says
Yes to all of this. We use stroller/wagon to go places in the neighborhood, but out and about we usually bring the ergo and umbrella stroller, which stays folded until the 40-pounder gets tired. We also make both kids walk to the point of near-meltdown, first, unless we’re somewhere really crowded or otherwise challenging to keep track of them safely.
Eileen says
I commute with mine, so he goes in the carrier most days – otherwise I’d never get to work since we’re still in the “I want to walk”/actually I want to just sit on the sidewalk phase.
Waffling says
Posted this on the regular page, but wanted to get thoughts here too:
What would you do? I have an easy/fairly interesting job in government with pay I would consider to be fair but not great. 9-5 hours and plenty of flexibility. I don’t like my coworkers or my boss. There is little room for professional growth and no mentors. No paid maternity leave.
I have a job offer to make a lot more money (45k), but along with it comes more work (1700 billables) and stress. Paid maternity leave. Some flexibility as long as I meet my hours target. I have a toddler and hope to have another child. We could obviously use the money, but it is not urgent. I keep going back and forth. Help!
TBK says
Where do you want to be in 5 years? In 15? 20? Can your current job get you there? If not, will there be another opportunity for a job that will down the line, or is this a particularly good opportunity (assuming this new job can get you where you want to go)?
Anon in NYC says
I responded on the other page!
Anonymous says
+1
PhilanthropyGirl says
I’m a bit in the same boat – no growth, no mentors, no challenge, regular hours, low-average pay, and lots of flexibility. I’d give up some flexibility for significantly better pay and maternity leave – but only if the actual job description felt beneficial and of interest to me.
I suppose my question would be, regarding more stress/work – is it work/stress that you can really enjoy? I’ve looked at jobs that – although in my field – look miserable, despite the pay benefits; and I’ve looked at jobs that are barely an increase at all but the work really interests me and will make a good stepping stone to the future. The right position at the right company could mean you’re willing to take on the extra stress.
Katala says
Not exactly what you’re asking, but I moved to a lower stress “easier” job after mat leave with my first, and it was so boring. I didn’t like the people that much, didn’t feel like I was learning and stretching myself and what I was learning seemed like dying practice. So I went back to doing work more like what I did before, which is more transactional so less predictable, later hours, more stress. But I’m so happy. I like the people more, I love the work and it’s worth the tradeoffs, to me. We’ll see how I feel after #2 but for now it works for our family and I’m happier overall. Oh, and the move came with a salary bump that relieves a lot of financial stress, so I feel like it’s a worthy trade (I’d much rather stress about work I like to do vs. finances).
JTX says
Favorite clothing brands for a tall, skinny toddler? The 3T shorts and pants I’ve purchased for him (Gap, Zara) are too big in the waist. It hasn’t been a big problem during the summer, because he just wears 18-24 mo. or 2T shorts, but I anticipate it will be a bigger problem in winter. Any recommendations?
TBK says
No clue but following. Carter’s isn’t your answer. Their pants are too big on my skinny 2T/3T toddler. If you can find stuff with functional drawstring, that’s what usually works for us.
mascot says
I think Gap has khaki type pants with adjustable waists. I also found that Cherokee (Target) and some Gymboree fit as long as they had that internal button/elastic adjustable set-up. We couldn’t find “real” drawstrings until closer to size 5.
PhilanthropyGirl says
Yes – i’ve had good luck with Gap adjustable waist pants on my skinny 24 mo/2T. I’ve kept my kid in lots of overalls and rompers so I don’t have to deal with pants falling off all the time.
Meg Murry says
Yes, the internal adjustable elastic is the key – I don’t buy my kids clothing that doesn’t have it. But my oldest was a super stringbean so pretty much his entire 18 month – 2T wardrobe was overalls. And then of course my second potty trained early, was the opposite season and wasn’t so extremely slim so I had to buy a whole new set of pants for him.
FWIW, my oldest is 9 and has always needed the internal adjustable waist pants, so I’ve stockpiled them any time I find a good deal on them (less than $5-7 in stores, less than $3-$5 at garage sales) because in my mind, jeans are jeans and because once kids hit age 3-4 and up the availability of secondhand pants that still have intact knees goes to almost non existent.
(was) due in june says
A friend of mine buys her tall, skinny son “girl’s” leggings and skinny pants in neutral colors because who cares, and also Gap’s adjustable waist and Lands’ End adjustable waist. She also hunts for hanna andersen pants and has some success with H&M. Basically, her son is built like a nordic person even though he’s not genetically nordic at all.
(was) due in june says
*her son is a toddler.
Sarabeth says
Yeah, the girl’s section is where it’s at.
Betty says
H&M runs tall and skinny. Carter’s may have some answers. Last year they had sweatpants with an actual tie at the waist, so that you could cinch the waist. My oldest loved those pants. Also, some Circo (Target) run skinny and tall.
In House Lobbyist says
I buy Old Navy leggings or knit pants for my tall and skinny 3 year old girl.
DoulasYesorNo says
Hi all! I’m a long time reader. I’m going through my first pregnancy and I have a question – Did any of you hire a doula? What was your experience with a doula? Do you recommend it? FWIW, I’m not interested in an all-natural birth, but I’ve read that doulas may help with the anxieties of the labor process.
Anonymous says
I had a doula for my second birth and had a great experience. I chose someone that also offered post-partum assistance as well.
Doulas are as varied as doctors – some are very much into all natural births and others will happily attend elective c-sections. Doulas are very focused on birth mother choice so I will say that it’s important to understand that when a doula is talking to you about your birth preferences, they will offer a full spectrum which I think is sometimes misread as forcing those views on you. Find someone who will discuss the pros and cons of an epidural with you, not someone who will judge you if you decide you want an epidural.
If you post your location you may even get specific recommendations as there are a few different readers who have used them.
AIMS says
No. I think they’re great if you’re committed to an all natural process because they can help with pain management in a way your doctor and nurse can’t because they are busy doing other things. I was never committed to that b/c based on all my research there really wasn’t a good reason for me to avoid an epidural.
I have friends who used them that loved them and couldn’t see having gone thru labor without them. I had a fantastic doctor. My friends who found them helpful mostly either didn’t love their doctor or had a practice where they ended up delivering with a doctor that wasn’t their own. I think in that instance it’s nice to have an advocate in your corner. But I think it’s better to invest your time in finding a doctor you love. Mine was a solo practice so I knew that she would be the one in the hospital with me and it’d be great.
Anonymous says
” where they ended up delivering with a doctor that wasn’t their own”
This is the norm where I am so doulas are super popular.
NewMomAnon says
My doula helped me make a “pain management” plan that included both narcotic pain killers and an epidural with different triggers for each. It was incredibly helpful while I was in labor; at one point my doula even prompted me by saying it seemed like I had hit my trigger for narcotics. At no point did I feel pressured to avoid pain medication, although it was pretty far down my hierarchy of techniques.
In short – the right doula is worth it.
NewMomAnon says
Should have also mentioned – I had really bad antepartum anxiety and an unstable husband. Knowing who would be at my side while I was in labor, and how they were going to behave and what they would recommend, was so calming. I knew most of the doctors in my practice so I was comfortable with whoever delivered, but the nurses are really the ones helping you manage the labor process at the hospital, and you get who you get. I wasn’t comfortable with that uncertainty (although my labor nurse ended up being fantastic).
Anonymous says
I had a doula for my natural birth, but she also attended c-sections and medicated births. She had been an L&D nurse at the hospital where I delivered and had a good relationship with the staff. She was able to get them to agree to things that I couldn’t (heparin lock instead of IV, the one room with the tub, etc.). She also noticed things that my husband and I didn’t notice because he was clueless and I was in labor, such as the time they were about to give me narcotics without my consent. Late in labor and following delivery I literally could not see or hear much and was pretty confused. If I’d had to rely on my husband to notice everything, I would have ended up with all kinds of interventions I didn’t want or need.
My primary reason for hiring a doula was that I knew my husband would not advocate for me, ask questions, or stand up for my preferences. I am very cautious about medical procedures and like to have a detailed informed consent discussion and then take my time with the decision whenever possible. He automatically agrees to whatever the doctor recommends without asking questions or fully understanding the procedure. There was no way he was going to ask questions such as “Why is this procedure being recommended? What happens if we wait?”, especially if the doctor was telling him it was an urgent situation. The doula was there to ensure that I was actively involved in those discussions, and to remind my husband to ask questions and consider my preferences if I couldn’t be involved.
Another thing to be aware of is that no matter how much you like your doctor, you will not see much of her or the nurses during labor. Midwives provide more labor support, but if you want constant support from someone other than your partner or a family member, you will need to hire a doula.
Anononope says
Mine was a useless waste of $1500, or however much she cost. Didn’t show up until I had been induced and was screaming in agony, basically gave up on me and provided very little guidance or support. No advocacy. Definitely no advice on pain management or how to get through labor. Though she did sneak me in a smoothie, which I very much appreciated.
I think I would’ve felt better about the whole traumatic birth thing if I *hadn’t* expected anyone to be on my side. I thought I was getting a supportive advocate and advisor but instead I just got …??? Not much. I know she was just coming off of another birth and was tired and whatever, but surely they should have a plan to deal with that?
So don’t hire mine, anyway.
Anonymous says
Holy cow. I think mine charged $550. She showed up right when we got to the hospital, stayed until I was on my way to the postpartum room, and came to check on me the next day. She had a limit on the number of clients she would accept due in each month, and she had a backup in case two of her clients went into labor at or near the same time.
Anonymous says
That’s awful and expensive!
Our doula had a list of back-up care that would be provided if she was sick or otherwise available (e.g. another client went into labor early). We got to select the order of priority but understood and accepted that any of the three on her back up list might be available. She took one client per 4 week due date period.
Katala says
I had a great experience with mine. Planned induction due to pre-e, she explained how that might go and normalized the high chance I would get an epidural. I did end up getting one but she was great (epi did not mean pain free, for me) before and after. She took pics and video of me and DH after the birth, which we wouldn’t have had otherwise. She helped with bre*stfeeding. She gave me post-labor cookies (SO GREAT). Highly recommend and totally worth the $ (somewhere over $1000 but less than 1500).
She is part of a team, so I met both doulas. One was scheduled for me, but if she wasn’t available/had just attended a birth, I would have someone I already met and was comfortable with. I think they’ve added a couple doulas to their group since. I thought it was such a great system. If you’re in NYC, highly recommend NYC doula partners.
Carrie M says
We had one during the birth of our first. It was helpful since neither my H or I had been through that before, and it turned out to be many hours of back labor, so having 2 support people was huge – one of them was always giving me counterpressure during the contractions. Having 2 people there meant one could go grab a drink or use the bathroom or even nap for a little bit. So I think it’s worth exploring. I also knew that I’m the type of person who likes to hear from a “trusted source” – and as much as I love and trust my H, he had never done this before. So I liked having an “expert” who I felt like was part of my inner circle and my advocate. We also didn’t want to go to the hospital right away, so I liked having her come to my house, and that I was texting with her all day while in early labor labor. It just gave me peace of mind that things were normal, and progressing, slowly but surely.
If you do decide to interview a few doulas, definitely talk with them re their views on interventions, epidurals, etc. We chose our doula because she was open-minded, and we felt comfortable that she wouldn’t push her own agenda or judge us in any way. We felt like we could honestly talk with her about our goals or wish-list for the birth, but she completely understood that at the end of the day, all we really cared about was getting a healthy child out. My “wish” was for a natural birth, but I ended up with an epidural, and she supported that decision 100% – it made me feel good in the moment, like I wasn’t giving up, and that I was doing what was right for me and my baby.
DoulasYesorNo says
Thanks for all the advice!
anon says
I had a free doula – I was one of her certification births. By the time I had my son, she was actually charging other clients, but I had signed up before. Anyway, I found her pretty useless. I ended up being induced because I was 42 weeks. I started having painful contractions in the middle of the night after they started the second round of cervadil. I wasn’t even in a labor and delivery room yet (dilated to like 1 cm, if that), and therefore wasn’t supposed to have guests after visiting hours, including my husband and doula. Because of this, and becuase it was 3 am and I wasn’t thinking super clearly, I didn’t call and demand support from either of them until closer to 6 am, at which point I had already asked for narcotics and was freaked out and asking for an epidural. (at like 2 cm…I was not stoic). One the doula and my husband arrived, he was my main support, along with my midwife once she came in. (She was out overnight due to a death and there was backup midwife I hadn’t met on call – it was just a whole chain of bad timing for me). I just remember the doula struggling to set up a white noise app on her phone at length and being about to yell SHUT UP WITH THE WHITE NOISE, because I could not possibly imagine white noise making the situation one bit more pleasant. Now if my husband had not been such an amazing labor support, doula might have been more useful. He really was better than I could have predicted though.
NewMomAnon says
So one of the comments last week made me wonder if I’m approaching my long-running toddler sleep conundrum appropriately. Wonder if I can get some input from this awesome group.
My daughter (2.5 years old) has been a rotten sleeper since day 1. At a year, I did sleep training. That fixed the night sleep for a little over a year, and then around the preschool transition a couple months ago, night sleep started breaking down. Bedtime became a struggle sometimes lasting an hour and a half or more. She asks for me to stay in the room with her, and if I leave, she gets so upset that it prolongs bedtime significantly.
As long as we start bedtime by 8 pm, it doesn’t matter how early we start – she doesn’t fall asleep until 8:45 at the earliest. I’ve started as early as 6:30 pm, but I can’t make that work long-term (and 2 hours of bedtime leaves me a wreck). So I’m stuck in her bedroom for at least an hour or two.
Unfortunately, once she’s asleep, she usually wakes up between midnight and 3 am and just screams if I’m not in the room with her. Again, if I don’t stay in the room until she falls asleep, she gets so upset that it can take hours to get her back down. So I’ve taken to sleeping on a daybed in her bedroom from that first wake up until morning. During that time, she generally wakes up 1-3 times and requests that I replace her covers; if I do that and lay back down in her room, each wake up is a 30 second blip in my sleep (and hers).
She consistently takes an hour and a half to two hour nap at daycare, and her night time sleep is usually 8:45 pm to 7 am. Naps at home are awful struggles (awful, awful, awful) and it can take 2+ hours to get her down for a nap lasting an hour and a half. The alternative is a volatile toddler for the rest of the day, so nap struggle it is….
I’ve been taking the long view and just waiting it out. But someone last week commented that a similar situation sounds like kiddo is missing contact with mom and looking for confirmation that mom is available….and it occurred to me that the sleep change also coincided with an increase in dad’s parenting time, and that I’ve started drawing firmer boundaries about when kiddo can touch me, pinch me, climb on me, pull my hair, etc. So kiddo is getting less access to me and may be struggling with that? She also may be afraid of the dark; one time she woke up at night and the lights were on, and she just blinked and said “mama?” instead of wailing.
Anyway, strategies, consolation, advice, anecdotes are all greatly appreciated. I miss my bed and I miss my productive evenings.
TBK says
My kids have Munchkin owl lights they can turn on themselves (and that go out on their own). Maybe if she doesn’t like the dark it would be helpful for her to be able to turn on a light? Link to follow.
TBK says
http://www.target.com/p/munchkin-light-my-way-nursery-nightlight/-/A-14323623?ref=tgt_adv_XS000000&AFID=google_pla_df&CPNG=PLA_Baby%2BShopping&adgroup=SC_Baby_Top+Performers&LID=700000001170770pgs&network=g&device=c&location=9054602&gclid=CjwKEAjwmf6-BRDi9fSN7Ijt1wUSJAASawcjypBG04lHtsuULBEfBFuEu1V5uX-lNBjJmjIzMH3oThoCP-jw_wcB&gclsrc=aw.ds
NewMomAnon says
My kiddo has a couple night lights she can turn on herself, but she never wants them on when she falls asleep. Maybe I’ll start turning the dimmer one on after she falls asleep?
Anonymous says
I’d try babywearing around the house – just leave the carrier out and encourage her to bring it to you when she wants an ‘uppie’. Or depending on her personality, put her in it as soon as you come home and take her out only when time to get into her highchair? One of my twins protests when put into the carrier but he totally needs the snuggles after a busy day at daycare. Much happier guy when he gets the snuggles.
How much time does she get outside? Our kids need to really run around outside before supper to sleep well. Can you run around in the garden for 20 minutes when you first get home? Maybe have an after daycare snack outside? If you feel like she needs the cuddles, maybe a quick walk in the carrier?
For nighttime – I’d try one of those teddy bears/stuffies that plays your voice. Record yourself singing songs to her. This could travel with her when she goes to her dads. Alternative would be a sleep sheep. Our 5 year old still sleeps with hers and turns it on at night when she wakes up and can’t get back to sleep.
AIMS says
Okay, so I am in the middle of my own sleep issues (outlined above) so take this with a grain of salt. But it’s also sometimes easier to give advice from the outside (my friends could fix most of my problems and i could fix most of theirs if we could only trade lives for a bit).
First an easy solution – what about a night light?
Next a harder solution – what happens if you just close the door and let your kid cry a bit? I’d try that for a bit and be prepared for let’s say 2 miserable weeks and then re-assess. Explain to her what’s happening and let her prepare by getting a glass of water ahead of time, having an extra blanket, turning on the nightlight, whatever. Have a teddy bear stand guard over the door. And if you think she’s missing you, maybe lie down with her for some cuddles for let’s say 20-30 min. before bedtime. Tell her when ten min. are left, then five, two, etc. Try to do a shorter modified version of this for naps. For middle of the night waking, I would just say “it’s okay, you’re okay, it’s night time, go back to sleep.” If she cries after that, let her cry. Maybe it will work?
mascot says
Is the same situation happening at dad’s house? Because I feel like you are going to want to be consistent in both places once you figure out what works.
In figuring out what works (and you may have tried these)- nightlight, flashlight she can operate, sound machine, room is too light/dark/hot/cold, she’s thirsty, has to use the bathroom, etc. I realize it sounds like an Honest Toddler list, but maybe there are a few tweaks that can help. That age is trying- they can talk, they are so much louder, and they like to assert their “power” If you’ve survived sleep training once and got results, are you interested in trying again? You know it can work given some time and consistency, but it takes time and consistency.
NewMomAnon says
She sleeps even less at Dad’s house, and I don’t think he has enough parenting confidence to be consistent. Pretty much I’m trying to set good boundaries at my house, tell him what I do, and then let him do what he does at his house. He’s doing a pretty good job given that he hasn’t ever been the “primary parent”, fwiw, but I don’t think it’s worth trying to impose my rules on his house.
Frozen Peach says
Several things.
One, you are a rockstar. Seriously, what you just described sounds grueling. I hope you are getting some good time to take care of you, in some format.
Two, Moms on Call’s sleep advice has been really sound for us. I know they will do consults too, and they’re fairly reasonably priced. Their advice has worked for us across a large range of issues, so even though I disagree strongly with them about a few things, I have a lot of respect for their methods. Like a cafeteria, take what you like and leave the rest. I have other friends who’ve had gamechanging experiences with other sleep consultants and can ask for names if you like.
Three, I have to ask this because I care and it immediately “pinged” in my head. Are you confident that there’s nothing else happening during the increased parenting time with dad that would contribute to anxiety, nightmares, sleep issues? I hate to even ask that, but this is the age when abuse frequently starts, and it worries me that these behaviors seem specific to bed and bedtime. Might be worth checking in with her about, or making sure that you’ve talked about good touching and bad touching. Sorry to plant a worry seed, but you’re a regular on this site and I feel like I know you and your kiddo.
NewMomAnon says
I suspect there would be more indications of abuse than just sleep disruption – physical injuries, or imitation of the abusive behavior (my kiddo imitates everything). None of that. Just a continuation of a lifelong pattern of horrible sleep. If anything, her dad’s anxiety makes it highly likely that he just zones out rather than interacting with her, so she comes back to me starved for interaction.
Also – why are there books for extroverted parents raising introverted children, but none for introverted raising extroverted children? It’s exhausting. After half an hour with my kiddo, all I want is for nobody to talk to me, touch me, or think about me for the next half hour. And all she wants is MORE social interaction.
Meg Murry says
How does she sleep at dad’s house? Is part of the problem that he just lets her CIO or lets her stay up until she collapses on the couch at whatever time that is? Or that he’s a sound enough sleeper that if she wakes up and cries it’s not enough to wake him until she gets to full out wail and she now defaults to panic whenever you (or he) aren’t there within a minute of her waking up?
Not to disturb you, but I’d say the vast majority of single/primarily solo parents I know wound up just sharing a room and/or bed with their kids from the time they were young until elementary age, because it was the only way for them all to get some sleep. So if the daybed is what it takes, and you’re ok with it, you’re probably more in the norm than you realize.
Do you think you could try a slow withdrawal? Like, start with sitting next to the bed for 5 minutes, then move to sitting on the daybed for 5-10 minutes, then the doorway, then just outside the door, etc? Then eventually you could skip some of those steps and go from next to bed to just outside the door, etc?
I don’t seem to have it to quite the extreme you do, but yes I totally get you on the introvert raising an extrovert. My oldest is pretty introverted, like me, but my youngest wants to be constantly with someone, and if he isn’t running 1000 miles per hour than he want to be touching and talking to you, or preferably sitting right on top of you. I love my children, but wow do I really just want to be alone with some silence sometimes!
Frozen Peach says
NewMomAnon, I’m so so glad to hear that. There are a million reasons for sleep disruption, and I am really sorry if I offended or made you worry at all. You obviously know the situation a zillion times better than a stranger on the internet.
And I’m completely in the same boat with an extroverted kid. I hate it because I miss and crave time with her so, so much, but then I get so worn out so fast. Sending you mama mojo.
Anon in NYC says
I don’t have any specific advice, but I just want to send virtual hugs. A good friend of mine has a terrible sleeper (now 5), and she is at her wits end. Have you talked to the pediatrician at all?
Have you considered bed sharing and buying bed rails for your bed? I know that’s probably not ideal from your perspective, but it may help, and at least you wouldn’t have to fight bedtime+wakeups+sleeping on the daybed.
Another Toilet Related Question - Violation of Privacy says
After no prompting from me, no actual teaching, “training” or reading books on the topic, and no tiny po t t ies in the house, my daughter, who is about to turn 2, asked to use the toilet yesterday and did so successfully. Her daycare teacher commented on her dry diapers when I told her about it this morning.
Is it possible that she is ready to toilet train at this age? I was expecting she wouldn’t be ready until she was closer to 3. I thought that she had never expressed an interest prior to yesterday, but now looking back, I am remembering another couple of incidents where she was grabbing her diaper and trying to take it off while saying “poo”. This is my first kid and I have no clue what to expect.
NewMomAnon says
Yup. My daughter came home from daycare a short time after she turned 2 and announced that she wanted to only use the potty, no more diapers. It’s been a long and accident-filled road (sorry, we have accidents probably 3-4 times a week still), but she has stuck to her guns. She still wears diapers at night and I think she will for a while.
AIMS says
Why not try? It’s really only now and in the U.S. that kids are not potty trained till after 2 and closer to 3. In a lot of countries it’s considered weird to have a 3 or even 2 year old still in diapers. There’s no set “normal.”
I haven’t crossed that bridge with my kid yet but I would let yours take the lead. Maybe you can switch to pull ups and see how she does?
NewMomAnon says
My advice: skip the pull ups. They are basically just more expensive diapers that fit closer to the body and are slightly less absorbent. Wet undies give immediate feedback, and the different character options are a great incentive.
Meg Murry says
I’d suggest avoiding pull-ups if at all possible – we made the mistake of using them with my oldest and they pretty much hold half as much material for 2X the cost, and after the initial novelty of them had worn off he had no qualms about just using them as diapers, but then he would throw a fit if we tried to put him back into either regular diapers or underwear. It wasn’t until he was 3 and we did a boot camp (that still took closer to 2 weeks, not 3 days) that he was able to get down to staying dry for the majority of the day so long as he had regular potty breaks.
My youngest was more like the OP’s – was curious about the toilet, so despite my saying “no way, I’m not dealing with a partially trained kid again for a year”, my mom and daycare went ahead and let him sit on the potty whenever he asked, and he reached the point where he could stay dry as long as someone took him potty every 1.5- 2 hours or so, and then was able to stretch it to about 3 hours and telling us when he needed to go and being in underwear for daytime by about 2.5.
So yes, it’s possible for her to train now, or at least to get her on a routine where she mostly goes in the toilet but still wears diapers just in case. I’d say most kids take until 2.5-3.5 to be able to reach the point of being fully self regulated potty trained (being aware enough to stop playing and get to the bathroom in time or communicate with you their need to go with more than 20 seconds warning), but younger kids can definitely reach the point of being trained to go consistently on the toilet as long as an adult is vigilant about frequent toilet breaks.
mascot says
The 2 year old room at our daycare spent about half their day in the bathroom. Which is great from the aspect of seeing other kids using the potty and having everyone on a schedule. It was not so great because my kid was interested in potty training (just before two) way before he was physically capable of being consistent (2.75). When it finally clicked, it went pretty quickly and we didn’t have too many accidents if we gave him regular prompts. I agree with Meg Murry though that it takes a while before they can remember to stop playing and make it to the bathroom in time.
Anonymous says
Yep. My kid was potty trained at 2 years and 4 months very easily. He was probably ready at 2 or earlier, but I was about to give birth to his little brother and not quite ready myself.