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Anon says
Vacation ideas from nyc?
In bleak january I am starting to dream about summer. we’re in NYC and typically end up going out to the hamptons for a couple of weeks in July or August. but, I’d love to find a more low key alternative. considerations are that my kids really want a house with a pool, which is hard to find in many places in New England. I would prefer to be by the ocean, but would consider a lake. other consideration is that my kids get car sick easily, so I’d either like to fly, or go someplace where you don’t need to do long drives to go everywhere (beach dinner etc.)
appreciate any suggestions!
Mary Moo Cow says
Kiawah Island comes to mind. Not many houses have pools, but lots of condo complexes have pools. The island has a main shopping and eating hub and bike trails all over the island so that once you arrive, you can walk or bike almost everywhere. It’s about a 45 -60 minute drive from the Charleston airport.
Myrtle Beach also comes to mind; I haven’t been in years, but two families with elementary age kids I know have been in the past year and raved about it being a true vacation. North Myrtle Beach is a lower key spot.
Unfortunately, with a lot of wonderful little beach islands in South and North Carolina, houses have pools but you can’t walk to shops and restaurants, and aren’t near an airport. Maybe somewhere along 30A in Florida? I haven’t been myself, but am looking at it for this year.
FP says
If you are okay flying, I would look at 30A. I had to go visit to understand the towns/neighborhoods and how they worked, but I think this would fit your needs. Each town or neighborhood has it’s own plan, and many have really luxe pools and have tiny downtown blocks with restaurants you can walk to. Many come with golf carts to get around. I have rented through 360 Blue in the WaterColor and Seaside communities and highly recommend both. The downtown is cuter in Seaside and the pool is better in Watercolor. Both are essentially in the same area and you can easily walk or bike from one to another. However there are probably 10 other communities like this and a local rental agent can probably explain the differences.
Anonymous says
My experience with Florida gulf beaches is further south, so take this with a grain of salt, but is 30A pleasant in the summer? The gulf gets really hot in the summer, and red tide can make it unsafe to swim in, and I wouldn’t want to be anywhere in Florida in July-August voluntarily.
Anon says
It is really hot, and July is the most popular time to visit since most SEUS schools start back the first or second week of August. If you do opt to go, I would recommend going in August when most locals are back in school. And yes, there are jellyfish/red tide/etc. in the gulf. There were jellyfish the entire week I went last year, so we were glad to have a pool.
Anon says
I don’t think so. We’ve gone to the panhandle twice in December and it was lovely (high 60s/low 70s) and the ocean was surprisingly warm. I think it would be great in the fall if you want swimming weather, although I realize most people with school age kids can’t travel then. I wouldn’t want to go in the summer, seems way too hot and crowded.
Anonymous says
But OP’s asking about a trip in July-August, not December. I agree December would be entirely different.
Anonymous says
Sorry Anon at 11:03, reading fail on my part.
Anon says
Yeah sorry it was confusing! The “I don’t think so” was a response to “is 30A nice in the summer?”
Anon says
We’ve been to 30A in June and August, and it was hot, but not crazy unbearably hot. I don’t remember any red tide. We rented through Your Friend at the Beach, and our complex had a massive pool and beach access, but not much within walking distance. Kids loved it.
Anon says
There are lots of islands within 1 hour drive of Charleston that have houses with pools.
Family secret, Edisto Island is a favorite and I know there are many houses on the beach with pools or a short walk/bike ride from the beach with pools.
Kiawah is close by too and Hilton head.
NYCer says
Not sure what your budget is (I assume high if you’re used to renting in the Hamptons), but we love Hidden Pond Resort in Kennebunkport, Maine. All of the accommodations are separate cottages with multiple bedrooms, full kitchen, living room, screened in porch, but is has the amenities of a hotel (including a pool). They have a free shuttle to a sister property that is on the beach with umbrellas, chairs, etc. Kennebunkport is a cute town, and Portland is about 40 minutes away. We fly into Portland, but it is drivable from NYC as well.
I guess my one caveat is that the beach itself is not nearly as nice as what you’re used to in the Hamptons.
anon says
Amelia Island, Florida seems like it would check all your boxes. You can rent a house with a pool, you are near the ocean, the area is walkable, or you can use bikes or golf carts. You can fly into Jacksonville, and then it’s about a 40 minute drive.
Anon says
If you want low key, try a town at the Jersey shore.
Anne-on says
We love the Jersey shore for easily driveable warmer (comparatively) beaches. Unfortunately pools aren’t a big thing for many houses but I’d take a look at Cape May or Beach Haven for very walkable central downtowns with lots of good kid-friendly activities.
We have family that prefers the Outer Banks (up by Corolla) but it is a HIKE from NYC, easily 9-10 hours drive with traffic – we’ve done it once or twice for family reunion gatherings but the weekend traffic onto the island is truly awful. The plus side is that it is very chill and many of the houses have pools.
Anon says
Most of the houses don’t have pools but I was surprised to see a few options with pools from the realty companies when I was renting last year. I don’t know if people were putting them in due to Covid or what. I think pools might be more popular on the Delaware beaches but it’s been ages since I’ve been there.
govtattymom says
Yes! I would consider the Delaware beaches. We rented a really lovely house with a pool last summer in Lewes.
Anonymous says
Agree that the outer banks meets most of your requirements and a massive shlep from NYC. You can fly to Norfolk or Newport News but you still have a 2 hour drive, and traffic is actually worse than the Hamptons. My parents have a house in Duck, I live in Brooklyn, and visited the Hamptons for the first time last summer. I could not belive how much less congested it was. I guess it is just insanely expensive (we camped).
Anonymous says
The OBX are just awful! I live in VA and have no idea why people love to waste their time and money in the OBX. You have to drive a long way for food, nothing is that great, and the beach isn’t even nice. I’d try Hilton Head or somewhere else farther south.
Anon says
I visited the Outer Banks once and I thought it was nice. It’s definitely not powdery white sand like Florida, but I’m used to New England beaches and it’s nicer than those.
Anon says
I was going to say Acadia, but that probably involves more driving than you want. It’s 1.5 hours from the nearest real airport (Bangor), which has non-stop fights from NYC. There’s a tiny airport about half an hour from Bar Harbor but it’s mostly private flights. I believe the only commercial air service there is via Cape Air to Boston. You would also probably want to spend some time in the car to see stuff once you’re there.
Pogo says
We are able to find houses with pools on the Cape – we use Pretty Picky properties. Not cheap but can’t be worse than the Hamptons.
Anon says
What is your kid’s tolerance? Mine is about 20 minutes. We like the SC beaches (driving from DC). If you’re flying, I would fly to Charleston and drive the 35ish minutes from Charleston airport (no traffic, highway almost the whole way, motion sickness friendly as it can be) to Isle of Palms or Sullivan’s Island. Most people use golf carts to get around the island (fine for my kid) and if you want something bigger it’s 15 minutes over the connector into mount pleasant, very easy to find houses with pools at the higher end of the budget, and if you want to, you can go into Charleston for the day. Both islands have a couple blocks of “downtown” space with restaurants. The drive to Charleston is too much from DC, so we have recently been doing North Myrtle. More congested, less touristy, beach isn’t as nice, less walkability, but well worth the shorter drive for us, and there are more “activities” for DH (all I need is a beach, chair and book, but he likes to do things on vacation).
anon says
Kind of off the beaten path but check out Lake Norman or Lake Wylie if you just want a lake house with a pool. The towns can be cute (Davidson or Cornelius NC) but a short drive from the CLT airport.
AwayEmily says
Stopping pumping advice…baby is 11 months old. I had been pumping 2x a day….if I drop to one pump for a week, and then none, do you think that’s a slow enough stoppage to avoid mastitis, etc? Should I also be reducing the time I spend pumping? She’s a solid food maniac and only drinking like 8oz total at daycare now. Planning to still BF in the AM/PM for awhile. Ideally I would love to stop pumping by Jan 16th, which is when the semester starts and I begin teaching.
NLD in NYC says
Sounds good to me. You can start decreasing the amount of time you pump if you had mastitis issues until it drops and your body adjusts.
Mary Moo Cow says
With the caveat that I had a clogged duct but never mastitis, that sounds reasonable. I might pump 2x a day for a shorter period for 3 days, then 2x a day for a a week or so, then once a day. I think this is something like I did. Good luck!
Isabella says
You can also express just a little bit of milk to relieve the pressure without stimulating supply. I have found that helps as LB (10 months old) nurses less.
Anon says
That sounds fine to me. If you’ve never had mastitis by this point I think you’re safe. I’ve stopped more quickly without any issue. You can take Sudafed to help, too.
Anonymous says
Take Sudafed if you want to stop entirely. If you want to continue morning and evening, I would avoid the Sudafed and reducing pumping time/frequency over a 2-3 week period should be plenty to avoid mastitis.
Anon says
I went from EBF to only once a day over the course of a week and the Sudafed didn’t have any negative impact on my ability to do that. Not my first kid though, so maybe I had more established milk ducts.
Pogo says
agreed. That’s similar to the taper I used (I think? it’s crazy how fast you forget this stuff lol) and I am prone to mastitis and clogged ducts. and I had no issues.
AwayEmily says
Thanks! It is very helpful to know that I’m not totally off-base.
Anonymous says
I dropped pumping sessions by decreasing the amount of time spent pumping. I found that was more necessary once I got down to 2x/day. Not sure how long your pumping sessions are, but I basically had to get comfortable with 3-5 min before dropping the session entirely.
Cb says
Kids polo recs that come in navy? I’ve been unimpressed with the Gap ones I bought this year, but maybe a high degree of fading is the norm for darker clothing?
Boston Legal Eagle says
I like Primary’s polos for my kids. They should come in navy, and I haven’t noticed much fading of the darks.
Anon says
I like the Carters/Osh Kosh ones that are a thicker, slightly textured material (vs thin cotton, which does seem to look faded after a while). Caveat that my kids don’t wear them all that often (so, if washing once a week I can’t swear they won’t fade), but I do have three boys and they stand up as hand-me-downs.
anonamama says
I like hannas but recently, tried a mesh weave uniform polo from Lands End and it has worn very nicely and looks great on. Not sure if they will ship abroad, but I can check fabric content for similar variations from other retailers.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
I had to buy DS #1’s school polo (with school name) from Land’s End – quality is great!
Cb says
Thanks all, my dad has a US trip in March so I’ll order a few for him to ferry back to me. I was just really disappointed with the quality of the logo’d ones the school sells and GAP.
Anne-on says
If you plan to hand them down, I’d look for Brooks Brothers or Boden ones on sale, they truly wear like iron. Jcrew has an ‘active’ polo that is a thinner, silky fabric which my sensory sensitive kid loves, the thicker ‘true’ woven polo shirts are too itchy on him so this is about all he’ll wear.
Cb says
Just the one kid, but we have an active uniform free shop in our village, so things with a bit of extra life are always welcome.
anon. says
The uniform brand French Toast is super soft. I’ve tried them all and these are our favorites.
octagon says
+1 to these – sold at Costco. The Target ones have held up well too. In the past we’ve done Gap but their quality has really gone downhill. Lands End are good but really expensive (and they often have long, expensive shipping).
Anon says
For those who had 2+ year olds who were still breastfeeding…how did it ever end? I was hoping that my 2 year old would one day give it up one day like her older sister did at 1, but no such luck. We’re past “don’t offer, don’t refuse” as she will demand. On a weekday, I’ll probably nurse 2-3x (morning, after school, before bed).
Anon says
I’ve had to cut off my first two (23 months and 2.75 years) and looks like it will be the same with my third. You’ll have to actively start refusing – you can offer water or another activity, but expect tears. I’d probably start by dropping the bedtime feed; stay active after dinner (aka don’t sit) and then have dad put her to bed so nursing isn’t an option. Cut down until you are nursing once every other day and then it shouldn’t be too hard to stop for good.
GCA says
My kids never even considered self-weaning. I nursed kid2 till age 2 because she was at home throughout 2020 and I was right there… eventually I cut her off right by playacting with stuffed animals trying to nurse and pretending the milk had ‘run out’. This tickled her to no end and distracted her from her desire for milk.
Clementine says
Band-aids. Use band-aids as a visual cue to the kid that their milk source is not available.
‘No nursing now. Would you like cuddles or milk in a cup?’
Anon says
Wow, that’s commitment. A 2 year old understands a lot more than they seem. At one point, my kiddo stopped at about 1.5 and then asked for it back. I was nervous of a bad latch. So I just told her mine were “broken”. Husband also reinforced it. She was bummed but accepted it.
NLD in NYC says
I had a friend in the same situation. She put some natural aloe (read: safe to ingest) on her nipples and told her daughter when it tasted bad “sorry kid, the milk has gotten sour.”
anon says
Some distraction, some tears, a lot of partner taking over care at key breastfeeding times, like before bed.
Anonymous says
I would drop the afterschool feed first – just be too busy to nurse. But make sure you have closeness in other ways. Mine loved a back carry in the toddler ergo for an hour after daycare. Then have Daddy take over the bedtime routine for a few days while you go for a walk. After a week or so of that, your milk will be much reduced and she’ll likely drop the morning on her own. Offer snuggles but no milk in the morning.
Pogo says
+1
Also, take advantage of a work trip to totally cut it off if you can, makes for a clean break. I would just say “No, we’re not doing that now – do you want sippy?” (at bedtime). We used sippy to mean milk in a sippy cup because he signed milk and we said milk for BF. Once he kinda forgot what it was all about we started referring to milk as milk again.
For morning – I would just have partner get kiddo up and give breakfast and just don’t even talk about it. I think morning was pretty easy to drop for that reason (no snuggle nursing session in bed w/ momma). Night was the hardest, which is where I’d offer the sippy. But after the trip I think he asked once and I just said it was all gone. I was ready to be done because I actually had several trips when he was 1-2 where I kept up the morning/night pumping so we could still BF when I got back. It’s so freeing to travel w/o a pump!
So Anon says
Happy New Year! I have been working from home since March of 2020. My beloved babysitter who would do kiddo pick-up and afterschool time left last year to take on full time work. Somehow, I’ve slid into feeling like I can/should be the one to be everything to everyone: taking kids to all their afterschool and before school activities, all the childcare, all the cooking (kids have allergies so eating out is tough) and going for a promotion at work. A big part of that is that I home all the time, so I feel like a pseudo-at home parent. I am exhausted and done. I’m trying to hire an afterschool babysitter with not a ton of success. Any suggestions? (Single parent here – so asking a partner to help is a non-starter.)
Allie says
Have you tried checking out the Allergy Eats app (yelp for food allergies) or the fb group Dinning Out With Food Allergies? There are some places known to be great with allergies and it would be nice if you could get take out when needed. We deal with food allergies and have developed some good go-tos in our area through those two sources.
Anonymous says
I forget how old your kids are, but can you carpool to some of this stuff? Probably not childcare but the activities for sure.
I only work part time and I have a partner that WFH and I still carpool all the time! Even better we have a 3 family carpool for one activity so I only have to do it every 3 weeks.
For cooking, if you can’t outsource, can you streamline? Simplify the menu, lean into things that can be done way in advance- our go-tos are crock pot meals, chicken pot pie (make a bunch at once, stick in the deep freeze), lasagna (add salad and good to go), etc. also we pre-cook ground beef and keep it in the freezer. Spaghetti with spinach and meat in the sauce, last minute tacos, etc.
Also…depending on the ages of the kiddos, they need to help you! A single parent means they need to learn to help a little earlier. Unload the dishwasher (or part of it), switch/fold laundry, make beds- most kids over 4 can do all this. Mine started at 3.5ish. They can help cook, too!
Boston Legal Eagle says
Are you in a position to take on an au pair or live in nanny? You’d look for one who can drive and is good with older kids. I don’t think you need a ton of hours of childcare, but you need the flexibility of hours. Not sure if they can do cooking, but they can at least hang out with the kids and help with homework while you get the food ready.
Clementine says
Yeah, second this.
After many years of driving myself insane (not a single parent but solo parent 50% of the time) trying to be everything for everybody, we got an Au Pair and my quality of life has gone up by so much. I have room to breathe because somebody is making sure my kids are on the bus and covering random vacation days and ‘too sick for school but not really REALLY sick’ days.
It’s not cheap and it is an adult roommate, but it’s been amazing.
Anne-on says
We had an au pair for many years and it was truly amazing for the ‘too sick for daycare/school but mostly just snotty days’ and she was the only reason I was able to keep working during the pandemic. You need to screen hard for good drivers (we found Germans best able to deal with MA winter driving) and it can be an adjustment living with someone else but it was amazing for the early elementary years. We don’t need 45-hrs a week now so we’re using a part time sitter but I know from experience (and other mom’s comments) that it is currently almost impossible to find a sitter who ‘only’ wants 20-30 hours a week.
Pogo says
have you heard anything about au pairs in MA after the ruling? We are considering it for the future, but I have not met a single person who has taken on a new au pair since the ruling and even the agency websites are kinda like “we can’t give you 100% guidance on how to comply with this, here’s our suggestion, talk to an employment lawyer” which freaks me out a bit.
Anne-on says
Pogo – we stopped using au pairs after the MA ruling (our last au pair finished in 2020). Thanks to the J1 visa ban, no new au pairs were allowed in and the competition for in country au pairs was insanity – people were literally offering them signing bonuses/ipads. We crunched the numbers and found out that we would be able to pay the same cost for an experienced adult sitter (and not have to deal with a roommate/program fees/car insurance premiums/etc.).
That being said, we used Cultural Care and they (and our local coordinator) offered very clear guidlines on pay rates/what you can deduct for room and board/etc. The families we know in MA who still have au pairs have multiple children (2-3) and younger kids so it’s worth it to them to have 45 hours of live in help but it just didn’t make sense to us.
Mary Moo Cow says
That’s tough; it seems like you are full-time parent and full-time employee. Can your kids take on some meal prep? Even just one meal, like lunch on a weekend, or some meal prep after school (like chopping veggies)? Is there an extracurricular activity that needs to put on pause, for your sanity, in this season of life (like cutting back to one club or one sport per season)? What about carpooling with other parents? I hope some childcare comes through soon so you can take a break and get some rest!
Lil says
i just wanted to validate that if there was an easy solution, you would have found it already. In the short term, ask each kid to plan dinner of their choice one night and pick a safe frozen food option for two other nights. Decide if there is any after school activity that can be paused for the next few months. In the longer term, consider the au pair route ( German, Austrian, Scandinavian for the winter driving per my MA based cousins) for the next year if you have space. In some areas, there is a 30 hour au pair option which is less expensive. My kids are younger but there is a lot about your situation that resonates with me. Good luck!
govtattymom says
This sounds so hard! I am also struggling so not sure if you should listen to my input lol. How old are your kids? Could you consider putting them in before and after care rather than activities? My older daughter does before and after care during the week with no activities. She can stay until 6:00 pm. She does ballet on Saturday and swimming on Sunday. It might help if you had more care and less carting around to practices etc. during the week. I hope things get easier for you!
It gets better with time says
Lot of great ideas ..so I’ll mention some that are not yet covered.
Reduce kids afterschool activities to 1-2 per child depending on your bandwidth.. not sure how old your kids’ are.. can they walk from school on their own? Can one baby sit another? Does the school have a bus that you can sign them up for pickup drop off?
Allergies – We are an allergy household as well. so I can understand about not being able to eat out.
– Keep some easy & simple options – avoid cooking elaborate meals.
– Use gadgets- Instant pot is AMAZING!! Esp. when working from home. you could set it up during break time – takes 5-10 mins and dinner is ready on its own, switches off automatically and keeps it warm. Use hand blender..
– Outsource some of that cooking (Eg. Gluten free Mac n cheese, if your kid is gluten free.. some frozen pizza fairy free gluten free etc.)
– Bulk cook and freeze what foods are already working for your family.. Lot of meat options freeze, thaw reheat beautifully.. Freezer was my best friend when kids were much younger.
– Bulk baking – muffins, bread – even allergy friendly ones, pizza bases can all be frozen. Let kids make their own pizzas one night for dinner.
– Get kids on routines so they can learn to be independent and that will reduce your physical and emotional workload as well. (This I struggle with, we are working on this.. it definitely gets better as they grow older). E,g: Getting ready for school starts day before.
– Get kids involved in clean up, laundry, folding, putting away etc.. Also, you don’t have to clean your house ‘as often’ and keep it guest-ready. IF you are manic about it, then think on what’s ideal for you VS what’s good enough. Maybe you have to figure out what’s minimum acceptable for your standards.. and how frequent is good enough.
Anonymous says
Cross-posting with the main site: Can anyone recommend a therapist for anxiety, specifically around insomnia right now? I’m especially interested in cognitive behavior therapy. They could be in Manhattan or Brooklyn or work remotely, and ideally they would accept insurance or not be super expensive, but I’m semi-desperate.
Anon says
Therapy is definitely a good idea, but I would encourage you not to rule out meds, especially if the insomnia is seriously impacting your life. I saw a PCP a couple years ago during a particularly bad bout of anxiety-related insomnia and she gave me some hdyroxyzine, which helped a lot. It’s not addictive the way Ambien or Xanax is. I don’t think it’s great for your health to take it on a daily basis long term, but I just needed to break out of the vicious cycle of anxiety that was feeding my insomnia and insomnia that was feeding my anxiety. Now I only take it very rarely, mainly in situations in which I know I’ll have trouble falling asleep due to anxiety/adrenaline ( e.g., early flight the next day).
Anonymous says
Thanks! I have a telehealth visit at 2:30 for this very reason but want to try everything. I am very, very reassured to hear that medication helped you; I kind of think I need something like that to get over the hump. I have a history of anxiety and depression, for which I have taken SSRIs for long periods of time at different points. I’ve been doing pretty well for years now (I thought), with occasional insomnia that I just didn’t worry about too much, but for some reason for the last week I have just been panicking about not being able to sleep, which makes it impossible to sleep, and I’m getting into a bad cycle. I’m also experiencing some new physical symptoms of anxiety (frequent urination, muscles twitching, etc) that I haven’t dealt with in years. I haven’t seen a therapist or taken medication in 6 years or so, and I think maybe it would be a good idea for me to get back into it for a bit. The pandemic has probably taken a toll.
Anony says
Amelia Aldao at Together CBT. The practice is near Lincoln Center, but they do telehealth too.
Anon says
Yesterday, I asked my 4 y.0.’s teacher for recommendations on kids to set up a playdate with, because he doesn’t seem to have clicked with anyone in his class and I want to help him with one on one time with another kid. His teacher had trouble thinking of a suggestion, because “the kids don’t really like playing with him because he hits.” I was shocked because I had never heard this and just a few weeks ago had a conference with this same teacher, where she said he gets along with everyone and has no problems socially, other than that he doesn’t engage much with the other kids. She had also mentioned that she was pulling him aside to play things like math games with her since he wasn’t doing much with the other kids. She said he enjoys math games with her, so I didn’t object, but from what I can tell, he wants to have friends, he’s just having trouble (he was new to the class in the fall. Everyone else knew each other already and many of the families are extremely close – several went on vacation together last week). I’m pretty upset that suddenly she tells me that no one likes my kid because he hits, when she told me just 2 weeks ago that everything was fine socially. That said, its more important to help my son enjoy school and learn how to interact with other kids than vent my anger. Is it best to let that go and just talk to the teacher about helping him with social interactions? Am I going to stir things up if I mention that I feel she dropped the ball by not mentioning his social issues? I need help approaching this in a productive way! Thanks!
Anon says
Do you go to the same school we do? Kidding, but this is a major frustration with my kid’s (otherwise great) daycare teachers. At the conferences everything is great, my kid is perfectly on track academically, developmentally, and socially, but then they regularly make snarky comments about our kid’s behavior in person. It seems to only happen at the end of the day when they’re stressed out and the conference is a more accurate representation of their true feelings, but it still really frustrates me – it’s unprofessional for them to be venting like this. In this case, I would send the teacher an email saying the comment was concerning to you, and you’d like to have a conference to discuss in more depth.
Not related to the issue of your child’s behavior, which I would want to address directly with the teachers, but just as a general note about preschool play dates: I’ve found that most parents in preschool don’t have a whole lot of interest in playdates, even if the parent has the option to drop their kid off. It’s been really challenging scheduling them frequently enough to meet my extroverted only child’s social needs, and we do most of the initiating which is exhausting and makes me worry that other people think I’m annoying. My kid is very social, multiple parents have told me she’s their kid’s best friend, and she always has a good crowd at her parties. So just know that if you’re not getting a lot of interest in playdates, it likely isn’t about your kid at all.
Anonymous says
Not sure how big the class is but why not have all the joys over for a big weekend play date and see for yourself who he clicks with? I would cap it at like 4-5 kids but that’s probably about what you’ll get if you invite 8.
Anon says
If he’s having trouble connecting with peers, one on one playdates are almost certainly better than a group play date. Even for a social kid, five kids at a playdate can be overwhelming at this age.
Pogo says
That is super annoying. First, you make a plan w/ the teacher to solve the hitting issue. Why is he hitting? When? What are they doing about it/what should you be doing about it?
For playdates, we ended up having success after birthday parties where I was able to exchange numbers w/ the other parents. We have only done playground meetups so far. I would echo the above though that it is tough to schedule with other working parents – many times I’ve tried to do 1:1s and the responses are so familiar: “Oh we’d love to but we’re at my in-laws today!” “That would be great, but we’re at Big Sister’s gymnastics tournament til 3” etc.
My kiddo also just started a new class (and new school) this fall and has yet to really click. He juuuuust started mentioning more than 1 kid by name and talking about playing with them. It’s a big adjustment! I did latch on to the one kid he would mention and make sure to ask “Oh, did Friend wear princess pajamas for pajama day?” “What did Friend bring for stuffy day?”
Moving Logistics says
Can someone help me figure out these logistics? We are planning on moving from our city neighborhood to a suburb. We are planning on getting an agent, etc., in the next few weeks, but we are not really set on a timeline for the move and know we may be looking for a while. We are going to start our search in Area A, which would mean our current daycare would be about 30 min away and that we would be trying to move to Daycare A, which would be about 15 min away and close to my office. However, we are concerned that we may not be able to find something in Area A, and if we ended up buying in another area, both Daycare A and our old daycare would both be about 30 min away. (I have a hybrid job, so even though daycare would be close to my office, I don’t want to drive in every day if I don’t have to.)
So my question is… do I go ahead and put DS on the waitlist for Daycare A now? We love our current daycare but just do not think we are going to be living in this area longterm. I’m also concerned about having a period of time where we have moved but are still waiting to get into the new daycare and are having to drive super far for dropoff/pickup… any advice?
Boston Legal Eagle says
Whether you get on waitlists now probably depends on the age of your kid – I think it will be harder to find a new daycare for a baby v. a preschooler. So, if older kid, you are most likely fine to wait until you have an accepted offer on a house. You would still have a few months before you move. That’s what we did – found a daycare in our new town once we bought a house, and kids started about 3 months later. My kids were preschooler and older infant, but this was back in 2019, so the demand for infant daycare providers may be higher now.
OP says
We will be moving with a 2 year old. We will probably be TTC #2 in the next year, and the goal would be to have the infant accepted early since the 2 year old will already be in the daycare. My assumption is that the daycares in the suburbs won’t be as competitive as our city daycare, but I guess I could be wrong about that?
Anon says
That isn’t true for our city- suburbs and city are equally long (read insane) especially for infant. Just call Daycare A and ask them. All the daycares I’ve spoken with have been very open about their waitlist times.
EDAnon says
I would get on the waitlist and defer the spot if you don’t need it when it comes up. I would also see what you can learn about the Daycare A’s policies. My center only takes new kids twice per year. It’s annoying in some ways but nice to know that if you defer a spot in fall, you will likely get another offered in spring.
HSAL says
This is a hyperspecific request – liquid kids’ Claritin/loratadine that doesn’t taste like death? Switching from liquid (Costco brand) Zyrtec and that was no problem, but the CVS loratadine is apparently awful. Hoping to stay with liquid because it’s cheaper and what they’re used to, but also fine if they’re all bad for some reason and we just switch to chewables.
Clementine says
Children’s grape Claritin chewables were fine in my house – I actually took some when I only brought the kids’ kind on vacation (and am allergic to the state of Virginia in the month of April) and it was fine.
anon. says
Yeah, we switched to chewables – the fights ruined everyone’s day. My kid takes 2x a day (allergist recommendation, fairly severe environmental allergies) and it’s just super expensive. Sometimes Target has deals where if you buy a certain dollar amount you get a gift card and that brings down the total cost.
Anonymous says
We are fans of Reactine Junior Quick Dissolve in this house. Bonus is that they are tiny so I leave them in my glovebox and coin purse in case one is needed on the go.
Anon says
I’m not sure how old your kids are, but Claritin/loratidine is super tiny so at some point you could switch to swallowing.
Anon says
So my daughter was at a playdate; and someone on roblox asked her “where she was?”and she gave out her friends address. Allegedly this was a fake person and single player game, but I do not understand roblox. We talked to her about safety and she feels really bad, we apologized to the friends family (who was very upset about this). Anything else we should do to prevent this from happening again? I also feel dumb for not having this conversation earlier, about online safety, and it makes me worry about what other conversations I should be having with a 10 year old.
octagon says
Check out the FB group Parenting in a Tech World. Someone here recommended it to me and it’s been extremely helpful (and eye-opening).
Anonymous says
Turn off Roblox chat until you figure out the settings better. She can use Messenger Kids to chat with her friends while playing. Do not let your kids talk to anyone they don’t know in person in Roblox or Minecraft etc.
busybee says
You need to turn off the chat settings. You need to have a serious conversation with her about the dangers of online and social media “talking.” If she has a phone you need to monitor it. I am a prosecutor and have several cases of men crossing state lines to have s*x with 10-12 year olds they “met” online. The parents were shocked, but also had absolutely no idea what their kids were doing on their phones and games. Middle schoolers regularly send n*udes of themselves via Snapchat and other apps, and obviously it gets spread.
I’m sure I’ll get flamed for this because everyone thinks their kid is the good kid who would never engage in s*exual talk with strangers on their phone or send photos of themselves…until you’re in my victim witness room sobbing because your 11 year old invited a man to your house for s*x.
Anon says
+1. Phone monitoring is a must. 11-year-olds don’t need privacy in their online activities.
Anonymous says
This. I have an 11 year old girl. Ipad kept in our room on a charging station overnight. I have to put her ipad on silent because otherwise her notifications are going off all night from friends in her class. They have their electronics in their room overnight which is nuts. They are the ‘good kids’ at a ‘good school’ with engaged parents – moms who are peds, lawyers, directors etc.
Anon says
+1. My 10 year old and 7 year old have my old work phones (without phone lines – basically small iPads). They charge in our living room overnight and are never allowed in bedrooms. The 7 year old has to use hers only next to me or DH so we can still help monitor. The 10 year old is just starting to be able to be in another room, but after several years of discussions on safe behavior and how to deal with inappropriate things. (Basically our rule is freeze and come tell an adult).
We’ve had several talks about the dangers of being online. We have a standing rule that they can ask us or show us anything and they won’t get in trouble, unless they continue to do it once we’ve talked about it. Friends at school bring up topics at recess and we talk through them (like moaning and eggplant emojis and searching for fanfic on Chromebooks) and I think that’s helped them understand that there are weird undertones to a lot of things that they wouldn’t think of on their own. My DH is really good at photoshop, so he doctored a picture of them to look like they were on a beach drinking alcohol, and we talked about how if he posted that online, everyone would believe it and it would never go away. We showed them how we can find the address, job, and how much the house cost or how much the rent is, for all of their friends’ parents just by knowing their name and city. We searched my college aged family member and found inappropriate pictures, and talked about how he’d probably be mortified to know his aunt and uncle had seen those photos, but we could save them and put them on our Christmas cards, and he’d never know the whole family had gotten them in the mail. And we’ve talked about s*x since they were in preschool, first just the body parts and working our way up to mechanics and videos online and things like 69 (since a kid at school heard that from an older sibling and they were all guessing at what it was).
It’s scary and hard to have these conversations at such young ages, but it’s out there already. As someone else mentioned, their friends are doing all sorts of stuff unmonitored and they’re hearing about it anyway. You want to be the person they can go to for a real answer, and the person they ask if they are unsure.
Cornellian says
Nothing to add, but thanks for good ideas all around that I need to think about for my kindergartener and baby.
EB says
I’ve got a weekend full of 6 year old birthday parties coming up. Do you have a go-to, gender neutral gift suggestion? I was thinking magna tiles, but that’s expensive when you’ve got three kids to buy for!
anon. says
Definitely a consumable. I buy the following when on sale: PlayMats, Highlights Search and Find, Paint by Sticker. All huge hits. Usually around $8-10.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Legos. Magna tiles would be tricky in my case, as my 6 year old has had these for years already, but there’s a limitlessness number of additional lego sets out there! I buy in the $20-25 range.
Anon says
I recently asked here for advice for a 6 year old boy (I have a 4 year old daughter, they used to be in daycare together) and the overwhelming consensus was Lego which is what we got and it was a big hit. Some may disagree, but I think Lego is gender neutral at this age. My kid really enjoys it too.
AwayEmily says
This year’s birthday present is “Chuckle & Roar Oodles of Noodles Fidget Toy.” $10 from Target and works both for my 4yo and 6yo’s birthday parties. And they are legit fun; my kids got them as a gift a year ago and still play with them, and their 11-yo cousin loves them too. I ordered twelve boxes and wrapped them all at once, so now for every birthday party I just pull one out.
(lest you think I’m hyper-organized, i only did this after showing up at two separate birthday parties empty-handed because we had totally forgotten about gifts)
octagon says
We almost always do games. Simon is a big hit at that age. Taco Cat Goat Cheese Pizza. Mantis. Sushi Go. Ticket to Ride Jr. Gnomes at Night. All good – I stock up on several whenever there’s a sale so they are at the ready.
Anon says
I like to order a bunch of sticker books (Usborne, Build Your Own car/spaceship/dragon/etc), stick them in a closet and when it’s time for a party let my kid choose which they want to give their friend.
Or, I was shocked how many people gave Target gift cards or straight money at my son’s 7-year-old party. Maybe you could pair a $10 gift card with a sticker book. (My son loved getting to pick his own things and spent lots of time researching what to get)
FP says
I like to give a gift card to an ice cream shop or something similar if you want to go that route instead of a physical gift or a more general Target card.
Spirograph says
Maaaybe 6 is a little young, but my kids have *loved* crystal garden kits. Parent supervision required, but only for a few minutes.
Anonymous says
A book and consumables (Pete the cat, elephant and piggie, jasper rabbit (creepy crayon/carrot/underwear etc)all seem universally loved by K-ish kids). maybe an easy reader chapter book if the kids are in K and already reading. Add a coloring book and/or fancy erasers and/or nice markers/pencils. A good coloring book- math mosaics, dot to dots, color by number, the highlights look and find collection, that sort of thing. Nice stickers. For kids who may like it, chapstick and nailpolish.
Alternatively, all the legos.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
I always post this – and am always in the minority! – but I do a $20-25 GC to Amaz*on, Target, or a local bakery/restaurant if there’s a place/type of cuisine you know the family likes.
I keep the retail GCs in my desk drawer, and always neutral stationary that I can use to put the card in. If it’s a friend of DS #1s, I make him write the note.
Anonymous says
We have been giving little portable magnetic games (Chinese checkers, tangrams) I got at the bookstore, or card games (guess who), along with, for kids who can read, these books of wacky facts.
Anon says
so i just went downstairs (WFH day) to refill my coffee and our nanny told me in tears that her daughter’s best friend passed away last week in a freak accident. her daughter is 12, turning 13 on Friday and the friend was a few years older. Nanny was off all of last week and was here yesterday, but her daughter came with her so she didn’t say anything. Her daughter is already kind of a sullen moody teenager who is very quiet and my nanny says struggles to make friends. Our nanny has been with us for 4.5 years. Any ideas how to support her?
Pogo says
I am so sorry, an acquaintance local to me just lost a child in a freak accident and I was pretty shaken up for a couple days and I hardly know the mom.
Do you have her address to send flowers? I don’t know that the teenager will care, but the nanny will appreciate it (I would address flowers to the daughter, as it is her loss, but even if the daughter doesn’t care, it will acknowledge to the nanny that you realize she is going through a tough time trying to be there for her daughter). I would also offer some flexibility if you can – though she may not take you up on it, it is a nice gesture, and maybe nanny does want to spend some 1:1 w/ daughter to be there for her.
Also, as awkward as it will be, when you see the daughter again, I would tell her in person you are sorry for her loss (unless nanny specifically says she does not want to be acknowledged).
Anonymous says
Where would you go in Europe with a <1 year old? My husband and I would like to take a trip (June or September) to Europe with our new baby. Baby will be 6-9 months old. My sibling and his wife life in Europe and would meet us for a long weekend so we'd have both extra adults on hand for part of the trip We were thinking France or Germany, but a friend recently noted she found Scandinavian countries very baby friendly and so we were considering switching it up.
Anonymous says
Sweden and Italy are both super baby friendly and are ‘go to’ locations for travel with babies for friends who live in Europe. Austria also has some great kid friendly hotels if you’re looking outside of cities. June is a great time for Europe, and later September. Schools start back a little later there so first/second week of September may still be busy (ish) in some places.
Anonymous says
Where is your sibling based? That will make a difference as well. Driving/rail is always easier/more reliable. Airlines have been a hot mess in Europe since Covid.
Anon says
With a baby that age, a city is probably easiest. We did separate trips to Tuscany and Mallorca with preschoolers and loved both, but a baby that age doesn’t need space to run around or a pool to play in, and the conveniences of a city (nearby restaurants, grocery stores, not having to mess with driving and car seats, etc.) will make life easier. Honestly, I’d probably just pick whatever city the adults most want to visit and can conveniently get to. Personally I don’t find France kid friendly compared to Spain, Italy and Portugal, but again I don’t think it really matters at that age. Haven’t been to Germany or Scandinavia with kids.
NYCer says
Agree with all of this. I would just pick a city that you want to go to and then go there. With a baby that age, you don’t really need to worry about kid friendly activities (playgrounds, pools, etc).
anon says
Yeah, babies are portable, so just pick where the adults want to go. We did France and Portugal with babies and while people in Portugal went more out of their way to be kid-friendly, even in Paris it was easy to sit at a cafe with a kid sleeping in a stroller next to the table, etc.
Anonymous says
If you do it try to do it closer to 6 months than 9, as traveling with babies gets harder when they start crawling (they want to move around). For me, the time change sleep disruptions and entertaining baby on a plane would be the hard parts.
Anon says
The difficulty didn’t really go up for us until they started walking, and most kids aren’t walking at 9 months.
Anonymous says
Has anyone here dealt with enlarged adenoids? For a month or so now, DS’s breathing almost sounds like he’s snoring.His sleep doesn’t seem to be suffering, but we’re going to take him to the doctor. Curious whether others have had the issue resolve on its own, or how you knew that surgery would be necessary.
Anon says
as a kid (though I was like 12) I had mine removed. not sure if it was because they were enlarged or whatnot. I’m sure the procedure has improved since then, though it was a pretty easy in and out, eat popsicles for a few days. i recall the actual worst part being that i caught the flu while at the hospital having the procedure so i was sicker from the flu than the actual surgery. I just took my daughter to an ENT for a different reason and while we’ve been fortunate not to have to see many specialists so far with my kids, I really appreciated that the person we went to see was not trying to push unnecessary procedures on us.
Anon says
My husband had his out as a kid, but I think it was because of frequent strep throat, not snoring. But I guess now it’s kind of out of date to remove them to prevent infection, because it actually increases the risk of infection. https://www.webmd.com/oral-health/news/20180607/think-twice-about-tonsil-adenoid-removal
My kid always seems to snore when she’s congested (aka nonstop in winter). I don’t think it’s a huge problem unless it’s affecting sleep.
Anon says
Late to comment, but my toddler just had their adenoids out in the fall. Toddler had loud mouth breathing, snoring and constant nasal discharge. We talked our ped and then went to an ENT, had xrays taken and the ENT confirmed very enlarged adenoids and recommended removal before it impacted toddlers palate or resulted in worse sleep quality/apnea. Surgery itself was quick and easy, recovery not bad at all and we saw good results almost immediately. It’s a much easier recovery than anything “below the palate” (tonsils etc.) as often eating and drinking isn’t impacted. We were happy we did it, but wouldn’t have done it without meeting with ENT and getting xrays to confirm that the adenoids were the likely source of the issue for our kid.
Pogo says
Just wanted to say that the styling of this shirt made me lol. Nothing says workwear like my boobs in your face!
Spirograph says
Same. A male exec at my company always seems to show up at townhalls with his shirt unbottoned one or two buttons too many, and this is the female equivalent.
anon says
No advice needed, just wanted to commiserate. My youngest kid is now 8, and is quite specific about her sense of style. Which is great! I give her a lot of autonomy over what she wears and what she picks out at the store. It isn’t always what I love, but whatever, as it’s appropriate for the occasion and her age. I feel good about this UNTIL a special occasion rolls around. Like she did NOT want a specific holiday outfit for family dinners, church, etc. This year, after one unsuccessful and very un-fun shopping trip together, I decided I didn’t feel like fighting the battle and let her wear whatever. I couldn’t even convince her to wear red or green, lol. I’m just sad that I no longer get to dress for cute kid things that I love, too. Yay for bodily autonomy, but it does hurt my mom-feelings sometimes. :(
NYCer says
If it is any consolation, I couldn’t even convince my 3.5 year old to wear red or green for Christmas. Pink for life!!!!!!!! ;)
anon says
HA. My 4 year old wore a pink cotton dress to Saturday morning soccer all fall. Refused – REEEEFUSED – to put on the team red shirt. The coach was lovely and just said let her wear whatever and have her participate, so we did. Pink was close enough to red? And the long shirts on 4 year olds sort of looked like dresses? Made for some good pictures and will give us a good laugh …. someday.
Anonymous says
In the same boat! One of my 8 year old twin boys loves to dress ‘fancy’ (dress shirt/bow tie) and the other won’t wear anything with buttons. I usually compromise by narrowing choices to 3-4 holiday sweaters and asking them to pick one. I have better luck with British brands like Marks and Spencer or Boden. One twin wears his dress shirt/bowtie with the sweater and other twin wears a solid color tshirt underneath.
Maybe it’s being pandemic kids but instore shopping is the worst and always ends in disaster. Gymboree or Jcrew kids have been reliable for kid approved holiday picks for older sister of the twins.
Anonymous says
You made it to 8, that’s pretty great! My oldest still lets me pick most of her clothes at 9 but she is lazy and also has veto power. My almost 7 y/o has not let me pick for years. My 4 year old sometimes wears PJs because I have lost the will to fight.
anon says
She’s been picking out her school outfits for several years, but I had been holding on to the holiday wear! I felt kinda sad when I saw all my little nieces and nephews in their matching buffalo plaid (boys) and green velvet (girls).
Anonymous says
I am all about autonomy and personal style 99% of the time but I insist on appropriate attire for church, fancy restaurants, the theater, weddings, etc. There is plenty of room for self-expression within the correct level of formality. If she doesn’t want to wear a dress, she can find a jumpsuit or dressy pants and a nice top. Boots or cute sneakers will often work for church if she doesn’t like dress shoes. Etc.
anon says
It’s partly on me — by the time I realized how little she had for dressy clothes that still fit, everything was super picked over. I did feel bad about the lack of formality, but it also was one less battle to fight?
Anonymous says
I hear you on the picked-over stores! Signed, the mom whose daughter decided the day before Easter that she wanted a fancy dress after all
Mary Moo Cow says
Same, girl, same. My 7.5 year old only wants to wear tulle skirts and tie-dye school logo t-shirts and crocs. Not my favorite look and I miss dressing her in preppy fancy clothes that she once loved. But this is her style, she’s confident, and she’s still dressing like the kid she is, so I try to keep my feelings to myself.
Anon says
I am seriously debating just clearing out every shirt that doesn’t have a cat on it from my 3-year-old’s drawers because it’s not like they’re getting any use. Sigh.
anon says
OP here, and LOLing so much, because my daughter has at least 3 cat shirts that she wears all the time.
anon says
unicorns and rainbows 4 lyfe, here.