I spent most of the holidays relaxing at home and would have worn this cute hoodie on repeat.
This relaxed-fit nursing hoodie has a drawstring hood, kangaroo pocket, and easy zippered side access for nursing or pumping. Since it isn’t obviously a nursing top, you can wear this long after your pump goes into storage. Just add your favorite leggings and sneakers for a sporty look.
Pietro Brunelli’s Pullover Nursing Hoodie is $150 at Macy’s (but be on the lookout for sales). It comes in sizes XS–L. It’s available in heather gray and “particulier” (a cool beige).
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Sales of Note…
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Nordstrom – The Half-Yearly Sale has started! See our thoughts here.
- Ann Taylor – $50 off $150; $100 off $250+; extra 30% off all sale styles
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 25% off purchase
- Eloquii – 60% off all tops
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off “dressed up” styles (lots of cute dresses!); extra 50% off select sale
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything; 60% off 100s of summer faves; extra 60% off clearance
- Loft – 40% off tops; 30% off full-price styles
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Talbots – 25-40% off select styles
- Zappos – 28,000+ sale items (for women)! Check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kid shoe brands on sale.
Kid/Family Sales
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off kids’ camp styles; extra 50% off select sale
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off summer pajamas; up to 50% off all baby styles (semi-annual baby event!)
- Carter’s – Summer deals from $5; up to 60% off swim
- Old Navy – 30% off your order; kid/toddler/baby tees $4
- Target – Kids’ swim from $8; summer accessories from $10
Anon says
Good news: we did oh crap this weekend and kid rocked it. He’s gotten really good at using the potty. We will see how preschool goes today
Bad news: he’s hit a gnarly sleep regression. Up at 5 am ready to roll. Waking up in the middle of the night. Hopefully it’s just a short blip because I am sleepy this morning.
Hope everyone had a great holiday break.
Anonymous says
Congrats! We also did a potty boot camp this weekend, and while I wouldn’t say we rocked it, our kid did successfully use the potty a few times and we’re hopeful that daycare can bring it home this week with repeated practice. This was our second time trying — the first was about 5 months ago and it went terribly. I really hope it sticks this time because we are so ready to be done with diapers!
Marshmallow says
Good luck in preschool! I’m SO happy to send kiddo back to the school routine today. I think she attended a total of seven school days in December due to family travel and various illnesses. She’s been bored at home and ready to go back.
Meanwhile my due date is now officially next month and I’m realizing how little time we have left to get ready for #2. Gahhhh.
Anon OP says
Mutual excitement about going back to school this morning. Kid asked to leave 30 minutes earlier than we normally do. Husband and I were very happy to have him out of the house too
Anon says
Way to go! We also tried potty training 28 month son this past week. Had some success but we ended up giving up and we’ll try again in the spring. It seems I was also not quite prepared to train him (sleep training 6 month old at the same time, holidays, we all just got over COVID…)
Pogo says
We had a nightmare getting together backup care from my company’s contracted provider and ended up with an in-home sitter again. On the plus side, it means little guy won’t catch anything at a center, but it also means I have to train two different sitters and have someone new in my house which just gives me minor anxiety. He was a mess when I left today (“Mommy no leave me! No go work mommy!”) but he kinda did the same thing for my parents on NYE and my dad said he stopped crying in like 30 seconds.
I’m feeling ready to be back in real clothes at a desk. The stay at home life is not for me, even though we had a really lovely break with a great balance of travel, home, family time, adventures, etc.
OOO says
Congrats! We’re blocking the 13th-16 to do Oh Crap. I almost started yesterday since DS showed way more interest in going in the potty than ever before. Hope we have your same success!
I feel you on the sleep regression. After traveling for the holidays and letting DS sleep in our bed, we had to Ferberize all over again.
Bette says
This is so encouraging, thanks for sharing! We are doing Oh Crap this weekend. Tried in the fall but he got a stomach bug on Day 2 so pressed pause until January… this is kind of our last window to get him potty trained before Baby #2 arrives so the vibe is very “burn the ships so we can’t sail home!”
Anne-on says
Happy 2023 everyone! Anyone else get sick during the break? We all caught covid and tested positive on Christmas Day (yay) and spent the next week recovering. Husband was down for 1-2 days before feeling better, ditto with my son but I’m still struggling with breathing issues. On the plus side I feel like I did actually get a lot of rest in, so despite still not feeling 100% I do feel much more mentally recharged, silver lining I guess?
Cb says
We got covid just before. I’ve got lupus and assumed I’d be really ill, but recovered much more quickly than my husband, and my son never tested positive.
Anon says
Glad to hear it was mild for you! I have an autoimmune disease too and have not yet had Covid and this is reassuring.
Anonymous says
In case this is reassuring: My SIL and brother both have autoimmune diseases (her: lupus, him: reactive arthritis). They got COVID before the vaccine was available and were pretty sick but not dangerously so, and then my brother just got it again and had very mild symptoms. She somehow has not caught it again despite working with COVID patients for her job.
Pogo says
If you are having trouble breathing, I’d get in w/ your PCP ASAP to start working on some long term solutions. I did not do that, and am still really struggling almost one year later. Every time I get the tiniest sniffle now it turns into full blown bronchitis. I’m finally seeing my PCP this week to figure out how to kick long COVID for real.
anon says
I have covid now! Suspect I caught it from a flight or from my kid, who had one night of coughing that we didn’t even bother testing for. I had a weird sinus pressure/loss of smell which made me test, been mild just a cough and congestion for me as well. I had not had it before, and am fully boosted. I’m mid 40s with controlled HBP and take a statin. Other than that, I am pretty healthy and rarely get sick. My husband is isolating, but he’s coughing a lot although he was negative last night. He has a few more health things going on than I do, so I hoping he can avoid it.
Spirograph says
No covid (at least according to the tests I’ve taken the last couple days), but I do have an annoying cold. I felt mentally recharged until I logged in this morning and saw my calendar for the week. First order of business is to cancel half of those meetings. *sigh*
Anon says
my sister and bil got it (for the first time) and as a result did not come visit us, which we were all disappointed bc we were excited to play with my 6 month old niece, but on the flip side we didn’t have to work around nap schedules for various activities with my dad who was also visiting.
OOO says
We dealt with flu, COVID, a gross ear infection for DS, and a stomach flu that we passed from DH’s family to my family.
Anon says
Break was the first time since September we’ve all been healthy for two weeks. I’m bracing to get Covid in the next couple weeks though. It’s everywhere now.
Anonymous says
Same. We dealt with RSV just before the holidays, and I think last week was the first week without coughing in months. I’m assuming we’ll have Covid or flu by the weekend.
Anonymous says
Welcome back, hope everyone successfully navigated the airline meltdown! We have a 4 and 6 year old and I was disappointed in their attitudes at Christmas, particularly the 6 year old. They got many things they had asked for but some they didn’t, and that’s what they seemed to focus on. It was very frustrating (and embarrassing!), particularly when they were opening grandparents presents. The 6 year old got something she had asked for repeatedly, and just tossed it aside and asked for the next present. I know some of this is normal for that age but giving lectures on attitude was not how I expected to spend Christmas. Thoughts, tips, tricks?
Anonymous says
With a lot of kids in my extended family I’ve noticed that the more people around when presents are being opened, the worse it gets. If multiple kids are tearing into gifts at the same time with several grandparents, parents, aunts, and uncles looking on, it’s a nightmare. When it’s just the kids from one nuclear family, their parents, and the grandparents who gave the gifts, and the kids take turns opening and admiring one present at a time, it’s much better. For this reason I try to avoid opening gifts during big family gatherings. If the grandparents want to watch the kids open the gifts and won’t be around at a quieter time, you can have the grandparents go off into another room with each set of kids separately. It’s also best when there is just one gift per kid from each set of grandparents, and when the kids have gifts for the grandparents so they are excited to give something instead of just receiving.
Pogo says
My 5 year old would open a box with a sweater in it and yell ‘BOR-ING!’. So, yeah, I feel you.
Fewer presents really seems to help, as well as letting them stop and enjoy each present. We took an hour-long Lego-building break on Christmas morning. I really struggle with my in-laws whose love language is gifts and seem to feel the need to hit a certain # of gifts/child.
Anon says
My 5 year old did the same thing! I’m glad it’s not just her.
anon says
Yeah, my 5 year old who loves clothes would open and go ‘ugh clothes!’ and move right along. Fast forward to the week after Christmas LIVING in the new outfits. Then I’d send a pic to the gifter with her huge cheese face.
anon says
Honestly, what has helped us – although it’s not a quick fix – is deemphasizing the gift-giving aspects of Christmas. We still do it but we invest a lot of familial emotional energy in other aspects of the holiday so that all of the excitement isn’t laser-focused on what’s in the boxes on Christmas morning. Like, we build up stuff like the Christmas pageant, Christmas Eve church, the special dinner we have on Christmas Eve, the special dinner we have on Christmas Day, the Christmas Day night drive to see Christmas lights, etc. It kind of drains off the pressure on the presents, if that makes sense? We also don’t open gifts all at once – we are a blended family so sometimes we do some gifts earlier in the month with half-siblings (depending on the parenting schedule), and we do gifts with non-local grandparents on New Year’s Day at their home.
Mary Moo Cow says
My oldest was like this, with peak years ages 4-6. This year, at 7, it was a 180. Last year she sulked all day because Santa didn’t bring her exactly what she wanted but this year, she asked for one thing and didn’t get it, and was happy with what she did get. Some things we did differently this year: more family activities in the lead up to Christmas, hosted a Christmas themed playdate for 6 of her friends last week, and scaled down on presents (2 from Santa, 3 from us, plus stocking.) When we did extended family Christmas, she asked quietly afterward if she had gotten fewer presents from grandparents than her sister, and I replied that while it is okay to be disappointed, she could think of it this way: the value of the presents was probably about the same, and as a bigger kid, you get bigger stuff that you can handle (sewing machine versus 2 calico critter sets.) I also really praised her for having a good attitude on Christmas and made sure to tell her how much joy it brought me to see her love the presents and play with them that day.
Gratitude is something I wish I could force on my child, because it is one of my core values, but I’ve learned that I really can’t. I can model it and encourage it and control my own reaction. It is a work in progress.
Allie says
Setting expectations in advance seems to help with my kids for presents from extended family– YMMV but we say you’ll open presents, you may like them, you may not, but you say “thank you” regardless. We explain that that is kind, and extended family doesn’t have to buy them presents so if they’re not kind they may not want to in the future. Also — my kids are growing up in a family with much more disposable income than I did so I’ve just accepted that they’re not going to feel about gifts the way I did (always thrilled because we really almost never got extras besides holidays and birthdays).
AwayEmily says
+100 on the advance prep, I think it makes a big difference. And then a lot of positive reinforcement when they do react in the appropriate way.
EP-er says
+1 on this! We talked about what do you do if you get a present you already have? What do you do if you don’t like that character? What do you do if it is underwear? They answer is always “Thank you, that was so thoughtful!” or something like that. It came in handy when my daughter got three identical sets of Lego at her 8th birthday party! I let them know that if it is a duplicate or something she doesn’t like, we’ll take care of it privately later and it is the thought that counts. That person cared enough about them to buy them something.
We also lean into gift giving and picking out just what sibling/cousin/grandparents might like.
Anon says
+3 to this. We talk about it in advance, even now that my kids are 9 and 7, and practice what they can say. We also remind them that we’ll take care of things privately afterwards if we need to (like duplicates or hated characters or whatever) so they can focus on the fact that someone thought about them enough to give a gift.
Agreed that this generation will likely feel differently about gifts than we ever did, due to the immediacy of gratification and disposable income in the older members of the family. We adopt local families at Christmastime, explaining that we help out Santa since some kids don’t get any gifts from family and we get so many. The kids help us pick out items from their lists, so they are very involved in the process. We try to remind them of that before extended family sessions – “Do you think those families are excited to see so many presents under the tree?” “Can you imagine how excited that little boy will be for his new shoes?” “I bet that little girl can’t believe she has a new soccer ball!” That usually gets them in a grateful mentality and helps when it gets so chaotic and crazy.
Anon says
i listened to a podcast on this, so first of all know that your kids are def not the only ones and it is such age appropriate behavior, even though if it is embarrassing. in fact, i have a memory of my mom pulling me aside on a birthday, i was somewhere in the 5-7 range to scold me for my ungrateful reaction when opening a gift. not saying you should let it go, but sometimes letting it go in the moment is better and finding another way to discuss later on when everyone isnt hyped up on sugar and excitement.
Anon says
In our family we have emphasized opening one gift at a time and taking turns. Our daughter was the distributer of gifts, so she was involved (almost 4 – also enjoys helping adults unwrap gifts) in each gift opened. Maybe this kind of system is helpful because there’s no expectation of opening gift after gift? Also gives adults a chance to model opening/thanking between each gift the children open.
Anonymous says
+1. We designate the kids “elves” to distribute packages and open one at a time.
Bean74 says
Thank you so much for sharing this! My son turned six on the 28th so it has been a constant stream of presents. And I was absolutely appalled at his attitude, thinking we had screwed up in a major way on this.
My husband comes from a family that is big into gifting (even now, the grown kids get the same amount of presents!) and it’s been hard to place focus on other aspects of the holidays.
If anything, this year was a lesson that less really is more.
SC says
We practice what to say in response to a gift. Also, this year, my 7-year-old was much more excited about gifts than in previous years. He hugged grandparents, said thank you to everything, stopped in the middle of opening presents to read a book, yelled that it was the best day ever. It all sounds great, exactly the reaction you would want as a parent watching your kid open gifts from grandparents and aunts and uncles. What I got from MIL was her opinion that Kiddo’s excitement was an example of how he’s neurodivergent, because his 7- and 5-year-old cousins in another state were less excited about gifts from Santa than in previous years.
So, yes, we all want to instill gratitude in our kids. But don’t worry about being embarrassed. The judgment comes no matter what your kid’s reaction is.
Cb says
Thank you for the very drunk, rowdy men on our RyanAir flight last night…. Their nonsense distracted the other passengers from my 5 year old whose ear started hurting at the gate and spent the flight alternating between sobbing hysterically and fitfully sleeping. And shout out to the flight attendant who got the captain to cool down the cabin as we had stripped him down to leggings and was still complaining about being hot. Longest 3 hours of my life, but luckily at the end of a really wonderful grandparents visit.
Cause remains a mystery, he was pretty much fine by the time we got through passport control and got to our car. And no complaints about his ears today.
Abby says
Expecting baby #1 this spring and trying to finish up my registry this week. Please share your baby or toddler must haves and items that were a total waste of money!
Anon says
If you have any interest/curiosity in Montessori (true Montessori, not the commercialized version or the label slapped on some schools) I recommend reading The Montessori Baby to help you decide what items would be best. It’s a very easy, quick read and so interesting.
I am doing a lot of things differently with baby 3 and got rid of/stopped using a lot of “gear” I’d had from his older brothers. At the least (even if you don’t go full throttle), I highly recommend getting a series of Montessori mobiles from Amazon and a place to hang them – my baby was fascinated by them for months.
Anon says
I really underestimated the value of a good sound machine (ex. Halo Hatch). If you haven’t registered for a nice one, I’d add it to the list. Better to have one, than not at all.
Anonymous says
Counter view: There is absolutely no need to buy a sound machine right away. Try sound machine apps, sound machine playlists on Spotify, etc., and see if you need them. If they make a big difference, then buy the machine. We took this approach and neither kid needed a machine, despite apartment living.
Anon says
Counter-counter point :)
We used my ipad for a sleep app (used Calm) to save money. Then I had given up my ipad whenever baby was asleep, which in retrospect feels like a silly deprivation. We used the sound from the jump and it helped me to ignore a lot of newborn noise. Ours was a grunty sleeper so blocking out her little noises helped me sleep better.
NYCer says
+1. We never used a sound machine beyond the “baby shusher” for the first few months (weeks? I can’t even remember at this point).
Anonymous says
Emphasizing these are my opinion only. Every kid and parenting style/household different.
Must haves – my brest friend nursing pillow (so much more supportive than the boppy), dock a tot or similar place to “put” the baby for brief stretches of time, the baby bjorn bouncer and the thin gerber baby washcloths (found these great to keep at the changing table and just generally for messes. Less bulky than burp cloths. We still use them.)
Waste of money – bottle sanitizer and bottle drying rack. I would have preferred to just put all of this in the dishwasher and call it a day. My husband didn’t like that, so for like a year our counter was cluttered with these items. When we stopped bottles and got rid of the sanitizer was one of the greatest days ever for me. I am a person who can’t stand anything on the kitchen counters. It was nearly like that scene from the movie office space with the printer/fax machine when I got to finally be relieved of the bottle sanitizer.
OOO says
+1 to all of this
Anon says
We were pretty minimalist and didn’t buy many of the so-called essentials.
Some things you need: at least one sleeping area for babe (pack n play will be useful for travel, can also use it as a bassinet in parents’ room, so we had that plus a regular crib in the nursery), mattress and sheets for the crib/pack n play, car seats (ideally one for each car you or a caregiver drives regularly), some kind of stroller (we live in suburbia but were glad we avoided the $$$$ strollers – the snap n go stroller and then a cheap umbrella stroller worked great), clothes (unless you’re expecting a tiny baby I recommend skipping newborn sizes and going straight to 0-3M clothing – they’ll grow into it and it’s easier for a baby to wear clothes that are slightly too big than too small), diaper station including diapers, wipes, diaper pail, changing pad, and at least a couple changing pad covers.
Some things that aren’t strictly essential but were really useful for us were a glider for nursing (we got a babyletto one and still use it at age 5 for stories/snuggles), swaddles and sleepsacks, a baby tub (we had one with a built-in scale, which I liked), video baby monitor, an activity mat and a mobile.
We never purchased a white noise machine, wipe warmer, or any kind of swing or bouncer and never missed them. I never had an official diaper bag and just threw some diapers, wipes and feeding stuff into whatever tote bag I was using. The hospital gave us everything we needed in the way of personal care products for me and baby (including nose sucker and thermometer).
Greta says
Congratulations! I now have two elementary schoolers, so here are my thoughts from experience:
Used/Loved:
Car seat carrier bags for travel
Stroller cover bag for travel + light umbrella stroller for airports only
Muslin blankets
Rock n Play seat
Swing
BOB jogger for offroading stroller occasions (festivals, races)
Pajamas with zippers (not snaps!)
Aquaphor diaper cream
The Diaper Genie with the foot pedal (not the one where you have to push it in by hand and heaven forbid not a normal trash can) – one for every level of your house if you have multiple
Pack n Play for travel
Leave off registry:
any type of toy – you’ll get way more than you need without asking
any book – same comment
any clothes/apparel
any decor
any “keepsake” items
Pogo says
This is a solid list, though FYI I believe Rock n Play is off the market now. For a spot to put baby, I liked the boppy lounger (if that thing is still on the market lol). The dock a tot or a Moses basket would also do the trick (just something you can easily cart around the house the put baby down next to you).
The swing we got is the highly recommended FP Cradle n Swing and that thing is a BEAST (I feel like you need a five-foot diameter circle of free space for it). Some kids love it (i think it worked well for my first) but my second never super took to it, so I would opt out of swing for now.
In the swing category, we LOVE a doorway jumper swing once baby is about 5-6mos old. I also had a bumbo and used it a fair amount for both kids.
I echo support for the Hatch Rest sound/light machine (my kids each have one, and my older son still uses it). I loved all baby carriers and I would register for multiple (Ktan, Moby, Ergo are the 3 I have).
I liked having a baby bath so I didn’t have to fill up the whole tub, but some people just use a sink.
Another must have in our house was the North States baby gate – we made our own playard to fit the shape of a cushy mat thing (I believe 5×7 – it was LARGE) and this was very effective for containing baby and protecting baby from older brother once we had two. They sell an octagon shaped playard, but as we did you can buy the pieces individually to make your own (we also created a large gate blocking our den off from our kitchen at one point by reusing some of the pieces).
Very much agree not to buy any toys, books or clothes. People love to give that stuff. And blankets. You’ll get so many blankets.
GCA says
When kid 1 was born we lived in a 300 sqft studio apartment for his first year, so did not need a lot of things (baby monitor, swings, seats, etc). So my must-haves included:
Baby carrier (we had a Beco Gemini). We used that thing for years – DH especially to soothe a teething baby back to sleep.
Nursing pillow/ dockatot (I don’t think the latter existed when #1 was born but a friend lent me hers for #2) – a multipurpose place to put baby if you need to put them down for a bit.
Nice to have:
Baby Einstein Take Along Tunes – classical music, not awful to listen to over and over, captivates baby on long stroller/ car rides
Baby Paper, which is just that crinkly cellophane stuff covered by a layer of fabric – my kids were entranced by it
Bibs and placemats, silicone – much easier to clean than any other kind
Contrarian opinion: I am team snap PJs because in cold climates you can unbutton the lower half, change the diaper and then snap everything back up and put everyone back to bed.
AwayEmily says
Now most baby PJs have two-way zips so you can do the partway thing with zip pajamas! This is an innovation in the last few years — when my 4yo was a baby these did not exist but the new ones I got for my baby this year are all double zippers! Baby tech!
CCLA says
Yessssss, I was just coming here to sing the praises of the reverse zip sleepers! By the time kid #2 came, we knew they were the best and she wore those 99% of her first 2-3 months of life.
GCA says
Oh wow! The baby-industrial complex is good for a few things after all!
Anon says
My kid is 5 but I swear we had those when she was an infant?
AwayEmily says
I love, love, love our SlumberPod. Basically a blackout tent that goes over a pack-n-play. I did not have this for my first two kids and it has been a total game-changer for our third. It makes travel so much easier — no more emailing AirBnBs to ask about blackout shades or taping tinfoil to the windows. We also use it whenever we have guests — the baby usually sleeps in the guest room so when visitors come she moves to our room in the tent. It’s very well designed (even has a space for a camera monitor).
Anon says
Yeah my only is 5 and I was not aware of this product until recently, but if we had a second this would be my first purchase. My kid was very sensitive to light when she was younger. We normally put the pack n play in the bathroom, but that meant we had to use public restrooms whenever our kid was asleep. And sometimes the PNP wouldn’t fit in there and then we’d have to have the lights off from 7 pm to 7 am and my husband and I would be hiding out in the bathroom to read or use our devices for the 3+ hours between kid bedtime and our bedtime. Not super fun.
TheElms says
Have a 3.5 year old and 10 month old these are my must haves (beyond the obvious like crib, car seat, diapers.
– Guava Lotus travel crib with newborn level. This was splurgy. We used this as a bassinet in our room and then it has become our travel crib. Packs up small and worked until almost age 3 for our older kid because the side unzips so it was sort of like a toddler bed.
– Hatch sound machine for everyday and a separate smaller travel sound machine that you can tuck in a carseat, etc. My kids sleep so much better with white noise.
– A place to put your baby when you shower etc. that is safe for sleep in case they fall asleep when they are tiny. This is tricky because many of the options have been recalled (rock n play, baby lounger). For us it ended up being the Uppababy bassinet in the stand when I was upstairs and clicked into the stroller with the brake on when I was downstairs. It meant we got the uppababy stroller and carseat as well, which I think are fine but not as good as people say. Another good option for when they are a bit bigger is the baby bjorn bouncer. Both my kids disliked it but I think that’s pretty rare and it has excellent resale value if that happens to you!
– Two way zip pjs. Two way zip is important for diaper changes in the night. My kids basically only wear these until about 3 months old. I wouldn’t get a lot of newborn clothes unless you think you’re having a baby under 7 lbs. My 9 lb baby wore newborn clothes for a week, maybe, and only because I had them. My 7 1/2 lb baby wore newborn clothes for 2-3 weeks but would have been fine in 0-3 months (just roll the sleeves or don’t and then they can’t scratch themselves).
– A variety of swaddles so you can find one that works for your kid. Get these as hand me downs from friends (if you can) so you can try a bunch out. We liked the velcro swaddle me for the first 2 weeks (including at the hospital) and then the Love to Dream Up swaddle. I think AAP says to stop swaddling at 2 months now, which is really hard. My kids rolled around 10 weeks and we moved to the Zippadee Zip around then and that was something I felt comfortable with, but ymmv.
– Two baby carriers. We used a baby bjorn when kiddo was tiny (it was so easy to put on for me) and then switched to the Ergo 360 when they were big enough to not need the infant insert, which I found hard to use and getting heavy enough that a waist belt was helpful. Two carriers is definitely splurgy but they are great for travel or if you get a baby that wants to be held ALL THE TIME.
-Baby Einstein Take Along Tunes — both my kids love this thing.
DLC says
I’ve had three kids, my absolute favorite thing was the OXO vertical bottle rack. It took up so much less space than other bottle racks and much easier to clean. My kids haven’t used bottle in two years and I still use this rack for their water bottles, cups, and ziploc bags.
Anonymous says
+1. Love this thing, and it fits between our regular drying rack and the wall, so it’s space that would be wasted anyway.
Cb says
And on a positive note, ask your kid their New Years resolution. My son’s – eat more salmon, do more creative Lego projects, make his own Lego speed build video for his bestie, and have more cuddles with mummy.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
DS #1 (also 5 years old): “Run faster and play more soccer on the driveway on Saturdays”. Here for it!
Clementine says
Sigh. Elementary schooler – ‘get better at video games and read Harry Potter’. 2 year old ‘be kind. Hold the baby.’ Baby continues his stank eye at me that I won’t let him sleep with a blanket over his face, so I’m assuming that’s his goal.
Anonymous says
Folks who work from home, how do you decide when to actually take a sick day versus working from the couch? I’ve got a pretty bad cold and would not go into the office if I was full time in-person, but since I’m home I could work on the couch with a blanket. I’m newly in a job that has formal sick days (used to be at a law firm where every sick day was really working from home).
OOO says
I will take a sick day if I don’t have any important meetings that day
Anon says
I’m the opposite – I will spend the day unofficially off (and monitoring e-mail) if I don’t have meetings, but if I have meetings I don’t feel like attending j use sick leave.
Pogo says
See above re: my long COVID, I have resolved to take the sick day for real now. During COVID and my first few post-COVID colds, I tried to power through half-heartedly and it just made me sick longer (especially as my role is meeting heavy and being forced to talk was really hard on me). I figure 1-2 days fully out is better than me being at half speed for weeks.
I do think COVID has helped people be more respectful of sick days, particularly as my European colleagues have formal COVID leave and put up out of office and totally disconnect when they get it.
Spirograph says
I might take a real sick day tomorrow. I am working in sweats today because it’s the first day back after company-wide break and I need to get the lay of the land.
After trying to work through a bad cold last summer and eventually realizing that everything was taking 10x as long and being only half as good, my new bar is that if it feels effortful to do basic tasks, I need a sick day.
Greta says
This early in the year (since sick days are usually an annual bank), I’d only take a sick day if I were physically unable to get out of bed and sit at my computer. Otherwise I’d be online and responsive but not plan to do any deep work.
Anon says
I have really generous sick leave, so I use a day whenever I don’t feel well or I’m home with a sick kid (this is ok per my employer’s policy). We need a doctor’s note if we’re using more than 5 consecutive days of sick leave, but I’ve never been in that situation except on maternity leave and of course I had a doctor’s note for that.
Pogo says
Can’t remember if I’ve asked this before… any thoughts or experience on design/build vs architect & GC for an addition? I feel like for every person I know who is passionately pro- one option there are an equal number of people who feel the same way about the other option.
Anonymous says
For me, it would probably come down to the specific people. Meet with some design/build folks and some architecht/GC folks and see who you seem to be on the same page with as far as expectations, cost, and whatnot. Provided costs are similar, I’d care more about who I click with than anything.
anonM says
If you are having an addition done, highly recommend you (or one point person in your family) stay very involved. DH does a fair amount with contractors, and to get things done timely you need to find a good contractor (not the cheapest, usually) and stay involved. We’ve had friends take a very hands-off approach and both ended up litigating against the original contractors. And some things you don’t really need to know a lot about construction to follow up on, as long as you’re respectful. Ex – contractor failed to cover the open roof with a tarp, so when it rained it caused extensive damage. Even a non-handy person, paying attention, can politely ask the contractor when/how they plan to cover the roof before leaving for the day.
Pogo says
that makes a lot of sense. My husband would definitely be that involved person just by nature of his personality.
Anon says
I think both are fine. We’ve done an architect and then found a builder, and also used a builder who recommended an architect he works with a lot. With design-build there would probably be fewer surprises and the architect fees may be lower. Ultimately a lot of it is about availability and budget.
octagon says
We started out with an architect and had a really bad experience, when the bids for the project were wildly out of step with what we were expecting (like double, on what was supposed to be a 300K project). We got enough bids that I feel confident that the market moved and the architect was out of touch. It was extremely frustrating and if attempt the project again it will be with design-build that has a keen handle on costs. If it’s a smaller project or if you are comfortable with cost swings, a good architect is probably okay.
Anonymous says
Is there some kind of sticker/window cling that would work on a dry-erase calendar? We just got a family calendar mostly for DH and me, but I would like to be able to show our 2yo which days are swimming days/grandma days, etc. Side note that our calendar is very small so the stickers should be small too
Anonymous says
Is it magnetic?
OP says
Yes! I should have included that detail.
Clementine says
Etsy will have magnets for this.
Clementine says
I actually do a visual calendar for my kids. I ordered a printable off Etsy, laminated it and have Velcro dots on the back.
For my 2 year old, we have days and a red box that goes around ‘what is today’. I do a week at a time. A month was too much.
anon says
My 9-year-old wants to learn to cook as his New Year’s resolution–very cute! Years ago, a friend used to order some sort of meal service (HelloFresh or something like that) for her then 11 year old/now teenage son to use to prepare one meal a week for the family. They used oven-based meals so the kid didn’t need to use the stovetop. I would love any recommendations for oven-based meal kit recipes for kid palates. TIA!
Anon says
Raddish is fun – some oven some stove top. My kids enjoyed it for a few months at least.
Tea/Coffee says
Not sure if this would meet your needs but my 12YO has been gifted a Raddish subscription for three years now and loves it. The recipes are delicious and actual recipes, not just cutting fruit and topping it with yogurt. mix of international and good old standards, we’ve gotten Asian dumplings, Italian ravioli, lemon cookies, cider glazed pork chops, etc. They do not give you the ingredients but you get a kitchen roll each month, related to the recipes. Dumpling mold, slotted spoon, garlic press etc. and they are really decent tools. Highly, highly recommend.
Mm says
Happy new year, all! This weekend DH established that he is really one and done. I desperately want another but am moving forward with acceptance. There have been some good convos about only children here in the past, so I will sort through those. But it is bringing up a lot of feelings of disappointment with DH as a father and how I wish he was more invested in parenting our almost three-year old throughout this journey. His main reasons for not wanting another are time to focus on work and hobbies (mainly, going to the gym), and he doesn’t want to compromise those things even for another couple of years. There’s definitely a mismatch in our feelings towards parenting and enjoyment of the process (and also in our time commitments), which is fine, but seems like we have some work ahead.
Anon says
Hi – At one point, DH was firmly one-and-done, and I was deeply hurt and quite frankly, resentful, despite his reasonable logic. We ended up having an unplanned 2nd, and while things are great now, the entire pregnancy and first year of the baby’s life were some of the hardest in my life and in our marriage. It took a lot of therapy, pain, tears, and time to get through.
I write this just to let you know things are never what they seem – and your feelings are deeply valid. Get a therapist for yourself, or maybe both of you, to help figure out the path forward.
anon says
Agree with the therapist recommendation, OP, but do make sure if you go to therapy that you’re not going with the mindset that therapy will change his mind on this. I have a longer comment in mod, but my husband and his first wife divorced in large part over whether to have a third child, and he felt like she only wanted to go to therapy because she thought that through therapy he would realize she was right about having a third kid. Needless to say, the therapy didn’t help. The therapy has to be for the two of you and your relationship and your family as it exists today.
Anon says
Wow this is hard. My DH has also pushed to be one and done as it detracts from his hobbies. He also just wasn’t stellar with the baby phase. I don’t have any advice, but just commiseration. Slowly he’s come around to randomly bringing up Kiddo #2 as an idea. But not a super favorable one. I’ve been really hesitant to push a yes/no question out of him for concern he’d just say no out of pressure.
anon says
My husband is also one and done. I’m on the fence. His reasoning is he doesn’t want to divert resources and attention from our son. He’s a very involved parent and the primary caretaker, so I gotta respect that. He is one of four and I’m one of one. I am coming around to the idea of being one and done though. Son is now 3.5 and the last few months have been tough in terms of sleep regression (for the first time in his life) and tough resistant behavior but at the same time, have often felt leisurely at times because he’s now just more fun to be around. it’s also logistically so much easier to do anything with one kid. I know the slog is temporary but still it’s a hard sell to go back to when I’m at a critical stage of my career and am just starting to get back into more self-care (working out) etc. Plus, I just feel like siblings relationships more often than not don’t pan out the way I’d hope for which is a big reason for having a second for me.
Pogo says
I love my kids and even want a third, but there is something to be said for knowing your boundaries. It IS hard to go back through the baby years all over again and re-start the clock on sleeping through the night, etc. It IS harder to divide an conquer as you have more than 1 child. Just was with having any kids at all, there is no right or wrong, and I really can see all sides. I think if someone really values their hobbies/free time, that’s a fair point to make and it’s good to recognize that – as opposed to going along and then being resentful or super unhelpful. It doesn’t make your feelings any less valid or the hurt any less hurtful.
anon says
It is really hard when parents are not on the same page about whether, or how many, kids to have. My husband’s first marriage broke up in large part over the fact that his ex-wife wanted a third child and he did not. I think that the most important thing that you can do is remember that when it comes to kids, people don’t have to justify why they do/don’t want them (or want more of them). His reasons may not feel valid or meaningful to you, but they are to him and that’s okay. And he needs to be able to understand that this is a loss for you and that your sadness is valid and meaningful to you as well. You may never agree on this, but if you can honor and acknowledge each others’ positions, it’ll make a big difference in your marriage.
With respect to your current resentment, I think it’s worth exploring whether there are things you would like him to do differently now and bringing that up with him in a conversation that is separate from the question of a second child (and when you are in a place to not conflate the two emotionally). Do remember, though, that the things you resent about his current parenting style would only be magnified with a second, especially a second he’s not enthusiastic about having.
Anon says
Oof, this is so hard. Both of your guys’ feelings are so valid. It’s difficult that no one really knows how they/their partners will be as a parent until they are one.
I don’t know if this is helpful at all/ but I’m surprised by how much I’m now open to being one and done (when pre-kid, I wanted 2-4). I think if I tried to articulate it, I’d try to explain it in terms of work and my personal life. When really, the more truthful answer is that I’ve gotten so much closer to my limit than I ever expected.
I’m so sorry there’s a mismatch and I hope you find peace!
Anon says
A dear friend of mine was in a similar situation (she wanted a second, her husband did not). She said the book One & Only helped her come to terms with only having one child. She jokingly referred to it as only child propaganda but said it helped her focus on the positives. Her son is in the late elementary years now and she seems very at peace with the size of their family now.
Anon says
That’s funny, I’m a very happy adult only who has an only child by choice, and I hated that book! The author is very on the fence about having a second, and I felt like she gave way too much oxygen to negative stereotypes about only children, including totally ridiculous ones like “all mothers who choose to have one child are narcissists.” My mom is an amazing person and mom and not a narcissist at all. Ultimately, yes, she was trying to debunk the stereotypes, but the way she presented the arguments for the stereotype often came off to me as much more powerful than the argument debunking it. Maybe it wasn’t intentional and she’s just bad at making her points, I don’t know. Anyway, that book made me cry several times and overall made me feel MUCH worse about my decision to not have a second. Would never ever ever recommend it to someone who was in this situation not fully by choice.
An.On. says
I feel this very much myself. Before we had our child, my husband was on the same page of having two, and now he’s completely backed off of it. And while I agree he can always change his mind, I feel like his reasons aren’t very reasonable. They don’t have to be, I know that! But it’s hard to convince myself that one is better when his arguments against two seem so silly to me. But on the other hand, I was disappointed in how much childcare I took on compared to him, and on my side, my fear that I would take that on again and resent him forever for it is a big factor against having another. It’s also big in my mind right now since someone close to us just announced another baby after they seemed VERY pro- one and done. I’m just sad that it seems like other couples make it work and we can’t. But of course I have no idea what other people are going through.
Anon says
I have one by choice, but I agree it’s hard when formerly committed one and done friends decide to have another. I’m happy for them of course, but it makes me a little sad that the families that look like ours are vanishing. And it doesn’t stop – I really thought we would be past it by age 5 or so, but my kid is early elementary and we are still having one and done friends with same age kids announcing a second, including one we just found out about on New Year’s Eve. The mom and I had spent many hours bonding over our OAD decision and marveling about how we are at our limit with one and can’t imagine a second. And then, boom, they got baby fever. I want them to be happy and do what’s right for their family, but it’s hard to lose that connection we had. And also it makes me feel like kind of a failure that I haven’t changed my mind yet. If anything I feel more one and done as my kid gets older! I have zero desire to go back to sleepless newborn nights or nonstop 3 year old meltdowns, but then I wonder what’s wrong with me because everyone around me is changing their minds.
Anonymous says
Your husband is telling you that, at least right now, he doesn’t have the capacity to parent a second child. Believe him. The cost to your marriage of bringing another child into the relationship will be far greater than the cost of not having another.
Mm says
If anyone is still reading, just a quick note of gratitude for the thoughtful comments. A lot of helpful things to consider.
Anonymous says
I posted recently about OAD. My husband is firmly OAD, and a very, very happy only child himself with amazing, decades long friendships with people from middle and high school. I think if anything, he does more parenting and we share the mental load. Our one kid is objectively easy. My big argument for another is that I feel lesser than… all these other people have two, including friends with similar family support, similar incomes, and the same education. I just don’t understand why these other families who are very similar to ours can handle more kids.
The wise moms on this board pointed out two things that have been helpful to me – (1) there is no need to “increase the level of difficulty” in your life just because and (2) a lot of people go ahead and have multiple kids and don’t think about what having another kid does to the logistics of life, so they have another kid and then figure it out. That “let’s see what happens” wouldn’t work very well for us. It just never occurred to me that, unless you were deeply religious (eg, the quiverfull movement) /actively didn’t use birth control, or it was truly a surprise, you wouldn’t discuss the pros and cons of what another child means and analyze it from all possible angles. When you take my approach, in my personal view, there’s a lot more reasons (total number, not necessarily quality reasons) to be one and done. I’m not saying this is a good or bad thing, I’m just saying that it’s what I’ve discovered. I’m still on the fence, but feel like we got such a great kid with #1 that we’d get a hell raiser with #2. And that I am NOT prepared for.
Emma says
Update on taking my baby to the fancy restaurant – it was a disaster! But we learned a few things and it’s all good. The hotel was doing construction and we needed to take the stairs which meant I couldn’t go with the stroller as planned. Baby did not enjoy switching from stroller to carrier and was having a full meltdown by the time we got to the restaurant. It was also fancier and stuffier than I remembered. So we left my parents there and went back with baby and ordered room service. We did have a successful lunch with baby later in the week, and got away twice for drinks at the bar while my parents watched the baby in the evening. It was a great trip and baby travelled like a champ but she’s crankier at night so we’ll be skipping the fancy dinners for now :)
NYCer says
Drinks at the bar with your husband after baby is sleeping sounds way more fun than a stuffy dinner anyways! :) Glad you guys had a good trip despite missing out on dinner at the fancy restaurant.
Anon says
im lucky in that my office is closed from christmas through new years, but why oh why did my children have to choose last night to be up from 1:30-3am when today is my first day back at the office.
Anon says
Same! My normally great sleeper 5 year old got up at 3 am and never really went back to sleep. It was so weird.
octagon says
How often do you travel with your spouse without kids? Kiddo is 7 and we’ve never had a trip away, just the two of us. We don’t have any local family and it would be monumental to pull off, logistically. But over break I met a woman who takes 2-3 week-long trips a year with just her and her husband, while her mom tends to her three small children. I know I have a lot of things to be thankful for, but this is really eating at me because it sounds so luxurious. I’m counting down the years until sleepaway camp.
avocado says
Never. On the contrary, with camps and school trips, our kid travels without us a couple of times a year but we never travel without her. We don’t have the kind of budget that most people here have, and we get to take one real vacation a year if we are lucky. It doesn’t seem fair to leave our kid out of that experience. If we could afford several trips per year, I would probably feel differently.
Anon says
well my kids are 4.5. we’ve gone away once for 3 nights and that was feb 2022 and the non-local grandparents who watched them have not offered again since (though they said it went really well that weekend, we’ve had a disastrous visit since then). we were supposed to go away for the first time in May 2020, but we all know what happened then. i do not know anyone who takes multiple 3 week long trips with their spouse per year! I have some friends who are able to do a couple of weekends per year or one weeklong trip, but two three week trips is a lot! most people dont even have that many vacation days. my mom is deceased. if she was healthy and alive i’d probably be traveling more alone with DH.
Anon says
I read it as 2 or 3 trips that were 1 week, each, i.e., 2-3 weeks total. Not two trips that were 3 weeks each, i.e., 6 weeks total. Either is a lot without your kids (at least IMO) but the former is a lot less crazy.
Pogo says
same but either way a LOT of vacay.
Anon says
The only way it happens for us is local-ish capable family (i.e., we drive 2-3 hours to my parents’ and then travel from there, or fly one of my single, childless sisters in for some auntie time). My local inlaws are not capable of childcare in any capacity. We try to do a long weekend once a year for our anniversary, which is a road trip in driving distance of my parents’ house. For summer, she has started doing week-long stints at my parents’ house and while I would love to have gotten away for a bit during those, health and work have not lined up to make that happen. We have close friends who have similar age kids and have been mulling the idea of swapping childcare weekends once or twice a year so each couple can get away, but again, health and work have not lent themselves to actually executing yet.
NYCer says
In each of the last several years, we have done weekend plus another week. For the longer trip, we generally leave on Saturday night redeye and then return the following Friday. That way my mom is only alone with the kids all day on Sunday. Our nanny works as usual M-F during the day, and my mom watches the kids in the evening.
anon says
We haven’t done a trip away yet but got 3 weekends childfree last year (he’s 3.5)
anonM says
Mine are younger (3/5), but we did our first long weekend away this year. One set of grandparents came from out of town (1hr away). We made it a very short trip (fri-sunday), and it was for my cousin’s wedding. Maybe 3 weeks isn’t doable, but a 7yo for a weekend should be. Do you have a reliable sitter? Out-of-town grandparents willing to come in to town to let you and spouse get away for a night or two? It may take less time away than you think to feel recharged and to shake up your routines as partners.
Anonymous says
Maybe once every 5 years? Like 10th anniversary and 15th? Slightly less than a week each time as the kids are really too much for my parents for more than 4-5 days. Always times so kids are in childcare all day. Like Sunday afternoon to Friday evening. Our kids love to travel and visit new places and wild be so mad if we left them behind multiple weeks each year. We do try to do an annual overnight away on our anniversary though. I find that 24 hours great. Maybe that’s an option with a paid sitter?
Mary Moo Cow says
Very rarely. Our kids our 7 and 5, and we have one set of local parents who gladly watch them. We’ve done one weekend away and a few one nights in a local hotel. I’m tentatively planning a long weekend for DH’s birthday this year, with one day where the kids are in school and 2 nights with grandparents. I’m gearing up for a week long trip in the next few years. Multiple week long vacations does sound luxurious, and good for her but not for me.
Anon says
Almost never and we even have local family. We did two short trips pre-COVID with some convoluted grandparent set up, but now that the grandparents are all older and have lingering COVID anxiety, even if we could put it together I think the whole process would be so stressful it would not be worth it. I compensate by planning girlfriend-only trips (which I know aren’t everyone’s jam) and on our family trips we make sure to make them not completely kid-focused, with at least some component where it’s kid friendly enough, but slightly fancier/adult oriented. Honestly too – if this helps frame it – I’m at a stage where I think our kids add fun to our trips, and I keep in mind we only have about a decade left where they will want to travel with us, which helps too (although is also sad!). We used to get baby sitters on trips through the hotel to get nights out, but now that the kids are older we don’t feel that’s as necessary. But also my DH and I were together a long time before having kids, so we got a decent amount of travel in before.
GCA says
This is us, as well, right down to doing quite a lot of pre-kids travel and now wanting to share the fun of travel with our kids. We were together for eight years before having kids, and managed to cover much of Asia! As the kids get older I do foresee at least one set of grandparents being able and willing to help out if we wanted, and the other set at least able (my parents, who take zero initiative about anything but will take my nieces whenever my sister and BIL travel)…but as the kids get older, travelling with them also becomes more and more enjoyable.
Pogo says
We’ve done several short trips (for weddings and the like) over the years but only one 5-day vacation for our 10 year anniversary (that was over a year ago). It definitely requires advance planning and family support; in our case, we also had our PT nanny help every single evening (she did the baby’s bedtime routine while my parents handled pre-Ker). And of course they both went to school/daycare FT all day, though my older son got a cold and had to be out for two of those days and my parents had to take him for a drive-through PCR (those were the days lol).
I do personally want to invest more in couple time, whether it’s just more date nights or time away, as I find spending money on experiences/quality time to be money better spent than on “things” at this stage.
Anon says
We have local grandparents who are very competent caregivers, so the logistics would be easy, but we did it once and we both hated it. It’s an unpopular opinion here, but I genuinely enjoy travel more with my kid present, especially now that the baby and toddler stage is behind us, and as a family of 3, leaving only one person behind feels kind of exclusionary (I might feel differently if we had two or more kids? Not sure.) I have done a bit of solo and girlfriend travel, though not a ton.
Many sleepaway camps start at 7, just fyi.
Spirograph says
Last time we went on a whole week long vacation just the two of us was when my oldest was an only and about a year old. We’ve done a night or two away since then, but not a Big Trip. My kids are old enough now (youngest is 6) that I’d just as soon take them on any adventure travel with us…
Greta says
We don’t have local family either. The way we’ve pulled off traveling sans kids is flying them to the grandparents then choosing a couples’ destination that is close to where our parents are. We’ve done a kid free trip about every other year this way.
Anon says
We go away for one night (very occasionally two) every year for our anniversary and my parents watch the kids.
Some years (if we have an out of town wedding, or something) we’ll do it more than once. But, most years it’s just the one weekend.
We’ve never done more than one weekend. Our kids are pretty fun and easy (as easy as kids can be!) to travel with and we don’t get the option to travel terribly often (once a year max + weekend or longer trips to FILs lake house) so we usually prefer to travel as a family.
Both sets of grandparents are local to us and physically capable of taking the kids overnight. My parents are way more interested and involved grandparents than my FIL and step MIL (MIL is deceased) so 90% of the time the kids go there, but FIL is certainly capable. Kids have also occasionally stayed with local aunts/uncles for a weekend.
Anon says
My kid is five and we’ve done one four day trip (Banff) without her when she was 3.5 and are planning a seven day trip (Iceland) without her for this summer. It was actually her request this time that we go away and leave her with her grandparents. I love family travel and we do a lot of it, but there are some things DH and I enjoy that are not really compatible with even the most easy-going five year olds (long days of hiking, multi-course tasting menus in fancy restaurants) and it’s fun to get a chance to do that once in a while. We travel a lot (three to four weeklong vacations a year, of which at least two are international, plus assorted long weekends) so most of our trips are family trips, which feels like the right balance to me. I also take my kid on mother-daughter trips, and we’ve done trips me and her and my parents, and sometimes I go somewhere solo, so there are a lot of permutations and combinations. Multiple weeklong trips without my kid every year doesn’t sound luxurious to me, it sounds horrible.
DLC says
My oldest is ten and this past year was the first time we went away without our kids. And it was only for twelve hours – we took a 6am train to NYC and came home on the 6pm train. My parents were in town and were able to watch them. To be fair, my parents would be happy to watch them, but like avocado, we do not have the budget for multiple trips a year so when we do have a trip, we want to take the kids and experience things with them. Plus my family is overseas so a lot of our travel goes towards that.
We have done trips with family where my parents will watch the kids while the Husband and I go out for dinner or to see an attraction on our own.
I totally get being jealous of people who are fortunate enough to travel for leisure several times a year. I always feel so wistful when I hear about people’s vacations.
Anon says
Once a year – Anniversary long weekend (3-5 days). My parents fly in and stay with the kids while we do a driving-distance trip away.
Anonymous says
Never and also didn’t take advantage of our first year of sleepaway camp last year!
Bette says
We don’t have any local family either and honestly, my mother is the only relative capable of watching our kid solo. Our kid is 2.5 right now. When she comes for a visit she usually offers to watch him solo for a night so if we can swing it with money & schedules, we book a local hotel just for the sake of 24 hours alone together (and getting to sleep in and order room service… glorious).
Just last month we did a full weekend away – we hired a woman who used to nanny for us to stay with him all weekend. It was not cheap (she charged $20/hour for awake time and $125/night) but logistically and emotionally it all worked out really well so I would definitely do that again in the future when we can afford it.
We also have a very very close friendship with a neighborhood family with kids around the same age as ours – we often will put our kids down for a nap/bed at each other’s house for the sake of maximizing adult time together, and will babysit for each other in a pinch. We’re probably getting close to being able to trade off kids for a night but haven’t tried it yet.
It’s so logistically complicated and expensive but worth it, if you can swing it. Even just for 24 hours.
Anonymous says
Not a single night, and it is beginning to show. Kiddo is also 7. We need to figure something out.
Anon. says
Our kids are 3 and 5. We do at least a long weekend each year, sometimes more. We did a full week in 2019 (pregnant with #2) and have a week in Hawaii planned for later this month! It is a logistical triumph – usually driving 3 hours one way to my in-laws and flying out of an airport nearer to them. We’ve also had my parents make the 6 hour drive here to stay with them. Because grandparents are far, we don’t see them often and this gives them special time together. Seriously, my kids are as excited for their week on the farm as I am to go to Hawaii. Travel was a big shared hobby for us before kids, so the opportunity to connect this way is important for us. We also travel with the kids during the year.
Anonymous says
Caveats- we have the only grandchild on either side, our kid has always been an excellent sleeper, and both sets of grandparents are within a 30-45 minute drive, confident in taking care of kiddo, our kiddo is happy to just got to the park or read a bajillion books in a row, and my parents and in laws get along really, really well with each other.
We get away 2-3 x a year for 2-3 nights each. We did a 4 night overnight last year when my parents watched kiddo at our house for two nights, then trader off with the other grandparents who then watched kiddo the remaining two nights (I can imagine this not working if your parents and in-laws don’t get along). We also have overnight babysitting 8+ nights a year in addition to this. These overnights are either a grandparent has decided they want the kid to come overnight because they miss kiddo or because our plans will be on the later side (getting home after 9:30 usually) and they don’t want to drive at night, so it’s actually easier for them to take kiddo overnight vs watching him at our house.
SC says
Rarely. My son is also 7. We do have local family, but the local family isn’t really able and willing to watch him for a long period of time. My parents are willing to watch him while we take a trip, in theory, but they’re always busy. We left Kiddo with MIL for a weekend when he was 1.5, and we paid our nanny to help during the day. We had plans to leave him with my parents (who would fly in) while we took a big trip to Hawaii, but that was canceled due to Covid. I can’t think of any other occasions when DH and I have traveled without Kiddo.
It does sound luxurious. Unfortunately, I don’t think sleepaway camp will be a good fit for my son. I grew up going to a sleepaway camp, and it was a great experience for me, so I hope I’m wrong.
TheElms says
3.5 year old and 10 month old and we’ve never been away without the kids. None of our parents can handle the kids on their own for health reasons.
Anonymous says
We went to Mexico last December when kids were 2 and 4. Our kids are good sleepers so that made it easier to leave them. It was incredible and we really needed it after our 2nd child and COVID. We went with a bunch of our friends, all have kids. We hope to do more trips like this in the future. Childcare split between both sets of grandparents. Next fall we’ll do a weekend away (driving distance). Really just a weekend is restorative for us. We’ve had some other random nights away for weddings or fancy work parties. Id say we could get one more week-long trip done in the next few years before it’s too much for the grandparents. Once that happens I’m hoping our siblings (with similar aged kids) will watch them as all the kids will be older.
We actually do enjoy vacation with our kids though and don’t see them as a burden. A lot of people see the young kid years as something to “get through” rather than enjoy. Our family vacations are tiring, but still fun.
CCLA says
I’ll say 1-2 times a year. Pandemic curtailed that a bit but we did fit in two weekend trips in 2022 (by contrast, in 2019 when my youngest was a baby, we went away 3 times for a total of about 2.5 weeks). We have no local family so fly in grandparents to watch them. We did use a nanny when our oldest was about 1 and we went away for a week and grandparents weren’t ready to watch for that long (but they got comfortable quickly and by the second kid were watching them when she was a few months old).
FWIW, now that my kids are a little older (4/6), I find myself feeling less of the urge to go away without them. They’re more fun to travel with and frankly just to be around, so I feel less like I need a break from them than when they were in the infant and toddler years. Now it’s less about a break from the kids and more about time to recharge my and DH’s relationship. My goal is a couple of long weekends a year. Now that they’re fun to travel with and can appreciate some destinations, I want to bring the kids along to share in the big stuff.
Anonymous says
Never. My husband doesn’t enjoy traveling as much as I do, and isn’t my favorite travel companion. I love him, but if I want a break from kid life, I would much rather go somewhere by myself, with a friend or with my mom.
Anon says
Yes – not like this person but usually we do a few long weekends, and ideally one week long to 10-day trip. We’ve done a mix of things – when we lived far from family, we’d have grandparents fly in. Now that we live close to family, I’d probably ask the grandparent to basically stay at our place, and take the kids to school…they could take 1 kid out at a time for a bonus “fun” day if they wanted, so it’d really be AM, PM, and weekends they’d be solo with kids, and I’d happily hire a nanny to help for some of the weekend.
We haven’t done the longer trip since kid #2 was born more because of COVID/DH’s work travel schedule. In 2022 we were hoping to go to Berlin or the UK as a couple, but ended up going to Asia for a family event…and it turned out travelling with the kids (they are newly 2 and 5) was…delightful, especially with the older one. Obviously we had a lot of family help once we were there, which made the difference.
If I could do one 10-day trip DH and me, and then one family trip a year, that’d be my ideal, but I’d even take a week/long weekend(s) with DH and a family trip somewhere “easy” like an all-inclusive resort.
Anonymous says
What accessories do you all recommend for kids once they’re trained enough to use the toilet but are still pretty small? We have a couple different seat inserts/step stool combos but don’t love any of them. Also, what do you do for public restrooms when you’re out and about?
Anon says
My kid trained late (3.5) but we just held her on public toilets. We had this seat at home, and.m it was great for her being more independent in the bathroom. https://www.amazon.com/Training-Enteenly-Toddler-Backrest-Suitable/dp/B08TBD6MTL/ref=asc_df_B08TBD6MTL/
Anonymous says
I am a lazy parent. My kids were all potty trained at 2.5. We used step stools at home. I taught them to sit at the edge of the toilet in public and would pick them up/hold them up as needed. We swapped the toilet seats on two of the toilets in our house with the ones that have magnetic inserts built in. That’s it.
Anon says
These kind of seats are the best: https://www.lowes.com/pd/Mayfair-by-Bemis-Removable-Elongated-White-NextStep2-Child-Adult-Slow-Close-Toilet-Seat-Never-Loosens-and-Adjustable/5001750679
For public restrooms we have one of those folding potty seats but I rarely use it. I’ll line the toiled seat with a seat protector and hold them on the real thing.
Anon says
We don’t have any kind of insert; we just have a little step to get on the toilet, and my kids (5 and 3) figured out a way to sit without falling in. My son sits all the way back on the toilet seat and points his p*nis in the toilet; my daughter sits more towards the front and holds herself up. (On that note… when do boys start to pee standing up? I keep offering my son the option, but he doesn’t want to… and he’s five.).
I just have my kids sit on the toilet seat in public bathrooms. If I feel the need, I’ll wipe the seat down before they get on the toilet, but I don’t think i get as grossed out by other people’s pee as some people. (Poop is another story…) We just make sure to wash our hands really well afterwards. If it’s a portapotty, I have them stand and squat over the toilet if it looks particularly dirty. I had one of those Potette potty rings but it just seemed like a lot of extra steps to have to go through when my kid had to pee. I will say, my cousin loved having one, so it really depends.
Oh we also used to have a Bjorn potty that lived in our car trunk. If we used that, I would put a diaper in the bottom for the kids to pee into- made clean up easier.
Anon. says
My son started standing at age 5 – he learned at daycare, not sure if it was peer pressure or if the teachers encouraged it.
We use the combo seat at home. For my three year old, I just hold her. I do have a Joovy portable insert that works well but I usually forget about it. We did bring it on vacation this summer for the rental house and were glad to have it.
Anon says
We use the Baby Bjorn potty insert but we don’t actually attach it to the toilets at home. We just leave it next to the toilets in our bathrooms and my youngest (2 years, 8 months) knows how to put it on the toilet and sit. The OXO tot step stool is not hideous and light enough for my kids to easily move on their own for getting on the big potty and washing hands.
Yoga for a second grader says
Any good yoga videos to do with kids that aren’t cosmic kids? I’d like to do it (and enjoy it) too and Cosmic Kids tends to not be my favorite. We did a yoga with adrienne video last night and she found it kinda boring. But she does like to do yoga with me, so I’d love something somewhere in the middle? Any experience here?
Anon says
I don’t think there are great options. We do Cosmic Kids even though I find it annoying.
Anon says
It’s funny you mention Yoga with Adrienne. I’ve noticed in her videos she always makes comments about teaching kids yoga. But I wish she actually made kid focused videos. Because Cosmic Kids is a little too much for me too.
Anonymous says
if you have a peloton subscription, my 2nd grader and I both like their family yoga videos
Passport photo question says
I feel so silly asking this, but if I get my infant daughter a passport, does anyone know if it’s still good for 10 years even though she won’t look anything like her current photo?
Anon says
I’m pretty sure kids passports only last 5 (? double check) years, but it does not matter that they do not look like their baby selves within that time frame.
NLD in NYC says
It’s only good for 5 years for children under 16. If you don’t need it immediately, can you wait until she’s a little older when her facial features are more defined? If you can’t, you can’t. We applied for DS’s passport (2.75 years at time of photo) in October Got it back in ~7 weeks, so at least the turnaround is improving slightly.
Anon says
Kids passports are only for 5 years, but it won’t matter that she’s 4.5 and her passport photo is an infant.
My BIL is Canadian, so my nephews had passports as infants to travel to Canada to visit his family.
Anon says
If it’s a US one, the passport will only be good for 5 years. They won’t care if the photo of the baby/kid looks nothing like the kid now.
NYCer says
It is valid for 5 years.
Anon says
No it’s only good for 5 years for children under 16 (technically 4.5 years because you have to have 6 months of validity to travel). And you can’t “renew” the way adults do, by mailing the old passport, check and the form and photo. If you’re under 16, it’s effectively a new passport application every time and you have to show up at the post office with both parents presents and all kinds of documents. Doing it this week for my almost 5 year old and it’s a huge pain in the A….
That said, obviously there’s a huge difference between infant and 5 in terms of what the kid looks like, and no, they don’t care. A few customs officers have commented on it but only in a “aww, babies don’t keep!” way.
Anonymous says
+ 1 to all of this
Anonymous says
Except you can theoretically send only 1 parent and a notarized form from the 2nd; my appointment is Thursday so we’ll see if this works.
Anon says
Yes, that’s true. We decided getting the notarized form was harder than having both parents show up, but it is an option.
NYCer says
The notarized form has definitely worked for us in the past.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
I’ve gotten 3 passports for kids (2 for older kid, and 1 for younger kid) and only used the notarized form…not a great use of time for both of us to skip work for this.
Anon says
There are Saturday appointments, at least in my area.
GCA says
It’s good for 5 years, and we had no trouble getting my 4+yo back into the country this past weekend with a passport photo of her at 2 months!
Anon says
Same, just flew internationally with a 4.5 year old who was 2 months old in her passport photo. I get misty every time I look at it, but logistically it’s never been an issue.
She was almost 2 in her Global Entry photo and looks hilariously p1ssed off (we were coming off an international flight and they tried to “interview” her and she was NOT having it). I wish we could keep that one forever because I laugh every time I see it.
Pogo says
lol’ing at them asking the baby, “I see you you were in Zurich recently, was that business or pleasure?”
Anon says
Haha it wasn’t quite that ridiculous. But they were trying to ask her her name and if we were her parents and stuff like that and she was just OVER IT. She just glared at them and didn’t respond whenever they said anything to her.
Anonymous says
Ladies, I don’t know who needs to hear this but for those of you in the thick of it with young kids…IT GETS BETTER. my kids are 4.5, 6.5 and 9. We just had a 4 day ski trip where we ALL SKIED. Nobody cried. There was a bit of exhaustion and less than ideal behavior at times but they were really great. We skied for 4 days! Everyone carried their own equipment* and as a family we all skied as much as we wanted to. I didn’t have to carry anyone, change peed in clothes, bring a diaper bag, stroller, or ski with a kid between my knees or on a leash.
My older two are now officially better skiers than I am (this doesn’t say too much, they are also far more athletic than me), and my youngest is off the bunny hill and can do chair lifts and get down real trails herself! She even skied carefully around adults that were learning and fell down on the mountain and gave them some encouragement (“I just learned too! It gets easy fast!”).
4 years ago I had 3 5&under. Every day was a challenge. I HAVE NOT HAD TO WIPE ANOTHER HUMAN’S BUTT RECENTLY. Clearly it’s time to get a puppy ;).
* until they got tired. And to be fair, I was tired too!
Anon says
um, i have two 4.5 year olds who still have accidents and still need help in the potty. that sounds lovely!
Pogo says
hahah same, my 5yo technically can wipe his butt but he prefers we do it.
Anon says
Still wiping a 5 year old butt here too…
Bette says
Go you!!! This sounds like such a win and also very encouraging to those of us who are still in the thick of it. Glad you had such a successful trip.
Anonymous says
Thank you for sharing this!
Anon says
Oh I needed this today!
Signed,
Mom of recently diagnosed neurodivergent 6yo and almost walking 1yo
AwayEmily says
A similar win: now, in the half hour or so between when dinner is cleaned up and it’s bedtime, instead of the kids arguing/making a huge mess/wreaking havoc, we all sit down as a family and play a board game together. It is SO FUN. Kids are almost-5 and 6.
Anonymous says
We’re going to be trying out overnight potty training in the next 6 weeks or so. Our 3.5 year old wears pull ups at night, but 95% of the time they’re bone dry in the morning. He’s been daytime potty trained for a year, and we haven’t had a daytime accident in 5+ months. I’ve heard the tip that you should make the kids bed with multiple lawyers of sheet+mattress pad so if there is an accident you don’t have to get out new sheets at night, you just pull off the wet ones and move on. So, what are you recommendations for mattress pads in this scenario? We are in the toddler bed/converted crib still, so looking for recs that fit that sized mattress.
Anon says
I’m lazy but I would wait until he’s 100% dry. Night training is biological, not behavioral, and there’s nothing weird or inappropriate about a 3 year old being in pullups overnight.
HSAL says
Yeah, I wouldn’t bother with this at all. My oldest was “night trained” before she was day trained because it was all her biology, not any effort from us.
Anon says
Same, I have a very stubborn kid who day trained late and night “trained” (just her natural biology) early, so she was dry at night before she was daytime potty trained. But I also know people who day trained their kids at 2 and the kids wore pull-ups at night until age 5. I don’t think you can really control when night training happens, so the word “training” is a misnomer.
Anon says
I prefer an incontinence pad rather than having to strip all the sheets in the middle of the night (YMMV, my kid sleeps in a queen bed so wrestling wet sheets off a crib mattress is likely easier). You can layer two pads if you need to. My 5YO hasn’t had a night accident in over a year and I still leave the pad on the bed. Works great for travel, or for layering over a pillow for stomach bug nights.
Something like this https://www.amazon.com/Waterproof-Mattress-Colored-Stains-Extra/dp/B07VT713MY/ref=sr_1_11?crid=WOVBF04CYC4W&keywords=bed%2Bpad%2Bwaterproof%2Bwashable%2Breusable&qid=1672770309&rnid=2941120011&s=hpc&sprefix=bed%2Bpad%2Bwate%2Caps%2C186&sr=1-11&th=1
Pogo says
this, we have a pad on all the time just in the spot where he sleeps, under the sheet. Most recently it saved us from a puke disaster in the middle of the night.
octagon says
We had the waterproof mattress pad and it was part of the layers – so we had 2 mattress pads, each one under a set of sheets.
If your kid is mostly dry, there’s a good chance you’ll be successful. I highly recommend doing a dream pee – before DH went to bed between 11-12 he would pick up kiddo and put him on the toilet, and kiddo would almost always pee but never remembered it in the morning. We did that for several months.
anonM says
+1 to dream pee
Pogo says
+1 my sleep consultant said dream pee was critical if their little bladder couldn’t make it through the night. Otherwise, you keep them in pull ups and accept it. I’ve also heard of little potty right next to bed on a towel, but that still requires kiddo to be alert enough to recognize they need to pee etc.
Anon says
Any waterproof crib mattress protector should do the trick.
Anonymous says
I’m 37. Last year my OB told me based on some symptoms I’d been having I might be in early perimenopause, but she assured me I would have periods for another 10-15 years. Well…my period has started getting super irregular the last few months and I’m currently on week 7 of no period. I’m definitely 1000% not pregnant. Does this mean I’m close to actual menopause?? We were 99% sure our family is complete, and obviously at my age we knew we didn’t have forever to change our minds, but the idea of my periods stopping before I turn 40 is terrifying to me!
Anonymous says
Talk to your OB! Something else could also be going on.
menopause says
You should talk to your dr. Everyone is really different, but under 45 is early menopause, menopause is defined as a year without a period. So you aren’t “there” yet in that it is not officially menopause but what you are experiencing seems to part of the transition. I am nearly 48 and still in the skipping several months and then it returning for a ew months stage. It really is a pain. It all started with missing one or two here and there in my early 40s, then a period of getting them closer together, then skipping a few in a row. I keep thinking this box of tampons is my last but nope its back. But again, this is prob worth a chat with the dr.