While handwashing my sweaters has been better for my bank account, I’m running out of places to dry them.
This stackable folding drying rack might be the solution. The large mesh surface helps sweaters and other delicate items dry quickly without losing their shape. The offset legs help this rack fit on top of counters and washing machines — simply fold in the legs and the dryer in half for easy storage.
I’d get a few so I can wash and dry a bunch of sweaters at once.
OXO Good Grips Folding Sweater Drying Rack is available at Amazon.
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Anonymous says
How can I help a friend who says she has postpartum depression? She is a new mom, baby is 4 months old now and she says she is very attached to him. She also started a new job working 50 hour weeks and is not sleeping well. She says the only thing that brings her joy is baby. She says she loves baby more than husband.
I am NOT a mom, and therefore am not sure how best to help.. are her feelings typical? I have heard postpartum issues are very serious for moms and want to be a good friend to her. I have already suggested she talk to our employers free EAP as a starting point, dropped off food several times, and listen to her whenever she calls.
Anon says
yes its pretty normal. the lack of sleep and the new baby hormones, it’s like falling in love for the first time, it takes time to get to a “normal” level of attachment.
Spirograph says
I also think this sounds pretty normal but the fact that *she* says she has postpartum depression gives me pause. I’d encourage her to talk to her doctor about it. Pediatricians’ focus is on the baby, but she’s still in the thick of regular ped appts, and proximity makes things easier so that’s another possible avenue to start. It sounds like you’re friends at work, but if you know her socially enough that you can quietly mention your concern to her husband just so there is another person looking out for her, I’d do that, too.
anon says
I think this is totally normal, but that doesn’t mean she wouldn’t benefit from some medication. Especially if she has a demanding job + all the new baby hormones and stressors. Pediatricians and her OBGYN screen for PPD, at least mine did.
GCA says
+1. You’re a good friend, OP, and this is pretty normal for new moms. Postpartum depression and anxiety can be quite debilitating and I would encourage her to see her doctor and consider meds.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
+1 to this. You’re a good friend.
I waited too long for therapy the first time around. The second time around, I was already in therapy and started meds. Life changing.
anon says
I don’t really see the problem. She says she’s very attached to the baby, great! Not sleeping well, typical. Only thing bringing joy is baby- I’d say that’s typical at least for a while. Everything else pales in comparison to a brand new baby, especially your first.
I also love my child more than my husband- I think that’s biologically normal as well.
Anonymous says
The problem is that the friend says she’s depressed. By the time I was telling my friends I felt depressed, I was so far along in my PPD that it was quite literally a cry for help.
OP: encourage your friend to talk to a doctor (primary care, OB, psych) about her depression. She likely could really benefit from at least a short-term use of antidepressants.
Anon says
I love that you want to help her! I had pretty bad post partum mental health issues, and it really helped when my friends would check in via text or just let me vent/chat with them via text about the baby not sleeping enough or whatever. Bringing meals over is probably a huge help. One of the biggest factors in post partum depression or anxiety is how much help and support the new mom has. If you can do things like go over on a weekend and hang out with the baby for an hour so she (and her husband) can nap or just have some time to themselves that might be helpful too.
Anon says
EAP is a good idea– that is where I started when I felt I had PPD
DLC says
I agree with the folks above- normal does not mean you don’t try to make things better or manage things.
If she wants a support group, she could try Postpartum Support International or try to find a moms group in her area. I know not everyone finds moms groups/postpartum support groups helpful- i find sometimes they can be toxically positive- but I did appreciate talking to people who were going through some of the same feelings and could legitimize my own feelings.
https://www.postpartum.net/get-help/psi-online-support-meetings/
Chl says
You’re getting a lot of responses that this is normal and I just want to add for clarity (in my opinion) that it can be normal and also she can need help (from a medical professional). I have a family member that slid into a bad place with PPD. Encourage her that her experience is common and she should talk to EAP or her doctor about what can be done to help.
anon says
Her feelings may be common but if she states that she is concerned she has PPD, that is more important than whether those feelings are common. It’s common to feel like your most intense joy comes from your child, but if everything beyond that feels grey and lifeless, for example, then that is concerning. Being very attached to your child is normal, but being so attached that you are gripped by terror that a coyote will get into your house and kill your child while he is sleeping is not (true story: this was my fear when I was in the grip of PPD/PPA).
Basically, those feelings may be common but if they are interfering with her ability to function, that’s a sign that it’s worth seeing a doctor. EAP is a good recommendation
sleep says
is she not sleeping because the baby isn’t sleeping? My postpartum emotional state was tied directly to lack of sleep, once I hired a sleep coach (baby was 4 months) and got baby to sleep through the night, I wasn’t crying in my office anymore. So you could point her to a sleep coach, I used 4theloveofsleep, but there are tons out there.
Anon123 says
our 3.5 year old was waking up dry for about 2 weeks and has said repeatedly he doesn’t want pull ups at night, so we decided to go for it. He was dry for about 3 nights then the last two nights, he’s had accidents. we gave him a fleece blanket and change of clothes before bed and told him to put it on top if he wakes up with an accident, but to wake us if he needs anything, but he doesn’t wake us. He says “big boys can handle it mama” this is making me feel very sad for some reason, I don’t want him to feel like he can’t wake us for a pee accident. we do tell him he needs to stay in his room for yellow time which has been working out great after years of early waking.
so two issues – any tips on that initial night transition to minimize accidents? were going on a trip in about six weeks, what should we do then in the hotel room? did your kids have night accidents for a long time?
Should I just be grateful he’s not waking us with accidents or is there anything else to do or say to make sure he knows he can?
Cb says
Aww, poor little thing. I’d put a pad under his bum to avoid a full bed change, but also, tell him to wake you up so you can help so he’s not wet overnight.
Anon says
we have told him to wake us up with an accident, but he changes his clothes, puts his wet clothes in the laundry, and had put thr fleece blanket on all by himself. it’s just so crazy he doesn’t wake us up..
Anon says
i’m kind of in awe of how independent he is. i say count yourself lucky!
Cb says
Right? My 5.5 year old just sits there and screams for help (but overnight accidents are tied to night terrors with him)
Anon says
That’s amazingly independent!
anonM says
I’d try a dream pee for awhile, especially on vacation because that mess would be no fun. When we transititioned one of the kids I remember a vacation where we told them ahead of time we’d do pull-ups for the (long) vacation car ride. While she resisted pull ups most of the time, with the advance warning and explanation that it was just for vacation she was fine. Maybe do “special” vacation pull ups? GL, potty training can be hard!
Anon says
Oh man, I have a similar aged kid who also decided he was done with pull-ups. It was like a switched flipped one day and he decided he was big. :(
We limit liquids at night and it seems to have been working most of the time. We’ve used chux pads underneath him but he’s pretty wiggly. If he’s sleeping in a hotel bed it might be worth it to bring an extra mattress protector and set of sheets to put over the hotel’s sheets, or request one from the hotel.
Anon says
For hotels, we usually bring an adult incontinence mat with us (it’s like 3ft by 5ft and lay it on top of the sheets. My 5YO only has night accidents when she sleeps really deeply because she is exhausted, but it gives me peace of mind. We usually have access to a washer and dryer (even if just coin operated) so I bring a reusable one, but I think they make disposable ones.
Anonymous says
Kids can have accidents for a long time. Unless you totally restrict liquid before bedtime – accidents are going to happen! We had kids either wear pull up or we put down a small mattress pad (look for “sleep anywhere pad” from target) when we travel.
At home we double up the sheets/ mattress pads – like what folks suggest for cribs. Mattress pad, sheet, mattress pad, sheet. Often we use the small mattress pad as the top layer. Kids can take off the wet sheet/mattress pad – and there is still a sheet underneath.
I can understand your concern about not waking you up – but I would roll with it. Our kids wake us up for everything, so we kind of have the opposite problem. But as long as he knows that he CAN wake you up, I think it is ok to just make it as easy on him as possible if you know he doesn’t want to wake you up.
EDAnon says
My kids don’t like accidents, so we tell them that if they drink a lot of water, they need to pee again before bed to avoid accidents. It works well because sometimes they drink so much water right before bed.
The other thing is we went through a similar cycle of dry/accident. One thing I noticed is that the accidents cause them to lose some sleep and then they’re heavier sleepers because they’re tired which leads to more accidents. So we focus on sleep when they have accidents.
On My Own says
Ok, c- moms, my husband is taking the kids on a trip this weekend, without me. At first, I was really excited – the whole house to myself, no responsibilities! But now, I realized I have no idea what to do! I’ve not been on my own in ages. I know there are tons of things I’m always wishing I had time to do, but now I’m having trouble thinking of them. I don’t want to waste this. Ideas so far:
Shopping (I really need work clothes and find it impossible to go out, but on the other hand, it seems like there’s nothing out there I like anymore)
Going out to eat by myself (crazy!)
Watching a movie (I’m sure there are some I’d really like to see, but what are they?)
Taking on one of the household/organization projects I’ve been meaning to do (useful, I guess)
Home spa time (bubble bath, hair treatment, paint my nails, etc.)
Sit and read (again, crazy!)
Cooking project
Surely there’s something more interesting, right? (Nothing expensive, though). I live in a small city with the usual things to do, but nothing big (and can’t go away for too long because of a needy dog). I feel like there’s got to be some other ideas.
Cb says
Sleep in, shopping, lunch, read a book in a cafe.
anonM says
Afternoon nap. See a friend either in person or by video call!
Anne-on says
Do you have a big mall nearby? I’d get there for right about when they open, try on clothes for an hour or so, browse a bookstore or target, grab a fun spa treat (eye mask/bubble bath/etc.) and then eat lunch. I’d then take a nap, order your favorite delivery that your family doesn’t like and enjoy it on the couch while watching a movie and snuggling your pup. Sleep in the next day, go to the gym, and do one ‘project’ after – cooking/organizing/etc. After that I’d read a book till your family comes home. Enjoy!!
Boston Legal Eagle says
Ooh, second all of this – this sounds like an ideal weekend!
NYCer says
I would try to hang out with a friend or two.
GCA says
my usual formula: some good food, some outdoors time and/ or exercise, some social time, something that feeds my mind or creativity! if it will assuage a bit of anxiety, one household project but nothing more than an hour each day. so a typical day could look like: an hour trail run or walk with a friend, treat myself to sushi, head to a cafe to read, head home and do a household task and a cooking project. Or: workout class, brunch with a friend and visit an art museum, pop into shops to browse for work clothes, then get takeout and watch TV at home.
Anon says
Definitely no shopping or household organizing or anything in the chore family!! This is precious time to yourself. Go to a museum, meet up with a friend for something fun like a wine and paint class, take a ski lesson, do something memorable – doesn’t matter what, as long as it’s different and special.
Anon says
I disagree – I’m coming at this from the other side as the one who frequently travels with the kids and gives my husband time alone at home but I always leave him with a short list of house projects and I’d be pretty annoyed if he was like “nah, not doing any of this stuff because this is me time.” The person at home is getting a multi day break from parenting while the other parent is on duty essentially 24/7. The person at home alone can pick up a few extra chores. Even with the projects my husband has waaaaay more time to himself than he normally does when the kids and I are gone.
Anon says
Counterpoint, I’d be pretty annoyed if my spouse gave me a list of projects like that. I’m a person, not his employee. It’s fine to discuss (not dictate) if something really NEEDS to be done, like the sink is urgently linking, but in our house, one of our values is fun. Neither of us would question the other taking an exceptional free weekend for fun and then cramming the chores/projects into a normal week instead. Part of having fun as a value is the idea that “chores can wait.”
Anon says
It’s not You Must Do Everything on This List or Else, but in our household there’s a mutual recognition that the partner who has the kids is doing the heavy lifting and the partner who is kid-free should do a little more than normal around the house to compensate. I don’t think of him as my employee, but if he wanted to frame it as “precious me time” with no chores when I’m solo parenting 24/7 I would definitely be frustrated. We try to keep things equitable and that means if one person is picking up more parenting duties, the other compensates by doing more around the house.
Anonymous says
This totally depends. Is husband taking Kiddo to their long weekend hockey tourney because one adult has to? If so, mama gets a nice long weekend.
If husband is taking the kids on a Trip To Leave The Home Empty, then yes, it’s get $hit done time.
Anon says
I would probably lay in bed a lot and stare at the ceiling, exercise, read, lay in the bath, give myself a pedicure, and eat some delicious sandwiches and pastries from a local cafe in bed. Going out is nice but then you miss out on enjoying the house without anyone there bothering you.
Anon says
This might be different for you because everyone is different, but when I have a day where I want to stare at the ceiling instead of taking a chance that’s offered, I know it’s a bad mental health day. Assuming mental health ISN’T at issue here, it will feel much more relaxing to enjoy the house alone in the evening after a day spent doing something fun and unique.
Anon says
I meant that I would enjoy the quiet time without anybody coming in to “help” me rather than that I’m depressed. I can leave my kids and husband at home and go out to do fun stuff, but being alone at home is a rare treat for me!
DLC says
Last time my husband took the kids on a trip, I had a friend over for a sleepover. We went to a movie, came home stayed up late talking, got up the next morning for lazy breakfast and a hike. It really made me feel like “not mom”.
I think solo time with friends is one thing I feel like I don’t have time for with the kids around.
NLD in NYC says
Fun! I second this idea – love the idea of a girlfriend sleepover.
ElisaR says
i had a similar opportunity and organized my linen closet. i even labeled shelves. it was incredibly satisfying. I also went to the mall but didn’t find anything.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
Lots of good suggestions here. I’m just going to chime in and say DO NOT OVERBOOK YOURSELF – for the relaxing stuff, or the projects. Ask me how I know. Especially with a needy dog, which I also have…
Also, I’ve been long overdue to Everything Everywhere all at Once, Wakanda Forever, and Mrs. Harris Goes to Paris.
GCA says
All three of those movies are so good! (I, um, caught up on movies on a couple of long flights recently, while the kids were snoozing or glued to their own screens.)
Anon says
Being able to read a book or watch a movie on a plane flight w/kids is such a fun parenting milestone.
Anon says
Check out the writings from Alistair Humphreys and the concept of “micro-adventures” – that’s what you need here!!
Anon says
I think your ideas sound great!
I have a 2 and 5 year old, and am pregnant with #3 and work a lot. Last December, I had four days off work, while the kids were in school/daycare. Husband was home for the latter 2 of those days. Here’s what I planned. Keep in mind: Our house is a huge mess (no outsourced help), and I was very behind on life. I haven’t had more than 1 day to myself since my kids were born (and that 1 day has only happened when I took a personal day to catch up on life once!). I daydreamed about these four days months in advance, and this is what I planned:
Day 1: Errands! Shopping! I prioritized all the errands (fun or otherwise) I wanted to get done, and made a realistic schedule to ensure I could do it. I made 13 stops that day, and still picked up my 5 year old from school at 2 p.m. (first time he didn’t have to go to after-care!). I bought stamps for Christmas cards, finished holiday shopping, leisurely enjoyed a fancy coffee drink at the local coffee shop, shopped for new boots (for me!), bought some stuff for the new baby’s room, ate a cheeseburger and fries in the car alone without two little kids screaming in the backseat etc. It was lovely.
Day 2: I spent the entire day cleaning our house. Might not be everyone’s cup of tea, but our house was disgusting, and it felt cathartic. Unfortunately, I started to feel run down in the afternoon. I figured it was because I was pregnant and pushing myself, but the next morning symptoms got worse and I soon tested positive for flu.
Day 3: This was supposed to be the Christmas present wrapping day with my hubby. I wanted to make it an event — drink cocoa, watch a holiday movie, leisurely wrap gifts, etc. But, I came down with flu and my husband spent the day wrapping gifts while I slept/went to the doctor . He didn’t know which gift was for whom, so I later had to half unwrap the gifts and label them while in the thick of the flu. Not what I had intended! But oh well. Things happen.
Day 4: This was supposed to be the “Set up our 2-year-old’s big boy bedroom” day, but this didn’t happen because flu.
I hope you keep healthy and enjoy your weekend!!
Anon says
This agenda is too heavy on chores/errands for my taste (YMMV), but one thing I love is that you planned it in advance. That’s the best way to make sure you use the time the way you want! There’s nothing worse than getting a rare window of time, not planning anything, and then spending it on the couch in Netflix zombie mode.
Vicky Austin says
I unexpectedly got the week between Christmas and New Year’s off a few weeks before, and planned my days to get specific things done! Not all of them happened, but it was SO nice to balance between doing things and not doing things.
SC says
When I’m having a hard time looking forward to something, I try to design a whole experience vs thinking about it as a “to do” item. For example:
– Read a book…make it a “reading retreat” with a cozy blanket, a mug of tea, some quiet music, etc. Or take a book to a coffee shop, grab your favorite warm beverage, and read/ people watch.
– Watch a movie… make it “movie night” with a double feature, your favorite takeout, and popcorn and/or movie candy.
– Home spa time… break out a scented candle and find some spa music and adjust your lighting just so.
– Go out to eat by yourself… plan an outfit that makes you happy, pick a book or crossword or whatever you like to do at the table, and take yourself to that place you like but your husband doesn’t, or the place that’s best for people watching, or whatever you want to get out of it.
Enjoy!
Liza says
Not sure if this will be helpful to you, but if I had a free day on a weekend sans husband/kids, I’d go to the Goodwill outlet and search through the bins. This is an absolutely ridiculous thing to spend my time doing, I realize, so I wouldn’t take away from family time to do it (probably) but I just think it sounds like a fun treasure hunt.
Anonymous says
I would go ski for a day.
Anon says
+1. Something in that vein would feel like a real break from kid/house/life responsibilities.
On My Own says
Funny, the reason they’re leaving is to go skiing! (Joining up with his parents who are on a longer trip – I’m not a big fan, personally, and it was kind of last-minute, didn’t make much sense to fuss with boarding the dog).
Anon says
since i’m already dreaming of summer vacation, last year you ladies came through with amazing suggestions for outdoor covid-friendly activities while visiting my dad in the DMV area (he lives in Montgomery County, MD near Cabin John Park), and now that we are a more comfortable being inside, would love to get some suggestions for indoor activities, including best museums/experiences in DC for 5 year olds
FVNC says
We’re new to the area so others will have lots of good suggestions, I’m sure…but for indoor DC activities, our kids (almost 6 and 9) have loved:
– Visiting top of Washington Monument
– Natural History Museum (especially the gems and crystals)
– National Botanical Gardens
– Library of Congress (this may be more for adults but they do a scavenger hunt that makes it fun for littler kids)
Spirograph says
+1 to Botanical Gardens. I feel like it doesn’t get the love that the Smithsonian museums do, but my kids always have a blast. The outdoor gardens will be nice, too, in a couple months.
DC Air and Space museum is wonderful, but there is also a small aviation museum in College Park. I haven’t been there since pre-covid, but we went regularly when my kids were younger. It’s not as overwhelming as Air and Space can be. It’s next to an active airfield, so if your kids like to watch planes taking off, you can kill a lot of time there!
If you want to go up to Baltimore, the National Aquarium is incredible, and the B&O railroad museum is also worth a visit. There’s an (underwhelming for adults) One Mile Express ride on a real train you can do there, too.
Anonymous says
Check out the blog KidFriendlyDC for a million suggestions. In DC proper, a newer museum is the Children’s museum- not free, but not too expensive either and my 4 and 6 year olds absolutely love it. Underrated kid friendly free museum is the Postal Museum near Union Station. The Aboretum is really fun to walk around too, tons of trails and the columns are really beautiful. Obviously the zoo is great too and they’ve started bringing back keeper talks- worth checking the schedule before you go. Bird House is supposed to open in March. Note for the zoo they still require passes you can get on the website. Passes are free, parking you have to pay for.
DLC says
Love love love the Postal Museum too! Though it makes me sad when I go and my kids are like, “What’s a postal code?”
Also on the Red Line, I like the Building Museum, one of the few museums that I’m willing to pay to take my kids to. Often during the summer they have a really fun installation.
My kids like riding the metro downtown, going to a museum (pick any one) and then getting noodles and dumplings at Chinatown Express – that’s our standard “no plans for a Saturday” adventure.
The Trolley Museum (in Montgomery County) is also a sweet low key way to spend some time.
Also note- the Washington Monument is super cool but tickets can be hard to come by. They go pretty quickly as they as released.
Spirograph says
Oooh yes, I forgot about the Building Museum! I haven’t been there since they had “The Beach” many years ago, but I remember saying to myself at the time that I needed to come back alone and look at everything at my own speed. There were a lot of cool hands-on things for the kids
Anon says
thanks all! even though i grew up right outside DC and have hit most of the monuments and museums, i’ve never actually been to the botanical gardens, but not sure if July is the right time to visit. I LOVED the postal museum as a kid (we’d go eat in the food court at union station afterwards) and totally forgot about that
Anon says
My daughter is 5 and while it is not DC proper, we are definitely planning on a visit to the Baltimore Aquarium in the near term because she loves aquariums and that one is awesome. Another DC-area indoor thing she loves is the Spy Museum (not free, but also she loves Odd Squad so it is in-line). Natural History Museum is a favorite (gems especially). She is learning about money in kindergarten, so a visit to the Bureau of Engraving and Printing to see money being made would be on our list but they are still closed :(.
Anon says
How on earth do people move? We have to buy a house, sell a house, and change childcare for 2 different kids (one daycare and one kindergarten/before and after care) all at the same time? I don’t get it- how do you do it?
We’re planning on moving to the ‘burbs before my oldest starts kindergarten. Keeping our jobs.
Anon2 says
In the olden days, people would find a new house, put in an offer with a contingency that they had to sell their house, list their house and then schedule the closings for the same day or so. (Unless you are very rich and can carry two houses and therefore can buy the new one with no contingencies.)
In the Wild West pandemic housing market of crazy demand and near zero supply, we had to list our house, sell it, live with my parents two hours away for six months, and then buy a new house.
As a first step, declutter your house top to bottom, then find realtors in your selling and buying location and get their advice on order of operations. You’ll probably still have to list your house first, but if supply is good you can probably make offers on other houses concurrently (or at least after you are in contract for your old/current house). The logistics of new doctors, service people, registering for school, etc are a major pain, but you just get it done.
anon says
Haha well, I posted last week on the main page about how I forgot to cancel our gas service when we moved last spring. Moving with young children is a LOT and clearly I didn’t manage to do it all.
EDAnon says
This is an aside but I am done with the main page. So many people are so unreasonably mean. I have no idea what is going on.
Anne-on says
We rented an apartment for 2 years after moving out of NYC/selling my apartment because we knew nothing about the area and didn’t want to feel rushed. If there are rental properties that might work for you I’d highly recommend doing that as an interim step.
Alternated weekend of daycare visits/home visits. If you know your preferred neighborhoods you probably only have a handful of daycares that will work for you so get on the lists now and then do visits to figure out your favorites. For the move itself – start by getting rid of anything you don’t like/need/use – the less you have the less you have to pack and unpack. I’d also hire sitters for the weekend – you can get a LOT of packing done without the kids around. I’d think about a moving cube – you can fill it up a few boxes at a time so you’re not trying to do it in one mad push. Decor items/books/out of season clothing/extras should be packed first – I’m sure there are checklists online to work with! And definitely hire good movers, ours were amazing and SO fast.
Cb says
We hired movers to pack and they were like Bonnie and Clyde but they only broke 1 thing.
Cb says
Ugh, I don’t know. We did the retreat to the country in late 2020 and I’m not sure how we managed it. We were moving from 2 beds to 3 beds, so that helped…. we continued to commute back to the city for PT childcare, and then started childcare locally before my son was ready to go to school.
Six months later, I got a job a plane ride away, and honestly, I can’t face uprooting our lives again when we’ve just started meeting people and integrating.
FVNC says
We move frequently for my husband’s job, although hopefully we’re in our “forever location” finally. We’ve moved 3 times in the past 4 years, including buying two houses without seeing them from across the country during a pandemic. So fun.
A couple tips:
– Determine house location based on schools (assuming public school). If your market is anything like the one we live in, that will narrow choices significantly as there is still very low volume of homes available.
– Realtors will be able to help you with your timelines. Specifically when to list and how long houses like yours tend to stay on the market. We’ve never had a local move, so we’ve always had two realtors (one sell-side, one buy-side); it’s probably a smoother process if you can use the same person — but make sure they’re qualified to do both esp in a competitive market (e.g., our buyer’s agent in our current location rarely represents sellers so we might not have used him to sell our home even if we were local).
– If you’re in a “hot market” (do those still exist?) consider going out of town for a long weekend and get all your showings out of the way then; that way you’re not constantly cleaning / decluttering kid stuff.
– Use packers and movers if at all financially possible
– Plan on a lag time between when you have to leave your home and when you can get into your new one, or conversely, an overlap when you’ve bought your new home and still haven’t closed on your current home. We’ve been fortunate to be able to stay with my parents for extended periods when needed.
– Ideally you’ll close on your current home before your new home so you can use any profits as part of your new down payment. Your mortgage broker will assist with this process, and the two escrow agents can work together if you’ll do a simultaneous close on both properties.
– Be prepared for paperwork. So much paperwork. I feel like mortgage brokers think they’re giving out security clearances these days.
– Take a few days off work while the kids are in childcare to power through unpacking. It usually takes us about 3-4 solid days to get a house minimally set up, so that it’s livable.
– Military websi t e s have great resources, particularly this checklist maker (disregard the many categories that won’t apply in your situation). The household goods, paperwork, school and transportation portions have good reminders: https://planmymove.militaryonesource.mil/plan-my-move-checklist
Boston Legal Eagle says
We moved to the burbs with two small kids – we were in a rental before though, so didn’t have to deal with selling our old house. Our timeline: Saw house that we loved in June, put an offer in that day, accepted, then closed in August. That June, we went to a few daycares in new town and enrolled the kids to start in new daycare in September. Moved in fully in early September. We hired movers that did all the packing (definitely recommend and worth the money!) Is your oldest starting K in the fall? Enrollment for public schools is likely starting now, but you’ll probably need the new address first. I don’t think there’s a deadline for that though, it’s more the aftercare if there are waitlists.
Leatty says
It’s so hard!!! We did this last year, and it was exhausting. We engaged a great realtor, whose package included staging and help decluttering. We listed our house, and within a few days of accepting an offer, we placed an offer on another house halfway across the country (which we had only seen through zoom). We ended up with a 2 week gap between homes, so we paid the moving company to store our stuff and lived in an Airbnb during that period. I also did a ton of research on childcare options in our desired area before we placed our home on the market, so as soon as we made an offer on a home, I was ready to put down deposits on the new daycare. I also intentionally picked a daycare that does before/after care for our K-er so we would only have to deal with one drop off and pick up the first year.
It’s hard, but you’ve got this!
anonM says
Plan to take some time off work during the move. Signed, I moved on Sunday and worked Monday afternoon due to a the deadline. Then the power went out at the new house. 2 kids. It really was one of the worst weeks of parenting to date. Don’t do it to yourself.
Lily says
It was really hard but went fairly smoothly in the end.
We went under contract in March and got a 120 day rate lock (thank goodness since rates skyrocketed after that). The sellers pushed for a really long close date, which suited us fine, so we didn’t close til June.
In early April, we decluttered our old house, which was probably the most stressful and time consuming part of the whole process. My husband carted tons of stuff (like 30 large plastic bins and a bunch of art, lamps, toys, etc) in the car to his mom’s house to store. We wanted to hire a handyman to make a few minor repairs/cosmetic upgrades before listing the house but we couldn’t get anyone to come on short notice so my husband did them himself, which was also stressful.
We listed our old house in mid-April and thought it would sell right away. We ended up cutting the price somewhat and sold it in 2 weeks (still made a hefty profit on it even though we bought it in 2019). We didn’t close on the sale of our old house til July, so we had a couple of weeks after moving out to get it cleaned.
We hired movers, but I insisted on packing probably 1/3 of our stuff myself, since I wanted to pack all of the girls toys, clothes, all of our good dishes, any random knick knacks and art. But having someone else pack up the rest of the kitchen and all the miscellaneous crap I never know how to pack was worth its weight in gold.
So, my advice is, if you can swing it, to double carry mortgages for 2 weeks to give yourself an easier move and time to clean and do any repairs in the old house after you move out. There are bridge loans for this as well.
If you can’t do that, then you can close on the sale and purchase the same day, but lease your old house back from the buyers for a month or two. That way you give yourself more than a day to move out, and also leave time to make any upgrades or repairs to the new house.
For childcare, get on waitlists ASAP. After we moved to the burbs, we drove our girls into the city to their old daycare for 3 months while we waited for a spot in the burbs, which was a pain but doable and worth it because they didn’t have to switch schools and houses all at once. I think that helped minimize the upheaval in their life.
Liza says
Well, for the schools you just notify the ones you’re leaving in advance that you’re leaving, but keep the care in place until you’re ready to start at the new place. For kindergarten the timing is easy, obviously you just start with the new school year and before/after care follows that. Likewise, set the new daycare start date on the day you need it. Unless you’re dealing with waitlist shenanigans, the timing should be pretty easy. Besides that, it’s just a lot of annoying paperwork.
For buying/selling, recognize that you’re far more in control of timing when you buy than when you sell. Honestly, the way we’ve done it is bought our house first, then put the old house on the market, recognizing that we might have to carry 2x houses for a bit. Not everyone can bear this risk. Another method we’ve used is getting a rental in the new location, then buying something once we’ve found the right thing, without the time pressure. Of course that requires two moves, but local moves are pretty cheap, and you can keep a good portion of your stuff still-packed if you know you’ll be moving again soon.
Business formal maternity pants says
Morning, ladies. Does anyone have any recommendations for business formal maternity pants? I am not looking for a suit, just pants of quality material that I can wear with a variety of blazers I already have. Everything I see seems to be made poorly and of really thin, bad material. Aaaahhhhhh. Thank you!
Anon says
Seraphine has some nice ones, though I was much happier wearing the same two stretchy black dresses (also Seraphine) with maternity tights and swapping blazers than in any pants.
Anonymous says
+1 for dresses. I always felt more polished in dresses. Pants and maternity tops were all rumply.
NYCer says
I work black maternity jeans in place of true work pants while I was pregnant. Business casual big law office, not business formal though. They looked fine with blazers.
AwayEmily says
Yes I also leaned heavily on black maternity jeans. If you get ones that are true black and not, like, distressed then they can pass pretty well. Mine were from Target, I believe. Old Navy has maternity Pixie pants that are pretty legit, too.
Anon says
Be prepared that your blazers may not fit as you progress through your pregnancy. Your breast size may increase and also your rib circumference will increase as your organs get pushed up (fun).
I found good maternity pant options at Seraphine, Hatch, and Isabelle Oliver
Anonymous says
I got my fav maternity dress pants from Gap. I would say they were slightly more on the business casual side than business formal, but they served me well. A quick search just turned up an option I thought looked more business formal: Lands End Washable Wool Maternity Straight Pants.
anon says
Advice on bringing a nanny on vacation?
We’re planning a local getaway with close friends for spring break, renting a large house together. Between the two families, we have 2 second-graders, 1 first-grader, and an 18-month old. Our wonderful nanny (with us for 6 years, currently with us part-time, previously full-time) also babysits for the other family and knows their kids well. While we were planning last night, one of the other parents floated the idea of inviting our nanny along for an extra set of hands, to allow them some freedom during their toddler’s nap time, and to give us the option of the adults going out in the evening. Has anyone here ever done this? Trying to figure out how to structure the days, what to pay, lodging (is it enough privacy for her if she has her own bedroom in the rental house?), how to split costs with the other family. Any advice would be welcome.
NYCer says
We have not brought our nanny with us on vacation, but have friends that have done so. I think that they generally pay the nanny her standard hourly rate for working hours (8-10 hours a day, or whatever you like), in addition to a flat $100 fee for overnights. A room in a rental house would be fine. And in case it is not obvious, you should also pay for all her food, activities, etc.
Re the other family, realistically I think it would be easiest to just split it 50/50, even though it sounds like they have toddler who might require more care.
NYCer says
Also, the $100 for overnights assumes she is not waking up with the kids. This is just more of an “inconvenience fee” since she can’t sleep at her own home. If she is providing care during overnight hours, then you should pay more.
Anonymous says
One of my colleagues used to do this. They paid for the flight and a bedroom in the rental house/vacation condo. They paid the regular rate for a set number of babysitting hours per day (maybe like 4?) and the sitter was free at other times. Sitter paid for their own food I think unless they ate out and she accompanied them.
CCLA says
We have not done this yet but have it in our contract (and understand from the agency we’re using that this is pretty common) that we pay for travel, $100 stipend per day, plus all meals and lodging, and then care hours are paid at the normal rate. We’re on the books though and I think the answer will vary based on that as well – someone paid cash could probably work out a different system.
Anon says
What are your favorite kid grippy socks? I was going to buy Bombas but they’re kind of pricey, so curious what else is out there. Most of the grippy socks I see have the grippers on the middle of the foot rather than the heel and toe, which seems pointless.
anon says
I got some Sesame street ones from amazon and they were sufficient. Link to follow
anon says
https://www.amazon.com/Sesame-Street-Toddler-Grippers-Multicolor/dp/B09MG8WL4V/ref=sxin_18_slsr_d_i_fs4star_fa_0_B09MG8WL4V?content-id=amzn1.sym.572162ee-a66b-4f03-be33-4a15abb2f611%3Aamzn1.sym.572162ee-a66b-4f03-be33-4a15abb2f611&crid=M999PCKEIJC3&cv_ct_cx=sesame+street+socks&keywords=sesame+street+socks&pd_rd_i=B09MG8WL4V&pd_rd_r=466ee351-e737-44d0-9eb1-c998bb9dad0e&pd_rd_w=8MRth&pd_rd_wg=Tnevt&pf_rd_p=572162ee-a66b-4f03-be33-4a15abb2f611&pf_rd_r=348P3XC8NJMKWFKBR53A&qid=1675357450&sprefix=sesame+street+socks%2Caps%2C103&sr=1-1-fb95c624-fdf9-476a-9ea5-7dddeccef57f
Anon says
Our local trampoline park gives out great grippy socks but that’s an expensive (but fun!) way to get them.
EDAnon says
Ours sells them separately
AwayEmily says
N’Ice Caps gripper ones from Amazon. They are shockingly durable (lasted through three kids) and the grips are excellent.
Anonymous says
My daughter’s favorite are Cat and Jack brand from Target. The grippers are a more sticky/grippy texture than the harder more plasticky grippers of some other brands. Unfortunately the grippy socks only run through toddler sizes. My 4 year old with big feet is sizing out :(
Emma says
Any advice on where to find a cute swimsuit with a decent amount of structure that will fit my postpartum/breastfeeding bod? I usually go with JCrew but don’t love their current selection. I’m probably a size 8 right now.
Anon says
If you are still going through size fluctuations, Target has some really good options under the Kona Sol brand. I bought a two-piece post-partum that had a high-waisted ruched bottom that I felt comfortable in. A lot of the reviews were from people commenting that they also had bought the suit postpartum.
If you are wanting something more high-end, I have really liked the suits I bought from Albion Fit.
Anonymous says
Yes! I love my bathing suits from Kona Sol. After 4 years of decently heavy use the one I bought post partum is finally starting to wear out and I’m hoping I can just buy it again this year.
Anon says
I also have a Kona Sol suit I like.
Anonymous says
I really like, and often get complimented on, my swimsuits from boden. They have more coverage in the rear and support my DD chest. I ordered and tried some j crew and athleta suits last year and found the fabric to be much thinner and less supportive than my boden swimsuits.
Anonymous says
+1 on Boden. I’m a size 6/8 but DDD and I need support! I’ve never gotten by with cheaper suits, even as a teen.
anon says
I have a couple from lands end that I really like. Not the cutest, though they do have some fun patterns and a collab with Draper James. I’m more focused on function and coverage for chasing a toddler around the pool/beach. They hold up really well to chlorine and washing
Chl says
Boden is the answer.
Anon says
I was actually really happy with the CUPSHE swimsuits I bought off A-zon when I had a beach vacation 6 months postpartum/still breastfeeding. Not expensive at all, but decent quality and support.
Anon says
I was a G cup and had few options, so I wore a bra made with swimsuity material with a rash guard over top. It totally converted me to rash guards, though.
Anon says
We got our first dropoff birthday invite for this weekend. Hooray! What’s the etiq3tte here? Am I supposed to go in and greet the other parents and help my kid settle in to an activity, or is it like daycare where I can just drop and go (assuming my kid is cool with it, which I think she will be)? When should I be back? I’m guessing at least 10 minutes before the stated end time?
Anonymous says
How old is your child? *Do* greet the parents, but you don’t have to go in if they answer the door and your daughter immediately scurries off to play. Confirm pickup time at that point in a “I’ll be back at 4 to pick her up, have fun!” kind of way and yes, come back 5-10 min early but be prepared to wait if they’re still finishing up cake or whatever.
Anon says
They’re 5. The party’s at a public place with 18 kids attending, so I don’t expect the parents will greet me at the door.
Anon says
Yes, greet the parents, sign whatever waiver you need to sign, come 10 minutes early, be prepared to wait. You may not have the option to settle your kid in, but you at least want them to join whatever group there is.
NYCer says
In this case, I would definitely go in and say hello. Let them know your daughter is there. I do not think you need to be early for pick up, but just don’t be late. Fine to arrive 10 minutes before though if you want to chit chat a bit.
Anonymous says
Greet the parents and let them know who you have dropped up and how to contact you if there is an emergency. Yes on the 10 minutes before stated end time.
Anon says
I am looking for a new job and having a really hard time / nobody wants me. I’ve been networking, applying widely, met with a career coach to overhaul my resume and still, nothing. I spent my whole career working hard and achieving and have a high-prestige resume and facing this brick wall is just so demoralizing. Just venting into the anonymous internet!
Anonymous says
SAME except I’m terrible at networking and not really doing much of it. But I’ve never been good at networking and I haven’t run into a brick wall like this before. It’s SO demoralizing. I hope things turn around for both of us soon.
anon says
I’m a recruiter and I have a ton of highly qualified candidates from top law schools at top law firms who can’t get jobs. I know it’s demoralizing but it’s not you, I promise! Companies are jumpy at hiring and even though there are lots of open positions, it’s mostly in hospitality and retail. White collar positions not so much.
EDAnon says
I heard a lot of the open positions have been open a long time too and may be stale – the posting is up but the company isn’t really hiring.
anonM says
That stinks!
I think a lot of job searching is timing. I’ve been hearing of more hiring freezes and layoffs, which I know doesn’t mean you don’t take it personally, but just for some context. I know patience is easier said than done, but I know for high-achievers that is especially hard, so hang in there!! Maybe reach out to an older friend that you can brainstorm some ideas with? I’d love to do that with a friend, even one I haven’t talked to in awhile. They can remind you of your strengths!
Anonymous says
It’s so frustrating! I hope you find something soon. I’m dealing with a recruiter who is nice but doesn’t know anything about my industry and “doesn’t really get” why as a mom of three kids under 5, I would need guaranteed sick time. This recruiter is a woman. SMH.
Anon says
It’s so painful but try not to take it personally. Your job search isn’t the sum of who you are. A lot is luck, timing, market conditions… I’ve been there too more than once.