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This is the foundation I’m currently using, and I like it so much I’ve purchased it twice after running out. For a person who likes to try what’s new! new! new!, it says a lot that I keep returning to it. I use it as an everyday foundation, and it works on its own and also mixed with moisturizer. It’s very light, and definitely not full coverage. I don’t want it to cover everything — just some redness — but let my real skin show through. With a drugstore brand it can be hard to get a great match, but the CVS return policy allows you to return previously-opened beauty products. It’s $10.99 at CVS. L’Oreal True Match Super Blendable Foundation {related: see all our beauty empties — the products we actually finish! — over at Corporette} This post contains affiliate links and CorporetteMoms may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!Sales of note for 4.18.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
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Kid/Family Sales
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
anon says
Does anyone else find it hard to stay motivated when your office is empty for the week? Most of the attorneys (and much of our staff) in my office are on vacation this week, and I just mentally check out. I know I should take advantage of the time to catch up, especially with mat leave coming up in a few weeks, but meh.
Anonymous says
I’m in the same position! I would take a few days off myself except I promised to babysit a project for another attorney who is out this week. Just planning out fun lunch outings…
Anonymous says
I find it a good time to cross small tasks/projects off my list. Because my attention span doesn’t last much longer than an hour or two.
Anonymous says
Yes! I usually just try to lean into it and take breaks or special lunches or whatever. I find I am still more productive than when I am pulled different directions every minute.
Pogo says
That’s how I usually feel in December, but this week I’m cranking stuff out and even meeting with customers tomorrow. I did take last Friday off, though – love having two short weeks back to back!
EB0220 says
I try to finish some small nagging tasks and usually listen to podcasts or music while I do it to stay motivated.
car seat question says
Anyone have the pipa lite lx car seat? I cleaned our mesa over the weekend as I prepare for kid number 2 and it has a big stain. I’m reluctant to shell out for the pipa (especially when I can just buy a new seat cover for the mesa) but the mesa was sooo heavy and I’m intrigued by a lighter seat, esp considering I’ll have a toddler in tow too. Is it worth it? Any other light seat recs?
Anon says
I bought the basic Graco because Lucie’s List said it was OK, and it weighed 7 (!!!) pounds. It worked great for me, and was cheap (the models change every year, but it’s their economy pick on their site now).
Anonymous says
Is the pipa lite the one that can’t be installed without the base? That would be a major downfall for me, since having to bring both parts while traveling would be a pain.
Anon says
Not OP, but yes, you can’t install w/o the base and I would avoid for that reason.
CCLA says
That would be a deal breaker for me, too, since we switch the seat between cars (and just keep a base in each car). OP, we have the original Pipa which I think they still make, and was still a couple of lbs lighter than the Mesa. Loved it and used it until each kid was about 8 months, just now switching second kiddo to a convertible because we’re not really carting her around in it any more.
Anonymous says
Oh, as far as I know you can still switch it between cars like that that have bases, you just can’t install it in an airplane/taxi/friend’s car without the base.
CCLA says
Ah, I misunderstood, thanks anon 1:26. I would totally get the lite then!
anon says
why do men behave worse than children when sick? DH has been working a ton lately. Finally – a weekend where he didn’t have to work and he got sick, which of course isn’t his fault, but I got sick too, though of course he complained about it more, acted ‘sicker’ etc. and i ended up doing the bulk of the childcare bc he didn’t want to get our 14 month old twins sick…
Anon says
Don’t let him? The response to “I don’t want to get the kids sick” is “I don’t either, but we’re both sick and one of us has to take care of them.”
Ash. says
Why is it always incumbent upon women not to “let” men get away with crummy behavior, rather than being incumbent upon the men not to behave that way in the first place.
I get the concept that “the only person you can control is you,” but it’s very victim-blamey.
Anon says
I’m not excusing his behavior but she is the one posting here, not him, and the only thing she can control is her reaction to his behavior. If she doesn’t tolerate it, there may be some positive changes. Saying so is not victim blaming, and I’m tired of the narrative that we have to let men do whatever they want and role our eyes and say “oh, men!”
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
+1 to this.”The only thing she can control is her reaction.”
There’s been a lot of “Tell your husband to be an adult” type of comments on this site lately when folks are just looking for empathy.
Anon says
I think the point is that she doesn’t have to put up with it, not that she has to discipline and refuse to let him get away with a behavior. Like if he says he doesn’t want to take care of the kids because he’s sick, it seems totally reasonable to point out that she’s also sick and can’t do everything? What’s he going to say to that or to the other things she is complaining about? It’s ok to point that stuff out to your own husband. You don’t have to grin and bear it.
EB says
I am in the process of making a big amazon order for my second baby, which is due sometime in the next two weeks (sooner rather than later, pleaseeeee!). What are things you had to buy again for number 2? Holding off on clothes because I don’t know the gender. Maybe this is a dumb question as it differs for everyone, but I’m a little bored in the office during a quiet week and would love reminders of the little things that are super helpful to have with a newborn that I might have tossed. I just added gripe water.
Jocelyn says
Infant Ibuprofen and infant Tyelenol, burp cloths, pacifiers if you use them, if you use bottles new nipples to replace baby #1s, swaddle blanket as our first claimed all of theirs and didn’t want to battle with him to share with the new baby, these are just a few things off the top of my head that we had to re-buy and we didn’t know the gender either.
Anonymous says
Washcloths, basic gender-neutral socks, new Nose Frieda, new rectal thermometer, nursing supplies for you if applicable (lanolin, nursing pads), infant Tylenol/Motrin (but I’d really hesitate to get that from Amazon). Tons of not horrible snacks for myself.
Anon says
Why would you hesitate to get Tylenol from Amazon? I buy all my meds there.
I’d add infant Mylicon, which was a lifesaver for us (I know it’s proven that it doesn’t work, but I swear it helped our very gassy baby) and Vitamin D drops if you plan to b-feed exclusively.
Irish Midori says
+1 on snacks. I added a bunch of not-terrible snacks and foods that can be eaten with one hand to my baby registry. Also one-pot meal kits. I found some ethnic “takeout” kits on Amazon that are pretty tasty and are great for the “don’t want to go to the grocery store” blues.
Anon says
I bought a new Nose Frida and the little blue inserts; also baby wash cloths and towels (ours were destroyed from washing).
Anonymous says
I had big siblings choose a lovey for baby that they could bring him when they came to see him in the hospital. Other than that… diapers (not too many though because if your babies are big like mine, they might not be in the newborn diapers for long), vaseline, lanolin, a new camelbak water bottle for me (useful when nursing).
anon says
I got a new carrier that worked for new babies because I suspected that I’d need to babywear more and sooner to keep up with our toddler.
I also got new bottles, as our old ones were funky, even after being boiled.
Anonymous says
I ordered stuff I knew we didn’t need right away but would so we could use the discount – new teething toys and Lamaze rattles, sophie giraffe. Oh and a second humidifier!
Anonymous says
I’m due in 3 weeks…in DC. Solidarity, girl. This summer pregnancy is the pits
anon says
Also due later this month. So far I’m stocking up on diapers, wipes, nose frida, new bathtub for baby, new monitor, new white noise machine, towels, new pacifiers, crib sheets, etc. I’m waiting to see how things go but know I’ll also probably want new bottles, bfeeding supplies.
Ms B says
FYI – Prime Day is two weeks away and a lot of things will go onto decent sale either there or at its competitors (although I suspect that The River is raising prices some now so that it can purport to drop them on Prime Day), so holding off may make some sense if you can.
anon says
new bottle brush, Medela soft shells, panty liners, hair clips for you? (baby was always pulling my hair, or it was in the way when nursing)
Lawyermom says
Boppy liners for the changing table, diaper genie (some people hate them but I love mine), and Baby wash – I swear by dove sensitive for my eczema prone child.
EB says
Oh, and I have used this foundation in the past and really liked it. It’s old school – been around forever. Kind of like the pink and green mascara?
LawyerAnon says
Me too! I can find a match for my wonky, hard-to-match skintone. I’ve tried a lot of fancier ones, but I keep coming back to this. Also, I can blend it quickly and easily, which is awesome on those mornings when my 2 y.o. wants to “help” me get ready.
ALC says
Just took a new baby class, and the teacher said mittens are no longer recommended (to keep baby from scratching himself), but rather she recommends shirts that have a fold-down at the end of the sleeve to cover baby’s hands while sleeping. I can’t find anything like this online — any recommendations?
Anon says
I don’t know where to find these shirts, but we never covered our baby’s hands after we stopped arms-in swaddling around 6 weeks, and it was completely fine.
Spirograph says
+1 We got a couple of the foldover sleeve onesies as gifts. I think some were Carters? In any case, some babies are scratchers and some aren’t. I never made a huge point to make sure my babies’ hands were covered plus DH and I are not good swaddlers and arms got free a lot, but I don’t remember the babies mauling themselves. I wouldn’t consider this a necessity at all.
EB says
I read a tragic news story months ago about a baby at day care that died because a mitten ended up in their mouth. I would guess it has something to do with that? In that case, there was suspected negligence involved as well, but still.
rosie says
We did not end up using them, but I think I had some Gerber brand ones from Am*zon. Just plain white longsleeve onesies with the foldovers.
Anonymous says
Search for baby gowns/romper/onesies with fold-over cuffs or sleeves and you’ll find lots of options, especially in sizes 6M and smaller.
Example https://www.amazon.com/SwaddleDesigns-Infant-Cotton-Foldover-Hedgehogs/dp/B075ZY4PH9
rakma says
Carters has some, but only in the newborn sizes I think. I don’t know of a source for 0-3mo sizes with the fold over sleeves.
My babies needed hand coverage longer than they fit in the newborn sizes…
Pogo says
+1, I had a bunch of hand me downs of the Carter’s “sleeper gown” that had foldover sleeves. In the newborn phase we swaddled with arms in, though, which meant less scratching. Later we used the Merlin sleep suit which also did not allow kiddo to scratch his face.
Anon says
The Cloud Island Sleep n Plays from Target have the foldover mitten bottoms. I think the foldover sleeves go up to at least 3-6 months, and maybe even past that.
These also have inverted zippers, which are THE BEST THING EVER for diaper changed. They’re $12.99 for a 3 pack, and are cute.
CCLA says
These, a million times these. We bought approximately 123534760 of them and used them almost exclusively for the first 3 months. The inverted zipper makes a huge difference for middle of the night changes, and the mitten cuffs were nice in the early weeks.
ALC says
Thanks!! This is just what I was looking for.
Anonymous says
Was just going to say this if no one had already– we didn’t discover them until 6-9 months and didn’t need the foldover cuffs, but I love the zipper!
Anon says
We just didn’t cover our baby’s hands? I tried to keep his nails clipped, but scratching wasn’t an issue for us so maybe it won’t be for your baby?
PregLawyer says
You can also just cut your newborn’s nails – that’s what we did pretty much from day one. It takes a couple tries to get used to it, but it’s worth it to just learn.
rock n play alternative for reflux? says
I’m struggling with a 3 week old with reflux. The rock n play, which we already own from our older daughter’s infant days, is the only thing that seems to help keep her comfortable. I’ve tried elevating her crib mattress with a wedge pillow under the mattress, but the incline is not steep enough to be effective.
I know there has been a recall of the rock n play and it is not considered safe for sleep and also creates a flat head problem — are there any alternatives? Would a dock a tot help, or is that just for keeping an infant cozy without any incline to help with relfux? Any other magic tips for a super uncomfortable fussy reflux baby? I’ve been holding her upright for 30 min after each feeding, which definitely helps, but it makes the window between feedings absurdly small, and we are all struggling with so little sleep. Any advice would be welcome!
anon says
have you talked to your pediatrician? are you bfeeding or formula? if formula/bottle maybe try a different formula or different bottle? gripe water? one of my twins had reflux and we were told to keep her upright after feedings, which was obviously a challenge with twins. what about a bouncer? or even a boppy pilllow? not meant as a sleeping device , but is upright so could be helpful for holding up after feedings.
Jocelyn says
Honestly the only thing that really helped our daughter with terrible reflux was a prescription for both Zantac and Omeprezole (Prilosec). We tried everything, the Rock N’ play, elevated after every feeding, wedge in the crib, etc and really hers was so bad medicine was the only thing that helped. Our pediatrician ended up sending us to a pediatric GI because of a suspected Cow’s milk protein allergy and he put her on the medicine and within 10 days she was a different baby. I know nobody wants to put their baby on medicine but if it really isn’t getting better I would definitely look into it. She actually started losing weight because she developed a real aversion to eating since she associated it with pain. Ugh just typing this is bringing back bad memories, I hope it gets better soon for you, reflux is the worst!
anon says
Zantac is the only thing that helped our kid. It does take 10-14 days to start working but once it did, things were more manageable.
Anonymous says
Ugh, I see sleep recommendations have really gotten more militant since we dealt with this in our son 7 years ago. He had some potentially serious complications, and his ENT was on board with letting him sleep in the swing, but he was also on Prilosec. We were also allowed to give him a little Mylanta but not sure that helped. If you haven’t already, I encourage you to talk candidly with your doctor about the risks/benefits to different sleep solutions that balance the risk of SIDs with the risk you you loosing your mind from sleep deprivation. Best of luck and big hugs!
Anon says
Dock a tot is also not safe for sleep, so I don’t think that would help.
Anonymous says
PSA – this is not safe sleep advice. But please balance any risk of a RNP with sleep deprivation. There were like 35 deaths in a RNP over the course of a decade, vs 3,000+ deaths a year due to SIDs, about 900+ of those are due to accidental suffocation when parents falls asleep with baby in bed/couch/recliner, mostly due to exhaustion . So, not safe sleep advice, but I would use the RNP if I had a child with severe reflux. Also, my nephew screamed bloody murder and projectile vomited until he was finally given Zantac at 4 months.
Walnut says
Yeah, co-sign this. We definitely used the RnP less with my recently born newborn, but it is such a good tool. As with everything, educate yourself about this risks and take appropriate mitigating action that meets your level of risk aversion.
Personally, the most dangerous thing I do on a daily basis is get in my car to drive. Using a rock n play doesn’t hold a candle to that risk.
Redux says
Do you expect your babysitters to wash the dishes and otherwise clean up after your kids are in bed? We had a new babysitter this weekend– a college kid– who watched our kids from 7:00-11:00pm. They were fed and bathed before she arrived, so she read a few books and put them to bed by 8. I was really bummed to come home to dishes in the sink (just kids’ plates and a few things we used to prepare their dinner) and the kids area still a mess but my husband said it was not a reasonable expectation since she is not the one who fed the kids or played in the play area.
This is not an “ugh, millennials!” post, but I can’t help but think of myself as a babysitter– I used to bring activities for the kids (like I planned a craft we could do together!), and I always washed the dishes, swept the floor, and cleaned up the play area after they were in bed. We pay above market rate, did all the heavy lifting of feeding and bathing the kids before she arrived, plus they were sleeping for three whole hours before we got home. Just seems like a basic expectation, but am I off base?
Cb says
I think if you want tidying, you’ll need to make it clear in the job description. I’m on your husband’s side here. I would have felt funny doing the dishes or tidying up the play area if I hadn’t used it with the kids? She might not have gone into the kitchen? Or thought that toys were left out beforehand?
Anonymous says
Seems reasonable to me — if you want her to do those things, just say so. Then you can be on the same page on your expectations.
Anon says
I don’t expect that (also, generally college kids aren’t millenials – millenials (22-37) are the parents now).
If you do expect it, you need to tell your babysitter. I think you were an all-star babysitter.
GCA says
Was this expectation clearly articulated at the outset? It sounds like an issue of mismatched expectations. My expectation for date night sitters is to be the on-call person if a kid wakes up, needs the potty, wets the bed, needs a bottle etc., and to exercise common sense in case of an emergency. Sometimes they’re charge of putting kid/s to bed, which wipes me out when I do it solo. That’s what I pay for, but your expectations may vary and should be communicated!
rosie says
I think it would be reasonable for you to have asked her to do these things, but because she didn’t feed the kids or play with them in their play area, I wouldn’t expect her to do it without being asked.
Anon says
I would never expect a babysitter to wash dishes we’d generated. If SHE feeds the kids, yes, she should tidy up (although I would say that rinsing dishes and stacking them in the sink counts as “tidying up,” because every dishwasher is different and she might feel she doesn’t know how to load it the way you like). But I would never expect a babysitter to tackle a stack of dishes I’d left in the sink from before I got there. Sounds like you really need to hire a housekeeper who can stay with your sleeping kids, not a babysitter.
anon says
+1 if she created the dishes that might be different but not since they were already fed.
Anonanonanon says
Completely agree. I would never expect a babysitter to do the dishes that we had generated ourselves earlier in the evening. It wouldn’t even occur to me to HOPE that she would. I suppose you could ask them to, but I’d make that very clear when you offer the job, and not spring it on them when they show up.
Anon says
+1 to all of this. If you want someone to clean after the kids are in bed, you need to hire them to do that.
I also think you’re being a little bit unfair in complaining that you did the bulk of the work for her. You chose to have a sitter at the time your kids would be asleep (which is normal and also what I’d do) and chose to feed and bathe the kids before she got there. If you want her to do something else in “exchange” for you not leaving her more work, you needed to say that.
Anon says
Yeah, you seem weirdly hostile to this sitter for not “doing the heavy lifting” but the kids were fed and bathed before she got there! She’s not a mind-reader and doesn’t have a time machine.
Redux says
Oh for sure, I fed and bathed them before she got there because she is a new babysitter and I wanted to make sure bedtime was smooth and not rushed– for everyone’s sake. I did not ask her to do the dishes, just bummed when I saw that she hadn’t. Just getting a temperature read on what others expect of their sitters. Thanks for the feedback.
Anonymous says
My basic expectation for sitters is that they leave the house the way they found it. If the sitter feeds the kids, she does the dishes or puts them in the dishwasher. If she lets them get out toys, she makes them put the toys away. If she does an art project with them, it gets cleaned up. I would not expect a sitter to clean up a mess that was already there when she arrived, such as dishes from the dinner you’d already fed the kids.
Anonymous says
+1
Anon says
+2. Assuming they have time after the kids go to sleep, the rule is they clean the house and get it back to the way they found it. In the suburban Midwest, most babysitters are high school or college students and market rate is $10-12/hour, fwiw.
Redux says
I hear this argument, but what confounds me is that we could expect more from her if we did less. Because we fed and bathed the kids, she does *no* dishes or cleanup. If we had left her to feed and bathe the kids, she would have prepped the meal, served the meal, cleaned up the table, and washed all the dishes? That’s so much more work! Seems like if we do the lion’s share and she steps in just to read books and brush teeth, that leaves her with more energy to do dishes and clean up. It’s weird to me that it’s all or nothing.
In either event I obviously needed to communicate my expectations to her (which I did not do), just wondering if this is a common expectation. Sounds like it isn’t!
Anonymous says
Ha ha, this is why I wouldn’t feed and bathe the kids ahead of time. Take the night off and let the sitter handle it all!
Anon says
I see your point, but you’re not hiring her for housecleaning. You’re hiring her to watch your kids. Just because you did a sizable chunk of her expected work doesn’t mean you get to substitute any other task you want (that’s not how it works for office workers and not how it works for domestic workers either). I think you have a few options – you can do less kid prep and leave her with more to do, you can talk to her and see if she’s open to doing more cleaning after they go to bed (though I think most teens in my area would balk at this), or you can hire someone who is primarily a housekeeper but who trust to get your kids to bed – many people I know do this.
Redux says
But it’s not “any other task”– it’s the first half of a whole task. If I’m following this thread right, people think it’s ok to have her do the dishes if she is the one who fed the kids. The problem is not with expecting her to do the dishes, the problem is with expecting her to do the dishes if she did not feed the kids. Or are you making a different point that that washing the dishes is a job for a housekeeper and not for a sitter?
Anon says
Come on, it’s not analogous and you know it. You left her a sink full of dirty dishes that are unrelated to the work she’s doing as a sitter. That’s very different than expecting a sitter to rinse off a plate she fed a kid a sandwich on.
Anonymous says
Washing the dishes is a job for a housekeeper, not a sitter. It’s within bounds to ask a sitter to clean up messes she and the kids have created together because that’s part of taking care of the kids, but any cleaning beyond that is for a housekeeper.
Redux says
I’m not sure I’m following since I have not made an analogy. As I said, the sink had kids’ plates and a few things we used to prep the dinner (not a sinkful of dirty dishes, it was literally 2 plates, two forks, and a bowl that we had microwaved. This is not a Sword in the Stone scene here). I think I am following the logic that if the sitter had served the meal, I could expect her to wash the kids’ dishes. Washing dishes = a sitter’s job. But since the sitter did not serve the meal, I cannot expect her to wash the kids’ dishes. Washing dishes =/= sitter’s job. Now I know!
Anon says
You’re being willfully obtuse. It’s reasonable to expect a sitter to clean up messes she creates, even if she creates them in the course of doing her job (ie. feeding the children). If the messes were there when the sitter arrived, even if they are child-related, it’s not her job to clean them up because she was not watching the children when the messes were created and she’s not a housekeeper whose job it is to keep the house tidy.
Being your babysitter would be absolutely exhausting.
Anon says
I think washing (or at least rinsing) dishes is a potentially the sitter’s job *if* the sitter made the dishes. But washing dishes she did not make is definitely not a sitter’s job.
Anonymous says
How is it the first half of the whole task if it actually wasn’t her task to feed the kids??? You chose the time the sitter came and the sequence of events for the night. How can the sitter be expected to know that all the dishes in the sink were kid-related? Sitters are not mind readers.
Redux says
You are so funny. “Willfully obtuse” would be if I refused to understand. What’s happening here is the opposite of that. I am stating the rule that you and others have described: if sitter serves the meal, sitter washes dishes; if sitter does not serve the meal, sitter does not wash dishes. Literally the opposite of obtuse. I love to see you flex your vocabulary, though, as off-base as it is, haha!
Anon says
If it was just a couple of dishes, then what is the big deal anyway? Just put them in the dishwasher and move on. Good sitters are hard to find and I bet this one has no idea you were upset she didn’t think to do this.
Anonymous says
It isn’t. Just admit you’re wrong.
Anonymous says
I don’t expect much, but my favorite babysitters do bring activities, clean up dinner dishes, and tidy. They are my first choices for these reasons and others, then I’ll move down the list to the ones who bring activities but leave dishes in the sink and a mess in the play area.
Anonymous says
+1.
Wow says
Yes, I’m a little surprised at these responses. If the kids go to bed at 8 pm and babysitter is there until 10 pm, I ask her to load all dishes (including the ones from earlier that day), wipe down the kitchen counters, clean up play room, and sometimes fold laundry if that is around. No one has ever balked at doing any of this, and we pay very well. I just don’t understand the idea of babysitter sitting around reading when kids are sleeping, esp. when you are paying them a lot of money.
I make these expectations clear from the beginning though, no sitter is going to do this without being asked.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Agree with everyone that it’s a reasonable request but you need to let the babysitter know ahead of time what you expect, beyond the actual childcare. I never babysat but if I was coming into someone else’s house, I would be hesitant to just start doing chores because what if you’re particular about how your dishes are arranged or toys put away?
And yeah, we millennials are parents now too :)
Redux says
Ha, yeah, that was tongue in cheek (I am a millennial, too!).
Anon says
I guess I’m in the minority, but I think it’s an unreasonable expectation whether or not you communicate it. I think asking her to clean up after herself and the kids while they’re in her care is totally fair, but not asking her to do dirty dishes or pick up kid messes that were already there when she arrived. She’s a childcare provider, not a maid.
Callie says
I think it’s definitely a reasonable request if she was there when the mess was made (even without your making the request) and I guess I’d just err on the side of saying something gently before going out otherwise. I have similarly come home to dishes in the sink and felt annoyed about it. (Along the lines of “hey, we try to encourage the kids to pick up the play area a bit before bed but you do you and if it ends up being a hill you don’t want to die on, it doesn’t matter to me how much of it ends up being straightened up with there help or if since you’ve never done bedtime with them before you might end up doing a quick straighten after they’re in bed.” and “I got dinner into the kids tonight, but didn’t get a chance to load their dishes, could I get you to do that after they go to bed and just pop the food into tupperware and into the fridge?”) (After all, there are multiple hours where the kids are asleep when the sitter can get these things done and they are child related and you presumably are paying her the same per-hour rate you’d be paying her if the kids were awake. This is at least my reasoning now–we live in NYC and the per hour babysitter rate is high–so I always feel like coming home to no dishes in the sink is not unreasonable. Also, when I babysat, I regularly would fold kid laundry, unload and reload the dishwasher, wipe down counters, and straighten up kid toys after kids went to bed before relaxing on the sofa or doing homework.)
Pogo says
Yeah, you would need to specify the level of cleaning you’d like. I would not expect any cleaning from a sitter unless I told them, but especially if the mess occurred before they got there.
EB0220 says
I would say probably 50% of babysitters leave the house as they found it. Only one of many has actively cleaned up. I think you need to make your expectations clear, whatever they are, and hire/pay accordingly.
Anonymous says
You are completely off base! She isn’t a maid. I’d expect her to clean up, basically, after any messes she made not come into your house and clean up after you. Ridiculous
Anon says
Yeah, I have to say i’m really surprised by all the comments today saying it’s ok as long as you clearly set out expectations. People have gotten significant pushback here before when they asked about their nannies doing housekeeping, and a nanny is a salaried professional who is spending 40+ hours/week in your home, not a teenager who’s putting your kids to bed for one evening.
Two Cents says
I’m very surprised by this comment. Perhaps the difference is that our weekend babysitters are also our mother’s helper during the week, and as the mother’s helper they do lots of household chores (loading dishes, folding laundry, sweeping, etc.). So we expect the same of them on date nights, after the kids are in bed. It seems strange to pay someone $20/hr to be simply a warm body, when they can easily do some basic chores around the house. As long as you make this expectation up front, I don’t see an issue. But without asking, I don’t think it is realistic to expect any sitter to do any chores.
Anonymous says
So it sounds like you hired what Jim Gaffighan refers to as a “warm body.” Basically someone to be at home with your kids while they sleep so you don’t get reported to CPS. I would not expect this person to do my dishes or clean up my house.
Ifiknew says
How do you keep a 2 year old occupied other than snacks or TV when a newborn requires 20 mins of soothing or replacing Paci for naps? TIA
Spirograph says
This is tough. I used TV a lot when I needed 20 minutes of quiet from my 2 year old. Daniel Tiger is 20 minutes long, conveniently enough! The only other thing my 2 year olds had a solo 20 minute attention span for was playing outside. Shovel + toy dump truck + unused flower bed in our fenced back yard. It was a mess, but the kid was happy.
Other things that are worth a try, but hit or miss whether you can get 20 minutes out of them:
Play dough
blocks
Anonymous says
We also used too much TV. We were able to roll it way back as the baby got older without issue. I assume you’re not interested in games on the tablet either, so other options:
Coloring
Pulling all the tissues of the box (maybe not 20 minutes, but it’s a hit here)
Our kid also likes to push all the buttons in the car from the front seat, but that’s not helpful, since you need to be in the car. But maybe you have an equivalent? He also has an old laptop that doesn’t work that he can push buttons on, so it doesn’t make any noise.
Anonymous says
I used to stuff a tissue box with baby washcloths to reduce the number of trees we killed with the tissue box trick. As a bonus, it’s fun for the kid to stuff the washcloths back into the box too.
Anonymous says
If you can figure out a way to do it safely, playing with cups and stuff in a gently running faucet in a sink? But yeah, I mostly used TV for this. My two-year-old got really into watching Raffi concerts on youtube, which I think is not terrible in the scheme of things.
DLC says
We have a similar issue, but with our 7 year old and toddler- I.e. how to keep the toddler occupied while we help older one with homework and reading. We hide some of my toddler’s favorite toys (trucks) and only bring them out at homework time. It’s not necessarily quiet, and we only use it once a day, but for us it works for a good stretch of time.
Anonymous says
Mine usually rampages through the playroom creating an epic mess and shouting for me.
GCA says
If it’s been a while since kid 1 and you used plastic bottles, chances are they might be a little funky. I had to get nearly all new bottles and nipples. Check pacifiers and sippy cups too to see if they’re worn out or breaking as well.
Consumables – vitamin D drops, baby ibuprofen, diaper cream, cloth diaper liners etc. Prenatals for you! If you plan to nurse, any nursing supplies you might need (pads, lanolin, mother’s milk tea, etc).
GCA says
d’o! for EB above, obviously.
Anon says
I am dying at the amount of food I wipe from the floor in the ikea high chair. Are all high chairs the same way with food getting to ground or does anything catch it? Thank you!
Anon says
I’m not sure I understand. Purees or solids? Is your kid throwing it or is it dripping and falling through the seat of the chair? A child can throw food on the floor from any high chair for sure.
Anonymous says
The dog catches it.
Anonymous says
+1. It’s when our pup really warmed to the baby.
anon says
Yes. I loved bibs with a pocket. It caught a bunch of food and helped a ton.
Anon says
We love our splat mat – and visiting Grammy’s house and Grammy’s dog (who is kind enough to lick the crumbs out of the high chair too!)
Pogo says
Bib with a pocket helps a lot.
Canadian says
We keep a folded old tablecloth under the high chair. Shake it out outside between meals and throw in the wash every couple of days. We finished building our house when baby was 6 months old and starting solids (baby lead weaning) and I’m trying not to have the brand new floors be disgusting immediately!
Anon says
Thoughts on showers for second babies? A good friend was complaining over the weekend that she is feeling like her second baby is “unappreciated” because there was no formal shower. We did a “welcome baby” lunch at a pretty casual restaurant (each guest paid for themselves and we split the cost of her meal) and people brought gifts to the lunch, although I think most people spent less than they would on a traditional shower gift. I think that I – and a lot of our other friends – went kind of over the top with gifts for the first baby and haven’t gotten as much for the second baby, but I think a lot of that can be chalked up to the fact that she was the first in our friend circle to have a baby and we were all excited to buy baby clothes. Now everybody has as least one kid so buying onesies is less exciting. I get that each child is unique and deserves to be celebrated and you can’t reuse everything from a first baby, but you can reuse a lot and it feels greedy to me to insist on a shower for each baby (also she wants 4+ kids, so if each baby has to be given gifts the way the first one was, this is going to get really expensive and exhausting!). Thoughts?
Anonymous says
No…just no. Demanding a shower is so tacky. I think what you did as a group of friends seems very nice and appropriate. I am due with our second and did not have any shower and have received very minimal gifts, which is totally fine!! You re-use stuff from your first or buy used. We threw a sprinkle for my SIL because her kids were spaced far apart and opposite genders and she had a very stressful pregnancy, so it was a chance to give her some love.
rakma says
Showers for second babies isn’t a thing.
I think you’ve done enough by having a celebratory brunch.
Pogo says
+1
Anonymous says
+2. I appreciated my coworkers having a little cupcake celebration before I went on maternity leave with babies #2 and 3, and some of my closer friends and family of course gave small gifts for the babies, but a shower is just no.
The one exception is for a baby a long time (like 10+ years) after the first baby. My friends threw one for a friend who had remarried and was pregnant with her husband’s first child. Her kids from the first marriage were in middle school, and we hadn’t known her back then anyway.
Anonymous says
Whether or not a shower for a second baby is excessive (I think so), it is rude of her to complain about the celebration and gifts she did get. She should be thanking you for what you chose to do, not whining that you didn’t do enough.
Irish Midori says
Agree that it’s in poor taste to complain about lack/inadequacy of shower. My friend group usually throws a “diaper shower” for second and subsequent babies. A few bring new clothes because they are fun, but it’s mostly diapers and wipes and other consumables, and we still play games and make it special. It’s more of a celebration than a gift-giving occasion. I think it’s lovely–all babies should be celebrated, but yeah, maybe not so much gifting is in order.
Anonymous says
Demanding a shower is ridiculous, but I think showers for second babies are ok if there’s a significant age gap. My mom had a surprise shower thrown for her when my sister was born, 6 years after me. She would never, ever have expected or asked for one. Same for my friend due at the end of the July with her second; her first child is 15, of course she needs new stuff. But she didn’t go around demanding one.
Anon says
The babies are 18 months apart, so definitely not a long time interval. I think I’d be bristling less if she’d said she wanted a shower because she wanted to play games or decorate onesies or that kind of thing. But she didn’t object to the lunch format, it was that she felt like her first baby received tons and tons of gifts (at the shower but also just lots of little “saw this and thought it was cute!” gifts) that her second is not getting. Honestly it makes me regret spoiling her first so much, because that level of giving is definitely not sustainable for me across four or more kids.
Anonymous says
You are so not obligated to keep up that amount of gift giving. Your friend sounds really materialistic. You already had a celebration for her! As someone who is having their second I ask people not to fill up my house with more crap. Please celebrate my baby by coming to visit and hold them.
Anon. says
Agree to all the other posters that your friend is being really inappropriate. (I have many friends with 3, 4, 5 kids, yikes that could get expensive!)
Adding to comment that at least in my mind, when I give gifts for baby showers – I’m giving it to the parent in honor of her becoming a mother, not to the child specifically. So it isn’t that I’m not loving baby #2, its that I have already celebrated this friend for becoming a mother – that milestone has been reached. In certain circumstances I may give again, but that is the exception not the rule.
anon says
yes this sounds a bit ridiculous from your friend. is your friend a second or youngest child herself? trying to give her the benefit of the doubt – but maybe she is worried about loving the second as much as the first and this is her way of projecting that?
Quail says
A friend really really really wants to throw me a shower for my second, so I agreed. I do feel a little weird about it though. The invitation asks for books in lieu of “traditional” gifts though, so I hope that mitigates the gift-grabby problem. And I live in a new city and there are no repeat attendees of my first shower. My second will be pretty far apart from my first and we basically need new everything (move to a new city + ambivalence about second kid = didn’t keep much beyond a few sentimental onesies). But that’s what will hopefully be filled in by a combo of garage sales and friend/neighbor hand-me-downs. And 80% of the stuff can wait until after baby’s here.
Anonanonanon says
I think the lunch was plenty, her baby WAS formally celebrated in that setting!
I had a shower for my second (I did not demand it) because my children are almost 9 years apart, I live in a completely different area than I did with my first, new husband, etc. So my friends (who I had never even met when I had my first) were excited for me and threw one. They saw me arrive in our area as a single mom to a preschooler and were happy for me and wanted to do it. I don’t think it was tacky of me to accept, but it would have been tacky as h*ll to demand!
Anon says
In my family, we throw a party to celebrate the second baby (prior to birth). NO presents or registry, but it’s just a nice way to celebrate.
GCA says
While I think it is indeed tacky and greedy to demand a second shower / complain about the inadequacy of second shower, I am wondering if friend has some unspoken or subconscious anxiety about not being able to do enough for her second kid / feel as much love for the second kid as for the first. Obviously that’s her issue, and if that’s the case the way she’s expressing it is obnoxious, but just a thought.
Anonymous says
Selfish and absurd. One shower per mom. “I can’t believe you have the nerve to whine about us not shelling out enough for gifts.”
OP says
I wish we had a dog for this reason! It’s solids, she’s 2 so not really throwing but just stuff she spills like rice or cereal or crumbs from a granola bar etc. We use a bib catcher but there’s a still a gap and it falls through the leg holes. Any thoughts? Maybe it’s just how it goes.
Anon says
Hmm, my high chair (the Joovy Nook) catches most things that aren’t intentionally thrown, but honestly I’m not sure that’s preferable. The chair is filthy and waaaaay harder to clean than the floor.
Pogo says
We have the oxo sprout and anything that doesn’t get caught in the bib pocket ends up on the little chair pad which comes out and can be wiped down. Every once and awhile something lands on the “stairs” of the chair, but not super frequently.
Special occasion dresses? says
Parents of children who actually dress them up…best places for special occasion dresses? We are perennially casual and I am clueless!
Would love to get dress + sweater sets for a baby and 4 year old to wear in late summer/fall (weddings, not ultra-fancy though). Bonus if the two can get matching or complimentary outfits as the 4 year old loves this. Also, ideally something I can browse/buy online.
Thank you in advance!
anon says
most department stores – Macys, Nordstrom, Lord & Taylor. Sometimes Janie & Jack or Hanna Anderson or Zara.
NYCer says
Baby Gap sometimes has nicer dresses with sweaters. Some other (more expensive options) … Pink Chicken, Jacadi, Petite Bateau, Maisonette.
Ms B says
For girls, Chasing Fireflies has the cutest outfits!!!
Anonymous says
Depending on how special you want the clothes to be, H&M often has cute, dressier outfits in a wide range of sizes. I never shop H&M online (there’s one a block from my office), so can’t speak to that experience, though.
Anonymous says
I want to thank you all for the responses on my job question last week (keep current job I love or leave for shorter commute/more money/still good job). I wanted to share that I told my current job I was applying for a new job and they gave me a raise to about what I would have expected to be offered at the new job, some increased flexibility, and promised to chill on the degree timeline as long as I keep working on it. Because I love my job, I decided to stay. I am really happy with the outcome and appreciate you all being a sounding board and telling me to apply (otherwise, I might have backed off on it and gotten nothing!). Thank you so much!
lsw says
Congrats!
Spirograph says
Congratulations! Good for you for asking!
Anonanonanon says
Wish me luck. I am teleworking with my 16-month-old at home tomorrow and the next day. I tried to take the days off in advance (daycare is closed this week), but my boss insisted I “just telework”. I think she intended it as a kindness, but it’s going to be awwwwwful. I’m going to have to cram hours in before my husband leaves, after he gets home, and during nap times. 16mo is NOT a child you can telework around. So I envision working from 5-7:30 AM, 8:30-9:15, 1:00-2:00, then all evening. Sigh.
Anon says
Do one nap for a longer uninterrupted work chunk? My 16 month is still on two naps most days, but we’ve successfully put her on one nap in situations like this.
Also, if you have a neighborhood facebook group, you might be able to find a preteen or young teen who is out of school, not doing anything and could entertain your baby for minimal compensation (something like $1-2/hour is standard in our area for kids who can’t yet drive and aren’t true babysitters).
Pogo says
Oh nooo. That is not a teleworking age at all. You can’t even put on a video!
Anon says
I was pretty shocked that my 15 month old sat still and watched a two hour movie recently (on a plane though, which I realize is a somewhat different situation). It’s worth a try, at least, I think and even if you don’t get two solid hours, it should buy you 10-15 minutes here and there.
Anonymous says
If your boss insisted I really wouldn’t stress about putting a full 8hrs in. Maybe not the right answer.
Anon says
That’s my perspective also. If your boss knows that you are home with the 16-month old and “insisted” that you just “telework,” I would assume it was a backdoor gift of two extra vacation days and that I was suppose to monitor email but that my boss didn’t care if I worked 8 hours.
lsw says
+1
Anonymous says
+1
Anonymous says
+1
NYCer says
Ha ha that is EXACTLY what I was going to say….
OP, I would try to take care of anything that is time sensitive, but otherwise not stress about getting a normal work day in.
rosie says
Absolutely. And I think this is one of those situations where a man in your scenario would not worry about it. Do what you have to get done and be reasonably responsive, but it sounds like your boss knows and is on board with you not putting in a full 8 hrs or whatever your schedule is on these days.
Ducky36 says
Is there a nice teenager in your neighborhood who might be willing to entertain your kiddo while you work? Even just a few hours might make a difference, and you will be there to somewhat supervise.
CPA Lady says
When my boss has suggested I telework in a situation like that, she has meant “I don’t expect you to do any actual work, just check your email in case of an emergency, and otherwise don’t burn your vacation days over this.”
Anon says
+1
Anonymous says
+2 I think it’s kind of like parents “teleworking” during snow days. I’d feel good if i put in 3-4 hrs of solid work and then intermittently checked email. I would still go offline at 5pm
Anon says
If you do need to do actual work, I work from home once a week, and my 2-year old often “visits” me in my home office while I’m working notwithstanding her caregiver’s full attention (nothing but mommy will do sometimes). Things that occupy her while I do actual work – pile of post-it notes to stick everywhere. “coloring” with a pencil (the ability to erase is key because she doesn’t always stick to paper). Sitting behind me in my chair watching a show or lately movie on my phone. Pretending to type on an old defunct keyboard. I also sometimes eat lunch with her where she is strapped into the high chair and I work from the kitchen table facing her while she ever so slowly eats.
Anon says
I’m not really sure this is a situation where anyone can give advice, but here goes.
I work in a low level position with low prestige and low pay. I don’t care about the pay or prestige, but I’m increasingly frustrated with the work. I found it relatively interesting when I started, but a few years in, it’s incredibly repetitive and some recent personnel changes have made my life kind of unpleasant. So, explore new jobs, right? Except that the one big upside of my job is flexibility. I do have to do some work at home, but my in office hours are typically 9-3, which allows me to be home with my daughter every afternoon after preschool and eventually elementary school. This is worth its weight in gold to me and I’m fairly sure if my only choices were a traditional 40 hour/week in the office job or being a SAHM, I would pick SAHM. Is it worth exploring new jobs knowing I’m not going to take anything unless I can work out a part-time arrangement or some kind of unicorn schedule like I have now? If it matters, I live in a “company town” so any jobs I applied for would be at my current large employer and word would almost certainly get back to my boss. I’m scared to rock the boat but I’m feeling so blah, and like there must be something better out there. But maybe not, given the hours I want.
Anonymous says
What about remote jobs?? I never say it hurts to look but your company town concerns are valid. But I wouldn’t immediately write this situation off just because you think there are no PT jobs available.
Anon says
I would love a remote job, but hard to find in my field. It’s a good suggestion and definitely something that’s on my radar though.
Anon says
And if you know of any resources for finding remote jobs, I would love to hear about them!
Anon says
I would look for jobs outside of Company, and only consider applying to part-time jobs at the Company. It’s unlikely that someone looking for a full-time person is going to be ok with that schedule, but, depending on the Company, there may be some departments that hire part-time people. But I don’t think the risk is worth it if it would mean applying to full-time positions at your company
Anonymous says
Can you talk to boss about being ready for new responsibilities? I think this is something you and boss can work out if you otherwise are happy.
Anon says
It’s hard to explain, but my role is such that I can’t get new responsibilities or projects without changing jobs. My boss is probably retiring within the next 5 years, but I don’t want his job at all.
Anon says
could you give a tiny bit more insight about what you do without outing yourself on here?
Anon says
I don’t want to get into the specifics of what I actually do, but as far as not being able to take on new roles and responsibilities it’s something like this: I work on a team of people who all perform the same very specific duties for different business areas. Our job roles are incredibly specific, there’s little creativity or room to go beyond what our internal clients are asking us to do. It was relatively interesting the first year or two, learning how to do this job and what my internal clients wanted, but now I have learned and the work is essentially the same day in and day out and very boring. The business area I work for has the most challenging and complex issues of any of the areas under my boss, so I have no interest in moving to a different area under him. There are other business areas in the organization that I think might have more interesting work, or at least different enough that it would be a new challenge for me for a while. My boss’s job is primarily managing people and sitting in meetings, not doing a higher level version of the work I do, which is why I have no interest in his job.
Anonymous says
I still think this is something where you can talk to your boss about your future. No reasonable company expects a person to stay in the same position forever. I think either at your next review or at a meeting you schedule to discuss your future, you need to ask your boss about your future and growth in the company. Your boss’s job isn’t the only future opportunity for you. Unless boss is a horrible person who doesn’t want to see people grow and develop, this is a very common and reasonable topic of discussion. And you can frame it a much more positive way than you have done here.
Anonymous says
Eh – I kind of get this. I’ve had positions for years where I couldn’t go any further without someone else quitting or being fired. Even with increasing responsibilities there was a cap on what I could do without infringing on someone else’s job. The solution was a new job/company.
Pogo says
Can you chat with others within the company confidentially? Any mentor/champion types that you talk to regularly? In my company people do that.
Law mama says
Is there a way to carve out an additional discrete project that gives you something new and interesting but doesn’t mean switching jobs? Like writing articles about X issue for industry publications, creating an internal mentoring program or speaker series, participating in advocacy work pertinent to your role?