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I lived in dresses from Old Navy when I was pregnant! I liked that they were machine washable and that they had fun colors, and in general I was really happy with them. This one looks lovely, particularly if you’re bored to death of black or navy dresses. It’s only $34, and you can get a lot of wear out of it by adding neutrals like black or white and fun colors like green accents if you really want to go to town. There are lots of good maternity options at Old Navy right now, including this dress and this dress. Pictured: Maternity Twist-Front Bodycon Dress. ICYMI: Please take the survey — you can still be entered to win a $200 giftcard to Amazon through Wednesday! See more details (and a general discussion about the site content) here. This post contains affiliate links and CorporetteMoms may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support! Building a maternity wardrobe for work? Check out our page with more suggestions along both classic and trendy/seasonal lines.Sales of note for 4.18.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
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- J.Crew – Mid-Season Sale: Extra 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off spring-to-summer styles
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – Spring Mid-Season Sale: Up to 50% off 100s of styles
- Nordstrom: Free 2-day shipping for a limited time (eligible items)
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- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Seattle says
X-posting from main site. (Also, I love this dress!)
We are moving to Seattle from Washington DC with two young children (5 years and 2 months respectively) for DH’s job. I know nothing about the city so any and all feedback and input are welcome. We plan to visit to check out neighborhoods and schools later this month, but at the onset:
1) Which neighborhoods are good for families, especially those with young kids? Are there some areas we should avoid? We’re looking at family friendly areas, fairly accessible to downtown Seattle (less than 45 min commute), close to urban centers w/shopping/restaurants, etc. (as I’ll be working from home ~50% of the time), and associated with a good school district (older one starts kindergarten this fall).
2) Friends have told us about the following areas: Bellevue, Redmond, Issquah, Bothell, Newcastle, Kirkland. I’ve also looked at Kent, Lynnwood, and Renton based on what I’ve read about schools. Any feedback on these areas?
3) We are looking to buy a house fairly quickly – I was surprised how expensive the market is in some areas. Any tips for buying a house in the area?
This is all moving very quickly so it’s overwhelming but I’m trying to take things one step at a time. TIA for your help!
Anon in NYC says
I’ve heard good things about the Fremont and Magnolia neighborhoods (not sure about the schools), and I also think they have reasonable commutes to downtown Seattle.
Pogo says
I was going to say the friends I know in Seattle with young kids live in Fremont or Ballard – this is more in the actual city than the other towns you named (those are all suburbs I believe). Just depends on if you’re looking for more of a city feel or suburb feel.
claireknits says
We did this exact move about 2 years ago! All of the neighborhoods you mention are Seattle suburbs, and I’m not so familiar with those–we live in the city proper. Kent, Lynnwood, and Renton don’t have a reputation for having great schools, but that doesn’t mean they’re terrible. (Incidentally, these areas are pretty far out, distance-wise from the Seattle core.) Eastside suburbs like Bellevue, Kirkland, Redmond are known for better schools. Schools in the north Seattle neighborhoods are good (Queen Anne, Fremont, Wallingford, Ballard, and those west of I-5 too). You probably want to decide whether you are interested in city or suburbs (but city neighborhoods have a suburban feel especially compared to DC). Traffic is HORRENDOUS here, no matter where you are. It’s shocking how long it can take to commute within the city. And, yes, the housing market is on fire here. Be prepared to offer well above asking if it’s a decent-shaped house, waive all contingencies, and do a pre-inspection. There’s a real lack of inventory and too many buyers. You’ll probably be competing with all cash offers. You probably want to narrow down your search (though maybe not too much) and find a real estate agent who specializes in the areas you’re looking at. We bought about 10 months ago and were VERY aggressive. We found something in about 6 weeks, but I think luck played a part as well.
Anon says
I’m in moderation on the main s i t e with a follow-up to my original post, but basically – look for an a i r b n b to stay in your desired n e i g h b o r hood while you are visiting the area. Send your husband to his new office during the commute hours to see what it really is like, and pay close attention to the “feel” of the area during the day. If you are going to be working from home, do you want an area with more parents who stay at home or work from home? I work from home full time, and I love that my immediate n e i g h bor hood has a lot of parents who work from home or who stay at home. There are lots of people around in the afternoons when it’s nice. My children have buddies to play with after school, and I can get my dose of social interaction from walking the dog or sitting in the backyard. My old area was almost exclusively parents who worked out of the house, and the area was deserted in the afternoon (until like 6). I think I would have gotten lonely, and the local kids were mostly in after care, so fewer kids for my kiddos to run around with.
(sorry for the odd spacing – no clue what sent me to mod)
Anon says
I haven’t lived in Seattle for 15 years but just chiming in to say that Seattle is an amazing city with so much for kids to do and see and I’m so jealous that you get to live there!
All of the cities you mentioned are outside of Seattle proper. See what’s along the new-ish light rail route – car traffic is terrible for anyone that has to drive in and out of the city.
Some adventurous folks live on one of the islands (e.g. Bainbridge) and take a ferry to and from work downtown every day, about a 45 minute commute. I assume the islands have nice school districts.
Anon says
What do you plan to wear on the weekends this Spring and Summer? I realized I have no cute clothes to wear outside work. I usually run errands on the weekend, do chores at home, and go for walks with the baby. So no need for fancy going out clothes. But it would be nice to have cute outfits that make me feel good. I was thinking to create a capsule wardrobe for weekends. Any ideas where to start?
Anonysaurus (Formerly Anon in NOVA) says
I have the Gap Breathe V-neck T in white (2 or 3 of them) and grey (1 or 2… can’t remember). They’re so soft and awesome. I sized up so that they’re looser fitting and a bit more “on trend”. I wear those with cuffed skinny jeans or distressed boyfriend jeans, then throw on either flats, white low-top converses, or slip on vans. I may accessorize a bit if needed, or add a cardigan or casual blazer if it’s chilly. This has been my weekend uniform for the past year or so and I’ve been happy with it. Super easy to change it up a bit ifneeded with accessories, but even if I’m not in the mood to do anything but throw on clothes and run to Trader Joe’s it’s still fine.
I hated stitchfix overall, but I actually got some GREAT jeans from there. I would recommend them for jeans if you’re dreading jean shopping/don’t have jeans.
Anon says
Thanks!! What a great idea. I’ll look into the Gap tees.
H says
This is similar to what I wear on the weekends. I love the Caslon tees from Nordstrom and wear them with skinny jeans and flats or shorts and sandals.
Cate says
What kind of cuffed skinny jeans? I need some!
Legally Brunette says
No advice but I’m following! I basically always wear skinny jeans (my favorite for my hourglass + pooch shape is J Brand Maria jeans) and a plain Three Dots top in a bright color. It’s getting boring and I’ve love to mix it up a bit.
lsw says
Those jeans look great! (similar hourglass +belly over here) Do you know if they offer tall/longer lengths? A quick google search didn’t make it apparent. Or is there a similar fit/style that would have longer lengths? I need about a 32 or 33 in this style.
bluefield says
I like the J Brand Maria as well. I do not think they make different lengths. I’m 5’6″ with long legs and the length is good on me. If you need longer jeans, check out Mother jeans in The Looker.
Legally Brunette says
They really are the best, but I don’t know if they have a longer length. I think they would work well on someone 5’7 and under. If anyone else fits this description check them out — they are high waisted to cover the pooch but still really stylish (not mom jeans at all).
lsw says
Thanks!
AwayEmily says
Also following — Anonysaurus, your ideas sound great. I need to order a bunch of slip-on sneakers from Zappos and find some that actually work (my feet run narrow so they slip out of most of them).
SBJ says
If you find any, will you report back? I have the same problem and have been on the hunt for slip on sneakers to no avail. Toms and Supergas have both been a big fail.
anon says
I have the same problem with slip-on shoes, but I really like Sperry’s seaside perforated sneaker. I sized down by a half-size and they work perfectly.
anon says
Pre-motherhood I lived in casual skirts (jean skirt, knit A-line skirt with fold over top) etc with either t-shirts or a sleeveless woven top. But skirts are bad for the playground, and I’m still having trouble finding shorts I like now that I have weird cellulite/saggy skin on the front of my thighs above my knees. WTF is this? Anyway, pants are too hot for high summer, so I’m curious what others do – bermuda shorts? I know crop pants are kind of thing, but I feel like they look old lady if they are really short enough to keep the legs cool (like capri length). Maybe I am wrong about this.
For footwear, when it is hot I looooove Birkenstock Gizeh sandals. They are more comfortable for being on my feet all day than my running shoes, and reasonably stylish (at least by Brooklyn standards). When it is cooler I wear jeans or cords and a T shirt, and Saucony Jazz sneakers.
dc anon says
I can commiserate with the shorts problem. I also used to wear dresses and skirts pre-kid and feel uncomfortable in most shorts. For a while, I work 10″ Bermuda shorts (my I give up shorts) for playground visits but I am still searching for a better answer. Might try linen pants this year…
Jdubs says
Maybe try a skort? I had a few from Athleta last year that weren’t too awful and solved my shorts/pants problem.
(was) due in june says
I plan to do what I did when I was 10, and keep wearing skirts on the playground, just adding the current equivalent of bike shorts underneath.
rosie says
I found great shorts/capris that went to just below the knee at REI years ago, Mountain hardware brand. The fabric was light enough that they felt sporty and kept me cool. I would definitely check there, or maybe Athleta & LOLE for similarly sporty/casual options.
Midwest Mama says
I generally wear Gap boyfriend roll-up shorts or Loft outlet shorts in a 5″ inseam, I believe, which hit about mid-thigh on me. On top it’s usually a v-neck t-shirt or tank top and then flip flops or keds. Boring, yes, but it works when running errands with a kiddo or going to the park or whatever.
Wow says
What about some casual dresses from Boden? Fun prints. Something like this:
http://www.bodenusa.com/en-us/womens-dresses/day-dresses/ww202-dbl/womens-island-sapphire-mono-vine-phoebe-jersey-dress#pr-header-back-to-top-link
Butter says
Ha, I had the same realization this weekend, when the temps were warm enough for warm weather clothes for the first time this year. Leggings and tunics aren’t going to cut it much longer. I might go on the great t-shirt and jean hunt this coming weekend as well, using the recs here.
Pogo says
Being too hot is such a weird concept to me. I pretty much wear jeans or leggings and a tunic tank top + big open front cardigan year-round. Unless I’m planning to like, hike a mountain, or some other athletic exclusively outdoor pursuit, being in the car or shops with AC necessitates the cardigan for me. I even get cold in the shade.
I’ve been told that being pregnant I’ll get hot eventually but I’m still waiting. And constantly cold.
rosie says
As another constantly cold person, it has happened to me, started around 32w. I still get cold sometimes (currently 36w), but definitely feel like I have my own little furnace that makes me run much warmer than I used to.
Anonymous says
Some of us common people live in houses without central air (and due to living on a budget, only run the window units sporadically). I’m constantly cold from October-April, but believe me, when it is summer, it is hot. And when you are chasing after a kid outside, you will be sweating.
Anonymous says
And the humidity. Pogo, you aren’t in DC, are you?! Or somewhere with heat and humidity… oof it is terrible.
Pogo says
No, I’m in New England – I realize this is probably a big part of it.
Lyssa says
I’m usually cold, too, and I actually never really started running hot during pregnancies. Now, about a week after the pregnancy, when the hormones are wacky, I had some, hot flashes I guess?, but it was short lived.
I usually wear long pants if I’m going to be in a public indoor place, no matter how hot it is outside – but with kids, I do spend more time outside, and I usually try to keep the air conditioner from working too hard during the peak of summer, so I keep it at “needs to wear shorts” weather inside (though I often do resort to a cardi even then, since my husband and I disagree on what that temperature actually is).
Rainbow Hair says
When it’s cooler (not for long!) I like jeans (just got these old navy high waisted dealies that I like a lot) and a somewhat interesting teeshirt (got one from Target that says ‘nope’ which is basically my life motto) and then a slightly-hip sweatshirt, like with an asymmetrical zip.
For hot weather I just bought an old navy sun dress that I’m really pumped about (the ‘fit and flare cami dress’) that I’ll wear with skimmies type shorts underneath.
HSAL says
I’ve gotten so boring. I love it. Linen pants with a vintage vneck tshirt from Target (I have like 4 colors) or a tank top, or maxidresses/maxi skirts with the same tops.
PatsyStone says
I like the city shorts from Ann Taylor (4.5 in. inseam). The Old Navy equivalent is ok too, but more for hanging out around the house. Then I just look for nicer print tees I really like, I find them at Target, Loft, Ann Taylor, wherever.
I went many summers skirts and dresses only, but now I’m hot, tired, and need something cooler and simpler for a Saturday running errands or at the park.
Blueberry says
I wear some sort of cotton shorts from J Crew Factory and a v-neck shirt (I like Uniqlo for the price, or the J Crew “Perfect” t-shirts) or polo, or a linen or similar dress — I have one from Eileen Fisher that sort of looks like a potato sack but I don’t care, and this Japanese Geoweave one from Everlane that I can’t speak to yet but am excited to try this summer.
a says
I have two pairs of what I call my “mom pants,” which I wear for hanging out at home or at the playground with my kids on hot days. They are kind of like these: http://www.lordandtaylor.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/en/lord-and-taylor/brands/wa-bottoms-pants/cropped-cargo-pants-0500033647785–1
I don’t wear them out to dinner or anything, but they’re comfortable and decent for playing.
Anonysaurus (Formerly Anon in NOVA) says
Cute dress. Old Navy was a lifesaver for maternity clothes back when I was pregnant (7 years ago now…. sheesh). Everything is trending towards bodycon, I’m sure back then I could’ve pulled it off, but if I ever get pregnant with #2 I don’t think bodycon+pregnant butt will be pretty…
Pogo says
I’ve said it before but a blazer over the bodycon really helps. I have some blazers that are long enough they mostly cover my butt and definitely cover my hips. I never button my blazers (pretty casual office) so the fact that they’re not maternity is no issue for me.
I’m actually wearing a non-maternity Old Navy t-shirt dress with a blazer today.
Walnut says
Interestingly, baby #2 has removed a solid inch or two from my abundant rear end. Not complaining one bit. Maybe you’ll get lucky also??
a dumb daycare question says
We’re moving our son from being cared for at home to daycare starting this fall. He will be about 14 months. At home, he’s been an “on demand” napper and eater. He has fallen into a general schedule, with a morning nap and an afternoon nap, but the afternoon nap in particular does not always start at the same time. (He’s just gone down to two naps within the last month or so.)
How does napping work at daycare? Do they just put all the kids down at the same time? If he’s crying, does that keep other kids from sleeping and vice versa? Should we try to get him on a schedule before he starts? I’m less worried about food because he’s stretching out longer periods between nursing/bottles and he’s eating some solids.
I know we can ask a lot of questions at the daycare tours but I feel stupid because I don’t know even in general how it all works.
AwayEmily says
They are totally used to dealing with situations like this, and I bet they will have him on schedule within a week. That happened to us twice (when she started daycare at around four months and when she switched at around nine months and they had a slightly different nap schedule) — I don’t know how they manage it re: the crying and stuff but they are pros. You may end up having to adjust his bedtime, though — a lot of daycares have kids take a 1pm – 3pm afternoon nap, which generally means an annoyingly early bedtime. Also you might want to make sure you emphasize he still needs an AM nap; I’ve heard from others that daycares often pressure kids to drop those early (our daughter is a year and that pressure has already started).
a dumb daycare question says
Thank you! I know, I am already mourning the loss of our wonderful schedule of him going to bed at 8 and waking up at 7:30 every morning. Though we are probably going to have to wake him up earlier to get to daycare anyway. He’s 9mo now and he might be down to one nap naturally at that point, but I wouldn’t bet on it. He’s an active dude and pretty much crashes when he’s been using too much energy. It’s been a tough transition from 3 to 2 naps.
I am worried about him getting down to sleep because he usually needs to be completely without distraction – but you are right, they are pros, and he can adapt. We’re lucky that he’s a good sleeper and he is a good self-soother, he’s just a busy-body so I am worried about him sleeping with other babies around.
Sabba says
If the 3 to 2 transition was tough, he might be on the later end of transitioning to 1 nap. Naturally, most babies transition between 15 and 18 months, though daycares push them much sooner. I would ask about the nap schedule when looking at the daycares and really try to determine which ones will push him to one nap sooner versus later. All other things equal, the daycares that are more flexible on the nap might be better for him. Also, consider how flexible he is in general and his tolerance for schedule changes. My toddler does not adapt easily at all. We needed to keep her on a very tight schedule or suffer all kinds of consequences (overtiredness, eating issues, etc.). But my friends had babies that were much easier going, and I think that those babies would adapt to a daycare schedule of any sort much more easily. For my daughter, it would have been 3 months of hell if we had tried to transition to 1 nap at 12 months, as they do at many daycares. She transitioned at 15 months. It was hard enough to keep her on schedule when we were working with her natural rhythms, much less against them.
Pigpen's Mama says
At our daycare (large center), the babies in the infant room (under 12 months) napped on demand. My D typically had a morning and afternoon nap right at the end of her stint there.
The toddlers (12 – 24 months) and twos just have afternoon naps, right after lunch, that go from ~ 12:30/1 to 2:30/3.
The transition from two naps to just an afternoon name was rough on my D. The first few weeks she did take a morning nap, often in a teacher’s arms. Then she started doing okay without one and sleeping longer in the afternoon and a little later in the morning. She had both on the weekends for a month or so longer.
My impression is that kids that age do absorb the routine around them and adjust their schedules to the class. Of course, there are always outliers!
Anonymous says
At 14 months he’s probably ready to move to one nap anyway. Most places do one nap after lunch for that age group. Usually they have soothing music or rub their backs to help them sleep. Don’t be shy about asking how they help new kids adjust to nap time and routines. Their answers will give you a feel for the place and a sense of how child focused they are.
Don’t worry about trying to transition him at home. My twins are difficult nappers at home but easy at daycare because they just go along with what their little friends are doing and lie down in their cots.
HSAL says
Daycare will totally take of this. At our daycare, there are two separate toddler classrooms, one roughly 12-18 months, the other 18-24 months. The younger classroom has an “optional” morning nap that is quiet time for other kids, and then everyone has the same afternoon nap. It was really hit or miss for Baby HSAL on whether she’d take one or both naps on any given day. The transition was actually a TON easier when she was “forced” to go to a one nap schedule in the older classroom at 16 months. She’s usually the last to fall asleep in her class, but the other kids are able to fall (and stay) asleep even if she’s still chattering a little.
A lot could change by this fall when he’s 14 months – he’ll likely have fallen into slightly different nap timing/lengths by then, so I wouldn’t worry about trying to transition him now.
a dumb daycare question says
Thanks, all – this is really helpful. We have our first daycare visit tomorrow so this really helps me with some good questions to ask.
Walnut says
Magic – that’s how daycares get kids all on the same nap schedule. In reality though, anticipate a cranky baby and early bedtime during the first month or so. I’m betting daycare will do one afternoon nap and you’ll end up dealing with the fallout. Good luck.
Trip Ideas with a Toddler? says
I really don’t want to dive into the work that I have to do!
Any recommendations for a week or so long trip this summer with an almost 3 year old? Preferably in the US/Canada with a shortish flight from the East Coast
We went to Europe last year, and it was fun, but I don’t want to spend that much on tickets. Next year we have an extended family trip to Yellowstone.
Small child is pretty flexible for a toddler, we’d enjoy either city stuff or something outdoorsy.
Montreal/Quebec City seemed like a good option.
Anonymous says
I would do Montreal + Mont Tremblant for outdoorsy/nature stuff. Quebec City is lovely but all three in a week would be hectic.
Seattle says
We’ve done Puerto Rico, Florida, Costa Rica, Vegas/Hoover Dam/surrounding area, and Chicago with our toddler at that age and loved it!
anon says
Are you pro beach or anti? My son got really into playing in the sand around then, making the beach incredibly relaxing. He could actually entertain himself while we just sat there – amazing! We go to the Outer Banks in NC every year. It is kind of a PITA to get to but lovely once there. The North Fork on Long Island is also interesting. Or the Finger Lakes area and Ithaca, NY – lots of farms and easy hiking.
EB0220 says
My kid LOVES Colorado. You can do a few days in Denver (botanical gardens, aquarium, REI, breweries, baseball if you like it). Then head toward the mountains for a few days. You can do whatever combination of outdoor activity, checking out cute towns and visiting breweries. We found everywhere in CO to be super kid-friendly and relaxed. Boulder has a great pedestrian mall and I could definitely spend a week or so there with my kids.
Anon says
I am starting a new job in a few weeks, and I have a lot of anxiety related to the change. I’ve found that things that normally would make me slightly uncomfortable (say, a presentation at work), are causing me a significant amount of stress (jumpy, sweaty palms, upset stomach, intrusive thoughts). All of my normal tricks to manage my anxiety are not putting a significant dent in the toxic effects. I’ve never gone on meds before, but I”m wondering whether it makes sense to investigate it for short-term use. I know this is all related to the job change, and so I don’t want to do something medical if it will take three weeks to start feeling the effects.
On a related/unrelated note, for those of you who struggle with anxiety, how are you working on helping your kids either not develop it, or manage it? I have two anxious parents, and I know some parts of how I was raised contributed to the anxiety I feel today (my mom was the most nurturing person alive, until something unexpected set her off — I realize now I struggled bc I never knew what would set her off, and my dad is perpetually anxious about money). I’m trying to be more even keeled with my kids, and give warnings as my frustration rises. Also, apologize when I don’t keep my cool. Other thoughts?
Anonymous says
Time outdoors really helps my anxiety. We don’t currently have a dog but I used to walk my dog for at least
half hour every day. Now that I have kids, DH and I make outdoor time a priority. Usually we spend a half hour outside as soon as we get home from work/daycare. Just leave the bags in the car and run around in the garden. I keep rubber boots inside the front door for this. The house might be a mess or the dishes not done until the next day or supper might be microwaved but we always get outside.
anon says
You could get a prescription for something like Xanax or Klonopin that would work right away; unlike antidepressants, they don’t take a while to work. But they can be addictive and can cause drowsiness. Do you have a therapist you could talk it over with?
I am not sure I am doing a good job not passing anxiety to my son, but getting treatment is the biggest thing I can think of that I have done/will do. It’s hard though – it’s so automatic. Good luck to you!
Midwest Mama says
Any suggestions on where to buy generic clothes to fit an American Girl doll? DD got one for Christmas and wants PJs, extra outfits, etc., and I don’t really want to shell out for the name brand stuff at Toys R Us, but my searches at Target and Walmart, which have their own lines of American Girl-like dolls, are coming up empty.
Midwest Mama says
Edited to add: I know Amazon, ebay, etc. have some, but I would prefer to find in store, if possible. Thanks.
Anonymous says
Toys R Us version is called Journey Girl and the clothes fit American Girl dolls.
Jdubs says
Target Our Generation doll clothes and Toys R Us Journey Doll clothes
Legally Brunette says
I feel like this has been discussed before but I can’t find the thread. Good weekend destinations from DC? Looking to get away this weekend, and would prefer not to drive more than 2 hours. I was thinking Harper’s Ferry, but not sure how much there is for little kids to do (kids are 2 and 4). I was also thinking Dutch Wonderland in Lancaster, but was worried it might be crazy crowded with spring break. We’re hoping to spend time outdoors and do some walking and enjoy the sunshine.
Any ideas appreciated, thank you!
rosie says
I don’t know about Dutch Wonderland, but we did a trip to Lancaster and went on this coal-powered train that was fun & saw a lot of kids of all ages on it. I think there’s probably enough to do in that area that you could avoid Dutch Wonderland if it was crazy busy. You can buy the train tix online in advance, which I would recommend, both so that you don’t have to worry about it and because the sales office there was a little disorganized. There’s a train museum across the street that might be a little old esp for a 2-yo, but probably fine. I haven’t been to Harper’s Ferry in several years, but it seems like the little town there would be fun for kids. I’ve heard good things about Annapolis, but haven’t been.
Anonysaurus says
This just goes to show that I’m a complete NOVA transplant and not a native. Had no idea that 1. we were so close to lancaster and 2. There was stuff to do there.
Anonymous says
The Strasburg railroad! That is probably open year round, but I would be surprised if Dutch Wonderland is even open right now. It’s probably not an option for this weekend.
POSITA says
We loved Lancaster. We stayed at the DoubleTree, which has a mini indoor water park. They also had a free ice cream sundae night while we were there. It was great.
Anonysaurus says
Williamsburg? (Granted I haven’t been but we’re planning to do a weekend trip there in a few months). Would be slightly over 2 hours from DC, I believe.
Richmond has King’s Dominion, the children’s museum, etc. I think kid’s dominion has a good amount of stuff for preschool-aged kids.
If you could borrow a tent from someone you could camp at Prince William Forest national park in Northern Virginia. We’ve camped there and as long as we choose a site close to the bathrooms we’re good! There’s some regional parks as well for camping, including Pohick Bay regional park which is walking distance to a water park (with concession stand) and playgrounds in case your kids get bored! The water park doesn’t open until memorial day weekend, of course, but it’s something to keep in mind for later this summer. I haven’t personally camped there, though.
I’ll be following, as we’re always looking for good weekend getaway ideas as well!
avocado says
Williamsburg is more like 3 hours from DC with good traffic and will be packed this weekend because of spring break. Colonial Williamsburg is great for little kids, especially the historic trades exhibits. Itty bitties also love the Sesame Street area at Busch Gardens. If you are a VA resident (not DC proper), you can get free passes to Busch Gardens for kids under 5 if you register on line ahead of time and bring their birth certificates.
In Richmond the Museum of Fine Arts, Maymont, the Lewis Ginter Botanical Garden, and the science museum are all great for kids.
rosie says
Just need to rant about the (older woman) secretary in my office who just must comment on my pregnant body. No, it’s not any more acceptable to comment on the size of a pregnant woman’s a** than a non-pregnant woman’s a**. Don’t want to escalate and generate ill will before going out on maternity leave, but so ready to not have to deal with it.
Anon in NYC says
Wow. That is horribly inappropriate! Sorry you’re dealing with that.
Pogo says
Ugh, my own MOTHER told me I was “getting full in the face” the other day. I hate that people feel like pregnant bodies are theirs for comment and touching.
I’m so sorry you had to deal with that!
Cb says
A colleague told me “you definitely look pregnant, not fat…” Thanks? At a conference today with colleagues I see once a year so I wore a maternity dress so it was clear I was pregnant rather than fat.
CHJ says
Ughhh I am having so much trouble with my secretary about this. I’m 5 months pregnant, and she makes 3-4 comments PER DAY about my body/pregnancy. For example, I was giving my partner’s dog (who comes into the office) a treat, and she said “ohhh you’re going to get big like CHJ!” Another example – I was talking about a case we have that won’t settle, and I said “and their attorneys fees keep growing” and she responded “just like their attorney!” She also comments on my size every morning when I take off my jacket (“ohhhh really growing now! Look at that bump!”). And also randomly – for example, I had my space heater on this morning, and she said “Cold? Must be hormones!”
I am losing my mind. And I have four more months to go. But we’re also a tiny firm and I don’t think I can say anything without causing major awkwardness.
HSAL says
Ugh, that’s awful. What about “I’m sure you don’t realize how often you do this, but it makes me uncomfortable that you comment about my body multiple times a day”? I mean, better a few days of major awkwardness as opposed to you snapping and strangling her two months from now.
Walnut says
Oh my goodness. I have no idea how you have not let your inner b!tch come out in full force. I’m pretty sure I would have already snapped and probably made the woman cry by the end of the tirade.
Pogo says
I haven’t said anything to anyone yet, and instead prefer to vent here or to my husband. I think I try to rationalize it that they either genuinely mean well, or don’t what else to say or… something. I did confront my mom and she kinda backtracked like “No it’s a good thing, it’s to be expected!”
Mostly what’s upsetting is that it feels like everyone is staring at your body and judging you. From when I first read this post this morning I overheard two women talking about me in the bathroom! Nothing “bad” just “wow, Pogo really looks so pregnant now!”
So no real advice, just commiseration.
rosie says
Gah thanks for the commiseration and sorry you all are experiencing or have experienced it as well (although not surprising). And the fact that people think it’s complimentary doesn’t help with the reaction. Just got a “you’re getting big, must be uncomfortable” from my grandfather…my own fault for not being more strategic with camera placement in our Facetime chat I suppose.
NYCfinancemama says
Silly question, but I work in an analytical finance job. Im about to head out for a 4 month maternity leave and paranoid I won’t remember how to do analytical heavy parts of my job when I return. Is it like a riding a bike or did you do anything on maternity leave to keep skills fresh?
Anon says
I would say it’s like riding a bike except when you come back to work you have to ride a bike while drunk and sadly that’s just the way it’s going to be. I didn’t lose skills over maternity but I am just not as good at my job post-kids as pre-kids (with a baby).
Anon says
Love this analogy. Also in analytical finance. Both times, it was definitely a slow ramp back into using that part of my brain. If you can come back part time (my first day back was working from home and sorting through emails for 4 hours, then two more full time days at home to get back caught up on project status and any big assumption changes, before starting full time in the office the next Monday) to help ease back into work mode, that would help it a bit.
You’ll want to build some checks into your data for the first couple months. I was so sleep deprived when I returned that I was constantly worried that I’d miss something very basic. Go slow, be easy on yourself, and you’ll be back up to full speed within a month or two of returning.
Meg Murry says
Not in finance, but in STEM and I can relate to this. Although for me, I’d say it was more riding a bike while hung over and sleep deprived more than drunk :-) For me the main thing was that I was surprised by how sluggish my brain felt, especially through the haze of sleep deprivation. The hardest part for me was that my ability to switch gears and multi-task went way downhill – or maybe it was that the multi-tasking part of my brain was now getting crowded with remembering baby stuff and pumping times and all that jazz.
A couple things helped make it better:
-I kept a notebook next to my mousepad with 2 columns on it – one for personal and one for work. Whenever a random thought came up, I wrote it there, so that I could “free” my brain from having to try to hold on to that thought and remember it for later. I actually started that when I was pregnant, mostly to calm the urge to google random things, but it helped even more in the early back to work days.
-I had to eliminate as many interruptions as possible – because it took me much longer to get back to the “now where was I?” point. I told my husband/babysitter/family that if it wasn’t something I needed to know about in the next hour, they should send things to my personal email, and save texting and phone calls for things I had to act on. I adjusted the settings on my work email so it updated far less frequently, and didn’t pop up on the screen or make any noises.
-I knew I had to take my time and double check a lot of things, so I didn’t have any major mistakes, or I caught mistakes early on. What tripped me up was more the flaky little things, like sending an email that said “see attached” and then realizing as soon as I hit send that I hadn’t attached anything or that I attached the previous version of the file instead of the update, etc.
The other thing that helped was that I sent a lot of emails to my boss just before I went out on leave about project status, where to find files, etc. I wound up using these myself to bring myself up to speed or when I could not remember where I would have filed Project X (because the name used to be project M, and that’s what the files were all under, etc). I learned from this from my first kid to second, and basically sent myself “transition” emails for projects that weren’t being handed off to someone else while I was out but rather were waiting for me when I returned.
Anon says
Haha, I stand corrected. Hungover and sleep deprived for sure. That’s exactly what it’s like!
If you can come back in a short week – like start on a Wednesday – I loved that.
AnonMN says
So, tell me about Waldorf.
My husband mentioned this weekend that he would really like to send our sons to the local Waldorf school rather than public. From my initial research it seems like it lines up with our parenting philosophy (yes we are those annoying people whose kids don’t watch TV). It seems like it would be a great fit for my older sons personality, and I shelfishly would love to automatically have other parent friends with the same values as us.
Anything I should look for/keep in mind as we start to research? Anyone have a kid in Waldorf? Or decide not to do it for some reason?
Just starting research and wanted to go in with eyes wide open.
NewMomAnon says
I was dead set on Waldorf for kiddo, but a friend mentioned that the kids stick with the same teacher for their entire elementary school period, and she felt like the teacher her son would have had was not a good fit. It hadn’t occurred to me how important the teacher would be in that setting because I’m so used to switching teachers every year during elementary school.
Not a reason to avoid it, but a thing to watch for when you tour.
Anonymous says
Great point – and this probably applies to anything we choose for our kids, just continually re-evaluate to make sure it works for your kid and you. From personal experience — I was dead-set on Montessori for my children. I found an incredibly outdoor oriented program, and fell in love with the environmentally friendly building, approach to sustainability, the food choices, etc. Everything about the program appealed to me, and similarly, I loved the immediate network of (similarly-minded) parents. Except. My child failed to thrive there. The first year was great, but by year two, we were hearing about daily struggles from the teachers and my child. My 3 year old would cry every morning, and say to me every day after pick-up “Maybe tomorrow I’ll do better.” When my husband and I brought up how unhappy our child seemed, we were told on several occasions to trust the method, and that based on X, Y, and Z measures, our child was excelling. Except, she was unhappy every single day. We finally left the school (to a mountain of protests – not about my child, but about how the other program we enrolled our child in was secondary), and the new school lacks a bunch of the things *I* would love, but my child skips off to school every day.
Anyway, it’s just my cautionary tale that even if the school seems to be an ideal fit at first, don’t be afraid to change based on your actual experience there. It ended up being really hard for me to walk away from something I loved in theory, but just wasn’t working out for our actual family.
Anonymous says
We’ve also the annoying no (DH)/ limited (me) tv people and we parent in line with Waldorf philosophies. For school, we looked into it and decided not to. The Waldorf/Montessori schools have a more anti-vax student body in our area and I didn’t want my kids exposed to anti – science views. I like our public school which helped (they are building an outdoor classroom). Our oldest goes to an outdoor based afterschool program so she gets lots of time outside every day. A big plus of public school is more racial and socio-economic diversity that the private W/M schools. I didn’t want her class to be white and wealthy (upper middle class and above) and that was the bulk of the student body at the W/M schools.
shortperson says
agreed. i love waldorf toys (the wool/wood/natural paint) and am anti-battery toys. i bought a book on the waldorf method and it went on about how children need to be dressed in wool to develop their spirits or something like that and i was out. we have a neighbor who offers waldorf afterschool classes at her house (a semester on wool dyeing and knitting, etc. with organic snacks) which we will probably do when dd gets old enough, but it’s just a little too much for us to immerse ourselves in that culture. the antivax issue is true in our area as well.
anon says
I loved my Waldorf preschool, but my mother said when she was looking at it for my younger brother, they had decided to get rid of all the blocks in favor of pieces of logs and other more natural wood building supplies (I swear), and the little boys seemed bored. This is probably not helpful advice, sorry, it just cracks me up. I went there primarily because it was close to our house, and then went to public school, but I do have very good memories of it as a magical, beautiful place. I’m an artist and particularly loved the high quality art supplies they used. But we totally played with plastic toys and watched TV at home.
Anonymous says
You do know Waldorf was started by Anthrosophy cult guy right? Like Madame Blavatsky seance folks? And the kids are only allowed to use blue when they first start coloring? And they take their fairy and troll thing very, very seriously?
I was really interested in Waldorf and fell down a google search rabbit hole. I’m sure some of the more cult-y things I read were rooted in particular schools adoption of the philosophy (like I imagine most kids are taught science rather than pseudo alchemy), but we’re pro-science materialists so agreeing with us on TV was not going to make up for their low vaccination rates and being founded by a cultist.
Anon says
Related to the above jeans discussion, jeans recommendations for someone whose butt has entirely disappeared while breastfeeding?! It’s a problem.
avocado says
Seven for Mankind, Citizens of Humanity, and AG are the brands that have worked for me in a similar situation.
Anonymous says
I am so demoralized that I just want to quit. For my first few years in this job, I was a rockstar. Then a series of family and personal crises hit. I held it together for a while but things started to crumble about two or three years ago. Within the past few weeks I had just started to make progress towards getting things back on track after barely keeping my head above water for so long. Then another crisis hit and derailed me again. And now I just overheard my former mentor offering a great opportunity, which in better times would have gone to me, to a smug younger colleague who is the new rock star because she has a perfect, easy life and is never distracted. How can I ignore this, keep my head down, and focus on getting my own sh!t together?
anon says
So sorry you are going through this. I just read a similar question at Ask a Manager – hope the post and responses are helpful to you. http://www.askamanager.org/2017/04/how-do-i-hold-it-together-at-work-during-a-personal-crisis.html
GCA says
Hugs. That last thing has to really sting. I completely feel you! It’s a career jungle gym, not a ladder, right? Sometimes we fall off and start from a few rungs down. Sometimes we lateral.
I’ve always been a pretty high performer, but not a favoured rockstar, really. But I am a planner. In your shoes, I would be planning my career path: what does this job currently offer me? What kind of growth and development would I like the next one to offer? What skills do I want to pick up in the next year so that I can be ready to move up or on? Where do I need to be by the time I want to move on from this job? And then focus on how you can acquire those skills and otherwise get to where you want to go. Hang in there! Sending you all the good thoughts.
ANon says
Wow, for a second I was wondering whether I typed this in my sleep because you just described what has happened to me over the last few years. No advice, just commiseration. I’m still waiting to come out the other end.
Best wishes.
nanny days off says
For those of you with a nanny, do you give her Good Friday off? It’s my first year with a nanny and my family is Jewish. She is Christian and attends church weekly. I’m just not sure what observance entails and how reasonable/expected it is to offer it as a day off?
avocado says
I am Christian and never heard of having Good Friday off until very recently. Most people who observe the holiday just go to services at lunchtime.
Pogo says
I think Catholics are more likely to want it off than other denominations because they fast and have an afternoon service. But I have never worked anywhere that gave me Good Friday off, so I don’t think it’s at all expected.
Anonymous says
Surprised by the other answers. Interesting how things are so different between US and Canada sometimes. Good Friday is a statutory holiday in Canada. So everyone (except hospital workers etc ) has the day off. It would never occur to me that someone would work on Good Friday just like I would assume that Christmas is a holiday. FWIW I’m mainstream Protestant. Easter Monday is also a holiday in Catholic dominated parts of the country (Quebec)
Anon in NYC says
I wouldn’t offer unless you had the day off of work. It’s not a standard holiday here (my mom has it off, but I don’t). But, if she asks for it off, I would give it to her.
Anon says
Ugh, yes. My nanny asked for it even though neither my husband nor I get it. It’s the only day like that that she asks us for, so we always give it and try to scramble together some backup care.
Tired Mommy says
Looking for tips/advice for working out in the AM before work. I have always worked out at night after work. After #2 came, I switched to working out at home with streaming classes, which I like. But #2 is a year old and I cannot get into a reliable nightly workout groove. I am either too tired by the time the bedtime routines are finished, or I’m cleaning/prepping for the next day, cooking, or dealing with preschooler coming out of his room every 5-10 minutes! So, I’m thinking of trying to make it work in the AM. I will have to get up hella-early but at this point, what’s a little less sleep, right? Other than setting everything up the night before and sleeping in my workout clothes, what are your favorite hacks for early morning workouts?
AwayEmily says
omg so impressed you have been working out even AT ALL. I had one a year ago and have dropped workouts entirely. So, no hacks — just admiration.
Anonymous says
Same. I’m like ‘how can I stop falling asleep in my clothes’ not ‘ how can I work out’ level.
Rainbow Hair says
Gosh it’s good to hear I’m not unusually exhausted. It doesn’t help that I *like* our bedtime routine most nights (she sings her lullabies with me! i mean, that’s practically why they invented the hearts-for-eyes emoji isn’t it?!) but also that it seems impossible to go to the gym at 8 pm, knowing I wouldn’t be home and out of the shower until after my usual bedtime… sigh. I dunno. Something will give, at some point.
Blueberry says
If one or both kids wake up early enough, you can jog with the kid in a jogging stroller so that you don’t have to get up much earlier than they do. I did this before my kids started waking up too late.
I have lately started jogging to work a few days a week, and it has been a game-changer. This obviously wouldn’t work for the majority of people, but I hadn’t seriously considered it until recently, and know I ask myself why I haven’t been doing this all along.
Finally, if all else fails, I sometimes just put on a sports bra and sneakers and do a 7-minute workout in my house. Much better than nothing!
Maddie Ross says
Here are my tips for working out in the am – I go to a class that I preschedule and I have to pay if I miss (so I really only want to miss for super good reason). I sleep in my workout socks and pants. I lay out in my bathroom my running shoes, sports bra and top. I get up 15 minutes before my class starts. It’s a 5 minute drive. It’s hard for about the first 2 weeks, and then it’s no so bad. If you can, start this time of year, as it gets light earlier, and it’s really refreshing out (at least in my area of the country) in the morning. It’s much harder to start in the winter.
Anonymous says
I just made the switch from after work exercise to before (6 am) because I’ve been too tired afterward. I make sure to go to bed early and lay everything out. Agree with committing to a workout where you’re paying per class (even better if you have to reserve, although I pay for a certain number of classes per month and lose them if I don’t go, which also works). My most fun tip is to set your alarm to be a really loud, annoying, super fun, or jarring song instead of these standard alarm noise. There is nothing like Lady Gaga being blast full volume right next to my face at 5:15 to get me awake real fast.
EB0220 says
Not sure if it’s possible for you, but I have found lunchtime workouts to be nice. I don’t like getting up super early and I am completely out of energy at night. I used to work out after work (around 6) and then eat dinner, but that is not workable with kids. I go to the gym at lunchtime and then eat at my desk after 3-4 days a week. It works for me since the intense parting times of my day are morning and evening.
Rainbow Hair says
what do you do about being sweaty?! do you shower too?!
anon says
I do best when I don’t leave extra time for procrastinating/reading news on my phone/etc – I have to jump out of bed and start. To motivate myself, I ask, will I regret doing this or will I regret not doing this? (I’ll almost never regret getting up to workout). And the kid wakes up early or something else comes up, don’t make it all or nothing – 10 minutes of exercise is better than 0 minutes.
And to anyone feeling bad, I didn’t manage to start working out regularly until my one child was 2.5 years old. It does get easier as they get older.
Also, now when I am exercising in the morning I often think of you ladies in solidarity and hope no one’s child puked/woke up an hour early/freaked out, etc to interrupt their fitness routine!
RDC says
Struggling with the decision to get baby’s tongue-tie clipped (or not). DD is almost 3 months and has never had a strong s*ck reflex (not sure if that will put me in moderation?). She has a tongue and lip tie and a poor latch, but has been gaining weight and doesn’t cause me much discomfort. Weight gained has slowed down recently, though, and I’m concerned it will continue to get worse. I don’t want to subject her to an unnecessary procedure. But I also don’t want to wait until it’s a crisis (e.g. she stops gaining weight entirely), and I understand it’s better to do earlier than later. My LC says it’s a borderline case since she’s gaining on the low side of average for now. Not sure what my question is, but does anyone have thoughts to share? Did anyone have a frenectomy done and regret it?
mascot says
We didn’t have this issue, but I’d ask for more details concerning what could happen on down the road with speech and dental development and how often do they see older kids having issues from uncorrected ties.
RDC says
Good reminder, thanks. Will add to the list of Qs.
EB0220 says
My younger child had tongue and lip tie clipped when she was around 2 months. She was also gaining weight but causing me some minor discomfort while nursing. I don’t regret it – the procedure was over pretty quickly, I nursed her right after, and then she was calm. The stretches were annoying to do, and of course she hated them, but they didn’t last long. Overall, my impression was that it was a pretty minor procedure for everyone. Also – just something to note – you probably already discussed this with your pediatrician, but it’s pretty normal for weight gain to slow around 3ish months as baby gets bigger. So it may not be anything to worry about per se.
Wow says
I got my son’s tongue and lip tie clipped at 4 months, after he wasn’t gaining weight as rapidly and his latch started to suffer. The procedure took all of 10 seconds and I nursed him right away. I attribute the surgery with being able to nurse him for a year. I noticed a big improvement in his latch almost right away, and insurance covered most of it. If you do it, make sure you go to an experienced pediatric dentist who will cut it via laser (some of the ENTs use scissors which can be imprecise/painful).
RDC says
Yes, planning to see a dentist who does laser. Thank you for the reassurance that it’s pretty minor. I started reading about the procedure online (rookie mistake, i know) and that was really what freaked me out about it.
lsw says
We had our son’s clipped early – about 8 weeks if I remember correctly? His weight gain wasn’t satisfactory, and I was having some discomfort nursing. It made a HUGE difference for us. I realized how much more comfortable nursing could be, and he was MUCH more efficient at the bre@st, and his weight gain caught up. It was a huge, huge upgrade for us. Over in seconds, nursed him right away, he was more unhappy with being tightly swaddled and held down for the procedure than for the clip itself. I’m really glad we got it done.
Pogo says
A friend had it done for her daughter and remarked “I didn’t know nursing could feel like that!” She thought it had to hurt, because it hurt so much nursing tongue-tied daughter. So if this is your first, it might be hurting more than you think and you don’t have anything to compare it to?
As for getting it done earlier vs later, I nannyed a kiddo who had it done at 5 for speech reasons. I think she was only out of school for one day, and I took care of her that afternoon so her parents could go back to work. She was groggy from the anesthesia but I was told to give her all the popsicles she wanted, so everything was immediately fine from her perspective.
Lastly, I had my own frenum clipped at 13 due to issues with my gums/teeth – the lip tie was pulling at my gums, according to the specialist, and causing major issues for my teeth. I was, at the time, traumatized by it. They didn’t give me general anesthesia because I was considering old enough, and I freaked out the whole time (seeing the blood, the stitches, etc reflected in the doctor’s glasses… eek). I was probably out of school for several days and had a hard time eating solid foods for 1-2 weeks. I was also 13 so I hated the whole world and no amount of popsicles would have changed that.
So on that limited anecdata, I’d say the earlier it’s done, the less traumatic to kiddo.
RDC says
Omg that does sound traumatic – i would totally freak out at watching my own stitches get done! It’s my second so maybe the first kiddo took care of all the nerve endings already.
Butter says
I don’t regret having it done, but I’m fairly ambivalent about it. We had a host of bfeeding problems (latch, suck reflex, low transfer, pain on my end, etc.) and I tried everything under the sun to fix it. And after 3 months, it slowly got better, so that by 5 months it was mostly painfree and kiddo didn’t need supplementation, and we’re still going.
You’d think I be a cheerleader for the procedure, but we tried SO many things that I don’t know what worked and am hesitant to attribute it to any one or two things (nothing was a quick fix – progress took place very slowly over 6-8 weeks), and am still not sure that it wasn’t just time and maturity that did the trick. But fwiw, we did both clipping (by ENT) and laser (by ped dentist) and wish we had just skipped to the laser.
RDC says
Thanks. Yes, we’d do laser first (only). That might be part of my ambivalence – I think we have a few things going on and I’m not sure how much is due to the tongue tie vs other issues.
Anonymous says
I’m being considered for a terrific position that would, in the words of my boss, be an ideal next step in my career. But…I have to turn it down. My husband is starting a new job in a couple of weeks that is a total dream job for him, but that involves a completely unpredictable schedule with lots of very late nights/weekends. I currently have a job that is a perfect mom job — high visibility, challenging work, enough pay, and almost complete flexibility. With two preschoolers at home, we need someone taking point on kid stuff and I already volunteered for that to be me so my husband can take this job (and seriously he needs to take it — it’s the kind that rarely comes around, opens tons of doors down the road, and has been his dream for as long as I’ve known him). It’s just one of those days when it’s clear that having it all means sometimes not having every single thing you want. (And, no, there’s no way to manage us both taking new jobs. I’m not looking for help, just venting. The position I’m being considered for is also unpredictable and we’re unwilling to have our kids that reliant on nannies etc. Of all the options, the path we’re taking is the best and I’m happy. Next time it’s my turn. But, man, trade-offs.)
Anon says
Been there, done that. It’s hard, and it will be harder in the abstract. When I see friends getting the accolades or notoriety associated with the “big” jobs, I let myself be a little disappointed and sad. After feeling the disappointment, I remind myself that the accolade did not happen in a vacuum, and there is a lot of juggling behind the scenes to make those jobs work or their spouses have very different jobs or don’t work. My husband has a big job, and I think of the concrete items I would not be doing if I had taken the big, “right” next career steps – so racing the clock to get there at drop-off, working every night, no work-free vacations, and no early dinners at home before exhausted kids freak out. Basically, what the one year of parenting and two big jobs was like before I leaned out. Or I remember the nearly marriage ending fight my husband and I had when the stress of two big jobs came to a head. Or that I’m a terrible parent when I’m stressed (see my anxiety management post up thread).
I also recently was able to take advantage of an opportunity to work in a job that seems like a dream come true. I would not have had this type of opportunity if I had taken the “big” job over the leaned out one several years ago.
It also helps me to remember that careers are long, hopefully, and hopefully, you’ll have lots of time to take a huge leap a little further down the road. This is a very personal, very privileged pattern of thinking – but if my career *isn’t* long it is probably because something catastrophic has happened, and in that case, I’ll be grateful that I didn’t have the big job right now.
Anonymous says
Yes. Thanks for this. It’s helpful to hear that I’m not the only one making choices. While the job I’m turning down isn’t one that comes around all the time, odds are there will be other opportunities down the road. And I’m on the young side for this position, so it’s not like I’m missing a step. But somehow when I was 22, I didn’t think about choices like this. It would never have crossed my mind that I’d ever turn down a great opportunity. But I wouldn’t trade having a family for anything. So here I am, and at 36, the choice doesn’t look as bad as it would to 22 yo me.
Anon says
I know what you mean. My husband has a Big Job that requires a lot of work now for payoff in about 5 more years. For this span of about 10 years, his work has to come first to let him get to the type of flexibility that will then let mine come first in our 40s.
It’s hard to watch myself get passed by when I know it’s almost entirely my doing. But this is the right thing for myself, for my family, and for my husband. It sucks to say that, and I still struggle with it, but it’s the decision I’ve made.
Anon in NYC says
Man, that just sucks. I’m sorry.
H says
A few weeks ago, someone on this site or the main site posted a link to an Atlantic article about this. Basically it said that if there are 2 ambitious partners with kids, one of them usually has to lean out. So you’re not alone! But also, perhaps this is your husband’s time to lean in. In a few years, things might change and it will be your turn.
Anonymous says
That’s the plan. It’s just easier to say “oh, I’ll take point on kids right now!” when opportunities are in the abstract. It’s so much harder when it’s right there and you have to actually say no.
NewMomAnon says
Since today is a day for random clothing questions – does anyone have a recommendation for good sweatpants or lounge pants for a petite person with curvy hips? I’m looking for something that I can wear to get the mail or do laundry in the communal facilities, so can’t be clingy pajama material. I’ve tried a couple things from Lands End, and they didn’t fit well to start with and have now faded/pilled beyond my comfort level. My only presentable sweat pants are winter running pants from Athleta that are way too hot for general lounging.
Anon says
I don’t know if they have good ones right now but I love my Marine Layer sweats.
Cb says
I have a pair from Eddie Bauer that are really nice, quite warm but fit nicely.
anon says
try uniqlo. some of their fabrics are very stretchy and will work
shortperson says
athleta city joggers.
AIMS says
I hope this isn’t too late in the day for responses but can we discuss pacifiers? Specifically, how did you get your kid to quit theirs? My daughter is very attached to hers. I sort of thought we would be able to part ways with it gradually but she still won’t sleep without it and wants it during the day too. When I try to not give it to her she will put literally everything else in her mouth so in many ways it’s better with a pacified. On the other hand, it’s not good for her teeth or her speech development probably, so I’m thinking we should do something. FWIW, she’s ~ 16 months.
Anonymous says
We limited it to naps and nighttime or major ouchies. My BFF is a speech pathologist and she said as long as they don’t have it daytime and aren’t speech delayed, it’s fine. Our dentist said that as long as they don’t have it in constantly, it’s fine as long as they quit before their permanent teeth come in. I’m terrified of taking it too soon and having LO send up as a thumb su*ker like I was and that’s way way harder to get them to stop so I’m weaning slowly with having it live in the crib.
Meg Murry says
Yes, we took away my oldest son’s pacifier sometime around 15 months (I think? Between 12-18 months), and he switched to regularly sucking his thumb until kindergarten (and it still popped up on occasion for a while after that when he was sick or had a nightmare).
Since we didn’t want to go through that again, with my second we went for a combo of “bed and car only” and “out of sight, out of mind/don’t offer but don’t refuse if he asks” around 15-18 months. Luckily daycare was on board with putting it out of sight and he rarely asked for it there (and was generally placated when they told him to wait until nap, etc, and then that big boys that slept on cots didn’t need pacifiers, pacifiers were for cribs). The nice thing about it was that around 18 months he understood that if he asked for binky, he could only have it in his crib – which meant that rather than fighting naps, sometimes he *asked* to be put to bed early or to go lay down in the middle of the morning – which hey, I wasn’t going to fight.
At around 2 he got super interested in the idea that his big brother was getting money from the tooth fairy, and was interested in his new baby cousin, so we combined that and had the “binky fairy” take his pacifiers “to give to a baby” and he got a big boy present. There were 2-3 nights of him being mildly upset at no pacifier at bedtime, but he instead slept with the ball the binky fairy brought him, and things were ok.
Meg Murry says
Oh, and to reinforce the “only in bed” thing – whenever we got him out of the crib he had to throw the pacifiers back in and “say bye-bye to binky”. If he didn’t want to put it back (and we weren’t in a rush to get him out of bed and to go somewhere), we would tell him that he could stay in the crib with the binky and we’d be back in 5 minutes to see if he was ready to say bye bye to binky. Which actually went over pretty well – sometimes he wanted to rest for a few more minutes, sometimes he was ready to toss it down. If we really needed to get moving, we might allow him to keep it in his mouth through a diaper/clothing change, but it didn’t leave the bedroom with us.
AIMS says
This is a great idea, thanks!
RDC says
We limited our son to paci in bed and car seat only, then just to bed, and then they just disappeared. (But this was around 13mos IIRC). It was much less of a big deal than I thought it would be. Fwiw we didn’t make it an “event” or talk about it, just removed them from his crib, and he just kind of … adjusted. Not sure how much harder it would be at 16 months. I think at that age they put everything in their mouth regardless so I wouldn’t necessarily connect that with pacifier use (although it’s true that the pci is probably cleaner than the other things she’ll pick up!).
AnonMN says
Our pediatrician was fine with it until age 3, as long as we limited to bedtime. This is also when I have read they are psychologically ready to give it up.
So, we limited to bed starting at age one (and got really strict around 18 months). It was a transition, but after a week or two it was just fine. We just tried to distract, distract, distract. Put all the pacifiers out of sight for her and out of easy reach for you. Have a bunch of toys she can safely put in her mouth around. Wear a teething necklace. Bring out Sophie. Chewing is fine, it’s the sucking that is bad.
My eldest kept his until around 2.5 when he started biting the tip off. Then, on the recommendations of the Hive, we switched to the Zoli stick for him to chew on. He loved it. He’s now 3.5 and Zoli stick free. He just stopped asking for it once it was lost once, and so we didn’t mention it.
I’m in the camp that I’d rather have their psychological need filled as much as I can, and since our Pedi said it shouldn’t affect his teeth if we limited it to bedtime, I went with that. His speech was not at all delayed, and his teeth look great to me (I think this can be pacifier type dependent though, a friend whose daughter used the green wabbanub type had some bad teeth issues, we used Mam with no issues).
Good luck in whatever path you choose!
AIMS says
I think limiting it to bedtime would be a great step toward progress for us. And I definitely see teeth issues already but maybe that is just a coincidence. So funny how one little thing and you feel like you’re failing as a parent. We will try to hide them in daytime (I think it’s a crutch we have to wean ourselves off of as much as her).
Pogo says
When niece was being weaned from hers, to keep the bedtime and nap paci use from creeping, everyone would say to her “I can’t understand you with your paci in” (because she was adept at speaking with it and would try to keep it in after waking up). We would then offer to hold it for her until the next sleepy time or put it in a safe place.
This eventually worked but I found pacis in random pockets and bags for quite some time that I had offered to hold for her!
Anonymous says
10 years ago were flying to LA and in line at the TSA check. I told the toddler that they only allow toddlers who have given up their binky to go on vacations. Total lie and Yes, I am a terrible lying mom but it worked and I don’t regret it!
Pogo says
hahah this is great. My mom weaned me from thumb-sucking by telling me some kind of tooth fairy creature would bring me a Cabbage Patch Kid doll but only if I didn’t cheat and suck my thumb (fairy was omniscient). It totally worked. I wanted one of those dolls so bad! (and yes, I was like 7)
Rainbow Hair says
Our kid only gets hers for bedtime — like not in the crib, just while we sing lullabies — and in the car. And she doesn’t always use it in the car because she has so much to say. I fret about it sometimes, but it’s also like… 20 minutes a day?
Betty says
Book Recommendation?: I have 2.5-3 hours in the car today and tomorrow. I’m planning on listening to a book on audible there and back. I’d love a good story about a woman/girl finding herself or a good romance (something like The Royal We) with no heavy downers. I have enough heavy stuff going on in my life that I’d like a bit of an escape.
AIMS says
I Capture the Castle fits the bill but no idea about it as an audiobook. It’s fantastic though.
Anonymous says
Eligible!
anon says
The Outlander series has great audiobooks. They are long but the first one is the shortest. It has some very dark parts but more for the male protagonist than the female, and a happy ending.
LegalMomma says
Have you read A Discovery of Witches by Deborah Harkness? It should fit the bill, it is the first in a three book series, and it is on Audible
avocado says
For escapism I loved the Night Circus. I don’t know about the audiobook, but I could not put down my Kindle while I was reading it.
Meg Murry says
Sarah Addison Allen is one of my go-tos for a pleasant read that isn’t too heavy, but isn’t 100% fluff. Magical realism and quirky Southern towns. Lost Lake might fit your bill of a woman finding herself – although FYI, the main character is a widow and the main conflict is her MIL, so that may or may not work for you.
The audiobook of Hidden Figures is really good if you are a science nerd like me – although I haven’t seen the movie, it might not be so interesting if you had.
I also like to go to a comforting re-read of favorite classic YA when I really need to calm down. Anne of Green Gables, Wrinkle in Time, Diana Wynne Jones, etc.
avocado says
I love the audiobook of A Wrinkle in Time narrated by Hope Davis. My daughter and I have listened to it several times on long car trips.
Wehaf says
I recommend A Wrinkle in Time also; I listened to the one narrated by the author (Madeleine L’Engle), and I loved it.
ugh says
Today, my leaning in is not quitting. Mondays are the worst. I feel like Garfield. How early can I leave?
avocado says
Right there with you! One more Pomodoro interval and I am done for the day. The good news is that it’s spring break, Grandma is in town, and sports practice was early today so I will come home to a happy child who is already showered and has no homework. Which means sleeeeeep for mommy.