Nursing Tuesday: High/Low Jersey Cardigan

I’m always amazed when I come across something I bought several years ago that’s still in stock. I first got acquainted with this high/low jersey cardigan from Bobeau at when I was nursing my first son — I wanted something that was warm and soft and washable that had a little bit of color. It seemed like everything I was finding at the time was gray, and all the mothers on TV and in movies were wearing gray, and I thought that since I already felt exhausted and super blah after having a baby, I wanted something more colorful. This cardigan has been at Nordstrom for a thousand years and is great for the weekend and for around the house. For nursing, it isn’t quite as discreet as Bobeau’s fleece wrap cardigan (which also comes in plus sizes) … but honestly I’ve never liked that one. If you’re nursing in public, though, I can see how it could be better — but I liked this one for nursing around the house. It comes in eight colors at Nordstrom for $58, and although it occasionally comes in petite sizes, they’re not currently available, it seems. The fleece wrap cardigan is on sale for $39 and has an incredible 3,900 reviews. High/Low Jersey Cardigan

Psst: Looking for more info about nursing clothes for working moms, or tips for pumping at the office? We’ve got them both…

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  1. I am sleepy. says:

    My son is 11 weeks and I start back to work next week. My first was sleeping through the night and on a great schedule by now. I also nursed. This time I am formula feeding so I thought the schedule and sleeping through the night would happen even faster. No. I feel like despite my efforts, everyday is unpredictable. One day, he’ll take 5 ounce bottles consistently and give us a 6 hour stretch of sleep at night and the next he’ll only eat 2 ounces at a time and be up every 2.5 hours. Help! This is a phase and it’ll get better, right? And I blocked out all the hard times with my first?

    • Anonymous says:

      It is a phase! The first couple of weeks back to work were rough with my DD (she was 15 weeks). DD got better at sleeping around 12 weeks, and then much much better at 6 months. I know like it feels like it lasts forever, but you’ll get through it.

      • Anon in NYC says:

        Yes! Isn’t there a 12 week growth spurt or sleep regression too? My daughter hit all growth spurts/sleep regressions on the early side.

    • Delta Dawn says:

      Mine started sleeping through the night THE DAY we brought him home from his first day of daycare. Daycare really exhausted him (in a good way) to the point that nights were much, much easier from then on. Maybe when you go back to work, the change in routine will tire him out? It’s for sure a phase and will definitely get better.

    • You blocked it out. My first was by all accounts an easy baby. My second was a normal baby, maybe slightly on the crankier side and definitely not as good a sleeper. But in my head, I’d completely forgotten that #1 was anything other than a peacefully sleeping angel. I’m about to have baby #3, and #2 and #3 are a lot closer than the first two, so #2 is fresh in my mind. I have pretty low expectations for sleep and obedience/compliance with my desired schedule this go-around.

    • Ha, this is exactly me right now. Just went back to work and kiddo is not thrilled with the bottle, so last night was awful reverse cycling. Hoping things work themselves out eventually. We had like two weeks of great sleep so I got soft.

  2. Double Strollers says:

    Can we talk about double strollers? I’m pregnant with #2, and #1 will be 20 months when baby is born. We do a decent amount of walking around the neighborhood/going to parks/etc. Do I get a side-by-side double, or a tandem? Which brands did you love or hate? We used the Britax travel system the first time around, so the new stroller needs to work with the Britax infant seat at least for a few months.

    • Anonymous says:

      I had a Stroll-Air Duo and I loved it. Enjoyed that it works with a stroller seat and a car seat or two stroller seats. Both seats are full reversible (two front, two back, one front and one back facing). Used it with older child front facing and baby rear facing in stroller seat (lies flat for naps) a lot. It’s a side by side but not wider than a wheelchair so it fit through most doors without a problem.

    • I’m interested in this too. #1 will be 2 years and 9 months when #2 arrives in June. We do the occasional neighborhood walk but mainly use the stroller at the zoo/similar places. We have a City Mini and right now my plan is just to get a glider board attachment for summer/fall 2018, and a cheaper double umbrella stroller for spring/summer 2019 and beyond. Do the glider boards work if there’s a bucket seat though? I’m a Lucie’s List evangelist and she has a great article on doubles, but that part wasn’t clear to me.

    • Walnut says:

      This was us about six months ago. I lots of ideas for not getting a double stroller and they all went to hell in a handbasket really quickly. We now own the Baby Jogger City Select. It was very important to me to be able to strap my toddler in place versus using a glider board, because I was routinely walking with the baby, toddler and a great dane.

      Bonus points in that it folds up compactly and fits in the trunk of my compact car.

    • LegalMomma says:

      We have the Baby Trend sit and stand (number 1 was 19mo when number 2 arrived). I like it because pretty much any infant seat will work in the “stand” area while baby is in that – and toddler can then sit in the front stroller part. Now that number 2 is in the front stroller part, number one either sits on the little bench (which I can still buckle her into or stands.

      In my experience the infant seat in the stand area worked well for us until I was ready to trust the first one in the stand area.

    • Momata says:

      Mine are the same age difference apart. We got the city mini side by side. It fits through all regular size doors so I found it basically just as maneuverable as a single. Each side can recline independently, and recline 99% flat such that with a rolled towel around the edge I could put the baby in there out of his carseat. I don’t know if it will work with Britax. My friend had a tandem and haaaaaaated it. Like driving a Mack truck.

    • We have an UB Cruz. My daughter will be ~24 months when my second arrives and she has been showing a distinct preference for not being in the stroller, even though we do a lot of walking, so my thinking is that for the immediate future we will do some combo of baby wearing/her in stroller and baby in car seat with stroller and her on the board or walking, and supplement that with a double umbrella stroller like the G-Link or Summer Infant double for travel/trips to the zoo, etc. Not sure how it will work out in practice, but we’re in a city and I don’t love how low some of the tandem double strollers are and I was really shocked by how heavy they are too push when you have both kids in (never mind any diaper bag/groceries you may want to add) so figure we can try this out first as we have all the necessary bits (stroller, attachable infant car seat and baby carrier).

    • Edna Mazur says:

      My oldest are 15 months apart. I LOVE having a side by side. Fits through most doors. I have a Graco model that they don’t make anymore and my only issue with it is that it is unwieldy. Not a problem just strolling around the neighborhood, but it is a pain to steer.

      If I had a do over, I would focus less on car seat compatibility (don’t most have some kind of adapter thingy anyway?) as my kids hated the car seat in stroller thing and were just sitting in them within three months and spent more on a jogging type stroller that would steer easier and be a little more compact.

    • We have twins, so slightly different, but love our City Mini side-by-side. I find it much easier to push than friends’ in-line strollers and even though it looks huge, it actually fits anywhere a wheelchair would. Our main dislike is that you can’t turn the seats to face you, but that’s not a huge dealbreaker. I think the Britax seat would work with the carseat adapter, but we also just reclined the seats all the way and put our newborns in it without a problem. (I think they were 1.5 weeks and ~5 lbs the first time we took them out in it.)

    • I would get side by side. I only have one, but sometimes we take him and his friend across the street for walks. The neighbor has several double strollers including a tandem one where one seat is a little higher and the lower seat faces the upper one. The child in the upper seat could easily kick the face of the child in the lower seat. Don’t get that one.

    • Delta Dawn says:

      I think this depends on knowing your first child and guessing about the second. We are about to have our second and are getting the Chicco Cortina Together. This decision was based on carseat compatibility– we have the keyfit, and I relied heavily with first baby on clicking the carseat into the stroller. If you didn’t do that much with the first one, you may not need it for the second one– as many of the comments here indicate, some people don’t do that a lot. I did it EVERY DAY. It was also based on the toddler being able to sit facing outward in the front– I know my 2 yo will protest unless he is facing forward, so any stroller that put the bigger child in the back and the infant carseat in the front would not work. The together lets you put either child in front or back, which is nice. I like the configuration of infant seat facing me and toddler seat facing out, but you can change it. My point is think about whether you use the carseat in the stroller a lot, how your toddler wants to sit, and pick one that accommodates those.

      • blueridge29 says:

        My kiddos are 20 months apart and we used the Chicco Cortina. It is a beast of a stroller, but it worked great for parks/walks.

    • I have a tandem – the Joovy Caboose Ultralight. I used the “Too” Seat when #2 was first born, but once #1 wanted to walk more, we took it off and just used the back glider board. I use the stroller most when I’m by myself, so I wanted a stroller that was easy to maneuver through doors and stores on my own. It worked well.

      Honestly though, if I was doing it again and knew what kind of kids I’d have, I would have told Past Self to get a single stroller with a huge bucket and a glider board attachment. I ended up babywearing #2 a lot. Once #2 got too big to wear, then #1 wanted to walk most places. I mostly used the second space to hold my diaper bag. The times I truly needed two seats in the stroller were probably less than 10 times, and I could have muddled through those with a glider board and/or babywearing.

  3. Anonanonanon says:

    You blocked out all the hard times with your first :) and it will get better. And work may be a welcome relief, at least for a few hours a day you’ll only have to worry about if YOU’RE hungry!

  4. My son (15 months) has still been drinking milk out of his comotomo bottle, though he drinks water out of a contigo water bottle. He’s never been super into sippy cups, even with water. Recently he’s bitten through the n!ppl3 of the comotomo, so we tossed it. Now he’s just not really drinking milk. We tried it in a contigo, but he didn’t like it. He sort of drank some from one sippy cup we had (we tried a few that we had on hand), but not really. He just hasn’t been drinking much milk, though still drinking some water. This morning he ate quite a bit for breakfast, at least, though yesterday he was home from daycare and didn’t eat much OR drink much milk. Do we just wait for him to realize that it’s milk in a sippy or no milk? And what if he just chooses “no milk”?

    • ETA: Drinking from a sippy has been annoying since day one because he throws them, then the suction part pops out, so we have to keep adjusting it. That’s been the case with a few sippys (sippies?) we tried. We also tried the boon one which is just a silicone cap, but that hasn’t worked well.

    • AwayEmily says:

      Our pediatrician said that “no milk” is fine as long as they are eating yogurt/cheese/etc. Ours (now 20 months) has never been a big milk-drinker. Our best strategy has been to make milk part of bedtime routine rather than part of meals. She has her 360 cup of milk with her when she reads her evening stories (before tooth-brushing), and that’s where she drinks the majority…though still only about a third of a cup.

      Have you asked daycare how he’s doing there? Ours drinks more milk at daycare than at home, weirdly. Maybe the peer pressure?

      • Anon in NYC says:

        Yep – our ped said the same. Your son doesn’t need milk so long as he gets those fats from other sources.

        • October says:

          In addition to fats, Vitamin D is a big reason for drinking milk. Make sure his other sources of dairy are fortified (many are not) and/or give a supplement. Also, we had luck with chocolate milk. I figure the little extra sugar was worth it.

      • We use the 360 cups, as well. I can’t tell from your description if you tried these, but we really like them.

        • Do you have any tips for teaching your baby how to use the 360 cups? Our 9-month-old understands how to drink water from the take-and-toss sippy cups, but we haven’t a bunch of 360s that I’d rather use, if I could get him to figure out how they work.

          • Oddly I was stressing about that when we got them, because I couldn’t figure out how to get them to work, but I handed him the cup and he figured it out right away (before I did), so unfortunately I don’t have any tips. You have to suck and tilt, so starting with a regular cup with a small amount of water may help.

          • AwayEmily says:

            Mine didn’t figure it out until she was about a year, despite lots of trying.

    • Anonymous says:

      We use a Nuk bottle but with the sippy top. The bottle shape makes kid feel like he has a bottle but there’e no nipple, just a sippy cup spout.

    • AwayEmily says:

      And also — things will likely change really fast at this age. He might hate milk now and love it next month, or love the 360 now and only want a straw cup next month. The time between 15 – 18 months saw a LOT of quick transitions between preferences and abilities, at least in our experience. I had to keep telling myself to just wait
      and give it a few weeks before panicking about weird changes in her eating, sleep, etc.

      • Thank you for this. I was recently worrying about his changes in eating, too, but tried to remind myself that it sounds like most toddlers go through picky food phases. Hopefully he won’t only eat raspberries for the rest of his life.

        • ElisaR says:

          nope, soon he will decide he doesn’t like raspberries anymore and you’ll be left with no fruit that he’ll eat at all! (maybe that is just my son)

    • I stopped drinking milk around that age bc i didn’t like it and got my calcium in other ways. I think I turned out ok

  5. So Anon for This says:

    Somewhat embarrassed to even be talking about this. I’m in my 3rd trimester and my “front bottom” area is incredibly swollen. My doctor said that it’s actually varicose veins, which I guess are “there” too, and just pressure from the baby, nothing to be concerned about and it will all most likely go away within 6 weeks after birth, but in the meantime it is just SO uncomfortable. I already try to elevate everything, sleep with a pillow under my bottom, put my feet whenever possible, etc., but hoping someone out there has been through this and has other suggestions. Or at least can tell me it gets better. I feel like so much of pregnancy/motherhood just never gets talked about and then it’s so embarrassing to even discuss so you just walk around alone, feeling like a disaster area and can’t even ask for advice because it’s just such an inappropriate subject to discuss in normal circles.

    • Anon in NYC says:

      This happened to me starting in maybe my second trimester and it was immediately better post-partum. I was so physically uncomfortable (and also embarrassed because WTF was happening?!), and LGPs just did not happen. No real tips, but maybe try an ice pack. Good luck. You’re almost done!

    • Cornellian says:

      This was one of the symptoms of my pubis symphysis separation! Please get it checked out! I ignored the symptoms and it got worse and worse. If I had it to do over again, I’d get myself to a pelvic physical therapist in the third trimester.

      • So Anon for This says:

        What other symptoms did you have? I’ve asked my doctor and doctor wasn’t concerned, said it’s normal and lots of her patients have it and it goes away PP.

        • Cornellian says:

          It was painful to lift my legs to the front, in the motion you use to put on shoes or go up a flight of stairs (but lifting my legs to the back was NOT painful, which is generally true, apparently).

          It was painful to bend my knees lying on my back.

          Apparently you’re at a higher risk if you: are having multiples, have an elevated BMI, gained a lot of weight during the pregnancy, are having a very large baby, or have diabetes. But none of these were true for me (although I did have a baby with a head in the 99th percentile, and the therapist says that probably contributed).

          • Anon in NYC says:

            Interesting – I had no additional symptoms other than discomfort but my baby’s head was huge at birth (also like 98-99th percentile).

          • Yup the putting on my pants or shoes KILLED me and that’s how I knew I had issues. I was a little swollen down there but notify crazy. For me, Webster technique completely got rid of the pain. Even 4mo PP tho my pubic bone still cracks sometimes but there’s no pain.

            Kiddo did have a huge head, but no one told me that could be causing the SPD!

          • So Anon for This says:

            How would you describe the difference between “KILLED” vs. standard pregnancy discomfort? I don’t always have an easy time putting on my pants or shoes but I don’t know that I would describe it as particularly painful vs. simply uncomfortable given my small frame and ever-growing belly. I can still touch my toes, sit lotus style, etc., comfortably. Where/how does one get evaluated for this?

          • Cornellian says:

            So Anon- I mentioned it in passing to a midwife or OB at my practice and they brushed it off. I ended up giving birth, exacerbating it x1000 and being unable to walk. My son is almost 11 months and I am not back to 100%.

            I think in theory your OB or midwife should be able to diagnose this, but I would look up pelvic physical therapists. There are people who specialize in this, and going to one was LIFE CHANGING for me. If you’re in NYC, I recommend Pamela Morrison.

          • It was a sharp, shooting pain, like a 7/10 pain. I had trouble even walking some days. I normally see a chiro, so I went to her for evaluation. Someone on here mentioned Webster technique, which my chiro is certified in. In just a few sessions I felt improvement.

            It literally felt like my pelvis was going to rip apart. I had to stop running because that made it worse, but swimming was glorious. If you can get in the pool I highly recommend it.

            I also read a book about pelvic issues in pregnancy (“Relieving Pelvic Pain in Pregnancy”) that was recommended on here and did the exercises – they were really simple but seemed to help.

          • AwayEmily says:

            Yes! “Relieving Pelvic Pain in Pregnancy” was AMAZING and cleared up a lot of my issues.

    • Anonanonanon says:

      I didn’t have this but yes, there’s SO MANY embarrassing pregnancy symptoms that people don’t talk about. The first few friends who got pregnant after I had my son, I bombarded with gross facts/warnings. They were all horrified at the time, but they’d call me a few months later like “omg I’m so glad you told me if I see blood in the toilet to make sure it’s not coming from hemorrhoids before freaking out, because that totally happened today!” or “omg you’re right I feel like I’ll never p00p again” etc. I wish we could all be more honest about the weird stuff it does to our body so that we’d feel more comfortable talking to other women about it.

      • With that in mind, So Anon – you might be in line for major swelling PP, so be prepared. I basically had a grapefruit between my legs for a week. I also pushed for 5 hours so not sure if that contributed but yeah. It was baaaad. Sitz bath ftw!

    • supporter says:

      Get a V2 supporter. This is common.

  6. My almost three year old daughter has a decided preference for me, and has for a long time. I kept thinking it would shift but it’s just not. She also has a bunch of things she prefers mama do for her. My husband can do them when I’m not there, but when I’m around she wants me. I think he’s really good about not getting his feelings hurt, but it is sometimes sad and frankly inconvenient!

    Important background: my husband is an equal parent if not more and has her in his care alone in the morning for a time, does bath every night, etc. He’s really fantastic with her too and they always have a great time if i’m not there.

    Have any of you dealt with this? Do we just continue to wait for this (really long) phase to be over? I assume he’ll be her favorite for most of her adolescence but still, would be nice for things to be a bit more equal now!

    • AwayEmily says:

      Have you gone on any extended trips (like, at least 2 nights away?). That always seems to flip the switch a bit for us.

      • I have! A couple times! My husband handled it fine – he’s a rockstar – but she just missed mama.

        It’s funny because I realized among all of our friends there’s often a dada preference, but a lot of the people we know are SAHMs. So dada is around less and they want to see him. Whereas for us, since we coparent equally, dada doesn’t have the same cachet.

        Heartened to hear I’m not alone in this! I don’t think I’d want to be the un-favorite… I just wish things were more evenly divided for both of our sakes!

        • Anon in NYC says:

          You’re not alone. My husband is a wonderful and equal co-parent, and my 2.5 year old just prefers me. If I’m not around, she’s just fine with dad. But if we’re both there, she’ll pick me 8 out of 10 times.

    • mascot says:

      Yeah, my son was like this. We reached a turning point between 3-4 years and now he like us close to equally. It was hard for my husband because it hurt his feelings (he tried not to show it) and it was hard for me because I was exhausted from always being the chosen one. We would both acknowledge it, but that conversation could sometimes slide into a bit of a spat. The only way out is through for this phase.
      I know the normal advice is to let dad do super fun things with the khid in an effort to move the preference needle, but that didn’t work for me. Why should he get to do all the fun stuff and I don’t? So keep dividing your time/task between boring keeping child alive duties and each parent getting to do fun things with kid, either as one on one or family.

    • Anonymous says:

      No advice but commiseration. I am in the same boat with my 2.5 year old. She has always had a decided preference to me. Like you, my husband is an equal parent or actually more so, because he does daycare drop off and pickup and is with her for an hour before I get home from work. He is also a teacher and so he has been home with her every summer. If I am not in the house he can do whatever, but if I am home I have to do everything. It is exhausting for me and I know it hurts him too when she insists “mama do it.” I am pregnant with #2 so imagine that will have to come with some kind of change!

      I used to think I was the preferred parent because she sees me less, but there is no change even when we are on family vacation and I am with her 24/7. (To the point that while in the Caribbean last year, he could never take her away from me on the beach to give me half an hour to relax, because she would be screaming and he felt that other people thought he was abducting her).

    • We do monthly Date Nights with the kids. A parent takes one child out of the house for dinner and to somewhere special – to go see Christmas lights, to watch the trains go by, to walk around the mall, etc. Since we have two kids, we each take a child. Then we switch the next month.

      At first it helped the parents, by giving us time to just focus on the kids and remember they do like the non-preferred one. But over time, the shared memories have built a bond that means there usually aren’t preferred parents anymore. Lots of “Remember that time we got ice cream and saw a giant dog, Dad???” and “I can’t wait for our date Mom, can we go look at toys again?”

      • AwayEmily says:

        this is such a great idea.

      • My husband’s parents did this when he and his sister were growing up. Husband’s dad always took him to fancy restaurants (starting when he was like 5 years old), and Husband chose a career in the hospitality/culinary industry.

    • Pigpen's Mama says:

      Same situation in our household, although I spend more time with our 3 yr old during the week (mostly care-taking things, rather than ‘fun’ things), while my H has more one on one time with her during the weekend.

      It hurts my husband’s feelings, especially when she’ll walk right by him sometimes to go to me. Frankly, I’m not sure what I’m supposed to do if she wants a hug from me, when her dad is also standing right there. If it’s something like her dad is the one who is supposed to put her shoes on or give her a bath, then I redirect her over to him.

      I do try to have them go and do fun stuff solo — which is a win-win in my book. But I don’t want to be stuck doing the un-fun stuff.

      It’s getting better — between 2.5-3 was really the worst, now that she’s a little over 3 there are times she prefers dad.

  7. Thanks – that is helpful! This just happened over the holiday weekend, so today is his first day back at daycare. He has normally drunk quite a bit of milk there. We sent the foogo cup and I’m hoping for the best. Good idea to up the yogurt and cheese, etc. He usually eats those. Also, I totally forgot about the 360! We should try that. He used to drink water out of that but hasn’t since he started with the water bottle. We’ll try that one too. Thank you!

  8. Daycare question says:

    Can you tell me about how the transition from infant to toddler room was at daycare? My daughter is 11 months old and her daycare usually moves them at 15 months, but she’s super mobile (has been walking since 9 months and is now running, climbs everything) so they’re talking about moving her earlier. I suspect this move is also because of a weird age distribution at the daycare and needing to move kids around. She LOVES the toddler room when she’s visited, but she’d be the smallest, youngest one there by 2.5 months, and she’s not talking at all, so I worry about her getting lost in the shuffle, esp because the ratios aren’t as low as in the infant room. Also she’s still on two naps, doesn’t really use a sippy, etc. I would love to hear experiences of what that transition was like for others who did the move around 12-13 months.

    Unrelated, did those of you with early walkers find that they talked later, or not really? I’m not exactly worried, but I get these stupid weekly emails about what my kid should be doing and I always feel like she’s miles away from some of the the things that she “should” be doing, especially around language. She understands simple commands (clap your hands, wave) and babbles constantly but it’s mostly meaningless (occasionally one of her 1000 “uh oh”s a day will come at the appropriate time. On the other hand, everyone is dada from me to my husband to the mailman, so…).

    • Anonanonanon says:

      Mine was an early walker as well (9 mos like yours) and was a late talker. He barely talked until he was 2 and then just…decided to. I was very stressed about it at the time, especially since I have an autistic brother and the “what ifs” were going through my head, but all the folks who said “he’ll talk when he’s ready” were right, he did.

      I did have him evaluated by the local department of health and they did find a 20% delay, but said it was largely because he never had to ask for what he wanted (he could reach all of his toys and walk/climb where he wanted to go, and I was a SAHM at the time who would pick up on all of his other cues and meet his needs without making him talk).

    • Double Strollers says:

      Our son moved to the toddler room at 12 months. I was super nervous, especially when they described all of the changes he would have to adjust to at once, but he did just fine. It’s a good reminder that most kids are super adaptable at that age and much more flexible than we give them credit for. i was particularly worried about him not napping on the cots (as opposed to cribs) but he actually sleeps a lot more now that he’s on a cot. He wasn’t quite walking when he moved up but he quickly learned to walk. The benefit of them being around the older kids is that they pick things up so quickly! His vocabulary has increased significantly, he has better table manners, etc.

    • My daughter moved into toddlers when she was 10 1/2 months. She was also at a weird age where she the next youngest was 3 months older than she was, and the next oldest was 2 months younger. I really love my daycare’s toddler setup – they divide by young (12-18) and older toddlers (18-24) and only combine the beginning and end of day. The young toddler room still had an “optional” morning nap for the kids who were transitioning, and she was still able to do bottles until close to a year. The ratio in my state changes at 1 and because they were short on kids, they were still able to meet the infant ratio.

      She can change a lot in the next couple months, and I’d still insist on ratios being met if they move her early, but overall I think being the youngest and moving up early has been good for her – she sees and hears the bigger kids and wants to be like them. Even if she moves to a 1-nap room she’ll figure it out soon enough, and she’ll figure out the sippy thing too.

    • NewMomAnon says:

      Kiddo moved to toddler class at 13 months and was the youngest in her class. It was a hard transition because she liked being the “expert” in the infant class, and didn’t like being the youngest, but it was a great thing. She had a few signs (food, more, all done), and was trying really hard to talk, and speech development accelerated once she settled into the toddler classroom. She walked early (9 months), developed a few signs early, but otherwise was right on schedule with language.

      But one caveat! Kiddos can get frustrated with more activity, less adult assistance (toddler teachers generally don’t carry kids around, they wait for them to ask for something instead of predicting what they need, etc), and being the littlest in the room, so there might be some anger/biting/hitting until your kiddo works through that. It’s worth it though.

      On napping; kiddo went from variable napping in the infant classroom to one long, amazing nap each day, even at home. And the toddler teachers know how to deal with kids who might need a morning nap; it wasn’t unusual to see a kiddo taking a cat nap in the reading area while everyone else was doing an art project or reading a story.

    • CPA Lady says:

      It was a snap. I remember being freaked out about so many things right before my kid turned one. But not a single thing (real shoes? cows milk? sippy cup? one nap per day?) turned out to be a big deal. The napping thing was great. She slept horribly in the infant room and immediately on her first day in the 12-18 mo class took a perfect two hour nap on her cot. Those daycare teachers know what they’re doing.

    • The only problem we hit when we transitioned (also early) was the nap transition. Ask the daycare how they’ll handle it– will they let her go back to infants to nap, or will they force her onto a 1-nap schedule?

      How old are the oldest kids in the room? Are they rough? That’s another thing to keep an eye on, especially if you have kids that are almost 2. Ask daycare how they’ll handle it.

      And from a ratio standpoint, this is state specific but in my state (MA) the ratio applies to the youngest child. So if they have an 11 month old in the toddler room, that 11 month old better have a 3:1 (7:2) ratio, even if the other kids are 4:1 (9:2) .

      • I’m in MA too :) I freaked out a bit when the infant teacher (whom we adore) told me that they’re licensed for 9:2 in toddler, even though they try to keep it to 7 or 8 kids. The infant room was 6:2 and now it’s 3:1 since a few kids went to toddler, which is a total dream.

        The rough thing is what I’m most concerned about, although a bunch of two-year-olds are about to move to the next room which is why I think they want our kid to move up once she’s one. She’s tough and holds her own, but she’s also a peanut and I just worry about her getting trampled or pushed.

    • Transition says:

      Hi all! We are living this right now, as my daughter just transitioned. She’s 13 months, and is also the youngest in her class. She is not walking and also not super vocal. However, I think they considered delaying her, and I pushed for moving her- she was just kind of like godzilla with all the small infants, and she’s very active and social. Despite not walking, she’s had zero problems transitioning, at least emotionally. I was also worried about the napping, and I admit that has been a bit rough- sometimes she’s literally falling asleep into her lunch. But like some of the commentators, I’m hopeful that it will help her walking and talking, and I really didn’t want her to miss the window to move and than be stuck bored with all the little babies 3 months later.

    • Our early walker (walked at 10 mos) didn’t speak much before a year, and now she has about 10+ words at 14 mos. We saw a big jump around 13 mos in words for her. I think since she was so early on most physical milestones, not hearing her talking a lot before a year definitely had me worried – why wasn’t she crushing that milestone too?! But there’s such a vast array of what’s normal development, and pedi assured us she was within normal range.

      I haven’t read all PP but to your question of transition to toddler room, DD moved up when she was 8.5 mos, and the room was supposed to be for 12-18 mos! I was totally worried she’d get beat up by the big kids but she ended up loving it, and in retrospect I think we were lucky to have her moved there early. The structure of their shared schedule compared to the chaos of the infant room was wonderful for her, plus more room to move around and explore. They said they wanted to move her since she was so mobile; in retrospect I think they were making room for new infants, but whatever, she’s thriving. She started napping better since they all take one long midday nap, and they even brought out a little cot in the corner for her so she could catnap in the morning while the others played if she needed, which she did most days until she was about a year. Maybe they could accommodate along those lines if needed?

      • Daycare question says:

        Thank you for this reassurance around the developmental stuff (and the toddler room stuff). Much appreciated. She seems smart and I’m guessing she’s totally fine, but I worry anyway

  9. Legally Brunette says:

    Ladies, any advice for weaning an almost 3 year old from thumb sucking? I’ve heard that putting some type of bitter solution on the thumb helps — any suggestions on which brand? The thumb sucking is starting to impact his teeth.

    • Anonymous says:

      Won’t they just suck until the solution comes off? And won’t it then be a constantly battle to put the solution on? I was a thumb sucker for a long time and the biggest problem in stopping was that my parents didn’t really try to provide an alternate method of self soothing. You don’t want the 3 year old to stop thumb sucking only to start nail biting or something else. Can you introduce a new stuffie or blankie?

      If you haven’t already, start by limiting thumb sucking to nap time/bed time. When you set this limit, it’s a great time to introduce the new stuffie/blankie or push an existing one as a cuddle alternative. After a month or so, explain that there’s no more thumb sucking at nap/bed time. Try the bitter solution, or you can put a sock over the hand and under the pyjama sleeve.

      • Legally Brunette says:

        Thanks. He already has a lovey that he uses during naps/night and while he finds it soothing, he still needs his thumb to fall asleep. The dentist is telling us that it is impacting his teeth, so we need a better solution.

        • Anon in NYC says:

          My daughter is a thumb sucker and it has definitely impacted her teeth. I’m honestly not sure what to do. I wish she had taken to a pacifier!

          • October says:

            Don’t feel bad, I was a pacifier baby and when my parents took it away I switched to my thumb! It impacted my teeth, but seems like every kid gets braces these days whether they are thumb suckers or not.

          • Anonymous says:

            I stopped sucking my thumb the day my dentist brought it up, when I was 4, and still had various orthodontia for approx 8 years. You do the best you can but some of this is out of your control.

    • I’d suggest bribes. I swear, the things my 3 (now 4) year old would do for hot chocolate, a quarter to spend at a mall candy machine, or whatever. I used to be against it, but it turns out, I am not above bribes for Special Things in the slightest.

      We got rid of her reliance on a cup of milk for napping @ 2.5 by getting her a bike.

      We stopped bad preschool dropoffs @ 3 by saying if she had no-tears dropoffs for a week she could go to starbucks with mommy and get a hot cocoa (we had tried for WEEKS to just talk her through this)

      We got her to go to bed without complaints by saying going to bed the right way for a week = helping daddy make waffles on Saturday morning.

      And now, when she complains about something that she doesn’t want to do (return a million clothes with mom, standing a boring line), I tell her she can get something in the mall candy machine if she has good behavior.

      I’m anxiously waiting for the day my younger child is old enough to understand bribes (ahem, incentives).


    • Bribery. Worked for me and I was a dedicated thumb sucker.

  10. anon for this says:

    Please talk to me about private v. good public school for a precocious soon to be 5 year old. My son will be starting kindergarten next fall and we’re trying to figure out what school he should attend. I had always assumed he would attend the local public school, which will be in a brand new, beautiful building in the fall and which is very well regarded. It is also walking distance from our home, another plus.

    But, we recently had a meeting with his teachers. Both of them said that my son was exceptionally gifted. One said that in her 30 years of teaching, she has never come across a child as bright as my son. Of course I felt extremely proud as his mom, but it also gave me some pause on the school front.

    Are we better off going the private route? His teachers said that he is a self-starter and will make sure that he is learning and growing, regardless of whether we go the private or public route. He’s also very extroverted and so they don’t believe he needs a smaller class size to excel (which is presumably what you get in a private school)

    Wondering if anyone else has been a similar situation. I’m a product of public schools myself so the private option is not something I had even considered.

    • Anonanonanon says:

      I’m strongly pro-public school when possible (and when it’s a good school). I’ve found public schools to be very open to giving kids extra work etc. (it’s in their best interest to keep kids busy).

      My parents felt strongly that, no matter how gifted a child is, they need to be around a variety of children. Because that is life. You can be the most gifted person in the room but it does you no good if you can’t communicate with those of average intelligence. We all know that person professionally who is literally a genius, but no one can stand to be around them and their ideas aren’t always implemented because they’re just so.difficult. No matter how intelligent you are, people skills are what gets you hired and helps you be successful in communicating your ideas, and it’s tough to learn people skills if you’re only around other privileged and gifted individuals your whole life.

      • Anonymous says:


        • anon for this says:

          As a former kid who went through this and the mother of a kid who is currently going through it, I am here to tell you that taking academic classes tailored to the needs of neurotypical kids does not teach gifted kids social skills. Being forced to take classes that are designed for the learning style of neurotypical kids just turns gifted kids into bored outcasts who hate school. Gifted kids learn social skills in environments where they are not so obviously the outlier, such as classes with other kids like them, sports teams, scouts, and PE class.

          Think about it: If your kid were Simone Biles, would you force her to take gymnastics classes with kids of average athletic ability and deny her coaching tailored to her abilities so she could learn “social skills”? If you did, would she ever reach her potential? Would she be happy and fulfilled?

          • Anonymous says:

            So they mix in some advanced level academic classes here and there.

            I know two lawyers who are off the charts gifted and they are both so awkward at working with colleagues that it has held back their careers. One has found his niche in appellate research and the other muddles along with a mediocre career.

          • anon for this says:

            I really hate the stereotype that gifted kids are socially awkward and can’t get along with others so they need to be forced to conform by being bored out of their minds in school. All of the gifted kids I know who are socially awkward are that way for other reasons, whether it’s being on the autism spectrum or having ADHD. My daughter is sensitive and socially adept, gets along very well with all types of kids, and is a natural leader, but she is most comfortable and feels most like herself when she’s with other gifted kids.

          • Anonymous says:

            I was a very gifted kid (tested 150+) and went to public school with a pull-out, on day per week gifted program in elementary school, a one period per day on middle school. honors and AP in high school. I did lots of music and other extracurriculars, and I have zero complaints. And I’m socially pretty well adjusted. No verdict on correlation vs causation, but I am very, very pro-(good) public schools.

          • Anonymous says:

            Anon from 5:52 here. I guess I should add that my parents were very vocal about making sure the school took care of me in early elementary (gifted program started in 3rd grade). I was given math enrichment curriculum in K, and skipped first grade. 2nd grade was a social adjustment year, and the regular curriculum was fine.

            My parents were also extremely proactive about providing an engaging environment at home for me and my equally gifted siblings. None of us are going to change the world, and I don’t know about reaching our “potential” whatever that is, but we had happy childhoods and are happy adults with good jobs and fulfilling personal lives. That’s all I really want for my kids anyway. I don’t think you need a private school to achieve it, no matter how gifted your kid is. You need to encourage the things he is passionate about, teach him life skills and resilience (which was probably my biggest challenge. As a kid to whom academics came easily, I didn’t learn persistence or study skills as early as I should have), and give him space to be a kid. I’m not saying private schools preclude that, just that they aren’t necessary.

      • Anon for this says:

        + 1000.

        I was sent to private schools because, in part, I tested as very gifted. I got an incredible education, but I wish my parents had given me the chance to learn how to be a little more normal before bathing in the world of prep school.

        My best friend, who’s a lifelong educator, has sent her children to excellent public schools for elementary and sometimes middle (kid-dependent), and to elite private high schools. This has worked extremely well for their two kids who are now college-age. Are thriving kids who get along with lots of types of people and aren’t alienated by how bright they are, got good scholarships to great schools, and have a much broader view of the world than their peers who never left the private school bubble.

        • anon for this says:

          The private school bubble effect is more about being surrounded by wealthy, privileged kids in a sheltered environment than about being grouped with other high-ability kids.

    • anon for this says:

      My daughter was officially diagnosed as “exceptionally gifted” at that age. The term “exceptionally gifted” is generally used to refer to a kid whose IQ is in the 99.9th percentile. An exceptionally gifted child is as different from a gifted child as a gifted child is from an average child. Exceptionally gifted children have special needs that are different from those of gifted children. Most educators have never even encountered an exceptionally gifted child and have no understanding of those needs.

      There is no blanket answer to the private v. public school question for kids like this. It really depends on the child’s individual needs and the services available in each school. If your public school system offers a gifted magnet program, your child may be better off in public school than in private school. I know this is controversial, but gifted kids, especially highly gifted and exceptionally gifted kids, really do need to be in separate classrooms.

      The educational psychologist who assessed our daughter advised us not to send her to private school because our public school system was willing to accelerate her by a year, whereas our local private schools have strict policies against grade acceleration. She is now in the sixth grade and I’m still confident we made the best choice for her, although we have had many frustrations over the years. The district provides virtually no gifted services, and no one in the school system has any experience dealing with highly gifted or exceptionally gifted children so our concerns are always dismissed.

      One resource for parenting exceptionally gifted children is the Davidson Institute. If your child qualifies for services, they will provide information and assist in advocacy. Unfortunately, we missed the opportunity to sign our child up before her test scores expired, and we do not currently plan to have her retested just to requalify.

      • Thanks so much for this. My son never has taken a test, so their assessment of him being “exceptionally gifted” seems purely anecdotal. Is it worth him taking a test?

        Did your child skip a grade? I skipped a grade for similar reasons but I had heard that skipping grades were disfavored nowadays.

        • anon for this says:

          I am only in favor of testing if it will help you access services. It is expensive and not necessarily that accurate, especially at that age. Most school districts will not accept the results of private testing for the purposes of identifying a child as gifted. We did it partly because it was a private school application requirement and partly because we thought it would help us make our case for grade acceleration, and on both fronts it proved unnecessary. The main value was that it helped me convince my husband of exactly what we were dealing with. If we had registered her with the Davidson Institute while the test scores were still current it would have been worthwhile.

          My child attended an accredited private kindergarten program at a preschool during the year when she would ordinarily have attended pre-K, then entered public school as a first-grader when she would ordinarily have been entering kindergarten. This is the only path to acceleration accepted by our local school district. If we’d enrolled her in kindergarten and then asked to have her skip a grade, they would have refused. She also would not have been permitted to enroll in public kindergarten early.

          If you are interested in grade acceleration, I’d call your local elementary school principal immediately. I spoke with ours before enrolling our daughter in private kindergarten and she was very helpful.

          • anon for this says:

            Also–if you are considering private school, check the application timelines. In our area, you would need to have him tested this month for kindergarten in fall of 2018.

        • octagon says:

          This was me. I tested off the charts when I was about 4. My parents managed to push for grade acceleration which in our town was available at the more flexible private school, not the public schools. I did a few years private and then went to public when I’d exceeded the abilities of the private school to catch up. Throughout my childhood I had lots of different activities that, looking back, were developmental things that my parents sought out for me (at the big research university an hour away, for example).

          The only thing I wish they’d done differently was send me to a private high school. I went to a huge public one and was able to just skate along without studying, with good but not great grades, and that hindered me from getting into great colleges.

    • It has not been my experience that private school is necessarily better than a good public school, particularly for a child like yours who doesn’t seem to need a smaller class size, is a self-starter, etc. In fact, I think private school is more important to kids who aren’t that “gifted” in these situations. I think there is an automatic assumption that private is always better, but I think it really depends on the private school.

      • Anonymous says:

        Also this.

        There are fantastic public schools and fantastic private schools. There are awful public schools and awful private schools. It depends on the school.

        • Totally agree with this. If it’s in the budget and you are considering it, it’s worth doing a tour/interview with a private school or 2 to see what they offer. Then you can weigh all of your options.

    • Onlyworkingmomintulsa says:

      Off topic, but I would just love to know the states that you are all in that have excellent public schools. That concept is just so foreign to me here in my state that does pay teachers well and doesn’t support its students with the resources that they need.

      • Legally Brunette says:

        There are many but speaking from personal experience, the DC metro area (Fairfax and Montgomery counties) and the South Bay (Bay Area, CA).

        • Blueberries says:

          Legally Brunette—we seem to have lived in similar places. I would add Arlington County and parts of the Peninsula (just north of the South Bay). Arlington schools can be phenomenal.

        • Anonymous says:

          I grew up in Northeast Ohio. As someone below mentioned, affluent suburbs seem to be a good bet, but gifted programs live and die by the district philosophy and the quality of individual teachers. I feel very fortunate that I had such a good experience, and so many great teachers as well as great parents.

          I now live in Montgomery County outside of DC and the public schools here are generally great.

      • Onlyworkingmomintulsa says:

        edited above, does NOT pay teachers well!!!

      • Anonymous says:

        It’s not state by state. In my city it’s zone by zone. It’s not that the teachers are paid so well, it’s that a well run school with a good student body attracts great teachers because it’s a good school to work at.

        It took me 7 years to find a house in the zone I wanted but it was worth it. Starting looking even before TTC. Somewhat diverse student body, both elementary and middle school are walking distance to our house and 15 minute commute for me. The zone I’m in borders the zone I attended as a child (which was okay too but less walkable). It’s been a consistently good school for 30 years. It’s in the neighborhood closest to the University and main hospital in our city so lots of academics and doctors in the neighborhood. But the neighborhood was built with a mix of housing so it’s a bit more economically diverse than where I grew up. I lived the giant houses with double/triple garages and I didn’t want that for my kids.

      • Anonymous says:

        Affluent suburbs

      • Turtle says:

        It’s town by town. I’m in Massachusetts in a reasonably good district. Next town over is a terrible one, and the one beyond that is top-ranked in the state (country?). It’s definitely not state by state, but very local/hyperlocal by zip code, which could be multiple within one municipality.

    • NewMomAnon says:

      Kiddo hasn’t gotten any assessments, but I’m investigating school offerings for accelerated or gifted programs because I suspect she’ll need something like that to remain engaged, at least for some of her schooling years. In my area, it seems like I can either (a) send her into the public school system, where we have significant choice and flexibility to select a school with a gifted pull-out program, a magnet program, IB, or even online learning, or (b) send her to a private school and hope that the one we’ve chosen will adapt with her.

      The private elementary schools in our area seem to cater to the “too rich/religious/granola for public school” crowd. I haven’t found a private elementary that seems academically more rigorous than the public schools; maybe more creative, flexible, or artsy/cultural, but not more challenging. However, there are several middle and high schools in my area that have reputations for providing rigorous college prep-style educations (I attended one; it was very challenging). There are also certain public schools that have specialized IB, AP, or Honors sections.

      So I’m probably going to send kiddo to a public elementary school and take advantage of the resources they have to offer, and then re-evaluate when kiddo approaches middle school. In case that helps – you don’t have to make an all-or-nothing decision prior to kindergarten. You get to re-evaluate throughout.

    • In my experience, great public schools have fantastic gifted resources. My son is in a gifted program that involves daily 45 minute sessions with the other gifted students (during a flex time for everyone, so he isn’t missing core class instruction). Beyond that, the teachers have been willing to teach to him, rather than expect him to stay at the level of the class. We’ve had nothing but a wonderful experience. I can’t speak to the private school experience, but I have no reason to think that they are doing it better.

    • This is such a good point. I don’t think people understand the issues that can come with high levels of giftedness. For us, it really is something we have to constantly manage. We are lucky to be in a school that provides appropriate services and understands my son (it’s an extremely large school, and he’s not the only exceptionally gifted child).

    • Sarabeth says:

      This is going to depend a lot on the specifics of the public and private schools you are talking about. I would try to talk to administrators & parents at all available options. Ask questions like:

      Do you screen for giftedness and if so, when?
      Are there gifted programs, and what do they look like? When do they start, what is the frequency, etc?
      Is there individuated instruction within the classroom? (everyone will say yes, so the real question is:) What does that look like, specifically, for an extremely gifted kid?
      Are they open to acceleration, and if so, how does that work (whole grade, subject-specific acceleration, etc?)

      Try to get referrals to other parents with gifted kids (for obvious privacy reasons, you’ll probably need to work your network to do this informally, schools won’t just hand out the info) and ask about their experiences at teh school.

      As a gross generalization, private schools may offer more flexibility within the classroom, and for things like acceleration, but public schools may offer more resources such as gifted programs. The variation within each category is huge, though.

      To help you think through all of this stuff, look up the Davidson Institute. Their website has good info on best practices for extremely gifted kids. If your son does test as profoundly gifted, they will provide free services including phone consultations to help you figure out what is best for your kid.

      Good luck with it all – I was that kid, and am starting to think that I’ll be parenting one as well. She’ll start kindergarten next year, and we are planning on sticking with public school at least initially. Luckily, she’ll be the youngest kid in her grade so she’ll naturally be somewhat accelerated, and our local school has a gifted program and is open to further acceleration as needed. But it’s all in the specifics. I did public elementary and skipped fifth grade, then switched to private in middle school because they would let me do unlimited subject-specific acceleration (so I could be multiple levels ahead in math, for example, but my official class was only one year ahead, and I stayed with that class for English).

    • anonomom says:

      My kid tested as a 99.9 percentile kindergartener. For the SAT, scored 2360, also 99+%, and recently scored 99.8%ile on the MCAT, so in the top 70-100 scores out of the 70,000+ who took the MCAT that year. Public school gifted programs for all 12 years and I had exposure to lots of gifted kids. So my recommendations for a highly gifted student are:

      Find out your district’s philosophy on gifted students before going to private schools. Often private schools don’t have specialists in gifted education. But some school districts don’t really “buy into” the concept that gifted kids need specialized education programs and only offer them grudgingly. Ours was ok but the one next to us was better, so we switched. And the teachers can be hit or miss too. Frankly, some of the elementary teachers were tired and worn out and didn’t nurture the spark. The best teachers were those that had been gifted students themselves, at least in our small sample. While the gifted classes weren’t smaller than regular classes, they seemed to adapt to individual differences more than the regular classes, which we exposed to with our other kid who, while gifted, didn’t want to be tested or go into the “special” gifted classes.

      Once they get to middle school and high school is when the individualized plan takes off. One school district put gifted kids in the regular program and wouldn’t let them take AP classes until junior year. The other let them take AP classes as freshmen and so kid had a record number of AP classes plus IB classes – enough for close to 2 years of college.

      Good luck! Nurture love of learning in your kid and don’t let the teachers kill the spark.

  11. VA mom says:

    I have a 2 year old and a 12 week old. Neither kid has ever shown any signs of being a good sleeper. After fighting losing sleep battles for basically my toddler’s entire life so far, I decided to throw in the towel with my baby and not fight. This has resulted in me holding or wearing him for almost all of his naps and cosleeping at night. For the naps, I’m concerned because he starts daycare in a month where he will have to sleep in a crib. For the nighttime cosleeping, I’m fine with it for now but worry about the long term implications.

    Have I totally screwed this all up? Anything I should be doing differently now, or can I just carry on for a few more months till we’re ready to sleep train?

    • anon for this says:

      I would consider a sleep consult. Dr. Evans has been enormously helpful for us — we speak to her on the phone, so you can be located anywhere.

      My kids are champion sleepers thanks to her.

    • Anonanonanon says:

      You haven’t screwed anything up. You’re doing what you have to do to get through this difficult time, and you know your situation best. Hugs.

      • Anonymous says:

        This. I just sold my Ergo on the weekend. I missed a sleeping baby on my chest so much.

        Baby can sleep one way at home (carrier) and another way at daycare (crib).

        Why are you worried about cosleeping? There are no negative long term implications. It’s totally fine. You can transfer to a crib for nighttime sleep when you’re ready. Do what works for you now.

    • AwayEmily says:

      I don’t have any specific advice (though a sleep consult seems like it could be a good idea, just to get an outside perspective) but I’m sorry you have to deal with this — it sounds really tough. Long-term, your kids will be fine because you love them and you’re a great parent. Short-term, prioritize making YOUR life easier — whether that’s by embracing safe co-sleeping without guilt, or going all-out CIO (our family’s approach), or just having your partner handle it. My recommendation would be to try to stay open to all options as you seek advice and figure out next steps. Good luck!

      • AwayEmily says:

        And to echo Edna Mazur, do not worry about daycare! They have dealt with all sorts of kids and all sorts of nap situations and they will figure it out. It might take awhile, but they are really good at that sort of thing.

    • Anonymous says:

      You have not screwed anything up. I held all 3 babies for naps until they no longer wanted to be held (and my baby, who is 15 months, still likes to be rocked to sleep for naps and night and although it’s now a 5 minute process I confess to holding her extra long on the weekends because…baby snuggles are the best and it is so, so true that the days are long but the years are too, too short). So, I KNOW that you have not ruined anything for their sleep.

      Baby will learn to sleep in a crib at daycare and might still want to be held at home. Or the crib thing might transfer to home. Who knows? Babies are funny little creatures whose preferences change on a whim!

      I think sleep training works for the kids it will work for but there are some kids for whom it will not work (and I know people who had personal consults with Ferber and sadly for them even he acknowledged that). So you do what you can to get sleep. Hugs through this hard stage.

    • Legally Brunette says:

      I am all about sleep training, but with my second I also threw in the towel and co-slept for the first 4 months. I echo the comments to get a sleep consult because it is definitely true that if you set up good habits early on, it’s that much easier down the road. But no, you certainly haven’t ruined anything!

    • Anon. says:

      I read somewhere that different sleep patterns are only problems if they are a problem for your family. If it’s working for you and your kid is getting enough sleep – it’s not a problem. I loved that advice because it gave me permission to not stress about it. My babe never napped at home unless he was in the carseat or in my arms. He’s been at daycare for a month (he’s 5 mos old now) and naps three times a day there and has even started taking regular awesome naps in his crib at home on the weekends.

  12. Girl on Fire says:

    Ladies, I wanted to give you an update from a few weeks ago.

    Thank you again for all of your support and advice. They really carried me through the hardest time. My husband is at home, and is about to “graduate” out of day treatment to a one-on-one therapist/psychiatrist relationship. Our relationship is getting better and better. I honestly thought this person was gone– it has been really exciting meeting the man I fell for again as he peels back the layers. Kiddo is in therapy with an excellent, extremely experienced therapist who specializes in kids who’ve experienced abuse, and her first session went really well. She was excited to play with the therapist’s new toys.

    So life has really stabilized again for us, we’re getting into the swing of our new routine, and I’m starting to feel less like I got hit by a bus in my brain and heart. Still very much taking it one day at a time, and taking a lot of refuge in Christmas plans and preparations and traditions. I’m glad this is the first year that all the holiday magic is really going to register with kiddo, because we could all use a little more magic this year. It’s like our family is recovering from major surgery. We’re SO much better, but we tire easily and we are still getting stronger and doing PT and other recovery work.

    My biggest issue right now is staying on task. Our work rush of the season has waned, and I’m just eminently distractible. But I am getting my work done, so I’m trying not to fret too much or be my own worst critic. My work is getting done, and I don’t have to absolutely kill it every single minute of every day.

    Sending you all so many thanks and warm wishes.

    • Anonymous says:

      Thanks for the happy update!

      Your analogy to major surgery is a wise one. Don’t rush the recovery and don’t panic if there are bumps along the road to recovery. You’ve come so far.

    • Anon in NYC says:

      I’m so glad you updated us! I was just thinking of you the other day. I hope the holiday season works its magic.

    • Thanks for the update. I’ve been thinking of you and your family. I hope things continue in an upward direction and that you come here for support whenever you need it!

    • Cornellian says:

      Glad to hear the update!

    • NewMomAnon says:

      Hugs. So glad to hear this update! Wishing you magic and peace this holiday season.

    • So glad you posted an update! I’ve been thinking of you and your family. Hope you and your family have a magical holiday season!

  13. Edna Mazur says:

    I have terrible sleepers. You will be fine. Get sleep however you can. Day care will figure out naps. I wouldn’t worry about that one. Fight the transition fight when you are up for it. My oldest, who was the worst, transitioned pretty easily at a little over two. And hey, maybe when you are ready to be done co-sleeping with the baby, he can just start sleeping with older sib. That actually worked well for us.

  14. Anon for this says:

    I am having a baby next week. We asked my MIL (who is awesome) to watch our three year old for the time we are in the hospital, except for the last night, when we asked my mother to keep her. We finalized all of this last week.

    MIL and mother are both very involved with our first LO, and we have good relationships with both. However, my mother has gotten a little flaky lately. Changes plans at the last minute and can’t do what she said she would, or said she would pick up LO from daycare and calls that day to say she “didn’t make it into town today,” etc. Leaving me to scramble at the last minute.

    Today my mother called to tell me she has pulled a muscle and will be in a wheelchair for a week. She has a doctor’s appointment for– yeah– the day she is supposed to keep our LO while I am still in the hospital recovering from childbirth. She asks, can she switch days with MIL?

    No, because MIL is keeping another set of grandkids on the night I asked my mother to keep this one. No, because I don’t really trust my apparently-wheelchair-bound mother to wrangle my three year old on her own. No, because this is not acceptable and I am nine months pregnant and we already planned this and it’s not a birthday party, I AM HAVING A BABY and I need you to do what you said you would do! But I also feel kind of bad because she is actually injured (my dad corroborates), and if this were one-off I think I’d be a lot less annoyed. It’s just not the time to flake on me, mom.

    I don’t know if I have a question or if I’m just venting… thanks ladies.

    • Anonymous says:

      The flakiness is an issue and that’s frustrating. But this isn’t flakiness she’s hurt. I don’t get why you are blaming your mom. Why isn’t your dad watching her? My dad watched our 2.5 year old overnight while my mom was with me and DH at the hospital.

      • Anonymous says:

        adding that I’m also confused about the timing. Presumably doctor’s appointment is daytime and kiddo gets picked up from daycare at like 5-5:30pm. Should work to do both. Although if the appointment time is late in the day and your dad has to take her to the appointment, then maybe your DH could pick up kid at daycare and drop to your parents. Or your DH could pick her up from daycare, take her home, give her supper and put her to bed, then your parents could stay overnight at your house. We had my dad watch our oldest at our house because she was more comfortable in her own environment when so much change was going on.

    • NewMomAnon says:

      Ummm….that stinks?

      Is your dad competent? Because my dad, who isn’t what I would call a child-rearing expert, has stepped in several times to bail me out when I needed childcare. Kiddo thinks grandpa daycare is the BEST THING ever in the entire world. He can prepare and serve food, do lego sets with kiddo (Lego Juniors are the best), run her ragged, help her get into pjs, read a bedtime story, and turn off the lights. Might not be kiddo’s easiest bedtime, but it’s fine. And if your mom is there to help, even if it’s just barking orders from her wheelchair, it should be OK.

      • Walnut says:

        My two year old also thinks Grandpa is the Best.Person.Ever. They go an adventures to convenience stores for snacks and then drive tractors. Lots of dirt is generally involved.

        Actually, this is pretty much a play by play of my toddler’s weekend with grandparents while I was in the hospital with baby #2. I would have rather had his long weekend than mine.

    • AwayEmily says:

      It seems like you’re maybe annoyed less by the injury and more by the way she didn’t really acknowledge the massive inconvenience this is to you. Like, if she had led with “I am so sorry, and I know this is terrible timing, but…” then I bet you’d be a lot less irritated.

      and I bet it’s in some way even worse coming from your mom, who (fairly or not) we often see as the one person who is supposed to be taking care of YOU, while you take care of everyone else.

      Anyway, you have my sympathies. Maybe after the baby comes you can have a talk with your mom about expectations and the importance of being able to rely on her. Framing it not as “you are a flake” but “things are really busy/tough for me and I’m so glad I have you to depend on. Can we make sure we are on the same page about that?”

      • October says:

        +1 this is a very insightful comment. My mom had a trip planned around the time I was due with my second, and I was very stressed that she might not be around to watch my toddler (and okay, a little miffed that she wouldn’t delay the trip). But she’s an adult with her own things going on, and I appreciated the help she gave when she was available.

    • Walnut says:

      So frustrating! Any chance your Dad is able to pitch in and help out?

    • October says:

      Can your husband go home that last night? Not ideal for you, but it also gives him a chance to get one last good night sleep before the newborn comes home. This is how we worked it with my recent baby and it was fine.

      • Momata says:

        My husband slept at home all the nights I was in the hospital with the second kid. He also did daycare dropoff and pickup. I think it helped give the older child some normalcy. Not sure why he needs to be in the hospital with you the whole time?

      • EB0220 says:

        +1 Sent my husband home both nights to give kiddo #1 a sense of normalcy.

    • Anonny says:

      +1 on having your husband go home that night or have your dad step in if he’s physically capable.

      Regarding your mom’s unreliability — this could be a part of the ageing process, and child care could be wearing your mom out and she doesn’t want to say anything. My mom has a few friends who are full-time caregivers for their daughters’ kids and, according to my mom, absolutely exhausted. It sounds like it’s not a regular thing for your mom, but it still may be too much.

      Good luck

  15. May I suggest doing some pre-shopping but not making the call until the baby arrives? You don’t say when you’re due, but if you are due in the winter/spring, you may not be outside as much as you think with 2 in tow early on.

    I had a 2.5 year old when #2 was born, and bought a sit-and-stand. It worked great, but honestly, I didn’t need it early on. I wore the baby in an Ergo and either used a regular stroller or had #1 walk. The double got the most use at the zoo and when we went to Disney, at which point I didn’t need the infant seat. We bought a second seat (jump seat) for Disney and the kids used the “back seat” to nap and the awake one went in the front.

    I’m now expecting #3, who will arrive when #2 is 22 months. #2 cannot be trusted to sit or stand on her own without running away and into traffic (unlike her sister, who was a Very Serious Rule Follower her entire life). My plan is 4 y/o walks, infant in a pouch of some kind, and #2 strapped into an umbrella stroller. We may or may not get a side-by-side eventually–it will depend how trustworthy #2 becomes as she gets closer to 2.5, how many outings we anticipate, and how long it is before #3 can sit upright.

  16. Anon. says:

    My thumbsucking 1 YO has developed a rash around his mouth, I think from the chafing/wetness of the thumbsucking (timing corresponded with him basically rejecting the pacifier in favor of his thumb). Has anyone else had to deal with this? Advice to help it clear up? For what it’s worth, it does not seem to bother him at all.

  17. i just need to vent. 12 weeks here with my first and i am soo nauseous. It was terrible at weeks 7 and 8, but got so much better. Last week I even felt practically fine on Thanksgiving, but I’ve basically gotten sick 1-8 times a day since week 6 and now it is getting worse. Please tell me this doesn’t go on forever? i seriously spend all day at work (no one knows yet that i’m pregnant) trying not to puke and monitoring the bathroom to make sure no one is in the other stall. We spent a while TTC, so I’m grateful to be pregnant, but hate it at the same time. This week I have to go to four holiday parties (they are work things) and it sounds like torture.

    • It gets better! My morning sickness peaked around 11-13 weeks, and I started feeling better around 15 weeks. I was pretty much back to “normal” by week 17-18, though I still have some strong food aversions. Hang in there – it’s not a fun time but it does end.

    • Frozen Peach says:

      I was so so sick like that on Thanksgiving when I was carrying my LO.

      I just wanted to share a few strategies that helped me a lot while I was still hiding that I was pregnant.

      – Puke in your office wastebasket. Bring a sturdy “matte” plastic bag to carry out your trash at the end of the day. Gross but it worked for me.

      – Hot peppermint tea with lots of sugar got me through SO many meetings, especially lunch meetings. I can still smell the pizza across the table years later.

      – I carried jolly ranchers in my purse because having the strong flavor and having an option for a quick blood sugar hit was critical.

      – If you can figure out a delivery method you can stand, hit yourself with as much protein as you can handle first thing in the morning. Protein shakes, yogurt, and fortified kids’ milk drinks were all on my menu until I couldn’t stand them anymore. I’d hold my nose and chug it, but most of the time it would really reduce the nausea for the majority of the day.

      • avocado says:

        +1 on protein. I had hyperemesis and learned through trial and error that protein was the key to survival. I carried around cheese sticks and little packets of nuts.

        In addition to food, experiment with the type, temperature, and timing of liquids. Eating and drinking at the same time invariably made me vomit. I could only drink hot tea, ice-cold carbonated water, and sometimes cold milk, and never with food.

      • anne-on says:

        +1 on protein if you can manage it. It was the one and only time in my life I craved milk, ice cream and spicy chicken nuggets (than you Wendy’s!). I’m sorry to say that I had hyperemesis the whole way through but it was MUCH worse from weeks 8-15. After that I pretty much threw up once in the morning as soon as I woke up and if I let myself get too hungry or overfull.

    • I was so sick last year at Christmas, I didn’t even eat if I recall. Made DH go out and get me B6/unisom.

      Everyone is different; I peaked at 8-9 weeks and was better by 12-13. You may feel better tomorrow, or may be one of those people who have morning sickness well into the second tri.

      The B6/unisom really saved me. I also drank watered down ginger ale. Nothing else helped – you need to find what works for you! Some people are ok if they’re constantly eating, but I didn’t find that to be the case.

    • 2 Cents says:

      I threw up 6-12 times a day until the beginning of week 17. (I’m now at 20 weeks, and it’s now down to once or twice every few days. Food aversions aren’t as bad either.)

      It DOES get better. Hang in there! Trust me, I know that’s small consolation now. Eat what tastes/sounds good (if anything) and just keep drinking water/fluids so you don’t get dehydrated.

      What helped me:
      –plain Club crackers
      –Life cereal
      –starlight peppermint candies
      –gummy bears
      –very, very cold water

      • OP here. Thanks everyone. 2 Cents – I feel lucky compared to you! 6-12 times a day is a lot!!! I’m contemplating taking B6, though for that to work I’d also have to keep the pills down.

    • NewMomAnon says:

      I was constantly low-level nauseous for the first trimester – the only thing that kept me from throwing up was a steady flow of bland carbs and cold proteins. I ate a lot of yogurt and cheese sticks, and always had a bag of Diamond nut thins or oyster crackers on hand to keep up my blood sugar. I also loved ice cold white grape juice. Do what works for you, and don’t let your blood sugar fall.

  18. Ugh ugh ugh says:

    Apropros of the so anon embarrassing complaint discussion above, can I just vent here that we are TTC, and all the TTC-ing gave me a horrible UTI. And the antibiotics for the horrible UTI gave me a yeast infection. And in the midst of all this, a strenuous workout gave me a horrible flare-up of hemorrhoids, which I have NEVER had except while pregnant, and these are worse than the pregnancy ones. In sum, I would like to chop off my body from the waist down please. And also I kind of hate my husband because he will NEVER KNOW the pain and indignities big and small that I have to endure to get these kids.

  19. Blueberry says:

    Has anyone tried a Belly Bandit or similar corset-type garment for pushing things back together postpartum? Do they work? I snapped back into shape so easily with my first that I didn’t really understand the market for those things but now with #3 arriving soon, I’m pretty sure I could use all the help I can get. I’m not having a c-section (knock on wood) so this wouldn’t be for wound recovery.

    • NewMomAnon says:

      I feel like Kat did a post that got a lot of responses a few years ago – you might look through the archives.

    • I used the Bellefit and thought it made a huge difference in “sucking” things back in.

    • I had a emergency c-section and rough recovery with my second, so used the hospital-provided velcro thing for the first 6 weeks, then tried to use the Bellefit. The snaps were really uncomfortable, probably because I was bigger than the size I thought I would be when I ordered it at 8 months pregnant (thanks to being very puffed up from IV and other meds). And maybe because I wasn’t able to use it right away, I feel like it didn’t do much for me, so I stopped wearing it when I went back to work around 12 weeks. I still have that c-section pooch that won’t go away, even 2 years later.

      So who knows if it was user error or unfortunate circumstances or product not working, but it didn’t work for me at all.

  20. On the ledge says:

    Can someone talk me off the proverbial ledge here? I am considering quitting my job to stay at home with my 10 month old. I am a lawyer who works at a nonprofit type job, commuting from a nearby suburb into a large city.
    The pros of quitting:
    My baby is in daycare. He is sick literally all the time. I think I can remember a two week period last month where he was not the least bit sick. Otherwise, there’s a constant stuffy nose and cough. This Thanksgiving weekend he had RSV and an ear infection. The other babies in the daycare are also coughing with runny noses most of the time. I don’t doubt that the daycare disinfects everything at the end of the day, but I’m wondering if anyone else has experience in daycare where their child is ALWAYS sick. I feel like I’m torturing him, listening to him cough on the monitor or wiping his nose 100x per day. The doctors and nurses at the pediatrician see us about an average of every two weeks. I’ve ruled out a nanny for several reasons, so the options I’m weighing are staying at home, or keeping him in daycare. My husband is extremely supportive and has a ton of childcare responsibility with me, but his job is way more demanding and he can’t leave at the drop of a hat if our kid is sick, and in general his workplace is a lot less understanding of him taking off/leaving early. He is also the breadwinner. I don’t make very much money, especially for a lawyer.

    The cons of quitting:
    I like my job. I’m not sure I’m cut out for the stay at home lifestyle. I don’t want to make it hard on myself to re-enter the workforce later. My income, while not very much, helps our family. My health insurance, which covers my family, is FREE. I have student loans (though we can technically afford paying them on one income). We like our lifestyle and are not going to enjoy pinching pennies or budget living. We want to buy a new house in a different suburb eventually. Me not working will most likely change the dynamic of our marriage.

    I guess I’m trying to square the emotional and the logical here. I guess I’m looking for someone to say: my baby was sick all the time too, it gets better, just power through it, all of this is temporary. Anyone? Has anyone given up their income and job and felt like they made the right choice?

    • Please repost on the morning thread, I doubt many people will look at this one again (except me, apparently).

      I didn’t have a constantly sick child, but I’m still going to say don’t quit. It doesn’t sound like it’s what you want, aside from wanting your child to get well (which is a great goal, of course). It’ll pass. And you want your free health insurance. What I will recommend is talking to your doctor (and maybe daycare) about whether your kid is sick abnormally often for a daycare kid. I had a friend with a similar experience of a constantly sick child, and they ended up doing some testing and found he had some immune issues. Nothing major, but it just meant that in daycare he caught everything and had trouble getting rid of it. They did end up pulling him out and going with a nanny and he got much better, but I feel like that should be the last resort in your situation. Good luck!

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