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Sales of note for 8.30.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 30% off full-price purchase; $99 jackets, dresses & shoes; extra 50% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50-70% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 20% off
- Eloquii – Up to 60% off everything; extra 60% off all sale
- J.Crew – 40% off sitewide; extra 60% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – Extra 20% off orders $125+; extra 60% off clearance; 60%-70% off 100s of styles
- Lands’ End – 40% off sitewide; 50% off backpacks, 40% off kids’ apparel
- Loft – Summer sale, 30% off new arrivals; up to 50% off much more
- Talbots – 25% off regular-price purchase; 70% off clearance
- Zappos – 28,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – 50% off everything
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 40% off everything
- J.Crew Crewcuts – 40% off sitewide; extra 50% off sale styles
- Old Navy – 50-60% off; 50% off pants for the family
- Target – 20% off select clothing for all; up to 50% off home; up to 30% off select nursery furniture; up to 30% off kitchen & dining
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- The concept of “backup care” is so stupid…
- I need tips on managing employees in BigLaw who have to leave for daycare pickup…
- I’m thinking of leaning out to spend more time with my family – how can I find the perfect job for that?
- I’m now a SAHM and my husband needs to step up…
- How can I change my thinking to better recognize some of my husband’s contributions as important, like organizing the shed?
- What are your tips to having a good weekend with kids, especially with little kids? Do you have a set routine or plan?
Turtle says
I’m a little ashamed to admit this, but I don’t know what to do with my 16 month old. In my head she’s still a baby, but it feels like I blinked and now she’s a little, loving and active toddler. She (and we) need some out of the house activities that are not daycare, grandmas or Target.
We’re making a point of going to the playground at the local school this weekend. I just reserved passes through the local library for the aquarium next Saturday. What else? I feel like this is such a weird question/admission, but I struggle with age appropriate activities with her. We’re in a Boston suburb if that is helpful, and I’ll note that beach weather appears to have come and gone (boo). TIA!
Anon says
My daughter is 19 months and pretty much all we do is the playground and public library. I would go to a zoo or aquarium if it was free or super cheap but she doesn’t get enough out of it for it to be worth $50 for the family imo. I don’t think you need to do a whole lot – kids that age are delighted to just explore their surroundings, run around, and play with simple toys like blocks.
anon. says
Agree. We have allll the memberships but my kid didn’t really care for the zoo or aquarium until about 18-21 months. But he did love parks with ponds where you can watch ducks and turtles. He liked those more than playgrounds with the actual play structures! Bonus if you call a friend and bring a half dozen donuts and meet there at 8 am on a Saturday. So easy and good way for you to socialize too.
Annie says
I think you just named the toddler circuit — playground, library, errands, children’s museum, rinse and repeat.
blueridge29 says
If you are looking for a regularly scheduled activity 16 months is a fun age for a music class. I enjoyed the Music Together classes with my kids, but I am sure there are a ton of options in your area. Wear comfy clothes, with little kids the parent participate by singing and dancing.
Anon says
+1 for Music Together – we did that when my daughter was 11-15 months. Once she started daycare, I couldn’t justify the cost, but I definitely think those classes are well done, albeit expensive.
rosie says
Another vote for Music Together.
qcgc says
At that age we went to the zoo and children’s museum a lot. Even just going over to a new house with new toys and furniture is exciting at that age. Libraries were too much for my kiddo at that age because she just wanted to knock all the books off the shelves.
Anonymous says
Walk to/around nearby pond to feed the ducks was popular at that age or bike rides with bike trailer to/from feeding ducks. Also, raingear and jumping in puddles.
Cb says
We’re really lucky to have lots of toddler friendly activities – a museum which is super kid friendly, softplay, in addition to the playground, library, errand circuit. We also do a gymnastics class.
We’ve been having 1-2 toddler friends over as well which is quite nice.
GCA says
You can still go to the beach and let her dig around in the sand – just wear more layers! I started taking kid 1 on destination runs when he began walking – we’d run to the library or playground, get ice cream in the summer, etc. Also, this is when science museum/ children’s museum memberships come in useful. It’s a bit of a tricky age because they’re no longer portable enough to take out to meals and grownup destinations (not if you want to relax!), but still too little to fully appreciate most preschooler-type activities.
IHeartBacon says
Agree with the beach recommendation. Just throw on a long sleeve shirt and some pants.
Anonymous says
Yes! At that age, my kiddo wanted nothing to do with beach water anyway. All she wanted to do was play in the sand.
Ashley says
We are about to start swim classes with my slightly older toddler. They’re at an indoor pool and a parent gets in the water with the kid.
Pogo says
In Boston suburbs and we love Acton Discovery Museum, Boston Children’s Museum, Lego Discovery Center, and Imagine PlaySpace in Cambridge.
Anonymous says
Hi neighbors! We are in a metro west (I think?) burb.
Jamtime in the winter. Concord (awesome kids area), Sudbury (the music program is great) and Acton (has a playground!) libraries. Discovery museum in acton. Drumlin farm in Lincoln. Playgrounds.
Also, hit pots with spoons. Stack and re stack Tupperware.
I’m home with my 15 month old now and she’s banging around in the play kitchen and wearing bowls as hats.
Anonymous says
Oh and Davis Farmland! It’s a drive but so fun. And honeypot hill in Stow or sterling farm (near Davis farm) for apples.
Anonymous says
The discovery museum is great for that age! (And continues to be great for older toddlers, too–highly recommend.)
anon says
Children’s Museum, other museums that are child-friendly, playdates, ride-on toys around the neighborhood…I’m just jealous you can be outside during daylight hours. It is still oppressively hot here. As in, too hot for a toddler at the pool :(. October can’t come soon enough.
Anon says
We just purchased a membership to our local kid’s museum but our 17 month old only does three things there, all of which she can also do at home: 1) play in the play kitchen, 2) “color” (aka stab the paper with a crayon), 3) demand we read her books. It’s a change of scenery at least? But you’re in no way hurting her development by not taking her to museums.
SC says
I felt like that was a tricky age too. We had a routine of brunch + playground one weekend day. We usually had brunch at a neighborhood spot where you order and pay at the counter and the servers bring your food to you–made it easy to leave when toddler was getting antsy. Plus that place had really good coffee. If you’re inclined, you can start exploring different playgrounds, but honestly that’s more for you than Kiddo.
16 months is also a good time to start swim lessons if there’s an indoor swimming pool near you. We’ve done swim lessons off and on since my kid was about 9 months old, but “off” was usually during the summer when lessons are more crowded, we were out of town a lot, and we were swimming outside of lessons anyways. Winter is a great time to keep the comfort level up and develop some skills in a smaller class.
We also took our kid with us on errands. A trip to the grocery store or Target or whatever is an adventure, especially if you involve Kiddo. We let our kid feel and smell fruits and vegetables we’re buying and “help” put them in the bag. For us, the trick was to just run one errand at a time–a second destination resulted in a total meltdown.
I think we started memberships to the children’s museum and zoo/aquarium around 18 months. There are also some toddler-friendly indoor play places, which can be a life saver when the weather is terrible. (The indoor gyms are especially great if you can go with someone else–a friend from daycare and their parent, or a friend or grandparent. Also, several of the new ones in our area have fancy espresso bars for parents.)
Anon says
Apple picking!!
She’s probably too young to help out, but she’s not too young to enjoy a lovely fall day, running around the orchard, and exploring.
Anon says
Kimball Farms in Westford. They have a petting zoo, animal exhibit, ice cream, and a lot of things that she will appreciate when she’s older.
Anonymous says
At that age we went out to breakfast a lot. Parks/walks, parent-child swim class, story time at a library. It is a rough age, and I had no idea how to handle it. I made it through, though, and kiddo seems not to be scarred. So, parenting win.
Anon says
Fellow toddler mom here. We do parks, public library, Gymboree (we pay for a once/week class, which also includes access to their Open Gym times), grocery store/Target (my kid loves the cart and waving at other shoppers), family walks, and going out to breakfast or very early dinners. We stop by the local farmer’s market every weekend in the mornings and end up walking the local outdoor mall once a week (she loves watching the fountains and looking for dogs).
Anon says
I have a similarly-aged kid and our weekend routine is roughly this:
Saturday morning DH takes her on a run in the jogging stroller while I sleep in, then I make waffles for everyone, then a bit of family play at home, then she goes down for her nap (while DH goes to play a sport) then when she gets up from her nap we go to the public library and play there for a couple hours, then come and eat dinner and she goes to bed.
Sunday morning we all go out to brunch together then a playground, then nap, then we go to the children’s museum for a couple hours then dinner then bed.
It helps that she’s a pretty consistent 12-13 hour/night sleeper and still a solid afternoon napper, so we don’t have to fill as much awake time as other people do.
shortperson says
nature walk, look at birds and bugs. maybe see if there are smaller cheaper zoos around (reptile or bug houses). age 1 was prime aquarium and zoo age for my kids so maybe go every once in a while or spring for a membership. my 1 year olds could just stare at each animal for so long. now my kindergartener takes a glance and is often ready to move on.
Anon says
Daycare “back to school night” is tonight. What if anything should I be asking the teachers about? They’re great about daily communication, both via the app the school uses and in person at drop-off & pickup, so I don’t have a lot of questions about how my daughter is doing or what the class is up to. We have parent-teacher conferences scheduled for later in the fall and I imagine we’ll talk in more depth about big picture development there.
Also, it’s not weird for me to go alone while DH stays home with DD, right? I assumed attendance from both parents wasn’t expected, since the people we’re meeting with are normally our childcare providers, but a friend mentioned that she and her husband get a baby-sitter so they can both go.
Anonymous says
You don’t both need to go
Emily S. says
I’ve gone alone before when DH was out of town and it wasn’t weird at all. I’ve also seen Dad by himself because Mom was a teacher doing her own back to school night. If this isn’t your first rodeo, don’t feel obligated to generate questions; you genuinely might not have any. Just think of it as a chance to drop off supplies and see the classroom and say hi- and then use the time you saved by not lingering to get dinner or coffee or a grocery run or something.
anon says
It’s our kid’s first week of kindergarten! Things have been going great except kid has so many emotions in the evening. Every night she is so tired and just collapses into a crying puddle. We are trying to speed up the night time routine: dinner, bath, teeth, books but she really resists moving things along. She admits that’s she’s tired but still wants to play in the bath and do summersaults after teeth (!?!). Any tips on how to handle this transition better? She gets a small snack at pick up time, comes home a relaxes a bit, has dinner, and then the mayhem begins.
Cb says
I have a younger child but spent my high school and college summers nannying and remember this with my little guys. The first week of kindergarten is really rough – I think you just have to make it until tomorrow afternoon, plan an easy dinner (breakfast for dinner?) and allow lots of time for recharging at the weekend. Give everyone a break as you ease into the routine.
Anonymous says
first month of kindergarten is always rough. Lots of free play time outside plus simple meals were key for us.
Anonymous says
My oldest went to K too. On the advice of mom’s with older kids: sleep, sleep, snacks.
We are on day 3 and she’s hanging in there. She’s the first on the bus and the last off so her day is 8-4. I packed SO MUCH FOOD and she ate almost all of it. I was shocked.
We had dinner early and it has been a series of “sure winners.” Bath / shower is quick or skipped. Also, I gave her tons of 1:1 quiet time. My husband took the other kids after dinner and kindergartener and I laid down after shower in her PJs at 6:30 and just talked and read until 7. Then she went to bed.
A says
Week 2 of kindergarten for us, and we are in the same boat. My daughter is both exhausted and wired, so there has been a lot of crying (and somersaulting, too!). I don’t have great advice, but she doesn’t bathe every night and we have a little time to play a board game in her jammies before she goes to bed at 7:30ish. On The Mom Hour podcast, the hosts recently compared the first six weeks of kindergarten to the first six weeks of having a new baby, so I’m trying to remember that and be patient with her. Grateful for the long weekend! We’re only nine days in and everybody already needs a break.
EB0220 says
My kiddo started K about a month ago and it has been rough. Here’s what has helped us:
1) Start bedtime way earlier (30-45 minutes earlier)
2) Be more firm but also extra cuddly. My kid seems to get into these emotional spirals so I have been doing 123 magic when she starts whining/complaining/etc which seems to help her avoid getting worked up. I’ve been trying to give her lots of extra hugs and cuddles as well.
3) Minimal travel/activities: At least for the first month or so I’ve been trying to minimize her after school activities and weekend trips.
4) Lots of snacks: She seems to need more snacks than I expect so I send 3-4 snacks with her every day.
5) Crack down on nighttime wakeups: She was getting up 3-4 times a night during the transition and no one was sleeping well. I had a talk with her about that and no nighttime wandering since. We are all more well rested and able to cope.
I can also say that it was worst around weeks 2-3 and has gotten steadily better since then. So hang in there.
worried mom says
Looking for advice/anecdotes/commiseration from anyone else that has a child that is large for his or her age. My pre- school aged daughter has always been off the chart in height but over this year is also off the chart for weight. Yet, she appears relatively in proportion to me and she is extremely active. She is the tallest child in her class at daycare by more than an inch. My pediatrician is starting to raise concerns about her weight and while it is on my radar, I want to be very thoughtful on how we approach it. Would love to hear other experiences, especially if you disagreed with your ped on whether/how to address.
Cb says
Kids Eat in Colour instagram talks about this loads and might be helpful. She appears to have a sane approach to weight, nutrition and health.
worried mom says
This looks like a great find – thank you!
Anonymous says
One of my three is like this. We do lots of physical activity – think tag in the backyard or family walks in the evening, not more scheduled activities. Private swim lessons vs. group lessons so she spends more of the lesson time being active. Food wise, we don’t do juice – just water to drink and between meals they can snack on veggies or fruit that I keep cut up in the fridge – I cut up more veggies than fruit. Making sure she gets enough protein is also key for saiety. She has some food restrictions for medical reasons (not weight related) and I have to pay attention to make sure she gets a good protein source offered at each meal. Dessert at dinner time is always fruit. I let her help with the grocery shopping list so we have foods she likes – e.g. she likes apples but not oranges and cantalope over watermelon.
Anonymous says
Adding that I don’t restrict – other than generally normal mom limits like each kid can have two cookies not as many as they want. And we never talk about dieting or weight loss. Food is fuel for our bodies, and healthy foods are the best fuel. Treats are yummy but don’t help our bodies have energy to run and play.
Anonymous says
It sounds like she is proportional and I’m skeptical that your pediatrician has any legitimate concern. My 4 yo (boy) has always been 98/99 percentile for both height and weight and our pediatrician is not worried, even given the fact that my child is a very picky eater and only eats a fairly limited range of foods (which does not include vegetables). He is a very healthy and active child and I do not restrict what he eats. (As a family we don’t do soda but otherwise don’t limit any foods.)
Anon says
Yeah, the ped sounds bad to me. My toddler daughter is 95th percentile for both and height weight. She’s very active, eats relatively healthy food (albeit adult-sized portions – her breakfast today was a banana and two whole grain waffles with cream cheese) and looks normal to me (she has the toddler buddha belly but doesn’t otherwise look chubby). I would speak to the pediatrician privately and really drill down on what their concern is and what they think you need to do about it. And I’d get a second opinion if you don’t like their answers.
RR says
My youngest has always been 95+ percentile for height and weight. She’s tall, and she’s solid. Our pediatrician is always just looking to see if she’s staying on her growth curve. If she is, the pediatrician is happy. I used to worry because she’s built completely different from her older sister–she can wear her older sisters leggings and shorts now (she’s 6; older sister is 11 1/2). She’s never been able to wear all the hand me down jeans from her older sister, who needed a slim size. But, she’s absolutely, perfectly healthy. It sounds like you may have a pediatrician problem.
That said, it’s never bad to encourage eating a range of food and being physically active in fun ways!
Anonymous says
Whats the ped actually saying? Because to some extent, if your child is overweight, now is an easy time to figure out what may be playing into it: diet, activity level, medical issue, etc. is it just about the number or about appearances/“figure” (is she super chubby?).
My oldest has my husband’s build. They both have BMI’s that make them very overweight, but are in fact in excellent shape (husband is 6’ and 190lbs- he’s a size 33 jeans and in great shape; 6 year old is 89% for weight yet there is not any fat on her- she’s solid muscle and can both out run and out swim me!).
My middle is like, 20% for weight but appears fine. Ped has reassured me it is also her build- a slight build very different from my oldest.
My youngest is all chub and I can tell has my build, which is, ahem, less than athletic and also not slight of frame ;).
rosie says
I get hangers like this from Costco and really like them. However, they do seem to break relatively easily (metal part pulls out of the velvety part), especially if you tend to pull clothes off hangers without taking the hanger off the rack.
Anonymous says
Huggable hangers seem to hold up well, and Target has a set of 40 on sale for under $20 I think. Only in the white color.
Anonforthis says
Thanks for the advice a few days ago about my maybe-miscarrying. I had my levels tested and things are actually looking good, just earlier than I thought. My doctor is optimistic! Which leads me to my next freak-out. I have a 10-month-old infant and am pretty surprised by this pregnancy. My daughter will be 18-months to the day on my due date. Please tell me it will all be ok? I am having a lot of guilt over depriving my baby of her babyhood or something. Anyone else w kiddos so close in age?
Anonymous says
Fingers crossed for you!
Mine aren’t quite as close as yours– 23 months apart– but I like having them close in age. The things they’re interested in overlap a lot– they both enjoy the same books and movies and activities right now. That would be harder with a bigger age gap.
Anon says
My brother and I are 15 months apart and we were so close growing up! I always had a buddy with me.
Anon says
Good news, fingers crossed! Ours are 19 months apart. I feel like there are a lot of pros to it:
1) Like the other poster said, activities and interests overlap a lot, which is really nice. Ours are even, for example, in the same swim class (which makes for easier scheduling etc).
2) This won’t be true for everyone, but for us bringing home #2 really didn’t phase my oldest at.all. and I wonder if his young age had something to do with it – like, baby was just someone who slept all the time and inconsequential to him, and I wonder if it maybe wasn’t long before he didn’t really remember life without her?
3) We were done after 2 and while it sometimes makes me sad I LOVE being able to get rid of the baby stuff and move on rather than having to hang on to it all for years.
The very early years can be a little tough, but doable. For us a double stroller to lock them both down when needed, and things like totally fenced in playgrounds, were key.
Anon says
Also, I’m doing the mental math – depending on your school’s cut offs, will they only be one grade apart? From a pick up/drop off/logistical standpoint that would be a gift that would keep on giving throughout their whole childhood (will maximize the years they are at the same school).
blueridge29 says
Mine are 20 months apart and everyone above has provided some good information. The early years are hard, but it is over pretty quickly. With two this close you may want to consider a nanny. This was a lifesaver for us for those early years when the thought of getting two kids out of the house every morning was too overwhelming.
profesora says
So our daycare has interpreted the Contigo recall to mean that any with the black lids can no longer be used, even if you check them and are instructed not to order a new lid per the recall instructions. That means I have to buy a new water bottle. Any recommendations (kid is 3.5)? TIA!
rosie says
If you like the Contigo, can’t you just get one with a different color lid? I have an autospout one with a gray piece.
RNMP says
I just got the Thermos Funtainer 12oz bottle and my 3yo loves it. It’s also easy to clean.
Anonymous says
+1
Emily S. says
Another vote for the Funtainer! Our daycare keeps water outside when the kids are on the playground (30-60 minutes) and the insulation keeps the drink cold and no slipper hands from condensation on the cup.
Anon for this says
Update time! I posted a while back about concerns re my MIL and favoritism/visiting after our second child is born. While we haven’t addressed the favoritism issue (will do gently next time it happens), we did straight up ask her to come right when the baby is born and she agreed! She said she’ll stay for a week. This is both a big load off of us in terms of childcare/stability for #1, as she’ll be able to make it to our city before baby and I leave the hospital and stay with our older kid, and makes me feel a lot better about our relationship. Thanks for all the advice, ladies – the commiseration helped as did the straight-talk, “just ask” responses.
Anon says
That’s great! I’m glad to hear that happy update. I think sometimes grandparents don’t want to impose so they wait to be asked, so asking directly for what you want is always a good idea!
Anon for this says
Totally agree. It applies in so many areas of life.
Anonymous says
Didn’t see the original conversation but your post highlights why it’s so important to be direct and ask for what you want. MIL visiting me right after my babies were born would have been my worse nightmare because I just wanted to cocoon with DH. At 4 weeks I was so happy to have her help and get some time to myself for an hour here or there.
Anon for this says
And that was part of the problem in my case – for my first, I very much did not want anyone visiting for at least two weeks, and that was most definitely the right call. We also lived a plane flight, rather than a drive away like we do now. But the MIL was NOT happy about being held off. Now, of course, we legitimately need the help as we have no other family that we can call on and we would have to organize or pay for a patchwork of care for my older child (which we are already doing for the first 24 hours of labor/birth). But of course, as everyone pointed out, MIL would not have been able to read my mind that circumstances had changed. (I was – somewhat irrationally- upset that she had not offered or expressed an interest in coming to visit right away, even to see the baby, while making plans in front of me with my SIL to provide her usual childcare for my nephew around the time I was due. Both SIL and MIL live in the same town in the next state over.) Ultimately separating the practical (you have to ask for what you want) from the emotional (yeah, it sucks that MIL is closer with nephew than my kid) was necessary.
Anon says
For those of you whose parents watch your kids so you can take vacations, have they just offered or have you asked them about it? I would love to take a quick two-day getaway with my husband to the big city a couple hours away and do some toddler-unfriendly stuff. My parents visit us and our almost 2 year old about four times/year for roughly a week at a time. I was thinking of asking them if DH and I could go away for a couple days the next time they come. Is that unreasonable? My mom has vaguely mentioned that they will take our daughter “when she’s older” so we can go on a real vacation (one week trip) alone. I think this “when she’s older” is out of concern for my kid, not for herself – my kid is easy as toddlers go and my mom has no problem changing diapers and stuff like that, and my mom has indicated she thinks this would be traumatic (?) for my kid before the age of 5 or so. But I really think she’d be fine with her grandparents for a couple days now- she knows them fairly well and has come out of her shell a lot since starting daycare, and taking her for something like two days and one night would be a lot easier on my parents than a full week. What do you guys think…ok to ask them directly?
Sarabeth says
We’ve asked. When we’ve done it, we’ve used PTO and gone when daycare is open, so my parents only have to do the night/morning stuff. But I have two kids and do think they’d be too much for my parents to deal with for 48 hours straight.
Em says
My in-laws have stayed with my son three times now while we went on 4-day trips. The first time my son was 18 months, the second time he was 2 1/2, and the most recent time he was 3. We asked them, but they jumped at the opportunity – he is their only grandchild and they are obsessed with him. He was completely fine every time.
Anonymous says
We’ve asked. We also timed it so they didn’t have kid all day for two days. We straight from work on Thursday, drove to Big City and check into hotel. Grandparents picked kid up from daycare, fed dinner and put her to bed, they did breakfast and an outing in the morning then dropped before lunch. Kid did lunch and naptime at daycare and got picked up at regular time. We came back Saturday evening before supper so we still had Saturday evening and Sunday together before parents left on Monday afternooon.
Anonymous says
Absolutely just ask! Start with a one night trip if they want to ease into it
NYCer says
My mom has offered. I definitely think you can/should ask though!
And to go against the grain , when it is a short trip, we generally have gone away on weekends (i.e., the nanny isn’t there). My mom is happy to have the time with the kids without another babysitter there, and it is easier for her (and us) to do the weekends. If she ever expressed any kind of reservation about it, we would adjust and make sure the nanny was there to help too.
Emily S. says
My in-laws started offering when DD was an infant but we didn’t take them up on it until we had 2 kids and oldest was 3.5. Now, we ask them directly, with plenty of advance notice, and if there’s even slight hesitation or disagreement on timing, we change our plans. Planning a trip so they only have to do mornings and evenings is thoughtful, especially in the scenario you’ve described. (My in-laws are split; FIL would watch them all day every day but MIL is exhausted by 5 p.m. Bc I want a positive experience for all involved, I use my MIL’s stamina as a baseline and we’ve done only Friday overnights, home on Saturday afternoon or mid-week overnights.) You know your family best, whether it’s done in connection with a visit or a separate visit. I think my parents, for example, who live 8 hours away, would make a special trip instead of tacking it on to an already scheduled visit bc they see a visit as time to spend with me, too. Good luck and take the vacation!
SC says
We’ve asked. So far, we’ve only done it once, and it was for a wedding. We hired our former nanny to spend a day with Kiddo and MIL so MIL didn’t have Kiddo completely by herself all day. (MIL’s husband is loving, kind, and a wonderful presence but also no help at all and almost as much work for MIL as a toddler.)
We are planning a 1-week trip next year without Kiddo (who will be 5), and I asked my parents to stay with him. They had mentioned vague willingness but not a specific time. We talked about dates and whether they’d prefer when Kiddo was in school or out of school, and whose house would be better. They chose the week after school ends, at our house, where we have other extended family for company and back-up, plus babysitters who I’m comfortable with if they want a few nights off.
Anon. says
We’ve asked. Agreed to start small to ease everybody into the idea. We started with one night trips, worked up to long weekends and just got back from 9 days in France.
Structure and logistics just depends on the grandparents. My mom prefers to come to us so that she can maintain kiddo’s routine with daycare etc. My MIL doesn’t like to travel and prefers that we bring him to them. They live on a farm and my 2 yo had THE BEST time while we went to France. He was happy to see us when we came back but definitely not traumatized. The week after we were back I mentioned Grandma’s and he got sad and told me he wanted to stay home with mama. A week later he was asking to go back and visit the cows and pigs.
HSAL says
I totally ask. My parents kept my oldest for almost a week when she was just shy of a year, and several times for 4-7 days over the next couple years. They live a few hours away and normally we’d drop her off and they’d bring her back, or the reverse. They’re about to have their first run with all three kids next week (almost 4, 14 months, and 14 months) for a week. They’ll be at our a couple days and their house the rest of the time. I told them they should stay at our house the whole time to take advantage of daycare, but they think they’re up for it and would rather be at their house more. Godspeed, parents.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Timely as we’re just now coming back from a vacation while my parents watched our two kids for 5 days. Agree that it helps to overlap with daycare – my parents only had one full day with both and that day was enough (our 3 year old is a lot to handle). The rest was just mornings and nights, with my dad watching the baby for 2 days as usual.
We’ve done one longer trip in the past when it was just DS1 and a few shorter trips in between. We try to do one of these 1 week vacations annually and my parents expect it and offer to watch the kids, we just need to let them know the dates. They are local and see the kids every weekend anyway so they’re pretty comfortable with the kids.
My in-laws are separated and I don’t think either set would be able to handle both kids by themselves so we’re not planning to ask them until the kids are much older, if at all.
I think you should definitely ask in your case – see what they say and offer to have the daycare backup.
CCLA says
Another vote for just ask! We started in a move of desperation when our nanny for the long weekend we had booked got injured. Since then, my dad has become our go-to caregiver for time away, including several long weekends and we’re even taking a week this fall. For that week, the kids will be in daycare for a few of those days so it won’t be 24/7. I always ask with a “no pressure” reminder, but he seriously loves it and jumps at the chance every time. While he’s not strapped for cash, I think it helps that we made it clear the first time that we will always cover expenses – we pay for airfare, leave our credit card for groceries or delivery, etc. It still works out way cheaper than hiring a nanny for that period, plus the kids get extra grandparent time.
anon in housing crisis says
All advice welcome. After a long, rough week evaluating all potential possibilities, we’ve finally determined that our HCOL apartment is not actually livable (i.e. the actual apartment is safe, but access to it is not). Now I’m struggling with what comes after. We’re breaking a lease and doing what we can to recoup costs but I’m struggling with the next steps.
We’re debating between several neighborhoods in our same city or a move to the burbs. We eventually do want to move to the burbs but weren’t ready to make the jump now. I can’t decide if we should move neighborhoods to prioritize green space and quiet streets (20-40 min commute) or stay in the current neighborhood and prioritize commute for my husband and me (15-min walking commute) for the next 1-2 years until we are ready to jump to the burbs. Or if we should just go for it, and rent a house out in the burbs to see how we like it (35-55 min commute). I’m just in decision paralysis. I’m also considering a short-term, furnished rental until we can make a decision but my husband thinks we can just deal with the unsafe access for a month-ish until we figure out the housing plan because the short-term rentals are $$$$. I’m distraught but trying desperately to keep perspective. We are safe and healthy and can deal with this. Anyone else had to deal with an abrupt move for whatever reason? WWYD?
Anonymous says
What is your kid situation? Do you have them? Will you? Where are they during the day?
Anon says
What is the safety issue with the current place? I think that affects the urgency of this move. I would hesitate to move into a short term rental unless the situation is pretty dire.
Anonymous says
What’s the safety issue? I’d move apartments in the same neighborhood. You had planned to be there I see no reason to change just because there’s an issue with one place
anon in housing crisis says
OP here. 1 kid – 20 months old with a full-time nanny during the day. We’d like a second sometime in the next 1.5 years. We’re on the 12th floor of a building with no safe elevator access and no word on when we’ll have one.
Anon says
Oh geez. Yeah that’s a huge issue on the 12th floor. I’d consider temp housing in that situation.
anon. says
Honestly? I’d rent the house and move. I think if this is something you want in a year or two, you look at it as: “Well, the timing is not perfect, but the opportunity is here now, so let’s take it.” You’ll figure out relatively quickly if you hate it. Maybe you can even arrange a 6 month lease.
CCLA says
Yeah, this. We rented in the burbs for a year, got exactly the house we wanted in exactly the neighborhood where I thought we’d want to ultimately buy, and just hated it. But I’m so glad we tried it when we did so we could refocus on what we determined was important to us after that experiment. I’d look at a short-term lease in the burbs with potential to extend. Better to try it out ahead of time. Sorry you’re going through this. Taking you at your word that the elevator is unsafe and therefore assuming you won’t be using it, I’d gtfo now and focus on new housing.
Anon says
Is there middle ground of a more close in suburb? Maybe more square footage and yard space but not quite the “burbs” and not as long of a commute away?
Also, what is the 40 minute drive like? Is it straight highway driving at or slightly above the speed limit or stop and go for 15 miles? The latter is completely horrible.
KW says
My 7 yo is starting to play a sport this fall and I’m wondering what “normal” grandparent behavior is. My mom is a narcissistic widow with no boundaries, friends, or hobbies. So I know she will want to/expect to come to every single game. I didn’t live in the same town as any of my grandparents growing up, so I don’t know what’s typical for grandparents, but this seems excessive. I would really prefer she not always be around, but am I being unreasonable? I want to start setting boundaries now, because I can foresee my mom expecting to come to every single event whether it’s school, sports, music, etc. So far it hasn’t been an issue because the only events we’ve had are things that lots of grandparents come to like a winter music program at school.
Anon says
So, I don’t know your mom and maybe she’s horrible and mean. But if she’s behaving appropriately at the games, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with her attending every game. I’m sure your child will love it and it seems like a really kind thing to do for a lonely widow. I think it’s a little harsh on her to say she doesn’t have any hobbies…being a devoted grandparent is totally a hobby.
Fwiw, I didn’t live near any grandparents either and wasn’t close to any of them, but I’m kind of jealous of friends who are.
Mrs. Jones says
I’ve seen son’s teammates’ grandparents at a lot of games. It seems a little harsh to tell grandmother not to come to games if she wants to come (assuming she’s not yelling at the kids or something like that).
Anon says
I live in the rural Midwest, where people typically have kids between ages 20 and 25 and live their whole lives in one zip code, but most sports games are attended by plenty of grandparents and great-grandparents (some of my kid’s friends’ great-grandparents are younger than my parents because my family does kids between 35 and 40).
Anonymous says
Don’t tell her the full schedule
anon says
I don’t think this is the place to draw the line and set boundaries, unless her behavior is annoying or an imposition on you or others in some way. Do you just not want to see her that much? You seem to have an extremely harsh negative view of her.
Anon says
I would see this as a giant compromise as far as it being a way for grandma to see kid on the regular without her having to be all up in my house/personal life otherwise. Small talk is a given – talk about game, sport, kid. Far less opportunity for mom to tell me about my bad parenting and her narcissistic self. If she also has expectations of being everywhere else in your life in addition to at every event, that’s different. But it’s a structured activity with a finite timeline (game’s over! let’s go home!) that also checks the box of “saw Timmy this week!” … sounds like a dream scenario.
(giant asterisk being that I’m assuming she’s generally behaved at games/activities and isn’t berating children or doing anything nutty like that because then I have a 180 degree different answer)
anon says
I don’t know if there’s a “normal” for attending games. I know some grandparents who never leave their own home, some who attend a few games per season and decide which ones based on timing and convenience, and some who attend almost every game. In my area, it seems pretty common for grandparents to attend at least some games though. That doesn’t really answer the question of whether it’s intrusive to you for your mom to attend every game, but I don’t think what’s “normal” compared to other grandparents is helpful framing.
NYCer says
“Normal” grandparent behavior varies so much depending on where the grandparents live. For a local (or driving distance) grandparent, I don’t think it would be weird at all if that grandparent attended every game. Obviously this would not be “normal” behavior for a grandparent that lives a flight away. But I really do not think anyone would bat an eye at your mom coming to every game, assuming as others have said that she is well behaved and not screaming at your son, etc.
Anonymous says
I grew up in the same town as all of my grandparents and they came to many, many of my and my sibling’s sporting events/concerts/recitals/etc. Basically all of them. It was great! As another posted noted, for my parents, it was an easy way to check off grandparent time. They also used to pick us up/drop us off when my parents could not.
They made friends with other grandparents who attended games regularly, and so they had a little crew of grandparents to hangout with. My grandmother still sees some of the other grandmothers she met that way regularly, and my youngest sibling is almost 30! It was a great way to expand their social circle.
Washed up litigator says
Does anyone have any thoughts or experience with leaving a law firm as a very senior associate without becoming a SAHM?
I don’t hate my job exactly but I just can’t seem to make it work since becoming a parent. My work itself has been really good, maybe even better than before, but the logistics are just not working. My kid has been sick a ton and my hours are absolutely horrible, to the point where staying may honestly not even be an option. I know I’ve largely brought this on myself, but here we are.
I’m in litigation which seems to limit in-house options. I’m in a midsize city so there aren’t the number government options you’d find in DC or elsewhere. I already lateraled once (followed husband to a new city, which in retrospect was probably a mistake as my network here is not what it was or what I wish it was.) I’m lucky in that I could stay home if it comes down to it, but that really isn’t what I want.
What do former litigators do? Ugh.
Emily S. says
With the caveat that I’m not in your position, but I know others who have been: consulting? I can think of 3 women I know who left litigation (big law or medium law) to begin legal consulting business. One even branched out to offer etiquette consulting and eventually grew into career consulting and is now a full time law school career counseling employee. Another woman I know left litigation for undergraduate career consulting with a focus on pre-law and then ran her own pre-law and LSAT consulting business. A woman who runs a strategic and corporate communications firm softly approached me and said something like, I don’t need a lawyer but I need someone who thinks like a lawyer. So, if you can think about how can you use the litigation skills you have outside litigation, you might have more, and more exciting, options.
Myrna morning says
Pretty rude you didn’t bother responding to that post.
Mrs. Jones says
Clerk for a judge?
Washed up litigator says
Thanks, that’s a good suggestion. I did a fed clerkship out of law school and a career clerk position would be awesome, though I don’t know how often those come around.
rosie says
You also may be able to find court staff attorney positions.
anon says
+1 to staff attorney positions, if you are in a medium sized city you might be able to find one of those. A woman who clerked for my fed appellate judge the year after me is now a FT staff attorney in the same circuit. You could also look for career clerk positions at the state appellate level – my friends who have those jobs really enjoy them, but they are pretty much strictly 9-5, no weekend or evening work at all.
Anon says
A relative transitioned from a litigation position at a firm to a career clerk at an appellate court and she loves it.
Anonymous says
Do you have the desire to try to negotiate half time at your current firm?
Washed up litigator says
Potentially. I don’t think they allow part time, but I guess it doesn’t hurt to ask, right?
This year has been exceptionally bad with mat leave and difficulty ramping back up from that. I probably should have asked to come back part time for awhile but I was still new-ish to the firm so I just kind of tried to make do. I’ve gotten everything done on time and well, but it’s just a billables issue. Albeit a pretty bad one.
Anonymous says
If I wanted to say there, I’d be pro-active. Go to my boss and say, “Hey, this has been a rough year for me, but I really like what I do, the work I am getting, and the firm. How can we work together to turn this around?” Go from there. In my experience, women returning from maternity leave are given some sympathy. In addition, I think people will respect someone a lot who admits (on their own) that they’re not doing as well as they’d like and who take active steps to move forward positively.
Washed up litigator says
I like this idea. I’m so frustrated/embarrassed about the whole thing that my instinct is to hide and just quit. But now that I think about it, I don’t have much to lose by being honest.
There are other reasons I would like to leave eventually but as I’m really exploring my options, they are — not great.
Anonymous says
Adding that you might need to be prepared for a position making less money for less hours going forward. Which is why I mentioned part time. But it sounds like you’re considering options with decreased (or no) pay anyway.
anon says
I joined a smaller, less intense, less prestigious law firm. I also used my subject-matter expertise to leverage into a regulatory and transactional practice, but I was more mid-level than senior. My firm is in the suburbs near my house, so I have a 2 minute commute and free parking. I work 9-5 or 9-6, with lunch breaks during which I can go home or run errands or go to the gym in the building. My overhead is low (lower rent, leaner staff), so my hours and rates don’t have to be as high. Our rates are lower, so I have a wider client base that’s less vulnerable to a recession. I make a lot less money, but it’s enough.
Anon says
I have several litigator friends that have gone in-house, it is possible. I was in IP lit though, so something of a niche. If you can’t manage the job hunt while working, I think it’s perfectly ok to quit to focus on the job search. To me, being a SAHM means quitting with the intention of not returning for several years or more.
shortperson says
i dont have all the answers, but you could consider state, county or city government, or becoming a permanent clerk at a state or federal court.
shortperson says
oh also a lot of litigation finance companies are hiring and i think many of them offer the opportunity to work remotely.
anon says
PBI – I would be interested in something like this (i’m a career litigator in a small city looking for remote opportunities). How does one go about finding these?
shortperson says
i dont know. i’ve been contacted by headhunters a couple of times.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Not sure how much this helps but my large public F500 company has litigation in-house roles. I think it’s more project management of outside counsel instead of high stakes litigation but they do exist. If you are open to general corporate contracts work that would probably help you in getting in house.
Ducky says
Consider a legal services position! You can have work-life balance, flexible hours and health benefits while continuing to litigate. You would have the satisfaction of doing something good for your community. It keeps you in the field where you can network. It also provides an opportunity to create better policy around important social issues. It would probably be a substantial pay cut, but it sounds like you are okay with that.
Washed up litigator says
I actually think I would love this and I’m ok with the pay cut, but positions are surprisingly rare in my area! Going to keep an eye out for this thou.
Anon says
I’m struggling with whether or not to tell work that I am pregnant; I am currently still in my first trimester. However, I am currently on a year-long contracted secondment position with a client, which involves substantial travel. My secondment ends on September 16, but will likely be renewed for another year. However, the relationship partner does not yet know I am pregnant, and my firm has (very generous) maternity leave that I plan to take advantage of. So I will be on leave for 6 months out of the next year’s contract, and likely travel restrictions prior to that date (I am already on modified bed rest for complications). Travel is at least 50% or more of my job (I have been across the country for the past month without getting home, making scheduling prenatal care nearly impossible). I don’t think it is fair to the client to have me signed up for another year, only to find out in a couple of months that I cannot perform 50% of the duties and will only be working for half of the contracted period.
So long story short, do I tell them now so they have time to put someone else in my position? I will have other work waiting for me back at my workplace for the next 6 months until I give birth, with zero travel. I’m just uncomfortable telling so early, but I feel like I would be shirking my duty to the client and destroy the client relationship if I spring this after they make the decision, especially given that I am counted on to be on the road and there are very few options for others to cover for me.
Anonymous says
Tell them
Anon says
Tell them now so they can find someone else for the secondment, especially since it sounds like you are near the end of the first trimester. It may be a little earlier than you would like to tell, but I think the goodwill from disclosing in this situation so that you don’t harm a client relationship is worth telling a few weeks early
SC says
Tell them, or at least the person in charge of the secondment. It’s worth it in this situation.
Lala says
My boss just told me that my job will be ending at the end of the year as the main contract I am working on has not been renewed. I had a suspicion that the companies financial picture was not great overall and appreciate the advance notice but I am really bummed. I am also due with our second child in February and obviously an unfunded maternity leave is not ideal, nor is starting a job search while pregnant. Ugh. In the grand scheme of things I realize this is not dire, we have substantial savings, I can get decent healthcare through my husband’s work, and we will be fine on just one salary for quite some time. I also realize my best bet to start networking now but I was really looking forward to being home with baby for a few months and even if I do get another job before the baby, the idea of a super short maternity leave is just making me sad. Mostly just needed to vent. Thanks for sharing any inspiring stories of people who got through something similar.
Anon says
If you’ll be fine on one salary for some time, I would personally use this is a chance for an extended maternity leave. I would probably take a 12 week true maternity leave (no job searching) and then start job searching, with the idea of going back to work when my child was somewhere between 6-12 months. Sorry this is happening to you.
Anon says
You should also be able to receive unemployment benefits. A similar situation happened to me, my contract ended the month of my due date, and while luckily I was able to use STD still, I was eligible and received unemployment benefits after the STD ran out. It’s not a lot, but it definitely helped.
Lala says
Thanks. Unfortunately no STD in place but unemployment may be a good option.
Boston Legal Eagle says
I’m sorry. I had a similar situation with my first child, although much less advanced notice. Basically the company went bankrupt while I was on leave and everyone was laid off. I got some severance at least and we were ok money-wise, it was just the uncertainty combined with new baby craziness that made me really stressed out.
Personally, I started job searching when my baby was about 6 weeks old because I couldn’t really enjoy the time with him not knowing what I was going back to so I wanted to have something in place asap. I started when he was around 16 weeks, which is the amount of time that I would have wanted off if I had had a normal leave so it worked out but was very stressful in that time period. YMMV about how much time off you feel comfortable with.
All the hugs.
Little Kid Hand Washing says
So…I am probably starting a thread where people will eat me alive. But, being real for a moment, I’m pretty ready to stop enforcing hand washing on my three year old every time she uses the bathroom in our own home. She washes all day long at daycare/school (after restroom, before meals). She washes in public restrooms. She washes before meals at home, in the bath, and often right before bed (after peeing) without much fuss. But every other time she pees at home, it is a giant battle to get her hands washed. And her resistance has led to her wanting help at every stage of going potty at home. And, honestly, I just don’t care enough. I’m not horrified by germs. I wash my hands at all of the above times and also before preparing food because I know I should. But, honestly, I’m just ready to let it go with her until she is a little older and more self-sufficient. Am I a horrible parent?
anon says
No, but I feel like not washing after using the restroom sets a bad precedent (in addition to being germy). Can you at least wipe her hands with a baby wipe?
Anonymous says
Yes. This is one of the fundamental lessons you must teach. People die from E. coli. Don’t let your daughter be one because you’re tired and don’t want to bother.
Anon says
Fun fact: you can’t sick from the germs in your own poop. You can make other people sick but probably only if you had an illness like norovirus or bacterial food poisoning. I agree it’s gross to spread your poop germs around, but you’re not going to kill yourself or anyone else who has a normal immune system.
Anonymous says
Other people use the bathroom this child is using, surely.
Anon says
Right, but they wouldn’t get sick unless she was sick and even then they would not die. I’m not saying don’t wash your hands after you poop, I’m just saying the “People die from E. coli!” response was incredibly dramatic. I mean, yes, people die from E. coli in developing countries but this preschooler is not going to kill anyone by not washing her hands.
Anon says
I don’t think not washing after a pee only is that gross, but I think it might not be the best lesson to teach her and will be a hard habit to break. My child is younger so perhaps this doesn’t apply when they get to 3, but we’ve found that the more we do something (eg., hand-washing, applying sunscreen, etc.) the less she fights it because she starts to accept it’s part of her routine.
shortperson says
i think your ambivalence may be why she’s testing it. if youre not convinced by germs know that she’ll be judged by her peers and adults in her life if this becomes a more general habit.
anon says
What about fun hand sanitizer?
AnotherAnon says
This is probably an unpopular opinion but I am sort of fine with not washing after peeing if you wash after #2 and before meals. Maybe a better solution would be to try to find the root cause of her battling the hand washing? Does she just want more time with you? Is there something about the bathroom that scares her? If she’s doing it at school, maybe ask them their process and try to mimic it at home? My kid does lots of things at school that he knows he can get away with skipping at home (washing his hands def being one of them). Good luck!
Lana Del Raygun says
Can you compromise on hand sanitizer? I don’t think this would make you a horrible parent but I do think hand-cleaning is an important precedent to set.
Anonymous says
Colorful soap and washing hands together is key in our household. I would continue requiring washing after peeing. That’s standard cleanliness. Maybe don’t work about washing super throughly and between each finger but don’t cut it out.
At a bare minimum, require hand sanitizer.
Anonymous says
No. I don’t enforce it after peeing.
Anonymous says
+1. I guess I’m gross, but I don’t enforce it (nor do I do it – ah, the horror) after #1 at home. I do (both do it and enforce it) after #2 anywhere, or anything outside of the home. And I do before eating/mealtimes. But in all seriousness, do all of y’all really wash your hands in the middle of the night if you get up to pee???
Annie says
Add to the health concerns, she’s going to tell on you – at some point she’ll mention it at school, a relative’s house, or on a play date. Are you okay with that?
Anonymous says
I’m on your side here. My kids (3,6) wash hands after using any public restroom. They wash hands at school. They wash hands at home after pooping. I do not get in their business about washing hands after peeing. They are told if any pee gets on their hands or if their hands touch their bodies, then wash. They generally do.
We wash hands before eating and food prep.
Frankly, I don’t wash my hands after peeing in my own toilet and not getting urine on my hands. If done right, I have only touched clean toilet paper. If I have my period, OF COURSE.
anon says
my DH does this too and I don’t get it. You’re touching the flush handle, right?
anon says
Exactly. So freaking gross. Do you know how far the germs travel every time you flush the toilet? Just wash your hands, please.
OP says
For as much as I allege that germs don’t horrify me…the idea of toilets flushing without the lid closed really freaks me out. I don’t understand how people leave toilet lids open 24/7!
IHeartBacon says
I am super militant about washing my own hands and making my LO wash his hands. He knows that not washing his hands is not an option. It sounds like you’ve reached your wits’ end with fighting your LO about it everyday though. I get that. I second the recommendation to just just wipe her hands with a baby wipe followed by hand sanitizer until this phase passes.
Anon says
Not trying to eat you alive, but this would make me really uncomfortable. My son is really good about washing his hands but not all of his friends are and it kind of grosses me out. They touch everything in the house!
OP says
Thanks, everyone. I appreciate the reality check. I think this is one where maybe I should take kiddo to the store to pick out soap (she does already pick out her scent at B&BW). Or maybe an Elsa dispenser if they exist. And maybe this would be a good place to institute our first sticker chart. Anon at 2:34 – that’s part of my problem in some ways. Sometimes it feels like I’m the only parent keeping such close tabs on my kiddo’s bathroom habits to enforce rules. And I don’t know why, but I’m just feeling really burnt out on it lately. I guess it is just all part of being a parent!
Anonymous says
Kandoo brand soap was key to winning the battle with my kid.
Anonymous says
My kids have pottery barn water bottles. They are in love with them.
The water bottles do not have any kind of handle/ring/clip and have a tendency to fall outback of my K kids backpack on the bus.
Anyone have any product or hack to add to a water bottle so it can clip or attach to a backpack?
I could just clip the contigo on with a caribeaner or whatever but now we apparently can only bring the unicorn water bottle which has nowhere to clip the caribeaner.
EB0220 says
Random question, has anyone turned a front room (formal living room or dining room) into a command center/mudroom-like area? We have a big dining room table that we almost never use and could really use a storage area for shoes/backpacks/homework/papers instead. I searched Google and Pinterest but didn’t really see anything like what I’m looking for. I’m thinking no renovation, just removing the dining room table, adding storage furniture and maybe moving the light fixture.
rakma says
I’m thinking of doing this to our dining room. It’s off the kitchen, right next to the garage door that’s our primary entrance, and I don’t want to give up more room in the kitchen for backpacks and shoes. I might shift the dining room table so it’s not centered, and use it like a giant homework desk.
Dining room isn’t used that much currently, and I figure since we’re not planning on making any major changes, it can always go back to being a dining room when the kids are older and can be trusted to manage their own belongings. (So like, college age? Early 20s? I don’t know that I can be trusted to manage my own belongings yet.)
IHeartBacon says
This is a great idea if you never/rarely use the space. Have you tried searching for photos of “dining room turned office.” Here is something I pulled up that sounds like it fits what you’re thinking: https://tatertotsandjello.com/my-dining-room-turned-craft-roomoffice/. I like the table in the middle of the room for crafts/homework.
SC says
Not quite the same, but we turned our dining room into an office. It’s right by the front door, so any mail and bills go there until we deal with them. Besides furniture (and we didn’t even have a complete set of dining room furniture yet), the only change we made was replacing the chandelier with a ceiling fan and moving the electrical box for that fixture 6 inches so it is centered.
If it’ll make your space more useful, I say go for the mudroom/command center. Don’t do a major renovation and plan to stage it as a dining room if you sell the house.
By converting the previous dining room to our home office, we were able to change the rest of the house around for the better (for us). The old office became DS’s bedroom with a brand new bunk bed, DS’s old bedroom became a play room, and we reclaimed a sun room (my favorite room, which had been taken over by toys) as an adult space. With the new flow, papers don’t pile up all over the kitchen, and toys don’t end up strewn all over the house. It’s amazing.
Anonymous says
Thinking of doing this as well. Looking at wardrobe style storage also one wall from Ikea – check out their closets section. Plus adding a dining room table that closes down quite small like the Transformer Table. That way I can close the wardrobe/storage and expand the table when I want to entertain.
anon says
I feel bad for admitting this, but I have several weekends of solo parenting this fall that I’m not looking forward to. I don’t even have babies or toddlers, and I’m still dreading it. Mainly because I struggle with keeping both kids occupied, while doing my regular cooking/cleaning/household maintenance routine. Oldest can play alone, until he hits a limit, and whines that he’s borrrred and wants to goooo somewhere. My preschooler is in a Stage 4 clinger phase and her ability to play independently has regressed quite a bit over the summer. I’m not OK with them being on screens all day long.
And have I mentioned that I’m an introvert who really needs some downtime during the course of the day, not just after they go to bed, or I turn into a cranky monster?
Sometimes getting out of the house is the best option, but I’m really struggling to find activities that both of them enjoy right now. Preschooler loves the park. Elementary-schooler is totally over it, unless his friends are there. On the weekends, DH and I like taking everybody out for bike rides, hikes and being active, but I’ll admit that it sounds exhausting to do it alone.
Ideas, please? And trust me, I feel bad enough about not loving solo parenting. I thought it would get better as the kids got older, but it’s gotten more complicated in different ways.
GCA says
Solidarity. I am an introvert and am apparently raising a 4yo extrovert…the talking alone is exhausting.
Do they swim? My kids are only 1 and 4, but on solo parenting nights, I often take both to the pool after daycare, keep an eye on the 4yo in his puddlejumper, and play with the baby in the shallow end. Then we wash up, put on PJs, and go out for dinner or grab takeout. By the time we get home they’re both ready for bed. It’s been going well enough that I’ve signed the big kid up for weekday post-daycare swim lessons on my weekly solo night. If both of yours are competent swimmers they might be able to play some pool games – toss a ball around, dive for toypedoes or something.
Also, will they play board games? Make their own personal pizzas for dinner (you make the dough or get grocery store pizza dough)? Go for a hike but also throw in a nature scavenger hunt that keeps them slightly occupied? Start them on story podcasts or read Harry Potter out loud to both?
Anon says
Can you plan day trips for the Saturdays? Zoo, state park an hour away, museum? It’ll be a change of scenery and hopefully a location that’s fun for you, too. Buy your lunches if packing and prepping seem overwhelming. Then when you get home at 4pm or whenever, you can let them have an hour or two of TV guilt-free while you decompress (I also find car time helpful to recharge a little).
EB0220 says
Do you remember how in “About a Boy”, Hugh Grant’s character divides his time into “units”? That’s what I do when solo parenting. :) Breakfast: 1 Unit, Trip to Target: 2 units, Movie: 4 units. I usually allow a ton of screen time on solo weekends.
Emily S. says
I do this, too! I have a lot of solo parenting nights and weekends coming up this fall, and I’m already thinking of how to fill the units.
NYCer says
Since it will be several weekends, can you a hire a babysitter for a couple hours at least one (or more) of the weekends? That way you can have some time to yourself.
Otherwise, I think scheduling some outings seems like a good plan. I am not sure where you are located, but do you have apple picking nearby? Zoo? Cold weather beach day (digging, running around, etc.)?
SC says
Can you schedule play dates at a friend’s house for the elementary-aged kid? Hire a babysitter for at least part of it?
I’d plan an all-day activity or trip at least one day. It gives everyone a change of scenery and gets you out of the cooking/cleaning/laundry cycle.
Emily S. says
What about hiring a sitter for a few hours one morning or afternoon so you can get out? I’m also an introverted parent of 2 small kids staring down the barrel of quite a few nights and weekends by myself this fall, and I’m thinking of hiring a sitter to come over one Saturday morning for a few hours so I can go to the gym or a coffee shop or even, maybe, stay home and do a purge of my closet. The relentless nature of parenting, especially alone, means a break is sometimes necessary.
Anon says
I might ask again tomorrow, but when did you potty train your children? I was apparently trained shortly after I turned 3, which my mom claims was totally normal in the 80s. But it seems like most people now train their children by their second birthday or right after turning 2 at the latest? Some of my friends have even done it as young as 18 months.
I ask because my 22 month old doesn’t seem to be showing any signs of readiness and it seems logical to me that potty training will be easier and smoother if we wait for her to take the initiative, within reason of course (we’re obviously not going to send her to kindergarten in diapers). I find diapers so convenient, honestly, especially with as much as we travel and am no hurry to ditch them and start the process of helping my toddler use public restrooms (ewww). But all my friends are asking me why we haven’t trained yet and telling me it will be harder if we wait (!? that’s so counter-intuitive to me, but multiple people have told me this). For context, she’s generally a laidback, easygoing kid who handles new situations and takes direction well but she can be REALLY stubborn when she makes up her mind about something. She has excellent receptive language skills but probably average at best expressive language skills and she’s not consistently able to communicate to us when she needs a diaper change (she frequently says she did when she didn’t or vice versa).
Boston Legal Eagle says
I thought the trend was to train later now? We trained our older son when he was 28 months (so just before 2.5). Even that seems a little on the younger side based on other parents I’ve talked to but he seemed ready and was consistently going on the potty at night and we selfishly wanted to train him before baby came along. We did the Oh Crap method over a 4 day weekend and it worked well for him.
I don’t personally know anyone who trained before age 2.
Anon says
Wait wait wait wait. Definitely wait until she is showing signs and interest. At 22 months you would be really training *yourself* to take her to the bathroom. I have many friends who felt similarly pressured by the competitive potty training culture and they were still “training” over a year later. I waited til my son asked and had pooped on the toilet (to head off the myriad poop issues people seem to have), went cold turkey on underwear, and he was completely day trained in two weeks at age 2.5 – no accidents or constipation or poop issues since, and he’s 4 now (I think I did have a relatively easy time, but my kid is super stubborn and pushing him would not have worked!). There’s even a school of thought that forcing your kid too soon could leave to a host of problems with withholding, decreased bladder capacity, etc down the line. That was enough to help me relax about it.
CCLA says
Your kid sounds like my kid about being laid back, takes direction well, but stubborn. :) We tried at 2 years 4 months and it was an epic fail. We waited until she was 2 years 9 months and it was worlds easier. Still took longer than the 3-day method (about 2 days for pee, maybe 2 weeks for poop, just refused to do it, so we had a reversion to pullups in the middle for a few days). It was stressful at the time, but in retrospect not too bad, and again, way easier than the earlier attempt. She’s had very few accidents since we did that a few months ago and even ended up night training at the same time without our trying. I’m with you on diapers being easy, though now that she’s trained it’s about the same, was just the trainING first few weeks that were tough. I’m glad we packed it in the first time around and tried later.
anon says
We trained both our girls easily at 2 years, 3 months. It seemed to be a perfect window for them. They could communicate enough and get their pants up and down themselves. They weren’t mature enough any earlier. We could have waited longer, but were glad we didn’t wait since they get tougher to manipulate as they get closer to 3.
Anonymous says
We did it right before 3. She was more than ready, so it was pretty painless. We waited because in the months leading up to that (the summer), we had a lot of travel planned. Specifically road trips. And we didn’t want to mess with taking a potty chair in the car, etc. I also wanted kiddo to have a bit more coordination before going on public toilets, which really grossed me out.
Anonymous says
3.5
Anonymous says
I have 3 kids- just turned 2, 4, and 7. All girls. They all day trained right at or around 2 and were 99% night trained by 2.5.
They were ALL the first in their crowd to be potty trained. More common around us is 2.5/3, with some (esp boys) closer to 3.5. I’d say pull-ups were generally gone by the time kids started the 4s class in the preschool, but not always.
with mine, it took a few weeks and we had regressions. I hear it’s easier (like, 2-3 days) if you wait, but I hate diapers. And my kids are/were all extremely verbal. I had a 22 month old telling me “I pooped. I need a diaper.” in my house, that means it’s time to potty train ;). I also minimize the use/reliance on special potty seats and I definitely do not do kid potties. But to each their very own. It is no business of mine when your kid stops diapers!!
Emily S. says
Around 2 years 8 months. We planned on doing it at 2.5 to take advantage of my maternity leave plus work holidays plus younger daughter in full time day care (we did the Potty Training in 3 Days book method), and she was showing signs of readiness, but she got sick the night before day one, and then DH got sick, then I got sick, then it was Monday of Thanksgiving week and I had to go back to work. That was an awesome week. So we waited a few extra months, until she was showing all the signs of readiness. Our ped said anywhere between 2 and 3 is average, but she guessed it would be closer to 3, and she was right.
Anonymous says
We trained at just shy of 3, when kid was very clearly ready. My mom reports from the 80s that I trained myself at just barely 2 and my sibling after 3. I would say that 90 percent of kid’s preschool friends trained between 2.5 and 3.5, with some kids still having issues closer to 4.
Anonymous says
We have a special needs kid who potty trained at 4.5. He was the last kid in his daycare group to potty train.
In general my advice would be to chill. If your kid isn’t interested before 2 years don’t push it. We sort of just wash milestones fly by these days. Your kid will eventually potty train.
The people who claim their kids potty train at 18 months are honestly cleaning up mistakes all the time. Their kid is barely physically ready to potty train even if they can communicate that effectively.
CCLA says
I suggest a foaming handsoap, easier for the littles to get a lather going, maybe even an automatic one depending on your kid. They didn’t make those in “elmo” so we just added elmo stickers and boom, foaming automatic elmo soap dispenser acceptable to our 3-yo.
CCLA says
Threading fail, clearly for above re: handsoap!
OP says
Thanks! We do foaming soap. And had an automatic dispenser. A $50 Kohler one that is a P.O.S. and stopped working after about a month. Maybe I should look into others.
CCLA says
We (including 3yo) like the simple human rechargeable one! Annoyingly it doesn’t come with a refillable reservoir (they default to having you buy their disposable ones), but you can buy a refillable one from their site for $8.