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I love this top for its happy color and its ability to look nice under a blazer. I also love the high neck and the ruffle trim that the lapels on a blazer would frame nicely. I would probably button it all the way up when wearing it, but it is also shown with the top two buttons open. When the buttons are open, it looks like the collar still stands on its own. I’m picturing this looking nice on a Zoom/Skype court appearance — vibrant color and attention on your face. My colleague is calling this a “business mullet” — blazer on the top and pajamas on the bottom. I think this top would be an excellent addition to your business mullet! The top is on sale for $16 at J.Crew Factory and comes in sizes 00–16. Ruffle-Trim Crepe Tank Top
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Sales of note for 5.5.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 30% off your purchase (ends 5/12); $50 off your $200+ purchase (ends 5/5)
- Banana Republic Factory – Spend your StyleCash with 40-60% off everything, or take an extra 20% off purchase (ends 5/6)
- Eloquii – $19 & up 300+ styles and up to 50% off everything else
- J.Crew – Shirts & tees starting at $24.50; extra 30% off sale styles
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – 40% off full-price styles & extra 15% off; extra 55% off sale styles
- Nordstrom: Nordy Club members earn 3X the points on beauty; 30% off selected shoes
- Talbots – 40% off one item & and 30% off everything else; $50 off $200 (all end 5/5)
- Zappos – 27,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – 40% off everything & extra 20% off select styles with code
- Hanna Andersson – Friends & Family Sale: 40% off sitewide
- J.Crew Crewcuts – tk; extra 30% off sale styles; kids’ styles starting at $14.50
- Old Navy – Up to 75% off clearance
- Target – 20% off women’s clothing & shoes; up to 50% off kitchen & dining; 20% off jewelry & hair accessories; up to $100 off select Apple products; up to 40% off home & patio; BOGO 50% off adult & YA books
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
AnonATL says
In today’s installment of first time mom questions: Does anyone have strong opinions on a Spectra vs Medela breast pump?
I’m getting ready to order my pump through insurance and have narrowed it down to two very comparable models of pumps, but I’m not sure if one is really better than the other. If you are curious, I’m considering the Spectra S2PLUS Breast Pump with AFBP Sydney Breast Pump Backpack and Medela Pump In Style Advanced Starter Set with AFBP Sydney Breast Pump Backpack both on aeroflow’s site.
I wfh fulltime before Corona, and fully expect (hope) to have the same job after all this. I would like an option that is easily portable for travel, but I’m not commuting every day with it. I’m having a boy, who might be our one and done child. Does one brand have better accessories, storage, etc I should be considering? They look pretty comparable to this untrained eye.
Thanks for the sage mom advice :)
Anon says
My insurance paid for the Spectra. I liked it well enough for when I used it (combo feeding, pumped because I had issues with letdown). My only advice is to see what extra bottles and accessories cost; you will need extra bottles. A lot of extra bottles.
HSAL says
I used and liked them both, with a slight edge to the Spectra for a quieter motor. I didn’t have the backpack for either but I preferred traveling with the Medela, since the Spectra has an awkward shape for packing. Medela accessories seem to be more widely available. I had a Medela for my first so I had a ton of the bottles and accessories. Since Spectra uses a wider mouthed bottle, I would pump into those and then transfer them to the Medela, but they also make adapters.
Anne says
I’ve used both and the spectra was way way better imho.
NYCer says
Agreed. I really liked the Spectra.
Anon says
Agreed. I wouldn’t travel with either though. When I traveled (I think twice while I was pumping – I have a low travel job and declined everything other than critical travel while pumping) I took the medela hand pump. I hear good things about the Spectra s9 though in terms of portability.
AIMS says
Yes! I never notice the big difference in milk production that some women report but it’s so much quieter! You can be on the phone, zoom, etc., and it’s amazing. I actually stopped by a friend’s office once and she was pumping using a spectra – discreetly covered – and I honestly had no idea for like 5 min. Not that most of us would want to do that but the fact that it was even possible…
Also, I may be in the minority, but I never found bottles an issue. I transferred milk into bags immediately and it was not hard to rinse out two bottles quickly in the sink.
Anonanonanon says
I’ve used both and I loved my spectra. The medela I had did not have the ability to charge and be used wirelessly, and the spectra was more quiet. I had the medela hospital grade pump on loan for a bit and the Spectra was just as efficient. My insurance only covered a truly horrible pump (ameda purely yours… a nightmare) and I paid for Spectra out of pocket. Was 100% worth it.
Anonanonanon says
Oh! I just remembered- I bought cheap adapter things on you-know-where that allowed me to use medela brand tubes and bottles for pumping.
Pogo says
That’s good to know – I was leaning towards Medela again just because I have all the stuff, though honestly should just replace that all the second time anyway (except for like, car adapter maybe?). And I could probably treat myself to a new Sarah Wells travel bag rather than the standard issue Medela one I used last time. You know, if I can ever fly on a plane again and if I still have a job after all this, etc.
Pumps says
Spectra. Any recs you see for Medea are from before Spectra was on the market. -mom of three who pumped w medala for first two and spectra for third
Boston Legal Eagle says
I had the Medela PIS for my first and the Spectra (not the wireless one) for my second. I liked the Spectra for its quietness, feel and just overall “look” (it’s as stylish as a pump can be). I didn’t notice much difference in output, but the Spectra does have a few more different settings to play around with.
Anon says
I have no experience with the Spectra but I was really happy with the Medela PISA. My insurance didn’t cover the Spectra and given how little I pumped (once/workday for ~6 months for one child) I’m glad I didn’t spend $200 on Spectra. Most people have multiple children and pump multiple times per workday though, so they would get more use out of a pump than I did.
GCA says
I also wfh full time before covid. I used both: Medela PISA for my first, and Spectra S2 (not wireless) for my second. Much preferred the Spectra for silence, comfort and efficiency.
Other pumping accessories that were essential:
– Adapters so I could use Spectra flanges with Medela-style narrow mouth bottles
– Extra duckbill valves for replacement every few months
For travel, I brought a hand pump and a Haakaa. Active pump on one side, passive on the other, and then switch.
AIMS says
Hands free bra! Hideous but essential.
SG says
Another vote for spectra. I had a Medela pisa for my first and it was okay, but I hated pumping. I chose a spectra with #2 and it’s miles ahead, it’s much more efficient. I love the different modes, timer, and light. Also for those mentioning extra parts, mine come free every month from the company my insurance used to supply the pump (med source). Also I really liked pumping into the kiinde bags direct to freeze to cut down on number of bottles.
Quail says
I used a Medela PIS for my first and got a Spectra for my second, now 7 mos, (upon the advice of the wonderful folks here!) I got the one that can be charged and used without a direct plug-in, which is great. While I can’t say I’ve noticed a difference in production, the Spectra is much quieter and I like the variable settings. I also haven’t had to travel as I usually would have had to so I haven’t needed to use the battery function, but it would have been a game changer from the Medela. Just was so stressful to try to find an outlet in an airport or bathroom in random place, etc. I got adapters for my medela bottles and just pumped into those plastic and then immediately transferred to the glass avent bottles we decided to use. I would pump and then give the nanny the previous day’s milk, never frozen, and I preferred storing in glass bottles to plastic. But I couldn’t pump into the glass bottles, so that’s my system. BTW, I’m still nursing but because I’m WFH haven’t been pumping often. (That’s a whole ‘nother conversation in which I regret not continuing to pump and to have spouse give baby a bottle because now she refuses all bottles, but I digress.) And get a hand pump for engorgement or other times you want to get a few ounces quick, but I personally couldn’t use that exclusively.
Highly recommend the kindred bravely pumping bras. You will definitely want a hands free bra (even for pumping at home) and I found most of them to be really annoying to put on, and really really annoying to have to do so at work. The KB bras can be worn all day and while not the most comfortable it was worth it to not have to put on a weird tube top 3x a day while trying to keep up my billables.
AnonATL says
Thanks for all the replies. Seems like the Spectra wins by a long shot!
Anonymous says
Get the Spectra S1 (the rechargeable one) instead of the S2. I seriously regret not getting it and now I’m tied down like an octopus with cords everywhere when I pump.
Anonymous says
The rechargeable S1 is also a lot lighter than a Medela PIS with a battery pack. While I agree that the S1 is a bit of an awkward shape for packing, its weight was so much better that I never felt annoyed having the cart it around when I traveled. I also had a PIS with my first and both an S1 and an S2 for my second. The Spectras didn’t make me love pumping, but I don’t hate it as much this time around. They are quieter, marginally more comfortable, and somehow just make me less mad because they are less ugly.
AnonATL says
lol the image of a breast pumping octopus is too hilarious to my tired brain today.
Anne says
You guys. I just can not today. It’s like effing childcare/work groundhog day with no end in sight and no break from the routine. I just want to pay someone money to watch my kids at night while I get dressed up with husband and eat in a busy restaurant and doubt that will happen for so many months minimum. I’m sick of you tube, playing with baby dolls, snack time, crying, catching up on work at night, the whole lot of it.
Anon says
If I have to pretend to put Baby to bed one more time I’m absolutely freaking going to lose my mind. Very glad it’s not just me.
Anon New Yorker says
+1
So Anon says
For me, it’s hearing about Minecraft. I don’t want to learn any more about which blocks do what, hacks, and whether we can download the latest java edition or buy specialty packs. No more.
CHL says
Oh the Minecraft! We were able to channel that into my 7 year olds “Learning Fair” presentation. He had to learn what chemistry, physics and biology were and document the differences between Minecraft and the real world. It was intensely boring to us but he was so passionate about finding things!
Spirograph says
I love this so much. My 7 year old is playing some battle royale game (thanks, DH) more than Minecraft these days, but when he comes back to it, I’m totally going to steal your idea.
Anon says
I’ve developed an eyelid twitch when my toddler incessantly says “Ma….Ma…..Ma” every 15 seconds on average (often alternated with “box…ma…box” because apparently delivery boxes must immediately be brought inside and we have to constantly check for new exciting boxes – it’s like a dog with a bone). Trying to encourage the speaking because she is delayed, but oh my word I am going to lose my mind.
AIMS says
I’ve started a game where my kids put me to bed. I get to wail and be unreasonable while I lie on the couch and they cover me with blankets and sing. Highly recommend.
Anonanonanon says
Yes! I just want a reason to get dressed and look nice, to look forward to wearing something, to look over menus to choose a restaurant, to look over the menu that day and look forward to the food and cocktails I plan to order, to spend time with my husband where yes, we’re exhausted, but we look nice and we’re out in the world!
I know it sounds dramatic, but I just miss having something to look forward to.
Redux says
I don’t think that’s dramatic at all. Not having something to look forward to is like a screener question for depression. We are all living it.
Ashley says
Same! The whining is about to make me pull my hair out! I told my 2 yo yesterday that mommy does not like to build train tracks with blocks and will not be doing it anymore. *facepalm* not a great parenting moment.
Cb says
I can’t either… I can deal with the work side, but the raging annoyance at my house (why can’t I walk without tripping on things) and my husband (why is he so loud? why are we just annoying each other? why is he trying to give us food poisoning) is killing me.
anne-on says
Ha, I seriously had to stop myself from yelling at my husband to stop clearing his throat so loudly yesterday….
Pogo says
Allll of this. Remember brunch? Happy hour? Flying to see your girl friends for the weekend? Those were good times.
I will say meal planning and cooking something semi-legit every night has helped w/ the groundhog-day-ness. DH and I have a list of 7 meals for when he goes shopping (about every 10 days), and we write them up on a whiteboard and then have multiple discussions every day about what to cook that night, as if it matters. But it changes things up a little, and on the rare occasion it’s nice out and we’re still playing outside at 5:45 we can go “leftovers?” and it feels like a treat! We’ve tried a lot of new meals and definitely cooking slightly more elaborately since we’re always home at 5pm to get started cooking, unlike pre-corona life. We got LO to eat asparagus the other day, so massive win there.
anne-on says
At this point I would KILL for a business trip. Grown up clothing? Silent plane ride where I can read a book or watch a movie? Space to JUST work during the day and make actual progress instead of just putting out fires? Silent hotel room and ROOM SERVICE at night? Bliss. Pure bliss.
anon says
This morning, I thought: “I just want a day off!!!” I want a spa day. And something to look forward to.
GCA says
my cycle has been work stress -> attempt to take time off or otherwise spend ten minutes doing something for myself -> work piles up -> more stress.
also last night my normally decent sleeper toddler woke up at 2am and cried for half an hour refusing to go back to sleep. I can deal with teeth, I can deal with midnight snacking, I don’t have a good solution for a 20-month-old’s existential dread.
Anon says
This made me laugh. My child has never been a good sleeper and because we’ve solved for everything else, it must be extra existential dread. So thank you.
AnotherAnon says
Same. Been up since 2AM for no reason. My shoulder won’t stop twitching, which the internet says is due to: stress, dehydration, and too much caffeine. Check, check and check. DH is rage-doing chores and caring for kiddo. SIL, who moved in with us to help care for kiddo, is fully medicating herself out of dealing with this whole situation. I’m not even pretending to put in 8 hours at work anymore.
Boston Legal Eagle says
I feel you. The fact that basically every day is the same and there’s nothing to plan for or look forward to is really hard. And in MA, daycares won’t be open for 9 more weeks (at least), which just feels depressing. All of those tools of self-care like using your village, taking time for yourself, massage, pedicures is just extremely difficult right now so there are no helpful suggestions anyone can give other than just to survive. And my husband is doing more of the childcare and my work is more or less understanding and still, it’s just hard.
Anon says
My husband took toddler on a drive around our neighborhood (also to force a nap) yesterday and I took the time to paint my toenails at my desk while on a call I didn’t have to speak on…. Worth every minute.
Pogo says
I gave myself a mani on a call last week.. have not yet attempted toes. Which is silly b/c w/ pregnant belly, toes will soon be impossible. Current pedicure is like 25% grown out. Dark times.
Anon says
I did Mommy-toddler pedicures on Monday (w/Piggy Paint for the toddler). It was sadly pretty much the highlight of my day.
lsw says
Girl, yes. It’s my 40th on Saturday and I’m crushed to have to cancel the party at my favorite bar, and the milestone trip my husband and I planned for both our 40ths where we were supposed to leave on Monday, but what I want most in the world for my 40th is for someone to take my teenage girl far, far away from me for 48 hours.
Also, my god, I cannot play more dinosaurs with my three year old. All they do is say hi and then eat each other.
GCA says
could you play dinosaurs… on a boat? dinosaurs…on a train? dinosaurs sitting on their eggs? dinosaurs driving a digger? building a dinosaur tower? giving dinosaurs a bath?
after the third hour of dinosaurs I, too, get a bit loopy.
lsw says
Good suggestions – it always seems to devolve into eating, but maybe I need to expand my repertoire. The good/bad news is that he discovered Godzilla so now Godzilla fights the dinosaurs too, which at least spices it up a little.
Redux says
Please have your dinosaurs play out the most dramatic scenes you can remember from Days of Our Lives/ Young and the Restless/ Your daytime drama of choice. Stegosaurus finds Tyrannosaurus with another stegosaurus– who turns out to be his twin who everyone thought was lost at sea years ago!
anne-on says
Have they seen dinosaur train on PBS? I’d let them watch it and then ‘re-enact’ the show – mama Pteranadon gets fish! But Buddy the T-Rex prefers meat – oh here’s some carrion! Now they’re having a sleep over with the stegosaurus! Now we’re playing dinoball!
That show was obviously created by a parent of a kid who was obsessed with BOTH dinosaurs and trains and I was allllll about it when my kid was smaller.
GCA says
With DH in grad school and two kids in daycare, we were already on a lean budget pre-covid. Our last date night out was in 2018, we cooked every single meal at home and takeout was once a month if that, and leisure travel was basically out of the question. The only thing that coronavirus has changed is the removal of daycare (and DH has graduated and is now temporarily an A++ SAHD). I no longer have any jealousy or FOMO about other people’s amazing travel or dining-out experiences! :) that said, my stress and anxiety are due to a combination of massive uncertainty + massive work stress (as we pivot to virtual event organizing) + kids having a hard time adjusting.
GCA says
forgot to add: what I’m really mourning is that 2020 was supposed to be the year our life returned to ‘normal’: DH getting a more stable and permanent job after investing in grad school; me recovering physically and mentally and work-wise from having kid 2 in 2018; and all of that upended by the pandemic.
Anon says
congrats to your DH for graduating! this all sounds very very stressful. you have sacrificed a lot for your family and I know you were hoping to start to make your life easier and more financially secure in 2020. Are you still having to pay daycare? Hang in there!
So Anon says
Yes!! I hear you on this!! One part of this that is really hard for me is the feeling that I was finally moving on, to a place of stability, of my new “normal.” Divorce, sale of marital home completed last year, and this year was my time to stretch my legs, and now I feel stagnant.
Anon says
I convinced my 2 year old that there’s something called a “sleeping party” where we lie in my bed together with our heads on the same pillow, and it was a great decision.
Pogo says
lol, mine loves to tell me to go to sleep, tuck me in, etc. But then he makes me wake up like 30 seconds later! “mommy wake up it time to walk the doggie!” Only to be told to go to bed again in 1-2 minutes.
anne-on says
Yes. I reached a breaking point yesterday, was short and snappish with my kiddo, and then promptly felt guilty about it all night. While logging on at night to work. Some more. Always.
I also broke down on my mom’s group chat about how sick I am of trying to pretend I can work all the hours, parent, supervise school, cook, clean, etc. Bless their hearts, but the SAHM’s just didn’t get why work would hound me or not respect my blocked time for childcare. I know it’s hard for stay at home parents too but I would kill not to have to try to fit in an 8 (ha – which is a huge reduction in hours!) workday on top of all the other stuff we now have to do.
Anon says
I hear you – I have been billing 12 hours a day with constant toddler interruptions that make it closer to a 15 hour day (DH has finally learned that the house better be burning down or an ER trip required to interrupt me, but the toddler just wants her mama) plus sharing of all the things we normally outsource like cooking and cleaning, and a DINK friend the other day with a strict 9to5 just told me how absolutely bored she was. And if I see or hear about one more baking project, I might snap. I have plenty of flour and yeast, but no time to bake. I did take some frozen pre-covid chocolate chip cookie dough out for a midnight cookie bake while on a conference call last week, but I think we should call that a low point rather than a high.
Anne says
Thanks guys. Wish you weren’t in the same spot so helpful to feel like we’re all slogging through it.
Anonanonanon says
Honestly, we all posted about how our lives were kind of drudgery BEFORE this. Not to say they weren’t, just saying life with small kids and two full-time jobs in the house is HARD and we all really relied on the little things that just aren’t possible anymore to break it up/have something to look forward to.
Anonymous says
amen.
2nd Birthday Ideas says
Feeling pretty guilty about DD’s 2nd birthday, which is mid next week. We’ve been struggling with life right now – aren’t we all – and it’s just not something we’ve focused on and now has snuck up on us, but I can’t get motivated for it.
On the one had we are seeing all of these big parades of cards for people’s birthdays (social media, sigh, I know…). I have immediate family that wants to come on the weekend after in our large cul de sac circle to sing to her but I feel like I should be doing more for her. I know she’s only 2 and probably won’t remember it. If not for The ‘VID we’d be having a combo birthday/open house (moved into a new house recently) with probably 30 adults+kids. Heck, I don’t even have a present for her to open yet. Sigh. I feel like I’m totally not doing enough here.
Anonanonanon says
You’re doing fine. Order some balloons today, blow them up the night before and put them everywhere. Make some cupcakes out of boxed mix. Get something that will keep her busy that you planned to buy anyway- sidewalk chalk, art supplies, toy food, whatever, and wrap it (or throw it in gift bags with tissue paper!). Put a candle in a canned cinnamon roll or pancakes for breakfast and again later in her cupcakes. It will all feel exciting and special for her, and that’s the important part.
Cb says
We had my son’s 2nd birthday when we were on holiday and grandma and grandpa were jetlagged. We got some cake from a bakery (any small shops doing deliveries?), stuck a candle in it, and let him eat it outside in his nappy. He won’t care and it did make for adorable social media photos.
Anon says
Yes, I 100% phoned in my 2 YO’s birthday last week. She got sidewalk chalk and pom poms, plus presents from various family members (but at this point she calls all amazon/target deliveries her ‘presents,’ even when it’s a box of baby wipes). She then ate a bunch of easter candy and we made cupcakes – I let her frost them and choose the color of the frosting. She was very happy. She’s 2! She has no expectations for what a birthday should look like.
Anonymous says
She doesn’t know or care.
Redux says
Agreed. For a two year it is about how the parent feels, which is still legit.
Anon says
She’s 2. She will take her cues from your attitude far more than from what is going on around her. Order or bake a cake, have everyone sing on Zoom, and have a present for her to open.
Birthdays says
I feel like covid is putting extra pressure on birthdays. We actually didn’t have parties beyond grandparents for either of my kids for age 2 (one we were traveling and one kid was under the weather). Age 1 you are celebrating making it – age 3 they have more fun with a party. Do donuts for breakfast and a cake and it will feel like the best day ever. Donuts is actually still the thing my five year still zeroes in on about family birthdays.
Totally feel you on feeling disappointed though. I wanted to have a big party and invite all of my friends and their kids for my third’s first bday and it was sad when we had to cancel a couple weeks ago. But kid didn’t care! It’s the silver lining – was actually a much better bday party to just have family for her! Focus was very much on the birthday girl!
Anon says
Eh, I phoned it in for both my 2 year old’s birthdays in year’s past and I couldn’t even blame COVID. I just figured with a lifetime of spending money and effort on kid’s birthdays ahead of me, might as well save on one birthday where the kid really doesn’t know or care. Think of the very little every day things that she gets really excited about, make sure you do those things and that she knows they are for her b/c it’s her special day (does she like pizza?! That’s so exciting we are going to have pizza just for you today!!!! etc.) and you are good.
Anonymous says
For my first, we took her to the aquarium and let her choose a book and stuffed animal from the gift shop as a present. My second child had her second (summer) birthday at the playground/ splashpark.
My 3rd is turning 2 in a few weeks and honestly, I think we are going to buy some kind of outside splash/bounce thing. We will have cupcakes. I will probably buy a balloon with a giant number 2, but possibly just a bunch of balloons. We will sing happy birthday and that will be that. We had planned on a family trip to Sesame Place to celebrate since she loves Sesame and my older kids like rides but that isn’t the cards.
I’m sad, but also, the party and cake and presents are 100% for photos and for me/the siblings. My toddler would consider the bubble wrap in a package the world’s greatest gift. And I suppose we can hit up Sesame Place whenever.
Pogo says
I felt this way about Easter. I did a pick-up order at Target which was contactless and very easy/quick. Our local Target is very well stocked with toys and art supplies – maybe get some Duplos or some Melissa & Doug pretend toys, plus a couple sticker books, and call it a day. If baking supplies in your area are tough to get, throw in a box cake as well or go w/ a wacky cake which doesn’t even need eggs. Your LO will be thrilled with a new toy and cake, nothing more needed!
Boston Legal Eagle says
She won’t care. Really truly. Even my 4 year old didn’t seem to really care that it was just us and grandparents on video this weekend for his party. He liked his bounce house, playing with balloons and cake. Get her a cake from the grocery store and maybe some balloons and a few gifts and she will be happy! And then will be crying the next minute because she’s 2.
Anonymous says
My son turned 7 yesterday. He knows what birthday parties are, and he knows why he can’t have one, but he’s still bummed. Don’t feel guilty about phoning in pandemic birthday, just be glad your 2 year old won’t know enough to be sad!
Anonymous says
My child turned 5 earlier this month. He did surprisingly well with the fact that it was different than was planned. I know he ended up with a few nicer gifts, but it was just us. There was no one stopping by and by Facetime/Zoom. The birthday party was all planned and he had helped with the planning. Since it was paid for already, it will occur someday.. maybe this summer/fall/next year. Who knows? I had my pity party when I canceled the party and then made sure I took the day off from everything else for his birthday. It ended up being a surprisingly good day partially bc I was not trying to juggle work, parenting, and household chores for yet another day.
Jessamyn says
You’re doing fine. She wouldn’t even know it was her bday if you didn’t tell her. Grab a cake from the grocery store, a present off Amazon (with gift wrap if you don’t have any on hand at home), sing her happy bday, take a cute picture of her with her cake, boom, you’re done. And DON’T POST ABOUT IT ON SOCIAL MEDIA.
change the birthday date! says
Oh yeah, forgot this. We totally lied to one of our kids about when their second birthday was (husband was traveling for actual day – it was slightly difficult because we had to trick older sister too but we got away with it). If you care that much, you could just tell them it’s their birthday in a couple months if things are closer to normal!
Anon says
We did basically nothing for our 2 year old’s most recent birthday and that was pre-COVID. We bought her a few presents and got her a cake, which she didn’t even want to eat.
Anonymous says
At 2 I think my son would have been more excited to see the garbage truck go by then a parade of friends in cars.
Anonymous says
My kiddo is also turning 2 soon and I feel this! We finally have a group of parent friends, so I was hoping to do a party of sorts (like donuts and coffee while kids run around). Honestly, we already let her have her big present (balance bike from grandparents) to keep her occupied during our shelter in place. We still have a few toys from christmas she hasn’t opened yet, so those will probably be re-wrapped for her actual birthday. It feels anticlimactic, but I try to remember that she doesn’t care.
Anon says
In our city the fire department is doing “drive by” birthdays (e.g. they drive past your house with a fire truck). My friend’s kiddo’s birthday (6) was last week and he was pretty bummed. BUT the fire truck and a large lego set and getting to pick dinner have cake turned the whole day around. + zoom happy birthday.
The firemen mustn’t have been busy because they parked outside and stood by the truck and chatted to my friend / the kiddos for 10 mins. Might be worth a google?
Also one of the firefighters was VERY good looking, so it made my friend’s day too!
Anne says
Um years ago pre-COVID our child’s second birthday “party” was in a hotel room for 20 minutes with music and necklaces and immediate family only during a family wedding weekend when she wasn’t invited to the wedding. She was thrilled and also doesn’t remember it at all. You’re doing great!
Anon for this says
I just can’t today. MIL is in the final stages of dying of COVID-19 in another state, which is surreal. I haven’t had a full night’s sleep in a week. Last night I got two and a half hours of sleep before my husband insisted it was time to get up, at 5:30 a.m. Now he is sniping at me for not having the energy to shower and get to work. I am just too exhausted to be a good support for him. He won’t let me have our pastor call him and is continuing to work. Meanwhile, I have work that has to get done, but my brain is mush.
Cb says
Oh gosh, that’s so, so hard. I’m sorry! Can you take a nap in your car?
anon says
I’m so sorry. Maybe ask your husband to show more grace as you both grieve. I am a work-to-ignore-the-pain-and-then-emotionally-crash person (like I suspect your husband is), but he needs to let you rest.
Pogo says
Oof, this is rough. Do whatever you need to do to get through the day.
Anonymous says
You don’t need his permission to tell your pastor what is going on
Anon says
He didn’t say she can’t tell the pastor, just that the pastor can’t call him. He gets to decide who he talks to about this.
Spirograph says
I’m so sorry, this sounds awful. It sounds like you are handling your grief differently and that’s hard when you’re trapped in the same small space. +1 to a nap in the car, or a long walk around the neighborhood. Fresh air and sunshine don’t solve anything, but they usually make it feel more manageable to me.
lsw says
I’m so sorry!
Anon says
I am so sorry.
FVNC says
That’s awful. I’m so sorry. Maybe consider taking bereavement leave next week (assuming your company offers it), even though you’re not able to travel for a funeral. It would be impossible for me to carry on with work as usual through this. Hugs to you.
Anonymous says
Fluff question in these serious times: do any of your kids have awesome fashion sense? I have 3 girls (2,4,7) and the 4 y/o is just hysterically fashionable. Like, she’ll make up these crazy outfits that just WORK. She picks patterns that I’d never choose that go so well! Or one day she wore her jeans backward* because she “liked it when the big pockets are up front.” It looked awesome.
My older one is like me. she can see and copy an outfit, but otherwise just sticks to basics. My 2 year old is 2 ;) But at 2, my middle was already choosing her own outfits and insisting on wearing them. They all have the same sort of clothing to work with, which is pretty basic Kid Wear.
I can’t wait to see what kind of crazy nonsense my middle comes up with as she gets older. I’m trying hard to document some of her early choices.
*this child has no butt and can somehow wear pants backward.
So Anon says
My daughter (6) has seriously awesome fashion sense, and I love every minute of it. She can pair things together that, like your middle daughter, just work. Jean skirt plus leggings plus slouchy top – works. And she can accessorize too. It is astounding to me as I have zero fashion sense and use this site and pin terest to make my outfits. I walked downstairs to get ready for work earlier this year BC (before coronavirus), and she looked at me and said my outfit didn’t work. She was right. She is my spirit animal.
same says
Yes, I have a 5 yo with great fashion sense. Like she’ll put on something totally girly but then add motorcycle boots. Or put on a casual outfit and casually accessorize with a jean jacket with flowers that just works. It’s super fun and I’m always impressed. Friends enjoy it enough that I have a private instagram just for the occasional OOTD for her which her biggest fashion fans follow.
I hope it’s something that lasts and that she’s always as excited to put together outfits as she has been for the past couple years!
Anonymous says
ooh I may need to start an insta for my middle. Like yours with the moto boots mine has cowboy boots that make the rounds.
AwayEmily says
I think it’s so nuts how different kids are. My 4yo could not care less about clothes. She just puts on what I give her, no questions asked. Shows no interest in picking out her own stuff and has literally never asked for a specific type of clothing.
My 2yo, on the other hand, has STRONG PREFERENCES. In the last week he has demanded that I get him:
– a kitty cat shirt
– a butterfly dress
– soft pants that are blue and red
– yellow shoes
Keep in mind he didn’t, like, SEE any of these prior to asking for them, he just…thought them up! He will also refuse any clothing item that doesn’t fit his vision for the day.
(I did not get him any of the items he demanded, though I am considering a kitty cat shirt).
Batgirl says
WWYD: My mother is 67 and lives a couple of miles down the road from us. She has been practicing social distancing for 40 days now, but has included in her “germ circle” my sister and brother in law who also live locally and have been otherwise conservative w their interactions. That is, they have all been staying indoors except for the occasional walk (6 ft distances etc), online grocery shopping only w my sister doing pick up and delivering to my mom (after Clorox wiping everything). We have been doing the same for 40 days and have a 2 and 4 year old who have been out of daycare that entire time. Is there a point at which it would feel reasonable to join our “germ circles,” knowing that that also means my moms continued interactions w my sister (she has unrelated health issues)? I see this going on a very long time and feel like we will have to make some carefully calculated concessions at some point. I wonder if the time is now, before daycares reopen (at which point we’d isolate from her again). Is this wishful thinking or a reasonable risk?
Anonymous says
If you have to ask whether it’s okay, the answer is no.
https://www.vice.com/en_us/article/4agza3/answer-to-all-social-distancing-loophole-questions-is-no
Anonymous says
I really disagree with this article. Rachel is cozily living with her girlfriend and no kids. The goal was never zero transmission.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Didn’t read the article but I have to agree that I just can’t take advice on this from someone who is childless or who has grown kids out of the house (some posters on the main site come to mind). When you’re not dealing with the difficulties of caring for small children all by yourself, I just can’t relate. Our lives have changed so dramatically from just a month ago that I can’t just be ok with not seeing my parents until we have a vaccine.
AnonLaywer says
Someone on another site told me I was killing people because I (single mom) am seeing my parents and nobody else, including not going into stores. So my little group of four is worse than your family of four somehow?
Jocelyn says
I agree SO HARD with this! Like if you don’t have kids and family members are being reckless, i.e. see my grandparents in FL as an prime example, then sure isolate away! But this isn’t practical or reasonable for another 9+ weeks!
Super annoyed says
I found that article enraging. The way she equates “see parents” with participate in a group exercise class or wander target for an hour or go to the grocery store for last minute BAKING supplies. The people truly struggling with these questions are not even considering any of the latter activities. Only childless people who are bored are. The people really making tough decisions have young kids or aging parents or jobs in healthcare… super privileged position to be writing from.
Anonymous says
Exactly.
Anonymous says
There is no such thing as an acceptable “germ circle.”
Knope says
Well, yes, there is. No one is suggesting that healthy people who live in the same house isolate from one another unless one of those people is a front line worker. The question is how much risk does introducing someone from outside the home introduce if that person has been isolated. Personally, if OP truly trusts that her mom, sister, and brother-in-law have really not been going anywhere or seeing anyone else in the last 40 days, I don’t think that increases the risk much at all. It is basically like adding people to your household. OP would only be putting her family at increased risk if the mom, sister in law or brother were lying about their interactions, and only she can determine the likelihood of that.
Lyssa says
There’s no such thing as a perfect germ cycle. There is certainly a such thing as an acceptable level of risk. We make those calculations every day.
Anonymous says
Of course there is an acceptable germ circle. What should healthcare workers do, abandon their children and let them die of neglect? Of course not.
NYCer says
I will probably get flamed for this on this board, but I would feel comfortable interacting with your mom at this point if I were you given the circumstances you have described.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Well I might get flamed for this but I’d be fine with this risk. My parents still come occasionally on the weekends. I do think there’s less risk to them getting sick from my kids now than when they resume daycare. All we do now is go on walks and one person goes to the grocery store with a mask on.
AnonATL says
I am debating something very similar. My parents have been pretty isolated and live locally. Not only do we need each other’s help on things periodically, I also just really miss them. My brother and his family have already spent some time with them, but we’ve been keeping our distance because I’m pregnant. Everyone in our 3 germ circles (my fam, my parents, my brother’s fam) have been doing everything to reduce outside exposure.
I haven’t decided yet, but with mother’s day coming up I desperately want to spend time with my mom in person. If everyone’s isolating I think the risk is super low. I’ve been locked in my house with my husband since March 10, except for short grocery trips.
I know there are still plenty of people on this board who will so nope, never safe till we have xyz. I know there are also people on this board who are already doing this to help with childcare. For me, the risk/reward calculation is pointing toward joining germ circles with my local family.
Also side-note, my governor has started re-opening things (not trying to start that debate in this thread), and when there is another large surge in cases we would go back to isolating. No one in our germ circles is rushing out to the bowling alley, nail salon, or tattoo parlor.
Anonymous says
Yes. For me that point is now. The curve has flattened in my area. I am resuming seeing my father who lives alone. My family and him have just been doing weekly grocery shopping for 6 weeks. We miss each other and he is achingly lonely and so we are seeing each other.
Anon says
You could make this safer by just one of you doing the grocery shopping for both households. Then it is the same as if you were one big house.
Anonymous says
That’s not practical for us and we are all comfortable with the level of risk which I believe is extremely low from grocery shopping.
Mrs. Jones says
Per my friend who is on virus task forces at CDC, the grocery store is the worst place you can go.
Anon says
I think the risk from grocery shopping is pretty high actually. It’s just something that is necessary, so we’re still allowed to do it.
Anonymous says
As I said, I’m comfortable with the risk. Didn’t actually ask for opinions on that.
Anon says
You said the risk from the grocery store is extremely low, which is a factual assertion and people are allowed to point out that it’s false. No one was attacking your choices.
Anonymous says
I’m curious what you mean when you say the grocery shopping risk is high. Putting on my risk hat, I concede the inherent risk is high, but the residual risk with mitigating measures – required masks (in my county), reduced store capacity, increased cleaning schedule, wiping down the cart, washing your hands before and after – in place seems pretty low. Is this CDC friend talking about inherent risk or residual risk? And in absolute terms or relative terms? It’s certainly highER than walking outdoors and crossing to the other side of the street to avoid others, but that doesn’t make it “high.” I’m not an infectious disease expert, but my current layman understanding of how covid is spread doesn’t jive with this assessment.
Anonymous says
I got Covid-19 when the ONLY place I had been for over 3 weeks prior was the grocery store.
In response to the OP, my in-laws live down the street from us and we are treating our households as combined. I am doing grocery shopping for both households (seeing as I’ve already had Covid-19 it’s safest for me to do it). They watch our kids at their house so my husband and I can WFH without interruptions at least a few days a week. We take turns cooking dinner for both households to reduce the strain of extra meal preparation while everyone’s at home for every meal. It’s dramatically improved quality of life for everyone, and feels sustainable. I think we could continue this way for months, whereas before I spent a lot of each day crying and wringing my hands about when this would be over.
Anonymous says
“I got Covid-19 when the ONLY place I had been for over 3 weeks prior was the grocery store.”
3:43 Anon, are you me? Same here. With the caveat that I haven’t been tested, but I’ve been having video appointments with the Covid clinic at our well-known, high raking university hospital, and they strongly believe that is what I had based on how my symptoms played out and the spread in my area.
Anon says
Were your spouses and kids tested? Because I think it’s more likely you had an asymptomatic spouse or kid who have it to you than that you got it at the grocery store. Some studies suggest up to 50% of young adults are asymptomatic and it’s even higher in kids. When there is wider access to antibody testing you can probably find out for sure.
Spirograph says
I’m sure I’ll be in the minority here, but I don’t think it’s wrong for you to consider this. My mom is not local, but if she were I would feel like it’s an acceptable risk to include her in my germ circle at this point. There would be a huge mental health benefit for me and my kids to have her available, and if you’re all taking the same social distancing measures and have been largely isolated for more than a month, the risk is low. It wouldn’t be worth it to me for a casual acquaintance, but for my mom, sure.
Anon says
We’re also debating a similar situation, and what’s holding me back is that unless we all combine to have a single person do all the grocery shopping/other in-person necessary things, we’re technically doubling the exposure of everyone in the group. If you’re all doing grocery pickup, I suppose that’s not a concern.
Anon says
I wouldn’t. This isn’t just about your personal risk tolerance. If it were, I’d be getting on a place tomorrow since I’m not at all scared about getting the virus myself. The point of social distancing is to slow the spread and protect the public. If everyone was allowed to combine “germ circles” and see people outside their household, it would take us much longer to get out of lockdown, and I don’t think you get to just declare yourself the exception to the rules. I know it sucks to have no childcare but a lot of us are in this situation.
Anonymous says
So I get this, but how is it actually any worse than if the grandparents live in your house? The only difference I can see is potential number of trips to stores (e.g. 2 per week instead of 1 is obviously bad), but if you work around that does it actually matter?
Spirograph says
Well, that’s not the same. If you need to get on a plane, you’re sharing space en route with many more people than someone just hopping in the car for a cross-town trip.
Expanding your germ circle so it includes 10 people instead of 4 is different than having a bunch of overlapping germ circles. (Grocery shopping is low risk to me, given masks, limited store capacity, clorox wipes and hand washing.) The biggest bang for buck in social distancing is getting rid of public places with large numbers of people. Keeping local family apart isn’t the letter or spirit of the stay home order in my area.
So Anon says
It doesn’t just suck not to have childcare, for some people, not having childcare puts their employment, health insurance, ability to buy groceries in jeopardy. Getting on a plane is entirely different from having a grandparent who is also isolating come to your house.
Anon says
That’s true (although let’s be real, the very privileged people who post here are not the ones whose livelihoods and health insurance are most jeopardized by daycare closures) but she didn’t say her employment was in jeopardy if she doesn’t see her mom. It wasn’t even clear from the question if it was about needing childcare at all or just wanting to see her mom. If she is going to lose her job without childcare, my answer would be different. In my state, visiting non-household members for non-essential purposes violates the stay at home order and it’s not something I would do. And it has nothing to do with my personal risk tolerance, which is high (“getting on a plane” was just to illustrate how high my own risk tolerance is; I wasn’t equating airplane travels w/seeing local family).
Raises hand says
We’ve seen my parents some – outdoors – and are actually going away for the weekend (short couple hour drive away to a family house) this weekend. I’m still not sure how I feel about it – they really want to do it and there just haven’t been very many cases where we live! We plan to bring our own food and make sure not to use public bathrooms so only stop would be for gas if necessary.
I feel nervous about seeing my parents but we’re all doing our best here and I don’t see an end in sight. We’re also not in a hot spot. If I were in LA, NYC, Louisiana, this might feel different.
Anon says
In your position, if you trust the are being truthful about their interactions, I would do it. We desperately want to do this – we’re doing only grocery delivery and have been isolated for over a month, but the grandparents have not been as diligence. My ILs (in their late 70s and early 80s!!!) still go out almost daily to different stores (and think it’s fine because they have masks and gloves) because they “need” something (i.e., they are bored), so we will not be seeing them. My parents are being super careful generally, although my dad is still golfing every day (using his own hand cart, so maybe that’s OK? I don’t feel great about it but he’s also lost 15 pounds with about 50 more to go from all the walking and closed clubhouse (i.e., no food or alcohol), so maybe it’s a net positive) but my mom has maintenance chemo so she is still going to the hospital and doctor’s appointments regularly. On the other hand, the toddler is getting really good at video chatting. Based on the social media I see there are a lot of loopholes going on in our area – I see people in current photos who don’t live together (and aren’t family), haircuts, play dates, dinner parties and it just frustrates me to no end.
SC says
Yes, I think it is reasonable. My in-laws are seeing DH’s step-sister and her family. They need help right now. We’re not seeing in-laws because we can’t completely isolate.
In some ways, I think now is the safest time to see people. I expect my state will reopen in early May, and if so, I will have to go back to work. (Boss is not a fan of work from home and only conceded once the stay-at-home order was in place.) Once that happens, our family’s risk of exposure will increase tenfold (at least). Basically, if we’re going to see my in-laws before there’s a vaccine, why not the weekend before I return to work?
Anonymous says
Here is how I would approach it. What would happen if you all got the virus? Are any of you high risk? If the answer is yes, then I wouldn’t proceed. Are you in a hot spot?
But if you look hard at the data, the vast, VAST majority of people don’t get that sick. And by opening up your germ circle, you are increasing your personal odds. At some point, this will happen to us all.
My family of 5 has been interacting with my 63 year old mom since the beginning. She’s been watching the kids and has basically saved us. My dad (60) (parents are divorced) and brother and brother’s girlfriend live in a duplex one state away. My brother is a mechanic that owns his own shop and goes to work all day (pretty much alone; if not alone then VERY isolated from his helper dude). My dad WFHs. Brother’s girlfriend is furloughed. As soon as the weather warms, we will start visiting my dad and brother. They live on the beach and it will be a nice change for us. We’ve all been very careful, are all low risk, and while our states are both hot spots, our individual towns are very low in case count.
My sister, however, is a physical therapist at a rehab/nursing home. We will not be seeing her. Not because we are worried about getting sick, but because we are worried about HER (and then her residents). She is totally isolated except for work and is extremely depressed. Same with my 93 year old grandmother :(.
Anon says
By definition, anyone over 60 is high risk. Her mother gets to make her own decisions about her personal risk tolerance, but just pointing out it’s not a question of if she’s high risk because she is.
Anon says
Reasonable risk. See also: taking babies/kids in for immunization appointments, getting groceries delivered, and taking walks outside.
I don’t think there are hard and fast rules to this stuff, no matter how many click-bait articles fly around, because we just don’t have evidence yet. But if you take everything into consideration and weigh the risks, then you can make an informed decision for yourself.
Signed, someone who had to go to the hospital recently to give birth (a risk vs. a home birth), had friends come to watch #1 while in hospital (a risk vs. going to hospital alone and having partner stay home), and has since taken new baby back to hospital for well-baby checks (a risk vs. delaying vaccination appointments, which I hear many parents are doing).
OP says
Just seeing all these responses — thanks so much.
To answer a few questions,
–we’d love help with the kids, but this isn’t about that. If it were just for childcare, we wouldn’t do it because as hard as it is, we’re fortunate enough to be able to manage without risking our jobs.
–I do believe they’ve all been as conservative as they’ve said because we talk daily and they’re just as worried about it as we are.
–no one is technically high risk except for my mother, based solely on her age, but I still worry about the unknown risks.
–not in a high risk area, but there are cases (northern VA). In the suburbs and it’s been very easy to go for walks without close contact with others.
What I’m trying to figure out is a) are we in a window where the risks may be the lowest for a while bc we have been isolated and things aren’t opening up yet, and b) if the increased risk is very very small because of the measures we’re taking right now, it would seem it might be worth the tradeoff rather than not see one another until there is a vaccine, which could be years. Our sole reason for wanting to see each other is because we miss each other and my young kids miss their grandma and vice versa. It would be a big mental health boost.
Anon says
You’re right that right now is the lowest risk time, but if everyone thought this way it wouldn’t be the lowest risk time. You should wait until your state’s stay at home order is lifted (which is happening in most states in the next few weeks or at most a couple of months – NOBODY has suggested we will be sheltering in place until there’s a vaccine) and then see your mom. You don’t have to immediately return to normal life just because a stay at home order ends, and in fact, I suspect the majority of people won’t.
OP says
I take your point, and I certainly don’t want to contribute to overall risk. But I do worry that when the stay at home order is lifted (and I’m hearing talk of June here in VA), daycares will reopen and I will have less flexibility at work to watch my kids, which means more of a need to send them into daycare. And if that happens, I won’t see my mother for the duration of when they’re in daycare (bc of increased risk of bringing it home), which could be until there’s a vaccine or a better treatment. That’s where I wonder if we’re missing our only chance to spend time together.
Em says
This is basically the germ circle I have had since the beginning. After all parties isolating for 14 days, my mom (up the street) watches my son most days while I WFH and my husband goes into a closed office. My sister (teacher, so not working) also visits occasionally with her kids and her husband also goes into a closed office. We don’t see other people.
Anonymous says
I don’t want to be argumentative because you’ve found what works for you, but this is actually a pretty large circle for right now. It isn’t “just” the people you listed, it’s anyone the mom up the street, your sister, her husband, your husband, and you come into contact with when you’re doing essential shopping. If there’s people at your husband’s and sister’s husband’s otherwise closed offices, they are part of your circle.
Your sister’s husband’s co-worker’s spouse is in your circle, and now that of the neighbor mom watching your kids.
Em says
Yep, we realize this, it has been discussed among all the parties, and we decided we were comfortable with the risk. I wasn’t inviting you to join the circle.
Anon says
But it’s not about YOUR comfort with the risk. That’s what so many people on this thread are not getting. Broadening your circle makes life riskier for everyone, and keeps us all on lockdown for longer.
Anonymous says
Thanks anon. I’m glad Em has found what works for her, but I don’t think people realize how big these circles can get and are getting, which presents a risk to all of us. If too many people are in too many circles then they are really undermining the advantages of social distancing. So it is not only about finding what works for us, but making sure we aren’t taking so many risks that we are putting the community in danger. It is frustrating to me that so much of this is DIY without clear guidelines. Just to take an example similar to Em’s, if the husbands are each working with 10 people (which is a small office), and everyone inadvertantly comes into contact with 5 people each week (grocery shopping, a neighbor or delivery person doesn’t mind their space outside, whatever), then this circle is about 45 people week to week. I won’t post the odds of a fatality if the virus takes hold in that circle, but they are substantially above zero.
Anon says
Does anyone have a Nintendo Switch? Do you think it’s appropriate for most 6 year olds (bonus, even their 4 year old siblings maybe?). Any specific advice, I see there is a Switch Lite and a regular Switch??? I’m one usually inclined to buy the real deal vs a slimmed down version of things unless there is a reason not to?
(I realize, of course, that at the moment actually being able to buy one might be a challenge).
Thanks!
avocado says
The regular version hooks up to the TV and can accept additional controllers for multiplayer use. The Lite cannot. My daughter and her friends like to play together, so I’d go with the real thing.
Anon says
The full version lets you play on a TV, so that’s the one to go with. The reduced functionality of the Lite only gets you $100 off, so not worth it.
I was planning to get a Switch for my 7 yo for her birthday (and let the 4.5yo play too) but they’re sold out everywhere in the US. But I think 6-8 is the perfect age to start. Get Mario Kart, a couple “easier” games, and they can grow into the harder games over the next few years.
anon says
I started researching these for myself. I only like violent games so I have no idea what options there are for littles. I do know the full switch can be hand held or docked to your TV, and the lite version is only handheld.
My almost 4 year old loves her kids’ kindle fire tablet with amazon unlimited. The settings allowed me to limit the content by age, disable the web browser, and disable the camera. She switches between educational games, silly games, short videos and tv shows on her own. I like not having to worry about her accidentally seeing older content.
OP says
“I only like violent games” for some reason I love this comment and visual.
lsw says
Haha we also play mostly kid-inappropriate games but there are both for Switch (like, you can get Animal Crossing but also Witcher 3). Don’t get lite. Especially with two kids – Mario Kart alone will be worth buying the real thing! My three year old sort of plays Mario Kart with us. He also sometimes joins my Breath of the Wild game just to make Link walk around and cook food.
Mrs. Jones says
Our 6 year old had a Switch and liked it, and I think 4 year olds would like it too.
OP says
Thanks everyone! Our son turns 6 at the end of May, so hopefully at some point I can snag one?? Maybe not.
Spirograph says
Yes, there are tons of good games for a 6 year old on Switch. I highly recommend Mario Kart. Even my 3 year old likes that one — with the auto-drive settings it doesn’t matter what the kids do, they still stay kind of with the pack. Other favorites: pokemon, and a train game where you have to switch the tracks to keep the trains from crashing. My 5 and 7 year old are not GOOD at any of these games, but they have a blast playing with each other.
My kids like to run around the Zelda BotW world, but they can’t really follow the story or play. They do like to watch me and my husband play, and it’s kind of soothing to have a beautiful virtual world to explore when we can’t go out in the real one!
Realist says
+1 on letting them run around BOTW, the 5yo loves to do that. It is also a truly amazing game for the adults.
Boston Legal Eagle says
My husband has one and he got our 4 year old to play some (“educational”) games on it. I think there’s some Paw Patrol games and the like. I don’t know about the different models – video games are not my thing.
Anonymous says
No experience on switch vs lite but we got one and our youngest is just-5. His biggest issue seems to be attention span, lol… usually one of us will need to finish his mariokart race or the helper kicks in. The BEST game for him hands down has been super smash bros. Not sure why but he is the best player of the whole family, older sib included! YMMV
Is it “super smash brothers” or do you actually say “bros”? DH and I disagree but it’s not like I ever played as a kid.
SC says
DH’s fraternity used to hold super smash bros. tournaments (drink when you die). They always said “brothers.”
lsw says
We played all the time in college and definitely said “brothers”! It never even came up until this year when my husband bought it for me for Christmas (along with the actual Switch and three other games, he’s a mensch) and he asked me which it was. I had literally never thought of it.
Beth @ Parent Lightly says
We got the switch for my kids last year (then 4 and 7). They’ve both figured it out but don’t play it that much – maybe once a month.
AnonLaywer says
I just got the Switch Lite for me (I have a baby). It’s fine for me because I just want to chill out with Animal Crossing. But I’m guessing kids would want the full thing to play with each other eventually.
When I looked the Switch was sold out EVERYWHERE though, and the Switch Lite was barely available. So probably you’ll need to stalk it at various sites to find a restock!
ANon says
all the people who chimed in yesterday about the learning tower…thank you. one other question – how do you move them around? do you pick them up? drag them? do they scuff up the floor?
Anon says
My kids push/drag ours, but mostly across our tile kitchen, so it’s fine. You could put felt on the bottom if you’re concerned about it scratching wood floors, or just never let the kids push it around. When a parent moves it we easily pick it up.
FVNC says
Felt pads on the bottom. We’ve had wood floors in the kitchens of the three houses where we’ve lived with our learning tower and it’s never been an issue.
Boston Legal Eagle says
I like this top. Maybe I’ll get it for my eventual return to the office… in July (unless there are further delays!). Sigh. Hang in there everyone. And also please keep venting. I’m grateful for a lot of things but there is also a lot to be miserable about.
anne-on says
I’m also in New England and wearing a turtleneck, wool socks, slippers, and a hoodie (briefly had a blazer on and took that off after my call). I would very much like for this ‘spring’ weather to finally arrive so I can break out my cute tops and sundresses.
IHeartBacon says
I love this top.
tk says
I’m six months pregnant, so between Covid 19 and my upcoming maternity leave I likely won’t be back in an office until at least September or October … assuming daycare and elementary schools are open by then.
So, naturally, I just spend several hundred dollars on office clothing in my pre-pregnancy size from the big N*rdstrom sale, just to remind myself that one day I will, eventually, dress and feel like an accomplished professional and not just a slob who wears her husband’s sweatpants all day while simultaniously failing at working from home and homeschooling a 6-year old.
I gotta say, it felt awesome.
Anonymous says
This seems absolutely insane and wasteful and not something to brag about. Return that stuff.
Spirograph says
Ugh, can we not? We could all use some more joy right now, and I’m 99.9% sure the OP didn’t just blow her family’s food budget on clothes. What’s the point of working for disposable income if you can’t spend it on things that bring you happiness?
Way to go, OP. Treat yourself! You deserve something to look forward to.
Anonanonanon says
Why are you like this
Em says
I read this comment before I read the original post and was expecting the post to be about burning $100 bills in her yard or something. Kind of disappointed it’s just about buying work clothes that were on sale. OP, you’re good. Assuming you can afford it, this is not insane or wasteful.
Pogo says
yes, get it girl! take any joy where you can.
AnonATL says
I’m about as far along as you are, and I cannot wait to wear my pretty clothes again! I am trying my best not to spend due to some uncertainty about household income, but I’ve picked up a few things here and there.
It sure made me happy to submit the order. We all need something to look forward to.
Alanna of Trebond says
I totally get this! I am further along than you but expect to be in the office around the same time — September/October, and I just did the same thing. I hate not being able to wear my old clothes. It is the worst thing about being pregnant.
Anon says
Any suggestions for preventing nighttime leaks for my 17 month old DS? I’ve tried those spoosie inserts and he still woke up this am with a wet sleeper! Should i double diaper? I haven’t heard good things about nighttime diapers but maybe someone here has a brand rec? TIA.
Pogo says
Go up a size. Pattern for our kiddo is: wears current size + sposie at night for awhile. Then leaks start. Move up to next size up at night. Leaks start. Add sposie. Sometime during this period he moves up to next size for daytime too, and repeat.
We are at size 6 for night, which means next is pull-ups, so hopefully we can get him day-trained b/f he grows out of size 6’s! He’s not huge, so hopefully that size 5’s will work for daytime for awhile. He’s starting to show a few signs of readiness but I am terrified to do anything amidst the corona craziness around potty training.
We do Bambo nature day and night. Love em.
lsw says
Nighttime diapers saved our bacon. We did Seventh Generation nighttime diapers up a size. Sposies gave my son the worst diaper rash I’ve ever seen so we couldn’t use them.
Anon says
Size 7’s are a thing! The pampers are hard to find right now, but target up and up 7’s have been working for us to help us extend our pampers stash for nighttime use. I know they say pullups are just as absorbent, but since we use those too, our experience has been that is a categorical lie.
Anon says
Pampers has a size 7. My young but big (39″, 32 lbs) 2 year old is in them.
NYCer says
Nighttime diapers made a huge difference for us for leaks. We use Huggies Overnights.
Anon says
OP here, thanks all. Just ordered some Huggies overnites in a size up, so I will give those a try!
IHeartBacon says
Also try Goodnites if the Huggies don’t work for you. They were the only thing that worked for us.
anon says
We have been having our nanny come. She’s self isolating and so are we and we’re both wfh with three kids. However just found out her mom needs to start dialysis treatments and she will have to drive her once a week (and nanny’s mom’s other kid will be driving her the other time).
I feel like we should probably tell her to stop coming but I know she’ll be hurt – and she definitely doesn’t have a choice in caring for her mom. We’d still be paying her obviously. We had her stay home for two weeks at the beginning of this, and she was texting us to come back and missed the kids and was frankly bored. Agh. Venting. I hate making all of these tough calls.
My husband just informed me he’s supposed to be going back to the office in probably the next two weeks (we’re in a state that’s gradually reopening) so maybe the unfortunate answer is our exposure’s just about to go up.
Anonymous says
I think you keep your nanny and accept the reality that yes, your exposure will slightly increase.
Cb says
Agreed.
NYCer says
+1.
Anonymous says
Have you told the nanny that your husband will be going back to the office? That might change her risk calculus with regard to her mother.
Anonymous says
+1 I’m more concerned about your nanny exposing her mother to your family’s germs, though I suppose that’s her decision to make.
Anon4This says
+1. This x1000.
My dad is in dialysis and this (extra germs from us and DS even after isolating) was a huge part of the calculus (in addition to all the broader news, orders, etc.) to not have him and my Mom watch DS to help relieve us.
OP says
This is definitely true. Have spoken hypothetically and will definitely tell her she can make her own choices then! It’s very unclear when they’ll actually start back into office so haven’t had a concrete conversation. She’s worked for us for 5 years so she’s got a good idea of how we operate and communicate and such luckily!
anon says
Agree. I would buy her disposable gloves for when she has to drive her mom.
JDMD says
Any chance that you could offer to pay for a ride for nanny’s mom to/from dialysis for that one day/week?
Anonymous says
How is her mom’s health? If she’s on dialysis, it seems like in general, it probably isn’t good. I feel like telling her to stay home with pay would be giving her the gift of being able to spend time with a parent whose health is declining.
Anonymous says
For how long should she pay a nanny who isn’t working?
OP says
I think that’s probably the concern – could be a while. Her mom doesn’t live with her – they do have an extended family network. I’ll try to drill down on the situation more. Both of her kids who are in their early 20s and teachers do live with her and I know from comments she’s made about her kids that their household is taking it seriously and are comfortable with our activities!
We may just take this one day at a time. Thankfully I’ve been able to be home from work so far, but my office will probably open up too before this treatment is over and then things will get complicated!
2:35 Anon says
I don’t know. OP said “We’d still be paying her obviously.” So I was operating off that assertion.
AlltheNope says
I was unable to sleep from 2-4AM this morning, for seemingly no reason (anxiety, I’m sure). I finally fell back asleep around 5, got up after 8 and went straight to my computer. Now DH is mad at me for “staying in bed late and then going straight into work.” He’s a good dad, does the majority of the child care, and I know he’s stressed rn too, but…eff that noise.
AwayEmily says
Any recommendations for iphone games suitable for a 4yo that help her with letter sounds and/or learning uppercase and lowercase? Willing to pay. She gets ~10 min of phone time a day while I put away laundry and I figure she may as well be sort-of learning something instead of just rewatching videos of herself.
Anonymous says
Let the girl watch her videos.
AwayEmily says
Oh, she would FAR prefer a game. She’s been asking for one for months since playing one on her cousin’s phone.
Cate says
Endless Alphabet is good for that age.
Blueberries says
Khan Academy Kids
GCA says
+1 to Khan Academy Kids if she wants something interactive rather than a video.
Anon says
Starfall ABCs
Anon says
We have a free one called ABC Kids that I think is pretty effective.
SC says
ABC Mouse is great.
Anon says
ABC Mouse makes my brain melt…especially the “coloring” by clicking an area and it all turns red. There are real crayons and paper two feet away from the computer!! I’m a fan of not worrying about screen time being “educational” because I think it’s all a big con (see: study showing babies who watched Baby Einstein learned fewer words than babies with no screen time).
AwayEmily says
Thanks — i see your point, but I would bet literally a million dollars that letting my kid play a letter game for 10 minutes a day during a pandemic is not going to put her behind her peers in terms of vocabulary acquisition. She’s been asking for a letter game, I’m going to let her have one. I feel very okay with this.
lsw says
The Sesame Street iPad app is incredible – not sure if it goes on iPhone, though. My son also really likes a lot of the Duck Duck Moose apps, and I know they have some letter/reading ones.
Anon says
We like LetterSchool and the Monkey Preschool apps.
Anon says
they are starting to reopen playgrounds now me. the logical party of me knows the goal is not to completely stop the virus, but just to slow the spread so it doesn’t overwhelm the healthcare system and that in normal times, every day my kids engage in activities with some level of risk (i.e. driving somewhere in the car), but something about this virus and the state of things makes me feel so uneasy about the idea of my toddlers going to a playground, since the virus supposedly lives on metal for long periods of time, or a restaurant. given the lack of knowledge about the virus – it is hard to know if this is illogical anxiety on my part, or if i should continue living as if the stay at home order was still in effect for a month or so to see what happens
Anon says
I think (kindly) it’s anxiety but you also get to decide to keep your toddler off the playground if that’s what you want. Fwiw, there are studies now that UV radiation from sunlight kills the virus pretty effectively so I personally believe outdoor playgrounds are very low risk, at least though the next 6 months when we have high UV indices in North America.
Anonymous says
Knock yourself out staying home. Just because playgrounds are open doesn’t mean you have to use them.
Anon says
not the OP, but it is hard to look at public places the same way. i do not know what i would feel comfortable doing if i lived in one of the southern states that is reopening
Realist says
I would follow your instincts. Don’t go to the playground if you aren’t comfortable with it. The studies on how long this virus survives under different circumstances and different conditions aren’t definitive yet.
Anon says
I told my kid playgrounds closed when school did, even though they were open in NYC. I can’t find good research on how long this particular coronavirus survives on outdoor surfaces (the ones that cause colds gets blitzed in sunlight). If it all possible I’d hold the line on playgrounds because if cases skyrocket in your area and they shut the playgrounds down again, how are you going to explain it to your kid?
SadAnon says
So last night DS (17 months) was screaming off and on. Thrashing around and screaming, do you want your milk, no, do you want your toy, no, what do you want, more thrashing. I was getting so frustrated that I finally threw the cup of milk against the wall. Ugh. Silence. Then I said, “shut up.” More silence, then quiet playing.
Im looking for thoughts and advice. I have a tele session with my therapist on Saturday and will talk to her. Since people don’t often confess to losing their temper in these kinds of ways, I have no idea how far out of the range of normal that behavior was, how freaked out I should be, etc. I would especially like to hear from anyone who has done something like this and proactively and successfully addressed it. I’m just so sad because I love my child so much and I want him to grow up feeling happy, loved, and secure. I didn’t have the happiest childhood (not the unhappiest by far, and no abuse) and I want a magical childhood so much for him. I am struggling bc I don’t know how to set boundaries with him at this age and that makes me feel helpless and frustrated. Thanks in advance for any advice.
Anon says
My two cents is that the occasional exasperated “shut up” is totally normal (if not ideal) but throwing a cup against the wall is not normal. But you’re not a bad mom (a bad mom wouldn’t think she did anything wrong) and it’s good you’re taking steps to address it, and make sure it doesn’t happen again.
I set boundaries by just walking away. My kid isn’t and never has been one that’s soothed by hugs when she’s really mad (illnesses excepted) and life was a lot happier after I knew that I could just tell her, “I love you, but nothing I’m doing is helping so I’m going to leave you alone now. I’ll come back in 10 minutes to see if you want anything.” When I leave she usually stops crying immediately (although I’m sure that’s kid-dependent) but, more importantly, it lets me remove myself from the situation and calm down. It is so much easier for me to go check on a crying kid every few minutes than to sit in the room and listen to the child continuously scream. This definitely requires some experimentation to find out what works for your kid and what works for you as a parent. My husband hates leaving her room (he feels like he’s “giving up”) and has had a lot more success with distraction techniques, but they just don’t work for me at all.
On a practical note, random, unexplained crying at night has almost always been teething or an ear infection (and 17 months is prime first year molar time). Was it possibly that?
Op says
Thank you this is really helpful. Leaving the room really might be the best strategy for me.
I appreciate that about teething too. Ugh I want this pandemic to be over.
Nan says
It’s okay. You’re okay, DS is okay, no one was hurt or physically harmed, and it doesn’t sound like this is a pattern or something your child is experiencing normally. This is a really tough situation for parents, toddlers are frustrating generally, and sometimes we all lose it a little. This single isolated incident is not going to impact your child long-term. Obviously you need to work on ways to handle your frustration in the heat of the moment so that this doesn’t happen again or escalate, but you already know that and are doing it. Hang in there!
Clementine says
This. Also, sometimes kids are teething. Sometimes they’ve got gas. Sometimes their rising star sign has intersected with the sky being blue on a Monday and they’re just turds.
Best parenting practice is to model that when you’re frustrated, you walk away. Straight up tell your kids, ‘Mommy is frustrated and is going to go take some deep breaths.’ Then leave them in a safe place (like their crib) and give yourself a minute.
Reality though: it’s a stressful time. Focus on the future, not the past.
Anon says
i am far from the most patient person. while i do not necessarily love all of the advice in her podcasts, i have found that listening to Janet Lansbury has made me more empathetic to my toddlers, which as a result has helped me get less frustrated in the moment. one of my twins sometimes screams, thrashes, runs around, wants to be picked up, put down, picked up, put down, it is exasperating! especially since my other twin gets very upset when this happens and often ends up crying hysterically as well. I still find these situations very stressful, but they are less stressful to me than they once were
Anonanonanon says
These outbursts, for me, are a sign that I need to be on antidepressant medication. For me it manifests in these moments of rage.
These things happen. Don’t make it a habit, but it happens. It’s a literal pandemic, possibly (hopefully?) the most stressful and significant historical event we will live through. Everyone’s allowed an outburst if no one got hurt.
Op says
I wondered if someone was going to mention this. I am not on medication but post partum have considered it, and found the “anger or irritability can be a symptom” comments today (and at other times on this blog) really illuminating. Thank you for pointing this out!
Boston Legal Eagle says
Creating a good childhood for your kid doesn’t mean that you never get angry or sad. It means showing your emotions and modeling good coping mechanisms. Toddlers are hard in the best of times and extremely hard in a pandemic. I’ve gotten frustrated a lot with my older kid who pushes boundaries a lot and my reaction depends a lot on external factors (like say, anxiety about the pandemic and not getting enough alone time!) I think next time you can say sorry for throwing or just walk out of the room and let him cry while you take a breath. But definitely talk to your therapist – maybe medication during this heightened stress time will help.
Spirograph says
I’m going to guess you’re one of the majority of people who is stressed out about [gestures to general state of the world] before you even add in a tantruming toddler. So, first of all give yourself some grace. No one is perfect and we’re all closer to our breaking point than normal.
I will admit that I’ve gotten mad to the point of throwing something a couple times. For me, it has been the clothes my kid is screaming and thrashing about refusing to put on. Although an outburst like that is not something I’m proud of, I know I do a split-second calculation that says this is letting off steam/getting the kid’s attention in a way that is not a physical danger to anyone. I have never and would never throw something breakable or heavy, I would never throw something *at* my child. If you threw the milk in the type of rage that wasn’t doing that little safety check, I’d be concerned and certainly talk more about that with your therapist.
Similar to others, I find mommy time outs to be the most helpful. We mostly follow 1-2-3 Magic, so my kids are very familiar with the idea of needing a quick reset alone because things have gotten out of hand. I just say I’m giving myself a 3, need a time out (sadly, I do not get one minute per year of age like the kids do, I stick with 5-10), and no one is allowed to talk to me until the timer goes off. 17 months is a little young for 1-2-3 Magic, but the timer thing might still be helpful for your own cool-down process.
Op says
Thank you thank you for the admission! I too did that same sort of safety calculation. I think I just have a shorter fuse/am more expressive than the average person and coping with parenting and then pandemic parenting/working is a. Lot. But I don’t want it to be something that happens again. I am not perfect but there needs to be a line somewhere right?
Anonymous says
OP, since you’re already working with a therapist, you may be aware, but I wanted to let you know that sometimes depression can manifest as anger. A situation like yours (where I feel the need to throw something or hit something) is usually a sign to me that I need to adjust medication. It took me nearly a decade to figure this out, so I wanted to share in case it helps someone.
This is such an incredibly trying time, so be kind to yourself. I agree with a lot of the advice above about taking a break to give both of you a reset, and learning to be more empathetic from JL even if you don’t follow her to a T (I don’t)
Anonymous says
You’re not a bad mom. Work with your therapist to learn to recognize when you are about to lose it so you can walk away or use tools to calm yourself instead of saying ‘shut up’ or throwing things.
17 months is a hard age. It’s really really hard to have some words but not the words you need to explain to your problem. It gets easier as their vocabulary increases. Learning a third language as an adult made me realize how frustrating it is when you know what you want but you cannot make yourself understood. Coming from a place of empathy always helps with frustration I feel towards the kids acting up.
AnonLaywer says
I don’t know, this is the kind of stuff my mom did a lot when I was a kid and I think it did affect me. Not terribly – I’m a functional happy adult and have a great relationship with her. But it is the kind of thing that I spent some time unpacking in therapy. I would suspect that this might be related to learned patterns from your own childhood and addressing this in therapy would be helpful.
Op says
Yeah I hear you there. I mean I imagine it would create a feeling of uncertainly or unsafety, it’s not pleasant when people throw things. I’m sorry about your mom. I am trying to think about learned childhood behaviors and while my dad was somewhat of a yeller I don’t recall throwing. I guess I also feel so uncertain about current parenting standards and norms, it seems like all I can do is emphasize with my son (which I know isn’t true it just feels like that sometimes) which doesn’t seem like enough and I think actually augments my frustration in the moment.
False Negative Pregnancy Test? says
I was supposed to get my period on Sunday. Last month I was 2 days late – unusual but not unheard of, so when I didn’t get it Tuesday, I decided to test Tuesday morning (negative). It’s now Wednesday, still no period. Last night I was having nausea (and threw up dinner), but I wonder if that was just too acidic (red sauce) or mind games. I ordered another test that won’t be here until Friday. The rational part of my brain says I’m not pregnant, just late, probably due to stress, but the part of me that is hoping for our #2 after last fall’s miscarriage is praying for a miracle. I’m sure after typing this Aunt Flo will be knocking this afternoon, which would almost be better than this weird inbetween stage.
Anon says
My OB has told me a false negative is almost impossible if you test after your period is due. Sorry :/ I will think good thoughts for you!
Anon says
That’s only if you are positive of when you ovulated, otherwise you period may not be “due” when you think it is. Stress can definitely delay ovulation (but after ovulation your luteal phase is a consistent length cycle to cycle).
Anonymous says
I got a false negative the first time I tested, at around the same point as you.
Easel says
KidKraft Deluxe Wood Easel vs Hape Magnetic All in One Easel: discuss!
OP says
Or another one….?
Anonanonanon says
Truly not trying to be a jerk, but all of these people who suddenly have time to be bored and do giant puzzles and make things from scratch and binge all of Netflix… what were they doing before that took up so much of their time?? I’ve had kids my entire adult life (my first was an oops) so I don’t know what it is like to be a young professional without kids, so I’m genuinely asking. I know cutting out commute makes a difference for some, but were they really leaving their house every single day to the extent that now they have all of these extra hours for puzzles?!
Anonymous says
Even when I was a young professional without kids, I wasn’t out doing social stuff every day after work. I think pandemic projects are a combination of social media performance and psychological need to do something with a tangible result to measure the passage of time/effort and tamp down Groundhog Day feelings.
DH and I got Lego sets that we’re planning to build together for date night. We also have a giant puzzle, but have been waiting to start it because there’s nowhere I can just leave it out at all times. Puzzle mat was back-ordered and finally came in the mail yesterday. We have less time than usual, we’re just trying some different stuff to break up the monotony.
Em says
I did a lot of volunteer work that had me out of the house a lot. I’m still doing some of it remotely. I run an animal rescue and all events were canceled but I’m still managing intake and apps and have board meeting monthly (which used to be in-person and are now virtual). I am also a CASA and was driving 1 1/2 hours round trip once per month to visit my foster kid, attending team meetings and court dates, etc. All visits and meetings are now remote and court has been postponed indefinitely. We were also out of the house almost every weekend. I go stir crazy so we would go to the zoo, out to eat, to parks, and to hang out with friends as a family on the weekends. I’m not doing puzzles now, or really watching more Netflix than I was before. I am mostly spending time with my son, volunteering from home, cooking/baking, and tackling house projects (and drinking, let’s be real).
Clementine says
Unrelated but, woo hoo to being an involved CASA!
Em says
She turns one next month and foster (likely to be adoptive) mom sent me a video today of her because she learned to say “uh oh” and I have watched it at least a dozen times because it is soul-meltingly adorable!
Boston Legal Eagle says
Pre-kids, post BigLaw, I had lots of time to big puzzles and binge lots of shows. I would probably be doing the same now, just more of it. Honestly, I did feel bored a lot on the weekends pre-kids. So maybe they were doing this before too, now they’re just doing more and posting about it?
Anon says
I am BigLaw, and this pandemic has just further made it glaringly clear that some of my long-standing friends just have completely different lifestyles. My more recent friends (met within the past decade) generally have similarly demanding careers, kids, tight schedules and are up for last-minute get-togethers because their schedule is as fluid as mine – no one thinks its weird to have a conference call on the weekend, for example. At a holiday party a few years ago, a grade-school friend was raving about this 5PM yoga class she found. And I remember thinking to myself, who on earth has time for a post-work yoga class, and gets out of work early enough to get to a yoga studio by 5PM? We’ve been catching up more recently and she complains about being bored, and I can only imagine it’s because she works a strict 8-4, her husband does most of the cleaning, all the cooking, and most of the laundry and they have no kids. And I think I would hate her lifestyle – as my husband points out, I am at my happiest (but also most tired) when I have a big work project, not gobs and gobs of free time. Not saying I wouldn’t wish for a little more free time, but I just think it’s a different lifestyle.
Anon says
I think a lot of people work really demanding jobs that are quieter now? Which isn’t necessarily a good thing, but it could explain why there is some sudden boredom.
anon says
They don’t have kids. There’s your answer.
Anonymous says
Not sure why it’s hard to understand. I used to commute two hours a day, take dance classes two nights a week, have at least one date a week, and go out with friends three times a week. Even with kids I still had one night of dance, one of late work meetings, and a sitter once a week.
AnonLaywer says
Yeah, between the commute, the odd happy hour, dinners out, maybe a movie on the weekend, trips to the farmer’s market, yoga classes, pilates . . . I don’t even feel like I did that much pre-kid but it would absolutely add up to a lot more free time now.
(That said, a lot of the people I’ve seen posting puzzles and stuff have older kids they’re desperate to keep entertained.)
AnonLaywer says
Uh, also, writing out that list made me feel really nostalgic.
Anon says
Um… they were laid off? Or had their hours reduced?
drpepperesq says
Before I had kids, I exercised a lot and did a lot of group classes all around the city (classpass). I stayed late at work because I could, and my commute was short because I lived in the city. The weekend boredom was one of the cues my husband and I used to evaluate whether we were ready to have kids. Let me tell you, I haven’t been bored since!