While I always try to feature something that’s machine washable for Wednesdays, I have to admit this one is hand wash cold — but it’s such a pretty jacket and it’s the kind of thing that’s great for a new mom. It’s an easy thing to throw on, and you’ll be comfortable but still look well put together. It has a lot of versatility, too — you could wear it with a dress, a skirt, trousers, or jeans. Also, Antonio Melani tends to be about the usual quality for this price point. This is on sale right now for $62 from $179 and it has a lot of sizes left in its range of 0-14. Dinora Notch Collar Double Knit Jacket
Here’s a plus-size option.
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TK says
Reposting from main site
Please pay attention to what’s going on in you states’ legislative bodies. Here in Minnesota (and also in North Dakota, Iowa, Michigan, Indiana, Colorado, Virginia and Washington state ) there are bills being introduced to discourage / penalize protesting. Minnesota’s version would make protesters pay for the cost of police protection. I’ve called my state representative, please consider doing the same if your state is among those trying to infringe upon a constitutionally protected right.
I know a bunch of you marched last weekend – don’t take your right to do so for granted!
CHL says
A man (whom I presume was mentally ill) spit on my face and yelled mean things at me on my walk from the train to work today. It startled me and I did not like it.
AEK says
That is so disconcerting. You were assaulted so of course you feel like you were. It’s awful; I’m sorry it happened to you.
Earlier this week I was leaving the courthouse and three men were on the corner. One loudly said to me, “Excuse me, madam. Have you ever seen a d*ck bigger than mine?” I was flabbergasted and SO glad I did not look down to see whether he was showing the goods. Ugh. I’m still shaken, and I did not get physical contact like you did.
rosie says
I am so sorry. I hope you can do something nice/soothing for yourself.
Something similar recently happened to me (although I was spit at, he didn’t get close enough to spit on me but was walking towards me while doing it). Part of me felt bad because I knew there was likely mental illness involved (as you stated in your situation), but I also did not see him yelling “f you b****” and spitting at men walking by, so it does also feel like something men feel allowed to do to women. Last spring I was walking down the sidewalk and a man that I was walking by (but not going to bump into, although we were close) stuck out his elbow to get me in the side, and I had the same kind of reaction.
Pogo says
This jacket looks way too small for the model? Or is that what it’s supposed to be like?
Anonymous says
It looks like the button is set too high, but not like it doesn’t fit overall.
ElisaR says
I agree – I think the shirt sticking out on the belly would not look so flattering on most people
dc anon says
Help! need an awesome present for 6-year old nephew. I know he likes math, reading, and Curious George. Any ideas? Needs to be Amazoned like yesterday!
Anon in NOVA says
Does he already have magnatiles? Those are a hit with my child who is that age. If he likes math he may like building structures with them.
PhilanthropyGirl says
Does he have a set of pattern blocks?
What about a Marble Run? Hape has some amazing ones – available on Amazon.
If he enjoys Curious George, perhaps he would like Babar?
AnonMN says
snap circuits were a huge hit with my 5/6yo neices and nephews (and I got them from amazon)
avocado says
My daughter and nephew both loved snap circuits at that age.
Anon in NOVA says
My son loves snap circuits too, but my only caution is that you might want parental buy in before buying them. They do require a bit of parental help for a 6 year old, and some parents might not appreciate being signed up for that task.
anon says
My 4 year old has their most basic set, and while they do require some help for best results, once he has built a contraption he can fiddle with it successfully on his own.
POSITA says
I don’t know your price point, but we recently got a fort building set called Fort Magic for our little ones and it’s awesome. Played with constantly. It would be perfect for a 6 yo.
Anonymous says
A board game? I had good luck doing a search on amazon and reading reviews.
Anonymous says
Monopoly Junior!!!
Mrs. Jones says
My six-year-old cannot get enough Legos. There are tons of fun sets to pick from, like Star Wars and Minecraft. He also likes the Jedi Academy books.
mascot says
No Stress Chess is a huge hit with my 6 y/o. He also loves magnatiles, his fishing pole, and books that we read to him, especially illustrated classics and ones from our childhood like Beverly Clearly.
In House Lobbyist says
My 6 year old and 3 year old play with Magnatiles everyday! They are going on 3 years now and even adults like them. My 6 year old also likes Candy Land, Chutes and Ladders and the Connect Four where you launch the disks. Legos are also good. He loves books like Ada Twist Scientist, Bearnstain Bears, Dr Seuss and big hardback books about space and sharks.
Mom ISO Script says
I have a two-year-old and a baby boy. My older kiddo gets jealous of the baby when I am holding the baby, and she will sometimes hit him — not with any real force, but a symbolic tap. I am trying to come up with a consistent response, and I thought I would see whether any of you have a script. FWIW, I usually say something like, “I can see you’re upset. I can’t let you hit the baby. If you want to, you can scream and yell, or you can hit a stuffed animal or a pillow. But if you hit the baby, I will have to put you in your room.” She then looks me in the eye and whacks the baby again, at which point I take her to her room “until you are ready to come out and be gentle.” Then she gets hysterical, I go in after a minute or two, we hug it out and cuddle…but this means the baby has been put down, so my older kid has ultimately achieved the goal of having mommy hold her and not the baby, which is perhaps the wrong outcome (although the alternative seems to be to continue to ignore the toddler and dote on the baby, which makes the toddler even angrier). Tips?
AEK says
Do you have any no hitting / no biting books you can read to 2YO? Then when she gets ready to hit the baby, you can parrot the words used in the book. (With my son, I would loudly say, “OUCH! Biting hurts” from his book). I also use “gentle hands” a lot with my son; something they say at daycare.
Hands Are Not For Hitting might be a good place to start… we use Teeth Are Not For Biting.
Mom ISO Script says
We have both of those books, but they seemed to trigger hitting and biting — like a reminder that she *could* do those things even if she wasn’t supposed to. So we took them out of our reading rotation. We also talk about gentle hands and gentle touching, but I don’t think the phrases have much of an impact.
Lyssa says
My son went through a short hitting stage when he was around 2 (no baby at the time, though), and we found that swift, unequivocal time out was helpful. Every kid is different, but I think that you might be dragging it out too much for her age. Give a try to immediately placing her in a time-out chair (or where ever works, though I would not go all the way to another room if possible – it should happen quickly) after the hit, and setting a timer for 2 minutes. No warnings, no other options, just “We do not hit.”
Maddie Ross says
In my opinion, that is way too much rationalizing for a two year old. I’d probably try with a firm “No, we don’t hit.” And then just follow with “gentle” and then gently touch baby yourself to show him.
layered bob says
Agree that it’s too much language.
I say “I won’t let you hit” while using my arm to physically block her access to whatever she wants to hit. I try not to say “we don’t hit” because some of us (i.e. the toddler) definitely DO hit.
And then exactly what Maddie Ross said – “touch gently” with a demonstration of what “gently” looks like.
I only say “touch gently” once because she *knows* what a gentle touch looks like, she is just compelled to hit for some reason. I will continue to say “I won’t let you hit” while continuing to physically block access a few times, at which point she either throws a real tantrum (“I see that this is hard for you; you’re upset” but no interference) or loses interest and moves away or touches gently.
Anonymous says
Agree. Way Way too much language for a two year old. “No hitting” and “Gentle touches” followed by taking his hand and demonstrating gentle touches.
legalcancuck says
We always said “No hit! Gentle” and showed her gentle. (I have a 5 and 2 year old) Worked on the siblings as well when petting the dog
You can’t rationalize with a two year old. Now with biting, NO BITES and put in time out.
JTX says
We do not give warnings for physical violence. If my older child hits the baby, he is immediately put into time out. When time out is over, we talk about what he did. I would scale back the cuddling after time out. A hug is fine, but I agree that putting the baby down to cuddle your older child means she basically achieved her objective.
Also consider trying to work in more positive reinforcement when she is being gentle or kind to the baby. My older child is always very pleased if I loudly tell my husband what a great, helpful big brother he is being, and how proud I am of him.
I haven’t finished reading it yet, but people frequently recommend the book Siblings Without Rivalry. There may also be a Daniel Tiger episode about sibling rivalry, but I can’t recall.
JTX says
Also, is your older child in daycare? If so, talk to her daycare providers about what they do when kids hit. We work in a lot of phrases that are used by our daycare, such as “Let me see your nice hands” and some others. I’m sure every daycare room has it’s own parlance.
JTX says
Sorry for all the comments. I thought of two other things that helped us.
Are you making time to have one-on-one time with just you and your older child? I had a hard time doing this when my younger child was very young, but it’s really seemed to help.
Also, I tried to make a point to sometimes put the older child’s needs above the baby’s, and being vocal about it. For example, if the baby was fussing at the same time the older one was asking for a drink, I would loudly tell the baby I needed to help the older child first. Not always, but sometimes.
Closet Redux says
I have a three year old and a baby and I employ the strategy of making room for both of them when possible. That means if I am holding the baby and the toddler asks to sit in my lap or seems out of sorts and needs a cuddle, then they both sit in my lap– even when I’m nursing the baby. It’s a bit of a ridiculous spectacle, but it works for us to keep the jealousies at bay. I say things like, “I love holding my two babies!” and my toddler will repeat that mantra. When I really can’t pick up the three year old– when we’re walking or at the store or something– she’s less likely to pitch a fit because she knows that most of the time I will hold her, too.
I also try to give in to her requests to put the baby down or pass him to daddy when possible. I figure the baby doesn’t know the difference so long as he’s content, but she knows the difference when I say no.
We haven’t had a hitting issue, but your response is exactly what I would do, too.
Anonymous says
This, this, this! And also make sure the baby sometimes has to wait while you hold/assist the toddler. Say it out loud “just a minute, [baby], I am holding [toddler].” Baby won’t remember but it will make a world of difference for the 2 year old.
NewMomAnon says
My daughter is 3, so older than your little, but I’ve found that time outs work better when she is seated in the main area in a “time out” spot, rather than confining to her room. It also makes the time out less of a production.
For process: I sternly correct her (“No hit!”), pick her up or herd her to the time out stool (which is only a few steps from wherever we are at the time), ask my Echo Dot to set a timer, and then continue with whatever I was doing when interrupted. When the timer goes off, I remind her why she ended up in timeout (“You got a timeout for hitting mama”), tell her what she should do next time (“When you are angry, use your words/stomp your foot/push the wall! But no hit.”) and then a little shoulder squeeze, remind her that I love her, and invite her to rejoin the activity.
In House Lobbyist says
I think I heard this advice here and used it with my son when the baby was born. If the baby was in a crib/bouncer/contained in some way and started to fuss or cry – then to say “Baby you have to wait your turn. Mommy is helping/talking to/reading to big sister.” I think in helped reinforce sharing and help with him knowing that baby doesn’t always come first even thought is sometimes seemed like it. Also does she like to help? Can you give her a job to take care of the baby?
Mom ISO Script says
Thanks for all the tips. We do a lot of what has been mentioned — giving #1 1:1 time, asking #1 to help with #2, telling #2 to wait while we help #1, making room for #1 on my lap when I’m holding #2. Unfortunately, #1 just does not like to share mommy. And #2 is perhaps too chill. That said, I think the swifter, closer time out may be helpful. We will try that out tonight and see how it goes. Thanks, all!
Lorelai Gilmore says
I totally agree with the rapid time out. We do an “automatic.” If child hits, it’s an automatic time out in their room. For us #1 wanted time with Mommy, so hitting removed access to Mommy (for a short period of time). This worked very fast. For example, #1 hit the baby while I was nursing and I unlatched the baby (who obviously howled), picked up #1, and then put her in her room. It was very dramatic and made a big impact – and that resulted in an immediate correction of the behavior. We only had to do it a few times to make it change.
Anonymous says
I just had to realize that my 2 yo could not be trusted near the baby. I aimed to be extremely vigilant — if my toddler was within striking distance of the baby, I’d try to be ready to reach in and grab toddler’s hand to prevent him from doing so. It helped that I mostly kept the baby in the baby k’tan (so out of reach of toddler).
AnonMN says
Similar to other advice, but I wanted to share what worked for us. I had similar, higher needs 2yo with super chill baby. It quickly became apparent that the time-out process was becoming to attention rewarding for my 2yo. What i started doing: quick response “hands are not for hitting” and then I would remove baby and myself from the room/situation “we are going to the nursery to play, you can come when you are ready to use gentle hands”. If he threw a fit, he could solve it on his own and then join us. I was also the mean mommy that closed the door on him if he came raging into whatever room we were relocating to. I would also just hold baby while I got a drink/etc and not give toddler attention until he was calm.
It was a period where we just stopped doing time-outs because they were such utter attention grabbing failures. But our method worked well when it was needed.
dockatot? says
Anyone have first- or second-hand experience with the Dockatot? It is difficult to find objective reviews online and it is a spendy product….. Found a used one on local mom’s listserve for $90. worth it? Thank you!
Em says
I was seriously debating one when I was pregnant a year ago but didn’t pull the trigger due to the price and not being able to find credible reviews. My cousin bought one and I didn’t hear her say much about it. She was satisfied but I don’t think she thought it was the greatest thing ever. My sister bought a knock off and was really obsessed with that product. We bought 2 RnPs and felt like they performed the same function as what my sister used her knock-off product for, but were more useful since we were comfortable leaving the baby to sleep unattended in the RnP, whereas you really shouldn’t do that with a Dockatot or its equivalent.
AnonMN says
My opinion is no, not worth it. But, we never used it for unsupervised sleep. From a safe sleep perspective I was too concerns, especially because it states to only use it for supervised sleep. It ended up being a great place to “dock” the baby safely away from the toddler while I was occupied, but otherwise, it just ended up being another “baby thing” in my house.
Sarabeth says
We have one, liked it as a cosleeper. It wasn’t magic or anything, we still had to sleep train eventually. I do think that if you buy it for $90 you’d be able to sell it on without much loss later on, if you want to.
Anononymous says
My mom made my baby a big soft pillow that she put four quilt ties in the middle so it made a shallow impression. We used it with the baby gym and for day time naps before she could roll over. Now she likes to sit on it. If you know anyone who sews, it’s a way better plan.
Cloth diapers? says
Anyone have two working parents and use cloth diapers? I really want to cloth diaper our first (both for budget and environmental reasons), but I can’t decide if having to do laundry every other night during the week is just going to push us both over the edge, on top of other baby/life chores. Thoughts?
Cb says
Will daycare / nursery accept cloth diapers? I’d love to but am a bit squeamish and know that local nurseries won’t cloth diaper.
Em says
+1 I wanted to cloth diaper but there are only a couple daycares in our metro area that will use them and I didn’t want to have to base my daycare decision on that one factor (plus we would have been driving across town to get to any of those daycares).
Cloth diapers? says
The daycare we have a spot at is willing to take cloth diapers, though I haven’t talked to them about whether they require all-in-ones or pockets, rather than anything more complicated. (This is basically blind luck–they were the only one on our list that had a spot open when we need it, but conveniently are also open to cloth diapering.)
mascot says
Actually doing the laundry bothers me a lot less and takes less time than the folding and putting away. Maybe get in the habit of doing more frequent laundry to see how it fits in your routine and to get used to it? Even though we didn’t CD, we did laundry more frequently with a baby- the messes just can’t wait till the weekend. Also, if you are doing daycare, you may be limited in what types of diapers they will accept. One of ours didn’t do CD at all.
MSJ says
I did it for two yrs with my twins until my son needed a cream that wasn’t cloth friendly. So it’s doable but only worked in our case because our nanny was on board and helped with the laundry
(former) 3L mama says
We CD! (And did while I was in law school/DH worked full time). We think they are way easier than disposables. The laundry is no big deal – you have to do laundry all the time anyway with a baby. And you never run out of diapers, never worry that they are the wrong size, and have way fewer messes – we have never had the kind of “blowout” that my disposable-using friends talk about. And they don’t smell as bad. (It’s true!)
I did find the process a tiny bit overwhelming at first, but it is a great thing to make visitors/family who want to be helpful do – I posted specific washing instructions above the washing machine so I could just point to the diaper pail when someone said, “what can I do to help?”
The daycare we used in law school would do CD as long as we provided a new cover for every diaper change (they wouldn’t re-use covers even though we do at home) and a wet bag. So we needed a few more covers than we would have otherwise (10 rather than 6). They also wouldn’t do pins but I don’t think *anyone* uses pins on diapers anymore. We also provided our own diaper rash cream (Motherlove – kept it at the daycare) since the daycare’s diaper rash cream was not cloth diaper safe.
And you didn’t ask, but prefolds with Flip or Thirsties covers are the way to go, with a hemp doubler in a Bum Genius for nighttime once s/he wets more heavily at night.
October says
Yes to Thirsties and Flip — Thirsties also has some really great Natural All in Ones that go on and off like disposibles and are super easy for daycares/grandparents/etc. Thirsties has a Facebook page with a lot of great informational videos to check out (promise I am not affiliated, I just love this brand!). And really, the laundry is no big deal in the scheme of general child care tasks. Especially for a breastfed infant.
Cloth diapers? says
Awesome, thanks! We have a bunch of newborn prefolds and covers from a friend, and I’ve heard really good things about the Flip covers so was thinking about those once he’s big enough for one-size. Are you just pad-folding in the Flips/Thirsties or doing something fancier?
(former) 3L mama says
for newborn we did a bikini twist and/or used snappis to do a fancy fold; after about – 4 months? we switched to straight pad folding.
Frozen Peach says
We did cloth diapering while I was on leave, but we used a diaper service. There is enough laundry with a new baby– do not do this to yourselves without one! Most larger cities have at least one. Ours used a hospital laundry contractor and took dirties/gave news once a week.
TK says
Us too. Did it until Little TK started solid foods – after that, diapers were too stinky and gross to keep around for a week until service came.
lsw says
We CD with two working parents. It’s really easy right now since he still has what we call the “butter poop” at six months. I might change my tune when he gets into more solids…
Currently we pay a nanny one day and my mom watches 3.5 days. Sometimes they wash, sometimes we wash. We wash about every two days.
We inherited some Bum Genius, which don’t work great for our long, skinny guy. We have FuzziBunz that my mom found at Costco and work great because they can adjust to his skinniness. And I also really like GroVia for him as well. We have probably three or four of those.
AnonMN says
We’ve done Bum Genius with both kids, but quit at 6 months with both as well. The added element of having to rinse (which you do not have to do with breastmilk poop) just made it too much. Every daycare we have ever toured has been accepting of CDs so long as you provide a wetbag that seals completely. We ended up with a much bigger stash so we only had to wash every 2-3 days, which was doable for us for a few months.
Sarabeth says
We are on baby #2 of cloth diapering. Both kids have had nannies for the first year, and doing the kid’s laundry (including diapers) has been part of the job. But we kept it up through age 2.5 with our first, so that was 18 months of doing it all ourselves. We use flips, and had enough to wash every other day. Daycares were all fine with it. This time around, I’m thinking of using the thin disposable liners that you can flush, to make the poopy diapers easier to deal with, because that part did kind of suck once our first started eating solids.
ChiLaw says
Oh, those liners are great! We get some bamboo-based thing off Amazon, and it’s like, grab the liner, throw liner+poop into tiny trash can, throw real diaper into diaper bag, and done. Way less trouble than rinsing sounds like.
Anononymous says
Can you do a service? I loved having a diaper service and when we quit (cloth diapers were getting in the way of baby rolling over) I didn’t feel bad about it at all. I had thought about going back to the service for a few months pre-potty training, but we moved out of their delivery area.
ChiLaw says
We’ve used a cloth diaper service for almost two years. I love it.
Kiddo goes to daycare with cloth. Each day we send her with ~6 diapers, plus a wet bag, in a latching tupperware. Dirty diapers go in the wet bag, which gets zipped and put in the tupperware so the kids can’t get at it. So far, no trouble!
Anon says
I recently found out that out of 12 babies in my son’s daycare class we are the only parents who make and send his food (we didn’t realize they provided food until they mentioned to us that we were the only parents who didn’t use their food). I looked over the menu for the food the daycare provides and there is a lot of fruit loops for breakfast, cereal bars for snacks, etc. It is heavily sugary processed foods with some fruit and almost no vegetables (nothing is organic and there is no effort to use whole grains/wheat). For reference, this is the older baby room, so the kids are 8 months to 15 months. Am I crazy to keep making and sending his food? It is one more thing to do, but my husband helps with it and we don’t particularly mind doing it. I can get over the non-organic part but am having a harder time dealing with 50% of my one-year-olds meal being high sugar and processed. We are moving him to a different daycare at 18 months, at which point this will be moot – is he likely to become aware/care that he is getting different food than the other kids before that point?
mascot says
At this age, he probably doesn’t care. I wasn’t crazy about the school lunches/snacks in our preschool (opted out of breakfast), but I did think it helped my child with not being as picky and eating different foods when he saw that the other kids were eating them too. We focused on making his meals at home pretty healthy to balance it out.
shortperson says
my kid’s classroom is the same (yesterday the school lunch was chicken nuggets and waffles) and i send her food every day. she’s the only one who comes in with food. i work really long hours but this is one thing i care about and i make the time. she is a good eater and willing to try a lot of foods.
HSAL says
By 18 months, I think he’ll realize that his food is different, but not at a year. We sent Baby HSAL’s food to daycare while she was in the infant class (through 1 year) but they didn’t provide it. They provide all the snacks/meals for 1 and up – usually whole grain cereal or oatmeal for breakfast, cereal bars/granola bars/fruit/pretzels for snacks, and then lunch is always the main dish (usually a grain and meat), a fruit, and a vegetable. Does the next class have a different menu with more fruits/veggies? Like mascot, I think it helped to see other kids eating the same foods – at 15 months she definitely eats better at daycare than at home. Maybe you could continue to make just until he’s out of the older baby room?
OP says
The menu actually gets worse for the toddler classes :(
avocado says
Do they even allow you to send in your own food once your child is out of the infant room? We used two different day cares, one participating in the USDA food and nutrition program and one not, and neither one would allow parents to send in any food past the infant stage without a doctor’s note. The USDA facility claimed it was a USDA rule, and the other one was afraid of peanut allergies.
Anon in NYC says
At 20 months my daughter is now aware of what other kids are eating, but I can’t say that she really cared all that much a few months ago. Our daycare provides a morning snack/breakfast (a muffin, bagel w/ cream cheese, fruit cup, cheerios) and an afternoon snack (usually something like crackers), and parents provide everything else.
I don’t love the emphasis on heavily processed food, but we provide the vast majority of her food. At 20 months my kiddo wants the cheerios or muffin and is aware of what other kids are eating. I think one of the kids regularly eats fruit and veggie pouches, so she’s started asking her teachers for them (we provide them as backup food, but she is now eating our “backup food” 2 or 3 times a week whereas she hadn’t asked for them a few months ago).
CPA Lady says
… I am extremely lax about a lot of things, including food, but omg, fruit loops????? We’re lucky to have daycare with a great menu, IMO. They serve some processed foods, but things like wheat thins or pretzels. Not freaking fruit loops!
FWIW, here is a sample menu for a couple of days this week:
Bfast- Sausage biscuit, applesauce, milk
Lunch- grilled chicken & cheese quesadilla, black beans, sliced oranges, milk
Snack- garden salsa sun chips, diced apples
Bfast- Whole grain pancakes, diced pineapple, milk
Lunch- Smoked sausage, baked sweet potato, diced cantaloupe, milk
Snack- sliced banana, pretzels
This kind of menu ^ is what I’m okay with. Yeah, there’s processed food and nothing is organic, but it’s not crap and there is a lot of fresh fruit. I am still stunned that your daycare would serve fruit loops. Come on, people. If you do want to sometimes let your kid have what the other kids are having, it doesn’t have to be all or nothing. You could pick a day or two (or a meal or two) a week that has the least objectionable foods, and let him eat school food those days.
Butter says
Our daycare serves a lot of the same food you mentioned. Often I look at his menu and get really jealous!
NewMomAnon says
And then there are the days that daycare serves “fish sandwich with cheese, beets, pineapple, and milk,” and I’m so glad that I get to choose the meals I prepare for myself. Blech.
ChiLaw says
My kid’s daycare menu is similar. There’s stuff that wouldn’t be a first choice for me (looking at you, knock-off cheez-its) but those snacks are few and far between. The rest is apples, yogurt, oatmeal, quesadillas, english muffin pizzas, pancakes, cheese and crackers, etc. It’s not super-crunchy granola type food (which is my default, to be honest) but it’s real food, and I don’t complain.
Anonymous says
Send half his food (snacks) and let him eat the same lunch as the other kids. Saves you making lunch everyday and it’s just one meal. His healthy snacks and two meals at home are great – he’ll be fine with a less than amazing lunch.
Healthy snacks are way easier to pack (cut up fruit, cheerios etc) than making lunch everyday.
Anon says
Ladies who have been through IVF, did you give yourselves the subcutaneous injections (vs your partner or someone else)? I’m not particularly squeamish, but I kind of have a fear of this. Not so much that it will hurt, but more like fearing that I won’t do it correctly and jeopardize the cycle in some way.
Anon Too says
I gave them to my partner, because while she’s not really needle-phobic, she wasn’t up for injecting herself.
FWIW, I was also terrified that I would do something wrong, but the nurses at our clinic were pretty good about explaining exactly what to do and how it’s really hard to do something that will actually jeopardize the cycle. There are also lots of really good videos online that I watched over and over before the first injection, but by day 2 or so you’ve had enough practice that it seems easy.
Pogo says
I had my husband read the directions to me but I wanted to do it myself (fwiw, I didn’t think they hurt).
My only advice would be to allow for extra time before your first time doing them, since you’ll be reading the directions and cautiously doing it. Once you do it once, you’ll remember how to do it, and it takes 2 minutes. I did it in public restrooms, my car, whereever. Many public restrooms have sharps containers but if they didn’t I would just zip them in a baggie in my purse with a reminder on my phone to dispose of when I got home.
The only one I would be nervous about “messing up” is the trigger – on the others, you go back in the next day to check if it worked, and so if you weren’t injecting yourself right it would show up. Plus, you only do the trigger once. So I would make sure to ask the nurse detailed questions about the trigger the day you need to do it, and write it down (usually you trigger at night so by then the office is closed).
Good luck!! IVF is so hard.
RR says
I did them myself. I don’t know how you’d mess up the cycle unless your timing was off. I found it to be very straightforward and easy (aside from the emotional craziness of injecting yourself in the stomach daily for weeks).
Cb says
I give myself heparin injections daily (so not the same but similar concept) and it isn’t bad. Definitely have them show you how. My husband is too squeamish to do it for me but during my dvt, my very brave roommate gave them to me.
PinkKeyboard says
My husband did the first day or two but after that I did them. Something that helped… you can do them in your thigh which is much easier. It’s pretty idiot proof, as long as you insert the needle into yourself and inject, you can’t screw it up. The trigger is also pretty idiot proof, it’s intramuscular so you will probably want your partner to do (draw a target with a Sharpie), but my husband did fine… and it was good practice for months of progesterone in oil shots. I was able to only do it at night so I just set up my little needle and vial array on the coffee table before bed and went to town. I was also able to combine my injections into one needle via a fun little combination countdown system so I only needed to do one injection of all my different vials and an injection of follistim (vs 3 or 4 injections), so ask if that’s an option as well. Reassurance: you will be VERY closely monitored for how you are responding so they would realize there was a problem and correct before you screwed up the cycle.
rosie says
I gave myself some of them. FWIW, I am not squeamish, and I had previously given myself 6 subqs for IUIs (trigger shot in each cycle). I was a little worried that I would mess up mixing the ones that you have to mix yourself.
My spouse and I got a routine down. For evening injections (Follistim & menopur for me), I would ice a bit, get the Follistim pen from the fridge, and give myself the Follistim–I found it easy to inject and relatively painless, although the pen clicks as you depress it, so I would suggest asking the clinic if you can practice once just so you are not surprised that at how it feels to push down on it. While I was doing that, my spouse mixed up the menopur and then injected it after I did the Follistim. I think my spouse ended up doing the morning injection for me just so I wasn’t getting up and having to do it myself.
A note particularly about menopur: when I tried injecting the menopur myself, I did find it hard because I was injecting 1 mL of liquid using a 1 mL syringe, so it was a slow injection and it was hard for me to hold the syringe with the plunger all the way extended (plus the ones we got to fill ourselves were flimsier than the prefilled ones). I ended up getting larger syringes from my RE to get around this, and also allow for a faster injection–highly recommend if you find yourself running into the same issue. The menopur stung a bit as well, so another reason to have someone else administer it if you have that option.
Pogo says
You had 6 IUIs, and then IVF?!? I’m continually amazed by all the crazy strong women on here.
rosie says
Thanks, that’s very kind. We were fortunate to have some insurance coverage for IVF after 6 IUIs–it seems like 3-6 IUI requirement is fairly standard before you get IVF coverage?? We also had pregnancies ending in losses with IUIs #3, 5, and our RE was on the lower end of the intervention spectrum, so I suspect he would have continued to suggest IUI as a viable option absent the insurance issue (and he only really advised IVF after #6 because we were going to be losing the coverage shortly, so if we wanted IVF with any coverage, that was our shot).
rosie says
I’ll add, if you are doing an IM trigger, my spouse said “please don’t divorce me” as he was getting ready to inject it, but it really was fine. It was worse for him to mix the meds and be looking at the big needle (and then stick is all the way into my muscle) than for me as the one who was actually injected. (And the nurse drew a circle on me with a sharpie that morning and said to inject it anywhere in the circle, so it’s hard to mess up that part.)
TBK says
Both. My husband did them until one day we were having a fight (about who knows what – awesome IVF hormones) when it came time for my injection. Somehow I thought it would serve him right if I just took all the injection supplies up to the bathroom and did the shot myself. Meanwhile he was like “wait, the way I get out of doing these is to get you mad at me?” I’m not saying I was rational at the time.
Anonymous says
I gave myself all of my shots. My husband is a little squeamish and I am not in the least. For me, it was easy and painless. The “class” (one hour, one-on-one with the nurse) provided good techniques for injections. My best tips: (1) refresh yourself on any mixtures you need to do (such as Menopur) before the first one; luckily a nurse friend happened to be at our house the evening I started shots and she helped walk me through the instructions and best practices; (2) if you feel pressure under the skin while giving yourself an injection, pause for a couple moments until the feeling passes. If you keep pressing the injection, you can put too much pressure on a vessel and cause a small amount of bleeding from the injection site; (3) leave the needle in for about five seconds after finishing giving yourself the injection to ensure some of the medicine doesn’t follow the needle out. It’s ok if a little does, but easy to prevent.
Anon for this says
My husband and I started couples counseling this fall. Most things were good but when we fight, it gets really nasty. I also felt like I buried things and had lots of things that never got really aired, plus my husband felt like there were things in the past that he also felt had never really been resolved. We thought it would just be a few sessions on how to communicate better (isn’t that what every couple thinks?) but here we are, three months in and only a faint hint of an end in sight. My husband has finally come to grips with how bad his depression is (he had gotten treatment before, but never realized that his constant dread, guilt, self-loathing, etc. were not at all normal — he recently said “I think I might be manic-depressive” and I said “no, what you think are manic days are days when you’re just normal; most people feel like that every day” and he said “oh, wow! Life is great for people like you!”).
It’s also come up that I probably am kind of walled up, have trouble being vulnerable, and default to assuming I have to handle everything myself. My husband reinforced this in some ways by not being great about doing his share of housework and child care, but I also took any hint of him not picking up the slack as “well, guess it’s on me then!” and then being resentful, acting like a martyr, and deciding he must not really care about me.
Anyway, this is a long way of coming to the point, which is that we all — husband, couples counselor, and me — thought it would be helpful for me to also see someone on my own (therapy for everyone!). I had seen a therapist a few times last summer and kind of stopped because I felt like “why am I here?” I saw her this week and it really felt like her view was “yeah, your husband has problems, but you’re fine!” Is that normal? I feel kind of disoriented. I mean, I grew up with a single mom who had the view that the world was against us and it was on us to fight back and survive. She also, while always keeping things together, seemed worried that everything wasn’t going to work out so at a young age I became really responsible for handling as much of the household stuff as I could (e.g., balancing the family check book when I was 14). And I can see how that affected me. And it seems to be having a negative effect on my marriage. My husband feels like I don’t think about him enough and am too quick to take care of my own needs and only realize that he and the family have needs as an afterthought (not that I neglect the kids, but I think he feels that on the whole I often don’t put the family’s needs high enough on my priority list). Some of this is clearly his depression. He’ll admit as much. But it seems like some of it is me, too. But now I’m second-guessing that, given this therapist’s apparent viewpoint. But it also seems like, if I’m doing things that are having a bad impact on my marriage, that’s a problem, right? Not sure what my question is. I guess has anyone had an experience like this? I think I’ll look for a new therapist, but I both don’t want to shrug off actual maladaptive behavior but don’t want to pathologize something that’s actually fine.
Anonymous says
“it really felt like her view was “yeah, your husband has problems, but you’re fine!” Is that normal?”
— it can be normal. I would expect her role to be focused on helping you develop strategies to deal with your DH’s depression (basically one on one Al-Anon)
“My husband feels like I don’t think about him enough and am too quick to take care of my own needs and only realize that he and the family have needs as an afterthought (not that I neglect the kids, but I think he feels that on the whole I often don’t put the family’s needs high enough on my priority list). Some of this is clearly his depression. ”
—-this is his depression talking. In the same way that what he thought was ‘manic’ is normal, his expectations here are also segued.
Fixing a broken marriage is a long exhausting process. I went into a counselling session today thinking we were surely on the road to divorce but my DH had some really good breakthroughs and I’m hopeful again. It’s a rocky process to move forward.
To cope: outsource everything you can possibly afford to on the household tasks front (I never clean or wash/fold/put away laundry – all outsourced). Using emotional energy to deal with counselling is physically exhausting – take care of yourself. When you are happy, you are a better mom and wife so don’t be afraid to take care of yourself.
rosie says
I think your instinct to look for a new therapist is good. It sounds like you saw the same person over the summer and then this week, and you didn’t really find her helpful either time. That’s totally fine–you’re not going to work well with everyone, and some therapists are better than others. My two cents would be even if you are “fine,” therapy should still be able to help you with regard to your husband & that relationship. You should be able to talk to your therapist about your spouse’s issues, and s/he can hopefully help you frame where your spouse is coming from and your reactions.
Anon in NYC says
I will caveat all of this with the fact that I have never seen a therapist for a prolonged period of time (I saw one for a couple of weeks a few years ago, but got little value out of it), so other people here with have much better insight, but here are my thoughts.
You seem like you’re generally a put-together person, independent, and used to taking care of things. I think that that can be a challenge with therapy because your issues are not recognizable from the surface. I think it would be helpful for you to have a goal in mind when you’re meeting with a therapist. You recognize that some of your own behaviors may be detrimental to your marriage and family – do you want to fix those, and if so, how? Are there skills that you can work on with the therapist to get there?
For example: you don’t want to have the same world view as your mother. How do you shift your mindset from protecting yourself at the expense of your family to one where you take your spouse/kids into account? Identify scenarios where your husband has said that you’ve done this. Talk through those scenarios with your therapist and see if you can come up with other actions that you could have taken.
Or, you recognize that you struggle with vulnerability and tend to bury issues. Are there any exercises the therapist can provide you so that when faced with new scenarios that you don’t do those things?
Those things can be valid reasons to see a therapist, regardless of whether your behavior (vs. your husband’s) is actually fine or not.
anon says
Can you ask your couples therapist – privately – if he/she thinks you would benefit from seeing an individual therapist? Honestly, I don’t really understand your therapist’s perspective. Just because someone is within the very wide range of normal doesn’t mean he/she can’t benefit from therapy. If nothing else, it would probably make your husband feel supported to be able to say I’m doing everything I can to take care of my part of this. And it would give you a place to vent and get help in coping with your husband.
Anon for this says
I had asked the couples therapist not privately what he thought, and he was very supportive of me seeing a therapist on my own. And even though my husband was there, I think his response was genuine. I agree with you – I think it’s really important to my husband that I’m seeing someone on my own. Even if it’s like ideal is in the 7-10 range and I’m like 6.5, wouldn’t it be worthwhile to get me up to like 8? Also, my husband is really putting a lot of effort into his own issues, seeing both a psychologist and a psychiatrist, doing all the homework they give him (journaling, CBT stuff), and experimenting with different med combos. I feel like I should do my share. And also, I kind of feel like even if the way I approach things would be fine for some people, it’s clearly not for my husband. That’s not to say I need to change my personality (which isn’t possible) but kind of changing my approach to help the marriage work seems like a good idea. Especially because I think it really is a good marriage overall.
Pogo says
I think your instinct is right. You should be getting something out of therapy, as you state, there is plenty for you to get out of it even if there’s nothing “wrong” with you. A therapist who just agrees with your assessment of a situation and doesn’t help you reframe it isn’t helping you at all.
I actually think CBT would be very helpful for you. I grew up in a similar situation where I had to be super independent from a young age, and it makes me perfectionist and subject to perceiving any comment as criticism. CBT has helped me reframe “omg, Husband said that slightly mean thing because he hates me and I’m awful” to “Husband said that because he’s cranky and hungry” or in your case, has actual depression! It’s reduced our fights by ten-fold for me to work on those issues.
tl;dr Look for a CBT therapist of your own. Having a therapist agree with everything you say is validating, but you don’t seem to have issues with validation.