Makeup & Beauty Monday: Waterproof Long-Lasting Eyeliner

A friend introduced me to this Chanel long-lasting eyeliner when we went to a water park on a very hot day. I came out looking like a bedraggled mess, but her eyeliner was still perfect after a long day of sweating and lots of water. I bought one of these in the temporary “espresso” color that they have right now, and it’s great! (They have 14 other colors.) The eyeliner is $33 at Nordstrom, where it’s getting excellent reviews. Chanel Stylo Yeux Waterproof Long-Lasting Eyeliner

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Comments

  1. My youngest is finally out of the diaper bag phase (hooray!). I still need a small-ish/medium-sized bag for family festivals, amusement parks and outings. It needs to be big enough fit snacks, water bottles, hand wipes and miscellaneous stuff, but I don’t want to haul around a full-size backpack. Any ideas of bags that would fit the bill? I’ve seen quite a few moms hauling around the Patagonia Atom, so that’s the main one I’m considering right now.

    • Anonanonanon says:

      I have the backpack from lo and sons and it’s SO lightweight and great for things like this. Right now my only child is 7 and I still find occasions to use it for festivals etc. It’s nice to be able to carry bottled water, kleenex, etc. for the adults as well. I hate the look of backpacks but this one is solid black and not as huge as most, has a removable insert you can use to keep things organized/separated, etc. I hate to ruin a decently cute outfit with a big ol’ backpack but got tired of lugging water bottles on one shoulder, so it was my compromise.

    • coffee queen says:

      I really like a slingback. They are super small but can hold a lot.

    • Anon in NYC says:

      I’ve seen a few people lately with Anello backpacks and they looks adorable. I’m seriously considering getting one. You can find them on Amazon, but there may be other retailers.

    • EB0220 says:

      I’ve been seeing the Kavu Rope Sling Bag everywhere. In fact, I think I’m going to get one now since I reminded myself.

    • Midwest Mama says:

      I have a sling bag similar to the Atom but it only cost me $19 on [email protected] So worth it and the best type of bag, IMHO, for casual weekend momming. I can fit snacks, my wallet and keys and lipgloss, plus wipes and a few diapers (and even a change of toddler clothes if need be!). Plus there’s a pocket on the front for my cell phone, which makes it super convenient.

  2. Anonanonanon says:

    ooooo I may have to try this, even my lancome waterproof eyeliner tends to migrate on my face throughout the day (without getting wet. hmph.)

    ALSO unrelated- I somehow just discovered instacart? It’s a service that will deliver hot prepared meals from local grocery stores like whole foods or Wegman’s (aka places with delicious hot food bars). I’m SO excited because I’d been looking for an easy meal solution for the first few weeks baby #2 arrives. The services that deliver ingredients weren’t my jam because 1. still require cooking and cleanup and 2. it would be tough for my household to agree on menu choices. I looked into delivery services that deliver prepared meals and had the same issue and they seemed cost prohibitive. For us, it looked like the wegman’s meals were about $7-$10 each, everyone can pick their own, and the delivery fee is minimal. Wanted to share it in case other people have it in their area and weren’t aware!

    • For folks in dc area, we just discovered Galley and are in love. Fresh, prepared (fully cooked) meals that you can pre-order with a specific delivery time; you just reheat for 10mins in the oven. They have a few options each day, adult meals usually around $14 and kids $8. So far everything we’ve gotten has been delicious. Ends up costing about the same as carry out but I find it way more convenient because it’s delivered at a set time and seems a bit healthier.

    • AwayEmily says:

      This is so smart — I was just recently looking into Instacart for Wegmans but didn’t even think about the readymade meals option.

      • Anonanonanon says:

        Yes! They also have “easy meal” options where they feature pre-packaged salads, rotisserie chickens, pre-made pizzas you stick in the oven, etc. I envision being out of milk and needing dinner in the same day and utilizing it for both hot food delivery AND groceries.

        • AwayEmily says:

          The Wegmans bagged chopped salad kits are great. They make good work lunches too, if you add a protein.

    • Blueberries says:

      That’s great! Here in the Bay Area Instacart seems to be really non-transparent, with like two fees, marked up prices, and not paying their staff enough so tipping is expected as well.

  3. Skincare routine says:

    What do y’all do? I need a easy, bfing-friendly skincare routine. Since I got preggers with my 8 month old my routine has basically consisted of water to the face and scrubbing with a towel. Planning on going for number two not too long after current one weans, so looking for products I can start now and carry on until I’m out of the baby making and feeding phase of life.

    • anne-on says:

      What are your main skincare goals/concerns? I’m SUPER into asian beauty as multiple light layers of moisture + acids work REALLY well for my acne prone skin and the focus on whitening (yes, problematic term, but they really just mean brightening dark/red spots) works beautifully to remove red marks from breakouts/sun spots from aging.

      • Skincare routine says:

        Besides just the general, clearing clogged pores, daily moisturizer, I’m trying to keep an eye toward fine lines/aging.

        • anne-on says:

          I’d strongly recommend reading w2beauty.com’s editorial pages – they have some GREAT well respected bloggers that they asked to write for them. They also just introduced a bunch of different ‘boxes’ – ie – all your skin care needs in one box – that you can pick and choose from. A LOT of those products can also be purchased on amazon, and the shipments take about 2 weeks or so to arrive from Korea, but the samples are amazing and I do try to support the overall business model when I don’t need something urgently.
          I’d say a first cleanser, low ph cleanser, acid step (BHA or AHA, – retin A by prescription, differin OTC, or stridex red pads are most cost effective once you’re not nursing), a vitamin c serum (I like timeless), a serum for ‘brightening’ – holy snails . com has some great not too pricey ones, a heavier moisturizer if you need one (a sleeping pack is just a heavy moisturizer btw) and a good sunblock should give you an excellent basis!

      • mascot says:

        +1 for some of the Asian beauty trends. I do a double cleanse at night with the Banila Clean It Zero Purity sherbert cleanser followed by a liquid face cleanser. The sherbert cleanser has done wonders for skin softness and moisture levels.

    • CPA Lady says:

      I made no changes to my skincare, makeup, or hair products when I became pregnant and was BF-ing afterwards. I used normal drugstore stuff for the most part. If I broke my kid by using non-organic face wash, it’s not evident.

    • Rainbow Hair says:

      I’ve been liking The Ordinary’s stuff. I like that each thing is not too $$$, and you can sort of do a build-your-own routine. Right now I’m using their newest Vitamin C stuff (meh) and their Azelaic Acid (don’t know how to spell it, but I like it) and their Retinol thing (prob a skip for you). I really liked their Lactic Acid and Niacinimide and will buy more in my next order.

    • been there done that says:

      I really like Paula’s Choice products. They are very affordable , not tested on animals, and she gives you a specific step by step guide so it’s pretty foolproof. I have tried far pricier products (Obagi, etc.) and always go back to PC.
      At a minimum, you need a good cleanser, an exfoliant and a sunscreen.

    • Katala says:

      Not a product rec (I often buy from Thrive/Sprouts/Whole Foods and tell myself that means it’s “clean” – avoid retinols/vitamin A though) but on mat leave I went on a Caroline Hirons deep dive. I recommend just looking at her routines “cheat sheet” and whatever others look interesting. She helped me figure out exactly what to use when and I removed everything else from my counter, so it got me out of the decision paralysis and it’s so much faster/easier since I know what I’m going to use and when.

    • I’m in the same situation (and, at 32, beginning to feel like my face needs/deserves more attention than I used to pay it), and I recently started using Drunk Elephant so I could just buy products from one line and not have to scrutinize labels. I really like their serums and I think the Vitamin C serum has done a decent but not great job of brightening. Not sure how much effect I can realistically expect without retinol, so I’m patiently waiting until I’m done nursing for good. I also like Josie Maran’s spf moisturizer.

  4. Anonymous says:

    Re SkiNcare routine, because threading still doing work on my phone:
    I remove makeup with a towelette (I like the ones from Costco). I wash with cetaphil and add a moisturizer. That’s it. I don’t do anything in the morning other than shower.
    My friend who is a derm doesn’t believe in a lot of fancy stuff, other than 1) using retinal a few times a week if not pregnant or nursing 2) sunscreen every day and 3) if you feel like a splurge, skinceuticals c e ferulic. She believes the c e ferulic plus retinal are the only things which have proven studies against anti aging (other than sunscreen obiously).

    • anne-on says:

      Just an FYI – the Timeless vitamin C serum is a great dupe for the skinceuticals one. I’d agree – cleanser (low PH is something to look for – Cetaphil is), moisturizer, retinoid/acid if needed or wanted, viatmin c serum, and sunscreen should be your minimum routine. From there – add in whatever you need/want to try for your particular skin’s needs.

      • Oh good to know! I’ve been wanting to by a vit C serum but they are soooo expensive! I was wondering if the timeless one is good.

  5. Anonymous says:

    Very newly pregnant and already very nauseous. What are your favourite healthy nausea- suppressing snacks? I really can’t gain a ton of weight like last time as I am already starting this pregnancy overweight. My excessive cracker eating last time didn’t help the cause.

    • Allie says:

      Ginger candy really helped me.

    • Clementine says:

      Gallons of ice cold lemon water. Also, I drank a ton of iced ginger tea (hot liquids didn’t work for me at all).

    • ElisaR says:

      somebody recently recommended chewing gum to me – i am not usually a gum chewer but it definitely has helped with some of the random acid reflux/”oh my god i’m going to barf” moments for me……

    • The only thing that worked for me was the ginger chews from Trader Joes. I think they are disgusting, and they momentarily made me more nauseous when I forced them down, but they gave me a decent period of relief once I got them down.

    • anne-on says:

      Ice cold water with lemon. Sliced apples (green apples especially helped with the nausea, but macs were great too).
      Bonine is also safe for use while pregnant (ask your doctor obviously) but that helped me A LOT on days where I wasn’t so horribly sick that I took my prescribed hyperemesis drugs.

    • Anon in NYC says:

      Agree with the recommendations for citrus. Water with lemon or orange or lemonade were my go-tos. Even just the smell!

    • Anonanonanon says:

      Chick-fil-A diet lemonade was/is my go-to. (18 weeks and still vomiting multiple times a day).

      I feel you, I get sick the second my stomach is empty, so I’m eating constantly, and definitely packing on the pounds despite all the vomiting (yet managing to stay dehydrated, so that’s a fun trick).

      Also, this may sound crazy, but I’ve used all of the nausea as an opportunity to turn myself against some of my favourite high-calorie nutritionally-void snacks. I can no longer stand the thought of my favourite chips or pretzels, of my favourite gatorade flavor (so many empty calories there), etc. Hoping that will make weight loss a bit easier afterwards :-P

    • Newbie says:

      Animal crackers are getting me through – eating very slowly, one at a time, so hopefully not too many calories. But I’m eating so little at meals, hopefully it will work out ok, and I can add more nutrients in future weeks. Also – real ginger ale (like the fancy craft brands) – I’m going through several six packs a week. I pour it out and let some of the carbonation wear off first.

    • A couple non-food options: 1/2 of a Unisom pill before bed each night. It took the edge off the nausea for me and was recommended by my OBGYN, but that was 12 years ago, so YMMV.

      A little fan to put on your desk and blow air directly on your face when you’re feeling queasy can help. Or chewing on a cup of ice. Finally–Preggo Pops:

      https://www.amazon.com/Three-Lollies-Preggie-Assorted-Sickness/dp/B005AYE8UE/ref=sr_1_1_a_it?ie=UTF8&qid=1506958378&sr=8-1&keywords=preggo%2Bpops%2Bdrops&th=1

      I think I ate 2 containers of these!

      • I was pregnant with twins and twice as sick– it was awful. My OBGYN recommended 1/2 a Unisom pill and one B6 vitamin every 12 hours, and it really helped a LOT. I’m still half convinced it is a placebo, but I wasn’t going to say no to more sleep.

    • EB0220 says:

      I hate ginger but I ate a lot of ginger candy when I was pregnant.

    • Blueberry says:

      La Croix and similar was helpful for me. I ate a lot of salty food that is not low cal, but better for me than eating saltine crackers all day — lots of salted nuts and, on the recommendation of someone here, these baked cheese crackers, which you can now buy at Trader Joes. Congrats and good luck with the nausea!

    • Jeffiner says:

      I got the Mama Sea-Band bracelets and those actually helped me. Also carbonated beverages. I got so, so sick of ginger after a few months. Seltzer water would work to avoid all the sugar of regular sodas.

      • food didn’t help. acupuncture/acupressure wrist beads did. they are tiny and nearly invisible. your insurance may even cover acupuncture.

    • Anonymous says:

      HappyTummy tea from allegro tea. I got it at WholeFoods.

  6. We are struggling on how to discipline our 19-month-old. We consistently tell him “no”, redirect, and do time-outs, but he thinks all of these are a funny game (he literally laughs through the entire time out). Also none of these have proven effective at eliminating undesirable behaviors such as hitting/biting, playing with dangerous things, etc. I occasionally lose my sh*t and yell “no” at him and/or grab him, usually when he is doing something that poses a risk of harm to him like trying to tip his high chair, and that actually does stop him from doing the activity for awhile, but I really don’t want to be an angry/yelling mom. Is there some way to get him to take our other discipline methods seriously?

    • Boston Legal Eagle says:

      Following because we’ve run into the same concerns with disciplining our 17 month old. Whenever we say no, he has the biggest smile and then usually just keeps doing whatever he’s doing and looking back at us and smiling. We try to do that clapping technique from Happiest Toddler on the Block, which I think gets his attention at least (and usually leads to crying). I am not sure if he is developmentally aware of consequences yet.

      Our daycare did teach him the word “gentle,” which is so so helpful for when he hits or bites. We say gentle and then he starts caressing. I hope this lasts.

    • Anonymous says:

      Consistency is key. At this age they need boundaries because boundaries help them understand how the world around them works but they discover those boundaries by testing the limits again, and again and again. It’s appropriate developmentally but it can definitely be frustrating when you’ve had to say no about the same thing for the millionth time. We try to minimize the ‘nos’ by saying yes whenever we can and by setting up the physical environment so toddler can’t get into dangerous things as easily (laundry detergent locked in cupboard above washer etc).

      I really liked “No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline Without Shame ” by Janet Lansbury.

      • Anonanonanon says:

        Yes. Consistency, consistency, consistency. I abandoned many grocery carts in my efforts to maintain consistency (something my ex husband brought up as “ridiculous” in marriage counseling and the counselor told him was actually the appropriate thing to do.) She recommended something called 1-2-3 Magic to my ex-husband, who was having a lot of issues with our then-toddler respecting boundaries etc. with him. He never tried it so I don’t have feedback, but I’ve read about it other places and seen it frequently recommended.

        I used to use the supernanny method when I got desperate. For a few months I had a bright red bathmat that was the “time out” spot, and used 1 minute per year of age. Sometimes it took 30 minutes to enforce, but when he got up I would silently put him back in the spot and he eventually grasped that I mean what I say.

      • layered bob says:

        looooove Janet Lansbury. The points that have helped me the most from her books and podcasts are:

        1) do your own work – i.e. acknowledge your own anxieties, insecurities, and triggers so that you can be a calm, steady emotional presence.

        2) recognize that is it is really hard to be a toddler, and most misbehavior is a result of their poor impulse control, often due to being hungry, tired, or overstimulated. Don’t punish the child for your own failure to set them up for success with consistent routines, appropriate expectations, and adequate sleep and food.

        3) don’t *let* them misbehave – intervene in a situation or end an outing before they start biting or throwing a tantrum. Sportscast: “I see that you are trying to tip your high chair. I am not going to let you do that.” And veerrrrry calmly, slowly physically keep him from tipping.

        4) their emotional expression does not affect your emotional state. They can express that they are angry, frustrated, or just trying to test your limits and you respond with absolutely relaxed calm every time. Sportscast: “I see that you are dumping your food on the floor. That tells me you are finished. I’ll put it away and if you’re hungry you can eat at snack time later.” And then when he cries/yells: “You are upset by this! I see that. It’s hard when I put the food away before you’re finished.” But don’t change your behavior in response to his emotions.

        This perspective change helped more than any “system” – parenting is a relationship with another person, so a change in my perspective and attitude and emotional state deeply affects my children’s attitude and emotional state. We also childproof as much as possible. :-)

    • ElisaR says:

      i’m trying to figure this out too – i started following janet lansbury on facebook. I find it’s a good way to get tips each day without reading a book on the topic (i’m just super low on time like most people these days). Janet’s tips may be too laissez-faire for some parents, but she advocates a respectful approach to disciplining children and does not recommend time outs (this was a recent topic on her fb page). maybe check out her approach and see if it is something you’re comfortable with.

      • Anonymous says:

        I recommended Janet Lansbury above but I do use timeouts. One minute per age of child. In crib for 3 year old toddler right now. I set the oven timer to make sure it’s not longer and offer a hug when I go back in. Mostly because I find that when things start escalating, I need a break for a couple minutes to get myself together and parent the way I want to be able to do.

    • Clementine says:

      This won’t make you feel better, but I think that this is all totally developmentally normal for that age. They’re learning that they have independence from you and the ability to impact their environment.

      Regarding teaching some consequences: We’re big on natural consequences. We do a lot of, ‘What do you think will happen if you do x?’ This works well for small things- for example, kid kept standing in the dog’s water dish once we put his shoes on. You know what? After warning him several times, we sent him in to daycare (on a warm summer day) wearing damp Keens. He kept saying, ‘Wet Shoes! Wet Shoes!’ and was finally able to make the connection that he didn’t want to do that anymore because he didn’t like the consequence.

      It’s harder with dangerous stuff like the road, but we still do a lot of asking ‘what do you think will happen?’. I also am just waiting for some type of survival instinct to kick in. That’s going to happen, right?

    • I just started reading 123 Magic to try to figure this out but so far haven’t gotten anywhere. If I make it through, I’ll post a quick book report.

      • Katala says:

        I googled and found a short (maybe 4 page?) summary of 123 Magic that we’ve been able to implement to some success. Might be good to get a feel for the process – I knew I wouldn’t get through the book in a reasonable time! Thinking about buying it as a reference but the summary was fine.

    • I use “ah, ah, ah” with a warning tone as an alternate to “no”. Ah, ah, ah can get escalated to no. And, for me, it helps me denote a very serious (or dangerous) NO from the “that’s not appropriate” ah, ah, ah. Either word, however, requires consistency in action.

    • AwayEmily says:

      Another Lansbury fan here. I’ve also had good luck with early physical intervention (as she recommends) — ie, I keep a very close eye on my daughter (18 months) and right as she starts to do something not okay, I say (very calmly and seriously but not angrily) “I won’t let you touch that” while at the same time physically taking it out of their hands or moving them away from the dangerous object (same with hitting, etc).

      I’ve noticed that after doing this for awhile, I’m able to sometimes do just the verbal intervention and not the physical one, but I think that you do just have to take a really hands-on approach with them at this age — words don’t always work.

      I also echo Anonymous’ comment above about trying to make some child-safe areas where they can do whatever they want and you can do minimal intervention. We recently stayed with my mom for awhile and it was a LOT more stressful for all of us because we had to constantly be vigilant about keeping her away doing dangerous things. So the more you can structure the environment to be safe, the easier for everyone.

    • We do a mix of the above (mostly redirection at this age, with time-outs for repeated violence [hitting/biting/etc.]). The best advice I received was to give them short actions rather than saying no. So if he isn’t supposed to touch something say “hands off” rather than “don’t touch that”. If he’s climbing something he shouldn’t say, “feet on the floor” rather than “don’t climb that”.

      • Thank you for this – I really like it and I’m going to try it.

        Our 15 mo is constantly doing naughty/dangerous things but he doesn’t really understand much yet. He definitely understands certain things, like that he shouldn’t bite, because he shakes his head, sometimes actually says “no”, and then dramatically leans down for a bite while making eye contact. I know he’s testing boundaries but it is tiresome!

        We also went the route of making things as “yes” as possible in our house by eliminating dangerous things.

    • Anonymous says:

      Don’t say no! For god’s sake don’t say no! Your kid thinks “no” is just a word mommy says a lot and it has no meaning. So when you need child to stop (like they have escaped in a parking lot) and you are screaming “No, no, no, no!” He will laugh and keep running.

      Most kids at that age need to be told WHAT TO DO. Tell child — dolls are not for throwing, we play with dolls like this. Food does not go on the floor — if you don’t want it, put it on the plate/table/napkin. Those are daddy’s things, play with your toys over here. Brooms should always be used like this.

      If kiddo disagrees with above, you just take stuff away. He will cry, offer something else, don’t worry about it.

      Pre-empt fights — if kid screams about only wanting red cup, throw away all the colored cups (if you want to buy a bunch of red ones! It’s fine!) If there’s a transition or a time of day that is hard analyze it and make new rules about it (my kiddo can totally watch TV in the morning — it’s no problem turning it off, changing activities or getting her out of the house. After 4 pm there is no TV because she becomes a psycho if you turn it off.)

      Kids can handle one (occasionally two) step directions at this age. Saying “clean up!” will get you only frustration. Saying “We will clean up the toys now. You pick that up and I will put it away. (then point) Pick that up. (point) pick that up. (and on and on).

      Kids need to be constantly doing — a toddler is not going to sit while you make dinner. He might do some art as long as you are talking to him. My kiddo will actually eat with silverware if I’m sitting and talking and eating with her. If she feels ignored hands go in food and her hair and she starts fingerpainting with applesauce. (It’s been tough to convince dad that’s what happens, but he’s finally noticed.)

  7. Toddler hair care says:

    I’m at my wits end with styling my 3-year-old’s hair. It is fine, straight, and about the length of her shoulder blades. The problem is that it tangles SO EASILY. Hairstylist told me that fine, blond hair is especially prone to knots and tangles. In the morning, it is a total rat’s nest no matter what.

    I’ve tried:
    – The Wet brush
    – Using good quality shampoos and conditioners and leaving the conditioner on as long as possible
    – Combing before and after her bath
    – Detangling spray in the morning
    – Having her wear it up and out of her face as much as possible
    – Sometimes braiding it before bed (helps reduce the tangles, but I don’t love the half wavy/half straight look)

    I am so over the constant maintenance required for keeping her hair long. When it’s neat, it is so pretty. But this is real life, with a real preschooler who can’t keep her hands out of her hair, and apparently is an acrobat in her sleep. At this point, I am ready to chop off a good 3 inches so she has a long bob. What are the pros and cons of that length? Or, will this get better if I tough it out until her hair is a few inches longer and can hold a long braid more easily?

    I have a pixie cut partly because I love the look and also because I hate styling hair — so I admittedly have a low tolerance for all this fussing.

  8. NOVA Daycare? says:

    Can anyone recommend a website for locating and researching daycares in NOVA? (Or can you recommend any from experience?) Just beginning to look for one close to work/home starting in Summer 2018 for an infant. Thanks!

    • Anonanonanon says:

      I’m in NOVA and looking for Summer 2018 for an infant as well!
      I think we’ve zeroed in on an in-home provider in our area. I used the state Department of Social Services website to view the reports fora ll of the in-home providers that are state-licensed in the zip codes near us. That REALLY narrowed it down once I determined which infractions were/were not dealbreakers for me. Coincidentally, a mother at my older son’s sports practice recommended an in-home provider who was already on my short-list, and we have a tentative spot there depending on the results of our in-person visit with her this week. There are a lot of Virginia-specific resources out there that give a good list of questions to ask in-home daycares if you go that route.

      I don’t have a problem with the larger centers, I used a few for my older son, but where we currently live in NOVA there are not a lot of options and I was not satisfied with the reports for the ones near our home (and we had already pulled my son out of after-school care with one of them). Some of the larger chains are VERY facility-dependent. For example, I had a wonderful experience with one Kindercare location in NOVA, but when I moved and used them in the new location I was very displeased and had some very real safety concerns.

      Do you mind sharing what part of NOVA you’re in?

      • NOVA Daycare? says:

        Thanks! I’m in the Ballston-Rosslyn corridor.

        • Anonanonanon says:

          Unfortunately I don’t have much experience with that part of Arlington childcare-wise. Honestly I’ve always relied on a good ol’ google search to get started, and then used the department of social services inspection reports to weed out facilities. After that in-person visits will help you make a decision. Think of a comprehensive list of questions (and don’t be afraid to ask them!) and ultimately trust your gut!

        • Anonymous says:

          Check out Rosslyn Children’s Center. The teachers are super.

        • octagon says:

          Friends have kids at the one in the FDIC building (Bright Horizons maybe?) and are very happy with it.

    • Anonymous says:

      If you are comfortable with in-home care, I would highly recommend the infant-toddler daycare system. They take care of the administrative part for in-home daycare providers (taxes, etc..) but they provide education for the providers and do monthly inspections of their homes – whereas a normal state license for VA gets 2 inspections a year. Providers are available in Fairfax, Loudon, Prince William, and Arlington county (but it’s VERY hard to find an opening in Arlington). We were able to find a provider very close to our home and it’s worked out so far. The benefits that we can see so far is that they are much more affordable than a center, your child can stay with one caregiver from ages 0-3 (when they start pre-school), they provide home-cooked food, there’s a LOT more flexibility with scheduling. I also appreciate that there’s less chance of needing to adhere to food allergy rules (unless your child has one) and I don’t have to worry about labeling everything.

    • Anonymous says:

      Where in NOVA? I might have suggestions based on which area you’er looking for. +a million for looking at the licensing reports, that crossed several off my list.

    • Anonymous says:

      Not sure where in NOVA, but Arlington County has a website with all the licensed daycares, which are on a map of the county. Other counties may do something similar.

    • octagon says:

      Find the moms list in your area, too — eg. MONA for North Arlington, OldTownMoms in Alexandria, etc.

  9. Pre Natal Screening Tests says:

    Anyone have websites to recommend to get the latest information on availability and timing for the various screenings? The ob is telling us we can’t get in with the dr until 13 weeks, and my understanding was there were several tests that could and/or must be done earlier than that. I’ll certainly start with my insurance to see what they cover, but we’re willing to pay out of pocket if needed. Want to be armed with the best info possible before I call back to talk us into an earlier appointment with someone – or if we need to look at a separate genetic counselor, etc. Thanks!

    • Anonymous says:
    • Depends on your age, but there is one you do at 12 weeks (or right at/after 11 is fine too) if you’re over 35. I think it’s called the NIPT or something like that. I also was sent for a 12 week u/s at 12 weeks (nuchal) and then there are some tests after 12 weeks that you should be fine for. The nuchal (sp.?) is regardless of age because I had it done with my 1st pregnancy (under 35).

      I would consider switching doctors, honestly. BUT – if you don’t want to do that – you can always ask to come in for the tests only. The blood tests are done by a nurse and I was referred out for the nuchal u/s anyway and they could have done the blood test there, too.

    • PregLawyer says:

      Here is my basic knowledge. The American Pregnancy Association also has a website: americanpregnancy dot org/prenatal-testing

      – 13 weeks is too late for CVS (chronic villus sampling), which tests cells from the placenta. It tests the fetus (or the placenta) directly for chromosomal abnormalities. Carries a risk of miscarriage. CVS is usually only done on women who are very high risk, or who have already had other non-invasive tests indicating a high risk of abnormalities.
      – 13 weeks is likely too late for the NT test, a non-invasive procedure that measures the thickness of the fluid at the back of the fetus’s neck. It’s done by ultrasound.
      – 13 weeks is likely too late for the first semester screen test (often part of a two-step sequential screen) that is a blood draw from your blood, and gives a risk profile for a few chromosomal abnormalities.

      13 weeks is not too late for an amnio (invasive test that tests amniotic fluid), NIPT (non-invasive prenatal test that looks for chromosomal abnormalities by drawing blood from the mother), and second trimester screening test (like the first semester screen, blood draw that tells you your risk profile).

      • Anonymous says:

        Both the NT Test and First Trimester Screening are done between 11 weeks and the end of the 13th week, so 13 weeks isn’t too late, as long as they can do it the same day as her appointment.

    • Anonanonanon says:

      Other people have provided resources so I won’t duplicate their efforts, but if you would act on information that your fetus had certain genetic conditions or abnormalities (as in consider termination), or would at least want the option to, I would definitely push to get in earlier. Those decisions are so much harder to make that late in a pregnancy.

      • +1. Also: I think it’s really important to have a responsive OB. My doctor can make you wait for hours if you’re just there for an annual but she makes it a point to be super available with pregnant patients because a delay can be a really big deal in some situations. Most doctors will wait to see you till you are 7-9 weeks along but 13 seems like bad office management, if not actual bad practice. Just a thought but OP – did you tell them that you are pregnant when you called or did you just ask to make an appointment? (Sorry, if that’s a dumb question but this really seems odd to me so just wanted to make sure).

    • Pre Natal Screening Tests says:

      Thanks all! I am definitely over 35, and this Dr was specifically recommended to us b/c I have other medical issues as well, and she specializes in higher risk. I think the issue is that I already had an ultrasound and some blood work with the fertility specialist who successfully got us here, and so they are skipping the first visit which is usually with the nurse. But I will review all these links, and be prepared to call back to discuss the testing options prior to 13 weeks.

      • Anonanonanon says:

        That makes a little more sense, but for a high risk practice I’m still surprised they’re waiting so long. Again, the concept of “what would you do with the information” always comes up in questions about which testing to pursue/not pursue, so if you would plan to terminate I would mention that when you call. Specifically along the lines of “I’m aware that my advanced maternal age puts me at a higher risk for certain complications, and I’d like to find out if those are present as soon as possible to allow us to explore our options if they are”. I know this sounds cold, but I had multiple doctors tell me there’s no point in early screening if you already know you won’t terminate, so it seems to be part of their decision-making criteria when they’re prioritizing appointments/resources for testing.

      • 2 Cents says:

        I’m high risk, and when the scheduler at the high-risk office tried to schedule me for week 12, when my OBGYN (who referred me to the high-risk practice) wanted me seen at Week 8, I just called my referring OBGYN’s office back. The nurses there explained to the high-risk practice that I needed to be seen sooner, not later. At the end of all of it, I ended up with a Week 8 appointment. I’d try going through your fertility person, because they might be appalled the high-risk people want to wait so long (or at least, the person managing the high-risk scheduling).

        • Pre Natal Screening Tests says:

          Good suggestion. I was hoping this office would be better managed / easier to get into than the fertility doc (docs were great, office was a nightmare) but will have to wait and see. Guess it’s never to early to be your own best advocate. Tonight, research, tomorrow – call back!

  10. I just can’t listen to the news anymore. I read the daily news in the morning before I get out of bed, and I listen to NPR on my way to work, and it’s just so depressing. The barrage is just constant. I read a timeline of Trump activity last week, and it’s just mindblowing how “we” careen back and forth between NFL and PR and North Korea, acting like it’s all the same and none of it is real and we’re all just playing the newest app. And of course LV this morning is terrifying and awful.

    But this is real life. This is the world my kids will think is normal. How in the world can I raise them to be socially involved, to fight for what is right, when even my mid-30s self can barely make sense of everything, and feels overwhelmed with the amount of chaos. It’s hard to even pick a few causes when everything feels so monumental and important, in the face of all the “fake news” that bombards us every day.

    I don’t even know what my question is. I guess I want to raise better kids, a better generation, and it feels like such a losing battle. I feel like my voice is so small compared to everything else they hear during the day. Short of homeschooling (which I would be awful at, for a number of reasons), how do you do this? How do you raise kids to be discerning and critical and yet not depressed and overwhelmed?

    • I hear you. Anyone else hug their kid a little closer this morning, before sending him or her off into a world filled with people lacking basic human compassion?

      Sometimes I need to turn the news off and take a break….and then I feel guilty because there are people living this awful news every day who can’t just “turn it off.” It’s heartbreaking.

      I’m with you, anon. It’s hard as hell.

      • Rainbow Hair says:

        I remember after Pulse I had to go out of town for a few nights. I was hugging my Kiddo so tight, and crying, and she (like 1.5 at this point) touched my tears and said, “eyes wawa mama?” and kflkdgjowriut I don’t even know — kids are so good, how is the world so bad?

        • Ugh, I know, I was looking at my son this morning and thinking about how once this mass murderer was probably just as carefree, running around throwing socks in the air.

    • Anonymous says:

      My early childhood was spent in another country and my parents faced this issue and handled it well. I was taught critical thinking early, I was taught to be independent, to not assume that everything I hear is true but to put things into context … Maybe I turned out a little cynical as a result but there are millions of people raising kids in environments much worse than the present US one. Try to keep the big picture in mind. Hopefully this is a 4 year embarrassment that passes.

      • Anonymous says:

        I should add that a lot of emphasis was placed on teaching empathy and for doing the right thing even when no one seemed interested in it. We talked openly about things like ethnic, religious and racial prejudice. My parents always answered whatever questions I had about the world. I wasn’t shielded from knowing about “bad things” but they were always contextualized. My mom and I were actually talking about this recently and she lamented a family friend who was raising her kids to not know about anything bad that happened because “it’s such a missed opportunity to explain things to kids in a way that they can begin to understand.”

    • Anonymous says:

      I’m a mess today after what happened last night in Las Vegas. I feel hopeless and helpless. My husband and I are going there in two months to celebrate his birthday, leaving our two small children home with grandma. Am I supposed to worry the whole time? In fact, I was at that very concert venue less than a year ago with my then one year old daughter for pre-marathon festivities. Where is it safe to take our children? Or to go ourselves?

      We can’t put metal detectors everywhere. And it sounds like that would not have even helped here because the shooter was in a hotel room, not the venue itself. I understand that the chances of being a victim of such an attack are still relatively low, but I’m sure that’s no comfort for the people whose lives were ended or forever changed by last night’s horrific attack.

    • Anonanonanon says:

      No advice but just commiserating. A peaceful NFL protest gets way more air time than another country literally threatening to attack us with nuclear weapons. I’m not a conspiracy theorist by any means, but it starts to feel more and more like even journalists/the media can’t handle our current reality, and instead focus on the “easier” things (which are still very, very tough conversations).

    • mascot says:

      I try to take short breaks from the news. In a 24/7 news cycle, there’s so much repetition and micro-analysis and I think the volume is overwhelming. We also try to focus on what we can control- I can teach my child to be good and kind, I can do acts of service at the local level and offer up my time/talents/treasures when possible.
      I also realize that each generation goes through periods of chaos. I was watching that Ken Burns Vietnam special over the past few weeks and talking to my parents who lived through that time as young adults. And there was a lot going on then and they felt like the world was burning down around them as well. But, there was some progress made, even if we’ve still got work to do.

      • Anonanonanon says:

        I try to remind myself that each generation feels this way as well. Look at WWII… literally the world was at war, European nations dropping bombs on each other’s major cities regardless of civilians, nuclear bombs… I can’t even imagine how it felt to be alive during all of that, even in the states where we were relatively shielded from that

        • This is a good perspective. My parents graduated from college in Ohio in 1970. Due to Kent State, their graduations were cancelled and they received diplomas in the mail. They got married and their honeymoon was driving to bring my father to basic training. I think it must have felt like the whole world was getting ripped apart.

      • Boston Legal Eagle says:

        Yes, this is about all I feel I can do – teach my kid empathy and to be a kind person, and to support causes I care about, whether that is financial or with my time. I do think it’s important to have the difficult conversations with our kids and discuss the realities of the world with them.

    • Anonymous says:

      I had to go old school and just read the physical newspaper everyday. I still get the news so I don’t feel like I’m head in the sand but where it is just once a day, I can handle it. Plus lots of material for paper airplanes

  11. anon for this says:

    I miscarried yesterday. It was really early (REALLY early, I knew I was pregnant for about one day), it’s statistically common, but WOW that is a lot of blood and I’m crampy and don’t want to be at work today and want to sit at home with a heating pad and my toddler and am instead on world’s longest closing checklist conference call.

    • Anon in NYC says:

      I’m really sorry. I hope you can leave work early.

    • AwayEmily says:

      So sorry to hear this. Hard no matter how early. Hope you get some amazing toddler snuggles in tonight.

    • Katala says:

      I’m so sorry. Those calls are awful on the best of days. I hope you can duck out after, get some toddler time and do something nice for yourself tonight.

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