Nursing/Postpartum Tuesday: Riley Plaid Shirtdress

Loyal Hana Shift DressAvert your eyes from the sneakers (though kind of good to know it will look cute on your commute?), and note that this lovely maternity dress ALSO has those clever Loyal Hana zippers for nursing access — so it’s good while you’re pregnant, as well as afterwards. I like the loose fit and the split neckline, as well as the black/white plaid.  Riley Plaid Maternity/Nursing Shirtdress

Psst: Looking for more info about nursing clothes for working moms, or tips for pumping at the office? We’ve got them both…

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  1. Second time mom says:

    On maternity leave, reading through old Nee Yorker issues and I came across a fiction story called “A Love Story” by Samantha Hunt about the primal hormonal state of the mom with young children. (The author had three under three at one point.). The story really hit my funny bone and perhaps others here would enjoy it, too.

  2. carseat blues says:

    Help! My 9 mo has decided he absolutely hates getting into the carseat. I mean full on real tears and screaming and it’s of course not a fun way to start the day. I sometimes give him a bottle while I’m strapping him in, but don’t want that to be a constant crutch. Is this a phase? Will it pass? Any ideas on what I can do to help him? He has never loved going in but usually fussed for 20 seconds or so and stopped – now it’s just awful. Thanks in advance for any tips you have!

    • AwayEmily says:

      I bet it will pass. My baby went through an intense no-carseat phase at around that age too.

      In terms of practical advice, I’ve applied the a version of the Janet Lansbury approach where I tell her what I’m going to do as I approach the car (“I’m going to put you into the carseat, give you a toy, buckle you in, then give you a kiss”), as well as narrate those actions as I’m actually doing them.

      The idea is that the carseat is important enough that there is just NO room for negotiation or bribes or delaying — you just do it authoritatively and calmly every single time and eventually the kid figures out that there’s no use arguing.

      I honestly did not expect this to work but it really has — she still fusses a bit sometimes but SO much less than she used to.

      • Yes, this. Also check the fit – mine had to move into a RF convertible seat around 9 months because the bucket seat was pressing on his diaper area and making him uncomfortable. As soon as we moved him into the “big kid” seat, his fussing finally went away.

    • POSITA says:

      Food is always a favorite for my kids. You could try giving him a mum mum or small cup of puffs instead of a bottle. It may be messy, but I don’t think you can avoid car seat food forever. Eventually every car seat ends of christened with cheerios and dried applesauce pouch.

    • Anonymous says:

      If it’s a sudden change, recheck the fit on the straps (at or below shoulders), at crotch, and recline on seat. Sometimes a growth spurt or just wear and tear of driving a lot will mess up the alignment of everything. Double check seat height and weight max as well. Mine had to switch out of the bucket seats at that age because they maxed out the height even though they were well under the weight limit.

  3. POSITA says:

    Loft is having a particularly good sale at the moment (50% off everything and free shipping). I could really use some pieces to refresh my fall wardrobe, but so much of what they have looks so overworked and fussy to me. Has anyone spotted any favorites? Maybe there are some gems among the cold shoulder tops, florals and ruffles that I’ve overlooked.

    • AwayEmily says:

      I keep going back to a few basics — their utility shirts are great (can be worn tucked in or untucked, which I really like). And the Lou & Grey signaturesoft line is not really work-appropriate but it is SO soft and comfy.

    • The sweaters aren’t bad for work, and maybe some of the skirts. I do feel like Loft is swinging a little wild these days! Those “blazers” are like… what?

    • Anonymous says:

      I was just at a store and I agree that everything is a little “off” right now. Weird patterns, TONS of off-the-shoulder stuff (not age appropriate for me), and just general blah stuff. I’m in the south and it’s still hot here, so the sweaters weren’t as enticing to me, but they did have a decent collection of those. If you can find some basics, it’s probably worth it. And as AwayEmily noted, the Lou & Grey stuff is SO SOFT.

  4. My MIL is getting a huge award, like getting inducted into the hall of fame for her industry. I would like to celebrate her achievement, but need ideas. One thing that would mean a lot to her is to have her grandkids watch the ceremony, but there are no kids allowed. Any ideas on how to get grandkid involved? The only one that is old enough to understand anything is 3 years old. I was thinking of having kiddo make a card and present it to her..?

    • Anonymous says:

      Video of the kids saying congrats that you can show her afterwards. Or invite them over for dinner at have a congrats party – kids sound old enough to understand that grandma got a special prize because she is so good at her job.

    • POSITA says:

      How about getting a professional photographer to take family pictures before the event while everyone is dolled up? Even if the kids aren’t attending, you could stuff them into nice clothes for pictures before leaving them with a babysitter.

      • My MIL would probably love this most of all, what a great idea. OP, you could arrange for the entire family to be in on this, so it’s the whole group from her on down to grandkids, and then get it framed for her office or her living room.

    • Anonymous says:

      If the ceremony is all about her (and not her + colleagues), could the organizers surprise her by skyping in the grandkids to say congratulations to her?

    • Rainbow Hair says:

      I love the idea of the family photo right before.

      You could also have the kids present her with a bouquet outside of the ceremony, immediately before or after? I remember when my fake uncle [major professional accomplishment that kids can’t sit through] and I got to give him a bouquet afterward and a card where I had written, “you did great!”

  5. Unsolicited book recommendation (just listen to it on audiobooks or kindle to not incite panic in your spouse)

    How Not to Hate Your Husband After Kids.

    Really interesting read.

  6. pumping on a plane threads says:

    Could someone with better search skills point me back to the recent threads about pumping on a plane? Thank you!

  7. Oh that’s cute! I can’t make the side nursing flaps work though, perhaps I’m too small up top.

    Rec of the day – legwarmers. Baby’s clothes are flooders, knitted legwarmers close the gap when baby wearing and are too too cute.

    • I never could make the side nursing flaps work (or any nursing flaps for that matter)! It’s an Itty Bitty T*tty Committee issue. I always just yanked my shirt & Coobie bra up. :)

      I second the legwarmers. Long-legged baby always had gap issues. Now at 2.5 he digs up his old baby legwarmers and wears them for play — arm sleeves, tentacles, monster hands, you name it.

    • AwayEmily says:

      Same re: nursing flaps. It seemed like such a good idea, and then never worked at all. #smallchestproblems. I did have better luck with this sweatshirt, though: Maybe partly because it was thick enough that I could get away with wearing it with no bra at all underneath, so there was no fumbling with clasps. Now it is permanently milk-stained but I am still looking forward to breaking it out in January when #2 gets here!

      Where do you get legwarmers?

    • avocado says:

      I was never able to make nursing clothes work. I am a fellow IBTC member, but I don’t think that was my issue. For the first couple of months nursing and pumping were super messy. I had to pull up my shirt and then tuck burp cloths into my [email protected] band to catch all the spillage. If I’d worn a shirt with nursing flaps, it would have gotten soaked. The combo maternity/nursing tops were all too big postpartum, too. Later on I was able to pull a wrap dress to one side to nurse, but it was still less risky to wear a regular top and pull it up. I used a nursing cover so belly exposure was not a concern. My t-shirts did get all stretched out, though.

    • Katala says:

      Legwarmers are so cute. I got sucked in by one of those buy 10 pairs deals, buying up all the cute patterns. Ended up with kiddos who have tree trunks for legs and the legwarmers cut off circulation. Oh well!

  8. Anonymous says:

    my 8 month old is pulling himself up to standing in his crib. right now he just sleeps in footie pjs but i think i want something warmer in the coming months (his room is also quite chilly). do i buy a wearable blanket and he’ll just stand it that or do i get one with the feet on the end that looks like pajamas anyway? looking into the woolino brand but open to all suggestions. help! thanks!!

    • You would be surprised how well kids can stand in the Halo SleepSacks, or other similar product. You’ll be nervous at first, but your kiddo will get the hang of it quickly.

    • Anon in NYC says:

      My daughter slept in sleep sacks until she outgrew them, and she would just pull herself up in those. I was worried that it would somehow be a safety risk (like she would catch her feet and trip or something), but she was okay with it.

    • Anonymous says:

      My kid (now 3) has never been one for blankets. In the winter, we layer fleece footed pjs with pants, shirt, and socks. you may need to size up on your PJs to get it all to fit.

    • Anonymous says:

      Thanks all! This is one of those questions that seems like it should be so simple but keeps me up at night, oy.

  9. I’m past the baby stage, but I’m looking at a friend’s registry for her. I used the Munchkin Projector/ Sound Machine thing for my kids (without the projector part) for 4 years without issues. But apparently she’s had multiple people tell her that the Baby Shusher is a miracle worker? What does it do differently?

    I had my last kid two years ago, it’s so crazy to see how many things have changed in just that short time. I already feel like I’m no longer an expert on baby things – all these gadgets are so new! (I’m mainly jealous about the Ubbi. My Diaper Genie is so gross but I can’t justify a new one for less than a year of diapers left.)

    • The Ubbi is amazing. I think it’s worth it – is there anyone you could hand it down to when you’re through?

      And as for the Shusher, my mom got us one but we didn’t use it a ton. It was helpful a handful of times – we could drop it in a bouncer or whatever with her, but I didn’t get a lot out of it. It turns itself off after a set amount of time so I preferred our sound machine white noise that we just leave on all night.

      • Babyboom says:

        What am I doing wrong? We definitely smell the ubbi. Maybe because we still have 2 contributing poop diapers?

    • AwayEmily says:

      I am SHOCKED by how good the Ubbi is. Our kid’s room always has the windows shut and doesn’t have great ventilation, and we only change the diaper pail once a week, but it never smells in there.

      • +1 same

      • Ditto.

      • +1

      • +1 We have our changing table and station set up in our kitchen/dining room/living area (open concept townhome and we spend all our time on this floor instead of the floor with the bedrooms). The ubbi is just a few feet from our table and I have never once caught even a whiff.

        • ThatGirl says:

          As a new mom who’s gotten more than one sideways look for having our changing station in the living area (adjacent to the kitchen), I appreciate that you also do this. It’s where we all are 90% of the time! And I wash my hands and sanitize everything daily. Ugh.

    • Anonymous says:

      So, can somebody explain to me how diaper pails work? I found them to be so stinky after letting the poopy diapers sit there for a day or two that it’s better to deal with just throwing the diapers away in the main kitchen trash immediately so they can be removed from the house more consistently. But they are a thing, so apparently everyone has figured it out better than I have.

      • Anonymous says:

        We emptied ours everyday and it wasn’t too bad. Once baby was on solids and pooping more regularly we switched to a stainless steel garbage can with regular plastic bag liners and just tied off and threw out the bg after every #2. Diaper Genie refills are a waste of $$

      • I loved mine for two reasons – one, the nursery was far from the kitchen. I didn’t like carrying a poop-filled diaper through the house 1-3 times a day. Maybe it was in my head, but it seemed like it made the whole house smell. Keeping it in the nursery confined the stink. Two, we took our genie “sausage” out every 5-6 days. I thought it did a pretty good job of keeping the smell confined. We sprayed the actual insides of the Genie every sausage change with Febreeze, so it helped keep the smell-absorption to a minimum, although 4+ years later, it’s disgusting – I assume this would be the case with any diaper-container.

      • AwayEmily says:

        We’ve only ever used the Ubbi, which takes regular garbage bags. We empty it once a week and that’s it. It smells a little when we open it, but the smell doesn’t linger. I also really like that you can lock the lid so toddlers can’t get in. To be fair our kid usually poops at daycare, so a week’s worth of diapers may only have 3 or 4 poopy ones.

      • It’s a mystery to me. We live in an apartment and I never bothered with a diaper pail of any kind. If it’s a stinky one I just walk it over to the incinerator in our hallway but most of the time it’s fine in the kitchen trash that gets emptied every day anyway. I always assume this is more of a house issue but then everyone i know in apartments here tends to get these anyway. Maybe because everyone just registers for it and then it’s there.

        • NewMomAnon says:

          My apartment building prohibits using the trash chute for human or pet waste, and directs us to take those to the garbage dumpsters in the parking garage. Which I don’t visit every day or even every week sometimes, so….kiddo’s diaper pail can get pretty full. But she’s only in diapers for overnights and doesn’t p**p in them anymore, so it’s not bad.

          • Really?? Even if you put it with regular trash? That’s bizarre. How is a dirty diaper in a bag worse than bits of old chicken or other food waste? Also, how would this get enforced? I’ve lived in apartments my whole life and never heard of a rule like this.

          • Katala says:

            Agree, this is strange! I think the one apartment I lived in with a trash chute did say no diapers, but I thought that was no loose, unbagged diapers. We definitely put our kitchen trash with diapers in it down the chute. Huh. I guess I may have been in violation with used cat litter too.

      • Anonymous says:

        We dump solid poop in the toilet, and use a small trash can inside a bigger one in her room. That’s enough to make it through a week with little-to-o-smell.

        Unfortunately, kiddo has had a couple weeks of viruses/copious snot and most poop has been not-flushable. So in the last two weeks things have been terribly smelly.

  10. Quad screen? says:

    I’m 21 weeks pregnant now, under 35 years old but close. In my first trimester we were offered two kinds genetic testing – an NT scan that wasn’t available locally and a non-invasive prenatal blood test (Harmony). We opted to skip the NT scan and did the Harmony test which came back low risk for everything. At that first appointment, the doctor said in my second trimester I’d also be offered the quad screen and we said yes we definitely want to do that. The doctors never mentioned it again but I didn’t know exactly when it was coming and didn’t think anything of it until my friend who is 18 weeks mentioned having it done yesterday. I looked it up and apparently it’s supposed to be done in weeks 16-18 and can’t be done past week 20. I’m really upset that I missed my chance to have it and also feel really guilty for not raising it with the doctor at my 18 week appointment even though I know it is their job to offer it to me and I shouldn’t have to demand it, especially after I already told them I want to do it. Any insight into how standard this is and how much of a goof it is that the doctors seem to have just forgotten about it? It seems from online research like maybe it isn’t as standard for women who’ve done the Harmony test, but I would still have liked to have had a conversation with the doctor about it, especially since it was first mentioned at the same appointment where we decided to do the Harmony test.
    Unfortunately I live in a small town with one practice and so there’s no option to switch unless I see an OBGYN in the big city 1.5 hours away, which seems like a logistical nightmare once I get into the third trimester and have biweekly and then weekly appointments (I work full time and need to be in the office, not working remotely).

    • Anonymous says:

      It’s been a while since I looked at this, but my recollection is that the Harmony-type tests are the newer, more accurate choices as compared to the older quad screens. You can call your doctor for reassurance and clarification, but if the Harmony test came back with low risk, then I’m not sure what else the quad would get you other than a risk of a false positive. This may be why it didn’t get brought up again if it seemed like redundant testing.

    • Did you do the 20 week u/s? That’s usually pretty good for telling you everything is proceeding normally.

      Either way, women have been having babies for the bulk of time without any of this stuff. You did a test already and it said all is low risk. You should be fine. Try to remember that most of this is nice but not strictly speaking necessary.

    • ElisaR says:

      i’m 31 wks pregnant and just had my son 18 months ago – and i’m 39 years old…… so i feel like i should know what you’re talking about but i haven’t heard of a quad screen? i’m pretty sure i did not have that done and i was AMA with last pregnancy and will be 40 at delivery for this one which is apparently super AMA!

    • Maddie Ross says:

      I’m pretty sure the quad screen is old technology that is largely replaced by the Harmony and other NIPT tests as they are more comprehensive. I had it done with my first pregnancy 5 years ago, when NIPT was in its infancy. It was done around 12-ish weeks by blood draw. This time (a year ago) I had the NIPT only (I want to say Panorama, which I think is just a different brand name). And this time I was firmly in the AMA category. I would totally NOT stress about this. I think it’s redundant.

    • Anonymous says:

      Ditto what everyone else said. It was very important to me to know if my child would have detectable medical issues and I skipped both the NT and quad after a thorough discussion with my OB (who isn’t the only OB in town, I live near multiple major medical centers). My admittedly foggy memory is that there is concerned about Spina bifida then one should consider testing in addition to the non-invasive blood testing. However, my youngest is 2 so things could have changed.

    • I believe that the Harmony test covers everything the quad screen would, with the exception of spina bifida. However, I believe indicators of spina bifida can be observed via ultrasound around 20 weeks, so if there are any issues, you’ll be able to know in advance.

  11. Toddler hair care says:

    I tried posting this yesterday but either it was moderated or never went through at all.

    Anyway, my 3-year-old has very fine, straight hair that tangles constantly. Length-wise, it’s just below her shoulder blades. I have tried detanglers, the Wet brush, good quality shampoo/conditioner, having her wear it up, etc. Still, the snarls persist and I am so tired of hair being a battle in our household. I’ll admit, I have very little patience for hair fussing. I rock a pixie, in part because I can’t stand the maintenance of longer hair!

    Would a long bob help my daughter’s situation? She’s had a few 1/2-inch trims over the past year but she hasn’t had a drastic haircut … ever? Or do I just need to get used to hair being A Thing to deal with? ;)

  12. Silly workplace drama that shouldn't be affecting me says:

    A new person started work here a few months back and sits next to me. I didn’t feel particularly welcome when I first started on the team — though I easily made friends in other departments, strangely – so I wanted to make sure she didn’t go through the same experience and felt welcome here. So, I usually have lunch a few times a week with my friends and I made sure to invite her along, set up some lunches to meet people in other areas, etc. We continue to have lunch with these folks. (Though not everyday or anything -I’m pretty introverted, and enjoy my free time.)
    In the last week, she’s gone to lunch with people on our team — the people sitting right by us — and hasn’t invited me. It’s stupid, but it bothers me. I wouldn’t feel this way if it was people in other areas, but it stings because it’s the very teammates who excluded me when I started, and haven’t been particularly welcoming since. I’m not at all saying I should be concerned with who she’s friends with, after all- I sound like i’m 12 – but I do think it’s odd and kind of jerky to not even ask. I truly want her to be friends with other people, because I enjoy my own time, and plus she’s a generally great person and someone i consider a friend.
    I should add that it’s not like it’s the whole team up and leaving. But it’s enough people to make it feel odd.

    • Anonymous says:

      Maybe she feels like you don’t eat lunch with your team because of reasons on your end and is trying not to make you feel uncomfortable?

      I mean, that’s the most charitable interpretation.

      You could just very casually say something like, “I’m glad you’re getting to know TEAMPEOPLE. I felt really iced out by them when I started. Happy to see someone’s making in-roads!” Then forget about it.

      It’s possible your team are nice enough people who weren’t welcoming to you for reasons that aren’t you (you got a spot people thought would go to an internal candidate, they don’t like the hiring manager, they had some turnover and didn’t want to invest, they were super busy and then patterns had been established), but now patterns and friendships have been established.

      Try to see her getting an in with your team as a long term investment for you. Eventually it may be a bridge to being closer to your team, but it probably won’t be any time soon.

      • Silly workplace drama that shouldn't be affecting me says:

        Thank you! I especially appreciate the iced-out comment – that’s perfect. Great advice.

    • NewMomAnon says:

      You didn’t say whether you want a work friendship or deeper professional relationship with this person, just that you wanted her to feel welcome. Is it possible that you’ve welcomed her, and now she is finding people who offer her something more than just a “welcome”? Because a welcome is great, but she probably needs internal political connections to climb the ladder, professional mentors to help her grow, emotional support when things go bad, or just some fun when things are boring or hard. Are you trying to fill any of those roles for her? Even if you are, it would make sense that she needs more than one person to round out her stable of resources. I wouldn’t take it personally that she wants a bigger group of work connections; in fact, I’d encourage you to imitate her and do the same.

      • Silly workplace drama that shouldn't be affecting me says:

        Oh no, you misunderstood (but thank you for your reply!). I absolutely welcome (not that it’s my place) and appreciate that she’s building other friendships. I’m bothered by the proximity, if that makes sense — it’s my teammates, who sit right by us, and she’s not bothering with even a proforma “want to join.” It just feels rude and exclusionary, particularly after I took such trouble to include her outside of the group.

        • NewMomAnon says:

          I think I understood – it’s probably pretty obvious that you don’t like them, and maybe it’s obvious that they don’t like you (maybe). So is it possible she has determined that she can’t include you in those lunches, but still needs or wants the resources she gets from the other people on your team?

          If you’d like to be included, just say, “Hey, I’d love to be included the next time you go to lunch with Joan and Kyle – can you keep me in the loop?” If she’s being catty, you’ll know it. If she’s just made an assumption about your preferences, she’ll adjust and start including you. It might be a great opportunity to re-start your relationship with the team members.

          • Silly workplace drama that shouldn't be affecting me says:

            Agree to disagree, I guess. I think it doesn’t take much to extend an invite — I’m pretty welcoming of people, and if I was going out with a group of people all sitting in the same area, I can’t imagine just not tossing out a ‘hey, want to join’ to the one residual person. The others haven’t done so – while being perfectly nice to me otherwise, it’s very odd – but i would have expected more of a friend.
            Thank you for your advice – really great to hear your perspective :)

          • Non Mom says:

            Is it possible that she doesn’t feel like she can invite you to join them since she is so new? It actually seems odd to me that a group of colleagues would invite her to join them and then she would invite someone else to tag along that they had not invited, especially if she is new.

  13. Anonymous says:

    I just need to vent. I’m TIRED. I’m 12 weeks pregnant, but haven’t shared at work yet (waiting for the results of genetic testing before I do). I’ve been prepping for 2 huge trials that will require me to be on the road for 7 of the next 9 weeks. I have a one year old boy who is truly lovely but is a ton of work, and due to him, I threw my back out last week. DH tries as much as possible to chip in and help, but he just started a new job and is busy trying to establish himself. It just feels like this exhaustion is never going to end. I know that in the big scheme of things I’m so blessed and lucky to have a baby and another on the way and a great job that pays well and an involved husband, but I also feel like I’m never going to be not tired again. That is all.

    • NewMomAnon says:

      First trimester is hard. I understand your husband’s need to establish himself, but maybe he needs to take a month long lean-out to help the family push through to second trimester. You’re growing a human!!! And he is married to you so required to be supportive but also, not growing a human so has more energy and capacity to be supportive.

    • ElisaR says:

      this whole baby growing thing while you have a baby IS exhausting. be impressed with yourself that you’re doing it! and remind yourself that it’s a temporary situation. When you’re on the road – try to go to sleep as early as possible and take advantage of the fact that you don’t have to chase after a little dude for a bit…..

    • Anon in NYC says:

      You have my sympathy! That sounds exhausting.

    • I feel you. I’m in my second trimester and I’m still so pooped. Being pregnant the second time is hard! You still have to take care of kid 1 and the adrenaline and novelty of the first pregnancy isn’t there to help. But it gets better or no one would ever have 3, right?! Hopefully, you’ll start to feel better soon and even if not, not having to hide this from coworkers is always liberating and takes some weight off. Also – I find it helps if I give my permission to feel sh*tty. Yes, I’m lucky and these are all good things but it’s okay to feel crabby about it too.

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