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This ribbed peplum blazer by Kensie recently caught my eye. The three-quarter length sleeves would make it a perfect transitional piece, perhaps layered with a jewel toned statement necklace. The washable fabric has a bit of stretch, and the fact that its affordable at $89 doesn’t hurt either. Available in sizes X-Small through X-Large in black and red from Amazon, eligible for Prime. Kensie Women’s Ribbed Solid Blazer (L-all)Sales of note for 4.18.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
EB0220 says
Fellow “overachieving moms” – I’m 35 and feel like I’m having a mid-life crisis! I’m super happy with life right now. Relationship with husband is good. I’m managing a team at work and enjoy my job. Kids are 2 and 4, and we aren’t planning to have more. The 2 year old is almost potty-trained and the oldest starts kindergarten next year. Before my first was born, I got a PhD. I feel like I’ve accomplished all of the goals I had when I was younger. When I was 22, I didn’t plan much beyond 35. Now I’m here and thinking – “OK, what am I going to do with the rest of my life? How do I make this meaningful?”. Am I crazy? Anyone else every feel this way?
CPA Lady says
I know what you mean. I work with a woman in her late 50s/early 60s. We were having a conversation about how it never “slows down”. I think I keep waiting for “it” to slow down, whatever it is. The daily grind I guess? I was so focused on achieving all through my adolescence and 20s, and now I’m at the point in my life similar to you– have a decent marriage, a house, a job I enjoy doing the thing I went back to school to do, a kid. The “next thing” isn’t clear and the daily grind never slows.
This might be morbid but I like reading obituaries sometimes. An older friend of mine lost his mother recently, and she had one of those great obituaries where it was clear that she was active in her community and well loved by her family. To me, there can be nothing better than that. I also really loved this article, which I think I’ve shared either here or on the main s it e:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/arianna-huffington/are-you-living-your-eulogy-or-your-resume_b_3936937.html
Betty says
Thank you for posting this. I needed the gentle reminder today. My oldest has a specialist appointment later this morning to rule out any big bad stuff, and I promised to take him out to lunch after and spend some time with him. When I got to work this morning, I was asked to meet a 5pm deadline. I initially said yes. I am going to go say no.
Me Too says
I feel this way sometimes, and felt that way before I started the “marriage, house, baby” part of my life. It took a while to figure out (and in retrospect seems so obvious), but it was a lack of a clear goal/next step. I had always a definitive goal in front of me (finish the semester, finish my degree, get a job). The “marriage, house, baby” part also had goals (plan a wedding, find a house, get pregnant, baby milestones).
What helped in the past was finding a new hobby/activity that I could work on — I’m starting to feel that way again, as my LO is 2 and it feels the major milestones are father apart now. Of course now fitting in a hobby or activity is much harder! Maybe take a class that meets weekly — it could be anything from macrame to fencing — but something you can track your progress in and set goals.
Faye says
This. If you’re driven by goals, then think about where you want your life to be in 5 years (or what you want your eulogy to say – I like that framing), and then set some goals for getting there. Do you want your kids to have a diverse outlook? Do you want to be active in your local community? Do you want to make a difference to young kids? Do you want to get in shape? Designate a country for each season, and lead your family in researching it in-depth, from cuisine to culture to language. Run for office on the board at your kids’ future school. Volunteer for BBBS. Join and then start teaching a class at a local gym.
Maybe try all of those, and see what sticks. Maybe in 5 years, your plan is to have tried a few hobbies until you found one that appealed to you long-term. Think of it in 5 year increments – you can keep reassessing and tweaking your goals. Then maybe your eulogy says you progressed from seeing the US to seeing the world to hiking Mt Kilimanjaro. Or maybe it says you turned your love of spin class into a new chain of gyms. Or maybe it says your greatest joy was having all the neighborhood kids over to your house after school.
Em says
I am sort of in this boat. We have a baby and will possibly have another, but I am in one of those jobs that are sometimes discussed on here that has no upward mobility, but has good pay, good work/life balance, and that I am otherwise really happy with (and I have no desire to move up the ladder at this time).
I agree that you probably need to create some new goals, whether they be professional, family, or financial. I have a few that have been working for me. We have plenty of financial goals that help me feel like I am working toward something (pay off car, save for home improvements, etc.). We are also very involved in an animal rescue, which helps break up the daily grind and feel like we are doing some good, as well. We also just bought a weekend lake house so we are putting a lot of time and money into that too. I have been majorly slacking in networking, so now that we are getting into a routine with the baby, I plan to try to attend one professional networking event a month.
Meg Murry says
I have a related problem that is similar in some ways, and opposite in others. It started to hit me more around 30, and I’m 35 now.
I’m pretty sure we’re done having kids. We’re in the house we want to stay in for the next 20+ years. I haven’t completely ruled out getting an MBA someday, but otherwise I’m done with schooling. But when I pictured myself when I was younger, it was always as a high powered, high ranking career person eventually – but that was always vague and fuzzy. At this point I’ve determined what I don’t want to do (sell my soul for middle management in my industry, or pack up and move around the country every 3-5 years to climb a corporate ladder). I’ve pretty much made peace with the idea that I need to have a job I don’t hate, but that I will probably never be “passionate” about my career, because I care more about having time to be with my family and be by myself than being a rockstar at my job while the rest of my life falls apart – or worse, I’m out of the picture so often I feel like nothing more than the paycheck that pays to outsource everything for my family, not as an otherwise participating member of the family, and I become the Dowager Countess saying “But it was an hour *every day*” in regards to her involvement with her children (except I don’t even always get an hour on the weekdays).
So now I’m in a similar “now what”? situation. I’ve never quite figured out “what I want to be when I grow up”, but I’m generally ok with the career path I’ve fallen into, even though I’m not quite a perfect fit for it. I’m trying to make some goals along the lines of taking better care of my mental and physical health, like taking the time to eat better and to find an exercise routine/activity that I moderately enjoy rather than something I hate and dread. And I know it’s cliche, but I’m trying to be more present and “enjoying the moment” rather than so focused on the future while rushing through the day. And I’m making an effort to spend more time with my parents, aunts and last remaining grandparent, while we can still enjoy each other’s company and I can still learn from them (it kills me that I never took the time to learn some of my other grandmother’s recipes, and I keep saying that someday my mother will actually teach me how to use her sewing machine beyond the very bare basics of sewing a straight line once it’s already set up for me).
Anyone else have any good life goals? Right now I’m trying to focus my vague goals into SMART mini goals (yes, I’m a dork) – like taking the vague “be more fit” into “work up to being able to swim X laps or jog for X minutes/miles” or “finish any one of the many crochet, cross stitch or knitting projects I’ve started” or “actually go to the dentist every 6 months and get a physical every year, don’t fall back off the medical wagon”. Anyone else care to share their adulting or life goals?
anon says
I could have written this exactly! I’ve started meditating and am certainly taking more of an interest in fitness than I ever did. I’ve also enjoyed doing some coursera work in non-career related interests (e.g. Roman history!) I was part of a great church community growing up and haven’t found that as an adult but am thinking of exploring that. I also think there may be a time in the future when my kids don’t need me so much, timewise or financially and I might want to reinvent myself and volunteer
Anonymous says
My 10 month old hates his crib lately. Fights and screams naps time 80 % of the time, but otherwise perfectly happy to go to sleep in our bed. We probably make it worse by giving in half the time but what’s the alternative? Make him cry it out each time?
I know part of the problem is also inconsistency: we let him sleep with us some times and his grandma watches him during the week 3 days and she lets him nap in her big bed. I’m not going to win a fight with her on this one so its not worth it. Is this just hopeless till he moves to a big bed?
Meg Murry says
Can you take his mattress out of the crib, babyproof the room, put a gate at the door and let him sleep on his mattress on the floor? My parents said they did this in desperation when I hated my crib, and apparently I never actually slept in a crib.
Anonymous says
Yep. Our kiddo is in a floor bed because I hate cribs. It’s a total pain half the time and awesome half the time. There is no cry it out, she has to be asleep before we put her down in the evening, she pretty much only naps in her stroller (though I blame MIL — I told her repeatedly not to rock the baby to sleep and she kept saying “oh I don’t mind” and then one day she wouldn’t go down without rocking, then rocking and walking, then…). But I can nurse her on her bed, lay down and cuddle her, she’s never gotten stuck in the bars, never pulled herself up and couldn’t get down etc. And the one time she threw up (when she first started eating solids and we gave her too much) she crawled onto a clean place on her rug and went back to sleep.
anon says
I think that your child can probably understand rules are different at home than at grandmas, so don’t let that stop you from being consistent at home IF you want to – no judgement if you prefer not to fight it. But I do think you’re wasting your effort in crying it out only to give in half the time. You will not have to fight the battle forever if you are consistent,but you will probably have to let him cry every time for 3-5 days. If you’d rather not fight the battle at all/try something different, that’s okay too.
OP says
We give in at night, when we’re going to bed or are in bed. So maybe that can be the dividing line.
Baby proofing the room and leaving a mattress on the floor isn’t possible. I also think part of the problem is that he’s in a very clingy phase so it’s about being alone as much as being in the crib.
Thanks ladies.
GCA says
Oh – this may be peak separation-anxiety time. Around this time, my kid also got sick and we let him sleep in our bed a lot and then he just never went to sleep in the crib again. We stuck it out a couple of months; once he could walk and climb ~13 months we got him a toddler bed and it worked like a charm. (I mean – he still wakes up at night, just that he’s much happier to go to sleep in the toddler bed.)
Chi Squared says
We just moved my 3 yo daughter to a full size bed. Where can I get cute kid-themed sheets and bedding, other than Pottery Barn Kids?
CPA Lady says
Land of Nod
AIMS says
I just found the cutest sheets and quilts at Roberta Rollerrabit.
Agree on land of nod; ikea also has some cute ones; garnet hill; and not sure if they still have it but target had a shabby chic line with really pretty Little House on the Prairie style sheets that were really soft and lovely. Maybe try there, too.
anon says
+1 for Land of Nod and Garnet Hill, also look at The Company Store. Or Target.
Closet Redux says
Target has cute printed sheets.
Maddie Ross says
Following this. Same question, but with the twist of I specifically want only a duvet cover and a flat sheet (which frankly, I’m ok buying the flat sheet anywhere as it will likely just be white or a coordinating solid). Any other thoughts?
In House Lobbyist says
I only use flat sheets for my kids as well. Glad to know I’m not the only one. My mother thinks it is crazy!
EB0220 says
Same. We have a flat sheet too but my four year old refuses to use it. My 2 year old just uses a fitted crib sheet (toddler bed) and a quilt, which is perfect.
FVNC says
We just did this for our daughter. I bought a flat sheet, duvet cover and pillow cases/shams at Garnet Hill.
FVNC says
Oh yeah, I wrote flat but meant fitted…
Anonymous says
Wait, why don’t you use a fitted sheet?
Maddie Ross says
Ok, scratch my first comment – I meant I only want a fitted – no flat. I only want her to have one layer of cover as she is a really rough sleeper and gets tangled in just her separate blanket now every night.
FrankieCat says
So I usually buy two of the the fitted and flat sheet sets, then sew the two flat sheets together to make a duvet cover. If we didn’t do this, all those flat sheets would go to waste!
It’s a super easy sew as well.. just straight lines and an opening with a few snap buttons you can hand sew afterward.
Anonymous says
If you’re extra lazy like me, you can bring it to a tailor and they’ll do it for a minimal cost because it’s so easy.
ChiLaw says
Can I get some reassurances? I’ve posted before about flying with my 20 month old, but the flight is tomorrow AM and I am nervous! I’m flying with baby and husband, and on the same flight will be the CEO and his wife. They’re gracious and wonderful people (and flying first class) so I presume they won’t be bothered by any fussiness, but I’m still worrying — about baby, about other passengers, about everything.
I have a backpack filled with snacks and surprises and stickers and some favorite toys (plus diapers and a change of clothes for everyone) and I’m planning to check or gate check basically everything else, but what am I forgetting? Or is this going to be fine? What does a baby eat for breakfast at the airport?
I’m overthinking, huh?
Anon says
http://nymag.com/thecut/2016/08/parents-on-planes-don-t-owe-you-a-bribe.html
Read that. It’ll be fine. :)
ChiLaw says
Thank you! That does make me feel better.
grey falcon says
You got this. Really. Baby can have a bagel or a muffin or a banana or all three and be fine. On the plane, make good use of the seatback literature for entertainment (pull out, read, reinsert, repeat) or screen if they exist or walking up and down the aisles. Board late so you don’t have to sit in your seats forever, especially if you’re gate checking and don’t need to fight for bin space.
AND: remember that no matter what happens it is (a) okay and (b) not as big a deal to anyone else as it seems to you. I think the biggest potential pitfall here is not baby’s behavior– babies gonna baby, and rational people know this– but that you let a minor thing fluster you and then it has knock on effects in front of the boss. (Who is, frankly, likely to care way more about his mimosa than your kid twenty-three rows back.) Walk on and off like you own the place. And have fun!
CHJ says
CEO on the plane really amps up the stress of flying with a baby! But you will be fine. My son is 3 now, but he has been flying since he was 10 months old and he loves it. He loves the airport, he loves seeing all the people on the airplane, and he loves all the special attention and treats he gets during the flight.
Does your child watch videos yet? If so, I would download a few of favorites to keep on hand just in case of a meltdown. My other favorite flight tip is to get some play-doh and little plastic toys (cars, dinosaurs, etc) and let him/her stick the toys in the play-doh on the tray table. This will entertain my son for at least 45 minutes.
As for breakfast at the airport, we’ll usually do bagels, yogurt, or bananas, depending on our options.
Good luck!
POSITA says
Amazon Prime has all the Daniel Tiger videos available for download for free. It’s the first thing that my toddler learned to watch. She was older than 20 months, but it is toddler crack. Might be worth a try. You’ve got this!
Anonymous says
Since you are flying with your husband, one of you board first (potentially during “pre-boarding” for families if they have it) without the baby. Organize your stuff, gate check the stroller, etc. Then the second parent boards at the very last second with baby. This is what my husband and I have done very successfully on 4 flights (2 round trips). My husband is literally the last person to board the plane with our baby. It will be fine. Good luck!
Famouscait says
This is genius.
GCA says
Oh – don’t worry! Baby can have all manner of breakfast. There’ll be something. Yogurt and a banana is always a big hit.
Lots of great advice already. How long is the flight? And boss all the way up in front will probably be working through the flight or something. And if they have kids they’ll just give you a knowing smile as you walk down the aisle – everyone’s children were little once.
ChiLaw says
Ah, thank you all!
Tonight I’m going to try to figure out how to download some videos to the iPad. It’s a small plane and a short flight (2 hours) which means no screens. So far kiddo will only watch one video (Lizzo’s Batches and Cookies) which is great and hilarious, but probably not what I want to be playing repeatedly on the airplane. Daniel Tiger seems like it’s worth a try. She refuses to wear headphones :-(
I was wondering about the boarding first vs. boarding last thing. I think this sounds great. I’ll get on, get the backpack stowed, and then husband and baby can get on at the very end.
POSITA says
I recently saw some awesome headbands with built in headphones for kids that might be more accepted. I haven’t tried these, but they look great.
https://www.amazon.com/CozyPhones-Headphones-Ultra-Thin-Speakers-Comfortable/dp/B017DPVX3W
quail says
My then 16 month old wouldn’t watch videos but did love the Peekaboo farm app (suggested by someone here). And the bubbles app.
JEB says
Commenting to commiserate (without the added CEO stress). I’m flying tomorrow morning with my 22 month old, by myself. Our prior flights with baby were all pre-walking and with both me and my husband. I think (hope) things will be fine once I get her strapped into her car seat (lots of toys, snacks, and Sesame Street videos if I get desperate), but I have so much anxiety about the other parts of travel. I’m nervous about getting the car seat installed in a cab and on the plane without an extra set of hands. I’m also nervous about our layover in Atlanta. She’s becoming fiercely independent, and I’m afraid she’s going to get away from me and run into the crowd. I got one of those carts to attach to the car seat so I can roll her around in that…fingers crossed she enjoys it enough to stay in it longer than a few minutes. So I’m hijacking your question (sorry!) to ask if anyone has tips for solo traveling with a toddler.
AIMS says
My guess is she won’t actually get away from you but for your own piece of mind you can strap a bracelet or tag to her somewhere with your name and phone number, so you can rest a little easier about being alone with her in a crowd.
Car seat on a plane is actually the easiest to install bc there is only one way to run the belt, and you can always ask the flight attendants for help. Youll be fine, you’re prepared and everything will work out.
H says
I can give reassurances! I did this a month ago (my son was 21 months at the time). He did great. Didn’t fuss at all. One thing I did was put a few apps on my tablet for him to play with. We never did that at home so it was something new and kept him occupied. Of course now when we look at the tablet he wants to play balloon pop…We boarded with our group and it was fine. You’ll be fine! Your child will probably be so amazed at everything there is to see in an airport and plane that she/he won’t have time to complain.
As far as food, what do you feed your child at home for breakfast? Chances are, you can find it at the airport.
POSITA says
My firm has a series of meeting when you’re a midlevel associate to start talking about positioning yourself to make partner. I’m now a midlevel and facing these meetings in the near future. I also have an infant and young toddler and am having a really hard time picturing life beyond than the next tooth, tantrum or filing. I just can’t make myself think further ahead. I know I don’t want to be a partner, but I also am not ready to declare that to the world and to talk about leaving. I know it’s ultimately up and out, but our group is super busy and I should realistically have 3-4 more years as an associate before I have to make any hard decisions. By then I think I’ll be ready. I just can’t do it this month (or next). My head isn’t there. Any suggestions? These meeting are coming at such a terrible time.
Anonymous says
Fake it. Fake enthusiasm. Pretend you’re playing the role of a woman with no children, and be as ambitious in the meetings as you can be. Good luck!
Anon in NYC says
I agree with this, and with the comment below. Do not tell them that you don’t want to make partner because you don’t want to be given less interesting/challenging assignments. Fake it, and also discuss skills that you need to develop to get there.
Anonymous says
Given how long it is before you’d be up for partnership, can you focus on info gathering and skill building discussion? Basically asking them a series of questions about where you need to add skills and how to go about expanding your experience in that area. A series of open ended questions from you vs you having to supply info/plan at this stage. Ask them about their own path to partnership, the key characteristics in successful partners, anything that unsuccessful candidates were missing, what do they know now as a partner that they wished they knew as an associate etc. People love to talk about themselves.
POSITA says
They want to know my plan for making partner. They have been emphasizing that we need to undertake extensive self reflection. I have to write a memo explaining my plan for making partner, find sponsors to endorse my plan, and present my plan to partners on the compensation and partnership committees.
Anonymous says
What a huge PITA.
Could your plan involve info gathering like “Meet with partner XYZ to discuss gaining more experience in ABC area” and then partner XYZ would endorse that?
Anon in NYC says
Agreed. How awful! Do you have a friend a year or two ahead of you that would be willing to share what they did when they were at your level? Or perhaps there is a “cool” or fairly new partner that you have a rapport with that can give you some guidance?
POSITA says
I really wish that I had someone that I felt that I could talk to who had been through it. Unfortunately, anyone who would have met that description has recently left/been driven out. They were all several years more senior. There’s a bit of a gap ahead of my class year due to the recession.
Anon in NYC says
Hmmm. Do you have a professional development person you could talk to about these things?
NewMomAnon says
So honestly, if you think it will be hard to find sponsors, ask to be deferred for partnership. The jump in economics between associate and partner is real, which is why they want partners to affirmatively say, “Yes, I will continue to give POSITA work after she makes partner even though I will lose some of the favorable leveraged economics I had when she was an associate.”
Do you get work from only a few partners, or from a lot of partners? If it’s a few partners, take them out for coffee, explain what you are trying to do, and ask how they think you’ll fit into their practice in the next 5 years. Back into your business plan that way.
If it’s a lot of partners, god help you. I am struggling to find sponsors because I do lots of small technical projects for lots of people, and it’s hard to get 100+ people to take time out of their day to say that they expect to each keep giving me <20 hours of work a year for the foreseeable future.
octagon says
I feel like I should know the answer to this but…. how do you sanitize your kids’ toys? Like, if you have secondhand toys, or if there’s a playdate and the other kid has the sniffles?
Are clorox wipes or something similar the right answer here?
EB0220 says
I have not once ever cleaned my kids’ toys, with the exception of teething chew items. For what it’s worth.
anon says
+1 except maybe for when my kid was under 1. And we take toys off the street, so I’m disgusting.
PhilanthropyGirl says
I only clean the things I buy at garage sales/mom-to-mom sales or if they’re exposed to any bodily fluid other than standard stuffy nose mucous.
I soak plastic toys in the tub with some warm water and a bit of bleach. For individual items I think Clorox wipes would be a good solution. Wipes for wooden toys.
Lovies are tricky, as they’re technically not washing machine/dryer safe – and dampness in the stuffing can grow mold. I’ve washed small ones with no negative effects, but in general refuse second hand fabric toys that can’t be washed and dried easily.
Jen says
Nope. I definately only get toys secondhand that can be sanitized/washed but once they’re in the house they’re just there. If a play date chewed on a chew toy my kid uses, then I’d throw it in the dishwasher. If someone threw up on something…itd go in the laundry, the dishwasher or the trash.
Anon says
I run plastic things through the dishwasher and soft things through the washing machine.
Anon says
Extremely rarely, I should add. Like once ever and she’s 2.
Anonymous says
I hand-wash plastic and some wood toys in the sink with hot water and dish soap. Some plastic toys go in the dishwasher. I put stuffed animals in the washer and dryer in a delicates bag, except for the one that contains a battery-operated noisemaker.
Navyhawk says
For plastic non-electronic toys, I use the dishwasher. Other than that, I use baby wipes. I don’t like the Clorox wipes because I don’t want the kids to put the toys in their mouth after being wiped with bleach.
Anonymous says
Most all plastic toys can go in the dishwasher (when dealing with strep or lice you just start throwing everything in there). Teething toys that get visibly dirty just get washed in the sink with dishwashing soap. Mostly I don’t bother.
Anon until next week says
I got the job!!! I’m really excited for a lateral, but to a team that I really want to be part of and I just really need a change of scenery. Thanks to all who gave me encouragement (and instructions to wear pantyhose) along the way.
quail says
Yay! Congratulations!
NewMomAnon says
Congratulations!!!
Night terrors says
Mamas, talk to me about night terrors.
We have a 4 year old, and she has been having these night terrors since she was a baby. I was told that she would grow out of them, but they seem to be increasing in frequency (every night, every few hours) and seem to be more “scary” as now toddler is waking up screaming.
Is there anything that I can do? I’ve been told not to wake her, and to gently put her back to sleep. I am just so tired.
Navyhawk says
We do a dream catcher. It seems to work well.
mascot says
We’ve dealt with a handful of them through the years and they are miserable. But, since they are increasing in frequency, I’d probably schedule a visit with your doctor to rule out any other causes. Maybe keep a journal to see if you can find any patterns like she’s over-tired or stressed about something at school.
Anonymous says
I would also consider looking at her food diet and her screen time. The content of screen time after school / before bedtime can have a direct correlation with night terrors (or so I’m told…).
Meg Murry says
Yes, I’d see her doctor to make sure she isn’t running a low level fever or background ear infection that is otherwise asymptomatic. I have crazy delirious dreams when I have fevers. Does she snore? Could it be something like sleep apnea? Google tells me maybe it could be reflux? Does she sleepwalk or talk in her sleep, or just scream? Maybe something like a weighted blankets would help (I don’t know – that’s me grasping at straws at this point).
I know I’m beating a dead horse with this one, but I feel like doctors take me much more seriously when I can take some kind of log that says “9/1, 11 pm and 2 am. 9/2, 10:45 pm, 9/3 12:15 am,” etc instead of just saying “it’s happening almost every night” – the doctor assumes we’re exaggerating.
Does she ever remember anything about it the next day? Apparently most kids don’t when it’s true night terrors, not bad dreams.
We’ve been fairly lucky with our kids so far not having them too often, but when they do I usually wind up pulling them into my lap (either sitting on the floor or on the bed), hugging them tight, ssshhhhhhing in their ear somewhat loudly and rocking back and forth (basically all the “happiest baby on the block” techniques, but for my older kid not infant). I don’t know that it actually helps, but it at least makes me feel like I’m trying to do something instead of just standing there helplessly, and it does at least keep them from flailing so much they fall out of bed.
I’m so sorry this has been going on for so long. Maybe you and your partner could take turns taking a night off every so often and going to sleep elsewhere (a hotel, or a family member’s guest room) so you could get a night or two of uninterrupted sleep to get yourself slightly less exhausted. Or maybe if you tried to shift her to a (much) earlier bedtime she’d at least have them before you yourself have gone to bed?
NewMomAnon says
I had night terrors for nearly a decade as a kid and I don’t remember them at all. They were far more traumatizing for my parents, I think. I used to walk and talk in my sleep too and wound up in some strange places; the only episodes I remember are the ones in which I woke up somewhere other than my bed. Those were really scary.
This may or may not be applicable to your kiddo, but just in case it is – in retrospect, I was a really stressed out child with a lot of fears (some legitimate, some not) and a sense that I needed to be strong and not be a burden on my stressed out, volatile family. Does your daughter talk about feelings much? If she doesn’t, start talking about your feelings (in a safe, not overwhelming way) and create a safe space for her to share her feelings. You could also try some meditation exercises with her to help her feel her feelings during daytime when you can help her deal with them.
And if she is a stressed out kid – make sure you don’t treat the stress feelings as action items. Anytime I told my parents that I was scared, it turned into this fire drill of changing routines and scolding third parties who “made” me feel bad. Which exacerbated the stress feelings. Wash, rinse, repeat.
OCAssociate says
My son has only had very mild and rare terrors, but here’s what works for us:
Keep the room cool – if he’s hot and sweating he’s much more likely to have an episode.
Weighted blanket or stuffed animal on top of his sheet – something about the pressure is comforting.
Also, avoid over-tiredness – that seems to be a big trigger.
I need a name says
Ugh. I just got back from taking my 9-year-old to the ortho for a sports injury. I was asked to fill out a health history form that did not ask about previous injuries (relevant), but did ask whether she was born via c-section and how long I BF’d her (not relevant). WTF?
NewMomAnon says
I had to go to the ortho recently and there was extensive questioning about my mental health, but no place to note that I have a long-standing thyroid issue that can weaken bones. It was very strange….
Anonymous says
I signed up for life insurance, and they asked about hospitalizations but not childbirth. My only hospitalization was for giving birth…
Anonymous says
But that’s not necessarily illogical because they consider ‘childbirth’ to be a normal/healthy reason for hospitalization (a la pregnancy is not illness thinking)
I need a name says
If that was the reason, wouldn’t they say “hospitalizations for reasons other than childbirth”?
Anon at 3:35 says
Isn’t that what she’s saying the form said though?
Anonymous says
Nope, the form had nothing about childbirth. Just hospitalizations.
CPA Lady says
When I went to my 8 week pregnancy checkup, they asked me if I was planning to BF before they even did the ultrasound to make sure the baby actually had a heartbeat.
The obsession with BFing is out of control. And I say that as someone who did BF and enjoyed it. The only reason anyone needs the answer to that question when your child is 9 is if it’s a medical researcher and you’ve signed up to be part of a long term study. Otherwise? No.
NewMomAnon says
Ugh…I was talking to a colleague lately who just found out she’s pregnant and noted that she didn’t like to be touched, and I unthinkingly asked if she was going to BF. And afterward was like, I’m that person I hate. Obviously I’ve recovered because I’m a well-adjusted person and I’m clearly not going to make a fool of myself with overly aggressive apologies next time I see her. Clearly not.
ChiLaw says
Took my little one to the hospital with croup — she’s almost two. They asked if she was a preemie (fine and reasonable) and then whether she was born via c-section… two years ago? Is it really relevant at this point?
Anonymous says
With the new info they are getting about bacterial transfers during birth and how that impacts gut flora and immune responses I could ALMOST see it as a question for asthma or intestinal problems. But croup?
Lurker says
If it was a pediatric ortho, some young kids have injuries sustained during vaginal birth, usually to shoulders so maybe the method of delivery was relevant.
The BF question is absurd. However, on the push at the doctor’s office, some places have federal funds tied to meeting certain metrics. More common at community health centers than private ob/gyns but sometimes private ob/gyns contract with the federal health centers. I’m not sure if people who can’t bf for medical reasons are excluded from the numbers or not.
Meg Murry says
Sometimes it’s because they use all the same forms for every pediatric patient, and whether they are bf IS relevant for infants, but they don’t differentiate. Or because they have a crappy installation of the electronic charting software and don’t know how to turn off questions they don’t care about.
Or if it’s a research or university affiliated hospital, it’s possible they are using it to collect statistics to be able to compare current bf rates or c-section rates to those from X years ago.
But I’m willing to bet it’s 95% because someone put it on the form once, and once something goes on a form it takes 27 committee meetings before it can come back off. My one son’s doctors office has a multi-page form, but they always hand it to me with about 1/8 of it highlighted and tell me just to fill that part out.