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Updated: Nov 1, 2018 128 Comments · by

Everyone Thursday: Brianna Buckle Toe Pumps

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A Sole Bliss Victoria Red Suede Red Suede HeelsThese stylish buckle toe pumps caught my eye because they look so much like the classic Ferragamo pumps — but at a much more affordable price. I like the low heel, the sturdy buckle, and the price: $139. My favorites are the suede colors (red, gray), but there’s a charm to the patent versions as well (black, navy, beige). They’re exclusively at Nordstrom, available in sizes 4-12. Louise et Cie ‘Brianna’ Buckle Toe Pump

Sales of note for 9.10.24

(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)

Kid/Family Sales

  • Carter’s – Birthday sale, 40-50% off & extra 20% off select styles
  • Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off all baby; up to 40% off all Halloween
  • J.Crew Crewcuts – Extra 30% off sale styles
  • Old Navy – 40% off everything
  • Target – BOGO 25% off select haircare, up to 25% off floor care items; up to 30% off indoor furniture up to 20% off TVs

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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!

Comments

  1. Winter Wardrobe says

    So my typical winter casual wardrobe would be a tunic with leggings and boots. Since I’m breastfeeding this year, wearing tunics seems like a huge pain to hike up all the time. What time of top would you replace a tunic with to wear with leggings/boots for the winter that is BF friendly?

    • Anonymous says

      Nursing tank + long cardigan (sometimes called ‘boyfriend style’)

      For tanks – I loved the Bravado ones because the support is just as good as bra.

    • Jen says

      Button down tunics? Button down dresses that look like tunics?

      I’m in the SME boat and just ordered a few plaid dresses from llbean and gap. I’m also 1-2 sizes larger than prepreg, so not leaving my leggings til Spring ;)

    • Meg Murry says

      Are any of your tunics a style with a button placket (google henley tunic)? Or a low enough scoop neck/stretchy neck for you to be able pull the top down instead of the bottom up? Or a nursing tank and a long cardigan or hoodie instead of tunic?

      What about the Bobeau one-button wrap I’ve seen others mention as a bf wardrobe staple?

      I’ve never been able to make the tunic+leggings thing work for my body, so I was always nursing tank+t-shirt+ jeans, sometimes add a hoodie or casual cardigan. T-shirt goes up, nursing tank stays to cover my belly. Or a super stretchy tank under the t-shirt that could get pulled down while the t-shirt went up.

      • Winter Wardrobe says

        I tried the bobeau wrap and I looked like a hot pregnant mess. It was not friendly to my PP apple shape. I’m not saying I look great in the leggings, but jeans are so uncomfortable this days and my weekends are spent chasing around 3 kids so leggings it is for now, hence why I wanted tunics to cover my butt.

        • Meg Murry says

          What about going to leggings that are more like thick tights (or girls cotton leggings) as opposed to leggings that are pants like with skirts or dresses?

          Like surplice neckline dresses plus thick cotton leggings plus demi-cami?

          Or a nursing dress plus leggings? Something like this or one of the other dresses from this store? https://milknursingwear.com/versatile-v-neck-nursing-dress/

          I wear a lot of t-shirt plus elastic waisted skirt plus leggings as weekend wear to chase my kids – looks decent, feels like pajamas. Look at some of the athleisure or “yoga” (foldover) skirts.

  2. GCA says

    Purse help: I have a beloved work tote, bought many moons ago, whose faux-leather handles are flaking due to ordinary wear and tear. The tote itself is made of practically bulletproof nylon and is in pristine condition. Is there anything I can do about the straps?

    • Anony says

      Take it to a cobbler and ask how much replacing the straps would be. It may end up being more than the bag but depending on how much you love this bag it may be worth it.

    • Lurker says

      When I was in high school, I would decorate the straps of my bag (and my field hockey stick) with different colors of electric tape. There is tan, navy blue, deep green, black. Try wrapping the straps, all of them, so they are a new texture/color.

    • Meg Murry says

      What color are the handles? This is my dilema too – handles on my bags breakdown long before the bag itself.

      I’ve had some luck with using black Sugru on black handles when it was just the edges of the strap that was coming apart. When it’s black straps that are peeling to show white interiors I’ve also camouflaged it by coloring the white with sharpie. Neither look amazing up close, but it isn’t noticeable from a slight distance.

      How do the handles connect to the bag? If they connect at a metal ring, you may be able to cut them off and replace just the straps with leather or canvas clip on straps like these: https://www.etsy.com/listing/267537189/leather-purse-strap-replacement?ref=market

      or the ones at mautto dot com

    • GCA says

      Thanks all! I’ve emailed the company, not heard back. The straps are black and I’m not sure my electrical-tape skills are quite handy enough for a professional-looking bag! @Meg Murry, they do connect to the bag at metal rings – I’ll look into replacement clip-on straps, thanks!

  3. Maternity Clothes says

    Where can I find decent quality maternity clothes for work? I’ve had ok luck with Old Navy for dresses, but the t-shirt like fabric is borderline inappropriate in my law office and pills after a wash or two. I tried purchasing from nicer brands at Nordstrom, Pea in the Pod, etc. and they’re all cheap t shirt material just like Old Navy! I wouldn’t mind spending a little for something that’s better quality, but I can’t seem to find anything. Appreciate your input, ladies!

    • FTMinFL says

      Tart Collections maternity dresses + maternity blazers were my uniform while pregnant. I found the quality to be very good and they were very comfortable! You can sometimes find them on ThredUp.

    • Legally Brunette says

      Isabella Oliver and Seraphine. I bought everything online but Pea in the Pod carries some clothes from these lines. Incredibly flattering and well made. Pricey but worth it, because you wear them so much. I don’t think I ever got so many compliments on my clothes as when I was pregnant!

      • Wow says

        + LOVE Isabella Oliver. Honestly, I am bummed I can longer wear those clothes! Super flattering.

    • Katala says

      I’m lazy and buy pretty much everything from ON and Gap now. I find the Gap pure body material to be better than the ON tees. Still tees, but I wear them under cardis and they’re ok for my law office. Not sure about dresses, I seem to buy them and just wear pants 3-4 days a week so they sit in the closet. I got a couple dresses from ASOS that seem nice but I chose the wrong size, so can’t speak to how they wash.

    • octagon says

      I had decent luck at Ann Taylor and Loft, but it was really hit and miss. Pay attention to fabric content and be prepared to order a bunch and return the duds.

    • anon says

      Loved Isabella Oliver and I bought a lot of it on ebay. Wow-I actually do continue to wear some of my stuff (but probably shouldn’t!) I want to try baujken but it seems so pricey! If you’re in Chicago and in the ballpark of a size 8, let me know!

    • MomAnon4This says

      I bought a lot of used stuff online — even ThredUp has maternity — and local consignment shops. The local consignment shops are good to get to know because they sell stuff for babies, too (and gear). You can resell your stuff there, too.

  4. MommyMonster says

    What do you ladies do for thank you cards? I’m looking for some nice, inexpensive notecards so that I can write my own sentiments. Bonus points if the cards are appropriate for my young kids’ thank you cards as well as our adult needs.

    • rakma says

      I buy boxes of blank cards at TJ Maxx. Works for thank you notes, and oops I need a birthday card and don’t have time to run out to the store.

    • Faye says

      We get nice family pictures once a year. I then order Shutterfly thank yous – one set with kid #1 pic, one set with kid #2 pic, and then a couple generic ones. There are usually coupons for super cheap plus free shipping. Then I use those for any and all occasions during the year – birthdays, Christmas, weekend stays, etc. Family LOVES getting a printed version of a picture (even if it’s printed onto a card) and the kids love drawing thank-you-pictures on “their” card.

    • H says

      I always see thank you cards at the dollar spot at Target. I tend to pick them up when I see them and they are usually blank on the inside. I am not willing to spend a lot of money on paper products like cards because I feel like people just throw them away (I usually do). I do like the Shutterfly suggestion though.

    • Anonymous says

      Cranes stationary has good stuff on their sale page from time to time, I stock up there every few years.

  5. ANP paging Philanthropy Girl says

    I replied SUPER late yesterday to your planner question, but came back here to tell you because I am weirdly, abnormally obsessed with my Day Designer. I didn’t write this in my comment yesterday, but I have a colleague who swears by her highly customizable Plum Paper Co. planner as well.

    • PhilanthropyGirl says

      Thanks! I saw the Day Designer as I was scouting about online yesterday. I’ll check out Plum Paper Co. as well!

  6. Babymaking break? says

    Anyone take a break from TTC? We’ve been trying since February which I appreciate isn’t ages (and we had a few instances of bad timing) but I’m getting a bit beaten down by it. It doesn’t help that I have no idea what next year will be bring (but to be frank, I don’t know what the next 5 years will bring, the perils of academia and that’s why you have savings). I was thinking about taking a break until the new year but don’t want to “waste” time or regret it. Any advice?

    • Katala says

      No personal experience, but a break sounds like a good idea. Try to make the bedroom just for fun for a while. And just because you plan to wait until next year doesn’t mean you have to – if you feel refreshed after one month off, you can go back to trying next month.

      Maybe others can speak to what the “trying for a year” standard really requires – not saying you’ll need a specialist, but that’s something I would have thought about. I can’t imagine taking a couple months off would affect it but what do I know.

    • Lurker says

      Just want to let you know that I’m in the exact same boat and have considered not trying not preventing. However, I think I’m going to keep up with the charting and opks until I can see my doc so she can try to help figure out the issue. We are people who were on the fence about kids so we probably won’t do any major interventions. But, we both want to know what the hang up is. My husband is getting sperm analysis this month. If that’s all normal all talk to my doc to see what it could be on my end. Timing has been right and everything looks like I’m ovulating. LP is a little short, periods are short and I have some spotting so I think my progesterone could be an issue. I asked the doc earlier about that and she said it’s not really a standard of care diagnosis. Shrug.

      • MDMom says

        Just wanted to tell you that I stressed about this and googled everything about short LP and progesterone and was convinced I had a problem. But I got pregnant in 6th month (7th cycle). So I don’t know. Just wanted to give you some hope that this LP thing may really be nothing to worry about.

        • Tired Mommy says

          +1 My doc nicely told me this was NBD when I brought up that I thought I had a short LP based on charting. 2 kids later I know she was right

      • MH says

        Just chiming in to say that I had the same fear, and like the posters above, it ended up not being an issue. I had long cycles (35ish days) and short LPs with spotting at the end of every LP. I got pregnant in my 6th cycle of TTC and wished I hadn’t gone down the frantic googling path of worrying about a short LP.

    • Jen says

      With my first, I got pregnant the second month. It took 7 months to conceive my second and I was so, so frustrated. After the 6th month I stared to work up all kinds of “what if #1 is an only child?!” Scenarios. It eventually happened. Give yourself a break, or don’t, but do know it really can take a while. FWIW I was <35 and otherwise healthy with pretty regular cycles.

      • Semi-helpful says

        Or, go with these scenarios but spin them differently — welcome change, but think about what you do have (a great relationship with SO? career opportunities?) and focus on that. Be positive

    • POSITA says

      I was way too anxious/excited/eager to take a break from trying. It didn’t work for me. It felt like another month of failure just as much as if we had actually tried and not succeeded. Your mileage may vary.

    • MDMom says

      Argh I wrote a longer response that disappeared and will probably show up after I write this. It took us 6 months/7 cycles and I remember clearly the increasing anxiety/stress especially as we approached 6 months, even thought we were well “within normal limits”. It sucks. 2 thoughts:

      A break could be great for your mental health, but I would make it a true break- ie use birth control, not just drop charting while still having unprotected gp. Otherwise I would think it would be very hard to put the possibility of pregnancy out of your mind and it risks being less of a break than just months of not trying most effectively.

      Second, I still think there is value to just quitting charting if it’s starting to make you crazy. This is the point we were at when I got pregnant. But you’re still trying so it’s more of a half break.

    • Anonymous says

      This is a know yourself question. I have anxiety tendencies. I couldn’t handle all the tracking business (even the idea of it) so we just gardened every second day throughout my cycle (read this in What to Expect Before You’re Expecting). Got pregnant first month even though we gardened starting way way later in my cycle (like 5 days before my period) because of business travel. With baby #2 I figured I was older so I needed to track – didn’t get pregnant the first month, threw tracking out the window and went back to every second day and got pregnant the second month. i was mid- thirties both times. I super appreciate how lucky I’ve been with TTC but I also know that there’s a lot of pressure on women to do the whole tracking/temping/charting thing and for me that was totally anxiety inducing.

      Get drunk and garden in all the rooms of your house in the middle of weekend afternoons – once you have kids you’ll miss being able to do it wherever and whenever. If you get pregnant – great! If not, you’ve had some fun while taking a break from ‘trying’.

    • Babymaking break? says

      Thanks folks, good food for thought here. We have talked about taking a break for a few months, partially to cut ourselves some slack (we’ve both been travelling a lot and feel a bit guilty that we’ve missed time) and partially because I’ve got three months of really intense work to do and can’t imagine doing it while feeling sick. But I can do the math in my head of when the fertile window is and think I’ll have a hard time not thinking about it. Who knows? I think we’ll try to put it out of our minds this month if we can.

  7. FirstTimeDaycareMom says

    I posted a week or so ago about my 15 mo old son having a hard time transitioning from his nanny share to a daycare. Confluence of new people and separation anxiety, new germs, and new schedule (only one nap) making it pretty tough on him — crying at every drop-off, etc. It seems to be getting a tiny tiny bit better this week, but not by much. The biggest dilemma I’m facing right now — the nap schedule. There’s nothing I can do about his weekdays — he gets one nap (up to about 2 hours) and that’s it. But I really think his little body is not officially ready for one nap only, and he seems so exhausted at night, so the past two weekends we’ve let him have two naps — and he nodded off almost immediately both days/both naps and averaged over 90 minutes for each nap. Ideally I’d like to keep letting him have that extra nap on the weekend so that he catches up a bit, but I think it’s making it harder for his body to adjust to compensate during the week by getting more sleep at night. Right now he goes to bed around 7:30 and wakes up as early as 6:00 am sometimes. I think maybe if I just forced a consistent one-nap-only schedule, he’d possibly adjust to sleep in more? Maybe be ready to fall asleep a little earlier at night? I really don’t want to move his bedtime much earlier – I wouldn’t get any time with the little guy if I did, but I just know he could use more total sleep than only one 90-120 minute nap a day. What should I do?? My inlaws are in town tomorrow and will be keeping him home with them, so I want to give them clear instructions for his nap(s) and I want to feel confident in what I’m directing them to do, otherwise they’ll deviate (this is worthy of a completely separate post, but we’ll save that for later!). Advice? Anyone dealt with this issue before?

    • Legally Brunette says

      I have the identical issue. My son is 20 months and STILL takes 2 nap on weekends, although he only gets 1 nap at school. I ended up speaking to a sleep consultant about it, who advised me to do the following: 1) continue to give him 2 naps on weekends so that he can “catch up” on the sleep he is missing out during the week and 2) put him to bed earlier during the week. If you can swing it, put him to bed super early (like 6:15 pm) two days a week.

      Given that he’s so tired, I would really push his bedtime a lot earlier. For reference, my 20 month goes to bed at 6:45 pm and generally wakes up at 7 am. And he is still tired when he gest home from daycare!

      • CPA Lady says

        +1.

        When my daughter was 15 months old, she went to bed at 6:30 every night. It was stupidly early and annoying and made the rush to pick her up from daycare and then immediately get dinner on the table stressful. But she needed the sleep. If this fits in with your schedule, I agree with Legally Brunette to try an earlier bedtime. She was also taking one afternoon nap per day at that point.

      • FirstTimeDaycareMom says

        Good to hear a sleep consultant validated this option of differing nap schedule on weekends. I definitely get the feeling that the daycare teachers think I should be only doing one nap on the weekends too, to keep his schedule consistent. And I feel like a lot of sleep research points toward the importance of consistency, so this opinion from a sleep consultant is reassuring if we want to keep doing two.

        Also, do we think our children are in the minority to still need two naps? I just don’t get why so many daycares force the one nap transition so early. I understand that there are older kiddos and they need to keep the schedule somewhat consistent for the whole room, but I thought that the average transition time was between 15-18 months at the earliest, so seems weird that they seem so confident making 12- 13- 14-month olds do only one nap.

        • Legally Brunette says

          The sleep consultant told me that while consistency is good, it’s more important that a child be allowed to sleep for as long as he or she needs on the weekends, provided that it doesn’t interfere with falling asleep at bedtime. If you never allow a child to catch up on sleep, they will continually be tired/cranky. Some kids just need more sleep than others (just like adults). :)

          And to answer your question, my older son dropped to 1 nap at 15 months, both at school and on the weekend. I thought that was relatively typical , so I was surprised that my youngest still needs two naps.

    • POSITA says

      My daughter stuck with one weekend nap, but it often lasted 3-4 hours. We let her sleep for as long as she wanted. You could see if he’ll sleep longer for one nap, rather than doing two.

      • Anonymous says

        This is what we did. One nap at about the same time as at daycare (sometimes a 1/2 hour earlier) and let her sleep as long as she wanted but woke her up at least 3 hours before bedtime. So if your case – by 4:30pm.

      • FirstTimeDaycareMom says

        I tend to think this sounds like the most logical thing to do to help him be more used to staying up all morning at daycare before his nap, but man does that kid get tired by midmorning. He gets so grouchy and it’s so obvious all he wants to do is go to sleep. Plus he’s not that great at sleeping longer than 2 hours at a time during the day…

        • Anon in NYC says

          On weekends, we put my 15 month old down for a nap earlier than her scheduled nap at daycare. Her nap at daycare is from 1-3pm. Often times we’ll put her down at around 12:30, or sometimes even earlier, and then we usually let her sleep for about 3, 3.5 hours (if she sleeps that long).

        • ChiLaw says

          We do what Anon in NYC does. She goes down earlier than her one daycare nap, but she sleeps a long time. At daycare they usually go down around 12:30, and on the weekends it’s as early as 11 am, and sometimes she sleeps for 3-4 hours, but then she wakes up her regular perky self, so it must be working?

      • MDMom says

        This is what we did too. Long nap on weekends that often starts a little earlier than his nap at daycare (12 vs 1245). He would nap 3-4 hr vs 2 at daycare and he went to bed at 630 for a while there (now back to 7-730 at 16 months, still not late). So yes to earlier bed time.

        I don’t think 1 vs 2 naps matters too much as long as it works for your kid. We tried to keep 2 naps on weekend but that quickly stopped working-he either wouldn’t sleep in the morning or would take a 3 hr nap starting at 930 and be a mess/unable to nap in late afternoon. Basically it was very obviously not working, so I just kept him up in morning (no long car rides!) and he sleeps all afternoon. Now he usually sleeps just 2 hrs in afternoon even on weekends, so I think he’s more adjusted.

        There was a line in some parenting book that really summed this up for me: there is often a time in a child’s life where two naps is too much and one nap is not enough. This can last months.

    • Anons says

      Every kid is so different, but my kid really needs a consistent schedule or her sleep will be all over the place. If this was my daughter, I would stick to one nap on the weekends and do an early bedtime (seriously, as early as possible, as often as possible) to let him catch up on sleep in the evening. You can also start the nap a little earlier on the weekends (so that he still gets up from nap at the same time but sleeps a little extra). This should help him catch up on the sleep during the day but still be tired at night for an early bedtime.

    • FirstTimeDaycareMom says

      One other complicating issue regarding forcing an earlier bedtime – I have a decently long commute, so it’s pretty hard for me to get home before 6:20 or 6:30 (my husband picks my son up and is on evening playtime/dinner duty). I still nurse at night before bedtime (which I hope to stop doing in the next couple months) and we do a bath every other night, so it would be nearly impossible to get him to bed before about 6:45 or 7:00 at the earliest. And that leaves me no time to play with him, it would just be enough time for efficient bedtime routine. And given that he gets a lot less one-on-one snuggle time at daycare than he did with his nanny share, and he’s acting like he’s having separation anxiety, I worry that’s not enough momma time at night. But maybe I need to prioritize early sleep.

      Also, besides getting him more total sleep throughout the week, it would be nice if he wasn’t waking up throughout the night as well! He averages about 2-3 wakeups every night these last several weeks. I don’t know if it’s teething, separation anxiety, being overtired and his body fighting sleep, being sick from the daycare germs, being hungry and legitimately needing to nurse (because he’s picky at daycare and often doesn’t eat that well), or all of the above. I have no self control at night to try to let him cry it out, so I always nurse him for a few minutes and usually that does the trick to get him back to sleep. About once or twice a week he wakes up once and is too upset/hungry/needy to go back down right away, and we end up doing a light version of cry it out with me going back in over and over again for about 60-90 minutes before he finally goes to sleep for a few solid hours. It’s exhausting.

      • Two Cents says

        In my experience, my kids wake up multiple times at night when they have gone to bed too late. Sounds counter intuitive, but on the days when my son goes to bed at 6:30 pm, he often doesn’t wake up until 7:30 am! Conversely, when he goes to bed at 7:30 pm, he wakes up at 6 am. Sleep begets sleep, in the words of Dr. Weissbluth. I agree with others than you should strive for an earlier bedtime. Even 7 vs. 7:30 pm could make a world of a difference. Hang in there!

        • FirstTimeDaycareMom says

          Thank you! I agree and have read some of the sleep research. It’s becoming very clear that we need to strive for a 7:00 bedtime as often as possible.

          Now to resolve the related ‘default parent’ issues that complicate that goal… husband sometimes doesn’t feed my son enough or the best options before I get home, so I often feel like I need to get my kiddo to nibble on a few more high-protein or complex carbs to make sure I’m not exacerbating the “waking because I’m hungry” issue. I often walk in the door, scoop him into my arms, and stand in the kitchen with him for 10 minutes chatting with him, snuggling, and hand-feeding him a final healthy snack before we head upstairs for bedtime. I call him my baby bird because he enjoys the one-on-one of me popping bites into his mouth and making funny nom nom sounds. It’s pretty cute, but it takes time, so I probably need to quit this and have a talk with husband about how important it is that he gets all the calories he needs before I walk in the door (besides that last bit of breast milk of course!). But man I hate having to ‘nag’ at husband – he’s doing a lot right these days, but he resists my input wherever possible.

          So much about this that’s hard! But it sure is nice to get some helpful feedback, validation, and support!

          • Anonymous says

            I wouldn’t quit this routine. It sounds lovely and like you both really enjoy it. If he’s struggling with separation anxiety, dropping this may not actually get you better sleep as he may be in bed slightly earlier but he won’t sleep as well.

          • Meg Murry says

            Could you instead flip this to “helping your husband out” by pre-prepping a bunch of easy protein or complex carb options that your husband only has to microwave? For instance, make up some homemade chicken fingers, cut them up into little pieces and then package them into baby-size portions? I portion kids stuff into sandwich or non-freezer ziptop bags, push out as much air as possible and then put all the individually portioned bags into a quart or gallon sized freezer bag. As long as we use the stuff in there in a reasonable timeframe (a month or two), I haven’t seen much issue with freezer burn. Or maybe the two of you could do that kind of chore together some weekend day during naptime? Or you could set aside a portion of whatever you had for dinner for dad to feed the kiddo the next day so all he has to do is re-heat the plate?

            My concern would be that in the long term, you giving him a snack every night could undermine Dad’s ability to get him to eat supper if he decides he likes the snack food better. My kids were a little older, but they started doing this – rejecting dinner, and then an hour later asking for a “healthy” snack like yogurt, applesauce, string cheese, fruit, etc. Except the problem was that they reached the point where they would only eat a couple of bites of dinner and then were relying on larger and larger portions of the snack. So while I think the pre-bedtime snack isn’t a bad idea, it might be good to standardize it (perhaps give him a choice of a yogurt pouch or a little bowl of cheese cubes, for instance).

            If you made it a non-messy snack, dad could possibly even do a bath right after dinner and then you could go into snuggling and playing already in pjs. We found ourselves regularly going straight from the high chair to the bathtub a lot of nights.

      • PEN says

        This is so hard—at least once a week I do not get to see my 9 month old before bedtime. And usually 2 other nights a week I get home just in time to do bedtime with him. Unfortunately, my experience with him and his older older brother (2.5 yo) is that sleep trumps all. Especially with cold and flu season around the corner, I find our lives are so much better and healthier when the kiddos have all the sleep they need—and that sleep is more important than fun time with me between work and bedtime.

        My 2.5 y.o. also went down to one nap at daycare at 1 year. For about 5 months after that he still took two naps on every Saturday and almost every Sunday. Even now, if we are in the car during his former morning nap time, he will sleep in the car.

      • Anonymous says

        There was post earlier this week or later last week and it was clear that it’s totally normal for a 15/16 month old to wake up multiple times a night. Separation anxiety is probably going on plus a lot of stimulation for his little brain to deal with. It gets easier.

      • CPA Lady says

        Okay, but the thing is, this is only temporary. Not that that makes it easier, but by the time my kid was closer to 2, she could go to bed later without it being an issue. So we’re probably only talking about several months of earlier bedtimes.

      • anon says

        Unless your kid is actually getting dirty at daycare, I would cut the bath to once a week to save time. Really, its fine. (Ask Dr. Google). Also, FWIW I remember 15 months being a bad time for sleep, particularly early morning waking. I think there is a lot going on developmentally. So I wouldn’t assume that all of this is stuff you can control.

        • FirstTimeDaycareMom says

          Thanks for the thoughts. Kiddo is a very messy eater – sticks his avocado/peanut butter/spaghetti sauce hands all over his hair regularly. And they spread sunscreen all over him at daycare getting poor little guy even greasier. So it feels like baths are a non-negotiable — we just have to get better at making sure they are quick.

          I agree there’s a lot going on developmentally. I can see it in his eyes. And with everything going on situationally that’s out of our control, I assume that I can control very little — I’m just trying to figure out which aspects, if any, I can even influence!

          • anon says

            Ah, I forgot about the messy eating thing – that is hard to work around without a bath. My son is 4, and his preschool has both a sandbox and a dirtbox. He looks like Pig Pen when he comes home everyday. Needless to say, our bathing routine has changed dramatically since he started going there. And yes to trying to figure out what you can control – it’s totally natural to do that, and I do it too, I just meant don’t beat yourself up about it. (When my son was younger, every time his sleep changed I was like, what did I do???) It does get a little easier/less mysterious when they get more articulate. Hang in there!

      • Another R says

        Totally agree you need to prioritize his sleep (yours too, but that’s a different topic)! I feel so strongly about this that I’d even go so far as to suggest that your husband tries giving him a bottle and putting him to bed at 6:00 or 6:30 if that’s what your child needs. I know this will suck for you – you won’t see your kid, you would have to pump if you want to protect your supply, but it would be temporary and it could make a big difference in his demeanor and quality of life to get enough sleep.

        Hang in there. This age is a hard age to start daycare. If you start earlier, they don’t know any different; if you start later, you can talk about it. BUT, he will grow to love it and you will be amazed by the things he does and learns being around other kids.

    • Meg Murry says

      What time do you leave for daycare drop-off? Any way he might catch a cat nap in the morning if you aren’t dropping off until 9 am or something? Do you drive to/from daycare and does he ever fall asleep on the drive?

      Do you ahve to wake him at 6 am to get out the door on time, or is that what time he naturally wakes up? Could you do blackout curtains in his room to see if you can get him to sleep longer in the morning?

      Could you stick with “one nap after lunch” on weekends but move his lunch to more like 10:30 or 11 am on weekends, so he’s napping by 11:30 or so and let him sleep as long as he will?

      • Meg Murry says

        Or, since I just saw you were still nursing, if you went in and nursed him at the 6 am wakeup would he go back to sleep then?

        • FirstTimeDaycareMom says

          We alternate daycare drop-off — I do three mornings a week (those days husband leaves early, I have all the responsibility for my son) and we end up arriving at daycare at about 8:45. My commute (by car) to daycare is about 20-25 minutes, then it’s another 20 minutes to get to the office. On days that my husband takes him, he gets him there by 7:45 so that he can eat breakfast there (these are mornings I’m theoretically supposed to be able to get out the door earlier because I have one less task for my son — feeding him — but usually I end up using that extra time to tidy up around the house, which means I still don’t arrive to the office until about 9:15.

          He doesn’t nap easily in the car – even on longer car rides. So trying to be intentional about getting him a catnap in the car is probably out of the question.

          And we only have to wake him on the occasional mornings where he is both sleeping in and my husband is the one taking him — but even then he still gets to sleep in until about 7:00 am. So 90% of the time he’s waking on his own. sometimes as early as 6:00ish, more often around 6:30 or 6:45.
          I always try to nurse him back to sleep if it’s before 6:45 – and it sometimes works, so occasionally on mornings where I’m the one taking him, he goes back to sleep until 7:3o or so.

          He has blackout curtains and a white noise machine that runs non-stop at night, both of which were a result of him being a terrible sleeper between the newborn to six month range. We are very experienced with crappy sleep and lots of wake-ups, although he did sleep through the night somewhat consistently for a few months — around the 8 to 11 month timeframe. Before daycare, he was only waking up an average of one time at night since about the age of 12 months.

          His daycare nap starts at about 12:15. I could definitely try to do one nap that starts earlier — 11:30ish and see if that works better.

        • Anonymous says

          + 1

          I (or DH) bring my toddler into bed to nurse when he wakes up and he’s usually good for a half hour of lying still/snuggling after he’s done nursing. I’d much rather nurse in bed half asleep with my eyes closed vs. sitting up in a chair.

      • Anonymous says

        + 1 to blackout curtains. All my kids rooms have them. We changed their closet lights to red light bulbs so we just crack the closet door open when putting them to bed and they have enough light to find their pacifier etc but the red light doesn’t wake up like white light.

        • Two Cents says

          + 2 we do blackout curtains and white noise machine (Dohm brand) in our kids’ rooms. Made a big difference with their sleep.

        • FirstTimeDaycareMom says

          We keep my son’s room 100% dark and he has glow in the dark pacifiers. They are the best invention ever!

  8. LegalMomma says

    Anybody done a federal trial while very pregnant? I have a 4-5 day trial scheduled for my 36th week of pregnancy in federal court, luckily the courthouse is about 10 minutes from my office. I am trying to figure out what I can get away with and if I need to actually purchase a maternity suit or can just use my regular jacket over maternity pants / dress (maternity skirts have NOT worked for me).

    TIA

    • Legally Brunette says

      Not a trial, but I had a motions hearing in federal court when I was quite pregnant. I wore black maternity pants and a black maternity blazer (they weren’t part of a set but they looked good together).

      I think you have a lot of leeway, as long as it is conservative and neutral colors. I really wanted to buy a maternity suit but never found anything that I liked.

    • POSITA says

      I clerked while pregnant in a Federal court. I wouldn’t blink at a very pregnant lady in a dark dress and formal jacket. Totally appropriate. Pants and a jacket is a little harder because it can end up looking like a mismatched suit.

      Personally, I ended up buying several non-maternity blazers in a size up at H&M. I found my regular blazers were too tight to allow for good arm movement by the end.

    • JayJay says

      I had a federal jury trial while 25 weeks pregnant. I wore maternity pants and a blazer one day and I don’t think anyone thought twice about it. You can get away with a lot as a very pregnant woman (as you should).

    • Anonymous says

      Non maternity blazers from somewhere inexpensive like H&M is fine. Don’t bother getting an official maternity full suit unless it will make you feel extra confident.

      To avoid early labor, be careful about how much you’re walking/on your feet. I went into labor early at 38 weeks even though based on family history I was expected to go late. Don’t feel guilty about taking cabs/Uber if you’ve been on your feet a lot.

    • TK says

      Yes, I have, and no you don’t need to buy an ugly, expensive poorly made maternity suit for this purpose (and as far as I can tell, those are the only types that exist.)

      Assuming no complications, you should be fine to do a trial in a dress or blazer. Sit every opportunity you can and drink lots of water – give the court a heads up that you may need more frequent bathroom breaks. But pregnancy is not uncommon, I’m sure they’ve dealt with this before.

    • (was) due in june says

      I wore one of two black dresses (Isabella Oliver and Seraphine) and an open black blazer to court, alternating them each day. It was fine. It was very obvious to all that the reason I wasn’t in a suit was that I was very pregnant and the court did not mind at all.

    • Ally McBeal says

      Yes – a long one. I bought a maternity suit and had it tailored to fit me. I was very grateful to have it, and very grateful to box it up when we were done. I also wore variations on the above outfits, especially dresses and blazers.

    • LegalMomma says

      Thanks all, this was helpful. I think I am going to plan on being in a dark dress with coordinated blazer. Also – thanks for all the other advice, I definitely need to stay off my feet more, it is amazing how much more tired I am with this one versus my first . . .

    • Anonymous says

      I did a criminal trial in federal court while 38 weeks pregnant. I wore black maternity dresses and a black blazer, or black maternity trousers with a black top and non-matching black blazer. No one blinked an eye. Just keep the colors dark, no patterns, and no weird above the bump ties or ruffles. Oh, and make sure your dresses/ skirts are long enough, the bump is so big then and dresses that were plenty long enough at 24 weeks all of a sudden are minidresses at 38. If something is a little short, opaque black maternity tights hide a multitude of sins.

  9. TBK says

    Does anyone know why schools make parents buy certain supplies? For my kids’ preschool, I have to send boxes of tissues, boxes of baby wipes, and a couple of things of Clorox wipes . I don’t get it. Couldn’t the school buy these with the other supplies and then just increase the activity fee by the cost? Why have every parent make a separate run, and then have the teachers have to coordinate the influx of stuff from each family? Is there something I’m missing? I mean it’s not a huge deal, but it just seems really inefficient to me.

    • Jen says

      Is it public school? If it’s private, this sounds bananas. We’re talking preschool, right?

      • TBK says

        Private. So we already pay for it. I don’t get why we don’t just pay whatever like $20 extra and not have to worry about this. It’s a religious preschool so that seems like it would be even easier to accommodate families that might not be able to afford it (if any of the families are in that boat). Plus, while this is a minor point, the school would be able to buy it tax-free.

    • Anonymous says

      Our public school isn’t allowed to charge fees for that kind of supplies but doesn’t have limits on what they can request as school supplies lists (ridiculous but that’s the set up).

      If it’s private – this is insane.

    • Meg Murry says

      I’m guessing for those specific supplies it’s because when they ask the school to buy them they get the cheap crap (tissues that are like sandpaper) and/or the school “isn’t allowed” to buy Chlorox wipes (ours isn’t for some reason, but has a policy of turning their head if the teacher brings them in or asks the parents to bring them in).

      But yes, I agree with you – asking me to go out and buy $20 worth of supplies 2X a year is stupid compared to just charging me an extra $5-$10 a month. Our daycare charges a once a year “supply fee” of $25, which I think makes sense.

      • Another R says

        Yes, this. Asking for soft tissue is how they avoid the crap the school buys. But I too would rather pay extra for them not to buy the cheap crap in the first place.

    • anne-on says

      Any chance its to benefit the parents of kids with sensitive skin or who just prefer to buy their own? My kiddo had eczema and COULD NOT use plain tissues, certain wipes, normal diapers, etc. without turning into a chapped, hive-y, sometimes bloody mess.

    • mascot says

      We are at a private K-12 school and those items are on our school supply list. Heck, 30 years ago, my private school had us bring in boxes of tissues at the beginning of the year. So, tradition? Or maybe for people that really track sales and can get it all for super cheap.
      We have an option to buy a pre-packaged box that contains everything on the list and it’s glorious. I don’t have to spend hours tracking down the exact number of crayons and they deliver the whole thing to the school. They did stop charging for every single field trip and just build it into the tuition because those $5-$10 charges are a hassle to collect. But, you’ve raised my curiosity. I’m going to ask the school head when I see him next.

      • MomAnon4This says

        This. The pre-package thing. Our PTA arranged this year. A gdsend. It might have even been a fundraiser for the school? Not sure.

  10. Pigpen's Mama says

    Speaking of daycare annoyances — my LO moved up into the next room (2-yr olds), so her tuition went down (yay!), but now they have various ‘extra’ classes the kids can take with outside vendors in the daycare gym- -usually ~ $40-50/month — gymnastics, music, soccer, etc. So if I sign her up for all of them, it’ll probably be more expensive than when she was in the infant/toddler program.

    I’m a little annoyed because it’s not really clear to me what the kids who don’t sign up do during that time (I’m going to ask again, last time I got a really vague answer) — do they just sit there and watch like poor relations? do they participate but not get the t-shirts? are they on the playground or in their regular classroom?

    Also, do I sign her up for all of them? I have no idea if she’d enjoy one more than the other, or if she’s even aware of the whole thing.

    Is this standard practice with other daycares?

    • Momata says

      Our daycare has extra classes. Not very many kids do them. The kids “left behind” just go on their normal routine. I don’t do the extra classes.

    • Anonymous says

      Not familiar with this practice and I find it icky/annoying that they won’t give you a straight answer on what the non-extra classes kids are doing.

      • Pigpen's Mama says

        Yea, I asked in an off handed manner before it was relevant, so it was kind of a hand-wavy answer. Hoping to get something more concrete when I ask again (drop off/pick up has been a madhouse lately).

    • Carrie M says

      At our daycare, they have extra classes like this. The only one available for my child’s age group is a dance movement class, so we signed her up for it. My understanding is that the kids who aren’t in the dance class either stay in the regular classroom with the rest of the kids or go to another classroom with kids who aren’t participating. If we had multiple options, I’d probably still only pick one or two if they were things my child would like. Especially at that age, I wouldn’t feel pressure to do them all. In fact – we signed her up for the dance class when she was around 2, and she was too shy/nervous/uninterested to do it, so they refunded us and we tried again a few months later. At 2.5, she loves it now.

      • Pigpen's Mama says

        Thanks –I think we’ll do two of them — can’t decide which ones, and I think she’d enjoy them all, but maybe that’s a decision I’ll punt to dad!

    • Legally Brunette says

      Our preschool has extra classes and when we recently did our budget, we realized that these extra classes amount to $150 a month! Sheesh. But we sign up for all of them (dance, art, soccer). There’s also French, but we don’t do that. Yes, the extra money is annoying but he really seems to enjoy them, so we suck it up.

      I would say in our school the vast majority of kids do at least 1 of the 4 classes offered, if not more.

    • EB0220 says

      We left a daycare in part because of this practice. We paid but it wasn’t all that much. Tumblebus in the winter and soccer in the summer. It was maybe $150 total over the year. Still, it seemed unpleasant that kids could be left out.

    • NewMomAnon says

      My daycare does this too. They sent home one flier for a soccer program that said it was open to 3-5 year olds, so I didn’t register my 2.5 year old. Then I get a picture from daycare showing the entire class participating in the soccer class, except my daughter and one other kid, and they were SITTING ON A STEP WATCHING EVERYONE ELSE PLAY. I was ticked; I really expect my daughter to be participating in something and active during the school day, not watching her friends participate in an activity.

      • Wow says

        That is ridiculous!!!! I would be so pi**ed. How could any daycare think that would be a good idea?

        At our preschool the kids that don’t participate in activities do other things (gym, playground, work in classroom, etc.).

        • NewMomAnon says

          Agreed; separate activities has been the norm for the music pull-out class, so I expected the same thing with the soccer activity. Now they’ve broadened the ages so kiddo can participate, and she is so curious that I think I have to sign her up….but I’m still angry!

      • Pigpen's Mama says

        That’s exactly what I’m afraid of.

        I’m generally pretty happy with her daycare, and the location couldn’t be better unless it was pretty much next door to our house, so it’s not a hill I’m going to die on (or change daycares on).

    • Anons says

      I have never heard of this. I know it probably makes market sense to price differentiate between the parents that will pay extra for the classes versus the parents that won’t. Or maybe it is for liability so that the vendor takes that on. But I find it disturbing that the kids get separated and it feels like some kids will miss out. The right thing to do would be to just build the classes into the program and charge each kid the same and they all participate as a part of the daycare programs. Weird. I had never heard of this practice.

      • Pigpen's Mama says

        Yea — I really would rather they just incorporate it into the fees — BUT — I realize that just because it’s not an issue of budgeting, but of general principal, for me, that may not be the case for all parents.

    • MomAnon4This says

      Wow, what a range of practices!
      Our daycare/school has regular art, gym, music, for the kids of all ages (1+)
      There are three times for extra classes – in the morning, when the kids get pulled out from their regular activities, and the non-participating kids go to regular activities.
      During naptime after lunch, when the non-participating kids nap (AS ALL CHILDREN SHOULD IMO)
      In the late afternoon, after naptime/before pickup (4-6 pm) when the other kids are playing or doing less-structured activities.
      In no instance do the non-participating kids just watch the privileged children! I would be MAD

  11. Famouscait says

    I need a gut check on something that’s been bothering me. (This is not at all kid or parent related, but the main site kinda scares me nowadays).

    My husband’s only sibling lives half-way ’round the world, in their native country. About four months ago, Hubby made plans to visit while he was between work trips in the (general) area (they have a pretty close relationship). Brother was in on these plans and made concrete-sounding assurances to come stay with Hubby at their aunt’s house which is about 2 hours from where he lives. (Logistically, this was better for Hubby and Aunt, as he wanted to see them all and Brother works from home in a super tiny apartment not able to accommodate guests). Brother was going to bring his new dog (this is a big deal in his family) and work with Hubby on a project they’re doing together.

    About a week before Hubby departed for general area and part 1 of work trip, Brother told him he was not going to come visit at Aunt’s house, and the implied message was that Hubby was not welcome to come to him either. Brother’s reasoning was he is trying to stop drinking and that the visit would stress him out to the point where he needed a drink. Important point here: my husband doesn’t drink at all. Period. So a visit without alcohol is totally feasible. Brother can be heavy binge drinker, and this was the first Hubby had heard of Brother trying to alter his drinking habits.

    It breaks my heart that my husband was within two hours of his brother – who he hasn’t seen since we went there for a visit last summer – and didn’t get to see him. I worry that Brother has some serious, underlying anxiety issues. This whole thing is over now (in the sense that Hubby is home) but it still makes me feel sad, a little mad, and worried about my brother-in-law. The next chance to see him is when he (supposedly?) comes to the U.S. for hubby’s graduation in 2017.

    Is my gut right that there could be something amiss here?

    • Wow says

      This is very odd and I would be really hurt if I were your husband. To be in such close proximity to a sibling and not see him seems inexcusable. I’m sorry. Doe he feel bad/mad at brother?

      • Famouscait says

        Disappointed of course, but not much else. Hubby’s takeaway was that he felt like this was really an issue with BIL, not between them. But I guess that’s what makes me worry so much about BIL. It’s be easier to understand if the guys were having a disagreement, etc.

    • Pigpen's Mama says

      That is weird and understandably hurtful. Any chance his brother was in rehab or something like that and he didn’t want to come out and say that much?

      • Famouscait says

        I don’t think rehab is it, but I do wonder if this is an example of anxiety so bad that it interferes with daily life? My mother in law can behave like this, but she’s 60+ and lives in the U.S. (not her native country). It feels alarming to me that the prospect of my husband’s visit could cause my BIL to effectively shut down and avoid.

    • Anonymous says

      It seems odd and I’d be hurt but I don’t think it’s unreasonable for Brother to prioritize his alcohol abuse recovery.

      My DH only seems his brother once a year during our annual visit but they facetime tons, is that an option for your DH?

    • NewMomAnon says

      Well….as an introvert with a high anxiety baseline and a history of borderline traumatic family togetherness experiences, I can empathize with Brother. Part of addiction recovery is learning to draw healthy boundaries; emphasis on “learning.” I guess I’m inclined to forgive Brother but understand that he may be flaky and not go out of your way to plan around him.

      But it’s OK to be hurt and disappointed about that.

      • Famouscait says

        Thank you for this – I think you actually touched on the discussion I need to have. I think it is 100% fair to categorize BIL as an introvert who finds family togetherness experiences stressful (even ones that are happy and uneventful). However, doesn’t that need to shut down and avoid cross the line into unhealthy behavior? Or, put another way: isn’t it a reasonable expectation – even for an introvert – to be able to deal with a yearly visit from your brother?

        I’m pretty savvy in other areas of mental health (DH is bipolar) but I don’t understand general anxiety in the same way. I think it would help me to be able to depersonalize BIL’s behavior as not flaky, but actually disordered. (Wow, that sounds harsh. I hope you understand what I mean.)

        • NewMomAnon says

          So, it sounds like this wasn’t simply a “yearly visit from your brother.” It sounds like it was a week-long stay with an aunt and brother, in aunt’s house away from brother’s home, out of his regular routine, with little ability to step out and be alone or be with his support network if the emotional stuff gets hairy. If your DH is bipolar, and brother has a substance abuse issue, and aunt has historically played some role in a family that tends to have mental health issues, that has all the makings of danger for someone with anxiety.

          If everyone was coming to stay in their own rooms in a hotel at some nice seaside resort, with the established understanding that everyone would retreat to their own rooms for a few hours a day to recover and process…or if your husband visits aunt and stops in to take brother out for lunch one day….that’s an annual visit.

          And I agree – “flaky” oversimplifies the situation. I’ve come to realize that “lazy” and “flaky” are actually often signs of anxiety/depression. So if that helps you to empathize with brother, do it.

          • hoola hoopa says

            100% agree with first paragraph. Was going to say the same thing.

            If it happens again and I were your husband, I would try going to brother’s house solo for a 1-2 hour visit. At least then he gets to see him, if the big ordeal is too much. You mention that he felt unwelcome, but I’m wondering if *he* was unwelcome or maybe other family members that would have accompanied your husband or if he was unwelcome for as long as your husband suggested visiting. If he is actually unwelcome, maybe he does stress out Brother.

            Overall, I do agree with Anon above that it’s odd and I’d be disappointed, but that it’s understandable that he prioritizes his addiction recovery. (Maybe your husband doesn’t drink, but Brother is accustomed to drinking while he travels, for example). Hopefully he’ll be further along next visit. It is sad for your husband (and his brother).

        • Anonymous says

          If your DH is bipolar and his brother has anxiety issues, it may be that the combination of those things makes it too much for him to be able to deal with the visit. It may be sad and disappointing to hear that but that may be the situation.

      • Lurker says

        I just have to say I love your description of “borderline traumatic family togetherness experiences.” I have two mentally ill extended family members and I struggle with how to describe why I have gone very low/no contact with them. I wasn’t abused but these aren’t regular normal family arguments. The destructiveness leaves a lot of emotional pain even if it in part beyond their control. Your phrase captures it entirely. Also, seeing their siblings, who don’t have the same problems but are enablers/information sharers opens a lot of wounds so sometimes I just don’t go there.

  12. NewMom says

    Any suggestions for home-based infant-toddler care near Mountain View (SF Bay Area)?

    • Anonymous says

      If you’re still reading and want to post an email
      I can send you some suggestions another c-m sent me when I was looking in the area. Off the top of my head, I know Wally’s World in Los Altos is popular.

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