An Ideal Maternity Leave
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What would an ideal maternity leave look like? If you could design your own maternity leave, how would you do it? Reader E wonders:
I am currently 6 months pregnant. Anyways, next week I am having a meeting with my supervisor/team to plan out my leave. I luckily work for a very flexible company and will be getting 12 weeks fully paid right off the bat. Beyond that, it is pretty much entirely my choice on how much time I’d like to take off… I can take off up to 6 months total without anyone having any hesitation.
Anyways, I don’t know exactly what I want to do. It is my first child, I plan on breastfeeding, and I just don’t know how much time to take off, do you know of any resources out there to help me with this? Also, I was curious if there is a post about navigating the process of discussing maternity leave with bosses. What should I be prepared with besides how much time off I plan on taking and also a plan for who will cover what work while I am done. Do I need anything else?
Great question, E (and congratulations!). It’s awesome that you have such flexibility with your job and your boss.
We’ve talked a bit about what a family-friendly job truly is, pondered (over at Corporette) whether to negotiate future maternity leave at the job interview stage, and I’ve written before about how I planned my blogger maternity leave, but not this.
{related: check out our roundup of maternity workwear essentials!}
I’m curious what the readers will say, but here are some of my ideas right off the bat, sort of in chronological order:
A few months before you leave: plan office support for the transition. Who will be taking over your active projects? Will he or she be taking them on in addition to their regular workload, or will this replace some of their regular work?
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Will you have time, on the clock, to go over your projects with this person? Will you have office support from your boss to devote the time you need to preparing the projects for transition? What if one of your former (or quiet) projects becomes unexpectedly active — what then?
A week or two before your due date: consider scaling down your hours, or starting maternity leave early. I’ve noticed readers talking about this, and I definitely noticed this myself with my last pregnancy: from week 37 on or so, you will be EXHAUSTED.
Your physical discomfort will be at an all-time high, and you will be READY to get this kid out of you (but still a bit freaked out about all of the changes to come). Your motivation to do work will be… well, lackluster. Oh, and you’ll be going to a million doctor’s appointments.
{related: how to prepare at work for maternity leave}
(With my last pregnancy, because I was over 35, I had to go to two different offices weekly to see my OB/GYN and get an ultrasound. I also was seeing a physical therapist for some SPD pain, and at the very end, an acupuncturist, as well as some running around in there for some emergency tests.)
In my mind, scaling down to something like 50% of your regular hours for a week before your due date would be ideal. (But note that this is really pie-in-the-sky thinking — to me this would be the first thing I would cut from the list, because a) due dates can be wildly inaccurate, particularly with first babies, and b) I’d rather spend the time away from work with my kiddo after he’s born.)
{related: here are some of our best tips on flexible work arrangements}
Maternity leave: most offices will give you at least 6-8 weeks. Keep in mind that if you’re breastfeeding, you will be doing so for a total of 8-12 hours a day at this point (depending how “efficient” your child is), so it really is like a full-time job.
If you’re having supply issues, you may also be pumping (possibly even around the clock). It is rough. Let yourself be on leave.
(If you want to try to be “productive,” you can try to pick slightly intelligent TV or other video-based maternity leave projects to learn something… but it’s also totally OK if you just end up watching a lot of Property Brothers or Shark Tank, as I did with both!)
Psst: these are some of our favorite nursing bras!
Maternity leave beyond 8 weeks: maybe yes, but maybe no. How long an “ideal maternity leave” is will vary widely by woman, and you won’t necessarily know how you’ll feel until you’re there. Maybe you’ll be eager to get back to work — maybe you’ll dread it. Your hormones, the baby, what childcare options you’ve chosen, etc., will all be a factor in the decision.
So again, in my mind, an IDEAL maternity leave would be slightly open-ended. It would be very cool to have a boss understand that you’re hoping to come back at X date, but it may be 3 weeks earlier or 3 weeks later.
Communication with your boss, and a scheduled check-in at some point in the midst of your leave (maybe at the 6 week mark?) would be key.
{related: what to wear to work after maternity leave}
Return from maternity leave slowly. Most people I talk to do not like reduced hours in the long run — the common complaint I hear is that you have to do 100% of your job in 80% of the time, with 80% of the pay. That said — an ideal maternity leave, to me, would end with going back to work slowly.
Again, this will vary by woman and by job, but a few ideas to consider:
- Working exclusively from home a few days (or even a few hours) for the first week; if you have in-home childcare like a nanny or MIL, this lets you supervise the situation a bit
- Work partly from home, partly from the office the second week
- Work 50%-80% hours for the first month you’re back
Save 2-4 sick days or vacation days to use AFTER maternity leave ends. Regardless of which childcare option you choose, you will end up needing a sick day here or there. If your baby is in daycare or another group situation, he or she will get sick, and you’ll end up scrambling at the last minute.
On the other hand, if you have one primary person with responsibility for your child (like a nanny), that person may also get sick and call out, sometimes at the last minute. You can (and should) plan for this before it actually happens — but having a sick day or a vacation day to fall back on would be great.
Readers, what are your thoughts? What would an ideal maternity leave look like to you?
The best pregnancy books for future working moms: pink / white / pink / multicolored — and here are all of the reader favorites!
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I’m from Canada where we get a year mandated and paid (up to $2000 a month) by the government and can be split between spouses. I took 11 months. Take all the time you can. If you have the opportunity for 6 months, by all means take it!! I can’t believe the original response wouldn’t have said that.
Hi
Reading some of these posts has really surprised me. Things are so different here in the UK. Pregnancy and maternity leave are protected in statue by specific laws including discrimination law. You can’t be fired or penalised for anything relating to your pregnancy and work and you can start your leave up to 11 weeks before the week of the due date.
By law every new mother must legally take at least 2 weeks off post delivering a baby and everyone has a right to 52 weeks’ statutory maternity leave – yes, you can take a whole year if you want to and no-one can complain, pause your employment benefits (including accruing annual leave ), replace you, demote you, use it against you in a performance review/promotion process! Granted your emploer will not have to pay you 100% of your salary in the time but they will often pay up to 6 months then drop to half pay for a bit, sometimes full pay is longer at big companies that want to brand themselves as family friendly. Anything your employer pays above the statutory amounts (which they pay on behalf of the government then claim back) is discretionary, but even if your employer does not give discretionary maternity pay women are entitled to Statutory Maternity Pay for 39 weeks as long as they earn over £111 per week, have worked for their employer for 26 weeks before the 15th week of pregnancy, and gave their employer the correct notice to organise maternity leave (or you get Maternity Allowance if you don’t qualify for SMP). New dad’s also get 2 weeks’ paid paternity leave, and can apply for extended paternity leave if the mother goes back to work (kind of like transferring her maternity leave entitlement to the father). All of this also applies to adoption.
I used to really want to move to the States but when I look at our employment rights, annual leave (28 days statutory) and (free) health care system I think I’d be mad to make the move (esp. Sincee I have a disability and I don’t have kids yet)! I might do a short overseas assignment one day though, just for the experience.
At six months, you should already have a leave plan prepared, in my experience. Babies often come early with is no warning – the pregnant co-worker just doesn’t show up one day. In both of my pregnancies, I had plans that I updated weekly as to project status and indicating which coworker would take what project if I delivered early and those were in place when I was six months along. With my first I worked late – 9p.m. – with a burst of energy and went into labor at 1a.m. on her exact due date. With my second, I had a weird labor starting a whole month early (was basically in and out of the hospital for a week before delivering), and didn’t expect that. So having the plan allowed me not to worry.
I would start planning quite early and have everything ready. I kept beginning my boss to talk about transitions and lightening my load as early as 6 months, because come 9pm, I was tired (and I had a standing 6am call). I was first told well other women can handle it. Nice (he did apologize an hour later). Anyhoo flash forward to a holiday weekend at 7 months. I was just not up to working on Saturday though wildly energetic. At 3am Sunday Boom – my water broke. The outline due Monday at noon for an all day client interview Tuesday- 35 pages of handwritten notes at my house. The depo up in Boston on Wednesday – not gonna cover it.
Regarding time – I took 16 weeks. The first 3 were spent tending to my daughter in the NICU (she is fine). It was the perfect amount of time. We bonded and I watched bad tv. She had limited mouth movement so each feed took 1 1/2 hours, so it was beyond exhausting. Around week 13, I was starting to miss the real world. So it was the perfect time.
Baby number 2, I ended up switching firms at 6 months! (I disclosed pregnancy and said I would only join if I could take maternity leave). Here I was the new girl turning down projects, but after the preemie the first time around, the goal was to not overwork myself as I was high risk. Baby boy was born at 37 weeks! I only took 12 weeks and it was a bit too short, I would have liked 1 or 2 more weeks, but he was so much easier as a baby (as a toddler now, not so much).
First baby- took 8 weeks and had to go back. I was miserable going back.
Second baby- planned on taking 12 weeks and was begging to go back after 8 weeks.
I think flexibility is key. You don’t know how you’re going to feel, how much baby will need etc. Both my babies were so different and the second one just needed me less (non-colichy, good sleeper etc.). I was also at a different point in my career and really valued my “adult time”.
I worked up until the day I went into the hospital, took 8 weeks off (that was the max I could get paid at 100%), then went right back into full time. I was more than ready to get out of the house after being home 2 months straight. I pumped at work until the baby was 1, and we are still BFing morning and night at over 2 years (I really want this kid to wean but he is not going for it!). Admittedly, I had a really easy pregnancy and very few BFing issues, other than my pumped supply occasionally didn’t meet his demands while I was at work and then we supplemented if he really couldn’t wait to eat until I came home. I wouldn’t say that it was always ideal, but it worked for me. Luckily, what I thought I would want and what I actually did want once the baby arrived aligned. I am currently 7 months pregnant with #2, and I think I may only take 7 weeks off this time to save the vacation week for a few long weekends at home with the kids.
If you can take up to 6 months, do it. I never had much interest in babies, got pregnant by accident, and was all “Rah rah I’m going to be a career woman!” Wrong. I had 12 weeks off and going back to work was SO hard, especially since I was breastfeeding. Pumping at work is miserable and I only made it like 2.5 months before I just gave up. That extra time with your baby is time you’ll never get back.
Like one of the commenters above, I also work for the federal government, and I recently realized we have no parental leave policy at all. Just take whatever sick and vacation leave you have accumulated. We earn about 4 weeks per year (2 weeks sick, 2 weeks vacation), and I’ve only worked there for two years; plus I’ve used a little of it for my own doctors’ appointments, a day off here and there, etc. I’ve never had a baby but am hoping to try in the next year or so.
I am planning to approach some of my department’s leadership about establishing parental leave within our department. I think I should have a specific request (for example, 12 weeks paid leave for parents following birth of newborn, etc) and a plan to explain why this is a good and necessary idea. Does anyone have suggestions on what an ideal paid leave policy would entail? (And, are there any Feds reading this who want to join the charge?)
Ideally I’d like to be able to take as much as I want unpaid, but the only fully paid portion of my leave would be PTO I’ve banked, followed by STD at around 40%. I think we will be able to swing that financially, so I would take between 12-14 weeks total.
I love my job, though, and I think I’d be up for returning earlier (assuming all goes well with potential future baby) on flexible terms, assuming I could be compensated appropriately. Meaning, I wouldn’t mind answering emails, working on documents, and writing code from my home or from the office for a few hours, but if I’m going to be making 40% of my salary being a full time new mom, why would I?
Not sure I’m explaining that correctly, but my point is, if I got to work from home or work part time and get paid 100% I’d absolutely do that, but since I doubt that’s an option (you can’t be on STD AND get paid part-time, and you can’t get paid 100% for working part-time either) I will probably just take the full 12-14 weeks.
I do think I’ll miss my job, I already think about maternity leave when discussing future project milestones. When we talk about products launching in early 2016 I think, “But what if I’m on maternity leave! This software is also my baby!” That’s the kind of thing I’d love to still be able to be involved in on maternity leave – again, if I’m compensated appropriately for working on my leave.
I agree with Kat. 8 weeks is the longest I would have taken with my first baby – I was ready to be back at work! I worked until 2 hours before my scheduled induction (one last night shift- I was an ob-gyn resident). I was only allowed 6 weeks off (4 of it paid). It was not so hard going back when he did so little at that phase. I never felt like he missed me – as long as he had someone to cuddle and feed him, he was happy. It’s much harder now, as a toddler, when he knows I’m gone!
Easing back in is ideal if you can. I didn’t have the option, and worked 80 hour weeks when I got back. I actually would get more sleep when I was in the hospital on call than when I was home. I am used to functioning on very little sleep for my job, so the sleep deprivation didn’t affect me as badly. My husband, on the other hand, had a lot harder time adjusting!
As for feeding, I pumped at work until 10 months, and then quit pumping and was able to nurse morning and evening for one more month before weaning. We did have breastfeeding challenges in the beginning, but I think most people have worked out some kind of a feeding system by 3-4 weeks. I would avoid trying to ‘work from home’ in any capacity before at least 4 weeks.
For my next one, I’ll probably take 8-12 weeks. I’ll choose longer this time because I’m done with my training and can request up to 12 weeks (paid), and now my oldest is a toddler and we can really enjoy my time off.
For my first kid I was at mid law and took 12 weeks of maternity leave. I delivered at 41w6d and worked up until the day of my induction at 41w3d. I was 100% fine working up (and well past) my due date; I was given a doc review project my last week that any one could take over so it worked out really well and I was happily billing to try to be above 100% before I left.
My husband also had 12 weeks of leave that we stacked after mine. It was the perfect length of time, but only because my husband was off after me so I didn’t have to schlep a kid to day care or anything. Not sure I could have take just 12 weeks if he hadn’t been off right after me.
I exclusively breast fed and pumped for a year; it worked well because I was a litigator with a largely appellate/motion practice and a super nice pump (go Medela Freestyle) so working, traveling, and pumping was all very easy.
For kid 2, (about 23 months later), I also worked up until the day of my scheduled c-section at 39w6d. I knew I wanted just a bit more time off, mainly because my husband had switched jobs and was no longer offered a paternity leave. I took 16 weeks of the second time around and that was perfect. Breastfeeding was also great and I pumped for about 18 months for my second child.
I think working and pumping is doable — I recommend starting to build a stash around 4 weeks and what I would do was aim to pump a 5 ounce excess every few days so I had several hundred ounces of breastmilk in the freezer by the time I went back to work. We bought a deep freeze just for breastmilk. This was great because if I had to travel or whatever, I had a few days of buffer and didn’t have to worry about not producing enough (even though I always did). I’m glad I did this because with 2 kids, they both only had breastmilk and that was one of my (admittedly arbitrary and ridiculous) goals.
I am currently on maternity leave with my first, and if possible I highly recommend leaving some flexibility for the unexpected. With no risk indicators (high blood pressure, etc…) ahead of time, my water broke just shy of 34 weeks. 9 hours later my beautiful girl was born, and whisked away to NICU. She turned two months old today, and while she is healthy and just topped 10 pounds, I never could have imagined the road we traveled. 17 days in NICU, a D&C four weeks post delivery to remove retained placenta, pumping round the clock because my baby never got the hang of breastfeeding after the time in NICU, and finally postpartum depression. We are working on transitioning her to formula so that I can go back on my old antidepressants, but are having trouble finding one she can tolerate. I work part time for another attorney and part time for myself, and I had not yet transitioned the majority of my cases. I was emailing from the hospital bed to get coverage for hearings. My maternity leave has looked nothing like what I imagined it to be, but I have an understanding boss and have extended time off to my original return date in order to keep her out of daycare through the worst of cold and flu season. I am sorry for the rambling, I am sleep deprived and have no internal editing right now. So prepare early. Be flexible. And know that whatever the challenges are, it is worth it. My bundle of snuggles is asleep in my other arm as I type this on my phone, and while it can be so so hard, it is also so good. Do keep in mind being able to function on reduced sleep! I am at the point of not charging a client to wrap up her divorce bc I can’t realistically track my time at my normal rates given the toll sleep deprivation is taking. Good luck!!
As a federal employee, I didn’t get any paid maternity leave, but I was able to use 9 weeks of sick and annual leave. I was definitely ready to go back by that point because I was getting antsy hanging out in the house all the time. I do think that if I had had a longer leave, I would have gotten more comfortable taking the baby out, especially after her 8 week shots, and might have enjoyed a longer leave eventually. My takeaway is that I think it’s a good idea to plan for as much leave as you can reasonably take – if you decide you want to go back earlier, I doubt any employer would complain.
When I went back to work I did 7 hour days for the first couple of weeks, which really helped with the transition. I highly recommend easing back in!
I took 6 weeks off, which was fine. My entire leave was unpaid, and I am the sole income provider, and more than 6 weeks without income was too much for my family. I could have taken four months, but it would have all been unpaid. I would have taken longer if it were paid. I think the financial cost of unpaid leave needs to be seriously considered when deciding how much time to take.
My son started sleeping through the night some of the time shortly after I went back to work, and was sleeping through the night every night by 4 months. I dealt with the sleeplessness much better than I expected, although I normally have a very high sleep need.
I also had no problem breastfeeding for a year with pumping at work, although I did not have any particular breastfeeding challenges. Breastfeeding definitely would have been easier if I stayed home, but pumping at work is doable, if time consuming. My son’s breast-milk consumption was pretty constant, and it did not go down until I intentionally began weaning at 12 months.
Going back at 6 weeks was probably easier in some ways because the baby was not much fun yet. I felt better overall after I went back, I liked feeling productive again.
I do agree that it is better to say you will take a longer leave and come back early than say you will take a shorter leave and ask for more time.
I felt worse at the beginning of pregnancy than I did at the end, and I had no problems working my desk job until I went into labor. I did miss a lot of work at the end for doctors appointments. Logistically it would have been nice to have an end date, and some extra sleep and relaxation would have been nice, but it was not necessary.
I just want others to know that it can be okay to take a short leave if that is what is best for your family. I was terrified of going back to work at 6 weeks, and especially of trying to continuing breastfeeding, and I feel like on the internet you tend to only hear the bad stories.
I found it impossible to do certain things by the end of my first (only pregnancy). In the last three weeks I was very tired, there was a lot of hip and back pain if I had to stand suddenly and because I was not willing to take Tylenol I just went through it. I went on maternity leave two weeks before due date and though we could have used the money I needed the time off.
My advice basically is to book yourself fewer things close to the end of pregnancy. I cut volunteer commitments in the last three weeks, got a maid, cut back on frequency of having to do laundry by buying more things, stockpiled frozen food etc. you have no way of knowing how bad it will be until you get there.