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These earrings can make an easy gift if you’re looking for ideas for a teacher or other person in your child’s life. If you’re on the hunt for a little something for yourself or if your spouse is looking to get you a present, these are a fun little addition for the holidays. They’re really affordable and they have a ton of great reviews. A few colors have sold out, alas, but there are three color choices left. Kate Spade New York Mini Small Square Stud Earrings (L-all)Sales of note for 4.18.24
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Tired Mommy says
Ugg my baby is sick today of all days when I have to be at work for all day meeting. Any other day and it wouldn’t be a big deal for me to stay home. Mother in law is watching baby but I still feel bad….
JayJay says
Doesn’t it always end up that way? No advice, just commiseration. I’ve been there and it feels awful.
Betty says
Ugh. That’s always the way it works. Hope your babe is well soon!
CHL says
So annoyed with MM Lafleur! I got a couple dresses there a month or two ago (Etsuko and Alexandra) and have washed them according to directions. The hem on the Etsuko fell out and I emailed them and they gave me a credit so I could have a tailor restitch it, but then today the Alexandra one fell out too! You know what does NOT convey powerful woman executive?? Stitching your own hem at the office in between meetings. They’re really cute but I am just not into this.
M says
I had the same issue! Glad to know it’s not just me. The first time it happened, I got it fixedby a tailor and took the credit. Then when a sleeve hem fell out they asked for it back, sent me a brand new dress (so far, so good) and gave me an additional $50 credit towards a future purchase.
They must have had a bad batch, as I haven’t had issues with other items from them.
I was furious when it happened (I had meetings that day and a bobby pin holding up my dress wasn’t the look I was going for) but pleased about how they took responsibility and followed up.
Butter says
That is super annoying. I wonder if they stitch the hem loose or something to allow it to be easily taken out. I wanted one let out an inch and the salesperson at the pop-up I went to pointed out how easy they made it, and my tailor agreed. Just a thought (though unhelpful to you).
CHL says
I’m actually glad to hear that it has a purpose for tall ladies! Thanks for letting me vent!
EB0220 says
FWIW, I was super disappointed with the quality in general from MM Lafleur. It’s such a great idea but everything seemed flimsy for the price. I’ll take my $60 J Crew Wool Sheaths or even Talbots.
Edna Mazur says
Can anyone recommend a portable DVD player that is somewhat toddler friendly (will probably be dropped) in the $100-$150 dollar range? Fisher price looks like they make a great one but at $900 is way out of our budget.
Beth says
These prices sound insane! All you want is a DVD player? There are a ton on Amazonunder $75. For those prices you could get an Amazon Fire, used iPad, etc.
Am i missing something?
Beth says
Heck, I own a *laptop* with a DVD player that was $350 ;)
Edna Mazur says
We had a under $100 one. And the almost three year old did fine with it, but the first time the 1.5 year old got his hands on it and dropped it, it was done. We’ve only had it since Thanksgiving.
Beth says
Yeah but…get 7 $100 ones and you are still ahead! And also, teach the kids to be more careful and you may only go through 5 ;)
Beth says
Fwiw I just realized this might sound snarky. It’s not- my jaw literally dropped at the idea of a $900 DVD player for toddlers. I have a 2 and 4 y/o and they get to use our old iPhones (4s) to watch movies on car trips/plane trips/as bribes. We have 3 old ones and they have yet to damage them (they’re in otter boxes) and the 2 y/o was fine with it at 1.5 (in small doses).
Edna Mazur says
No I see what you mean. I got so excited before I saw the price and then realized that the world was insane if people spend $1000 on toddler DVD players.
We are teaching them to be careful, and the 2 year old is great, but the 1.5 year old just isn’t quite there yet. He didn’t maliciously throw it, but he still drops things frequently. With another on the way, we have a long time yet until little hands can reliable hold onto things :) But you’re probably right, getting the cheapest we can find and replacing occasionally is probably the best bet.
Meg Murry says
I don’t think it was originally $900. I think it’s been discontinued and now they are being sold for insane prices by a handful of sellers.
Do you have a ton of DVDs? Because if not, I’d suggest going to Fire tablets + paying for a few downloads of favorites. Or an older tablet + an Otterbox case.
We have 2 of the fire tablets, one in the kids protective case and the other a generic case (not specifically meant for kids). Every single day my youngest either: drops, sits on, steps on, spills food or drink on his – usually all of the above. Other than wiping it down when he spills something extremely wet and/or sticky (like a giant cup of chocolate milk) it has handled everything he’s thrown at it for the past year with no visible damage. And my oldest regularly drops and sits on his (that isn’t in a kid case) and it’s fine too. I think the only things that would kill these suckers would be dropping into a full bathtub of water, or perhaps being dropped from multiple stories or stepped on by an elephant. The only thing that’s showing a little wear is it’s starting to get finnicky about the charger angle – but even that could be the USB cables being abused more so than the tablet.
EB0220 says
We also have 2 Kindle Fires with the child protective cases. They are awesome. Anything that isn’t available on Amazon Prime, my kids just don’t watch. They are great on the plane.
Edna Mazur says
How much memory would the tablet have? We primarily use it in the car (so no wi-fi). We do have quite a few DVDs but if we had a handful of his favorites it could probably make do. I love the idea of something with a protective case.
Don’t have to worry about being submerged in water or dropped from many stories :) We are more careful than that, just toddler clumsy.
Maddie Ross says
We have the cheapest kindle fire they make with the child protective cover. It’s indestructible. It’s flown with us, gone in the car, been dropped, and is still chugging. It has enough memory to hold at least 2 full length Disney movies downloaded from Amazon prime, as well as 10 or so TV shows (at least) at a time. It’s been more than sufficient for travel for us (and was like $40 on black Friday last year).
SC says
I second some kind of tablet or phone, especially if you have a used one. Apparently Netflix is now letting people download some stuff to watch later on some devices (Android and iOS, maybe?). I’d load up a couple of kids’ movies or shows from Netflix.
Momata says
I own these earrings in the purple and I love them. They’re a bigger stud – they cover nearly all my earlobe – but I find myself reaching for them constantly.
ANP says
Yes! I’m wearing the exact pair pictured — picked them up in the Nordstrom sale a couple of weeks ago. They’re also super-comfortable.
PEN says
thoughts on a train table? My husband really wants to get our boys one for Christmas. It seems big a ridiculous to me. BUT a neighbor is selling one in excellent condition for pennies on the dollar, so I am reconsidering. Do your kids have one and love it? do you? Or is it a big space hog and waste?
PinkKeyboard says
My kid loves my neighbors table and the one at daycare. Both fun to play on top of AND a super awesome fort. My husband would have a seizure over the space it would take up so we have to wait and see if we end up with space for a playroom.
JayJay says
I think a used train table is absolutely the way to go. We got ours from a friend who gave it to us when she downsized. My boys loved it for two years and we just passed it on to another family.
FVNC says
We bought a knock-off version of the Thomas table for my daughter’s second birthday (at my husband’s urging, too!), and she has played with it consistently for more than a year now. At first it was in her playroom, but in our new, smaller house it’s in an open loft area which I don’t love, but….it’s one of her most used toys, so it’s staying. I actually think it’s cool to see how her play has changed — at first, just pushing the trains along the tracks, now playing little games with the “characters,” having the helicopter “rescue” the trains when they fall off the track, etc. So, my verdict is, ugly, space hog: yes; worth it: also yes.
Momata says
Space hog, yes. But we and our kids love it. It’s a great platform for all kinds of play – not just trains, but also setting up stories and performing on a stage. I say go for it.
Anonymous says
We love trains but just play with them on the floor. They get toss back in a bin before bedtime unless the kids built something really awesome and then it stays on a floor for a few days. My biggest issue with train tables is that they take up a lot of space but don’t actually give that much space to build.
Spirograph says
This. We have a second hand one ($50 at a garage sale for one of the reversible Thomas ones!) that is in the kids playroom. It is great if they want to build with lots of bridges because it’s a flat sturdy surface, but they still build long winding tracks on the floor, too. It’s a puzzle beyond my kids’ current cognitive ability to build a cool track in such a limited space. When it’s free of train tracks, it’s a good height for magic sand play, art, pretend kitchen, etc. so I think it’s still worth it if you have space, but only if you think outside the train box (which your kids surely will).
avocado says
A mom I know took the top of the train table off and attached casters so it would slide under the kid’s bed when not in use.
H says
We don’t have one, but recently went to a neighbor’s house that did. My 2 year old loved it! But I personally wouldn’t want something that big in my house since we don’t have a dedicated, out of sight play room.
NewMomAnon says
I covered a board with green felt and then cut out felt roads, lakes, etc. The board has straps and velcro to secure it around a regular table top; when I put it out, it goes over my regular coffee table. Then when we’re done with it, the felt pieces go in a box and I can stick the board under a bed or at the back of a closet.
It probably doesn’t get as much use because I have to help kiddo get it out and set it up. If we had the space, I would absolutely put out a train table for kiddo.
Artemis says
We’ve had a train table since my oldest was 1.5 and he’s now 6.5. I love it and so do my kids. It is basically a second coffee table in our living room but we have a small house anyway so there was never any hope of having a separate playroom out of sight.
We got a nice one in a dark wood color so it blends with our other furniture. And ours has drawers–get one with drawers if you can! Storage for the trains without a separate bin (well, not all the trains and tracks, but it helps).
I love it because now they don’t play with trains as much, so we put the trains in a bin underneath and now they use it as a Lego table. This is particularly good because my youngest is too young to be around Legos, so we gate off the living room as the “big kid” area and they can build Legos to their heart’s content. It’s also great for mess containment–I don’t care how messy the top of the table is, or what toys are on it, as long as there are no toys/Legos on the floor or the coffee table in the living room once cleanup is done. This means the kids don’t have to disassemble their creations before they want to, and it preserves some semblance of adult space in our house :).
Betty says
Eager to hear how you ladies would handle: My daughter (3) attends preschool three mornings per week. We love the director and one of two of her teachers. It is the other teacher, let’s call her Susan, with whom I am having trouble. Three weeks ago, as I was dropping of my daughter, Susan hovered nearby. As I am wrestling my daughter out of her boots, hat, etc. with other parents and kids around, Susan mentions that there is a speech pathologist that works with some of the kids at the preschool. I said, “ok.” Susan asked if I would be interested in having my daughter do a free screening with the speech pathologist. At that point, I stood up (I had been on the ground with my daughter), and said, “Wait, are you telling me that you see a problem with my daughter’s speech?” She said yes. Again, lots of parents around. When I asked what she was seeing, she said “Well, you probably don’t notice but she can be tough to understand.” I snapped that my husband (an elementary school principal) has noticed but that she will probably grow out of it on her own. Susan pushed to do the screening, and I said fine. I asked whether I needed to sign anything. She said no, and I kissed my daughter and left.
Yesterday at drop-off, I was talking with the teacher I love when Susan dropped by, listened in and then gasped that my daughter is staying until 3:00 pm tomorrow (au pair is out of town), and said with a tone of dislike, “Oh… she’ll be here that late, huh?” My daughter can be a feisty little girl, who does not hesitate to express herself (even when you can’t quite make out what she is saying).
Five minutes later, I was signing my daughter in with lots of parents around when Susan asked whether we were pursuing speech therapy for my daughter with their speech pathologist. I said that we are going to do a full screening. She said that it would be great if we used their speech pathologist for the therapy that my daughter needs because it would be convenient for us, but we would still need to come to several appointments. I responded that our oldest was diagnosed with Crohn’s three weeks ago, so our focus as a family is getting him well right now. I said that we would likely wait on any therapy for our daughter because it has been a tough few months and we are stretched thin time-wise right now. She then asked how we are treating him and whether we have tried nutritional supplements to cure my son’s Crohn’s. I said, “No, we are following our medical team’s advice.” She pushed that she had heard that the creator of a particular brand of nutritional supplement had cured his Crohn’s. I just glared and said that I had to go to work. I was so angry and upset by this interaction yesterday.
My daughter will attend the public preschool next fall, which is run by a speech pathologist. (We have been in touch with her about the speech issue; my son went through the public program last year.) The current preschool is definitely targeted at the SAHM crowd, and I’m getting a vibe from Susan that she doesn’t like my daughter. I am thinking I should email the preschool director and ask to meet with her to go over what has happened. I’m not sure I can handle talking with Susan anymore. Any advice on how to handle the brief interactions I know I will have with her?
Em says
The next time she tried to give me medical or developmental advice on either of my kids I would tell her that I appreciated her interest but we would be working solely with our own medical team/specialists going forward. Same response every. single. time. without any other engagement. “Have you tried supplements?” “We are working with our own specialists.” “I heard about this guy who cured his…” “We are working with out own specialists.” “Are you going to use our speech therapists?” “We are working with our own specialists.” She will probably eventually get the hint that you aren’t willing to participate. For the other comments about your daughter, I would consider calling her out on them. “Oh….she’ll be here that late?” “Yes, is that a problem?” but ignoring them 100% may be more effective and is less combative.
Betty says
That’s a really good approach, thank you!
Anonymous says
This is good advice. And speak with the Director. Request that if staff have specific medical concerns with your child, that they advise the Director and the Director will speak with you.
Pogo says
I think since you only have to deal with her until next fall, probably best to let it go (doesn’t seem like daughter is having issues at the preschool in general?). If daughter is unhappy, because of the way Susan is treating her, I’d be more concerned.
Total side-eye about the nutritional supplements for your son’s Crohn’s though. My husband has UC as I’ve mentioned and while he does take nutritional supplements and they can be helpful, Crohn’s/UC is an autoimmune disorder and can’t be “cured” by eating a special diet or taking probiotics. I get so, so ragey when people try to be like, “Oh I totally had IBS until I cut out gluten!”
Just, no. My husband has been hospitalized and takes chemotherapy for his illness. He doesn’t just have a delicate tummy.
So I’m annoyed at Susan on your behalf for that comment alone :) Sounds like she has a lot of Opinions!
Betty says
That kind of thing drives me crazy too! My husband is a Type 1 diabetic, and we have received comments from well-meaning friends asking if he has tried going off of insulin and using “natural” remedies. Um, no. He’d be dead before we knew whether the natural remedies helped.
Its tough to gauge how a three year old feels about her school, but we are trying to ask more questions. I’ve considered just dropping in to see how things are going as well.
SoCalAtty says
So much this!! I have UC as well. That kind of thing makes me really, really angry. Like – if there was some diet or supplement that could fix this, don’t you think I’d have done it already?
Coach Laura says
Pogo, not to jump on you but please don’t denigrate those of us with Celiac when going gluten-free did cure us, even some who had been diagnosed with “IBS”. Having celiac is not a laughing matter and dismissing it as a “delicate tummy” is really insulting. Being an undiagnosed for celiac for 30+ years and having doctors tell me I had a “delicate tummy” was incredibly harmful to my health and well-being. I know some “gluten free evangelists” inappropriately tell people with UC or Crohns that it will “cure” their disease but that doesn’t mean that celiac isn’t a big problem for people like me and my son: I know enough not to suggest GF to UC sufferers but don’t knock going GF as a cure for some people.
Beth says
Is Susan just an annoying person? I read this and viewed Susan as an Aunt or coworker that sticks her probably well-intentioned nose where it doesn’t really belong.
The biggest flag to me is she’s having the conversations casually, at pickup/dropoff. Why not schedule a conference if she has real concerns about your daughter? If anything, I’d take that approach: “should we set up time for a more formal conference to discuss (daughter)?”
Ignore her armchair advice on your son. It’s probably well intentioned busy boding.
GCA says
I see three problems here (once my rage on your behalf cleared): one, overstepping her boundaries when you have already indicated you are handling things. And on ‘she’ll be here that late’ I would’ve just looked her in the eye and asked, “Is there a problem with that?”… but I am not a nice person…
Two, pushy shilling for services and products you have specifically expressed that you’re not interested in.
And three, completely incorrect advice. Crohn’s can’t be ‘cured’ with supplements. I would be concerned that she might offer the same ‘advice’ to other parents.
Em says
My first thought when I read OP’s post was that this is difficult behavior to address with the director, since it seems to primarily be that Suan has an annoying personality, but I think #3 may be worth discussing with the director since she is basically giving medical advice to parents about medical conditions.
Frozen Peach says
To me it seems really inappropriate that she’s having all these medical conversations about your kids in front of other parents. I think speech pathology falls under the HIPAA umbrella, no?
Emmer says
The school is not a provider covered by HIPAA, so there aren’t issues there. But it’s still unprofessional.
Betty says
I’m pretty sure HIPAA only applies to health care providers, not someone in Susan’s position.
Honestly, it sounds like you may be hypersensitive to what Susan is saying. It wouldn’t be my preferred way of communicating the speech issue, but parents tend to be extremely defensive about these things, and I would consider that she may just have your child’s best interests at heart.
Betty says
Hi. I’m the OP. I’ve been going by Betty for a while…
not OP Betty says
Sorry, I used to post under this back in the day. Wouldn’t have used if I’d noticed it was yours for this post.
Anonymous says
I definitely think you should talk to the director. I really think she should know about how you are feeling and how this teacher is communicating with you inappropriately. I think you can keep the meeting somewhat brief — or maybe even retell this the way you did above over email — but she should have the information, and you will probably feel better after you provide this feedback. Then the director can decide what to do about it. In the meantime, I agree with the other posters– be polite if possible, but very brief and firm when dealing with the teacher. She totally reminds me of the somewhat socially inept but sort of well-intentioned coworkers I’ve known over the years who just don’t know when to shut up. Another ‘script’ you could try repeating each time she starts in again… “We have a plan of treatment in place already, but thanks for your concern” or “Thanks for your concern about my daughter, but we have already made a decision to do X or to wait to do X until next year” or simply just “Thanks for your concern” (or something similar) with no actual acknowledgement of the specific suggestion she’s made, which will hopefully indicate to her that you don’t want to discuss it further. It’s not her business, but sometimes you have to say something when someone speaks to you (rather than simply ignoring her), so this strikes me as the most polite way of indicating you’d rather not talk about it. Just a thought. And even though it’s a little passive aggressive, you could also just try to avoid her as much as possible by being as intentionally focused on dialogue with your daughter and/or the other teacher when you are there, so she doesn’t really have a chance to engage you. But sounds like you may already be trying to do this. Good luck!
Betty says
Thank you for all of your advice thus far! I’ve emailed the director and asked to speak with her next week. In the meantime, I’m going to stick with some of the scripts suggested above and just avoid her as much as possible.
A few more thoughts: I’m realizing now that Susan is one of those nosy, pushy individuals who isn’t great with boundaries. Part of the problem then becomes that she is someone entrusted with teaching my child boundaries. If she is saying this stuff to me, could she be saying other inappropriate things to other parents or holding conversations in public that should happen in private?
CLMom says
Thanksgiving and the upcoming holidays really highlight the fact that my daughter is the only one of her generation. And, she likely will be for at least the next 5 years. Do you have any tips on making the holidays less boring for a child when it’s all great grandparents, grandparents, great aunts/uncles, and then parents only? I’m tempted to ditch family for some holidays and spend them with friends just so she has other kids to be with during presents and feasts and such.
Anonymous says
Stickers/coloring books/markers. Ask her to make pictures for people.
mascot says
Along those lines, is she old enough to play with puzzles/magnatiles/legos? You could put that on a coffee table so the adults could play with her while and visit at the same time. Or just work on that task and not have to make small talk.
Anonymous says
Memory game or cards for ‘go fish’ are also good. My 5 year old loves playing those with older folks.
CHJ says
We routinely mix in time with my son’s friends and their families over for holidays, and it has been great. Will you be traveling, or can you mix friend time and family time? We’ve included friends in Christmas for the past two years, as well as Easter and Thanksgiving. It makes our son happy and it’s a nice break from family drama because everyone is on their good behavior when non-family members are around!
lucy stone says
These were all my Christmases growing up and I loved them! It was great to get so much one on one time with my aunts and uncles and grandparents.
Anonymous says
Yes, while I always had siblings and cousins around, my kid (and now kids) have usually been the only ones of their generation, and they love playing with their uncles, aunts, grandparents, and other various assembled adults. They get so much attention! And even when they are around cousins on the other side of the family, or friends’ kids of the same age, they still need adult supervision or at least an adult check-in every couple minutes, so it’s not like I would be able to just hang out drinking wine with the grown-ups while they play in another room (yet!), so I don’t think it changes the dynamics much.
Huh says
Yeah, this was the case for us over the Thanksgiving holidays and my boys got showered with so.much.attention. I think it helps though that they have each other. I can understand how it would get boring for just one child.
NewMomAnon says
Does your family interact with kiddo? Because I love how many adults step in during the holidays to play with my daughter, read to her, listen to her stories (which can sometimes last a half hour or more), and include her in mundane tasks like setting the table or cleaning up the living room. I think that will be the key to kiddo not getting bored as the only person under the age of 30 at family celebrations – inclusion and genuine interest in her life and thoughts from the adults around her.
If your family doesn’t do that naturally, can you make some suggestions? Like, if cousin is setting the table, you can suggest (loudly so cousin hears) to your kiddo that maybe she can put out the silverware or napkins. Or if grandma is ironing napkins to put away, suggest that kiddo fold the napkins after they are ironed (or before, depending on how skilled she is at folding). Or if she wants a book read, make eye contact with another willing adult and suggest that kiddo ask that adult.
FWIW, my singleton seems to get a little overwhelmed when we hang out with families that have multiple siblings. I think she actually enjoys the peace of hanging out with adults.
Patty Mayonnaise says
I’m 6 months preg and experiencing some hip pain, so decided to see a chiropractor that specializes in pregnancy. She gives all of her pregnant patients a complimentary massage, which was a nice surprise. Any suggestions for how I would tip for that service? Also, any experiences with chiropractic care during pregnancy? Thanks ladies!!
Anon says
I think it would insult your chiro to be tipped – mine gives a lovely muscle release treatment before (I wouldn’t call it a massage, full on) but I would never ever consider tipping her. She’s a medical professional! Same as how a registered massage therapist at a clinic is not tipped, unlike someone in a spa.
Patty Mayonnaise says
Sorry I wasn’t clear – it will be done by the office’s staff massage therapist.
Anon says
Same deal then. Massage therapists at a clinic don’t get tipped. The best thing would be to go back to her subsequently for a paid service, I think.
lsw says
I found a chiropractor really helpful during pregnancy. I had already been going to one and continued until I was about 4 months, then paused until about 7 months, then did it until delivery.
LegalMomma says
Highly recommend the chiropractor. I saw one during my second pregnancy – she uses the Webster method – and my second labor/delivery was so much easier than my first. Baby boy arrived on November 30th and I pushed for 9 minutes versus 2 hours with my daughter. In addition to contributing to a shorter labor and delivery – my back and hips felt so much better through this pregnancy – a lot less pain! I went approximately once a week beginning around 26 weeks.
AnonMN says
Daycare Meeting Update: it went really well, way better than expected.
I called ahead to let the director know about the camel incident and that I would be expecting answers and immediate actions after the meeting. When I brought the separation up previously I had always been fed “we don’t do time-out” dialog. So I said “I understand that the handbook prohibits time out, but that doesn’t mean the teachers aren’t using them”.
Philosophy wise, the owner and handbook are in line with our parenting style: positive redirection plus a safe space with books and sensory for having “big feelings”. Very play based as well. Which is why I was surprised that this was happening.
The owner met me upon arrival and we had a separate meeting. She said that the assistant teacher admitted that she was frequently using time out. The owner retrained her and the lead teacher (both young and new at the center) on their positive redirection. She also required that they change the current morning structure, as they were exceeding the “two 20 minute blocks” of sitting that are allowed.
When the teachers came in they were very apologetic and said they were still learning, but we’re sorry that this happened and that I wasn’t communicated with. I let them know about the potential SPD going on and they asked what strategies I use at home that work.
So far from my video monitoring the changes have been made and I am getting a daily update regarding any separations and redirections (none yesterday). The owner encouraged me to keep watching the video and immediately let her or lead teacher know if I have concerns.
So thanks ladies for the words of encouragement and commiseration. I felt impowered to unapologetically advocate for my son, which was awesome.
NewMomAnon says
That is wonderful. Good for you and good for the director!
Anonymous says
Great job!
Anon in NYC says
Good for you! I’m so glad to hear it went so well.
BTanon says
Thank you for this update!
Kelly C. says
You have made that clasroom a better place not only for your child but all the others as well. Bravo!!!
Pogo says
That’s great!
Anonymous says
This is great news. Thanks for letting us know how things turned out.
My daycare just talked to us about how they are starting a very gentle version of a time out in the 1 year old room where my son is (there are 10 kiddos between the ages of about 14 months and 22 months with two teachers). They didn’t use the word time out, but that’s what it sounded like to me. They basically said that when a kiddo is getting upset and being a disruption, they are going to take that kiddo to the ‘cozy corner’ (there are pillows and books there) to calm themselves and then they can rejoin the activity after they are feeling better again. I’m just starting to read articles here and there about the (newer?) philosophies that don’t support time outs (or separation from a group/caregiver?) for young ones, but I’m interested in finding the best evidence-based reference material on this so I can be fully informed and better able to advocate for my kiddo if I get hints that they aren’t using this new system in a way that’s healthy. The teachers have mentioned that my almost 18 month old ‘whines’ or ‘fake cries’ often (sounds like he is one of 4 in his room that are more high maintenance this way), and they are looking for ways to discourage this. Any advice on articles I should read to be better prepared to evaluate if this is something we should be concerned about? I don’t want to overly indulge my son when he whines, but I also know that he’s little enough that he typically just needs a little more of me for a minute when he whines — or just some really positive energy from me while redirecting his attention — and then he’ll be okay. But maybe the teachers are spread too thin to be able to accommodate that approach? Or maybe he really is whining excessively to a point where this would be their only option?
Sorry for the threadjack on your post, but it just reminded me I’ve been meaning to ask the hive for input on this! Thanks in advance for any suggestions.
Betty says
Regarding the whining, what has worked for us is to say, “I can’t understand you when you use that voice. Can you try again?” And then praise them and immediately jump on their requests when they do use a non-whining voice.
Anonymous says
Thanks for the advice. That sounds like a great strategy for when he gets a little older. Unfortunately for now, we can’t understand him at all, because he’s not talking yet. He has no words other than mama at this point. He’s also not terrific at nonverbal communication regarding what he wants. Occasionally he’ll point to something, but a lot of times I think he’s just generally in need of a little extra attention, or bored, or whatever, and he has no way to tell us, so he whines a bit. I think it’s very possible he whines more than other kids because he is less verbal, but who knows.
Anonymous says
I would push back on them discouraging the whining. He’s clearly frustrated about not being able to communicate. They should redirect or encourage his attempts at speech, not give him ‘time outs’ for fussiness.
Hanen (google) has some great resources on encouraging speech.
GCA says
+1. I think a time-out-style corner can work when a child is emotionally overwhelmed and worked up and just needs a little time and space to calm down. But it depends on the child and the circumstance. In this case, your son is trying to communicate and can’t, and that’s why he’s whining. I would ask the teachers if they’ve spotted any patterns to his whining. And also see if you can spot any patterns at home.
Oh and you asked for articles – I read this recently and it was fascinating: http://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2016/03/no-spanking-no-time-out-no-problems/475440/
Anon says
Not an expert but it seems this is very young to use even a “cozy” or “calm” corner to separate kids. I think our school didn’t start this until preschool age and then only seems to separate kids when they are doing something unsafe (not just disruptive or whiny or contrary – they still focus on redirect for this). I have used this strategy similarly at home — we only do a time out for something like hitting. I remember getting sent to time out by my mom for being whiny and it was pretty awful.
Anononymous says
I’d look into baby signing if he’s not very expressive non-verbally.
GCA says
Sounds like it went as well as possible! Thanks for the update!
avocado says
Way to go!
Butter says
Thought I was winning the cold weather wars today with my outfit – thick high waisted tights, long sleeved shirt underneath a sheath dress and a belted jardigan over that. Until I realized I have to pump, and will have to almost entirely disrobe to do so. Whomp whomp.
Momata says
My sympathies!! Pumping in the winter is the WORST. I always felt a tension between “looking put together makes me feel like less of a milk-dribbling hot mess and also i’m not freezing” and just wearing a nursing tank under a cardigan for convenient, if chilly, pumping.
lsw says
Currently blasting my space heater as I sit here with just my short sleeved nursing shirt on…
Anon in NOVA says
oh no, I’m sorry! I have to say, this made me laugh a little. It sums up motherhood! “I’m looking AWESOME today! oh wait… this isn’t going to work” sigh.
anne-on says
Uuuugh. I’m always freezing in the winter so I totally sympathize. Any way you can stash a big open cardigan at work to drape over yourself while pumping? I found I was way less chilly with my shoulders and arms covered.
Butter says
Good suggestion – I’m going to bring one in. I have been feeling wistful about wrapping up pumping in the next month or two, but darn if there aren’t some serious bright sides to stopping!
NewMomAnon says
Ok, so next time I complain about kiddo’s sleep, remind me to check ears, teeth, and asthma….new molar coming in, just developed a cold that is causing shortness of breath, and I suspect she has double ear infections. Advil has been a tremendous help the last few nights.
Poor baby…..she’s still challenging to get down to sleep, and still waking up once or twice at night, so it’s not all better. Parenting is hard.
Anonymous says
Thanks for this reminder! I’ll try giving my LO advil tonight, maybe that will help her sleep (which has been strangely wonky lately).
Too many details to not be anon for this says
Coworker gifts- what do you do about them?
I transferred to a new office this year, and I’m not sure how this is handled. I want to prepare something small just in case (mini hand sanitizers with a cute label of some sort? anyone have a cute link or idea for that? I work in public health so it’s on theme…)
Should I get something for my employees? What is normal? I would normally write a very nice card and give a small gift card but 2 of them are on performance improvement plans so it doesn’t seem genuine to write a card praising their work… a generic card and a small gift card? heeeeeeelp
anon says
Can you just take employees out to lunch as a group? I’ve never really exchanged gifts with coworkers (frankly my friends and I don’t either, just family), so I’m no help there. Starbucks gift cards?
Pogo says
I’ve also never exchanged gifts with coworkers – is this common in some industries?
I’ve always had a Christmas party which may or may not include party favor/gift. But that’s from corporate, and the job of an admin – not individual managers – to coordinate.
If they’re on a PIP I’d doubly not get them anything!! I’m such a Scrooge, sorry.
Em says
My boss (Legal, in house) gets me Christmas gifts. It is a small gift in the $25 range (picture frame, bottle of wine, etc.) with a $25 gift card. I give my secretary cash, but that is probably a different relationship dynamic.
EB0220 says
Last year, I gave my employees $10 starbucks gift cards with a short note of thanks for the year. We have a few Starbucks close by and I know most of them go frequently. It seemed to go over fine.
Mom friends? Kid friends? says
I am starting to feel really sad about something, and I’d love the Hive’s advice.
We moved to a new city (my hometown) a few years ago, and I was pregnant when we moved. I’ve got a lot of old friends here that I see some, but our lives are very different now, especially since I’m the only one with kids. Our kid (she’s 1.5) goes to parents’ morning out, and we go to church, but my child doesn’t have anyone that I would consider “her friend.” We don’t interact with the other parents at morning out. My SAHD husband takes her to the playground a lot, so she plays with other kids a fair bit, but there is literally no other kid her age that she is friends with and sees regularly. We have a few casual friendships with other couples with kids, but their kids are at least a year or two older than our kiddo. We live in a neighborhood where people keep to themselves other than for neighbor things like trash cans and mail.
I long for mom friends, for something just as ordinary as being able to meet at a playground and gossip and drink Starbucks while our kids play. And I know I should join meetup groups or put myself out there, but I feel pretty tapped out of time and energy with my more-than-fulltime job, spending time with kiddo, and couple time/alone time. Am I alone in this? Will my kid ever have friends? Will I ever make mom friends?
GCA says
Will kiddo go to preschool next year? At this age, they don’t really play with other kids – it’s more like parallel play. I think same-age peers matter more when they start school, and she’ll almost certainly find friends there. For the time being, being around older and younger kids is perfectly normal and healthy – my 1.5yo has picked up a lot from the older kids in his daycare class.
As for mom friends, I work from home, so I’m in roughly the same boat. I once found a mom friend and fellow runner on the playground. She had a jogging stroller, a kid roughly my son’s age, and a race shirt on, and I literally chased her down…Granted, it wasn’t that creepy, as the playground is at my grad-student-family-housing complex, so families there are pre-vetted, so to speak. Are there local or semi-local online parent support groups? I’ve also made online friendships that evolved offline.
Anonymous says
I think it’s normal for kids that young not to really have “friends”. I can tell you from experience that your kid will develop friendships as she gets older. As for mom friends, I’m right there with you. It’s hard when you work this much to just make time for yourself and your family, let alone make the effort of finding new friends.
anon says
For your child, she’s just too young – they start really making friends closer to 3 I think. Most of my mom friends came from an online neighborhood-based moms group (easier since I live in a densely populated urban area), who I see IRL, and parents of other kids at my son’s daycare and preschool.
Anonymous says
I agree that she’s a little young to need friends, so you probably have at least 6 months or more before you need to worry about this.
That said, if you’re on Facebook, consider searching for moms groups in your community. In my city (suburb or a major urban city on the W.Coast), there are LOTs of moms groups that seem to be great ways to connect with other moms, set up playdates, etc. If you could devote 15 minutes a couple times a week to following the posts in the group (assuming there are some of these groups where you live), you might find out about events you could attend or ways to connect. Eventually you could just write a post saying you’re interested in meeting people, within a specific radius of where you live, your availability is on these days and at these times, your kiddo is 1.5, and you’d love to go to the park/zoo/coffee shop/play café, etc. Any one interested? You might need to put the feelers out a few times before you meet someone who is a real potential friend, but it’s probably worth making yourself vulnerable and potentially meeting a few people you don’t connect with in order to get to the one that does work out. Good luck – you are not alone in feeling this way!
Onlyworkingmomintulsa says
You are me. I moved back to my hometown three years ago and also found myself in the exact same situation. I joined the Junior League and while I have met really nice ladies, none are moms that I have been on committees with. I am really hopeful that I will meet more when we start pre-k next year. Lots of hugs to you and I would totally be your friend if you lived here!
Anonymous says
My son did not really start playing with friends until 3.
Baby Manuals? says
I’m 33 weeks and finally starting to panic about the fact that I have no idea how to care for a newborn — like never changed a diaper. I’m also not going to be able to squeeze in one of those classes the hospital offers. I’m not that panicked about the actual birth part, but is there a book y’all recommend for once the baby’s out that’s good with just basic stuff (like car seat should be rear facing, don’t feed them water/honey, etc.) and developmental aspects to be aware of.
CPA Lady says
Your child will eat approx 10-12 times per day and make a corresponding number of diapers per day when he is a newborn. By the time your child is a week old, you/your partner will have literally done everything a hundred times. You learn very quickly.
I loved the What to Expect: the First Year book. Lots of good information organized by month so you can read ahead to know what to expect in the coming months.
SoCalAtty says
Or every 45 minutes, if you get a snacker like mine! It was great to have the contact info for a great lactation consultant if you want to BF. If you want to FF, they have great information for that as well (many of them are also nurses).
jlg says
Happiest Baby on the Block — skip the book and get the DVD so you can see the demos (plus its faster than reading the whole book). We didn’t use another book for newborn basic care stuff, but I might look at the What to Expect series for that. For pumping/nursing, Kellymom.com is a great reference. Wonder Weeks was incredibly helpful on understanding the developmental changes, and you don’t have to read it all at once (you can just read the current stage and maybe one or two ahead to know what to expect.
Good luck!
Anonymous says
I second the Happiest Baby on the Block DVD. This is SUPER useful advice re: calming baby, etc.
RR says
Baby 411 is the best baby book I had. Everything is in a very matter of fact, non alarmist Q&A format.
You will also learn a lot before you even leave the hospital.
OCAssociate says
+1 – Baby 411 is great.
Onlyworkingmomintulsa says
another huge fan of Baby 411 here. I never changed a diaper before my first was born and never babysat either!
Kelly C. says
+1,000 This is the perfect book for your situation, OP
Mrs. Jones says
Get the Baby 911 book. I was in your boat before baby was born, and we both survived. Good luck1
Mrs. Jones says
Sorry I meant Baby 411. Ha.
I could have used a baby 911 hotline though.
mascot says
Heading Home with Your Newborn- written by a couple of pediatricians who are also moms. Practical and easy to read. The video for Happiest Baby on the Block covered everything that the book did and it was easier to follow.
Also, my hospital had in-room videos on the tvs in the L&D unit that covered some basic baby care stuff. The nurses will help you change a diaper and learn to swaddle. You’ll get lots of opportunities to practice so you’ll catch on quick.
anon says
+1 on everything but in-room videos (my hospital did not, I don’t think…)
rakma says
+1 on this book, I pulled it out as a reference after bringing home my second, and I’m finding it just as helpful as I did the first time. It’s also the only baby book DH actually read.
SC says
+1. My pediatrician’s office actually gives new parents a copy of this book.
Frozen Peach says
I loved Moms on Call for this stuff. Organized by “ailment” or “task” like feeding, nail clipping, etc. Includes the exact guidelines for “when to call doc” and “when to go to ER” for each item.
lucy stone says
Baby 411 is great. I also enjoyed and used Sh!t Nobody Tells You and Baby Owner’s Manual.
Betty says
I was in your shoes as well. The L&D nurses are amazing at teaching what you need to know. And like someone else said above, you learn very quickly. I was not what one would have called “maternal” prior to having kids, but you listen, watch, respond, try something different until you find what works. I know that you said you don’t have time for a class, which I really do get. The only class I would recommend was a BFing class to take with your SO; it was helpful to know what to expect and for my husband to know what was involved and how to support me. As for books, I liked the Baby Book by Dr. Sears, which gears toward attachment parenting, co-sleeping, breastfeeding and the like.
Anon says
Also sometimes you can do a BF class in the hospital during your postpartum stay.
Anonymous says
Biggest piece of advice I have to give after my own somewhat painful first few months of parenting: If you’re going to take any time to research baby stuff before baby arrives, spend at least part of that time learning about newborn sleep and older baby sleep issues. Even the best sleepers are still not good sleepers, and I wasn’t prepared for just how extreme some of the bad sleepers can be. I think there are things we could have done differently early on to nudge my little guy toward better habits, and even a marginal improvement would have made our lives so much better during the first 6 months. But we had so little energy and time to read anything or logically process the advice we were receiving once we were already sleep deprived, so I wish I’d taken more time before baby arrived to learn a bit. Instead, I obsessed over every baby gear purchase and the décor for his nursery — far less important once he was here and wouldn’t sleep! My favorite resources for sleep advice: Happiest Baby on the Block and a blog called PreiousLittleSleep.com.
One other resource for quick advice on what to expect at the hospital and the first few days at home: Lucie’s List – see the articles in the Postpartum section.
The rest comes pretty naturally in my opinion, and is easier to learn quickly — from nurses, a quick google search, or your pediatrician.
NewMomAnon says
I don’t know if the Wonderweeks app is still a thing, but I wish I had downloaded it right at birth – I missed the first 7 weeks or so. It basically walks you through the important developments happening for baby during the first year and a half, roughly. It was fascinating. If the app doesn’t exist, there is a book too.
And there is a book (similar to Baby 411) called The First 12 Months. It was a very handy reference for those 4 am “Should I call the doctor?” moments.
BTanon says
Yes! “Heading Home With Your Newborn” by Laura A. Jana and Jennifer Shu is great. I think I got the recommendation here. I had also never changed a diaper, and I did take one of those classes, and while it was great, this book + nurse instruction post-delivery covered everything we got from the class and more.
BTanon says
This should be a response to Baby Manuals? at 2:12pm above ^^
Cake recipes? says
So, I am looking for recipes for extremely delicious cakes that I might make for my daughter’s first birthday. Complicated is fine…I love to bake, and I am literally not doing anything else requiring time or effort for this occasion (we are staying with my MIL who cooks all meals and my husband is buying the baby balloons, bubbles and a kazoo).
Requirements: The cake must be delicious for all 6 adults present. No other kids, and let’s face it, my daughter will probably love anything with refined sugar, as she hasn’t had any yet. I’m leaning chocolate…or maybe some sort of spiced cake as it is winter? Also, it must not be very sweet…for that reason I am leaning away from anything with frosting (maybe something that can be sprinkled with powdered sugar or served with whipped cream or creme fraiche?). And last, I am not interested in decorating, so it doesn’t necessarily have to support “Happy Birthday” piping or anything.
Go-to recipes? I’m excited because I haven’t had a good excuse to bake for a while!
Anon in NYC says
I was obsessed with my daughter’s first birthday cake. I tested recipes for months. I’m not sure how sweet is too sweet, but I’ll give you a few options!
I settled on a Funfetti layer cake from Sally’s Baking Addiction (http://sallysbakingaddiction.com/2015/05/27/funfetti-layer-cake/) with a cream cheese frosting and it was so delicious. Everybody at the party raved about it.
But I strongly considered making this banana nutella cake (http://www.cookingchanneltv.com/recipes/monkey-tail-banana-cake.html). I had made it for Mother’s Day the previous year, with this nutella frosting (http://inquiringchef.com/nutella-cream-cheese-frosting/). I used the Nutella cream cheese frosting in between the layers as well. It was delicious, but perhaps too sweet for you.
Last year for Christmas, I made this gingerbread cake from Smitten Kitchen that I thought was really delicious and not super sweet (https://smittenkitchen.com/2015/12/gingerbread-layer-cake/). Actually, I find most Smitten Kitchen cake recipes to be not that sweet, so that might be a good starting point.
Anonymous says
This is my favorite cake of all time, but it is pretty heavy and only for people pretty serious about chocolate and peanut butter :)
http://www.seriouseats.com/recipes/2013/04/peanut-butter-chocolate-mousse-layer-cake-recipe.html
GCA says
How do you feel about chocolate ganache? Or if you don’t want something too sweet, what about a strawberries-and-cream cake? I know it’s not quite seasonal, but it’s delicious.
For my son’s first birthday I made lemon cupcakes with lemon-curd filling and cream cheese frosting and he scarfed an entire cupcake, tore around the playground and rolled in the mud (it was May).
GCA says
Sorry, ran off before I posted links:
Chocolate cake, delicious and moist and not too sweet (also vegan) http://www.instructables.com/id/The-BEST-chococlate-cake-ever…that-happens-to-be/
Lemon curd cupcakes: http://www.twopeasandtheirpod.com/lemon-curd-cupcakes/
Meg Murry says
If you like ganache, are you ok with cupcakes instead of cake? America’s Test Kitchen Ultimate Chocolate Cupcakes are a dark, rich chocolate with ganache filling, and not too sweet. I made them for my son’s 4th birthday and they were too chocolatey and intense and not sweet enough for the kids – but the adults loved them. Recipe to follow.
Meg Murry says
This is the same recipe as on the ATK s!te (except you have to pay for access to that one). I didn’t use the mocha frosting here or but rather a different chocolate one on ATK or related s!te. I don’t know that they even need frosting though.
FWIW, I was a little worried about this recipe because i don’t like coffee at all – but it really is the secret ingredient that makes it taste extra rich and chocolatey they don’t taste or smell like coffee at all.
http://delectablymine.blogspot.com/2011/04/ultimate-chocolate-cupcakes-with.html?m=1
anon says
I am following with interest as every from-scratch chocolate cake recipe I have made disappointed me. In case anyone cares, I can enthusiastically recommend this Vanilla Cupcake recipe though: http://www.glorioustreats.com/2011/07/perfect-vanilla-cupcakes-recipe.html
Anon in NYC says
My response is stuck in mod (maybe too many links!).
Short answer: Sally’s Baking Addiction Funfetti Layer Cake with a cream cheese frosting.
Chocolate, but perhaps too sweet: Cooking Channel Monkey Tail Banana cake, with Nutella frosting (from the Inquiring Chef blog)
Spiced and not too sweet: Smitten Kitchen’s gingerbread cake. (I find her cakes to not be that sweet generally, so she might be a good place to start.)
Cake recipes? says
Thank you for responses this far! Filing the peanut butter and chocolate away for a later date (in-laws don’t understand the appeal of peanut butter, perhaps because they are English?).
Lemon curd or Smitten Kitchen gingerbread might be good options. MIL does a fantastic strawberries and cream so I am not touching that with a 10-foot pole.
And I feel pretty good about chocolate ganache!
GCA says
Gah, comment lost in moderation! Chocolate cake (not ganache, but the frosting is perfect and not too sweet) – Instructables vegan chocolate cake. And for lemon curd cupcakes I used a recipe from Two Peas in a Pod.