Accessory Tuesday: Liam Waterproof Bootie

This waterproof bootie from Blondo has been around for a few years — and getting great reviews — and right now it’s a particularly good bet. You can wear it with skinny jeans, work pants, and maybe even with tights for work. It’s waterproof, has a zip on each side, and has a 1.25″ heel. It’s 10% off right now at Nordstrom, which brings it down to $129. Sizes are 5.5–12, and it comes in black, gray, and tan. Liam Waterproof Bootie

Psst: Have you seen our post over at Corporette about what to get for work at the Nordstrom Fall Sale?

This post contains affiliate links and CorporetteMoms may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!

Comments

  1. rant-vent: This is the third week at a new preschool for kiddo and it is not getting better. She starts crying at home and screams and cries and tries to run away at drop off. Its almost getting worse everyday. We have watched programs about school, we have talked about how mommy always comes, we have had playdates with classmates, and one-on-ones with the teachers, I don’t know what else to do. The teachers says that they try but she will not engage. Other kids will ask her to play but she just says “no thanks.” She loved her old school, but curiously, she is not talking about it or asking to go back there. She also says that she does not want to have fun or play at her new school, as though she is grumpy by choice.

    • My kid started a new daycare this year and it took at least 6 weeks for him to calm down at drop off and to really engage. Once I asked him what he did that day and he said “sat on a chair and cried.” (However, I know he didn’t do that all day – we got pictures of him participating just fine from the teachers.)

      It was super hard. I don’t know what switch flipped, but now he likes his day care fine (most of the time). I hope your daughter starts having fun soon.

      • PregLawyer says:

        My 2.5 started at a new daycare, and it took about 7-8 weeks for him to fully adjust. He was saying things like “I don’t like school,” fighting drop-off really hard, saying he doesn’t like the other kids at school, all the time up until the 7-week mark. Then he just got over it.

        So maybe she just needs more time?

    • this is so hard. i wonder if she is not talking about her old school because she has forgotten about it or in her mind doesn’t think going back would even be an option? what do her teachers think? she most certainly cannot be the first kid who will not engage and is disinterested? are there any activities that she particularly loves, like a certain type of arts & crafts or a certain game that you think she will definitely not be able to resist? how were the playdates with the classmates? did she engage with the kids then? i know she is young, but when you ask her what she doesn’t like about the school, what does she say? this might be a suggestion you aren’t comfortable with or ready for, but you could consider taking her to a child therapist for some play therapy to get at the root of the issue. not trying to make this into a bigger deal, but maybe there is something making her anxious? have there been any other changes at home? is it better if dad or someone else does drop off?

    • Are you the same poster who’s child was starting at a new language immersion school? If so, I think you are still in the transition period. This would probably be the case for any transition, but especially for language immersion. Imagine what her little brain must be going through trying to adjust to a new school, new friends, AND a new language. It took my son at least a month or two. I might try talking about the language transition more, how it might be hard to understand her teachers, etc and how that’s okay she can still have fun by doing X, Y, Z (sorry for the off-point advice if you aren’t that poster, haha).

      Do you delay drop-offs or linger at drop-off? Typically I’m a pretty big softie, but I really believe in the quick drop-off because it shows your kid that you are confident in the care that you are leaving them in. In our hard months I had a script that DH and I both repeated “we are on our way to school, they speak Spanish there. It might be hard to understand, but you will learn! I am going to drop you off in your classroom and leave after you give me a hug. You can go play and I will go to work. Daddy will pick you up after nap and playground time.” Once we arrived, we did the quick hug and leave.

      I remember it being a really hard time, but I am so glad we stuck with it.

      • +1. Ours was also a new language immersion school and quick drop offs definitely helped. FWIW kid also resisted all target language spoken at home (we do not susually speak target language at home but can speak it) until very recently when he’s occasionally started using some vocab at home and not getting completely upset by us speaking it.

      • yep, thats me! thank you for your response and for remembering.

    • Momata says:

      We started a new preschool about 2 months ago. My daughter (almost 4) is just now starting to engage with other kids and let her guard down (she can be a little prickly). It broke my heart but she is doing better now – talking about making friends. I tried my darndest to just stay SUPER POSITIVE about her school and going to school. The teachers helped to soften the beachhead around those budding relationships and steered her towards more approachable/easygoing kids. Good luck.

      • OP here – thank you all for your responses. It really helps to hear and learn from your experiences.

  2. Anon For This says:

    I’m in a commission-only role in finance/i-banking. I’ve posted on the other s!te about it in the past. It’s completely wearing on me and the financial support I was promised in my first 3 years as I build my own business is not there (to the tune of $200k less than what they indicated I’d make). Company admits the support hasn’t been there, and they admit they’ve “failed me” in my first year and things will get better. But with #1 due soon (spring), I’m over it – “it” being the risk and uncertainty that comes with the commission-only nature and the grind-it-out lifestyle. The company is also morphing and growing, so the support they’ve provided others who newly transition into this role is not scaleable at the same level and less likely to be there/be stable.

    I do love the deal flow and quality of deals I’m working on, but…. I alllll the other stuff just isn’t a long-term fit – lifestyle, boys club, and of course the comp structure. We poo-poo anyone who leaves our firm or goes “in-house” – saying they couldn’t hack it/they took the easy way out, etc. Some of that narrative is why I’m still here. The reality is since I’m not making big bucks yet, I actually would effectively lateral in terms of comp if I went in house.

    I guess I’m curious if anyone here moved jobs – maybe even took what was perceived to be a step back – before/shortly after having kids? I get the whole “don’t leave until you go on leave” thing, but I’ve been dissatisfied long before we knew the baby was on the way. I think what’s changed is the window of time I’m willing to stick it out might now be shorter.

    • Anonymous says:

      I would lateral if your comp is the same. What’s the point of dealing with the craziness if there is no financial reward, unless you really really love the work.

      • Jacque says:

        This. Don’t let the company exploit your competitive streak to work twice as hard for less money. Work smarter, not harder, right?

    • “We poo-poo anyone who leaves our firm or goes “in-house” – saying they couldn’t hack it/they took the easy way out, etc. Some of that narrative is why I’m still here.”

      Ugghhhh…. yeah. That mentality is so common in workplaces that expect you to sacrifice everything else in your life to work there. I drank gallons of that kool-aid and it made quitting into a wrenching emotional decision rather than a rational business decision. It’s been 2 years, my life is way better, my “new” job is great, but I still get upset thinking about my old job sometimes. I try to remember that careers are long and you never know what the future will bring. Going in house was definitely the right decision for me for right now. Maybe something else high pressure will be the right decision later.

      • +1. I worked in a law firm with a narrative that anyone who left did so because they couldn’t hack it. I left. It was a great decision for me. And now that I have distance from that environment, I don’t care at all what the people there think or say. Careers are long. I have the work/life balance I want. I have the support I need from the firm to practice in my niche and develop expertise and get my own clients. Succeeding here is going to be better for me and my career than floundering there, whatever the reason.

    • Spirograph says:

      I did. I was in a people / project management role after #1 with daily deliverables, a boss that didn’t understand work-life balance, and a long commute. I was routinely away from home for 12+ hours a day, and I was just overwhelmed. I gave it about 6 months after maternity leave, but ultimately did an internal lateral move (same pay, “worse” title, no subordinates to manage) to a position that had infinitely more flexibility and was at a satellite office much closer to home. It was a great decision.

      Life changes a lot with #1, and you don’t know how you feel about it until you get there. The financial question mark of commission-only might give me extra incentive to move pre-baby, otherwise I’d recommend waiting until you know what life with a baby looks like and what your priorities are so you can pick the best new job for your situation.

      • Spirograph says:

        and just to add, I went the opposite direction and took a position with much more responsibility when I was pregnant with #3. By then I knew what kind of parent I was, what I needed in my professional life to balance my home life, and what my limits are. Taking a step back now doesn’t mean you’ll never want to lean in again… but if your job stresses you out and leaves you no time and mental space for family or yourself, you just don’t need that with an infant.

    • Anonanonanon says:

      Before trying for #2 I took a lateral move (literally the exact same job, but to a different office with a different boss) and even managed to negotiate a bit of a raise, and it was the best decision ever. At the time, I felt guilty because I had internalized the “the 35% annual staff turnover rate here is because people can’t hack it” talk, but like others have pointed out, now that I’m away I really don’t care. It was a great decision. I was allowed to alter my schedule so I get off at 4:00, the commute isn’t too much shorter but is against traffic so it’s more reliable and dependable, I have less direct oversight so I can decide how much I want to commit myself to extra projects or not depending on what else is going on in my life, etc.

      The biggest perk was that, in the old job, I was so drained and unhappy by the time I got home. I was running on fumes every evening with my family, and I know my husband had to be tired of hearing me complain. Now I have more energy in the evening, I can “turn off” easier when I get home, I’m not spending all evening complaining about my work day. That counts for a lot.

      • Anonanonanon says:

        PS even if it’s equal, the dependability of income is a perk by itself. Actually knowing what you’re going to make and being able to budget for your family is a perk vs. not being sure how much money you’ll bring in every paycheck

        • Thank you. You hit the nail on the head with your second paragraph – something I hadn’t articulated yet, but is a legitimate factor.

          I should clarify that a new job would be a current-pay lateral. Future earning potential is likely capped. In real numbers? Today I’ll make $150k today at Current Job and maybe $200k all-in (salary + bonus) at New Job. 5-year out future earnings are averaging $500-750k+ (peers are making in excess of that…) at Current Job and at New Job that’s probably capped around $250k, but for getting a significant promotion.

          Future earnings averages at Current Job feel like a pie in the sky – they reflect the ‘old way’ earnings and there is no data to reflect the ‘new way’ that I am subject to because it’s too new. Maybe if I got the support I was promised it wouldn’t feel so far off. I am certain Current Job’s average earnings figures will drop, but they sure do like to dangle it in front of me whenever they can.

          I think also I’m realizing that I don’t need $500k-750/year. Sure is nice to dream about and I see how comfortably my colleagues live, but I’ve been in the $175-200 range for 3 years and that, plus DH’s salary, is comfortable.

  3. I ordered these from Nordstrom last week and they haven’t come yet. Pretty excited for waterproof, decent looking boots for commuting.

  4. Could you wear this as an alternative to a rainboot, given that they are waterproof? I have bought and returned so many rainboots and still don’t have anything to wear when it rains.

    • Anonymous says:

      Wondering the same. Waterproof suede always confuses me. I get that my foot won’t get wet, but won’t the water stain the suede?

      • That is my plan. Rainboots don’t really work for me (my feet need to breathe) so I’m hopeful this is a good alternative. I will report back!

    • Anonymous says:

      Why not? I don’t own rainboots and just wear normal shoes or sneakers in the rain. (I commute on foot in NYC). Sometimes my feet get wet but nothing earth shattering has happened.

    • Anonymous says:

      I would worry the zipper was not “waterproof.” I bought myself a pair of Bogs this spring and am very happy — the neoprene makes for a much more walkable shoe.

  5. anon for this says:

    My husband and I have talked a bit about having a second. Recently I have been feeling pretty strongly I want to, but I had gotten the sense he wasn’t as on board, so we talked about it. His main concern is how we can afford it. Frankly, it’s my concern too. I can’t even fathom paying twice as much as we are right now in childcare. Our expenses are fairly trim as it is (we don’t live paycheck to paycheck, but we aren’t lavishly spending, either). Husband getting a higher-paying job is not feasible for a variety of reasons. I like my job where I am, I am doing well, I walk to work, there’s a ton of flexibility, and I get paid decently. I am in a fairly competitive field, but my institution has a lot of regulations about raises. My boss has been saying she wants to bump me and get a pay raise, but I can’t tell if this is a carrot on a stick situation or something that will really happen. I could move to a competing institution and probably leverage a higher salary, but I do like my work here. I feel like not having a second kid just because of money kind of sucks. (I know it’s not “just because”; money is a big deal.) I feel like the expense of child care is really the issue. Any suggestions of how to think this through?

    One way we could cut money is not funding retirement fully, but I don’t want to do that. I currently contribute 8% to my 401k, because our company matches 150%. It would be idiotic not to take advantage of that match. I could stop contributing to my Roth IRA, but I’m only contributing $200 a month to that, so it doesn’t go too far. I could talk to my parents, who would be able to help us financially, but I don’t love that idea for a variety of reasons. I considered applying for another job and using that to leverage for a raise here, but I have never done that, and I’m not sure how my boss would react. Ugh.

    • Anonymous says:

      I only have 1 child, partly due to financial concerns, so I get this, but I was very ambivalent about a second for many reasons. I think you should consider taking a longer view of your expenses. For us, childcare costs went down dramatically when my son started free preK at 4, so we were looking at 4 years of greatly reduced retirement savings. I’m okay with that. Also, daycare for 2 is often less than 2x the cost for one, or a nanny or babysitter may be cheaper. If I were you I would run the numbers more carefully and compare the total cost over a longer period of time.

      There is no way to argue that having a second child is going to make you better off financially. It won’t. It will cost a lot of money, including potentially giving up that 401k matching for a couple of years. But it may not cost you more than you can afford to spend. Only you can determine how much it is worth to you.

    • i wish everyone in our country put so much thought into the number of children that they have – everyone in our society would be better off. it sounds like you could make it work financially, but that it might be a stretch for a bit. as the other poster commented, at the end of the day, whether you decide to have a second is really more of an emotional thing. will you be yearning your whole life for that second child? i don’t know your age or how old your first child is, but if you are concerned about costs, could you wait another 6 months to a year to decide? or do you feel like you have to do it now? i grew up with one sibling and often wished i was an only child, but i also know plenty of only children who wish they had siblings. one thing that i’ve always thought is kind of funny about having kids is that on the one hand, having kids makes you selfless in the sense that you put your child first, spend a lot of time and money and emotional energy on your kids instead of yourself, but on the flip side, the decision whether or not to have kids to begin with or how many is so much about oneself and how many kids you want. there is no right answer to your decision, but i don’t think you can go wrong either way.

    • mascot says:

      Also look at how you can afford it time-wise and energy wise. We are one and done and part of that is because both us us have full-time jobs. We can handle the activities and schedule for one child, but would not be able to comfortabley do so for a second.

    • Spirograph says:

      Agree this is an emotional decision AND a financial one. From your post, I’m getting that you can financially meet your family’s basic needs, but adding a kid will mean lifestyle changes and/or adjusting your savings goals. I can almost guarantee you could make it work, but only you can decide whether financial freedom or another child will make you happier in the long run.

      Think about your overall financial situation, not just the money-in, money-out right now. Do you have a solid foundation for retirement? Do you have an emergency fund? How secure are your jobs? What’s your insurance situation like? If all of this is really strong, you can feel a little better about the short-term hit of two kids in childcare. Also, I have to mention that it won’t really be double. Care for our preschooler is significantly less than infant care, and we’ll save even more when he starts K next year.

    • Pregnant with #2 says:

      We had all these same conversations and I was in the exact same career position as you – comfortable, walking to work, but no major pay raise in sight. We decided to go for it – I took a much higher paying job and so far the new commute/environment haven’t killed me or impacted my spouse/kid nearly as much as I thought they would, and we also decided to stay in our (smallish) house for a few extra years until daycare costs are mostly a thing of the past (though we may go for three which would really throw everything out the window – but one kid at a time, right?). If you want a second, it is worth prioritizing, but know there will be some sacrifices. I hope to report back in a few months (or years) that it was worth it and suspect I will. But it is still worth having the hard conversations and seeing what choices you can and are willing to make to accommodate a larger family. Good luck!

    • Anonymous says:

      We ended up with three via surprise twins. We’ve dialed back our budget by reducing our retirement savings and cutting our personal expenses. We don’t eat out a lot, try to bring lunch most days and my clothing budget has basically been halved. I also took a hard look at how much I was spending on the kids and dialed back their clothing budgets. I’ve bought items secondhand on occasion.

    • Anonanonanon says:

      I do want to caution folks that, depending on your work/family situation, childcare costs don’t necessarily go away when your child starts public school. That seemed like the “end mark” for so long for me, and then it’s still $800/month for reliable before/after school care for my area, and $1600/month in the summer for the only “day camps” that accommodate the hours of a full work day (there are cheaper ones, but they’re usually 8-4 or something and I don’t have a job that accommodates that).

      That being said, I’m pregnant with our second, but I’ll basically be spending 100% of my take home pay in the summers on child care, which is going to stink.

      We reached some of the same conclusions Jen mentioned. We intend to HELP with college, but probably can’t swing more than a state school for each without them chipping in. Certainly nothing wrong with that, but it’s different than what our parents provided us. We decided it was more important/a bigger gift to our children to ensure we’re set up for retirement than to pay for private university tuition.

    • I wish I had put more thought into the finances of having a second. We are 9 months into life with two and it is very tight financially. Like you, we can swing it but we’ve had to dial back retirement savings. There isn’t a whole lot of fat to trim elsewhere. We will only have two in daycare for another year or so and we are fortunate that my husband’s flexible schedule will be able to make summers and breaks less burdensome.

      Definitely talk through options now. I wish we had!

    • Anonymous says:

      I desperately want a second, but short of winning the lottery, we probably can’t afford it.

      Typing that makes me want to vomit.

      • Rainbow Hair says:

        Oh… oh… this makes me sad. It sounds like there’s a kid-sized hole in your life. Have the kid. Like the poster below says, you’ll figure out how to make it work, and nothing is more worthwhile <3

    • Anonda says:

      I’ve been mulling this over as well. One thing I realized recently is that I need to reframe it, because thinking about it purely in terms of money made me feel bad. But truthfully, security and stability are really important to me, largely due to not having them when I was growing up. It’s why I work so hard, and why I always have (and probably always will). So, for now I’m honoring the fact that those are part of my needs, and that they rank really high – higher right now than adding to our family.

    • I really appreciate everyone’s thoughts. This is really helpful as we talk more about it. It’s a good point that childcare costs don’t go away, but at least get better. I am feeling some pressure as I’m already halfway to 38 so we can’t postpone forever. Also, I am pretty afraid of having surprise twins! Sounds like you are making it work, though, and I think we would figure it out as well. It’s just scary either way – the fear that we bite off more than we can chew vs. the fear that I’ll always regret not having another.

  6. @ second child (ugh, threading)

    We’re on our third. You really can make it work. We just reached this place in th 2 vs 3 debate about money, and decided that some people want a kitchen update or a nicer car, and for us, we wanted a kid. we bought our house in a town with great public schools and bought a small house. Our kids might (gasp) share a room. My kids *definately* wear hand-me-downs (3 girls).

    We just crammed all 3 in in two years, which is insane, but I didn’t want to spend all of my 30s pregnant. I definitely took a step back for a bit but will be able to ramp back up faster than if we’d spaced 3 years.

    We have friends that waited until their older kid was 4 to have a second so they only have 6 months of double FT childcare.

    We have other friends that nanny share with the younger one and send the older to preschool so the childcare cost isn’t really 2X but 150-175%.

    Kids don’t need to have college paid for. It’s a nice to have (our grandparents have indicated they will help, but regardless we are planning to pay for state school). Kids don’t need dance lessons and a bazillion teams. My second (a girl) was “free” in terms of stuff. My third (also a girl) was free plus- we got so much stuff we started selling baby stuff / donating it. We ask grandparents to put $ in their college fund or buy family museum passes and buy them like, stickers, vs a million toys.

    See if there are less costly childcare options around. See if either you or DH can flex (this happened as a matter of necessity for us; DH was going to take another job and his employer came back with a promotion and a flex arrangement). I was able to pull myself off the road dramatically as I’ve grown in seniority.

    Is moving an option? Could that relieve some of the burden? Smaller house/lower taxes/equal house but worse commute for one person but a home office? Closer to family?

    Find your village. I have moms that also work and we swap who watches the kids on stupid closed school days, sometimes we just split a babysitter (neighborhood high schooler- also part of the village!). I have parents of my kids friends that will take them to soccer for me on the weekend if I schlep them to ballet.

    I’m of the strong opinion that if you want.more than one, have more than one. You’ll be looking back and regretting it.

    If you’re happy with one, by all means, stick with one!! But some people see a bigger family.

    • Legally Brunette says:

      This is so well put. I totally agree.

    • Pregnant with #2 says:

      This was why we went for it – I knew we would regret NOT having another far more than we would regret having another and paying the financial costs that came with it.

    • i think it also depends on how important certain things are to you. like for us, we feel very strongly about being able to pay for our children’s college education. i’m pregnant, so no kids yet, but this is a major factor for us in determining how many kids we want to have. i am not by any means suggesting that this is the “right” approach, but more like there is no right vs. wrong in terms of what you prioritize and want you deem as necessary to provide your kid. that is different for each person, for each family and each child will have different needs that you cannot necessarily anticipate now.

    • Pile of kids says:

      I have five kids. (Yes, I said five). We are a very busy, loud, and joyful house. We are both professionals, but not millionaires. We make it work. If you want another baby, have another baby. You’ll figure it out – I promise.

  7. What do your kids’ grandparents like to be called? MIL came up with a name for herself that combines her state and “mom.” Think: FloridaMom, shortened to FloMom. She also tells my kids that they have two moms, one regular mom and one FloMom. I find this really hurtful. Husband agrees that its weird and asked her to pick a different name, so she changed “mom” to a short version of he name, think: “FloLiz.” WTF
    Kids now use all the names, but mostly call her grandma because its easier. She still wants to be called mom and does other things that diminish my role. I know my kids know that I am their only mother, but MIL’s behavior is so disturbing. Am I overreacting?

    • I think you are overreacting. She removed the mom, so why does it matter if she wants to be called something other than grandma? She probably has a hang-up at being identified as “grandma” related to fears about aging. This doesn’t mean she wants to take your place, just that she wants to be young and hip or something and didn’t think about how it would impact you. I can see it causing eye rolling, but disturbing seems like a stretch unless there is other encroaching behavior going on.

      • Lilliet says:

        I would agree with this if OP hadn’t stated this, “She still wants to be called mom and does other things that diminish my role.”

        • Anonymous says:

          ooo, I am so sorry I missed that – I really need to read more carefully. I agree that is disturbing. Sorry!

    • Lilliet says:

      This is crazy. You are not overreacting. If it were me, I would directly tell Grandma to cut it out because it’s weird, and pointedly (but kindly) reiterate to her and the kids in the moment that she’s Grandma. Think of it as setting boundaries on what right now seems like a small issue but I could see slipping into other over-reaches by her. But, YMMV. Maybe she wants a meaningful name without being called Grandma–some women just really hate to be called Grandma. But I think there are better solutions that aren’t crazy.

      • I agree, this is pretty crazy. I have no advice, but this sounds a little ridiculous. I would also be pretty hurt if someone said my kids have two moms, even though I would of course understand that they have one mom.

      • Anonymous says:

        I totally agree. My mom tried this with my LO and it was just… no. I would lose my sh!t. Good on your kids for just calling her Grandma anyway.

    • leatty says:

      My mom is called Nana (which is what I called my mom’s mom, and my mom called her maternal grandmother), and my MIL is called Grandma. So no uncommon names for them, but I do have an aunt (whose name is Julie) whose grandson calls her Juju.

      Keep in mind that your kids may not call your mom by the name she chooses for herself. My paternal grandmother wanted to be called Grandmother, but I couldn’t say that as a kid so I called her Gonna. She hates that name so much, but she isn’t a nice person, so I still call her that to this day :-)

      • Anon for This says:

        Yup, my mom was going to be Granny and my MIL was going to be Grandma. They are both “Ga Ga”. Airplane Ga Ga and “CityName”Ga Ga.

        I’m lucky both of them think being Ga Ga is awesome.

    • Anonymous says:

      That would drive me crazy – like limiting contact crazy – so inappropriate. DH should be taking a hard line with her on any references to her being anyone’s mom but his. Anytime she refers to herself in any time of ‘mom’ capacity, you or DH can use something like “That’s right, Floliz is DH’s mom and your grandmother.” in a really positive and upbeat way. Repeat ad nauseum.

    • She changed the name, so I’d let that go as long as she sticks with it. But keep drawing boundaries if she’s trying to diminish your role. If she can’t respect them, limit contact.

      We have some grandparent name drama. “Papa” is a common grandparent name in our area. My husband’s father chose the grandparent name “Papa Nickname.” But my husband’s step-father wants to be called just “Papa,” with no name or nickname after it (and his biological grandchildren, who are older and don’t have another grandparent in our area, just call him “Papa”). He corrects us every time we say “Papa Name.” My husband has had conversations with both his mom and step-father about how neither grandfather gets to be just “Papa” to our son. Two and a half years later, it continues. The crazy part is that my husband’s step-father rarely sees our son, despite frequent opportunities, so our son has a hard time remembering who he is anyways.

    • this is weird and would make me crazy, particularly the last part – that she still wants to be called mom. She is not their mother! I do not think you are in the wrong here. I think your DH needs to talk to his mother and remind her that you are their mother and it is not appropriate for her to be called mom.

    • NewMomAnon says:

      Urgh. My MIL tried to call herself “mama” when kiddo was born, and it was Not OK with me. On the other hand, kiddo was still in “lumpy baby” stage and was not in danger of internalizing that. By the time she could verbalize a name, she had her own ideas and came up with her own nicknames for all the grandparents, over which they have no say. My mom flailed around trying to pick her own name from a variety of things that were not traditional in our family (Oma, Nana, Nanny, etc), and it was kind of a relief that kiddo just picked a name that made sense to her and went with it.

      Which is a long way of saying – ask your kids what they want to call FloLiz, and stick with that. When FloLiz gets mad about it, say the kids chose it and you’ve decided to respect their decisions.

    • Anonanonanon says:

      You’re not overreacting. I’m really glad that your husband has your back on this, good for him!

      My mom goes by a version of her name, sort of. (think her name being Diane and she goes by what would sound like “Dee Dee”) I don’t mind that at all and think it’s cute. My dad goes by Papa, which depending on cultures can be confusing for people, but we’re from the American South and “Papa” is what he called HIS grandfather when he was a kid, so it was special to him.

      My mom has once or twice slipped out “come show mommy” or something when talking to my son, but will IMMEDIATELY go “oh my gosh I’m so sorry I was clearly zoning out, old habits!” or something. It’s truly just a slip when it happens. I’d lose my mind if she was doing it on purpose!

    • Anonymous says:

      Any chance she’s a little conservative and you could buy her a copy of “Heather Has Two Mommies” to tick her off? (Also, this is the kind of thing that they put at the beginning of a serial killer movie.)

    • I think you’re overreacting. Kids know who their mom is. It’s an issue with your MIL, but it’s not an issue for your immediate family. Feel sad for her, not for you.

      Sorry, tough love, it does seem awkward!

      • I realize I’m an outlier here too. Your post just made me feel sad for your MIL who clearly has some issues…

  8. PregLawyer says:

    Pregnancy hormone question:

    Has anyone ever felt that their hormones are more balanced during pregnancy? I’ve been pregnant twice now, and except for some bad first trimester fatigue and a few weeks of nausea, the second and third trimesters have been pretty good. My skin is better, hair is better, I’m happier, my appetite is actually more even, I have less anxiety, more normal body hair, fall asleep easier (although with the belly, sleeping through the night is hard). I’m going to talk to my doc, but does anyone know if this means that I could have some hormonal imbalance (low estrogen?) when I’m not pregnant? I’d love to try to harness some of these positives for life post-pregnancy.

    • This is me as well, but I also found that I had this same “balance” when I was on BC. So that has been the answer for me post-pregnancy, a hormonal BC that levels me out.

    • Maddie Ross says:

      Me. My skin was perfect during pregnancy and I had little to no body hair growth (I never needed to shave my legs). That said, I’m not sure how to keep that balance not pregnant. Hormonal BC did not do that for me.

    • I had a terrible pregnancy for other reasons, so I didn’t notice it as much then, but the entire year I was bfing I noticed a lot of great things (hormone related). I loved having less dry skin and better hair. The main benefit from both pregnancy and bfing was a huuuuuge decrease in migraines. It was so awesome. I have not done well on any hormonal bc (including Mirena), and I have Paragard right now. I truly wish I could figure out how to keep the key hormone stuff on point.

    • i’m jealous. i’m still in my first trimester and it’s my first pregnancy, but i am SO nauseous, throwing up multiple times a day, anxious about having to throw up and not being near a trash can, my skin is broken out, etc. maybe there is hope though for me for the second and third trimesters! i am very grateful to be pregnant (it took us quite a while), but am not really enjoying the experience at all.

    • A friend with anxiety and hypochondria had this experience. She attributed it in part to constantly being monitored by a doctor and just generally eating better, taking vitamins, taking it easy, not drinking.

      I had a mostly positive first pregnancy but now on my second I think I’m more anxious because when I worry about something going wrong, it’s not just a baby I haven’t met but my daughter that I need to be here for, so it hasn’t held true for me although so far both pregnancies have been fairly easy and my hair and skin certainly look nice.

    • Anonymous says:

      It’s the Human Growth Hormone in your system.

    • Yes

  9. Daycare Help says:

    Our daughter needs to find a new daycare by next summer (infant program is ending) and we have a fantastic place where we have a spot at the time we need it. The problem is it adds a good amount of time to our commute both ways. It’s doable but not desirable if that makes sense.

    So – there is also place between our house and our jobs that is fantastic but has a huge waitlist (it’s closer to downtown of our midsized city so I guess it fills up faster). We had a great tour there a few months ago and I followed up by email. Is it rude/annoying to follow up again and just say we’ll move at any time and still want to be in the line? What should I say to the director? Should I check in every few months?

    Thanks for any advice. First child and really want the easier commute…

    • Anonymous says:

      No harm in checking in every couple months in a low key way. Summer is actually not a bad time to transition because you could always hire a high school student to nanny for a couple months if you needed to bridge time until a space opened up at your top choice.

      • Anonymous says:

        I find a lot of movement happens over the summer when the oldest kids finish up to go to school and that bumps up the classes throughout the facility.

    • NewMomAnon says:

      Not rude at all to check in. I did the same thing with a daycare; every few months I would ping the director and say, “Hey, still really excited about your school and trying to plan for [upcoming season]. Can you give me a sense of where we are on the waitlist? Thanks!”

    • Anonymous says:

      I think following up is a good idea as long as you are super considerate and polite – demonstrate you are someone the center would want to deal with for the next few years. It is totally possible to jump the waiting list at some centers, and staying in the front of the owner’s mind won’t hurt if you aren’t too pushy. I think you could just say something like, “I just wanted to check in to see if the waiting list is moving at all? We really loved xyz center and would be thrilled to send our baby there. ” And then do it again in a couple of months or at a logical time like beginning of year, start/end of school year, etc. Try to find sincere reasons to compliment them, e.g., “I ran into xx parent whose daughter went there and she was singing your praises.”

      • Anon. says:

        THANK YOU! Great advice – I actually did run into someone who said this, so I’ll tell her that.

    • Pigpen's Mama says:

      I don’t think’s rude or annoying, especially since it’s been a few months. Checking in occasionally was the advice I was given then starting this process.

    • Anonanonanon says:

      I would absolutely (politely) check in every couple of months. In my experience, even the best centers aren’t always very organized when it comes to things like wait lists, so it never hurts to remind them that you’re there and interested!

  10. Viva Las Vegas! says:

    Anyone want to play virtual stylist?

    My husband and I and several of our friends are going to Las Vegas in a few weeks to celebrate a milestone birthday for my husband. I am very excited for a rare kid-free weekend!

    I would like a cute dress or two or maybe a cute top to wear out there. However I am four months post-partum so my chest is massive and my tummy is not particularly flat.

    Any suggestions of where to shop? Or specific clothing recommendations? I would just like to feel pretty and put together. And maybe a little sexy :) But also not looking to spend a fortune. I am fine with fast and disposable fashion in this case.

  11. Can anyone offer advice on how to talk to a four-year-old about curbing pretend gun play? He has just discovered that he can make his hand into a pretend gun and spends a large part of the day firing lasers at everyone. I know he doesn’t truly understand the implications. I have talked to him about how we don’t do that in our family and that some people use guns to hurt other people but that seems like a slippery slope. They don’t allow it at his school but it happens.

    I know it is normal but I find it really upsetting with all that we have seen happen in the country recently. So maybe this is more about me than him?

    • I think it may be more you than him. I’d try redirecting. I think the lure of the forbidden can make this backfire with your kid so I would just try to encourage other games to push this out of his repertoire. Maybe lasers can become a space/astronaut thing.

      • Anonymous says:

        I agree re: the lure of the forbidden on this – don’t give it too much power. My son’s verrrry progressive preschool said they stopped trying to ban pretend gun play outright since it just didn’t work. But they had a rule that anyone could say they didn’t like to play that way and opt out of being “fired upon”, and all the teachers would model that (“playing guns is not my style” – everything was “that’s not my style” at this school). His teacher was also really into star wars so there was increasing talk of “zapping” people with “light savers. (My son told me both Dark Vader and Donald Trump make a lot of “not okay choices” such as zapping people and not washing their hands after using the bathroom.)

    • i have a lot of issues with how my parents handled a lot of things, but i liked what they did re: gun play. they discouraged it generally, but the big rule was that we never point guns — even toys or hand signals — at people or animals. EVER. i think when i was younger they framed it it can be hard sometimes to tell a real gun from a toy one, so to make sure we don’t hurt anyone by accident we don’t ever point them at anyone. as we got older they talked more about why, but i remember that rule and thinking it was a good one. with my almost 5yo we’ve also redirected into “i’m spraying you with water from my fire hose” or similar less harmful things. but we’re trying to stick to the no aiming at people/animals rule.

      • anne-on says:

        Oh gosh – this raises another point. My family is mixed race and although it hurts to think about, this is absolutely a personal safety issue for children of color who do have to learn to never ever point anything that can even remotely look like a firearm at a person, especially a police officer.

      • avocado says:

        I grew up with this rule as well–toy guns are to be treated like real guns, including never pointing them at people (or anything else that you do not legitimately intend to destroy).

    • Anonymous says:

      We don’t allow it in our house. DH and I just tell the kids it’s not allowed, that we don’t pretend to hurt people or things.We’re pretty strict about it, they get a time out if they don’t stop. My parents were the same way with me.

      Every family is different. My BIL is a hunter and my sister allows her kid to play with toy guns/build guns from lego etc.

    • anne-on says:

      Sigh. I swear it is a little boy thing. We have the talks about how guns are not ‘cool’ they are serious, and can hurt people and should only be used for people’s jobs (police officers, soldiers, etc.). We do not allow even pretend guns to be pointed at people or animals, and discourage ‘blasters’ (ie the PC name for nerf guns apparently), lasers, etc. as gifts. They are still, by far, the most popular item to be given at birthday parties/played with at play dates/etc.
      So, all of this is a long way so saying, I get it, it bothers me too, and I really don’t think you can do much beyond what you’re doing – age appropriate education, limit exposure, and redirect.

      • Anonymous says:

        Counterpoint: My daughter did this for about 6 months with her preschool classmates. We all — school, parents, babysitters, etc. — had to reinforce to all of the kids this is Not Allowed. There are other ways to play. Certain things are not allowed. The language I like to use is “play nicely” and I explain that guns are not “nice” playing.

    • Anonanonanon says:

      We talk about how pointing a realistic looking toy gun or hands shaped like guns at people is NOT ok, that we don’t pretend to kill people. Of course, the rules get a bit bent when he’s pretending “robot lasers” or something, but I try to encourage pointing a fist and pretending it’s shooting lasers? Not sure why I feel like that’s better.

      We also use the PC name for nerf guns as “blasters”, the blasters “launch” darts, not shoot. The cannon on his pirate ship “launched” cannonballs, etc. Part of that is because I’ve seen so many stories of little boys getting suspended etc. from public school for using words like “shoot” and “gun” when playing at school, and I don’t want that to happen.

      It’s really, really tough though. Guns are a huge part of our culture unfortunately, and I can’t control the fact that the other little boys want to play guns and he wants to join in. I try to stress that pretending to kill people is not fun or funny, that guns hurt people, etc. I also try to make sure any homes we go to keep their guns locked away safely, ammunition separate from guns, etc. so he doesn’t get any ideas.

    • Anonymous says:

      Show him Star Trek and try to redirect to “set phasers to stun!” It wouldn’t even be the same hand gesture.

    • I’m so glad that others are thinking about this too. A big part of me thinks that this is just a little boy thing but I am trying to stay away from the “boys will be boys” mindset and figure out how to address it. It turned from a fist shooting lasers to a gun this week and it broke my heart a little. I think it happened at school (or maybe not, who knows).

      I am going to talk to my husband about being stricter on the issue of pointing at people. Hopefully, the conversation can evolve as he gets older. (Or, preferably, he loses interest.)

  12. Anonanonanon says:

    I saw the new Tory Burch smartwatch and am kind of thinking I might want one for Christmas? It’s a “hybrid” smartwatch, meaning it looks like a regular watch but does “smart” things. I looked further into it and Fossil makes some nice looking ones as well.
    Has anyone tried one of these hybrid watches? is it worth it? I’m a bit confused about how it works without a digital display (how does it alert you to texts and emails?)

  13. Default Parent says:

    Thanks to everyone who responded on Friday about how to not become the default parent – I talked to DH and of course he “didn’t even think about it!” (duh) and since then he’s been a lot better. The verbal handoffs as to who “has” the baby have increased, and I have made it a point myself to request them more- one of the responses made me realize how I need to do that too, not expect DH to read my mind!

    Thanks as always to this s1te for giving such helpful advice!

    • AwayEmily says:

      This is such a nice update to read at the end of a long day. It’s really awesome that you took the initiative and that your husband responded so well.

Speak Your Mind