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This top isn’t terribly fancy, but that’s kind of what I like about it. It’s got a nice high neckline, is machine washable, and would make a great layer beneath a sweater, cardigan, or blazer. It’s even on sale — it was $39, but is now on sale for $25, available in sizes XS-XL at Nordstrom. Anne Klein Triple Pleat V-Neck Jersey Top Looking for other washable workwear? See all of our recent recommendations for washable clothes for work, or check out our roundup of the best brands for washable workwear. (L-all)Sales of note for 4.18.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 50% off full-price dresses, jackets & shoes; $30 off pants & skirts; extra 50% off sale styles
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything; extra 20% off purchase
- Eloquii – 50% off select styles; 60% off swim; up to 40% off everything else
- J.Crew – Mid-Season Sale: Extra 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off spring-to-summer styles
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – Spring Mid-Season Sale: Up to 50% off 100s of styles
- Nordstrom: Free 2-day shipping for a limited time (eligible items)
- Talbots – Spring Sale: 40% off + extra 15% off all markdowns; 30% off new T by Talbots
- Zappos – 29,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Up to 70% off baby items; 50% off toddler & kid deals & 40% off everything else
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off spring faves; 25% off new arrivals; up to 30% off spring
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Up to 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off kids’ spring-to-summer styles
- Old Navy – 30% off your purchase; up to 75% off clearance
- Target – Car Seat Trade-In Event (ends 4/27); BOGO 25% off select skincare products; up to 40% off indoor furniture; up to 20% off laptops & printers
See some of our latest articles on CorporetteMoms:
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Anonymous says
Help. Still carrying almost all the babyweight from #1 and am now pregnant with #2 (hooray) but I feel like I’m showing and it is too early to tell work. Suggestions of how to best conceal? Business casual workplace and I’m cusp (almost plus) size. Thanks!
POSITA says
I had good luck buying dresses one size up with pleating on the skirt. Tulip dresses were best, but fit and flare sometimes also worked.
POSITA says
http://www.loft.com/3/4-sleeve-ottoman-flare-dress/414956?skuId=21675447&defaultColor=8156&colorExplode=false&catid=catl000013
POSITA says
I would wear something like this with a blazer and scarf or statement necklace. These sorts of dresses fit well into 2nd tri.
Closet Redux says
Agree on adding a blazer or scarf!
Anonymous says
accessories to draw attention up to your face – think earrings a bit more on the dangly side or scarves – scarves seem to be big this season anyway.
Anonymous says
Thanks all Great suggestions!
Katala says
I’ve been there! I did flowy shirts with blazers or long cardigans, now that it’s cooler a scarf would be good too. Columns of solid colors seemed to visually break up the belly area and obscure what was going on. I also got a couple of shift dresses from the limited that kind of hung from my shoulders/chest and concealed well. They were patterned, which I think also helped.
Also try to remember that you’re much more aware of it than anyone else. I felt like being a little softer and bigger than with my first meant I felt like I was showing sooner, but there was also more padding to hide it, if that makes sense. I think if you just avoid clingy clothes, you’ll be fine. And congratulations!
Betty says
I’m in house. My little boy had a CT Monday where I squeezed in my work before, after and at night. This morning, he was scheduled another procedure in ten days under general anesthesia. Yesterday, I asked my office about going part-time during this, but was told that it wouldn’t change my workload. I asked about flex scheduling (four 10 hour days or four nine hour days and one four hour day). I was told that they would help but that it has to be in line with “corporate policy” and “everyone has to be treated the same.” No one else has a flex schedule. I was just asked to meet an impossible deadline by end of day today, and I just can’t do it. I do not think I am being unreasonable. My job, which I took in no small part because it was “family friendly” has turned out to be anything but. I’m putting out feelers for a new gig.
Anonymous says
That sucks. If you’re in the US and your company has 50 or more employees within a 75-mile radius of your office (and you’ve been at your job for at least a year), your job is protected by FMLA, which provides for intermittent leave for this sort of situation. FMLA provides for unpaid, job-protected leave of up to 12 weeks within a single calendar year. You are entitled to take this leave in partial days, but your employer may require you to take at least half a day each time you need to take leave (that is, you might not be allowed to take one hour here or there).
Anonymous says
Honestly, I wouldn’t try to get a new job right now, because your position at a new employer won’t be federally protected until you’ve been there for 12 months. I would push back at your current job as hard as you can.
ChiLaw says
Yes, definitely look into FMLA coverage. This seems to fall right into what it should protect.
anon says
Wait, is FMLA within a single calendar year, or within a single 12 month period?
Edna Mazur says
Employers can calculate it three different ways. Calendar year, looking at the previous twelve months, or looking at the next twelve months. Check your policy/employee handbook to see how your employer does it.
Edna Mazur says
I lied a little, but the DOL explains it well here: https://www.dol.gov/whd/regs/compliance/whdfs28h.pdf
TK says
Who did you talk to at your company? HR? I know they’re just doing their job but is there anyone higher up that you have a good relationship with that you can mention this to – all of this is absolutely covered by FMLA, and a smart person in management would be enraged if HR was telling employees whose kid was in the hospital that they just needed to figure it out.
Take the time that you need, keep track of your requests for time off / flexibility and their responses, and threaten to or actually file a complaint with the Dept of Labor if they take any adverse action.
What a bag of d*cks.
Closet Redux says
Exactly my thought. They are being awful.
Anon says
Are you an attorney? Guessing so since you referred to yourself as ‘in house.’ You are an exempt employee under the Fair Labor Standards Act. They are veering into dangerous territory by trying to dictate your hours of work and schedule – the more they treat you like an hourly employee and take away your discretion to determine this yourself, the better argument you have that you are being treated as nonexempt and therefore entitled to time and a half overtime. Particularly if you aren’t even asking to go part time but just come in for 4 tens or 4 nines plus a half – this is not a ‘flex’ schedule, it is you arranging your own hours of work within a workweek, which is totally your right as an exempt employee.
Long shot, but HR might appreciate the risk of an FLSA misclassification argument
Closet Redux says
Hm, I’m not sure this is exactly right. I dont think the FLSA/ DOL says that an exempt employee must have full control of her own schedule. In other words, I think an employer can dictate an exempt employee’s schedule without running afoul of the FLSA and misclassification. Where are you seeing that an exempt employee gets to dictate her own hours?
Anonymous says
The FLSA aspect here is that exempt employees must be paid their full wage for any week in which work is performed — regardless of hours worked.
Closet Redux says
That’s true, but Anon is saying that exempt employees have the right to dictate their own schedules, which is not the case.
Anon says
It’s an argument I used to make (with some success) when arguing misclassification cases from the employee’s side. You are correct in your reading of the DOL / FLSA. This article summarizes the gist of what I would often argue:
http://www.payscale.com/compensation-today/2012/01/salaried-employees-work-hours-laws-from-flsa
Clearly not a rock solid argument – I would just go with, quit being a bag of d*cks, as suggested above, in this particular case.
Closet Redux says
Gotcha, thanks for the clarification.
NewMomAnon says
Lean out. Sometimes, it’s better to ask for forgiveness than permission.
Still deciding on a name says
I agree. It will take a while for that to play out. If your direct boss is the one being a dick and tries to justify why you’re getting bad reviews, it’ll be a hard one for him to justify. Does he really want to tell folks he’s pushing you out bc of a terrible personal situation? (I feel like there’s an analogue here from bosses who don’t react well to tough pregnancies/maternity leaves)
I’d also go to a broad sphere of people to get advice on how to handle this so that they are invested in you and can speak up on your behalf if the situation arises (I did this when i came back from maternity leave and was having trouble with my direct boss – found a senior partner who had influence in HR and within the company and used her as a sounding board). sure enough, when i brought up concerns with her, she’d gently nudge the folks who were being difficult and add peer pressure in a powerful way without making me look like i was disloyal. maybe there’s someone who has young children or a family member with an illness who could relate? someone who cares about retaining women? etc.
TBK says
Does “everyone” have a sick kid? I’m guessing you’re more diplomatic than I am because that comment would have put me over the edge. Where’s the compassion?
Lurker says
Is it a big enough place that other people have had to care for other sick family members? Ill parent or spouse? That’s the precedent you should be referring to. Normally you don’t want to say I should get X because Joe got it but if they are saying they have to treat everyone equally, you can show that they are treating you LESS than equally. Also, the law may require some special treatment in this moment.
Anyone who is more familiar with FMLA than I am, shouldn’t that protect more than just the time out of work but also the reduced work load during that time?
I think you need to push back hard and just say “I can’t take on this assignment. I will be with my child in the hospital tomorrow.” Say that to the person giving the assignment, not HR. But, do this AFTER requesting FMLA so that you are protected if they discipline you for rejecting assignments.
Betty says
Thank you for all of your input, truly. The “we have to treat everyone the same” and “corporate policy” BS came directly from my boss — GC of our company. I am going to put in for FMLA leave because the thing is that the procedure days are truly rough but so is trying to make up the work that piled up in my absence. I’ve been in tears all day trying to figure out how to do “all” of this, and I realize that I just can’t. That’s what FMLA leave is for.
Pigpen's Mama says
No advice to give you (other than put in for FMLA, take the time off, and figure it out when you have a chance to breathe), but much sympathy. That’s a horrible way to treat an employee going through a legit crisis.
Meg Murry says
Yes, absolutely, do that now. Please prioritize your family, and use FMLA to get yourself some ease and breathing room.
Who are the people asking for these impossible deadlines? Is it your boss, or is it other internal partners. If you said “no, I can’t have that report to you by Thursday, I’m going to be at the doctor with my son that day” would you get pushback?
I hear you on “family friendly” being a totally relative term. Compared to a previous “be ready to hop on a plane to deal with a crisis at a moment’s notice” job, my current 40-50 hour a week gig with almost no travel is pretty family friendly. But compared to a previous truly part time (15-25 hours) completely flexible, low pressure job with great benefits, it’s really not all that great, and every time I hear the words “family friendly” come out of my boss’s mouth I want to cringe.
Anon in NYC says
Good for you. You need to put yourself and your family first. Hugs.
POSITA says
In situations like these it’s hard to work even when you have time because things are just so overwhelming and distracting. Do what you need to do to find your focus. It’s so hard. You’re a person, not a robot.
Don’t forget that your husband also likely has FMLA leave. Maybe his boss is more understanding and you can trade off taking time when needed.
Wow says
You’re doing the right thing. Your boss is seriously messed up. I’m so sorry. Best wishes to you and your son.
Anonymous says
100% agree. So much anger right now at these people I don’t even know. I hope are able to tune out their unreasonableness as well as possible and focus on what’s most important. Best of luck.
Samantha says
Hugs to you. Go be your son’s rock. You can totally do this! Right there with the others here being angry at your boss.
TBK says
Also, you didn’t come here looking for this, but I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this with your son. It must be really hard. I hope you have someone who can hold your hand when you need it. (Before kids, these things didn’t hit me so hard, but woosh, now I do, it’s like every child is mine and every mother is me.) I’m holding your hand in my mind.
Betty says
Thank you. This is an amazing community.
Still deciding on a name says
one other thought – it’s bullshit for them to say that you’d still have to do 100% of your work, even if you work part time. that’s a cop out. if you were to quit, it would likely take 3 months for them to replace you, and they’d manage to get the work done in the short term. it wouldn’t be easy, but theyd do it. so they can handle a few months of picking up your slack. what would they do if you went out on maternity leave??
Another R says
Missed yesterday’s conversation about the AAP’s new sleep guidelines but feel the need to say that all the articles I’ve seen on this lump suffocation stats into the SIDS stats – am I the only one who is completely pissed off by this? Are any of you seeing data that’s more “pure”? On top of this, I’ve been told that in cases where it’s thought the baby was suffocated by a pillow, blanket, bumper, whatever, but foul play is not suspected, sometimes cause is listed as SIDS for the parents’ sake (adecdata, yes, but this was information from someone in a position to know/decide such things, so at least some stats, even if they’re just in my area, may be skewed).
If there’s a statistically significant benefit to room sharing, great, by all means inform parents of this. But don’t mix that with stats from babies who were put to sleep somewhere other than on a firm mattress covered with a fitted sheet in an otherwise totally empty crib. And don’t discredit sleep deprivation and the risks inherent in that! As some commenters pointed out yesterday, the risks of sleep deprivation could be greater than the benefit of room sharing – life doesn’t happen in a vacuum.
I am happy that safer bed-sharing tips are being addressed to some extent. But I don’t understand how stats of babies who slept with parents in beds that had pillows, blankets, flowing nightgowns, etc. or worse can accurately be used to try to dissuade moms from sleeping with their infants on a firm mattress with only a fitted sheet… or, if they’re not actively planning to bed-share, from putting themselves in what would be a safer bed-sharing situation in the event they fall asleep when they’re not intending to fall asleep.
I know I’m venting here. However, I’m also curious if anyone can explain to me where my thinking is off-track so I can reconsider.
AwayEmily says
I agree completely. I think one issue is that that the data quality is too low to make these (important!) distinctions. Often, the relevant info simply isn’t consistently collected in the first place. If I recall correctly, the book The Informed Parent had a good discussion of this.
Also agreed on the sleep deprivation issue. I really want someone to write an piece estimating how many lives would be saved if everyone sleep trained their babies early and started getting a solid night’s sleep. Fewer medical doctors making errors, fewer people driving while half-asleep…a net positive, I would imagine!
Closet Redux says
Yes, but all of those early sleep-trained babies grow up to be murdery psychopaths who are bad at math, so… net negative.
Anonymous says
yes because since sleep training worked for you obviously it must be necessary for everyone. I’m sure all those parents like myself who found roomsharing to result in more sleep are just imagining sleeping well.
The SIDS data is clear that roomsharing but not bedsharing (cosleeping) is associated with a statistically significant reduction in SIDS. The AAP can’t be expected not to release a scientifically appropriate recommendation because of social policy concerns. The science says what it says, regardless of whether or not you agree with it.
If parents have sleep deprivation issues caused by roomsharing then they need to determine what works for their family – just like every other public health recommendation. It is no different from the recommendation to put babies to sleep on their backs – we’re all used to that recommendation so we don’t even question it. Parents in the 1990s were probably also complained about how that resulted in sleep deprivation because babies sleep better on their tummies.
Anon says
I don’t think the sleep deprivation issue is a social policy concern. I think its an equivalent or greater threat to the health and safety of parents (and those that they parent.)
I would prefer that all of these type of recommendations had a ‘health and safety of the parent’ caveat. “X practice is recommended except in cases that would severely compromise the health and well being of the caregiver.”
Anonymous says
But the caveat you suggest applies to literally all of their recommendations.
I find it frustrating how people can vent about their parents not understanding new car seat use rules or back to sleep guidelines but the second they experience a guideline update – they’re all over why the new guideline is wrong.
AwayEmily says
I think that’s a fair point! We are naturally resistant to change, myself included, and I should be better at being open to different ideas.
I just wish I had more faith in the AAP to actually use evidence to inform its recommendations. Enough of their recommendations (especially around breastfeeding) seem to be disconnected from the scientific evidence in a way that makes me a bit uncomfortable.
Anonymous says
“On top of this, I’ve been told that in cases where it’s thought the baby was suffocated by a pillow, blanket, bumper, whatever, but foul play is not suspected, sometimes cause is listed as SIDS for the parents’ sake.”
Also total anecdata, but I know of one case where the reverse is true. Death was initially represented to the parents as SIDS, but the county med examiner’s office called up the poor mom a few months later to tell her it has been reclassified as suffocation. Baby had been put to sleep in a pnp with a soft blanket on the bottom to make it more comfortable. IIRC, the caregiver (this was one of those awful first-week-in-childcare deaths of a 12 week old) had laid the baby down on her side, and she rolled to her tummy. Mom was obviously devastated all over again… She’d somewhat come to terms with the idea that there was just something in her daughter’s brain that caused her to stop breathing, but the call introduced fault/guilt, wn since she’d brought the blanket for the pnp. Yay accurate data, and I’m sure she’ll always remember not to put soft stuff in a crib now, but I can’t help but think it would have been merciful to leave the cause of death alone.
Au pair help! says
Hello! We are considering an au pair due to some changing work schedules. Would anyone be able to offer advice, warnings, what you wish you had asked candidates, etc? As background, we have a 4.5 year old only child who attends pre-K until 3 each day. Au pair would assist after school a couple days a week and some evenings/weekends. Thanks in advance!
Betty says
My thoughts are not the most coherent at the moment (see thread above), but I did want to respond that we have an au pair. After a false start with one au pair, we found a different au pair who has been absolutely amazing. I highly recommend the s*te: au pair mom . com (no spaces) for information about au pairs, screening, advice etc. The biggest benefit for us is that we also needed a split schedule of an hour or two in the morning and then care in the afternoon/evening, and we could not find a nanny to take that schedule. Plus, we build in a date night every week or two, which is amazing.
TBK says
Do a search of this s!te for my (many) past comments on our great au pair experience. In terms of advice, I think getting a good agency is key. We’re with Au Pair in America and we’ve been very impressed with the support they provide. They do an extremely thorough screening of candidates in-country, and having been through the interview process twice, I’ve felt that every candidate I talked to would be a very competent au pair, so I was really just picking for fit. (Our new au pair doesn’t arrive until December, so I guess still can’t say the interview process worked in the second case since I haven’t actually met her in person yet!) Both times, we screened first for age and culture.
It feels weird to say, but we were encouraged at least at first to go with a culture that would be a good fit for us. We focused on South America because we have a small house and wanted someone who would be very family-focused and really want to be part of the family. Another host mom I know had a Mexican au pair and was unhappy because she felt like she was around too much. They switched to a Norwegian woman and were much happier (the northern Europeans are known for being more independent and less interested in being part of the family). Our current au pair is Brazilian and our experience with her and her Brazilian friends led us to focus on Brazil exclusively this time around. We felt they were outgoing, casual, with a sense of humor that fit us.
We’ve also looked only at candidates who were at least 20 years old. Our current au pair was 23 when she arrived (24 now) and the new au pair is 21. There’s a huge maturity difference between 18 and 21 (think freshman vs senior in college) and while I think an 18 year old could be a fine mother’s helper, but we wanted someone older since she would be the primary child care for work hours.
I think au pairs are a terrific option, but I do think you get the most out of the program if you’re all in on it. That is, if you’re in it not just for child care but also for the cultural exchange/new family member part. Our au pair is leaving in early December and we’re totally heartbroken. Not just because our kids love her, but because we love her ourselves. But now we’ll have a little sister in Brazil!
TBK says
Just to be clear, I’m not saying ALL Brazilians are alike, but the cultural overall seems to reward being outgoing, casual, and relaxed. So those traits tend to come out more than in people from some other cultures where other traits are encouraged.
FTMinFL says
Unrelated to the original question, but my husband is Brazilian and I completely agree with your characterization!
MSJ says
We’ve had a wonderful experience with our au pair. Short version is narrow down your must haves such as an experienced driver. We wanted 21+ as not to worry about underage drinking but age does not always correlate to maturity. I have younger kids so I wanted someone with nannying more than one kid, rather than daycare experience. But otherwise we were fairly open and found someone from a smaller country that we might have otherwise overlooked.
If you are looking at a rematch or extension ALWAYS talk to current and past host families. The docs from the agencies are not always accurate.
In terms of agencies, Au pair in America is one of the better big ones. I’ve heard the most horror stories about CC (but plenty like them). Others do well with smaller agencies that are cheaper but you have a smaller pool with respect to rematch.
If you post an anonymous email I’m happy to share my interview questions and sample family handbook
Au pair help! says
Thanks all!!
CVS says
anyone used CVS express? I absolutely 100% do not work for CVS or anyone like that. But I have been saying for YEARS that I wish the drive-thru CVS would be available for things like baby food and TP and the like. I have a new infant and two other kiddos and if it’s raining, we do not go into stores. I LOVE the pick-up options for grocery stores but you have to order days in advance. this looks like only a few hours? SWOON. Is this a new thing or have I been living in newborn isolation too long?
I also pay about double what i should because I go across town to the drive thru dry cleaners.
rakma says
Is this the thing they keep emailing me about? The curbside pickup? It sounds great, I just haven’t had a minute to sit down and make an order. (Is it just me, or is the first order on a new online service always such a pain? Once they remember me and know what I want, it’s great, but figuring out the first one requires more free brain cells than I have right now)
Anon in NOVA says
Haven’t used it but I’m with you on this, I remember wishing so badly when I had a baby that you could get formula/diapers/baby tylenol through the drive thru!
Momata says
I’ll save you another step – just do Amazon Subscribe and Save. Set your deliveries for formula/diapers/tylenol and forget ’em.
In House Lobbyist says
+1 – I do not know how I would survive without Amazon Subscribe and Save. I don’t have to remember it and I don’t have to pick it up!
TBK says
We do Harris Teeter curbside pick-up and it’s AMAZING. Life changing.
Jax says
I have an interview for an admin position at a private college this week. It’s going to be a 30% cut in pay, but the vacation/holiday/sick benefits are amazing and the work load and hours will be so much easier than where I am now.
Plus…free tuition for my children. That’s incredible. Reduced hours in summer, so I could be with them more.
I’m feeling torn. If I get the job, it’s kind of the end of my work ambitions because I’ll have to stay until the kids are out of college. I’m always going to be the 2nd income, always going to be the primary “home” parent to handle kid issues. Sure, I could advance within the college, but I could also end up stuck exactly where I am.
I’m 36, not thrilled with the current job I have and not thrilled with the prospects that are out there. Husband got a promotion, so he can cover the pay cut. He’s encouraging me to take it, since it’s a Golden Ticket for our kids. And honestly, a slower-paced job of answering emails and processing registrations sounds like a dream compared to my current stressful nightmare of a job.
Would you do it? Would you lower your title/pay/career trajectory for an opportunity for your kids? Also–keep in mind, my income is never going to be high enough to pay for both girls’ college. This could be a big gift.
AwayEmily says
Would they definitely (1) get in, (2) want to go to that college? Are you in a place with a good state school that could be an alternative? Some state schools are surprisingly inexpensive for in-state people.
Jax says
They would have to get in, but if they aren’t accepted or don’t want to go, the free tuition is reciprocal at a network of other private colleges in our state.
But yeah, the kids could potentially decide they want to go to Harvard or State U because their boyfriend is going there and I’d be SOL.
rakma says
My mother worked at a University as a Professor, and the ‘option’ for me to go to the school she worked at made my college choice more difficult and stressful. Things that my mother saw as a benefit (so close to home! so many people from my high school went there! lunch with mom after class!) were negatives in my eyes, and there was some friction when I chose not to go there for undergrad. (Never mind that it didn’t have the program I wanted to pursue)
One sister did attend the school so the tuition reimbursement benefit was used (and was taxed as income I believe for my parents, which is something to factor in). Other sister transferred back to a local state college rather than Mom’s school. Timing wise, that ended up being for the best, since Mom’s department was gutted that year and she ended up moving to another school.
The difference here this was Mom’s career–not a job she was taking for the benefit of tuition remission. I can’t imagine how much more difficult that picking a college decision would have been if Mom had changed her career with the tuition benefit in mind, only for 2/3 kids to not take advantage of it at all.
Jax says
Taxed as income! I never even thought about that… And thank you a million times for sharing your perspective as the student/daughter in a situation like this.
Anonymous says
How old are your kids? Could you at least find out whether they are considering this college / interested in attending this college?
Jax says
The kids are 11 and 6. So…this is years away.
Anonynomnomnom says
Is the job something you’d want to do anyway, or is it going to be horribly boring? I left a stressful nightmare job to take something much easier, and I’m finding the drastically slower pace to be more of a a challenge than I expected.
I have a 2 year old and my new job is incredibly flexible and oftentimes incredibly boring. It will be great once she’s in kindergarten, but I may lose my mind before then. I have billed less than 600 hours so far this year, but because of my niche and its place in the firm, I am not in danger of losing my job. The rest of the time I sit around staring blankly into space, surfing the net, etc. It’s partly great and partly horrible. There is no room for advancement.
I am having a hard enough time convincing myself to stay here til my kid is in kindergarten and beyond, and that’s only 4 years away. I would have a really hard time imagining staying in a job, let alone a job a didn’t LOVE for 11-16 years just to get free tuition for kids that might not even want to go to college there. Granted, there might be a lot of benefits to taking the job even if they don’t end up going to school there. I lived and worked in a college town surrounding a small private college and it was great. Everyone was very smart, the public school was good, the job benefits were good, etc. So if you want the job anyway and don’t put too much pressure on yourself to stay if its not a good fit, then go for it. Also, you could always use the free tuition for yourself! I’d love to take some fun college classes here and there.
Anonymous says
You’re not happy in your current job. I’d take it for the non-tuition benefits. You can increase your involvement with your relevant professional association or publish/present more to keep your career moving. Maybe in 5 years you’ll want another job and you’ll have better options or maybe in ten years your oldest will be going to that school. Leave both doors open but focus your current decision on whether you want to stay in your current job or move to this job for yourself.
Anon says
+1 Agree. Don’t focus on the free tuition so that it becomes a tether (you are tied to a terrible job you hate, and your kids don’t use the benefit = years of frustration and resentment). Take the job, see where it goes, and if the benefit works, great, and if you need to move on before then, you won’t feel stuck.
anon says
How much would you save if you could put away 30% of your pay for the next 7-12 years? It might be enough to pay for college, right? The non-tuition benefits seem great, so do it for them if you want, but don’t overvalue the free tuition.
mascot says
This is a good point. The free tuition deal might not even be around in 7-12 years even if you do take this job and even if it is, who knows if your kids would use it. If this was private school tuition that you could use on your kids now, that’s one thing. But this benefit seems too uncertain.
Anon says
The free tuition is enticing for parents but generally not for the kids. At the large NE public university I used to work at the stat was less than 10% of the kids took them up on the offer. This should not be a deal maker for you.
Butter says
Just a note of caution that this is a benefit many colleges and universities offer now, but may not in the future. I know one large university that changed the policy from being free for children of staff to a 50% discount and it was devastating for some families that had relied on that for years. I’ve also seen several staff members’ children decide to go to schools with no reciprocity. If it was a year or two out from when your children were applying for college I’d say go for it, but at this stage in the game it is unclear how much college will cost or how it will be paid for (on a meta, national scale) ten years from now.
L says
Sold!
2nd time mom says
It’s coming down to the wire in my second pregnancy, and I’m just now (yeah, I know, don’t shame me) having the realization that I am not likely going to be able to plan for or control the timing of the birth and I need to have some arrangements in place for handling my first child when I go into labor. She’s in daycare, so assuming it was to happen during the day, we’ve got it covered. But what happens overnight? No family in town. All the grandparents have indicated they will leave at the first peep from us about it, but the closest is 2 hours and farthest is 8-9 hours. Do I plan on waiting for the 2 hour away grandparent to arrive? Other options? Most of our close friends have their own families, which would complicate the leaving in the middle of the night thing. Have any of you had a babysitter or someone on call?
anon says
Are you friendly with neighbors? We were happy to do this for a couple that live upstairs in our building whose older son is friends with ours. It was a good thing too, as the labor was moving very fast, and her parents didn’t get there before they headed to the hospital. (As an aside, they actually went to the wrong hospital first –by cab — and then couldn’t figure out how to get to the right one a block away while she was in transition and didn’t want to walk. Hospitals apparently are not set up to get immobile people out, only in!)
2nd time mom says
Next door neighbors are an option. Since you’ve been asked to do that, can I ask how they asked you? Our next door neighbor on one side is a single mom, so she’s not a good candidate (can’t be two places at once) and the other side is a couple who both work. Did you mind being bugged in the middle of the night since you work? Did you just sleep/doze on their couch?
NewMomAnon says
When my mom had my little brother, I stayed with a neighbor overnight, who then passed me off to some good family friends for a few days. I was 4 and remember my dad shuttling me over to the neighbors’ house right around bedtime (or maybe later – I remember wearing my snow boots, parka and nightgown and walking across the street in the middle of the night).
Still deciding on a name says
I was honored when a neighbor asked me
mascot says
As a fellow parent, if a close friend asked me to be on middle of the night call in a situation like this for a couple of hours, I would totally do it. My husband is perfectly capable of caring for our kid. You know your friends and their family situations best, but I don’t think this is out of bounds to ask. I’ve found fellow parents to be really helpful in a pinch.
Anonymous says
+1 I had this same issue. I asked another mom that I am friendly with from our kids’ daycare if she could be on call to cover the 3 hours that my mom needed to drive up, and I was glad I did. Water broke very suddenly out of nowhere and staying at home for those 3 hours was not a good option for me.
Anonymous says
Neighborhood friends the first time… We brought our half-asleep kid over to their place (they have a child about the same age as our oldest) en route to the hospital at night. Their nanny didn’t mind having both kids for a short time in the morning before my husband was able to pick up my son.
Second time, with two little ones, our next door neighbor offered, and we’d also asked one of the teachers at daycare who babysits for us regularly to be on call. We ended up using both of them; babysitter came over at first (labor started right after daycare closed, because of course), got the kids to bed, and stayed til 11pm or so. Then the neighbor (SAHM with older kids and a work at home spouse) spent the night in the guest room. My husband was home again before the kids woke up.
Definitely find a local option! I would have had an unplanned home birth if I’d called when labor started and then waited for people who live 2 hours away.
2nd time mom says
Thanks. That’s my fear (the unplanned home birth). I was only in labor for 8 hours with my first and while it’s no guarantee, I keep hearing that things are often speedier with a second.
Anonymous says
I’d think about hiring a doula. But I woke up in active labor. My doula arrived pretty quickly and was able to help me so that my husband could get our daughter ready, fed breakfast and dropped off to daycare. Then he came home and we all went to the hospital. My grandparents picked my daughter up from daycare.
We had also planned that if necessary, I would go to hospital with doula while DH dropped at daycare or waited for my parents/other caregivers to arrive. We came close to needing to do that as my second labor was way way faster than my first.
Beth says
Our plan was to call my mom (2.5 hours away) at first signs. She was on standby. She even came up for a while once I was overdue (also to help with #1). I ended up being induced at 42 weeks so that made things easier. I think you have to be OK with the possibility that you might have a crazy fast labor and his and and #1 may drive you to the hosptial in the dead of night and kid coverage may not make it in time for husband to see the birth. Unlikely, but possible. We were OK with that risk.
Anon says
I’ve been back-up for a few neighbors (i.e., if baby came early, or if family wasn’t there yet), and was the only plan for a good friend. I went over to the good friends’ house in the middle of the night when her water broke, and spent the night in her guest room. I was happy to do, and it was fun to be a little part of the little one’s birth story. It’s usually easiest to have people who can come over and just stay in your house if it happens at night b/c you don’t have to wake and re-settle a confused little one in the middle of the night (if logistically possible).
Anon says
Oh, and I had kids when I was on call for neighbors and friend. Husband just took over at our house, and I stayed with the little one until her dad came back from the hospital. She stayed with us for the next few days until mom was discharged.
OH and make sure you add any potential caregivers as being authorized to pick-up at your daycare. We had a bit of a scramble with our #2 when we realized my parents were not authorized to pick up my son. It worked out, but it was unnecessary stress and probably would have been harder if it was a friend.
POSITA says
My second arrived two hours after my water spontaeously broke, even though I was in labor for forever with my first. You need someone local. Bonus points if they can come to your house in case your oldest is already asleep.
Anonymous says
We had babysitters on call but luckily we had a planned c section so MIL was here when my water broke at dinner the night before my planned c section. But we were the third or fourth option for friends when she went into labor with their third a few weeks early. We had offered but they told us they had it covered but they called at 10 pm one night asking for help. Their kids were in bed and my husband slept on the couch until morning when grandparents arrived. So make a couple of plans in case someone is out of town or something!
Anonymous says
I vote neighbors or local friend. I work like crazy but would be honored to be asked. It stressed us out to do so (for some reason), but we asked our upstairs neighbors, who have kids, and they were happy to help.
Anon says
Sorry to be late in responding, but don’t discount your older neighbors! I’m a solo parent several nights a week. I had a retired couple (grandparents who I met because they’re often at the park with their grandkids) on call for my #2 – it would have been so easy for one of them to come stay at our house, and play with #1 in the morning, until our relatives could make it from 3 hours away.
I ended up with an induction, so we could plan ahead. But the peace of mind was amazing.