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Happy Halloween! So, I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: Don’t drop any serious money on a fancy diaper bag until you know your family’s needs, such as whether you want to carry it yourself or hand it off to your husband or nanny, whether you want one with a stroller strap, whether you and the baby like baby wearing, etc. Still, this $395 diaper bag from MZ Wallace looks great if you’re on the hunt for a big bag. It’s got shoulder straps, a removable crossbody strap, eight exterior pockets, three interior pockets, a clip-in pouch, a coordinating changing pad, and a water-resistant nylon exterior — nice. Crosby Quilted Traveler Oxford Nylon Diaper Bag
Psst: Looking for more info about nursing clothes for working moms, or tips for pumping at the office? We’ve got them both…
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Sales of note for 9.10.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 30% off your purchase
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – $29 and up select styles; up to 50% off everything else
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off wear-to-work styles; extra 30% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – 40-60% off everything; extra 60% off clearance
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – Extra 40% off sale styles
- Talbots – BOGO 50% everything, includes markdowns
- Target – Car-seat trade-in event through 9/28 — bring in an old car seat to get a 20% discount on other baby/toddler stuff.
- Zappos – 26,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Birthday sale, 40-50% off & extra 20% off select styles
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off all baby; up to 40% off all Halloween
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Extra 30% off sale styles
- Old Navy – 40% off everything
- Target – BOGO 25% off select haircare, up to 25% off floor care items; up to 30% off indoor furniture up to 20% off TVs
See some of our latest articles on CorporetteMoms:
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- The concept of “backup care” is so stupid…
- I need tips on managing employees in BigLaw who have to leave for daycare pickup…
- I’m thinking of leaning out to spend more time with my family – how can I find the perfect job for that?
- I’m now a SAHM and my husband needs to step up…
- How can I change my thinking to better recognize some of my husband’s contributions as important, like organizing the shed?
- What are your tips to having a good weekend with kids, especially with little kids? Do you have a set routine or plan?
CPA Lady says
I had a quilted nylon diaper bag that I loved– the skip hop forma. It was lightweight and fully machine washable and had all the things that this one has. The black one (which I think looks better than this) is $65 on amazon, and there are a couple other fun colors too.
AIMS says
I think I have that one too in gray. It is great! I don’t really use a diaper bag anymore, just a tote and/or a “diaper station” but it’s a nice bag for the early days when you want to prepare for all possibilities.
Anon says
Just ranting here because I can’t vent to anyone in real life: My husband and I have been TTC for two months now (3 cycles) and aren’t pregnant yet. I’ve been doing all of the charting, temping, OPK, etc. My husband has had some performance anxiety, but otherwise we are doing everything right. I know there are people that have been trying for much, much longer than this, but that doesn’t make it any easier when you want something so bad that it’s all you can think about. I feel like this is the universe’s revenge for all the years I spent doing everything possible to avoid getting pregnant!
Anne says
I say this kindly but that is no time at all and now might be a good time to accept how little control you have over many things with kids (when you get one, when they first sit up, what they do in any given moment . . .).
NewMomAnon says
groan….so many unpredictable elements of making babies, being pregnant, being unpregnant, raising kids…
I realized recently that I expected having a kid to be like Paris Hilton and her chihuahua….I’d carry the kid around in a little bag and put sparkly collars on it and take selfies and stuff while I did my normal life. And that I saw “getting pregnant” as similar to putting in an application to adopt said dog; I might not get it on the first try, but I was a good candidate and I’d probably get it on the second try. BUT it turns out that life doesn’t give a flying f*ck whether you’re a good candidate to be a parent, or what your life was like before trying to get pregnant, and you can’t carry babies around in bags and they really object to sparkly collars and are usually moving around too much for decent selfies. So you learn to roll with the punches, and it makes you a stronger, more interesting person or it breaks you.
Boston Legal Eagle says
This should be on a plaque somewhere, and given to all new parents when they leave the hospital. It’s so hard to not try to plan for everything when it comes to kids, especially when planning has been encouraged our whole lives and we’ve probably been rewarded for it, being the Type A achievers we are here.
Anonymous says
You need to chill. I got pregnant on month 14. And the doctors were annoyed as all get out when I came in at month 12 and started asking for tests (I don’t look 35, but I am.) 3 cycles doesn’t even count.
Also temp charting was completely wrong for me, I was off by nearly two days.
AIMS says
This is tough love, but I agree that 3 months isn’t a long time. And maybe this is easier said than done – but pressure and stress don’t help things. Try to view this as a fun journey you’re on with your partner. Have fun with it. Drink wine, make love, and have sushi and rare steak while you can enjoy it. Give yourself at least 6 months before you start to panic or get antsy.
AwayEmily says
Hey, I also got pregnant on month 14! A lucky month, I guess. But I also empathize with you, Anon — it can be super frustrating when you feel like you are doing everything “right” and it’s still not happening, and even if you know intellectually that it hasn’t been long at all, it can feel like forever. Good luck!
Turtle says
+1 with a giant caveat via anecdata…
After month 6 of TTC I called my doctor and insisted they see me – I actually lied to the receptionist and said we had been trying for 11 months, knowing 12 was the magic number at 30 years old. Family history of PCOS (though at that point I hadn’t been diagnosed) and I hadn’t had a single positive at home ovulation test in the 6 months. They found that not only did I have a nasty case of PCOS, but I also had to have my uterus surgically repaired. We ultimately got pregnant in month 23 after an unpleasant surgery and a few IUI cycles.
While I entirely agree that three months is nothing and you should keep doing what you’re doing, continue to keep copious amounts of notes on everything so that when/if you get to the point of going in to the doctor, you have strong documentation of what’s been going on – makes the whole thing a whole lot more efficient out of the gate. Good luck.
Anon says
+1 for this. Keep in mind that 80% of couples conceive in the first 6-7 cycles, so keep trying (it took us 7 cycles to conceive). It’s hard, emotionally and physically, but 3 cycles is REALLY not that long in the scheme of things.
Also, once you hit that 6-7 month mark, I’d call your doctor and start to advocate for testing, if that’s the path you want to go down. If you have any pre-existing conditions that may impact fertility, like a thyroid or autoimmune issue, they’ll likely do some initial testing with minimal push back. You may have to pay out of pocket for them, since you won’t have hit the 12-month mark, but they’ll at least start the process for you.
Turtle says
I’ll also add – the initial testing was simple blood work for me and DH. Low cost, not invasive – very simple and from those very first tests a flag was raised. We then had DH do a semen analysis to rule him out as the issue, which it did. While not the most fun thing in the world, it was hardly terrible and another non-invasive, pretty easy way to get some prelim testing out of the way before you go full-in on fertility treatment/patient. You’ve got to advocate for it, but it’s not like you’re asking for insanely expensive scans or treatments – that initial stuff is basic and saved us so much time because we did them around months 7 and 8.
Anonymous says
I got too stressed out by the temping/charting etc and just switched to the every second day method. I read about it in What to Expect when you are expecting. Basically DTD every second day throughout your cycle but not more often. Allowed us to be fun and spontaneous. Worked for us and made TTC fun plus apparently it has a good rate of success.
Anonanonanon says
That is what worked for me as well. I did the ovulation kits etc. and it wasn’t happening. This was frustrating, because my first child was a “woops” while on the pill. I have long, irregular cycles and ovarian cysts that come and go (but have never been diagnosed with PCOS). Finally, I couldn’t take doing the kits all the time anymore, and decided to monitor mucus and just go every 2 days for the middle couple of weeks of my cycle. That was cycle 8 (but due to my long cycles month 11 or so) and it worked!
Anonanonanon says
I’m sorry, it really is a very difficult time, especially if you’re a planner. I’m a literal planner by profession, so TTC was a very frustrating time for me (especially since my first was unintended, I figured when I TRIED to do it it would happen immediately!). After almost a year it finally happened, and who knows why it chose that month.
Once you conceive, that time and waiting will be a blip on the radar. It’s tough, but get settled in, because if you’re under 35 the doctor won’t even listen to you until it’s been 12 months. The cycle I was successful was the cycle I gave up ovulation kits etc.
Nothing frustrated me more than being told to “just relax”. My husband’s PCP told him it probably wasn’t happening because I was being “high strung”. Oh really?! Just relax?! So women who get pregnant by their kidnappers while in captivity aren’t too stressed but I am, is that what you’re saying?!?! (I don’t know where he got the impression I’m high strung :-P)
One helpful suggestion I got from this board was to “reward” yourself every month that you got a negative test. I put aside $100-$150 every cycle I got a negative test. I was saving up to fly across the country to visit my good friend, so while it was disappointing to get a negative test at least I had a different enjoyable goal I was working towards as well. I got the positive before I booked the trip, which worked out, because I had around $1,000 saved I could use on maternity clothes etc!
OP says
Thank you! It’s very frustrating and even more so when I know that this could just be the very beginning of a loooooong wait. I’ve already begun the “reward” for every cycle, and we have tentative plans for a trip this spring/summer that we’ve been looking forward to for some time if I’m not pregnant by then. Money for that trip will go toward baby things if we are lucky enough to conceive in the meantime.
BabyKicks says
I was you a few months ago so I know what you’re going through. Sounds like you’re doing everything you can but if you aren’t already checking your cervical mucus, definitely do that. I found that the OPKs didn’t work for me at all – they told me that I was ovulating which wasn’t the case (we got pregnant during month 4) and my doctor said they don’t work for everyone. Once I started temping and checking the mucus, we got pregnant right away. Good luck, and remember that in the long run, this will all be worth it!
Walnut says
+1 for checking mucus. This was my best indicator.
L says
You’re as impatient as me!
A few lessons I have learned over the past several months:
-Take you OPK test first thing in the morning.
-Watch your CM
-My Dr. recommends having intercourse every other day from day 10 to day 18
-Try not to put too much pressure on your husband
We have been trying for 9 months and I’ve been off BC for 2 years. I already went through all of the testing (HSG, fertility sonogram and semen analysis for him) because I’m impatient. We have been together nearly 10 years, married for 2.5 and when we decided we were ready to start a family, I WANTED IT NOW.
Jeffiner says
I know how you feel. The TTC months are horrible, horrible, horrible. It takes all the fun out of garden parties, and the week before my period/when I can take a test is miserable. I know all the logical reasons to not think about it so much, but there is very little about wanting a family that is logical. Hugs.
It took me 5 months the first time, and 2 months the second time. Unfortunately the 2nd time ended in a miscarriage. This is our first month trying after that. I hate TTC even more now because I should be 6 months along.
Anon says
I’m a planner too and TTC was very hard for me too, in particular since due to various life circumstances we waited 6+ months longer than we would’ve wanted to begin TTC, so once we started I emotionally felt like we’d been trying for a while even though physically we hadn’t been. I used the ovulation kits – my doc said to use the one where it gives you two days as opposed to four days. This might sound nuts, but due to my husband’s work schedule the every other day method never would’ve worked for us. I did miscarry the first time and ended up pursuing fertility treatments mostly out of impatience bc the tests indicated there is nothing actually wrong with us. One thing to note – even if your health insurance doesn’t cover fertility treatment, it may cover fertility testing and for peace of mind you could pursue testing.
That being said, 3 months really isn’t a long time even though I know it probably feels like an eternity. One thing that really helped me throughout this process was trying to focus on all the things I was able to do since I didn’t have kids yet – go on trips, eat sushi, drink wine, sleep late and lounge around on the weekends, etc. In fact, I’ve done such a good job convincing myself of all of those things that now that i am finally pregnant (only 8 weeks so hoping i don’t miscarry again), sometimes i have buyers remorse (though i am thrilled to be pregnant).
you most likely WILL get pregnant and being patient is really hard, but hang in there!
Rainbow Hair says
I want to offer some empathy. Once I decided I wanted a kid, I wanted the kid LIKE RIGHT NOW PLEASE. Like less than a month after we pulled the goalie, I would see pregnant women on the street and be jealous and think it would never happen to me. I don’t think your emotional reactions here are strange, I guess that’s what I mean.
You’ll get there! <3
Anon says
i totally feel the same way! like why does it take so long to get pregnant + then you have to be pregnant for 9 months! i’m currently 8 weeks though and kind of glad i have another 32 before the baby comes. currently so nauseas i can’t imagine caring for a baby simultaneously, granted – if i had the baby i wouldn’t have morning sickness, but I am now glad i have this time to prepare. Though it would be so much better if you could decide you wanted one and then like a month or two later just have one!
Anon says
I know. Teenagers do this by accident! Its not fair that we have to keep trying month after month.
Anon-omenon says
One final follow-up from me (first ultrasound, no HB, will-she-won’t-she abou D&C).
I started spotting and cramping, but my body kind of stalled out there for a week and I just couldn’t handle the waiting any more. Had to fight with my doctor for the D&C (because my first week after the ultrasound “didn’t count” and this isn’t what he would do “if he was a lady.” Yes, I am finding a new OB!), but I had the procedure last Monday.
I was terrified as hell, but I can say now it was 100% the right call for my mental health and the ability to move on. Thank you all so much for the advice and kind words. I had a lot of people in my life telling me to wait it out–even though they’d never been in my position. It was really helpful to hear from you guys.
Elementary School? says
Much love to you. Be kind to yourself – the ladies here are an incredible sounding board.
JP says
It’s a shitty sisterhood to be in, but many of us have been there and have your back. Glad it’s over so you can start the process of grieving, healing, and moving on when you’re ready.
NewMomAnon says
Hugs.
Also, totally unrelated – I love your username.
Anon in NYC says
Hugs.
Anon says
Many hugs to you. And omg yes never go to that doctor again. What a moron. So sorry you went through this– thinking of you.
JP says
It’s a lousy sisterhood to be in, but many of us have been there and have your back. Glad it’s over so you can start the process of grieving, healing, and moving on when you’re ready.
ElisaR says
“if he was a lady”…… cringe.
i’m sorry, sending you love!
2 Cents says
I’m so sorry for your loss. (And sorry you’re a part of the club.)
H13 says
Hugs. I am glad you did what was right for you.
AIMS says
Just wanted to make a recommendation: uniqlo underwear. I got the pregnancy ones; they’re super utilitarian but so comfy. I am assuming the regular ones might be as comfy but for the uncomfortably pregnant, these are certainly a help. Quality seems very old school, in the best way possible. Colors are nothing to write home about but the black and gray aren’t terrible.
PS: I never felt the need for special underwear during my last pregnancy but I feel like everything is harder the second time around so decided to take a chance on these. Will probably get a few more pairs of the low rise ones, or maybe just the regular size ones, for the post partum period.
SBJ says
Totally agree that everything is harder the second time around! I’m going to check these out. I’ve been rocking Gap’s hipster cotton underwear in a larger than usual size this pregnancy and also loving them. Similarly old school feeling, though they do have some fun colors/patterns.
Anonymous says
Sleep question: DD is 7 months old and has been a great sleeper for the past 1-2 months. She can go 12hrs at night (sometimes rollingover and putting herself back to sleep) or just wakes up once to nurse quickly. This past weekend we had to travel and every night since she’s gotten up 2-3 times. Please tell me this is short lived and just because of the travel!?
AIMS says
Probably! Just stick to your routine and see if it stabilizes in a week or two.
Anon in NYC says
Yep – travel always messes up my kid’s sleep. But, also, there is an 8-10 month sleep regression (exact timing varies per kid), so keep that in mind too. Plus maybe also teething. In short, it could be anything. Sorry; that was so depressing.
SC says
Travel always messes up Kiddo’s sleep schedule. Try to be really strict with your routine and schedule for the next week or so and see if it evens out. And pay attention to signs it could be something else–a cold, teething, etc. Sometimes Kiddo has sleep issues, and we realize later that it was a perfect storm of several different factors.
Kid's Costumes says
I’ll go first. My 3 1/2 year old couldn’t decide, so he went to daycare as a tiger / pirate / superhero hybrid.
AIMS says
Mine refuses to wear anything.
Anon says
Naked?!
AIMS says
Ha. Some mornings, yes, but no – she just refuses her costume or anything costume adjacent.
lsw says
My 15 mo is a fox!
AwayEmily says
I wish I’d looked for a fox costume…my 19-month-old’s lovey is a fox and she has a lot of fox-themed clothing that she adores. Instead she will be wearing a hand-me-down giraffe costume.
lsw says
That sounds adorable, too!
NewMomAnon says
Mermaid. ALMOST went as “mermaid superhero construction worker” but decided to go with just mermaid.
mascot says
Vampire in the traditional vest/ascot/cape costume. It’s adorable for school. When we dress up as a family of vampires for tonight, there will be a a lot more blood and spooky makeup so probably less adorable. But, he’s 7 and excited about being scary.
Pigpen's Mama says
My kid has multiple costumes — most of which are hand-me-downs or dress-up clothes she already had. So she’ll be a dinosaur at daycare (vintage costume made by grandma 30+ years ago) and most likely a frog (from neighbors) when she goes out trick or treating.
Luckily we had options, since a week before Halloween she changed her mind after two-months of wanting to be a witch!
Edna Mazur says
Toddler and preschooler are Buzz Lightyear and Woody and baby is hand-me-down monkey costume. Was there a monkey character in those movies?
Redux says
I think so, but it was a scary character!
anne-on says
The barrel of monkey’s were key in many toy rescues! Super cute :)
Edna Mazur says
That’s right. Monkey out of the barrel he is! Yay, they all match.
Redux says
You’re totally right! There is a cymbal-playing monkey that is scary but your little one is definitely a happy, helpful barrel monkey!
Elementary School? says
Second grader is a Black Cat (I was so so happy about how easy this one was).
Toddler is a fire truck. 50/50 whether he’ll be willing to wear his costume or just want to carry it around. I have no issue with either.
My daycare does pajama day rather than have kids wear costumes. I love them so so much.
SC says
My toddler is the Man With the Yellow Hat. But I had to make the hat, and it doesn’t fit. I measured, but then adding the felt over the brim made it too small. Oh well, I learned that Kiddo’s head is curiously egg-shaped, and I shouldn’t make costumes. And let’s be honest, he probably would have taken the hat off after 30 seconds.
Anonymous says
Preschooler is “someone from Star Wars”. This is what I get when I let my husband take them to Target and choose — the label says it’s a “Death Trooper”, but . . . we are going with “someone from Starwars” or a “trooper”. Toddler is an ever-evolving mix of superheros.
EB0220 says
My 3 year old was very clear for most of September and October that she wanted to be a “ferocious tiger”. After 3 different costume attempts, we finally found the right size and ferociousness level. So far, she has refused to wear her costume and has worn her Halloween outfit from grandma instead. Hilarious. We’ll see if she wears it tonight, but today she was the only child in the daycare costume parade without a costume (probably 100 kids). She cracks me up. Older daughter is a mermaid and seems like she’ll actually wear her costume! Her school also does pajama day on Halloween, hooray.
Anon says
This will out me but my 2.5 year old wanted to go as her favorite animal, a cheetah. Since they don’t sell cheetah costumes, we bought her a leopard one at Target, told her it’s a cheetah, and everyone is delighted.
Youngest is a monkey, as also decreed by the 2.5 year old.
Edna Mazur says
That is hilarious!
SC says
Hypothetically speaking, what would be different about a cheetah costume vs a leopard costume? I know the animals are different, but none of the differences I can think of would translate to a costume.
PregLawyer says
2.5 year old is Darth Vader!
Mrs. Jones says
7 year old is also Darth Vader!
Jeffiner says
2 year old is a Dinosaur. She loves to roar. At home she paired the dinosaur costume with her pink Cinderella heels, but we convinced her to wear sneakers to daycare.
Leatty says
My 4 month old is dressing up as a little lamb, and I’m wearing a name tag that says Mary. Cheesy, but I’m so sleep deprived these days that I love it.
Rainbow Hair says
My goodfornothin’ toddler* insisted that she wanted to be a donut. A vanilla donut with chocolate frosting and rainbow sprinkles. Since I am the best mom in the world, I whipped it up for her. She was happy to wear it around the kitchen over her underwear, but come the Halloween parade at school? NOPE!
She’s supposed to be Batman tonight (again her choice, again a costume I made) and she better freakin’ wear it!
*Kidding, I adore her even though she’s peak toddler.
#mouse4lyfe says
My son refused to wear his mouse costume to school at age 3, but wore it for candy that night, and then wore it for costume day and end of the year carnival. Then at 4 he wore the same costume again for all three occasions, and it is about to see its third Halloween tonight, so maybe the fruits of your labors will pay off in the next few years!
Girl on Fire says
Happy Halloween! Writing with an update- thank you all again for your support and caring. I have had to tell myself “no major decisions for six months” so many times. And it’s great advice. My husband has been home for a week now and is doing a day program, and we are keeping going forward in this really ordinary way. Had a quiet weekend with kiddo, carved pumpkins with some friends, just generally have been trying to be gentle with ourselves. All the changes we’re making emotionally and internally are so good, but they are hard and exhausting too.
I have several silly worries that I am going to lay at your feet, because what I’ve noticed happening is that my brain can handle all the big stuff but is totally finking into anxiety spirals about stupid little nonissues like what to have for lunch or any of the below items. Totally typical. I’d rather sweat the small stuff than the big stuff.
1. I live in a city where afternoon Halloween traffic can easily add two hours of hell to my commute home. I woke up with a head cold today and decided that I was just going to accept overwhelming circumstances and work from home. Totally a normal thing people do, but I haven’t heard from my manager and for some reason have decided that this is going to be the thing that destroys my professional reputation and gets me fired. I recognize this is irrational.
2. This is my kiddo’s first real Halloween. She has a costume that she’s jazzed about but I’m so worried I’m forgetting about something because we haven’t done a test run. And today I am feeling like a bad mom for not having handmade a creative costume for the whole family and the dog too. I want so much to let go of perfectionism and enjoy the holiday just as it is, even if it’s messy and slightly askew.
3. This whole experience has made me realize that I sometimes think about my husband and kid as reflections of myself. I worry when I get my kid dressed that other parents will somehow judge me because of her hairstyle (or lack thereof) or what she’s wearing. When my spouse wears something that is perfectly appropriate but doesn’t suit my taste, I sometimes worry that people will think less of me. I just learned that this is codependent! My mom was like this with me– treated me like a doll that could very easily embarrass her. But oh lordy I do not want to replicate that. Does anyone have experience with this?
4. My lipline has suddenly decided to sprout tons of bristly white little chin hairs, at least 1/3 of which are getting ingrown on a regular basis. I’m kind of a skincare junkie but I am at my wit’s end with solving this. When they get ingrown the only solution is to let them grow and fish them out– some have been a few mm long!
lsw says
So glad for the update – have been thinking about you. Re: your first three points, these are all incredibly self-aware, and I applaud you for that. I know your schedule and life are crazy right now, but these are good things to explore in talk therapy. If you can carve out some time for you and fit this in, I bet you will get some incredible returns. I’m lucky enough to be able to go over lunch once every two weeks, and it has been such a benefit – and not one more thing to squeeze in after work.
For the fourth one, could you talk to a derm or maybe a skincare expert when getting a facial and see what they recommend? I don’t have experience with that, but I do get ingrown hairs allll the time on my legs. I exfoliate a lot – especially after shaving. Not sure how well exfoliation will work on your face, but maybe gently rubbing with a washcloth after every face wash?
Anonymous says
For 4, the Twinkle face razors might help. They are a single blade so less likely to lead to ingrown hairs.
NewMomAnon says
I was thinking about you this morning too. Thanks for the update.
And gosh, I can relate to every one of these. Including the facial hair changes. I’ve been using a facial scrub (I think it’s Neutrogena and possibly an acne scrub), and it’s been helpful; maybe add something similar to your Amazon cart? Or you could treat yourself to a Clarisonic, if you don’t have one already.
If individual therapy isn’t in the cards for you right now, or if you’re already doing it and it’s not enough, try setting aside 10 minutes for a guided meditation (Insight Timer app has a bunch of them) and/or 10 minutes for journaling. I do a guided meditation with earbuds in while I lay in kiddo’s room as she falls asleep at night. And if you just don’t have time/capacity to find a therapist – I am happy to post an e-mail address and find one that fits your parameters.
Momata says
What an inspired use of that time, NewMomAnon!
Anon in NYC says
Man, I wrote out a whole post that got eaten.
#1 – yes, totally irrational. Glad you recognize that!
#2 – Join the legions of us who have not made their kids’ Halloween costume! I too occasionally feel slightly guilty about that (because my mom did those things), but then I realized that I almost failed Home Ec in high school, don’t own a sewing machine, and my kid would refuse to wear whatever I spent hours making.
#3 – I literally have never looked at a kid’s outfit (or a dad) and thought poorly of his or her mom! The only thing that would give me pause is if a kid is always seasonally inappropriate (i.e., shorts in December), and then I would probably think it was a weird kid thing and the parents decided not to fight that battle. Like when my little brother refused to wear a winter coat in February for years.
#4 – what about something like threading?
Redux says
Re: 2, This is my baby’s first Halloween and I did not dress him up in anything besides a pumpkin tshirt. My coworker was like, “He doesn’t have a costume? But it’s his first halloween! How sad!” A, he does have a costume; he’s a pumpkin. B, he is 100% — nay, 1000% not sad about it! and neither am I! C, omg are you seriously giving me mom guilt about this? after giving me perfectly opposite mom guilt last week for leaving early to take him to an early intervention appointment for a gross motor and speech delay? What are your priorities???
So, same.
Anonymous says
1. One work from home day won’t make or break your career.
2. I’ve done the homemade handsewn costume thing – it is definitely definitely not worth the hassle. If your kid is wearing any type of costume and is happy about candy you are winning.
3. I felt this way on my first. The biggest thing I’ve learned from having twins afterwards is that kids are who they are. Two kids can be raised side by side and be like completely different in personality/likes/dislikes. As long as your kid is fed, clothed and feels loved, anything else doesn’t really matter.
4. same. no solution but you are not alone.
yeah says
So good to hear from you. We’re all rooting for you and your family.
My kids are wearing the SAME costumes as last year, both of which are hand me downs. How’s that for parenting? :) I’m not in the least bit guilty about it, if they are wearing A costume I call that a win.
As for the hairs, I had the same issue and electrolysis was a lifesaver. It’s expensive and not the quickest of procedures, but if you do it consistently those chin hairs will be gone forever! They have never come back, and I did it 6 years ago. Definitely go get a consult.
Edna Mazur says
Mine wore the same two years in a row. I bought this years big on purpose so they can wear them again next year as well. I call that a win too.
2 Cents says
I remember, as a kid, wearing the same costume two or three years in a row because I wanted to be a cheerleader *again*. Parents were overjoyed they didn’t have to buy another costume :P
anne-on says
Oh my, I am SO glad to hear this update and the level of introspection and growth you’re showing is frankly inspiring.
I say all the time the only way that I’m able to maintain my career and my level of sanity is through working at home. Taking the time to do that every once in a while is awesome – maybe think about trying to arrange one formal work from home day if possible?
On the ingrown hair issue (which is annoying and I also get) stridex pads in the red box are cheap, available on amazon prime, and shockingly effective for this (also for keratosis pilaris, which I also get – yay me). One pad in the AM, one at night before bed, and don’t forget your sunblock and moisturizer for dryness/skin protection.
SC says
1. Glad you recognize that this is irrational. You’ve already made the decision, so just move forward.
2. Any costume is a win. Hand-making your own is overrated (see my comment above). And your kid won’t be deprived of anything if your family celebrates Halloween by having just the kids dress up, and not the adults and the dog.
3. I can relate to #3, especially with Kiddo. Good for you for being aware of it. I find that it helps to think of all the unique, positive traits and quirks and likes and dislikes that I had nothing to do with.
4. No advice on your specific issue, but I can relate to having skin and appearance issues that make me feel less confident but feel too far down the list to do much about.
MSJ says
So glad to hear from you. You’ve gotten good advice on the first three things (echoing the kudos for being self aware and I’m still learning to adjust my perfectionist tendencies).
For the fourth item, my husband has always had bad ingrown hairs on his face/beard. He’s been having good luck exfoliating with charcoal pumice stones in the shower
Cookie Harpy (CPA Lady) says
Last December, I wrote about having a screaming meltdown directed at my husband because I felt like I needed to bring homemade cookies to the daycare cookie swap. Everyone here told me to snap out of it and buy cookies at the store or get break and bakes or just skip it all together if I couldn’t do it without driving myself crazy. That was a wake-up call to me that I was putting way too much pressure on myself. It sounds like you’re also putting a ton of pressure on yourself. It’s okay to not. I’ve been trying to chill way out over the last year and I am so much happier.
#2 = My costume process was as follows: Went to the internet. Clicked “buy” on a Disney princess dress rather than handcrafting a Pinterest perfect feminist icon outfit. Cringed slightly. Sang to myself the same song this princess sings. Twirled around and shot icicles out of my hands. Daughter is SO INCREDIBLY DELIGHTED by her store bought Elsa dress. There are zero other family members or pets wearing costumes. It’s expensive and kind of a hassle and I’m not Neil Patrick Harris. It’s good enough.
#3 = very yes. Actually, your stress over the Halloween costumes is an extension of this. I’m in the habit of being this way too, but I’ve worked really hard to try to push back on myself. Honestly, I really hated that my kid wanted to be Elsa because I thought that other parents are going to look at her costume and think that I’m shoveling traditional gender norms down her throat. But I think it’s important to let her be herself. She’s a lot happier that way. It requires a leap of faith and vulnerability to let this stuff go if you’re used to acting like everything is perfect 24/7. But when I think about the people who I admire the most, it’s the ones who are honest about their imperfections. I try to remember that when I’m getting anxious.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Can I just say that I love all of your comments, CPA Lady? I wish we could have a c-moms get-together at some point, b/c I would love to meet all of you in person. And Elsa rocks.
To the OP – you rock too. The fact that you are holding it all together and even have a costume for your kid is amazing. It does sound like individual therapy would be really beneficial to you when you have a spare moment, it’s great that you are aware of your parents’ influences on you, good and bad.
CPA Lady says
aw thank you! and yes, that would be so fun, putting faces and voices to all our internet selves. :)
Anon says
So glad that you posted because I have not stopped thinking about you and your family. I truly cannot imagine everything you’ve been dealing with so kudos to you for everything you’ve been doing!
1. Definitely will not destroy your career. Maybe if you did it every day or skipped your company’s biggest meeting of the year, or something like that. You said your manager has some insight into the current craziness of your life – perhaps he/she is just trying not to bother you since they know you have so much going on in your personal life outside of work. This morning my office had this team building meeting where we talked a lot about giving people the benefit of the doubt, and not assuming certain intentions.
2. my parents never once dressed up with me for Halloween as a kid, yet I have very fond memories of Halloween as a child. My mom always made sure we had costumes, some years we made them by cobbling different things together (she never sewed), other years they were store bought.
3. i actually also think this sometimes about my DH and that people will see me with someone who is not dressed as nicely or coordinated, etc. and think that I’m married to someone who is a hot mess. I’ve been trying to remember that i didn’t marry him for his fashion sense and that whats on the inside matters more.
you are an amazing amazing mom! one day your daughter is going to be so proud to have such a strong, resilient mother!
SC says
My parents never dressed up either. I don’t remember any of the parents in the neighborhood dressing up, except maybe a few moms dressing up as a witch every year to pass out candy. Is having the whole family dress up a regional thing? A generational thing? Can I blame Facebook?
bluefield says
Re #2, my husband made our daughter a costume that she really wanted. She helped make it and had a great time making it and was super excited to show it off to visitors when people came over. It was adorable. Well, on Saturday we went to a Halloween party, she put on the costume, and immediately hated it. It was too clunky and she wasn’t comfortable, and she wore it for about 3 seconds before insisting on taking it off. I Amazon Prime’d a mermaid costume and that’s what she’s wearing tonight.
Anonymous says
Toddler shoes recs?
Kiddo (2 years) loved putting on and taking off her own shoes this summer (Target’s croc dupes — even easier than crocs) and is pretty unhappy that she has to wear sneakers now. I’ve been looking for “Montessori” shoes, but keep only finding indoor slippers.
Any recs for sturdier, outdoor shoes that a toddler can put on?
Anon in NYC says
My kid (2.5) loves her Saucony sneakers. Two styles we’ve had so far are Baby Jazz Lite and Jazz Hook and Loop. She can definitely take them off by herself, but can’t put them on by herself.
Anonymous says
That’s what she’s got now! They seem very comfy and sturdy, but she goes for her crocs or rain boots everyday (even though they are hidden!) because she can put them on.
NewMomAnon says
Rain boots was going to be my suggestion…kiddo might have worn her rain boots every day for a couple months…the Kamik snow bug snow boots are also pretty easy for toddlers to put on themselves.
Have you looked at the mary jane sneaker styles? See Kai Run has some that look pretty sturdy but that you could slip on, with just a velcro strap across the top of the foot.
lsw says
We have and love these shoes. Easy to put on and take off: stride rite soft motion cameron shoe
Anonymous says
Those look so great! They only go up to toddler 6, but I will save them for recommendations / if there’s a kiddo #2!
lsw says
Ahhh, sorry! I have no idea how big 2.5 year old’s feet are, apparently!
Anonymous says
No, she has big feet.
Marilla says
Our almost 2 year old has stride rite soft motions too – they’re a Mary Jane style and she can take them off/put them on by herself.
jlg says
Merrell jungle mocs
JEB says
We do a lot of Livie and Luca shoes. Very easy for a toddler to put on and take off. They’re not athletic shoes, but the soles are substantial enough that my daughter has no problem playing/running in them. There are several resale groups on Facebook.
Anonanonanon says
Just ordered the cardigan from the weekend open thread. It’s cold and I’m pregnant and I just couldn’t help myself (it’ll be good for post partum, right?)
Has anyone tried the tote savvy insert in a regular tote in lieu of a diaper bag? I added it to my registry and got a nylon kate spade tote (my nylon longchamp is finally dead after 5 years) and am planning to use that instead of a diaper bag when I’m out and about, but wanted feedback from ya’ll.
Baby will be in an in-home daycare, so I’ll have a tote bag to carry things back and forth in for that, so otherwise I don’t see really extensive weekend outings for a long time (and in that case I’d use my lo and sons backpack).
JP says
I just stick a Skip Hop diaper clutch into a regular bag. The only benefit to an actual diaper bag (in my opinion) is that it often has a bottle pocket inside so bottles don’t tip over. Sometimes all the pockets in diaper bags are overwhelming–I never remember where anything is.
Walnut says
I use these Sugar Snap Files and toss them in whatever bag I’m carrying. They’ve been holding up strong with 2+ years of daily use.
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00AZK87M8?th=1
Winterwear says
Favorite winterwear for babies? My 10 month old is going to need warm outerwear for the Boston winter–she’s currently rocking the world’s cutest patagonia shaggy fleece, but it will get too cold for that soon.
Better to get a one piece snowsuit? Jacket and pants? Jacket and also a snowsuit? Any brands/styles you like (bonus if they are car seat friendly–we live in the burbs and commute by car)? I was planning on doing lands end/LL bean but they start at toddler size.
anne-on says
Patagonia jackets for the car seat factor. I do that, and keep a blanket in the car to tuck around them for extra warmth. My 5yr old still realllly likes a fake fur muff I got for in the car when his hands get cold.
Anon in NYC says
When my daughter was that age, I got a one piece wool jumper (I think the brand was Disana). It wasn’t as puffy as a snowsuit, and we could put it over her normal clothes and in lieu of a jacket. Great for babywearing, but we didn’t really use it in the car.
#mouse4lyfe says
One piece for sure if you are using a carrier or stroller without a foot muff much. We used a one piece fleece thing (Columbia brand) and a one piece down snowsuit (Baby Gap). Our daycare took the kids out on walks all winter and didn’t necessarily use strollers with footmuffs, so we needed the warm one too.
Knope says
Doing a cross-country trip for the first time with my 8 month old in a couple weeks. Two questions:
1. Any recs for apps to find a sitter for a night? We don’t know anyone in the city (Seattle), so unfortunately can’t go off of recommendations.
2. We’re flying from the east coast, so we need to find a way to deal with the 3 hour time difference. Any thoughts on the best way to approach this without completely messing up the baby’s sleep schedule? I’m not sure it will be possible to keep him on east coast time.
EB0220 says
There’s not much you can do with the three hour time difference in my experience. The baby is going to do whatever the baby wants to do and you’re along for the ride. Make the best of it and get the sleep schedule back on track when you’re home.
Anonymous says
I did east coast to seattle with a 9 month old (to visit family, so no sitter recs, unfortunately). My kiddo normally went 730 pm – 6 am at home. I put him to sleep at 7:30 pm seattle time…he woke at 3 am, every day. I just pulled him into bed with me and he dozed/stared at the ceiling/said “hi hi” until 5:30/6 because, despite his internal alarm clock, he was still tired. that was fine for a 3-4 day trip. It took a (hellish) week to get back to our normal routine at home, though.
Anon in NYC says
Haha yes to the 4 am wake up, climbing into bed, and then having kiddo talking to me and body slamming me for HOURS. It was the least relaxing vacation ever. I might only go east (or within the same time zone) for the next few years.
Anonymous says
You’re traveling right after Daylight Savings ends, so kiddo will probably be a mess time wise anyway!
Em says
Cup of Jo had a post on how she handles the East to West coast zone change with her kids, one of whom is a toddler. I know one of her tips is to get them outside as much as possible so they are exposed to sunlight and I think she also advised skipping a nap the first day and keeping them up as late as possible so they go to sleep really tired, and then trying to stay on the new time zone from there.
CCLA says
In case you haven’t considered it, I’d suggest a nanny agency for the sitter. We’ve had good luck using one when we don’t have recs to rely on. Their bread and butter is typically full time nanny placements but most will offer occasional sitting placements for a fee, providing background checked, reference checked, CPR trained caregivers. Not cheap, but if you’re just using it for a few hours may be worth looking into and taking some of the stress out of it.
Rainbow Hair says
I hope this doesn’t sound too terrible, but we just accept that sleep is going to be the worst part of the trip, and go with that. She’s in the travel crib or she’s in our bed or she’s awake … shrug. We have a blast during the day, and nighttime just sucks, and that’s part of the deal.
Newbie says
Slip recommendations for during pregnancy? Many of the maternity dresses I’ve seen will need them – do I just wear my regular ones under the bump (but then they may be too long?) or size up? I haven’t seen specific pregnancy ones yet with initial googling.
Maddie Ross says
There is no way you could have paid me to wear a slip while pregnant. I did wear slip shorts though under dresses bc of pregnancy thigh rub. I just sized up a size in the normal jockey ones.
mascot says
I don’t wear half-slips anymore since I discovered slip-shorts. The under-summer ones are looser and have more of a slippery feel to them conpared to the jockey shorts. Have you considered a full slip? That might be easier to find in a maternity option?
Cb says
12 weeks old and baby is a bear – bought a crochet hat with ears and put him in a sleepsuit. He looks super cute and I might just use this as his winter hat. We had lunch at my husband’s work and everyone was cooing over him. Sadly we didn’t see the big boss who is notorious for her selfie skills.
SBJ says
Chewbacca! Very loosely-wearing a Gap Chewbacca hoodie that required serious convincing to get on. DH is dressed nominally as Han Solo. There’s a lot of Star Wars love in our family.
EP-er says
Ha! My daughter is Chewy, too — but with a tutu. Her brother is Han Solo.
Mrs. Jones says
Last year I was Leia, husband was Han, and son was Kylo Ren. I was pretty excited about our family costumes.