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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- The concept of “backup care” is so stupid…
- I need tips on managing employees in BigLaw who have to leave for daycare pickup…
- I’m thinking of leaning out to spend more time with my family – how can I find the perfect job for that?
- I’m now a SAHM and my husband needs to step up…
- How can I change my thinking to better recognize some of my husband’s contributions as important, like organizing the shed?
- What are your tips to having a good weekend with kids, especially with little kids? Do you have a set routine or plan?
Boston Legal Eagle says
To say that last week was stressful is an understatement. Both my and my husband’s work were super busy, the kids were home due to another illness and of course the election. I’m hopeful that this week is a little calmer but also thinking ahead to the coming winter. I foresee a lot of time spent indoors trying to entertain two small kids. For those of you in cold weather areas, what are some ideas you have to keep two small kids occupied indoors? Yes, we will definitely still plan to be outside as much as we can, with appropriate clothing, but the option of indoor playspaces or other indoor activities not at home seems to be out of the question for the winter. And my kids seem way worse when we’re all cooped inside so I’m dreading this, but trying to figure out some things to do to stay sane.
Cb says
On rainy days, we do obstacle courses. Yoga bolsters, ottomans, bean bags, laundry baskets. We don’t have a spare room so it is in our main space but it does serve to tire my kid out. I’m also thinking about outside space – adding a sand pit outside (under the awning) etc so I can send my kid outside.
Anonymous says
We do this but more with painters tape vs. ottomans/bolsters. We can change up the course every day. The kids help us invent the symbols and then they can actually make or add extra steps themselves. Like an X in tape with 3L written on it means hop three times on your left foot. They can walk backwards,crawl under chairs, do jumping jacks, etc. We gave them an old school stop watch and they can take turns timing each other.
anon says
How old are your kids? We’re planning lots of skiing, outdoor ice skating and hiking.
We’re going to take the middle bench out of our minivan and use it as a home base when skiing. We have a pass to a local ski hill and will get there early many weekends to park close to the mountain. We’ll only go inside for bathrooms.
There’s also a local ice rink with early skating times and limited tickets, so we’re planning to skate many Sunday mornings from 9-11 AM. It should be quiet and will allow us to burn off some energy before the day gets going. They do masked, outdoor, distanced lessons for little kids.
We also do lots of winter hiking as long as it’s not muddy or too snowy. Trails get quieter in the winter so it’s actually pretty pleasant as long as you’re dressed properly.
(My 3 yo did well ice skating, hiking and skiing last winter, so I expect we’ll do even better with her this winter as a 4 yo.)
Anon says
Where do you live? This sounds amazing!
Anon says
We’re in the mid Atlantic, near DC. It’s eh skiing, not big mountains, but just fine for our little kids.
avocado says
When my daughter was little, she loved it when we’d back the cars out of the garage and let her roller skate or kick a ball around in there. Garage hockey was a favorite.
The latest Magic Cabin catalogue had a lot of toys for active indoor and outdoor play.
anon says
Oh, yes! This is how we occupied our 5-year-old in March/April/May.
Anon says
My three year old loves racing her remote controlled car at the tennis courts (or the kitchen), but when it’s icky outside we sometimes do the same with the garage and let her race them in there.
Anonymous says
My children, like me, are indoor cats. I drag us all out for a walk no matter the weather, but we are planning on lots of library trips, if they are open, or just picking up orders if not, Saturday mornings, a lunch time walk, a movie Saturday afternoons, and games Saturday night. Sunday is Zoom church or reading, up to them, and a baking project. In between Family Activity Time the expectation is that they can either entertain themselves or help with chores.
Anonymous says
ETA: they’re 8 and10
Pogo says
I think the order pickup outings will be A Thing. I’m not crazy about indoor stuff at all with mine bc he’s so little and can’t be trusted to socially distance 100% of the time and touches everything. But he likes getting in the car and going SOMEWHERE. Even just going to CVS, I play his music, and drive past the local highlights (farm animals, construction vehicles, holiday lights).
Anon says
Taking kiddo with us for curbside pickup has been a thing for us since March. Many toddlers and preschoolers enjoy car rides even if you’re not doing anything exciting at the destination.
Anon says
Mine gets banished sometimes just for joy riding, without a destination, when I have critical calls and need everyone out of the house. But 100% agree – every pick up order requires taking kiddo with.
GCA says
+1 There’s a critical period each day (about 11.30-12.30) when a short car nap torpedoes the 2yo’s chance of a nap, but otherwise, we do order pickup/ errand outings on weekends. Usually 1:1 (one parent with the 2yo who can be contained in the cart, or with the 5yo who is cautious and responsible & can mostly be trusted not to lick the door handle).
Anon says
Family dance parties? My almost 3 year old attended a virtual bday party this weekend that ended with them blasting kids dance music and all the kids dancing and she looooved it and spent the entire weekend asking us to dance with her. I know the novelty will probably wear off soon, but for now I’m enjoying it.
Also baking, reading, watching TV/movies, simple arts and crafts (basically just crayons and paper because I am le lazy), playing soccer and basketball in the basement. I am not someone who enjoys being outside in Midwest winter either so we normally stay inside, and honestly even in non-COVID times we didn’t really do indoor playplaces because my kid ALWAYS got sick immediately afterwards. They’re petri dishes! I will miss the library though.
Anonymous says
Same re. indoor playplaces. No thank you, norovirus.
Anonanonanon says
YES! My older one got noro or strep 100% of the time we used indoor play places, so we haven’t for years
Anon says
We’re thinking about getting one of those indoor gym things where you attach a bar to your doorway and can hang a rope ladder, trapeze, rings, etc. My 3 and 4 yos are super climby and while we do playgrounds at the moment, that’s harder when they’re covered in ice.
Anonymous says
I would be very, very cautious with those. They are similar in design to a standard doorway pull-up bar, which cannot withstand any swinging.
Anonymous says
I think there are some that are rated for swinging, though? Obviously OP needs to do research.
Anonymous says
There are, but when you look at the mountings and read the reviews they still look very sketchy.
anon says
A couple of ideas:
– Indoor bowling.
– We have one of those tunnels that kids can crawl through. That’s provided lots of fun over the years, although my kids have now outgrown it. :(
– One of those balls that they can sit and bounce on.
– Baking, play-doh, anything tactile.
– I am not really a crafty mom, but I’ve been thinking about going to Michaels and getting a few pre-fab kits for my daughter to work on.
– Play “ski lodge” and set up a hot cocoa bar.
But I hear you. My kids are probably a little bit older than yours, and I am still dreading winter. We have used up lots of our fun indoor activities already this year. And some days are really miserable to be outdoors. In my area, it’s not the temperature that will get you; it’s the blasted wind. (Yesterday, for example, was 70 degrees but with 30 mph winds, it was really unpleasant to be outdoors.)
AwayEmily says
I like your caveat forestalling that one commenter who is always like “Just take them outside! Every day in winter I send my kids outside at sunup with nothing but a carafe of hot chocolate, and they come home at sundown with a freshly skinned squirrel and a heart full of wonder!”
Anyway, I’ve been pondering this a lot as well — I think our kids are about the same ages. One thing that has helped a lot is to have different “zones” for play in the house. We have a relatively small house (~1600 square feet), but have set up our unfinished basement with some art supplies and a few big balls, and for some reason they love to play in closets so there’s a baskets of stuffed animals and flashlights in our upstairs closet. When they start to get stir-crazy we will just switch zones and it’s a good reset.
My 4.5yo has finally gotten to the point where she can do art/workbooks/stickers/etc on her own for extended periods, which was NOT the case at the beginning of the pandemic, so I’m hoping that will help as well.
Anon says
LOL to your first paragraph.
anon says
Same. I posted a question about my older kiddo being an “indoor cat” last week, and I know exactly what type of commenter you’re talking about.
Sorry. I tried. I really, really tried to raise kids who are enthusiastic about being outdoors. One is, one is not.
Anonymous says
I know a family where the kids literally might come home with a freshly skinned squirrel. I don’t think they get sent out with a thermos of hot chocolate, though, just a water bottle.
Anon says
LOL on the first paragraph, except that’s pretty much what my mother did, without the carafe and no captured animals in the house (we were prone to bringing back (live) frogs or praying mantis or walking sticks). We were only allowed inside for meals and bathrooms (and maybe to swap dry clothes) and then herded back outside. DH refers to my upbringing as “raised like a pack of wolves” but, eh, I survived! Certainly not the approach I take with my kid though, and definitely a different place and time back then!
Boston Legal Eagle says
Haha yes, they’re 4.5 and 2, so I am not planning on sending them out by themselves, as much as I would love to just stay cozied up inside with a book while they’re frolicking. My older one can do activities for longer periods of time now, the problem I’ve found is that the younger one tries to get involved but, being 2, can’t do things and doesn’t get the concept of turns, so it turns into screams and me refereeing every few minutes. Which is part of this stage, but still difficult inside. And also I find myself being pretty mentally bored, as it’s just the same two small kids to “talk” to about animals or legos and my husband (who I love but what else is there to say at this point?)
Thanks all for the tips. We do have a house now, luckily, so I like the idea of zones – basement, garage, upstairs, repeat.
shortperson says
omg my kids would love stuffies and flashlights in the linen closet. i’m doing that.
Anon says
My kid is young (3) but she really enjoys doing inside things outside – like taking a big easel out and painting, or bringing ingredients outside to chop and mix. It doesn’t buy a lot of time but if you live somewhere that ain’t freezing, worth a try.
There are also going to be a lot of drove-thru light shows for the holidays at botanical gardens and places like that, so am counting on that to help fill the dreaded 430-6 hour on Sunday’s when everyone is normally cranky
SC says
We have the opposite weather, but that means we already spent the summer mostly at home, with no indoor playgrounds or trips to the children’s museum, etc. My 5-year-old entertains himself at home with Legos, puzzles, his train set, and coloring/craft projects (I buy the cheap ones at Michael’s–yesterday, Kiddo colored a Thanksgiving themed table runner for 3 hours and decided that it will be a birthday present for my mom–huge win!). We also have been very lenient with screen time, so much so that Kiddo now gets bored with screens all on his own.
For mom/kid activities, we play board games, bake, do coloring/craft projects, and do science “experiments” (mixing vinegar and baking soda, mixing food coloring, watching water drops on different surfaces, stuff like that). DH and Kiddo cook together, build stuff together (STEM kits, train sets, Magnatiles, etc.), and have one video game they play together. For family activities, we have family movie night on Fridays, try to get outside some, and have lots of family meals together. Also, we don’t have any outside help, so we spend a lot of our weekends doing stuff around the house (cooking, cleaning, laundry, yardwork, and DIY projects). Kiddo is finally getting old enough to actually be helpful, and he feels SUPER proud when he helps.
My SIL and BIL have a small bounce house that fits in their garage. They set it up in the garage when it rained at their 2 year old’s birthday party, pre-Covid. It seemed pretty easy to set up, and the kids had fun.
anne-on says
If it hasn’t already been suggested, I’d also strongly recommend asking for craft kits/imaginative play things for Christmas. We got a STEM advent calendar (different experiment every day) and are asking for things like marble runs/board games/book subscriptions (amazon and local bookstores both do monthly boxes) etc. We also tend to hold back a few of the gifts (we always get more than my kiddo needs) so that I can break them out for snow days.
rosie says
What is the STEM advent calendar that you got & how old are you kid(s)?
anon says
We have a personal sized trampoline – the kids don’t bounce on it for very long, but it does help them get some energy out.
Anon says
It’s been suggested on this board a lot lately, but how about a Nugget? It would be perfect for your kids’ ages. We got ours last winter and it really helps get the energy out – we set up ramps for jumping/rolling/climbing. It is very different than couch cushions – the pieces hold weight when propped up. Also makes a great track for cars and pretend play. They are opening backorders soon so should be fairly easy to snag for winter delivery.
Anon says
We’re in Chicago. We restart our subscription box during the winter months so we have a weekend of crafts to take up some time. We do the Crates – my 5yo likes the Kiwi version and my 7yo likes the Atlas version. In the past we’ve done other boxes like one that sent supplies to make slime, one focused on girls in stem, and one focused on kid books with an associated activity.
AnonATL says
Anyone gone on a fairly long drive with a 6-7 month old? We are tentatively planning to take a 16 hour road trip in the early spring to visit the grandparents. Obviously this depends on a lot of factors and the state of covid at the time, but are we crazy for even considering? Kiddo went on a 6 hour trip with one stop at about 2 months and was ok. Husband and I took turns sitting in the back with him, and he really only got cranky the last hour of the trip. 2 long driving days in a row at 6.5 months seems like a very different experience.
It would be a 2.5 hour direct flight if we went that route, but FIL is high risk, and driving seems a bit safer.
Anon says
Do you think you can safely do 16 hours without stopping overnight? There have been a lot of studies lately suggesting flying isn’t a big risk and my person feeling is that flying is probably no less safe than driving if you have to stay overnight in a hotel (plus all the stops for food and gas).
Kids change so fast at this age that unfortunately I don’t think his behavior now is at all indicative of what his behavior will be like then. My DD was great in the car until about 4-5 months but after that she was really terrible at car trips until she was about 18 months and better able to be entertained with books and screens. We actually avoided even the 1 hour drive to the nearby big city during that year because being in the car with her was so miserable (she was a fantastic flier – it was the being confined to the car seat part that she hated).
Anonymous says
I would fly. Buy kid their own seat and keep him in the car seat. He can’t touch much that way so it would only be via air and that seems unlikely if most people on the flight are masked. The risk is lower if he’s in his car seat for 2.5 hours on a plane vs. a drive with an overnight stop.
Anon says
I don’t necessarily disagree with you about the relative risks, but even if you keep a kid in a car seat, he will touch everything. The first time we flew with my daughter she was buckled in her carseat the whole time but she still managed to chew on the airplane seatbelt, not to mention all the touching of armrests/windows/seats they can do. Plus the kid has to be out of the carseat at least for boarding and de-planing. I don’t think it’s realistic to fly with an infant or toddler and assume they won’t touch anything. That said, we know Covid isn’t mainly spread through surfaces and you can send one parent ahead to wipe down your seating area so I don’t think it’s a huge risk.
Anonymous says
I mean they might touch some stuff but it’s pretty limited if they are rearfacing in an infant bucket seat. I always wear mine facing inwards in an Ergo when they are not buckled in their seat so that limits ability to touch too much during bordering/deplaning. Then usually in the Mountain Buggy Nano stroller (which we take on board) to stretch a bit as soon as we are off the plane.
Definitely agree with sending one parent ahead to install car seat and wipe down area.
Anon says
If baby is still in a a bucket seat you can carry them on in their car seat and limit the touching. Not possible with a toddler, but pretty easy with an infant.
Anon says
I have driven long distances (8-10 hours) with little kids. We always stopped. I think it’s totally doable with a stop.
I would drive over fly because of the airport (less than airplane).
Pogo says
I would probably fly. That age is pretty mobile and car could turn into kiddo screaming to get out. At least on plane you can walk the aisles, and at only 2.5 hours it seems likely you can get most of that to be a nap. If you fly Delta they are blocking all middle seats so you prob could get away with not even buying a seat and just booking as lap infant. I actually think if you wear baby in airport or strap them into their carseat in the stroller frame it’s unlikely they’ll be exposed to much (I’ve been putting a muslin swaddle draped over the carseat everywhere as a giant “mask” for my baby). And since you’re in ATL I’d assume there are a lot of direct flights so you’d have some choice as to time of day to line up best w/ schedule.
At the same time, I am nervous about travel to family in general even one state over. The virus is by no means under control, and my nightmare is two week quarantine of no childcare and no outside help of any kind BEST case scenario.
New Here says
I would break it up….we took an 8-hr drive recently when kiddo was 8 months and split it in half. She probably could have made it the whole 8 (she had a couple of 6-hr drives under her belt), but honestly knowing we had a break coming up helped up mentally. We did an AirBnB (Superhost, great cleaning reviews, etc) to avoid crowds at hotels
Anonymous says
Reposting from this weekend — any ideas to make a virtual thanksgiving fun for the grandparents, who are really disappointed that we can’t visit them (with our 15-month-old) this year?
anon says
I have a different take on this: I would not put that kind of pressure on yourself. 15-month-olds are unpredictable in the best of times, and I think it’s best to keep expectations really, really low. Like your kiddo might be able to handle a minute or two of zoom and not much more. I guess I’d let the grandparents see your kid in their natural element and not try to script anything.
Anon says
+1. That is a very difficult age for Zoom. My parents had the best luck engaging my kid by playing peekaboo, singing songs and showing her their stuffed animals and telling stories about them. I would not expect your kid to engage the screen in any way during adult conversations or while you’re all sitting around having dinner.
Anon says
Agree with the other comments that it may be difficult. One way to help prep kiddo is to show her lots of pictures of the grandparents and talk about them. It may help her recognize them when she sees them on screen and may be more engaged? At that age it was a lot of funny faces, blowing raspberries, peekaboo, maybe reading a favorite book, etc.
rosie says
Does your child engage w/them on Facetime/zoom regularly? If not, I would start getting your child used to it now — building their virtual relationship/presence.
What about an art project that they could do together over zoom if the grandparents would be into that, or you could do the project with your child and mail it to the grandparents (like festive napkin rings or something). I’d browse Michael’s for Thanksgiving craft kids if that appeals.
Would the grandparents read a book to your child virtually? You could send them a few Thanksgiving books (check out https://coolmompicks.com/blog/2015/11/21/childrens-books-about-thanksgiving-from-native-perspective/).
And last, I think try to take some pressure off yourself. Everything is different and disappointing for everyone this year. There is nothing you can do to take away the grandparents’ disappointment, and that’s ok.
Anon says
is this virtual thanksgiving literally just your fam + grandparents, bc if so, what is the point and why can’t you just FaceTime on a regular basis? my kids FaceTime my dad 5-6 days a week, and my in-laws maybe like 3 days (i used to try to keep this more equal, but my mom passed away shortly before Covid, so my dad is usually eating dinner alone, whereas when i call my inlaws they are often off to a restaurant or have company for dinner). I have twins, but at 15 months, i would just call for 15 min while the kids toddled around and pointed the phone in their direction. now at 2.5, they actually don’t like facetime when they are playing, so i only do it during mealtimes when DH and I are not eating with them
Anon says
I would focus on what you can control, which is doing things in advance and in parallel. For example, have kid paint a bunch of turkeys and send them before thanksgiving so grandparents can hang them up. Get everyone coordinating goofy themed hats. Get a cookie decorating kit for them and for you to work on at same time over Zoom. Turn on the camera while kid is jumping in a leaf pile so they can watch. Basically anything other than trying to have them and you all enjoy a meal together over Zoom – that just wont work at that age.
Anonymous says
Thank you, these are great ideas! And thanks everyone, I was hoping there would be a magic suggestion but you’re all correct that we should keep expectations low and just do FaceTimes whenever the kid is in a good mood.
anon says
A bit of a random question for a Monday, but what books have helped to give your kids perspective and broadened their world view?
My 7 yo has started reading historical fiction and it seems to be really good for her. For instance, she read the Molly and Felicity books from American Girl and we had a big discussion about whether it was harder to be a kid during WWII/Revolutionary War or COVID. Then she read a series by “My America” called Elizabeth’s Colony Jamestown Diary. It is written as a diary by a 9 yo girl settler in Jamestown who lived through a terrible winter where most of the settlers died of illness or starved to death. It has given her lots of perspective about people dying of disease before medicine and vaccines, how the settlers terribly mistreated Indians, and how much work goes into growing food–ideas that never ever crossed her mind before. I’m sure some kids would find these books depressing or anxiety inducing, but she seems to find them reassuring. She likes learning that other kids have lived through bad times and been okay in the end.
Any other suggestions for books that helped give your young elementary kids perspective and that broadened their world view? We’ve tried some non-fiction, but it hasn’t landed with nearly the power of the historical fiction works.
(I’m not sure I’m quite ready to have her read holocaust books given that she was reading Elephant and Piggie not long ago, but other time period would be good.)
Anonymous says
What about Anne of Green Gables? Lucy Maud Montgomery also wrote a number of collections set in the same time period if the longer books are not appealing.
Lots of info about how life was a struggle in earlier times – girls in more limited roles, corporeal punishment in schools, hard labor on farms. But overall the tone is light and hopeful.
anon says
Ah yeah, Anne’s been fun. I’m the one who posted about Little House before.
One thing that’s been fun with my kid is making sure she knows both what order books are set in and what order they were published in. So Betsy Tacy, Anne of Green Gables, Eight Cousins for example. Put those in order. And talking about regional differences as well.
They don’t get the diversity there though, and that’s honestly where I pull more contemporary authors and books.
anon says
Thanks! I’ll put the Anne series on our list.
Cb says
Ah, my first instinct was ‘Number the Stars’ but your parenthetical rules that out. I think I’d really work to diversify the shelves, not just with tales of crisis and trauma but of joy and family and friendship. I think there is a tendency to showcase Black tragedy while excluding Black joy, and I wonder if that has a negative impact on kids? Like are they taught to pity people who aren’t like them because the stories they read are sad? Obviously, reckoning with our history is important, but so is showcasing the humanity of everyone.
anon says
I remember finding Number the Stars really compelling, but I think maybe not yet. It’s one thing for people to face adversity and another to explain outright evil. She just turned 7 recently and I think she needs more world context before getting there.
The nice thing about the historical fiction books so far is that they have balanced the hardship with friendship and celebration. We’ve talked about looking for the helpers and how your family, friends and neighbors make up your community. She’s seen how people joyfully celebrated holidays (even during a time of crisis), babies were born, and life went on.
I know I need to diversify her reading list, but we are just getting started. I’m slowly building some context for her for where events and places fit in time. We started with colonists in part because we’re in Virginia and hope to visit Jamestown and Williamsburg, post-COVID.
Anonymous says
We covered this when I was in 5th grade. I feel like it might be a little old for a 7 year old.
Anonymous says
Same. It was powerful, but there is a lot of holocaust torture/death. We had a huge holocaust focus on my public school so we started with number the stars in 5th grade, then did anne frank and night / dawn as we got older. we also did a trip to the holocaust museum in 8th grade.
anon says
Maybe too young but we like this book: https://www.amazon.com/This-How-We-Do-around/dp/1452150184
Also have had good conversations around the Little House books – have to be ready to talk about slavery and native american rights.
anon says
I couldn’t remember if Little House was a good option given the age of the series. She’s reading most books independently these days so I wouldn’t necessarily be there to point out issues. Should I reread the series before letting her dive in?
Earlier poster says
First one doesn’t have issues really – maybe gender roles. Second one requires more conversations! Also some stuff is just pretty foreign, like I ended up explaining how they were using a plowing machine and we googled and found an example, that sort of thing.
Anonymous says
There are one or two of Pa’s songs in Little House in the Big Woods that need to be skipped or explained.
I read the first few Little House books in first grade and didn’t have any trouble understanding the old-timey farming stuff. It’s all pretty well explained, and the earlier books have drawings. I was also perfectly capable of picking up on some of the racial issues in Little House on the Prairie. Most kids will readily perceive that the homesteaders are pushing the tribes off of their land, that the settlers don’t see the native people as fully human, and that the Ingalls family has never seen a Black person before, and will question all of these things. I actually think the book is a good way to get kids thinking about the issues.
Redux says
For those of you recommending Little House, I’m curious how recently you’ve read it? It’s super racist, so much so that I had to turn off the audiobook we were listening to on a road trip because the language was so vile. This is not a book i want in our family’s collection.
For an alternative, check out Prairie Lotus, by Linda Sue Park (who also writes lovely children’s books). It has similar kinds of hard scratch late 19th century storyline but with an immigrant girl at the center. The NYT wrote a great review making some comparisons of the two.
Anonymous says
I have reread all of the Little House books within the past few years. The most troublingly racist part is the minstrel show in one of the later books, because it is presented as a totally normal and hilarious thing and no one questions it. Yes, the language in Little House on the Prairie is racist. But it’s so obviously terrible, and the characters themselves question some (not all!) of the attitudes behind it. Little House on the Prairie was the first book that encouraged me to look beyond the entertainment of the story, think about larger themes, and question the narrator’s and author’s perspectives. Not many books for first-graders can do this. It was a formative literary experience.
layered bob says
My 6yo LOVES the Little House books but she is clear that Ma and Pa are the villains of the series, for stealing Native land, racism towards Black people, and making choices that resulted in severe childhood malnutrition for their kids (if you read LIW biographies they definitely had other options, and meanwhile in the Long Winter Pa was over eating pancakes at Almanzo’s every day while his kids literally nearly starved to death).
We previewed those issues before handing over the books, and with that framing it becomes very obvious that Laura is not a reliable narrator about her parents, and it’s led to good discussions about how grownups don’t always make the right decisions, sometimes parents do things that hurt their children, etc.
The blackface happens in Little Town on the Prairie, so best to have a specific discussion about that because it’s presented without a character in the book to point out it’s bad (in earlier books, there is usually someone standing up at least a little bit for Native interests, the Black doctor saves the family from malaria so it’s clear that Ma’s distrust of him is wrong, etc.). There’s also a sharp turn towards darker/more adult themes after Little Town on the Prairie so pre-read those to see if they are right for your 7yo.
Anon says
You could still read them with her. I’m not sure if you’re familiar with the Read-Aloud Revival podcast/community, but reading aloud to your kids well past when they can read to themselves is beneficial (like, into their teens). Picture books also are wonderful for older kids, so maybe you can look to diverse picture book lists for more ideas?
I read the Little House books with my son recently and we were both really into them. I did edit out parts on the fly but we had good conversations about other parts, even linking them to current events today (and then I read the awesome biography Prairie Fires so I have more background for the next time we read through). The Birchbark House is a good read-along if you want something different. (I didn’t find the storytelling nearly as compelling as LH, but it was an interesting perspective.)
anon says
Thanks for the suggestions.
I do read to her nightly. She just tends to pick up the book and read 100+ pages between one night and the next. I don’t like to discourage her from picking up the book on her own, even if it means I miss big chunks of the book.
anon says
Gosh, I’m not sure what to do with the Little House books. My 7 yo is a voracious reader so she plows through most material alone, even if we start it together. Once she gets going, she will pick up a book on her own and keep reading. I wish someone would go back and annotate/freshen up the books so they are appropriate. It sounds like I can’t just let her read them on her own.
There are other books, like the reprinting of the Faraway Tree, where modern publishers have cleaned up the text for young readers. I don’t necessarily need them to remove references that are historically accurate and which just need to be discussed, but gratuitous racist/sexist bits interjected by the author are unnecessary.
Katy says
Assume you have thought of Little House on the Prairie? I loved those in Grade 1 ish (mom read the first couple out loud). I am not sure that it would broaden your perspective as personally i don’t remember registering any real themes around Indigenous people. Around the same age I also liked 7 little Australians (almost certainly silent on Indigenous people). Cady Woodland as well. (a think for pioneers?)
I also loved “The Sky is Falling” by Kit Pearson, about children evacuated from UK during WWII. It may be a gentler introduction into WWII themes. There are also some class discussions etc. (Children are taken in my a very wealthy family). It is a trilogy that moves on to more grown up themes (13 year old angst etc.)
Katy says
also i was obsessed with Anne of Green Gables.
anon says
Thanks for the suggestions. I’ll look those up.
anne-on says
Have you tried the all of a kind family series, the Betsy Tacy series (the earlier ones) and maybe classics like Five little Peppers and Heidi?
anon says
Thanks! I don’t know the first two at all. I’ll look them up.
I remember reading Heidi vaguely. I’ll see if she’s up for it. I remember enjoying it, but I think I was a bit older. I think that book really clicked for me as a young adult when I finally went to visit the Alps. Perhaps I can pair it with the Sound of Music movie.
Anonymous says
My 6 year old boy loooooooves All Of a Kind Family!! Plus is that there are sections dealing with epidemics, which have been helpful in contextualizing covid. He’s glad we’re not making him wear a satchet of camphor around his neck.
rosie says
I remember loving Scott O’Dell books as a child, although I don’t know what the ideal age is for them.
Anon says
i mean there are always more American Girl books. If she just turned 7, I am guessing she is in 1st or 2nd grade, depending on where you live? I loved Little House books as a kid, but pretty sure I started those in 3rd grade, and I was an advanced reader for the times, but I know kids learn to read much earlier now. What about All of a Kind Family? or Molly’s Pilgrim? I also LOVED historical fiction as a kid
anon says
Thanks! She has read other American Girl books, but I’ve found that some just aren’t as compelling. The Samantha book, for instance, had the adversity of wanting a new doll but being afraid to ask her rich grandmother for it. Maybe that hits home at an older age, but my 7 yo was unimpressed. I’m sure she’ll eventually work her way through all of the books in the series, as they are good introductions to various time periods.
It can be a bit of a challenge to find books that she wants to read but that aren’t too old or that require too much background knowledge. I’ll look up All of a Kind Family and Molly’s Pilgrim. I don’t know those at all.
Anon says
Try the Family Dinner Book Club and do it as a family. They pick a book and theme each month and then have suggested questions and activities to talk about it together. Each month has a list of several books to reinforce the topic, so you can pick additional ones based on reading level and comprehension.
2018 had books that build character. We re-read “New Shoes” by Susan Lynn Meyer several times this summer as we talked about discrimination and justice. It really helped talk about equal vs equity and fairness. One favorite example – if all of our family is trying to reach the high shelf, it would be equal to give us all two books to step on. But that wouldn’t be fair – the kids might need 4 or 5 books and the parents might not need books at all. This is similar to the book where black and white kids can buy new shoes, but only the white kid is allowed to try them on and get a pair that fits.
2019 had books to help kids make a difference. We just did the month on Bullying, and the chapter book “The Hundred Dresses” spurred several weeks of conversations.
https://growingbookbybook.com/books-to-inspire-kids-to-make-a-difference/
Anonymous says
My 1st grader (who just turned 7) got the AG doll Kit for christmas, then we took all the Kit books out of the library. That was really good for perspective on hard economic times. We are in an upperclass suburb so she really related from Kit going to “daughter of a wealthy car dealership owner” to “assistant innkeeper and vegetable grower.”
Anonymous says
The quality and depth of the AG books really varies by character and author. My daughter’s favorites were Molly, Kit, and Felicity. After Kit, everything through Caroline is really dull. I don’t know about the newer characters.
K. says
The book Ways to Make Sunshine by Renee Watson is excellent. It is about a Black girl from Portland. It is just a fun story, but for our white family, in a very white town, I think it was good for my daughter to read a book just showing the joy of Black experience and the chapter about getting her hair straightened was a way for my daughter to learn about experiences different than hers. I also appreciated the way the book talked about financial problems from the perspective of an eleven-year-old. Mostly, it is just an awesome story that my six-year-old loved! (we read it aloud to her)
shortperson says
jacob have i loved, true confessions of charlotte doyle.
i highly recommendign “prairie fires” while your kids go through the little house series.
anon says
I was super excited over the weekend to have a female VP and made sure to tell my five year old all about her. DD was interested in the fashion, but it definitely never occurred to her that a woman couldn’t be VP. Somewhat anticlimactic, maybe in a good way. I feel like social media had lots of friends inspirationally showing her speech to their 3 year old girls or Meena Harris tweeting about her four year old’s wonder at it, but now I’m not sure I buy that. And maybe it’s a good thing? Like I may mostly skip the inspirational bit and just let it be a known fact that a WOC can be the vice president (and women can be president too hopefully soon?) Just pondering that this morning. Too much social this weekend. Or is it better to make a big deal out of all these things women have never done before? This sort of ties into the historical fiction question too I think.
Note I think this only works with like the 5 and under set.
OP says
I think writing this gave me my answer a bit. Good to celebrate firsts, but not sure that the inspirational social media moments are really realistic or even right – like my DD is not my prop here. I’m excited in my own right about a female VP, I don’t have to have a daughter to make it even more exciting.
Anonymous says
Idk why you need to assume other people are lying or misrepresenting their experiences or using their kids as props? Like, why be so negative. Not your experience, totally fine, no one says it had to be, but literally why is there any issue with people sharing something good except your insecurity?
OP says
Sorry didn’t mean that. Did ANYONE’s 4 year old’s react the way they wanted them to? I didn’t say they were lying. Mine just certainly did not care.
avocado says
My daughter was almost 2 when Obama was elected. She was very excited, but not because she had any idea of the historical significance. She was excited because mom and dad were excited and because she recognized his voice from NPR and his picture from magazine covers. There was no way she had any idea what a president actually did. I am pretty sure that she thought of him in the same category as Elmo–a really cool celebrity whom everyone liked (her preschool leaned progressive) and who got to do neat stuff on TV.
Anon says
Ha, same! We were at the park when the election was called so I told my almost 3 year old daughter Joe Biden and Kamala Harris won, and she just kind of shrugged and went back to playing, so I sat down next to her and tried to explain what a big deal it is that we have a female vice president now for the first time in 244 years, and she frowned at me, said “I don’t know her” and pushed my face away. A truly lovely way to remember this historical moment. But seriously, I think it’s a good thing that they don’t understand/care why this is a big deal. They will never remember a country that didn’t have a woman VP! I’m sure Meena’s daughters are thrilled but that’s totally different.
OP says
haha yes, exactly.
Honestly I know her from undergrad, so her daughter’s disbelief/sudden belief was just in my long list of people tweeting about their small kids’ reactions. But then that tweet got reshared a bunch in my network and then lots of kids on couches watching kamala’s speech and I was feeling like a parent failure. All these astounded 3 and 4 year olds seem a lot more feminist than my self-absorbed playground climber (very similar to your story!). But then I tried to explain the historic moment again and shrugged and gave up. My 4 and 5 year old definitely didn’t want to sit and watch a speech by a politician.
They did give me high fives because they knew I was excited though! I will definitely remember that!
Spirograph says
Same. My kids were happy Trump lost, because they have absorbed my and DH’s dislike of him, but I had to identify Biden and Harris in the photos for them. My 5 year old daughter was completely meh about a female VP (first we had to go over what Vice President even means) and definitely did not understand the significance of having a woman or woman of color in that role. I didn’t watch the speeches live, and tried to put Harris’s on my phone for me and my daughter to watch while I was combing and braiding her hair before bed last night. She declined in favor of doing some pages in her handwriting book.
My kids asked the other day whether women can be president, and I said that of course they can. No woman has been president of the US, yet, but lots of other countries have a woman in charge of the government. They then pointed out that I am old enough to be president, and the conversation got derailed. I think it’s kind of cool my kids haven’t absorbed that white men have been the default for running the country. They know who Obama is, they know who Trump is, and they watched Hamilton so they might think George Washington was Black… Obviously we need to put all of this in better historical context for them as they get older, but for now I’ll let them think that it’s unremarkable for people of color to hold high political office.
Anon says
” and they watched Hamilton so they might think George Washington was Black” Hahaha this is amazing.
Clementine says
Last year, my kid definitely told me that I was wrong, that Thomas Jefferson and George Washington did NOT look like that.
…He’s pretty sure that Chris Jackson and Daveed Diggs are what our founding fathers look like. And I love that.
Anonymous says
Right? I didn’t really think of it until I was watching the movie with my preschool-age kids, but one of the things that *I* found so powerful about Hamilton went completely over their heads. Instead they ended up with the factually-inaccurate-but-pretty-great assumption that all these powerful and celebrated men were actually racially diverse.
Anonymous says
I posted this on the main page, but growing up in the late’70s and ’80s it never occurred to me that the Mercury, Gemini, and Apollo astronauts were all men. I was going to be an astronaut just like them. I thought Sally Ride was cool, but I didn’t really get why the first woman astronaut was such a big deal because wasn’t it obvious that anyone could be an astronaut? I don’t think I truly understood how badly the deck is stacked against women until I was a working mom with two advanced degrees.
Boston Legal Eagle says
“I don’t think I truly understood how badly the deck is stacked against women until I was a working mom with two advanced degrees.” – This, so much. I didn’t doubt my ability to succeed as a woman until I became an adult, particularly a mom, due to the society that we live in. Growing up, my parents didn’t celebrate the successes of women or immigrants (which we are) in any special way, and I always just assumed I’d be equal if I worked hard. Growing up has shown me a lot about how stacked the deck really is. Harris becoming VP is a huge deal and I’m thrilled both because representation matters and because I support their policies, and I hope that kids today grow up seeing this as normal. I’m not sure that they will really get the significance of this at the young ages though.
I think of this as similar to the relationship I saw growing up between my parents – they both worked and were more or less equally involved at home. My husband and I are trying to do the same. But we don’t make a point of noting the importance of this to our kids – we just want them to see this as normal and something to expect from their own future relationships.
OP says
Love both of these perspectives.
anon says
+1 million to your last sentence. Even with my liberal arts undergrad education, I really, truly did not internalize this on a personal level until my late twenties.
TheElms says
Yup, it is so hard to truly “get it” until you personally have kids. All my friends had kids and I didn’t until 18 months ago. I thought I mostly got it, except for the emotional aspect of loving a kid that much, but nope, until you live it and get passed over for that assignment or that promotion or just attempt to deal with all the minutia of life with a kid, its hard to truly appreciate all the tiny little ways in which the deck is stacked against you.
anon says
+1 to this.
I assumed growing up that I could be anything i wanted. It wasn’t until i was in the workforce that i understood that it would be “harder” for me. I was taught that if you work hard you will be rewarded; my bigger awakening was to realize (in part given my “diversity”) that if i worked the hardest or delivered the best product that didn’t necessarily mean i would get the best opportunities.
My mom was a stay at home mom by choice / she didn’t earn enough to pay for daycare for twins + 1, despite her advanced degree. Both my husband’s parents worked, but his Dad is fairly passive. Notwithstanding our intellectual agreement that we are equal partners in parenting etc. we really struggle with gender roles in parenting – especially with the “minutia of having kids”. (Note: i earn 2x what he does.)
Anonymous says
Late in the day, but an interesting perspective to share.
My dad was an oncologist and a hospital / health system administrator; my sister is also an oncologist. My dad ended up as my sister’s boss when she had a 3 year old and newborn. He acknowledged that he had ABSOLUTELY NO idea how hard his female colleagues / employees had it until he was working directly with my sister AND was living 1 block away from her (they each lived walking distance to the hospital). My sister was a Sr Resident at the time and Grandma stepped up in a HUGE way to be her support network. He had not noticed that her experience was that different that his* when they lived in another city, despite being a professional sounding board for my sister and very involved grandparents.
*My mom was a stay-at-home mom.
(PS my sister is amazing – she is the mom i want to be AND literally is curing cancer.)
Anonymous says
My 7 y/o was p*ssed that there was no “girl choice” for president. She got double p*ssed when reading a book about the moon only to find out that while there are female astronauts, only men have ever visited the moon. When I told her Biden won and the VP was a woman, then explaining the role of the VP, she sighed and said “so the only way a girl can be president is if the boy one does?” Truth, girl, truth.
On the plus side, she sees no reason why she herself can’t get picked or do these things, just annoyed that it’s “all boys” right now.
Anonymous says
Oops. That should read “so the only way a girl can be president is if the boy one dies?”
Anon says
I agree with your daughter. It’s disheartening that this country can accept a woman as #2 to a man but not as #1 in her own right. I love Kamala and of course I wanted the orange monster gone, but people freaking out over her making history as VP is honestly making me more sad because it’s just a reminder of how hard it is for women to actually lead. I’m skeptical we’ll elect a woman president in my lifetime and I’m 35.
Anonymous says
You don’t think she is being positioned to run for president in 2024? I can’t see Biden running for re-election at age 82. Biden should be putting her in charge of one or more major, highly popular, highly visible intiatives so that people will want to keep her in the White House to build upon her success.
Anon says
I agree Biden won’t run again, but I think if she’s the Democratic nominee in ’24 she will lose (assuming the Rs nominate someone less deranged than Trump) and she probably won’t be the Democratic nominee for that reason. I just really don’t think this country is ready for a woman. I certainly hope to be proven wrong!
Anon says
i dont think Biden will run again, i think she would lose in 2024 and so I pray to god that the Republicans regroup and have a normal politician on the ballot in four years
anon says
Dems are going to have an uphill battle in 2024 anyways since Biden isn’t going to be able to accomplish anything with a mostly hostile Congress and no clear mandate. He has a tough road.
Spirograph says
Agree that she is being set up for 2024.
Anonymous says
There is a world of difference between 7 and 4. I would expect a 7-year-old girl to want a “girl choice,” but probably not to understand the glass ceiling. I wouldn’t expect a 4-year-old to notice or care.
Anonymous says
I’m the mom of the 7 y/o above and I also have a 4 y/o girl. 4 y/o girl was also part of the conversation above and she firmly stated that it was an oversight to not put her on the ballot as she would have won. I’m 100% sure her party would be the Unicorn Party, running a campaign funded by a Super PAC of Smartfood/PepsiCo, Mattel and Target.
OP says
She would have my vote.
Anon says
My husband and I have two kids (2.5 and 5). We’d like to adopt a third. We have always wanted to adopt and I am high-risk if I get pregnant again. Any thoughts, suggestions, recommendations, or well-wishes? We were planning to try to adopt an infant through a private organization.
Runner says
Try reading “Instant Mom” by Nia Vardalos for a gentle, funny, short and readable introduction to the topic in general and her story in particular.
Anon says
Thank you!
Anon says
For those that are expecting or recently had a baby, what did you request of visitors beforehand re: COVID precautions. A lot of my family works in healthcare or not local, so they understand that they won’t come in close contact with the baby for a while. My husband’s family is all pretty local though, so we were going to ask that they isolate for at least two weeks before coming to visit but expecting a lot of grumbling. Everyone in the family is wfh so it wouldn’t be a huge deal for them, but I’m preparing for bad feedback and that we’re being too cautious. Cases in my area have been very steadily rising over the past few weeks.
Anon says
I would absolutely make people isolate for 2 weeks and refuse to let them visit if they can’t comply. Less because of risk to the baby and more because if you and your husband get Covid at the same time and have to care for a newborn while sick, that would be an absolute nightmare. If they are working from home, self-isolating for 2 weeks is REALLY not that hard and I would be so annoyed at their reluctance to do it.
anon says
I had a baby in July. We isolated for two weeks after returning from the hospital because we were concerned about being exposed at the hospital and passing on to grandparents. They were mostly independently isolating anyway (grocery delivery, etc.) so we didn’t ask them to take any additional precautions while we waited out the two weeks.
Of course, that was back when outdoor visits were still feasible, and back when positivity rate was around 3%, not the near 15% that it is today. Today I would likely be more cautious.
AnonATL says
My son is just over 3 months now, so we just went through this. My family is local. Husband’s family is a 2 days drive (see post above about 16 hour road trip).
My parents, who are both technically high risk, saw him within days of us getting home from the hospital. We were all comfortable with the risk to them and the risk to us and the baby.
Local great grandparents had to wait at least 1 week so we could be pretty confident we didn’t bring anything home from the hospital. They are isolating and decided the small risk to their health was worth seeing their great grandson.
Local family continues to see baby pretty much whenever they’d like within reason. We all WFH fulltime and only go out for masked grocery trips. We don’t require masks and we let people hold him, but I understand why people might request either of those stipulations. For our specific situation, I’m comfortable with that level of risk. It’s not like 20 people are passing our baby around like a hot potato. It’s mostly just my parents who seem him.
My pediatrician seems to think after that first round of shots at 2 months, the risk to the baby drops. You could allow people to socially distant visit until that point if they aren’t willing to isolate.
Pogo says
+1, very similar thought processes. My in-laws did fly back from FL, so they tested and waited 2 weeks before they saw our son. My parents and in-laws are the only ones who have held the baby. A few close friends and family have seen the baby socially distant. I was not worried about bringing COVID back from the hospital but at that point there were no COVID positive cases in the hospital.
This was back in August though and I am getting more and more cautious. We’ve had two 1-degree connections test positive recently and ONLY because of social distancing we weren’t exposed. In normal times we would have been, or if we’d been lax on the distancing. It was a wakeup call.
Leatty says
I have a newborn and a toddler, and our families live a few hours away. We pulled our toddler from daycare 2 weeks before my due date, and my MIL stayed with us for a couple of weeks to care for the toddler. FIL visited us on the weekends. MIL and FIL have been taking COVID seriously – WFH, socially distance, masks, etc. We did not ask them to take any additional precautions. My parents are unable to WFH and are taking COVID less seriously, so we asked that they have a negative COVID test, wear masks when visiting us, and take as many COVID precautions as their jobs would allow, and we didn’t allow them to visit for the first month. We aren’t allowing any other visitors at this time.
You may get some push back from family (we certainly have), but we just tell them that these are the ground rules we established based on advice we received from our pediatricians, and if they aren’t willing to comply, they can’t see us.
Knope says
In-home visits were limited to grandparents only. Each set isolated for 4 days, then took an at-home COVID test (labcorp pixel), then kept isolating till they received a negative result 24-48 hrs later. This was a month ago.
Anonymous says
I’m struggling with this. One set of grandparents has been isolating in anticipation (and pretty much has been this whole time) and will come visit as soon as we get home from the hospital. The other set works outside the home but in a non-healthcare field and is only working and will take a test before seeing the baby – but I may want to delay them a bit. They also aren’t wanting to get flu shots and I don’t know what to do about that. Sibling in healthcare field will do the same – wait a few weeks, isolate besides work and will take a test before coming. All of this makes me really nervous still though besides the parents really isolating but I don’t know how well I’ll do enforcing things. Other in-law grandparents/in-law siblings are not local and keep asking how they can visit but haven’t proposed any safe way (would need to fly, aren’t isolating, etc.) so not happening as of now. Appreciate hearing how others manage, maybe once the baby is here I’ll have an easier time putting visits off.
Anon says
blame everything on the pediatrician. you must get TDAP + flu shot to visit with baby
Anonymous says
This is what we did. My OB had some brochures for grandparents about TDAP boosters, but all the grandparents were happy to comply anyway. IMHO there is no excuse (other than medical reasons) for avoiding a flu shot. They should do it for their own health, let alone yours and your baby’s.
Honestly, I would focus more on enforcing mask-wearing than isolating for 2 weeks in advance. People are imperfect even when they have good intentions, and you have nothing but their word based on their interpretation to verify that they self-isolated. You can observe a mask with your own eyes. I’d be really clear about this expectation starting now; don’t spring it on them upon arrival.
rosie says
No flu shot would be a deal breaker for me. Sorry.
Flu Shot Poster says
This is helpful – thanks!
Anon says
I had our second in late April. For the first 3 months of his life, we were really strict on visitors (less so but still pretty strict for the next 3 or so). No visitors who had to travel on planes were allowed. The few in-person visitors we did allow wore masks and quarantined/stayed home as much as possible for a minimum of 10 days prior to visiting. However, we live in an area that was a hotspot at one point and have multiple high risk family members, so we didn’t get much pushback on being so strict.
anon says
Our weekends lately have been kind of crummy. DH and I are both in busy, stressful periods at work, and by the time the weekend rolls around, we have zero energy or creativity for coming up with stuff to do. Especially during covid times. Our kids are old enough to *kind of* keep themselves occupied, but I hate that we are not having much quality time together even though we’re around each other all.the.time. Any thoughts on how to push past the exhaustion? We both badly need a parenting break, but we’re the only ones who can give that to each other, so it’s easy to feel very stuck.
Anokha says
Nothing but commiseration here. We did a hike this weekend with a friend and his kids (masked), and I think it helped alleviate the pressure to be outdoors, be moving, and have the kids occupy each other while we had non-work conversation with another adult.
anon says
That’s a good idea. Making it more social for us would help matters. I really feel like a crummy mom right now because my mental and physical reserves are so drained.
Pogo says
Hiking is awesome and we can manage to swing it one day even if DH has to work the other day. Getting outside and tiring out the 3yo does wonders for our mental health. We also aim for earlier bedtimes on the weekend (no nap) so that if DH needs to, he can work after bedtime and free up daytime for two-on-two parenting.
It’s hard though. I truly did not know how great we had it in the pre-COVID times.
Anon says
We hike every weekend now and it is an amazing activity. Sometimes we only go for 30 minutes. One time, we hiked about 100 yards and the kids just played with rocks for 30 minutes. But it works great!
Anon says
We had friends over about a month ago and did smores around a fire pit. The kids were able to play together (masked) on the backyard playground and do smores and the adults were able to sit on opposite sides of the patio and talk. It was so nice just to have multiple adults there where we’re all sort of co-parenting for the evening (just the dynamic we have with these friends) and felt like a bit of a break.
SC says
We have set times for quality family time–dinner most nights, and Friday night pizza and movie night. Most weekends, we do one family activity together for a few hours, although we didn’t even do that this past weekend. The rest of the weekend is split between DH and I rotating parenting duties, and DH and I doing work around the house while Kiddo keeps himself occupied or helps us with the work.
Also, don’t feel like you need to be super creative about stuff to do. That’s the kids’ job! Take them to a park. Go on a walk. Buy some art supplies. Buy a tent and some blankets for them. Set them up to be creative, and see what they do.
I highly encourage you and your husband to start giving each other parenting breaks. It makes a huge difference!
anon says
I find myself more refreshed when we do things on weekends other than being at home. Recently we’ve gone kayaking, camping, biking (in a new location) and done a ropes course. All activities felt safe and isolated. Doing things actually feels like more of a parenting break than doing nothing.
Going places makes the kids tired and happy, which in turn lowers my stress level. If we hang at home they just end up fighting.
Pogo says
Thanks to everyone who encouraged me to consider applying for an internal job during my maternity leave! I’m chatting with the hiring manager today to feel it out. I think it actually is a big plus that we’re all remote right now, as that will make interviewing easier (re: pumping etc).
Anon says
Yay! Good luck!
Leatty says
Good luck!!
reposting from wkend says
Does anyone have experience to share with losing weight before TTC? I’m 5’3 and 175 lbs, and I am almost certain I’ll have a gestational diabetes diagnosis. What can I do to get ahead of this? What worked for you?
Anonymous says
After 3 kids and COVID pounds, I started weight watchers 9/1. I’m down about 19lbs. I hate tracking food/calorie counting, I hate diets that limit specific types of food, and I’m bad at exercising. Somehow the app and the ton of 0 point foods made it was less of a burden to track.
For what it’s worth, I’m actually fine at exercising–but I’m bad at using exercise to lose weight. I just end up extra hungry from working out and eat more.
Anon says
I’m sure you can look up data, but I don’t think gestational diabetes is that closely correlated to pre-pregnancy weight. I’m sure it’s a risk factor but the people I know who get GD were slim (and also healthy eaters, because I know those two things aren’t synonymous).
Anon says
yup, this. one of my best friends had it despite being a super healthy eater and runner throughout her pregnancy
Anon says
+1
Anecdotally, I also think it’s easier to conceive when you haven’t just dieted. That your body is under less stress and is more open to conception.
Anon says
Citation?
Signed, lost 55 lbs in the months immediately evading up to getting pregnancy. I only stopped actively losing because I tested positive.
Anonanonanon says
…she said “anecdotally”….
Anon Lawyer says
I don’t have a citation but Reproductive Endocrinolgosts often tell women this, though others do recommend weight loss. It appears to be a matter of some controversy.
Anonymous says
I used Weight Watchers to get back to a healthy weight after baby #1 before we TTC with baby #2. One of the major motivators was that excess weight is linked to fertility problems and I was older so I wanted to lower risk where I could. I didn’t buy any of the WW branded food and avoided sweeteners so focused on vegetables. fruits, lean protein, healthier carbs like whole grain pasta. I liked that no foods are off limits. Basically, it will help you establish healthy eating habits that you can continue into your pregnancy. I still use it for maintenance post baby #2 and I like the activity and water tracking they added.
Anon says
I have never done WW, but I find what works best is for me to integrate activity into my life (I like to run, but have done yoga and cycling in the past. Whatever works). Once I have a good routine, then I start tracking calories. It works well for me.
Anon says
Do you expect to have GD because of a previous GD pregnancy? Otherwise wouldn’t let that factor in. First, because I don’t think it’ll matter. Second, because GD isn’t great, but it’s not the end of the world. I’ve had it for two of my three pregnancies (and I weigh 115 and eat pretty well). So definitely don’t have advice on getting ahead of it!
Having GD also made my eating while pregnant much healthier – I wouldn’t wish it on someone, it’s a pain, but it’s okay. The only flag I’d raise is that I do think I’m now more likely to have diabetes later (?) – maybe that’s correlation not causation? – so could be worth talking to your doctor for that reason.
Congrats on TTC! Wishing you the best – and hopefully a GD-free pregnancy!
Anonymous says
OP here. It’s just my best guess based on research online. I want to minimize doctors visits due to the pandemic and was worried my weight would either prevent or complicate pregnancy. Thank you all for the tips and perspective!
Had GD twice says
No problem! I’ve actually been almost grateful I had it (maybe not twice…) because it taught me so much about my body and eating. And if you manage it correctly, it doesn’t have to be a risk to the baby.
Anon says
I am 5’8 and started my first pregnancy at 217 and did not have GD (although they did test me twice because kiddo was so big, but my family just produces big babies). While I ended up at 40 pounds under my pre-pregnancy weight PP, once I stopped BFing every single one of those pounds came back in the next 3 months (and then stayed steady for the next 12 months until COVID). I am also TTC and am currently around 225 (thanks COVID) and just accept that I will worry about the weight loss on the back-end and hope it goes better this time around.
Anonymous says
Nearly same experience for me here! 200 lbs before pregnancy, easy pregnancy and delivery, no GD, smallish baby. Gained 35 pounds in pregnancy, lost it all while BFing.
Anon Lawyer says
Bigger than you and had zero complications. It’s a risk factor not a destiny.
Anon says
Is it common for kids to go through a really difficult phase behavior-wise shortly before turning 3? My kiddo has always been pretty strong-willed and fairly emotional. I would never have described her as “easy” but she didn’t seem particularly difficult either. But these last few weeks have been something else. She has known for like a year now not to hit or push people and animals, but all of a sudden whenever she gets mad about anything, no matter how trivial, she’s pushing the dog or smacking me or DH in the face. We do time outs of course, but it seems to be making things worse, not better. I think she had 35 timeouts last week. Help!
Anonymous says
Yup. There’s like dozens of us on here asking the same question and everyone says “this is three”. Obviously make sure there’s nothing obvious in terms of hunger/physical issues/life changes/new sibling. But my experience is that every kid I know flips a switch into a more difficult version right around their 3rd birthday.
Anonymous says
Every 3 year old I know went through a few hellish weeks aright around their 3rd birthday. It sucks but it’ll pass!
Anon says
i have 2.5 year old twins and now im scared for the next 6 months!
Anon says
YES. My daughter turned 3 at the beginning of October and August and September (and July and June…) were ROUGH. We’ve made adjustments parenting wise to make things more bearable and maybe that’s what has helped her get more on track but the first month of being 3 is going better than the months before it.
We got firmer on timeouts which you’re doing and have done better keeping our cool in order to not escalate any situation. You’re doing the right things, hang in there.
anon says
We are getting our 4 yo a bike for her 5th birthday. The bike we got has both handle brakes and pedal-back brakes. How should we teach her to brake? Just see what she prefers? Thoughts appreciated.
Anonymous says
Start with pedal brakes. Disconnect the handbrakes until she is a more confident biker. Hand brakes involve coordinating both hands and feet vs. pedal brakes keeping the focus on what your feet are doing.
If she’s not a confident biker, you can remove the pedals so she can use it like a balance bike to get the balance figured out and then add the pedals back on.
Anonymous says
FWIW, my 8 year old’s bike has both and he has never attempted to use the hand breaks. I don’t think you need to disconnect them.
Anon says
pedals – my 5.5 year old rides a big bike and still doesn’t have the hand strength or span for hand bikes – you’ll see once you put her on it.
We haven’t disconnected the hand brakes though. Don’t think you need to if they’re hard for them to use.
Anonymous says
White parent of white kids question here, and I would especially appreciate thoughts from any WOC.
Yesterday, my son’s friends stopped by to see if he could come out to play. Friend 1 is Black, Friend 2 was white but I didn’t recognize him with a bike helmet and mask on. When I relayed to my son that [Friend 1] and unidentified other friend were outside, son (7.5), trying to figure out who the other friend was, asked, “is he brown?” (he definitely meant Black, he was just describing skin color like crayon/color wheel colors)
I don’t want to pretend that everyone’s skin color is the same; that’s a totally reasonable way to narrow down which friend is outside. But is his wording ok? If this language is offensive, I’d rather address that in my home before he uses it in public. And if not, what is better? “does he have dark skin?” “is he Black?” Maybe I’m totally overthinking this.
Anonymous says
You’re overthinking. This is fine.
shortperson says
yikes. step 1 in raising an antiracist child is being comfortable discussing race. read “raising white kids.”
OP says
I mean, that’s my question. I do want to raise an antiracist, and I’m not sure whether I should say something other than “no, he’s white” next time my son casually asks about skin color in a way that is about color and not race. I know being colorblind isn’t the answer, I was asking if my 7 year old needs to understand that brown is a color and Black is a race and he can’t mix up the two because Brown means something different when you’re talking about a person? Would a Black person be offended by being called brown in this way? I wouldn’t be offended by a kid calling me peach, but obviously race and skin color are not as loaded for me as they are for a POC. His Black friends in our neighborhood are adopted and have white parents, so while I value the parents’ opinions (and the opinions of white PhDs who write about race) and will ask next time I see them, I’m also interested in a POC perspective.
Anon says
Hi all, long time reader of the regular s ite, first time over here! I found out on Friday that I’m pregnant. Turns out it wasn’t just the election drama making me queasy! I spent the weekend alternating between complete freakouts and moments of elation. My situation is a bit complicated…
I’m 41. I sort of always knew that I wanted a child in the abstract sense, but I was never the person who goes crazy about newborns. I even considered having a child on my own in my late 30s but never acted on it. I have been dating a guy long distance since the winter (although we’ve known each other for several years). Long distance during COVID has of course been a challenge, but we’ve been able to see each other a couple of times per month. And, apparently the last time resulted in this…ooops. We’ve talked about having a child before and we both agreed that we sort of were leaning towards wanting one (but I knew time was kinda running out for me) but we never talked about having one together. So, even though I am feeling freaked out, I’m also thinking this is my one chance to have a child. (Not having it is not an option for me at this time.)
I haven’t told him yet (I’ve only known since Friday night). I’m being a total chicken. In my mind, I would be totally fine raising this bebe (said in a Moira Rose voice) on my own, but I’m pretty sure he’s going to want to be involved. But I can’t work where he lives, so he would have to move to my state (which he has expressed an interest in before). I just feel so apprehensive about how much I’m about to change his life. And I’m not even 100% I want to marry him or anything (I know it’s not needed). He’s a very good guy, but this level of commitment? Oh boy. Not ready for that.
Any advice for the first trimester? Or for co-parenting with someone you’ve only dated for a short time (whether you remain together or not)? I’m only 4 weeks in so it’s very early. Have my first prenatal appt booked for week 7. Am already taking prenatals. Feeling pretty OK other than fatigue (lots of naps now thanks to WFH).
Thank you for letting me vent over my anxiety!
Lily says
Congratulations! It sounds like there is a lot for you to unpack right now. There isn’t much traffic over here in the early evening so would encourage you to post again in the morning and you’ll get more responses.
Anonymous says
Chiming in to days congrats and to post again in the morning. If you are in the Boston area and need some moral support (or baby gear!) let me know :-)
Anon says
I don’t any advice but it’s totally normal to be anxious when you get a positive pregnancy test even if you were trying! I think ultimately you will be very glad you did this, even if you don’t end up in a nuclear family with the baby’s father. I was on the fence about having kids until I finally had one in my 30s but it’s just absolutely the best thing I’ve ever done. I really had no idea how much I would love being a mom and I’m sure you will too. For first tri, just take it easy – nap when you want to nap (yay WFH), eat bland carby food if that’s what you crave, don’t beat yourself up about choosing Netflix over exercise. You have the rest of your pregnancy to eat healthier and get into an exercise routine.
Anon says
*late 30s.
Anon says
Congratulations! I agree you should post again in the morning.
For the first trimester, I felt sick pretty much all the time. Nothing really helped me but time. Lots of naps, too, which I enjoyed a lot.
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