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Sales of note for 9.10.24
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- Ann Taylor – 30% off your purchase
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- Loft – Extra 40% off sale styles
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- Zappos – 26,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
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Anonymous says
For those of you who got your baby sleeping through the night at a relatively early age, any tips? My baby is 8 weeks and consistently doing 6.5 hour stretches and we’ve seen a couple times where he does 8 hours, so if there is anything I can be doing to encourage those longer stretches, I want to try it!
Anon says
I think it’s almost entirely luck, but I also think formula helps. I know breastfeeding advocates insist it doesn’t, but I combo fed and we anecdotally observed much longer stretches on the nights we topped off with a formula bottle before bed.
Anonymous says
Take the win!
Spirograph says
+1. it’s mostly luck. I started with the same game plan for each of my kids, but they were all over the map with sleeping. And the “sleep regressions” are real, so just enjoy the long stretches when you have them and adapt as you go.
Anon says
Although, like everything else baby related, sleep regressions are kid-dependent. Our eldest is almost 3 and never had a sleep regression (and has been a great sleeper since birth). Youngest is 6 months so too early to tell (although also a great sleeper).
Anon says
My kid never had “regressions” either. Teething and illness caused sleep problems but we never went backwards for no apparent reason.
anon says
That sounds about right. I read that you can’t expect babies to sleep longer than 1 hour for every week of age up until 12 weeks and your baby is almost there. My daughter is 7 months and is a great sleeper at night but doesn’t nap well during the day. She was at about 5-6 hour stretches at 8 weeks and at 12 hours by ~14 weeks. Now we’re consistently getting 12 hours a night; she wakes up but usually puts herself back to sleep. Maybe once a week I need to feed and settle her.
Every baby is different but two things that I think helped:
– I listened to Bringing Up Bebe about French parenting when pregnant, and one thing that stuck with me was “Le Pause” – basically, don’t go up to your baby’s crib the minute they stir. Give it a few minutes and see if they put themselves back to sleep. If she doesn’t or if she starts crying louder, DH or I go in.
– Follow Taking Cara Babies, she has some good recommendations and some I refuse to do (I like breastfeeding to sleep, for example)
– I started walking with the stroller around 1 week postpartum because I had to get out of the house. I then learned it’s recommended to get babies outside every day to help set their circadian rhythm. Not sure if it had an impact on DD, but she never had day/night confusion and I credit some of that to our walks
Vicky Austin says
If you like the content but not the attitude of TCB, try @heysleepybaby. She’s less prescriptive and rigid in a way I really appreciate – including saying, “Feed to sleep if it works for you! If not, here’s what you can try instead!”
sleep says
another great follow is 4theloveofsleep. really focusing on wake windows and eat,play sleep. if he’s doing 6.5 hours you might try a dream feed around 10pm and see if that extends it.
Anon says
My baby was very similar at that age and was at 12 hours a night by 12 weeks. Definitely nothing I could take credit for, it just sort of happened. I did not know any of the things noted below and did not actively do them to promote sleep but can confirm that baby was formula fed and was taken outside literally every day and was permitted to cry for a few minutes in her crib before we went in to soothe her (this really didn’t happen much for us though).
Anon says
Hi! Baby is 9 weeks and am in the same exact boat. Have been trying to implement the dream feed to shift the long stretch from 10:30 on, rather than starting at 8:30 (bedtime). I did the dream feed for months with my oldest, but have not been able to get baby doing it — she won’t wake up enough for bottle or boob! Tonight is night 4 and I think I’m going to really pull out the stops – undress, light, etc. to get the feed in!
anon says
moving him out of our room at 8 weeks got us our first 8.5 hour stretch and it just got longer after that.
anon says
this is a a really good tip too.
Anon says
Depends on the kid. My son was sleeping 12 hours every single night at 12 weeks (100% breastfed). My daughter was still nursing 3x per night until 9 months (despite trying to sleep train multiple times). She’s finally sleeping 12 hours at 10 months.
You want to make sure they’re having the appropriate amount of daytime sleep and age-appropriate bedtime/gap between last nap and bedtime.
Anonymous says
My daughter is 10 months. She has never slept through the night. We have worked out naps, we have worked out bedtime, she knows how to put herself to sleep. But what we cannot do is convince her to drop that last wake-up (somewhere between 2 and 4am). She’s not hungry, I think she just wakes up and has had just enough rest that she can’t get back to sleep easily. I’ve watched her roll around trying to get comfortable before she cries for us to come. And we recently dropped to 2 naps, so she’s not getting too much daytime sleep. Who knows. All told it could be worse, she used to wake 4-6 times a night.
CCLA says
Ours were similar and were both doing 10-12 hours by 12 weeks. They were both on formula only within a few weeks of birth. Who knows how much impact that or the schedule had but we were pretty consistent with routine and, after about 6 weeks, a schedule. We relied on the schedule in the Moms on Call book (fyi, the authors and some content are religious – we are not so I skipped a bunch of the book but loved the schedule approach, especially the concept of “if you have a crazy day, focus on keeping these few aspects of the schedule in place”).
TheElms says
A lot is baby dependent (I have one excellent sleeper and one meh to average sleeper). For us with both kids, making sure they got their calories in during the day rather than at night made the biggest difference, as far as we could tell. With kid one that meant pumping and bottle feeding at bedtime, so I knew how much they were getting. With kid two we did a bottle of formula before bed because I struggled to find time to pump. They both took 6 ounces before bed starting around 2 months. And it also made it easier for us to wait before responding to them in the night because we knew what they had eaten at bedtime. Second biggest difference was moving them out of our room, which we did around 4 months. And I think the last important thing was making it pitch black. I had multiple layers of blackout curtains and taped them to the walls so light didn’t leak in around the edges and we were careful to keep the hall light off so light wasn’t coming in under the door.
Vicky Austin says
Darkness makes a huge difference for us, too!
anon says
Low stakes question – what is your formula for kids school clothes? We are switching schools this fall and will go from having uniforms to no uniforms. My kids and I loved having uniforms! So, I am thinking about creating our own uniform of sorts by buying maybe 10 tops and 10 bottoms for my 6 (boy) and 9 (girl) year old kids. I have pretty much never bought my kids clothes bc of the uniforms and grandparents who love to shop. Our new school does not have a dress code. I have been browsing online and am surprised by all of the logos and graphics on kids clothes, is that distracting at school? I shop for myself all the time – this seems harder! What are your cheat codes?
Anon says
It’s a nice idea but I think most 9 year old girls will want some say in their clothes, especially when they see that other girls aren’t just wearing boring solid color capsule wardrobes. My 5 year old is already getting to the point where she wants a lot of say in her clothing. Graphic tees are not my favorite, but I don’t object to purchasing them unless they have a message I find objectionable, which is rare. As far as a formula, we make sure we have 10-20 seasonally appropriate, well-fitting tops and bottoms at all times, and let kiddo put together her own outfits with certain weather-related constraints. I mostly shop at Target, Old Navy and JCF, but my kid is younger.
Anonymous says
No. It isn’t distracting at school to have things on shirts. I honestly wouldn’t do this. It’s kinda weird.
anon says
My 9 yo wears a lot of athletic clothing. I tend to buy in her favorite color palate and then she mixes and matches. She also mixes in the free t-shirts from her favorite camps and sports, and some stretchy jeans. Her only “outfit” tends to be whatever we buy for the first day of school.
anon says
Your 9-year-old is definitely going to want a say in this. I think the uniform idea is nice in concept but is hard to execute with kids and especially if you’re in a four season climate. And I think it would be super weird to try to mimic the solid-colored uniforms that you’re used to; that’s not how kids actually dress. My elementary school kid wears school spirit tees, the occasional graphic tee (as does everyone else, I don’t understand the “distracting” argument), and tank tops with more coverage. She has a few hoodies that she uses for layering. For bottoms, it’s leggings, 1-2 pairs of jeans, and some athleisure pants. Winter is harder because she really doesn’t like long-sleeve shirts aside from hoodies. I dunno. She wears t-shirts with a hoodie on top, usually.
anon says
And, most stuff is in her favorite colors or neutrals, so I guess we have a de facto capsule wardrobe even though I didn’t set out to create one. My other advice is to not buy too much of one thing, as tastes can change quickly. And they’ll have more exposure to what other kids are wearing.
anon says
I’ll counter that my 9 yo has never ever wanted a say in her clothing. I try to mimic what other kids are wearing and buy more of the things she prefers and wears the most. But she has zero interest in shopping herself. I’ve tried to take her and she complains it’s the worst thing ever. Online I can sometimes get her to weigh in on a choice, but usually she just just tells me to decide.
anon says
Honestly, I’m a little jealous! I love that DD has a strong sense of what she wants, but it also makes things harder. And I don’t always love what she picks, but as long as it’s appropriate for the occasion and not objectionable for any other reason, I go with it.
anon says
I like Primary. I wait for a sale, have my kids pick out a bunch of colors in the tops and bottoms they like as they approach the next size up, and (mostly) done. I need to buy significantly less for the younger one since the older one’s clothes can be passed down.
My kids would rather spend 5 minutes a few times a year and keep the same style than branch out into new styles, though.
Anonymous says
When I think of a 9-year-old in Primary I think of the kids on Cup of Jo who are tweens and are still dressed like preschoolers. It is not a good look.
Anonymous says
Maybe you don’t like it? Or maybe there will be some big change in the next few months for my 8.5 year old boy. But he’s totally happy in primary now. Every kid in his school up through 6th grade has that grey shirt with the rainbow stripes. He wears elastic waist chinos from target or sweatpants and a solid or striped shirt from primary. Every day. By choice.
Anon says
That’s mean! I think her older son has special needs, these may be the clothes he wants. And 8-9 isn’t really a tween yet. Don’t wish away childhood!
NYCer says
This really made me LOL. So true. In fairness to the prior anon though, I do think Primary has expanded their offerings more recently and some of the clothes (mixed in with other, non-Primary items) would be fine for a 9yo.
We (thankfully) have uniforms for school, but I sometimes have good luck at Gap kids, H&M, Cat & Jack and Athleta Girl for every day stuff. Like most kids clothes though, it can be hit or miss.
Anonymous says
Yeah, I don’t know the brand, but on a quick look at the website, theres a lot of t-shirts that just look like bright colored t-shirts.
Anonymous says
Sheesh. This is awful. My child attends a very crunchy school where children, shocking!, aren’t pressured to grow up fast and a lot of 12 year olds still look like children BECAUSE THEY ARE. I’ve seen about zero branded wear unless it’s legitimately warm outerwear (outdoor school). So no one would judge a 9yo for wearing primary. Don’t buy into your child being a walking advertisement just because everyone else is.
Anonymous says
The age-appropriateness issue with Primary isn’t the absence of logos. It’s the juvenile cuts and the garish colors and prints. There are plenty of cute, age-appropriate logo-free options out there. Hanna, Primary, Boden, and the other “wide stripes in bright colors on boxy tees” brands are for toddlers.
Anonymous says
Agreed. I love Hanna quality but have stopped buying much there because my almost-8 year old finds it too childish. She loves J Crew Factory and Zara.
Anonymous says
My formula is to buy what is cheap and inoffensive to me while still being appealing to my son and is 100% cotton or mostly. In practice this means Target cat&jack shorts and pants with elastic waists, and T shirts from a mix of places. I don’t mind graphics but tend to avoid slogans/text if I’m picking. My son wears whatever is on top of the pile so he’s not very opinionated beyond colors and broad categories of clothes. When he was younger we did a lot of Carters and H&M in addition to Target, but now he needs Husky sizes. I try to get a couple of polo shirts and one nicer button down in case he needs to be vaguely dressy, but he rarely does.
Anon says
I usually aim for 10 tops and 10 bottoms for each of my kids. (“Tops” include two or three play-worthy dresses for the girls, “Bottoms” includes leggings, and a mix of “hard” pants and “soft” pants, though more of the latter. I might throw in some tights for colder months) Kids are 3, 6, and 11.
I tend to do an initial shop at thrift or consignment stores or community sales first because then we can get a good mix of styles and brands. Then I fill in from online purchases for any gaps we need to fill. For the elementary school age, I try to have a variety of colours so that when it’s “X” colour day at school they have something that could work. I usually let the 11 year old pick her own clothes or tell me what she is looking for.
I used to be very anti- licensed character and all about STEM graphics, but the licensed characters makes the kids really happy so I’ve learned to lean into their joy and get over myself. I do avoid shirts with logos, slogans or saying- I just find these annoying.
anon says
Getting over myself is a lesson I’ve definitely had to learn when it comes to kids’ clothes! My kids don’t need to be miniature versions of me. If the clothes are clean and appropriate for the occasion, I’m usually good with whatever.
My biggest pet peeve is clothing that looks outgrown even though they are technically still wearable. Like the skort my daughter wore to camp today. Especially with skirts, dresses, and shorts, it is not a good look. Those, I try to actively manage out of the rotation.
Anon says
My rule with character clothes is that we don’t buy them during regular clothing stock-ups, ie back to school shopping, with the exception of undies and socks. Otherwise, the kids can get them as gifts for birthdays and holidays or as a special treat. This means that they will inevitably have a t-shirt or two, maybe a hoodie, just enough to keep them happy and make it special while keeping it from getting out of control.
Clementine says
We have an accidental formula – neutral pants (jeans, dark joggers, khaki colored jeans), t-shirts (mix of vintage style from cat and Jack, graphic tees from gap kids and jcrew factory and school/soccer tees) in short and long sleeve. Top with hoodie if needed. The bottoms are neutral so he always matches.
As he’s getting older we’re adding in more athletic wear.
Daughter wears mostly tea collection dresses or tops (bought on sale) with leggings or shorts underneath. Sweatshirts on top.
Big hack is just to buy all matching socks. My oldest just wears black low cut athletic socks.
Anonymous says
neutral bottoms and a range of tops is my clothing formula for myself too. Just makes things easy.
Anonymous says
I agree with the neutral pants formula. I have only solid color pants in mostly gray and blue. They match everything. And then the tops are any pattern or color. I started this when my first was an infant because trying to match pants and tops on a baby was way too much work.
Anonymous says
right now my baby has random items bought by various relatives, so I just lean into letting it clash and be garish. Pink and orange flower-y onesie with different pink striped ruffle shorts works great on cute baby. grab whatever items appeal and are clean in the moment.
Anonymous says
If they are used to wearing uniforms they may not really know what they want to wear to school. I’d start with a week’s worth of outfits plus a couple of extras for wash day. Layers because climate control in classrooms is terrible–e.g., short-sleeve tee or dress plus zip hoodie or jean jacket. Then let them pick out a few more outfits after they see what other kids are wearing and what they like to wear themselves.
Anonie says
We are a fan of capsule wardrobes for the kids. I think it looks classier and more put-together than having characters or slogans all over their shirts. We still allow the kids to pick their clothes. I think 10 and 10 is probably more than you need, assuming you do laundry weekly.
Our approach last year was to first curate the kids’ existing wardrobes, which meant we took ALL their clothes out of their dresser and donated anything that was ugly, stained, or worn out. We then set them out on their bed, 6 or so bottoms and 6 or so tops, eyeballing it to make sure all the top/bottom combos could be worn together.
If there were gaps, like one kid had 3 bottoms and 4 tops, we took the kids to Macy’s and had them each pick out additional items to fill in the gaps. This meant our clothes stayed in the same color family – I have girls, so typically pastels or bright warm colors for tops, denims or neutral colored bottoms.
Writing this out has me extra excited to do this for this year!
Anonymous says
Distracting at school? No. My taste? Also no.
My rising 4th grader who is almost 10 wears a mix of “nice” clothes (eg outfits) and “comfy” clothes. Usually comfy = athleta leggings, some kind of athleisure shirt or a team jersey + sweatshirt.
Outfits = things from stitchfix, rompers & birks, Jeans and a top, that sort of thing.
We are in New England so layers always!
Anonymous says
The Children’s Place has some good prime day deals for multipacks on Amazon.
anonM says
Not a tip, but I understand this 100%. Our preschool has uniforms, and DS is starting kindergarten soon. He too did not mind the uniform, and I’m also wondering how to do this for school. My thought is like yours, try to keep the uniform idea and have things that are pretty interchangeable. I also don’t like all the logo stuff. I wonder if you also have found that finding older boy stuff is harder than for girls/younger boys. I like bright colors for kids, and some variety (not all dinos/video games/baseball) and that really narrows it for older boys. FWIW, Old Navy has actual uniforms and boy/girl/unisex stuff in fun colors. Also- just a heads up that while my DS doesn’t mind the uniform, he would never agree to wear his uniform pants on weekends/nonuniform days. So trying to just swap out tops would not have worked for me, but YMMV. Please post a follow up if you do come up with some good tips or places to shop!
Alaska Cruise says
Two questions-
First, general tips for cruises with kids, particularly an Alaska cruise or older elementary kids (8 & 10). What activities were big hits, how much autonomy would you let them have, anything else?
Second, the cruise was s package with the flights, which they assigned well after booking. Our return trip has us leaving Seattle very late at night, and arriving in Atlanta 5 hours later (around 8 Eastern). Then 2 hours in ATL and a 1 hour flight home. With 2 post-vacation kids who are too big to be carried and too little to just not need sleep. WTF? Any tips to get through that one?
Anon says
I’d try to change the flights. It’s probably possible for a fee. Kids that age are actually old enough to sleep decently on planes, the problem is that the Seattle-Atlanta redeye is so short there’s not enough time for a solid block of sleep.
Alaska Cruise says
Already tried and failed. Well, they moved it back a little earlier (we were leaving about midnight, now it’s more like 11:15), but that hardly seemed helpful. Very much looking forward to the cruise, but not sure I would have agreed had I known about this flight. Luckily, my kids are usually really good with schedule disruptions, but this is definitely a big one.
Anon says
Ah bummer. I think it’ll be ok. I’ve done redeyes to Europe (+ onward travel in Europe) with younger kids who didn’t sleep at all, and it was ok. Just don’t expect them to do much handling of their own luggage after the red-eye, even if they’re normally champs at that.
Anonymous says
It will be okay. Try some melatonin to help them fall asleep fast on the plane and assume they will need a day or two to recover once you get home.
Anonymous says
I think it will be fine. They can sleep on the plane and you can all have grumpy breakfast in Atlanta and then you’ll be home. It’s not ideal but it’s fine.
RR says
We did an Alaska cruise in June, and my youngest is 9. She loved the kids club and wanted to spend most of her time there. If she was with us, she wanted to be at the pool. We had to check her in and out of the kids club, so generally either my husband, me, or one of our teenagers was with her. There were a couple times we allowed her to run to the room or something similar by herself, but generally her autonomy was in deciding what she wanted to do (kids club, pool, or some other activity with us). On port days, she did whatever excursion we had planned.
The flights are yuck, but I’ve found that my kids actually do really well with crazy travel. Have movies for them to watch on the planes if they don’t sleep, lots of snacks, and plan for them to crash when they get home. We left Vancouver in the afternoon, had almost no layover in Chicago due to a delay, and didn’t get home to our Midwestern city until around 11:00 pm. Then luggage and collecting the car. It was after midnight by the time everyone was home and in bed. Keep in mind, they will be on west coast time though, so they will likely be totally fine. Mine had no issues at all.
We did Europe with them last year, and the kids handled the flights better than we adults. Have fun!
anon says
Not what you’re asking and a very different example, but we spend all night in the ER last week. Like checked in at 8am with DD and stayed awake until we got home at 9am. DD grabbed maybe 2 hours of (interrupted) sleep. She’s 5 and absolutely needs her sleep. We all climbed in to bed when we got home and just slept until about 2:30pm and bedtime that night was pushed back about an hour but otherwise DD handled it way better than the adults.
So, I think you’ll actually be ok. It’s not ideal, but I think kids adjust. Just set low expectations for the day you return. Getting them to sleep on the first leg would be my bigger concern!
anon says
Edited – checked in at 8 PM! so we were up all night.
so tired says
Thoughts on teaching emotional regulation or if this is extreme and we need professional help? My barely 6 year old still kicks and screams and cries and throws themself around when upset, sometimes for over an hour. It seems to go in spurts with us having a really bad week every 2-3 months. A lot of times it’s when we need to go to an activity (practice, game, lesson) that they originally wanted to sign up for and then a few weeks/sessions in they flat out refuse. as they’re getting older we’ve told them they’re no longer allow to quit and that they’re team relies on them etc. they have to finish through whatever we’ve paid for. the screaming yelling, writhing on the floor continues. I look around and never see other parents dealing with this.
Anonymous says
If it’s mostly around activities, I would pull them from all activities and tell them they are not getting signed up for anything else. Then I would wait until they go 6 months or more without a tantrum before allowing them to try activities again.
Anonymous says
That seems awfully harsh. Kids aren’t tantrumming on purpose, they haven’t developed the regulation skills yet. I would be more judicious with activities but I wouldn’t make a rule like that (if we waited for my 8 year old to go six months without a tantrum he’d be.., 20? We are working on it, with help, but it’s a very slow process.
Anonymous says
I would dial back activities and also allow kid to not go to every practice etc. I wouldn’t think of it like this which is punitive. I’d think of it as giving more support and giving the kid what they need
Anonymous says
It’s not harsh if you don’t tell the kid your criterion. Tantrums are a sign that the child is not ready for activities, so it is kind and not cruel to wait until they are ready to sign them up again.
Anonymous says
At ages 5/6 I still saw a lot of crying and resistance from other kids surrounding activities, but not the kind of tantrums you are describing. The parents of the criers usually relented and let them quit after a month or two.
anon says
The podcast Flusterclux is great for learning to teach emotional regulation. It focuses on anxiety, but I think the methods work more generally.
anon says
I would cut way back on activities for six months to a year. I know that’s heresy in the current parenting environment, but one could make the argument that your kid isn’t ready for them. (No judgment; one of my kids absolutely could not handle extracurriculars at that age. They are far less structured than daycare and school, and the combination of his emotional volatility and the new expectations was not a good mix.)
Anon says
+1 your kid doesn’t sound ready for activities and activities are really unnecessary at this age.
so tired says
yeah I think this is the answer too. Its hard for me because I want to give them all the opportunities I never had because my parents couldn’t afford it. And I think there is a lot to learn by practicing and getting better at something, and being on a team.
Anon says
They have their whole lives to do this though. It doesn’t have to start at age 6.
anon says
Exactly. He’s not getting any of the benefits at this point, anyway. So give it some time.
Anon says
This! 6 is still so tiny in the big scheme of things! And that age just they just need unstructured play with their friends. If a kid has a self-motivated passion for an activity, it’s a different story, but IMO it’s way too young to be forcing participation in anything organized (other than school, obviously).
anon says
There are times when a kid does need to participate in an activity, e.g., swim lessons ahead of swim season. We consider it a safety issue and do expect participation even if they don’t really feel like it that day. It’s hard to register for lessons here, and expensive. We’re happy to work with them to make it as good as it can be (rewards, new goggles, wetsuit, etc), but the answer can’t be that they don’t go or only go when in the mood.
Anonymous says
Let them quit! They are 6. The team does not need them. I think your kid is letting you know that they aren’t ready for commitments like that.
anon says
For a kid who is being difficult for no particular reason (not tired, hungry, overscheduled, afraid, etc), I’ve sometimes implemented a rule that for every minute they’re late to the activity is a minute they lose from screen time. This seems to move them along without any need to prod them further.
Anon says
That’s super harsh.
op says
well this kid gets no screen time, except for an occasional movie night. due to extreme behavior/obsession when we did allow it.
Anonymous says
Believe me, they are dealing with it.
Anon says
I don’t know…we have a very spirited, emotionally intense kid and at age 5.5 we’re getting past regular meltdowns. Not to say they NEVER happen, but not as regularly as OP describes and she has way more ability to come back from the brink of a meltdown than she did even six months ago.
Anonymous says
Not EVERY kid. But I have often felt very alone in the amount of high level meltdowns my second grader has because I never see other kids doing it. And then I talk to my friends/classmates’ parents/this board and realize a good many kids are in the same boat, just not where I would see it. Heck my kid’s therapist let us know we are WELL within normal levels and that being multiple extreme meltdowns per week.
OP says
bless you for this. I needed to hear it. Is therapy helping? any takeaways? meds? the kid needs sleep but lately cannot fall asleep and then sleep walks/yells
Anonymous says
It’s really hard to say if therapy is helping. The things that help the most are structure and managing bodily needs (sleep, noticing the need to go to the bathroom before getting uncomfortable and angry, noticing getting overheated and removing a layer eating food when hungry…). Parenting strategies re: anxiety also help. This is clearly a long game though.
OP says
oh man, so many tantrums they stop mid-scream and run to the bathroom. DH is telling me we need to reinforce consequences, but that doesn’t feel like the problem. they just do not care and sometimes it feels the only answer is to stay home and go nowhere.
anonM says
Hi so tired! Have you considered pediatric occupational therapy? We recently started with my 5.5yo, and now looking back I realize that his refusal to participate in soccer was likely due to his motor processing difficulties. The OT evaluation was about an hour, plus a one hour parent education session. I’ve learned a lot, but in short, if your kiddo is having to exert a lot of mental energy with the activity, they can react in different ways including avoiding the task by refusal, crying, etc. My son did not cry, but he did straight-up refuse and was also the only other kid doing this. It’s a relief to have someone say to us that this isn’t my kiddo being difficult or bad, it is really because the task was just too much at that age for him. Also, for our kiddo this is pretty subtle – he was showing anxious behaviors at school and refused to participate in soccer, but other than that it was all manageable behaviors for us. But, OT has shown us that he needs to really practice a skill one-on-one before we throw him into a loud, chaotic group activity. I really think you should consider at least doing the eval before taking the punishment-for-tantrums approach that some seem to be suggesting in comments, because it may really be some underlying difficulties.
op says
that’s interesting. I’ll look into it.
New Mom says
I am 7 months pregnant, and hoping to take advantage of all the sales this week at amazon, target, etc. I think I have most of the big things covered (crib, bassinet, clothing, etc). What are some smaller items that are more likely to be forgotten? What do I need for the hospital or post-delivery for me? I haven’t gotten any of those things yet
OOO says
If you drop a burner email I can send you my Google doc of baby items we used in the first year
New Mom says
Thanks, that would be really helpful! My email is [email protected]
OOO says
Sent!
anon says
hakaa or similar suction milk-catcher pump, breast pads, maxi pads, sound machine
Abby says
I recommend the Boon Trove over the haaka! Fits in your bra/baby can’t kick it off.
Anon says
I would hold off on hakkaa or other milk-catcher, as well as breast pads, until you see if you’ll need them.
Signed – breastfed two babies for 12+ months each, oversupply, strong letdown, but never had a simultaneous letdown from the side i wasn’t nursing from and never leaked.
Vicky Austin says
Eh, breast pads are so darn cheap I would go ahead and buy them – and iirc the haakaa isn’t that pricey either. If you don’t end up using them, there is probably a moms buy nothing group on Facebook or something you can use to get rid of them.
busybee says
This might be an unpopular opinion but I brought way too much stuff for me in the hospital! All I really needed were sleeping mask, my ear buds (I sleep with white noise like an infant), snacks, phone charger, hair tie, toothbrush, and my big water bottle. I used hospital socks, underwear, robe, etc. Yes I felt schlubby but I was bleeding a lot and would have ruined my clothes. They gave me a kit of postpartum supplies and I found I didn’t need anything extra beyond that except for pads.
Smaller baby stuff: I didn’t realize that bottles have different sized n!pples. My daughter had a super small mouth and needed the preemie size for a while, so consider having a variety of sizes. Our bottles only came with one size I think. We didn’t plan to bottle feed but it was a necessity.
Anon318 says
Agreed that I brought way too much stuff to the hospital with my first – here is what made the cut when I had my second:
– LONG phone charger cord
– Nursing tanks
– Maternity leggings
– Soft cotton wrap-style sweater (made me feel more put together/covered up when we had visitors plus it was cold in the hospital room!)
– Snacks. All the snacks.
anon says
Pumping bra!!!!!
DD was born with jaundice and they had to formula feed her 50% of the time. Alas, I was left holding the pump to my chest multiple times for 15-20 minute stretches when all I wanted to do was put my head back and rest.
You very well may not need it but omg I would never leave to the hospital to give birth without it again!
Amelia pond says
or at least a soft nursing bra, you can ‘hack’ it to use as a pumping bra in a pinch. shout out to my awesome nurse for showing me that or I too would have been stuck holding a pump to my boobs 8 times a day with a (full term) nicu baby.
Anon says
How were you sleeping in the hospital with ear buds? (The dream!) My baby was sleeping next to me and eating every 2 hours the first night.
busybee says
I was induced and spent a night in the hospital before she was born. They were great to mask the noise of all the hospital equipment.
Anon says
Longgggg phone charger. 15 feet.
Vicky Austin says
Also this. Maybe two.
Vicky Austin says
Things I’d consider in your shoes, having just done this:
-Do you have a water bottle/cup you really like? Buy a couple extras and stash them in the different places around the house you’re likely to spend time. I’m breastfeeding and therefore constantly thirsty so this has been top of mind for me, but you’ll want to hydrate no matter what your feeding situation looks like.
-If you plan to breastfeed, you could grab some nursing bras (maybe in a couple different sizes since you don’t know how your size will change). I cannot recommend the Auden seamless sleep bras from Target enough, and they’re cheap enough you could get a couple sizes. (And hey, if you buy size large but it doesn’t end up fitting, I will buy them from you, just saying!)
-Think about your pajama situation. I struggled with this at first because nursing made regular pajamas difficult, but after nursing I was always freezing, especially if I tried to sleep in just a bra. I seriously kept a sleep cardigan (from a nice loungewear set my MIL had given me a few years prior) by my bed the first few weeks. Of course, hormones are weird, and you might find yourself constantly overheating! So explore what’s out there so you can give yourself options.
-It looks like a lot of Frida mom and baby stuff is included in Prime Day – we love the snotsucker and the nail clipper. I have and loved the hospital gown that comes in some Mom kits but I don’t see it in the deals unfortunately. (I still sleep in mine sometimes!)
-Make sure you have high-waisted underwear. If you have a C-section, you’ll really, really want it. Kindred Bravely has some pairs included in the Prime day deals.
Vicky Austin says
Oh, and I was given this: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07TPBBJM5/?coliid=I1IBJJRE057URW&colid=1Z9B9T7SUZD2R&psc=0&ref_=list_c_wl_lv_cv_lig_dp_it
and I love it for hauling pump stuff back and forth to work. I was also expecting to be going to client sites a ton this fall (that may change now) and it has features I thought would be useful for that, too.
An.On. says
If you’re pumping: hands-free pumping bra, storage bags, extra pump machine parts, insulated lunch bag for transporting milk, bunches of bottles with different sized nipples, place to stash your set-up (we had a small wheeled side table).
For your recovery: witch hazel pads, comfier large underwear, absorbent pads for underwear.
For baby first twelve months: extra changing table (depends on your family – we got one that could be wheeled around), baby bathtub, baby laundry basket, baby first aid kit, diaper bag, boxes and boxes of wet wipes, play mat, baby bouncers, pillow loungers, mesh crib bumpers, high chair, booster seat, car seat (if you only have an infant car seat), sound machine, monitor, electric nail file, electric snot sucker, drying mat for baby dishes, diaper pail & bags.
DLC says
One of the few things that I rave about is the OXO vertical bottle rack. The design is brilliantly functional and much better than the other ones we tried.
OXO also makes a bottle brush set that I really like too.
Also – if you are going to feed/nurse in bed, I found having one of those reading pillows made sitting up in bed with the baby so much more comfortable than just trying to get the right pillow configuration.
And second the suggestion of a good water bottle or cup. I liked insulated ones with a straw.
Anonymous says
Yes, I LOVE the OXO bottle rack. Still using it 3 years later for water bottle parts and other small handwashed things – it fits right under the upper cabinets behind the main dish rack.
3rd Bday party menu says
Menu ideas for 3rd birthday party? 10-1ish
I was originally planning for hot dogs and hamburgers but then we attended our first preschool party and the kids just grazed on things like chips and cupcakes and fruit.
Expecting about 10 kids. Half of which will be 4 and under.
Chips, fruit, veggie tray, maybe charcuterie type thing for the adults? Plenty of water and juice
Anonymous says
Chicken nugget tray or pizza
New Here says
For my 3 y/o’s party (10 – 11:30-12ish), we did fruit, cheese cubes, pretzels, gold fish, pigs in a blanket (big hit), juice boxes, water. Cupcakes for the birthday treat.
Anon says
I would do something more substantive like pizza or chicken nuggets.
anon says
If I was attending a party over lunch I would expect some kind of proper lunch, not just grazing. Burgers, dogs and maybe some chicken sounds perfect to me.
Anon says
+1 it’s pretty odd to have a party over the lunch hour and not serve a meal
NYCer says
For the kids, chicken nuggets or pizza for the “main course” if you are leaning into lunch. You could also do bagels and cream cheese if prefer to make it more breakfast oriented.
I would also have some sort of sliced fruit and other snack food for the kids (goldfish, teddy grahams, pretzels – something along those lines).
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
Feeding people a meal is always my baseline regardless what mealtime the party falls into. It just makes life easier for most in attendance. I’d definitely do pizza or a tray or two of sandwiches or nuggets.
Anonymous says
For my 3 yo’s birthday, we’re doing cheese pizza, fruit salad and/or veggies w/ hummus, and cupcakes.
Anon says
Should I get the kindle fire for my kid? He’s 2.5 and we have a long road trip and a 14hr flight to Asia coming up. We don’t do a ton of screentime but seems like it could be helpful for these trips?
Anon says
We got one for my daughter at the same age before a 14 hour drive to Florida, and have been very happy with it.
anon says
yes! with the case & headphones
Anon says
Yes – you can really limit the options. We have minimal screen time, but unlimited for travel.
New Here says
We have one my 3.5 year old is only allowed to use on long car trips. It entertains her the entire 6-8 hours…bought it last Prime Day, so she was 2.5 when she first started using it.
anonamommy says
I’ll be a dissenter – we had a kindle fire for about 6 months and I completely hated it. I found the interface clunky and difficult to restrict available shows to keep them age-appropriate. We went to an ipad shortly thereafter (with a very big protective case) and it’s been significantly easier on everyone.
Anon says
We almost never have the wifi connected, so she just has what we’ve downloaded.
Anonymous says
Definitely if you have a 14 hour flight!!
Yesterday's Dad Post re Boundaries says
For yesterday’s poster with the husband who planned to let the toddler have unlimited screen time, I suggest that you frame the screen time as something that is a coveted good for each parent. Obviously we all want to plop our kids in front of screens as much as possible, but we’re grown ups who realize that is not okay. Just like you likely negotiate other “goods” – nights out, who is DD, etc., you should allocate screen time between parents.
My husband really got it when I framed this issue as, we only have 10 hours of screen time for kiddo a week, and you’re hogging it all.
Anonymous says
This is a really good way to frame it!
Anon says
That works if they have the same idea of what the total amount of screentime should be – which they may not.
AIMS says
This is how I frame it with Mr. AIMS. For a while I found myself very annoyed because I would have a lot of weeknight work dinners and he would treat it as take out fun night and just let the kids watch TV, have fun doing whatever, and order pizza, Chinese, etc., and then I would get stuck with cooking something nutritious on the nights I was home because they already ate so much delivery that week, which felt really burdensome. It worked when I wasn’t going out that much but when I was out 2-3 times a week, it really wasn’t healthy or fair.
AIMS says
Even if you have different ideas on screen time limits, I think it’s helpful to frame it as “when you don’t limit screen time, it makes it hard for me to have a break by also using screen time (or to enjoy movie night with kid, or whatever the case may be)”
OP says
This is a good way to frame it, thank you!
We’ve been having the screen time discussion/disagreement off and on for a couple of months now- and previously it’s felt like it was a “goods” discussion and we were just not in sync in terms of what an appropriate limit was and who got how much time. A huge part of my WTFness is that this weekend was the first time he’s declared his new “I’m not going to say no to her” policy.
Yesterday wasn’t a good day to have the kind of in depth discussion(s) we need to be having so we’ll see when I’ll get a chance to actually bring it up.
anon says
yes that’s a good age for it for travel. ours sits in a cabinet with a dead battery unless we are traveling. and wired headphones. we did blue tooth to start and it was a mess.
I’m tired says
Anyone here co-sleep with their kid? And for how long? And how rough was the transition to sleeping independently?
Anon318 says
We have made some less-than-mainstream sleeping arrangement decisions, but it has and continues to work for our family – we have two happy, healthy kids and a solid marriage. Please consider that before anyone judges!
We currently have a set of bunk beds in our master bedroom where our kids (7 and 5) sleep every night. I can comment more on how we got here, but the short version is DS has a horrible time sleeping without a parent in the room and we all get great sleep with this arrangement. I don’t know what will happen as he approaches puberty, but I’m a huge proponent of doing what works for your family to provide a haven for everyone in it.
For what it’s worth, he has no problems sleeping at sleepovers with friends or grandparents. I guess he just likes to be close to parents when available.
Anon says
Aw I love that! I let my 5 year old sleep in bed with me every Sunday night, starting when she was about 3 years old. We both really look forward to it,and it’s caused zero issues with her being in her own bed the rest of the time.
Anon says
I cosleep with my baby (6 months) and my husband goes to my son’s (3) room in the middle of the night. He reverse cycles because he doesn’t understand how to take a bottle, so this arrangement works best. We will probably move the baby to his brother’s room once he is able to walk (idea being that he can get himself out from any blankets his brother may throw into the crib).
I wish I just coslept with my first from when he showed signs of having problems staying asleep alone. Oldest is able to fall asleep alone currently, although there was a six month stretch recently when he needed one of us in the room to fall asleep (that was miserable).
GCA says
If you define cosleeping as same bed, we coslept with DS till he was 2.5, then transitioned him to a toddler bed next to ours in preparation for new baby (who in theory got her own pack&play but in practice ended up in our bed half the night). He was then in a loft bed from 3.5 onwards.
DD was in our bed till 15mo, then started out the night on a floor mattress and ended up in our bed till age 4; now if she comes into our room in the middle of the night, she goes into a sleeping bag on a pad next to the bed.
(I am team ‘do the thing that gets you, collectively, the most good sleep’.)
If you define cosleeping as same room, we were in a 1br apartment and all in the same room till kids were 15mo and 4.5, when we moved and they got their own (shared) room.
We are about to move and they will each get their own room, so I’ll keep you posted on how that transition goes.
Anonymous says
We are traveling next week and are in the midst of potty training — any tips for using airplane/airport bathrooms?? My kid is OK at using the potty at home, 50/50 at school, and hates public restrooms so far (too loud!). I am tempted to just use a diaper and tell him it’s a special travel diaper for the plane only…
anonM says
This worked for us for plane travel/long car rides at that stage, but I think we still had them try to use the potty and just did the diaper/pull-up as backup. Also, I hate travel potties and my kids are easy for me to lift, so I would just hold them over the potty if needed.
Anon says
That’s what I would do, but I was lazy about potty training.
NYCer says
I would 100% do a diaper for the plane, especially if he does not like public restrooms. My kids both HATED airplane bathrooms when they were little (but were generally okay with other public restrooms), and wore a pull up on planes long after they were potty trained.
Anon says
That’s funny, the first time my kid ever used a public toilet it was an airplane bathroom. Partly because she has a bladder of steel so we basically never needed public restrooms except when traveling, but I think she also found the small size of the plane toilet less intimidating.
anonn says
we have a foldable seat minimizer, and I’ve also heard to bring post-its to cover the flush sensor if that scares them. plane diaper is a good idea, you never know when you’ll be stuck in line on a runway for take off.
Bottle woes says
Can I whine/cry for a minute? First week of daycare. I sent 16oz of pumped milk and thought it would be plenty since I fed baby less than an hour before dropping her off and planned to pick her up early. They gave her all 16 oz of milk in 3 hours. I now have to go get her since she has nothing left for the afternoon.
They’re supposed to feed her every 2-3 hours which is what she was doing with our short term nanny. Ugh.
Anon says
What??? Yes, that’s super fair to whine/cry about. How they heck did they go through 16 ounces in 3 hours? I think it’s time to give them a much stricter feeding plan
Anonymous says
Whoa that is really upsetting, I cried buckets the first few days of daycare and that really would have made things harder. You definitely need to talk to them about feeding schedule and also how they are soothing her- if they are going right to a bottle every single time she cries that is a problem.
Vicky Austin says
Whaaaaaattttt???? Of course you can whine/cry! My goodness!
I don’t know what it is about breastfed babies, but if literally any other caregiver can’t calm my kid in two minutes, they’re like, “Well, guess he’s hungry???” and pass him back to me. Uh, no, he’s been awake for two hours and you were all up in his face! He’s exhausted!
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
This is a tough transition! All the hugs.
If you feel like reading any advice (and if you don’t – all good!)…I had a similar experience with DS #1. Here’s what I learned:
– Sometimes, babies suck down bottles quicker than nursing – I feel like both my kids preferred bottles to me (and they were OK switching back/forth – I know that isn’t always the case)
– They are stress eating, growth spurting, etc. and there’s comfort in the bottle and/or mom’s milk
– Send frozen pumped milk (if daycare can store it) as a backup
– I did not do this with DS #1 – I wish I had just let them give formula if he was still hungry after going through whatever pumped milk I sent. I did this with DS #2 and the relief it gave me was palpable – I also wasn’t a huge producer for either baby.
GCA says
Oh ffs, seriously! I would be so annoyed and stressed. Not what you need in your first week of daycare. (And send in extra frozen milk, a tin of formula and some extra bottles.)
How old is baby? Sometimes they are legit going through growth spurts – kid 1 was basically always hungry from 5-6 months – and sometimes daycare is going straight to a bottle for comfort. How is baby acting after being fed? If they spit up half of what they ate, that’s a good sign they are taking in too much too fast.
Anonymous says
Yikes! Are they just assuming that if she cries, she’s hungry? Any chance she’s going through a growth spurt?
Does your daycare provide formula? Mine did, so I signed the form saying they could give it to her if necessary/she ran out of pumped milk, and I left an extra clean bottle in my kid’s cubby just in case. Definitely came in handy during a couple growth spurts.