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Here’s a fun question we haven’t talked about in far too long: do you eat dinner with your children — as in the same time, one big happy family in that Brady Bunch kind of way? Would you consider “eating dinner together” “sacred” in your family in the way that all those advice columns say it should be, or do you do other things for family togetherness (like family breakfasts)?
(Related questions: do you eat the same foods as your kids? In general, how do you handle dinners as a working parent?) We’ve talked about family dinners and working parents in the past, but it’s been far too long!
I was just talking to a working mom who (along with her husband) had lost a ton of weight recently, and part of her success was that she and her husband get one of those uber-healthy prepared meal-delivery services 5-6 nights a week. She noted that since she and her husband eat at 8:00 when they get home from work, and generally eat different food than their daughters (8 and 5, who eat earlier with the nanny), this made sense.
I went to visit another friend (this one a SAHM with a husband who works Very Late Hours; her kids are 9, 5, and 3) around 4:30pm recently and was surprised to find her putting dinner on the table for her kids — I hadn’t thought I’d be interrupting dinner. She explained that instead of a snack after school she fed them dinner right away, and then she and her husband sometimes managed to eat together but often she would just graze or eat what she wanted when she had time for dinner.
{related: meal-planning apps for working moms}
We’ve always done it differently at Casa Griffin, but I wouldn’t say we’ve got a great system — instead, it’s been a struggle. Even though I work from home, in the days when we were working with a hard 7:00pm bedtime it was a struggle for my husband to get home in time, and for me to have dinner prepared in time, to actually eat a healthy dinner, feel “togetherness,” and then get the kiddo(s) to bed at a normal hour.
The kids are older now, and the “target” bedtime for my youngest is still 7:30 — and it still feels rushed and crazy.
The kids eat different meals than each other and the parents (Not Great Thing #1*), so getting everyone’s meals plated at the same time is usually beyond my executive functioning capabilities by that point in the day, and my eldest is often “starving” so he’s inclined to grab his food, eat it immediately, and then get up from the table to go devour more screentime. (Of course.) (Not Great Thing #2, but that’s a different post.)
So I kind of wish we had done things the way my friend had — get the kids used to having a relaxed dinner when they were actually hungry, then actually enjoy dinner with my husband at a point when we were hungry. (Although at this point in my life I’m starving at 5pm also, so maybe it’s better we eat early!)
{related: five family dinner strategies better than delivery}
So… how do you guys do it? Have you read anything on point that really stuck with you? For those of you with older kids, how have you adjusted your eating schedule as they’ve gotten older (and as more sports and extracurriculars may have interrupted dinner hour)?
Not Great Thing #1, Re eating the same meal: I’ve written before about how my eldest entered a picky eating phase around age 5, and my youngest is also a bit of a sensitive eater, so at one point it just seemed easiest to make separate meals for the kids. I’m happy to report that my eldest is getting more adventurous, so we may be exiting this phase soon, at least with him.
Stock photo via Deposit Photos / monkeybusiness.
Beth @ Parent Lightly says
It’s so interesting to me to hear what other families do for dinner! In our house, we almost always eat dinner together. The only exception is when my husband takes the girls to taekwondo and they eat between classes. Otherwise, we all eat the same thing, together, between 5 and 6:30, depending on who is traveling and what work stuff we have going on. When my husband’s not traveling he works from home so he can get dinner started usually. Kids are 5 and 7. If they don’t like what’s for dinner they can have a peanut butter sandwich and a banana but there’s no other option. Works OK for us but they’re not super picky eaters.
Boston Legal Eagle says
We have a 3.5 year old and a 1 year old. While eating together is less Brady Bunch and more me and my husband quickly shoving food in our mouths while attending to the needs of the kids (1 year old is starting to throw food, preschooler gets up 10000 times for various things), but we do try to make it a point to sit down and have dinner together every night. We generally have different meals but some components may be similar – i.e. we’ll provide the kids the same veggies or fries that we’re having. We have dinner at around 6:20/6:30, and 1 year old is down for bedtime by 7:30. It certainly doesn’t feel relaxing but I do like getting in the habit of all of us sitting down for a meal. I have hopes that it will be easier to have the same meals in the future!
Anonymous says
This is pretty much exactly our routine as well (and same ages!). It’s a lot earlier than we used to eat, but I’ve found I feel much better and sleep better when I don’t have dinner sitting in my stomach late at night. I have some pretty good memories of eating with my family growing up (our entire family also all drank a big glass of milk with dinner, which I now think is really weird)), although not every night as sports started to take over, and I would like to my kids to experience the same.
We also eat breakfast together, and it’s pretty much the same as dinner.
Jeffiner says
Neither of our parents drank milk, but my husband and I still both drink a glass at dinner with our kids!
Annie says
Same. Also to us it feels like a hassle to do two sets of meal times.
Jeffiner says
I only have one kid, so only one personality to deal with. She’s 4 now, and has always been a fairly decent eater and a night owl, and we’ve always managed dinner together. My husband actually loves making dinner when we get home from work, around 6:00. DD usually wants a snack before dinner is ready, so we let her have some cherry tomatoes or baby carrots. Our rule is that she can eat what we eat, or she can have something “non-cooked,” which is usually a bowl of cereal. Last night she had a frozen waffle (still frozen!), and sometimes we’ll give her a cheese sandwich. My parents always made us finish our plates before we got dessert, and to this day I will still force myself to eat everything even if I’m full. So we obviously don’t make her eat anything she doesn’t want, and she’s always offered dessert regardless of what she does or doesn’t eat. (which we only have on Sundays anyway).
We also have the problem of her right now finishing up early to go get more screentime.
By says
This is very close to what we do (6:00, cereal option, 1 kid) except I cook. I put a very high priority on leaving work in time to make that happen. However I have a “early” work culture rather than late (start 7:00) and hubs handles all the morning crap.
Also wanted to say…. we have been sitting down to dinner every night except Friday since she was one year old…. but 4yo still acts like she doesn’t know what a table is and we get lunchtime behavior remarks from school.
Eek says
This is a major source of guilt in my life right now. I have an 18 month old who we feed at 6:15, and then my husband and I eat together after he goes to bed. I really enjoy this routine but keep hearing about all of the benefits of sitting down for a family dinner. TBD whether we change our ways.
mascot says
I wouldn’t let what you do at 18 months concern you that it’s going to be the same way at 8 years. Little kids have their own schedule and the evening meal doesn’t always work well for them until they get older. I think there are a lot of benefits to family meals, but those can happen at breakfast/lunch/weekends just as easily as weekday dinner. If you don’t want to eat at 6:15 but you have time, how about sitting at the table with your kid and enjoying a beverage of your choice? I can also recommend the Dinner:A Love Story book(s) for helping in ways to think about family meals and how to make one meal that is accessible to a variety of ages and palates.
AwayEmily says
Yes to what mascot says! Things change SO quickly. We have a 3.5yo and a 22mo and are JUST starting to all eat the same food together one or two nights a week. The other nights we all sit at the table together, and my husband snacks on whatever the kids are eating for dinner while I drink a beer. Then my husband and I eat together after the kids are in bed.
anon says
Look, I’m all about the family dinner, but I think all bets are off when kids are under age 3 or so.
Anonymous says
I loathe, despise and abhor family dinners. My mother insisted on them when I was growing up and they were so miserable (one parent forcing me to eat while the other criticized my weight, while both grilled me about my school day so they didn’t have to speak to each other). No one got to eat what they wanted, everyone was dissatisfied with the time of eating… and no one was allowed to leave the table until everyone was done. Any lapse in table manners was picked apart until that awful meal was done. I would never inflict terrible family dinners on my children and don’t understand why this horrid practice persists. Don’t do it!
Anonymous says
Well, this was an about the dinners themselves – this is about dysfunction and your family. Do them if you can do better than that!
Anonymous says
*wasn’t
Anonymous says
Oh man. I had dinners like those too. Usually only one or two people were allowed to talk and were so dogmatic, and the rest of us were expected to sit there and eat quietly. Any word we said, if we did, was picked apart and we were always told how rude we were and how we should be grateful that there’s food on our plate. Dinner time with dysfunctional families was the worst thing possible. I’d be so scared to ask for a dish that was placed on the other end of the table.
And then you see such happy families in movies and tv shows that just enjoy dinner time so much.
ugh.
Anon says
growing up when i was very little i believe our nanny fed us dinner (both parents worked full time) and then we would eat a snack/dessert while our parents ate dinner, which later evolved to us eating dinner as a family 5 nights a week (4 week nights + sundays), which as we got older evolved to fewer nights during the week due to sports, activities, etc. i always assumed i’d eat family dinner when i had kids, but instead most week nights i am solo parenting during dinner with our 18 month old twins, which is typically around 5:30. DH often eats at work or is traveling, or if he gets home in time to eat dinner with me, we (embarrassed to admit this) often eat in front of the tv bc we are so zonked. on weekends we generally only eat with the kids if we are eating at a restaurant. i’m hoping once they are a bit older we can add in a few more family meals
Cb says
We eat quite early, between 5:30 and 6:00 and all eat together, which I really like. Our son normally eats leftovers from the night before – he hates hot food so he has whatever we ate stone cold the next day. He often finishes before we do but the longer we keep him at the table, the more he’ll eat.
AnotherAnon says
My son also hates having his food warmed! Makes sending lunch easy. They’re such interesting little humans.
Anon says
My daughter does not like her food hot or cold. It has to be room temperature. Toddlers, man.
Anon says
My 20 month old’s favorite vegetable is frozen peas. Still frozen.
Beth @ Parent Lightly says
My kids love cold chicken nuggets. Whatever, kids.
Anonymous says
We eat together every night. I’m not co-ordinated enough to do two meals. Kids are 5 and 8 but we’ve always done this. Kids get a snack at 5:30-5:45 when we get home (usually cereal or toast). Dinner at 6:30-7 depending on how soon we get cooking. Bedtime is 8pm. Saturday nights is slow cooker (chili or beef stew or pulled pork) with grocery store bought side salad, Sunday is dinner at my parents (winter) or picnic (summer). M/T/W/Th – DH and I alternate cooking – simple stuff like chicken and veggie risotto or spagetti and meatballs or fish tacos, Friday nights we do take out. Dessert is always fruit because it’s easy . Maybe baked goods on the weekend if I baked with the kids.
If I or DH don’t make it home in time for supper (about 1-2 times a week), then we just heat up our portion when we get home. We try to make extra of reheatable stuff like risotto so we have lunches for ourselves or the kids.
Anonymous says
That sounds similar to my schedule except you are WAY more organized with what you eat each week. Props to you, mama!
Anonymous says
Big Law working mom of two (aged 5 and 2) over here. We eat dinner together every night, except for the very rare occasion where I don’t make it home in time. My penance for getting home in time for dinner is that I log on to work almost every single night after bedtime. It’s a really important part of our day, where we can catch up and have some real family time before bed. Often, it’s the only time we get as a family unit during our otherwise crazy days. We try to eat by 7, and kids are in bed and asleep by 8. DH works from home so he usually picks the kids up from school and makes dinner. We order out or make frozen pizza/chicken nuggets maybe once per week. We do not serve different food to the kids. It’s really important to us that they eat the same food, and though it has been a struggle at times, as a result they are very healthy eaters (e.g., broccoli, okra, fish, etc.). The biggest downside for us is the kitchen disaster we have to attend to after the kids go to sleep (and then I have to work!), and sometimes it pushes bedtime to 830. But it’s often the best part of our days, so it’s worth the logistical difficulties.
On the weekends I’ll make breakfast and we’ll all eat together before starting our days.
GCA says
+1 to the dinner/ bedtime tunnel and working after kid bedtime!
I have two kids – 4.5 and 1. We do a 5pm snack at daycare pickup (I wfh or I get home, put all my things down, grab the snack and go – daycare is very close to home), then we all have dinner around 6 or 6.30. Oddly it doesn’t seem to spoil their appetite – by the end of the day they are hangry little scamps. Also important to us that they see us eating the same food they get, but they’re a ‘normal’ degree of picky. Obviously all of this may change as they get older, have after-school activities, etc.
shortperson says
ditto, biglaw w 5 and 2. but i work from home 3 days a week so i can usually put something quick to prepare but long to cook in the oven so that we have dinner ready for kid pickup. nothing fancy, things like baked chicken or salmon. my kids come home starving and desperate to eat immediately and i text my husband when dinner is about to beon the table as he has about a 5 minute commute. i dont know how wed manage otherwise. they are lucky to have two working parents and a hot meal on the table. then i also frequently work after bedtime. and we have a housekeeper come so we dont do any meal cleanup other than (usually) clearing the table. i’m trying to do a light version of intermittent fasting so i rarely eat anything after our early family dinner, unless my husband makes a cocktail or pours some good wine.
Anonymous says
You have a housekeeper come every night after dinner? That’s a thing?
Anon says
For Big Law partners, definitely.
layered bob says
Same. Transactional biglaw, 4 and 1 year old kids. I walk in the door at 5:50 and we eat dinner together every night at 6:00 on the dot. No phones at the table.
If I can’t make it home by then, they eat dinner without me (~twice a month, more right now since I’m drowning in end of the year closings). If I happen to get home a few minutes early I make the grownups a cocktail and the kids a “special drink” with fizzy water and a strawberry or cucumber slice.
Husband WFH part time and makes dinner every night. We avoid hard-to-eat main dishes (eg salads… just too much chewing for a toddler) but otherwise make what we like to eat, nothing elaborate.
If I am on my game I will pre-prepare one thing on the weekend for him to pull from the freezer and put in the instant pot or slow cooker before my daughter’s afternoon dance class on Wednesdays.
Kids are served a tablespoon of each item on the table. They don’t have to eat anything but they have to eat everything before they can have more of something. (If it’s something we know they don’t like we serve them more like a teaspoon). They stay at the table through family prayer and devotions at the end, blow out the candles and bring their plate to the sink. DH and I do intermittent fasting so nobody eats after dinner is over at 6:30.
My husband does basic kitchen cleanup after bedtime so I can get back online and work in the evenings, and then our housekeeper or nanny does the rest, depending on their schedules. Our nanny is part time and also a student but often is happy to come for a few hours in the evening to facilitate dinner clean up/laundry/lunch prep for the next day so that we have no house responsibilities and can just work as soon as kids are in bed by 7:30.
We started having our kids sit at the table with us for a regular dinner time when the oldest was a little baby. Most mealtimes are a little crazy – lots of correcting and redirecting and intercepting, lots of food on the floor, lots of complaining – but every once in awhile the kids show me they are learning and I can get out one whole sentence to my husband uninterrupted before refilling someone’s milk glass!
Anonymous says
Two full time working parents here, with an almost 7 year old and a 7 week old just added to the mix!
We eat dinner with the 7 year old every night, although it depends on the time and our work schedules as to whether it’s one parent or both parents. With first grade we now have more activities (sports, music lessons, Girl Scouts) which all occur in that magic 5:30-7:30 time slot. This has been a bit in flux since I’m currently on leave and I expect will continue when I return to work and DH takes parental leave.
The biggest thing I do to help facilitate this is that I prep almost all of our meals on Sundays before the week. DH is almost always the one on pickup duty and so this way all he has to do is reheat what’s available. This also helps with the different food issue – I might prep sloppy joes and Indian-spices chicken for the week – that way the 7 year old always has something she likes and we can have more adult food. We also use it as an opportunity to introduce her to new foods without it being a battle over an entire meal – she just had to take a No Thank You bite. I started this approach when she was little and had a 6:30-7ish bedtime as a way of getting her fed without having to do daily meal prep as just getting the dinner dishes, lunch dishes, and pumping parts was plenty of kitchen chores each night!
Anon says
Agh, we are clearly failing here. I was hoping more people would say they don’t! We eat with the kids Friday, Saturday and Sunday night. Monday through Thursday nanny gives them dinner somewhere in the 5-5:30 range. I usually come home in the middle. My husband doesn’t get home until 7 and we’re knee deep in bath and bed routine by then. Also we have three kids under five – eating dinner with them is frustrating!
It sounds like I might need to bug him to get home earlier for this purpose though soon. I suspect he could. He’s leaning in at work right now, but I should be too (new job)…
AwayEmily says
You are not failing! Three days a week sounds great, and your kids are still so young. You have plenty of time to all eat together when they are older and things are a bit less hectic.
OP says
Aw thanks AwayEmily.
Anonymous says
I have three and it gets way easier when they get older! Maybe pick one or two days a week for DH to try to get home a bit earlier and do a family dessert time? (Dessert can totally be a sliced apple with peanut butter in the middle).
FVNC says
I wasn’t going to comment, but since so many families do eat dinner together, I wanted to chime in to say: you’re doing better than we are!
My kids are 6 and 2.5 and we do not eat dinner together, except at restaurants (usually one weekend night). We all sit at the dinner table, but only the kids eat, and then husband and I eat together after kids go to bed (8:30ish). It’s our chance to focus on each other and relax and I really cherish it. My guilty confession is that not only do we not eat dinner together at home, but that I sort of hate it when we do. There’s some A+ parenting for ya! ;-)
HRHNYC says
Most weeks we only eat dinner with the kids on Friday night. The rest of the week I get home from work too late, my husband eat at the same time the kids do (3 and 6), and all with their respective electronic devices. I have no guilt about this arrangement. Everyone is zonked at the end of the day and needs some down time. Growing up we only really ate with my parents at restaurants – otherwise the kids ate in front of the TV and my parents ate when my dad got home from work, late. My siblings and I all turned out totally fine, functioning professionals, without a TV addiction and with a great family relationship. I think the stress about dinner as a family is totally overblown.
avocado says
I’ve never had the time or energy to prepare and clean up separate meals. During the day care and after-school care years, we were only home and awake for about two hours each evening.
HSAL says
We sort of eat together. We generally have the same meal, but since the twins moved to booster seats at the table, there’s only room for one adult, so my husband and I usually eat standing. There’s usually a night or two a week where he and I will eat together after, but most of the time we’re just standing over the containers since we barely even bother with plates for ourselves.
A. says
We eat together probably 4/7 nights — other nights our family is split up due to activities (kids) or work obligations (me and spouse). However, I read once (I think in the NYT) that any family meal together “counts” in terms of the benefits of dining together. We almost ALWAYS eat breakfast together, so that’s become our thing moreso than dinner.
Beth @ Parent Lightly says
Yes, we did that for a long time when my husband worked evenings!
anon says
We eat around 6:00, all of us together. By that point we’re all hangry, and it’s important to me to make family dinner a priority. Also? I could.not.deal. with having the kitchen open all night and making separate meals! Props to those of you who do it because that sounds really exhausting.
Kids go to bed at 8 and 8:30, for reference.
Butter says
We eat together almost every night. Prepare one meal for the family (“meal” is a generous term here), but kiddo gets at least one food on his plate that we know he likes (usually fruit); doesn’t have to eat everything; and can eat as much of it or as little as he wants. He does like to sit at his own little table more and more (we moved his Ikea art table into the kitchen for a friend gathering and he loved it so much that it stayed, so now it’s his personal dining area), but we’re generally all in there together. He’s allowed to leave when he’s done, but knows that we won’t leave the table until we’re done eating, even if he has to wait 10-15 minutes for us to finish up.
SC says
When my son was a baby and toddler, he needed an above average amount of sleep. He went to bed at 6:30, and my husband worked until 6:00 and rushed to get home to kiss him goodnight. I would feed Kiddo dinner, and DH and I would eat together afterwards, usually with a Blue Apron meal or something easy.
When Kiddo turned 3, we started eating together a little more often, and it became more important to us. We moved when he was 3.5, and having a space large enough for a table we could all sit at was a big reason for wanting to move when we did. (Also, a second bathroom.)
Now, Kiddo is 4.5, and most weeks, we eat dinner together probably 5 times per week. Friday nights, we usually eat pizza on the couch and watch a movie together. About 4 times a week, we eat dinner together at the table. We require Kiddo to sit with us for at least 5 minutes, but he often voluntarily stays longer. We ask his favorite thing and least favorite thing about the day, and take turns sharing ours. After five minutes, he can ask to be excused, and he can play quietly by himself once he’s excused. If we are having dessert, we wait until the last person is finished eating, so he can come back to the table. This doesn’t go smoothly, but it’s not a huge battle every night either.
Anon says
We don’t during the week. DH feeds toddler around 6ish, and he usually eats after her (toddler is strictly on an air, yogurt, mac & cheese, chicken nuggets and grapes diet; DH eats a lot of take out and leftovers). I typically get home from work around 8 or 9 and sometimes toddler will eat “second dinner” with me, sometimes she doesn’t. We do typically eat together on weekends, where toddler is offered our dinner and either eats or (more often) doesn’t eat what we eat and then gets yogurt later if she’s still hungry.
Anon says
“toddler is strictly on an air, yogurt, mac & cheese, chicken nuggets and grapes diet”
Hi there, mom twin!
Anon says
My husband and I are weirdos who have always eaten dinner around 5-5:30 pm, 6 pm at the latest. (We absolutely cannot do 8 pm dinners; it’s actually kind of a problem when visiting Europe and other places where restaurants don’t open until 7:30). So we do eat dinner every night with our toddler, usually by 5:30 because we start her bedtime routine by 6:30. But I get the impression we’re definitely in the minority.
anon says
We’re this way, too. Make me wait until 7 or 8 p.m. to eat dinner, and I am going to be a ravenous, cranky bear.
Jess says
We (2 full time working parents and one 2 year old) eat dinner together 95% of nights, usually between 5:30-6. It’s a huge priority for us to have family dinners together. We both grew up having family dinners every night, and beyond wanting to cultivate that same sense of family for our kid, we totally buy into the research around family meals leading to better outcomes for kids. We even make a point of having BIG family dinners (with my parents, sister, grandma, everyone) together a few times a month to build an even bigger sense of community.
I also think it’s important for us to eat together, and for us to eat the same thing, in order to help our kid build a healthy relationship with food. I always make sure there’s some component of dinner that my kid will likely eat, but I never make him a separate meal. He’s free to choose what to eat on their plate, and how much of it to eat, but I choose what’s on the plate. It’s been working really well so far for us – watching us model eating all kinds of foods has encouraged him to try a lot of new stuff.
Anyway, I’m 100% sure this will all change once he starts school and sports, but it’s always going to be a priority for us at least a few times a week.
Heater says
Three kids (7yo, 5yo and 2yo). Older kids get home from school at 3:50 and get a snack. We do family dinner every night between 5:30 and 6:30. Bedtime is 7:30 during the school year, 8 or 8:30 in the summer. Both my husband and I work from home, and we do a lot of crockpot meals that we can get started on breaks. But we did family dinners even when one or both of us was working in the office. We’ve both always had jobs with traditional stop times of 5p or earlier, so that has certainly helped, and we do faster/simpler meals during the week when not using the crockpot. We make only one meal and if the kids don’t like it, they have to at least try it but don’t get anything else. They won’t starve and most of the time they’ll reluctantly eat something even if it’s not their favorite. We try not to make them clear their plates/finish everything they have but they can’t have seconds or dessert (only rarely offered anyway) unless they’ve eaten all their meal.
Heater says
Oh, and nobody can rush through the meal for more screentime — nobody gets up until everyone has finished eating. This is the one time when we’re all able to talk and discuss our day, so we try to make it last as long as we can.
octagon says
DH grew up in a house where everyone ate sitting on the couch watching tv, so dinner as a family at a table was my hill to die on. We ate mostly on the couch before kids but I always hated it, and I was clear that I didn’t want that for kiddo.
So we eat at the table together when we are at home, which is 6-7 nights a week. I usually cook a meal on Sunday that we have for leftovers on Monday, cook on Tuesday that we eat on Wednesday, and then lazy out on Thursdays — either sandwiches or something from the freezer. Fridays we get takeout and Saturdays are foraging what’s leftover. I’ve made a big point to always have a fruit and a vegetable, even if it’s just apple slices and plain spinach. I love eating together, it’s the only time of the day we can just take a breath and relax and talk (though kiddo does most of the talking).
busy weeknights says
This is a big stressor for me depending on what sports season it is. I have a 5 year old and a 7 year old so where there is ballet, tennis and two soccer practices a week, I struggle to get everyone a healthy meal, there is just no time. A whole lotta McDonald’s going on then or more processed meals cooked at home. Right now it is much easier to get a family dinner going in this in-between time. But I also have two picky kids and a picky husband, so basically three really bland palates which means my cooking skills kind of go to waste. I’m really hoping the kids get more adventurous!!! I have given up hope on my husband : (
RR says
We eat dinner together 90%+ of the time. The only exception is that my oldest daughter has dance late a couple nights a week, so we eat in shifts those two nights. Everyone eats the same meal, although youngest may get her deconstructed a bit (e.g., instead of taco salad, all the parts of taco salad on a plate). We usually eat between 7:00 and 8:00. Youngest (6) goes to bed around 8/8:30, and older two (almost 12) go to bed by 9/9:30.
It’s far from perfect. My daughters pick at their food and don’t always eat because they don’t like it. Kids are often bickering. My oldest daughter frequently reads a book at the table. But, we are all there, so it’s a minor victory.
Anon says
I feel badly after reading the comments because my husband and I never eat dinner with our 14 month old son. He eats around 5:30 after daycare (food that I’ve prepped for him ahead of time), and then we start his bedtime routine by 6:15 pm. DH doesn’t get home until around 6 pm.
Anon says
I honestly think this all does not apply to babies or very small toddlers. Their bed times are just SO early that often fitting everyone in all together is just not reasonable. Do not feel guilty!!! Schedules adjust and bedtimes gradually get later.
DLC says
I don’t think you should feel bad at all! I feel as if there are people who eat dinner together because that is their priority. And there are people who don’t eat dinner together because avoiding hangry children is the priority. Or maintaining bed time routines is the priority. Everyone does what is right for their family and their bandwidth. I don’t know that anyone really eats dinner together because it is the path of least resistance. (Sunday is our path of least resistance day- meaning that the adults scavenge for leftovers in the fridge, and then at some point in the evening one of us realizes that we need to feed the kids too. And then it’s a scramble for sandwiches or Kraft Mac n cheese.)
anon says
Legit question – If you work full-time, how do you prepare dinner for the family to eat by 5:30? I have one 14 month old, and DH and I never eat dinner with as a family because of the little one’s 6:45 pm bedtime.
Anon says
We do a lot of meals that only take ~10-15 minutes to make: sauteed chicken, quesadillas, pasta, eggs. We use the slow cooker sometimes although not as much as we probably should. Microwaved frozen vegetables and fresh fruit as easy sides for all the above. My husband and I usually each work from home one day per week and on those days will do something that is incredibly easy to prepare but takes a long time in the oven, usually salmon and roasted vegetables.
Anonymous says
Spouse and I both work full time. We get home with 1 year old and 4 year old from daycare approx 5:30 and we start getting both of them ready for bed at 6:40 (lights out before 7 for 1 year old, 7:15 for 4 year old). I usually make dinner the night before and reheat when we walk in the door; all eat together at 5:45. This works because I don’t usually need to work at night (spouse does). I used to do it all during Sunday naptimes, when I had a job that required evening work, but that got to be really stressful (and big kid doesn’t nap!).
Lyssa says
We almost always eat together, usually around 7:00, and everyone eats the same thing, unless we’re having leftovers or on the fairly rare occasions that my husband and I want something that is truly not kid friendly (dinner salads, this oyster dish we made one time). I can’t imagine doing it differently.
Sandhya Deo says
I grew up in a family that ate dinner together every weeknight, around 6:30. We typically watched the nightly national news, with local being on during table setting etc. But we also talked about the news/world events etc.
Now it’s a crap shoot. We get a family dinner about once a week during the work week, sometimes I’ve made something if I have time, sometimes we go out or have take out. The rest of the week our daughter (5) eats something that I’ve assembled for her or quickly prepped and I sit down with her after I’ve cleaned up a bit, or, I actually eat with her — sometimes something similar, some times completely different. Most of the time she’s done pretending to eat by the time I’m sitting down with my food.
My husband rarely gets home before 7:30/8, usually after bedtime, and after a full day at work, I just don’t have the time to do a real dinner and clean up after it solo.
I hate it, frankly, but until someone else either takes the mental energy to meal plan and prepare, OR my husband gets home by 6 and jumps into doing stuff around the house, it’s not going to change. I used to love to cook, but it’s not fun anymore!
rakma says
We currently eat together 4 out of 5 weeknights ( I work one night, so DH is in charge and they usually eat frozen pizza or sandwiches) Kids are 3 and 6, when they were toddlers they’d usually eat before us. Now, with oldest getting home from school at 4, 6pm dinner works for everyone. We don’t do afterschool activities because I can’t manage another thing, and most of the PTA/Scout leader meetings happen at 7, so you can have family dinner and still get there.
As for how, I work from home one day and usually cook that day, my MIL cooks 2 nights a week (she’s with our kids after school) and one night is take out. There is no way I can leave work at 5, and have dinner on the table by 6 every night. Or any night. I try to make one meal on the weekends that produces enough leftovers for another meal that week, and most of our vegetables come from a microwavable bag. It’s not perfect, but it’s fine.
Growing up my Dad was rarely home for weeknight dinners, and we grew up to be happy, well-adjusted, productive members of society. I don’t think family dinners are some kind of magic togetherness band-aid, and if you have quality family time at some point, then great.
Anonymous says
Truly befuddled by folks eating at 5:30-6. Like, I’d love to, but I work outside the home all week, and it’s a 45-75 minute commute. Kiddo’s after-school care requires a pickup by 6 pm, and it’s stretching it for me to get there (I often leave work before 5 pm, which is not really okay at my job). So in the door by about 6:15, then I cook and it’s at least 7 before there’s food.
Anon says
I think people make this work in different ways, but as one data point: my commute is much shorter than yours (20 minutes door to door including daycare pickup), I do regularly leave the office before 5 (I’m in the Midwest where the standard 9-5 is really more like 8-4, although of course many people work longer hours), and we don’t cook weeknight meals that take over 15 minutes to prepare.
Anonymous says
We eat dinner together nearly every night. If there’s an after school activity (only two weeknights with activities, period) that a subset of the kids participates in, there might be a second shift dinner for the kid(s) and parent that came home late, but otherwise we eat together sometime around 6:30. 6/7 days a week it is home-cooked or at least home-heated dinner/leftovers, we usually order pizza or eat out once a week. We get home and immediately start dinner, most nights. It’s a bit of a mad rush to bedtime with little downtime for me and DH, but family dinner is important to us.
Anon says
Maybe the CorporetteMoms will feel me when I say: I want a bigger job. But I don’t want a bigger job. Sigh.
Katy says
Late reply but i 100% feel you.
Cassie says
We usually have more of “family” breakfast; instead of dinner; nothing elaborate, son will have yogurt and cereal bar or toast, I have coffee and husband has smoothie. Works much better for our family than dinner, when adults eat different food from child and were are all on different evening schedules.
Cicely says
I’m a single mom who works but am able to leave at 5pm to pick up my son, who’s 10. We’ve always eaten dinner together; his pediatrician tells me that eating at least one meal with one parent, even breakfast, is important in establishing healthy eating habits. I also enjoy cooking, which helps me destress after the day. I usually get dinner on the table around 7. Lately I’ve been struggling a bit to balance this with classes at a new gym I’m trying. I thought it would work to go at 6pm (it’s very close to home so I can just leave him alone), then come home at 7pm and make dinner, but I found I’d be both tired and rushed. Better to eat as soon as we get home, reheated leftovers or something else super quick, and then go to gym. But I don’t like to do this more than twice a week, for his sake and mine.
Anonymous says
We eat dinner together pretty much every night, Sunday through Thursday. Even though my kids are older (7 and 11), we’ve done this since they were toddlers. I think it’s important for all of us to have that time. It also cuts down on extra calories and money wasted on extra meals/takeout.
My husband and I meal plan on Sundays, thinking through sports, work stuff, etc. and figure out what’s easiest for that night. We are both home by 6ish with the goal of eating by 6:30/7:00. We use our Crock-Pot, Instant Pot and freezer meals quite a bit – as well as easy stuff from Costco such as meatballs, chicken sausage, frozen ravioli, etc. Everyone eats the same thing, though the adults might have a salad and the boys eat fruit. I refuse to make additional meals – we are not a restaurant and I am not a short order cook.
After dinner, boys do their chores, while we check homework and get the kitchen cleaned up. Then the boys shower and get stuff together for the next day. Usually we watch a little TV together (no one is allowed to have their own screen time, though they can read or play a non-electronic game) before their bedtime at 8:30. They read for 30 minutes and then it’s lights out at 9. This part of the night is SO MUCH better than when they were little and their bedtime was 7:30. It was such a mad dash and stressful back then — especially since we actually had to bathe them. Now they do all that themselves!
When my husband travels, we relax the routine a little bit and might eat at the island instead of the kitchen table. Every once in a while, we have a “treat” and eat in front of the TV.
I refuse to cook on Fridays and Saturdays, so we usually eat out or order a pizza. Sometimes my husband makes steaks on the weekends. But we’re still together, eating as a family.