Do You Eat Dinner With Your Children?
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Here’s a fun question we haven’t talked about in far too long: do you eat dinner with your children — as in the same time, one big happy family in that Brady Bunch kind of way? Would you consider “eating dinner together” “sacred” in your family in the way that all those advice columns say it should be, or do you do other things for family togetherness (like family breakfasts)?
(Related questions: do you eat the same foods as your kids? In general, how do you handle dinners as a working parent?) We’ve talked about family dinners and working parents in the past, but it’s been far too long!
I was just talking to a working mom who (along with her husband) had lost a ton of weight recently, and part of her success was that she and her husband get one of those uber-healthy prepared meal-delivery services 5-6 nights a week. She noted that since she and her husband eat at 8:00 when they get home from work, and generally eat different food than their daughters (8 and 5, who eat earlier with the nanny), this made sense.
I went to visit another friend (this one a SAHM with a husband who works Very Late Hours; her kids are 9, 5, and 3) around 4:30pm recently and was surprised to find her putting dinner on the table for her kids — I hadn’t thought I’d be interrupting dinner. She explained that instead of a snack after school she fed them dinner right away, and then she and her husband sometimes managed to eat together but often she would just graze or eat what she wanted when she had time for dinner.
{related: meal-planning apps for working moms}
We’ve always done it differently at Casa Griffin, but I wouldn’t say we’ve got a great system — instead, it’s been a struggle. Even though I work from home, in the days when we were working with a hard 7:00pm bedtime it was a struggle for my husband to get home in time, and for me to have dinner prepared in time, to actually eat a healthy dinner, feel “togetherness,” and then get the kiddo(s) to bed at a normal hour.
The kids are older now, and the “target” bedtime for my youngest is still 7:30 — and it still feels rushed and crazy.
The kids eat different meals than each other and the parents (Not Great Thing #1*), so getting everyone’s meals plated at the same time is usually beyond my executive functioning capabilities by that point in the day, and my eldest is often “starving” so he’s inclined to grab his food, eat it immediately, and then get up from the table to go devour more screentime. (Of course.) (Not Great Thing #2, but that’s a different post.)
So I kind of wish we had done things the way my friend had — get the kids used to having a relaxed dinner when they were actually hungry, then actually enjoy dinner with my husband at a point when we were hungry. (Although at this point in my life I’m starving at 5pm also, so maybe it’s better we eat early!)
{related: five family dinner strategies better than delivery}
So… how do you guys do it? Have you read anything on point that really stuck with you? For those of you with older kids, how have you adjusted your eating schedule as they’ve gotten older (and as more sports and extracurriculars may have interrupted dinner hour)?
Not Great Thing #1, Re eating the same meal: I’ve written before about how my eldest entered a picky eating phase around age 5, and my youngest is also a bit of a sensitive eater, so at one point it just seemed easiest to make separate meals for the kids. I’m happy to report that my eldest is getting more adventurous, so we may be exiting this phase soon, at least with him.
Stock photo via Deposit Photos / monkeybusiness.
We eat dinner together pretty much every night, Sunday through Thursday. Even though my kids are older (7 and 11), we’ve done this since they were toddlers. I think it’s important for all of us to have that time. It also cuts down on extra calories and money wasted on extra meals/takeout.
My husband and I meal plan on Sundays, thinking through sports, work stuff, etc. and figure out what’s easiest for that night. We are both home by 6ish with the goal of eating by 6:30/7:00. We use our Crock-Pot, Instant Pot and freezer meals quite a bit – as well as easy stuff from Costco such as meatballs, chicken sausage, frozen ravioli, etc. Everyone eats the same thing, though the adults might have a salad and the boys eat fruit. I refuse to make additional meals – we are not a restaurant and I am not a short order cook.
After dinner, boys do their chores, while we check homework and get the kitchen cleaned up. Then the boys shower and get stuff together for the next day. Usually we watch a little TV together (no one is allowed to have their own screen time, though they can read or play a non-electronic game) before their bedtime at 8:30. They read for 30 minutes and then it’s lights out at 9. This part of the night is SO MUCH better than when they were little and their bedtime was 7:30. It was such a mad dash and stressful back then — especially since we actually had to bathe them. Now they do all that themselves!
When my husband travels, we relax the routine a little bit and might eat at the island instead of the kitchen table. Every once in a while, we have a “treat” and eat in front of the TV.
I refuse to cook on Fridays and Saturdays, so we usually eat out or order a pizza. Sometimes my husband makes steaks on the weekends. But we’re still together, eating as a family.
I’m a single mom who works but am able to leave at 5pm to pick up my son, who’s 10. We’ve always eaten dinner together; his pediatrician tells me that eating at least one meal with one parent, even breakfast, is important in establishing healthy eating habits. I also enjoy cooking, which helps me destress after the day. I usually get dinner on the table around 7. Lately I’ve been struggling a bit to balance this with classes at a new gym I’m trying. I thought it would work to go at 6pm (it’s very close to home so I can just leave him alone), then come home at 7pm and make dinner, but I found I’d be both tired and rushed. Better to eat as soon as we get home, reheated leftovers or something else super quick, and then go to gym. But I don’t like to do this more than twice a week, for his sake and mine.
We usually have more of “family” breakfast; instead of dinner; nothing elaborate, son will have yogurt and cereal bar or toast, I have coffee and husband has smoothie. Works much better for our family than dinner, when adults eat different food from child and were are all on different evening schedules.
Maybe the CorporetteMoms will feel me when I say: I want a bigger job. But I don’t want a bigger job. Sigh.
We eat dinner together nearly every night. If there’s an after school activity (only two weeknights with activities, period) that a subset of the kids participates in, there might be a second shift dinner for the kid(s) and parent that came home late, but otherwise we eat together sometime around 6:30. 6/7 days a week it is home-cooked or at least home-heated dinner/leftovers, we usually order pizza or eat out once a week. We get home and immediately start dinner, most nights. It’s a bit of a mad rush to bedtime with little downtime for me and DH, but family dinner is important to us.
Truly befuddled by folks eating at 5:30-6. Like, I’d love to, but I work outside the home all week, and it’s a 45-75 minute commute. Kiddo’s after-school care requires a pickup by 6 pm, and it’s stretching it for me to get there (I often leave work before 5 pm, which is not really okay at my job). So in the door by about 6:15, then I cook and it’s at least 7 before there’s food.
We currently eat together 4 out of 5 weeknights ( I work one night, so DH is in charge and they usually eat frozen pizza or sandwiches) Kids are 3 and 6, when they were toddlers they’d usually eat before us. Now, with oldest getting home from school at 4, 6pm dinner works for everyone. We don’t do afterschool activities because I can’t manage another thing, and most of the PTA/Scout leader meetings happen at 7, so you can have family dinner and still get there.
As for how, I work from home one day and usually cook that day, my MIL cooks 2 nights a week (she’s with our kids after school) and one night is take out. There is no way I can leave work at 5, and have dinner on the table by 6 every night. Or any night. I try to make one meal on the weekends that produces enough leftovers for another meal that week, and most of our vegetables come from a microwavable bag. It’s not perfect, but it’s fine.
Growing up my Dad was rarely home for weeknight dinners, and we grew up to be happy, well-adjusted, productive members of society. I don’t think family dinners are some kind of magic togetherness band-aid, and if you have quality family time at some point, then great.
I grew up in a family that ate dinner together every weeknight, around 6:30. We typically watched the nightly national news, with local being on during table setting etc. But we also talked about the news/world events etc.
Now it’s a crap shoot. We get a family dinner about once a week during the work week, sometimes I’ve made something if I have time, sometimes we go out or have take out. The rest of the week our daughter (5) eats something that I’ve assembled for her or quickly prepped and I sit down with her after I’ve cleaned up a bit, or, I actually eat with her — sometimes something similar, some times completely different. Most of the time she’s done pretending to eat by the time I’m sitting down with my food.
My husband rarely gets home before 7:30/8, usually after bedtime, and after a full day at work, I just don’t have the time to do a real dinner and clean up after it solo.
I hate it, frankly, but until someone else either takes the mental energy to meal plan and prepare, OR my husband gets home by 6 and jumps into doing stuff around the house, it’s not going to change. I used to love to cook, but it’s not fun anymore!
We almost always eat together, usually around 7:00, and everyone eats the same thing, unless we’re having leftovers or on the fairly rare occasions that my husband and I want something that is truly not kid friendly (dinner salads, this oyster dish we made one time). I can’t imagine doing it differently.
Legit question – If you work full-time, how do you prepare dinner for the family to eat by 5:30? I have one 14 month old, and DH and I never eat dinner with as a family because of the little one’s 6:45 pm bedtime.
I feel badly after reading the comments because my husband and I never eat dinner with our 14 month old son. He eats around 5:30 after daycare (food that I’ve prepped for him ahead of time), and then we start his bedtime routine by 6:15 pm. DH doesn’t get home until around 6 pm.
We eat dinner together 90%+ of the time. The only exception is that my oldest daughter has dance late a couple nights a week, so we eat in shifts those two nights. Everyone eats the same meal, although youngest may get her deconstructed a bit (e.g., instead of taco salad, all the parts of taco salad on a plate). We usually eat between 7:00 and 8:00. Youngest (6) goes to bed around 8/8:30, and older two (almost 12) go to bed by 9/9:30.
It’s far from perfect. My daughters pick at their food and don’t always eat because they don’t like it. Kids are often bickering. My oldest daughter frequently reads a book at the table. But, we are all there, so it’s a minor victory.
This is a big stressor for me depending on what sports season it is. I have a 5 year old and a 7 year old so where there is ballet, tennis and two soccer practices a week, I struggle to get everyone a healthy meal, there is just no time. A whole lotta McDonald’s going on then or more processed meals cooked at home. Right now it is much easier to get a family dinner going in this in-between time. But I also have two picky kids and a picky husband, so basically three really bland palates which means my cooking skills kind of go to waste. I’m really hoping the kids get more adventurous!!! I have given up hope on my husband : (
DH grew up in a house where everyone ate sitting on the couch watching tv, so dinner as a family at a table was my hill to die on. We ate mostly on the couch before kids but I always hated it, and I was clear that I didn’t want that for kiddo.
So we eat at the table together when we are at home, which is 6-7 nights a week. I usually cook a meal on Sunday that we have for leftovers on Monday, cook on Tuesday that we eat on Wednesday, and then lazy out on Thursdays — either sandwiches or something from the freezer. Fridays we get takeout and Saturdays are foraging what’s leftover. I’ve made a big point to always have a fruit and a vegetable, even if it’s just apple slices and plain spinach. I love eating together, it’s the only time of the day we can just take a breath and relax and talk (though kiddo does most of the talking).
Three kids (7yo, 5yo and 2yo). Older kids get home from school at 3:50 and get a snack. We do family dinner every night between 5:30 and 6:30. Bedtime is 7:30 during the school year, 8 or 8:30 in the summer. Both my husband and I work from home, and we do a lot of crockpot meals that we can get started on breaks. But we did family dinners even when one or both of us was working in the office. We’ve both always had jobs with traditional stop times of 5p or earlier, so that has certainly helped, and we do faster/simpler meals during the week when not using the crockpot. We make only one meal and if the kids don’t like it, they have to at least try it but don’t get anything else. They won’t starve and most of the time they’ll reluctantly eat something even if it’s not their favorite. We try not to make them clear their plates/finish everything they have but they can’t have seconds or dessert (only rarely offered anyway) unless they’ve eaten all their meal.