Do You Eat Dinner With Your Children?
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Here’s a fun question we haven’t talked about in far too long: do you eat dinner with your children — as in the same time, one big happy family in that Brady Bunch kind of way? Would you consider “eating dinner together” “sacred” in your family in the way that all those advice columns say it should be, or do you do other things for family togetherness (like family breakfasts)?
(Related questions: do you eat the same foods as your kids? In general, how do you handle dinners as a working parent?) We’ve talked about family dinners and working parents in the past, but it’s been far too long!
I was just talking to a working mom who (along with her husband) had lost a ton of weight recently, and part of her success was that she and her husband get one of those uber-healthy prepared meal-delivery services 5-6 nights a week. She noted that since she and her husband eat at 8:00 when they get home from work, and generally eat different food than their daughters (8 and 5, who eat earlier with the nanny), this made sense.
I went to visit another friend (this one a SAHM with a husband who works Very Late Hours; her kids are 9, 5, and 3) around 4:30pm recently and was surprised to find her putting dinner on the table for her kids — I hadn’t thought I’d be interrupting dinner. She explained that instead of a snack after school she fed them dinner right away, and then she and her husband sometimes managed to eat together but often she would just graze or eat what she wanted when she had time for dinner.
{related: meal-planning apps for working moms}
We’ve always done it differently at Casa Griffin, but I wouldn’t say we’ve got a great system — instead, it’s been a struggle. Even though I work from home, in the days when we were working with a hard 7:00pm bedtime it was a struggle for my husband to get home in time, and for me to have dinner prepared in time, to actually eat a healthy dinner, feel “togetherness,” and then get the kiddo(s) to bed at a normal hour.
The kids are older now, and the “target” bedtime for my youngest is still 7:30 — and it still feels rushed and crazy.
The kids eat different meals than each other and the parents (Not Great Thing #1*), so getting everyone’s meals plated at the same time is usually beyond my executive functioning capabilities by that point in the day, and my eldest is often “starving” so he’s inclined to grab his food, eat it immediately, and then get up from the table to go devour more screentime. (Of course.) (Not Great Thing #2, but that’s a different post.)
So I kind of wish we had done things the way my friend had — get the kids used to having a relaxed dinner when they were actually hungry, then actually enjoy dinner with my husband at a point when we were hungry. (Although at this point in my life I’m starving at 5pm also, so maybe it’s better we eat early!)
{related: five family dinner strategies better than delivery}
So… how do you guys do it? Have you read anything on point that really stuck with you? For those of you with older kids, how have you adjusted your eating schedule as they’ve gotten older (and as more sports and extracurriculars may have interrupted dinner hour)?
Not Great Thing #1, Re eating the same meal: I’ve written before about how my eldest entered a picky eating phase around age 5, and my youngest is also a bit of a sensitive eater, so at one point it just seemed easiest to make separate meals for the kids. I’m happy to report that my eldest is getting more adventurous, so we may be exiting this phase soon, at least with him.
Stock photo via Deposit Photos / monkeybusiness.
It’s so interesting to me to hear what other families do for dinner! In our house, we almost always eat dinner together. The only exception is when my husband takes the girls to taekwondo and they eat between classes. Otherwise, we all eat the same thing, together, between 5 and 6:30, depending on who is traveling and what work stuff we have going on. When my husband’s not traveling he works from home so he can get dinner started usually. Kids are 5 and 7. If they don’t like what’s for dinner they can have a peanut butter sandwich and a banana but there’s no other option. Works OK for us but they’re not super picky eaters.
We have a 3.5 year old and a 1 year old. While eating together is less Brady Bunch and more me and my husband quickly shoving food in our mouths while attending to the needs of the kids (1 year old is starting to throw food, preschooler gets up 10000 times for various things), but we do try to make it a point to sit down and have dinner together every night. We generally have different meals but some components may be similar – i.e. we’ll provide the kids the same veggies or fries that we’re having. We have dinner at around 6:20/6:30, and 1 year old is down for bedtime by 7:30. It certainly doesn’t feel relaxing but I do like getting in the habit of all of us sitting down for a meal. I have hopes that it will be easier to have the same meals in the future!
I only have one kid, so only one personality to deal with. She’s 4 now, and has always been a fairly decent eater and a night owl, and we’ve always managed dinner together. My husband actually loves making dinner when we get home from work, around 6:00. DD usually wants a snack before dinner is ready, so we let her have some cherry tomatoes or baby carrots. Our rule is that she can eat what we eat, or she can have something “non-cooked,” which is usually a bowl of cereal. Last night she had a frozen waffle (still frozen!), and sometimes we’ll give her a cheese sandwich. My parents always made us finish our plates before we got dessert, and to this day I will still force myself to eat everything even if I’m full. So we obviously don’t make her eat anything she doesn’t want, and she’s always offered dessert regardless of what she does or doesn’t eat. (which we only have on Sundays anyway).
We also have the problem of her right now finishing up early to go get more screentime.
This is a major source of guilt in my life right now. I have an 18 month old who we feed at 6:15, and then my husband and I eat together after he goes to bed. I really enjoy this routine but keep hearing about all of the benefits of sitting down for a family dinner. TBD whether we change our ways.
growing up when i was very little i believe our nanny fed us dinner (both parents worked full time) and then we would eat a snack/dessert while our parents ate dinner, which later evolved to us eating dinner as a family 5 nights a week (4 week nights + sundays), which as we got older evolved to fewer nights during the week due to sports, activities, etc. i always assumed i’d eat family dinner when i had kids, but instead most week nights i am solo parenting during dinner with our 18 month old twins, which is typically around 5:30. DH often eats at work or is traveling, or if he gets home in time to eat dinner with me, we (embarrassed to admit this) often eat in front of the tv bc we are so zonked. on weekends we generally only eat with the kids if we are eating at a restaurant. i’m hoping once they are a bit older we can add in a few more family meals
We eat quite early, between 5:30 and 6:00 and all eat together, which I really like. Our son normally eats leftovers from the night before – he hates hot food so he has whatever we ate stone cold the next day. He often finishes before we do but the longer we keep him at the table, the more he’ll eat.
We eat together every night. I’m not co-ordinated enough to do two meals. Kids are 5 and 8 but we’ve always done this. Kids get a snack at 5:30-5:45 when we get home (usually cereal or toast). Dinner at 6:30-7 depending on how soon we get cooking. Bedtime is 8pm. Saturday nights is slow cooker (chili or beef stew or pulled pork) with grocery store bought side salad, Sunday is dinner at my parents (winter) or picnic (summer). M/T/W/Th – DH and I alternate cooking – simple stuff like chicken and veggie risotto or spagetti and meatballs or fish tacos, Friday nights we do take out. Dessert is always fruit because it’s easy . Maybe baked goods on the weekend if I baked with the kids.
If I or DH don’t make it home in time for supper (about 1-2 times a week), then we just heat up our portion when we get home. We try to make extra of reheatable stuff like risotto so we have lunches for ourselves or the kids.
Big Law working mom of two (aged 5 and 2) over here. We eat dinner together every night, except for the very rare occasion where I don’t make it home in time. My penance for getting home in time for dinner is that I log on to work almost every single night after bedtime. It’s a really important part of our day, where we can catch up and have some real family time before bed. Often, it’s the only time we get as a family unit during our otherwise crazy days. We try to eat by 7, and kids are in bed and asleep by 8. DH works from home so he usually picks the kids up from school and makes dinner. We order out or make frozen pizza/chicken nuggets maybe once per week. We do not serve different food to the kids. It’s really important to us that they eat the same food, and though it has been a struggle at times, as a result they are very healthy eaters (e.g., broccoli, okra, fish, etc.). The biggest downside for us is the kitchen disaster we have to attend to after the kids go to sleep (and then I have to work!), and sometimes it pushes bedtime to 830. But it’s often the best part of our days, so it’s worth the logistical difficulties.
On the weekends I’ll make breakfast and we’ll all eat together before starting our days.
Two full time working parents here, with an almost 7 year old and a 7 week old just added to the mix!
We eat dinner with the 7 year old every night, although it depends on the time and our work schedules as to whether it’s one parent or both parents. With first grade we now have more activities (sports, music lessons, Girl Scouts) which all occur in that magic 5:30-7:30 time slot. This has been a bit in flux since I’m currently on leave and I expect will continue when I return to work and DH takes parental leave.
The biggest thing I do to help facilitate this is that I prep almost all of our meals on Sundays before the week. DH is almost always the one on pickup duty and so this way all he has to do is reheat what’s available. This also helps with the different food issue – I might prep sloppy joes and Indian-spices chicken for the week – that way the 7 year old always has something she likes and we can have more adult food. We also use it as an opportunity to introduce her to new foods without it being a battle over an entire meal – she just had to take a No Thank You bite. I started this approach when she was little and had a 6:30-7ish bedtime as a way of getting her fed without having to do daily meal prep as just getting the dinner dishes, lunch dishes, and pumping parts was plenty of kitchen chores each night!
Agh, we are clearly failing here. I was hoping more people would say they don’t! We eat with the kids Friday, Saturday and Sunday night. Monday through Thursday nanny gives them dinner somewhere in the 5-5:30 range. I usually come home in the middle. My husband doesn’t get home until 7 and we’re knee deep in bath and bed routine by then. Also we have three kids under five – eating dinner with them is frustrating!
It sounds like I might need to bug him to get home earlier for this purpose though soon. I suspect he could. He’s leaning in at work right now, but I should be too (new job)…
I’ve never had the time or energy to prepare and clean up separate meals. During the day care and after-school care years, we were only home and awake for about two hours each evening.
We sort of eat together. We generally have the same meal, but since the twins moved to booster seats at the table, there’s only room for one adult, so my husband and I usually eat standing. There’s usually a night or two a week where he and I will eat together after, but most of the time we’re just standing over the containers since we barely even bother with plates for ourselves.
We eat together probably 4/7 nights — other nights our family is split up due to activities (kids) or work obligations (me and spouse). However, I read once (I think in the NYT) that any family meal together “counts” in terms of the benefits of dining together. We almost ALWAYS eat breakfast together, so that’s become our thing moreso than dinner.
We eat around 6:00, all of us together. By that point we’re all hangry, and it’s important to me to make family dinner a priority. Also? I could.not.deal. with having the kitchen open all night and making separate meals! Props to those of you who do it because that sounds really exhausting.
Kids go to bed at 8 and 8:30, for reference.
We eat together almost every night. Prepare one meal for the family (“meal” is a generous term here), but kiddo gets at least one food on his plate that we know he likes (usually fruit); doesn’t have to eat everything; and can eat as much of it or as little as he wants. He does like to sit at his own little table more and more (we moved his Ikea art table into the kitchen for a friend gathering and he loved it so much that it stayed, so now it’s his personal dining area), but we’re generally all in there together. He’s allowed to leave when he’s done, but knows that we won’t leave the table until we’re done eating, even if he has to wait 10-15 minutes for us to finish up.