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Updated: Nov 1, 2018 144 Comments · by

Nursing Tuesday: Cowl Neck Short Sleeve Nursing Top

Nursing· Recent Recs

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A woman wearing Cowl Neck Short Sleeve Nursing Top I haven’t heard of the brand Nurture-Elle before, and although some of their pictures are kind of bizarre (at least at Nordstrom), this one looks like a good top. I like that there’s a strip of fabric at the top that you can push up as well as pull down so it leaves you less exposed. It seems like a nice top for pregnancy as well as nursing, and it’s made from stretch jersey and is machine washable. It’s $49 at Nordstrom in XS-XXL. Cowl Neck Short Sleeve Nursing Top Psst: Looking for more info about nursing clothes for working moms, or tips for pumping at the office? We’ve got them both… This post contains affiliate links and CorporetteMoms may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!

Sales of note for 9.10.24

(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)

Kid/Family Sales

  • Carter’s – Birthday sale, 40-50% off & extra 20% off select styles
  • Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off all baby; up to 40% off all Halloween
  • J.Crew Crewcuts – Extra 30% off sale styles
  • Old Navy – 40% off everything
  • Target – BOGO 25% off select haircare, up to 25% off floor care items; up to 30% off indoor furniture up to 20% off TVs

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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!

Comments

  1. CLMom says

    Update: Daughter did not have a concussion. The center director and I spoke, and my daughter will no longer switch between the Toddler 1 & Toddler 2 rooms. Those rooms have different chairs (one with arms, ones without), and I think my daughter is not processing they are different yet. Also, the center will consider getting new chairs for the Toddler 2 classroom because the director does not care for those chairs anyway. I feel better.
    Thanks for the feedback yesterday.

    • Anonymous says

      Oh good. The only “refund” I would ask for is for the center to pay any medical bills associated with the possible concussion, but I am probably in the minority on that. The whole thing sounds awful, but I’m glad you’re all ok now.

    • Anonymous says

      I didn’t see your post yesterday, but I am so sorry to hear about your daughter. Hope she’s feeling better today and glad it was not a concussion. As far as a “discount” for an injury, I’ll admit it never occurred to me that such a thing would be offered or appropriate. My daughter fell when she was around 2 during free play and hit her forehead. She had to get 6 stitches near her hairline. The center handled it very well I thought (since it was a face injury, it involved a lot of blood – way more blood than the size of the gash warranted). They called us immediately and we took her to the ER and got her stitched up. Kids get hurt all the time and these are the kind of things that could happen at home as easily as at school.

    • CLMom says

      It wasn’t the money. It was more the gesture. An incident report doesn’t communicate to me that they feel bad and care for daughter. I just wanted some THING that showed they care. Ordering new chairs significantly meets that need.

    • Meg Murry says

      I agree with everyone else that a discount doesn’t really seem appropriate. After I’ve thought about it more, the only way I could see a discount making sense might possibly be if the child had to be out of daycare for several days due to the incident, it would be fair to ask to be not charged for those days.

      But I’m glad they have decided to do something other than just continue to let kids fall out of chairs, and I understand your gut instinct for wanting them to just do *something* to show you they were taking it seriously besides just writing incident reports.

      • Winter says

        Discount could open them up to liability down the road if you wanted to pursue this further – it could serve as an admission of culpability

  2. Marilla says

    Would it make me a horrible person to be totally selfish about Mother’s day this year? My family doesn’t have a strong mother’s day tradition (not really part of our culture), but my husband’s family does, and last year (the first year of our baby’s life) our Mother’s day was pretty much all about my MIL. My MIL is amazing and incredible and an amazing support to me, and I don’t want to take the day away from her, but I would like to start our own little family tradition. To complicate things my own mom passed away six months ago and so the advertising barrage around Mother’s day is difficult this year. For father’s day last year (husband’s dad is not in the picture) we had a walk and brunch just us and baby and I gave him a little baby craft-y gift and photo. I sort of want that for myself. But I guess I just don’t know how to navigate it. Advice?

    • Blueberry says

      Honestly, just tell your husband exactly this. If he’s anything like mine, it probably didn’t cross his mind for whatever reason. I prefer him to just intuit these kinds of things, but if he doesn’t the first time, I tell him and life is better for all. It doesn’t sound selfish to me.

      • lsw says

        Agree. Also, the piece about losing your mom is important and surely your MIL (who sounds reasonable and great!) will understand that, and your husband can explain it to her in advance to head off any hurt feelings. Perhaps you could do a brunch for her a week after or something like that.

    • mascot says

      Straight-forward communication is your friend here. “husband, what are our plans for mother’s day? since I am a mom and babies are terrible planners, I’d love to do x, y, and z. also, I am really missing my mom this year so please grant me some grace in dealing with this”

      • MSJ says

        Yep. I had a really hard time the first year (without your difficult circumstances – my condolences – but it was loaded after a battle with infertility and nearly dying in childbirth) because my husband hadn’t planned anything. So I had to ask for it, which made me uncomfortable, but was healthier than my initial approach of passive agressiveness

    • anne-on says

      This is one of those ‘put your foot down’ moments. YOU are a mother too, and deserve to be recognized and ideally, to celebrate in the way you want. So, what do you want? I want to sleep in, not travel/host/cook, and then do something low key and fun with my kiddo/husband (park, beach, whatever).
      What this means in practice is that I ensure husband (and I) set expectations with both mothers – we will see you the weekend before or after if you’d like, I send cards/gifts/flowers, but I am a mother too and deserve a day. This also means saying no to well meaning offers to ‘just send husband and kiddo here so I can see them and you can relax all day’ (nope, I want to spend time with my own family) or ‘we’ll host – you just have to come!’ (nope, that means 2 hours in the car each way).
      There was push back the first year, but guess what? They got over it, I got the day I wanted, and everyone gets to feel acknowledged.

      • Anon says

        This exactly. You deserve a mothers day that makes you happy. Tell husband exactly what you want, have him set expectations with his mother, and deflect all pushback. We had the same scenario, I put my foot down, and now 4 years later no one bats an eye.

        This is not diminishing her worth as a mother. This is celebrating YOUR worth as a mother (and you’re encouraging husband to do it in a way that actually celebrates you, since kids are too young to do it themselves yet). Grandparents get their own day later in the year. Families change and sometimes it’s hard to realize you’re not the primary “mom” anymore, but someday you’ll be there too. And hopefully you’ll react with grace when your kids do the same.

    • Clementine says

      Totally okay to have it about you, regardless. Even MORE okay because you have your own complex feelings about it.

      We also are carving out our own traditions and just saying ‘sorry, we have plans. how about next Wednesday.’

    • BK anon says

      First, I’m really sorry about your mom. My father passed away 10 years ago, and Father’s Day is still difficult for me.

      As far as your question…..last year, my MIL was visiting for Mother’s Day (the first for me, with a new baby). We compromised by just having me, my husband, and the baby go out for brunch to celebrate “my” Mother’s Day on Saturday. On Sunday, we all went out for brunch. (And then after, I got some time to myself to get a manicure and do some window shopping). Since you are having a difficult year already though and will be thinking of your mom, I don’t think it would be selfish at all for your own little family to celebrate Mother’s Day by itself this year. Your husband can explain to MIL and they can celebrate on another day.

    • NewMomAnon says

      Last year I got all hung up about Mother’s Day, and then someone here pointed out that when we were kids, “Mother’s Day” consisted of a hand-drawn card from the kids, breakfast in bed served by dad and kids, and maybe a small hand-made gift from daycare (a plate painted by kiddo, or plaster of paris handprint, or similar). Adults would send flowers to their mothers. It was not all-day, all-consuming Thing it is now. That was really helpful for me.

      I would maybe pose it as – husband, if you want to take the kids to visit your mom on Mother’s Day, that would be awesome. Here is what I would like this year [a walk and a brunch and a small gift or whatever]. Let’s figure out a schedule.

      • Anon says

        That post last year helped me too. Our parents definitely did NOT spend our childhoods dragging us to multiple brunches with various moms in their lives. We woke up, made a crappy breakfast and homemade cards, and had to be quiet downstairs with dad while she “slept in” in the bedroom alone.

    • quail says

      Not selfish at all. I’m so sorry to hear about your mother’s passing. Even if it wasn’t a strong family tradition for you and her to celebrate, it can still be super difficult (my mom died 7 years ago this spring). So you should definitely not feel like you have to spend it with your MIL this year. Tell your husband this – he’s probably not even thinking about it.

      But do, only if you feel like it, celebrate your MIL on another day. Although mother’s day is still hard for me, I do appreciate recognizing the other mothers and mother-figures in my life, and my kid’s other grandmothers – but I am not near enough geographically to any of them to make getting together possible, so there’s not a conflict about what we do on the actual day. And I did NOT feel this way the first mother’s day after my mom’s death, but everyone is different. I just wanted to say that I’ve found a way to celebrate even though I am still sad.

    • octagon says

      I was you last year. My husband was so concerned about my state of mind for losing my mom that he, um, forgot to recognize me as a mother. I hadn’t said anything in advance because I didn’t care what he did, but he assumed I didn’t want to recognize the day at all.

      That day did not end well.

      • Marilla says

        I’m so sorry for your loss. I hope this year’s Mother’s day is easier for you.

    • Anon says

      Ha, I’ve been thinking a lot about this too- it’s always been a THING in my family, a non-event in my husbands. On the one hand, I want to recognize my parents, they were pretty great. On the other hand, we also have to do a big birthday thing (love birthdays, happy to recognize them), now that I have a baby things are a lot more chaotic, and I just don’t want the pressure of thinking of a gift for two people who have literally everything they need and more. Plus now I’m a mom! But I just don’t care and I told my husband I have zero expectations for mother’s day when she’s a baby, something handmade by her would be nice as she gets older. Really the hardest part is going to be managing my parent’s expectations around these days, which is just annoying.

      • NewMomAnon says

        Be a little careful about saying you have “zero expectations” for mother’s day when kiddo is a baby. My first mother’s day as a new mom was completely ignored, and it hurt so much. Turns out I did expect a card reflecting that then-husband understood and appreciated that my life had been turned upside down. I was angry for a long time after that. Of course, the anger might have been in response to the fact that he didn’t understand and didn’t appreciate how much I was doing…but a token gesture on mother’s day would have gone a long way.

    • shortperson says

      i usually get together on or near mothers day with other friends whose moms have died. that is my favorite mothers day tradition. maybe when my kids get older we will do our own thing more but right now mothers day makes me think more of my mom than being a mom and it’s not a happy day. so i encourage you to take what you need and get together with other friends who have lost their moms if you have any.

      • Marilla says

        That’s a really lovely idea. My best friend also lost her mom to cancer but she lives in another city – I’ll make sure to reach out to her on the day. I’m so sorry for your loss.

    • Marilla says

      Thank you everyone for your kind support and advice. I so appreciate it and am holding back tears at my desk. Sometimes just being “seen” in my grief is so helpful. I’ll talk to my husband and ask him to help me coordinate this between his mom and brother. Maybe I’ll suggest the two of them take her out for dinner and leave daytime for us and baby.

      • shortperson says

        i should add that my mom died 7 years ago and i still cant handle doing anything for my MIL for mothers day. shes lovely but shes not my mom. while i handle a lot of gifts and events for his family, and visit them way more than he does, my husband knows that mothers day card/flowers, etc. is solely his responsibility, i’m barely going to remind him. it’s easier that she’s not local so there no pressure to show up.

  3. NewMomAnon says

    Kiddo’s biggest complaint from her first day of her new school was that she didn’t get to eat all of her lunch (which was admittedly too big because I assumed she would pick and choose what she wanted to eat, and wanted to give her some options). I consider that a huge success. Also – today’s lunch is smaller and simpler. Lesson learned.

  4. mascot says

    You are right. I remember several mother’s day celebrations where my mom nicely feigned interest in the bowl of cold cereal on a tray with some mauled flowers we pulled out of the yard while trying to keep the dog’s nose out of the orange juice.

  5. lsw says

    I checked out more from this brand because I’m tired of the high prices at milk nursingwear and bored of their clothes and let me just say, FINALLY, a maternity and nursing crop top! -_-

  6. Anon for this says

    I’m curious how other parents navigate the gun issue with play dates, and specifically if you would want other parents to offer up the information that they had guns in the home even if you didn’t ask? We live in an area where gun ownership is prevalent (I would guess 50% or more of the population owns guns). We own guns, both rifles and handguns. They are stored, unloaded, in a locked safe and the ammunition is stored in a separate, locked container in another part of the house. We have one handgun that is loaded in a fingerprint accessible safe in our bedroom. I would offer all this information if asked, and respect if the parents decided they didn’t want their kid at our house, but do I offer it even if the parents don’t ask?

    • NewMomAnon says

      Ugh….I’ve been not asking because my kiddo is so young that I come along for all playdates still. I don’t know how I would feel if a parent volunteered that they have a gun in the house. I think I would be offended because people who have guns ALWAYS WANT TO TALK ABOUT THEIR G*D*MN GUNS like they are proving some point to us stoopid libruls (sorry for the caps, vegans and gun owners are special snowflakes in my area).

      On the other hand, I probably should be grateful for people volunteering, because my kid is a ninja who gets into everything and finds every weakness in parental defenses….she would totally be the one to discover that the gun safe hadn’t been locked. I would want the parent to check the gun safe and prove to me that it was locked, and I would want to have some conversation with my kiddo about why we don’t play with the gun safe.

      • Anon for this says

        This is partially my concern. I did not grow up with guns and the guns are not “my thing,” they are very much my husband’s “thing.” I’ve been shooting with my husband, but I’m uber liberal and support restrictions and heavy screening on gun ownership. I am not opposed to responsible gun ownership, although I would not own a gun of my own volition. The safes, ammo stored separately, etc. was the compromise we came to on my husband having guns in the house (basically I researched to death the most secure way to store guns, specifically to keep them out of the hands of children). Our own children will know what to do with a gun if they find one and how to properly handle one. I’m at a crossroads on how to handle children visiting out home, though, because I don’t want to be all “let me tell you about our guns!” to every person who comes over, but I also respect that it is a deal breaker for some parents.

      • mascot says

        You should be having a conversation with the kiddo about guns anyways just like you do about every other safety item (the street, bodies of water, etc) Then anticipate that they probably won’t remember or follow that advice so you need to continue to take age-appropriate precautions. Unless your kid is never out of your sight during a playdate, I wouldn’t assume that an adult’s presence offers any protection.
        Our unloaded long guns are locked up away from any ammo which separately stored. I’m not comfortable with handguns in the house so we don’t keep any. I’ve probably mentioned our set-up to a few parents, but should probably make a point to ask others about their house. We tend to host more than go to other houses.

        • NewMomAnon says

          I don’t think my kiddo even knows what a gun is – the closest she’s ever been to a gun is a squirt gun. How do you have a conversation about something that they’ve never seen? It would be like explaining to her what to do if a bomb goes off or the sun explodes.

          In case it’s not clear, I am team DoNotNormalizeGunUse. Guns are acceptable for hunting and active military zones, end of list. I will publicly voice my disagreement with any other use, regardless of the laws, and I will convey my distaste to my child.

          • Anon for this says

            I am the OP. If you decide not to talk to your daughter about guns, I would suggest you be very proactive asking other parents about gun ownership. We have friends who are active duty military and are otherwise very responsible members of society, but their idea of gun security is to keep their loaded handgun under the bed but not keep a bullet in the chamber (in case you don’t know, this means you have to cock the hammer so a bullet goes into the chamber and it isn’t that difficult to do – a kid could easily do it). They joked to me about how their toddler found the gun a few times and they had to take it away from her. I was beyond horrified because I assumed with them being in the military they would have above-average gun training. The only reason they told me is because I brought up what we were doing to secure our own guns. It is fine if you don’t want to normalize gun use for your daughter, but that won’t change the fact that she may be around guns, so you probably want to take other steps to address the issue.

          • mascot says

            Avocado’s tips below are spot on. Even if she’s not seen a real gun in the flesh, she will eventually see toys and movies and whatever.

          • Anonymous says

            Sorry, but if there are boys in your daughter’s daycare class, I guarantee she knows what a gun is. I live in a really liberal area with very low gun ownership, but boys seem to just innately know these things.

    • Anonymous says

      Interesting. I live in a latte town where 99% of my friends were #withHer. I’m the token republican friend. When my kids were smaller, I was stabby about unfenced unattended swimming pools.

      Now that they are older, I’d like them to know what to do if they do stumble upon a gun b/c I’m fairly concerned that they would do what they see on TV/movies/old cartoons and start trying to shoot it b/c they are idiots (in a judgement/safety/consequences of their acts sense; they are in elementary school). I don’t know if there is a kids gun safety class (that isn’t about shooting), but I know how to handle a gun (republican in the south and all) and took the grownup NRA safety class and used to shoot for target practice (noisy, smelly, and I learned I had to work on my arm strength b/c guns are heavy and some of them can really kick). I don’t actually own a gun b/c we live in a house with small children so we have no $, nothing is nice, and if someone stole all of our junk I would be elated.

      • avocado says

        I asked about guns and swimming pools between the time when my kid was old enough for drop-off playdates and about the third grade. I always felt a little weird about it, like if I was going to ask about these things I should also be asking about unsecured narcotics and vaccinations. I also suspect that many people would not hesitate to lie about unsecured firearms. For this reason, I started teaching my daughter the basic gun safety rules when she was about two years old: Do not ever touch anything that looks like a gun, even if it looks like a toy, unless you are supposed to be shooting it and a trusted adult (parent or instructor) tells you it is time to touch the gun. If you see something that looks like a gun, leave the room and tell an adult. Treat all guns as loaded at all times. Do not put your finger inside the trigger guard unless you intend to shoot. Do not point a gun at anything you do not plan to put a bullet through. I also taught her that at birthday parties and other large gatherings in unfamiliar homes, she should stay in the room where the party is and not wander around. And when she was 5 years old, I let her shoot BB guns at camp for some more realistic exposure to gun safety. I was a little nervous about the other kids, but the camp counselors did a good job of keeping everyone safe.

        We live in an area where guns are regarded more as toys than as tools and gun safety does not seem to be part of the gun culture. (My kid’s bedroom window was once deliberately shot out by a neighbor kid with a BB gun, while she was in the room.) In contrast, I was raised shooting BB guns and air rifles under the strict supervision of my grandfather, who had grown up shooting his own food and kept a shotgun for protection against wildlife. I was taught that although shooting at targets can be fun, guns are dangerous tools meant to kill things and need to be treated with respect. I can’t remember ever NOT knowing the safety rules. When my kid is a little bigger and stronger, I plan to take a gun safety course with her at our local range. Our family owns no guns and firmly supports stronger gun control regulations, but I think it’s important for everyone on both sides of the issue to know what guns are really like and how to handle them safely.

        • Pogo says

          Thank you for this reply – I really like your approach. “I also suspect that many people would not hesitate to lie about unsecured firearms” is a good point.

        • In House Lobbyist says

          A lot of your rules sound like my military husband’s rules – “never point your weapon at anything you do not intend to destroy”. We live in the South and everyone in our family owns guns for hunting/enjoyment/personal protection/military career. Heck, probably everyone we knows owns a least a BB gun. Our kids have been taught these rules from an early age. All of our guns are in our bedroom and the bedroom door is locked when children or anyone is visiting. I think you have to teach kids about guns because you never know what they might encounter anywhere – they could find a gun hidden in the bushes in a city park.

    • Also curious says

      I’m curious too. DH owns a shotgun, which he keeps in the basement (kiddo does not go down there– she knows it’s off-limits) in a locked cabinet, unloaded, locked with safety on. I don’t feel the need to volunteer that unless asked. But maybe this isn’t a good assumption?

    • Anon says

      I think overall I’d be glad you volunteered the information and reassured that you were taking measures to be careful and responsible. I’m a liberal democrat gun owner who lives in a red state.

      Also, gun safety classes are available for children and I think they are something that should probably be mandatory or at least strongly encouraged as long as we have decided we are a gun-owning society.

      • Anonymous says

        Does the NRA or some other org do kids gun safety classes?

        I had my kids in swimming lessons for what seemed like decades b/c it’s such a big safety concern. We live where there are many unfenced pools and the paper has drowning deaths almost weekly.

        I’d be all in on gun safety but have no idea how. There are a million good kids swimming places though. Why not for guns (I’m in a big southern city — a few counties away my cousin’s kids go hunting after school and learned all of this at home; we need an option other than pretending everything would be found if they stumbled across a loaded handgun with a round in the chamber. pretty sure my 8 and 6 year olds could pull the trigger on a .22).

          • Spirograph says

            I attended as a kid, and later worked at a Y camp that had these as well, that’s where I first learned to shoot. Boy Scout camps, I think, also often have some kind of shooting. Not that that helps if you have daughters…

        • Sarabeth says

          The NRA does run gun safety classes for kids. They are better than nothing, but the research is also clear that they don’t really work as a safety measure – it’s just not possible to reliably teach kids under the age of 7 or so that they shouldn’t play with guns (or anything else). Too little impulse control.

        • Anon for this says

          I’m in the midwest and we have a local shooting range that does all kinds of gun safety courses for kids and adults, including concealed carry courses, active shooter training, bullying classes for kids, etc.

    • Anon says

      I think when your kids are young and parents still come along for the playdate, it’s okay not to mention right away, although maybe bring it up at some point (oh, btw, we do have a gun in the house, but we do X Y Z safety measures.)

      If the kids are old enough for a visit without their parent, and definitely if there’s any chance the kids would be unsupervised, then you have to tell the parents ahead of time. You should also proactively tell them how you talk to your kids about guns, so they have some language to use with their own kids as well, in case they haven’t thought about it before.

      And yes I’m team KidsShouldKnowWhatToDo and will be taking my kids to a gun range when they get older, but also do not own or keep a gun in my house.

    • Butter says

      I would want to know. I’ll be honest, it would probably change my plans (no unattended playdates, no playing on the floor where the guns are stored (sometime playrooms are in the basement, where the gun locker happens to be), etc). And I’d also rather hear from the parent than hear from my kid that his friend told him that his parents have guns in the house.

    • ElisaR says

      I think I would want to know if somebody owned a gun – I can’t imagine it because I am in a part of the country where I literally know 1 person that owns a gun and she is a retired cop. But I do have a friend that lives in the south and we got into this conversation last girls weekend. She didn’t know (??) how her husband stored the handgun and asked him over text. She has 3 kids. Turns out he keeps it stored in a case “with a zipper on it.” Holy Crap. Yeah she was mortified but it made me realize – not everyone is responsible. So you should probably let people know that you ARE responsible about it because we can’t assume…..

    • Rainbow Hair says

      May I jump in and ask how people handle — and respond to — asking “do you have guns in the house?” I grew up in a place/community where guns were not the norm (I think? It certainly wasn’t something I knew about!), so I don’t even know how to ask.

      Like, I don’t want the subtext to be “are you irresponsible?” but on the other hand I wouldn’t have my kid playing at a house with an unfenced pool…

      • ANON says

        This is my script for any new playdate:

        When we meet new friends I usually have a few questions around any weapons in the house. Do you have any weapons and can you tell me how they are secure? By this I mean where kids will not come across them during play/hide and seek etc?

        Do you have a pool and will it be covered when Kid1 comes over?

        Are there any allergies that I should know of so I don’t feed Kid1 with a peanut butter/seafood / shellfish sandwich before she comes over?

    • avocado says

      I would be so happy if you offered this information before I had to ask.

    • Yup says

      You should absolutely offer up this information, and as a parent, I always ask if there is a gun in the home whenever I go over for a playdate with a kid. I would be very upset if you did not offer this information.

      But I will tell you that if there is a gun, I would not go to your home and I would not allow my child to go either. I’m sure you are very safe and it is protected and stored but I will not go to your home ever. So if you do volunteer this information, I would be prepared to have people say that they don’t feel comfortable having their kids over. I live in a super blue state and no one has ever told me they had a gun when I asked so luckily this has been a non-issue so far.

      • mascot says

        This is really interesting to me that you wouldn’t even set foot in a house where a gun is, even if the gun is unloaded and locked away. I feel like there is a significant risk of injury from chemicals, sharp objects, combustible materials, pets, pools, medications, trampolines, falls, etc and a lot of those items exist in homes and we don’t give them much thought.

        • Yup says

          You’re absolutely right, but you don’t hear of children killing themselves with c hemicals at the rate you do of killing themselves with guns. And unfortunately children are attracted to guns because they look like toys, are big and powerful, etc. in a way that children are not attracted to chemicals. After Sandy Hook and all of the horrific shootings in this country I just have a strong visceral reaction to guns and I never, ever want my children to be anywhere near them. Sadly I don’t have any control over what happens at school but I certainly have control over whose home my child enters, so to the extent that I can limit the exposure I will.

          But as I said, we live in an uber blue area and I’ve never come across this issue so my absolutist stance fortunately doesn’t create a problem in terms of my children able to go over to a friend’s home. I will say, however, my sister lives in a super red state and has the same rule that I do. And as a result, she doesn’t allow her son to go to some friends’ homes.

          • Spirograph says

            This is interesting to me, too. I think this is a completely rational position to take, but I do think “you don’t hear of children killing themselves with chemicals…” or various other things at the rate you do with guns because partly of news bias. not in a FAKE NEWS way, but just the “reportability” of some events compared to others.

            No one has ever asked me about guns kept in my home, but we do have one pistol and I’d be happy to talk about how it’s stored. (Not as safely as I’d like. I’m going to get a separate safe for the ammo. Husband will have to get over it.)

            My husband and I have different feelings about guns’ usefulness as “home defense,” but I’m not opposed to guns in principle. I don’t think they need to be in the house. Especially a house where I can’t shoot without first driving to a range. I don’t think my husband would ever pull the gun out in a fit of rage (obviously, or I wouldn’t allow it in the house at all), but in general I don’t think quickly-accessible firearms are a good/necessary thing, and I would prefer there not be one. I told him point blank that if he gets a concealed carry permit he had better NEVER exercise it around me or the kids, or I would leave and take them with me.

            I wouldn’t say shooting is a hobby of mine, but I’ve shot pistols, rifles, and semiautomatic weapons, and target shooting is kind of fun. I also have enough knowledge to have a healthy respect for guns and to be able to handle them safely. I think that’s important. It hasn’t happened yet, but I’m not opposed to my kids shooting my dad’s guns in a few years when we visit his place (he lives in a very rural area and has a ton of weapons for hunting and “protection,” all stored safely). To me, a kid who has shot a gun under adult supervision is a lot less likely to experiment with one that he happens across. Guns are LOUD! And they kick! And they DESTROY things! Experiencing that power firsthand will scare the @#(* out of my 4 year old who runs around with sticks yelling “pew pew, I shot you with my shooting gun!” without any concept of what a real gun is/does.

        • NewMomAnon says

          It takes some fairly intentional behavior to open and ingest most chemicals or medications in lethal doses, injure someone fatally with a sharp object, or set large fires. Pets, pools, and trampolines are hard to hide; a parent dropping a kid off at a house is likely going to see a trampoline or pool, and a family pet is unlikely to kill a child (because an animal that dangerous likely isn’t a family pet). Guns are much harder to see, much less common (at least in my area), and a loaded gun always carries a risk of quick, accidental death. They are different.

          Also, most parents use at least child locks with their chemicals/medications, and they taste yucky so kids aren’t going to play with them. Guns kept in a zippered case under a bed are easily accessible, interesting mechanical wonders with no nasty side effects until someone gets shot.

      • POSITA says

        This seems crazy.

        My husband has an antique-style muzzle loader that he made as a teen. It’s locked in a gun safe and buried under moving boxes in our attic. We don’t have shot or gun powder in the house. I would disclose normally if asked, but over the top reactions make me hesitate.

    • Anon for this says

      It comes as a great shock to liberal me that I live in a house with guns. My husband is a Law Enforcement Officer, so he’s usually armed and we have other firearms in the house.

      Our child has been too small so far to get into them, but that is probably on the cusp of changing, so we need to have A Talk about how we handle this. Honestly, I’m a little peeved about it, because he’s much more nonchalant about this now than he was when we talked about gun safety before we had children. But I think some of that is he doesn’t think our child would be capable of getting to guns where they are now.

      So far it’s been a non-issue — we’ve only had a few people over, and all parents were present and hovering and I locked the closets that have the weapons/ammo and hid the keys. But, when the time comes for real play dates, I’ll probably mention it and let any parent know that if he or she is uncomfortable, I won’t take it personally and we can meet elsewhere. It also makes it easier for me to ask the other parent about guns, since I can use my husband’s to raise the issue.

      • Anon says

        My mother is a cop but has always left her firearms at work. She was uncomfortable having them at home given chance of accidents

      • NewMomAnon says

        If someone told me that they or their spouse were in law enforcement and needed to keep a sidearm in the house, I would not find that offensive, btw. I would want to know security measures and I may decide not to bring kiddo over, but that’s a very different situation than friends who are all “blah blah I have a loaded gun on my person at all time blah blah shooting range blah blah concealed carry.” Someone who keeps a handgun on their person without a professional obligation to do so or keeps a handgun in their house is either living in the wrong neighborhood or living in the wrong headspace for me.

        • Anon for this (LEO Wife) says

          I wonder if the reason why would have an impact on people’s views/comfort with the issue. Practically it shouldn’t, unless a LEO is more likely to have much better gun safety protocols, but psychologically it does seem to make a difference, at least it does to me.

          • Anonymous says

            I think the assumption is the LEOs are likely to be diligent safety focused individual who would be knowledgeable about gun safety.

          • NewMomAnon says

            I disagree with the reason it changes my viewpoint. I think it’s super dangerous to have someone keeping a handgun in the house “for personal safety” or “because they are entitled to have a gun.” The statistics don’t bear out the personal safety argument, and it takes an incredible amount of arrogance to think you’re better than the statistics. That level of arrogance with regard to guns is far more likely to lead to unsecured sidearms and cavalier attitudes toward gun safety.

            A law enforcement officer who has to keep a gun in the house *should* be mindful of the horrible PR that would come from a kid finding a poorly secured law enforcement gun and having an accident (but….there was a study done in the last 10 years that found many of the black market hand guns were stolen from police, so….maybe not). That’s my rationale, and it’s the same reason I’m semi-OK with hunting rifles; they have a practical purpose and not just an ego prop.

    • Anonymous says

      Interesting to hear what people do with the keys when they lock the gun cabinet. Storing unloaded is great, but when kids get to a certain age, can’t they just take the keys and unlock the cabinet?

      My sister’s husband hunts and we stayed with them on a visit when my boys were babies but I wouldn’t now as I feel that he’s cavalier about gun safety. They have the guns unloaded in a locked room. Ammunition stored in the same room. Key to room is on his key chain which is just hung on the regular key hook. Given that my two year old managed to push a chair to the kitchen counter, climb onto the counter, open the cupboard and grab the dishsoap from the top shelf in less than two minutes, I worry that when he gets older, and knows where keys are – he won’t have the impulse control to not try unlock a gun cabinet – I think someone posted above that they are 7 or older before you can start to trust their impulse control?

      • anon says

        A lot of gun safes have electronic combination locks or biometric locks,

        • Anonymous says

          Biometric locks definitely sound safe.

          I would worry with electronic combination that the kids just watches the code go in and remembers the number.

      • Anon for this says

        I posted above (LEO husband) — in this case the keys were hidden (and the kids were older than 7).

        • Anonymous says

          I was wondering about where they could be hidden though. Maybe I was a nosy kid, but I definitely poked around all different corners of the house when I was snooping for birthday or Christmas present hiding spots and I can see at least one of my twins having the same nosy/persistent personality (the one who got into the upper kitchen cabinet when I was changing is brother’s diaper like ten feet away).

          • Anon for this says

            Oh, I was that kid too. I had them on a shelf hidden from view in an area of the house that the adults were in, and it was only for a few hours. It would be different if the kids had free run of the house and were there for longer.

            I guess that’s where all the precautionary measures avacado discussed above come in and/or you just don’t let your children go into a house with guns and hope that everyone is honest about their gun ownership.

            Frankly, I think some people AREN’T going to be honest about having guns — either they have Strong Opinions on Gun Rights and don’t think it’s anyone’s business or are worried about being judged for having guns, especially if they live in a more liberal area.

          • Anonymous says

            I think the hardest age is age 4-7 where you might have a drop off playdate or a playdate where the kids are not in the same room as the parents the whole time, yet you have kids with a level of impulse control that means they won’t necessarily avoid a gun or tell a grown-up even if they’ve been told to do that/taught about guns.

            I definitely don’t feel comfortable staying at my sister’s with the gun room keys just on a key chain, not sure what the answer is though as I would like to stay with them again but her DH doesn’t think it’s an issue.

          • Anon for this (LEO Wife) says

            I understand — it sounds like it’s as much your BIL’s attitude of it being no big deal as the guns themselves. It’s one of the reasons I’ve put off visiting a family member — I’m not sure how guns are kept and knew that it would create more drama to ask.

      • Anon for this says

        OP here – Our safe requires a combination that is 8 digits long. We also keep important documents in there and even with having the combination and my husband sending me the Youtube video on how to use the code I couldn’t figure out how to open it after 4 or 5 attempts. I’m not saying a highly motivated teenager couldn’t figure it out, but I’m not concerned with my toddler getting into it any time soon. I also thoroughly researched the topic and we purposely chose a safe that was the most difficult to circumvent the security measures. The handgun can only be accessed with my husband’s thumbprint or overridden with a key which we keep at a location outside the house.

        • Anonymous says

          Thanks, this is really helpful. Hard to figure out what kind of ask I can make of my sister, but maybe switching out the door lock on the room for an electronic combination door lock similar to what you have would work. Teenagers motivated to get at guns is definitely one of my concerns down the road as well. My BIL’s family has mental health challenges and I do worry that my nephew might know how to access the guns as a teenager and make an unfortunate decision in a moment of despair.

      • Meg Murry says

        Yes, what makes me nervous is my husband’s stories about coming home from school, getting the gun safe key out of it’s hiding place, taking the rifle out in the woods to shoot at trees and then putting it back before his mom got home. I’m pretty sure he was about 10 when he started to do that.

        My oldest is a super-duper crazy rule follower and has shown zero interest in guns, so I’m not all that concerned about him as an individual. Some of his friends though are the type to come up with really dumb ideas as when in a group,and I don’t know how he would react to any of them suggesting they check out the guns.

        My youngest is fearless, crafty and fascinated with guns *and* swimming pools. We’ve only just started having drop-off playdates, and so far they’ve all been with uber liberal families, many of whom don’t even allow nerf guns – but I worry once we get to Kindergarten and he starts mixing with more families I don’t know. Especially if they have kids like my oldest, I feel like I need to prepare a “no, my kid is really sneaky and crafty and curious – not bad, but you really have to keep an eye on him” speech.

        Our security right now is a combo of guns hidden in rooms the kids can’t get to (like in the basement or attic rafters) and ammo locked up. We only have an air rifle at my house currently, my kids don’t even know that my husband owns hunting rifles (they go into his father’s gun safe when he isn’t hunting).

    • Work travel? says

      This has been a great discussion and I really appreciate you posting this question. I am also a bleeding heart liberal won’t even allow nerf guns but live in a very gun friendly community. My kids are just starting to make their own friends who aren’t part of our similarly liberal group and this question has really stressed me out, especially w neighbors whom I don’t want to offend by asking but also it is starting to become offensive that I don’t let my kids play w theirs bc I’m too afraid to ask the question! So I personally would be thrilled if you were upfront about telling me. In my case how you have described your approach I might let my super responsible not impulsive kid (almost 8) go over but not my wilder more impulsive younger one. But your kids would be welcome at my house.

      I also think that you mentioning it first opens up the topic for others so you can then ask other parents what they do.

  7. (was) due in june says

    Anyone else crying over Jimmy Kimmel’s monologue last night?

    • ElisaR says

      i saw the headline and got the gist of it – I decided not to watch it because I know I would be a pool.

    • Pogo says

      I just googled and I definitely can’t watch it. I have a friend whose baby was born with a CHD and I cry when I think about what she went through.

  8. dc mom anon says

    Fun question – What would you treat yourself to with $100-200?
    I need some gift ideas for myself. I have a birthday and mother’s day coming up and need ideas to pass along to DH. I have a toddler and am 6 months pregnant. We already have spa day covered.
    I have loved reading the answers to this question in the past, and am I excited that I get to ask it this time!

    • shortperson says

      maybe this shows how old i’m getting but for me it was a nest. ideal temperature maintenance is a gift that keeps giving.

      • Onlyworkingmomintulsa says

        I’m asking for a Nest for our upstairs for Mother’s Day! We have one downstairs and I love it.

      • lsw says

        (That is clearly not $100 but I would definitely spend part of that money on it)

    • Anon says

      I would treat myself to one of the splurgy subscription boxes. $100 should get you one box of one of the high end ones, or around 3 months of a “normal” one.

      You can go to My Subscription Addition website and scroll through to find a box that appeals to you. Most boxes don’t actually sell out, so you can buy past boxes on their website and/or buy a one-time gift for yourself if you like all the items. My current obsessions are the Rachel Zoe box and the Nina Garcia box. Both of those Spring boxes included cute bags in the $200 range that I had been lusting over regardless, so the rest of the items would just be like special bonuses.

    • Blueberry says

      If I were you, either a nice dinner with husband or a fun piece of maternity clothing that you would otherwise be guilty about spending so much money on. Oh, or exercise classes, like prenatal yoga, if you wouldn’t otherwise spend money on them.

    • Maddie Ross says

      Barefoot Dreams sweater. They are so super soft, but light and perfect for lounging post-partum.

  9. Florida baby says

    Does anyone have recommendations for sun protection suit (not sure what these things are called) for a baby? We have a three month old and are gearing up for beach season. Any other tips for taking a baby to the beach (i.e. Do I just need to commit on staying indoors with him during peak sun hours?)

    • Anonymous says

      You can’t apply sunscreen until they are 6 months plus so I would do a full body sun suit at that age. Also a sun hat and keep them in the shade. Maybe bring an inflatable baby bath tub with you so baby can sit under the umbrella and splash water to stay cool.

      I like UVSKINZ brand the best.

      • FTMinFL says

        +1 to full body sun suit, but I would also ask your pediatrician about sunscreen. We are in Tampa and our pediatrician walked us through the rationale for the no-sunscreen-before-six-months rule and recommended scenarios where the benefits outweigh the risks.

    • Pigpen's Mama says

      He also may just not do well with heat at all. Pigpen couldn’t handle being outside for very long if it was above 85ish when she was under a year/year and a half. She turned into a hot, red, crying, snotty mess. The baby bath/pool is a great idea to keep him cool.

      • Pigpen's Mama says

        Although I’m realizing if you’re in Florida, you’ve probably already figured out how well he deals with heat!

      • Pigpen's Mama says

        And as far as brands — I liked the iPlay stuff, it’s available on Amazon, and I’ve seen it at Bed, Bath and Beyond, but be warned, it runs small.

    • Anonymous says

      The 100% zinc sunscreen can be used on 2 months + (check with pediatrician of course). My kiddo hated sand (didn’t mind grass). So be prepared for the beach to be a total no go. Also corn starch / baby powder gets sand off of skin.

    • anon says

      When we took our 10 week old to the beach, we got the RIT sunscreen wash and treated some of my son’s footed sleepers and muslin swaddle blankets with that. We used those plus an iPlay hat for sun protection. And he stayed on someone’s lap under an umbrella when he was at the beach, which honestly did not end up being for very long on any given day between naps and feedings and the heat.

    • RDC says

      I love the coolibar full-body suits for babies! So cute. I’m sad they don’t come bigger than 24m.

    • anonymama says

      REI has some, the REI brand one worked well. Also giant beach umbrella. We have one that has side flaps that come down, it’s super easy to set up, can be staked down if it’s windy, has windows that open, almost like a mini tent but all one piece so no wrangling required. And a good sun hat, a nice soft/comfy/well-fitting one that will stay on is worth it.

  10. Infertility Q says

    Can anyone speak to their experience with IM progesterone, mainly how bad/not bad the shots are? I’ve done IVF before (successfully) and didn’t need any IMs then, but now have been prescribed IM prog for an FET. I did fine with self-administering SC shots in the past, but am apparently a huge wuss about IM shots… Also, any luck self-administering IM? There’s a chance I’ll need to travel while taking the meds.

    Ugh. Making a baby the non-traditional way is no fun, especially knowing how fun the alternative is.

    • Pogo says

      Any reason they prescribed IM over the suppositories?

      I HATED the suppositories, but they at least weren’t a shot. I would ask your RE for these instead if you’re not a fan of shots. I traveled with the suppositories in my carry on and didn’t even have a letter I don’t think. I think as long as they’re room temp they’re not a liquid so TSA didn’t care (plus in a scanner I’d think they just look like tampons).

      I never had to fly with any of my other IF meds, thank god.

      I did self-administer an IM trigger shot and it wasn’t a huge deal (I think I did my rear end? or thigh?). But that was just once. Every day could get old.

      • Infertility Q says

        Oh, I get the pure delight of suppositories + shots this time around. I am very familiar with the suppositories unfortunately (I can confidently say that Crinone is vastly preferable to Endometrin, though). Not my first rodeo with all of this…

      • ElisaR says

        My friend recently went through IVF for the 2nd time, she said she wished they still prescribed the suppositories but at the time of her 2nd pregnancy they no longer use them…..

    • RR says

      I did the suppositories as well. They have uncomfortable side effects, but so would the shots, and the suppositories aren’t shots. I never did those shots, but my understanding from friends who did is that they are much harder than the hormone shots or the trigger shots.

    • Walnut says

      I use IM progesterone to stay pregnant as my body declined to produce much on its own. I buy mine through a compounding pharmacy so I only need to injections every three days. I also have suppositories that I use when I travel, since I don’t want to deal with transporting the needles, etc. through airport security.

      My husband administers the shots. I could probably handle it solo, but it was be awkward with the angle. Mine is a long injection administered over two minutes and sometimes it strings with a burning sensation and other times its pretty easy. There is a pretty obvious bump for a few days after, but it doesn’t bother me. Maybe a little itchy at times though?

    • RDC says

      Not progesterone shots, but I’ve traveled with injectable drugs (pre-filled lovonox syringes) in my carry on and have never had a problem (never even had to open the bag).

    • JP says

      Did these plus crinone (ick ick) for 8 weeks after multiple miscarriages and IVF–lovingly referred to it as “baby glue.” I did the shots myself after awhile. My husband did them in my butt but since I have very short arms it was easier to do it in my thigh when self-injecting. It hurt, I won’t lie. But I got better at it. My leg was sore for days afterwards until I got used to it–I did heat before and ice after.

      Good luck!

  11. Anon A says

    What would you do? I’m flying with my husband, four-year-old, and sixteen-month-old, and we’re trying to figure out whether to buy a seat for the little one. It’ll be an hour-and-a-half flight. He’s incredibly active and really doesn’t take well to being held sitting down (he was sick a couple weeks back and I had to pace around the house holding him because he’d wail when I would sit down). If we have him on our laps, we’ll be able to sit together in one row; if we buy him a seat, we can put him in the car seat and he might “get” that he’ll have to be still for a while. Thoughts??

    • Anonymous says

      is he entertained by watching videos of himself on an IPad? that’s my go-to when my kids are antsy

      It’s technically safer to buy a seat but for an hour and a half flight, I would be inclined not to buy a seat and just deal with a grumpy baby.

    • NewMomAnon says

      For an hour and a half flight, I probably wouldn’t buy an extra seat. For a 3-6 hour flight I would. Two adults can tolerate an angry, immobilized baby for 1.5 hours.

      I would suggest having one adult taking older child onto the plan to get into seats, tuck carry ons away, etc. The other parent waits in the gate area with baby until the last possible minute, then boards. Hold baby on lap during take off and landing; in between, baby can stand in the footwell or share a seat with big sibling. Bring lots of different activities; at that age, I remember bringing random strings of costume jewelry, tupperware containers filled with snacks (that can also be used as noisemakers!), board books, paper and crayons, videos on my phone, small plastic toys, etc.

      • Anonymous says

        This. When I read it the first time, I thought you said you were traveling along with your 4 yo and 16 mo and I would have said YES, buy the seat. But if you are flying with you husband too, I’d just pass him back and forth and scoot him in between y’all like a bench while at cruising altitude. I second the suggestion and iPad. If not for videos, than to look at pictures of himself, etc. Also food. Lots of food. An amazing amount of time can be spent eating snacks that are in pieces (cheerios, fruit snacks, etc.).

        • Work travel? says

          Agree w all of these suggestions even though I generally prefer to be extra safe – at 16 mos for a short flight it will be easier to pass back and forth than to deal w hassle of lugging and installing seat only to find child won’t stay in it anyway.

    • Anon in NYC says

      I would probably keep him as a lap infant, especially with such a short flight. FWIW, I’ve bought a seat for my kiddo both times we’ve flown with her (at 9 months and 15-16 months), and when she was older she was generally much happier on our laps / walking up and down the aisle / standing on us to look out at the other passengers.

  12. SC says

    So, launching off the gun conversation above, what would you do in this situation? My in-laws have had a cavalier attitude toward baby-proofing (“It’s amazing any of our kids survived, isn’t it?”), and they have an unfenced pool. For Mother’s Day, we’re supposed to go over to their house for a large family gathering (10 adults, 3 kids, and 3-7 dogs), which will be indoor/outdoor. My concerns are that there’s absolutely no barrier between where we’ll be and the pool, it’s a very chaotic environment, and Kiddo loves water and tends to run into any water he sees.

    My husband just asked his father about fencing the pool. He also sent an article from the AAP’s website, which my FIL (who’s a pediatric specialist) generally respects. Would you insist on the fence before attending the large family event? I don’t usually like ultimatums, but is this a place for one?

    • SC says

      FWIW, we are starting toddler swim lessons this month. We did “water babies” last year but had to wait until Kiddo turned 2, last week, to start the toddler classes. But he won’t be swimming by himself after 2 30-minute lessons, and the Mother’s Day gathering is in 2 weeks.

    • avocado says

      I would not be comfortable in this situation. Swim lessons will help but they still don’t make kids drown-proof. Two weeks is not enough time to get a fence up. I know people hate them, but I would be looking at a toddler leash. It would serve the added purpose of highlighting how seriously you take the fence issue (“Why is Tommy on a leash?” “He is just SO fascinated with pools and there isn’t a fence, so it was the only way we could be sure to keep an eye on him all afternoon.”).

      • mascot says

        +1 for preventative measures. For a water-loving toddler, I’d even consider having them wear a life jacket during the party. You may also want to look at one of those in-water alarms that goes off if someone goes into the water. It’s not perfect, but it is a short term solution.
        If they don’t do it in swim lessons, I like to have my kid practice their water skills while dressed in street clothes.
        I thought that most insurance companies strongly encouraged fences so that’s another angle on the conversation.

      • Blueberry says

        I think this is a good idea. Also, I saw an article about a program for babies to basically learn to keep themselves alive in the water (not swim, but turn over and float so they don’t drown) starting at really young ages. This doesn’t solve your problem by Mother’s Day, and the fence is the solution, but you may be interested in looking into this. Can’t remember what the program was called though.

        • anon says

          Infant Swimming Resource is the program I know about. It starts with really young kids. I had a friend who swore by it for all of her kids -and saw it work when her toddler went in off the steps unexpectedly.

          • In House Lobbyist says

            We have used infant swim with both of ours and it is amazing. Their “graduation” is in full clothes and shoes. The whole idea is to teach them to survive – swim a bit and then roll over and float and swim more until they get to the side. Our teacher would also put a jacket over their face and have them remove it while swimming/floating. Watching it always made me tear up because drowning is high up there (if not number 1) in children’s death.

            As for the party, I’ve read more than one instance where something bad happened. A pool alarm is good and my parents have one and a locking fence. They are also paranoid about it. But you and your husband could trade off for the party so one person is always watching your little one. I think things go bad when everyone assume someone is watching the kid.

    • Anon in NYC says

      I would share all of your concerns, but I think it’s pretty short notice to give someone an ultimatum requiring them to fence in their pool.

      Assuming that you spend a lot of time at your in-laws house, I might consider contributing to the expense as well, if cost is going to be cited as a reason to not do it.

    • Anon says

      I wouldn’t insist on the fence for this specific event. (Although how often do you go over there? It might be a reasonable ask if they want you to visit weekly or even monthly.)

      What I would do is set boundaries on your own behavior. Limit your time there, and explicitly say it’s because of the unfenced pool. “FIL, we’ll be there for only an hour. We don’t feel comfortable that we can keep Kiddo safe around the pool any longer than that.” Then actually follow through. If Kiddo either enters the pool, or throws a tantrum about NOT getting to enter the pool, then leave immediately and explain that for Kiddo’s safety, you won’t be able to return since you don’t feel confident you can keep him safe around the pool.

    • SC says

      Thanks, everyone. We’ll keep up the discussion, but I won’t insist that it’s done before the event. I like the ideas of a leash and/or a life jacket, although I am guessing it will result in a meltdown. (Then again, any restraint from the pool will result in a meltdown.) Beyond general sticker shock, I don’t think cost is an issue–in-laws have plenty of money, and we’re not in a position to offer to pay for it.

      My in-laws live 5 minutes away, but we don’t go over to their house very often, partly because of their general refusal to baby-proof and Kiddo’s general fascination with everything dangerous or fragile. In-laws have another grandson the same age who visits their house several times a week but has never needed anything baby-proofed.

      We talked with in-laws about a fence last year, but they never got around to it. Kiddo wasn’t walking last summer, so it didn’t seem urgent–we could catch up to the crawling, and he couldn’t get down the 3 stairs from the porch to the pool by himself. The few visits since then have been stressful because of the doggy door/access to the pool and other dangers. Mostly, our strategy has been to either close some doors and keep him in one room or to go over specifically to swim with us in the pool.

      • Anonymous says

        My husband almost drowned (like ambulance responded and he was hospitalized level of near drowning) as a toddler because he was unsupervised with access to a pool. A fence is not a substitute for eyes on a non-swimmer kid with any access to a pool. Kids are crafty. A fence is great, and keep bringing it up, but until it gets there, I’d just repeatedly mention you can’t do xyz because you need to watch LO because pool. And do it, and be vocal that you can’t stay too long because that’s stressful.

      • Westraye says

        Our rule has always been that our son must wear a full life jacket if he’s outside near an unsecured pool/lake. Full stop. You could also bring some chalk and draw a line around the pool that he’s not allowed to cross. If it helps, we were vacationing with friends who followed the same lifejacket rule, their 2 year old son fell in, and the lifejacket kept him up for the 5 seconds until an adult could reach him and he was completely fine.

      • In House Lobbyist says

        And another thought is a life jacket might not be a bad idea during the party. We had some swim assistsnce ones that were thin vests instead of the bulky ones. Although the full deal might make a better impressions on the in laws. Like I said above, my parents have had a pool for 30 years and I can remember at least 3 times when little cousins or little friends just fell in for no reason other than they were little and little kids fall down. In one case, I was the closest adult and jumped in the deep end in my dress for my little cousin that just fell in while he was walking. I’m with you – water is scary for little ones.

    • P says

      I would go to this event and other occasional events. I would just be sure that it’s very clear between you and your husband who is on “lifeguard duty” at all times. Worst case scenario, there’s a miscommunication and each of you thinks the other person is watching your son. (This is how our 9 month old crawled up the stairs at my husband’s grandparents’ house all by herself last Christmas, and I have heard similar stories involving unfenced pools, thankfully with happy endings.).

      • Pigpen's Mama says

        +1

        We went to a family party at a house with an easily accessible pool with my not yet 2 yr old. H and I were expressly trading off eyes-on duty.

        It’s annoying, but it doesn’t sound like fencing is a possible between now and then

        Are there any local requirements that a pool be fenced off?

      • Anon says

        Our inflatable wading pool came with a “water watcher” sticker so you’re always clear who is on watching duty. It seemed like overkill for our situation (two parents, two grandparents, one toddler spending 15 min in the pool) but might make sense for you so there aren’t miscommunications!

    • RDC says

      Again, not a two-week fix, but in our kids swim lessons the one thing they focus on the most is that kid has to sit on the side of the pool until mom/dad/caregiver is in the water and counts to three for them to jump in. It never occurred to me that this was a thing you needed to teach but now seems totally obvious.

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