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If you had asked me six years ago whether I wanted a backpack, my answer would have been a hard and fast NO THANK YOU. Motherhood (helped by the fact that backpacks are trendy right now) has changed that — I wore a lightweight nylon one during both of my pregnancies when I had SPD problems that made walking/waddling painful and ergonomics important. Then, when the boys were small enough to be worn in a babycarrier, I found I preferred a backpack to a crossbody or shoulder bag. Even now I’m starting to find that the backpack is best for travel because I’m inevitably juggling 3-4 things in my hands. This Kate Spade backpack is nice — and in Nordstrom’s fall clearance sale, which just started. It was $258, but is now marked to $173. Kate Spade New York ‘Classic – Clay’ Nylon Backpack Psst: looking for a more professional backpack for work? Check out our recent roundup — and check Corporette later today for our roundup of the Nordstrom Fall Clearance Sale. (L-all)Sales of note for 4.18.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 50% off full-price dresses, jackets & shoes; $30 off pants & skirts; extra 50% off sale styles
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything; extra 20% off purchase
- Eloquii – 50% off select styles; 60% off swim; up to 40% off everything else
- J.Crew – Mid-Season Sale: Extra 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off spring-to-summer styles
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
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- Nordstrom: Free 2-day shipping for a limited time (eligible items)
- Talbots – Spring Sale: 40% off + extra 15% off all markdowns; 30% off new T by Talbots
- Zappos – 29,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Up to 70% off baby items; 50% off toddler & kid deals & 40% off everything else
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off spring faves; 25% off new arrivals; up to 30% off spring
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Up to 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off kids’ spring-to-summer styles
- Old Navy – 30% off your purchase; up to 75% off clearance
- Target – Car Seat Trade-In Event (ends 4/27); BOGO 25% off select skincare products; up to 40% off indoor furniture; up to 20% off laptops & printers
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Flying solo with an 11-month old says
I am planning my first solo across the country (6-7 hour) flight with my daughter in a month. She will be 11 months old. I am purchasing a seat for her so I can stick her in her carseat. I feel less panicked than I would otherwise due to all the tips on past threads on this s i t e, but I do have a couple of questions.
First. How do I go to the bathroom? I’m going to try my best to hold it (no coffee! water once we land!). But if I can’t, what do I do? She’s kind of wiggle and bathrooms are small on planes. Would it be horrible to try to book a seat at the back of the plane and just leave her in her carseat if/when she’s asleep/calm?
Second. Travel through the airport. My plan is keep her in her carseat (Chicco KeyFit) and plop that in the caddy (that we haven’t used for ages), then gate check the caddy, early board, and carry the kid onto the plane in her car seat (with diaper bag and purse). Any better options that I am not considering?
Thanks! And any other advice welcome!
avocado says
I used to use the restroom with my baby in a front carrier, but I don’t know if it would work with a baby as tall as an 11-month-old. If she’s good at standing with help by that point, you could try having her stand on the floor in front of you and hold her hand(s) to keep her from sitting down on the floor. If you want to leave her in the seat, you could ask someone to watch her for you while you go to the restroom. Most passengers are very sympathetic to moms traveling alone with children and would be happy to oblige. I would definitely not leave her in the plane seat unless someone has explicitly agreed to keep an eye on her, not because it’s dangerous, but because there is a small risk an officious flight attendant or passenger could cause you some serious trouble.
Pigpen's Mama says
It may be cramped in the airplane bathroom, but if I have my LO in a restroom with me, I’ll sing “Head Shoulders Knees and Toes” or “The Itsy Bitsy Spider” to keep her distracted/hands occupied and not touching every dang thing in the bathrom.
Also, I usually wear my LO and then carry the car seat to board. It’s easier to set down an empty car seat (or pass it to someone who has offered to help), than one with a baby in it.
Anonymous says
You take her to the bathroom with you. Stand her next to the door while you go. I usually went myself when I did a diaper change. If she’s asleep in the carseat, then you can ask the flight attendant to keep an eye on her while you go. My kids always cried when they couldn’t see me on a plane (new environment/lots of strangers).
Signed,
Once peed wearing an asleep baby in an Ergo and a preschooler standing up next to me. (Dad was on the plane but was asleep with the other twin).
Anon says
+1. I still put my two year old in a carrier on airplanes, and have peed with him in it. He thinks it’s hilarious. I would not leave an 11 month old unattended b/c mine would have wandered/lost it if I went out of sight.
POSITA says
I would just ask someone (flight attendant or other passenger) to keep an eye on her. Pick a calm moment with no line and it will be fine. It’s not like they could take her anywhere.
Closet Redux says
I have done this on several flights. People LOVED “helping”– who doesn’t like watching a sleeping baby?
Kelly C. says
You can ask another passenger or possibly a stewardess to keep an eye on the baby while you head to the bathroom. I have an anecdote that might be relevant here. A friend was in this situation and she asked the teenage boy/early 20s man sitting next to her to keep an eye on her 9 month old son. He did it, but looked like a deer caught in the headlights and was clearly a little bit uncomfortable. In hindsight, she wished that she had walked her baby up a few rows to the middle-aged woman who kept making eyes at him and smiling. So my suggestion would be to look for that woman (possibly even a younger preteen or teenage girl) that looks like she would be more than thrilled to hold your baby for a few minutes. It seems like there are usually one or two of these women around at any time. You will catch her stealing glances at your baby and trying to make them smile.
Anonymous says
Ha ha, I am that middle-aged lady on the plane trying to make your baby smile. I will gladly play peekabo and wave at her while you go to the restroom.
Anonymous says
Definitely book a seat in the back. You’ll be near the flight attendants if you need help. (Also, they are the safest seats on a plane during a takeoff/landing accident.)
Anonymous says
I carried my 13-month-old through the airport in exactly the way you suggest – baby in carseat, carseat dropped into stroller/caddy (in my case, the Britax system, but same idea). Unlike Pigpen’s Mama, I boarded with my son already in the carseat so I had less to hold (my son wasn’t walking yet). Then on the jetway, I popped the carseat out of the caddy, put the carseat on the floor, folded up the caddy to gate-check it, and carried the carseat on board. If you can board early, you don’t have to worry about the carseat bumping into other passengers as you carry it on board.
I had two short connecting flights, so I didn’t have to deal with the bathroom issue, so no advice there.
Anon says
Family photo wardrobe help! Starting with me! Suggestions for shirts or dresses with three quarter sleeves? Or just flattering short sleeves? Im a size 4 or 6 but nursing so button downs are tough.
Im looking for a cute neutral or blue dress for a 20 month old as well. Not worried about price!
So help? And can some of you tell me how you do outfits for photos? Two adults, girl toddler, boy baby for reference. Im hoping to coordinate but not match…
avocado says
There are two helpful posts about this topic on the Mom Edit. A good strategy to pick one accent piece (your skirt, daughter’s dress) that can be a bold print, and put everyone else in mostly solids in a variety of coordinating colors.
Closet Redux says
+1 to this advice. Take a look at some family photos you like (your friends on FB or your photographer’s lookbook) and take note of how those families’ outfits coordinate. We have done what avocado^ suggests and picked a cute, patterned dress for the toddler andthe rest of us wore mostly solids in the colors found in her dress.
H says
I love these t-shirts, and have it in 4 colors. I don’t know if it is more casual than you’re wanting but they are easy to dress up with jewelry, scarves, heels, etc.
http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/caslon-relaxed-slub-knit-u-neck-tee-regular-petite/4061980?origin=category-personalizedsort&fashioncolor=CORAL%20APPLE
There was recently a discussion on this s!te about family photos and someone posted a link to a helpful blog post about coordinating outfits. I have no idea what it was but maybe try googling it?
FVNC says
Thank you for posting this! I have been looking for a replacement for an embarrassingly old BR t-shirt that I haven’t retired yet because it’s just so perfect, and this looks like the unicorn I’ve been searching for!
Betty says
Anyone have recommendations for warm, little kids socks?
POSITA says
I’ve been really happy with the Target Cat & Jack socks that I got a few weeks ago. They are staying on my baby’s feet really well.
CLMom says
I was just thinking the other night that I’ve been surprisingly happy with those same socks. However, I would not classify them as warm in the slightest. (maybe we got a different style from the same brand)
POSITA says
I guess I was thinking they were warm just because they actually stay on her feet. Cotton socks are better than bare feet. Small victories.
NewMomAnon says
If you want outdoorsy warm, Smartwool makes toddler socks. I found them a remote “trading post”, but I bet you could find them on Amazon too.
AnonMN says
+1 to Smartwool. We got ours on the Tea Collection site a few years back, i’m not sure where they are sold otherwise.
EB0220 says
Yes, Smartwool is the only company I’ve found that makes baby and toddler wool socks. REI has them.
Eileen says
They’re not Smartwool warm, but we’ve had good luck with socks from Oshkosh.
CLMom says
Daycare new room issues…
My 12 month old is moving to the next room up at a large, corporate facility.
Problem 1: Each week so far she has gotten a diaper rash while at daycare.
Problem 2: The new class only takes one, long nap around Noon. My baby is up at 6am, so this is really tough. She needs more sleep, and the commute naps aren’t cutting it. I can tell she is always exhausted. And, to compensate we’ve been putting her to bed earlier, which means less baby/parent time for us all after work.
So, I am not happy.
Problem 1 is a clear. Daycare better fix it or I’m pulling her. Problem 2 is tougher because I’m sure there are other kids up a 8am and a Noon nap is perfect. I know daycare cannot cater to the particularities of every child, however if they can accommodate dietary needs, sensitive skin ointment regimens, then why can’t they accommodate a sleep need. Sleep is a health concern, too!
Suggestions on how to broach this with daycare? I don’t want to pull her, but something has to give.
Spirograph says
When my daughter moved up around 10-11 months, she wasn’t quite ready to drop her second nap. The teachers were absolutely understanding and lovely about it, and didn’t mind letting her rest during the other kids’ outdoor time (so the room was quiet) in the morning if she needed it. I’d just mention to the teachers that you’r concerned about sleep and ask if they could possibly accommodate a cat nap in the morning. Creative solutions might include resting in one of the quieter baby rooms or the office if they can’t do it in the classroom.
Pigpen's Mama says
This is what happened with us. My LO moved at 1 yr to the Toddler Room and it took a few weeks to adjust. Often, one of her teacher would just hold her while she slept and the other kids played.
Also, if my schedule allowed it and she woke up super early, I’d often put her down for a quick morning nap before daycare and get some work in at home.
One benefit was that she did start sleeping a little later in the morning after dropping to one nap.
Anon in NYC says
My toddler is in a large corporate daycare that only has 1 nap per day. The infant room started working with her to help her adjust to the toddler schedule a few weeks before she transitioned to the next room (giving her food at the toddler food times, nap at the toddler time, etc.). The first few weeks in the toddler room were rough. She would fall asleep before the official start of nap time, and she was a wreck when we would pick her up. Personally, I don’t think she was ready to transition to 1 nap and I was uncomfortable with it, but we weren’t going to pull her from daycare for a lot of reasons.
Your large corporate daycare probably won’t be able to accommodate multiple naps per day in the toddler room, in part because they have a schedule and lot more activities planned in the toddler room (art, music, circle time, time outdoors, etc.). I don’t see any harm in asking, but I don’t think they’ll accommodate you. But I think they can/will/should work with you to help ease the transition, starting with getting her adjusted to the toddler room schedule before she moves over there, and perhaps making sure she can get to sleep on the earlier side.
NewMomAnon says
In my daughter’s large, corporate center, there were a couple kids dropped off every morning by 6:30 am and the toddler teachers made sure all of them took naps in the “reading corner” during the morning group time. I’m sure they’ve dealt with this before.
CLMom says
We are the in the last week of the “transition” exactly as you described. And, it’s rough. I have such a happy, mild, and good natured baby. So when yesterday she started screaming and bawling when I came to visit, with the only solution being to lie her down to sleep, it alarmed me. I thought she was in terrible pain or sick or something…but she was just tired and it wasn’t naptime yet. That, in my opinion, is to the level of a health related concern.
We are putting her to bed earlier, but then I barely see her…and hubby even less so. Obviously sleep/health trumps “quality time”, but I still miss the time nevertheless.
Anon in NYC says
If it makes you feel any better… while it did take some time, my daughter (who transitioned at ~14 months and is now 17 months) has now completely adjusted to the schedule and sleeps, on average, 1.5-2 hours.
NewMomAnon says
Yup, the toddler room was the best, most consistent nap time my daughter has ever had at daycare – it took her a few weeks to settle into the schedule (with some really sad, tantrum-y days during the transition), but her naps were often longer than 2 hours in the toddler room.
I understand the concern that sleep is a “health” issue, but kids are resilient and built for bumpy sleep patterns; a few weeks here and there of difficulty sleeping is very common, despite what the sleep books and high-minded guidelines preach. Your kiddo will be OK.
Anonymous says
I just want to say that I totally sympathize with the one-nap transition issues. We put my son into daycare for the first time a few months ago (previously with a nanny share) when he was 14 months old and I was so worried about the rigid one nap schedule. He was a champion napper twice a day before that (90 minutes each), and I knew he was overtired. He still is a little overtired a few months later, but we’ve moved his bedtime up and he is starting to more reliably sleep in a little longer too. We also took the advice of some on here and let him catch up a bit over the weekends (two naps instead of one) and it didn’t seem to affect him negatively when he went back to one nap schedule on Mondays. I think his little body is getting closer to only needing one nap (the last few weekends he’s had two naps on Saturday – one long, one pretty short – and one long nap on Sundays), so it’s not as stressful now, but I completely understand your concerns — especially at the younger age of 12 months. Our daycare couldn’t do much to accommodate him, but maybe yours can — especially for the next month or two. I hope that’s the case. If they can’t, I know it definitely sucks, but I think you have to forgo some time with your little one in the evenings to prioritize an earlier bedtime. I get really sad about how little time I have with my son during the week, but it makes our weekends so much sweeter.
I also agree with some of the thoughts here about other causes of the diaper rash. Has anything changed with her diet? I always blame that as the first culprit. And I think that not only can illness trigger diaper rash, but so can being too tired — both are hard on the immune system.
I really wish there were more affordable, flexible, convenient childcare options that catered to individual baby/toddler needs. We can’t really afford our own nanny, but even if we could, I think I’d want my kiddo to get the socialization and diverse activities that come along with a childcare facility — but so few facilities are ever going to have the manpower to provide completely individualized care to our little ones – so they have to go with what works best for most kids.
Being a mom is hard. You are clearly a good mom. And I think you and I both can benefit from reminders like the one from NewMomAnon that kids are resilient and that your kiddo will be OK. Hugs to you!
CLMom says
Thank you!
Legally Brunette says
I have posted in the past about the 1 nap, kid still tired issue. It baffles me why daycares drop to 1 nap for kids at such a young age. My 22 month STILL sometimes takes 2 nap on weekends!
We compensated by putting him to bed earlier. Sucks to not spend as much time, but he needs the sleep.
I will also add that if you pull your child out of daycare in part for this reason, just know that most/all daycares seem to have a similar policy (going down to 1 nap when the child is 12 – 15 months). Makes no sense to me but it seems to be the standard.
Anonymous says
Echoing that the transition is hard, but your baby will probably adjust faster than you think. My Toddler started daycare at 14 months, and I didn’t think he was ready for one nap or for shorter naps. He had a rough couple of weeks, and there were even a few days when he wouldn’t nap at all (those were fun evenings). We had to switch him to a 6:30 bedtime, which gave me one hour to rush through dinner, bath, and bedtime routine and meant that DH saw him for about 10 minutes IF he left work exactly on time. We also let him take long (like 3-to-4-hour) weekend naps. Two and a half months later, Toddler is napping for almost 2 hours at school, napping about the same on weekends, and inching toward a 7:00 bedtime. Things change so quickly with these little guys!
mascot says
For diaper rash, I’d ask them to use cream with each change. Consolidating can be a tough transition, but that’s pretty common for daycares to start it around a year. How do they handle naps in the infant room? Just put them down when they are tired? The toddler room is likely e a little more structured during nap time (low lights, maybe some white noise or music). You may find that she gets a better quality nap. I’d talk to them and see how they handle kids making the transition. Also ask how long that one nap is. I know it is hard to miss out on that time in the evening, but can you make it up on the weekends? Or spend time with her in the mornings since she is up early?
CLMom says
Thank you for understanding.
They say they put cream on every change. Naps in infant room were as needed. Toddler room is put away the toys, soft music, and everyone sleeps for (hopefully) 1.5-2 hours. My baby is a champion sleeper (once down), and we do try and make it up every night/on weekends. We get up early because I have a long commute and have to be at work at 7am, so no morning cuddles (plus, that’s not me at my best time…I Need Coffee).
quail says
What cream are you using? We had success switching to medicated triple paste from the dr. b’s butt paste for some persistent diaper rash. No idea why one stopped working, but it might be worth a shot to switch it up a bit.
CLMom says
We’re using Triple Paste, and we like it. Seems to work no problem the four other days she is not in daycare. So, I think it’s just an issue of checking her more frequently, particularly before naptime.
GCA says
Diaper rash is straightforward – bring cream in and ask that they use it with each change. And as for the nap – 12 months is a little young, but when my son moved up at 15 months he went straight to one nap with no issues. Toddler room was stimulating at non-nap times and that kept him awake till nap time, when he went straight down in a quiet room because he was so wiped out from the morning’s activities. If your daycare is accustomed to moving kids up at 12 months, they are also likely used to kids who aren’t totally ready for one nap. At worst, it’ll last a couple months till she is ready for one nap.
CLMom says
This too shall pass.
POSITA says
My daughter gets terrible diaper rashes whenever she is coming down with a cold. Has your LO been sick? There’s a chance that it’s not a diapering issue that’s causing the rashes.
It would be pretty easy to count diapers at school and see how many changes she’s getting a day. I’d want more solid info before raising the diaper issue.
CLMom says
Hmmm….interesting thought re: sickness. Might be a factor, too.
HSAL says
Or teething. Baby HSAL is working on her 4th molar at 12 months and the diaper rash has been our nightmare for the last week. We’ve been plopping her in the tub in the morning for a few minutes in addition to a bath every night (normally we’re every other). That, liberal application of creams, and doing a midnight sleepy diaper change seem to be helping.
Meg Murry says
The diaper rash could also either be a yeast rash or a sensitivity to the wipes they are using at daycare. Is it something where it clears every weekend but comes back every week at daycare? Or is she having loose stools that are irritating her bottom?
RE: naps – if she’s catching a catnap during the commute is she still sleepy during drop-off? Could you carry her in and put her down for a first nap right then? Or are they in a different part of the classroom or on cots that only come out at naptime in that class?
Even though the infant room was naps “as needed” did wind up in a fairly consistent schedule with naps there? Talk to the teachers – this isn’t their first go round with this, and they don’t want to deal with your cranky exhausted kid either if she’d be more pleasant with more sleep.
CLMom says
I am certain the rash is related to them not realizing she has a poopy diaper. Then, when they go to change her…surprise! We went weeks and weeks without the slightest rash in the infant room, which uses the same wipes.
The cots only come out at naptime. In the infant room, she was fairly consistent with morning and then afternoon naps in her crib.
She doesn’t transfer well, so I’ve never successfully had her sleep upon arrival to daycare. Too many lights and toys and other kids…she just wants to explore and play. Even when utterly exhausted, she is so mild and happy.
Edna Mazur says
Whine ahead-
I am 7 weeks pregnant and have two toddlers at home. I am so freaking tired. And last evening, my older toddler wouldn’t quit trying to climb on my head, grab me around the neck, and climb on the back of the couch. The last time I pulled him off, I said “Kiddo you are really annoying me” in a stern voice. I didn’t think he understood but he started crying and asking for Daddy. I hurt his feelings when he was trying to play. I hate, but can deal with, having to let other things (cleaning house, cooking, laundry, etc.) slide right now, but I hate that I made my kid cry because I was so tired.
Come one second trimester energy.
PhilanthropyGirl says
That’s hard. And I’m really sorry. And I understand. I’ve been shorted tempered with my 2 YO lately and I just feel terrible.
It helps if I can stop in the moment and apologize. I’ve been working really hard to teach my son to say he’s sorry, so modeling that has just become part of dealing with my short temper. I tell him I’m sorry and that I made a mistake. I usually cry, and that’s okay too. Losing it with my kid is going to happen – having a plan with how to deal with it when it happens helps me let go of feeling so terrible.
On particularly bad days, when I check on him at bedtime, if he’s really sound asleep I’ll pick him up and rock him for a moment. I usually cry, and it’s okay. I sleep better giving him a good cuddle.
Hang in there!
Edna Mazur says
Thanks.
We made up- I apologized and we cuddled. There may have been chocolate. He isn’t holding a grudge. Just hate that it happened.
TBK says
Sometimes it’s useful for them to learn that no one behaves perfectly all the time and what’s important is saying “sorry” afterward and working to do better next time.
NewMomAnon says
I think it’s great to model boundary-setting with kids, and that it shouldn’t be a cause for guilt. It’s ok to say, “Mommy’s really tired right now kiddo, and I don’t want you climbing on me. But I love you a lot and want to spend time with you. Can we do something else right now?” (actually, it works better to propose the “something else” – like reading a book quietly or coloring together).
You are modeling consent, boundaries, conflict resolution, and good communication. Those are wonderful things to teach your kid. And they might prevent a blow-up, which is healthier for your stress levels too.
And if you don’t set the boundary soon enough and blow up, I absolutely agree with the previous posters – apologize, cuddles (if kiddo is amenable), and maybe a calm explanation of what you’ll do better next time (i.e., set boundaries before you yell).
Meg Murry says
I agree that you did the right thing by setting the boundary here, even if you were a little harsher than you meant to be. Saying “You can not climb on Mommy. You can sit nicely and cuddle or you can go run around over there, but you can’t climb on me” isn’t being mean, it’s setting an appropriate boundary.
Kids are pretty understanding and empathetic, so I think if you said “Mommy doesn’t feel good so I don’t want to play like that. Can you sit next to me and read a book?” they might actually understand.
If Daddy was around, I also think it’s perfectly fine to say “Mommy needs some alone time” or “Mommy needs a time out” and leave them to Daddy for rough play while you go have some downtime. After all, if you are currently working on growing a human, I think he can take care of the 2 living ones for a little while to give you a break :-)
Edna Mazur says
Thanks. The boundary setting I’m OK with but the snapping at him when I couldn’t be bothered to get off the couch sucked.
Daddy was working at the time but came home and took everyone to the grocery store.
mascot says
He was climbing on your head and the back of the couch. That would likely annoy even the most well-rested person. Go easy on yourself.
In House Lobbyist says
As for backpacks- I just bought a Coleman insulated backpacks and I love it. It has been perfect for carrying drinks and snacks when we go to the park or some type of outdoor activity. It came from Amazon and I highly recommend it. It is a brownish color and really easy to wear for both me and my husband.
Ifiknew says
My husband and i are expecting our first baby at the end of May next year. I’ll be 14 weeks the first week of december and was planning on announcing it to my boss then.
Howver, i just learned i will likely be promoted at year end through an informal channel. Maybe this is paranoid but do I wait to announce until I have my year end review and both my promotion, salary for next year and bonus are set? I work in a really great team (mostly older men) but all are married with kids and I think would be really supportive and happy for me regardless of when I announce. I think they would still promote me and pay me the same but is that naive and is it better to be safe?
Will I be able to hide it at week 15? Im halfway through 10 now and i just feel a bit bloated but not showing. However, I cant envision how i will look at 15.
Finally, do you think it comes off as too calculating if I wait to announce the week after bonuses and promotions? I don’t feel like my pregnancy is something to be ashamed of, so maybe a silly question, but I dont want my team to think I held out too long.
Thank you in advance!
Anonymous says
You probably won’t really be able to hide it by week 15, but you can certainly keep up the charade. In your shoes, I’d wait until a week or even two after the bonus and promotion announcements. There is nothing wrong with coming off as calculating with respect to revealing a pregnancy at work. It will demonstrate that you are smart, savvy, and committed to your career.
NewMomAnon says
Ooof….I tried to wait until 15 weeks and was clearly showing by 12 weeks, and I think I lost some credibility as a result. I didn’t have any good reason to hide either but I just thought it was “what you do.”
In this case – can you have a conversation with your boss before the announcements to get some firmer sense of what promotions, raises, bonuses, etc might be coming? If someone already knows you’re going to be promoted, then it sounds like the decision has been made and you have a right to know that (actually, you should have had a right to participate in that decision, but that’s another matter). You don’t have to wait passively for someone to give you a promotion/money – go out and claim it!
AB says
I hid it until week 15 with twins for those reasons. I wanted to get my performance review from the previous year in the bag before announcing. I work with all (clearly oblivious) men. I also wore blazers all the time — doesn’t scream “maternity” but no one can get a good look at your midsection/ profile. One person asked why I waited, and I said that I wanted to make sure all the tests came back clear bc multiples are high-risk, which was semi-true.
Maddie Ross says
I hid my first until week 22 and seriously none of the men in my office knew. The women may have suspected, but were too nice to say. Winter is the best time to hide because layers and blazers provide a lot of coverage and explainable bulk.
anon says
I think it just depends on how you carry and how suspicious your colleagues are. I mean, I was in my mid-thirties, relatively recently married, and had talked to female coworkers about wanting to have a kid. So those same coworkers guessed before I hit 12 weeks. But I am also a bit short-waisted. My boobs were really the initial giveaway I think. If you are tall or long waisted, and/or have more cooperative boobs, I think you may show later.
TBK says
If your office is all family people, they’ll catch on faster. It’s not even something single men consider happening to people. Married men might figure it out sooner than single men. Older women — you cannot hide a damn thing from them! When I got pregnant I was in a very mixed office. There were three of us who got pregnant in the time I was there. There was a group of 4 women in their 50s and they ALWAYS KNEW, like immediately. You could not hide from them.
Katala says
Good point about being short-waisted. I’ve started to show very early (people knew at 12 weeks) and thought I wouldn’t because I’m relatively tall. But I’m pretty short-waisted, so that might be it.
Blazers, chunky sweaters, and scarves are all fall/winter appropriate and help obscure a growing midsection. It’s unlikely anyone will remember exactly when you disclosed – maybe if it was the day after salaries were announced, but probably not even then. Tell when you’re ready, and a promotion/salary announcement is a perfectly good factor to consider.
Anonymous says
People didn’t think I was pregnant until week 20+ (had people thinking I was 5 months pregnant at 7 1/2 months). So it varies. Not sure how casual your office is, but the trendy silhouette of leggings and blousey tops is very pregnancy friendly.
MDMom says
+1. I was barely showing (and could still hide it easily) at my 20 week ultrasound.
SC says
I would wait to disclose. Wear looser clothes. It’s not up to your team to decide when you disclose, and it’s not going to affect the team members in any way whether you disclose at 14 weeks or 15 weeks. FWIW, I’ve guessed when several of my coworkers were pregnant before they announced, but I didn’t even consider their reasons for not telling people. Also, men, especially single, older men, are more oblivious. I mentioned this the other day, but my mom(who was in medical school at the time) managed to hide her pregnancy until she had me at 8 months’ pregnant–at least from the all-male supervising doctors and mostly-male coworkers (one female nurse guessed). She was on rotation and seeing different people, and she wore scrubs and a lab coat, and probably carried high–but still, 8 months!
Anon for this says
Can we talk breast lifts? I’ve experienced some significant sagging now that I’m 9 months past breastfeeding. I’m anticipating (hoping) to have at least one more kid, and will try to breastfeed again. After I’m done having kids, I fully intend to get a breast lift. Does anyone have any experience with this? What to expect, whether to do some focused weight lifting before hand to improve the pectoral muscles, cost, etc.? Is this just really vain and a waste of money?
MDMom says
No experience but I think it’s normal to have difficulty adjusting mentally to your postpartum body. I do lift weights and I don’t think it would help much. It wouldn’t hurt, of course, and I think weightlifting is wonderful. It has helped me in many ways, just not really in that one.
I wouldn’t do surgery because I’m a wimp and to scared to go under anesthesia for something elective. But I certainly don’t judge others who do. I think I’ve heard plastic surgeons advertise free consults for this kind of thing.
Katala says
My 18 month old chipped his two front teeth yesterday. I’m having trouble reconciling my feelings on this. While we’re not 100% sure when it happened, it was almost certainly while he was with the nanny. I’ve been generally not pleased with her for a while, though nothing notably unsafe or worrisome had happened. Now I’m feeling so guilty that maybe this wouldn’t have happened if I pushed to replace her sooner. We gave her 2 weeks notice on Tuesday, and this happened Wednesday. I don’t think it’s her fault, per se, that this happened – he falls pretty often and it doesn’t sound like this was a particularly bad fall (she thinks he fell while holding a plastic car and it hit his mouth).
Has anyone else dealt with chipped baby teeth? I’m worried (vainly) about photos/teasing/embarrassment from this for the next 5-7 years. More importantly, I worry it will affect his speech development. It’s a large, v-shaped gap in his upper front teeth.
Any advice for getting through all the guilt/anger/sadness I’m feeling about this? H asked if I would blame him if it happened on his watch, and I wouldn’t, because I trust him. I’ve known for a while I don’t 100% trust the nanny, so I think that’s where some of this is stemming from. Barely slept last night and having trouble keeping it together at work.
blue says
As someone who has chipped my front two adult teeth, leaving me with annoying and expensive dental procedures and still clearly flawed teeth — be happy it happened to his baby teeth. They’re not permanent for a reason. Talk to his dentist. If he doesn’t have one, visit one. It’s really not that big a deal for kids. I’m sure he’s still adorable.
Frozen Peach says
There may be bite and speech issues. I’d definitely make an appointment with a pediatric dentist. I don’t think you’re being unfair in your feelings. I’d be really, really upset too.
That said, you have done everything right in this situation to keep your kid safe– accidents happen!! Try to be kind to yourself in your head and know you’re a great mom. I always felt weird because my mom treated me like a china doll, and I never had any childhood injury/scar stories at summer camp.
mascot says
A friend’s son chipped his front tooth (at an angle) and I don’t think it set him back at all. If he needs speech therapy, then he can get it. Kids teeth are pretty wonky looking anyways if you think about it. I doubt that his friends will think anything of it. Plus, by the age that they start commenting on each other’s appearances, they are in prime time for losing teeth (around kindergarten). They may think his shark teeth are cool.
I’d probably take him to get checked out by a pediatric dentist, just to rule out any damage that you can’t see.
Beth says
I knocked OUT one of my front teeth and had the other removed because I had damaged it so badly (same fall) at around 18 months. Never had any speech issues, just a big hole in front for 3 years! I think by the time I was 4 I looked way older because I looked like a toothless 6 y/o (I was also tall).
Katala says
Thanks for sharing this – it’s good to know you didn’t have lasting problems! He’s seeing a dentist tomorrow so hopefully that will rule out any other damage and address any treatment he might need.
Anonymous says
About the nanny “not checking his teeth” (can’t comment directly on that comment) I chipped my tooth as an adult and most of the big chunk that broke off, broke off several hours after I walked into an upright turnstile. It chipped just a little and I was even able to eat dinner. Then it broke more and started to really hurt.
I still think you shouldn’t trust your nanny, but it isn’t necessarily a coverup!
Katala says
Thanks for this perspective. I didn’t even consider that the pieces may have actually come off some time after the fall. I wouldn’t think teeth should be checked specifically, it just seemed odd that if she looked closely enough to see whether his lip was bleeding that she wouldn’t notice the chipped teeth. But perhaps there is a reasonable explanation.
Anon says
I know the feeling – a good friend’s child hurt himself at our house on something that I had been meaning to remove for a few weeks before the incident. He was not hurt badly, but easily could have been very badly hurt. I really relate to the feelings of guilt that you *could* have prevented the injury if you had acted on your instinct earlier. It’s a really hard, panicky feeling, and I struggled so much with it, I looked up some tools to help manage it.
To get through the feelings of guilt/anxiety, I did not try to deny the feeling. Whenver I started to feel my chest tightening, or if I got irrationally angry at husband/kid/unrelated issue, I said to myself — very literally: “I really feel upset because I still feel badly about X. I feel upset because [Child] could have been really badly hurt, or worse, and I blame myself for not fixing the issue sooner. I could not imagine how terrible I’d be feeling if that had happened. Even though the worst did not happen, I am worried our friendship will suffer because of X, or she will blame me for hurting her child.”
After being brutally honest with myself about WHY I felt badly, I’d say “The worst possible outcome did not happen – child is okay. If our friendship suffers, it will be sad, but the most important thing is that child is okay. I did Z to make sure our house is safe now. I will be proactive about realistic things that bother me in the future.” Repeat, repeat, repeat.
And, I’d feel better. Telling myself it wasn’t a big deal, or to just stop worrying really didn’t help. It’s been about a month, and I no longer feel anxiety about the situation and our friendship is fine.
You can do some of the self-talk the same way: “I really feel upset because my son got hurt on nanny’s watch. I feel upset because Child may have speech or bite problems, or he could have been really badly hurt on her watch and I blame myself for not firing her as soon as I felt I could not trust her. I could not imagine how terrible I’d be feeling if he had been hurt worse.”
“The worst possible outcome did not happen – my child is okay. We may have to talk to a dentist about some short-term solutions, but he did not damage his permanent teeth, and the most important thing is that child is okay. I have taken affirmative steps to find new childcare for my son, and I will be proactive about things that bother me in the future.”
Repeat, repeat, repeat.
Katala says
Thank you! This is really helpful. Even just typing out here where I think the emotions are coming from is helpful. I’m going to write myself a few lines to repeat when I start feeling anxious. Pregnancy hormones aren’t helping either. I normally respond to logic better than I can right now and it’s hard for H since we usually have rational conversations about this type of things after the initial emotions wane, but I’m not ready for that.
hoola hoopa says
I know someone who significantly chipped (it looked knocked out) one of his front baby teeth around the same age. His mother was so upset and so mad – I believe it was mainly time that cooled her down – but now 18 years later, she enjoys the photos of his crooked little kid smile. He had no speech issues. Definitely no teasing (kids don’t even think about that until the tooth will be replaced).
FWIW, in his case, it was just a matter of falling near a coffee table. There wasn’t anything extraordinary about the circumstances. So try to let go with the anger and guilt as you let go of the nanny.
Katala says
That’s a great story. I’m sure I’ll end up feeling the same about his kiddo smile. And it’s good to know he’s not likely to be teased – I don’t really know any elementary aged kids and can’t remember when it started for me/my siblings.
According to the nanny, it wasn’t a notable fall – he didn’t even cry (not that I’m sure I believe her version of events 100%, but H does and it’s consistent with his normal behavior). I realize it probably couldn’t have been prevented. Doesn’t stop the tears from welling up when I think about it though.
MDMom says
I recently realized one of my canine teeth is chipped and I have no idea when or how it happened. No nerves there. So its very possible he didn’t cry!
Katala says
I do think it’s likely he didn’t cry – I’ve held my breath after many a crash, waiting for him to wail, but he just gets up and keeps moving. Indestructible (so I thought)!
Besides the general lack of trust that’s been creeping in, she said she checked his lip and it wasn’t bleeding, but I don’t see how she could have missed the teeth. So either she didn’t really check, or she saw the teeth and didn’t say anything to us. Neither is OK with me. Plus, this morning she said she noticed before that his teeth weren’t even. Um, no. They were a little crooked before (from thumb sucking), now they are broken. It’s obvious, don’t try to tell me they were already like that.
TBK says
Try to let yourself off the hook, and chalk it up to confirming your feelings about the nanny. Not because this was her fault, but because your reaction shows how uncomfortable you were with her. That’s useful in itself. As for feeling guilty, it really can happen to anyone at that age. When our au pair had been with us only a couple of months (so kids were about 15 mo) one of my sons fell and got a bad cut on his forehead. He’ll likely always have a (very small) scar. Because I trusted her, it didn’t bother me. She called me and called my MIL (who lives nearby and whom we’d said she could call in an emergency) and was clearly upset. Everything about how she handled it suggested maturity and good judgment so the fact that a wobbly toddler fell and hit his head wasn’t a concern for us.
SC says
I agree with this 100%. I was reading this and thinking how lucky we were/ how much we loved our nanny, because I would not have blamed her at all if our son had gotten hurt. In fact, I think he was more likely to get hurt with me or his dad watching him (not that we’re bad parents, but we are more likely to get distracted with a work email or phone call or putting away the dishes or whatever.
Katala says
Yes, this is it. I don’t actually think it’s her fault, I completely agree that it could have happened to us as well. H reminded me of when he got scratched in the eye by another kid while under prior nanny’s care, I didn’t blame her at all and did not feel like I do now. So it’s definitely confirmation that it wasn’t the right fit. I still feel guilty I didn’t act on my doubts sooner, though.
Article re caregiving says
I think this has come up here in the past but my Google skills are failing me – can anyone point me to the article that talks about creating circles during caregiving – i.e., the sick person can complain all they want, the next circle can only complain outwards, etc. etc.? Would also be interested in any articles or advice re helping someone after a lumpectomy and during radiation treatments. TIA!
Betty says
http://articles.latimes.com/2013/apr/07/opinion/la-oe-0407-silk-ring-theory-20130407
(And in case the link doesn’t work, google LA Times, How Not to Say the Wrong Thing)
One of my favorite articles of all time.
Meg Murry says
Googling “Ring Theory” and “comfort in, dump out” should get you to the original article by Susan Silk in the LA times. There have been many more articles about this since that original one. Sometimes referred to as the “ring theory of kvetching”.
So for part of that theory – I hope for the best for your loved one, and we’ll listen to you kvetch about anything you can’t tell her or her family here :-)
Article re caregiving says
Thank you both!!
Daycare Timing and Toddler Development says
My son will be 15mo next month and has the opportunity to start in the “toddler” room at a daycare. We would start him going only 2 or 3 days a week. My mom (who has been always been his nanny) will continue to provide care on the other days. We do like this daycare (good location, dual language program) and definitely want to him in daycare and, eventually, preschool here in the future.
However, this room is for 15month to 3 year olds and my son will be the very youngest. I am somewhat concerned about the wide age range. The next youngest in the class is older by 5 months and the two oldest are almost 3.
We are in a HCOL area, where daycare waitlists can be years long. This opportunity came, because it is the second location of one of our waitlisted daycares and it just opened a month ago. I’m afraid if we don’t take this spot, we will not have an opportunity until September when preschoolers transition out. My son will be 2 by September.
So questions for the hive:
1. For those who with toddlers, what is the age range in his/her classroom?
2. Anyone have a similar experience with a wide age range for daycare classroom?
anon says
My son is now 4 but attended a small mixed age (3 months to 4ish) daycare until this year. I think it is great for younger kids, less great for the oldest (my son was getting bored last year and definitely preferred preschool, which he attended part-time). You are talking about a relatively narrow range in age in comparison – less than 2 years. Differences in age start mattering less and less as kids get older; even at 15 months, the difference between 15 and 20 months is not great. I would do it.
Katala says
I can’t comment on your actual questions, but we’ve been wanting to get our 18mo into daycare since he was around your son’s age, and it’s only felt more urgent (caveat that we have nanny issues you don’t seem to have). Main reasons are enrichment activities and interacting with other kids. I would probably give it a try. Do you think if you took this spot, then changed your mind, he’d still get in in September? Or will that put him too far down on the waitlist? Starting at 2 will still give him lots of time in daycare before preschool.
ChiLaw says
Kiddo is at a daycare with broad age ranges: she’s in the 6weeks – 24 months room now, and when she turns two ( SOB) she will be in the 2 – 6 years room.
I was worried when she was the baby in the infant/toddler room: the other kids could all walk and she was still crawling, and she seemed SO much younger than them, even though one was only a day older than her. But I think it ended up being great for her development. I see her watching the kids who are more physically developed (or just more bold) than her trying new things, and then soon she tries them. And the teachers have reported that my chatterbox of a kiddo has encouraged her bestie to talk a lot more.
Now that she’s older, she loves mimicking her teachers in taking care of the infants, and she and her buddy carry around their “babies” and put them down for naps and sing to them and all that cuteness. She also gets to “help” a lot, as one of the “big girls.” Sometimes it’s actually helpful stuff too, like clearing the table or getting a not-yet-mobile baby a particular toy. She loves it!
quail says
My 21 month old is in a classroom that’s 3 months to 2 years + (transitions occur in September, not when kid turns 2). He was one of the youngest last year and is the oldest now. Next room is 2-3 years. The two rooms often combine forces for activities for the toddler set while the infants do something else. All around it’s a great set up – he’s learned a bunch from the older kids and is learning to help with the younger kids. Last year by the end of the year his room ranged from 15 months to a few months over 2 years and they all got along great.
I say go for it. The age range is not a worry in my experience and the other pros sound amazing.
NewMomAnon says
My daughter’s toddler classroom was technically 16 months to 30 months, but she transitioned up at 14.5 months because she was bored in her infant classroom (and committing acts of minor violence against the boring babies, eep). She was in the “young toddler” classroom at first, which went up to 24 months, but they spent lots of time combined with the older toddler classroom (all the outside time, all the naps, morning and evening pickup time).
She was the youngest by about 3-4 months when she transitioned, which is a big gap at that age. It was a little scary to see my unsteady baby toddling along with kids nearly ready for preschool. But I was amazed; the “big” kids (umm…two year olds) really took care of the little ones and my daughter fell in with a couple of “big brothers” who showed her how the classroom worked. And she spent so much time watching and imitating the big kids! She learned so much, so quickly. She’s also a big kid (85 percentile for height and weight), so the older kids weren’t physically towering over her.
Her preschool classroom actually has a wider age range – she moved up at 30 months (maybe?), and it goes up to kindergarten age (which means 5 as of September 1 in my state). So when she moved up, the age range was 30-60+ months. Luckily, that classroom is split into young and old and the split is observed more carefully; she gets really overwhelmed on the mornings we have to do drop off in a combined classroom. But again, she is learning so much from the bigger kids.
GCA says
Very late reply: when my son started in toddler class he was 15 months and the youngest in a class that goes all the way to 33 months. He was tiny, but also walked at 10.5 months and was pretty much able to hold his own! He’s still the youngest in his class, the oldest kids have kind of taken him under their wing, and he’s learned so much from them by watching and doing.
OP says
Thanks for the responses, everyone! Very thoughtful insights, as usual. We’ll go ahead and submit our application tomorrow. This opening came up so sudden–I may have been the one who was not ready to think about daycare!