CorporetteMoms

Updated: Nov 1, 2018 75 Comments · by

Washable Workwear Wednesday: Bella Side-Drape Dress

Machine-Washable Work Clothes

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A woman wearing a Bella Side-Drape Dress.I have not noticed this dress before, but Talbots has it in a zillion different colors and prints at the moment: meet the Bella side-drape dress. It’s machine washable (line dry), comes in regular, petite, plus, and plus size petites, and ranges in price from $62-$149. The pictured dress, in “forest fern,” (pictured in the plus size version), looks great and is only $62-$69 — nice. Bella Side-Drape Dress Looking for other washable workwear? See all of our recent recommendations for washable clothes for work, or check out our roundup of the best brands for washable workwear. If you are interested in plus size workwear, please sign up for CorporettePlus, our newsletter! Signing up helps us gauge interest in the project, and we promise not to blast your email more than once a week at most. (Right now it’s more like once a month.) (L-all)

Sales of note for 9.10.24

(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)

Kid/Family Sales

  • Carter’s – Birthday sale, 40-50% off & extra 20% off select styles
  • Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off all baby; up to 40% off all Halloween
  • J.Crew Crewcuts – Extra 30% off sale styles
  • Old Navy – 40% off everything
  • Target – BOGO 25% off select haircare, up to 25% off floor care items; up to 30% off indoor furniture up to 20% off TVs

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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!

Comments

  2. 2nd baby prep? says

    Getting ready for 2nd baby — any recommendations on how to prepare? The first time around I feel like we did all the classes (prenatal yoga, hipnobirthing, breastfeeding, baby care, etc. etc.) and this time I just haven’t had the time or energy. Any suggestions on which classes I should take as a refresher, or good ways to prep for a second birth? Is it not necessary having been through it already? I do plan to have a doula and will have a couple of prep sessions with her.

    • 2nd baby prep? says

      ETA: first birth was without an epidural, hoping this one can be too.

      • Anonymous says

        I had an epidural free birth on my first and second births. Second was definitely easier mostly because I knew what to expect. Doula is a great idea. Do prepare yourself for the fact that second births aren’t always automatically easier and there is always the potential for a section etc.

        I like the book ‘Natural Hospital Birth’ – a bit more realistic but still natural focused vs many ‘natural’ childbirth books etc. I did the hypnobirthing course but mostly found listening to the ‘rainbow relaxation’ CD that comes with it to be good. Nice and relaxing before bed. Played it out loud in labor room which I found helpful in keeping it a bit less ‘medical’ feeling.

    • POSITA says

      I would think about prepping yourself for the baby coming much faster. With my first I felt like I had a ton of time to relax into each stage of labor. It was a leisurely pace. Doctors came and went. It was peaceful.

      Number 2 arrived in three hours fron my water spontaneously breaking. It was borderline frantic at times and I was delivering before my mind had even processed that I was in real labor. I wish I had prepared more for the speed of the delivery. There was no time for showers, tubs or massages. No time for coping mechanisms in general. Just tons of immediate pain and non-stop contractions. Zero-to-sixty in 20 minutes or so.

      • Beth says

        I was induced with my second- meds in at 8:30, water broke at 12:00 and baby born 12:58. It was FAST. My first I woke up at 2:30am to my water breaking and baby was born at 10:30.

      • EB0220 says

        Same here. #1 was a very reasonable 12 hrs. Epidural. Watching TV. #2 was 3 hrs start to finish. I was so glad I had a doula and had planned for an unmedicated birth, because there was no time for anything. My doula really helped me keep it together. Otherwise, I didn’t really take any classes. I did have a massage a few hours before I went into labor and I really think that got baby in JUST the right position. Other than that, I didn’t do anything but read a million natural birth stories and get myself in the right frame of mind. Who has time for all that stuff anyway?

  3. SuperAnon says

    File this in the “I am happy I am not her (i.e., me)” category…. I could use some moral support, or at least someone to tell me I will be OK. And this isn’t something that I am comfortable talking to my real life friends about yet.

    This morning I found out I am pregnant. Definitely was not planned, in fact was taking BC pill… I may not have taken it at exactly the same time every morning, and I honestly can’t even remember if I missed any days and doubled up this month, but nothing out of the ordinary (I have been on the pill for 10+ years). Had this happened three months ago, I probably would not have cared. I had been dating someone for over 2 years, I am 33, I have a stable job, supportive family, etc. BUT… My said boyfriend literally broke up with me between the time I must have gotten pregnant and today. We have been talking some still over the past 1.5 weeks, but seriously….what a mess and unbelievable timing! I haven’t even told him yet that I am pregnant (I will, soon – he is out of town on a work trip until Friday). Do I wait until this weekend? Call him today?

    I am not even sure what the best case scenario is here in my mind. I don’t want a child to make him feel obligated to get back together. I love him dearly, but I also don’t even know if I WANT to get back together. But at the same time, how on earth am I going to raise a child by myself??? (I know, I know, plenty of people do it….I am just a little overwhelmed at the moment.)

    • Definitely anon for this!! says

      I am so.sorry. My first was the same way, I was 22, on the pill, totally unexpected. I ended marrying (and later divorcing) my boyfriend at the time. Here’s what I would go back and tell myself:
      If it’s super early, wait until you go to the doctor and have the preganncy confirmed. I have had my share of friends in this situation who freak out, etc. only to go to the doc and find out they’re no longer pregnant. Remember… something like 1/4 pregnancies end in miscarriage.
      1. Even if you think you’re going to be together and he seems excited: BE PREPARED TO DO IT ON YOUR OWN. Keep your job, keep your insurance, etc. Even if you end up together happily ever after, accidents happen. Do what you need to do to be self-sufficient if needed.
      2. Look into the logistics and see if this is realistically financially doable: look at childcare NOW. look at how much it costs, as well. Are you going to be able to afford it, and what changes do you need to make to do so?
      3. If you guys don’t get married (and I’m certainly not saying you should), protect yourself legally. At least get child support etc. figured out (see childcare costs above). Raising a child is expensive and there’s nothing wrong with having their father pay the support he’s obligated to, even if he’s very involved. his involvement should be for the sake of the child, not to save him money.
      4. Talk to your family about this. If you’re going to rely on them to help, this affects them too, in big ways.
      5. It is going to be OK. It is. It really is. There are going to be very rough patches- and by patches I mean YEARS, but believe it or not they’ll fly by and it will all be great.

      Sorry if this wasn’t helpful, this is just the stuff I wish somebody had said to me when I was in your position.

      • Jax says

        +1 on doctor confirmation before getting caught up in big decisions. Early loss is common, and for that reason alone I would not tell an ex about the pregnancy until I knew for certain. Since you’re on BC and aren’t 100% on date of conception, your gyno will likely want to see you/have an ultrasound to see where you’re at.

        You mention that YOU’RE not sure you want to get back together, so to me, that’s a big reason to stay silent for now. If you don’t want to get back together, then there isn’t an immediate reason to break the news to him. You can wait a few weeks and figure out what you want to do, without dealing with an ex who’s trying to convince you to do things his way. But tell your best friend/sister/mom/etc. so you have someone to process all of this with who cares about you and wants to see you happy.

        Big hugs, and also… It’s going to be okay!

    • NewMomAnon says

      Oh gosh…Hugs. You have so many options right now, keep them all in play. When my ex left me during my pregnancy, someone suggested considering an abortion, and I completely blew them off. I wish I had considered it more seriously. Don’t get me wrong, I love my kid, I don’t wish I had gotten an abortion, but I wish I had really considered the possibility – I think it would have helped me now with the occasional feeling of being helpless and trapped, because I would know that I had made a conscious decision to accept this lifestyle.

      Have you considered a therapist? There are some who specialize in new parents or parenting-related issues, and I would encourage you to explore that.

      And I know you’re scared (because I remember being scared), and I know it feels like a black and white of “either I get married to this guy or I raise the kid alone,” but there are a million shades of gray in co-parenting. Hopefully, the boyfriend will stay involved with the baby (if you decide to carry to term) even if you don’t get married.

      And on that note – I’m going to suggest a book. I’ve only read the first few chapters, but I wish I had read those chapters right away when my relationship hit the rocks. It’s called “Mom’s House Dad’s House” by Isolina Ricci. It does a good job of explaining the emotional process of setting aside the “ideal family” dreams and moving toward a healthy coparenting relationship.

      If you ever want my e-mail to discuss this offline, let me know.

      • Definitely anon for this!! says

        ^This. knowing I had choices and that I had made a conscious choice to go forward with the pregnancy made it easier to “suck it up” when things got tough

      • Anonymous says

        Considering all your options is really important.

        Having the baby will mean tying your life to his forever – regardless of whether you are together as a couple or not. That means that you may be unable to move from your current city without risking custody, that you will have to accept him and a possible new partner having access or custody, that you will have to deal with parenting challenges such as disagreements on discipline, schooling or religion or healthcare (e.g. spanking may be permitted even if you disagree with it).

        Lots of hugs. Walk into this with your eyes wide open. Parenthood is amazing and so rewarding but it is also more work than I ever imagined and I’ve never had to do it on my own.

    • AIMS says

      That’s a lot! I would give myself a few days to figure out what I want. Then talk to him when he is back in town. Depending on what you want to do, maybe it would be better to tell him over the phone and then ask to meet up so he can take the time in between to process this info? Maybe not, though. I’d say think about how he is with unexpected news.

      As for what to do, there is no wrong choice here. Whatever you decide to do, you will do. Maybe you don’t get back together but you raise the child with his help. Maybe you don’t go forward with this. You will figure it out. Take a day or two for now to just breathe and think. Big hugs.

    • NOVA Anon says

      First of all…hugs. I’m sending you lots of moral support. Second, for my two cents on telling your ex – I would take some time to (try to) figure out how you feel before telling him. I can’t imagine how hard it must be to keep this to yourself, but if you can at all resist the urge to pick up the phone and tell him today, I think you will be better off. You know him best as to whether he would handle this better hearing it over the phone or in person, particularly given how the breakup went. I might wait until he’s back from his work trip, then call him and tell him so that he could have the option of coming to talk in person about it or of staying on his own to process. Finally, take care of yourself today. If you can at all take a personal day from work, do so – or if staying at work would be a good distraction, do that too. All I’m saying is try to do you today. There will be plenty of time for considering others in the days to come. Hugs. You’ll get through this!

    • MDMom says

      Agree with everyone else but to keep it short: first step, deep breath. Second step, call your doctor and make first appointment. Third step, find someone to go to appointment with you for moral support if you want (ex-bf, a friend, your mom…). Fourth, go to appt and kearn if this is viable pregnancy and due date. Fifth, make decisions/preparations.

      You don’t have to tell bf until after first appointment if you dont want to. There are pros and cons either way and a lot depends on how your relationship is, which isnt clear from your post.

      Its going to be ok.

    • SuperAnon says

      Thank you all for your kind words (and NewMomAnon for offer to talk offline…I may take you up on that after I have a few days to process).

      This is definitely not how I expected my Wednesday to go. :-/

      • NewMomAnon says

        Yes! I’m sorry, I gave way too much information for where you are in the process. Breath, process, figure out where you stand – you don’t need to do anything more than that right now. Find someone to comfort you. And if you don’t have anyone – I’m free for a call tonight.

    • Spirograph says

      I don’t have anything to add beyond what’s already been said, but just wanted to send more internet hugs. Lots of people will have opinions in the days and weeks to come, but remember there’s no right or wrong choice or feeling except what is right or wrong for you. I hope your real life support network will be there for you once you’re ready to share, and until then, we’re here!

    • Anon for this. says

      Oof. Hugs. I agree with everything said here already. I’ll add – to the extent that you can, try to evaluate the merits of the breakup on its own terms, separate from your unexpected news from this morning. Is the reason for the breakup something that can be worked out (assuming both parties are committed to it), or was it due to some fundamental disconnect that is unlikely to be reconciled? If its the latter, give some serious thought to whether getting back together – even with a baby on the way – is what you actually want.

      My husband / son’s dad is an alcoholic. If we hadn’t gotten pregnant we might have broken up. Now, we’re married and co-parenting, but I do 90% of the work and also have to deal with the ramifications of my husband’s illness, which plays into his ability to effectively parent. Do I regret having a child? No. But would it have been easier to raise the child on my own than to try to figure out how to incorporate dad into the picture? Maybe.

    • Anonymous says

      Honestly, I’d tell him as soon as possible. If either of you have a therapist I’d schedule an appointment immediately to try and talk this over with a neutral party. The sooner you speak about your pregnancy, the more options you will have.

      • Anonymous says

        I find this comment confusing. How does telling him increase her options? It’s her body and her choice. I agree that she needs to tell him if she decides to continue the pregnancy but why would she tell him before then?

        • TK says

          Agree. I mean, it’s one person’s opinion. But I also don’t see how telling him gives her more options. Talking to a doctor? Yes. Talking to him, not so much.

        • Anonymous says

          Sorry — she made it sound like telling him was already decided (she asked “when to” not whether).

          While pregnant I was shocked at how quickly time passed. I had the possibility that something was wrong with the fetus and realized that I only would’ve had a few days to decide to terminate and the conversation I had with my OB made it shockingly clear that she would not have been the least bit supportive and I would have not only had to make a decision, but also find a new doctor and get an appointment. Most surprise pregnancies I know the details of, weren’t noticed until 8+ weeks. Since she seemed set on talking to him, sooner seemed better.

          I 100% agree that it is her choice, but I was working within the premise of the question.

      • Different Anon says

        I found it confusing too but I thought the reference was to her relationship options. Obviously keep/terminate is her choice. Whether she would have a loving father involved is his. Her decision might depend on that. She might want to know if options are married to ex, dating ex, not dating ex but he’s an involved father, not dating ex but he sends child support, not dating ex and chasing for child support. She might also want to know how ex feels about having a child and she may take his interest or lack thereof into consideration when deciding keep/terminate. Also, if adoption is an option in her mind, I think ex has to sign off on that.

        • Anonymous says

          Her ex would have to sign off on adoption but it’s not a great idea to make her decision dependent on whether he says he’ll be involved or not. If he doesn’t stand by his word, then she has to be prepared to single parent. Lots of single parents handle it fine but making the decision based on his involvement isn’t a great idea. A challenge with adoption is always that he can decide not to consent.

        • NewMomAnon says

          I can see where you’re coming from, but I can also say – it’s really hard to assess whether a guy is going to be an involved father until the baby comes along. I thought my ex would be a great father, and then he became horribly depressed midway through my pregnancy, and was an absolutely lousy father for the first year of kiddo’s life. Now he’s back to being a decent father, but still flakes out at inopportune times. I would not have predicted any of that at the time I found out I was pregnant. It stinks, but I agree that the decision to keep or terminate has to be made assuming no coparent, regardless of ex-boyfriend’s attitude right now.

          And both their roles may fluctuate as child grows up; it would be hard for a noncustodial parent to have a really deep, meaningful relationship with a newborn. But as the child grows, noncustodial parent may get more time and more day-to-day responsibility for child’s well-being (or not, depending on the child and the parents and a number of other factors). None of this is predictable while pregnant.

  4. TBK says

    Need toy suggestions for charity Christmas box. We’ve committed to buying 5 toys for girls ages 2-4 and 5 toys for boys ages 5-9. Looking to spend about $15 per toy. Also these are being shipped overseas so preferably: (1) smallish; (2) no batteries; and (3) not too US-centric. I’ve put play-doh, crayons, and drawing paper in my Amazon cart for the 2-4 yos (my two year olds are super into drawing and play-doh). But anything else for that age range? What about the 5-9 yo?

  5. FMLA says

    For all of you more experienced with this and without baby brain…. So I have just learned that my office runs FMLA by its leave year, which happens to restart in the middle of my anticipated maternity leave. Unless I’m reading the law wrong, this means I can stack FLMA, correct? So if I am out for 10 weeks and the office’s FMLA year then resets, I get 12 more on the back end? Can that possibly be right? When I met with HR, they told me I only get 12 weeks maternity.

      • Anon says

        +1. I talked to the DOL about this last week and they confirmed that the employer is beholden to whatever they’ve decided an FMLA ‘year’ is.

    • Closet Redux says

      This is not an office-specific rule, it’s just how FMLA works, right? I think FMLA is by law on the calendar year.

      • FMLA says

        As I learned here last week, there are four different options how your office can run it — including a rolling start that begins on your first day of FMLA. The google tells me that a set year is generally disfavored by companies because, although easier to administer than rolling years, it allows stacking.

        Now I have to figure out how to broach with HR that, based on what they’ve told me, I’m entitled to more than 12 weeks. I had been bracing myself for resigning because I don’t think the 12 week schedule would work for various reasons, and a 20 week schedule might make all the difference.

        • Meg Murry says

          Is that when all the PTO resets though, and will they make you take PTO and FMLA simultaneously? Many companies have a policy on their books that requires PTO and FMLA to run concurrently, so while you could technically take more time after January 1st (or whenever the leave calendar resets), you would also return to work with zero PTO for the remaining 9-10 months of the year – and that’s pretty much impossible with a baby – either you, baby or both *will* get sick at least once that first year.

          It gets confusing when you start talking about PTO, FMLA, STD and maternity leave – because some of those overlap and some don’t. So when they say “12 weeks maternity” – does that mean “12 weeks leave, unpaid”? Or does that mean “12 weeks paid at some percentage”? Or “12 weeks leave, you can use PTO and short term disability to be paid for part of that time”, etc?

          Since we had a whole bunch of women go out on leave back to back, our HR started making each person a color coded calendar that spelled out “these days would be STD, so they would be paid at X%, these days would be FMLA so they would be unpaid, or you could take them as FMLA+PTO to be paid, etc”. It was super handy both for us and for the admins and payroll.

          • FMLA says

            Good questions. I have to use one week of PTO, then I get 5 weeks STD, then I get 6 weeks of either unpaid or PTO, depending on what’s left in my bank. When our leave year restarts, we get sick and personal days deposited, but I’ve been told that I won’t get those days deposited unless I am still on PTO on the first day of the new leave year — otherwise I have to be back for a pay period before they are deposited. I wonder if they’ll try to tell me my FMLA will work the same way.

  6. Anonymous says

    Somewhat akin to the FMLA question above… My company offers fully paid parental leave for all employees that have been with the company for more than a year. The leave must be used within the baby’s first 6 months of life.

    I’m not eligible for the paid leave immediately upon my child’s birth because I’ll be employed less than a year, but I’ll hit my 1 year date before the baby is six months. She’ll already be in a daycare center, and although we could hold the spot with 1/2 tuition, there’s no need for me to be full time caretaker. In theory I could just sleep for a few weeks! That just seems lazy, though. More likely I would do short days at daycare and also take my older child on special outings. Would you take extra leave after coming back from maternity leave (10ish weeks planned) for a few months? I feel like it’s a crappy thing to do to my office, but I also hate to leave a benefit like that on the table. If your coworker or subordinate did this, what would you think? Be brutally honest.

    • Anonymous says

      Take the leave. Rest, spend time with your kids (short days at daycare/one on one with each etc), come back read to kick b*tt.

    • Anonymous says

      If you did *not* do this, I would really wonder why not.

      The non-parents in my office would resent it, though.

      • op says

        Happily, non-parents are a small minority among my co-workers and most of them are understanding about family stuff since company culture obviously supports it. My boss would certainly be supportive, although not thrilled. But yes, I’m worried about looking bad and people being resentful. I don’t dare ask on the main s1te, because I’m pretty sure that would go swiftly downhill.

        • Anon says

          The first part of your answer solidifies why you should NOT ask on the main s i t e. How it will be received is incredibly office specific.

          Regardless, though, take it. There are SO MANY things I have not done b/c I’ve worried about the optics at my job. Missed vacations, etc. Here’s the thing – even though it might feel a little uncomfortable or counter-intuitive at first, you will never regret that time. Every times I’ve done something for myself or my that goes against my work ethic of “work really hard all the time,” I’ve been so happy I chose myself.

          The point at which you’d be taking off was also the hardest for me as a working parent of two. I struggled more at the second half of the year than I did the first. Give yourself the gift of time, and remember how small of a blip it will be in the (hopefully) many decades of your career.

    • EB0220 says

      Very interesting question. If I were in this situation, I’d take the leave but also be very honest about why it’s broken up like this. I’d say that this is how it worked out based on company policy. Non-parents may not know what the policies are.

    • POSITA says

      Could you try to negotiate with your boss to take the leave earlier? I know you won’t have hit your 1 year, but it would probably be less disruptive if you took your leave all at once. They might go for it.

      • Jax says

        +1

        If you lay it out like, “Since I won’t hit my one year in time, I’m planning to take it later at my 1 year mark…” they might see the ridiculousness of having you out for two shorter leaves rather than one longer leave that makes sense.

        It’s always worth a shot.

      • op says

        I did, she pulled all the strings she could, but company policy is clear that I couldn’t get the paid leave before 1 year. She and I both thought it would have been preferable and less disruptive to the office to do it in one solid chunk, but alas, benefits department would not sign off, so no dice.

    • NewMomAnon says

      This is how guys at my office use paternity leave – they take a few weeks right away when baby is born, and then use the remainder after their wife’s maternity leave is over so they can extend the time before baby starts daycare. I’ve heard that a few of the new dads have gotten rude remarks, but it is our standard practice.

      I would be mindful that it could delay your upward progress – being out of the office for 10 weeks, and then back in the office, and then out of the office again soon after means two ramp-downs and two ramp-ups, plus the time actually out. At several of my employers, women who took multiple maternity leaves in a short period of time were delayed for promotions by the amount of time they spent out of the office on leave. I’d probably have a hard time swallowing that at the time it happened, but in the long run of a career, it’s a blip. (and this is why we need mandatory parental leave)

  7. Anon for this says

    I have been sick for close to three months straight. It has been a string of things one after another, all appropriately treated, but it is really wearing on me. Our team is slammed with work right now, and I have been getting all kinds of cr@p about being out intermittently (at the doctor’s office or home with a fever) and inefficient. I have not shared all the details with my team, but they know enough to know that I have been legitimately ill. Now our team lead is freaking out because he is leaving the country and has asked me to cover two conferences while he is gone, so I won’t be in the office to keep other projects moving. I am sick and tired of being sick and tired. I am completely out of PTO, so I can’t just take a few days off to rest and recover. At home, my family has lost patience and I can’t just skip cooking dinner and checking homework so I can go to bed early. I am just so freaking tired. Any tips for getting through this?

    • Anonymous says

      1. Start drinking as much water as you can tolerate. Then drink one more glass of water before bed.
      2. Start taking a multi-vitamin. Prenatal if you can afford it.
      3. Cut out all caffeine. You’ll have a rough day or two, but then you’ll be better off.
      4. Eat an apple for breakfast every day, and try to eat it within 90 minutes of waking up.
      5. Incorporate LOADS of garlic into your dinners. It boosts immunity and helps you recover faster.
      6. Use your slow cooker so you can prep dinner in the morning and then eat for 2 (or more!) days.
      7. Nap, if possible, even if only on the weekends.
      8. Make sure the sleep you’re getting is good quality. Maybe this means getting earplugs, maybe this means getting a humidifier, maybe this means getting new PJs.

      Good luck. Sending hugs!

      • Jax says

        1. Vitamin D and Iron supplements. If you’re anemic there isn’t enough rest in the world to fix it.

        2. Do you think you have an allergy your body is always fighting off, leaving you more susceptible to colds and viruses? I cut out all grains and eat Paleo (imperfectly–I’m not militant about it) and noticed I rarely get sick anymore. Maybe I’m just getting better nutrition now, or maybe something I used to eat inflamed my digestive track and kept my immune system occupied with a constant, low-grade problem. I don’t know why, but I feel amazing when I don’t “cheat” and I feel sleepy and irritable after a few days off track. (Sleepy = could put my head down on my desk and pass out, or even I could pull off to the side of the road and sleep right now. It’s pretty drastic!)

        3. I just started making a cup of coffee when I walk in the door after work! It keeps me from stress eating while cooking dinner and yelling at the kids to do their homework, PLUS it give me the boost I need to push on into the evening. Probably not the best habit, but I can’t go to bed at 8:20 like my body really wants.

        4. Simplify dinner. What about soup in mugs? In the living room? Cuddled up on the couch? Toss some crackers and cheese slices on the table to go along with it and VOILA! Suddenly it’s a special diner instead of Mom Feels Like Crap Again Tonight. You can even look over homework at the same time.

    • Sarabeth says

      Can you take a few weeks of medical leave (through FMLA?) to get better? It would be difficult for work to compensate, of course, but I wonder if you just need some time to really rest and heal. And work will Figure It Out.

      If that’s not an option, then I recommend radical simplifying. Don’t do anything that’s not essential. You need to get better and it sounds like the constant press of work and sickness has prevented you from getting there. If that means that the homework goes unchecked and the kids eat frozen lasagna for dinner for a while, so be it.

    • POSITA says

      Do you have a parent or sibling who can come for a visit? When sh1t really gets bad at my house, I call for long distance family help. They can’t always make it, but it can be amazing. My mom has saved me a few times.

    • NewMomAnon says

      Hire help, ASAP. House cleaners, dog walkers, babysitters, laundry service, and maybe a Seattle Sutton-like service that delivers meals (prechopped, ready to pop in the oven).

      And maybe you’re out of PTO, but would your boss understand you coming in an hour later or leaving an hour earlier each day so you could get some nap time in? Or work from home one day a week so you could save the commute time?

      And I know this wasn’t the question, but…could it be that you’re a touch depressed? I get so, so sick (legitimate viruses, just things that probably would have succumbed to my immune system in better times) when I’m trying to stifle bad feelings. It sounds like you’re feeling unsupported at both home and work, which could be either a sign that circumstances are not good or that you’re interpreting circumstances through a depressed lens. Have you talked to your GP about getting on an antidepressant and/or sought out counseling?

      • Anon for this says

        Re. your last paragraph, I have seriously considered this possibility but am pretty sure it’s caused by the physical illnesses and not the other way round. Being sick has caused me to fall behind at work and at home and has prevented me from engaging in my normal stress-reduction activities (yoga and other exercise).

    • anne-on says

      Can you throw any money at this? Meal prep services for a week or two, babysitter on the weekends/weeknight so you can rest? Cleaners for a month?
      Otherwise, I’d try to do as little as humanly possible to stay sane – order in, let cleaning slide, homework not getting checked for a bit won’t harm the kids long term, and try to put yourself to bed as early as humanly possible.

    • MDMom says

      You can order takeout and not check homework…Can’t you? Is this truly not an option for some reason?

      Practically, if your sicknesses are of the cold/flu variety, I have found that the homeopathic remedy umcka (avail at whole foods and online) actually really helps me feel and function better during colds. And I am not generally a believer in homeopathic remedies.

      Try to maximize your exercise and outdoor time. A 20-30 min walk outdoors over lunch is great for physical and mental health.

      Remind yourself that this too shall pass.

      • Anon for this says

        Thanks to all for the responses and encouragement. Unfortunately, hired and family help are not available options right now. My husband has been picking up some of the slack with the cleaning, so that helps a little. I am headed to Trader Joe’s after work to pick up some easy meals. I am also planning to slack off a bit while traveling over the next couple of weeks–skip evening networking opportunities and order room service and go to bed very early.

        The homework thing is all kinds of crazy. My kid’s school pretty much expects parents to tutor the kids on a daily basis. Parents are told we must check all homework. The school doesn’t check it or review wrong answers, so if I don’t check it then my kid could be doing it totally wrong and never know. Math especially is a high-stakes thing this year, and misunderstanding a concept or getting behind could be a long-term disaster. There are a lot of assignments like “interview your parents” or “have your parents give you a practice spelling test.” Her group after-school program can’t provide that level of individual assistance. There are also a bunch of big projects that require parental support. I spent most of the past two weekends helping my daughter edit essays, figure out how to use PowerPoint, and build a mobile.

        • NewMomAnon says

          I’m going to go back to my initial question, because this sounds like you are putting a lot of unnecessary pressure on yourself with regard to your daughter’s schooling (remember: depression and anxiety lie). Unless your daughter is a high school student whose grades are on the verge of dropping her out of college contention, there are no “long-term disasters” imminent with her schooling. And if she gets answers/methods wrong for a week or two while you recuperate, I think she’ll be fine? She might even learn something about how to fail and recover. I had some bad grades, especially in high school, and learned (a) that I had to learn to study and (b) that I had to seek out help when I needed it, from people who understood the subject matter (i.e., not my parents). A tutor might be better able to draw boundaries around acceptable levels of assistance in a child’s schoolwork.

          If you are really sick, the long term disaster is mom not being functional for a long period of time, not a few bad grades or putting together a shoddy mobile.

        • POSITA says

          It really helped me when I was in a similar situation to know that I had an upcoming break. Thanksgiving isn’t that far away. If you can just make it until then, you will have a chance to veg and sleep.

          We went out to dinner one Thanksgiving when I had been stressed and it was amazing. No planning or prep. It may seem less family-centric to go out, but we ended up with more quality family time because we didn’t have anything that we had to do. It was awesome.

          • Anon for this says

            Thanksgiving dinner out is genius! I am searching for restaurants now.

        • Lurker says

          Do they give you an answer sheet to check the math homework? If so, give it to your kid when she’s done and she can check her own work. If they don’t, then it has to be pretty simple math that she could double check with a calculator.

        • Anonymous says

          Can you email a few other parents in your daughter’s group and point out that this is crazy and can we get together and swap skills? (I.e. The parent who uses PowerPoint all the time spends a couple hours teaching all five kids. Then another parent teaches copy editing.) Or hire a group tutor? That might buy you a couple weeks before you have to be on deck.

    • Butter says

      I just want to give you mad props for handling it as well as you are. I’ve only been sick for two weeks and have only one non-school-age kiddo, and I throw a tantrum nearly every single day that I’m not better. Nobody has time for this! I agree on throwing money at it, dialing expectations way back, and grabbing any free minutes you can to catch some R&R. Close the blinds, sip some tea, and put your feet up at work between meetings. Even if it’s just five minutes I think it adds up.

    • H says

      How old are your kids? Can they help with dinner? Even if it’s just popping a pizza in the oven and pouring a bag of salad into a bowl. It’s a good skill for them to have anyways. :)

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