I’ve done some hunting for the best kids’ eyeglasses, so I thought I’d share a mini Zenni Kids review…
I’ve spent a lot of money on my son’s Miraflex glasses. Because they’re flexible and shatterproof, they don’t last very long; they scratch very easily, and my guy hates it when there’s a scratch.
{related: the best online glasses for women in 2020}
What I’ve done in the past when his prescription was too high to be filled with Zenni (they do have limits on prescriptions), we just ordered the frames from there and had Walmart do the lenses for about $40 (although you can do the same with the fancier frames).
However, his prescription changed, and dipped low enough that we could order from Zenni, and I ordered him prescription eyeglasses and prescription sunglasses. They’re really good — we haven’t had a problem with them, and if he scratches them or loses a pair (because yay 6!), you can usually found a promo code and order a new pair for about $50. Zenni Eyeglasses
Readers, have you tried Zenni for kids glasses? Do you have a Zenni kids review to share?
This post contains affiliate links and CorporetteMoms may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!
(Psst: if you’re thinking about buying eyeglasses online for yourself, do check out our posts over at Corporette — briefly, I started buying them after my eldest son broke several pairs of my eyeglasses, and now I can’t stop! Some of the places I’ve bought in the past include these stores:
- Warby Parker — Most of my “people glasses” have come from here over the years, and I’ve found a light blue pair (similar to this one) looks great on Zoom calls. (I do wish the brand gave you an Amazon-like reminder at the top of each page — “you ordered this frame for home try on four years ago!” I’ve tried so many frames I keep a spreadsheet of them.)
- Zenni — I’ve ordered a ton for my son through here and just ordered my first pairs for myself. I also got my husband a pair of non-prescription blue blockers.
- 39dollarglasses.com — I believe I got a pair of funky sunglasses from here for myself (no complaints), and there was a pair of prescription sunglasses that I must have bought 10x for my husband, who kept losing them.
- GlassesUSA — I’ve bought numerous glasses here over the years; no complaints.
- Felix & Iris — I’ve ordered glasses for home try-on from here, but haven’t actually purchased any eyeglasses
- Fetch Eyewear – ditto
- Dharma & Co – ditto
This post contains affiliate links and CorporetteMoms may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!
We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites.
We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites.
Sales of Note…
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Nordstrom – The Half-Yearly Sale has started! See our thoughts here.
- Ann Taylor – $50 off $150; $100 off $250+; extra 30% off all sale styles
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 25% off purchase
- Eloquii – 60% off all tops
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off “dressed up” styles (lots of cute dresses!); extra 50% off select sale
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything; 60% off 100s of summer faves; extra 60% off clearance
- Loft – 40% off tops; 30% off full-price styles
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Talbots – 25-40% off select styles
- Zappos – 28,000+ sale items (for women)! Check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kid shoe brands on sale.
Kid/Family Sales
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off kids’ camp styles; extra 50% off select sale
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off summer pajamas; up to 50% off all baby styles (semi-annual baby event!)
- Carter’s – Summer deals from $5; up to 60% off swim
- Old Navy – 30% off your order; kid/toddler/baby tees $4
- Target – Kids’ swim from $8; summer accessories from $10
See some of our latest articles on CorporetteMoms:
Click here to see our top posts!
And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Anon says
Happy Friday! I just needed to share:
My son went to his first t-ball practice yesterday! This is for a league that was set to run April-June but was obviously postponed. Midwest state, cases have climbed a smidge from June but overall are low and steady in the past 30 days in our county. It was incredible! All of the kids, ages 4-6, were wearing masks, staying a reasonable distance apart from each other, listening well to the volunteer coaches (who also did an amazing job!) and having So Much Fun. I was so happy that I almost cried. It was only 45 minutes and my son was wiped out at the end, and at bedtime told me this was the best day in a long time. A good taste of normalcy for him, and I’m so thrilled.
There are six practices scheduled, and then games twice a week until mid-October. Fingers crossed that everyone stays well and safe and we can carry this season out.
Anonymous says
Aw yay, I’m happy for you and him! We had the opposite experience with an outdoor youth activity (no masks even for adults, no distancing even when it would have been possible), so I’m glad to hear some organizations are doing it right.
OP says
Ugh, I’m sorry! That must have been so frustrating.
A few things about masks for us:
– I have noticed that in our area people will wear masks nearly 100% of the time, even those that are reluctant to do so. I haven’t seen anyone without a mask on in a grocery store once since April, for example.
– The league does not require kids to wear while playing on the field or batting, but does require it on the bench. All adults need to wear masks when coaching.
– Kids are encouraged to sit with their families at times when they would normally be on the bench.
– Parents/spectators do not need to wear masks when watching provided everyone is spread out, although all of the parents were wearing masks at the beginning and end of practice when we were packing up kids.
Anonymous says
In a sport, what do you do with your mask when not wearing it to bat? Do they tuck it in their waistband? I haven’t figured this out (and even though people hate buffs, they solve this issue where you move it down and up but it stays on your neck). My kids would leave theirs on the bench and then probably but someone else’s mask by accident or lose theirs. :( It’s like we need mitten clips for masks.
Anonymous says
My daycare has them use cloths pins to hang them up outside (and probably inside, but we are not allowed in).
Boston Legal Eagle says
That’s so great to hear! I’ve read a lot on this board that kids seem to accept wearing masks and they get so much benefit of seeing their friends, even masked and distanced, and having some sense of normalcy. Not to start the debate again, but I wish schools wouldn’t give up so easily and say kids can’t possibly have the same social interactions with masks and distancing. Well unfortunately, the alternative of socialization as it was before is not available, the only alternative now is watching a screen all day, so I would think they could try masks and more outdoor time before giving up.
Anonymous says
Exactly. Multiple teachers on my newsfeed have shared posts like “the social and emotional benefits of school are totally lost if kids have to wear masks and stay apart from each other, so there’s no point to having in person school” and that’s just…not true at all. It may not be as good as normal, but just being in the same room as peers and getting to hear a teacher talk in person instead of over a screen has tremendous benefits. If the virus infection rates are too high to safely have school, fine. But don’t pretend like you aren’t doing kids a disservice.
OP says
I hear you Anonymous. I see this all the time from teacher friends. The benefits of face-to-face education are there even if half of the face is behind a mask.
FWIW, our public school district is going to be virtual until at least November 1st, and the above reasons were cited for not opening classrooms for lower elementary kids.
Anne says
This. Masked socially distant preschool has been amazing for my little girl. She has friends, they play, they learn things about each other – it’s just different.
Anon says
I have to admit I was skeptical of how socially distanced preschool would go, because the whole point of preschool is learning social interaction (in my view, anyway). But it’s been amazing. My kid has told me stories about sharing toys, taking turns talking at group time, cheering for friends going down the slide, etc. There’s so much social stuff you can teach young kids without close physical contact.
FVNC says
So happy for you and your son! Agree on the mask wearing. While my 3 yr old isn’t required to wear one at daycare, when I picked him up yesterday, he and two of his little friends were having a conversation about their favorite masks! (“I have a superhero mask!” “Well *I* have a firetruck mask!”) It was adorable and masks have become totally normalized for them (which I guess is a little sad, but apparently the world we live in…).
Anon says
Why is it sad?!!? We could prevent 60k-90k flu deaths a year if we normalize masks! Hong Kong had 4 deaths when NYC had 15k, because masks were normalized.
That’s great! Maybe there’s hope for humanity! Way to go three year old boys!
Anonymous says
So true. My kids have totally accepted masks as a necessary part of playing on a public playground, seeing friends outside our bubble, and generally being out in public. We went to the zoo earlier this week … it was 90+ degrees and my mask was *not* comfortable after a couple hours walking around in the sun. I didn’t hear a peep about it from my kids, and they kept theirs on the whole time except for a snack break.
(National Zoo is doing a great job limiting capacity and promoting social distancing. For anyone in the DMV, it’s worth a trip, and it was really nice to visit without the typical summer crowds! Be warned, though, many of the buildings are not open, so you don’t have much opportunity to cool off in AC)
I’m glad to hear t-ball was a success! We have the kids signed up for it in the fall and they are incredibly psyched.
Anon says
Yes, the National Zoo is great!
Anonymous says
Have you seen the school tracker in the globe? So many towns chose hybrid. My town went hybrid! I am so jazzed.
Anon says
Thank you so much for sharing this. I’m worried about a softball tournament I have to participate in tomorrow and I’m glad to hear that it can be done correctly. Masks are required though not while we are on the field or at bat.
In case you were wondering how I got myself into this obligation, here is the back story. My husband is on an international competitive (though recreational) hurling team. One of his team members lost a friend to domestic violence a couple of years ago. They have this huge memorial event and softball tournament annually. I’m a former competitive softball player from high school and college.
A couple of months ago they found out their team was going to forfeit because they only had 2 women on the team. There is a 3 women minimum to be in the tournament. So I was asked to be the third woman. Figuring the pandemic would be doing better by August, I agreed. If I back out, they forfeit so I’ve decided I’m going forth, will socially distance, mask, sanitize between innings, etc.
I’m super excited to play. It’s been about 15 years. I am definitely rusty. But, I was having a lot of pandemic related anxiety related to this. And since this is the mom’s site I should add, we are pre-kids which is how my husband still has time for this level of athletic commitment!
OP says
The little league has the same rules – masks are not required if you are on the field or at bat.
I’m glad you have a chance to participate, it sounds like a worthy cause! I am a former college athlete, too, and I love getting back into my sport.
AnonCornCountry says
Are you comparing an adult softball tournament behavior to young kids playing t-ball As a way to re-assure yourself about infection risk? If you are worried about getting infected at the tournament think about that well before you get there. You need to be conscious of your own precautions because other people may not have the same feelings you do (yelling while running bases, high fives after games). I don’t know where in the country you are but in my area adults playing sports are fairly chill. For reference my husband has been playing softball since July with 60+ year olds, no one has been diagnosed with covid-19.
Anon says
I guess I was thinking if little kids can manage to follow the rules, the adults should be able to as well. I’m not trying to say it’s as important to me to be playing sports as your children, don’t worry. Guess I should stick to the main page.
And yeah, it’s a pandemic and I have concerns but I also made a commitment that would effect a lot of other people if I bailed so I’m sticking it out. I’m in a state with very few cases and that calculator everyone shares says there is less than 1% chance of someone there having COVID.
Realist says
This brightened my day, so happy for you
anon says
Awesome!
Similarly, my fifth grader had his first cross country practice on Wednesday night. I tell you what — after that, he was like a totally different kid. I thought he’d done well through the pandemic, but just being around kids and coaches and doing something productive completely lit him up in a way I haven’t seen in MONTHS. It honestly made me so much sadder about everything our kids have been through, despite having pretty ideal circumstances. Masks were required during certain drills that required closer contact, but luckily, XC is a pretty socially distant sport already! And all parents, coaches, etc. were masked up.
I agree with all of you here: It’s BS to claim they aren’t getting social/emotional benefits from being around peers and adults other than their parents.
Anonymous says
My son has ice hockey tryouts this weekend, and he is practically vibrating with excitement. After winter hockey was cut short, and baseball and soccer were cancelled, just having TEAM SPORT! on the horizon is keeping him going. I know I’m preaching to the choir, but I just wish the old white men making decisions realized how important these things are to kids. We should have tried harder, sooner, to get some of this back for them.
Anonymous says
The old white men in charge do want kids back in school and activities, with no masks or distancing, and they don’t care who dies or is permanently disabled because of it. That’s why they haven’t tried to make it safe.
Anonymous says
If you asked them if kids should go back, they’d say sure, but it obviously isn’t a priority to them. If it were a priority they would have kept other stuff closed so in-person school would have been safer.
Anonymous says
Getting kids back in school unsafely is their priority, so that parents will go back to work. They just don’t care about the safety, so of course they didn’t bother to shut down other stuff to make schools safe.
Anonymous says
That is just not true at all. Plenty of old white men are saying it’s not safe for in-person school or acting like they couldn’t care less that school districts are choosing to remain closed, while allowing gyms and bars and other much less essential things to open. It’s not about getting “parents” back to work, it’s getting *moms* back to work, and working mothers and children are not high on the priority lists of most male politicians in this country, regardless of party.
Anon says
Does anyone in Biglaw with young kids / toddlers dread weekends? Just a rant. We are high risk but had to get a nanny. It was hard to find someone who was taking a similar level of precautions as we were (and are deemed necessary by our doctors who recommended against having anyone come in at all.) On weekends we lose our nanny who already works 50 hours a week (because she needs a break / a life too) and we can’t bring in more help like we would normally. Normally we have a morning sitter at least for Sunday but sometimes Saturday as well. Work doesn’t go away or care that we have much less availability. It is just exhausting. We tag team, work during naps when we get them, and after bedtime but it means that we work longer days on the weekend than we do during the week and enter each week progressively more exhausted than the last. We tried screen time even though we didn’t particularly want to but our toddler just isn’t interested for more than about 5 minutes. 5 minutes is great for a cup of coffee but not exactly writing a brief or anything that needs sustained blocks of concentration. No local family. And all the family we do have is also high risk (age, cancer survivor, or immune-compromised) and not really well enough to care for an active toddler anyway. I can’t believe we are possibly going to be doing this for another year. We’re very lucky but I’m so angry and sad that our collective decades of hard work as a family are being derailed. Our reputations are being damaged at work, its hard on our marriage. At least our kid seems completely unaware and happy other than missing seeing the grandparents/extended family. Ugh.
Anonymous says
Something will have to give. Either you get another nanny or one of you works less hours.
Anon says
Yeah that sounds impossible to sustain, but kudos to you for trying so very hard. Is that pace worth it?
Boston Legal Eagle says
I’m sorry. It sounds like you are both in BigLaw? This is one of the reasons that many (most) people leave after having kids, moms more than dads, but dads too. It just becomes unsustainable and exhausting, even in non-Covid times. If you’re both committed to sticking it out, I would look into getting someone to move in with you to cover the weekends. Or maybe even two people to tag team? I’m not sure what other alternatives there are if neither of you wants to leave.
Anonymous says
+1. You and your husband are probably getting paid a combined total of something like $900K/year including salary and bonuses. You are supposed to use that money to hire out all of your household tasks and parenting so that you can be available to work 24/7. If you’re not willing to do that, even during a pandemic, it’s time to trade off some of that salary for time to parent. Those are the choices you have to make. You can’t have it all.
Anonymous says
This sounds like torture. Why do this? Quit your jobs. Go to a regional firm. You’d get paid 150-170k each at mine and never do more than an email or two on weekends. How do you want to remember your life?
Anon says
Yep. How is this worth it? You don’t need to stick it out just because you’ve put in x number of years. There’s no prize for most sacrifices. No body will judge you for going to midlaw so that you can actually spend time with your child. There’s no way she’s completely unaware that her parents don’t spend more than an hour a day with her and can’t even devote weekend time. I’ve been there. I loved biglaw but love midlaw more because I get to see my kids.
anon says
+1. This is not just a pandemic-related problem that you’re having.
Anon says
For this season given the health issues that are causing caregiving issues, I would suggest one or both of you looking at going reduced time for a temporary period. A lot of folks at my firm, particularly with young kids in dual-working households, are doing that and, know your firm, but given everything else, if ever there were a time where it would be less frowned upon, I think this would be it. Working biglaw means more than fulltime childcare. You have fulltime covered, but it’s the “more” part. So you either need to find a weekend nanny or scale back. I wonder if for the weekends there is a teenage neighbor whose family is seriously social distancing who might be able to provide you consistent coverage. And if the teenager is masked and you send them outside to play for a few hours, that to me would be even lower risk even if they aren’t as stringent as you are.
Lyssa says
I know there are a lot of benefits to big law, but are they really worth this? It doesn’t sound like much of a life during normal times, much less with the current restraints. Is your husband feeling the same? If you want my real advice, I’d tell you to both change jobs and radically adjust your lifestyle (two non-big law lawyers can still live pretty comfortably in most of this country). I know you’re not going to do that, but at least one of you (note that I don’t think it should necessarily be you) has to make a big change. This is not a short term issue.
Anonanonanon says
I’m immunocompromised, and I know you said you’re just ranting and it’s annoying to offer advice when someone says that, but here I am doing it!
I’m lucky in that my specialist (who has always been impressed that I work a demanding full-time job) understood that quitting my job and not having any childcare are both not options.
So, like you, we found a nanny who takes COVID very seriously. We also need more than full-time childcare sometimes, so our approach is:
When we bring someone else in, it’s for about 2 hours at a time. They are asked to wear a mask. I felt weird asking that, but daycare workers and others wear them ALL DAY. We have them spend as much time outside with our youngest child as possible, who enjoys long walks, playing in her kiddy pool, etc. We’re going to have to re-evaluate in the winter, but for now, it’s what makes us feel comfortable with it.
Anon says
OP here – thanks so much to everyone telling me or my husband to quit. That’s super helpful. Both my husband and I actually like what we do. Without a pandemic its hard but well within what we consider doable. We do outsource a lot and continue to do so (laundry is sent out, we have a cleaning person that comes while we are out of the house, food is delivered, yard service). Neither of us wants to give up on our collective investment of almost 3 decades of work because the next year is likely to suck. It might be less than a year, it might be more. No one actually knows. I just wanted to complain. But thanks internet, you’re so helpful and kind.
Lyssa says
Sorry, I guess I and others thought you were looking for advice, in the way that is pretty common around here. Sounds like you’ve made your choices, and you’re going to have to accept the trade offs. I’ll assume you don’t expect sympathy for that.
Anon says
Also someone who loves my Biglaw job and is struggling with childcare issues given our high risk category, but, gently, the situation you described is a recipe for burnout. You mentioned you’re already getting reputational damage and your marriage is struggling. Burnout is going to exacerbate that. Continuing on as you are may well sink your career investment as well – once that trust and reputation decreases, it is exceptionally difficult to come back from. So you’re either going to need to find weekend childcare help at a risk level you’re comfortable with or negotiate a different arrangement, and I would gather that either solution would be less career damaging than just trying to power through. Eventually your tank is going to run dry (and I know if you love big law it’s a very big tank), and I worry for you.
Anon says
I did not comment above, but I don’t think anyone told you or your husband to quit. I know you were just ranting, but I think people were (corrrectly) pointing out that this is not sustainable. And it totally sucks – I get it. There are a lot of things outside of your control right now, and that is super frustrating. But your options are either (1) get extra help, (2) scale back a bit at work (one or both), or (3) stay the course.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Not sure if your last sentence is sarcastic but I think all of us here are trying to be helpful and kind. Two biglaw jobs + a toddler is unsustainable without lots of help. I think you’ll need to bring in someone else to help you on the weekends – I suggested a live-in to avoid some of the health risks. I’m not sure what other solutions there are right now. If you’re just venting, ignore me, I have a tendency to offer solutions.
Anon says
Yea i did not like all of those answers. To me you are superwoman. I work A LOT less than you and am always exhausted. I have a friend whose husband is high risk and they have a baby who was very premature and spent a lot of time in the nicu. They ended up hiring help but have the person wear a mask the whole time. You might be able to find a high schooler who is part of a highish risk family to come for a few hours on the weekend or a college student who is doing remote learning for the same reason (i don’t know where you live). Maybe if it would make you worry less have someone come for a larger chunk of time every other week. It sounds like what you really need is childcare but if there is anything else you can outsource like food delivery etc go for it. While i realize a test is only for a moment in time, you could also offer to pay for a rapid test each week before they come.
anon says
OP, no one is telling you to quit. But many of us have been in similar circumstances. How old are your kids? I was in BigLaw with little kids and a husband with a big job. I loved my job and loved my colleagues, but couldn’t meet the time demands of both little kids and work. I ended up working myself nearly to death and was hospitalized with serious pneumonia, only to draft court filings from my hospital bed. Beyond that incident, my stress level was always ridiculously high because neither work nor my family was content waiting for just a few minutes for me to warm a bottle or send an email. I ended up moving in house and my life is 100% better. With rare exceptions, weekends and evenings are my own, and I actually like the work more. I don’t consider it giving up at all–more of a pivot.
If you both really want to stay put, having one of you go reduced hours for the year may be an option. It would be easy to blame the pandemic. Another option would be to hire live in help. We have a college student living with us this year. She’s in our bubble and socially distancing with her peers. You might be able to find a student whose university is full DL, but who needs to be somewhere besides their family home. They might be happy with some evening and weekend hours, with your nanny covering the work/school day.
Good luck. I’ve been there and it sucks.
Anonanonanon says
I certainly didn’t say quit, I offered ideas from a fellow high-risk person on how we bring in a second person for childcare in a safe way, that has been cleared by my specialist (a woman, which is probably the difference lol) who understands that saying “you’re high risk so can’t bring in help” is not always realistic.
I can’t imagine how stressed you are, and I know it isn’t helpful to hear that the thing you are trying to do can’t be done. I hope I didn’t contribute to that feeling.
FWIW, popsicles have gone a long way with my kids. Also, they’re convinced that being loud or making noise ruins baked goods (something my mom always told me and I didn’t realize was a lie until I was…much older than I should have been) so if I put brownies in the oven I can get a good 30 minutes because they’re scared they’ll ruin the brownies. Then more time because they’re eating the brownies.
Anon says
This is hysterical!
anne-on says
So, I was today years old when I realized that running around in the house will not cause cakes to fall. In my defense, my grandma exclusively baked angel food cakes, which ARE delicate (and I am more of a pie/cookie/bar/crisp baker) so I totally thought it was just a ‘thing’ about them. Nope, it was totally about keeping us quiet and calm, ha!
Anonymous says
HA!
Anonanonanon says
HAHAHA Glad I’m not the only one who thought every cake in the world would be RUINED if people didn’t tread quietly and keep their voices down! bahaha!
anon says
No one said you or your husband have to quit, just that what you’re doing is unsustainable. Something has to give. It doesn’t have to be your jobs. But something has to give.
Anonymous says
Yep. The pushback is against OP’s idea that she and her husband should somehow be able to do it all with only a full-time nanny. They get paid the big bucks to pay someone to take care of their child all the time so that they can work all the time. They can choose to do that, or they can choose to work less. OP wants us to tell her that it’s possible to keep working biglaw hours while simultaneously taking care of (or ignoring) a preschooler, and she is mad that we are telling her it’s not.
Anon says
OP here – I do have 10 dedicated hours 5 days a week in which to work (no commute time). I also have 2-3 hours each night to work when my toddler is asleep, which is not especially problematic. I also have 2-3 hours each weekend day to work, which are not especially problematic. So that’s 64-71 dedicated hours a week to work. Of course I grab lunch and take short breaks, but that’s no different than normal life in the office. I can keep that up for another year I think. Its exhausting, but on the edge of doable. So basically life in Biglaw with a toddler (19 months). What is hard is the demands with no notice for substantive work or calls over / on the weekends (internal only calls -its rare a client wants to have a call on the weekend) just because everyone assumes no one has anything else to do. This didn’t happen pre-pandemic. It’s new. There is almost never a reason the call or work couldn’t wait until Monday. Its just frustrating. We don’t have space for live in care or I’d look into that.
Quail says
to the OP – I totally hear you on the new norms around weekend substantive work even in jobs that had terrible availability expectations before. It is positively maddening. It is different. Just wanted to validate.
Anonymous says
Then decline the calls
Realist says
Those calls sound maddening. Only you know the culture of your firm, but this is something I would have felt comfortable privately raising with some (not all) of the senior women at my firm who would have taken the concern seriously and had sway to do something about it, and possibly asking to add it to the agenda within our women’s committee. I know that it would not have been a safe thing to do at all firms, so I understand if that is not an option for you. But kids or not, I doubt you are the only one unhappy with this new culture shift and possibly you can get it addressed without hurting your own career.
Anon says
Obviously really late to this but I have no good answers that people didn’t already note. Your child is young, you’ll see particularly if you have another that your pace is not sustainable. Also, why do you want to outsource all your child time? Why even have kids if all weekdays and a lot of weekends when they are awake they are with a nanny and babysitter? Cruel to say but is true.
Realist says
I don’t know why everyone is saying you have to quit. I think you just need to find a way to make this more sustainable. It sounds nearly impossible and I can see why you are venting about it. As someone who hasn’t figured out a way to get the care I need at a health risk level that is acceptable, I don’t have great advice. Is there someone in your nanny’s bubble that could help out on weekends?
Anon says
Everyone is not saying she should quit. They are saying make a change if you are so miserable.
anonymous says
Exactly. Is a job worth more than your mental/physical health and the wellness of your marriage?
Quail says
Yup. Commiseration. Weekends are terrible – and we only have me in biglaw (spouse in government) but tell that to the kids who want mommy rather than daddy for whatever reason when I’m on a firedrill client issue. No local family and usual sitter backstops are out because of covid, as are the usual get-kids-out-of-the-house activities like playgrounds and pools and classes. So grateful for the childcare we have during the week.
I totally understand neither of you wanting to give up/scale back your careers. It’s terribly frustrating that you (and we) are in this situation. The problem is there are no good answers.
One unsolicited suggestion – I have started taking time for myself when I can catch a break during the work day while there is childcare. Talking a walk or a run by myself, taking a 30 min nap, etc. Obviously this depends on your control over your schedule (I have relatively high level of autonomy over when I work my at-times-obscene amount of hours). Part of what is so draining for me is never being by myself AND not working. Even though I lose the billing time during childcare hours, it helps with the overall burnout.
Quail says
Also, you didn’t say how old your kiddo is, but my kids started being able to use screen time to actually watch a show/movie at around 2.5 or 3. I’m sure your child will be able to do that at some point. You are at the hardest point and it will get easier (though never easy). Travel then becomes easier, too (sigh to being able to travel again).
Also wanted to say total commiseration on the toll this is taking on your marriage. Same here. This year just totally sucks.
Anon says
Counterpoint that my 2.5 year old has the attention span for a movie, but (at least during lockdown) it was not a solo activity for her – she screamed unless we were there watching it with her, and we had to be WATCHING it, not working. I do think my kid is unusual, it seems like most other people have better luck using screens to get some focused work time, but unfortunately it isn’t a silver bullet for everyone.
Anonymous says
I don’t know a lot of kids, even older than 2.5, who will just sit down and watch a whole show or movie, especially solo. Some will, but it’s a small minority.
Quail says
Huh – my 5 year old tells us to go away when he’s watching his allotted screen time. I think he’s an introvert, though, and so it’s some alone time for him.
Anonymous says
2.5 is so completely different than 5. I would assume most kids reach this milestone eventually, just not necessarily by 2.5/3ish.
Leatty says
Two weeks left of work before I begin maternity leave, and I am so over everything. I’m slammed at work trying to wrap things up before I go out, but I have no desire to do any of it. Work has been so busy this year, and I am beyond burned out. I wish I could transition some of my work now, but I can’t because I’m still training the people who will cover my work while I’m out and much of the work I need to do has to be done before I go out.
I’m also so very uncomfortable and ready to never be pregnant again. I’m not sleeping well, I have trouble moving around, I’m incredibly grumpy, I don’t have the energy to deal with our toddler, and I still have a million things to do around the house before our little one joins us. Overall, I’m just done with everything.
Unfortunately, I still have several weeks to go with work and pregnancy, and I need to suck it up. Tips for getting through it?
Anonymous says
The last few weeks of pregnancy are so incredibly grueling. It really is an intense physical accomplishment and I don’t think people give women enough credit for getting through that last month. My second child was large (9.5lbs) and I was beyond uncomfortable last summer. I had to rely on DH and then my mom to do most things with DD (toddler), including lifting her into the crib. We did a lot of take out and me “sittervisibg” while DD played in the baby pool or water table. I don’t have tips but just remember that no one has been pregnant for forever and you will get through it!
Anonanonanon says
Grueling is exactly the right word.
No advice, because you could have all the help and treats in the world and be laying on a soft fluffy cloud and being in the last month of pregnancy would still be horrible. So, hang in there, this will pass soon, and this baby will be out of you and someone else can watch it while you at least get two hours of sleep IN ANY POSITION YOU WANT!
Anon says
Stock your fridge and freezer with treats you love – fresh peaches and berries, fancy sparkling water, chocolate, Greek frozen yogurt bars, whatever feels indulgent and soothing yet doesn’t induce too much guilt.
Ask your partner to give you a real chunk of time away from your toddler each week do you can rest and have a break. Ideally, you leave the house or the toddler does so you don’t have to overhear anything and truly get an escape.
Pogo says
Riiiight there with you. I don’t know if this is feasible for you this late in the game, but I planned out taking off every Friday before my leave this summer and then going out a week before my due date. It is the only tiny thread holding my sanity together. I’ve done housework every single day “off” but the upside is it really lowers my anxiety to have the big boy room ready, get the bare minimum baby stuff all set (today I just need to get bottles/pumping stuff/pacis down from the attic and sterilized), and keep the house in a reasonable state.
As far as work, I’ve been sharing my OneDrive with anyone who I think might possibly need it; I have a detailed delegation plan that I’m confirming with all the stakeholders and then I’m going to share that with my team as well as add some of the key contacts in my away message. I put together a list of all the recurring meetings I host and explained to my admin (who has control of my calendar) the delegates who she needs to contact if there are any issues with scheduling. I agree training people is a huge PITA, and I am just accepting that a lot of things won’t get done (correctly) while I’m out.
But yeah, on the exhaustion front, I got nothing. Last night I was finishing up work after supposedly putting the toddler to bed. He continued to pop into my office until 10 friggin pm asking me what I was doing. “Go to bed, it’s night night time” “but you workin mommy” “YES I KNOW” “why you workin at nigh nigh time” etc etc
CCLA says
I recommend focusing on setting up an outline or project status summary that will facilitate people taking over if you go out early. I get the feeling that some things must be done by you before you leave, but keep in mind you could go into labor tomorrow. After about 35 weeks I reframed my thinking along those lines and forced myself to make a list for ppl to use while I was out and then updating it daily (as a transactional atty, that was a list of clients, active matters, current status, contacts etc), making that a priority before knocking off projects or other items from my work to-do list. I was very glad to have that when I went in at 37 weeks and they considered inducing me for high bp! And, take care of yourself; they really will figure it out if you leave a few more things to do than planned.
Patricia Gardiner says
Good morning! Any suggestions for maternity leave splurges or treats to make it more enjoyable? Our first was quite colicky, and between the crying and the exhaustion it was pretty tough and not something I’m looking forward to again (I got screened and did not have PPD/PPA thankfully) – last time I was SO ready to get back to work. We are planning to get a Snoo. Other suggestions for making it bearable? Thank you!
Anon says
Playing music can help lift your spirits. Going for walks while listening to podcasts is also a highlight. I’ve been enjoying the Mom Hour lately for that girlfriend to girlfriend type chat.
I think you should also insist on having scheduled time to shower each day so you feel like a whole person.
Anonymous says
I love good bath products so how about some indulgent soap/body scrub/lotion? I know the inter webs says don’t use anything too scented so baby can smell you but I say fooey to that. I also ALWAYS take a shower and put on makeup (less than 3 mins worth) and put on fresh clothes every day so I feel like a human. I like making good French press coffee or loose leaf tea everyday as a small indulgence.
I hope this baby is an easier newborn period for you! My first was easy (minus her not being a good sleeper) and my second kicked my a** for the first six months and I was not prepared. He had reflux and screamed for every single car ride for 6 months. I also did not have PPD, it was just hard no matter how you looked at it
Anon says
Colic survivor here too! Noise cancelling headphones for when you’re not the one dealing with baby (or if your colicky gremlin is screaming in your ear, it at least dulls the sound).
Realist says
Colic is the worst. Get all the easy snacks you enjoy and keep them handy. Also noise cancelling headphones. I love my Air Pods Pro and think they could have been a colic game changer if they had been around then. I would possibly have had 2 pair to keep the spare charged while wearing one.
anonn says
I’m looking into a postpartum doula/night nurse for 2-3 nights a week for at least the first month. I”m sure it’ll be $$$, but DH doesn’t get paternity leave and I’m a very light sleeper. We didn’t have one for our first but I promised myself we would for future children. I’m also getting a new nursing chair that reclines, our first one was expensive but is so uncomfortable.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
Great post! I’ve been thinking about this a lot. No reflux or colic for DS #1 (fingers crossed you do not have that again!), but I had a rough time (and definitely had PPA, in hindsight).
This time, I’m going to ask for a low-dose something to help with anxiety (I may wait to use it, but want a filled prescription). I also think making a fun capsule wardrobe with a few new pieces, like an extra cozy sweatshirt (been eyeing the Phenomenal ones by Maya Harris niece of the DEM VP CANDIDATE), will help.
I LOVE the idea of indulgent bath products…may also add a designer candle to that.
I know they say throw out a schedule with a newborn, but I DO hope I can keep a rough schedule that integrates walks outside with DS #2 in the soft wrap (Baby due in December, but where we live “winter” is very mild), naps for me and DS #2, reading on the Kindle app while nursing/feeding, and cooking (because I enjoy it and it gives me sanity). FWIW, I’ve seen friends be able to manage this a bit better with kid #2 and #3 because I think a lot of the new parent anxiety is less.
Patricia Gardiner says
Thanks all for the suggestions and ideas! This may be the excuse I need to get the AirPods Pro…
Doodles says
I’m on leave now and have really enjoyed daily walks outside with the stroller and AirPods (podcasts or exploring new music). I have a friend and her dog join me a few times a week, wearing masks and followed by lemonade on the patio while the dogs play. I’m also reading the illustrated Harry Potter books to the baby and my toddler listens sometimes. The books were a gift. I’ve found great joy in this since it’s been so long since I read the books or even saw the movies. I’m even reading for myself before bed! I’m also cooking/baking a lot more and recently splurged on upgrading my pans and gadgets. Those are the highlights of my leave so far… baby #2 has reflux and is a horrible sleeper while my first was soooo much easier.
Anonymous says
Any EASY tips for getting stains out of kids clothing? My daughter recently transitioned from an infant/toddler room where they always wore bibs for meals and art, to a 2s room where I guess they don’t, because her clothes now come home covered in food and paint, and these stains don’t come out when we wash them on cold. I realllyyyy don’t have the extra time right now to be spending on stain removal, but I hate that her entire wardrobe is getting quickly ruined.
TheElms says
Soak in a bucket of oxyclean (the powder kind that dissolves over water) overnight. Then Dawn on any remaining food stains and Shout (or other stain remover of your choice) on the paint stains. Then wash on cold.
Anon says
Can you soak them in the laundry sink, maybe scrub them a bit with a toothbrush first? I think that helps a lot. Plus oxyclean, depending on the stain. I also wonder that they don’t have the kids wear smocks or something when they paint. I cant’ imagine any of the parents are thrilled with that.
Anonymous says
Thanks to you both! This classroom is weird. The teachers seem kind of forgetful. They also don’t put hats on the kids when they go outside, even though I’ve asked a couple times (my daughter is extremely). I get that they have a lot on their plate with all the new covid precautions but it seems like they’re forgetting a lot of basic stuff!
Anonymous says
Complain to the director. I wouldn’t tolerate no hats for a day. If you’re careless with my child’s safety then what are we even doing here?
Anonymous says
Rub Seventh Generation Ultra Power Plus into the stains, then wash with the same detergent on warm. Check to ensure that the stains were removed before putting the clothes in the dryer, because the dryer will set them permanently.
Mar says
I keep a dedicated basket in the laundry room for dirty clothes, and I have tried to make it a habit to carry stained clothes to the laundry room and spray stain remover on them as soon as kiddos take the off, then leave them in the basket until laundry day. Oxy-Clean is the best stain fighter I’ve found, although I use Puracy stuff. Leaving the stain remover on is important, I’ve found. Last tip is that this is the time to transition from beautiful precious clothes to high quality durable clothes or even a daycare only wardrobe that you don’t mind is stained — it was around this age that I had to give up Janie & Jack and transition to Primary and Gap Kids, second hand from ThredUp, etc. I found (and I think others have commented) that less expensive brands, like Carter’s, just don’t wash as well and hang on to stains, where as the thicker cotton basics launder better.
Anon says
Leave the stained clothes out in the sun all day. Seriously!! This is so easy and gets rid of stains I thought were truly impossible!! Much less scrubbing required. The sun is so powerful. I usually soak and use a stain remover too at some point.
Anonanonanon says
I have a stick of oxiclean stain remover that dispenses some kind of blue gel and has nubs on it so it dispenses it and you rub it a bit with the nubs. Then I toss into the dirty clothes. When I wash that load, I add oxiclean, soak for at least 30 minutes, and do a double rinse. I have the sticks of oxiclean kind of all over the house (well, one on each floor) because I never know where I’m going to actually undress my kid and our laundry is in the basement. It’s not an easy fix if I have to schlep down to the basement to apply it.
Anon says
If it’s food or oil-based, I hit it with dawn and toss into the hamper. If it’s another stain or unidentifiable, I hit it with oxiclean spray when kiddo gets in the bath (I inspect and spray before tossing in the basket). They sit until laundry day (Saturday). If it’s really terrible, it goes in the sink with hot water and oxiclean for an overnight soak, before going into the wash in the morning. If there are stains that are still lingering, I may do another overnight oxiclean soak or use my Fels Naptha bar (otherwise known as the big kahuna – not sure what’s in it, but I have yet to meet a stain the bar hasn’t demolished as the last step). Agree with the other posters that the thicker cotton is easier to get stains out of. Given my kiddo’s tank build, we’re pretty much in gap or hanna exclusively, but I had a devil of a time getting even something as simple as milk stains out of carters in the early days.
Anonymous says
Yes. Dish soap all the way!
Anonymous says
+1 for dish soap, but it has to be Dawn.
anonymommy says
Buy resale for daycare day clothes that you won’t worry if there are little stains! Honestly, that’s the easiest. Also, if I know the stain didn’t come out completely, I hang dry it or re-wash (aka don’t put it in the dryer!). I keep a labeled bucket by the laundry tub for soaking. Hubs and my mom know my method, so if they see something soaking in there, they’ll give it a scrub if they have a second too.
Billy Mays says
I’m a fan of the oxyclean spray! I keep one in mudroom, one in laundry area and one in baby’s room. As soon as we come home from daycare, I’ll take offending item off and spray it, put it in laundry area and double check the item when it’s time to launder. Most times the spray has done its job. Latest highlight was getting strawberry stain out of white/blue striped romper. A great moment in stain removal history.
AwayEmily says
Another OxyClean rec — I get the spray stuff, which is more expensive but much easier to apply. I also got multiple bottles so I can keep them (on high shelves or locked cupboards) near all the places where my kids might take off their clothes (we have both upstairs and downstairs hampers) plus one by the washing machine in the basement. If it’s not RIGHT THERE then I will forget to spray it.
Party Animal says
I use the Dreft Laundry Strain Remover spray and the Shout Advanced Ultra Concentrated Gel stick thing. They both work great and are easy/fast.
anon says
Oxyclean spray is a freaking miracle worker.
Anonymous says
Thanks all, ordered some Oxyclean!
Anonymous says
If you have a well ventilated place the stuff can hang for awhile, but not be forgotten, Lestoil will take out almost any stain in the world. Just dab some on let dry and rinse. Launder. Smells awful though.
Anon says
Did any of you try to time kids to have them on the older end of their class? This wasn’t something we thought about early but we now have a rising kindergartener and it’s amazing how the birthdays cluster at her (probably not surprisingly) private school towards the older end.
We’re thinking of trying for another and I have to confess that it does seem great to have kids have that added confidence that even a few months gives them. But then DH and I are both high achieving parents so maybe the benefits aren’t such a big deal and it’s more about parenting. If we did get pregnant quickly (finger crossed) kid will be either youngest or oldest – I think if we were talking middle of the year I’d be thinking about this much less!
Anonymous says
No. Pregnancy is not something I could schedule like this. Nor do I want to be a person who teaches my kids to maximize every advantage to get ahead.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Honestly, I did consciously try to avoid certain months for birthdays – August and December. August for several reasons (one of which is that it’s hot and I didn’t want to be 9 mo pregnant then!), including that the kid would be the youngest in the class as our cut off is 8/31, or possibly the very oldest if we considered holding them back. December because of holidays. But with all the red-shirting, especially this upcoming year, it’s hard to predict who will really be middle of the pack anymore. I’m thinking even my April kid might be one of the younger ones?
Anonymous says
I did not do this, but it’s smart. I have an early January baby and a late August baby, so epic fail on my part. :)
I think it definitely makes sense to consider redshirting or accelerating on an individual basis, but I wouldn’t time a baby to plan for it — whether or not it’s appropriate depends so much on the child. I have a winter birthday & started off right in the middle of the age pack, but then I skipped a grade. I was always the youngest in my class, and found it to be a non-issue. I would never consider skipping my older son — physically he can hang with older kids, but social-emotionally he definitely belongs where he is. We’ll probably make a pandemic-based decision about redshirting the August birthday son next year. I will not send him to public school virtual K when in-person preschool is a viable alternative, but otherwise I think I’ll feel OK about his K readiness and be happy to stop paying for childcare.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Ha, yes, I should have added that these were my initial preferences but obviously planning perfectly when it comes to kids is a fool’s errand, and there are so many other factors that are beyond control.
NYCer says
+1 re hard to predict who will be middle of the pack. I read a comment on this board a few months ago about not wanting a kid to have a March birthday because they would be young….my youngest daughter was born at the very end of February, and it literally never occurred to me that a March birthday could be considered young! I always thought it was a great birth month school wise.
Anon says
It’s highly regional. It obviously depends on the official cut-off (August in some places, December in others) but it also depends on how likely kids are to be red-shirted and which birthday months are more popular. Our schools have an August 1 cut-off, but our town is filled with college professors who deliberately timed kids for summer break and are generally less inclined to red-shirt, so I don’t think a kid with a March birthday would be young here at all. In some districts they might be.
Anonymous says
I think it’s better to be on the younger end. Now that many states’ cutoff dates are in early fall, the kids are already so old when they start kindergarten. A 6-year-old would be bored to tears in kindergarten, and it would be terrible to be stuck in high school until age 18.5.
Anonymous says
Nope, the opposite. Given the choice, I would have wanted my daughter to be one of the younger ones. Growing up I was one of the youngest (late May birthday, August 1 cutoff but most of the June/July kids were held back) and I was still not academically challenged. If I’d been the oldest, skipping a grade would have been necessary for academic reasons and I’m very against grade-skipping (both my mom and one of my close friends had terrible experiences with it, plus selfishly as a parent I didn’t want to lose a whole year with my kid).
Op says
Hmmm interesting – hadn’t expected this response and it’s good food for thought. Older kiddo and hopefully baby will be at most academically challenging school in our city. But I think in the early years could def see some boredom. Good point above about how we can’t really plan anymore either.
I just see having a younger and potentially more immature kid going into k as a future source of stress, esp perhaps with a boy, that I could avoid with a couple months patience now. But there will be other stressors I can’t predict now… hmmm.
Anonymous says
Curricula are so watered down these days that even the most academically challenging schools will move too slowly for the vast majority of kids. The goal is to get everyone passing the standardized test, not to challenge everyone at the appropriate level. Go for younger if you are going to try and time it.
Anonanonanon says
Nope, gonna come out and say it, borderline nuts.
No one can perfectly schedule pregnancy, but when I tried, it was around significant career things etc., not if my kid would be in youngest 25th percentile of the class
Anon4This says
100% agree. This is some out-to-lunch thinking, IMHO. Focus should be on a healthy pregnancy, smooth delivery/recovery, and happy parents/baby.
Anon says
No. My first child will probably be one of the youngest in her class and my other will be born right before Christmas so not ideal timing but I didn’t want to get all type A about trying to conceive.
Anon says
We successfully timed to mid-year for unrelated reasons and I was happy that we would avoid both age extremes, but I agree with some others that if I had to choose I’d pick younger over older.
Anon says
There’s research suggesting that younger kids actually are more likely to overachieve; the experience of having to keep up with older kids seems to help them develop resiliency skills. So, I really wouldn’t worry about it – I’d more want to not be 9 months pregnant in august (or for me february/january – too icy and I’m too clumsy).
OP says
Oh i like this idea. Gritty kid!
Anon says
I agree with the gritty kids point. I’ve seen a few people here mention the social downsides of being young, especially as you get into the teenage years, but it wasn’t a big issue for me, even though I was young for my grade and then went through puberty extremely late (didn’t get my period until I was 15 and a sophomore in high school!) Perhaps it’s different with boys but the girls that went through puberty first seemed to have a much harder time with bullying, etc. than the girls like me that went through puberty last.
Anon says
Anecdata, but my husband was the oldest in his class (bc he moved to the US at the age of 8 and was held back a year b/c the school systems didn’t sync up between the countries), and I was the youngest in my class b/c I skipped a grade. So we’re the exact same age but 2 years apart in school. We’re both confident, well-adjusted overachievers and we both agreed that it made no difference in grade/middle school and that high-school sucks for everyone :)
Anon says
Well I’d my first pregnancy had stuck and i hadn’t miscarries it would’ve been my preferred month or If i had known my IUI would work on the first try I’d loved to have timed it. But as the type A planner in me quickly learned, for most people you can’t exactly chose the month in which to have a baby the way you did your wedding. Plus even if you do, sometimes babies come early!
OP says
This is true – promise we aren’t naive! Already had a miscarriage while trying for this one (would have been a middle of the year kid) and I’m also assuming we’re delivering at 36 or 37 weeks because my high risk doctor won’t let me go longer (had two life threatening complications with the last!)
It’s less the getting pregnant but more the avoiding getting pregnant for a couple months that I feel I can control, if that makes sense!
But based on this thread I think we should probably just throw up our hands and go for it again.
Anon says
Yeah people here always get ragey when anyone mentions trying to time a pregnancy, but you can definitely avoid a certain month(s), so I don’t think it was a crazy question. Sorry about your loss. Good luck!
OP says
Thank you! Appreciate it!
CPA Lady says
I didn’t time it that way, but it’s how it has worked out, and I’m not sure it’s going to be a good thing. I just picked up my kid’s workbooks for kindergarten from the school this morning and was reading them and laughing. She’s going to turn 6 a few weeks after starting kindergarten and the hardest part at the very end of the “math” workbook is something she’s been able to do for at least a year.
I actually think she’s going to be confused by the early lessons because they are so simplistic. Things like counting to three? I was confused because I was like “that can’t possibly be the whole lesson?” But it is.
I am pretty sure this entire year is going to be a complete waste of time, academically speaking.
Anonymous says
I would try to get her advanced a grade right now so she starts first grade this fall. Or homeschool grade 1 this year and enroll her in grade 2 next fall. If you don’t challenge her now, you’re setting her up for failure later on. Ask me how I know.
anon says
I have a kid with an 8/30 birthday in a region with 8/31 and 9/31 cutoffs. She’s been the youngest in her classes every year, often with a 2-3 month gap between her and the next youngest and with a 15-16 month gap between her and the eldest. We sent her on time because it was the right choice for her academically. But socially and emotionally it has been hard for her. She struggles with behavior expectations and is often obviously less mature.
As a non obvious consequence, she’s also left out of summer camps every year–for instance her whole girl scout troop signed up for an overnight camp for 7 yos this summer (fortunately it was cancelled), but she didn’t turn 7 in time. Last summer she was left out of a water park camp with friends. And the summer before she missed out on a pottery camp and a swimming camp. It’s really a bummer, but you can’t ask her friends not to do fun things just because she’s not old enough to make the cut off. We already know that next year her troop is planning to sign up for an overnight camp for 8 yos, so she’ll be left out. It’s especially hard when she already has social struggles.
Would I have done something differently? Probably not. I like that she’s challenged academically. We would just have had academic instead of social issues if she was an October baby. But I am grateful that my second is an April birthday. So much less stressful.
Anon says
Oh man, that sucks. Summer camps should have the same cutoffs as schools so that classmates don’t get split up.
Anonymous says
I have a late-birthday kid. We have had the same issue with a few camps and with sports, but as they get older most of the camps tend to be grouped by grade and not age. For some of the camps that go by age, we’ve had luck requesting that she be grouped with kids a year older, but that won’t get you around age minimums. It’s odd that a Girl Scout camp would group by age rather than grade/troop level.
Anon says
Ugh, that hurts me to hear that on your behalf!
My older kid is going to have to do little league with the grade above him – I assume that will be less fun than doing it with his buddies. May not really matter, but it can feel like it on the margins.
Anon says
My boss did that – scheduled for an October baby, so even if it was early, it wouldn’t be in August. She even made fun of my May due date saying kid would be the youngest. My BFF’s son was born on 7/31 and was always the youngest in the class and youngest on the soccer team. He’s at Yale Law School on a full scholarship, so it didn’t mess him up.
Anon says
Nope. Too much planning/effort. I got pregnant in the first 1-2 months with both kids and didn’t really think about their birthdays. Just started trying when we were ready. Coincidentally they both have early summer birthdays (May/June). I loved being on leave for the summer. But I probably could have timed things better so that their birthdays aren’t as close. There was a moment of panic when I calculated the due date for my second kid!
Anonymous says
I have 3 girls. October May and end of July. Our cutoff is 9/15. My October girl is in a class with boys that were red shirted and have birthdays in May! She’s one of the best students in her class, largely because she has better school skills due to her age.
My younger ones are the youngest in their class. My middle is also the smartest. If she were also the oldest/only it might be different but she runs around like she’s 2-3 years older than she is.
Anonymous says
Same! My 2 year old says “Oh there are other people here, I put on my mask now.” It’s just something she does in the presence of others like putting on sunscreen before she goes outside. It does not faze her or upset her at all! I’m sure at some point in the future if/when we no longer have to wear masks, we will just tell her and she will accept it. The concern about the psychological trauma to kids of having to wear masks is so overblown. It’s fine! They’re fine! They love getting to see their friends and play at school.
Anonymous says
+1. Kids are way more adaptable, and dare I say intelligent, than adults.
Anonymous says
Agree. I was reading something from a teacher about how social distancing measures will be traumatic for kids, so a return to school would be less beneficial than we think. My experience with my four year old was the opposite. He’s not bothered by masks at all, and while he misses hugs from teachers and classmates, being around other children is 100% better his spirits than zoom calls.
Anon says
This makes me so mad. There is no way that psychological trauma outweighs the benefits of in person school. I get teachers don’t want to be back, but don’t pretend it’s in the best interests of my five year old.
(My husband and I both work in reopened offices, sister works at a hospital, etc so maybe that’s what’s frustrating me too)
Anon says
Yep. Say you don’t want to go back to school because you’re scared of catching COVID. I understand and sympathize with that. But it’s insulting to my intelligence to pretend that your concern is that it’s traumatic for my kid to wear a mask or sit 6′ apart from friends. Wearing a mask and sitting far apart from friends but being able to see and talk to them in person is so much better for a kid’s mental health than sitting home alone day starting at a screen.
Anonymous says
I haven’t heard many people argue for closing schools because masks cause trauma. The more common argument seems to be that masks inhibit learning, so we should open schools without them.
Anon says
I have a lot of teacher friends and woke non-parent friends who are all about supporting the teachers, and it’s a very common argument for why in-person learning won’t be any better than virtual learning, therefore we should all stay virtual until…forever? (I don’t really know what the proposed endpoint is, the only one I’ve heard is “zero deaths” which is never happening, obviously.)
Anonymous says
Re: the endpoint. MoCo, MD here — our Health Officer apparently said 10 new cases per day (we’re around 80, now). In a county of one million residents. This is neither reasonable nor realistic in my admittedly-non-expert opinion. During flu season we have more than 10 new flu cases every day and we don’t shut everything down! I understand covid-19 is not the flu, but as treatment improves and deaths/cases declines, it’s certainly not the death sentence it was back in March, either.
Anon says
Wow, that’s nuts. I don’t think that’s achievable even with a vaccine because as you note we have way more the flu cases than that, and flu has a decent vaccine that ~60% of people take. I hope that when we have a good treatment or vaccine and hospitalizations and deaths drop precipitously the popular opinion pendulum will swing back towards reopening schools, but I honestly don’t know. Part of me thinks my kid is going to virtual K in 2023 :/
Anonymous says
Is your 2 year old closer to 24 mo or 36? My 5 year old wears a mask no problem but 23 month old won’t even met me approach his face with it and is supposed to be wearing it starting at 2…
Anonymous says
She’s almost 2.5 now but has been wearing a mask occasionally since she was 26 months. It was easy for us, she just saw us wearing them and wanted her own. I think there are lots of resources online about getting kids to wear them, and I’m sure the daycare teachers and peer pressure will help. My daughter refused to wear a hat when she was an infant. She would cry hysterically any time we even approached her with a hat. One week of daycare and she was fine with hats. And at least in my center, the teachers have been taking a gradual approach to masks with the brand new 2 year olds (which makes sense – a kid who is 24 months is no more likely to have covid than a kid who is 23 months), so if the kid rips off the mask for a few days it’s not like they’re going to be sent home.
Anon says
Any recommendations for a good iPad stand for kids to use while zooming? Our school is using iPads not laptops and I want to get a good set up going into our fall of virtual learning!
Mathy says
We have had good luck with the foam cases with a handle that stands up. Check Amazon for AVAWO or BUOMO kids cases.
OP says
Purchased! Thanks!
To Banshee Octopus Mom says
You got so much good advice yesterday but I wanted to add a few other points. I had a similar feeling about my gremlin – it took four hands to get her in the right position for the first two weeks. It really helped me to experiment with different positions. Because I had a c-section, the hospital only focused on football hold. When I saw the lac consultant at my ped, she pointed out that I had a huge baby and that was a tough position to maintain with one arm. The classic across the body hold on the pillow gave me a lot more control. Also, the baby karate chops stopped all at once. I don’t remember when, but she just learned to chill the arms out and never did it again.
Another thought was sparked by AIMS’ comment about AP classes. I was pretty religious about filling in the handwritten chart that the hospital sent us home with. When I ran out of spots, I kept it going in a notebook for another week and then stopped. At that point I felt like my day was endless and the lack of structure/routine was hard for me. I ended up subscribing to the glow baby app which allows you to log feeds/sleep/diapers and it really helped me gain a sense of structure. It was easy to use and you can have several caregivers update from separate phones. It really helped me see patterns and feel accomplished in recording my day (see thread of needing to control things through this comment – YMMV!). You can also check out their community page – the other comments will make you feel like you are an amazing parent!
Finally, think about yourself 10 days into your first professional job – it was hard! Imagine your supervisor screaming at you and puking at you as they train you in your new position. Give yourself grace – Good luck!
Anonymous says
I definitely needed arms swaddled down sometimes to be able to feed a newborn. Sometimes for night feeds I just left baby swaddled. Other times when baby needed to wake up more to feed properly instead of snack I striped baby to diaper for skin to skin and just did the arms down, belly bare swaddle. Football hold was also key with my youngest – across my body on the front was useless for him.
OP says
That was me and thank you so much! I’ve decided to stick with breastfeeding for now because honestly it’s fine most of the time.
Everything is just hard and there’s no way around that. When I think of the logistics of pumping (at least while on mat leave) it seems way less efficient than just breastfeeding.
I’ve been using a haaka and easily get 1.5oz each feed which can be used for a bottle later in the day when I need a break.
Thanks for everyone chiming in and at least making me feel less incompetent.
TheElms says
You are absolutely not incompetent! You’re doing a great job! You’ve got this!
Realist says
Do you know how amazing it is for b*feeding to be “fine” just 10 days out?! You are ROCKING IT. Of course it is hard, and of course there are tears most days. You are not doing anything wrong. Your body just took 9 months to make a human. YOU MADE A HUMAN. If you picture pregnancy as sort of a maze that took 9 months to go through, then you were just at the center of that maze less than 2 weeks ago. It is going to take another 9 months for you to work your way back out of the maze. You have to create another new person–you as a mother. It will be as long a journey as the pregnancy was. You got this, OP.
Anxiety re: second baby says
Hi folks. I’m newly pregnant with the second baby and having what I guess is anxiety about giving birth again. My son was born more than four years ago in what was a long but probably pretty routine labor. I got an epidural, pushed for several hours and had what they called minimal tearing. The thing is, I’m still not over the pain of the contractions before the epidural, which was about 12 hours at the hospital. I’ve thought about it every day since. It felt like I was being crushed and stabbed and electrocuted at the same time. I just spend a lot of time thinking about how that happened, how awful it was and how I didn’t think that pain was possible. Is it possible to have trauma from a routine birth? Would a therapist just laugh me out of her office?
I’m just really down thinking about going through it again and reminding myself that that is the best possible scenario. I know I sound so weak, some women have c-sections where they feel everything or horrific tears or worse. But I’m really not sure how to re-frame what’s going to happen, in a way that doesn’t scare me.
Anonymous says
Have you considered a doula?
anonymommy says
Doula, therapy, talking more to moms you know – whatever you need to do! I felt a lot better with #2 when my aunt (a mom of three, and a generally incredible super mom) admitted she got more nervous before her second and third labors because she knew sort of what to expect (aka pain!). It’s normal on one hand to be nervous, but if it is a daily stress I’d definitely consider even just talking to a doula or midwife or taking a different style birthing class. My first labor was traumatic (physically and emotionally) and I did talk about it a lot! After labor, I wanted to talk to every mom I knew because I couldn’t believe people didn’t talk about this more.
Anon says
The second time around is usually faster. Could you ask to get an epidural much earlier in the process? Twelve hours sounds like a very long time – I only endured a few hours after my water broke before getting an epidural. Talk to your doctor at your next appointment about how much this has affected you and see what they say.
Mrs. Jones says
+1 to earlier epidural.
Op says
The birth class recommended by the midwives said to wait as long as possible to avoid a c-section. I was terrified at the time. As bad as everything was, I know a c- section would have been 1000x worse.
anonn says
You now know you can have an epidural and still avoid a c-section, get one earlier! I had a similar birth class and mindset and really think a doula makes all the difference. It was way more painful than I was prepared for, but she was such a reassuring presence, so helpful in getting me into better positions and applying counter pressure.
Anon says
I would encourage you to do your own research about this point. It’s been pretty thoroughly debunked though it’s still a popular argument in the woo-y natural birth circles. https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/epidurals-dont-prolong-labor-phew-2017102512612
I’m also not convinced the pain of a C-section would be worse than what you described. Most women who have C-sections don’t “feel everything.” You have anesthesia, and pain medicine afterwards. I know people who’ve been fine with just Tylenol/Ibuprofen after a C section.
No Face says
I would much rather have a c-section that labor for 12 hours without an epidural!
I have two. My only birth plan is an epidural as soon as possible, right after I check in. The first time I had to wait 20 minutes and it was agony. The second time I got an epidural right way and spent most of my labor peacefully napping. I was able to get the epidural before I was in any significant pain.
Some women find labor empowering. Good for them! You don’t like that pain and you don’t need to. There’s no need to try to endure as long as possible, or wait until your water breaks, or anything.
Anon says
Birthing classes are often focused on pushing an unmedicated birth experience (it’s an entire industry of its own that relies on fear mongering women for its very existence). Midwives may have good intentions but they operate in an echo chamber. These classes are often totally biased and make women feel like they must endure pain. Don’t buy it! Talk to your doctor about your options. Epidurals should not have such a negative reputation.
anon says
I had a bad experience with my first and was worried going in to my second delivery. It ended up being bad as well, but for none of the reasons I’d worried about. I was only in labor for 2 hours from water breaking to delivery, with only an hour of contractions. No time for an epidural. It was over before I’d even processed that I was in labor. By contrast, my first delivery was an induction that took 3 days, with tons of time to dwell.
Given my two traumatic deliveries (both for physical issues during the pushing stage), I’m pretty sure no OB would let me have another V delivery, but if I did it again I’d try my best to have no expectations. How much contractions hurt depends a lot on how the baby is positioned, its size, etc. How you feel depends a lot on your own remaining stamina and the speed of labor. You just never know what will happen.
Anonanonanon says
+1 why did they have you wait so long?! Or was that your decision. I always thought you “had” to wait, and I remember being offered one really early with my first. I was like “wait… aren’t I supposed to wait” and they just looked at me and said “why would you do that? If you want one, why wait?” and it made so much sense!
Talk to your doctor about how much you’re dreading it and see how early you can have one
Op says
I wasn’t more than like 5 cm so it was a long time but I guess I wasn’t progressed very far, despite the horrible pain. I wrote above that six weeks of birth class basically came down to: wait as long as possible or you’ll end up with a c-section. Which, to be fair, is still my biggest fear. I can’t imagine how awful and traumatic that would be.
CCLA says
That waiting to avoid a c-section is some BS. If you want the epi early, get the epi early! There is some evidence that it could even speed the first stage even by fostering relaxation. Agree with all the other posters that second time is way easier too, and that therapy would be totally appropriate. I hope you have a better experience this time around!
Anonymous says
I know avoiding a c-section is your goal, but I had a planned c section with twins and it wasn’t traumatic for me at all. I left the hospital a day early and stopped pain meds after two days at home. It really wasn’t that painful and it was done and had two babies by 7 am the same day I checked in. I viewed it as surgery, not as a life affirming connection to my womanhood. Some women may have magical birth experiences, but I think that expectation and goal lets women down and can lead to more suffering.
no therapist worth her salt will laugh at you, although I would seek a women with a trauma-based practice.
Anonymous says
Get help. A c section is medical treatment. It’s not torture. It’s not traumatic. You clearly are suffering mentally. Get help now.
Anon says
I think it varies. My hospital wouldn’t do them until you’re at least 4-5 cm dilated. My contractions before that point were very mild, but my water was intact – I’ve heard early contractions are generally worse if your water has broken?
CCLA says
This makes me ragey on behalf of laboring moms. Why should someone have to wait until 4-5 cm if they’re uncomfortable? DH works in that area and it’s not medically indicated in most cases. This is just one example of how we have a long way to go toward getting better support for moms giving birth.
Anon says
I had a similar experience with pain my first two – hard and fast labor and finally able to get an epidural around 8-9 cm dilated. The pain was terrible and I will never forget it. With my third I talked to my doctor and got induced when I was showing signs of being ready. Best thing ever – zero pain, totally relaxed experience. If you feel like you need to talk to a therapist – do it! They will definitely not laugh at you. I just want you to know you are not alone and it doesn’t have to be as awful the second time around.
anonfornow says
A good therapist would not laugh you out of her office. You should make an appointment ASAP. I think it is totally possible to have trauma from a routine birth, but I also don’t think that having twelve hours of severe contractions before an epidural AND several hours of pushing is “routine.” That’s pretty intense!
Anon For This says
Birth trauma is real. You deserve help and support for this. I’m posting a resource in my area but you can probably find similarly focused therapists in your area. So many are doing Telehealth right now: https://www.mainematernal.com/reproductive-maternal-mental-health-therapy
CHL says
I recommend this all the time so sorry if it is a broken record but I loved Rachel Yellin’s audio hypnosis program which was recommended by my midwife. Not sure on all the details regarding hypnosis but I saw them as meditations that really helped me through my pregnancy and birth (after a fairly traumatic first one). It’s a little more of a DIY path if you don’t want to do therapy now or engage with a doula.
Anonymous says
Birth trauma is real. My doula was also a social worker who does birth trauma counselling. She was great with a couple counselling sessions before birth and I had a very good experience with my second birth.
Solidarity says
I had a terrible first birth (55 hours from when my water broke, 2 hours long bouts of pushing, eventual forceps; like 30 people in the room when the baby arrived; the recovery was also brutal and long and I had serious doubts about a second kid). As my second due day approached I found myself crying at an OB appointment about how I could not do it again.
I was lucky(ha!) in that a lot of my issues (but not all) were related to it being my first birth and were medically unlikely to repeat. Anyway, we worked out a strategy designed to get me a better outcome (for me, that meant pushing as little as possible and being able to feel the pushes through the drugs, not wanting to be on pitocin and an epidural for 50 hours, hopefully not having pain when walking for months). And it worked. FWIW I was induced, and they broke my water, and I waited till after they broke my water to get the epidural (which led to a super painful 20 minutes, but my baby was delivered a couple hours later with like 5 pushes), and then waiting until the baby was seriously ready before any pushing.
But the details don’t matter so much as telling my doctor how scared I was and talking it through. The ugly cry was mortifying, but It helped to say out loud and then have a plan backed by her medical expertise.
Funny story, the chief resident at my second birth had been with me at my first, which had been one of the first births she has been at as a first year resident. She remembered me and when my second baby was born said something like, well this was certainly much easier than last time!
Good luck!!!
Op says
Very surprised that women are saying a c-section isn’t that bad. I know people who have had them, but I’m just not that strong. Being awake while they cut me open and pull out the baby just seems like one of the most horrific things that could ever happen to someone. I know that happens every day but it sounds like a horror movie. It’s part of the reason I have so much guilt about the way I can’t get over my own experience.
Anonymous says
Except in the most unusual situations, you have anesthesia and you don’t feel anything, and there’s a curtain so you don’t see it either. I think if you want to be put to sleep it’s probably an option (although statistically it’s riskier, which is why they normally do them with you awake). I would encourage you to talk to your OB about these fears and see what they say. Gently, regardless of how long you can avoid an epidural for, a C section is always a real possibility. For example, you’ll have to have one if your baby is breech or you have a placenta previa and those things aren’t uncommon.
Mary Moo Cow says
I haven’t had a v-birth, so I can’t compare them, but I can say, I didn’t want a C-section, skipped out on birthing class that covered them because I was sure I wasn’t going to have one. The universe laughed and I had an unplanned c-section at 37 weeks. And I had a wonderful experience! My doctor delivered the baby, the nurses were fantastic, the drugs were strong, and I didn’t have any pain during the procedure. My second C-section was just as joyful as the first. This is just to say: it seems like you have strong feelings about c-sections and you don’t need another internet stranger telling you it isn’t that bad, but I would encourage you to mention this to your OB so she knows and can have a conversation with you about birthing scenarios.
Anon. says
+1 Very similar experience. My first was an emergency C despite my entire birth plan being “let’s not do a C unless we have to.” My second was a planned C because the first experience was so positive. (Literally, in the midst of OR prep for the first one my nurses were asking what music to put on and calmly chatting with us about the baby’s name.)
OP says
I had an emergency c-section with only an epidural (received it a few minutes before the heart rate dropped and we sped off to the operating room). The worst part of the entire experience: I opted for some IV pain meds while we waited for anesthesia to do the epidural and I was so freaking looped from that that I couldn’t vocalize all of the questions/concerns/thoughts running through my head during the c-section. Those meds were 10 times worse than the c-section experience itself. Birth trauma is real and can take a variety of forms. An experienced therapist or OB is going to take that seriously and be able to work with you to overcome those issues. Also, I know this is easier said than done, but try to work as much as you can on knowing that the only plan is the baby’s plan. We can only control so much, so focus on what you can control.
CPA Lady says
My planned c-section was such a non-issue that it was honestly freaky. It was a tiny bit uncomfortable at times, but I never felt what I would call pain *at all* during the entire procedure or the recovery. It was a snap. The whole thing was an absolute snap. Obviously not everyone has the same experience. During the recovery I felt more tired than usual, but I just sat down a lot and things were fine. It was actually so pain free that I still feel weird saying I “gave birth” because I don’t feel like I did anything. I didn’t even go into labor. I don’t know what a contraction feels like.
It sounds like you are think that all c sections are like the worst of the worst case scenarios you read about on the internet.
Anon says
I had a planned C. The scariest part of it for me was frankly getting the epidural, but the nurses were great at calming me down and talking me through it. Is it mentally very weird that you’re cut open while you’re awake? Before, yes, after, probably, but during, no. Had I had a clear drape, absolutely not could I have handled that, but with the curtain you don’t see anything. And I was fully numb, at most I felt some dull pressure like someone was sitting on me. But I assure you that once they hand the baby over the curtain and you’re cuddling with a newborn on your chest, you DGAF what’s going on down there.
Anon Lawyer says
Late to the party but I’ll add my thoughts/experience. I had a c section due to breech positioning. Not scheduled because my water broke early before I could try a version to turn the baby so I was in labor for about five hours before the surgery. I found early labor excruciating (someone here suggested it might have been more painful than normal because my water had already broken). I thought I was a huge wimp with no pain tolerance and kept vomiting over everything.
The c section was a breeze on the other hand. Sure it was a little scary but everyone was so friendly and encouraging. I didn’t see or feel anything. That drape blocks any view whatsoever. They brought my baby over to me while they were stitching me up and held her to me and it went by in a flash.
Recovery experiences vary but I only needed Tylenol and ibuprofen and had minimal pain. If I have a second I may very well not try for a vbac.
It sounds like you might have a lot of expectations and fears about birth that are totally reasonable to have but which don’t reflect the reality of different outcomes. It also sounds like you might have gotten some bad info from people which is so common. I wonder if a therapist plus a really straightforward, science-minded doula could help reassure you. (What you DON’T want is a doula who discourages medical intervention but you can absolutely find ones who will follow your lead.)
Anonymous says
Yes you definitely can have trauma from a routine birth. Yes, you should talk to a therapist.
Things that may help this time – learning some natural labor techniques for those early contractions. You shouldn’t be in agonizing pain or freaking out if you’re 3cm dilated. I’ve had 2 unmedicated labors, early labor isn’t painful unless you go into hyperdrive and only focus on that pain. Get a doula. Some hospitals give IV drugs or gas/air in early labor. Get an epidural earlier.
In DC says
My 13 month old HATES eating. Hates it. He barely eats enough to survive (per my subjective assessment). He will eat only enough to take the edge off his hunger and then he is done. He hates being confined in the high chair, so in desperation I’ve tried giving him his dinner outside or on the kitchen floor but that does not improve his intake. He’s small for his age, 20th percentile in height and weight, and while he has some thigh rolls he’s a pretty skinny kid. We offer him a variety of foods that he likes, with various textures to accommodate teething preferences, as well as pouch to supplement if he doesn’t eat much (he generally refuses the pouch as well). The only things he will reliably eat is fruit, chicken sausage, and cheese. We need to reduce his milk intake (20 ounces), but I am so hesitant to starve him into trying to eat more solids.
Food has been a challenge from starting to establish breastfeeding to a loooong and painful 5 month transition to eating solids. Thoughts? Reassurance?
tova says
Mine was willing to try basically everything between 10-24 months, but (I judged that) she was not getting a particularly substantial portion of her calories from solid food at the beginning and was nursing a lot. She was slowly increasing her food consumption during the 2nd year, and her nursing remained steady. She goes in waves now, and doesn’t have reliable favorites for longer than a 6 weeks. She gobbled this guava yogurt for weeks and now won’t touch it…..annoying. And just now, at 2.75, she nurses, but gets very little and we are tapering to nothing. Random favorites that she has dug have been – tuna salad, edamame, pho noodles/broth, raw green onion, ice cream, soba noodles, chicken sausage, pretzels, plum, longan fruit, korean melon, seaweed, peanutbutter sandwich, some animal crackers from a russian import store, but no other brand, etc.” For us, it felt like it lasted forever and I was desperate for her to eat calories not from me, and then we looked back and it had happened?
MD pediatrician lactation consultant says
For the poster yesterday looking for a DC/MD pediatrician with a in house lactation consultant, I recommend Capitol Medical Group. We love out doctor and the LC is fantastic.
Anonymous says
My husband’s grandfather just passed away, and we can’t go visit his parents/grandmother due to The Times. Any suggestions on what we can send?