If you’re trying to drink less, or if you’re pregnant and not drinking, I want to give a shoutout to both drinking vinegars and bitters. We’ve talked about Dry January in the past over at Corporette, and I really upped my bitters game this summer because I did Dry July.
There’s such a wide variety of bitters — much more than the orange stuff you may get locally. For example, I like Aztec Chocolate bitters and lavender bitters and cherry bitters. So if you’ve got a Sodastream or a seltzer habit, it’s really easy to just add a few dashes and get a flavorful drink that’s not too sweet. (That was my problem when I was pregnant and not drinking — everything just tasted too sweet to me. An important note: bitters are actually very concentrated alcohol — sometimes like 44%! You only put a dash or two into seltzer, though, so the alcohol is very very diluted. Still, talk with your doctor about them if you’re pregnant, or do your own research.)
Drinking vinegars are also a really easy and good way to go, with a wide variety of flavors available. Som is highly recommended and has a sample pack, and I’ve also tried the Horball’s sample pack.
For drinking vinegars and shrubs, you do want to add a little bit more, so bitters are probably better cost-wise, if you’re worried about affordability.
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Some of our favorite things to add to plain seltzer (we love our Sodastream!) include:
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Pictured above, some ideas on how to moderate your drinking: Caloric Cuvee, Mr. Picky Stemless Wine Glass (the brand has several options available), and Wine-Trax; all $9-$19 at Amazon. I’ve also talked about how much I love the beautiful cocktail glasses from The History Company because they’re generally smaller!
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Breastfeeding vs Pumping says
Can you all talk me through your experience with breastfeeding vs pumping vs combo feeding?
My son is 10 days old and has been breastfed so far with a small formula supplement at every feed due to his weight loss. He’s back at a good weight, but we’ve been keeping some formula in the mix because I appreciate my husband being able to do a feed or at least get him calmed down before trying to latch. Objectively, we are doing it right as confirmed by a lactation consultant. He has a good latch. I have good supply. Everything is technically ok.
BUT I am already so tired of wrestling a banshee octopus child onto my boob every 3 hours. Especially in the evenings. I feel ok about it most of the day, but he hits his evening cluster feed right when I’m hitting my exhaustion level for the day and the tears are inevitable.
I’m thinking about trying to pump some of those afternoon/ evening feeds and do a bottle at that point, but I’m not really sure how to transition or if pumping is going to be any less unpleasant. I have enough stock of breast milk for a few feeds while I start pumping more.
I have read the combo feeding post here before and found it useful, but am seeking more anecdata.
Anon says
For me, breastfeeding was a full time job while I was on maternity leave. We literally kept track of the time and it equated to at least a 40-hour week. With that time investment, make sure that you are taking care of you as well as your baby. If it is difficult/frustrating to sustain the breastfeeding, then pumping may be a good solution if it works for you.
Anonymous says
First, take care of you. Your physical and mental health. I can’t weigh in on combo feeding or exclusively pumping. But I can tell you that with respect to breastfeeding, in my experience, you’re going through the worst of it right now. It should get easier. Whatever you decide, you’re doing a great job and are an amazing mom!
Anonymous says
+1 the first few weeks of nursing are the pits, especially with postpartum recovery, but it gets soooo much easier
ElisaR says
true!
Pogo says
I would echo this. If you want to lean into the combo feeding try an extra bottle of formula in the evening, so you can get a good chunk of sleep rather than being attached to the baby (have dad do bottle). If you want to try to be more EBF, you could add another pumping session and have dad do that bottle instead.
Either way – your body will regulate. I was super committed to EBF so I did two pumping sessions a day and banked one of them for a stash and had dad do a bottle w/ the second in the evening (usually around 9 or 10pm). I would go up to bed at like 8:30 (which meant I still wasn’t totally free of the evening cluster feed), he would do that bottle, and then baby would wake up next around midnight, eventually making it to 1am. Anything over 2 hours of sleep is golden. Baby got more efficient, my supply regulated, and as others have said, it gets way easier.
If you go the formula route, your body will just produce less milk eventually bc you’re combo feeding. But you’d get the same result – a bigger chunk of sleep right in that time you’re most exhausted. No wrong answer.
Above all, it will get easier!
Anonymous says
I’ve breastfed 2 kids, second one was EBF and is over a year and we’re still going strong. Others may have different advice, but I’m going to say stick with it. Your first baby is such a steep learning curve and so much gets thrown at you at once – recovering from birth, learning to care for a newborn, plus learning to breastfeed! It’s like pick one, not all three. But unfortunately moms get all three at once haha. Breastfeeding gets a lot easier at 6 weeks, then three months, then insanely easy and convenient at 6 months and you’re so glad you stuck with it. This is only my experience but many women echo it. Cluster feeding sucks and is hard to deal with emotionally as a first time mom (most of us are not prepared for the neediness of infants). But it doesn’t last for forever. It’s usually the first 6 weeks, and it means baby is working hard to establish your supply. Park your butt on the couch with a good show and just expect to sit there from 5-7 every night. DH used to feed me while I did it.
At this point you may decrease your supply by switching to pumping. It is also NOT easier because you’re pumping, then feeding baby with a bottle, plus cleaning bottles and pump parts. This is in contrast with just nursing babies. Some exclusive pumpers can get enough to sustain baby, but the pump just isn’t the same as a baby’s mouth. So if giving primarily breast milk for the first year is important to you I would not start pumping yet.
Lastly – if possible reach out for breastfeeding support groups and moms you know who have nursed. It may have to be virtual right now but having moms who “get it” is invaluable. Partners are great but if they aren’t nursing they just won’t fully understand.
AIMS says
I think this is good advice. I will add that this is all highly individual and we are lucky to live in a time of maximum options. But my personal take is that the first 2-3 weeks with your first are hard and then it’s largely fine (with the exception of certain growth spurts etc but that’s always hard).
The expectation that it’s just this natural magical bonding experience right away is what makes it harder. I think some people have genuine issues with latch or milk supply but I also believe that a lot of people get in their own way. There is nothing wrong with formula but if you want to EBF, just try to avoid it. Supplementing with it because you’re worried about how much your kid is gaining, obsessive weighing, even keeping stats as to time, is all just stressful and unnecessary. Try to feed every 3-4 hrs or if they seem hungry and leave it alone otherwise. Once they’ve regained their birth weight you can stop waking them up to feed. That’s it. I have never heard of a kid who just stopped gaining weight and languished who wasn’t otherwise being neglected. You’re going to enough doctors appointments at this age that you will course correct quickly if there are issues. It is not your job to keep a feed diary or whatever unless your doctor has told you you need to but yet so many women I know have made the most insane graphs and charts. This isn’t an AP high school class!
If I were you I would try pumping a little in the morning and let your husband give her the bottle in the evening when you’re exhausted. If she wants to nurse more, great. If not, you can also pump to give yourself some relief (in fact, you can pump instead of nursing and that can be her bottle for the next day). As far as pumping vs nursing, I think the biggest issue is pumping can lead to two issues – 1) your baby could start preferring the bottle because it’s easier and 2) it somewhat disrupts your normal supply by making your body make more milk. For 1) this doesn’t sound like your issue and my kids took an occasional bottle of breast milk starting at a week without any confusion. I think for most kids this isn’t a problem and I think if it is, it’s easily remedied absent an actual medical issue (which is also usually remedied). For 2) I think this is only an issue if you’re obsessively stockpiling milk. If you try to just pump at reasonable intervals, when your baby might otherwise nurse, it’s fine. I never had more than a few days worth of milk in my freezer at any one time and I think this obsession with huge supplies is just weird. But it’s typical of type A women in my circle who always went for extra credit. If it makes you happy, great but I highly recommend you avoid the temptation.
I am going to end with a plug for BF if you can do it. I BF both kids for a year + each and loved it. But even if you don’t go that long, while they are still waking up at night, it is just soooooooooo much easier to nurse than to get up and make a bottle. And inasmuch as that makes you the person getting up, you can pump a bottle ahead of time and have your partner do a feeding too, or do what I did and just sleep in the morning while he deals with the kids (I didn’t care about waking up but I love sleeping in and lazing about in bed). And, if you don’t have it, get some n*pple cream! It hurt so much in the beginning that I almost quit. But then at day 20 or so it all magically went away. And I am so happy I stuck with it!
Anonanonanon says
Do whatever works for you. If your child is being fed, you’re doing it right.
I combo-fed with my second while I was home, but I had a borderline oversupply, so when I worked to reduce that I kept enough to still pump an extra bottle a day. My husband and I split evenings when we were both home. So I would BF then pass out around 9 PM, he’d stay downstairs with the baby in a pack n play and watch TV, feed her around 1, and then come to bed. She usually ate again at 3 or 4, but that means I got to sleep from 9 until 3 or 4.
That being said, it’s all a PITA. Pumping is not less time. You get out the equipment, pump (which takes both hands or hooking yourself up to a special [email protected]), put the pump and the milk away, clean the parts, etc. If you go that route, I highly recommend the madela steam bags that you put in the microwave to steam sterilize things. Perfect to throw pump parts and bottles in. I couldn’t have lived without them.
I enjoyed breastfeeding my second. I did not enjoy it with my first. It hurt, and I dreaded it, and he didn’t seem to care much about it over formula. I realized that it was the opposite of a bonding experience for me, and I bonded with him much better if I was cuddling him while feeding him a bottle.
Anon says
Yes! People say nursing is such a bonding experience but bottle feeding is also intimate and sweet, especially if you don’t feel totally wrecked and frustrated in the process.
Realist says
Just reading your comments here—I don’t know you—you may just need some reframing around this. Feeding an infant can be hard no matter what you do. It is ok to recognize that and give the situation permission to be hard. Even good b*feeding relationships go through rough patches. Evening cluster feeding (which does end and doesn’t last that long) is just tough, you aren’t doing anything wrong if it isn’t going perfect or if it seems difficult. It is perfectly normal to have some tears at that time of day. I personally had headphones and just sat on the couch and watched mindless TV a lot of those evenings. I also personally found it easier to b*feed than pump (I hated cleaning pump parts), but of course you might feel differently. I agree with other comments that you are going through the worst of it now, and that it could definitely help if you joined a new moms or b*feeding group. In my area, there are ones that are meeting virtually, so I would hope that is an option for you.
Anonymous says
“Feeding an infant can be hard no matter what you do” yup yup yup!!! Having a 10 day old baby is just HARD. Especially when it’s your first and you don’t know. The only way out is through, just hang in there.
Anon says
Same. TLDR What you’re feeling is normal, it will pass quickly, but it’s still hard and if you want a break with either pumped milk or formula, take it!
For those clusterfeeds I just settled into the couch for a few hours with the television, snacks and drinks and had DH bring me whatever I needed. If I got sleepy between feeds I would doze on the couch and he would hold the gremlin until she was hungry again. I vastly preferred BF to pumping personally and was personally committed to BF rather than formula, but that is not the case for everyone! That being said, I distinctly recall having a couple of meltdowns during that period (which I still have occasionally with a super touchy and clingy toddler!) that I just couldn’t be touched anymore and heading upstairs to take a shower, handing kiddo off to DH with some pumped milk (and in those early days I did a hand pump session every day to give myself a break from a terrible latch and tongue tie situation that we got corrected at 3w) and a bottle and leaving him to sort it out because I needed 30 minutes of peace.
Anonymous says
Newborns are just a lot of work
Anon says
I combo fed and it was awesome! My DD was primarily FF until my milk came in and then primarily BF except for a top-off bottle before bed. She slept through the night really early (5/6 weeks) but she’s always been a great sleeper (still is at almost 3) so I don’t know how much credit to give formula. We weaned her off the night bottle when she was maybe 8 or 10 weeks and she continued STTN. After that we only used formula when traveling (the ready to eat 2 oz bottles were great for plane flights) and eventually I got sick of pumping so we switched her formula bottles during my workday and I kept nursing morning/evening/weekend.
TheElms says
I found nursing and pumping really hard after my husband went back to work. It is just a lot to do on your own, especially if baby was fussy while I was pumping (which was basically always). Because you nurse (for me about 30-45 min before 3 months, then pump (5 min set up, 20-30 min pump), then have to put milk away, wash pump parts (5-10min), and by the time I did all that it was almost time to nurse again. I stuck it out for a few reasons – I had supply issues so pumping was in part to help build supply (only partially successful), I knew I had a lot of work travel in the first two months after returning from maternity leave and wanted to have some freezer stash, and because it meant my husband did bedtime with a bottle of pumped milk every night and that was my time to myself, to eat dinner, and kept me from losing my mind. I think looking back we should have just done formula for that bottle and then I wouldn’t have needed to pump nearly as much. As for octopus baby, have you tried feeding more often than every 3 hours? Even 2 hours and 45 minutes might make a big difference in the evening. Things do get better at 6 weeks and 3 months. I never reached the easy, I like this phase.
anon says
Could you explain what you mean by “banshee octopus child”? I really don’t want to overstep. You’re doing great and you know your baby best. Just a couple of thoughts below in case they help. Feel free to disregard.
If the baby is hysterical by the time you are trying to latch, try to watch for hungry cues and start sooner. I missed these a lot with my first. The other option is to keep an eye on the clock and just offer the boob more frequently to see if you can get ahead of the screaming. I totally agree that feeding a screaming baby is not possible and just increases your stress level.
When you say octopus, I’m assuming you don’t mean the squirmy issues you have with a 10 month old. Is this difficulties in getting everything lined up right? If so, this will get better soon as your baby gains neck strength. They get much better at adjusting themselves. In the meantime, find a favorite spot and pillow and see if you can get in a groove. It won’t be perfect, but it does get better with practice.
Personally I hate pumping. It’s cold and hard and somewhat painful. I much preferred snuggling with a soft warm baby. Like others, for cluster feed periods I would turn on the TV, settle into the couch, and not move for a whole evening. My husband did dinner and brought me food. It helped build supply and ended up being pretty mindless and relaxing after a bit. It also allowed the baby to tank up on a full belly so she would sleep longer and thus allow me to sleep longer.
layered bob says
Yep, I’d say try leaning into nursing and trying to get feeds in every two hours minimum during the day. Just plan to nurse from 5pm to 10pm every evening. For a 10 day old baby, if they are not sleeping, they are nursing, and more calories during the day will eventually help consolidate their nighttime sleep.
When I felt resentful of how much time it took (like others have said, feeding a baby takes about 40 hours a week, any way you want to do it), I remind myself of how often I eat during the day – a sip of water, a cup of coffee, a meal, a chocolate chip, a taste of something I’m making for dinner, sometimes little snack after I just had dinner… b r e a stfeeding is all of those for a baby, so it’s not fair to expect their tiny little body to wait three hours when I certainly don’t.
I never got as much pumping as the baby could by nursing, so for me to fit an extra pumping session in to avoid a nursing session was not worth it and screwed up my supply (I know other people can do this, I could just never make it work), and it also gave me plugged ducts.
rosie says
Yes I was going to comment on the banshee octopus too. Potentially try feeding earlier than you think so that the baby is calmer. I also suggest cuddling baby to your chest (head up, not lying down) to “reset” if baby is having trouble latching because of crying.
I also agree to work on your setup a little. I got a Boppy best latch pillow — it’s not the standard Boppy, but has a waist strap and a harder side and softer side — and it’s totally worth it. Easier to hold the baby and easier on my back and shoulders. Set yourself up somewhere comfy, lots of snacks, pillows for positioning, somewhere to rest your feet, and a podcast or TV.
Anonymous says
Oversupply or a powerful letdown can create the banshee octopus effect. You could try pumping a little to slow down the flow before attempting to nurse.
rosie says
Good call. A haaka can be good for this.
OP says
We definitely try to intercept the fussiness with early hunger cues, but even in that case he tends to get a little frustrated and will pop on and off a couple of times and scream/ squirm.
He also loves to put his hands right by his mouth so I’m tryIng to pull tiny arms out of the way while getting him on.
Sounds like all of this is just totally normal part of breastfeeding a newborn. It isn’t that magical bonding experience people rave about, but that doesn’t mean I’m doing it wrong.
rosie says
For that little of a baby, I found it helpful to have someone help me with the hands when baby was very squirmy to leave my hands free to support baby and help latch. My husband would gently keep baby’s arms out of her mouth and more in a baby push-up position on the b**b while we were latching.
AIMS says
It can be that magical experience but not so early on! Be patient. Think of it like riding a bike. Frustrating while you figure it out but eventually easy and worth it if you stick with it.
Anon says
+1 If there’s a first time mom who finds breastfeeding a one week old magical, she’s damn lucky! I adored breastfeeding my daughter, it was one of my favorite parts of having an infant but the first few weeks were not magical at all. I think it’s hard for virtually every new mom.
I also think it’s one of those things that people remember more fondly in hindsight. Which is not to say they’re lying about it. It’s just easier to reflect on how much you enjoyed it doing something that is both hard and fulfilling once you’re no longer doing it.
ElisaR says
yes the magic comes much later! (although you are working some pretty serious magic right now even though it is frustrating……)
Anonymous says
Much later, or never for some.
anon says
The screaming after latching is strange. That doesn’t sound normal and it’s worth trying to figure that out. It could be your letdown, or it could be gas or heartburn.
The arm thing is totally normal and just something you’ll have to teach him. (It may actually be the first thing you’ll ever teach him!) He’ll learn pretty soon that he needs his hands out of the way to get yummy milk. In the meantime, you might see if your husband can help arrange his arms in the right push up pose during fussy evening stretches.
The magical part came for me when I could stumble out of bed at 4 AM, scoop up a crying baby and have the baby eating within seconds. Ten minutes later I’d be back in bed with a full baby snoozing in her crib. Or being able to scoop up the baby and leave the house with nothing more than a diaper and wipe fold, knowing the baby could be fed on the go. No worry about bottles or bottle warming or pumping or refrigeration, etc.
Anon says
Yes – I found BFing very freeing in that respect. DD would always be fine as long as we were together. Took a lot of stress out of getting out and about (obvs not at 10 days) toward the end of my maternity leave.
NYCer says
I did not like breastfeeding (at all, to be honest), but didn’t mind pumping. I liked that my husband (or mom or baby nurse) could give the baby a bottle, so that I wasn’t the only person responsible for feeding. I also liked knowing exactly how much my baby was getting at each feeding. At the beginning, I had to pump every 3-4 hours, but at the end, I got down to 3 pumping sessions per day. I stopped pumping in the middle of the night fairly early on. Caveat that I had a TON of milk, so I was never struggling to keep up with what baby was eating.
I pumped for about 4 months, but had enough frozen milk to last us through 6 months. After 6 months, we switched to formula entirely.
Mrs. Jones says
It sounds like you’re doing great. Feeding a baby is hard either way! It was all I could do to BF for 7 months (which included returning to work and pumping there, which SUCKED). Please take care of yourself too.
Anon says
I would have my husband bottle feed while I pumped, usually before bed. I built up a decent supply that way. You can also use a haakaa, if you’re not already, but I found it to be somewhat awkward. Supposedly babies will have one long sleep (~5 hours or so) per 24 hours, if you can figure out when that is (if it happens for you) and have your husband feed before/after with pumped milk or formula it you can get more sleep.
Breastfeeding is so time consuming and like another poster I definitely spent more than 40 hours a week on it at first. I’m pretty sure lactation consultants all read the same few paragraphs on breastfeeding, repeat it ad nauseam, and then lie their pants off. I would rather give birth a thousand times than learn to breastfeed again, but it will genuinely get easier over the next few weeks.
Anon says
I think many lactation consultants are highly overrated from personal experience. Sometimes breastfeeding is painful and hard and mom is doing nothing wrong, especially in the first few months when baby’s mouths are tiny and you are breastfeeding every few hours. It’s just a lot! Too much sometimes.
So glad we live in a world with formula. I can’t imagine being a pioneer, giving birth, sustaining tears and other injuries, and then having to breastfeed with no other options for your baby’s survival! Women have endured so much.
Anon says
+1. Also a lot of lactation consultants will tell you that you have to make a choice between breastfeeding or formula feeding, which is just nonsense. Combo feeding is a terrific choice for lots of moms, and giving your baby one bottle of formula does not spell “the end of your breastfeeding journey” as one LC told me. I so wish I knew that woman’s name so I could write her a letter and tell her that despite her fearmongering my combo fed daughter kept nursing until a week before she turned 18 months.
Anon says
Yes! I asked lactation consultants and my doctor about introducing formula, and they both responded as if I wanted to wean. I didn’t want to wean. I wanted to not breastfeed 100 percent of the time. They made me feel like I had no option but formula or breastfeeding. So black and white.
Anonymous says
Lactation consultants are the devil. I am pretty sure they are part of some sort of conspiracy to keep women out of the workforce and cause PPD.
SC says
Oh man! I saw an amazing lactation consultant! Baby was preemie and had trouble with the suck/swallow reflex. We took him home from the hospital on Saturday, and by Monday, he had some jaundice and had lost weight. We went to the pediatrician, who referred us to the lactation consultant. She made sure Baby had a good latch, didn’t have tongue tie, and we were physically doing things correctly. It was a huge relief to know that! Then she asked about our schedule, and we told her that Baby was sleepy all the time, we’d have to wake him up to nurse, he’d nurse for over an hour, then we’d wake him up to start again like 40 minutes later. She recommended switching to nursing every 3 hours so Baby could sleep, get enough energy to nurse effectively, and sleep again. Nursing sessions went down to normal amounts of time. I did have to nurse, bottle feed, and pump each session for like 4 weeks (basically, until Baby reached his due date). It was hard because it still took over an hour, but Baby was fed and gained weight and learned to nurse, and I still got more time “off” between sessions than I did when we were at every 2 hours.
Anonymous says
I found bfing more painful than childbirth, and my baby did not enjoy it either, so I pumped and bottle-fed for the first six weeks while also trying to convince baby to nurse. I found pumping exhausting, but much less so than trying to bf. It was a way to survive those terrible, terrible early days. At 6 weeks my baby decided to cooperate with bfing, and we managed to keep it up until she decided she was done at 10 months. Once we got nursing established it was more convenient than exclusively pumping, but I still hated it for a variety of reasons and probably would have been much happier with EP or formula.
In response to another commenter’s suggestion that EP at this age will lead to supply issues, that was not my experience. I rented a hospital-grade pump and was a very productive milk cow for the first few months. Around 4-5 months, when I was mostly nursing and pumping less, was when I started to experience supply issues.
Anon says
People have strong feelings about breastfeeding but just know that however it works out, the important thing is that you do what you need to do to stay sane and keep your baby fed.
Moms all have different experiences with breastfeeding. I practically killed myself to exclusively breastfeed for the first six months because I thought that was the “right” thing to do. Every few weeks it was a different issue with breastfeeding, and I was freaking exhausted. I now have permanent scars on my nipples. It was rough.
I have mixed feelings about breastfeeding now and firmly believe that we just need to support moms and lay off the pressure.
Try what works for you and have faith that it’ll be okay. You matter too along with your baby. Everyone’s journey is different. Hugs!
AIMS says
100%
Anon says
Have you tried a n*pple shield? I think they’re intended more for babies who have issues latching or moms who are experiencing a lot of pain, but I think they can also help if you have a powerful letdown that is freaking your baby out. B-feeding was very difficult and painful for me until I started using one, and then it was very easy. Only downside is if your kid takes to it, they may never going back to nursing without. I had to take them with me everywhere I went for the whole year and a half my daughter was nursing, but it was a small price to pay for a more comfortable nursing experience.
SC says
Having a baby and having to feed the baby is really overwhelming between weeks 1 and 3.
Make sure you’re eating enough. You’re making calories for a growing person who is eating around the clock. Find a snack that you can eat with one hand. I made myself bags of trail mix–a one-gallon zip lock of granola, dark chocolate, dried cherries, and almonds–and grabbed a handful if Baby was cluster feeding, and always after his 4 am wake-up. Literally a game changer.
Make sure you’re resting and sleeping as much as you can. I’ve had friends who think (or whose partners think) they can clean the whole house and prepare gourmet meals while they’re home with a newborn. That’s not realistic right now. At the beginning, it’s all about feeding the baby. By the last few weeks of my maternity leave, I could do a lot more while the baby napped or while I was baby-wearing, but that varies a lot by individual baby.
cbackson says
We’ve done the Midwife Cath BBB routine since we brought our baby home, which means one bottle of formula at bedtime. It’s been a lifesaver in terms of getting more sleep which in turn has helped me get through some of the tougher parts of establishing BFing. I use ready to drink formula to save time since he only gets one bottle a day – it’s pricy so if I were doing more formula I’d probably use powdered.
Anon says
We planned on combo feeding from the start. I had problems with BF-ing: either my milk came far too slowly or not at all, despite a really good supply, so it was frustrating for my baby. My lactation consultant said that he had a good latch, but she also said that letdown wouldn’t be a problem because I got pregnant. She said that since climax helps you get pregnant, and climax and letdown both involve oxytocin, I wouldn’t have a problem with letdown. I didn’t feel like explaining to this random woman that women can get pregnant without climax and I know that for a fact because I never had in my life, so I just kind of kicked her out and switched to pumping. (Wish I were kidding.)
I pumped and that worked, but pumping + full time care for an infant + recovering from a C-section = too much.
Anonymous says
What terrible, disturbing, disgusting things for a lactation consultant to say. $ex has nothing to do with bf’ing.
Anonymous says
Wow that comment is really something else. What a relief for rape victims to know they can’t be pregnant! /s
Anon says
Omg her thinking sounds so ignorant and totally wacko. Like one climax (even if you had one) would change the letdown 9 months later? I don’t think OxyContin lasts months in your system, probably more like a few hours.
Boston Legal Eagle says
What a bizarre comment. Isn’t the statistic something like 1/3 – 2/3 of women don’t climax with piv se*? I never used a lactation consultant but from the sounds of it, they’re too woo woo at best, and harmful to a new mother’s mental well being at worst, for me.
For the OP, echoing everyone that you are in one of the hardest stages there is right now, with getting used to a new baby, not getting enough sleep and also trying to learn this new skill that also happens to keep the baby alive (but no pressure!). I definitely did not find bfeeding magical initially, and eventually got into a groove a few months in, but it was still hard and I had a lot of clogged ducts and mastitis.
Anon says
I’m the Anon at 11:30. I *think* what she was trying to say is: (1) there’s some evidence that female climax improves pregnancy chances, (2) there was this cute squishy baby and loving husband, therefore, I must have climaxed, (3) both climax and letdown involve releasing oxytocin, so if I can climax (see point 2), I can have a letdown.
In reality, I cried once she left and never tried BF-ing again.
Anonymous says
I’ve never climaxed and I had such a strong letdown that I sprayed milk all the time even when my child wasn’t around. There’s absolutely no connections between them and she’s ridiculous. So sorry you had that horrible experience.
Anon says
I’m old and had my first in mid-1990s and the hospital gave me a La Leche League book. The first paragraph said, in almost these exact words “that the woman who b*feeds looks on one who doesn’t as she would on a frigid woman. The frigid woman doesn’t know the joy that she is missing.” Add me to the list of women who don’t climax with p-in-v and I threw the LLL book away, not reading another word. Yuk.
EP Quitter says
I exclusively pumped for my preemie due to some oral-motor problems that prevented her from being able to nurse. It was ROUGH. I also had a sick, fussy baby – and handling her while pumping was difficult, and managing a pumping schedule that kept my supply up around intermittent naps was near-impossible for me. I only lasted 3 months, and then ultimately switched to formula. She ended up learning how to finally suck on a (bottle) nipple (with the aid of months of occupational therapy) at 4 months, so I second guessed that decision and whether I gave up too early (and could have transitioned back to nursing at that point). I went through a major mourning period about that. But, she ultimately thrived on formula, tripled her birth weight before 6 months, and was a happy baby with happy parents.
Anon says
Wow that sounds extremely difficult. I think it’s amazing you lasted 3 months. I exclusively pumped for a week because breastfeeding was so painful and damaging to my nipples, and it was hell trying to find the time to pump when my baby didn’t need to be soothed and held. I never had a break.
EP Quitter says
Well, I consider myself lucky because I had a ton of help from my husband who is super hands on (and loved/loves feeding our baby!), but once he went back to work it was much harder, especially during the day. I ended up doing a lot of night pumping rather than day pumping because of difficulty wrangling the baby during the day while he was working (and pumping alone at night while your baby is sleeping is the WORST).
Anon says
Absolutely brutal. When medical professionals suggest exclusively pumping, I wonder if they truly know what they are asking women to do in practical terms, like, how is this even going to be possible. New moms already have it hard, but then you ask them to make it 10x harder.
anon says
Gently – you are only 10 days in! If he is already latching well you are doing a fantastic job. Learning to breastfeed is really hard (at least it was for me). You don’t have to make any decisions now.
For my 2 cents (I am Canadian so had a longer mat leave to deal with which obviously could significantly change your dynamics) – I remember seeing a chart before the baby was born that showed ease of feeding vs. time (feeding on Y axis) – it showed nursing as effectively a linear trend from birth to say three weeks when it plateaued; it showed nursing as a wobbly line cruising around the X axis until about three weeks where it shot up to plateau well above the nursing line at about one month of age. Obviously this is not scientific analysis but pretty much sums up my nursing experience. I was pretty committed to BF, so willing to stick with it through the challenges. I started pumping once we got to the nursing plateau, to provide for a bottle a day for my hubby to give the LO (I pumped when he had the bottle)
.
I personally found nursing to be very time consuming but ultimately a wonderful and very convenient experience. BF was WAY easier in the long haul for me (at least pre-covid)…. you want to go for coffee and your baby wakes up late from nap? Guess what – your food supply is coming too. no sterilizing bottles twice a day etc.
What I would do differently next time (if there is one) is NOT pump at all (or very rarely for comfort / to have a very small stash) and use formula for the bottles my husband was planning to do, nursing the reset of the time. (caveat – assuming no supply issues).
Good luck and congratulations.
DLC says
There is a lot of wise words here for you, so as you can see there is no wrong way to feed your baby. The evening cluster feeds are hard. I basically camped out in a comfy chair with the baby attached to me and let it happen until they fell asleep.
My experience: my first baby was formula fed for her first several weeks (she was six weeks early and my milk hadn’t come in). I would put her to the breast once or twice but a day, but it took many many weeks before we both got the hang of it. She was combo fed her whole first year, in large part because of my heavy travel schedule for work.
My third baby had a really painful latch I switched to mostly pumping for her after about a week (and received so much good advice on this board about how to do that!). I would pump in the morning when I had the most supply, right before I nursed her, then try to nurse her throughout the day, then Husband would give a bottle at night. I would then pump before I went to bed. If I was uncomfortably engorged at any point in the day (or night) I would pump. Having multiple sets of pump parts is so helpful for this. I think you can try the pumping and see how it goes… you won’t know what routines work for you or how to tweak them until you give it a try. So much of babies is trial and error.
anonn says
my doctor told me about side-lying while nursing at my 2 week appt and it saved me. I was so tired, and my neck and shoulders were just killing me. Maybe that could help? Just don’t fall asleep.
Anonymous says
I did not like BFing ever. I did not like it at 3 weeks, I did not like it at 12 weeks. I Did not like it in a boat, I did not like it with a goat. I found combo feeling a bit of a pain because formula and breastmilk have different hygiene (?) rules, so I did a combination of BFing and pumping (because bottles are freeeeedom!) for 4 months with my son and 3 months with my daughter because the “[email protected] is best” pressure weighed heavy on me, and then I weaned and they were 100% formula fed. My son gained weight like crazy on bmilk and then leveled out on formula, and my daughter gained only very modestly on bmilk and chunked right up on formula, which proved to me that it’s all a [email protected] and not worth killing yourself over.
Anon says
Amen sister.
TheElms says
My 14 month old can got her foot/ankle over the railing of the crib (yes its on the lowest setting, she is just very tall and flexible and determined). We tried putting the mattress on the floor but there is a gap between the top of the mattress and the bottom of the crib side rails so I’m not comfortable with that option. So far her sleep sack is stopping her from actually climbing out. Is this likely to continue to work? If your kid did this I’m wondering how long it took between this phase and actually being able to climb out. I can’t really see having my 14 month old in a toddler bed or on a mattress on the floor…halp please!
Anonymous says
Are you or DH handy? Nail some boards to the crib to prevent the gap. FWIW, we bought a Davinci Jenny Lind crib from target for DD. The sides are MUCH higher than the IKEA crib we have for DS. DD, who is 95% height, only climbed out once at like 2.5x
Anonymous says
This is what we did. DH nailed 1*6 plywood around the bottom of the crib inside the crib and we put the mattress directly on the floor. twins were in their cribs until age 4 as they slept great. Painted plywood white to match crib before installed.
layered bob says
My kids move to a mattress on the floor around 10-12 months so that’s what I’d be comfortable with. I’m also a big fan of making your furniture work for you, and have cut the legs off or drilled additional holes in more than one Ikea crib to make it do what I want, so you could try drilling extra holes to move the mattress further down or cut part of the legs off make the crib shorter/closer to the ground.
Anon says
17 months in a toddler bed for the same reasons you identify (fortunately our crib came with a toddler rail and we were able to swap the day she climbed out 3 times in a row with us watching, thankfully because I was heading out for a business trip the next day!).
anon says
You can also consider using a sleep sack to reduce climbing mobility.
TheElms says
She’s in a sleep sack already sadly :(
Realist says
We had to go to a mattress on the floor at around 15 months because child vaulted over the crib edge while in a sleep sack and whacked her head pretty good. (I went from hearing happy baby singing noises on the monitor to the most sickening thud on the floor and wails of pain.) It is only my one experience, but at the time everything online said they couldn’t climb out that young, that the sleep sack should stop it and it was better to keep them in the crib. But if you have a persistent acrobat, consider ditching the crib. In our case, the room became the crib with nothing in there but the mattress. We used a monkey lock on the door and made sure any dangers (windows, outlets) were childproofed.
avocado says
In our experience, the sleep sack actually made the situation worse because it was harder for kiddo to user her legs to control her body once she got that first foot up on the rail. We tried a mesh crib tent to keep her in, and she literally tore through it to escape.
I second the suggestion to move to a toddler bed or a mattress on the floor in a fully babyproofed room. During normal times, most kids are napping on cots at day care by this age, so they are at least familiar with the concept of staying in bed. If OP’s child is not back to day care yet, that may make the transition a bit more difficult, but it’s still worth a try.
Realist says
We had thought about the mesh tent, but baby had a nice habit of wrapping just about anything she could around her neck if it was at all possible. There was no way I was going to trust a mesh tent with a curious child that had a knack for gravitating towards the most dangerous object in the room.
One thing I will say is that the transition was not that hard at all, it was much easier than I expected. (We also set ourselves up for success by having a solid bedtime routine and keeping the room free of distractions–not much to do in there except sleep.) After a very difficult babyhood, I got to be the smug one when all the moms were tearing their hair out about crib transitions between ages 2 and 3. We were long past that milestone at that point. (Smug only in my head, just glad I wasn’t going through what they were.)
Anon says
YMMV, but both my kids climbed out around 16 months even with the crib mattress on the floor. We went straight to a twin bed with side rails in a childproofed room with one of those Regalo safety gates in the doorframe. Both kids did really well with that transition. They looked ridiculous in such a big bed, but now they’re elementary age and fit the beds just fine.
older potty training says
Anyone know of potty training books aimed at older kids? My son is 4 and has autism, and he’s only about 30% potty trained. (Haphazard pee, not at all for poop.) He’s a really advanced reader, and he likes reading books about potty training, but they’re very much divided into “babies” and “big kids” because they’re aimed at 2-year-olds, and I think our old books were getting him down a little because he doesn’t want to be a baby. I pretty much packed those up and out. It’s clearly a niche area, but if anyone knows of books for kids who are a little older but struggling, I’d appreciate your recs!
Anonymous says
There’s an old Mr Rogers book that’s very matter of fact about potty training. I got it from your library but you could look for it to buy.
FVNC says
Probably not exactly what you’re looking for but…my 3 yr old likes Potty Power by Eunice Moyle and Sabrina Moyle. The characters are “Super Pooper” and “Whiz Kid” and they’re super hero animals (not clearly babies or big kids). I don’t think it’s the best book to explain going potty, but I wanted to mention it since it doesn’t have the babies/big kid divide (except it does mention big kid undies).
Anon says
I liked Percy the Poop, mostly because it is hilarious. I don’t remember what the kid in the story looks like (baby vs big kid), but the main character is the poop.
anon says
With the caveat that I haven’t read it, there is a Train your Dragon book on potty training which may be helpful?
Help! Stubborn three year old says
Help! I have a three year old (turned three at the end of May). Getting him out the door in the morning to go to daycare is a nightmare. It generally takes 45 minutes – 1 hour to get him to get out of bed, go potty, brush teeth, put on his clothes, and get in the car (he eats breakfast at daycare). It’s not just the amount of time it takes – it’s such a struggle. He just won’t cooperate with anything or do anything on his own, and then I end up physically making him do it, which makes me feel terrible, and it still takes forever. I’m worried about this affecting our relationship. I really really hate to physically make him do things. I would love to just let him do it on his own time, but I do also need to start work on time. I’ve tried motivating him with a rewards chart. That worked for a week, but now he just says he doesn’t want the reward. I set timers and count to 5, but he just lets time run out. Help! Any suggestions? I know three is a difficult age, and I know this might just be what parenting a three year old is like, but wanted to reach out and see if anyone has any helpful suggestions.
anon says
I’m sorry, that is SUCH a hard struggle. Part of it is definitely the age. I do think you need to be mentally prepared to be very hands-on in the morning. I say this gently, but it’s hard to tell whether your expectation for him doing things independently is reasonable or not. Taking 45 minutes to an hour to get out of the house doesn’t seem too unusual.
A few thoughts:
– There have been certain stages of toddlerhood when I skipped putting kids in pajamas and just had them wear their daycare clothes to bed. Everything was soft, stretchy, and casual anyway.
– If you have to physically wrestle him into his clothes/shoes anyway, maybe you could put on his shoes once he’s already strapped into the carseat?
– Is there an incentive you can give him *before* leaving the house that would motivate him to get his stuff done? Reward charts are all about delayed gratification, but offer few rewards in the moment. Little kids have a hard time grasping that concept — and some kids are just really resistant to the reward chart mentality. (I have one of those.) I hate resorting to screens, but offering 15 minutes of morning screen time in exchange for doing all the things can be an effective motivator. If not screen time, something else that he enjoys and looks forward to.
Good luck. I know this is tough!
Mathy says
Some ideas:
1) I gave my son choices and this helped. Do you want to wear outfit A or outfit B today? Do you want to go potty or brush your teeth first? Only two choices for each question.
2) Can you make a ritual of asking him to pick a stuffed animal to take with him in the car as a signal it’s time to get out the door? “It’s time to go to the car! Which stuffie is going to come in the car with us?”
3) Any way you can snuggle on the couch for like five minutes before diving into getting ready for the day? Admittedly this is more of a mom-thing than 3yo-thing.
AwayEmily says
A lazy solution: We use TV in the morning. 11 minutes of Daniel Tiger (ie one short episode) is exactly enough time to shovel two kids into their clothes/shoe, apply sunscreen, and do hair. For me, the benefits of a smooth morning FAR outweigh the minor costs of brief AM screentime and less experience dressing themselves. And we don’t bother brushing teeth in the morning, nor do we force a potty trip (kids are still in pull-ups at night).
Anon says
Similar but not quite the same because my daughter won’t let us touch her while she’s watching a screen – we reward my 2.5 year old with one 5 minute episode of Peppa Pig once she’s dressed and suncreened. If she’s not cooperative with getting ready quickly, she doesn’t get the Peppa. There were some tears at first but now she understands the consequences and hurries through the morning routine to get Peppa.
Pogo says
Per some feedback on this page, I recently shifted to rewarding with screentime rather than using it while I do the task. At 3yo this is working for us. I say, “Can you be a cooperator and get changed/dress/brush teeth/etc? Then we’ll have time for you to watch 5 minutes of [whatever show he’s into]”. I use it at night time too, because when he won’t get into jammies or bath or whatever, I say, “If you can’t be a cooperator, we won’t have time to read all your books or sing your songs.”
Even just 2-5min of video is super motivating for him in the morning. Otherwise he would play for hours and never get dressed or eat breakfast. Bed time is a little harder, sometimes the books themselves are not motivating enough, so I sometimes use a short video at night too. Since I’ve been consistent about it (and denying video when he does not cooperate) he has been good about turning it off when the time is up (and I will use an actual timer if needed).
My nuclear option is not letting him keep toys in his room. Lightly threatening that got him into shape quickly. I love, love, love how creative he is, but sometimes we have to move on to the next activity.
AnotherAnon says
I have no advice; only commiseration. My 3 y/o has been in Montessori style day care since 18 months so he’s pretty independent. But the morning routine is just a struggle. I think it’s a combo of not wanting to leave the house, and yeah…being 3. Everything is a battle. I dress him, even though he could dress himself (it would literally take him an hour). I’m not proud but sometimes I feed him because we just need to get out the door. Hugs. Hopefully someone else has some good strategies for both of us!
Redux says
I have one kid who was super independent at this age and a now-3 yo who could not care less. So, part of it is personality, I think– don’t internalize this behavior as a reflection on your parenting.
What has helped us more than anything is that we do not leave the bedroom until the kids are dressed. No breakfast, no playing before school, etc. Nothing happens until they are both clothed and ready to go, saving us the pain of the last-minute scramble out the door. (We scramble for other things! just not getting dressed).
Plus also giving up a little on insisting my 3-yo exercise independence at this moment. I usually leave him to his own devices for a few minutes in his room while I brush my teeth, then I go in and dress him. I try get him to get clothes out of the drawer himself and I sit with him while he puts them on, but sometimes when he’s being particularly pokey, I just dress him myself.
And agreed with the poster above– 45 min seems normal to me.
Redux says
Oh, and not a strategy that I use but one that our daycare uses is a picture itinerary so that your kid can see the order of operations. I.e., a sequence of pictures showing a kid getting up, potty, brush teeth, clothes, shoes, car, or whatever, that you can point to and show him what comes next. You can have a little ritual after completing each task– something simple like a high 5 or a little dance or maybe he gets to name an animal and you have to make the animal sound.
SC says
I agree with the poster above that 45-60 minutes doesn’t seem like that long. I’d try shifting your expectations and see if you can share calm with him.
– Try waking your kid up with some snuggle time. Attachment first thing in the morning might help.
– Hang up a visual chart of the steps for getting ready in the morning.
– Give choices.
– Try the timer for the whole act of getting ready, then give him control over whether and how he does it (with your help). So, he has 20 minutes to get ready. If he beats the timer, he gets X reward (change it if he doesn’t want it anymore). If he is ready just in time, lots of praise. If he is late, he gets Y consequence. For a 3-year-old, the closer Y is in time and logic to getting dressed, the better–so he may have to wear his pajamas to daycare and miss out on something while they get his clothes on, etc.
– The hardest part for me–don’t show you’re upset or irritated or have any feelings at all about whether your 3 year old gets dressed.
Anon says
Ugh, we deal with this now. I agree with the others about screen time while you dress them. We also keep a box of “surprises” in our garage and she can pick one on rough days and play in the car, I keep reminding her when we get to the garage she gets a prize.
The box is a bunch of plastic crap that she plays with in the car, then I go around the house and box it up like 1x a month…
We have a baby and 3 year old and I aim for 1 hour once the 3 yo is awake, I get up 30 mins ahead with baby.
anon a mouse says
I feel this so hard – 3-3.5 was a really rough stretch for us for this too. It doesn’t help that they have zero sense of time at that age and are totally egocentric. What helped us was talking the night before about the morning and then not deviating from it. Clothes and shoes were laid out in advance – any outfit picking happened the night before. I put toothpaste on his toothbrush when I got up. I made it clear that we had to leave at X time and would give a little warning at 15 minutes out, then 10, then 5. If he wasn’t ready with time to sit and eat breakfast at home, he got a snack cup with cheerios in the car, because we left on time every day. That only happened a couple of times before he figured out that he liked the home breakfast better and stayed on task.
DLC says
We often have our kids sleep in their clothes for the next day. (I mean in the days when we actually had to leave the house. These days we stay in pjs all day… same idea, though). It removes the friction of having to get dressed in the morning. If they aren’t night time potty trained, you can put underwear on over the diaper at night and just remove the diaper when they take their first pee.
Also- a dentist I know has her kids brush their teeth in the car. And I highly recommend the Chompers teeth brushing podcast.
Another thing that helps is making it fun. (I mean fun for them. This tactic is actually quite tedious for me). For example, I put on a funny voice and pretend to be his shoes. Sample script:, “Oh no! I might have to stay home today! I really wanted to go to school! I wish Tommy would put me on so I can go to school. Maybe he will put me on. Boo hoo! Oh I see him over there… he’s coming closer! Oh boy oh boy oh boy! I think he’s going to put me on!!!!!” Some mornings I do this with every piece of clothing, with his breakfast, with the car seat…. everything.
Also- what is he doing instead of what you need him to do? When my kid is being stubborn, he has to sit on the stairs and literally do nothing until he is ready to do what we need him to do. We say, “are you ready to brush your teeth?” And we just wait him out until he says yes, not letting him do anything else. I guess this tactic is time consuming so maybe not ideal for the morning rush.
TheElms says
Not super handy but I can probably manage to nail a 1×6 around the inside of the crib. Kiddo hasn’t been in daycare since 10 months (daycare hasn’t reopened and ones that have are oversubscribed because of smaller class sizes) so kiddo has no concept of naping on a cot. Between a 50-60 hour work week and less child care than ideal I’m not super keen on a transition to a mattress on the floor so I’ll probably try plywood before that.
Follow up from yesterday says
Just wanted to say thanks everyone for the sunscreen application recs yesterday! And glad to know I’m not alone on this one!
FWIW, I don’t think the sunscreen itself is the issue – DS is pretty dramatic and would let me know if it really bothered him. I bought three sub shirts yesterday!
Kids desks says
I know this came up the other day but I haven’t been able to find it! recommendations for kids desks? DD is starting kinder virtually (sob!) and I suspect it may last – Id like to get her set up. TIA!
(Dining table works but younger siblings are in and out and distracting!)
Spirograph says
We got the Micke desk and a kids rolling desk chair from ikea. The novelty of having his OWN DESK and a chair like mom and dad’s definitely kept kiddo going for a few weeks last year.
Anonymous says
I wanted an inexpensive option as my child is unlikely to fit at a 24” desk much longer. Ikea had the best options, but was sold out in my area. I almost purchased a Lifetime table bc of the adjustable height. I ended up purchasing an unpainted wood desk from Home Depot. In an ideal world I would paint it a fun color. More likely my child will color on it and we will move on
AnotherAnon says
I love our Melissa and Doug desk+chair set we got from Target!
Sleep Help says
I can’t get a peaceful, restful night’s sleep. I find myself waking up in the middle of the night with vivid memories of my dreams that are consistently of my work or personal life stressed (admittedly, the universe is dealing me far more than my fair share right now). These kinds of dreams used to creep up occasionally but it’s 2+ weeks, and going strong and I wake up stressed and still exhausted, even after 8+ hours of sleep.
Any ideas? I’m a Peloton-er so I’m thinking of trying their sleep/meditation series, but I’m in dire need of restful sleep. I find Tylenol PM can help for the sleep itself, but then I wake up feeling hungover for much of the rest day.
For context, I have a 2 year old, mid IVF, 2 full time WFH jobs,
drpepperesq says
magnesium supplements! i like Natural Calm.
OP says
HA. Classic. I didn’t even finish my post before hitting submit. Sigh. You get the point! Lots going on, no restful sleep. SOS.
anon says
Op, just in case you haven’t gotten the message from your clinic, don’t try any supplementation, even “natural” things like melatonin, without at least discussing with your nurse. There is actually some evidence for a beneficial effect of melatonin on IVF outcomes for PCOS patients, but that doesn’t mean it’s a good idea for everyone. I was instructed to take it in cycle, but I know others who were specifically told not to.
OP says
Thanks for this. Literally approved for IVF this morning. Just coming off of a year of failed IUIs (which worked for DD#2). I do have a raging case of PCOS but will still call to confirm before I use anything.
Party Animal says
Have you tried the Sleepytime Extra tea? The kind in the blue box, not the regular Sleepytime in the green box. It knocks me the eff out, but I don’t have an issue with feeling hungover like I do with Tylenol PM.
Spirograph says
Oh man, I forgot about this Sleepytime tea. I used to swear by that stuff when I was on shift work and needed to change my schedule frequently. It’s great.
What time do you do Peleton-ing? I often see recommendations not to do stimulating workouts at the end of the day, but I’ve found that a hard workout, a little vegging until the sweating stops, and then a nice hot shower = good night’s sleep for me.
Anonymous says
I have the same issue. Magnesium helps some, but half a tablet (one-quarter dose) of an OTC sleep aid or Benadryl is the only thing that can really get me a full night’s sleep. With that small a dose there’s still a hangover effect, but it’s not as bad as with a full dose. If I don’t take the sleep aid and wake up in the middle of the night, I can usually get back to sleep by turning on a favorite old TV show I’ve seen a million times with the volume low.
Anonanonanon says
I have found melatonin helps BUT I have to take a very low dose or I have insanely vivid dreams which, as you have noted, does not make for a restful sleep.
anon says
This is a terrible habit, but when I wake up in an anxiety spiral over work or home or whatever, I pop in a single earbud and turn on a YA audiobook. I tend to listen for 3-5 min before falling asleep again. The ear bud will then fall as I sleep. This seems to get me back to sleep faster than just about any other method. Otherwise I lie awake for what feels like hours with the anxiety getting worse and worse. It also resets my dreams to something related to the fictional story, rather than my life stressors.
June says
Yes, I’ve had insomnia for years and just started doing the audiobooks at night during quarantine. I put it on a 30 minute sleep timer. One dose of benedryl will usually let me sleep through the night, but I feel a little groggy the next morning, so I don’t take that if I have to get up early or have morning court etc. My doctor prescribed belsomra, which doesn’t leave me groggy in the morning, but doesn’t always work (sometimes I take it and still end up awake for an hour or hours in the middle of the night).
Realist says
What works for me: Magnesium supplements and Sleep Phones with an audioplayer (I use an old phone in airplane mode) playing either books or podcasts at 0.8 speed. Nothing so interesting that you will want to stay awake for it, and the slow voices put me right to sleep. Also keeps me from going into a to-do list spiral if I wake up in the middle of the night.
anonn says
I did a Peloton sleep meditation last night, fell asleep 5 min in maybe, woke up an hour later though because my white noise wasn’t on. I’m a mess. Tonight I’ll make sure the white noise is already on I guess.
Anonymous says
When I’m having anxiety sleep issues I’ve found “emptying my brain” helps. I sit down and make a tomorrow’s to do list so there’s nothing I need to remember. Then I do a line-a-day or gratitude journal — not more than that, because my brain comes back on line and starts thinking about how to write things down etc. Then I put on my meditation app and zonk out.
anon says
Agh, don’t think my post worked.
Recs for a kids desk? I know I saw these a couple weeks ago I think – need something for my kid entering kinder who is doing so virtually (sob!)
Kid Tables (Elementary School Size) says
My 3YO is a giant (40″ tall, about 44 pounds – larger than most of the kindergarteners I know). She is almost too big for the ikea latt table we have had since she was about 18 months. What is a good next table for her? We’ve been super happy with the ikea one, just trying to think ahead because one more growth spurt and I think it will be done. She mostly uses if for playing with her toys, coloring and eating.
Anon says
I’m not sure you need another table honestly. My 5 and 7 yos still sit at our Latt table for play. They sit at the regular dining table for dinner now, but for playing and coloring they still use the Latt. We also have a hand-me-down version of the Ikea Mammut in our basement. They fit a little better at that one, and when they have friends over all the kids will sit at those tables to eat and play just fine.
Anon says
My rising kindergartner is 43”, 45 lbs and small for his age :P
Anonymous says
Yeah I was going to say, I think 40″ is about average for a 4 year old! So definitely most kindergartners are bigger than that.
Anon says
We must just have petite friends! She towers over all of them.
Anonymous says
My just-turned 4 y/o just had a checkup. She is 40″ and 36lbs. She’s 67% for height! You must just have shorty friends :)
Anonymous says
My 47” kindergartener is fine at the Latt table or the regular dining table.
layered bob says
The comment above about the stubborn three year old gave me flashbacks to one of my very difficult daughters, who was impossible in just, everything, from about 2.75-4.25.
Now she’s about to turn five and I just came back from lunch with her (perks of covid-era wfh), where she set the table by herself with clean dishes from the dishwasher, sat for the whole meal, took her plate to the sink without being asked, and is now helping my two year old sit on the potty and find a fresh diaper. She gets herself and the two year old dressed most mornings before they come out of their bedroom and cheerfully holds the doors while I bring the stroller or groceries in/out.
She can still push all my buttons sometimes but even though when I was in that difficult younger period with her I thought we’d never get through it, by now I’ve mostly forgotten how challenging it was.
Have hope, you’re doing great.
AnotherAnon says
What a big helper and a sweet sister! I love hearing stories like this.
Pogo says
I needed this today.
Anonymous says
Yes!!! I have a just turned 4 year old who just turned The Corner. She was impossible 6 months-3.75. Full on impossible. I have two other kids and she was more work than the other two combined.
There is a light.
FWIW at 4 she’s still got a prickly personality, but I can work with that.
DC/MD Pediatrician Q says
Racking my brain trying to find this post – did someone post about a DC/MD pediatric practice with a lactation consultant on staff? Would love the info. Thanks all.
Anonymous says
I go to Children’s First Pediatric in Silver Spring which does, but she doesn’t work every day so I ended up using the Breastfeeding Center of DC (who really have the best of the best). They did a flipping house call 5 days after my baby was born. Who even does house calls!? It was incredible. She stayed 1.5hrs. And it was my second baby so I knew she was a great IBCLC.
DLC says
Ours has a partnership with The Lactation Room where you can book appointments with the LCs and see them at the peds office and then the ped bills your insurance. Pediatrics Associates of Montgomery County. But actually from what I hear this is quite common.
In DC says
If you’re still reading, Dr. McCuisten at McKnight Pediatrics at Washington Hospital Center was magic in getting my son to latch. I would not have been able to continue breastfeeding without her (though I have mixed feelings about that, per the discussion earlier–it was never magic for us and I hated virtually every moment of it, but that’s a whole other issue).