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Nursing/Postpartum Tuesday: The Nursie

Nursing· Recent Recs

The NursieFor the holidays two years ago, I purchased one of these for myself and one for my sister-in-law who was nursing her son. This serves somewhat of the same purpose as a Boppy but is more travel/on-the-go friendly. I think that this is a good product not only for nursing, but also for situations where you know your baby is going to be sleeping in your arms for an extended period of time, like flying with a lap child. I could even see it being helpful for an older sister or brother, or young child who wants to hold the baby. It’s $26.95 and is available at Etsy in several fun patterns. The Nursie Psst: Looking for more info about nursing clothes for working moms, or tips for pumping at the office? We’ve got them both… This post contains affiliate links and CorporetteMoms may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support! 

This post contains affiliate links and CorporetteMoms may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!

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Sales of Note…

(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)

Kid/Family Sales

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  • Nordstrom – Limited time sales on brands like Maxi-Cosi and Bugaboo.
  • Strolleria – Free infant seat car adapter with any Thule stroller; 30% off all Peg-Perego gear in our exclusive Incanto Collection

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About April

April is a working mom, a longtime reader of CorporetteMoms, and wrote our morning fashion advice for working moms from April 2018 to October 2020. She has one child (born 2/17!) and she’s a public interest lawyer in NYC.

Comments

  1. anon says

    Any suggestions for our potty training almost 2.5 yo? We started potty training in mid August and had success after a couple of weeks. She was down to a pee accident every day or so. By mid September we had a 10 day stretch where she was entirely dry and taking herself to the potty by herself.

    Since then, however, her success has been spotty. She goes many days without an accident, but then will have many, many accidents in one day. (Only pee accidents, poop has been fine except for some minor toddler constipation.) We have tried reminding her often. We’ve tried timed potty visits. We’ve tried M&Ms. We’ve tried a sticker chart. We get some results, but they don’t seem to last. She was dry and taking herself to the potty by herself for 5 days last week. Then she had 6 accidents yesterday including right after I had her sit on the potty. It’s so strange that she can do it perfectly for many days at a time and then totally forget that she isn’t still wearing a diaper on other days. Going bottomless doesn’t seem to make a difference–she still spontaneously has accidents on the bad days. Where do we go from here? I think we’re past putting her back in a diaper, but I’m not sure how to move this process along.

    • Anonymous says

      I know this is contrary to what you’ve said, but TBH, I’d just stop and revisit in a month or two. It sounds like she either isn’t ready or doesn’t have enough interest. If she’s ready and interested, it won’t take 2+ months. From what friends and internet research has told me, it’s not going to happen until she’s ready whether you’re actively training or not. I’m just not sure why you’d set yourself up for this kind of stress.

      • Anonymous says

        I agree with this, even though it may not be what you want to hear. Lots of accidents may mean she just isn’t ready—which is totally ok!

    • Anon says

      I’d put her in undies UNDERNEATH a diaper/pull up, so she feels when she’s wet but you’re not cleaning up the mess. Sounds like she’s mentally there but not physically there, so I’d do this for a couple months until I noticed the undies were dry consistently, then try without the pull ups again. Maybe table it until Christmas/New Years and just enjoy the holidays without potty-training stress?

    • Anonymous says

      No advice, but my son’s accidents also tended to come in clumps like that. I have no idea why. I think she will grow out of it, but I also think you could just back off and try again in a few months. (My son wasn’t mostly trained until 3.5, and still has some accidents at age 6, so I have a late bloomer bias here).

    • Lyssa says

      My experience (with 2) is pretty much that it just goes that way. They seem just about there, just about there, then not, for quite a while. My daughter seemed to be just about consistently dry and pottying most of the summer she turned 2, and I thought that we’d just wait until after a big trip that fall, and then she’d be done, but it turned out that she really didn’t get it for several more months. Then, around January (right at 2.5), she suddenly did, and has barely had an accident since.

      So, my best recommendation is to just keep trying without making a big deal about it, but with the understanding that it might just be a while.

    • AwayEmily says

      I have zero idea if this is relevant to your situation but I will tell you our story regardless. My daughter was 100% trained for pee but having a LOT of trouble with pooping — drama, withholding, etc. What finally worked for us was deciding to just completely ignore it and not buy into the drama at all — no comforting, no reprimanding, no encouraging, just calm trust that she would figure it out. This was a really hard mental shift for us because lots of times we knew we were risking an accident by not pressuring her to go (once she pooped on our bed during this period. so gross). If she did have an accident, we’d just say. “Next time, poop goes in the potty” and then immediately move on. But within a week she had realized that pooping was no longer a source of attention from us, and was doing it on her own. Anyway, obviously your problem is somewhat different but I wonder if the core is the same — that your daughter is picking up on the fact that you guys are pretty emotionally invested/anxious about this, and so is (consciously or not) using it as a way to attention-seek.

    • Anonymous says

      I’m in this with my second and in my experience you have 2 options: ride it out or stop and try again in a few months.

      I started potty training both of mine at 2 and the first was ROCK SOLID then had a major regression @ 2.5 (daily accidents, sometimes many). So much so her ped tested her for a UTI. She outgrew that in a few weeks, thankfully. My second is just shy of 2.5 and has been out of diapers since September. She will gona few days without accidents, then have days where she has 1-3. Sometimes I can clearly see it’s when I haven’t been attending to her as closely but other times she’s just…a stubborn 2 y/o. Sometimes she just DGAF. Sometimes she’s 100%.

      Depending on your level of stubbornness (mine is extreme), you can def continue or you can cut bait and try again in a few months.

      • Anonymous says

        OP, does your child feel bad/sad when she has an accident. If so, since it doesn’t sound like she’s ready, it might be best to stop and try again in a few months. She shouldn’t feel ashamed or sad about her body. If that’s not her attitude, then disregard. But just a thought as you’re considering what to do.

  2. Cb says

    That’s quite neat. I never bought a boppy or anything but did have one of those buckwheat yoga bolsters that was helpful for support. I’m finding toddler nursing a bit awkward as he’s so long but it’s only bedtime and wake-up so not a big deal.

  3. AnotherAnon says

    What cold weather gear will a 20 m/o need for a Thanksgiving trip to Boston? We live in Texas, so he has a sweatshirt, fleece, rain jacket, but that’s about it. Does he need boots? His daily winter attire is sweat pants and short or long sleeved shirts. I’m happy to hear any other considerations about cold weather/east coast/holiday travel. We’re visiting friends who are very laid back and have no kids. Not sure if I want to take the pack n play or buy/borrow one when we get there. TIA!

    • anon says

      If you’re going to be out and about, you’ll probably want a real winter coat, hat, mittens and fleece stroller blanket for your 20 mo. You may also want pants with a tighter weave than sweatpants for him (e.g., jeans or chinos), as sweatpants don’t really stand up to wind. If you’re mostly going to hang at home or run from the car to a house/store, you’ll be fine. But for walking around Boston, you’ll want warmer clothes.

      • Cb says

        We had some cat & jack trousers last winter which were lined with flannel. Something like that might be a good option.

      • Betty says

        Our solution to the pants issue was always to layer a pair of PJs under regular pants. That does the trick for us to this day (kids are 5 & 7 in New England) until the temp is in the teens.

        I would agree on a winter jacket, hat and mittens. If you’re here for a short visit, I wouldn’t bother going the expensive route, something from Old Navy will work.

    • anon says

      Oh, you’ll probably be fine with just sneakers and not boots for him unless there is an early snowstorm. Sneakers are usually fine that time of year.

      • Anonymous says

        Even then, at 20 months he may not want to walk in the snow (or be willing to walk in boots), so I wouldn’t bother with them.

    • Redux says

      Are you talking Boston-Boston or a suburb? If you’re in Boston proper, you’ll be doing a lot of walking/ waiting for and riding the T, etc., and will want warm clothes (and a stroller or pack, probably). If you’re in a suburb, less so, I’d imagine.

    • lawsuited says

      You probably do need a winter coat, hat and mittens for him. Sweat pants and hi-top shoes (that will cover his ankles) should be fine – I wouldn’t buy winter boots for him.

    • GCA says

      For sitting in a stroller/ carrier or running about on the playground, consider getting one set of Uniqlo Heattech leggings/ t-shirt for kiddo – about $20 for the set. Essentially it’s long underwear that you can layer under whatever else he’s wearing, and it really works! You’ll probably also want a stroller blanket/ bunting or a plastic cover to block wind, as well as hat and mittens.

  4. Paging Walnut says

    Glad you called the doctor yesterday – hoping everything is okay!

  5. BigLaw Part Time says

    I posted this on the main site yesterday, but I’d appreciate any wisdom current moms have on the below. Thanks in advance!

    Has anyone made part time in BigLaw (transactional practice) work? I think that I am not going to get an in house job I interviewed for, and I’m looking ahead to being a first time mom in biglaw (I had the in house interview before I found out I was expecting). I see the partners I work for and they’re never really “present” in their kids lives. Every minute of vacation is spent working, and they all have stay at home wives (who are lovely, but seem pissed at the amount of time their husbands spend working). I’m going to continue to look for other opportunities, but at this point, it will likely have to be post-baby arrival. I haven’t been looking for other jobs very seriously, the one I mentioned above was a random posting I happened to stumble upon.

    I just don’t think the money is worth it anymore, but I feel like just because you reduce the hours doesn’t mean that you reduce your “on call” availability. Basically, I’m trying to figure out how I can make my current job better – how can I say that I’m not available for certain hours and have it actually respected? There is of course a caveat that sometimes things are busy and you need to work more, but it seems like I’ve seen only one of three things happen: you go part time but you regret it because you’re still on call 24/7 and now you’re only making x% of the money, you reduce your time and slowly start going from lots of work to less work to no work and you no longer have a job, or you go part time and get stuck doing one type of thing over and over – which stagnates your career should you ever want to go back to full time.

    Any thoughts/insights would be greatly appreciated.

    • SC says

      I hate to be a negative nelly, but I think the only way to make it work is to have your own clients or to have a niche practice so that you always have work. Basically, I think it only works for a lucky few. The three scenarios you describe seem to be what happens most often when someone tries to go part time.

      The good news is that you don’t have to go part time or leave BigLaw right away, certainly not before your baby is born. For now, keep the benefits (maternity leave! healthcare! good salary!) that come with BigLaw. Wait and see how you feel. If you’re happy and you like the work, you may decide that you want to stay full time, and hire all the help or have a SAH spouse yourself. If you decide to lean out (but stay full-time) or go part-time, you can see how it plays out, and look for other good career opportunities at the same time.

    • Anon says

      I am full time transactional practice with a toddler, caveat that my husband stays at home with our daughter. If my husband didn’t stay home (or didn’t have a flexible job), I suspect we would need full time daycare plus a part-time nanny or au pair given the hours of coverage we would need. Aside from the childcare concerns, for me to make it work, I have to be super sensitive to taking time to go home when I am slow (because it’s sure not going to happen when I’m busy). I negotiated one day a week of work from home status (in addition to the random ad hoc days everyone takes for household appointments, doctor’s visits, etc.), which helps me see my kiddo more (even though my husband is there taking care of her, I still eat lunch with her and have coffee breaks with her that I would otherwise take with my coworkers). +1 to SC’s advice above. Keep the benefits and see how you feel. It seems to me folks generally have a year’s grace period or so after coming back to figure out what they want to do and to ramp up. Ultimately though, it may not be a function of BigLaw, it may be a function of your particular office and firm. For me, my colleagues are super respectful of time with family and everyone is generally involved in their kids’ lives (coaching sports, doing bedtime, etc.).

      To your particular question, I’ve never seen a successful part time transactional practice. I have seen successful reduced time (80%) where the crazy is still crazy, but you essentially take on fewer deals at a time so that you have more down-time.

    • Anon says

      If it helps, I didn’t find the first two years of my kid’s life while I was in Biglaw to be that bad. I had solid naps when I could work on the weekends and early bedtimes. My kid was pretty content as long as she was fed and cared for by whomever. I could sneak in my time with her around work without feeling beholden to a schedule. She also would let me sneak into the next room to work without bothering me.

      By 2.5 or 3, that all changed. My kid had a better sense of time and noticed when I missed bedtime or dinner. She would literally start yelling “Mama come home now” over and over and over. It wasn’t enough to sneak in other time with her. She wanted me home for dinner and bedtime and melted if I wasn’t there (which made life terrible for dad). I also stopped being able to work from home because she would stand at the door and scream. She knew I was in there and couldn’t be distracted. She would search the whole house for me.

      I guess my point is that see what works. The first two years might not be that bad, especially if you have a nanny and some flexibility. Other people don’t have the same trouble at 2.5 or 3 as I did, but my kid started making her needs known. I moved in house at that point (after several miserable months) and all of her angst immediately went away.

      • Anonymous says

        +2. The first 2 years were doable, especially once kid started sleeping through the night. BigLaw also often has supports in place that make flexibility “easy” like back-up childcare and the ability to work remotely. Not all in-house jobs allow you to work from home which can be an issue when you are home with a sick kid, but can still work at least part of the day during naps. And, don’t sell short the BigLaw maternity leave- it’s often far more generous than most corporate policies.

      • Anonymous says

        OP here; thanks to everyone who responded – I appreciate all of the different view points and you all taking time to share them.

    • anon says

      I think it depends on your practice. I am a corporate tax lawyer, primarily transactional (M&A), and being part-time has worked for me, for the most part. I pretty much don’t work from 6-8:30, and I’d say 98% of the time, that is fine. There are always days where there’s a deal trying to sign and I have to get on a call during that window, but those are few and far between. That said, I’m basically always working (especially now that my kids are older and need less attention), so it’s not part-time in the sense that I’m working 30 hours a week, but part-time in the sense that I have a reduced schedule and a block of time that is usually respected.

      What helps are my super supporting spouse (he makes dinner so when I walk in the door we can eat) and my mostly super supportive colleagues (who mostly respect my block of time). Now I’m more senior so it’s easier to block off my schedule.

      Also, it’s true that BigLaw is super flexible (except for when it’s not). I volunteer in my kids’ classrooms in the morning and work from home on performance days and duck out at 5pm to take my kids to classes.

    • Anonymous says

      I worked at a major global law firm before going in-house and had part-time arrangement where I worked 80% of the year for 80% of the pay – I worked 9 months (the school year) where I was available like anyone else and took summers off – completely off.

      I was in an international transaction practice and this generally meant that work slowed down during the summer while the rest of the world vacations anyway

      I also made 80% of the hours for a target of 80% of the bonus but I actually met my regular bonus hours mostly (and got a regular bonus).

      I ultimately went in house because I just needed the daily predictability as my son grew older and wanted to know I could be at his Little League game or whatever. But the part-time arrangement did help somewhat with burnout and also getting quality time with my kid while I was doing it.

  6. Disappointed says

    Ladies – I could use some support. I’m at a relatively new job and will have been here under a year when my second child is born, so don’t qualify for FMLA. Under my fairly quirky benefits package, my employer can approve up to three months unpaid leave when FMLA doesn’t apply. HR just told me they are inclined to approve only two months. I now have to write a memo as to why they should approve the full three months. I feel so discouraged. I knew this was a risk, but really thought that they’d grant the full three months. I’ll write the memo but it feels so discouraging to have to argue not to leave my two month old baby.

    • Anonymous says

      That’s the worst. I suspect they are using two months because that’s what many STD insurances covered as a period necessary for phyiscal recovery. Can you reference some of the FMLA materials re: why three months is important? I’m sure the length of time for FMLA protections must have been debated when the protections were introduced.

      If you’d like to crib from another source – this is the Federal Court of Canada decision on why birth mothers qualify for 15 weeks employment insurance in addition to the 35 weeks available to both birth and adoptive parents. There is discussion on the rigors of childbearing and how the traditional 6 week period is arbitrary – https://www.canlii.org/en/ca/fca/doc/2007/2007fca265/2007fca265.html

    • rosie says

      I am sorry, that sucks. I think I’d have to draft an “f you” memo before I could sit down and actually write something to submit.

    • Anon says

      I’d be sure to emphasize you are prepared to view the company as a long term situation if they are willing to invest in you as a long term employee. It shows their commitment to you and your future at the company.

    • Leatty says

      Will you hit the 1 year mark while you are out on the 2 months of leave? If so, I’d argue that means you qualify for FMLA at that time (assuming you otherwise meet the hours requirement).

    • Anonymous says

      If they reject you, you may go back and ask for a part-time phase in for the third month. My sister went back at 6 weeks but managed to keep baby out of daycare until 9 weeks. She took baby with her some days, her husband took baby with him some days, and she already has every other Friday off. The third week a friend was visiting and wanted baby snuggles so she kept her.

      I know it sucks and feels like the end of the world (and you go get ’em!) but you’ll figure out something that will work, even if it’s not perfect. You are/will be a great mom any way about it!

  7. Lyssa says

    I’ve suffered an injury and will be laid up for surgery for the rest of the week. Any suggestions on a movie or 2 that my 3 year old and I might both enjoy? (My husband and my in-laws will be around, so childcare is more than taken care of, I just thought that it would be nice to chill with her a little while I’m bored on the couch.) She loves the standard princess movies, which are largely fine with me, but I’d rather not watch Frozen or The Little Mermaid yet again. Suggest something to me that might be fun for us both but not over-done (and, for bonus points, might be available on Netflix or free on Amazon Prime).

    • Lyssa says

      It doesn’t have to be animated, BTW. She recently watched Mary Poppins and Annie, and seemed to like them both. She’s got a surprisingly good attention span for her age.

      • lsw says

        Follow That Bird, if it’s not too scary? I can’t remember if The Secret of Kells has any scary parts but that’s a good one.

        • Lyssa says

          Aw, I remember a period where my younger brother would watch Follow that Bird literally every day. I haven’t thought about it in years!
          I’m not familiar with The Secret of Kells; I’ll have to look that up.

          Muppet movies might be a good option, now that I think about it. I love the Muppets.

      • Anon says

        +1 to Sing. My 14 month old was enthralled by black and white I Love Lucy and the Lego Ninjago movie the last time those were on. She might also like musicals (my kid loves singing on TV) – my favorites as a kid were Seven Brides for Seven Brothers (probably totally not appropriate in today’s day and age), Newsies and (if you’re not averse to starting the holidays early) White Christmas.

    • Anon says

      We do a family movie night every Friday.

      My 3yo loves:
      Sing, Nightmare Before Christmas, Lego Batman, Moana, Coco, Mary Poppins, Descendants (the Disney movie), Ice Age, Rio, Home, Incredibles, all the Disney Nature movies but especially Bears and Born in China, live action Beauty and the Beast, and Minions.

    • Anon says

      Sound of Music goes over well in our house. We turn it off at the concert when it starts to get scary.

    • GCA says

      Get well soon!
      My 3yo loves Moana and Cars, but he’s also extra sensitive/ anxious about absent parents so Frozen was a bit of a disaster. He loves musicals – sometimes we can spend half an hour to an hour just looking through old Jerome Robbins musical clips on YouTube. Also, he recently sat through the entire Rio Olympic diving broadcast on YouTube and called it ‘flip tricks’.

    • Anonymous says

      Does she like calico critters? There is a show on Netflix called Treehouse Detectives, and the characters look just like calico critters.

      • blueridge29 says

        Octonauts is a big hit in our house and pretty cute. Netflix just added a new season if you have already watched seasons 1-3. My 3 and 5 year old love the show and have learned a lot about sea animals. The only downside is that the “creature report” song at the end will be stuck in your head FOREVER. I hope you have a quick recovery.

        • anne-on says

          CREATURE REPORT! creature report! FACT….
          Ugh. Yup. I am SO very sorry I let my son see that there were new episodes.

    • SC says

      We’ve gone back to some of the classic Disney movies lately–Winnie the Pooh was a big hit. Nothing scary, no absent-parent storyline, and Kiddo laughed a lot.

      Also, Curious George movies. We watched Halloween Boo Fest last week, and Kiddo was belly laughing at the great pumpkin rolling around.

  8. Best laundry detergent for preschoolers? says

    I feel like I should have this figured out, but I don’t. What laundry detergent do you like for getting daycare/preschool play clothes clean? I’ve tried Country Save and Method and neither is working on playground dirt, paint, etc. (Though both are great for baby messes!) All the accumulated stains that mark an awesome day at school. Older kiddos clothes are getting too gross to be appropriate hand me downs currently!

    • Annie says

      Any detergent, soak overnight in oxyclean and hot water first. Only thing that works for us.

    • Anonymous says

      Soak in Biz. It’s like Oxiclean but better. You can also throw a scoop in with the wash.

      And fels naptha for tougher stains. It’s like a bar of soap. Get the stain wet, rub the bar all over it. It is MAGIC! I can usually get a stain out by just rubbing this on pre-wash. But if it’s really tough, lay in the sun after you rub the fels on it.

      • octagon says

        Fels Naptha is the answer. That stuff is amazing, and a bar lasts forever.

    • Anonymous says

      We still use Dreft and rarely have issues. Sometimes I use a Fels Naptha bar on stubborn stains. But that’s like once every few months. If I know there is a stain, I’ll check that piece of clothing out before it goes in the dryer. If it doesn’t come out, I’ll rewash next time with a pre-treatment with the Fels Naptha.

    • Anon says

      I use dawn (rub in, let set for a few minutes, throw in wash or oxiclean), Oxiclean free and clear (overnight soak in hot water in sink for stubborn stains) followed by all free and clear. If that fails, fels-naptha.

    • Small Firm IP Litigator says

      Big fan of Arm & Hammer for sensitive skin for everyone in the household.

    • anon says

      I use the spray and wash stain stick or spray and wash for stuff like that and then my normal free and clear detergent. People here seem to love oxyclean, but whenever I’ve used it, it has eaten my clothing (in the one spot I treat so it looks like there is a spot still).

  9. Anon says

    I know people come to this site to vent/complain (and I do too!), but yesterday everyone seemed to have a particularly bad case of the Mondays. I’m only 8 months into this parenthood journey, but yesterday’s conversations made me quite scared about what’s to come. Maybe everyone could share something positive about parenthood or something fun they’ve done with their kids lately?

    I’ll start: This past weekend we took our twins to their first music class and they absolutely loved it. Their faces lit up and they wouldn’t stop “talking” the entire time. It was super cute.

    • Anon says

      My 4-year-old son decided he wanted to be a “stinky sock-topus” for Halloween. What’s that you say? Why an octopus, wearing stinky socks on all 8 of his legs.

    • Walnut says

      My 1 year old and 3 year old are basically best friends. They spend car rides passing toys, snacks, blankets between their carseats and time in the house playing in parallel.

      The other day my 1 year old was very sad that the cookies went into the oven to bake and the 3 year old plopped down in middle of the kitchen to cheer her up. He sang her baby shark, asked her to give him a high five and then brought blankets and stuffies. My heart melted.

    • GCA says

      To be perfectly honest, I’m not a ‘baby person’. I find the first year physically exhausting and sometimes tedious. Cute, but tedious. But I love it as kids get older. 1 was better than the Baby Year, 2 was better than 1, and 3 has been emotionally exhausting but also rewarding. My 3yo has age-appropriate tantrums, sure, especially as a response to being displaced as an only child (his sister is 2 months old), but I can often have a real conversation with him, I love reading to him and talking about the books we read, and this past weekend dad and baby sister went to Target while big kid and I worked on his Halloween costume together. He and I have also devised a number of tidying-up games together (‘let’s race and see who can pick up more duplos with their toes!’ and ‘I’ll call out a toy and you put it in the box, and then you call out a toy and I have to find it and put it in the box’ — the living room floor is now very clean).

    • Jeffiner says

      We had a Halloween party this weekend, and my 3 year old put stickers all over the house to “decorate” so the house would “look beautiful.” She also hid mini pumpkins all by herself so the other kids could have a pumpkin-hunt.

    • Anon says

      My 14 month old has started spontaneously giving hugs and kisses. Best feeling in the world after a long day. She also has started “helping” with cleaning up and it is the most adorable thing ever to see a 3 foot tall mini-person wielding a 5 foot long broom. Gives me hope that maybe she’ll be helpful as she gets older too as we continue to encourage it.

    • Anonymous says

      I have twins. They are really hard in the beginning but super amazing around 2-3 when they start talking to each other. But you do spend a lot of time clarifying that dragons and unicorns are not real, dinosaurs were real but lived a long time ago, and foxes live in the woods. Twin 1 looks at our wall map, points out kangeroos live in Australia, panda bears live in China, asks ‘where is ‘In the Woods’?’ – I realize he thinks ‘in the woods’ is a country. Also, apparently I’m wrong and dragons live somewhere around the south pole – one twin decided this and the other backs him up all the time. That and the earnestness of needing to carrying small stones or pinecones in your pockets at all times are my fav things.

      • Jeffiner says

        My daughter has decided that firefighters fight dragons, not knights. I can see her logic, I certainly think spraying a fire-breathing dragon with a firehose would be effective.

    • Pogo says

      I think people definitely come here to complain/ask for help on tough issues which represent a small part of their parenting experience but a large part of their postings… if that makes sense.

      Something fun today was getting my 15mo out of his carseat and telling him his daycare budding was standing at the glass door waiting for him (like always). But today he said her name when I told him we were there and it was time to go play with (buddy). I could tell he totally understood and it was super adorable how excited he was to see her.

      Of course then they both had a meltdown as I was leaving, but that’s toddlers I guess.

      • ifiknew says

        I was one of those that had a terrible case of the Mondays. I have a 16 month old and have been terribly sick with morning sickness with another and it’s just been a very meh few weeks.

        This is a good reminder to try to enjoy my precious dd more though – she LOVES to give hugs all the time, she likes to bring presents when we walk in the door, she says Tomamame instead of Tomato, she loves to cuddle her baby and say sh sh when she’s going to bed. It’s a joy when I can take a step back and notice it.

    • SC says

      My 3.5-year-old son loves learning about letters. We’ve had entire dinner conversations about what sound each letter makes, and coming up with words (usually mundane objects in the kitchen) that start with each letter. We found out this weekend that he can spell his name. And last night, he was super excited to learn that if you string the sounds of several letters together and say it fast, you’re reading! No matter what your kid enjoys, it’s super fun to see them excited about learning a new skill and to see their faces light up when they “get” something!

      Also, Kiddo is recently into “octopus hugs,” where one person is the octopus and the other is the crab, and the octopus squeezes so, so, so tight, and eats the crab all up. Thanks, nature video of an octopus eating a crab–these are the best hugs ever.

    • anonforthis says

      I am not a baby person, and I am also not really a small child person. But I have truly enjoyed the tween and teen years because my older sons are so much more independent/have interests of their own/can carry on intelligent conversation.

    • Moms Solo says

      Yesterday was a nice weather evening in the South. My 20-month-old directed our evening walk to the splash pad (that wasn’t running) and was disappointed there was no “wawa” but quickly learned he could have fun dropping acorns in to the splash pad drain holes. Entertained himself that way for a full 25 minutes until I called the night. Just a super pleasant, calm evening of solo parenting a toddler.

    • Allie says

      My two year old is really caring during meals so if I finish my serving or glass of water she notices and asks if I want more. It’s so sweet.

    • lawsuited says

      My 18 month old knows that his sister is in my belly, so will point to me and say “mummy”, point to my husband and say “daddy”, point to his chest and say his name, and point to my belly and say his sister’s name. I feel completely amazed that he seems to be able to understand that she is part of our family unit. I’m completely amazed by him and the way he figures out his world in general.

      Although it is difficult being a parent, I don’t carry around a feeling of difficulty, I carry around a feeling of overwhelming love and gratitude for my tiny family.

      • Anonymous says

        While I was at the hospital giving birth, my 2YO son was out with my mom and she bought him these cute pumpkin gel clings. There are 4 of them and he identified each as Dada, Mama, himself, and baby brother even though he hadn’t met baby brother yet. It was amazing that he knew we were a larger family! Now baby brother is a month old and he is crazy about him, even running over to see him smile the other day. I can’t wait until baby brother can interact more.

    • ElisaR says

      My 2.5 year old isn’t terribly verbal but I said to him yesterday “I love my big boy” (trying to compliment him peeing on the potty) and he responded “I love my big girl!” which cracked me up and he had never said that before….

    • Anonymous says

      Yesterday was a rough day on top of a busy weekend. (I was the one with the poopsplosion. Well, toddler was. ;))

      But this morning? Was MY BEST LIFE (and I had to literally say that out loud to DH).

      Big kids debating whether Santa exists (9-year-old really doubts and I thought he was really over it. But now he’s got a plan to trap him; 7-year-old is a true believer, but the one we get to talk to is definitely NOT the Real Santa. Well, maybe he is. But the elves are DEFINITELY not real. They agree on this. Because obviously elves are tiny and the ones at the mall are big.)

      And when I dropped off toddler he ran off to grab a bike without so much as a hug to me but waved “love you mama”.

      So, yeah, there are plenty of awesome parenting moments that make you realize why you go through the slog. Thanks for this thread.

    • Anonymous says

      We spent the weekend out of town for travel soccer for my 8 yr old. To cap it off, we’d gotten last minute tickets to a pro game. We’d gone back and forth about whether to do it because it was expensive and we’d get back so late on a school night, etc. But he loved every minute of it and seeing how excited he was made it all worth it.
      It totally made up for his wretched behavior the day before when he was a hyper mess.

    • anon says

      Ugh, yes, sometimes those comments terrify me as well. This is a great idea.

      Last night I was stuck in traffic and called my husband to ask him something. He’d already picked up our almost 3.5 year old. At the end of the call, he put LO on who said “I love you so much mommy”. He’s gotten into saying that recently and it my heart melts every time.

    • Anonymous says

      My husband and I were kind of on the fence about having kids but I am crazy about my 17 mo daughter. She is intelligent, kind, and loving, and has such a great laugh. Recently she’s having an explosion of words: apple, bubbles, door, blueberry, kitty. She also has just begun standing up and walking (I was the OP a couple weeks ago asking about late walkers).

      One of the things I love best about this age is that it seems like after every challenging day/week, we are rewarded with huge leaps in development. It’s like the rainbow after the storm.

      I’ll also share that while she hasn’t been a big fan of stuffed animals up until this point, this weekend she saw and was immediately attached to a plush Jiji toy (the black cat from Kiki’s Delivery Service). As a cat lady, I was tickled that this is the toy she latched on to.

    • Betty says

      My second grader with ASD was asked to a birthday party yesterday by true/real/actual friends. The mom walked up and said that all three kids (triplets) asked for my son to be invited. One of the triplets also has ASD and my son watches over him, protectively. It made me so so happy, and my son seemed very excited!

      This weekend my daughter (5) took a big girl shower, and as she was standing under the hot water, she said, “I could stay here all day.” It was so relatable and hilarious.

    • Anon. says

      My favorite thing right now at 15 months (and for awhile) is watching him learn new things and develop new skills. I’m constantly impressed by how he picks things up. Example: lately (I assume prompted by daycare) he has started helping throw things away. This weekend we were at my in-laws who live 3 hours away and we visit maybe once a quarter, and he figured out where the garbage was without me deliberately showing him and would open the cupboard, throw away the item and close the cupboard all by himself. It is awesome to see him connect the dots – and gives me hope that he’ll be a self-sufficient little person some day.

    • Anonymous says

      I’m the same amount into parenting as you, so I don’t have cute toddler anecdotes, but my 8 month old has started making herself laugh (she laughed before but always at me or DH) and today she was just rolling around on the floor cackling for a solid 5 minutes. It was one of the cutest things I’ve ever seen.

    • Aly says

      We made cookies last night and were reading a story on the couch while they baked. When the timer went off, my kid flung herself from my lap and ran towards the kitchen with the toddler run that cracks me up. All she could say in her excitement was “Cookies! Cookies!” She was wide-eyed with wonder when I let her have one hot out of the oven (cool enough to eat). Because, like, cookies are awesome. How could I have forgotten how awesome?

    • Anonymous says

      My Kindergartener gave me a surprisingly accurate account of plate tectonics and how mountains are formed the other day, apparently remembering from some earthquake table at a children’s museum my mom took him to over the summer. I suggested we could get a book at the library to learn more about earthquakes, and his eyes lit up and he was super excited. So when we went to the library a few days later, I had him ask the librarian where to find the earthquake books, and he was so pleased with himself when she helped him and he came home with 3 books.

      On trash day, when my kids hear the garbage truck coming down the street, they yell to eachother and leap up from whatever they’re doing and spill out onto the front step to wave at the trash collectors.

      My littler kids give each other a big hug every afternoon when I pick them up from daycare. If I pick up my son first, my daughter hugs him before she hugs me when I get to her class. If I pick her up first, she intercepts him when he’s running to give me a hug. Also the look on my 2 year old’s face when he first sees me in the afternoon is gold.

  10. Anonymous says

    How often did/do your preschoolers have play dates? My kid goes to school with a lot of kids that have a SAHP and she feels pretty left out because I can’t do play dates after school all the time. My kid has 2 siblings and does a bazillion activities (mostly with the kids she wants playsates with).

    The problem is that last year she went to school until 1, so it was easy to grab a friend for an hour or two after class. This year she goes full days, so no after school play dates. The play dates are on “off” days, and I work those days. I can’t really ask or nanny to take in a 4th child- it’s a LOT given that she’s already watching a baby and a 2 y/o.

    Am I depriving this kid? If so ideas on how to work around it?

    • anon says

      How did you do it last year??? My kid gets off at 1 but not sure how to arrange playdates through our nanny…

      And sorry, no answers, depriving my not-quite-preschooler already. Her teacher mentioned “playdates would be nice” to me, ahh.

      • Anonymous says

        Last year she went to preschool until 1 on days I did not work. I brought kid, her friend, and my then 1 year old home from school for an afternoon play date. I watched them all and usually my younger one napped the entire time.

        But I have since had another kid AND my preschooler is in school until 4. So having someone over at 4 is hard/not feasible due to older sibling bus schedules, exhaustion, and traffic. On Tuesdays and Thursdays when she’s “off” school, I have a nanny watching all 3 kids. So I’d be asking the nanny to watch a FOURTH kid and that’s a lot.

        She does dance and tennis with these kids, and on Sundays she plays soccer with them…so it’s not like she doesn’t see them outside of school. I don’t really want to waste Saturdays on olaydates and most people are busy anyway (most of her friends have one or more older siblings).

    • Anonymous says

      We tend to do one play date per weekend (3 year old is in full day preschool/daycare until 5ish). Some of this is for him and some of it is because it is one of our main ways of socializing at this life stage of preschooler and newborn, so we pick parents we want to hang out with.

    • Small Firm IP Litigator says

      I honestly wouldn’t worry about it given all the other stuff your kid does. My twins had very few playdates for basically the same reasons.

    • Anonymous says

      I don’t think you’re depriving her at all. If you want to try to make it work, I think it’s doable with the nanny. Only if it works with your other kids’ schedules, though. Play dates are often appreciated by nannies because it gives them another adult to talk to or socialize with and has the added bonus of entertaining the kids. Bottom line: talk to your nanny about it and really watch for her honest reaction (not necessarily the words that come out of her mouth). I nannied through law school and was always happy to have something to DO with the kids, even if it was an errand for mom. Going to the grocery store for 10 things with someone else’s kid is way easier than doing it with your own kid–promise! There’s no rush and the goal is to entertain the kid (and pick up the items) so it’s fun rather than a chore. Play dates with other nannies were also great, though the ones with another parent were hit and miss (I was so much younger than the moms and I was “the help” so I ended up more bored, and with two others in tow it would’ve been a nightmare). A play date where a preschooler comes to play for a bit in the afternoon? AMAZING! It would give me extra hands to take care of the other two, fix a meal, or whatever.

    • Sarabeth says

      My younger kid does 1-2 playdates each weekend. He is super social and if we don’t schedule time for him to play with kids his own age, he drives us all nuts. I don’t think you need to do that, but if you are interested, you could invite kids over on the weekend, and explain to the parents that you can’t host on weekdays but your kid might be up for coming over on a Tuesday or Thursday.

      Also, talk to your nanny. At some point, with both of my kids, it became less work for them to have a friend over, because then I didn’t have to do as my active playing myself. Maybe your nanny would be actually be up for hosting a playdate once/week? You could offer to pay a bit more for those hours if it seems appropriate.

  11. anon says

    I am just venting, but I feel like I have been sick for the past four weeks and I am OVER IT. Really two separate colds. I’ve only missed a couple days of work (3 or 4ish?) but it has felt like more… on top of that, I’ve had morning sickness for the past 8 weeks. Basically I feel like I’m really doing terribly at my job just trying to keep my head over and I miss feeling 100 percent!

    The combination of pregnancy immunity (lack thereof) and two toddlers is just knocking me out. I want to go home and sleep.

    • Anonymous says

      Oh man, pregnancy lack of immunity was the worst. I had 6 colds during my 9 month pregnancy and they were the worst colds of my life – like man flu level colds. Can’t even imagine what it would be like with toddler(s) at home!

    • Pogo says

      Ugh. I remember colds hitting me really badly when I was pregnant. I did a lot of work from home when I could (like, literally just come in for a meeting) so I could lay propped up in bed with the humidifier turned all the way up. This is not the time to be a hero.

      • anon says

        Seriously, thank you! Repeating “this is not the time to be a hero” to myself all afternoon.

    • ElisaR says

      colds while sick are the worst! I was sick for a month straight with a cold. vicks. neti pot. cough supressant ricola cough drops.

      nothing really helped. and it just hung around forevvvvvvver. hang in there.

  12. ifiknew says

    Wow. morning sickness, two toddlers and bad colds. You are amazing. I’ve had morning sickness with just 1 toddler and am barely surviving. This is such a brutal period. Hugs.

    • OP says

      You guys made me feel so much better. I feel like I just got a warm hug. I just needed to hear exactly that. Thank you!

  13. Delta Dawn says

    Is this a law firm, or a place that cares what law firms do? Above the Law did a survey a few years ago– they surveyed 58 national firms, and the majority of those firms offered at least 16 weeks of maternity leave. Every single firm offered at least 8. If you search “above the law maternity leave survey” you might find the study.
    Similarly, can you find out what your company’s competitors offer? Can you put it in the letter for comparison, if it’s favorable?

    Does your company care about retaining women? You can include a lot of information about how 12 weeks of paid maternity leave makes it 93% (!!!) more likely that the mother will still be employed there in one year. Seventy percent of companies who offer paid leave say it increases productivity after return. Google for more statistics if you think your company cares about this.

    Does your company care about babies’ health? (Maybe they don’t; I dunno.) If you think they might be impacted by this, there are lots of statistics on how babies benefit from 12 weeks at home with their parents. A study in Australia found that kids whose mothers stayed home for 12 or more weeks had fewer instances of asthma, hearing, and vision problems– as much as seven years later. A 2016 study found that mothers who received 12 or more weeks of paid leave are more likely to successfully breastfeed their child and still be doing so at six months. Google for some studies about this.

    I would focus your letter on the company’s bottom line: money. You being a more productive employee because you were granted 12 weeks of maternity leave. You being able to make them more money because of it. I would fill this letter with statistics and research showing specific, quantifiable benefits. And I’d throw in a few stats about how it benefits babies in case the person reading it has a shred of humanity. Good Luck! You can do this!!! AND, if you succeed, you’re not just helping you and your baby– you are helping many mothers and babies who come after you.

  14. Anon says

    I posted regarding solo parenting a few weeks and the consensus was to get help. I have a 5 year old and 4 month old and husband travels all week, every week. I am trying to figure out what type of person would be most helpful.

    1. College student in evenings to help manage the 2, and maybe stay with oldest to take baby on walk. Maybe I would consider her lettting pick up oldest from school.

    2. Someone to help me clean up / prep dinner / etc- probably someone with more cleaning than childcare experience

    3- someone who I would trust with baby so I can take older out

    4- combo of the above?

    Thoughts? Also how much would you pay for each of those (I live in a Dallas for reference). I am thinking 12-15 an hour for 1 and 2 and 20 an hour for 3

    • Knope says

      I don’t recall the details from your original post, so I think it would be helpful if you can share what part of solo parenting feels most stressful to you. Is it all of the cleaning up and chores, or is your 5 year old going nuts with wanting your attention?

      • OP says

        Sorry – I accidentally posted the reply a few posts below bc I was trying to reply on my phone, but here it is:

        All of it is stressful! Both kiddos wanting attention, dealing with feeding / clean up / dishwasher / trash, bedtime routine
        with 2. Writing this i just need my own clone so there are 4 hands to manage it all, but don’t know who to hire for that. We have a weekly housekeeper and I don’t cook much which helps.

    • Coach Laura says

      For solo parenting – I would say to start with someone there while you are home and then evaluate whether they can be left on their own with either kid while you walked youngest or played with oldest. A college student with childcare experience or a low-experience nanny type person would work. Have them arrive at your house one-two hours before you get off work. Empty the dishwasher, take out the trash, prep dinner (cut up veggies, reheat pre-cooked meals, start sheet pan dinners or make pasta to go with the crockpot meal that you already started), fold/put away laundry. Then when you get there, play with kids while you change clothes. Then put dinner on the table while you play with kids or take a walk. After dinner, load dishwasher while you play and get ready for bath, bed with that person helping. I think this would work well once the person learns where things are kept at your house and learns your routine. Then if they are trustworthy and you get a sense of their skills, you can leave them alone for periods of time.

      • Anonymous says

        This sounds like an ideal progression and schedule. I do think you’ll need to offer a bit more per hour, though. I’m in Austin and the market rate is a minimum of $15 an hour and up to $22 for a low-experience full-time nanny. You can usually get away with paying a bit less for part time, but I’d encourage you to offer on the high end of the market you are targeting. You may get more applications to wade through but they will likely be higher caliber.

    • Anonymous says

      Could you make an aupair work? Like 2-3 hours in the morning and 2-3 hours in the evening everyday. They could also do stuff like prep dinner and fold kid laundry.

    • CHL says

      Not sure if this is helfpul but I have a nanny type person come at 3:30 pm, do kids laundry, tidy up, cook kids dinner (mac & cheese, fish sticks…please don’t judge), cook a Hello Fresh meal and then go to pick up the kids. She stays until 630. Sometimes I get home then, sometimes I get home earlier and I go work out or “work” in my home office (or maybe meditate or read a book – but they don’t know that). I pay $15 on the books for this in Chicago.

      • OP says

        That sounds amazing! How did you find this person? I posted on some nanny FB groups in my area but so hard to find someone good.

        And no judgment. I would LOVE my daughter to eat fish sticks.. mac and cheese will happen on a good night, on bad nights we are at pizza or pancakes for dinner.

      • Anon says

        How many days per week do you have this person? I am very interested in this setup.

      • Anonymous says

        I have heard people have good luck with care dot com. I would also talk with anyone you know who has a nanny, there is definitely a nanny network in my area and sometimes they are looking to pick up extra random hours.

        • Anonymous says

          +1 Also, try reaching out to the sororities and dorms at whatever college is near you. When I was in school (00-07) we still used bulletin boards and I got one of my after-class nanny gigs from a flyer posted in my dorm. Other parents and other nannies are great resources too.

          • OP says

            I work at a university, which makes it easy to find sitters.. but the issue I have had is that the college sitters are great with playing with kids / random sitting, but not so great at things like making dinner for kids, clean up, etc. Which I think I need now. But it may just be a function of the university I am at / luck of the draw.

          • Anonymous says

            I’m anon at 4:57. Maybe look for a “mother’s helper” versus a babysitter? It gets across that the idea is more to do whatever you need help with versus keeping small humans alive while parents are out of the house. As a babysitter I wasn’t great about cleaning up “all the way” or looking around for other things to do to be helpful. When my role was more routine or permanent, though, I felt like I had more leeway to find problems and fix them versus not disturbing someone else’s home. Also, maybe get away from your standard “hunting ground”…the various majors tend to group personalities so you may just be hitting all the students that want to be caretakers more than need a job and are decent with kids. I was a econ major (then went to law school), and wouldn’t have been a typical target for a mom looking for a sitter. But I’m also the eldest five kids and had the whole “how to help mom with littles” down pat. YMMV, of course, but just my thoughts having been on the other side. Good luck and keep looking! Even if it takes a few false starts, you’ll find someone! Also, care dot come (as reco above) is a good source.

          • Coach Laura says

            Funny, I was an econ major and also the oldest of five and was often a mothers’ helper starting when I was 12. In college, I was mother’s helper for the HR Division manager for a large retail chain who was struggling with work/life balance.

            OP, I agree about going through care dot com instead of the schools. You could also try mothers groups at churches. You might also find someone who works but wants a part-time job to help make ends meet. Maybe they work at the university during the day or an office job.

    • Sarabeth says

      We live in the mid-Atlantic, and have hired for this kind of thing through care.com. I pay $15/hr for plain babysitters, $18/hr for what I think of as babysitting-plus. The latter is roughly like CHL’s arrangement – babysitting plus some cooking and cleaning. In our current arrangement, babysitter-plus comes weekly while I am traveling. My husband cooks dinner and picks the kids up from daycare. The babysitter arrives about a half hour after they get home, plays with them, puts them to bed, and cleans up afterwards. She doesn’t clean our house the way a housekeeper would, but she cleans the kitchen and dining room table, starts the dishwasher, puts away toys, etc. Basically, what I would do myself if I were home. Usually my husband goes out for the evening when she arrives, but if things are hectic, he’ll stay through bedtime so that they can deal with a kid.

      My husband works from home, so it works for him to both cook dinner and get the kids. Otherwise, we’d probably have the babysitter get the kids while he came home to cook; or, if that didn’t work, have her come over as soon as he got home so that he could cook while she plays with the kids. I’ve found it significantly harder to hire someone that I trust to do the actual cooking, although obviously it’s possible.

      • Sarabeth says

        And also – I work at a university but do not generally hire college students for anything other than regular babysitting. I don’t rule them out, but I hire through care.com and am very explicit in my ads about the expectations for cooking/cleaning. I think the students tend to self-select out. Frankly, the best people have been other moms, often a SAHM looking to pick up some very part-time evening work.

  15. Preggo back pain says

    Already have a call in to the nurse but crowdsourcing a second opinion while I wait: 1) anyone’s doctor provide an opinion as to whether biofreeze is safe during pregnancy and 2) any natural back pain remedies that worked for anyone? Having sharp debilitating pain when twisting/sitting/standing/getting out of the car. Makes toddler wrangling a joy :)

    • Anonymous says

      Don’t know about biofreeze but I had a great experience with physiotherapy for back pain during pregnancy.

    • Anonymous says

      Physical therapy for the win! Make an appointment ASAP. I suspect you’ve heard back re the biofreeze by now, but also a large ice pack or heat pack can help.

  16. OP says

    All of it is stressful! Both kiddos wanting attention, dealing with feeding / clean up / dishwasher / trash, bedtime routine
    with 2. Writing this i just need my own clone so there are 4 hands to manage it all, but don’t know who to hire for that. We have a weekly housekeeper and I don’t cook much which helps.

    • Coach Laura says

      Solo OP – I wrote my reply before I saw this but I think a helper is what you need. You are basically adding another pair of hands. Give it a try but don’t worry about getting someone who you trust right away to leave them – just get a helper and go from there.

  17. Ugh says

    Ugh! What does it say about our society that a woman has to grovel for 3 months UNPAID maternity leave? It’s absurd.

    I don’t know what your role is, but I’m sure that you quitting (forcing them to hire a permanent replacement) would cost more and be a bigger hassle than just letting you be out that extra month. I know that’s not helpful from a practical standpoint, but I’m so angry for you! Why can’t people be reasonable?

  18. AnotherAnon says

    What’s your favorite inexpensive cashmere? It’s not cold here, so I just want a couple of options for the office this winter.

    • Anonymous says

      Boden is the nicest quality and is not super expensive with a promo code. Aqua Cashmere from Bloomingdales is of decent quality and will go on sale for 50% off at some point.

    • CHL says

      I’ve had good luck with Everlane. Have not tried Uniqlo but I love their merino wool

    • Anonymous says

      A couple years ago I got a cashmere sweater on deep discount at Athleta at the end of the season. Last week I bought a cashmere sweater from JCrew Factory that I’m quite happy with for the price. Typically they exempt cashmere from promotions, but I got my husband the gray cashmere for about $50 (the other colors I tried could not be discounted).

  19. OP says

    That sounds amazing! How did you find this person? I posted on some nanny FB groups in my area but so hard to find someone good.

    And no judgment. I would LOVE my daughter to eat fish tickets.. mac and cheese will happen on a good night, on bad nights we are at pizza or pancakes for dinner.

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