Makeup & Beauty Monday: Vine[activ] Overnight Detox Oil
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Sales of note for 2/14/25 (Happy Valentine’s Day!):
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Nordstrom – Winter Sale, up to 60% off! 7850 new markdowns for women
- Ann Taylor – Up to 40% off your full-price purchase — and extra 60% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + 15% off (readers love their suiting as well as their silky shirts like this one)
- Boden – 15% off new season styles
- Eloquii – 300+ styles $25 and up
- J.Crew – 40% of your purchase – prices as marked
- J.Crew Factory – 50% off entire site and storewide + extra 50% off clearance
- Rothy’s – Final Few: Up to 40% off last-chance styles
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Flash sale ending soon – markdowns starting from $15, extra 70% off all other markdowns (final sale)
And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- The concept of “backup care” is so stupid…
- I need tips on managing employees in BigLaw who have to leave for daycare pickup…
- I’m thinking of leaning out to spend more time with my family – how can I find the perfect job for that?
- I’m now a SAHM and my husband needs to step up…
- How can I change my thinking to better recognize some of my husband’s contributions as important, like organizing the shed?
- What are your tips to having a good weekend with kids, especially with little kids? Do you have a set routine or plan?
Might be too late in the day but: I want to buy my 19 m/o son a baby doll for Christmas and I’m looking for recommendations. TIA!
+1. I grew up in an area where spankings were pretty common, and I was spanked as a child, so I thought this was all progressive white people being too soft. Turns out, there is actually a pretty well developed literature behind the recommendation not to spank.
Also, maybe the following line of argument would help get your husband on board: It’s not working, so it’s time to try a different approach.
Yes, I think a therapist would be a good idea. Child therapists work as much with the parents as with the kids, and gently, I would not be surprised if your husband’s reactions are playing a huge role in this. By escalating quickly and spanking, he’s teaching your son that the way to respond to problems is with violence. Basically, he’s modeling the exact reaction you’re trying to avoid. Multiple academic studies have shown a strong association between spanking and behavior problems. Since you’ve tried talking with him about this and it hasn’t worked, then maybe he needs to hear it from a professional.
A little late in the day, but I have a 2-pronged question:
1. What’s normal for 5 year old boys’ anger management abilities?
2. What are some resources for help parenting an angry/aggressive kid?
My son has been on a tear since school started. He’s struggling with the transition to K, and he needs more sleep and more individual attention from me and my husband. I’m trying to address what I believe are the root causes, but I need help with the symptoms. I think my husband (and to a lesser extent, probably I) are exacerbating by not always modeling good behavior. DH escalates quickly when he gets frustrated, he’s naturally loud and gets louder, threatens spankings almost immediately, and spanks more often than I believe is warranted. I’ve tried to talk with him about this, but he believes being strict and eliciting “a healthy fear” gets better results. It might in a limited case… my son acts out less around DH. But it’s pretty clear the bad behavior just gets channeled in my direction instead, so it’s not solving the problem. Can I get an “expert” to tell him the same thing in hopes that he listens?
Typical tantrum: some combination of yelling, ultimatums (“if you don’t read me 3 stories, I’m NOT going to be a good listener!”) turning around + fingers in the ears + blah blah blah, stomping, minor destruction of property (knocking stuff off tables, dumping things to make a mess, ripping papers, kicking and slamming doors repeatedly), and often physical blows: punches/slaps/pinches/hard grabs or squeezes/throwing objects at me. These tantrums are almost daily, and the littlest thing will set him off. This morning, for example, he was mad that I didn’t go upstairs to his room to get his sweatshirt for him.
After a tantrum cooling off period yesterday, I asked him why he acted the way he did. He said, “because I’m MAD, and sometimes I just want to FIGHT!” We’ve talked repeatedly about appropriate ways to handle big feelings, the importance of speaking politely and respectfully to your family, consequences for inappropriate behavior, etc. and instituted a code word that means we need to take a time out to cool off. Nothing seems to work. Once he calms down, he gets sad and wants a hug, but he insists we’re “making [him] act this way because [we’re] mean. ” Basically, because we aren’t instantly responsive all of his demands, and we make him do things he doesn’t want to do… like get dressed, and go to school.
I haven’t heard from his teacher, so I think he’s holding it together during school, just has no reserves left for home. His K progress report noted that he’s still working on following directions and impulse control. Fine, he’s 5. I don’t expect perfection, but I need him to Calm the F Down. So, is this normal, or something I should raise with a doctor? How do I fix it? He’s strong and has a good arm for throwing. At this rate, it’s only a matter of time before I get beaned with something harder than a stuffed animal.
I’m due in December and am too big for my winter coats. I’m debating between buying an actual maternity coat, or getting a regular coat in a larger size, thinking that I may need it for the rest of the winter anyway if I’m hanging on to extra weight. Any suggestions? I’ve used my husband’s coats in a pinch these last few chilly days but feel pretty frumpy.
Thank you all for the insight! You’ve all targeted exactly my concerns- I’ve always wanted to be the primary parent, which was one of the big reasons I took this 9-5 job. I thought it would be interesting and could be more of a long term position while we had young kids. It’s turned out to be fairly disappointing, and Im really just bored every day (despite trying to get different work flows, etc).
If we wanted to get pregnant soon, I would definitely stay. But it’s going to be at least 2 years, and I miss the work at the firm. I also had a solid reputation, so it would not be hard to build that back up before I left on maternity. That said, once I do have kids, there’s that emotional attachment of wanting to be with them all the time. I don’t want to miss the time when they’re young and I have a 2 week trial. But I also want to be happy at work.
(Very very torn on this, but greatly appreciate your thoughts and insight!)
We’ve had a lot of convos here in the comment section today about what a slog life is. I blame Monday and the fact it is COLD and DARK on the East Coast.
Anyway, it has inspired me to leave a bit early and stop off at Trader Joe’s to get the makings of a yummy cheese board to reward myself with this evening.
For those of you who have gone through IVF, how did you decide whether to do one or multiple stim cycles before transfering your first embryo?
Background is that I’m 38 (although with the ovarian reserve of a 25 year old, apparently), we want to start our family asap, but we also want multiple children (preferable one at a time, though!). IVF w/ICSI due to male factor, and all frozen due to genetic testing. Trying to decide how critical it is to try and get many embryos tucked away, knowing it’ll only be harder to create them as we get older.
Thanks in advance!
How do you get your kids to drink water? DD is 9 months and gets really constipated all the time, even though she’s still primarily breastfed. The only solids she gets are fruit, veggies and meat so I hate to think what’s going to happen when she gets pickier and we start introducing pasta and cereal. She loves prunes and we give them to her every day, but even that’s not enough. Her ped says she needs to have water with every meal but she hates it and won’t drink it, even if we warm it. She drinks milk fine out of a bottle or sippy cup, so motor skills are not the issue. I get it, I hate drinking plain water too, so I get it, but I really want to get her in the habit of having water so we don’t have to turn to Miralax or something stronger.
I’m hoping more experienced moms have some advice for me. My just-turned-5 year-old is happy when things go her way, but blows her top at the smallest frustration. When she is frustrated or upset, she has trouble calming down and just spews attitude and backtalk and whining/yelling/screaming until we can get through to her. There doesn’t seem to be a trick to helping her calm down – we do timeouts, the “How to Talk so Your Kids will Listen” naming/acknowledgment of feelings, I’ve told her one way to deal is to walk away from the situation, etc. Last night, she and her brother (2) were playing, she got frustrated b/c she thought he took off a strap from an old purse they appropriated from my closet, and smacked him in the head with the purse. It raised a huge welt on his forehead b/c it had a metal frame. We sent her to her room in a prolonged time out, and then I went in and talked to her calmly about why I was disappointed, and how it is never ok to hit her brother or anyone else, etc.
Is this level of anger and frustration developmentally normal? What are some other strategies I can suggest to her (and my husband) for calming down?
WINTER STORAGE. Help. This is our first winter with two kids and I am already overwhelmed by how much STUFF there is. Scarves and hats and mittens and multiple coats and bunting and somehow even though the baby has like six hats I can never find one when it’s time to leave.
What do you do? Right now we have cube storage baskets for each person’s stuff but that does not seem to be working very well (I think they are too big — it’s hard to find tiny mittens, etc). I am very willing to buy a new piece of furniture or storage solution — we don’t have a ton of room in our entryway but I will make it work if it means not living in a sea of fleece.
I’m 22 weeks pregnant and am on day 2 of significant Braxton Hicks contractions. 4+ hours last night despite hydrating, position changing and switching up activity levels. I’m now on hour 3 of contractions this morning. They’re about five minutes apart and 15 seconds in duration – not increasing in frequency or duration. Honestly, it feels like back labor and brings me to a full stop until subsiding. I’m continuing to drink liquids, change positions, and vary my activity level.
A little more backstory, I’m coming off of quite a bit of travel including long flights. I know I was quite dehydrated on Saturday, but have upped my liquids significantly since arriving at home. Urine is basically clear again. Saturday I passed a small clump of blood, but no unusual discharge since then.
At what time do I call the doctor? I don’t want to waste time when I can clearly continue to hydrate, change positions, etc., but I also don’t want to miss something obvious.
Does it get easier when your kids are older? I feel so depressed when people tell me toddlerhood is not that bad compared to the challenges of having older children, because I just am my wits end so often that I don’t know how to cope with it not getting much easier as the kids get older.
You guys.
1) My cat got suddenly, horribly infested with fleas because my husband forgot a month of flea treatment. Just horrible. I’m covered in bites from wrestling him with the flea comb AFTER a flea bath. We are now in the process of de-fleaing our entire house– washing every linen, rug, stuffed animal, pillow, you name it. I cannot punish him endlessly but I am SO ANGRY. He has apologized. But it’s hard not to say THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT over and over again. If I thought he was actually capable of de-fleaing, I’d make him do it all. But this morning he told me, “let’s just close everything in plastic bags for a week!” Fleas can live for up to 3 months, no problem, without food or anything else. This would do nothing. Meanwhile I’ve spent my whole weekend researching natural pet and baby-safe flea treatments/remedies and accomplishing same. SO I AM NOW AN EXPERT.
2) My toddler woke me up this morning with a surprise. The surprise was she got the Halloween sprinkle canister from the pantry and covered the floor of her room in Halloween sprinkles.
I am at uncle and it’s not even noon on Monday yet.
I don’t know what I’m asking here, but is it possible that I have unrealistic standards about what work-life balance looks like? My situation looks good on paper: I work full-time, but can usually leave work at work; I have a helpful-enough partner; we are not financially stressed. I don’t have babies anymore (kids are 8 and 4). But I’m constantly stressed and feel like I can’t keep up. (I really don’t like my job anymore but haven’t found anything new yet.) Life just feels like one big grind, and I have no idea what my purpose is at work or home, other than to keep other people happy and do what needs to be done. By the end of the day, I’m exhausted and don’t have much to give to my spouse or friends. But I’m clearly the common denominator here — so maybe I’m the problem and am just expecting too much?
Yesterday, after 1.5 days of solo parenting and just being OVER IT, I told my DH that I needed a break. I spent 2 blissful hours at Barnes and Noble, just zoning out and reading. It felt really good. And any good effects of that alone time were pretty much smashed when I came home to two fighting kids and the evening grind. I went to bed at 8:30, and DH made a snotty remark about me being tired again. Yep, I sure am.
I feel guilty that I apparently find parenting difficult, and resentful that DH doesn’t experience the over-it feelings that I so often do.