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Here’s an interesting product for people on the go with kids.
These are watertight “soak and save” bags with a little detergent pod inside for when you or your child gets messy but are nowhere near a laundry machine. We have all been there — when a Tide stick just won’t cut it and a change of outfit is necessary.
For me personally, I rarely dressed myself or my child in clothing that I would care if it got destroyed; however, there were a few times when I was still in nice work clothes while with my son, or we were at an event where we were all dressed up and I would care if I couldn’t later get a stain out.
Those occasions are when these would come in handy (or they would make an outside-the-box baby shower gift). These Wash.It.Later bags are $14.24 at Amazon for a pack of 3 and are eligible for Prime. Soak and Save Bags
Psst: Looking for more info about nursing clothes for working moms, or tips for pumping at the office? We’ve got them both…
GCA says
This is exactly the sort of thing I’d write off as ‘this single-purpose item is ridiculous!’ but then be like ‘where was this last 4th of July when my 2yo spilled chocolate ice cream down his brand new all-organic-cotton red and white shirt at Aunt Janet’s house’…(ahem, not speaking from experience or anything). so yeah, it might go on my list of totally random new-parent gifts.
Lana Del Raygun says
I wonder if a reusable PUL bag like you use for cloth diapers would hold in enough water to soak clothes.
GCA says
maybe – for my own family’s use, I’d probably just chuck it in a ziploc and oxiclean the heck out of it when we got home. (Sadly, this did not work for the aforementioned red and white shirt. BRAND NEW. RIP. He still wears it as play clothing. Toddlers are animals.)
Anonanonanon says
Provided the detergent pod could get past security, this would be great for traveling! I know multiple parents who have had to throw away a beloved baby outfit after a diaper blowout en route
Lana Del Raygun says
This is … a lot of money for a plastic bag.
Anonymous says
I don’t put myself or kid in clothes I’ll be upset about if they get ruined. The only exception is holiday work parties…and my kid is not present and getting dressed is the last thing I do before leaving.
EB0220 says
Getting dressed is always the last thing I do before I leave for work! I started this when I had a baby and just never quit. It seems like a good policy.
Anonanonanon says
What do people do with kids who are 11 or 12 after school?
In our area, the schools are k-6 and then 7-12. All the after-school care options end after 6th grade. My son is in third grade now, so it’s hard to tell, but I’m not sure I’d feel comfortable with him getting off the bus at 3pm and getting into the house by himself and waiting alone 2.5-3 hours every day? Not to mention staying home alone all day on snow days and teacher work days.
I’m considering hiring a personal assistant/housekeeper when the time comes to be at our house from 2:30-5:30 every day. They would do light housekeeping (load/unload the dishwasher, change sheets, light vacuuming), tasks like shredding mail, run small errands (picking up a mobile grocery order, taking my amazon returns to the post office, etc.), and also text me when my son gets to the house off of the bus. Less providing childcare, more providing “proof of life”. Their primary kid-related task would be reminding him to get his stuff together for track practice etc. For money context, I currently pay $199/week for before/after school care for my son, and pay about $320 a month in housekeeping, so it wouldn’t cost much more assuming I pay someone $15-$20/hr.
Thoughts? what else could I do with an older child after school?
Anonymous says
A 12 year old can ride the school bus home and be home alone for a couple hours. That’s why aftercare ends in 6th grade. If he does track won’t that keep him at school later most days anyway?
anne-on says
Following intently. We have an au pair now for this and anticipate that an au pair will start to become awkward around this age but not comfortable having an 11-12yr old home alone. It has been REALLY hard to find part time care in our area (everyone wants at least 30-40 hours). Also curious how ppl handle all the driving for sports/practices/etc. at this age (too young for Uber, housekeeper might not be a good/reliable driver).
Anonymous says
A few families I know have a high school senior as an after-school nanny. Helps kids with homework and starts dinner – usually they have their own activities so only available a couple days a week but a good fill in if your kid has activities (soccer practice, band, whatever) after school a few days a week. Some non-school related afterschool activities will offer pick up, or kid uses public transport or car pools to the activity. SAHMs/part time working moms drop off and the working moms/dads do pick up is a common car pool arrangement.
Anonanonanon says
He currently does track and field through a youth club, and it does not start until 6pm and is twice a week, so we can usually make it in time. However, it would be a great help to have him already home and dressed with a bag packed. I’d like to start this arrangement in 5th and 6th grade, so he still has his “before” school care (which we can utilize for snow days and teacher work days) but will get used to getting off the bus and into the house by himself, but will have a human there to confirm he made it.
I wasn’t counting on this person driving my son to anything, as I’ve found a lot of people are really hesitant to drive kids in their cars, which I can sympathize with. More of a “hey, he made it off the bus OK and I reminded him to change for practice” type relationship is my goal. I would gear a job announcement more towards the personal assistant/housekeeper demographic, and probably post heavily at the local university/community college crowd.
avocado says
If he does club track now, you may be looking at school cross-country and track in middle school and high school, which buys you two or even three seasons (if they have indoor track) of after-school practices.
avocado says
My daughter started coming home on the bus by herself when she turned 12, halfway through seventh grade. She has a cell phone and texts us when she gets home. Because middle school gets out relatively late, she’s home alone for less than two hours. And because of sports and other activities, it’s never more than two days a week. We have a carpool for sports practice, which means that all I have to do is drive carpool once a week and I don’t pay for child care at all during the school year.
We started preparing her by leaving her at home alone for a few minutes at a time when she was 10 or 11, gradually increasing the amount of time to a couple of hours. We also did a trial run where she rode the bus home and let herself into the house while a parent was home. So far, it’s worked out amazingly well. She loves the feeling of maturity and independence, and she gets more homework done in the afternoons than she did at the after-school program for middle school kids she was previously attending. And I am saving so much money.
I wouldn’t stress out about this too much now. An enormous amount of development will happen between third grade and sixth grade. When my daughter was in third grade I had a hard time imagining leaving her alone at age 12, but now I have zero qualms. It’s totally developmentally appropriate, and is a good step towards full-blown independence.
Anonanonanon says
Thank you, this was such helpful information! I was hoping you would comment! :)
Boston Legal Eagle says
I can’t help you from a parent perspective but your question reminded me that starting from when I was 11 or so, I rode the bus or subway from school all around town by myself after school and definitely stayed home by myself at that age. I was a pretty mature kid but I wonder how much things have changed now. Maybe this is a city vs. suburbs thing? I lived in a large city at the time.
Anon says
For the “proof of life” piece, how about security cameras and iphone tracking? I don’t mean constant snooping but when he texts that he’s home you can check your camera to say hi and periodically check his iphone to see that he’s still home?
anon says
My fourth grader very occasionally comes home by himself for an hour or two, usually because the other two (younger) kids have to be in two different places at once. I have a ring doorbell, so I watch to make sure he arrives when I’m expecting him. No iphone (yet), but that’s definitely coming. (FWIW, we have a nanny who is usually with them.)
Anonymous says
In NYC 6th graders commute alone on public transit. Not sure if I will be ready either!
RR says
I also have a younger child, but we have an after school sitter/nanny for my three (ages 11, 11, and 5). She gets the kids off the bus and spends time with them until roughly 5:30 when my husband relieves her. She makes sure they do their homework and get ready for extracurriculars. Several nights a week, she drives the kids to his office (which is closer to extracurriculars) or directly to extracurriculars. During the summer, she’s full time and takes them swimming, to parks, etc. For my 11-year-olds, in part because there are two of them, I’m not ready for them to get off the bus and be home alone for 2 1/2 hours, even if we didn’t also have my youngest. (I definitely don’t think they are ready to be in charge of her.) It’s not a huge deal if the nanny gets stuck in traffic and doesn’t meet the bus–the older two walk the youngest home and let themselves into the house. But, I don’t really trust them alone yet for significant periods of time. I think I’d feel differently if it were either of them alone, but sibling group think doesn’t always lead to the best life choices.
Anonymous says
I agree with your initial assessment that 11 seems young to be home alone, but then I remember that I started babysitting (for other people’s kids!) at 12…
EP-er says
Hi — Where I live, aftercare is only in elementary school (K-5.) My eldest is in 5th grade, so next year we will be in this situation. At this point, my plan is to have him hop off the bus & 3 minute walk to our house, let himself in with the garage code, and call to let me know he is home safely. This is child dependent, but I have been letting him do this (when I get caught up at work or can’t find a sitter) since 4th grade. He is very responsible, knows the rules, and is safety conscious — I really don’t have worries about him. I’m on the fence on if I will keep my second grader in after care all the time next year or not. (Right now I am leaning to part of the time, but letting her come home a few days.)
I will say that most days I am home by 4/4:30, so it would be at most 60-90 minutes by himself. I also remember that when I was 12 I had a regular babysitting job — every Saturday night, three kids including an infant. I think kids can handle responsibility, but only if parents step back and allow it.
anon says
are there any laws about the youngest age a kid can be left home alone so that a parent isn’t charged with endangering their child? i have younger kids so not there yet but i am kind of curious about this
ElisaR says
i think they vary by state
Anonymous says
Local practices and customs also matter. In my state there is no statutory age minimum, but it’s risky to leave a child under 12 home alone.
Anonanonanon says
In my state there’s no law either, but our county has “guidelines” they recommend you follow. For 11 or 12 age group, they recommend no longer than a certain time frame “during daylight or evening hours”. My neighbor who is a social worker said it’s very child dependent, and if a parent is flagged to social services the result will largely be dependent on an interview with a child. For example, if they ask a child what they would do if there was a fire while they were home alone and they say “fight it with my fists!”, they aren’t ready.
aelle says
Trying to find some joy in the last 2 hours of my 18-month old’s day – what activities do you do at that age? I don’t mean educational activities necessarily, just any activity that I can manage at the end of a work day, and that the child and I would both enjoy and feel like we’re spending quality time. It’s too cold for the playground, still, and she hates baths.
Anonymous says
Cooking together? My kids loved to put in the ingredients I measured out or use their hands to toss the potatoes in olive oil or whatever.
Laundry was also weirdly popular with my kids at that stage. Low expectations about how much actually gets done but they loved putting things from the washer to the dryer and turning it on.
Put on kid songs and dance (ring around the rosie, wheels on the bus etc), if you don’t mind getting messy -fingerpainting or playdoh. Or play more active games like hide and seek.
lawsuited says
+1 My 21 mo and I will often make quick muffins on a weeknight evening and I think he likes it as a break from routine and it makes me feel like supermom.
This will be personality specific but my 21 mo loves cleaning (and has since about 12 months – one of his first words was “dirt”) so after dinner we’ll go around finding dirt on the floor and either vacuuming or spraying and wiping it up.
Also, sticker books. The least messy craft activity.
Cb says
We are big on books with my 18 month old. We curl up on the armchair, with teddies and blanket and read. We also do a big play project, duplo or the big IKEA stackable blocks
Cb says
Also some of the toddler instagramers (can do kiddo, days with grey etc) have good activity ideas
GCA says
+1, also Busy Toddler!
AnotherAnon says
This was a hard age for us – starting tantrums/independence, but still not fully verbal. I’d give my LO a snack as soon as I got to day care, then take him home and we’d play with trucks or read until dinner, for about 30 minutes to an hour. After dinner we did bedtime routine (sometimes bath, usually not). He was so tired at this age – slept between 12-14 hours per day. It seemed like he also needed a lot of physical time with me – so he’d sit in my lap while we read or just played and babbled together. I tried to keep it low key. I wish he would have enjoyed TV but he just didn’t. It gets better!
Leatty says
Stickers (my daughter will easily spend 30 minutes putting stickers (that I peel off) on construction paper), play dog, reading, and drawing with chalk (if not too cold). If I’m tired, I’ll put on Moana.
Anonanonanon says
I remember making “dino tracks” with toy dinosaurs in playdoh being a hit at that age. Like Leatty mentioned, stickers (but you have to peel them off) go OK sometimes. I had magnets (ABCs, shapes, etc.) and would let him stick them on a big cookie sheet.
ElisaR says
bundle up and go for a walk in the stroller? my son is 15 months now and he is in the phase of “i pick things up and put them down” and i just follow him around the house…. but with my first son we did a lot of walking
FVNC says
For nights when the kids (5 yr and 22 mo) still have energy to spare, we play tickle monster on “the big bed.” For 20-30 min, we all crowd on the bed and the kids get tickled, thrown around, make pillow forts, etc. Tends to put everyone in a good mood before the bedtime routines start, and it’s especially a hit with the little one who has started pointing upstairs after dinner saying “bed! bed!”.
FVNC says
Forgot to add: the reason I like this so much is that there’s no mess for me to pick up, other than straightening our sheets and pillows.
Anon says
My 18 MO loves, loves, loves it when I get on the floor and wrestle with her (or try to “catch” her before she sneaks up on my back for a mini piggy back ride while I’m sitting on the floor). Pretty much if I’m on the floor with her she’s happy – so sometimes I lay on the floor and play with her reusable sticker book, we stack blocks or build megablocks towers or practice the water wow books (she’s still in an I’d rather eat the pen phase), and on nights when I am really just too tired for even that, we facetime with my mom, dad or sisters which she loves. I think for her, it’s me getting down on her level and having my phone nowhere in sight (unless it’s facetime).
Anon says
Trying again, because mod. My 18 MO loves, loves, loves it when I get on the floor and wrestle with her (or try to “catch” her before she sneaks up on my back for a mini piggy back ride while I’m sitting on the floor). Pretty much if I’m on the floor with her she’s happy, so sometimes I lay on the floor and play with her reusable sticker book, we stack blocks or build megablocks towers or practice the water wow books (she’s still in an I’d rather eat the pen phase), and on nights when I am really just too tired for even that, we video chat with my mom, dad or sisters which she loves. I think for her, it’s me getting down on her level and having my phone nowhere in sight (unless it’s video chat).
Aly says
I feel you on the cold. My normal go-to is the park. I sometimes do a mid-week library visit (new toys to play with!) or a visit to the best ice cream shop. For at home activities, we might bake muffins or FaceTime family. Even if we are just hanging out and playing, I have music on that I like (currently revisiting Dolly Parton). Kids music does not spark joy for me.
aelle says
OP here, thanks for all the suggestions! It’s good to hear it’s a tricky age for others too. This should be enough to keep us happy until spring.
Anonymous says
18 months was prime age for taking a walk after dinner! Just around the block or wherever, but we all enjoyed it a lot. Even in winter.
Emergencies says
My kiddo is almost 3.5 and at an age/comprehension level where it would make sense to do a better job teaching her what to do in emergencies. Any good advice or resources for this?
Anonymous says
What kind of emergencies? Our kids learned about 9-1-1 in school, and we have a VOIP phone we’ve taught them to use. Oldest also knows how to get to the emergency call function on a cell phone, and in fact did call 9-1-1 the other day (non-emergency, luckily DH was right there and clarified to the operator as soon as he realized what happened). At home we’ve focused on
– Memorizing address and full names
– Fire safety (get out, go to neighbor’s house and ask neighbor to call 9-1-1)
– Medical emergency, incapacitated grownups (run to neighbor’s house for help, or call 9-1-1)
– Any other kind of emergency where there is still a grown-up in the house able to help, tell grown-up right away
Anonanonanon says
^This. Also, can she unbuckle herself from her carseat? (sorry my kids are both too old and too young for me to remember when they’re capable of that). I always made sure to teach my son to unbuckle himself and honk the horn over and over and over and not stop until someone comes to let him out if he ever found himself alone in a car. (Daycare van after a field trip, etc.) This was due to my irrational fear he would fall asleep and be left after a field trip/outing on a hot day.
mascot says
Red Cross and your local fire and police departments might have some online checklists and resources. Also, I feel like kids shows have episodes on various safety issues and emergency drills. Try Mr. Rogers, Sesame Street, Barney (I know, but maybe the library has a copy), Daniel Tiger.
Paging Inducing Labour from yesterday says
Just replied to you from yesterday but wanted to provide you some encouraging anecdata and say I am thinking of you and pulling for you. I know how stressful this is. From yesterday:
I was induced three times and did it each time without any pain relief. I also was monitored heavily and on IV meds so not able to do the bath or walking. I also did Bradley and each induction was just pitocin. It is intense but do-able. It is unusual and I did it by choice not because I couldn’t have meds. You can do it! I wish you great luck and success, it was obviously not so bad that I didn’t do it again. I just had my fourth five days ago and the fourth time was a charm. Threatened with another induction, I did two rounds of acupuncture, and she came on her own, so if you haven’t tried that (I know you said you tried everything), it is worth it if you can swing it financially.
Two Cents says
Thanks for the thoughtful responses to my milk inquiry yesterday! Really appreciate it. :)
Legally Brunette says
I would like advice on how to handle the fact that my 6 year old insists on always “winning” or “getting it right”. He’s a really bright kid with has lots of friends and is well adjusted. However, he sets very very high expectations of himself and gets very upset (tears, usually) when he doesn’t get an answer right. For example, if we’re playing a trivia game and he doesn’t know the answer, he gets visibly emotional and refuses to receive hints (in fact he gets angry when we give him hints).
I want to teach him, gently, that no one knows everything and it’s fine to not always be right (or first, or the winner).
Or maybe this is developmentally appropriate and I’m making too much of this?
Advice?
mascot says
We went through this stage. It’s developmentally appropriate, but that doesn’t make it easy in the moment. Playing lots of games and modeling what good sport behavior looks like helps. We varied them between games of chance and games that took some skill/strategy. We also try to demonstrate that there are plenty of things that adults don’t know/can’t do and talk about ways to get the information or develop the skill. We also pointed out when people were being good sports/sore losers during sporting events and talked about better ways to handle disappointment.
avocado says
This is so tough. I have a very bright perfectionist too, who expects to do everything perfectly the first time. Things that have helped are:
– Emphasizing doing one’s best, learning, and being a good sport over being “right” or “winning.” The whole Carol Dweck “growth mindset” thing.
– Extensive praise for being a good sport, for being a good teammate, for taking risks that result in learning, for working hard, and for problem-solving. Avoiding praise for being smart, talented, or correct. Even when she wins, the praise is “You’ve worked so hard on your XYZ and it really shows because [really specific observation]! You must be so proud!” Not “Your XYZ was so good! Yay! You won!”
– Supporting her interest in a sport in which she is not extraordinarily talented, so she can learn to work hard and overcome failure. Over and over and over again.
Anon. says
We played a card game with friends last weekend. Their six-year-old is going through a similar phase about winning. As Dad was explaining the game and helping her play her own hand, he did a lot of modeling and describing how other people handled it when they didn’t do well. “See Anon. got the worst score that round, but she didn’t quit. She just kept on playing.”
I am a POOPCUP and therefore have no standing to actually give advice, but it seemed like a good strategy.
Anonymous says
If you call yourself a POOPCUP, you are much less likely actually to be one. :)
Anonymous says
I love this. It sounds like a good way to teach the kiddo, and, honestly, I could totally see hubby and I doing it as a way to give each other crap that goes over kiddo’s head. “Oh, see, Daddy got the lowest score. I bet that made him a little sad at first, but he’s having SO much fun that he doesn’t really care.”
Anonymous says
No advice but my 6 year old is the same way.
Anonymous says
My 6 year old is the same way, I think it’s really, really normal. For him, it’s the “losing” aspect that sets him off. He understands that improvement takes work, is very happy to practice skills in sports, music, or whatever. But if he loses, even something as simple as “who can get their shoes on the fastest?” races, it’s a disaster. I refuse to lose on purpose to him at games of skill or strategy like Chess, although I’ll point out good and bad moves and handicap him… but it inevitably still ends in tears and then we talk about being a good sport. He’s going to be so happy the day that he finally wins, though.
Aly says
34 weeks pregnant with a toddler. What would you do to prep for the second kid? I recall (hazily) prepping tons of meals in advance of kid 1’s birth, but not much else that I did. Honestly, between work and poor sleep, I can’t think of what I should be doing…
Boston Legal Eagle says
Do you have care for the toddler arranged? My parents are local so we had them on standby to take care of our toddler while we were in the hospital. Luckily, labor started in the middle of the day while toddler was at daycare, so they didn’t have to rush overnight or anything. Pack your and your spouse’s bags (with some baby clothes) to have those ready to go. We didn’t meal prep because our freezer is small and we relied on a lot of take-out and pre-prepped meals. Set up the bassinet or whatever you’re using for baby to sleep in at first so that it’s ready when you come home. Maybe wash a few baby clothes to have those ready as well.
Good luck!
Anon says
Make sure toddler care is arranged, make sure you have a long charger for your phone for the hospital and your bags packed and ready to go. I didn’t meal prep because remembering to defrost frozen meals was too much for me. So I would in your shoes investigate grocery delivery (note that some of them can be used to deliver prepared meals from the deli section depending on the store and service) and take-out options. Then I would also think about stocking the freezer with a few already prepared meals (frozen veggies, frozen tortellini, maybe a stouffer’s lasagna or mac and cheese) that you think your toddler would likely eat something out of.
Second time's a charm says
Nothing. Except arranging care for the toddler, as others have said. Otherwise, you’re fine. All that prep work first time moms do is mostly an outlet for manic first-time-mom fear/energy. You’ve got this. You know what you’re doing. You probably have most of the baby supplies you need, and you are seasoned enough to know how to live with what you’ve got for the 2 days it takes Amazon to deliver that thing you ordered from your phone during the 5:00am feeding.
Congratulations. I know there’s a lot of fear-mongering about how second kids shake things up and make everything hard. And while there’s some truth in that, they are also so amazing for so many reasons. Sibling love, obviously. But for you as a mom too – you’ll realize how much you learned the first time around and you’ll feel amazing and powerful and full of love.
AwayEmily says
GREAT ADVICE. You got this.
Walnut says
I just delivered my third with two toddlers at home. My prep included buying diapers, unpacking the clothes from storage and packing a few clothes,toothbrush and phone charger for the hospital.
The biggest item is childcare for your toddler. As for food prep, I didn’t bother. There was a Costco run for a few more convenience ingredients and we already utilize Instacart heavily.
Aly says
This is really nice advice! I hope I’m a better parent this time round – a little less anxious, a little more in the moment. Fingers crossed!
Anonymous says
Obviously, YMMV, but I loved (loved loved) being a second time parent. I felt a million times better about everything. I was so much more present and so much better at grasping that few things are emergencies and even the tough moments pass. If I were you, I’d total focus on making sure you have a plan for your toddler when you go into labor and for days you’ll be gone, and then spend your energy loving on them and preparing them for the adjustment.
Anonymous says
I only have one kid, but I didn’t do any prep in advance and it was fine. We ate a lot of takeout/freezer meals the first few weeks. No biggie.
lawsuited says
I organized care for toddler for when I’d be in the hospital, packed my hospital bag, and unpacked/set up the baby stuff. We ate takeout and frozen pizza for the first weeks after the second was born just like we did after the first :P
In House Lobbyist says
It is a perfect time to pack a “Big Brother/Big Sister” bag for when they come to visit you in the hospital. I found that my 3 year did not want anything to do with his baby sister at the hospital and was freaked out by seeing me in the hospital bed. I had a bag of goodies and he had something to do for a while until he warmed up. My hospital also suggested bringing a photo of big brother/sister with you to put in the baby’s little plastic crib. We did it and while he didn’t care at the time- he loves the pictures of baby sister with “him” in them too now.
anon says
Has anyone tried the Colugo baby carrier? Or what’s your current favorite? We used to have a lillebaby but I didn’t love it – and seem to have misplaced it! I’d like something we can use for a newborn (with or without insert). Thanks!
Cb says
I really liked my Boba with a newborn. I used it from about 3 or 4 weeks and preferred it to the stretchy Moby wrap. I randomly acquired a Tula and found that slightly more comfortable as my baby got bigger.
Anonymous says
What didn’t you like about the Lillebaby? I really like my Tula, mostly because it fits well on my narrow shoulders.
OP says
It didn’t feel quite as easy to get on and off as friends’ baby bjorn (earlier model) or ergo? Maybe a little bulky?
We have also used a baby k’tan in the past, but I didn’t love that with a heavier baby, so I’m looking for something that can potentially work the whole time for this baby…
rosie says
I originally found the Lillebaby a little cumbersome as you described, but once I got used to it, it was great. Baby k’tan was nice when LO was real small. I got the infantino mei tei carrier thinking it would be more grab-and-go than the Lillebaby, but it was hard for me to get the ties right and way less comfortable than the Lille.
Anonymous says
Baby bjorn original for when they are tiny (with their hands inside), Ergo for 4/6 months – 18 months, Toddler Tula for 18mths – 3.5yrs (though I can still carry my 5 year old, the weight is too much for me to carry her any distance).
HSAL says
If you’re mainly looking for something with a newborn, I loved the Nesting Days carrier. It can be worn with or without a shirt underneath. It was the easiest and the most comfortable, but even though they say it can go up to 18 pounds, the babies seemed to really start sagging in it around 14-15 pounds. But at 15 we started using the Tula (regular) and that’s great.
Lana Del Raygun says
I like the Pikkolo a lot (no insert, you just cinch it up for small babies). I do not like the Bjorn because it doesn’t have a waist/hip strap and transferring the weight to my hips makes a HUGE difference to how my back feels and how long I can stand to carry a baby. I carried my 6mo (small for his age) nephew on a moderate 5-mile hike while 6 months pregnant and I would totally do it again.
Anonymous says
I had an Infantino that I really liked. Kiddo hated being carried, so as much as I wanted to wear her a bunch and would have invested in a great carrier, the Infantino was the right price point. I liked it better than our Bjorn. Hubby liked the Bjorn. I think it just fit him better. Also, the Infantino was much easier to get on and off. But I do agree Bjorn is great for little babies. I liked it better than my wrap.
EB0220 says
I loved the Kinderpack starting around 3 months. (There’s a strap to cinch the seat.) Earlier than that, I loooved woven wraps (like a Moby, but breathable) but that does have a learning curve.
Anonymous says
We looooooove our kinder pack! Way more comfortable for me than Ergo. We relied on baby ktan for the first few months— more comfortable for a tiny baby but not once they get heavy. Our giant baby went straight to a standard size kinderpack, but most would need to start with infant size. Infant size should last a regular size baby about as lon as an ergo. Our first giant baby was too big for ergo to be comfortable by 18 mo, so we got a toddler size ktan — it is the best for hiking, much better than s true hikingpack .
AwayEmily says
We really liked the KTan for newborn carrying. No learning curve at all. The down side is that you need separate ones for you and your partner if you’re much different sizes.
Apartment with Toddler says
Ladies – trying to figure out how to create a safe play area where my 15 month old can play freely in our apartment, somewhere we can easily also keep an eye on him from the bedroom or kitchen. Thinking our hallway would be an answer, but not sure how to temporarily “enclose” the space for playtime, while also keeping it flexible because we have a 70 lb dog so wouldn’t want any permanent gate situation. He sleeps in a pack-and-play so that’s not an option for him when awake as he just wants to move and play with empty yogurt containers.
I think the reality is he may just need to roam the apartment and get re-directed to playing with toys near us, and we probably need to re-visit what we’re okay with him getting into vs. things we don’t want destroyed.
TIA!
Anonymous says
One of those hexagonal portable baby fences, at least until he can climb over it.
Anon says
Mine climbed over it at 16 months and two months later I’m still mourning the loss of containment as I come home every day to a pile of confiscated weaponry and loot on the back of stove where she can’t (yet) reach – our house is apparently not toddler proof.
TheElms says
What about a mesh retractable gate at either end of the hallway? They fully retract when not in use and the mesh is harder to climb.
TheElms says
Like this: https://www.bedbathandbeyond.com/store/product/dreambaby-reg-retractable-gate/3273501
Anonymous says
Seconding retractable gates if you are willing to spend the money on them.
Anonymous says
Also, gates without bases can just be swung open against the way when you don’t need them, which should be enough out of the way for the dog.
anon says
Fellow apartment dweller here with two toddlers. I would toddler-proof your main living area/hallway so that he can roam freely there and plan to close off remaining areas with gates or closed doors (you can use child safety covers for knobs once kiddo can open those).
Anonymous says
For our twins, we set up what we called “baby jail” in our living room– a big play yard with one of those foam puzzle floors you can get cheap on Amazon, with a buttload of toys dumped in. It saved our sanity for 5 months or so. Once they get too climby/walky, it won’t work, but if you keep the toys interesting enough and the outlets covered it is nice to have. You might be able to do the same thing in a hallway with two baby gates, one on each end, and it would probably last longer than the play yard.
Anonymous says
YMMV depending on your dog, but my parents’ golden retriever just jumped over gates (not at our house…my parents liked our gates and bought them for the purpose of containing the dog…who started jumping over them pretty much immediately, lol).
Anonymous says
I’m planning to travel to Glacier National Park this summer with my daughter, who will be just turned two. Any suggestions for places to stay, things to do?
Sleepy says
I’m looking for advice about my 3 year old’s sleep habits. He turned three a couple months ago, and we moved him to a big boy bed. He has always been a champion sleeper– 7pm to 7 or even 7:30 am, a 2 hour nap every afternoon. I know as they get older, they don’t need that much sleep and will naturally begin to sleep less, drop the nap, etc. But when we took out the crib, it’s like everything just completely fell apart.
Our issues are threefold: bedtime problems, morning problems, and nap problems. The biggest issue for me is the morning. He now wakes up at 6:15 am most days. (I have an OK to wake clock. I have tried to encourage its use with a sticker chart, completion of which results in a Paw Patrol toy. This was successful exactly one time. He no longer cares about the clock or the stickers.) He knows he is supposed to stay in his room until the green light comes on, which is set for 6:45 because I’ve come to accept that 7:00 wakeups are gone forever. But he just doesn’t care. He charges out of his room as soon as he wakes, and he usually wakes up little brother in the process.
I would lock him in, but he does usually need to go to the potty. He will sometimes go potty and go back to his room, so I know he is capable of this, but more often he goes potty and then comes to get me. Husband travels so it’s usually just me, and I need about half an hour to get myself ready before they get up, but I can’t bring myself to wake up at 5:45 just because my 3 year old demands my attention at 6:15. What can I do???
Sleepy OP says
(I should also have said we moved bedtime later, to 7:30, but he’s never asleep before 8:00 at this point. He’s also mostly dropped his nap. He is notably very grouchy and angry on days he does not nap, though, which leads me to believe he needs the nap. But without the confinement of the crib, he simply will not lie down and nap. I think he’s tired, yet he pops up too early, and I’m losing my marbles!)
Anonymous says
8pm – 6:45am is pretty good for a three year old. I would just let him watch 20-30mins of videos on your ipad in the master bedroom while you get ready. Daniel Tiger and Sesame Street etc have videos and apps for that age. Make it conditional on him coming into the master without waking up his brother.
anon says
8pm-6:15am sounds good to me, too. Sorry!
For the morning, I agree to get ready after he’s up. On mornings when I’m solo with my two toddlers, I get them dressed and strapped into high chairs for breakfast, then duck into the shower while they’re eating. Once I get out/they’re done, I move them to our bed while I get dressed and do hair/makeup. I let them play with toys they are only allowed to have when sitting on the bed (Elmo phones, screen time would work as well).
If he’s never asleep before 8pm, 7:30pm bedtime is too early. You may have fewer battles at bedtime if you move it later.
Anonymous says
10 hours of sleep may be typical for some 3 year olds (it’s still at the lower end overall, National Sleep Foundation says preschoolers need 10-13 hours/day) but I think the bigger issue is that he was sleeping 14 hours a day until recently. Most kids drop sleep pretty gradually, dropping 4 hours/day in a relatively short period of time is not normal. I don’t really have advice, but I wouldn’t accept this as just “oh he needs less sleep now.”
Anonymous says
It’s over a couple months as I understood it. Also a common age to drop naps around age 3.
ER says
I’m sorry, this is all just very normal. My three year old goes to bed at 8:30, and if she has any nap, she’ll be up before 6:30. She will sleep later if there is no nap. I don’t think it’s realistic to think your son is going to go back to sleep after 6:15.
Sleepy OP says
Thank you– this has all been very helpful with framing my expectations. I think I need to just accept that an 8:00 bedtime is now the goal, and while I can also accept an earlier wake time, I would clarify that I know he won’t go back to sleep until 6:15. I just want him to stay in his room until 6:45 or even 6:30 would be ok. Mostly I just want him to obey the Ok-to-wake clock and not bother anyone else until the light turns green. That’s where I’m having trouble. Thank you all for your helpful input!
Anonymous says
We weren’t able to solve nap after moving to a bed, but enforce the ok to wake clock (and now at almost 4, just a regular digital clock after O.K. to wake broke) by just taking him back to his room 1000x with no interaction. It took s few days. We do let him out to the bathroom, though. We also changed our own routines to shower at night, which makes getting ready way easier in the morning.
anon says
How do you all communicate your family schedules with your SO? We have a toddler with special needs (lots of appointments), I have a complicated medical situation which requires a lot of appointments, and both work full time (though my job is more demanding and requires more after work events and variable appointments). So I’m extremely scheduled and DH is a wonderful, very present partner but he’s so resistant to scheduling. I send him calendar invites for doctors appointments but he doesn’t appreciate that every part of our week down to which errands I will run each day is scheduled in advance. And sure, some of those are trivial and if they don’t happen it’s inconvenient but not critical but lots of inconveniences add up. He’ll want to change who’s doing a pick up or appointment at the last minute because he just looked at his afternoon calendar mid-morning and it’s frustrating. How do you all make sure you’re on the same page? He’s reluctant to sit down with our calendars on the weekend because his schedule is more flexible so he just says “yeah, that’s fine” to everything but then will change his mind. So I’d appreciate any other systems or advice you have! I realize I’m more scheduled than most but I don’t know how else we’d function.
Eh says
You don’t have a systems problem, you have a spouse problem. If he wants to change something last minute, he’s put you in a position where you just have to refuse. You cannot switch. You can’t do the thing he said he would do. Then do not do it for him. DO NOT DO IT FOR HIM. This is the only way he will learn he can’t do that. You’ve told him and he doesn’t listen– but then you fix it for him, so he has learned he doesn’t have to listen to what you say, because you will allow it. What you allow is what will continue, so don’t allow him to change plans last minute anymore.
Anonymous says
+10000
I want to switch!
Sorry, can’t!
But I need to!
Sorry, can’t!
But but but?!?
I’m happy to sit down with our schedules in more detail on the weekends!
Anonymous says
This.
Anonanonanon says
This. “Sorry, I can’t cover that this afternoon!” “Can’t do it, I have a meeting!” “Nope, sorry!” If he can’t either, HE needs to call the doctor and reschedule the appointment for a time HE can. Of course, that’s not always the case with specialists.
If these antics start interfering with your child’s ability to receive needed medical care, that’s definitely a conversation to have.
Anonymous says
We have a standing phone call appointment on Thursdays at 12:30 for a half hour. We each sit at our work computers, discuss all upcoming events and calendar everything in outlook and our paper calendars as we go through each item. Recurring events are set, if an individual occurence of a recurring event has to be changed, the recurrance stays and the individual occurence is changed.
Unless it’s a true emergency, minimum 24 hours notice required to each other for changing schedules.
DH hates schedules but he also hates me being super super stressed out because he has no idea what’s happening when so he has accepted that two careers and three kids means scheduling meetings and advanced planning.
anon says
Your DH doesn’t get to decide that he “hates schedules.” He’s an adult with a family, FFS.
We have a shared Google calendar that helps a ton. Any work event that encroaches on family time is added to that calendar, in addition to our individual events, kid events and family plans. We sit down every Sunday and talk about the week’s schedule. It really isn’t a huge to-do: 10 minutes is usually all we need. It is not negotiable; it is part of having two working parents with kids. For many years, I was the sole person handling the family calendar and I got to the point where I couldn’t do it anymore, plus our lives just got more complicated in general. The stress has gone way down since we started sharing the responsibility.
SC says
My husband and I had Sunday night logistics meetings for a while, and that helped a lot. We’ve fallen out of the habit but have mentioned that we’d like to get back into it.
My husband and I share our personal calendars on our phones. That means that if we have an appointment together, we each see two instances. But it also means that we can add things directly to each other’s calendars or send invites and see that the other person has accepted them. I keep a separate work calendar that also shows up on my phone, but only I can see it.
I’ve gotten in the habit of scheduling 2 reminders–one 24 hours in advance, and the second either first thing in the morning (for a before-work appointment) or 30-60 minutes before (when the responsible person would have to leave).
AnotherAnon says
Following because I have the same problem. I feel like all the advice so far isn’t really being fair to both parties. My husband is a good partner and does a lot of the parenting. I’m not going to demand that he do something he hates (scheduling meeting), but I’m also not going to leave our kid at school because we’re both being stubborn. His schedule is more flexible than mine but also changes often – his clients can call and make a same day appointment. I do ask him what his schedule is like Sunday night for the following week so at least I have an idea when he’s around/available. It has also helped for me to say “I need to work 40 hours and that is not possible if 3/5 days you change our routine so I need you to figure that out.” His response was “That’s fair. I need you to consistently give me Thursday mornings.” which I agreed to. I normally do PM routine with kiddo, he normally does AM routine. I go into work late one day per week so he can get breakfast with his guy friends. He does bedtime routine one night per week so I can go to therapy. It’s a moving target but it’s working for us rn. It’s much easier to deal with the sudden emergencies when we’re going on regular dates and filling each other’s emotional banks. My suspicion is this will pretty much resolve itself when we have another kid and I stay home and take over the rest of the child care duties that he’s currently handling. I wish I had a quick and easy solution for us both.
Anonymous says
Your situation is quite different from OP’s as there is not a lot of toddler medical appointments combined with adult medical appointments. Ordinary scheduling for two parents and one kid is pretty straightforward. Managing multiple kids or multiple medical appointments makes things much more complicated. No one referenced kids being left at school and no idea why you are adverse to a’scheduling meeting’ when you have a form of that on Sunday evenings when you regularly ask your DH what the week looks like. A scheduling meeting is just a conversation about what the week looks like and making sure everything is scheduled. If you have two parents, one kid and no medical appointments it’s quite a simple task.
AnotherAnon says
Oh ok. In the future I’ll be sure not to offer advice/commiseration unless my situation perfectly matches the OP’s.
Interview follow up? says
After a couple of phone interviews, the recruiter emailed on Thursday and asked my schedule for the next 2-3 weeks so I can interview at corporate headquarters, a plane ride away. I gave him my schedule immediately
(said it’s basically open) and haven’t heard back — should I follow up?
ElisaR says
how long has it been?
OP says
Thanks for asking! Since last Thursday morning.
HSAL says
I’d follow up Thursday morning. They know you’re interested, but I think it’s reasonable to check in when travel is involved.
ElisaR says
agree. a week sounds like a reasonable amount of time and it’s not like you’re jumping the gun too much
OP says
Awesome, that’s very helpful. Thank you!
Jeffiner says
My four year old has made friends with some kids a few houses down from ours (which is great!) Those kids play in their front yard and street a lot, and invited my daughter to join them last night (also great!) My issue is that those kids are a few years older, and have more experience looking out for cars and crossing the street than my daughter. Last night my daughter did stop at the end of the drive way before running into the street to join them (and I praised her for it), but I don’t think she fully understands looking both ways for cars. We live on a residential street with on-street parking, so its easy to not see a car coming, or not see a kid run into the road. Any advice on how to teach kids to be careful in the street? Should I just lean awkwardly against my mailbox and supervise them while they play for another year or two?
anon says
I also have a 4-year-old. While we’re teaching her to look both ways, it is a process and she definitely still needs supervision and reminders. My oldest — who granted, has impulse control issues — really couldn’t be trusted alone in the front yard until age 6, at least. He would just … bolt, even though we’d practiced being safe about 10 million times.
Sometimes, I’ll use sidewalk chalk to draw a big DO NOT CROSS line across our driveway.
AwayEmily says
We also do this — the visual of the line is super helpful. Make sure that if they ever cross it you take them inside immediately, no second chances and no questions asked. They learn quickly (of course this doesn’t work if you are allowing multi-house, multi-driveway play but if you’re just in one driveway it is great).
EB0220 says
My kids are 4 and 7. I still watch the 4 year old pretty closely. She is OK about looking but is inconsistent so I stay close and watch. 7 year old gets more leeway (doesn’t have to be in voice range but I have to be able to see her) since she has proven she can be safe.
EB0220 says
Oh, I should have added, we don’t typically have people parking on the street so our sight lines are pretty good.
Anonymous says
I’m kind of amazed that you can see further than you can yell. Maybe my voice is very loud or my eyesight is very poor (probably both, tbh).
EB0220 says
Haha, we live on a fairly long, straight street and I do not have a loud voice! :) My husband and children, on the other hand, can be heard in the next county.
Anonymous says
This is exactly my situation. All the residents know the kids play in the street, and there isn’t much traffic because it’s a dead end loop, but with Amazon, pizza deliveries, etc there are non-resident cars about, and the street parking on both sides makes sight lines terrible. I’ve talked with my kids about this explicitly: it’s not enough to look both ways before crossing the street, you also need to stop at the edge of the parked cars, then peek out again to look both ways. Cars cannot see you when you’re standing behind another car. Never chase a ball into the street, never chase a pet into the street, never ride your bike/scooter down a sloped driveway into the street. This needs constant reinforcement, but they mostly get it.
If all the kids (10+ total, ages 1.5-12), are out in the street, I will let my 4 year old play in the pack without feeling like an adult needs to be outside. The kids remind me of meerkats: they all look out and one will yell CAR!! and everyone scatters to the grass. If only a couple of the kids are out, 4 year old is not allowed in the street unless an adult is out playing with the kids, and she follows this well. The other <4 year olds' parents will often be out watching their kids and we trade off on adult duty.
Anonymous says
ETA: I also dress my kids in highly visible clothing and purposely bought them bright-colored winter coats. Any kid who is still playing outside at dusk has to wear a neon reflective vest or belt when he wants to keep playing around dusk. 6 year old thought it was dorky at first, but I explained that the alternative is to possibly get squished by a car that didn’t see you and make mommy sad forever, and now he doesn’t argue with me anymore.
SC says
On a related note, when my husband was growing up and then learning to drive, whenever they saw a ball roll into the street, my FIL would ask, “What follows a ball?” Answer: “Children.” The implication is that, when you’re driving and you see a ball, stop and wait for the kids who will run into the street without looking. DH and I have always repeated this like a call-and-response, and seriously, at least one kid follows a ball into the street EVERY time. The age doesn’t seem to matter–I’ve observed kids from 4 to 15 chase balls into the street. I’m sure at least some of them have parents who have told them not to.
It’s a good safe-driving tip, but I’m not sure what the implications are for parenting. Obviously, you can’t protect kids through teenage years.
Anonymous says
Oh, I like this mantra and it’s such a good teaching tool. We try to do similar call and response in hopes of automating safety rules. For a while, we were all about “how do you dive off a dock/boat?” and the answer is always “you don’t” because you should be entering the water feet first in water where you can’t verify depth and lack of obstructions. My son thought it was this hilarious joke bc people would regularly get it wrong and pantomime putting their arms above their head.
anon says
Absolutely, and don’t feel awkward about it. Definitely depends on the kid, but I think 4 is still pretty young.
Anonymous says
Yes. You have to keep supervising her until she gets this. Every time.
Anonymous says
I allowed unsupervised/low supervision play in our fenced backyard at age 4 but not on the street side until about age 7.
Paging Paris with a Toddler from Monday. says
to the poster from yesterday who is taking her 14 month old to Paris- We took our 15 month old a few months ago and had to take a car service to CDG from our hotel early in the morning due to the taxi strike. ( bags, plus carseat, stroller toddler and busy RER wasn’t something we wanted to deal with) Anyway, the service was fantastic, clean, private SUV and he helped us with our bags all the way into the airport, for I believe 25 euro per adult, which is less than our taxi ride from CDG into the city. The name of the service is Prinz Tranzport, the business card says you can message on Facebook. I will absolutely use them next time we get to Paris.
Anonymous says
Has anyone been to a Great Wolf Lodge or similar place with a 3 or 4 year old who is <42 inches tall? Friends went and now my daughter really wants to go, but I'm not sure what she would really do there. She seems too old for the baby/toddler stuff like a splash pad, but not yet big enough for any "big kid" rides. She isn't interested in the arcade at all, just the waterpark aspect. These places aren't cheap, so I'm inclined to make her wait until she's tall enough for the slides but maybe I'm being a grinch about it.
GCA says
This is kind of kid-dependent, but the last time we went to a proper waterpark my son had just turned 3; he got in an inner tube with me and floated around and around the lazy river for a good hour. Which I was happy to do, as it was summer and I was about 30 weeks pregnant. He did still have fun at the (sized for toddlers) splash pad, but was apprehensive about the huge bucket in the bigger-kids area that would tip over periodically and drench everyone!
Anonymous says
We’ve gone 3 times. My oldest is now over 42” and at 5, still doesn’t want to do waterslides.
She does the wave pool, the lazy river, and the toddler pool area has some low key slides (maybe 4-5 spread over 2 pools). My 3 y/o is under 42” and loved the spray area- went up and down slides and dumped buckets etc. it’s like a big playground, only wet. And in winter!!
FWIW I kept them out of the arcade and nail salon completely. And the food in the MA one stinks.
anon says
We have never had issues with the height restriction at Great Wolf Lodge–only the one biggest slide even has a height restriction. Our 2 yo has been down all of the other big slides and loves them. Our 5 yo also still loves the little kid area. There are good little slides that that our 5 yo can do herself in that area and lots of spots for water dumping and floating. We always have a fabulous time.
Chi Squared says
Yes, we just went last month to one in Illinois with a 5 yr old and 3 yr old. They both had a great time. Older kid was exactly 42″, and got to go on all the water slides except for one. Younger kid could do the lazy river, wave pool, splash pad and smaller slides and water sprayers in the “fort” area. We only stayed 1 night, but got 2 days of water park time in (afternoon of day 1, and morning of day 2 with the late check-out option).