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I follow Eva Chen on Instagram, and she has been wearing this Shiseido “multi-use” highlighter as eyeshadow after it was recommended to her by a makeup artist she used. Eva is the director of fashion partnerships at Instagram, a social media early adopter, mom of two toddlers, and a recent children’s book author. For those looking for strong female book characters, I suggest you check out her book, Juno Valentine and the Magical Shoes. Anyway, Eva has recently been Instagram story-ing about this eyeshadow, and it looks like a great buy. It is shimmery, but still looks grown-up and subtle. I am definitely going to pick this one up! It is available at Nordstrom for $25. Aura Dew Highlighter This post contains affiliate links and CorporetteMoms may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!Sales of note for 4.18.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
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Kid/Family Sales
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Inducing Labor says
Baby is nine days late do they will probably induce me tomorrow or Wednesday. Anything I should do to prepare? Anyone here have labor induced and go on to have unmedicated labor? I am allergic to all pain meds and it’s making me anxious to have this process prematurely speed up (ie not at my bodies natural pace) and then have to deal with that style of labor without meds. Plus not having the option to labor at home for most of the process has me dreading it. Wishing I was in the rest of the world where they let you go longer until they induce you and they send you home after they start the induction process. Oh well. Trying to be postive and be like this way I can get my nails done before…
BTW- yes I have tried every trick in the book to get the little one to show up and nothing is working.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Not sure what kind of induction you’re getting but they let me go home in between the start of my induction (the v*ginal pills – forget what they’re called). I went back to the hospital every few hours to get more pills until active labor actually started.
Anon says
I think they will start with the gel, then try the balloon and then move on to drugs if those things don’t kick off labor. I asked about going home and don’t think thats an option with any of them.
lawsuited says
Talk to your doctor about whether avoiding the gel is viable for you. I was induced twice. The first time I got the gel and went to labour at home. The gel brought on erratic contractions that never evened out during my labour so I’d have 3 4-minute contractions back to back then nothing for 10 minutes. It was exhausting and unproductive. The second time I skipped the gel and went straight to Pitocin and it was a very calm, controlled experience by comparison. They can increase or back off the Pitocin drip depending on how things are going but once the gel is in it’s in. Apparently my reaction to the gel was a bad one, so obviously YMMV.
Anon says
So I did get an epidural because I’m a giant pain wuss, but I had an induction as an overdue first time mother without pitocin – they had planned to give me pitocin, but they started with the v*ginal suppository (cytotec) and that started regular contractions so they just let things progress “naturally” from there. When I got my epidural they said I was about 5-6 cm dilated and the contractions were still very manageable. They felt like pretty typical period cramps, which makes me think my period cramps were probably worse than average (they’ve gotten way better post-childbirth!). Generally if you’re induced your water will remain in tact until they break it and having your water in tact is supposed to make contractions much less painful. My doctor said generally inductions proceed more smoothly when you’re overdue because the baby is really ready to come out and just needs a little nudging, vs a baby that’s really not ready to be born.
Good luck!
Anon says
omg, intact not “in tact.” Clearly haven’t had coffee yet.
KateMiddletown says
Suppository vs pitocin depends on effacement/softness. I went straight to pit b/c we were 100% effaced but only 2cm dilated when we induced. We started at 6am, I watched like 10 episodes of the office and then the dr. broke my water at noon. That’s when things really kicked into action, and I got an epidural at 3pm, totally my choice no pressure from anyone. Baby was born at 5pm. I had a natural birth w/ #1 and the only reason I would consider having a 3rd is b/c the epidural was amazing. They had a birthing ball I could use to labor with, and I did walk around a little bit, but once I got the epidural I was in bed (obviously.) YMMV x1000 for anything childbirth related!
rosie says
If you have known that you weren’t going to be able to get pain meds, hopefully you already have some coping strategies planned out? I’d get a doula if you haven’t already.
I was induced w/pitocin and had an epidural a few hours after my water broke on its own (sitting on an exercise ball). One thing we noticed was when they increased how fast I was getting IV fluids before the epidural, I was much more comfortable, maybe because the pitocin got diluted a bit. So there may be ways to slow it down a bit & turn down the intensity. Also, I assume you will not be allowed anything but clear liquids once you get there, so bring stuff you like. My hospital had some kind of ices & chicken broth. I’m vegetarian, so we brought a carton of veggie broth, I also brought coconut water. My doula asked if I could have a sugar water drip (instead of just saline) before pushing, and that was good to give me some energy, since I wasn’t really keeping liquids down. Good luck!
OP says
Thanks! I have a doula team and took intensive Bradley method classes for 3 months to prepare. I have a TENS unit and some plans in place, but yah it won’t be fun. Good tip about the IV fluids. Foods are allowed as long as you don’t ask at this hospital but I do have a cooler set up of bone broth and coconut water and other things to bring. I get dehydrated fast so thats a huge focus of today – drinking all the electrolyte water.
Anonymous says
All pain meds? The classes are so different this seems unlikely. You can’t get an epidural? How would you plan to get a c-section? Which you very well may need? They don’t do them without anesthesia. What does your doctor say about this?
OP says
Haha, you have so many questions! Yes, it is possible. If I need a c-section I will have to be completely put under (not allergic to that), but yes I cannot have an epidural. I have met with my doctor team multiple times which includes the specialist on call surgeons because the normal ob/gyns that perform c-sections are unable to perform my surgery due to the complexity of it, and with the head anesthesiologist of the hospital to create a plan and am considered a high risk labor because of this.
Anon says
Ok but if you can have general anesthesia, you’re obviously not “allergic to anesthesia.” You can’t have epidural pain relief, which is not that rare. Presumably you can also have laughing gas (nitrous oxide). There are options.
OP says
Gah all I wanted were some stories of people being induced and not using an epidural and it being okay. Thanks for nitpicking a story from a random person on the internet who is already super hormonal and 41+ weeks pregnant! My hospital doesn’t do laughing gas. I never said I was allergic to anesthesia. Sorry when I said “allergic to all pain meds” I wasn’t more specific. Would you like my hospital records? I meant I can’t have epidural pain relief or any pain meds like percocet/morphine/etc. In labor I will not have the option of an epidural or laughing gas because my hospital doesn’t do it. If I need a surgery, yes I can have general anesthesia but then afterwards the most pain meds I can have for recovery are Tylenol. Which since I have been through intense surgeries before with just tylenol as pain relief I know it sucks. I have gone over all my options or lack there of with doctors for months.
Anonymous says
She said she was allergic to pain meds. I assumed narcotics. They put narcotics in the epidural, so she couldn’t have that. I don’t see why that would have anything to do with being allergic to anesthesia. Nitrous is not offered at all hospitals, unfortunately.
HSAL says
Yeah, this is a weird thing to get argumentative about. She’s clearly working closely with her doctors on this issue so she knows what her options are and aren’t.
No advice, but good luck OP!
Anon says
A lot of hospitals don’t offer nitrous oxide (mine did not). And I think it’s fair to assume that OP knows her own medical situation
ElisaR says
Good luck OP! I was in a similar position to you and did a lot of preparing via Bradley inspired labor classes. Unfortunately my water broke on its own and then labor failed to progress. Pitocin for 36 hours did not work either and I had no contractions. I wound up with a C-section. It was not how I wanted my birth story to go but I am now at peace with it. Sending you good vibes!
Anonymous says
I had a C section and took only Tylenol afterwards and it wasn’t comfortable but it was manageable. (I’m allergic to Ibuprofen and didn’t want to take opioids). So hopefully if you do end up with a C, it will be manageable.
RR says
I had a csection and took only Ibuprofen afterward. I’m not the best comparison because I’ve never had a non-c-section surgery to compare recovery, but I was fine with Ibuprofen. I wish you the best birth story possible!
AwayEmily says
I had an induced birth without medication and, well, it sucked a whole lot more than my induced birth WITH medication, but I survived. I will also note that I was planning on getting an epidural (I didn’t due to a hospital snafu) so I had not “trained” for an unmedicated birth, so assuming you’ve been practicing techniques maybe your experience will be better. Agreed on the several people who asked about other types of pain medication — there are SO many options; you’re allergic to all of them? And yeah, how will you have a c-section if that ends up being necessary? better to think about/research this ahead of time because you will definitely not be in the frame of mind to make rational decisions once labor starts.
OP says
I have known that I am allergic to pain meds since before even getting pregnant. Previous surgeries taught me that I am allergic to everything so I have been working with my doctor team for months to come up with good plans but understandably still feeling anxious about it all especially as it gets closer. I will not be having a typical c-section if surgery is needed. It will need to be a vertical cut instead of a the typical horizontal cut and is complicated by my previous surgeries and the plan is to put me completely under which I am not allergic to. Glad to you know you survived!
AwayEmily says
This sounds stressful and I’m sorry you have to deal with it. But it seems like you are asking all the right questions and making the right plans. I was induced late with both of mine too (+10 days, +7 days) and it went pretty fast with both (so fast in the second case that they didn’t even get me the epidural in time). You can do this!! Sucks your hospital doesn’t do gas; it would be great to have that in your back pocket, but I bet you will do awesome. I will also say (by way of encouragement) that I did feel my recovery was faster the time I had no medication, so maybe that will be the case for you.
And I should have framed my story in a more positive way: I was induced (pitocin, the thing they put up there whose name I can’t remember, the whole shebang) and was not able to get an epidural. It wasn’t the most fun experience of my life but it was also 100% worth it, it went quickly, I didn’t end up traumatized, and at the end I had a beautiful baby (actually, he was kind of a funny-looking potato baby but he grew into his face eventually). Also I had a very fast recovery. GOOD LUCK!!!
Anonymous says
I also had one induced with meds and one without. Without was hard! But very fast and recovery was very fast (it was also my second so I don’t know what had the bugger influence). I would prefer not to do it again.However, I had done no preparing (other than prenatal yoga). I had planned for an epidural but it didn’t work out. The pain was horrible but only extreme for a short time. I am holding my baby now and we are both perfectly healthy. Everything worked out fine.
Anonymous says
My first was 9 days late and she came naturally the morning of my scheduled induction. So there’s still hope!
My second was induced ar 41+6 because she had no interest at all in vacating. It was so, so easy- but it was my second so I’m not sure my experience is the same.
But good luck! Even if labor is tough, it generally goes quicker the later they are and in no time you’ll have a baby!!
Anonymous says
Oh, and go until as late as possible. I scheduled my induction for 41+6 because each day you are *that much more likely* to go naturally. And I’d have done day 42 but it was a Saturday and they don’t induce on weekends.
Patty Mayonnaise says
Just wanted to say that after trying everything short of castor oil (sex, walking, spicy food, chiropractor, induction massage, acupuncture, etc.) I went in for my induction at 41+5 and shortly after the cervadil was placed, went into labor and didn’t need pitocin. So it does happen! And I had an unmedicated birth, which was my plan. I also had a doula, which made a huge difference. Moving around in different positions really helped a ton. Wishing you the best of luck!
Anon says
Thanks for this story! I have done everything short of castor oil (because I was advised not to by my doctors) and am hoping the cervadil is enough to get things going.
Patty Mayonnaise says
sending good vibes!!
anon says
Oh man, solidarity. I’m a few months behind you, except with my second, and can’t have an epidural or any other spinal (so csection would be under general). And yes, we found that out the hard way first time through. At least I will have a few non-spinal options, though there are some limitations there too and my hospital doesn’t offer gas, sigh. When you surface after baby, please come back and let us know how it went. I don’t have any good answers for you, unfortunately. And I also have a burning desire to punch anyone who says something like “women used to do it this way all the time.” Oh, well, then, I guess it’s totally fine!
BonChance says
Make sure to ask the nurses for specific things to see what they say. They had heat pads (which made a huge difference for me) but hey didn’t offer them, I had to ask. Labor is tough, and pitocin is very tough, but you’re a strong woman, and you’ll be fine in the end. (Also, consider bringing tylenol, etc, for your partner. My induction took a while, and my spouse had a huge stress headache but because he wasn’t a patient they couldn’t even give him asprin.)
Scilady says
Last year I was induced early (39 weeks + 1 day) and wanted a natural labor and was able to have it. They started with cervidil 8 pm at night. By the next morning I was having contractions on my own so they waited with the pitocin. Labor then stalled and I got the pitocin which kicked my labor into full gear. My first child was born early the following morning.
As long as you are prepared, it is definitely possible. I had a strong support team (mom/ husband) and moved around a lot. Changing positions really helped me – walking, exercise ball, rocking chair, etc. We listened to upbeat music most of the time, talked, and occasionally played games at the beginning of the process. I did a lot of visualization/ mindfulness towards the end. I hated having to get unhooked from the monitors every time I wanted to go to the bathroom. There was a part when I was really wishing to be done, but right after that I was fully dilated and it was ready to push! Baby was out seemingly a short time after. Since you are prepared you can do this! Just remember healthy baby and healthy mama is the goal.
Anon says
I was induced at 39+6 (albeit with pain meds) and it went very smoothly! They started with the Foley balloon (I forget exactly what it was called), which was somewhat awful, but after that, my body basically went into labor on its own. They tried the lowest possible dose of pitocin and my baby didn’t handle it well, so they turned it off early on and never needed to restart it. Labor was 21 hours in total.
Anon says
I had an unmediated induction and it was really amazing! (No shade on medicated births – this is what worked for me). I started with cervadil and had only very limited contractions so then started pitocin. I had my doula come when they started pitocin because I had heard the contractions could be really overwhelming and wanted the extra support. But it was manageable! I had remote monitors so even though I was hooked to the IV I could still move around a lot, sit on the birthing ball, etc. I was getting really tired so slept through part of it and would just wake for contractions and then sleep again so that really helped conserve energy. I had some broth and a lot of ice chips afternoon I started having trouble keeping liquids down. Other things that were helpful for getting through pain of contractions were focusing on a mantra, focusing on a visual, and just letting my body move how it wanted to. I went from almost no dilation to full dilation in about 5 hours and pushed for an hour before baby arrived. I think what can be really challenging about inductions is that they go on for a very long time so you just run out of energy but for whatever reason that was not the case for me. You /your doulas can also advocate for how fast they increase the level of pitocin (If that’s what you do) – You may just need a little to get your body going. Good luck!
Seafinch says
I was induced three times and did it each time without any pain relief. I also was monitored heavily and on IV meds so not able to do the bath or walking. I also did Bradley and each induction was just pitocin. It is very intense but do-able. It is unusual and I did it by choice not because I couldn’t have meds. You can do it! I wish you great luck and success, it was obviously not so bad that I didn’t do it again. I just had my fourth five days ago and the fourth time was a charm. Threatened with another induction, I did two rounds of acupuncture, and she came on her own, so if you haven’t tried that (I know you said you tried everything), it is worth it if you can swing it financially.
Anonymous says
I’m going to Paris soon with a very big 14 month old. We don’t plan to use the car seat in Paris, although I suppose we might want it in an emergency (eg she gets sick and we need to go to a hospital). For the plane would you:
1) bring the Cosco travel car seat, which is light and easy to get through the airport but which she finds super uncomfortable and can’t sleep in or spend more than a few minutes in (so we would only use it during turbulence, takeoff and landing)
2) bring her regular Britax seat which is heavy but she seems to like more (but still likely won’t sleep in)
3) not bring a car seat and use a CARES harness on the plane – she meets height and weight requirements for this and it’s the most convenient option, but I have no idea how she’ll do just being in a seat.
I assume sleep is least likely with the harness, but I think odds are very good she’ll stay awake the whole flight no matter what we do.
Anonymous says
How are you getting from the airport into Paris? We would normally take the RER but decided we didn’t want to do that with kids and luggage while coming off an overnight flight with little sleep, so took a taxi into the city, for which we were very glad we had carseats. My kids don’t mind the Cosco ones, so we use those–is there anything you could do to make it more comfortable for her? Padding the buckle if she’s ff, etc?
Also, just a heads up, there aren’t official family immigration lines, but if the line is 2 hours long (like when we were there), they will let families with babies go through the crew line, so it’s something to ask an employee about.
Anonymous says
We had planned to take the RER but I see your point about a taxi being more convenient. Thanks for the info about immigration, super helpful!
Anonymous says
Yeah, I’d only ever taken a taxi from CDG once before in the dozens of times we’ve been to Paris (when we were moving there for a year and thus had tons of luggage) because normally I’m all for public transit, but it was so worth it with kids. (Babies also let you skip to the front of the taxi line, usually.)
anne-on says
If you think you’ll want it on the plane OR if you plan on using it in a taxi I would 100% bring the car seat. We used the older version of this, and it did make getting through the airport MUCH easier, and I like being able to buckle kiddo in and speed through the terminal if need be. We gate checked the car seat itself and just did the harness but my kiddo did not love the carseat and would never in a million years have slept in it on the plane.
https://www.amazon.com/GO-GO-TRAVELMATE-Travel-Stroller-Toddler/dp/B000JJK9EY?ref_=bl_dp_s_web_2592749011
Anonymous says
We have a stroller for the airport (will be gatechecking it) and have a non-stop flight, so definitely don’t need a carseat in the airport.
Anonymous says
I’d do the Britax.
Anonymous says
I went to Paris with an 18 month old. We used the CARES harness. When we use it, we require that he is strapped in for take off and landing, as well as any turbulence. If he is sleeping at other times, we will let him stretch out onto us but are ready to strap him in if needed. Sometimes he is willing to sleep strapped in. Although it would be ideal to keep him strapped in at all times in the harness or a car seat , he will be miserable being stuck for that long and everyone around us will hate us.
Anonymous says
I’m interested in a CARES with a three year old. Do you feel like it offers a similar amount of safety to a car seat, or is it really just intended to keep them in their seat?
Anonymous says
I don’t know if CARES is equally as safe as a carseat, but it’s certainly as safe as an adult using the airplane lap belt. Planes are far safer than cars, but crashes are more deadly. Any restraint device (carseat, harness, lab belt) is mainly to prevent the occupant from getting injured/killed during turbulence, not to make a crash survivable.
Anonymous says
Do you have any sense of whether he’s more/less miserable being strapped in with CARES vs a carseat? Mine will happily sit in his carseat for an entire flight across the Atlantic, but if I could get away with CARES I stead that would be awesome.
Easy Menu ideas for Birthday party says
Looking for easy menu ideas for my second daughter’s birthday party this Saturday at our house. I want easy as possible (This Mama is tired – baby is teething and not sleeping well!). The timing of the party (2:30 pm) is throwing me off as it’s not at a meal time. I am all for outsourcing this as I would like minimal prep/stress so that I can enjoy time with family & friends. Originally, I was thinking of Qdoba catering (super easy & who doesn’t love Mexican food), but my husband thinks that it will be too much food for an afternoon party as most people will have already had lunch. What do you think? Should we just have snacks instead? We have Costco and Sam’s memberships – if there are suggestions of pre-made food there, I’ll take them! Yes, I know, I’m overthinking this. Thank you in advance!
Anon says
Does the birthday party have a theme? Not saying the food needs to fit the theme but sometimes that helps narrow down choices and make it easier to make decisions.
How many people are coming?
I would just do the cake and some snacks that you can easily use for lunches the rest of the week in case people are full and don’t end up snacking that much.
Easy Menu ideas for Birthday party says
22 adults, 14 kids. Theme is ‘You are my sunshine’. Thank you all for the input! Easy snacks for the win!
Anon says
I would do orange and yellow foods! Get a box of cuties/clemeintines = suns! Cheddar cheese and ritz crackers, carrot sticks around a thing of dip could look like a sun, sweet potato chips, etc
rosie says
That sounds adorable!
Anonymous says
2:30 is totally just snack time. I’d put out an array of cold things so you don’t need to worry about heating anything up:
pre sliced cheese, charcuterie, and crackers (Costco)
Hummus and chips or pretzel sticks (Costco or other store)
Pre sliced fruit or berries (easy to just rinse and dump in a bowl)
Anonymous says
+1. If you want to be slightly more elaborate you could get bagels. But I think snacks is completely fine. People always eat way less than I predict.
Anon in NYC says
I think snacks are a great idea. I wouldn’t expect a full meal at a kids birthday party at that hour. Veggies + dip, cheese + crackers, fruit salad, bowls of goldfish/cheddar bunnies, maybe 1-2 hot, pre-made / throw in oven type apps, and call it a day.
mascot says
Chick-fil-a nugget tray is my go-to for this. You can order them hot or cold and they are easier to re-heat.
EB says
We just went to a birthday party that had a nugget tray and it was a huge hit with the kids and adults. Highly recommend. Will probably do it for my kid next year.
Anonymous says
Order a platter of deli sandwiches cut small, a veggie tray, and cookies. Move on.
EB says
I have an all-day interview with a law firm later this week and am very clearly 6 months pregnant (which they already know about, so not trying to hide it). I have two options – create a suit out of my black maternity suit pants and a black jacket, or wear a gray herringbone sheath-type dress with a black jacket. Thoughts?
In any other instance I would have worn court attire, no doubt, but for some reason I am going back and forth. I think because the gray dress looks and fits better. Please talk me off the ledge and tell me it is ridiculous to wear anything other then a full suit to this. I am an eighth year atty and they reached out to me, in case that has any bearing, which I am not sure it does.
Anonymous says
Wear what fits and makes you feel good.
ElisaR says
agree with this. traditional dress rules can be bent a bit when you’re 6 months pregnant. in my experience everybody understands that.
Anon in NYC says
I honestly think you can do either, and either would be appropriate. I think it depends on how conservative an office you think this is. For a more conservative environment, I would wear the black pants + blazer. But then again, I have gone to court in non-suits but professional maternity outfit + blazer. My two cents is that you should wear what makes you feel more confident.
Anonymous says
I’d probably wear the gray dress + blazer or go shopping for a similar black dress to attempt to make a black suit-dress situation out of it. I had a bare minimum maternity wardrobe, so this event would likely have required shopping for me.
Anon says
I would do the dress and jacket. As an 8th year you’re senior enough (in my opinion) to have some flexibility on what you wear. At my business casual office, I don’t think anyone would bat an eye at that given your pregnancy.
TheElms says
Wear what you feel most confident in; including if that is the “suit” because that is what seems normal to you for this situation even if the fit is not quite right. I can’t imagine anyone will give it a second thought. And I realize interviewing while pregnant shouldn’t be a thing people back away from, but I can see it being hard to put yourself out there in that way. So, I’m super impressed by your willingness to go out and interview. Huge props to you.
EB says
Thank you for this, but it is not deserved. I had been casually looking for a while and kind of put it on hold when I realized I was pregnant. It had a lot to do with being concerned about moving to a new place and having no goodwill in the bank for those first couple of months back. These guys reached out to me and seem to really want me, so it felt different and less of an issue. I am still not sure if I will make the move though.
TheElms says
But you’re still doing it! You could have said no and you didn’t. You can’t possibly know if the job is worth a move until you investigate it. So go do your investigating and then make your decision. You’ve got this!
EB says
That is very kind of you! Thank you!!
Constantly Sick says
I’ve poated before about my 10 month old who is sick non stop. Without exaggeration, every other week since Oct 1. Luckily it’s been run of the mill stuff – bad croup, stomach bugs, ear infections. 3 ER visits, one long hospital stay. She’s getting ear tubes next week. However, here we are, sick again – croup and a high fever, which hit on day 10 of antibiotics from her last double ear infection. Ear tubes will help some but not the croup and stomach bugs..
My question: Is this just truly terrible luck or some underlying issue? Is there even such a thing that would make her so suceptible to getting sick so frequently? I’m not even sure what question to ask the pedi. She is a daycare kid, so we know that’s some of it but this feels like insane frequency.
Anonymous says
From what I’ve heard from friends, it’s pretty typical for an infant in daycare. Older kids will still get sick a lot the first winter in daycare, but not quite that much because they have more baseline immunity. If her doctor isn’t concerned, I wouldn’t be. As far as what to ask, you could just say “hey, it seems like she’s been sick nonstop since the beginning of October – do you think that’s typical for a baby in group childcare or do you think there might be some underlying issue?”
Anonymous says
Three ER visits and one long hospital stay is not run of the mill! No idea what’s going on but I think going to the pediatrician with a list of dates and illnesses would be a good start.
Anon in NYC says
Yeah, agreed. My kid has been in daycare since about 4 months, and has not been sick like that. I’m generally not a worrier about illness, but 3 ER visits and a long hospital stay seems like a lot, and I’d wonder if there was something else going on.
Anonymous says
+1
Anonymous says
Is it worth pulling her from daycare and seeing if it helps? She may have a crap immune system that just can’t recover.
I know often non daycare is more expensive but surely you’re burning through sick leave like nobodys business. And likely pushing the envelope on bringing her to daycare sick since she’s out so much? (I certainly would).
FWIW my first went into daycare at 11 weeks and was the sickest of all my kids. She got RSV young and it compromised her respiratory system until she was in kindergarten- every bad cold turned into a chest cold and she had to get hospital grade steroids twice (at 4 and 5- when most kids outgrow this). She’s had a nebulizer since she was 5 months old.
My middle had 6 ear infections in 6 months and would have gotten ear tubes except the last infection was in May and she was 11 months old so the doc thought we should wait until fall to see if her ears matured since we were past cold season. That was her last ear infection and she’s 3 now!
Anyway, I was home a lot with my first. In hindsight, I’d have pulled her for a few months to let her really recover. The worst of it was winter.
Boston Legal Eagle says
I’d have to agree with trying a different caregiving approach in your scenario. Yes, daycare kids typically get sick more than those who are home (until those kids start school) but this sounds like a lot of illnesses and it sounds like she has a weaker immune system. My first started at daycare at 4 months and got the typical colds, including one ear infection, and a stomach bug but these were spread out over his first year and definitely not every other week. A hospital stay sounds pretty serious – was your ped concerned about that?
Anonymous says
And also, all of my kids were sick with a runny nose from october/April with intermittent ear infections and misc things like HFM or Croup or what have you sprinkled in. But not things like HFM and Strep and Croup back to back. I’d say we kept my first home on average one day a week for the first winter of daycare (she started in January at 3 months and by spring was much less constantly sick).
Are the ER visits for the same thing? My kiddo had hospital grade breathing issues and we just know now. We also know the walk in takes babies over 6 months so we started going there for steroids as needed when the home neb wasn’t enough
anon says
I hope the tubes will solve the issue, but I would also consider a change in my child care arrangement. Part of the issue could be with your current facility. My kids have both been in daycare and get the run of the mill colds, ear infections, pink eye, and HFM, but we have been very fortunate to be spared of stomach bugs and more serious illnesses. Our daycare just rarely seems to have these outbreaks. Our daycare has lots of cleaning protocols in place to prevent the spread of germs – a lot of which are state mandated I’m sure. But I hear from other mom friends when stomach bug and flu are running rampant through their daycares, and we’ve just rarely experienced that with ours.
Either way, I hope your family catches a break soon. It’s so hard for everyone in the family when your little one is sick and has to stay home.
CHL says
In all likelihood everything is totally normal, but I’ll just comment that my friend had a similar experience (frequent small illnesses turning into ER/hospital stays) and it turned out to be a compromised immune system thing which he will eventually grow out of. It was helpful to them to understand that they shouldn’t necessarily just “Suck it up” and keep sending him to daycare because he just couldn’t do it the same way other kids could. They put him with a nanny and life is changed so much for the positive. May be something to ask your ped – rare, but it happens.
HSAL says
Yes, I was going to comment with a similar story. Her kid just couldn’t get better and he went through testing with a pediatric immunologist. I’m not sure if his is something he’ll outgrow, but they pulled him out of daycare to give his system a rest and he’s much better now. Constant illness was holding him back on some developmental stuff, so you definitely want to get some testing done, if only for your peace of mind.
AnotherAnon says
DS was in day care from week 6 (no mat leave but that’s another post) until we switched to Montessori school at 18 months. He was sick from month six to month 16, pretty much non-stop with recurring double ear infections, one ER visit, and a host of other minor illnesses. I am pretty sure he was premature (he is adopted – I’ve had no contact with his mother) and he was formula fed so maybe those contributed to his illnesses. The majority of his illnesses also occurred in the Winter. As soon as he got tubes (month 16) he got much better, so there’s hope for you. He basically hasn’t had any illness other than allergies/runny nose since getting tubes. He’s now two. I know this is really hard rn and seems like it’s never going to end but that being said, I personally would not pull her out of day care unless her ped thinks she could have immune challenges. Doing so would be really expensive and require a lot more planning/schedule rework on your part, only to start the cycle of building immunity all over again when you put her back in. I’ve basically had to lean way out at work, and split child care shift work with DH (he does AM I do PM) to make Montessori work for us. It’s worth it, but it is a lot of work.
AwayEmily says
I am NOT a doctor (well, not a medical doctor) so definitely take this with a huge grain of salt but I do feel like kids “present” sick differently? My first has had a fever twice in her entire life, and she started daycare at four months. My second, like yours, is sick basically every other week (in fact he woke up with a fever and is home with his dad right now). Now, looking back on it, I think my first *was* sick sometimes and just didn’t show it as much.
A second thought: illness begets illness — it’s possible that BECAUSE she has all these ear infections, she’s more vulnerable to other bugs (stomach bug, fever, etc) so once she has the tubes she’ll be more able to fight them off.
Regardless, I’m sorry you’re dealing with this — what a tough thing. Not just the missing daycare but also the dealing with a sick baby. It’s really draining and I feel for you.
Anonymous says
I totally agree that kids present differently with respect to illness. I have a terrible teether (seriously, she is miserable for over a month before every tooth emerges) but weirdly has never seemed fazed by being sick. She had one vomiting bug that lasted about 3 hours, and otherwise has never appeared sick other than a slight runny nose. We’ve only discovered fevers by taking her temperature. One time we went to the doctor for a well check and she said my daughter had an ear infection…we didn’t even know!
Anonymous says
Also agreed. I have 2-year-old identical twins who get all the same illness, but one has never had a fever in his life, whereas his brother will get fevers from the same bug.
Anonymous says
+1. I took my baby in for her 1 year well visit today and they informed she was running a 101 degree fever. I had NO idea. She’d been a bit sleepier than normal the last day or two, but that was her only symptom. She has a nanny but I definitely would have sent her to daycare if she were in that because she didn’t seem sick at all.
JTM says
My kid has been in daycare for almost 2yrs, and she’s been sick less than 5 times in that 2years. I would talking to my pediatrician to try to find out if there’s some other issues (immunocompromised?)
Anonymous says
Good for your kid, but that’s pretty unusual. Getting sick every other week the first winter is extraordinarily common and in no way suggests the baby is immunocompromised. The fact that she ends up in the ER/hospital so often is more of a red flag, but 5 illnesses in 2 years is by no means the standard for a normal, healthy kid.
RR says
It’s typical and it tables off at about 18 months. The tubes were a huge gamechanger for my kiddo that was ear infection prone. She got them at 20 months and didn’t have another ear infection until one fell out when she was almost 5. It does seem like your kiddo has had a stretch of extra bad luck, and it’s always worth asking your pediatrician, but I think it’s totally normal.
octagon says
I was in your shoes (minus the ER and hospital stays) until 13 months when we had ear tubes put in. The ear tubes solved the chronic ear infections, but around the same time I also just saw immunity shoot way up. Maybe because he wasn’t eating as much off the floor/putting everything in his mouth? Maybe because his immune system finally switched on? Who knows – but we recently had a legit sick day for him and I realized it was the first time in more than 2 years. Hang in there!
Anonforthis says
Not as many ear infections as you, but our son had breathing problems every.single.cold and was been hospitalized 3x between 6 and 19 months. He was sick like clockwork every 2-3 weeks for most of that period, so this was a lot of breathing trouble. He has asthma. So if your ER visits and hospitalizations are for breathing issues, I’d be surprised if they haven’t at least said “reactive airways disease” yet (which your kid may or may not grow out of by 5 or so). Otherwise, yes, I agree with other posters that the severity of your child’s illnesses is not within the normal range and ask your pediatrician what underlying issues there may be. Forewarning though – at this age, most of the underlying issues can’t be diagnosed and you have to wait til they’re older to run all the tests. But at least knowing the range may help you take some proactive measures.
SC says
My son was sick nonstop his first year in daycare, which he started around 14 months. He was home from school about once a week, and also for most of February his first year. He had croup, pink eye, HFM, stomach bugs, etc. He also had 4 ear infections in about 6 months, which got increasingly harder to treat (3 before the doctors agreed he needed tubes, 1 while going through the process/waiting to get tubes). But multiple trips to the ER and a long hospital stay seem unusual, so I’d talk to the pediatrician about that.
Getting tubes was life-changing. After he got them, colds were just regular colds, and they don’t seem to bother him much. Also, things got better in his 2-yo classroom. I think it was a combination of his immune system getting stronger and fewer germs being spread–the kids washed their own hands as soon as they arrived and several more times a day, and they stopped putting every single thing in their mouths.
EB0220 says
I think we’ve talked about good kids tables for the toddler and preschooler set. Does anyone have a table that works well for elementary schoolers? Or would you just go with a regular table? I’m looking for a small table or desk that my 7 year old can use for homework in our home office. The kitchen table is too distracting with little sister running around/trying to do “homework”/etc.
Toddler bento boxes says
Talk to me about toddler lunch boxes! We’re about to move our 2-year-old twins to a new daycare where we have to pack lunches so this is a whole new world for me. I like the idea of bento boxes rather than tons of little tiny containers, so does anyone have recommendations? Points for dishwasherable and not super expensive since we probably want 2 for each kid. (I’m thinking I’ll want to pack lunch at night and not have to wash and dry the boxes first, does that seem right or do you all just have 1 that you wash and repack every night?)
AwayEmily says
YES I do have a recommendation! This is one of the few parenting things I feel qualified to talk about. First, I 100% agree with your instinct to avoid tiny boxes; those are so annoying. We started with the “Bentgo kids,” but the clasp broke after about six months. Tried again, the clasp broke again. So we then switched to the Yumbox and I like it so, so much better. The outside is not dishwasher-safe but the inside is, and it’s exactly the right size for toddler food (we also tried the OmiBox and it was too big).
and re: the dishwasher question…I am able to get by with only one, and washing by hand at night. It takes maybe 30 seconds (we don’t tend to send a lot of sticky/messy stuff — lots of PBJs, cut up fruit/veg, etc). And I am SUUUUPER lazy and hate washing stuff by hand so if I’m willing to do it then it’s definitely easy!
Anonymous says
Awesome, thanks! Love to hear real-life input for other parents who are as lazy as I am. :)
Which Yumbox do you have?
AwayEmily says
The “Original” Yumbox I believe — the one that is 8.5 x 6.5 x 1.8 inches. Re Anon in NYC’s comment — I looked at Planetbox extensively but because it’s metal it doesn’t “seal” wet stuff in as well and I do like to be able to put in hummus or yogurt or what-have-you without needing to use the little extra containers. Also my daughter would definitely lose those containers. BUT if you are slightly less lazy than I am (and/or have a less careless toddler), people say PlanetBoxes are great!
Pogo says
Weird, I have the Bentgo Kids and have never had issues! Even though daycare puts the lid on the wrong direction half the time so the clasps are “off” – they have never broken.
To me the bento aspect makes prep easier because I have to fill the little buckets: fruit, carb, protein, veggie, treat, done! My daycare also leaves anything he doesn’t eat in its little section so I can see what he actually ate that day. Surprise, veggies are often still there.
AwayEmily says
YES totally agreed about the bento aspect reducing the mental load. also I love that there is one that is the exact right size for a cheese stick. thanks god she likes cheese sticks.
Maybe I just got some randomly weird Bentgo kids — or, more likely, my toddler mistreats them in a unique way. I did like them a lot other than the clasp breaking thing!
Anon in NYC says
we’ve been using the same two PlanetBox lunch boxes for about 2-2.5 years. Entirely metal, dishwasher safe, and easy for my kid to open on her own. It can add up, especially when you add in (optional) things like the cooler lunch bag, and extra small containers for dips, etc., but they’ve held up really well for us so I feel like they were worth it.
shortperson says
we love our planetboxes. i dont do dishwasher for part of it. our original ones have been in use for almost four years and work 100%. with two kids and my occasional eagerness to pack multiple days at once and being lazy about dishes, we are now up to (yikes) eight. so we are team planetbox forever.
Anonymous says
Another member of team planet box here. They were so expensive but are pretty much indestructible – we’re on years 4-5 of ours, and have managed with a single one per kid. We started when kids were 3 and 5. We’ve replaced the now 9-yr-old’s carrying case once and probably need to for next year too, but the younger kid is still on the original case.
We just wash in dishwasher (every other day when we run it) or wipe down the compartments that get dirty that day. For dry foods like pretzels and crackers or carrots and snap peas, I don’t consider that dirty. Berries and lunch meats directly in the box (not in a sandwich or smaller container) require at least a rinse.
For kid 3, I bought a version that PBK used to sell on eBay – I thought it was actually made by Planet Box, and it had a cuter lunch box, but it turned out to be a knock-off that is much lower quality. It weighs less and has already fallen apart at the seams once (fixable but still annoying and potentially dangerous as there was a pokey steel thing). And I didn’t save that much money, so when I finally need to replace it, I’ll just go to the real thing again.
DLC says
We have several of the Sistema boxes- the two compartment ones and the the three compartment ones. We’ve had them for four years now, through two kids and they’ve held up pretty well- the gasket has fallen out of them, but we don’t use them for liquids so that’s ok. I like that My 2 year old can open it himself, and they are cheaper than a lot of other bento boxes out there (I really wanted one of those stainless feel ones, but they were $30-$50). They are dishwasher safe, though the bigger ones are an awkward shape so it does take up a lot of space in the dishwasher. Also- not 100% leakproof so not so good for things like yogurt and applesauce, though the bigger one also comes with leak proof containers that fit in one of the compartment. They are a good intersection for us for price point and functionality.
OP says
Thanks!
SF says
Bentgo comes with a two year warranty so if it breaks they send a new one within a few days. They told me I had to close it tight and then clasp it – but our first one did break after six months.
Teething says
Anyone have tips for helping a teething 6 month old sleep? I’m exhausted and feel so bad for the little guy.
Anonymous says
Medicate as much as your ped allows. I’m pretty anti-meds in general and my ped had to talk to me into it using them so liberally, but it’s the only thing that helps. A preemptive dose of Tylenol before bed has worked wonders for us.
SC says
+1. But ask your pediatrician not just about max dose, but how much over an extended period. Our son got all his teeth within a few months (we were done by like 9-10 months), and we realized we basically had him on baby advil and baby tylenol around the clock for a couple of months. Our pediatrician is fine with around-the-clock meds for a day or two, but apparently not for weeks. Oops.
Anon2 says
Motrin and Tylenol. We do Motrin at bedtime and Tylenol at first wake up. Also letting him sleep in our bed sometimes, when we just can’t sit in the rocking chair for hours.
Anon says
This.
Anonymous says
Cosigning medication. At 6 months we used ibuprofen for teething since it seemed to work better than Tylenol. I also feel guilty about giving my kids too much meds, but everytime we’ve had a bad night with tons of wakeups, once we give meds the kid sleeps through, so it is clearly worth it all around.
Two Cents says
How important is it for a school-aged child to drink milk and how much do you give? Kids are 4 and 6. We have gotten out of the habit of giving our kids milk, they drink just a cup or two a week. They don’t love it so it has just fallen to the way side.
My husband noticed that they are not growing as quickly so we’re now going to give 2 cups a day (at breakfast and before bed). We are vegetarian and they get a lot of other protein otherwise — beans, eggs, cheese, yogurt, etc.
I’m feeling really guilty about this, clearly we can remedy the situation but am curious what others are doing.
Anonymous says
I have all the opinions on how dairy milk isn’t necessary…but there are important nutrients in it that kiddos should get somewhere in a balanced diet. Milk is often suggested because it is an easy way to cover all of that stuff. So if your kids don’t mind it, go for it. If they do mind it, talk to your ped about what all you need to cover in their diets and go from there.
Don’t feel guilty…I truly highly doubt the presence or absence of milk in their diets has anything to do with their growth patterns. They’re probably just at an age where growth slows.
Anonymous says
Focus on calcium + Vit D for milk replacement – not protein.
Anonymous says
Yeah I don’t think protein is a replacement for milk. They need calcium. Yogurt and cheese are replacements for milk, but pretty much oz for oz and for most people it’s a lot easier to drink 8 oz of milk than eat 8 oz of yogurt.
anon says
older kids are not going to grow at the same rate as babies and toddlers. as a kid i hated drinking milk and so got my calcium in other ways
Another food question says
I’m looking for tips on starting solids and am overwhelmed by the internet. My pediatrician said anything except honey is fine, which isn’t super helpful. What were everyones’ babies’ first foods, and how did it go?
Anon2 says
Sweet potatoes, butternut squash, bananas, avocados are all excellent first foods. I steamed the veggies and mashed them myself. Give them as often as you wish, it doesn’t have to be every day and certainly not every meal until they are a little older. Also, some babies take a while to warm up to food (or just never like purées!) so just keep offering but don’t force it and don’t stress. I think I introduced about 1-2 new foods per week.
Anonymous says
My ped said the same “anything but honey.” We started with purees at 5.5 months – we did plain pureed veggies and infant cereal with little success. The cereal gave her really bad gas and she didn’t show much interest in veggie purees, despite everyone saying “babies that age can’t be picky!” We had more luck with yogurt (even with a veggie puree mixed in) and mixed fruit/veggie purees. Around 7-8 months we introduced finger foods beginning with whole peas (which aren’t a choking hazard because they can go down whole). She really liked whole veggies, despite never having any interest in veggie purees. We transitioned to other finger foods (meat, fish and fruit) pretty quickly. To this day (she’s 12 months now) she doesn’t seem to like bread products in any form, but she still does pretty well with meats, fruits and veggies (and still eats a lot of yogurt), so that’s good enough for me. Our ped insisted on an iron supplement because we’re not red meat eaters at home. We mix that into a fruit/veggie puree (usually prune or pear to ward off constipation issues) and she takes it fine.
Anon says
We started with oatmeal at 4.5 months hoping it would help her sleep longer (it did not). We stopped after two weeks and then restarted with oatmeal (for breakfast) and purees at 5.5 months – the first was orange, probably sweet potato or butternut squash. Introduced a new puree every few days to watch for reactions. After a few weeks, we added puffs in to introduce the concept of texture and chewing. Probably around 6.5 months she was getting the hang of chewing, so we introduced soft finger foods – finely diced or shredded including cheese, small pasta like orzo or mini shells, banana, avocado, black beans, pulled pork (sauceless), chicken, salmon, pear, steamed or roasted veggies (peas, diced carrots, roasted squash mainly). Once finger foods were introduced, purees went out the door pretty fast – she would refuse them and demand “real” food. We tried eggs at 7 months (allergic) and peanut butter probably around 6 months – I used to mix a spoonful into warm oatmeal to thin it out. I tried for weeks to get her to eat plain whole milk yogurt to no avail, and finally switched to the yobaby which has a not ridiculous amount of sugar and she loves it. At 18 months we are now entering picky toddler stage, but notwithstanding what she will eat on a given day, she still eats a really wide variety of food over a week. Her interest in carbs picked up notably the last few months, but prior to that she was straight meat and veggies and anything else was a battle. She has regained an interest in applesauce pouches, but we usually save those just for travel which probably makes them new and exciting. Make sure you’re also introducing a sippy cup with water when you introduce solids (will help keep her moving, just a few sips at first and then she’ll gradually drink to thirst) and also keep an eye out for constipation – we tried to make sure she got one pear, peach or prune puree a day to help keep things moving.
JTM says
We did baby-led weaning, so i don’t even remember my daughter’s “first” food – I think we just gave her some veggies that we’d prepared as part of our first dinner. In the early months (6mos-9mos) she mostly gummed on veggies, and she also enjoyed some fruits (apples, berries, etc). After 9mos is when she really started to get interested in food and was trying more things. We offered her solid food first at every meal, and then she’d nurse/have a bottle.
Anon says
We also did baby led weaning and I highly recommend looking into it. We took a starting solids course at a local breast feeding center that focused on traditional feeding and took the Feeding Littles online course for baby led weaning. Both courses gave ideas for first foods, and recommendations for which foods to start around 6 months vs. later in the first year. Our first food was bananas, and some other early firsts were avocado and cooked butternut squash, carrots, and pears.
Anonymous says
I did not realize until reentlynwhat I dubbed “lazy parenting” is BLW ;). My first we did the traditional cereal/purées/finger foods approach. My second and third did one purée at first and then more or less went to “table scraps.” They gummed on hunks of crusty bread, peppers, tiny pieces of things once they could pick them up, etc.
Anonymous says
Just chiming in to add that there isn’t really a wrong way to do this and how you introduce foods now is probably not going to affect what your kid eats at age 4.
Also, I had a kid with texture issues who refused to feed himself fruits/veggies/anything at all slimy until 18 months (but devoured them in puree form) and now at 2.5 eats everything, so also try not to stress too much if your kid rejects things at first.
Pogo says
You’ve gotten great advice above, just remember that how baby eats now is not indicative of how they’ll eat as a toddler or young kid – good or bad. Mine loved food, ate everything, self-fed easily and really young, etc – now he’s you’re typical “pb&j or mac n’ cheese” toddler. Other kids will reject all food until 8 months and then be totally normal in their food patterns.
anon. says
Haha, my kid ate everything and now hates every. single. thing., including PB&J and mac and cheese. When he eats a sandwich or mac & cheese, I am so grateful! He currently only eats frozen waffles and frozen pupusas from Whole Foods (I’m outing myself here). Toddlers, man.
SC says
+1. I find it amusing to watch all the new parents in our extended family pat themselves on the back for how much their baby eats, and swearing their child will not be a typical toddler. Then their child is a typical toddler, and the new parents get to judge them. Circle of life, man. (We were part of it too, so I’m also laughing at my past self.)
Anonymous says
Yup. I had a really picky 6 month old, who now eats everything as a young toddler (though I fully expect she will get picky again at some point). My friends were SO judgy about me giving her fruit and things like that as an infant and now their kids who never touched a banana or a piece of bread until after their first birthdays won’t eat anything except PB&J and bananas. It’s good to offer a variety of foods, but so much of pickiness is random or genetic and not possible to avoid.
shortperson says
i recommend the book “bebe gourmet” with great recipes and tips from french moms. it made all of this fun.
Pregnant job applicant says
I applied for a job and have an in person meeting with the recruiter/search firm who’s handling the position this week. I’m also 7+ months pregnant. Is this something where I should shoot them a quick email to warn them or can I just let things speak for themselves?
I’m already iffy on this because it would be a terrible time to switch jobs – but it sounds like it could be a good role! – so I think that’s why I’m extra sensitive!
Anonymous says
i’d let things speak for themselves. it will come up if/when they ask for your start date. I was in your shoes at 8.5 months pregnant and said I couldn’t start until 4 months later (i was not going to forgo maternity leave…). I didn’t get the job, but it was a litmus test for me – if the firm thought i was worth hiring but wasn’t going to delay things by a couple of months so that I could take leave, it was probably going to be a bad fit for me anyway.
mama, esq. says
My newly-minted 5yo (just had her birthday) has been having ALL. THE. FEELINGS. and has resorted to tantrums. Like, slamming her bedroom door and sobbing. Throwing all her sheets and pillows off her bed in the middle of the day. Throwing her stuffed animals. Kicking my shins. Obviously none of this behavior is acceptable and I am really struggling with it. I’ve tried positive reinforcement, I’ve tried rewards, I’ve tried naps, I’ve tried putting her to bed earlier, I’ve tried limiting sweets/sugar, I’ve tried adding extra fruits and vegetables, I’ve tried playing with her, I’ve tried letting her play alone… I’m exhausted. I’m pretty sure this behavior is resulting from the new house we moved into 2 months ago. But when will it end? How can I help her deal with this? Any ideas? (Or commiseration?)
Anonymous says
Well, kicking you is not acceptable. But I don’t know that I agree that slamming her bedroom door and sobbing is unacceptable. If she’s having all the feelings and needs to cry it out, let her cry it out.
mama, esq. says
Oh, fair. Crying it out is absolutely something that kids have to do sometimes. I was unclear. She doesn’t just cry it out – she cries for someone to come get her, and will wait hours, and cries to be held/carried, and insists that “YOU were being MEAN to me!”
Anonymous says
This still doesn’t sound out of the realm of normal 5 year old behavior, other than the kicking. Are you otherwise a very strict parent? Limiting sugar as a response to this is… a choice.
mama, esq. says
I guess I am strict? I just feel like her behavior comes out of nowhere, so I don’t know how to handle it. She will be playing happily, and then come over and ask for me to take her to the store and buy a new toy, and if I say that’s not part of the plan for the day, she will start this sort of tantrum. Example:
DD: “mommy will you take me to the store and buy me a new horse toy?” [she has roughly 7 toy horses plus a barn]
me: “oh that isn’t part of our plan today, can we put it on your christmas wish list?” [this was working really well for a while]
DD: “no, christmas is not for a LONG TIME and I want a new horse toy NOW”
me: “oh i understand, you REALLY want a new toy RIGHT NOW”
DD: “yeah!”
me: “and you are so frustrated that we cannot get one today!”
DD: “yeah! and YOU are being MEAN to me!” [cue tantrum]
mama, esq. says
To be clear, her PreK teacher has said that she might not be ready for Kindergarten in the fall because of her tantrums.
Anonymous says
If she cries for you to hold her, what happens when you do? Does that help calm her?
mama, esq. says
She will punch or hit me or pull my hair. It really does not help.
Anonymous says
That does not sound normally that she asks you to hold her and then when you do, she hits you?
Anonymous says
I feel like I’m always preaching the Tao of Daniel Tiger but the episode with the tag line ‘It’s okay to feel angry, but it’s not okay to hurt someone’ really connected with our kids when they were fighting with each other a lot. And also the one about ‘You can feel angry at someone you love, when you are ready, give them a hug’. Emotional regulation is a big challenge for 4-5 year olds. Hang in there.
mama, esq. says
Awesome, that’s really helpful. Thanks.
blueridge29 says
My five year old has been an explosion of FEELINGS all year long. The emotional regulation is a true challenge and it is hard as a parent when your kid is capable of acting like a big kid, but then falls apart without any warning. It sounds like you are trying a lot of good things and I agree that Daniel Tiger will help. My kid is 5 1/2 and things are getting better, but it is still hard. Good luck!
mama, esq. says
Thank you!!
ElisaR says
poor girl! I know it’s hard but I would just try to let her have a tantrum. She can’t kick or hurt you or others, but the rest of it…..I would just try to acknowledge her feelings and let her tantrum. Trying to stop it will probably just make it worse.
Anonymous says
I kind of agree. I’d take my advice with a grain of salt, because I only have a three year old and no real expertise, but with tantrums I tend to offer hugs/love (sometimes kiddo just needs a hug), if kiddo says no I respect that and ignore for a while. After 5 minutes or so, I’ll try again. Sometimes she’s ready for some hugs that will help. Otherwise, I’ll try to distract her with a favorite activity. When she’s really in meltdown mode, we go to the rocker for a rest on one of our laps. Which often turns into some reading in a book that she gets to pick out.
rakma says
One thing we had to work on with our 5 year old was self-regulation of BIG FEELINGS. We talk all the time about ways to calm down, how our body feels when we’re excited/mad/clam/happy, what actions she can take to change how her body feels. We try to do the talking and the practicing when she’s calm and happy, so that she already knows how to take deep breaths, or that she needs to run when she’s too excited. (We’ll bundle her up and let her do laps in the backyard even when it’s super cold, because it’s just so much better than dealing with the fall out). She does some kid yoga videos on YouTube, so we can ask her to do yoga breaths, rather than just asking her to calm down. We also let her define how she’s going to calm down–sometimes she wants to sit on the stairs, sometimes she wants to do something more active.
We made this switch because the cuddling and attention tactics we used when she was 3 and 4 weren’t working anymore, they were feeding the emotions. Also, giving her a chance to define her feelings. If she’s having trouble we’ll start with suggestions, but she’s getting better at telling us how she’s feeling.
mama, esq. says
Awesome, thank you.
RR says
My 5 1/2 year old has been having similar big feelings. She’s generally a happy kid, but then she will get mad at us and start screaming about how she wishes she had other parents, she wishes she had never been born, she wishes she lived somewhere else (because we asked her to put her dirty clothes in the hamper). She’s my third, so I generally send her to her room to calm down when she’s throwing a fit, then we talk about it when she’s calm. We talk about how what she said is hurtful and not okay, we talk about other ways to deal with the feelings, etc. Like I said, she’s my third, so I can give you some hope that this too shall pass. Actually, at this point, the hardest thing is not laughing at her–she’s so dramatic–someday she too will see the humor. But, obviously, not good to laugh, so I try to be a responsible mom. :)
mama, esq. says
Ok, great. Helpful to know this is par for the 5-year-old course!
octagon says
If it’s affecting kindergarten readiness, I think it’s time for an early intervention consult, and possibly some sessions to help with self-regulation. Some kids just have a harder time with it. The Daniel Tiger ep recommended is a good one. Do you think she would respond to a weighted blanket? That’s another option. You might also read the Spirited Child for ideas.
mama, esq. says
Thanks – I do have the Spirited Child book, so this is a good reminder to pick it up and maybe re-read. I don’t think she would respond to a weighted blanket. I’ll look into early intervention too.
Anonymous says
Oh hi. My kiddo turned 5 this fall and the past few weeks I told my husband it’s like she has PMS. No recent changes to sleep, family dynamics (we have 2 younger kids but they are 8 months and 2.5), or life in general.
She did have a couple weeks of stomach bug then head cold, which threw her, but that’s no longer an excuse. I’ve jept her fed and hydrated. She still goes to sleep 7:30/8 and wakes slightly earlier than usual now (closer to 7 than her usual 7:45) and I’ve mandated quiet time. She has also recently been through a growth spurt and occasionally eats more than the adults at the table.
The other day she had a full on toddler style meltdown (which she never once did as a toddler!) because the house was too noisey and she wanted quiet. I put her in the guest room (she shares with her sister), told her any time she wants she can sleep there or heck she can move in (she’s the one that lobbied for shared rooms). She had a hysterical fit and cried herself to sleep. It was…6pm.
So buckle up and we can enjoy pre PMS together. I recommend more food and sleep for your presumably growing girl, and wine for you.
Katie says
Can y’all help me with sleep training that doesn’t involve CIO? We just moved our newly turned 5 mo from a Rock n Play in our room to sleeping in a crib in his room. He slept like a champ in the Rock n Play, but has been waking up a lot more frequently in the crib. Totally understandable during the transition, but I want to ensure we’re helping him learn how to fall back asleep on his own. So we’re planning to do the increased check times – start with 5 min the first night, then 10 min the second night, etc. But once we go in to check on him…then what? I’m EBF so if he sees me, he definitely wants to eat. Do I/we pick him up? Try to comfort him without picking him up? If that doesn’t work after awhile then what? Is the goal to comfort him until he stops crying? I’m assuming we don’t give him a pacifier because then we would be stuck running in to put it back in his mouth every time he wakes up. How do I know when he really does need to eat? I’m assuming it’s not unreasonable for a 5 mo to be hungry at least once in the night. Help! Thanks.
Anonymous says
I would send your husband in to try to soothe him and put him back to sleep. If he’s really hungry (and yes he may need to eat once or even twice overnight), that won’t work. But it will remove the ‘he sees the b00bs and wants to eat’ problem.
Anon says
A 5 month old may still need to eat during the night. I think I’d try feeding at first wake (assuming it’s been several hours since his last feed) if he wants it. If he’s wanting to eat every hour that’s a different story, but 1-2 times during the night is not abnormal for that age.
Anonymous says
We would feed if it seemed like a reasonable time, but otherwise would offer a pacifier and sooth without picking them up. Having the non-nursing parent definitely helps.
FWIW, we used the pacifier at this age, but we didn’t have kids who screamed when it fell out of their mouth, so this may not work for your kid.
Anonymous says
+1 but would add that sometimes kiddo was just hungry earlier and wouldn’t settle with non-nursing parent. So then I’d nurse. We weren’t too militant about sleep. Our theory was that if sleep begets sleep, we’d do whatever we could to get kiddo to sleep in hopes that it would just keep encouraging more sleep. I’d like to think it worked, but we probably just have a good sleeper.
Anonymous says
Absolutely – depends on your threshold for # times to nurse each night. During the worst of the 4mo regression, mine was up 6-7 times. That’s when we started CIO. But if I’d had a kid that easily went back to sleep after nursing even 3-4 times, I would probably have just stuck with that.
Anonymous says
We used the book The No Cry Sleep Solution by Pantley.
If he’s EBF, I would definitely expect that he’ll want to feed 1-3 times a night for at least a couple more months. It may not be that often every night but I found as they start solids it can be quite variable depending on how much they eat during the day.
Anonymous says
Solids shouldn’t replace milk at this age. If they want more milk at night as a result of starting solids and not eating much, you need to increase daytime milk/formula intake.
Anonymous says
There’s a range of normal. If baby ate more on a particular day because they loved a new food and fed once overnight – normal. If baby hated the solids on offer that day and fed three times overnight – also normal. There’s no need to increase daytime feeds or add formula just because baby varies between 1- 3 feeds overnight.
Anonymous says
Yeah, I meant more that they shouldn’t be regressing just because you start solids. If they were on 1 overnight wake-up consistently, they shouldn’t start having 3 wakeups when they don’t like the solid that day. It depends on your personal tolerance for night wakeups too. I always did an all-you-can-drink bottle before bed because I really value my sleep.
Anonymous says
It sounds like you do want to try CIO, but aren’t sure how it works? I would pick a method and stick with it, whichever that is. I did Weissbluth, who would recommend children at that age feed 2x a night. So if LO cried before an appointed feeding time, we would let him CIO, but feed at the other times (usually like 1am and then 4am). In the beginning it was really hard and I caved on hardcore extinction (which is Weissbluth’s preferred method over checks) and would send DH in to comfort before 1 a.m. if he woke up.
What you describe is Ferber, doing timed checks. On our kiddo that didn’t help – he just got more worked up seeing us – but for some people it does. Hugs! Sleep is hard.
AwayEmily says
+1 to picking something and sticking with it. we were CIO people ourselves but I think as long as you are consistent with whatever method you choose, that’s the important thing. So maybe do a bit of browsing of the methods recommended here to see what one resonates with you the most? A lot of these sleep books are available from the public library. Good luck!
rosie says
I recommend checking out the book the Sleepeasy Solution. It was checks, like you describe. If you have a partner to do the checks, that may be easier. There is a section on how to night wean–if you are ready to do that (should ask your peds)–but even if not ready, I think you should be able to use the system to to a feed consistent with sleep training. I found this book much easier to read than Weissbluth–it’s shorter and feels more compassionately written toward baby & parents.