I really like this nursing hoodie from Motherhood Maternity. I like the long length, the thumb holes in the sleeves, and the stripes. The nursing part of this hoodie is the zippers on the sides that allow access. When the zippers are closed, it looks like a regular hoodie. I would definitely wear this even past nursing — I’m still wearing my old nursing tank tops as pajamas, and my son is 3. They’re too comfy to throw away, and it’s not something I’d pass along. I’m also a big fan of a “French terry” hoodie. This one is currently on sale for $35 and is available in XS–XL. Side-Access Nursing Hoodie
Psst: Looking for more info about nursing clothes for working moms, or tips for pumping at the office? We’ve got them both…
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Sales of Note…
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Anonymous says
Something happy for today: if you’re in a position to give, who are you giving to this Giving Tuesday? We gave to WeCount, the immigrants right group. But we discussed the Chicago revolving bond fund. We are both employed and trying to donate the money we are saving from being home. The last round was to food banks.
blueberries says
I really like the work of the International Rescue Committee.
Not charity, but to the extent there are individuals I regularly patronize (gardener, the person who cuts my hair), I keep paying as if things were normal.
Anonymous says
Why is it giving Tuesday? I thought that was in December. I’m not giving anything today. I’m really annoyed that literally 2 dozen organizations have solicited donations today.
Anonymous says
Um, because a lot of people are really struggling right now and so charitable organizations are soliciting donations to help them? You don’t need to give but you may want to be a little less annoyed.
Anon says
It is normally the Tuesday after Thanksgiving.
Pogo says
Right – I’m not in any way annoyed, just didn’t realize what this Giving Tuesday was related to. The Tuesday after Thanksgiving one was supposed to be a response to Black Friday, is this one tied to May Day or something?
Anon says
I thought it was because of the pandemic and to help them get funding now.
Anon says
Explanation in one of the (many) communications I received today: “Although “Giving Tuesday” is traditionally a day of great generosity in November, “Giving Tuesday Now” (May 5th) is a new global day of giving and unity, created as an emergency response to the unprecedented need created by the COVID-19 pandemic.”
Realist says
Still focusing on food banks. Sadly, I think that is going to be a great need for awhile.
fallen says
what are your toddlers favorite todays? thinking of gift ideas for my 2-year olds birthdays. was initially thinking a scooter but I am thinking he might not be old enough yet for it?
Anonymous says
I think 2 1/2 is great age for scooter, you could do now or for winter holidays. Play kitchen, magnatiles are other classic big tickets for the 2-3 age.
Anonanonanon says
Play kitchen, brother’s magnatiles (with supervision and assistance), wooden train tracks, imaginext playset (but those were older brother’s first, so part of it could be the thrill of using brother’s toys), sidewalk chalk, throwing and catching a ball, baby doll that has a stroller and a bed and a highchair
I was a BROKE single mom with my first. He got a small ball and an easel from ikea that was like 14.99 back then that has paper on one side and a chalkboard on the other, with a pack of crayons and a box of chalk. I blew up some balloons from the dollar store and put them all over. all in all like $20 birthday. My second got an elaborate play kitchen. Both were equally pleased. For both of them, the best part seemed to be just the excitement of it being a special day. Your kid will love whatever you get :)
anon says
Favorites from when my kids were toddlers: Plasma car, toy kitchen, mega blocks, cozy coupe, train set.
MagnaTiles have been popular in our house, but not until age 3-4 at the earliest.
Clementine says
Strider 12 inch balance bike and/or a Nutcase helmet.
Cb says
Micro Mini 3in1 scooter was a major hit, toy kitchen, magnatiles, and Brio were all introduced around 2 and are going strong now.
Anon says
Seconding all of these!
Katy says
He had a hand me down balance bike that we got out at the beginning of the summer(say ~19 months), so for 2nd bday we did scooter and he loved it right away. The model we got has 2 wheels in front and one in back. He got big train set from grandparents. and a big duplo set from the grandparents. ALL huge hits. [if he hadn’t already had the bike I would have done that vs. scooter, but for our kid the scooter was easier to get speed up fast so grown ups could walk at a normal speed].
Another idea: (from grandma… ) – craft kit: bin (which mom appreciated) filled with construction paper, scissors, pipe cleaners, glue sticks etc. (I have added other glue, sequins, refill on crayons etc.). Do not fill it full at the get go. Stuff will accumulate quickly.
AwayEmily says
A toy stroller! Both my 2yo and my 4yo LOVE our $10 one from Target. Pair with a set of “baby” accessories (an old bottle + whatever other random infant stuff you have stored away in the attic…my kids love the bottle drying rack and my old pumping flanges, too).
Knope says
Yes!! My son is 3 and loves the baby stroller. He doesn’t have any baby dolls but he loves taking his stuffed animals on “walks” in our neighborhood.
SC says
+1 to play kitchen. If you already have that, my son loved his toy grocery cart. He pushed it all over the house, and it added another game to the play kitchen. Also agree with Duplos and a balance bike.
My son’s obsession with vehicles was apparent by 2, and he loved the pull-back cars, a Melissa and Doug auto carrier, and pretty much any car or truck available. If your kid is showing any particular interest, lean into it a bit.
Cb says
Yes, the grocery cart and the old fashioned Fisher Price cash register are both big hits, and allow for endless rounds of shopping.
SC says
Our cash register was entirely imaginary, but we played endless rounds of “checkout.”
Anonymous says
My 9YO still plays with our play kitchen (granted, she’s playing Top Chef, but still)! Worth it. Fancy wooden food? Not worth it. My kids love the cheapo plastic food and random things like mardigras beads and pompoms that stand in for food.
Search for John Deere tractor takeapart on the river site. The big one that is just the front of a tractor is the one we have. AMAZING and DC was obsessed with it for several years. Pay attention to how it goes together bc mom WILL have to fix it at some point. Also in super great shape 3.5 years later and being passed to a neighbor.
Anon says
mine turns 2 next week – right now loves the play kitchen and stroller. i asked my college friends whose kids are a bit older for ideas and this is what they suggested: Dollhouse, Magnatiles, Trains, LEGO Duplos, Cars with people, Scooters, Balance Bike, Melissa & Doug Bday set
Anon says
We just got our 2 YO last week for her bday a micro mini scooter and helmet. She only uses it inside right now, but I expect that once it gets warm and stays warm (we’re in Boston) we’ll be outside with it all summer. She surprised us and hopped right on inside. She moves very cautiously with it, thankfully, but has demonstrated a ton of interest in it. You might be surprised! We just got the one that’s off the shelf at Target.
Realist says
There is a Melissa & Doug ice cream shop thing that was a huge hit around that age. It is also nice if you don’t have room for a whole play kitchen.
CCLA says
Cozy coupe, duplos, and (with supervision) magformers. We have since moved on to magnatiles but at the younger age the open middle of the magformers is easier for manipulation (according to daycare teacher and true in our limited experience).
Anon says
We gave both our boys scooters for their second birthday. My older boy took a few months to get the hang of it, but the younger one was writing his brother’s like a pro by 22 months! The micro minis have been worth every penny.
Anon says
*riding, of course…
anon says
Parents of school-age kids: What are you planning to do if schools are closed this fall? Continue with online learning? Put together your own homeschool curriculum? I will have a kindergartener and a fifth-grader this fall. I don’t think I’m remotely equipped to be a teacher, but trying to continue combine teaching + full-time work sounds worse. DH doesn’t know it yet, but I really want to take a one-year break from working and just focus on getting our family through this time. We could swing 1 income for a year, although I wouldn’t feel comfortable doing it longer than that.
Anonanonanon says
Even if schools are open, I may keep my 5th grader home for the first semester if I’m not comfortable with the measures they have put in place. I’m immunocompromised and he has pretty severe asthma. He was in advanced classes this year (4th grade) so worst-case scenario he does 5th grade classes for the second time in 5th grade, which I’m fine with.
Our school system really messed up the roll-out of online learning. They closed in March and this week is the first week they seem to have it together, but quite frankly, I’ve already given up. They’ve used a bunch of different platforms, keep sending different links (directly to the kids, not to the parents), keep changing the schedule, and send out all of these changes one at a time instead of a single email outlining the plan. It’s also all “optional” and not graded.
Our school system actually does not do spelling or spelling tests, which kind of drives me crazy, so I’m using this time to focus on spelling. We’re doing worksheets on your vs. you’re, there vs. they’re vs. their, lose vs. loose, etc. He’s reading the young people’s version of Zinn’s A People’s History of the United States and doing some worksheets I found online. When I have a moment in the day, we briefly discuss the answers and I circle the misspelled words and he looks them up in a dictionary to write out the correct spelling. I asked his Math teacher to just tell me what they were going to do the rest of the year, and I ordered some Math workbooks and we’ll do worksheets that relate to what they were going to do the rest of the year. I think that will have to happen on weekends because that will be more hands-on than the reading/spelling.
I’m not too worried about science. It’s not like they were doing organic chemistry or something he needs to practice at home. I’ll make sure he knows the mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell and we’ll be good to go.*
*Intended as a joke. I do not want to devalue the importance of elementary-school science teachers and the work they do to teach children to think critically. But “the mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell” sticks out in my brain more than anything I learned in elementary school!!
anne-on says
I am NOT a science person, so I panicked and ordered the k-2nd version of this book and like it A LOT. You have to still design your own lessons but it is very clear and user friendly, and I appreciate the ways it lays out the basics. Our online science curriculum is currently a lot of nature journaling. If we’re still online schooling in the fall I’ll be pulling lessons from the 3rd grade version.
https://www.amazon.com/Elementary-Science-Education-Foundations-Understanding-ebook/dp/B01ABY9FYQ/ref=sr_1_2?dchild=1&qid=1588686106&refinements=p_27%3ABernard+J.+Nebel+Phd&s=books&sr=1-2&text=Bernard+J.+Nebel+Phd
Anonymous says
Honestly I cannot think that far ahead. It is just not good for my mental health, and there are too many unknowns.
Cb says
Yeah, I’m only looking ahead 30 days at a time. There is too much uncertainty to do any planning. If we do end up with ongoing nursery closures, I think we’re going to have to come up with a childcare solution. We don’t have room for someone to live in, but something has to give.
Anon says
+1. I haven’t even figure out my summer plans yet. (In our area, everything is cancelled through at least July 4th, but I’m assuming it’ll be fully cancelled since we go back to school mid-Aug.)
I’m hoping to form a “pod” with a local family with kids the same age, so our kids can get some interaction and between the 4 adults we can make childcare work during the week. (And if we switch houses, then the non-housing family gets a quieter house.) If that works out, we’ll maybe look to keep something like that in place for the fall, maybe even adding a third family if it’s allowed.
Quail says
Me too. I have been off and on panicking about what to do if my kid has to start kindergarten virtually this fall, or on some sort of modified/reduced schedule. We were not planning on continuing to pay 2x full time childcare costs, and yet that’s the only option I can realistically see. I kind of need to know so I can make financial plans…but I understand that we can’t. I do love the idea of a co-op, though – hopefully we can find some neighbors who’d be interested.
fallen says
we are moving, and while initially i was thinking of doing preschool + nanny for 2 year old I am now going to just do nanny. i am super nervous about finding a new nanny now, but feel like we have no choice since both husband and i can work up to 50-60 hour weeks. we have an amazing one at our current town and the idea of interviewing nannies in the middle of a pandemic makes me super stressed out. i am wondering if we should consider a live-in given the pandemic.
Anonymous says
Your live in nanny isn’t a prisoner. She’ll still get to leave and go shopping and to church and to visit with her friends and family if she wants.
Anon says
I’ve worried about this when people talk about their live-in nanny sometimes. Like, you know you can’t forbid her to leave the house, right?
Anonymous says
Under some states’ stay-home orders, a live-in nanny shouldn’t be leaving the house right now.
Anonymous says
Under no states’ stay at home orders has anyone been ordered to not leave the house at all. In every state you can go outside and walk and go to the grocery store. Nannies are also people.
Anonymous says
If the family is providing groceries, then the nanny should only be going for walks.
Anonymous says
She. Is. Not. A. Prisoner. She can go to a grocery store.
Anonymous says
We are in the middle of hiring a nanny. It’s not the easiest time, but we have found some great candidates. We have video calls for the first interview, and then a socially distanced meeting with the final candidates. We explained what we are doing for social distancing, and asked with the candidates are doing. We realize that even if they say they are socially distancing, we can’t really verify it. We also can’t guarantee that they will not develop quarantine fatigue. This will partly be a leap of faith – but we figure that there will be risks in everything we do. We just have to weigh those risks. For us, we decided a nanny is less risky than our large daycare. We also realize that we represent risk for the nanny – so we promise to socially distance, and keep an open dialogue on what distancing looks like as this pandemic evolves.
Anonymous says
Schools are most likely going to be in session next year.
Anon says
I sure hope so. My state recently announced a gradual reopening plan that calls for a full reopening by July, complete with conventions and attended sporting events. And in the same speech, the governor emphasized that the status of K-12 school in the fall is still “To be determined.” Are you f-king kidding me!? CONVENTIONS are more important than SCHOOL?! (I know we’re not really going to have conventions in July. But the idea that we would even contemplate having them before school sent me into a blind rage. Some officials seem to really not understand the importance of school for kids and working parents.)
Anon says
I’m really worried certain politicians are using the pandemic as a way to set women back. Make reopening child care the lowest priority and boom, women are back in the kitchen where they wanted them.
Anon says
Yeah, and it also disproportionately hurts the poor kids/families, so it’s a win-win for Republicans.
Anonymous says
This comment makes no sense. Most republicans want nearly everything to open up and never even closed daycare, whereas most democrats are in favor of lockdown.
Anon says
I’m not sure what you mean by the comment makes no sense. It was literally the plan released by my state’s governor (R, although not one of the first to jump to reopening). I can speculate but don’t know what his motivations are, but I can tell you that he is publicly saying we will have conventions and festivals in July but the status of school for the fall is still very much up in the air. Fwiw, daycares were never required to close in our state, although a lot of them, including mine, chose to. My daycare has informed parents that they are following the public schools, so will not be opening until the fall and won’t reopen this fall if our public schools don’t open :/
Anonymous says
Sorry – it was a nesting fail on my part, intended to reply to the 12:44 comment.
blueberries says
I hope school is open with social distancing precautions as appropriate. I trust my local public health officer to close schools if warranted. My kid will be going to school whenever it’s open.
I expect the virus to be a problem for 2 to 5 years and the risk to my kid of not going to school/socializing for that long is astronomical.
I do hope that my local school system creates a voluntary distance learning program for families who make different calculations, such as if they have high risk people at home or a kid who does well learning from home.
Boston Legal Eagle says
“I expect the virus to be a problem for 2 to 5 years and the risk to my kid of not going to school/socializing for that long is astronomical.” This. I get that this virus is posing a high risk to the elderly and at-risk populations, but at the same time, the risk of kids not going to school and being stuck at home with parents who don’t want them there (not maliciously, just need to work, need to do other things) is also huge. I sure hope law makers are taking that into account and aim to make school as safe as possible while accepting the risk that there will be more cases, but opening school and daycares IS essential, IMHO.
My kids are just 1.5 and 4 and if daycares are not open by mid summer, I guess we’ll have to get a nanny/my husband will be on extended leave, but I would really really like my 4 year old to be with other kids socializing.
Anon says
Yup. Also daycares have been open in a lot of states this whole time, serving children of essential workers (which includes a lot of healthcare workers). If school/daycare spread was going to be a huge problem we’d have heard more about daycare outbreaks by now.
Anon says
Y’know I keep hearing what a horror this is for kids and I knew plenty of adults who grew up on ranches and only interacted with their immediate family for 6-8 months a year their whole childhoods and they were totally normal adults.
Maybe we’ll finally take teaching social skills and empathy seriously and they’ll all end up better for it.
Anonymous says
I’ve been thinking about this too, but the difference is that the family was all engaged in the same thing, and in their immediate surroundings. Yes, the parents were not intensive parenting the kids, but they weren’t dividing their attention between the physical reality of running their home/ranch/family and remote work. To me, it’s like sitting at a meal with someone who’s staring at their phone: having someone physically but not mentally present is just wrong for the way humans are “meant” to interact.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Sure, if that’s your life and that’s what you expected from life, you can live that way and raise your kids entirely in the home. I was thinking about how in the 1800s, your day as a woman probably was: tend to the house, feed the kids, hand wash all the clothes, churn the butter, sweep the house, all day everyday, repeat the next day. I imagine no one went on international or even domestic trips the entire time they were growing up, and school may have been in the home. However, this is so far from my life that I can’t just step into this and expect to be all things for my kids, while also preserving my mental sanity or theirs. Nor do I want to. I strongly believe in the village.
Anon says
I know quite a few people who were homeschooled and while many of them are nice people, they missed learning basic social skills and how to interact with peers and it shows. We saw a dramatic change in my 2 year old’s personality when she started school around 16 months – she went from being a shy little kid who was practically glued to her mom and dad and sometimes burst into tears at the mere sight of a stranger, to a bubbly extroverted kid who ran up to strangers in the grocery store to say hi and barely even looked over her shoulder to say goodbye to us at school drop-off. I absolutely loved seeing her confidence and social skills burgeon – it was truly one of the things that brought me the most joy as a parent, since I’ve always been a shy introvert myself – and I really don’t think it’s crazy to suggest that 1.5+ years of literally not interacting with anyone except her parents will fundamentally change her personality. It’s not just no school, it’s also no travel, no kid’s museums/zoos/libraries, no grandparents (because they’re high-risk), no weekend activities, etc. It’s….a lot. Especially for kids who don’t have a sibling close in age.
Anon says
People who live on ranches typically don’t have a mother who works outside the home, and they have a ton of kids so the kids have built-in teachers and playmates. Most of us work outside the home, and would like to continue to do so, and a lot of us only have one or two kids, so it’s not like our kids can take over caring for each other.
Anon says
Agreed. I also think the risk of the virus needs to be put in perspective – like, what percentage of deaths and hospitalizations are for people over 65? Or in nursing homes? Or kids? The data needs to be more nuanced to make real decisions for communities.
Anon says
The age-linked data is out there, people just aren’t using it the way they should be. Kids under 20 are extraordinarily unlikely to be hospitalized or die, and there’s increasing evidence kids don’t even spread the virus well (no child has ever been identified as a “super spreader” for example, and tons of adults have).
Extra anon for this says
Agree x1,000.
Schools need to open, but need to do it in a modified way, and people will need to accept that there WILL be cases when they do. Keeping children inside their classroom as much as possible, either by cohorting the kids into half-day shifts so they can sit further apart and just do core academics, or just having them eat lunch etc. in the room will at least help with contact tracing and reduce the number of exposed kids/teachers that need to be quarantined when there is a case. Teachers need to be empowered to encourage kids not to bite their nails, touch their face, put their pencil in their mouth, and cover their coughs and sneezes correctly.
I agree that they definitely need to continue to refine distance learning procedures, so they can continue to instruct classes who are quarantined for 14 days if someone in their class tests positive, or instruct kids whose families are not comfortable sending them to school because they or a family member are high risk. Or, at least come up with some kind of curriculum to help families homeschool their child following the school system’s curriculum, with virtually-proctored tests for older students to measure progress and performance. It’s so tough to balance the equity issues surrounding the ability to do that, though. This is all just so, so difficult. Someone loses in every scenario.
anon says
OP here, and I agree with all of this. Our school district has paid very close attention to the equity issues, which I completely appreciate and agree with. Our city has exactly one public school district, so the situation in each building is very, very different because the student populations are very different. At the same time, the end result is some very watered-down curriculum across the board. There is no live instruction at all, which doesn’t seem sustainable if this extends into the fall. I don’t know what the answer is, though.
Anonymous says
My school district is similar. My oldest is only in first grade, so I’m not terribly worried about the shoddy online curriculum stunting his academic growth, but I can imagine I would feel differently if I had a middle or high schooler, and might seriously consider a dedicated online school that has refined their tactics a bit better. I really appreciate my son’s morning meeting with the teacher and his class, which is geared toward social interaction/emotional needs, but the actual instruction videos are weak.
I expect that the district will be much better prepared by next school year, so I’m still holding out hope that potential additional closures won’t be as much of lost instruction time as this year.
avocado says
I’ll probably get flamed for saying anything here, but we are looking at enrolling our 13-year-old in a fully on-line high school program next year and transfer her back into public high school in a year or two when it’s safe to attend. True homeschooling is not a viable option for our family. Our district’s “learn-from-home” initiative to cover the remainder of this school year has been wholly inadequate, and the district is not planning ahead for possible closures in the fall or taking any steps to make in-person attendance safer.
Anonymous says
Why will it be more safe to attend high school in 1-2 years? Why isn’t it safe for her this fall? Is she immunocompromised?
I’m not flaming you but I think this is a foolish irrational choice. And I think you’re excessively harsh on your daughter already and frequently clash with her over normal teenage behavior so I don’t see how you could possibly conclude that keeping her locked up at home is going to be healthy for her or your family.
No-Face says
I’m not avocado and my kids are at a different stage so the calculus is different. However, I think keeping a kid at home for school can make sense. We have many important relationships – our extended family (including elderly relatives), families through church, etc. Many of my oldest kiddo’s closest friends are through those channels. She sees kids at her preschool, but her real friends are outside of school. Less exposure at school could mean more meaningful time with our other relationships. If my kid is at school everyday, I don’t know if we could safely see my in-laws for example, who are both in their 70s.
I am still leaning towards school in the fall assuming that proper measures are being taken. My kid has an IEP and gets services that I could not replicate at home. But under different circumstances, staying at home for a year while my local area gets its coronavirus response in order seems like a reasonable choice. Not foolish or irrational at all.
Anon says
Because in 2 years we might have a vaccine? I mean, that’s so obvious why would someone ask.
Anon says
That’s a very iffy might.
Anonymous says
Because it’s very obvious that we could easily not have a vaccine for 5 years or longer.
Anonanonanon says
I think this is a perfectly reasonable approach and I’m looking at something very similar for my older child.
I also think it’s very easy for people to judge parents of older children for venting frustrations here. It’s important to parent teens and set boundaries and teach them to express their frustration or displeasure appropriately in ways that aren’t rude or unkind. We all love our children, but the rest of the world doesn’t have to, and part of our job as parents is to make sure they grow into polite and kind humans that other people find pleasant to be around and treat with kindness.
Otherwise, they might end up on online forums calling people fools and bad parents when they grow up :)
Spirograph says
Yup. Avocado, this isn’t a choice I would make, but given how covid-19 has impacted your family, I understand why you are being more cautious. My 14 year old niece has been doing an online program since the beginning of this school year, and my sense is that it’s really hard on her, hard on her relationship with her mother especially, and she was missing social interaction before it was cool, so to speak. But every family is different and I hope this works well for you.
I’m with those above – I trust my state and local government to open and close schools as appropriate based on advice from public health experts (this might not be the case in some places in the US, but I think Maryland has done a good job). If school is open, my kids will definitely be going.
avocado says
I am ordinarily opposed to homeschooling and on-line school for the vast majority of kids. I just don’t think we are going to have much choice. Even if I decide to risk sending my child to public school in the fall, she’s going to end up being sent home for large chunks of time during the year.
Anon says
Avocado – I missed your post how COVID-19 has impacted your family more harshly than most. Is your daughter at higher risk?
avocado says
We lost my mother-in-law to the virus, so we are very keenly aware of the dangers.
anon says
Is anyone in your home at a higher risk?
Anonymous says
Anon @1:18, check out the thread on the main page about experiences with Covid. It’s horrible even for those who have “mild” cases or are young and low-risk.
Anon says
No one was flaming you for saying you want to keep your own child home. They were flaming you for saying schools couldn’t be open for anyone because you felt it wasn’t safe for your child.
Anon says
No you people were all jerks about someone making a pretty scientifically accurate assessment of risks. NYC is publicly 50/50 on school occurring in the fall with the expectation that all students wear masks (September, when 1 million school kids need about 5 million masks.) So what do you honestly think the behind closed doors numbers are?
But let’s talk in three weeks when Georgia’s new numbers come back.
Anon says
None of us know what elected officials will do. The pushback to avocado was to her declaring that all K-12 schools should be closed for a year or more because her (affluent, bright) child can learn very well online and she’s scared for her child’s safety if schools open before there’s a vaccine. If you’re scared for your child’s safety and believe your child can learn well online, you have every right to keep your child home. It sounds like online schooling will be a great choice for her family, and that’s absolutely fine. But you don’t have the right to demand that 30 million children have no school because you feel that online schooling is the best option for your family. The majority of children in this country don’t learn well at home, and some aren’t even safe; and even among those of us who are privileged enough to educate our kids academically at home, many of us believe that the socialization aspects of school are equally or more important than the academic aspects, particularly at the younger ages. A kindergartner is not really going to school to learn math and reading, they’re going to school primarily to learn how to interact with other children. That can’t be taught at home, especially to children who don’t have siblings close in age.
Lyssa says
I’m curious (and please don’t take this as argumentative), if you do that, do you anticipate allowing her to engage in social/extra-curricular activities? My biggest memories of high school are big group activities like theater and band, plus just aimlessly hanging out with my friends, which can’t really be replicated online. And as kids get older, of course they’ll want to date and things like that, too.
I’m just trying to conceptualize how this can possibly work as a long-term plan.
Anonymous says
It can’t.
avocado says
No, it can’t. But she can only enjoy life if we keep her, you know, alive.
Anonymous says
You do realize that a 13 year old has a <.0001% of chance of dying from this, right? She does things every day, like riding in cars, that are more likely to kill her.
Anonymous says
She isn’t at high risk of dying. She’s a child with no health issues.
avocado says
All the forecasts I’ve seen strongly suggest that there will be a surge in infections in the fall that will necessitate school closures and the reimposition of social distancing measures. I strongly believe it’s inevitable that my child will be learning from home at some point, whether or not we enroll her in public school. If she’s definitely going to be at home, I want to provide the best curriculum available. I don’t trust the schools to do it, so I’m looking for other options.
As far as extracurriculars, the same applies. Realistically, any activity that starts up will be shut down quickly. Even those states that are rushing to reopen are having trouble deciding how to handle youth sports.
Anonanonanon says
This is why I’m considering it as well. My son and I are both high risk and I strongly suspect the school system will close periodically in the fall. The school system has really struggled with online learning and I don’t trust they’ll have it covered next year. Also, my son says he does not miss school one bit. He’s always been happy to be cozied up at home, which I 100% cannot identify with, but it is what it is. He has never enjoyed school. He had friends at school and is invited for play dates and sleepovers, but he doesn’t miss it at all. If I keep him home, I’d still let him do cross country through the local organization he runs with in the fall if it’s open. I feel like the risk of catching something in a 100% outdoor, largely-individual sport is a lot lower than in a school. I know it’s not zero risk, but I do think it would be important for him to be around other kids at practice and get the exercise for his lungs. Right now we have a temporary nanny who is capable of doing schoolwork with him while his sister naps, so I’d probably try to keep that arrangement.
Anon says
I had a wonderful experience at a fully online school when I was an immune compromised teen (and I’m still in touch with friends I made there). It can work out really well.
Anonymous says
Sure. But imagine if you weren’t immunocompromised and wanted to go to school but your parents wouldn’t let you. Still fine?
avocado says
That’s not the situation. The real choice is between about two weeks of school followed by endless packets of busywork at home for most of the rest of the year, and on-line school with live class meetings and a meaningful curriculum.
AnonLaywer says
I don’t think schools will be as ill-prepared for online school next year. Not sure why it would still be meaningless busywork.
Anonymous says
Best of luck Avocado.
avocado says
Because when we ask about contingency plans for the fall, the answer is “don’t worry, we’ll be back to normal then!” And none of the teachers we know has heard a peep from the district about fall either. If they’re not working with teachers now, they’re not going to be ready.
Anonanonanon says
I cannot imagine caring so much about what someone else is deciding for their child. Can’t you just read differing opinions and think “hmm, interesting” and move on?
Realist says
I don’t know. I’m not sure I can justify paying our private school tuition for Zoom classes for 1st grade. But I can’t imagine sending our asthmatic child in for school in the fall if Covid numbers go how I expect them to go. But I worry our school (which we love) will just completely go away if it can’t open in the fall. This is so hard.
Anonymous says
This will be a tough decision in our house, but ultimately we’ll make it in July. Our four year old can continue going to daycare or switch to public PreK. We’ve enrolled her in the public PreK program, but if we think there will be lots of closures, we’ll stick with her current daycare/preschool. It’ll be a little sad because daycare only has a 4/5 preschool room, and she has already been through the 4/5 year old program there (except for the pandemic situation), and I don’t think she’ll get much more out of it. A new environment would be a better learning situation, but I struggle with the uncertainty of how it will play out. That said, I think our city will close school as a last resort next year. We’re in a town/city of about 23,000 with a lot of low income folks. If school closures persist next year, a lot of kids will struggle for education and food. This level of a shutdown isn’t as sustainable in my town as it is in wealthy suburbia. And we’re already a hotbed – about 25 mi from a meatpacking outbreak and have a very high number of cases for our population. So by the time fall rolls around, I have to think it’ll basically have been all through our town. Sad, but realistic.
Clementine says
High/Low Thread
Let’s do a high/low of the day… but I’m talking small potatoes high/low (no need to choose anything profound).
High: I let my kids play this SUPER FUN game which involved them wiping down my kitchen cabinets with baby wipes. They honestly thought it was the MOST fun thing to play this morning.
Low: Had a rugged feeding with the baby from 3-4AM… then the toddler woke up before 5:30… Also, the toddler – who is a great snuggler in a chair or on your lap is straight out of the UFC when she gets to snuggle in a bed. There were body slams. Somebody aggressively attempted to shove binkies in my mouth. Preschoolers were punched. I attempted to diffuse the situation by setting toddler up to play in the bathroom while I took a shower and… I had a fully pajama’d child climb into the shower with me at 6AM.
Cb says
High: My son is getting better at independent play, I read a chapter of my book and made a to do list while he played trains and “talked to his colleagues” this am. And he’s so funny, he set up a Zoom call in his cot and told me that I only get one kiss a day, “you’ve already had your kiss today, mama!” And his bike is the best investment we ever made (Frog balance bike).
Low: Teething seems to last forever. He’ll be 3 in August and still doesn’t have his last molars. Poor thing seems to really be suffering with it.
Boston Legal Eagle says
High: My 4 year old has been complementing me and it feels soo nice! Like the other day he said, ooh mommy, I like your new shirt with the flowers. Or, ooh, I like your new haircut (just wearing it down).
Low: When said 4 year old gets angry or frustrated, he throws his toys or hits, which gets them taken away, angering him more. Our office is right next to his bedroom, so I hear these screams constantly…
lsw says
We are dealing with the same low and it’s really hard.
lsw says
High: My 3.5 year old has taken to saying, “I love you, Mommy!” and then I say, “I love you, too!” and he says, “I love you too, too!”
Low: He ran full speed straight into the corner of the dining room table last night and has a horrifying bruise on his forehead as well as a dent. (Covered with a bandaid now but looks like the swelling and bruise already went down from last night). My 14 year old SD got her period for the first time two weeks ago and just got another one, and I will simply say that her emotions are being negatively affected.
SC says
High: My 5 year old discovered U2’s Beautiful Day, and he is obsessed with it. Last night, when he heard it for the first time, he came and found us outside in the yard and asked us to come back inside so we could hear this amazing song! And then we listened to it 3 times, with him talking straight through the song each song about how much he liked it and what his favorite part was and how it’s his best song ever. I played it for him again this morning, and it was actually a nice, positive start to the day.
Low: Every single transition results in a fight. It gets really old. I had to leave the room to calm down about 3 times last night.
Anonymous says
Thank you for posting this low. Also finding transitions difficult with newly turned 5 year old and it’s good to hear it’s not just ours. In isolation I think we are losing sight of what’s normal and what’s not via a vis child development!
Katarina says
Low: My 4 year old peed in a desk drawer overnight. He got a little on the carpet too. And my 6 year old had a little accident requiring a change of sheets.
Hi: My 4 year old and 6 year old were very enthusiastic about helping to clean the pee. This is almost another low, because my 4 year old did not understand why I minded. Also, my 12 month old was asleep during this time. He slept until almost 7, which is a record. In the past, he has woken as early as 4 am.
Spirograph says
I’m sorry, I know this was no fun for you, but I got a good laugh out of it. :)
Anon says
Two Highs: 1) My new noise cancelling headphones came today, super fancy ones with the noise cancelling mic, and I got on a call and my colleague only heard my daughter twice even though she was jabbering away in the same room as me! Not cheap but totally worth it. 2) DD’s preschool class had a quick zoom check-in today and it was the most adorable thing ever – she was blowing kisses to all of her little friends.
Low: Looks like it’s going to be another barnacle day – toddler is super clingy this morning – after we had a pretty good week last week. Right now she’s perched in front of Fancy Nancy with snacks, so bribery is working.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Which headphones did you get?
Anon says
Bose Noise Cancelling 700 – the color I got was $100 off for mother’s day I think. Still very expensive, but worth every penny given I worked from home often pre-COVID and probably have another month or so to go full time WFH before we’re back in the office at least on a part-time basis.
Infant care in the times of Covid says
I’m due with our first baby in October (hooray!). Our plan is to have a nanny for the first year or so, and then transition to an au pair (once we buy a house, we will tailor search to places that would accommodate an au pair easily).
But now that I’m reading all these articles about a resurgence of Covid-19 in the fall/winter, I’m wondering how the f**k we are going to find a nanny safely. Am I borrowing trouble, or do people with infants/people who are expecting share these worries?
Anonanonanon says
Quite a few people, myself included, on this board have “COVID nannies” currently. Put the importance of social distancing in the job announcement, stress it in the interview (“tell me about the social distancing measures you and your household have in place”), and hope for the best. It’s all about relative risk at this point. There is no magic option. Someone quits their job and stays home, you get a nanny that you trust to be as safe as possible, or you use daycare. If no one is quitting their job, nanny seems the safest.
Your other alternative is to buy the house early and move forward with getting an au pair… but I’m not sure how you’d get an au pair here with travel restrictions. You could do a normal live-in nanny, though.
fallen says
we need to move so I am in the same boat, trying to find a new nanny. for us it is worth the risk – we are young with no health conditions, and are socially distancing so hopefully won’t be putting a nanny at risk. neither of us wants to quit our jobs, and i don’t think we can work and watch our kids with their current ages – our nanny had to leave early yesterday and watching the kids while trying to work with my husband and i was a nightmare, it was super hard for even 2 hours so I cannot imagine doing it long-term. I may consider a live-in though, to reduce risk.
Anonymous says
You just hire a nanny.
AnonATL says
Due at the beginning of August, and I really have not thought about this as much as I should. My goal is to not put baby in daycare until he is 1, especially given immunization schedules for babies. I wfh fulltime and Husband wfh 3 days/week pre-corona. The plan was to have a part time nanny/babysitter so we can both have a few designated productive hours each day, and then maybe take turns the other half of the day working and watching kid. We wouldn’t have the nanny start until I go back to work at 3 months which puts us into November.
We have not started looking, and this situation has made me even more apprehensive about having a stranger watch my infant. I know it’s likely safer germ-wise to have 1 person watching him instead of being at daycare. I’m concerned that if daycare remains closed, there may be a shortage of caretakers in our area. We will definitely be making whatever recommended behavior at the time is part of our screening process (strong emphasis on social distance, assuming that is still going on to some extent).
I figure worst case scenario, parents across the country are juggling children and work right now, and we could do it too until we found someone.
Anonymous says
You’re going to need to hire childcare. Full time if you work full time. The risk has never been that kids are getting sick it is that kids are transmitting this. Hire a real nanny.
Anon says
OP here. I also WFH full-time. Are you and your husband both going part-time until the baby is 1? I’m confused since you said you were only thinking about getting part-time child care. Granted I haven’t actually had my baby yet, but there is no way I could WFH full-time without full-time child care.
AnonATL says
My original comment was a little unclear since the Anon @ 10:08 seems to be confused by the part time care portion as well. We are planning to start with part time care when he’s still small and less active, but will adapt to full time if/when we need to.
Both my work and my husband’s work is not a strict 8-5 butt in seat type work. As long as we are logging our roughly 8 hours a day, neither of our employers care much about when that occurs. I have coworkers that start at 6am, and I have others who start at like 10am.
In the current hypothetical plan, we would have someone in the house watching baby the first half of the day, when husband and I would be 100% focused on work. Then caretaker would leave, and husband and I would have a schedule of who watches baby between naps the rest of the day. In this scenario, I’m also assuming my husband does full time wfh, which seems very likely.
Obviously this hinges on how and when baby sleeps, and we will adapt as needed. This is our only kid so it makes the situation a little less complicated.
I can fully admit this might just be naive ftm planning, but based on what I know about both my and my husband’s work loads and what other coworkers are doing with their infants, I’m pretty confident we can make it work until about 9-12 months when he’s likely to need more active attention.
Anonymous says
No all of that was clear! It’s just insane and not at all realistic. I mean your last sentence alone is just staggeringly wrong.
AnonATL says
Ok wow Anonymous @10:54 and 10:08. You clearly have some strong feelings about what a stranger on the internet is planning to do with their baby 6 months from now.
You do not know my exact situation, and I have said multiple times this is only a tentative plan that we will change as needed.
It’s not for you to say what is right or wrong for me and my family. There are plenty of people in this world who make this scenario work, and it’s not like we will be doing this forever.
Anonymous says
Ok! If you aren’t interested in learning that in fact anyone who has actually raised a child would know that “they are likely to need more active attention” way way earlier than 9 months have fun with it! I tend to find it helpful to know when a plan I’m making is stupid.
Ashley says
Gently, I think your baby is likely to need more active attention well before 9-12 months of age. I think it’s fine to see if you can make it work for a while if that’s what you really want to do, but I encourage you to start getting comfortable with the idea of needing more care than you think.
No-Face says
Anonymous is being unnecessarily rude, but I encourage you to plan on full time help when your maternity leave is up. I’ve had two easy babies, but babies need a lot of care, right away. If your work requires doing something at a particular time (e.g. meetings, scheduled phone calls), taking care of a baby is just not compatible. There are days where my six month old gnaws on a toy quietly while I hammer away at my computer, and other days where she needs something constantly. There is no way to know which day you’ll get ahead of time.
That said, if you and your husband both work part-time and are both individual contributors with very collaboration, getting part-time help and switching off could work.
AnotherAnon says
Anon above is being rude, but truthfully, you are not going to be able to squeeze more than 3 hours of work (total, not per person) in with an infant. Full stop. You need full time care and should plan for such. Save your future self a lot of stress and heartache and plan for this now.
Spirograph says
Gently, it is absolutely naive ftm planning. You seem to have a very unrealistic idea of how much work babies require, even before they are mobile. There is a reason that, in normal times, people who work from home are required to have childcare during work hours. You simply cannot be a good employee while you are caring for an infant. (It’s hard to be productive when you have an infant at home, even if you are not concurrently responsible for its care, too, TBH, because you’ll likely be massively sleep deprived and, you know, your life will be upside down compared to pre-child.)
You need a full time nanny if you both have full time jobs. If you’re a freelancer and don’t have availability requirements, you might be able to get away with this, but otherwise you are dreaming. Even if your work doesn’t suffer, your marriage almost certainly will.
TheElms says
So assuming you had an excellent sleeper who slept through the night at 3 months you might be able to do this but you’d be exhausted and frazzled. Also, how good would you be at working while the baby cries? A potential schedule might look like this just in case you were wondering. Babies eat every 2-3 hours.
6am-9am: Up with baby, feed baby, maybe baby goes back to sleep if you’re lucky and you can shower or eat or sleep; husband likely needs to get up and work
9am: Nanny arrives (you won’t have showered so you’d need to do that now and eat breakfast)
9-9:45am shower, eat, you likely need to pump as well if you are planning to breastfeed; husband needs to do anything else that might need to get done like cleaning, washing dishes, pump parts, bottles, laundry
9:45am-1pm Both parents work (3 hours 15 min – but you would need to stop to nurse or pump at least once so really that’s only 2h 45 min for you)
1pm Nanny leaves
1pm-3pm feed baby; feed yourself; watch baby (husband works -but he also has to get lunch so he only gets 1hr 45 min work)
3-6pm you work (husband watches baby, but you’ll need to stop to pump or feed baby so you get 2hr 30 mins work)
Its now 6pm and you’ve been going since 6am and you’ve done 5hr and 15 min of work. You’ll be pretty exhausted at this point.
6-7pm baby bed time routine
7-10pm baby sleeps (you eat dinner, both work — 2 1/2 hours work — you’re at 7 hours 45 min of work)
10pm feed baby again
10:30pm – 11pm — finish working (you’re now at 8 hrs 15 min work)
11-11:30pm finish any chores that need to be done like washing bottles / pump parts, laundry, dishes, wind down
11:30pm go to bed; 6am wake up
This is doable with a baby that sleeps at night, but it gives you no downtime, and is exhausting. You could do it short term to cover a gap if you had trouble finding care, but I wouldn’t recommend it for more than a week or two.
Anon says
I’ll be the dissenter. We had no paid childcare until my DD was 11 months old, and my professor husband managed to put in a ~40 hour workweek from home while taking care of her. He said it got harder after 8-9 months, but from 3-9 months was pretty easy. She was napping for about half the standard workday, and when she wasn’t napping he was wearing her in a carrier or working on the floor next to her activity mat. Caveats are that she slept through the night early and crawled on the later side (~9 months). So while I don’t know that it’s a good thing to plan on, because you don’t know what kind of baby you’ll get and what kind of parent you’ll be, it does work for some people. We’re glad we did it – it saved us a boatload of money, and it also gave my husband critical bonding time and the opportunity to take on the primary parent role, which continued to be a good thing even once our child started daycare and we both went back to work in an office.
SC says
Echoing that I think this is naive ftm planning. I’d at least find a caretaker willing to increase his or her hours to full-time so you don’t have to go through finding a nanny again if the part-time care thing doesn’t work.
There’s a reason that one year of parental leave is standard in basically every other country. It’s a full-time job, and is still hard when there’s a full-time caretaker. There’s also a reason many (but not all) first-time parents go all out for the first birthday party–it’s not for the baby, it’s to celebrate the survival of a really difficult year.
Also, the caretaking responsibilities are not spread out evenly or predictably. TheElms’ schedule is a best-case scenario. The problem is, there will be sleep regressions and growth spurts and teething and illnesses, times when your baby sleeps less or eats more or needs more attention than “normal.” You can’t schedule those times, or schedule around them.
AnonLaywer says
I’ve been trying to work at home with a 4-5-month-old baby for the last month since my maternity leave ended. My mom has been helping. Complete effing nightmare. Unless your house is huge, you will hear everything that is going on and the baby will know you are in the other room “working”. It is impossible to get any kind of focus in place when you have one ear listening for the baby and the baby is going to want tot be brought to you. Why eat from a bottle when mom is in the other room? Also, if you make hungry noises, you will get brought to mom! Great! There is no way to get a period of sustained focus.
At least with a nanny, there’s a clear division of responsibility and maybe you can carve out some boundaries. If you and your husband are just tag teaming it, you lose even that.
Anonymous says
I’m working at home with my husband and my mom here to watch the baby and it’s horrible. I don’t know what I’d do with my mom. There is no way you could get your work done without help.
Anonymous says
What are these “naps” of which you speak?
cbackson says
I’m worried about this as well. Due at the end of June and on maternity leave until October. After that we’d been planning on an au pair from a specialized agency that places medical/social work professionals, but right now it looks like new au pair arrivals are on hold and it’s unclear how that will look in the fall. I guess that means looking for a nanny, but I’m not sure how far in advance to start doing that. No idea if daycare will be open here by then or if I’ll feel comfortable using it if it is.
Anon says
OP here. I’m intrigued by the specialized au pair agency! Can you share more details about it and your thought process there? Our primary goals are linguistic and finding someone whose personality/culture meshes well with our family, but I’m wondering what other factors we should be considering.
cbackson says
It’s called Apex Pro Social. I was not comfortable with a standard au pair for an infant, because even if they’re “infant qualified,” most of the time you’re talking about someone who doesn’t have professional childcare experience and as a first-time mom I’d rather work with someone who does have that. In terms of au pair vs nanny, part of it is that we both worked abroad as young people and really benefitted from it (and would like to help make that possible for someone else), plus the appeal of early exposure to another culture/language.
That said, I had a nanny as a child and we may end up with a nanny if an au pair isn’t possible or we don’t mesh with the potential candidates. It’s important to us to pay whomever we hire on the books, and so far we’ve run into a bit of a roadblock on that front (the two people who were recommended to us so far weren’t willing to work on the books), but we have time still to find someone.
We are also considering some daycare options, but again, hard to know what’s going to be open/possible, plus my job may still be remote in the fall and we’re not finding good options on that front that are convenient to our house.
Anonymous says
An au pair is not supposed to be a full time nanny for someone with more than a 9-5 job.
Anon says
Not cbackson, but I’m guessing she knows that. I also have more than a 9-5 job, as does my husband. As do many friends with au pairs. The au pair never works more than the mandated limit of hours per week because the parents juggle their schedules to have time with the children in the morning/at the end of the day/during lunch, when the au pair is “off”. You can absolutely have an au pair if you work more than an 8 hour day, as long as you plan for it.
cbackson says
Yup, absolutely aware of and respectful of the limit on an au pair’s working time and have taken that into account in our planning.
anne-on says
Yup, we have an au pair and we’re currently swapping who handles her daily breaks, but her schedule now that school is at home is usually 7-12, 2-6/5 days a week for her 45 hours. She’s able to do some laundry and VERY basic tidying during that time but we’re also picking up meal prep/extra laundry because we’d be over her hours otherwise.
octagon says
Friend recently added an au pair to their house. It was an au pair already in the US but was ready to change families after 1 year. Au pair was 2 states over. Friend drove to pick up au pair and brought her to their house, where au pair quarantined herself in their basement for 2 weeks, then began work. I don’t think any new au pairs will be arriving anytime soon from overseas.
Anonymous says
I have a super skinny 2 year old and need pajama help. The 2T tops are getting too short but there is no way she could weave 3T bottoms – really some 2T bottoms are still too big. For reference, all of her summer shorts we just bought are 18m. She is out of diapers which doesn’t help. Do I just need mismatched tops and bottoms in different sizes?
anon says
Primary is your friend. We just buy separates from them and everything matches everything :)
Boston Legal Eagle says
Agree on Primary and Hanna Andersson should be good too. My 4 year old is skinny but long, and then length is good without being too baggy. I think they’re having a sale now on pjs.
lsw says
Hanna Andersson works great for my super long waisted preschooler. We size up a size or two and then wear them for a while. The pants somehow fit him great despite that fact that normal daytime pants never seem to.
Cb says
Primary is a good shout, but does it matter if they are capri length as it gets warmer?
Anonymous says
Agree on the pants but the shirts bug me a little more. It’s just at home, so it’s fine if her belly is out – that’s what we are doing now at least – but i wish her shirts fit her.
AwayEmily says
Primary is soooooo skinny. We also often use cheap leggings as pajama bottoms.
AnotherAnon says
We’ve been mismatching pjs for months now and I give you permission! My kid is 3 and still in 2T pjs. Could she wear night gowns?
Anon says
My 2 year old is a 5T on top and a 24M/2T on the bottom (she has a very long torso, a buddha belly, and short legs). I think it’s pretty common? We actually don’t buy anything marketed as pajamas because even in the bigger sizes they’re too slim cut for her (especially the leg and arm openings). We mostly use regular long-sleeve t-shirts and leggings, and the nice thing about pajamas is you don’t have to worry about the legs or midriff being an inch or two too short, so you can use recently outgrown clothing. When I cull her closet for things that are too small to wear to school, they go into the pajama drawer.
DlC says
Oh this is so smart! My 3 year old also has a little belly and I’ve just been letting him sleep in his tshirts, but I think the purposeful culling to the pj drawer is the way to go!
Anon says
Hah, thanks, I feel like clothes are the one area of parenting where I have good mom hacks. I also like to buy dresses a couple sizes too big and have her wear them until they’re a size or two too small, so they go from maxi dresses to tunics, and we can skip sizes that way.
Anonymous says
I have the worlds skinniest child (now age 4, still able to fit into size 18 month shorts and skirts b/c she has no butt- even more hysterical bc I have a 2 y/o who can’t fit into this stuff bc she got her
Mamas booty). I’d put your kiddo in a nightgown with a diaper and/or diaper + playground shorts under.
Anonymous says
I have a super skinny 2 year old and need pajama help. The 2T tops are getting too short but there is no way she could wear 3T bottoms – really some 2T bottoms are still too big. For reference, all of her summer shorts we just bought are 18m. She is out of diapers which doesn’t help. Do I just need mismatched tops and bottoms in different sizes?
AwayEmily says
Did anyone read the NYT piece entitled “Turn Your Demanding Child Into a Productive Co-worker”? I went into it prepared to be annoyed but actually thought it made some good points — especially the part where she notes that getting kids to play independently/help out takes work and practice. I’ve noticed that over the last month, my kids (2 and 4) have by necessity gotten better at being by themselves, but it definitely took a LOT of practice, starting in small increments (“I’m going to clean the kitchen for ten minutes, and when I’m done I’ll play with you”) and working up to bigger ones.
But it also got me thinking that people on this board, especially parents of older kids, might have good advice for those of us trying to encourage independent play. What has worked for you?
Anonymous says
Time limits worked really well for me starting young. Mommy will play with you in ten minutes at age 2 becomes from 9-12 you can read, do school work, play outside, play inside, or eat a snack. By yourself.
anon says
Setting up an activity — and I mean this in the loosest sense, not in a Pinterest-y way — getting them started, then gradually walking away has worked for one of our kids. Example: Haul out the Lego bin, give her an idea to get started, then walking away. 9/10 she chooses her own adventure, but the whole point is to give her a loose sense of direction.
We’ve also done a lot of first, you do X; then we’ll do Y together.
But none of this is magic. It takes a long time. I’ve also noticed my 5-year-old has been much clingier lately and is having a harder time with independent play. Given the disruption in routine, I can’t say I blame her, but it’s hard.
anon says
Oh, and I have also noticed that if I spend some one-on-one time with her upfront, early in the day, that fills her cup and buys me some time later on.
anne-on says
+1 – lots of physical 1:1 time (cuddles on the couch reading, laying in bed to chat before they go to sleep, etc.) also helped my son get his fill of ‘hands on’ mommy time.
Anon says
Setting up an “activity” works really well for us, too (3yo twins). It’s usually something as simple as “why don’t you go cook your doll dinner?” or “can you build a tower out of duplos”, not the elaborate play invitations you see on IG, but gets them involved in something and then they occupy themselves from there.
Cb says
My kid isn’t great at it, but it getting better. We use a little timer to indicate when we’ll play together. I find it if I give him some really focused time (even 10-15 minutes) and then gradually fade out, it helps.
SC says
We do a lot of what’s suggested in the article. We go about our work. Kiddo is welcome to play away from us, play near us, or help us. We often ask Kiddo to help, but we let him choose. This sometimes works when we’re relaxing too–over the weekend, I was able to sit outside and read a book while Kiddo played with Legos near me.
We also alternate times of focused attention and times when he has to play more independently. Kiddo is an only child, and during the pandemic, we’re the only people he sees, so I’m empathetic to the fact that we’re the only real social interaction he has.
During the week, DH and Kiddo have a schedule. The schedule serves other purposes, but Kiddo knows when he’s going to get focused attention and when he’s supposed to play independently, and for how long.
Jeffiner says
Sigh. I asked for advice on getting my daughter to play by herself last week. I’ve been playing with her more, being more attentive, then trying to transition to adult activities while she plays and promising to return. If anything she is now more clingy, begs me not to leave her, and has more tantrums. When she is older, she will not remember the time I spent playing with her, the baking cookies, the craft projects, the water gun fights after lunch, or exploring the lake shore by our house. She will remember that Mommy and Daddy have to work all the time and she had no friends to play with.
Better than remembering Mommy was so sick she had to stay in bed for weeks, or Daddy went to the hospital and we didn’t know when he’d come back.
anon says
((hugs)) This is an impossibly hard situation. You’re doing great, mama, I promise.
SC says
You’re doing great. I think most kids remember the good. If your child is old enough to have specific memories of this time, I predict she’ll remember the time you spent playing with her, the baking cookies, the craft projects, the water gun fights, and exploring the lake shore by the house. She’ll accept that Mommy and Daddy had to work, and you were all at home, because kids are amazingly adaptable as long as they having loving adults to guide them. If she’s not old enough for specific memories, she’ll remember feeling loved and safe.
When I was 6, my mom spent a year commuting away from the family during the week and coming home on weekends. Of course, I remember that she was gone. It was a tough year for everyone. I accept logically that it led directly to the life I had growing up and the life I have now. I also remember going out for pancakes with my parents on weekends and spending Sunday nights watching tv and cuddling on the couch with my mom. And I remember great times with my dad, who worked full time and took me to McDonald’s twice a week and took me to minor league baseball games and did a 300 piece puzzle with me and let me wear whatever I wanted for picture day (to my mother’s chagrin).
Anonymous says
Does anyone have any info about Kindercare centers re: reopening? When they closed in March it sounded like they closed everything at once except for the centers designated to care for children of essential workers. Just wondering if they’re going to wait to reopen until they can do so nationally or if any individual centers have reopened and if so where. We have no info from ours except “no date yet set for reopening.” But our state has started reopening and I’m supposed to go back to the office at least part time by June 1, so…
Anonymous says
This is obviously a state by state thing
Anon says
I don’t think it’s so obvious. Our large chain daycare wanted to stay open but was told to close by it’s corporate office at the same time as others in the country. Other daycares in the state are open. So I think it’s possible that this will be a national decision by Kindercare, Bright Horizons, etc.
Anonymous says
I don’t think it’s obvious. My state never ordered daycares to shut, but KinderCare closed most of their centers here (including mine) as part of a national decision to close all centers except a handful designated for children of essential workers. I can’t find anything on their website or social media that suggests they’ve re-opened a previously closed center anywhere in the country, so I thought I’d ask here and someone could tell me “yeah my center in Colorado just reopened” and then I would know that their approach is indeed state by state.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Not Kindercare but ours in another national chain. They sent an email saying they will likely reopen the centers in the states they are allowed to, so I don’t think they’re going to wait until it’s clear everywhere. They also sent some guidelines about new drop off and care procedures (from the CDC maybe?) – drop off at the curb, temperature checks, more stringent requirements for fevers, etc. I am just picturing a line of cars with parents handing off kids at the door and pick-up will be a circle of kids waiting to be picked up outside? I hope it works but I see chaos.
Anon says
We’re at kindercare and our current nanny is a kindercare employee. Her mom is asst director of the center so she sometimes gets inside intel. That said, she just told me that there has been no guidance and consistent deferral to states and their reopening plans. I’m in Boston and we’re closed until June 29. They’ve started to do some soft outreach t confirm people still want their spots, but they’re similarly reaffirming that our spot is safe.
Once the states allow them to open, then it’s the local municipality, and then it’s the actual business itself. I expect once Baker allows them to open ours will reopen with modified pick up/drop off procedures, teachers wearing masks, etc.
Anonymous says
I’m guessing it will be state-by-state. Here in Maryland it sounds like daycares aren’t going to open until at least July, if not later, whereas other parts of the country they’ll open much sooner.
Jocelyn says
My kids go to KinderCare in NH and it was previously only open to essential workers. Now it is open to everyone but I still haven’t sent my kids back yet.
Jeffiner Fornuff says
Some Kindercares in North Texas opened this week, as the state ended the stay-at-home order. I don’t know if it was all of them, or just certain locations. Mine stayed open the whole time. A friend said she got a survey about when she would like her location to reopen.
Anonymous says
Thanks to you and the others who responded for the info!
Anonymous says
Favorite meatless meal recipes? Here is mine:
https://iowagirleats.com/crock-pot-black-bean-rice-soup/
Thanks!
lydia says
Grubstreet just had a list that looks promising!:
https://www.grubstreet.com/2020/04/vegetarian-recipes-meat-shortage.html