Accessory Tuesday: “The Point” Flat

I’ve been eyeing these cute flats from Rothy’s for a while now and I’m curious whether any of the readers have tried them. There are two styles, the Point and the Flat (which has more of a round toe), and they’re supposed to be like fancy ballet flats. They’re washable, made from recycled water bottles (and are recyclable), designed to be “blister-free,” and so on. We’re featuring these lovely, lipstick-red camo ones — I’m not usually a camo person, but this actually seems more like a fun snake print and not exactly camo. (Note that some colors will be retired soon.) They are a little pricey — $125 to $145. Rothy’s

A couple of flats that are more affordable and have fun prints are from Target and Sam Edelman at Zappos.

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  1. Sassyfras says:

    I saw a woman at the playground who was wearing these. I asked her about them and she could not stop raving about how wonderful they are! I wish they came in a size 5.5 but i’m thinking about trying a 6 just because they look so cute and functional.

    • EB0220 says:

      Good to know! I keep thinking about buying some because they’re super cute, but haven’t been able to find many reviews.

    • Sarabeth says:

      Try it – I went half a size up in mine (round toe style).

  2. can anyone report on the sizing on these? I wear a size 9 in Cole Haan so I am wondering if these run roughly the same sizing.

    • My true size was a little tight in the points, but I have semi-wide feet. I kept them anyway – I think half-sizing up would have been too big. Cole Haan are typically narrow for me so I size up in Cole Haan.

    • Sara C. says:

      I’ve found mine round toes to fit true to size (10). The point were too narrow in the toe box.

    • I have a wide foot, narrow heel. The pointed style did not work for me, even at a half size up from my usual. It just made my foot look even wider. I have the round toes on today, still a half size up from my usual. They are very comfortable. I’m wearing mine for the second time today so I cannot comment on durability or how they hold up to machine washing.

      • Sarabeth says:

        Similar feet, same experience. Pointed ones are never going to fit me, round toe style is perfect in a half size up. Wearing them now. I’ve had them for six months and washed them probably a dozen times, they still look more or less new. And I wear them almost every day.

  3. avocado says:

    I still cannot get replies to thread on my phone. Sassyfras, what did you think of the fabric in person? I like the idea of these shoes but wonder whether they might appear to be some sort of plastic water shoe, like fancy woven crocs or jellies.

    • Sassyfras says:

      They looked gorgeous! Not plasticky at all.

      • I have them and they definitely don’t look plasticky. They feel more like fabric. And they are way more breathable than crocs or jellies, which I can’t wear.

        • Anonymous says:

          OBSESSED with mine. Able to wear them in black into my very conservative office, and they make a great commuting shoe as well.

  4. Two Cents says:

    This post is very timely because I wore these today for my walking commute (I have the same camo pattern, but in gray). So while they are VERY cute and mostly quite comfortable, even for long distances, if you have feet that tend to sweat I would NOT buy these. They stink to high heaven. I wash them regularly in the washing machine (a huge plus which is why I bought these in the first place) but they still smell. Lesson learned, I will go back to wearing shoes with leather lining. Those don’t stink at all for me. I really wish they had worked because they are so cute.

    • FWIW you might try spraying them with lysol (the aerosol germ-killing kind). This used to work on my brother’s sneakers. Can’t hurt, right?

  5. Sara C. says:

    I have the round toe ones and love them. I tried the point first, and found it too narrow in the toe box (and I have pretty narrow feet). But the round toe ones fit great and are super cute. It’s hard to describe the fabric — it’s unlike any other shoe I’ve tried — but its definitely not plastic-y. I’ve walked a ton in them already, and they’re holding up really well. You can pretty easily come by a $20 off code via referrals. I’ll try to post mine in a subsequent post.

  6. Anonymous says:

    This xmas, my kids will be nearly 4 and 6.5 years old. I want to get them some sort of cameras. They have begun resisting when we try to take photos of them, and rather than stop, I feel like we could let them in on the fun (of taking photos). Ideally, I would get them those old-school cameras that would immediately print the photo, but I feel like that gets wasteful (and expensive) very quickly. So I’m also considering an ipod touch (is that the right variety of apple product?). Any thoughts here?

    Unrelated: I bought Little Monkey Calms Down because my littlest has massive tantrums, and she LOVED reading it with me last night. So far, so good!

    • I think Little Monkey Calms Down is the best book I’ve purchased for my little one.

      • +1 to Little Monkey Calms Down. It’s a lifesaver in our house.

        When my youngest was born, he “brought” a camera for my 2yo (now 4yo). They both still adore it and it’s stood up to 2 years of abuse. The resolution isn’t great, but they can review their pics on the camera and you can upload them to your computer if they’re so good that you want to print a couple. They’ve never asked to print a pic, it’s more of the thrill of seeing it on the screen for them. It was an earlier version of the VTech Kidizoom. The newest ones have a front and back camera so you can do selfies, which my oldest would probably LOVE and never put down.

        • Rainbow Hair says:

          My nieces, 4 and 6, have the VTech one and they LOVE it. It’s really pretty neat. Though it does have some kind of dumb video game on it, if you’re trying to avoid that.

        • EB0220 says:

          One of my kids got the VTech camera earlier this year and both of them love it (3 and 5).

    • anne-on says:

      We have the new polaroid camera, and while yes, film is expensive, my kiddo LOVES having physical pictures. We display them on a ‘gallery’ type wall in his room, and also just stick them in a nice bowl on our sitting room table for him and other people to look at. It also didn’t take him long to learn that film is expensive and if he blows through all the film quickly he has to wait to get more, or use his allowance money to buy more, which I think is a good lesson.

  7. Stephanie says:

    I’m wearing my black point flats right now and as folks recommend above I recommend rounding up a size (I’m normally an 8.5 and wearing 9s). I love these shoes so much – they’re stylish and comfortable and washable!

  8. AnonHyperMom says:

    Reporting back from yesterday’s thread. Thank you all very much for your advice. DS is clearly not sleeping enough.

    Last night he came back from the park earlier, we did bath, and was asleep by 7.45. That is 45 minutes earlier than the usual. He cried a lot before falling asleep. I suspect it was because he was too tired and hyper to fall asleep. He was rubbing his eyes frequently. He still woke twice to eat during the night and was up by 5.00 am!! I am not giving up with the earlier bedtime because we clearly have a problem. My goal is to continue earlier bedtime so that he sleeps longer in the morning. Then we will give up night feedings. I assume it takes a while for him to get used to the new schedule, right?

    Any soothing music recommendations to play in his room while we are winding down? Thank you again for all you replies!

    • Anonymous says:

      Try sizing up on his diaper. One of my kids is in size 5 during the day but needs a size 6 (put on tight to avoid leaks) at night. If he wears a size 5 and fills it at night, it gets uncomfortable and he wakes up. Given that your guy is drinking twice at night, it might be that he pees when he stirs in the morning and can’t sleep with a full diaper.

    • EB0220 says:

      Clair de Lune puts me right to sleep…my kid, too.

      • Anonymous says:

        this totally outs me, so anon for this, but Clair de Lune is my secret weapon. I play the piano and learned it years ago pre-kids… once I found out it was on the naptime playlist at daycare, I started practicing it again. They basically have a Pavlovian response and calm down as soon as they hear it. As a bonus, if the kids fall asleep while I’m playing the piano, I can keep playing other songs afterward and it won’t wake them up!

        If you don’t want to listen to it on endless repeat, and like classical piano music, Chopin’s nocturnes (any nocturnes, really) will also do the trick. There’s a lot of sleepy-sounding Debussy: Reverie, Arabesque, etc, but also some more percussive pieces, so test drive first.

    • Anonymous says:

      I bought a Brainwave Symphony cd for my hyper little, and it helped a lot at bedtime.

    • Anon in NYC says:

      I don’t play music before bed; instead, I turn on the white noise machine while we are reading books/I’m singing lullabies. I think it subtly tunes my kid into the fact that it’s time to sleep. As for the 5 am wakeup – your kid may just be an earlier riser!

    • Good work! Keep going with the early bedtime. It may take some time for your kiddo to realize that bed time is just same old predictable bed time. And while he’s still over-tired, he’s more likely to wake up in the middle of the night and early in the morning.

  9. Cross-posting from the main site..

    Anyone here using the Noom app for weight loss? I’m in my free trial and am trying to decide whether to pull the trigger or stick with Weight Watchers. I like the psychology component of Noom but there are some things that are not as user friendly for me as Weight Watchers, e.g., browsing the food database. Looking for reviews.

    • AwayEmily says:

      Reviews are tough when it comes to weight loss and exercise because different things work for different people. That being said, I assume there’s a learning curve with any new app…do you think this one will potentially get easier with time?

  10. I bought a minivan says:

    I’m headed to Lancaster with my family (two childrem 20 mos and just turned 3) the end of this month. Just a mini-break from DC for a Friday – Tuesday.
    We are doing:
    Dutch Wonderland (I’m thinking this on Sunday, as other things will likely be closed)
    Train (it’s thomas the train weekend!)
    maybe buggy ride?

    Any other suggestions? Also, suggestions for food places that would be good? I think i saw a thread on this a few weeks ago, but of course now I can’t find it.

    We are staying at Double Tree. that’s good, right?

    • Double Tree = cookies = good

    • I posted in the earlier thread and suggested Oregon Dairy, my growing-up grocery store. They have a restaurant, an amazing ice cream shop (make their own ice cream from their own milk), animals, and an outdoor play area. My kids love it when we go back home to visit.

      Otherwise, I haven’t lived there since 1998, so I don’t have many updated food recommendations, but Rachel’s crepes in the city are delicious!

      Their schedule might end before then, but my parents love going to Barnstormers (baseball) games.

    • There was a thread about this on 08/25/2017 (I saved a copy for future reference).

    • Two Cents says:

      My tip about Dutch Wonderland is that admission is FREE the day before you plan to go (so if you bought your ticket for Sunday, Saturday after 5 pm until closing is free). It’s much less crowded after 5 pm and if you do the monorail first you’ll get a good idea of the landscape of the entire place and you can prepare accordingly for the next day in terms of what you want to see.

      My kids loved it. It feels a bit like a poor man’s Disney but that’s part of the charm. :)

  11. Question for moms of older kids says:

    DD is approaching kindergarten age (next year). We have so many decisions to make, and as newbies to our area, we don’t have a ton of local parents as friends to ask as resources. We also would love to use this as an opportunity to get involved in our neighborhood and local community.

    My question is, is there anything you did (or wish you had done) during this transition? Or anything you did (or wish you had done) as the parent of a elementary school student? In terms of parent involvement in school, after-school care, preparing your kids for kindergarten, routines, etc.?

    I’d love any and all thoughts and wisdom.

    • EB0220 says:

      My oldest started kindergarten this year. We have significant choice in our school district with different calendar options, as well as charter and magnet schools. After seriously considering a bunch of different schools, we ended up deciding to send our daughter to our assigned neighborhood school. I am really happy with the decision. The bus stop is a great opportunity to make neighborhood friends, and I now have a bunch of parents that I can ask for help if I have some sort of emergency and need my daughter to be picked up. For after-school, we have a program that is located at the school, which has been really great. My daughter just goes to the gym after school, rather than transitioning to another place. In terms of preparation, we didn’t do much. The transition wasn’t too tough for us since she’s been in childcare and is used to being away from home all day. It was VERY helpful that a few of her daycare friends go to her elementary school. That eased the transition tremendously and was another advantage for the neighborhood school. One thing I learned – always bring a drink and snack when I pick her up. We have a 2 min drive home and she still needs something or she will melt.

      • Anonymous says:

        +1 to all of this.

        I made an effort to attend birthday parties and field trips early on to get to know the other parents a bit. Nothing formal like a room parent at our school and wouldn’t have time for that even if there was.

    • Find out what’s involved in being a room parent, and see if there’s any way to make it work, even if you need to split it with your husband or another parent. That’s the number one easiest way to get to know people in your school, become a true ally for the teacher, and make sure your child (and her classmates) see parental involvement.

      Don’t be afraid to reach out to other parents, esp if you need to build a local network. Organize “playdates” at a park on the weekend, strike up a conversation if you see them at the grocery store, etc.

      Go to as many school events as you can. You’ll meet other parents there and can start to build your network that way, plus you’ll start to get to know the various programs and options available.

      Basically, just get as involved as you can. Parental involvement is proven to be a factor in success, and it also helps you build a local network.

      • mascot says:

        We met a lot of parents standing around and talking at birthday parties and kid sports/activities. Trade off with your partner on attending so that both of you can meet people. I don’t have time to be a room parent, but I’m happy to drop off juice boxes for the class party and my husband or I try to find a couple of hours in the year to go read in the class or chaperone a field trip. Our school is happy to find creative ways/times for parents to be involved. We do aftercare at the school which is great because that’s one less thing to arrange transportation wise. If not an option for you, see if there are local programs that do drop off/pickup at school – here those are some daycares, the Y, and a karate gym.

        • Interesting that so many people don’t have time for room parent. Maybe my school has relaxed requirements, but here, it involves checking in with the teacher (via email) once a month, and sending in class snacks about every other month. The room parent also plans the Halloween and Valentine parties, which consist (so far) of ordering a pizza and bringing in cupcakes.

          • Room parent = tons of face time at our school. Only the SAHPs or WAHPs can swing it. I wish our school would approach it like yours does!

      • Two Cents says:

        I love being the room parent! You are automatically the go to person both from the teacher and the other parents, so I always feel like I’m in the loop and know what’s going on. I’m also very social and love connecting people with one another, so it really suits my personality. You also get automatically invited to every birthday party (in the event the entire class is not invited, which sometimes happens). My job consists of organizing social activities on the weekends (mostly playground playdates but sometimes trip to the museum, etc.). My feeling is that my kids need to get out of house anyways on the weekends, might as well meet up with other parents and kids and make a date out of it.

    • What we did right:
      – Opted for the before/after school program at his school. It made life a lot simpler for him and lessened the transitions, which were really tough for him at that age.
      – Developed a good relationship with the teacher. This was important because my kiddo was one of those little boys who couldn’t sit still. He was actually on a behavior plan for most of kindergarten, much to my chagrin. But, by demonstrating that we wanted to be partners, not adversaries, with the teacher — everything went much smoother. Now my kiddo is several months into second grade and is doing beautifully (no behavior plans).
      – We did go to special events whenever possible — fun night, school concerts, etc.
      – Once first grade rolled around, I volunteered to be a field trip chaperone. It’s a good way to see your kid in his/her element and see the classroom dynamics firsthand.

      What we didn’t do so well:
      – Right from the start, we knew we’d be at his kindergarten school for only one year (district lines were getting redrawn). Therefore, we weren’t super invested in the school and didn’t really build a community. I regret that. Some of the kids from School 1 ended up being classmates at School 2, yet we didn’t know the parents all that well. I felt like other people did a better job networking with each other (don’t know how else to put that), and that was a big advantage for their kids.
      – Putting him in activities that didn’t include kids from his class or even school. This isn’t something we did on purpose; it just ended up that way for several team sports. It’s a lot harder to meet the parents/build community when your kids are at different schools. Also, it’s not as much fun for your kid. I don’t think it matters as much when they’re older, but at kindergarten and first grade, they really want to do baseball with their friends!

      What I’m on the fence about:
      – Being a room parent. There is a certain type of mom who really thrives in that role, and good for her, but I’m not sure I’m that person. Also, I don’t know when I’d find the time. I’ve told his teachers that if there’s anything I can do from home, to please let me know.
      – Getting involved in the PTO. I do so much planning, organizing, and attending meetings in my professional life that I dread the idea of adding more. I also have no desire to plan a carnival, sorrynotsorry. The moms who do PTO are a tight-knit bunch, but I don’t necessarily think that’s a positive thing for the school community as a whole. It actively turns people off (including dads), even if it’s a fun thing for those particular families.

    • OP here says:

      Thanks so much for the responses thus far! This is giving me a lot to think about.

      Especially in terms of the benefits of having kids attend the school’s aftercare program to lessen transitions. That totally makes sense, but I was leaning away from that option because I was thinking maybe less structured, less social time would be better for my introvert (like, just hiring a part-time babysitter for school pickups). I will have to think further.

      • Anonanonanon says:

        I don’t do the school’s before/after school program and instead opt to use a daycare that has a school-age program that serves this purpose. This leaves less scrambling to find childcare for teacher work days, last-minute weather delays, etc. They also do a summer program. It actually provides more consistency than the school program would, because we’d need a sporadic backup to the school program. Depending on how flexible your job is/how frequent weather closures etc. happen in your area, it’s something to consider.

      • EB0220 says:

        We considered the babysitter option too. Ultimately we decided that it was better to have something consistent. The bus home option was going to be something like grandma one day, dad one day, mom one day, babysitter 2 days and that seemed like a lot of moving parts. Our on-site aftercare also covers early release (hooray). The argument that convinced me, though, was that aftercare is actually much-needed unstructured social interaction time. They have them so busy during the school day that they just don’t play very much, so the kids love aftercare (even the introverted ones). So far it’s been great and honestly my child was used to being at daycare 8 – 5:30 so this isn’t different.

    • Anonanonanon says:

      I wish I’d been more assertive about getting the phone numbers of other parents. It’s nerve-wracking… but I’ll volunteer for “fun night” etc. and work a shift with a mom, we have a great convo, and then I’m like “ok… well I hope we see you around!” and wander off. I need to do better about not being too shy to say “let’s exchange numbers”. Same goes with other parents from baseball or birthday parties etc.

      Pay attention to if other parents come to things as couples or solo. My husband and I were both attending birthday parties with kiddo since he’s an only child and why not. However, I noticed that it was almost exclusively moms coming, and I feel like standing there with my husband made it look like I was already engaged in talking with him and they were less likely to approach/talk to me. He’s not very social so that didn’t help!

      Volunteer for field trips. I still haven’t done it, and I really need to. Selfishly, it’s a good opportunity to meet the kids and see who you’re OK with your kid pursuing outside-of-school friendships with. (it’s better to find out little johnny kicks everyone and is crazy rude, for example, BEFORE you arrange a playdate with his mom and are sitting in his living room).

      Mine’s in second grade, and I know there’s other working moms, but I don’t see them because, well, we’re usually at work! We’re still figuring it all out, it takes time.

      • Rainbow Hair says:

        I literally just texted my husband, “ask your neighbor friend for his wife’s number so I can hang out with her one on one!” … I first met her a year ago. Let’s get those numbers and make some friends! Rah rah!

      • EB0220 says:

        My corollary is: don’t be afraid to drop in on neighbors! I am always afraid of interrupting something. But last weekend, my kids played with a bunch of neighbor kids because we literally just dropped by to see if they wanted to play. No texting with parents or finding a good time or whatever. I mean, it seems obvious because it’s probably what most of us grew up doing but I’m not good at it.

  12. Brooklyn schools? says:

    Hello! If you have elementary school age children in Brooklyn and love your school, can you give it a shout out here? Or if you hate your school I’d like to know that too…While I know many people with kids in school in Brooklyn, I feel like in real life people always claim to love their kids’ school, but thought maybe folks might be more honest in anonymous internet land…my husband and I are looking to buy a home and weighing our school options (though interested to hear from anyone who chose private as well). The whole process seems absolutely terrifying. Thanks for any cheers or jeers!

    • Anonymous says:

      Have you looked at I am in Brooklyn and went to a very high level overview of “here’s how Brooklyn/NYC schools work” talk by a woman who is an education consultant (she basically helps you pick schools for your kid) and she mentioned Inside Schools as a good resource to find out what a school is like, what they have a reputation for, and pros/cons.

      • Anonymous says:

        What’s her name, because I’ve got 2 year old and came from a “normal” place w/regards to school stuff and husband is a private school kid from Brooklyn. I am so, so dreading the next stuff.

        (Although if I we were ready to buy, I would throw us in a studio in Manhattan to try and get kiddo into Hunter. I’m thinking about us changing our address to Grandma’s address for six months when she’s 4 and try to see if she’ll test in then convince husband we need to rent in Washington Heights.)

        • I think Hunter is open city-wide because you have to test into it. Double check, maybe that’s for their later grades.

          • Anonymous @ 12:17 replying says:

            Hunter is open to Manhattan residents for elementary and city wide for high school.

            I have researched this. Oh I have researched this.

        • Anonymous says:

          Joyce Szuflita. I haven’t used her services, but it was a really informative session. My husband and I grew up in the burbs so we were very much used to just going to our local schools too. I really had no idea how city schools worked, and her short overview was helpful.

      • I agree that InsideSchools and Joyce Szuflita are good resources. Insideschools does a good job of giving the flavor of the school and seems to have a general philosophy that there is no one perfect school – different things can work. Joyce has a blog you can look at to start.

        My son just started K last week so I’m not ready to shout from the rooftops about his school, but one thing to keep in mind is being in a zoned school for elementary is one thing, but for middle school I think the district (larger geographic area) is the key. So if there is one good elementary school in a district with generally mediocre middle schools, you might want to look elsewhere. This may just be my paranoia – my husband is a high school teacher and has lots of concerns about the state of NYC middle schools. But even at the elementary level there are some schools that take kids from throughout a district rather than using a neighborhood zone, like Brooklyn New School and The Children’s School in District 15.

        Re: G+T, one thing I wish I had known is just because your kid scores high enough to get into a district-wide (or city-wide) G+T program, you may not necessarily get a seat at a desirable program – they give preference to the highest scoring kids. So to get into the G+T program most convenient to us, my son would have had to score closer to the minimum score for citywide G+T programs.

        • Anonymous says:

          I agree about the zoned district (rather than just the elementary school) being important.

      • I bought a minivan says:

        oh wow. is there something like this for the DMV area? We live in DC, but are wondering whether we should move to the suburbs before kiddos start school.

  13. anne-on says:

    Curious – has anyone had any laser treatments done? I’m doing a clear + brilliant laser treatment on Friday to try to clear up the melasma on my forehead/nose (yay, mask of pregnancy) and am curious to hear any real life experiences. Happy to share mine afterwards as well!

    • Blueberry says:

      None, but I can’t wait to hear your experience! I’ve got a totally splotchy forehead for the same reason and can’t wait to get it set straight with a laser once I’m through with this pregnancy.

    • Anonymous says:

      I had a series of five IPL treatments for my rosacea. It feels like they say it does, rubber bands snapping, and I was red for maybe 48 hours. Ice is important afterwards. It definitely improved my skin’s appearance overall and did diminish the look of my rosacea. At the time, I had basically permanent redness on one of my cheeks and the permanency is gone. However, because rosacea is chronic, I still get occurrences of flushing. For me, it treated the symptoms, and improved them, but was not a “cure.” Since you are seeking it for a different reason, YMMV. I would do it again.

    • Late to respond, but wanted to share. I went in for the “brown” laser last year to deal with my first age spot and a constellation of other marks on my cheek; I ended up getting most of the brown spots on my face done in a single session (it ended up being more cost effective to do the whole face at once than patches of it as I had thought before my appointment). The treatment definitely helped as the age spot is only faintly visible when I flush now and many of the other marks have disappeared, but it still did not resolve all of my “spots” (I need to go in for the “red” laser for that).

      There was almost no discomfort for me during the procedure, but I did have “patches” from the lasering on my face afterwards for about two weeks. I only had court once during that time period, but I definitely drew attention with brown spots (about 30 of them) all over my face. Be prepared — I was direct about what I had done and was pleasantly surprised by the support for my choice.

      My tip is to get a script from your doctor for a lightening cream (something with hydroquinone or similar) to use afterwards for 60 days or so and to get a mineral sunscreen with at least SPF 35 to wear daily afterwards. It is not a joke that your skin will be more light sensitive afterwards for some time and keeping sunscreen on makes a big difference in keeping things up afterwards.

  14. @i bought a minivan says:

    Can’t reply directly on my phone, ornpost a lot of thoughts today, but I recently did Dutch Wonderland with my 21 month old and happy to post more about my trip tomorrow if you check back!

  15. RE: Paging moms of older kids says:

    I’m the OP who posted over the weekend about being so tired as mom of baby and 3.5 year old. Thanks so much to all who responded. I also saw some responses on the main site. Your words really helped. I need the perspective of moms of older kids to appreciate all that is wonderful at this stage.

    Also, a very positive update: the baby started sleeping through the night over the weekend! He even slept until 7am this morning. I feel like a new person. I know there will be regressions but just knowing we’re on the path to regular, full nights of sleep is such a relief.

    Thanks again!

  16. Just feeling a little glum today and wanted to share: DH and I have been TTC our second since January. I needed fertility treatments to get pregnant with our first, so we were thrilled to get pregnant on our own in June. But the pregnancy ended in miscarriage at 10 weeks. I had a D&C about 6 weeks ago, and haven’t gotten a period yet. Protocol at my clinic is to wait until hormone levels normalize before assessing next steps, and it’s taking f-o-r-e-v-e-r for that to happen. I’m usually pretty good at putting this all out of my mind,but for some reason I’m wallowing today. Any happy stories of conceiving post miscarriage?

    • 26 Weeks says:

      Oh gosh. I am so sorry. Miscarrying at any point is awful, especially when you’re entering the end of the first trimester and mentally preparing to tell everyone, etc. Before this pregnancy, we miscarried at 8 weeks (fetus stopped growing around 5 wks). It was devastating, especially because it wasn’t devastating for my partner. (My assumption – pregnancy is much more immediately real for the pregnant woman than her partner).

      The thing that helped me most was seeing a therapist immediately after my MC, and getting back into my non-pregnancy routine (including wine with friends, working out at normal levels, etc).

      In looking at my username, you can tell I’m happily pregnant again! This will be our second child, so I had a lot of solace in having our first around while grieving the baby that could have been. It did not take me as long as you to re-establish a period (I got mine, shockingly, about two weeks after I stopped miscarrying). We then conceived during the next cycle. I had some miscarriage related anxiety during this pregnancy, but personally it went away after ~8 weeks and our first ultrasound. So far, everything is working out with this little bub.

      I hope things work out well for you. Let yourself grieve and wallow – most of my grieving was for what I expected from my life and the timeline for our 2nd child, which I suppose is selfish, but is how I felt.

    • I’m so very sorry – and yes, I have a happy such story, with a situation very similar to yours. We had to get extensive fertility treatments for our first, and so were joyful when I became pregnant on our own, when our daughter was a year and a half. That pregnancy ended in a miscarriage – and then I became pregnant the next month, and she’s now almost 2 years old.

    • Anonymous says:

      My boss and his wife have three kids. She had a miscarriage before each successful pregnancy. I found out when I had to take time off after a miscarriage. I also had a successful pregnancy afterwards.

    • Anonymous says:

      I’m currently pregnant post-miscarriage as well, but my experience was different than the others on here so far. I was getting fertility treatments when I miscarried and continued treatment afterward. And it took a long time before it worked. I took a break after the miscarriage before starting to try again because I needed that time to grieve. I had to know I wasn’t going to fall apart if I miscarried again before I was going to let myself try again, and I encourage you to make sure you’re OK with yourself before trying again because you just don’t know what will happen. All told it took another 8 months or so before I got pregnant again, but am now 31 weeks so it wasn’t in vain.

    • More anecdata- 3 miscarriages followed by 2 healthy kiddos, now 8 months and almost 3yrs. Sending you all the good thoughts.

  17. avocado for questions for moms of older kids says:

    The single thing that has been most useful for us in getting to know other parents and getting involved in the neighborhood is Girl Scouts. In our council, most troops consist of girls from the same grade and school. Our troop has been together since kindergarten and is now entering its seventh year. I am not a troop leader, but I volunteer regularly with the troop. The parents have been an important source of information on everything from where to find a piano teacher to what classes a kid really needs to be taking in sixth grade. Our school system also severely limits the kids’ oppprtunities to interact during the school day (e.g., kids can only play with kids in their class during recess, lunch seats are assigned even in middle school), so Girl Scouts gives them an opportunity to build and maintain long-term friendships.

    • +1. I’d also put Boy Scouts in that category. While I have some real issues with the national organization as a whole, my kid has made good friends in his den. (I have not seen the horrifying attitudes about LGBT individuals at the local level, at least.) I also like that he’s getting exposed to outdoorsy activities and learning the very basics about leadership.

      • Guess I didn’t refresh before posting below! I’m very curious on people’s take on the national org and getting their kids involved.

        • It did — and does — give me pause. But I also feel like the organization probably needs families who are willing to stand up for LGBT rights and be inclusive. That said, I am very aware of all the ways Boy Scouts could go wrong and will be keeping a close eye on the local culture.

    • OP here says:

      Thank you!

    • Katala says:

      This. I still have really fond memories of my troop. We were all in the same grade at the same school and it gave me built in friends at the beginning of the school year. My dad joined a lot of camp outs and I really appreciate that now. Also I have a lot of outdoor/camping skills that I didn’t realize weren’t super common! I loved girl scout summer camp too.

      I have boys so we’ll see if boy scouts is similar for them.

      • Taking a tangent, but Boy Scouts. My husband went through the program through Eagle Scout, but we have reservations about some of the “politics” of the group and have had a lot of discussions about whether we’d let our son(s) join for those reasons. Now, I know they recently reversed their policies on gay leaders, transgender members, etc., which is great and may be tipping the balance, but I’m curious how these sorts of issues play into your decisions about activities for your kids. Do you just base it on local troop (team, etc.) culture? Do you see it as a chance to effect change from the inside?

        • (I’ll also add that I’d generally put myself at the conservative end of the spectrum — in that I think gov’t should be there to protect people’s rights and then get out of the way — but a lot of these gender/sexuality policies are so clearly based on hate and fear that I just. can’t.).

        • This isn’t from personal experience since my kid’s not old enough but I would think that if I had reservations about a group’s politics, other similarly minded parents might too. So my concern would be that even if a local chapter wasn’t outwardly offensive, we may end up dealing with a mindset I don’t necessarily agree with? I’m not sure if that makes any sense or if it’s even a valid concern. I think ultimately you just have to weigh your options and then figure out what’s best for your kid and family.

        • Rainbow Hair says:

          I would worry a lot about those messages coming through to my kid when he was still so young and figuring himself out. The last thing any gay or trans kid needs is another voice telling them there’s something wrong with them — and you can’t know with your kid when you start boyscouts, because that’s like… a really young age, right?

        • Anonymous says:

          I struggled with this too – I was a Girl Scout till Silver Award in high school and I was so looking forward to being a den mother for my boys. But, we live in a really conservative area and while I was confident that the messages about trans / same s x relationships / etc… would be minimal or at least we could overcome them because we have lots of friends and acquaintances in our circle who serve as excellent role models, I couldn’t get over the gun fetish. I don’t want my kids around guns, period. I don’t want to normalize guns and gun culture. So Boys Scouts in our area were out.

          But we have recently come across Camp Fire which is like a coed equivalent to the Scouts but is super progressive.

          • Katala says:

            Thank you for posting this!! I had not even considered the gun aspect. I’m totally burying my head in the sand about that but it scares me so much.

            Definitely looking into Camp Fire, sounds awesome!

        • Katala says:

          Yeah, these are all good points. And sad, since I had such a good experience with Girl Scouts. I have a few years to consider before my kiddos are old enough. But, given where we live now, I’m pretty concerned about exposing them to (even more) people with these attitudes.

          I guess we’ll just have to make some camping friends!

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