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I really like the idea of these breast pump wipes for when you’re pumping at work or on the go. Before I went back to work, I combo fed for a few weeks and felt like my pump was as much an extension of me as my baby. That also meant I was constantly washing pump parts. These wipes can be used to clean pump parts at work in between more detailed cleanings at home, or possibly even as the cleaning. (Full disclosure, I’ve never used these myself, and washing pump parts is at this point a blur, so feel free to chime in with your packing/washing routine if you pump at work!) Also, if your pumping days are over, these can be used to clean other baby-related surfaces and toys. The wipes are $22.65 for a pack of 24 wipes, or $44.99 for a three-pack of 72 wipes at Amazon. Quick Clean Breast Pump Wipes
Psst: Looking for info about nursing clothes for working moms, or tips for pumping at the office? We’ve got them both…
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Sales of note for 4.14.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – Mid-Season Sale: extra 40% off; extra 20% off sale styles; 40% off new spring styles
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything; extra 40% off purchase
- Eloquii – 50-60% off select styles; up to 40% off everything else
- J.Crew – 40% off dresses; 30% off your purchase
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – Cyber Spring: 50% off everything & free shipping
- Nordstrom: Free 2-day shipping for a limited time; 30% off select shoes
- Talbots – BOGO 50% off everything, includes markdowns (ends 4/14)
- Zappos – 29,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Up to 70% off baby items; 50% off toddler & kid deals & 40% off everything else
- Hanna Andersson – Buy 3+ get 30% off forever favorites
- J.Crew Crewcuts – 30% off your purchase
- Old Navy – Up to 70% off clearance; sales on shorts and polos
- Target – Car Seat Trade-In Event; BOGO 25% off select skincare products; up to 40% off indoor furniture;
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Co-sleeping says
From a recent discussion, it seems many of you have co-slept with babies. My one month old is co-sleeping with us, after many failed attempts to get her in crib/bassinet. I have some questions for those who have done this for the long term. First, how do you handle naps? At this point, my baby naps only while being held/in the carrier/car seat, which is not ideal. Second, how does gardening with your partner work?
Cb says
We tended to start the night out with baby in his sidecar cot and then he’d come in after failed attempts to get him down. Honestly, I have no advice re naps. My son slept in his own bed consistently at 12 months but didn’t nap in his cot until he was 20 months. Before that, it was sling or buggy.
And gardening…basically we didn’t until our son was out of our room at 8 or 9 months, and even then, we were exhausted so it wasn’t a frequent event.
FTMinFL says
We co-slept with my first for… nine months? Then after that he usually came to our bed in the middle of the night. We moved him to a twin bed when he was just 15 months old so he could walk to our bed by himself! He’s four now and still joins us at some point, but I don’t even notice any more.
Anyway, naps for a one month old are hard either way. My second has never slept in the bed with us, but she still only slept on me or in her swing until she was 10-11 weeks old. Those first three months are just survival, so I wouldn’t worry too much about naps just yet. Both of my kids transitioned to crib naps around 12-16 weeks old. As for gardening, I would nurse my first to sleep in our bed, then head downstairs to hang out with DH. We got creative, which I think was actually good for our marriage in that season. This is not a season of perfection, just doing what works for you and your family!
Anonymous says
1. I generally coslept for the morning nap to catch up on sleep. I was fine with carrier/car seat/stroller naps as I liked to be on the go later in the day. If I was home and wanted to also nap and baby had fallen asleep in the swing, I’d generally nap on the sofa next to the swing. If baby fell asleep in the more upright swing position, I’d tip it back if they were sleeping. Car seat naps are fine if they are short – like 45 minutes while in the car seat or car seat attached to the stroller is not a big deal, it’s when the car seat is out of the base, or longer naps that can be a problem.
2. In the guest bedroom or shower, or with baby in the sidecar’d crib or bassinette. In Canada the recommendation to have the crib in the room with the parents for the first year has been around for a long time. A lot of people don’t make it to the full year but many do at least six months, so gardening after baby is asleep but is still in the same room has not been a big deal and is pretty common I think. Baby doesn’t know what’s happening and will generally not wake up.
3. Do what works for you. Don’t worry about bad habits or how things will be down the road. I had all variations of sleeping and napping practices across three kids. Nothing is permanent. Do what works for you and baby and change it when it doesn’t. One month is such early days. You’re doing great.
Anon says
We didn’t cosleep, but until at least 6 months naps were mainly either in a carrier or a bouncer seat. Bouncers are great because you can sit down and just jiggle it with your foot until they fall asleep. My kids hated swings, but that was the best way to get my sister’s kids to nap.
layered bob says
– still put down in sidecar crib or co-sleeper for naps, but didn’t push it and would happily then babywear, rock or co-sleep as the situation permitted. I do not think that car seat or swing naps are safe or desirable but I know data/opinions are mixed on that.
One baby did not ever really nap well until they moved to one nap in their own bed, the others “got” the nap thing by about 8-12 weeks and napped on their own even while continuing to cosleep at night.
– gardened in bed with sleeping baby. They never woke up.
Anonymous says
Personally I couldn’t garden in front of a sleeping baby (we didn’t bed share, but shared a room for 6 months). I have no moral objection to it – I completely agree the baby will sleep through it and not know what’s happening – but it just absolutely killed the mood for me. My baby is a noisier sleeper than many though, I think, so there were sounds pretty much constantly even when she was sleeping deeply. Once your baby is talking naps alone in their crib (we “nap trained” around 3 months; before that she was held for most naps), then weekend nap times are great for gardening. Otherwise you may have to get creative and do it not in the bedroom.
HJ says
Never coslept but transitioned baby at ~2 months from bassinet in our room to crib in baby’s own room. Started with naps for 4 days, then added nights. Kept everything else in the bedtime routine the same. It definitely takes consistency for a few days even if it doesn’t go well for a few days. Good luck!!
Anonanonanon says
These wipes, along with the steam-in-microwave sterilizing bags, are among my most highly-recommended items for a newborn. Even if you end up not bf-ing, they’re great if a bottle or pacifier gets dropped, or you want to wipe out a bottle that was used out in public so it doesn’t get stinky before you get home, wipe down teethers, etc.
Anon says
What are these steam-in-microwave sterilising bags?
AA says
Medela quick clean steam bags. Add a little water, toss them in the microwave. Done! I would add just putting your pump parts in the fridge between pumps is a life saver. I had a mini-fridge in my office and would store the parts in there between pumpings. At the end of the day, I gave everything a quick wash and then threw them in the steam bags. It saved me TONS of time!
Anonanonanon says
PAGING FTMINFL
Had another thought about your LO’s colonoscopy prep. Do you have a tablet? If not, a Kindle Fire is fairly cheap and would be worth the investment. If there is a period of time where LO literally cannot leave the bathroom, it might be nice to have movies and games right in there.
FWIW, as someone with IBD, the prep didn’t cause any cramping or anything. It isn’t painful like it is when you are having IBD issues, it’s just a sudden urge to go. The worst part is the burning from the exit point, but everyone provided some thoughts on that yesterday.
Someone else covered this, but the first time I saw my son sedated it was surprisingly upsetting for me, so steel yourself for that.
FTMinFL says
Thank you!! We do have a tablet and this is a good reminder to download some new games for the novelty factor. Thanks for the reassurance about the pain. He was on a hefty dose of miralax for two months (ugh) and rarely complained of pain, so it’s good to know that this shouldn’t be horribly traumatic. Thank you so much for your support!
anon says
Hi wise hive! I am serving as a room parent for my kid’s kindergarten classroom and one of the tasks is organizing playdates for kids and parents to get to know one another. I am thinking of keeping it low-key and easy, like meet at the park near school on the last Friday of the month (or perhaps a weekend day might be easier?). I would like to incorporate a way to organize the parents and need ideas for activities/fun ways to solicit feedback. I was thinking of bringing post-its and having parents write down one question they would like to ask the teacher or one thing they would like to change. It’s a new school, so the administration is really encouraging parents to organize and provide feedback.
ElisaR says
i think a lot of questions will naturally arise when humans get together and start talking about their kids….. if you force them to fill out a piece of paper on the spot you might waste time with questions that aren’t all that important just because people feel put on the spot. Just a thought.
Anonymous says
I’ve been a room parent at an established school before. We’ve done:
Grade-wide playground playdates (eg. all kindergarteners)- weekends are best for this.
Grade-wide Parent Night out (meet other parents at a local restaurant for apps/drinks)
Beyond “hey let’s all meet at the playground,” you could do some kind of sign up genius for hosting a monthly get-together, but I’m not sure how many takers you would have for potentially 20+ kids in the house.
If your school does eating-based fundraisers (eg. ” if you eat at XYZ tonight they’ll donate a portion to SCHOOL.”) you could combine that fundraiser with being social, encouraging all the families to meet for dinner.
Overall, I think a week night would be a hard sell. DH and I don’t work terribly long hours and our kids are not in aftercare, but between kids that do aftercare and kids that have after school activities, weekends just work better. I’d suggest mid-day Saturday or Sunday at like 3pm, after all religious and sport events are likely to be over.
Anonymous says
+1 PLEASE do a weekend.
Anonymous says
Weekends are better than weeknights. I would do Sunday at 3pm. Maybe make it a standing thing – the first Sunday of every month at xyz playground.
Anonymous says
I’m confused at what time this event would be if it’s on a weeknight. If it’s at like 5:30pm – aren’t the kindergarteners all cranky and hungry? Our dinner time is 6:30pm and bedtime is 8pm so I don’t see where there is time for a playdate during the week.
anon OP says
Thank you all – this is great feedback! fwiw, if it was on Friday afterschool i was thinking it could be picnic style. We often bring a picnic to the park on Friday nights if the weather is nice. But, I realize that may not work for everyone, so I’ll still to Sunday afternoons.
Anonymous says
A challenge with meal time events is that the parents either have to not bring their other kids (which means only one parent can come), or bring food to accommodate their other kids. I know in my twins K class, the siblings range in age from one month old to 14 yrs old. There’s also a wide range of when families eat dinner. My closest friend feeds her kids dinner at 5:30pm and a snack at 7:30pm whereas I do a snack at 5:30-6pm when we get home then start cooking and do dinner at 6:30-7pm.
Anonymous says
I realize this is an introvert thing, but I’m way too drained after a workday to socialize with people I don’t know well. The logistics of a Friday picnic dinner in the park would work fine for us, but it’s just the last thing I would want to do after working all day. Weekends are much better for me.
shortperson says
friday nights do not work if there are jewish kids. we would not go to that.
Anon says
Yikes I have no energy by Friday night! Can’t imagine trying to figure out logistics to get picnic together for right after work at the end of the week. I suggest a Sat afternoon or early evening get together. If there’s a budget you could get pizza delivered to the park to encourage folks to stay longer
Not the fun mom says
I feel like I am getting into a parenting rut I don’t like and I’d appreciate any tips or advice. I have 2 sons, both young elementary school age. I feel like I am having a harder time connecting with them lately, especially with the winter weather when we are cooped up inside more. One likes sports, which I can relate to and that gives us a shared interest, but other than that, a lot of their interests (ahem, Pokemon) are just ridiculous to me and I feel like I can’t figure out how to connect with them. I am starting to feel like I am just a caretaker, always hustling to get something cooked or cleaned during the weekday mornings/nights and weekends. (To cut this point off: my husband also shares in the caretaking type work, but the fun playing seems to come easier to him–and because of work schedules, he has more time with them on weekdays.) If we aren’t at a museum or something where there is a diversion right in front of us, it’s like I hardly even know what to talk to the boys about. Growing up, my mom was reliable but never “fun”–it is just who she is, for both cultural and personality reasons. It’s like she defaults to doing laundry and scrubbing pots instead of playing. I don’t want my kids to remember me like that. I realize this is a rambling question, but I’d appreciate any guidance you ladies have!
Anonymous says
Try new activities together. Maybe you’ll both like or hate them but it will be a good experience or funny story. Like mommy and me painting classes or a chocolate making workshop or indoor rock climbing or whatever. Maybe take turns with letting them pick. Doesn’t have to be a weekly thing – try a new thing with one kid one month and the other kid the next month.
Also, don’t pressure yourself on this too much. You can still have a close relationship even if you don’t share interests.
Anonymous says
Could you guys do a project together, like a giant lego set, or a week long project where you take over the dining room and make a box fort? Go to the library and pick out books that you read together? Are they at an age where they can be into Harry Potter or LOTR?
Can you coach or help coach a sport they play?
FWIW we have 3 girls and my husband does the following:
– watches boat building, 3D printer, dog agility, and other mutually enjoyed YouTube videos with them
– has bought them their own tool kits and they each have a special and ongoing “project” with dad: one is building a dance studio in the basement with him (mirrors, barre, flooring etc- they designed and are now building it), one is working on a model ship and one is helping restore an old jeep.
– coaches or assistant coaches soccer and lacrosse
– works on puzzles and legos
– does yardwork (ha, only occasionally and with great nagging on my part)
– takes them to the pool or on bike rides or on hikes in the woods; we have plans for him to take 2/3 camping for a weekend this summer
I guess my advice is that you don’t need to be “into” Pokemon, but rather, come up with an interest you can both share and enjoy together. DH used one girl’s interest in friendship bracelet making to teach her more about nautical knot tying/ macrame and then they started making extremely elaborate bracelets.
Anonymous says
oh, and have the boys help you cook and scrub pots!
Anonymous says
Do you do meals as a family? We would do a daily recap at dinner where everyone went around and talked about their good part/hard part/ grateful part of their day. That led to some conversations and we felt more connected.
So Anon says
I just want to weigh in to commiserate about the interests front. My son (9) is super into Minecraft, and I just can’t. He tells me about it all the time, but it is not how we connect. He loves games in general, so he and I play chess together and we connect over other things. I do not push myself to get really into Minecraft even though it is one of his biggest interests at the moment.
Anonymous says
I think there are two separate issues: 1) finding common interests with your kids and 2) being a fun mom who plays instead of always nagging them to do chores. I can’t help with #1 since my oldest is a toddler and will still do whatever I want, but I make a conscious effort to work on the second point. I just have to let some chores go, and remind myself regularly that it’s more important to soak up my kids while they’re little than for my house to be immaculately clean and tidy (especially on a daily basis when no one but our family is seeing it).
Anonymous says
My son is 7, and recent interests that I find more tolerable include:
making our own pokemon cards – this was his idea, but I’m kind of into it because I like drawing/crafts
Perler bead projects
origami
baking muffins or cookies
playing games – he’s learned to play Wingspan, which my husband and I enjoy
bike rides
Anonymous says
I like the card idea. That makes a lot of sense to take something you enjoy (or tolerate better ;) ) and theme it to your kids’ interests.
anne-on says
Ha! Are you me? I just CANNOT with Pokemon, and thank god he finally got into some other TV shows because even 30 minutes of it a day was wearing on my last nerve.
Other things we do together are ‘our’ things, he and his dad do most (but not all) outdoor stuff:
Hikes at the local nature center, and taking photos of the things we see with his kiddie camera
Rock climbing or time at the local bounce place plus a fun snack or brunch after (dad is NOT into either of those and handles winter sports otherwise)
Playing card games as a family – Uno, Go fish, etc. I’m trying to push more table top games and had good luck with ticket to ride so far
Baking (sweets are always popular!)
Reading aloud – I read some slightly older books that might be hard for him on his own.
Museum/aquarium visits.
Involve them with chores! No, it’s not always fun, but it’s good for them to learn to pitch in at this age.
We also try to either have family dinner 3-4 times a week, or to intentionally handle bed time (reading + cuddling) almost every night, which allows for some good, unstructured together time.
EP-er says
My oldest is 12 and it is *hard* some times! We’ve moved to no screens (for parents, too!) after 7 PM. We’ve had good luck with the board games — you can chat a bit as you play. Have you thought about getting outside and playing Pokemon Go! together? I know my husband does a good job connecting in the 10-15 minutes before bed time. I try to take advantage of captive time in the car, too. Sometimes we’ll listen to an interesting podcast and then discuss.
Also +1 to the the family dinner (or breakfast.) I I try to share something hard or great about my day, too, to model behavior.
FVNC says
I love these suggestions. Filing away for when my kids are a bit older.
SC says
My son is 4 years old, so less independent than early elementary age, but play has never come naturally to me. I’ve struggled to find ways to connect. Here are my methods.
– Family dinner.
– Find activities you both enjoy–reading, board games or card games, puzzles, Legos, art, walks, outings to specific places, etc. Also, some of these can incorporate your kid’s interest. My kid loves trains. I do not love pushing trains around the house as much as he does, and I’m not good at building a giant track–there’s a reason I’m not an engineer. But we can build a Lego train, put together train puzzles, read train books, incorporate trains into art, walk down to the train track or go to the playground where you can see the trains pass, etc.
– Involve your kids in the work around the house–even if they only help for a few minutes, there’s connection in all working together. And you feel less like a caretaker. (We don’t have specific, assigned chores yet, and at this age, we let him play if he doesn’t want to help at that moment. But if he wants to be with us while we’re busy, Kiddo will help DH cook, help set the table, unload the silverware in the dishwasher, wash windows with me, pull weeds, bag yard trash, and help pick up his toys.)
– Self-care. Take alone time to recharge, then engage. You’ll probably feel less annoyed by Pokemon if your tank isn’t empty.
Pogo says
My nephew is about the same age and he and his mom connect by reading the Harry Potter books.
Yup says
My parents read to my brother and me (separately) at bedtime through middle school. Great way to connect. My five year old and my husband just finished The Hobbit, and now they have that as a common reference point.
OP says
Thanks everyone for these ideas! I feel inspired!
Anonymous says
What are some ways to convey “this is a special dance event where you should dress up and bring a grown up “date” who should also be somewhat dressed up, to have a special evening where you dance together” and not “whatever adult is free grabs the kid and brings them”? I was thinking of perhaps keeping the name, but sending out actual invitations, or promoting it more heavily as a semi formal event. Ideally, I’d like to also plant the idea that MOMS MAKE YOUR HUSBANDS TAKE THE KIDS since when it was the Dad Dance, dads that normally opt out of this sort of thing got dressed up and took the kids and it was super cute and special–but without excluding kids who may not have a readily available dad or dad like figure. It’s also way harder to ask women to dress up “fancy”– DH just threw on a suit and was good to go, whereas if I’d gone, I’d have put on a dress, heels, makeup, etc. which is part of why the moms in the group weren’t dressed up.
Costume ball? Royal Ball (prince and princess theme)? Paper invitation stating “party attire” or “semi formal”? Others?
Anonymous says
Or let it go and stop being so uptight? Who cares about whether people are dressed up? Isn’t the point spending time with your kids?
Our school calls it the Small Tall Ball.
EP-er says
I love the name Small Tall Ball!
Anonymous says
ugh, somehow the entire first part of this comment was cut off. It is about a “Daddy Daughter Dance” that was rebranded to be more inclusive, but in doing so, lost the “specialness” of dressing up for a fancy evening with your grown up.
Anonymous says
Parent Child Dance? Seems like the same message but more inclusive language. You can specify a dress code on the invite. I object to Daddy Daughter dances for other reasons (the purity/s*xual undertones), but fwiw most of the ones in my area are pretty upfront that the “father” can be a grandfather, uncle, or other adult male father figure.
Louisa says
I understand that most schools that do this are inclusive of other male adult figures, but it still makes kids feel different when we call it a father-daughter dance and they don’t have a father in their lives or the father in their life is a foster parent and it reminds them that their real dad has other issues. I really wish schools could use more general terms about parents or caregivers coming to these events so that kids don’t feel different. I work in child welfare and have a renewed appreciation for how many kids are in care or being raised by grandparents. these kids don’t need more opportunities to feel different.
So Anon says
+1. My kids’ dad is minimally involved in their lives, and my dad died when I was a kid. My town does the daddy-daughter dance thing, and the tone of it and the presumptiveness of it bothers me.
Anonymous says
Call it a ‘Winter Formal’ or ‘Spring Formal’. Use language like “You are cordially invited to the Snow Ball – School’s Winter Formal Event. Your invitation includes admission for one special grown-up guest of your choice. Please let your special adult know that they are invited to put on their fanciest clothes and join you at this formal event.” Include a picture or illustration of both kids and grown-ups in fancy clothes.
ElisaR says
i like this wording!
Anonymous says
+1 for Special Adult.
I teach Sunday School for 3 year olds and once made the mistake of saying they could show their crafts to mom and dad. A little girl immediately piped up with, “well, I don’t HAVE a dad!!” I’ve used “your special adults” ever since.
Anonymous says
I like this a lot. It’s geared at the 2-8 crowd, so I’ll have to figure out how to “deliver” the invites next year as it won’t be through school. I am 100% behind the Special Adult v Daddy change. I think what happened is that by not specifying “Daddy,” Moms just stepped in to ferry the kids to the event and it became more about “bringing the kid to their event” versus “taking the kid to the dance as their Special Person.”
Anon says
In my area this is called a sweetheart dance.
Anonymous says
Ours was changed this year from “Daddy-Daughter” to “Sweetheart”, which I’m cool with, but I am annoyed that somehow the “Mother-Son” event still gets to be a mother-son event. Why is it ok to assume to moms are in the picture but not dads?
Anon says
Agreed. I had a family law case where mom moved away for a job and since dad wouldn’t agree to her having full custody she left the kids with him. Dad was incredulous. Can she even do that??? Men have been doing it for years! I’m not saying it’s great, but it’s certainly not illegal.
Coach Laura says
This is the best! Spring Formal – bring your special grown up. This works if it is a single-parent house, two moms, dad in the service or missing – any family structure. Aunts, grandfathers or special neighbors could be the guest. Any other wording is not inclusive.
Help for the fashion impaired says
Favorite sneakers for running around after the kids (sometimes literally running — my 3 year old is getting fast)? Not Allbirds (not comfortable for me), not those 80s white puffy things that the 20 years olds are wearing.
ElisaR says
i’m not fashionable but I loved and wore my converse Shorelines into the ground. the washing machine can no longer help but I did wash them a few times to keep them looking good. I like them because they slip on but they are supportive and stay on. I wear them all year round (shorts or jeans). I will be buying another pair for the spring.
FVNC says
I love my New Balance sneakers — they’re slip on and comfortable, and also sort of (?) fashionable in a sporty way. I have the “Fresh Foam Cruzv1 Reissue” in black — going on about 2 years now and they’ve held up well.
Anon says
I got a pair of New Balance 574 sport sneaker from Nordstrom – definitely a sneaker but they are light pink, so they look less athletic to me and fit in with my wardrobe that has a lot of pink. I wouldn’t call them fashionable per se, but they aren’t hideous either.
Anon says
I love my New Balance 574s! Cute enough to wear with jeans, but functional enough to do a lot of walking and/or running if need be.
Emily S. says
I also wear new balances or low cut converse. I also can’t do the shell toes or the supergas- showing my age because I can’t even get that name right!
Anonymous says
I like old school New Balance
Anonymous says
I have Adidas courtset sneakers. I get a lot of compliments on them, and I think they’re really cute.
AwayEmily says
Asics Onitsuka Tigers forever!
NYCer says
I wear Supergas most often.
Ashley says
I have a pair of slip on Cole Haan sneakers that I have worn into the ground over the past year. They’re a blush color so feel a little more trendy, and slip on gives it a more-fashionable-than-running-shoe look. But they are very comfortable. I’ve commuted in them and chased after toddler almost daily.
C says
I have the on clouds, and they slip on with no lacing and have held up for 3 years under very rough circumstances.
Anonymous says
My kids have playdates during the week, but they are not in aftercare. We do them on half days or on weeknights that don’t have any activities.
However, setting aside the ~30% or so of kids in aftercare on any given day, there are tons of after school activities that occur on different weeknights. Plus, while only 30% of kids are in aftercare, more like 60% of kids have two working parents–so unless you want a babysitter/nanny/grandparent to come, weekends are so much better.
Seriously? says
I could handle the Mom Penalty and getting unofficially off partner track for going part time. I can maybe justify that it’s a blip due to the small sample set that the partnership in our group is getting less diverse (now at a startling 100% white and almost 90% male) even though the associates are about half women and a third POC.
What does piss me off though is my annual review is being delivered by junior partners (both male) who graduated law school around the same time I did and have about as much seniority as I do in the group. Also, I’ve been here longer.
Pogo says
ugh, eff that. I’m sorry.
Anon says
That’s terrible. I’m sorry.
LittleBigLaw says
Ooff. That’s awful. Is there a way to raise this issue with higher ups? Are these the people you work with the most or is this an arbitrary assignment? If the latter, I think you could bring it up in a non-confrontational way by asking for feedback from someone who knows your work better or has a higher level understanding of what steps you’ll need to take to develop over the course of next year? Frame it as wanting to get the most out of the process for your benefit and the firm’s, not complaining about hierarchy.
Anonymous says
Wow what? They are partners. She is not. They get to review her.
CCLA says
This is where more context would be helpful. Are the same partners delivering most other reviews, too? If so, their reviewing OP seems appropriate even though I can see how it feels like a slap in the face, and also is a weird structure to not have senior partners involved at all, but again what seems important here is whether they’re consistent across other folks being reviewed.
I’d consider what LittleBigLaw suggested above w/r/t getting input from more senior partners she works with regularly if more feedback would be helpful. The fact is that since they are partners, notwithstanding the amount of time served so to speak, they do have more seniority.
It does however seem tone deaf of the partnership, or at least to indicate that they don’t really care what impression they convey to you, and I’d keep an eye on that as well as the other factors as to whether it’s a place you want to continue working.
LittleBigLaw says
Aah!! Yes, definitely a bad take. Misread “junior partner” to just more junior than her. :(
Anonymous says
Do they have some kind of leadership role? TBH, it bugs me that this bugs you, because this was expressly why I was passed over for a leadership role in my office. One of the other partners (a more senior, white male) did not like that I would be involved in his comp process as a younger female. If I’m willing to do the work and am a partner, why should I have to wait until I’m gray just to be a leader?
Anonymous says
No, you and the OP are in the same situation — white males keeping females out of leadership roles.
OP says
It’s entirely proper that they give me my review, since they are higher up than me — it just stings, since we have about the same level of legal experience and they don’t supervise my work.
It’s not personal, since it’s not just me that this is happening to, it’s no one’s fault but my own (although I am giving side-eye to the diversity of our leadership, which I had’t before), and I consciously chose to lean out a little to parent and be the default parent. I’m pretty sure I don’t want to be partner, and I wouldn’t give up being primary parent for possible career advancement, but it still stings a little.
Valentines ideas? says
What are y’all doing for your significant others for Valentines day? I feel like we just passed Christmas! I’d like to acknowledge the day, but nothing major…
Pogo says
Card and dinner out. I’m bad at buying gifts for men.
Anon says
We did a 90s thing (last weekend) and did dinner at Melting Pot (with our toddler – lesson learned and next time we’ll leave her at home). I got him fancy ice cream and he got me some of my favorite chocolate dipped pretzels.
Anonymous says
We usually just gift each other our favorite candy/treats and then plan a date night out sometime in the week around the 14th.
Anonymous says
I still can’t quite believe I fell for this marketing gimmick, but I’m getting him the Red Lobster Cheddar Bay biscuits in the heart-shaped box that says “You’re my lobster.” We both love their biscuits (but not the rest of their food, so we don’t go to the restaurant much) and he’s a big Friends fan. He is (per my request) getting me grocery store flowers and making a dinner that I like a lot more than he does (he’s our regular weeknight cook so the gift is more the specific recipe than the fact that he’s cooking). We (read, I) went a little overboard on heart-themed gifts for our toddler, and she and I are going to bake and decorate heart-shaped cookies over the weekend.
Jessamyn says
I bought him a food gift basket on Amazon to be delivered to his office with a sweet note on Friday, and a card from me. We agreed on no big gifts. And we’ll go to dinner Friday.
cbackson says
We’re not Valentine’s Day People and we’re moving that day so it’s gonna be take-out and cupcakes for us.
Anonymous says
The first year we were dating, it had only been a few weeks but I wanted to impress him, so I bought him a vinyl record. Incidentally, I’m doing the same thing this year.
CCLA says
We are not big into gifts since we realized a few years ago that we mostly already buy what we want when we want it. Like bdays and anniversaries, we do cards for vday. Once in awhile one of us will pick up flowers or chocolate, or last year he made a special meal, but neither of us gets let down if it’s just a card. We write thoughtful messages in them and the cards are one of the very few things I have saved over the years, I really love them. This year the daycare closes early so maybe we’ll bake with the 3 yo, and we will do, like we do most Fridays, delivery (probably sushi) after the little ones are in bed. I can’t wait (not sarcastic, this is my ideal vday at this stage in life).
anon says
Working on the end stages of gestating his child or potentially giving birth to his child. Might get him some swedish fish, too (he’s not supposed to have chocolate).
Anon says
That’s a very good present! Signed, someone who was 40 weeks on V Day two years ago :)
AIMS says
I need a gift idea for a 5 year old girl, ideally that can be ordered on amazon. I am thinking art supplies but the reviews are so all over the place. Anyone get anything good lately?
Emily S. says
My almost 5 year old loves glitter glue and I see that A-zon has a crayola set of $25 for $11. So I think that’s coming her way, too!
anon says
Some ideas my five year old would be into: art supplies (for sure, anything jewelry making especially), a watch, chapter books (because she’s so big now), dress up clothes, lego kit but one that’s like cinderella? OH and any elsa stuff from target. She also really loves slime making kits.
anon says
Mine would love a fairy house making kit (apparently a classmate made one and brought one in) – has anyone seen anything similar?
Anon says
Not exactly a kit, but Target had these fairy gardens that were fun.
Spirograph says
If you’re not totally committed to art supplies, my daughter’s favorite 5th birthday present was an Elsa costume that came with a dress, clip on earrings, necklace, tiara, and satin gloves. It was definitely ordered online somewhere (probably ‘zon), and she puts it on every day when she gets home from school.
earlier poster says
Oh man, my five year old would agree. Actually earrings in general are very popular at my house (clip on).
Anon says
I would agree with this, but I wonder if you don’t know the kid well maybe try for a Frozen II Elsa costume? My 4 year old already has 2 Frozen I costumes, and a lot of her friends that are fans have at least 1 already. Frozen II maybe has less of a chance of being a dup since it’s been out for a shorter period of time. (And my daughter would love a II version in addition to her originals!).
Spirograph says
Yes. Ours isn’t even specifically Elsa, it’s definitely not Disney branded… Just a blue dress with a detachable train and white sleeves and plenty of sparkles. If you search for “snow queen” dress you’ll find a million knockoffs!
Jessamyn says
The Alex craft kits and Melissa/Doug craft kits tend to be quite good.
Anon says
+1 to the Alex craft kits.
Anon Lawyer says
I got my niece who’s that age some gel pens, a bunch of washi tape (super cheap on amazon), and some blank books. Oh and I tossed in some rhinestone stickers. She loved all the sparkles.
Anon says
My 5 year old niece is really into a box set of Princess in Black books.
shortperson says
we are giving “Fashion Angels Unicorn Yoga Activity Set (12292)” at most bday parties this year to 5-6 year old girls.
AIMS says
Thanks all! These are all great!
Anon says
My 5 year old gets into crying fits sometimes when generally something doesn’t work out the way he thinks it’s going to, and he has a really hard time stopping. (ie last night we had swim class, which he normally does fine in, but for some reason he thought it was colder than normal, started crying, and basically couldn’t stop the rest of the class. Another example would be if he has a plan in mind to build an elaborate LEGO something and it doesn’t end up exactly how he wants it. Etc.)
He’ll even be in the midst of crying gulping out “I. can’t. stop. Crying.” We have tried: having him count to 3, drinking water (which used to help but doesn’t seem to now), asking “is this a big rock or a Little Rock?”…lately not only does nothing seem to work, but it’s like even making suggestions makes it worse (gulping out “that. Won’t. Help!” While still crying). Any creative things others have done to help calm their kids down? It is starting to impact his life I think, like the swim instructor was none too excited and I have a feeling if it keeps happening we may be kicked out (which frankly I would understand, a roaming teacher had to spend the entire class alone with him trying to get him to calm down and we’re not paying for private lessons). I don’t know. Help.
Thanks.
SC says
My 4 year old has major tantrums, and making any suggestions often makes it worse. He often just needs a few minutes by himself to calm down. So, instead of trying to console him, we send him to a safe place and tell him to calm down and come talk to us when he’s ready. If we’re out and can’t leave him unsupervised, one parent will take him to a quiet spot and sit next to him quietly until he calms down. Once he’s a little calmer, we can talk about his feelings and how to handle them.
Also, our kid’s tantrums can seem very abrupt, but there are often little warning signs. If we know something is a problem area or notice his frustration building, we try to intervene earlier than later. For example, yesterday DH implemented a Lego plan to take a 5-minute break every 20 minutes, and it went beautifully.
Anon says
Thank you. I think part of the problem is ours is in Kindergarten and doing a lot of external things without us (a more structured school situation, after care, after school classes, we have a slew of Summer camps coming up) so it’s more like trying to figure out tools he can implement himself when we’re not with him, or where crying it out if you will for 15 minutes is not a great option as all the other kids are working happily away and the instructor is no doubt getting frustrated.
AnotherAnon says
How long was the swim lesson/how long did he cry? At 5 I’m not sure distraction/redirection is the best approach? He needs to be identifying his feeling, trying to name the cause, and then allowing his body to process it. As a parent, the hardest part is just giving them space to do this (omg I sound like Janet Lansbury and I don’t even follow her anymore!) I grew up in a family where feelings were not allowed, so forgive me if I’m being overly sensitive. Maybe look into play therapy (which can help with feelings) and other naming feelings techniques. My kid will LOSE IT if he doesn’t get what he wants, and it takes a lot of “I hear you. You wanted X, but we can’t do X. You’re so sad/mad/disappointed.” Eventually he calms down. Depending on the instigator, sometimes being silly helps (see: How to Talk So Kids Will Listen). I’m sorry – this sounds like a tough challenge to be dealing with.
OP says
Class was only 30 minutes. This is probably the wrong thing to do, but in this particular case I was really reluctant to let him get out of the pool to calm down as I didn’t want to set the precedent that he can get out of a situation he doesn’t like by crying. Like, if he hated swim every week that would be a different discussion and we should maybe pull him. But he generally likes it, we pay a lot of money for it, and I don’t want the situation to be that a 5 year old is getting to decide on a whim which weeks he participates and which he doesn’t. Also, once he was out I knew there was no way he would get back in (it would just feel colder!), and we couldn’t leave bc his sister was in a different class at the same time so he would’ve just been sitting around in a towel waiting, probably even colder and probably still crying cause now he’d be even colder.
Not sure the right thing to do. Probably not what I’m doing!
In general we are pro sharing feelings, but balancing that with where it just isn’t practical is tough.
Ugh.
AwayEmily says
I don’t have advice, just sympathy. I feel like when you read anecdotes in parenting books, the right response is always super apparent, but in real life there are these huge trade-offs (am I setting a bad precedent by taking him out of the pool to have Feelings?) and no matter which one you choose, you look back later and am like “damn I made the wrong choice.”
For what it’s worth I don’t think you made the wrong choice because I don’t think there IS a right/wrong choice. You are doing awesome, he is lucky to have you, and I bet he grows out of this soon (i know the “it’s just a phase” advice is so irritating but it’s also true more often than not, especially when he is an otherwise happy kid).
AnotherAnon says
This just sounds tough all around; agree that sometimes you just have to stick to your guns. Hugs to you. Your concern and seeking advice means you care about him so much! I know you will get through this together. Sorry I don’t have anything more helpful or concrete for you.
Anonymous says
My nearly 5 year old has this issue, significantly enough that preschool has made clear he’s outside the regular 4 year old spectrum on this. It’s not so much tantrums when he doesn’t get what he wants as freak outs with extended crying when he disappoints himself in one of many ways (or occasionally things like pool too cold).Tips from our pediatrician’s behaviorist: lots of modeling that we also do things wrong all the time and modeling how to get through it; talking about how he can do hard things, it just takes practice; watching a Sesame Street episode about learning to ride a bike that has a catch song that goes “it’s a long hard road, but I’m gonna get there,” proving more drawing opportunities at home since drawing is a particular trigger (more opportunities to practice not having the drawing turn out how you wanted). For our kid, he really just needs alone time to calm himself down . He refuses to participate in discussing feelings in the moment, and the behaviorist suggested that during the “fight or flight” response/meltdown is NOT a good time to talk about the feelings or name them, but wait till he’s calm another time.
OP says
Thank you. Exactly this – it’s not so much tantrums about not getting what he wants, he’s pretty good about that, and understanding why we say no about stuff, etc. it’s the disappointing himself or just not being happy about a situation like the cold pool.
Anonymous says
Same poster from above – we also do a lot of sportscasting and modeling about how we are responding when we are disappointed ourselves, etc. And we keep a really close eye on blood sugar, as all of these FEELINGS are much harder if kiddo hasn’t eaten in 3 hours.
Io says
Re: the cold pool, our swim instructor suggested a wet suit by the brand Kids Konfidence for being easy to get into and out of and giving kids full range of arm motion. (Some problems should just be solved.)
Anon says
Since you mentioned he has a packed schedule and more coming up, are there any non-essentials you can cut? Like, does he *have* to do swimming lessons in February? Can you cancel all socializing on weekends for a spell? Let him take a mental health day? I certainly don’t have it all figured out, but I’m a big proponent of getting back to basics when a kid seems out of sorts – lots of downtime, lots of family time, extra sleep and nourishing food.
OP says
Fair question. I didn’t mean to imply he was too packed, just illustrating the situations where we aren’t around to help him work through all of his crying. The after school classes I mentioned are just short fun classes at his school he does in lieu of being in after care for that particular time frame, not in addition to (so either way he’d be at school, it’s just a difference of what he is doing). The Summer Camps are just the basic summer camps most working parents kids have to do. One half an hour a week of swim is the only outside school activity he has right now. He does get plenty of downtime especially on the weekends and we do prioritize sleep, always. I don’t know that his schedule is the issue. I know I’ve focused on swim in this post, but mostly cause that was the trigger that wanted me to write this. The crying also manifests (more often) at home, playing with toys, on weekend days we haven’t done too much else, etc.
AwayEmily says
Does anyone have dollhouse furniture they like? Plastic is fine as it doesn’t fall apart immediately. I’m thinking about getting some for my almost 4yo for her birthday. I don’t think I want to get an actual dollhouse since we are short on room…when I was a kid I would just set up the furniture on tables/windowsills/cardboard boxes (that was part of the fun!). I think she’d be into mini beds, fridge, etc.
Anon says
Not a dollhouse – but my MIL got my 2.5YO a timber tots playhouse. She’s way too young for it, but it has lots of little furniture, different rooms, etc. And some of the smaller sets are smaller than a soccer ball (hazelnut house, mushroom surprise).
EP-er says
Check out the Calico Critters sets. We do have a small house (The Cozy Cottage) that gets used a lot, and all of the furniture & accessories are well made. We also have Playmobile, but that is a larger scale than the Calico Critters. I think Target has a knock off Woodzeez, but i can’t speak to the quality.
shortperson says
pbk kids
AwayEmily says
thanks!
LittleBigLaw says
Yesterday’s thread on the main site bemoaning associates who claim to be “too busy” to take on additional work despite not meeting billable hours expectations kind of highlights one of the biggest struggles I’ve had as a working mom. Non-work commitments for my kiddos/family (parent-teacher conferences, tball games, sick days and dr appointments, you guys know #allthethings) have always made it really hard to hit my billables. I’m partner-track so I try to always say yes and accept all assignments b/c I know I’m not “too busy” from the firm’s perspective. However, when the rubber meets the road, sometimes I really can’t do it all, and I find myself struggling to meet deadlines and wishing I’d not taken on the assignment.
Obviously, this is a bad look, but it seems equally awful to explain that I need more time because of Unexpected Kid Issue when single male associate always delivers on time without issue. This is especially grating because the (majority male) group I work with already tends to patronize/sideline moms in a benevolent sexism sort of way. I want to deliver excellent work product, on-time, and be seen as being just as committed and available as my male peers. But that’s just not always possible. For those of you with BigLaw experience, what’s the worse option? Turning down assignments sometimes but delivering excellent results consistently or always being a “team player” but sometimes having to push back on internal deadlines/expectations at the end?
Anon says
I’m a senior associate (also partner track) and I am of two minds. My big complaint about that push back is that I might be “too busy” to take on your project that has to be done RIGHT NOW but still be under hours because the rest of the week I do have time – it’s just that my available time doesn’t meet your deadlines (FWIW, I always try to frame it that way when I say no – i.e., if this can wait until Friday, then yes I have time, but if you need it today, I don’t). Frustrates me to no end. Anyhow. Ultimately, at least for the people I supervise, I would rather have consistent on time work product than deal with last minute push back. But the powers that be who decide elevations are the ones who look at hours and probably don’t have the personal connection with you that others do. In my particular firm, my lack of hours has not (yet) been raised as a potential roadblock to being partner – and this year I am finally, finally the busiest I’ve been in years and I’m trying to lean into that. But I work for and with a lot of people who also have outside of work commitments (moms and dads) so we’re all flexible.
Anonymous says
Honestly, neither is great. Is part-time an option? How much are you billing? What are the stated/unstated hours expectations? I left Big Law before becoming a mom (major kudos to all of you who do it) but at my firm, with hours expectations of 1900 to remain in good standing/2000 to be bonus eligible, it was understood that you weren’t busy enough to turn down work unless you were consistently billing 200/month, ie., 2400/year, so well above our hours minimums. And even then, you could only turn down new projects. If a brief on your existing case had to get done, “I’m on track to bill 200 hours this month” wasn’t an excuse. I realize this is seriously incompatible with having any kind of life outside of work, which is why so many people leave Big Law when their kids are young. :/
LittleBigLaw says
Yep, these are the billable requirements/expectations at my firm exactly, including when you’re considered potentially “too busy.” When I do turn down an assignment, I always use Anon @ 11:47’s approach with a “not this very minute but tomorrow” instead of a hard no, which seems generally well-received. Part-time isn’t an option (among many other reasons, I bill close enough to the requirements that it would make no sense financially to step off track and take a pay cut for likely the same amount of work). And trust me, I get the realities of the job, but surely there’s a better approach out there than just leaning out. Most of the time, I do manage it all pretty well, and I really like my job (and my kids!). I just worry about how best to maintain my internal reputation/credibility when competing priorities conflict.
Anonymous says
There isn’t. This job pays you to give it this kind of time.
anon says
+1. This is why most, if not all, of my female friends w/kids have left biglaw with no intention of returning (the sole exception being moms who are the primarily breadwinner, and there are only a few of those).
Anon says
You say part-time isn’t an option because you don’t want to take a pay cut for the same amount of work, but if you’re not meeting their expectations for full-time at present (and hence risking the long-term security of your position and perspective in the group), then isn’t part-time and exceeding expectations a better option? Can you negotiate a part-time arrangement that works part-way (i.e. a bonus tied to hours above the part-time threshold)?
blueberries says
Wasn’t there some analysis/study showing that women’s careers suffer because they formally lean out (like when they go part time) in order to meet all the expectations while men do fine just underperforming quietly for ages?
I’ve heard that it’s not uncommon to fail to meet hours at many biglaw firms.
LittleBigLaw says
Definitely fair, but not the situation for me. My billables are consistently at or really close to the requirements, and I’m not billing part-time and asking for full pay. It’s just that I’m also not billing 2400 hours, even though my capacity to take on more assignments is sometimes as limited as if I were. It’s just that my capacity is limited b/c of family obligations, so I don’t “look” busy on paper to the firm. And I don’t want to highlight that I’m limited by those outside obligations b/c I’m already up against a pretty strong mom bias.
lawsuited says
I’m sure there are other people at OP’s firm who are not meeting hours and also not planning to fall on their sword and offer to take a paycut.
anon says
I have since gone in-house, but when I was a parent in BigLaw, I had to look at my availability over a 24 hour period or a 24/7 period in order to feel like I could get anything done. No, the work could not necessarily get done before I had to leave to get a train at 5:30 to get home to my kids. But I would work at home at night, or on the weekends in the morning or at night, and always tried to get ahead of deadlines, rather than just struggling to keep up. And I didn’t just work at night if I had a deadline the next day, I did it nearly every day as long as there was work to do except Friday nights, which were my “night off” almost without fail. That way, if there was an unexpected sick day, I wasn’t necessarily blowing deadlines, because I was ahead on some longer term projects if it was possible. It was A LOT and I can’t tell you anything that was on TV during those years, but it helped that I worked with a good number of involved dads who were also keeping similarly extensive and individualized hours.
AnoninBigLaw says
+1. I’m a 9th year associate with 3 kids and squeeze the work into all the nooks and crannies. I don’t go out for lunch; I pack it and eat at my desk. It helps to work with people in different time zones because they aren’t expecting my day/timing to line up with theirs. I don’t have any idea what’s on TV or in theaters, but I do read/listen to a lot of books on my public transportation commute for “me” time.
Also, I say this gently, but are you taking on more of #allthethings than you should? It’s ok to not go to every single tball game, sick day, dr appt, etc. Split them with your spouse as best as you can, and explain to your kids when you can’t be there. I think there is way more expectation on us as parents in this generation to show up for every.darn.thing (I’m looking at you class parties from noon-1 in elementary school). My parents were not expected to go to nearly as much. When I can’t go to something, I think of it as relieving some of the stress of other parents that can’t show up for various reasons (e.g., clock-in, clock-out jobs); their kid isn’t the “only one” without a parent there for the 100 days of school party.
shortperson says
haha yes i cannot engage in any tv/movie conversation either. other than the occasional daniel tiger. since #2 was born i also stopped reading books, i always have a depo i should be reading.
LittleBigLaw says
“When I can’t go to something, I think of it as relieving some of the stress of other parents that can’t show up for various reasons” – What a great way to frame this! Thank you for this perspective.
Anonymous says
Neither is okay in BigLaw. The money means you don’t make it to T-ball and the nanny does dr visits. Sure you’ve got flexibility, but that means you work weekends and late nights to meet your hours. Obviously things happen but you can’t year over year not meet your hours.
LittleBigLaw says
Absolutely agree with all of this. My question is how to best handle it when things occasionally happen, not how to get by without doing the job long-term. When I’m meeting billables (albeit barely) but not super-slammed and still have capacity issues.
cbackson says
Caveat that I didn’t have kids while in big law (I’m expecting my first now and just went in-house), but I supervised a lot of parents as a partner. At my firm the hours expectation was honest (so we didn’t expect 2400 if our standard was 1900), and generally it would be better to turn down assignments and make sure what you did accept was on-time and high quality. Turning down work would have been problematic if we were really slammed and everyone was having to pitch in (less common for my practice group, which tended to have a steady workflow) or if you weren’t making hours. I and most partners in my group really preferred honesty about an associate’s availability to do high-quality work over constant availability but with rushed or late work product.
We had a situation at one point (before I was a partner) where a FT associate was working fewer hours than at PT associate, and they did eventually tell that person that she had to either go PT or move on. So if you’re not making hours, it becomes a bigger issue (at least at my old firm).
Anonymous says
Noticed you were expecting on the main site, excited to have your contributions over here!
shortperson says
if you want to make partner you need to find a way to make your hours and do high quality work. that’s just the reality.
find the extra hours — some combo of: stay late and miss bedtime 1-2 nights a week, work a half day every weekend (kids w partner or babysitter), do 1-2 of work late at night or eeeaaarly in the morning. turn on the tv during sick days and keep working, and/or get backup nannies and switch off with husband. miss some tball games. miss some dr appts. this is the choice you need to make if you truly want to stay in biglaw.
it sounds dreadful, but it’s ok. i have two young kids and have been in biglaw for 9 years. i see plenty of my kids. we have lots of fun together. but i miss some things. their dad misses other things. sometimes we both miss things and they have an adored sitter. i usually get enough sleep but some weeks i dont. my job is interesting, and we are making progress on our financial goals. we are all doing fine.
Anon says
all of you with ‘big’ jobs are so impressive to me. just reading this sounds exhausting and overwhelming. i wouldn’t necessarily be so worried about missing things with my kids, but having no time to myself and the lack of sleep would really do me in. wish i had the stamina that some of you on this site seem to have!
shortperson says
it’s better than it sounds. we hire someone to do most chores, and pay for other conveniences. we have a babysitter every weekend for a half day so if i dont need to work i do whatever i want. this weekend i made it to yoga, a treadmill class, grocery shopping, some work, and working on my photo album in a coffee shop when our sitter was there 8-1. and then spent the afternoon gardening and baking with the kids
CCLA says
Yes, this – we both miss some things and that’s OK. I also think it’s fantastic when the kids get some solo parenting time in with dad (and I certainly do my fair share of solo parenting too). I was in biglaw for many years, now partner at a boutique w/ similar expectations. I find 1 weeknight working until as late as I want/need, and/or coming in on a weekend for a few hours, does wonders for my productivity and sanity. I could in theory come home for bedtime every night, but I’d say I am there for bedtime on average 5 nights a week for the older kid and 4 nights a week for the toddler (earlier bedtime) and that is totally fine with me. I protect from Saturday morning through Sunday lunch time fiercely other than true emergencies. +10000% to shortperson’s last paragraph entirely.
anne-on says
+1. And a plug for a nanny/au pair if you can. Having someone always able to do pick ups/school days off/stay home with a sick kid makes it SO much easier for me to ‘flex’ my time.
I find it pretty easy to guard the 5:30-7:30 hours a few nights a week if I know I can then work late (or early) those same days. Honestly plenty of parents I work with do the same – almost everyone I ask opts for an 8pm call over a 6pm call these days.