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Sales of note for 4.18.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 50% off full-price dresses, jackets & shoes; $30 off pants & skirts; extra 50% off sale styles
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything; extra 20% off purchase
- Eloquii – 50% off select styles; 60% off swim; up to 40% off everything else
- J.Crew – Mid-Season Sale: Extra 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off spring-to-summer styles
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – Spring Mid-Season Sale: Up to 50% off 100s of styles
- Nordstrom: Free 2-day shipping for a limited time (eligible items)
- Talbots – Spring Sale: 40% off + extra 15% off all markdowns; 30% off new T by Talbots
- Zappos – 29,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Up to 70% off baby items; 50% off toddler & kid deals & 40% off everything else
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off spring faves; 25% off new arrivals; up to 30% off spring
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Up to 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off kids’ spring-to-summer styles
- Old Navy – 30% off your purchase; up to 75% off clearance
- Target – Car Seat Trade-In Event (ends 4/27); BOGO 25% off select skincare products; up to 40% off indoor furniture; up to 20% off laptops & printers
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Anonanonanon says
I’m also not great at makeup application, but I found a pen (I think loreal tattoo brow) that is able to mimic brow hairs really well and does not require sharpening. Highly recommend!
So Anon says
I feel like I am loosing my mind or doing something wrong: With the exception of one or two weeks, someone has been sick in my house since Christmas. We’ve had stomach bugs, strep and garden variety childhood viruses with low-grade fevers. My kids are 6 and 9. This so reminds me of the first year in daycare/preschool, and I’m truly feeling the impact of it all. I can work from home as often as need be, but I miss going into the office and my regular schedule. And its totally exhausting with someone being sick (and sometimes I’m even sick too). For good measure, my dog even had a UTI somewhere in there.
This weekend, I aired out the house (tough when its 10 degrees out), disinfected all the doorknobs, remotes, stair railings, and anything else I could think of. I washed all the bedding and blankets that are on the couch. My kids are now taking vitamin C but the youngest refuses to take elderberry gummies. What else can I do? Anyone else having a winter like this?
Anon says
NPR was saying this morning that zinc is proven to help shorten the length of a cold, but you have to make sure you get tablets that have enough zinc and don’t also have citric acid since it binds with the zinc and makes it unavailable. Might be worth looking into?
Anonymous says
Is your 6 year old in a new school? Kindergarten? Maybe he or she is getting a new round of germs and bringing them home?
Anonanonanon says
I think mostly it’s just Winter. I’m immunocompromised, so here are some things I do to keep my kids (and by extension, me) from getting sick:
-They make travel packs of Clorox Wipes. Buy some. Use them to wipe down grocery carts at the store, a table before you eat, etc.
-The gas pump is gross. Don’t forget to sanitize your hands before touching your steering wheel.
-Wipe down cell phones with a clorox wipe fairly often. If you’re like me, they get put on all kinds of surfaces and touched with dirty hands all the time.
-Keep your kids’ nails trimmed so they’re less likely to bite them, biting nails is a huge way for kids to catch stuff.
-No indoor play areas.
-Hand washing. that’s the constant public health message for a reason. put lotion by the sinks so you can moisturize your hands after. Have your kids wash their hands as soon as they get home from school or a public place as well.
Most disinfectants do not kill Norovirus, a common cause of the stomach bug. You have to use a solution with actual bleach to kill it.
Anonymous says
Sometimes you just get a run of bad luck. When my son was 4, he had strep 3 times in about 8 weeks. But then he had perfect attendance in kindergarten because he barely got sick that year. It sounds like you’re doing everything you can. Hang in there – this won’t be forever!
ElisaR says
i don’t know what we can do it about it but we are suffering this winter too. We just got healthy this weekend and then I came down with a SECOND sinus infection for 2020. Ugh.
Anonymous says
Hand washing is the only other real thing to do
ALC says
No suggestions but plenty of commiseration. Baby, me, my husband, and now our cat have all been taking turns being sick over the past 3 weeks and it doesn’t seem to be getting better. Can’t wait for winter to be over!
Anne says
Do you require everyone in your family to wash their hands as soon as they come home before touching anything? I don’t think it will solve it but may keep some germs out of your house in the first place.
Anon says
I don’t want to fearmonger, but if a whole household is suddenly getting sickness after sickness and it seems to be more than just a hard winter, consider testing your house for mold. The DNA tests (like the ERMI) are generally better at finding hidden mold than the air tests. And hidden mold, like in a wall cavity, is almost always what you are looking for because most people aren’t just ignoring a giant mold colony that they can see growing.
Anon says
A relevant blog post about one family’s journey to discovering that mold was at the root of all their weird health problems that just got to be too much to ignore: https://pjharlowwellness.com/blog/whatmoldtoxicityfeelslike
Anonymous says
Unless this happens year after year I wouldn’t worry too much (although it sucks, my sympathies). Some winters are just bad. My husband is a teacher, so he has been exposed to everything under the sun and usually doesn’t get sick too much, but every 5 years or so we get a bad winter where he catches everything you can imagine and passes it on to us. This winter hasn’t been too bad for our family, but I assume it’s highly dependent on where you live.
Anon says
You have my sympathies. 2020 is kicking my butt. I have also been sick more or less since Christmas. I’m on prednisone now for the inflammatory asthmatic response I had to my last virus. The Prednisone is making me lose my mind. I also have a broken toe. It is so so so exhausting operating at 60-80% and just trying to get by day after day. I feel you. Spring can’t come quick enough.
Anonymous says
I have heard many horror stories about prednisone and mental health. If you keep feeling down, make sure you mention it to your doctor.
AO says
We are 100% having a winter like this. With the exception of a one-week break, I’ve been sick in various forms since Christmas. Plus my husband keeps getting a (milder) version of whatever I have. The worst part is not being able to sleep! Even with medicine, I’m often up until 4am coughing. I would pay a small fortune at this point to be able to sleep through the night.
The story that about sums up this season for us: We were riding the subway with our congested toddler last weekend, and everyone was smiling at him while he played cute for the crowd. Suddenly and he let loose the most enormous sneeze, landing a giant oozing pile of snot a good 10 feet from where we were sitting. I’ll never forget the looks on the other passengers’ faces.
JDMD says
I feel your pain so so much. We’ve been going around and around on the winter virus carousel since the first week of November. Five-year-old and three-year-old. Various respiratory viruses, asthma exacerbations, and ear infections, with five trips to the pediatrician and/or Urgent Care. We’ve been through five bottles of Children’s Tylenol since November. It is exhausting and demoralizing. I just finished my second round of antibiotics in the past three months (first was for sinusitis, this time around for pneumonia), and it’s literally been two decades since I last took antibiotics. Prior to this, we were all hale and hearty, and I have no idea why this season has been so terrible, but I am desperate for everyone to feel better for more than 48 hours at a stretch.
whatdayisit? says
Crossposting since my comment is in moderation at the main site: Good morning hive. My family(4 adults, 1 teenager, 2 toddlers) is planning to visit tokyo in a few weeks and the coronavirus updates are worrying. Would you cancel/reschedule the trip? I’m usually not worried about such things but bringing toddlers along is making me weigh the risks. What would you do?
ElisaR says
is it a vacation? going for a family wedding? what type of visit. honestly, I would probably cancel but I understand that can be tough to do. I wasn’t nervous about it until it surpassed SARS cases this weekend.
whatdayisit? says
It’s a vacation.
Anonymous says
I wouldn’t cancel. I think Japan is one of the countries that’s done well with responding and isolating when there have been cases.
Anonymous says
No, don’t cancel! There are not reported cases of coronavirus in Tokyo. I get travel anxiety so I understand your concern — but this is anxiety.
Anonymous says
I’d ask your pediatrician what they think. I’d be nervous as well, but I think doctors have a better grip on issues like this. Good luck!
whatdayisit? says
I’ll give them a call today. Thanks!
NYCer says
I would probably err on the side of going, but this seems like great advice!
Anonymous says
As a counterpoint, I work in epidemiology and would not defer to a pediatrician on this. They’re not infectious disease specialists. I love our ped in general, but have been surprised by how out of touch with CDC recommendations she is when it comes to infectious diseases. Personally, I would follow the US government guidelines and avoid travel to China (even if there was regular commercial air service) but I would have no hesitations about going elsewhere in Asia, especially somewhere as developed as Tokyo.
Also, fwiw, the 2019 Novel Coronavirus hits the elderly (especially men) much harder than babies, so don’t worry specifically about the toddlers. It’s probably less risky for them than it is for you and your husband. Apparently with this new virus, it’s quite common for children to test positive while displaying no symptoms – that can happen with adults too, but seems to be much more common in children.
Anonymous says
Can you reschedule without losing a lot of money? Honestly I would be concerned about going through major airports in Asia and being exposed to potential carriers, and also about getting home if flights were cancelled if the situation changes. If it was just adults I would still go, but not with toddlers who put their mouths on things all the time (at least mine does!). I seem to be in the minority though :)
I would be worried says
I would cancel. It is spreading very, very easily and you don’t even have to have traveled to China to be infected. The case of 5 British citizens getting infected in the French Alps of all places, because one of the travelers had been in Singapore the previous week for a conference was very worrisome for me. I don’t want to be alarmist but I think we’ll see more global cases at least for the next few months before it fully starts to wane.
Lean In or Lean Out says
So, I’m trying to decide whether to stay in-house or go back into private practice. I’m an 8th year litigator who worked in a firm environments until moving in-house a year ago. I made the move because my long/complicated commute was killing me, I’d just had my second child and figured it was time to lean out. The commute is great, the work hours are lighter (for the most part), but the compensation is stagnant (essentially I’ll be earning the same base salary for the foreseeable future with the only variable being a very discretionary bonus funded based on company performance and awarded based on personal performance). I have an offer to go back into private practice. The commute would not be as good as it is now, but still better than before. The work hours would be more than in-house, but still lighter than my old firm. The base salary is a bit more than what I’m earning now, but with a very lucrative bonus structure based on billings, and annual raises.
I’m leaning towards the firm job. With 2 kids, our family is feeling a lot of financial pressure so I think I need to focus on maximizing my earning potential. My partner works in a fairly 9-5 job without much opportunity to increase his compensation, and has always been good at flexing to meet the needs of my career. Maybe right now my family needs me to earn more rather than be around more?
Any thoughts from fellow moms? Has anyone made the move back into private practice from in-house?
Anonanonanon says
Not in the legal profession, but was faced with a similar choice after my second child (involved a $30K salary difference, which is now a $50K raise) and the money was the right choice. Yes, I have less time than I would have, but I also have more money to throw at things that make our lives easier and make the time we have together more enjoyable.
Anonymous says
what’s the aftertax difference once you figure in things like higher commuting costs and possibly extra childcare (assuming your DH can’t do pick up and drop off everyday). Would the extra $ be worth it?
Other factors beyond salary that are key – what is the vacation structure and health care benefits for each position?
Anonymous says
I’m in Canada, so healthcare benefits are not as big a consideration, but I slightly prefer the extended healthcare benefits I have in-house. In-house vacation is 4 weeks (which I have not taken, and it mostly use-or-lose as I can only carry over 3 days), and firm vacation is unlimited (but limited by my ability to take vacation and meet hours).
New firm would be paying for onsite parking and have okayed WFH 1-2 days a week, so commuting costs would be very similar. The move would be more about future earning potential (there is zero where I am currently) than a major increase in my paycheque in my first week in the firm job.
Anon 10:43 says
Also in Canada so surprised that you don’t think about the health benefits. Maybe it’s because a couple of my kids have health issues so 80 vs 100% prescription coverage and higher than average physio coverage is a real benefit to us?
Why don’t you take your vacation? Is it a corporate culture issue?
It seems clear that you want to move in order to increase earnings, I think the only question is that is the right movement to the right firm? or do you wait for another opportunity? Sounds like you think it’s the right move, so I’d go for it.
Anonymous says
You’re right about health benefits. It’s a factor but not a huge factor because my partner had health benefits as well so between the 2 we’d be covered at 100% either way.
I don’t take vacation because a) I find vacations a drag with 2 small kids, b) we don’t have the cash for out-of-country or even out-of-province travel and I never bother to set aside time for staycations, and c) I find that meeting the expectations of my workload is less of a strain if I don’t take vacation – it’s partially corporate culture in that the work continues to be assigned and the deadlines continue to pile up regardless of whether I’m on the office or not and partially personal preference of not working like a dog before and after vacation to make up for the lost time (especially when the vacation was a ton of work with 2 kids).
Lyssa says
You didn’t mention how you feel about your current job (or whether you miss firm life), or what your current financial situation is really like. If you’re struggling to make ends meet now, or you really preferred the firm lifestyle to in-house (which I don’t think is crazy, by the way; they’re very different), then I’d lean towards making the move. But if you’re doing OK with money now and don’t really want to make the move, I don’t see any reason to do it.
Anonymous says
RE: my feelings about current job, I’d say the rose-coloured glasses are off but I don’t hate it or dread coming to work each day. The great commute and lighter hours have been very positive for my family. Knowing that there’s nowhere to go in terms of compensation does impact my motivation in a negative way, and I’m concerned that may become a bigger problem the longer I’m here. Financially we’re making ends meet but things are very tight with 2 kids in daycare. The firm job would not completely solve that problem because it’s only a small bump in base salary, with the real motivation for the move being a generous bonus structure and annual increases (which would only materialize in a year).
Jessamyn says
Right, what’s totally missing in here is — which job do you think you would like to do better? How do you want to spend 8-10 hours a day five days a week? If you have no preference between the two, that’s fine, but I hate to see a mom totally making this decision based on its effect on OTHER people (I’ll earn more money to support the kids vs. I’ll have less time to spend with the kids).
Anonymous says
I have a slight preference for the firm job because I like objective performance measures and being an income generator rather than a cost centre. But I don’t have a strong preference for either – there are many things about my current workplace that bother me, but I assume there will be things that bother me about the new workplace too so I’m trying not to weight that too heavily because of course I prefer the new job that seems better because it’s been presented in the best possible light during the hiring process. I want to be careful about a move because I’ve only been here a year so will need to stay put for a while if I move so soon. The work at both places is very, very similar, so compensation and hours really are the differentiating factors.
Coach Laura says
I’d take the firm job absolutely given the extra money and everything else you’ve said. If your partner had an upside to his income it might be different. Only reason I’d hesitate is if your partner isn’t on board, because his job should be more flexible and therefore the impact on him would be more and you’ll need his flexibility.
Cb says
My husband and son are going to London Friday – Monday. You guys, this is the first time alone in my house since my son was born 2.5 years ago. What should I do? I have a bachelorette party on Saturday but it should be a mellow affair. All the yoga? Read in a cafe? Chuck out all the toys? Play foulmouth podcasts over the speakers?
Emily S. says
Sleep. All the sleep without being interrupted! I would be tempted to not leave the house. I sorely miss being alone in my house to clean, declutter, or simply read on the couch. Enjoy your weekend!
Anonymous says
Your favorite fitness class + sleep + reading at a cafe for as long as you want + bath + decluttering your closet or toy bins. It occurs to me I haven’t had a weekend alone in my house in 7.5 years. Huh. Maybe I should ship my family away sometime :)
Pogo says
+1 THIS, I’d go to yoga and then sit in a cafe reading. and nap! Also, binge stuff on TV that my husband doesn’t care for (though I also do this when he’s out of town, I have to wait until LO is in bed of course)
Spirograph says
I also haven’t had a weekend alone in my house in 7 years. I’ve occasionally taken the kids alone to visit my mom, but DH’s family is well out of range for a quick weekend trip, so never the reverse. One of my coworkers mentioned the other day that her husband sometimes takes the kids to a hotel with a pool, and she just enjoys having the house to herself. This had never occurred to me, but I mentioned it to my husband, and he’s game. We’re giving it a try next month. What a revelation!
Anonymous says
Anything that isn’t cleaning! Enjoy the time. Take a long bath.
FVNC says
My husband took his kids to visit his parents this weekend and I deep cleaned the heck out of my house without their interference. It was sooooo satisfying! I also slept so much (I am one of the posters whose kids have never missed a sunrise) and generally enjoyed being lazy (other than the glorious cleaning ;)
So Anon says
Yes to all. If possible, have a house cleaner come the moment they leave so you can luxuriate in a house that is clean and you did not clean and will actually stay clean for a few days. I would get your favorite food on Friday night, cuddle up and watch whatever appeals to you and no one else in your house. Do absolutely nothing during “bed time.” I love going to bed early and starting the day with yoga and tea. I think a lot of the luxury is in doing things that you can no longer do with a kid in the house, so play the loud podcast, make or eat food that a kid declares gross, walk out of the house without a second thought just to go grab something at the store. Enjoy it!
IHeartBacon says
I was going to say the same thing about hiring a house cleaner to come clean the house first thing on Friday morning.
GCA says
Don’t clean! Sleep, sit on the couch for a few hours with a good book and a cup of tea, watch some junk tv, go to yoga class, and hang out with friends!
Anonymous says
All, I’m not sure what to do. We have an incredible nanny, but her family seems to never, ever catch a break. Her teenage daughter has had leukemia, during which they lost all savings and retirement. Her daughter is in remission now, but obviously this is an ongoing issue. Her husband helped some people build a very successful business (restoring homes and businesses after flooding/water damage) and as soon as that was up and running, the owners fired him because they wanted to keep all the money for themselves. Her husband found a new job and was there for about a month, when he had to leave work early on a Friday afternoon to go attend a weekend of family interviews as part of his son being selected to interview for a scholarship at college where he has been accepted. When the husband started at the new job, he told them that he would have to leave early on this particular Friday to attend this weekend of interviews (the college where the interviews were was about 2 hours away from the city where we live, so this is not a plane ride away thing). But apparently the company went back on being okay with this and thought he shouldn’t have left, so they fired him this morning. And now one of their beloved dogs is very, very, very sick. (Obviously I wasn’t there to know the specifics of what happened with her husband’s job, but I’m inclined to believe her story.) And she was upset this morning because now she has to let her son know that his dad was fired for essentially going to support his son at these scholarship interviews.
It’s just all over a crappy day for her. I feel confident that her husband will find another job at some point, but I just never know what to do in these situations. We have all of the grandparents in the area (all retired) so I told her that she could head on home (if she wanted) and we’d pay her for the day and call in a grand parent or two (who would JUMP at the chance to be with their grandbaby). She wanted to stay because she wanted to be with our baby (who smiles all the time and is incredibly happy, so I understand that). I let her know there was ice cream in the freezer if she felt like she needed ice cream (I know I would need it), but I don’t know what else to *do* for her. She is an incredible caretaker for our son, and has such an incredible heart that I only want the best for her.
If you have any ideas or suggestions, please let me know. My heart is breaking for her right now.
Anonymous says
Your continued employment of her is probably the best gift you can give her right now. A note which says how much you appreciate and value the work she does would probably help give her a feeling of security in her job. Maybe a box of chocolates or box of some other treat she likes to go with the note? Emphasize that there are grandparents available for support from time to time if she needs accommodations because of life or health situations.
IHeartBacon says
+1
FVNC says
I think this advice is perfect. It’s tempting to try to fix things when life is just plain unfair, but you can’t.
I’ve been in a similar situation with a daycare provider who became very close to our family, and who had a similar streak of terrible luck (on-and-off partner, father of children died; daughter ran away from home; long-ago broken lease leading to a lien on assets). I lived in a college town at the time, and tried to set her up with the relevant law school clinic that could help with the renter issues, offered to do some research on her behalf, accompany her to any appointments etc. — and it was too much. She didn’t need my help (although she was grateful enough for the offers); she needed someone to listen and to tell her she was appreciated and valued.
Anonymous says
OP here – thank you everyone, especially FVNC – I am tempted to do a list of things like you mentioned, but I am holding back because I have (only very recently) learned that I cannot stop once I’ve started down this road. I’d already ordered a box of Cheryl’s heart shaped cookies as a Valentine’s day gift for her to accompany a card from our son, but now I will include a thank you note from my husband and I. She is so valued to us – I literally do not worry about my son’s health, happiness, safety, development or general well being while I am at work and he is with our nanny. She takes care of him like he was her own child.
rosie says
That sounds perfect (right down to the cookies). I think the reassurance that her job is safe and you value her is great. If you wanted to throw some extra cash her way, I think that would not be too awkward as part of the Valentine’s gift (or you could do a gift card that is super versatile, like Target).
Anonymous says
I like the idea of adding a Target card or cash to the cookies – $25 or $50? A little extra for her without it being a big ‘thing’.
Pogo says
I know what you mean. My employee at work is like this too – between in-laws passing away or being ill, her daughters always having some sort of drama, I do genuinely feel bad. I do whatever I can to make work flexible for her, and listen to her when she’s upset, but otherwise as an employer you’re there to be stable and provide a paycheck!
Also go out of your way to give her positive feedback for her work regardless of whether she’s having a tough time (even if it’s like, “Baby always lights up when we say your name” or whatever).
anon says
All, I stopped exclusively nursing my baby at 5 months and was completely done by 7.5. He’s 8.5 months now and while I felt giddy the first month, now I feel guilty that I couldn’t make it a year like i did with my daughter. He wasn’t enjoying it, he wasn’t sleeping, and he had eczema issues that could have been triggered by my milk even though the doctors said it wasn’t (he magically cleared up more and more and now has no eczema or GI issues without my nursing. Not sure if related). I had trouble letting him CIO because I never knew if he was getting enough / hungry at night and the lack of sleep was driving me insane. Nursing was so so so much harder with two kids that I watch solo a lot and doing bottles made my husband able to help so so much more at nights and mornings. I know it was the right choice logically, but this is my last baby and I feel bad that I wasn’t strong enough to push through a few more months. I know it’s so so illogical, but just looking for any words of affirmation. Thank you in advance.
Anon says
You made the right choice. Your are doing the right thing for your family.
If it helps, I’m in a similar boat right now. I fought for 9 months to nurse kid 1 (they didn’t seem to like it that much, I had major supply issues, etc) and I’m leaning towards just formula feeding for kids 2+3 (twins coming soon). There are so many reasons that this looks like it’ll be the right choice for me, but it still makes me sad. And I’m trying to give myself forgiveness for feeling that way by focusing on all the things I will be able to do with all my kids when I’m not primarily a source of food for the younger two.
I like to reread the chapter from “And Now We Have Everything” on breastfeeding (it’s online). The last paragraph always makes me feel better.
lawsuited says
I’m a twin and my mom’s personal opinion is that BFing twins as a primary food source is impossible, so I think it’s great that you’re embracing formula. I did find BFing easier the second time around, so if you like the idea of BFing for bonding then you could approach it as “if I can give one or both of my babies 1 week of Bmilk then that’s great!” rather than “I only gave one of my babies 1 week of Bmilk; I’m a failure”.
Anon says
Bottle-feeding twins makes it so so much easier for other people to help when you’re overwhelmed. Chances are good you’d end up having to supplement with formula anyway (yes, some people EBF twins but the vast majority of us twin mothers don’t).
rosie says
It takes a ton of strength to recognize the factors at play and to make the right decision for your child and your family (and, you, you count, too!) as you did here. Even if you did not make it to the goal you initially set, my personal experience with BFing was that goals needed to be constantly reevaluated, and trying to stick with a goal I had set before I knew my baby’s needs better and had the benefit of time & experience was basically trying to achieve an arbitrary goal.
Spirograph says
Everything you’ve said here sounds like you’ve made the best choice for your family. Every baby is different, and your decisions calculus is now accounting for a family of 4 rather than 3. Different does not mean worse, and you know there is nothing magical about EBF for a year. It’s ok to mourn this phase being over, but feeling sad about it doesn’t mean it wasn’t time. You’re doing great!
Jessamyn says
Different kids have different needs. Good parenting isn’t treating all your kids the same, it’s giving to each child what he or she needs. It seems in this case it’s very clear your son needed something different. BFing for longer isn’t what’s best for all kids.
To analogize in a way that might or might not be helpful, if you had one child with a food allergy, and one who did not have that allergy, would you feel guilty about not giving the allergic child the same food as the non-allergic child? Of course not. Maybe that framing would be helpful here. BFing isn’t objectively “good” or “bad”.
lawsuited says
You didn’t stop because you weren’t “strong enough” to continue BFing. You stopped because continuing to BF was the wrong thing for you and your son. Being a good mom isn’t about how much you can punish yourself, and if you think it is then don’t worry because there are plenty of opportunities for that aside from BFing! “Bre@st is best” propaganda tricks us into thinking that BF is always right and can never be wrong, but, you know, it’s extremist propaganda and not any kind of replacement for your own judgment based on your knowledge of your baby and your circumstances. You sound like a very smart, loving and dedicated mom, which is a really killer combination and your kids are lucky to have you.
Anon says
Remember that you provide for your child (and children) in so many important ways beyond breastfeeding — stop and think about ALL the ways you show your love just in one day or week. You do a lot! I think our culture is obsessed with breastfeeding as a badge of honor, but that’s a really limited way to look at motherhood. I also struggled with breastfeeding and am still sad sometimes that we stopped but that’s a just part of life (bittersweet endings, kids growing up), not a sign of my shortcomings. Hugs!
Boston Legal Eagle says
You’re doing great. Really, you are. Having a second kid has been one of the best things for me as a parent because I ended up throwing out a lot of the “rules” of parenting and just doing my best in any given situation. If it doesn’t feel right to you, then b-feeding for a year isn’t some magic recipe to guarantee a great kid – it’s just one of the ways of feeding your kids and formula is perfectly fine. I think you’ll see more and more as your kids grow up that treating them equally is impossible and really not what they need, and even if you do treat them equally, they’ll probably end up different anyway because of different personalities and what not.
GCA says
Everyone’s made a lot of great comments already, but there is nothing weak in switching to formula when it was clearly the right thing for you and your family’s overall health and happiness. Good parenting is paying attention to your baby’s needs and taking care of your own so that you are healthy and stable and can provide for your family.
For anyone else grappling with this, I really, really wish lactation consultants and medical systems wouldn’t frame breastfeeding as an all or nothing act. Paradoxically, supplementing my second with formula during the day enabled me to keep breastfeeding her longer. Don’t let the perfect (ideological vision painted by health systems) be the enemy of the good (enough for you and your family’s health).
FTMinFL says
Has anyone’s little one ever had a colonoscopy? My four year old has one scheduled for Friday and I would really appreciate any tips and tricks for making the prep and procedure days as easy as possible. Thank you!
Anonanonanon says
Are you doing the miralax and gatorade prep method or the salty stuff you pick up at the pharmacy? Ask them if the miralax method would be acceptable, it is a much gentler prep, at least IMO.
Get some A&D for their… well… you know. It will start to burn while they… get cleaned out. I recommend flushable wipes as well for the same reason, the tp quickly becomes sand paper. Do they have a favorite tv show? Turn that on and let them watch during prep. Stock up on the colors of jello etc. they’re allowed to eat and act like it’s a treat.
I’m sorry your LO has to go through this. I have one of the diseases I’m sure they’re checking your LO for… I hope everything turns out OK. The procedure will be fine, the prep is the rough part.
FTMinFL says
Thank you for this!! We are doing Miralax/Chocolate Ex Lax and Gatorade. I’ll stock up on the flushable wipes and A&D – such good tips that I had not thought of. We are supposed to start prep at 8am the day before. I pretty much need to plan on being at home and close to the toilet from 8am on, right? He likes to get his wiggles out by riding his scooter down the block, but I’m thinking that might result in an unpleasant accident, even staying very close to home.
Thank you for the well wishes, too! He’s a tough little guy, but I can definitely think of things he would rather be doing on Valentine’s Day!
Anonymous says
Can you let him bring his scooter in for a special treat for the rough day? That said, he really might not feel well enough to be active anyway. I had a colonoscopy in my early 20s with the salty stuff. I remember not really leaving the bathroom for a period of hours.
FTMinFL says
That’s a good idea. I also bought him some new superhero puzzles for us to work on together, so maybe that and some good old screen time punctuated with a few scooter races down the hall will get us through the day. Thank you!
rosie says
Maybe have a table that fits in the bathroom, maybe w/a tray for the puzzles? That way if he needs to sit in there to be comfortable, he has distraction. Best of luck for the prep, procedure, and results!
Pogo says
There is also a product called Balneol which you can apply to toilet paper or wipes to soothe the bum (husband has Crohn’s/UC). Hugs to your kiddo!
I believe also you can eat jello and popsicles as long as they aren’t red in color (bc can look like blood on the scope)? So maybe check w/ your GI and see if kiddo can have those items – I feel like the fasting is just as bad as the prep.
FTMinFL says
Thanks! I’ll see if I can find Balneol at the pharmacy. He is allowed to have popsicles and jello which will be a fun treat for him. We also don’t usually have lemonade or gatorade in the house, so he is pumped to get to have all these special things on the same day! Due to recent symptoms I’m actually more worried about the fasting than the prep. I’ll be spending my week lining up distractions…
So Anon says
My son had a endo and colonoscopy in Kindergarten, so he was 5. Others have spoken to the prep with great ideas, so I will mention a few things about the procedure. We had the procedure done in the hospital with a dedicated children’s hospital attached. They were really wonderful with him and with us. He received a stuffie upon check-in. Are you or your partner planning on being with him when he is sedated? If so, please know ahead that your child will go limp in your arms. I held my son each time he was sedated (2x in a 2 month stretch) because he wanted me there. I literally sat on the gurney and was wheeled in with him and he was in my lap when the meds kicked in (via the oxygen mask and then they did the IV). It was really tough to watch him go under on my lap. I consider myself pretty tough, but I almost passed out walking out of the room. The hospital staff was very prepared for this and walked me back to his room to wait. After the procedure, my son was pretty groggy, loopy and angry at one point. Also, my son was awake but not steady on his feet when we were discharged. As a result, I was wheeled out to my car in a wheelchair with my son on my lap because I could not carry him from his room all the way to my car. (My now-Ex had decided that he couldn’t handle it and left for work the moment my son opened his eyes.) It was tough getting my 5 year old strapped into his car seat when he was still kind of loopy. In the end, my son was diagnosed with IBD (Crohn’s) and is doing awesome now.
FTMinFL says
Thank you for sharing your experience! We are having the procedure done at a children’s hospital and I will be able to be present after sedation up until the moment the procedure begins, then I’ll be brought back into the procedure room immediately upon completion to go with him to recovery. I really appreciate hearing how your son responded to the anesthesia and I’m glad to hear he is doing so well now! I’m certainly looking forward to some answers and a plan for the future.
Combination Feeding says
Does anyone have good resources or books on combination feeding? Call it naive, but I’m at least hoping to try it with my first. Pretty much all the books stress breastfeeding, which is fine, but for a variety of reasons, I love the concept of combination feeding.
I’m totally starting from scratch so I appreciate any articles, books, or techniques you found useful.
Anonanonanon says
Have you looked at fedisbest.org? They have a lot of resources on how to tell if your LO is getting enough under the “safe feeding section” and some ways you can advocate for your desire to use formula if you are birthing in a “baby friendly” (code for “anti formula” basically) hospital, which I personally avoided.
I combo-fed both of my children and they were just fine with it. Neither discriminated based on the source. What kind of advice are you looking for? I think a lot of it is child-dependent.
Anonymous says
I ended up combo feeding my little one. I actually read, and re-read, and then read 100 more times, CPA lady’s post on this site about it. I found that to be the best resource. https://corporettemoms.com/combination-feeding-tips/
For me, I had 4. 5 months of maternity leave, so I basically b-fed my baby while I was at home on leave, and then when I went back to work, nursed in the morning and at night, and our baby got bottles of formula during the day. I will caveat all of this by saying that our baby has been incredibly adaptable and generic version of regular formula tastes just great to him (It seems as if every other baby I know has to be on super specific formula or they have GI/allergy issues, but that is just my limited social circle) AND that I always had a really good supply such that maintaining only two feedings (7:00 am and 7:00 pm) was very easy for me.
OP says
Thank you for suggesting that link! The first paragraph about limited information is exactly why I wanted to consult this amazing hive of working women who probably had to figure this out too.
Pogo says
N of 1, but my kid also was super chill about formula and took the very first sample I had of Enfamil so that’s what I used. I think you tend to hear more from people whose kid had to try 50 different kinds before they find one that worked, but it’s totally possible to get lucky and have no issues with switching between bmilk and formula. So stay positive!
Anonymous says
CPA lady’s post is one of the better ones I’ve seen on this topic.
FWIW, I combo fed my twins from the start because I didn’t make enough milk but I actually found it a million times easier to EBF my older kid for the 6 months I was off. Introduced bottles when I went back to work, pumped once a day at lunch, supplemented with formula, nursed morning, evening and once overnight. Pumping at work 3 times a day can be miserable.
Anon says
I didn’t use a book but I combo fed. My strategy was basically just “nurse when I can, offer formula when I don’t want to nurse.” We used formula liberally the first week while I was recovering and my milk still hadn’t come in. After that we were primarily breastfeeding but would do a formula bottle before bed as a top off and sometimes DH would take a middle of the night feeding with formula, though I did most of them. When I went back to work, I pumped for about a month, and then decided I hated pumping so we switched to formula during the workday and morning/evening/weekend nursing, which we continued for a year. Theoretically, if you drop nursing sessions your body should adjust and stop producing milk at those times, but continue producing milk at the times you regularly nurse. That was my experience and the experience of many people I know, but I have heard stories from people who experienced a bigger supply drop.
ALC says
I did/do combo feeding and this website was probably the most helpful — there just aren’t that many guides out there. We fed formula from day 5 on because our pediatrician told us baby needed it. Then we struggled to get the hang of breastfeeding, so I primarily pumped until about month 3. Then baby got better at breastfeeding, but then I went back to work so we needed to do more formula and I ramped down pumping because it took too much time at work. By 6 months I stopped pumping all together and we did about formula at daycare and BFing at home, with some formula supplementing if he seems really hungry at night. This system is still working now at 7 months. Essentially, my advice is don’t be afraid to re-assess every week or every month to see whether what you’re doing is still working for you.
Pogo says
such a great point in your last sentence. I supplemented early on bc of weight loss and jaundice (per the ped), then once while I was on a trip and husband ran out of my stash milk, and then for several months no supplementing bc things were working, and then near the end I was sick of pumping (like 10mos I think) and switched to formula during the day until we went to cow’s milk. People get so hung up on an all or nothing, but there is seriously no wrong answer as long as kiddo is fed and you are also feeling healthy!
GCA says
+ 1 million to that last sentence. I also combo fed for a number of reasons: jaundice in the first few weeks of life; ‘clearing out’ my system due to kiddo’s dairy sensitivity; work trips at 6mo and 8mo (pumped and dumped – husband used formula and freezer stash); just plain old didn’t want to pump 3x/day at work so I went to 1x and swapped formula for breastmilk bottles. I will say everyone’s body is different – some people need to pump or nurse frequently to maintain production, other people can simply stop pumping during the day and still produce enough for an infant (not my experience! I had a slight undersupply). Pay attention to your body’s needs as well as your baby’s, and figure out what works for you. I said above and I’ll say again here, supplementing paradoxically enabled me to keep bfing longer because it took some of the stress away.
Pogo says
Thank you for sharing as well – I hope our stories help. I truly thought from all the fear-mongering that one drop of formula meant I’d be down that path irrevocably, but that was absolutely not the case. I’m sure some kids are super picky and can’t go back and forth, but mine really could not care less. He also switched to cow’s milk very easily.
Anonymous says
I combo-fed from day one. A couple of pieces of advice that helped.
Pediatrician- Nipple confusion is often overblown. Most babies don’t have issues so don’t assume that yours will.
Lactation consultant- it’s the presence of breastmilk, not the absence of formula. Even small amounts of breastmilk have good antibodies and we think that the first couple of months provide the biggest immune impact.
We were also lucky that our kid didn’t have a temperature preference and would take bottles at all temperatures. So maybe don’t worry about bottle temperature unless and until it becomes an issue.
Anonymous says
I would also add that the emphasis on needing to nurse round the clock in the first few days to produce milk is overblown too. My baby was born huge and my colostrum just didn’t fill her up, so she was crying every 15-30 minutes – it was just impossible for me to nurse that often after being awake for 48+ hours and giving birth. My body and mind needed to get *some* sleep. I’ll be forever grateful to the hospitalist pediatrician who told me “Give her formula now, even without any nursing, your breasts will be dripping with milk in 2-4 days, then you can put her back on the breast.” After her first formula bottle, my poor starving kiddo finally slept for a coupe hours, and it was SUCH a relief to be able to sleep then too. And once I had gotten even that little bit of sleep, it was so much easier for me to bond with my baby. I’m sure using formula was best for not only me, but her. No baby benefits from being perpetually hungry or having a mom who is sleep-deprived to the point of resenting her child.
AwayEmily says
HUGE plus one to this. I feel like there is a lot of fear-mongering about how your supply will disappear at the drop of a hat. Bodies are a lot more resilient than that. As an example, when my baby was just a few weeks old I got really sick (salmonella) and couldn’t nurse and could barely pump for almost a week. Yes, of course my supply dropped (yay for formula!), but within a couple of weeks of nursing it was back to normal again. I’m sure there are exceptions to this but in general your supply doesn’t just irrevocably vanish after a couple of missed feedings.
Concerned says
Thank you for sharing this. I’m expecting to deliver a large baby in about a month, and I’m so concerned about our bf’ing relationship being ruined because he’ll be so hungry from the start. I’m going to bring some premade formula bottles to the hospital. Did you go on to have a normal bf’ing experience? Thanks!
Anonymous says
Yes, I did! I nursed her almost exclusively until we started solids at 6 months and then nursed in combination with solids and eventually cow’s milk until 18 months. I loved nursing, it was one of my absolute favorite parts of having an infant, but using formula until my milk came in was such a relief, and if I have a second child I won’t even attempt to breastfeed until my milk comes in (although I hear it happens a lot faster with second and subsequent babies).
I just don’t buy that every baby is satisfied by what their mom can produce in the early days. The lactation consultants kept saying “her stomach is only the size of a pea!” but she was literally double the birthweight of my best friend’s kid – how can you be so sure their stomachs are the same size!? And I think there’s too much focus on wet diapers. If your baby is meeting the minimum wet diaper production, they really discourage supplementation (at least at my hospital), but I don’t think peeing enough to not be dying automatically implies they’re healthy and happy.
Good luck! It’s always good to have formula with you so you can make the decision for yourself with no pressure from outside forces. But maybe you will be one of those moms whose milk comes in right away! (I was induced, which I’ve heard can be related to delayed milk arrival).
Anonymous says
I had a big baby unexpectedly – 9.5lbs when my first was 7lbs. Did not have gestational diabetes or super overdue. He was not hungrier than his sister and he’s 6 months old EBF. If anything it’s much easier to feed a bigger baby because of their bigger mouths and they’re usually stronger.
Anon says
I was nervous to try formula because I read product reviews online that made it sound like some babies react badly, but once I made the leap, my baby had no problem with it ever. I started combo feeding after six months when I could no longer pump enough for daycare. It allowed me to sleep more and have downtime rather than spending my precious spare time pumping (before combo feeding, I pumped extra on nights and weekends as well as a couple times at work each day, and that blew). I was able to keep breastfeeding up to a year but my supply was never stellar. I think my baby was happier after we introduced formula and solids. It’s sad to think she might have been fussy those early months because she was hungry. It was a hard time. So much pressure as her only food source.
Boston Legal Eagle says
For those of you who’ve had your preschoolers in swim lessons – any tips on helping them when they’re scared? Our almost 4 year old just started formal swim lessons and it hasn’t gone well so far. He was initially excited for the first lesson, then looked a little scared while in the water and completely refused to get in during this past lesson (lots of crying and clinging to me). I think it’s a combination of being around new people and being in the water without us, but I’d like to get him excited for swimming and also learn how to swim. We’ve taken him to the pool during the past summers, but always with us right there. This time, it’s an indoor pool where parents are outside (but able to see through the glass).
Any tips? Is he just too young? We’re going to give it a few more lessons to get him more comfortable and I don’t want to give up completely but if he’s still refusing, we might just have to wait.
Anonymous says
My son wasn’t scared of the water but didn’t like one certain thing – jumping in – and what helped him was having some control, e.g., the teacher would ask him how many times he could handle jumping in, and he said 3 times, and the teacher agreed to that plan. In general, “making a plan” was useful for dealing with fears at that age. Talk through, if x, then y, in advance.
Pellegrino says
After years of “lessons” where child never actually learned to swim, and with a fear of swimming that seemed to get worse by the year, we finally signed up for one-on-one survival swim lessons. The one-on-one lessons were a pain to schedule and expensive, but they made a world of difference. And the teacher actually taught some basic swimming skills, which is apparently not something that any of the other “lessons” in our area focus on. It may not be the solution for everyone, but something to consider.
Anonymous says
We’ve found that a combination of group and private lessons is really helpful. Our kiddo is timid in the water, and both provide benefits. It helps to see other kids who aren’t scared model the stuff and also helps to have extra one on one time. We don’t do them both at the same time (because it is a big commitment, but you could) but have done sessions of group here and there. We typically do private (which are convenient and inexpensive at our local Y). Also, it turned out that our timid kiddo was upset that she couldn’t see under water and didn’t like opening her eyes. So some goggles went a long way. Also independent play time with a Puddle Jumper even though lessons don’t use it. It helps build confidence when they don’t sink. They can also work on moving in the water without expending energy to stay afloat. With the Puddle Jumper the first time we had to let go even though she was crying. Within 2 seconds she loved it and told us to get away because she could do it herself.
AwayEmily says
Are you doing group or one-on-one? We were really worried about my anxious almost-4-year-old having a similar reaction, so decided to get a package fo 12 one-on-one lessons at the Y. It’s more expensive but not horrifically so, and meant we could schedule for a time that worked better for our schedules. She just had her fourth lesson this weekend and it’s going well — my husband stayed in the pool with her for the first one, but since then he’s been able to sit on the side and watch. The teacher (a local college student) is pretty experienced and really good with scared little kids.
Leatty says
Definitely not too young, but I feel your pain. My 2.5 year old has been in private swim lessons for the last year (we live in FL). She screamed at every lesson for the first few months, but now she loves it. I won’t lie – the first few months were awful. We had some success having my husband take her to swim lessons instead of me, but we otherwise just suffered through the crying. It really helped when her swim instructor figured out that she is very opinionated and likes to have a say in whether she wants to do X or Y. She still cries occasionally, but she has learned SO much, and it was worth the first few painful months.
Audrey III says
+1 for the posters above recommending one-on-one lessons. Sounds like you may be at the same franchise (a fish of a particular metallic color) or a similar one, to where we did group lessons, and we had a very bad experience that left my kiddo screaming and refusing to get in the water. It doesn’t sound like you’ve had a similar experience (the instructor dunked my kiddo without warning – apparently part of the curriculum but we weren’t told in advance). We were terrified he would never get into the water again. We took a break until summer and then did one-on-one at a country club with a college student as the instructor, and it was about the same cost as the group lessons and so much more effective. My kid loves the water now.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Yes, these are group lessons with 3-4 kids per instructor. Not the fish one, but similar. Yikes on your instructor’s techniques, that is not cool. Thanks all. It sounds like private lessons may be in our future.
anon says
Definitely private lessons, and try to find an instructor with a good personality match (nurturing, maybe. At our school, the front desk will help you find a good match). One of my kids was terrified of the water (and about many things in general). One time I had to leave him all weepy and crying so I could get my other kid into her lesson, and by the time I got back, the instructor had him in the water (still crying, but at least he was in the water), and from that day on, he just took off. It was definitely all the instructor.
AwayEmily says
Random question: anyone know where to get fleece pajamas for toddlers that have a fleece bottom AND top? Carters has ones that have fleece bottoms but cotton tops. Looking for 4/5T, so some big-kid PJs in small sizes might work too.
Anon says
Costco! I think they might be Carter’s brand, but definitely came from Costco. We have 3T, but I know there were larger sizes.
FVNC says
I can’t help with “where,” but I might be able to help with “what”: My six year old has three sets of fleece pajamas, and they’re all character jammies — Frozen, Hello Kitty and Peppa Pig. These were all gifts from relatives, but maybe if you search for “favorite character + fleece pajamas” you might have luck? I get it; my kid loves hers (the Hello Kitty set is 3T and it’s basically a short sleeve / bermuda pants combo now, but she won’t let them go!).
Emily S. says
Primary has fleece tops and fleece bottoms, on sale.
GCA says
I just got my kids some Cuddl Duds fleece 2-piece PJs. Ours were (as usual) secondhand online but I think Kohls has them.
Alanna of Trebond says
Does anyone have good recommendations for standard questions one should ask a nanny?
rosie says
Check out the website Park Slope Parents, they have lots of good info on hiring a nanny. I also suggest sketching out what you expect your contract/work agreement with the nanny to look like (PSP has a sample) and considering if there are any must-haves based on that you will want to include in your interview.
Alanna of Trebond says
Thanks, rosie!
DLC says
Favorite tunic tops for girls? My 8 year old had a growth spurt and now her tops are all too short lengthwise, and I feel like I should get her something that will give her a little more coverage. Bonus points if there are any good sales going on right now. Thanks!
anon in brooklyn says
I love the Primary ones. They do T-shirt and sweatshirt versions.