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Whoa: readers have noted in the past (with a good deal of distress, too) that it is next to impossible to find plus-size maternity clothes for work. (We’ve rounded up the few options that exist in the past, here.) This dress isn’t the most professional thing on the planet, at least as styled here, but: DESTINATION MATERNITY NOW HAS AN ENTIRE LINE OF PLUS SIZE MATERNITY CLOTHES! This seems like great news, and cause for celebration for a greatly underserved market. There are also some great sales happening now — this dress was $45, then was marked to $19; there also seems to be a “buy one get one free” offer. (Um, hopefully this isn’t a bad sign for the line.) Plus Size Side Ruched Maternity T-shirt Dress
(L-all)
Building a maternity wardrobe for work? Check out our page with more suggestions along both classic and trendy/seasonal lines.
Sales of note for 12.7.23…
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Nordstrom – Holiday sale up to 50% off; up to 40% off selected designer styles
- Ann Taylor – 40% off your purchase & extra 15% off sweaters
- Banana Republic – 40% off your purchase; up to 40% off sale styles
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything & extra 20% off purchase; Gap Inc. cardmembers take extra 25% off
- Eloquii – $19-$49 holiday deals; up to 50% off everything else
- J.Crew – 40% off your purchase with code; up to 50% off coats; up to 60% off present picks
- Lands’ End – Sleepwear from $19; 60% off everything else & free shipping (readers love the cashmere)
- Loft – 40% off your purchase plus extra 15% off
- Summersalt – Up to 60% off select styles (this reader-favorite sweater blazer is 40% off)
- Talbots – 40% off your regular-price purchase; 50% off all sweaters, coats, shoes & accessories
- Zappos – 34,000+ women’s sale items! Check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kid shoe brands on sale.
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Up to 60% off sitewide; holiday deals $5+; up to 70% off clearance
- Crate&kids – Free shipping sitewide; up to 50% off toy + gift event; free monogramming for a limited time only (order by 12/15)
- Graco – Holiday savings up to 35% off
- Hanna Andersson – PJs starting at $20; up to 50% off the Holiday Shop; free shipping on all orders
- J.Crew Crewcuts – 40% off your purchase with code; up to 60% off present picks
- Old Navy – 50% off pants for the family; clearance styles from $2.99; 30% off your order, even clearance
- Pottery Barn Kids – Holiday sale up to 50% off; free shipping on 1000s of items
- Target – BOGO 50% off select toys; 30% off kids’ & toddler sleepwear; buy 2 get 1 free kids’ books
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Anonymous says
Has anyone seen any good articles on how to talk to kids about the Muslim Ban?
We’re Canadian but we had booked a week in Florida for March break with our neighbours/friends and we’re cancelling the house share/trip. The dad is Iranian Canadian and is worried about not being let in if we go which is a situation we really don’t want especially with kids in tow. We’ll go somewhere else together because our girls had been looking forward to the vacation together but not sure how to talk to them about why we aren’t going to Disney anymore.
Cb says
Oh gosh, that’s horrific, I’m sorry. How old are the kids? How much exposure have they had to the news?
Anonymous says
They’re 5 years old. Not sure how much exposure our friend’s daughter has had. For our family, we made signs for our local march last week but we just said in the country next to ours, they voted for someone with bad ideas so we are saying that we don’t like those ideas and that loving/sharing/helping are better. I’ve volunteered with a local Syrian refugee family so she knows about people having to leave their country because bad guys were trying to hurt them but we didn’t get into anything more specific.
mascot says
Do you have to make the decision today? Or can you wait a few days to get some more clarification on how is it being handled? Implementation of the travel ban was a train wreck and I think that there are a lot of exceptions that haven’t been clearly set forth. The fact that this happened over the weekend didn’t help. There seem to be many reports that dual citizenship Canadians are exempt from these prohibitions.
Anonymous says
They’re reporting that both Canadian citizens and Canadian permanent residents are exempt but it’s all via announcements from Canadian politicians and nothing concrete from USA officials, plus reports of dual citizens being turned back at the border. I don’t trust that it won’t get reversed again.
It’s all changing so fast, it just adds stress that I don’t want to deal with for a vacation. We’ll go to an amusement park/water park or something here instead so I think the kids will get over it, just not sure how to explain the ‘why’ of not going.
NewMomAnon says
I was really struggling this weekend to stay mentally engaged with my kiddo, and she could tell. I finally sat down with her and explained that some “leaders” had told some of our “neighbors and friends” that they had to “get out of here” (I left it vague; kiddo understands that “get out” is mean, but doesn’t have any concept of country borders). I told her that meant some mommies and daddies don’t get to be with their babies, and they don’t know when they’ll be able to see their babies again. I told her lots of people were sad, sad, sad and some people were mad, mad, mad about it, and mommy was both sad and mad.
I toyed with the idea of dragging her to the airport to help the habeas cause, but….I don’t know how helpful I would have been with a three year old in tow. It felt like a cop-out, and I’m still feeling guilty about it.
And – please tell Disney customer service and the airlines why you’re cancelling, and be very specific about your reason (which is a good one, our immigration groups is advising folks here on visa or green card not to travel internationally and foreign folks not to visit until this is all sorted out). I don’t know that anything will sway our leadership, but this uncertainty is having an ugly chilling effect on American business and tourism and we’re only in the first 10 days.
CHJ says
+1000 about telling Disney and the airlines why you are cancelling. Businesses need to see that this is directly impacting their bottom line. I think the business community has a better chance of pushing back against Trump because he is desperate for their respect.
GCA says
I completely agree. Things that seriously affect American businesses and American jobs are going to have the best chance of pushing back.
SC says
Absolutely tell Disney, the airlines, and any other company you were planning to spend money with why you’re canceling your reservation, and if you’ve decided, where you’re going/what competitor you’re using.
Anonymous says
Thanks this is really helpful. Also your description about the immigration group saying not to visit until this is all sorted out. Maybe something about the rules about who can come to their country to visit changed and since we’re not sure if we are allowed, we are going to wait until it is sorted out and not so mixed up and go another time. Then follow with info about new exciting place we’re going instead.
I like the idea of acknowledging feeling ‘mad’ and ‘sad’ about changing our trip.
NewMomAnon says
At 5, do kids understand that games have rules? If so, I might say, “You know how confusing it is when someone changes the rules of [tag, hide and seek, whatever] while you’re playing with them? The leaders of the Disneyworld country keep changing the rules about who can visit them, and it makes me scared to go visit. I’m sad and mad that they are changing the rules. We’re going to wait until the rules are clear, and for now we’ll go visit X instead!”
ChiLaw says
My kid is just turning two, and one of my besties and I marched at the airport this weekend. I told her that I had to tell people not to make sad choices (daycare has “sad choices” and “happy choices” instead of “bad” and “good”, which but it’s been adopted into our speech). She kept asking to see the “no sad choices” people on my phone and chanting “no! sad! choices!”
That’s a bit basic for a five year old, but just sharing what we did.
Fleece Tights says
Has anyone dealt with potty training a kid who has has chronic issues with constipation? She’s on daily miralax but still doesn’t go on a daily basis. She’s fine with peeing in the toilet and has been doing that for a couple of months but has only ever pooped in the toilet when we run and carry her when she’s already started pooping. She does not have any kind of reliable schedule and frequently goes several days without pooping. Is this ever going to get better? Do I need to take her to a specialist or something?
Anonymous says
Have you read her Softy the Poop? It sounds crazy but it’s a great book. My older one had constipation problems and loved the book; we just potty-trained my younger one and I think the book helped him understand the idea.
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00RDWHEM0/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1
NewMomAnon says
I would see a specialist if it’s that erratic and requires constant Miralax. I grew up with chronic constipation issues, and at 31 years old finally discovered that it was a congenital condition. By that time, it was bad and I almost lost part of my intestine. It really impacted my quality of life as a kid, and I wish my parents had taken it more seriously. Friends with Crohns, Colitis, IBS, etc have all expressed similar things, or were super grateful their parents caught it early.
EBMom says
Glycerin suppositories can be good for this. My daughter also responds really well to warm prune juice (sometimes followed by a nice bath). I’m not sure if you need to take her to a specialist, but I would talk to her doctor. And stay on top of it. It can be a vicious cycle and you need to help her outgrow it without becoming scared to go.
anon says
Definitely talk to your ped and let them know what’s going on. It’s hard to tell whether there’s a physical issue, or if it’s behavioral. Both of my kids have been through phases where they get embarrassed about pooping. Then they hold it forever, it gets painful when they try to go, and then they fear the poop even more. Miralax can help break that cycle, but if it’s not helping, I’d get a ped’s advice on what to try next and whether a visit to a specialist is needed.
Momata says
Any advice for a chronically and emphatically clingy 18 month old? My son has always been a mama’s boy, and has always wanted to be held (specifically, on my right hip while I’m standing up). Over the past couple of weeks it’s gotten REALLY BAD – if I am in the room or in the house he wants nothing else and will whine and cry until I pick him up. He won’t eat if I’m there and I certainly can’t shower or get dressed. I cannot hold him while sitting down or lying in bed – that doesn’t count. My husband says that when I’m gone he plays happily and independently, and he’s sleeping fine, so I don’t think he is in any sort of pain or physical distress. I have tried to spend extra devoted time with him; hold him the way he wants for a while in the morning on the theory that maybe I can fill his reservoir; and yesterday I just took some self-care time and gtfo of there for a while. It makes me not want to be with him and is upsetting me to the point where I’m crying and I need to put him down and step away before I get upset at him. Any help or commiseration most welcome.
NewMomAnon says
This will pass. My kiddo went through a couple phases – I remember doing a daily “test” of how far away mama could stand before she would cry, and on the worst days, she could literally be sitting on my chest, crying that I wasn’t holding her enough. It usually helped to lean into the clinginess, rather than resisting.
Try using the Ergo around the house to free your hands and save your right shoulder. If possible, have dad drop kiddo off at daycare so you can shower and get ready for work without kiddo in the house. Schedule a massage. Practice mindfulness while kiddo is sitting in your lap; my kiddo rarely sits still in my lap anymore, and I try to just drink it all in when she does.
EBMom says
This is so hard, and I can relate to this. Honestly, I think my daughter just had to outgrow this. We gave her lots of opportunities for daddy-time, and just forced it sometimes because I needed a break. Take care of yourself, trust that you are doing your best. It helped me that my job was to take care of my child’s needs, but I could not control her emotions. I was not responsible for her happiness. Her own happiness is (and always will be) up to her. My job was to make sure that she was fed, safe, comfortable, and loved. After I had done that, it was all her job to take in the world and feel however she felt about it. It helped me of thinking of us each having a job to do, and not judging my own performance against how she felt.
hoola hoopa says
It will pass with time. It’s pretty typical behavior. It’s also normal to get fed up with it, so be easy on yourself.
For your own good, have your partner take him out of the house so that you can get an hour or two to yourself.
To save your back: use an ergo or sling, encourage him to hold your hand or sit on your feet (neither are ideal – but I do think it gives the sense of security that you aren’t going to suddenly bolt).
P says
Have you already tried reframing to him? For example, “Want to come with me to go get dressed?”, rather than “I’m going to go get dressed?” Putting him in a high chair in the kitchen while you cook, telling him that you’re going to cook together? All the parenting books that I’ve read basically say that you have to double down on the bonding and together time in order to get to the other side where he is willing to be more independent. My daughter is just a few months on the other side (21 months and the clinginess peaked at about 15 months). I make a big deal of doing things “together” and any movement out of the room is “come do this fun thing (laundry, trash, etc) with me.” Also pushed a lot of other responsibilities onto dad. We decided that if it made our daughter feel safer to have me always do the bath and diaper change, that’s what would happen and he would do the dishes. When I needed a break on the weekend he would take her grocery shopping with him (always a big hit with her) or go to the park.
Anonymous says
Any success stories (or just general feedback/advice) from an ECV (manual inversion)?? Scheduling mine for next week at 37 weeks and just crossing my fingers it will work. Have tried chiropractor, spinning babies techniques, yoga, swimming etc…but nothings worked so far. The little one is just stubborn. TIA!
CHL says
I had one at 38 weeks and it worked perfectly. I had an epidural (and I think it was a higher than normal does – I had signed up for a study at the teaching hospital where I had it done). It literally took like 15 seconds and then I had the best nap of my third trimester while the epidural wore off. Definitely worth a shot! My girlfriend had one that didn’t work at all and it turns out that she actually had an anomaly in her uterus that made it impossible for the baby to turn.
lsw says
I had one and it worked perfectly as well! I didn’t have any pain medication. I was prepared for it to last a really long time so I was doing my yoga breathing and looking at the ceiling, steeling myself for ten minutes of discomfort and then – it was done! My husband said it took less than 30 seconds. He (baby) stayed down from then on and I delivered two weeks later. My husband also said it was pretty wild to watch, that he could actually see the shape of the baby. Crazy! I had my glasses off and was staring at the ceiling so I didn’t see it. Good luck!!
Pogo says
I can’t find her specific post about it, but will link to her overview of her struggle with a breech baby – Jaclyn Day (fashion blogger) had one and it worked to turn her baby around! I do remember she mentioned that not all insurances fully cover it and as it was they had some out of pocket cost, but she felt it was worth it.
Pogo says
http://blog.jaclynday.com/post/14169336164/a-baby-can-be-breech-off-and-on-throughout
Anonymous says
Thanks all! This is encouraging and helpful.
Anon says
Is anyone else afraid of staying in a city in light of the current US administration? My husband and I have made a great life in DC. I have an awesome low hours job, kids are in a really good care set-up, and after 15 years of working his @$$ off, my husband has landed a great job. We own a house in a great neighborhood and school district, and have a wonderful community of friends who are like family. I went to law school here, and my husband went to undergrad here, and we were lucky enough to make close friends at school who had kids around the same time as us. I feel like things really coalesced for us in the last two years. But I am afraid, really, really afraid now – am worried about being apart from my kids during the day if unrest comes to this city, and am even more worried that it won’t matter based on the type of war that make come ashore.
Pulling up stakes in DC means we’d walk away from all of it, though. If we leave now, we could still get the equity out of house (who knows what will happen here long term??), and probably buy something in cash in a smaller Midwest city. I could try to get reciprocity, and find some kind of practice while my husband looks for something else to do. It seems irrational and extreme, but I hate, hate, hate this worry. I also know that leaving doesn’t mean that we won’t be safe, but I feel like I’m walking around with a target on my back here. I can’t decide whether I need anxiety meds, or if I’m thinking ahead.
Anonymous says
You don’t need anxiety medication but you also don’t need to be concerned in the way that you are right now. It is extremely extremely unlikely that anything will happen where being apart from your children while they are at daycare will be a problem.
Look at your budget and see if you can increase contributions to organizations that are fighting back, call your reps regularly to voice your concerns, but aside from that it is okay to focus on self-care. Get enough sleep/exercise etc.
Also in DC says
I also live in DC, and I really understand your concern. My husband is a fed, really loves his job and working for the country, but is also deeply unsettled and worried about his job outlook. I have had many of the same thoughts though- we could sell our house, pay cash for a house in our hometowns, and just find other jobs, despite our experience and our continued love of city living. However! I am telling myself that if we want things to improve, we need to stay where we are for the foreseeable future and fight for those improvements. I am also encouraging all family and friends in other states to get politically active (since DC doesn’t have a vote) as well as increasing my monetary contributions to organizations fighting some of these actions I deplore- taking these small actions really can make a difference, and also feels like I am doing something concrete to secure our future.
Anon says
I agree with that too! I feel like I need to stay and fight, and I want my kids to know I resisted.
Anononymous says
The day Trump was elected I started looking into getting my daughter an Israeli passport. (My husband is Jewish, though not religious.) My husband and I both believe that theocracies are bad things and are critical of Israel’s human rights record (and America’s previous record too). Honestly, short of nuclear war we’re probably safer in New York right now (the NYPD is basically an army and I don’t think they’ll go down without a fight. Unfortunately we don’t have an airforce.)
I grew up in a small town and know that we’d actually be in more danger from our neighbors in lots of places.
I also know I’m being insane and there’s a very good chance everything will be fine. But then again, I didn’t end up as an American because lots of people sat around in Europe saying, “Yeah, it’ll probably be fine here eventually.”
ChiLaw says
I keep thinking about your last paragraph.
I am extremely lucky to have dual citizenship, and I have an ‘escape package’ that consists of my foreign passport, my daughter’s birth cert, and my marriage certificate — hoping the country we’re going to will let us stay. Or maybe we just say we’re going as tourists, then apply for asylum (how my ancestors got there to begin with, fleeing pogroms)? But when do you decide to walk away? How do you know before it’s too late?
Anon says
That’s what I keep focusing on – when does it become too late? Right now, we can still sell our house and take that equity out, but in the event of conflict, that won’t always be true. It’s the larger cities that suffer the most during wartime, right? My children (and me) are here because my family got out of Warsaw before WW2. The ones that stayed did not make it. Children were shipped out of London in WW2. I don’t ever want to be faced with deciding whether to send my children away for their safety. Will going to the upper Midwest (we have ties in Ohio or Michigan) now help us avoid that? I’d rather appear slightly crazy now than have to worry about shipping my children away later.
Paranoid And They're Out To Get Me says
Cities are dangerous because of food shortages and bombings. A Midwestern city will probably not be better for food shortages, unless you have enough space to grow your own food. (Will American crops go to the new subjugating American military or will we be feeding Russia’s troops as the march across Europe? Or Russia’s troops as they try to take out China? It’s like living in the worst science fiction video game of all time.)
DC probably won’t be aerially bombed, unless we’re in an all out war with a foreign power. No one has attempted an invasion of the US since 1812. We’re much more likely to be looking at things like mass arrests, work camps, media shut downs, military deployments in cities, etc. The armed resistance that would follow those actions would be the physical safety risk. If Trump deploys troops in Chicago like he threatened last week, that would be my line. (But I’ll be getting jumpy when the media crackdowns start.)
Anonymous says
And Trump has already suggested his friends should purchase the NYTimes.
Meg Murry says
Ohio is currently run by a complete Republican majority statehouse and Governor, with gerrymandered districts. The state has been lowering taxes but then majorly cutting the amount of funding they give to cities. There are still a lot of areas that never fully recovered from the bubble bursting in 2008, and a lot of people that are still upside down on mortgages. And as an example, the statehouse just revised the concealed carry law to allow people with concealed carry permits to carry into daycares, schools, airports, police stations, etc. I don’t want to get into a gun rights argument here, but I am far more concerned about people that think they are the “good guys carrying guns” that have had nothing more than the 8 hours of training required for a CCW getting spooked and shooting innocent bystanders than I am about an “active shooter” situation.
Plus, depending on the area you move to, you could very well end up with conservative/Trump supporters as your neighbors, children’s schoolteachers, boss etc. Or at a minimum, people like my in-laws that believe everything they see on Fox News and don’t trust the “liberal media”. And it’s not just the rural areas – some of the areas with the “best” public schools are very red voting, very homogenous (realtively) expensive suburbs.
And as others have mentioned, unless you actually know how to grow your own food (and put it up to save for the 6+ months where nothing grows), you won’t be that much better off, food scarcity wise. Much of what is grown here is corn and soybeans meant as animal feed, corn syrup or to go into processed food.
I live in a liberal town surrounded by rural red areas, and am very frustrated by the politics in my area. In our case, it is our home and we feel the need to stay here to take care of our parents, siblings, aunts & uncles, etc. If it’s your hometown/area and you know what you are getting in to, that’s one thing. But I wouldn’t move here thinking it’s going to be safer – because that’s not necessarily the case, you’ll just be trading one set of risks for another.
Anonymous says
I keep wondering as well…. did people in Nazi Germany think “Oh, it will be fine – this guy doesn’t mean it” and then before they knew it, it was too late?
Is that us right now, thinking it’ll all be fine, and we’re totally screwed? Or are we being ridiculous? I really can’t tell.
I am less worried about large scale warfare and more about the systematic rollback of basic human rights.
EBMom says
I’m afraid. And I think it is justified. We haven’t made any major decisions yet, but are weighing options.
CHJ says
I admit that I ran some online simulators of what would happen if my city (Boston) were hit with a nuclear bomb. This is all so effing scary.
Anon for this says
Your children are probably safer in daycare school than physically with you in the event of an emergency. First responders triage and one family is lower on the list to help than an entire school of children. I’m scared, but at the same time I know that people come together. I was in Boston for the bombing and everyone helped everyone. People were opening their doors to their private residences and inviting us in off the street.
Anon in NOVA says
Can you compromise a bit and maybe move to DC or MD so you’re a bit out of the city? At least if there’s unrest and you’re separated from your children you don’t have to feel like they’re in the middle of it, too. Also, it’s easy for DC residents to feel powerless right now since they don’t have a vote. Moving to a state where you can press your state legislators and your congresspeople and senators may make you feel like you’re making a difference, but you don’t have to leave it ALL behind that way.
Also, you’d have a head start on evacuating…
Maternity Work Pants Recs? says
Does anyone have recommendations for side panel maternity pants for the office? I’m looking specifically at the Old Navy pixie pants right now (they’re on sale!) and also at Gap. TIA!
lsw says
I had trouble with the Old Navy side panel pants I got falling down all the time. I really liked the ones I got from Loft.
rosie says
I like the pixies. I agree w/lsw that they don’t exactly feel like they are super secure, but I am usually wearing a longer top to cover the panels, and they stay up fine (similar to my Target side panel jeans). I got the black w/white dots, and I’m finding having non-solid black bottoms for work (my other pants are ponte black boot cut from Motherhood Maternity, but they are full panel) helps me stretch my wardrobe.
Pumping output says
This is my third week back to work, and I am just not pumping enough (despite having access to a hospital grade pump) to keep up with what my three month old baby is eating during the day. I am also pumping on the weekends to try to keep my freezer stash stable (because I was hoping to save it for business trips), but I think I’m fighting a losing battle. Despite my head knowing there is absolutely nothing wrong with supplementing with formula, I get really weepy contemplating it. Advice for getting my supply up? Anyone else go through this too, and what did you do? Thanks! Leaving my baby everyday is just so so much harder than I thought it would be, despite everyone telling me it would be hard.
Anonymous says
In the beginning, I would nurse LO and then pump for another 15-20 minutes, several times a day. It’s time consuming but it really helped. My lactation consultant said pumping more frequently versus for a longer time would help as well, once I returned to work.
FTMinFL says
First, you are doing great! As you said, combination feeding is a great option to ensure a healthy baby and mama (and BOTH are important!).
How much is baby eating during the day? The general guideline is 1-1.5oz per hour away from a nursing mama. I found that daycare would offer as much b*milk as I sent and would ask for more any time baby had a fussy day. I nursed baby right before we walked out the door and as soon as we got home and told daycare they could feed what I sent. If baby needed more he would usually wake up more during the night which was a price I was willing to pay to avoid the anxiety of not pumping enough.
Good luck! Be sure you’re taking care of yourself. My supply always dipped when I felt myself getting run down or overly anxious.
EB0220 says
As FTMinFL mentioned you should definitely keep an eye on daycare. They may think he needs as much as formula-fed babies, which isn’t true. You might be doing just fine.
You don’t mention how many times you’re pumping….2 or 3? I found watching videos of my baby and bringing a used burp cloth/bib really helped me produce more. I also did “active pumping” for a while (you can google) which helped. Oatmeal seemed to help some and mother’s milk tea.
All that aside – only you can decide how much effort it’s worth to you!
FTMinFL says
+1 to active pumping. I forgot about that – see, these troubles will literally disappear from your mind in a year or so!
Momata says
This is so hard. Hopefully she is just in a growth spurt. My top tips: steel cut / bigger cut (not instant) oatmeal every single morning. All the water you can possibly drink, and then some. Rest (lololol). Mother’s Milk tea (I actually liked the taste) 3x/day. Frontload your pumping sessions: if you are doing 3 a day, try 8/11:30/3 instead of, say, 9/12:30/3. I always had much more milk in the mornings. In each session, keep pumping until you reach a second letdown — even if not much comes out, it’s a cue to your body that it needs to make more.
And — be kind to yourself. You are doing SO MUCH for your baby. I supplemented after a few months back – while the decision was very emotional at the time, it was so relieving that it didn’t take long for me to have ZERO REGRETS.
Butter says
+1 to eating lots of oatmeal (both for breakfast and in cookie form), water, eating well yourself, and a combo of moringa + blessed thistle did the trick for me. Also beer to take the stress off ;)
In addition to my at work pumps, I also pumped at 10pm (~2-3 hours after bedtime) and after the middle of the night feed to top off bottles until around 7 months, when I started dropping those and supplementing with formula.
CHJ says
Echoing what everyone else said – how much is your baby eating at daycare? I ended up supplementing, and what I would do is send 3 bottles of milk and 1 of formula, and label them in the order I wanted him to be fed. That way, the formula bottle was always #4. Most days he wouldn’t get to it, so he would only have milk, but it really truly was a relief to know that he had plenty to eat regardless of what I pumped the day before.
Manhattanite says
I had a lot of trouble pumping at work for my first baby. It was really difficult for me to relax enough to let down sufficiently. Fenugreek pills were helpful in building supply back up. So were weekends where I nursed more frequently than I would normally have (normally I’d have nursed on demand, but instead I nursed every 2-3 hrs, whether she exhibit hunger signs or not). I had a nanny and would have her feed baby on a schedule that had baby hungry when I came home so baby would nurse as soon as I got home. I’d also nurse right before I left in the morning. Plus I also worked on my relaxation for pumping at work — looked at photos and videos of baby, didn’t try to multitask, visualized baby and milk and gushing waterfalls, yoga breathing.
Good luck! The first year is not an easy journey.
lsw says
I think I could have written this post. I would love to help if I can. I’m at 6.5 months PP and still pumping 3x a day at work. I don’t have a lot of time today to post a response but can you email me? I’m going to give you my generic email but I will respond from my actual g mail. grrl_type at yahoo dot com (don’t judge, it’s my address where I get my junk mail sent)
LifeScienceMBA says
Answering late, but this is a great topic to discuss with your local La Leche League group (on FB). They offer breastfeeding support for working moms, and I found them extremely helpful throughout our breastfeeding journey (my son is 11.5 months, I’m working full time since he’s 3.5 months, pumping, have never supplemented with formula, and we’re still nursing mornings, evenings and 1-2 times at night, with no plans to wean yet).
Kellymom also has lots of info on pumping strategies, volumes to send to daycare, …
Anonymama says
So, I occasionally supplemented with formula (starting when baby was in the nicu) and still nursed to 18 months, with maybe a total of 30 servings of formula over the first year. So please know that formula is not necessarily a death knell to breastfeeding. And ditto to eating oatmeal, eating and snacking regularly, drink lots of water, and try to relax and watch baby videos on your phone while you pump. I also always felt like more time spent with baby skin to skin helped supply out. And of course reverse-cycling sometimes ends up happening which can be rough sleep-wise but makes pumping during the day less critical and thus less stressful.
Anonymous says
I think my marriage is over. We’re still working on it, but I just feel in my gut that this is it. I’m the one who posted last week about my husband’s depression. Based on things that happened over the weekend, I’m not sure even “fixing” the depression would be enough. I feel some lightness at being done with this. But overwhelming sense of loss at everything I thought I knew about my life being over. My mom (who divorced my dad when I was four) told me just to worry about what I have to do today. Not about “how do we deal with the house” and not even what to do next week. I’ve the things on my checklist for today (trying to get an appointment ASAP with my own therapist) but now I’m struggling just with how to “do” today. I had a meeting this morning and people asked how my weekend was. “Well, my husband and I were up fighting until 5:00am, I was worried enough about him to both call the suicide hotline and plan out to get the kids, au pair, and me out of the house safely until he considerably calmed down and I felt it was safe to stay. And I think my marriage is over. How about you?” I have a meeting across town at 1:30 and I just want to lie on the floor of my office and cry for the rest of the day.
Spirograph says
Internet hugs to you. I have never been in this situation, but your mom’s advice sounds great and I’m glad you have her to lean on, emotionally. After your meeting (or now, if it can be rescheduled), can you just take some time for yourself to feel all the feelings without spending energy acting “normal”?
Betty says
I am so very sorry. Truly.
How do you do today? One minute at a time. Make a very detailed to do list. Not: Draft Presentation on X, but Write Title of Presentation on Slide 1, Adjust Margins on Page 1, etc. Cross everything off as you go. Think about what absolutely must get done today and do that and no more. Order food for dinner. Outsource anything you can. Get in to see your therapist at his/her next available appointment, even if that means leaning on your au pair for more hours for today (this is an emergency and it is ok to go over 10 today).
NewMomAnon says
Hugs. Your mom gave you good advice; one day at a time. When things get bad, sometimes just one minute at a time. I found it easier to let myself go to pieces once in a while, rather than trying to stuff it all down all the time. Pull into a fast food parking lot while you’re driving home, close your office door (or use a nursing room/wellness room/similar at your office if you don’t have a door), lock yourself in the bathroom at home and just cry if you need to. Let yourself be angry, or sad, or scared, or whatever you are feeling. It’s all normal.
I’m concerned about needing to get everybody out of the house. Are you worried that he might become violent toward you or the kids? Or are you worried that his mental state will be upsetting to the kids? If you’re worried about upsetting the kids, ask him to move out (or consider having him committed if he can’t live alone safely and there aren’t family/friends nearby to house him). It will be much easier to keep your kids stable if they can stay in the house and go about their normal activities.
If you’re worried about violence against yourself or the kids, please call a domestic violence hotline to learn more about your options to stay safe. This is a vulnerable and dangerous time period for both you and your husband; if there is any issue with violence, protect yourself and the kids.
Anon says
+1. Great advice, NewMomAnon.
Anonymous says
He’s never been violent, never broken anything when angry, never punched a wall, never gotten up in my space during a fight. But he said he wished one of us were dead because that would be easier than divorce, and I’ve never seen him so upset as he was last night. Mostly it’s the irrationality. I don’t think HE would do anything, but I worry the mental illness in his brain would. I felt reassured, though, after he calmed down a little (I was only slightly nervous, but you don’t want to underreact in that situation). We have an appointment with our couples counselor tonight. Hopefully that will at least inject a third party.
Everything fell apart so quickly. In November we were fine. By mid-December, things were tricky but we still 100% believed we’d be fine. Two weeks ago, things got worse. Over the weekend, it was like everything came crashing down.
NewMomAnon says
I remember thinking it would be easier if my ex had died – I would have gotten significant life insurance and full rights to make all decisions about my kid. I obviously never said that out loud (outside of individual therapy). And I also remember being really scared that I could even have that thought. Which is not to downplay the awfulness of the sentiment (trust your gut and stay safe), but just to say – it might be a normal thought to have, and you may have it too at some point.
And with the benefit of time, I now realize that my life wouldn’t have been easier as a truly single parent. My kiddo’s relationship with her dad is great, and having a co-parent is (usually) a source of comfort and stability for me. Not always, but usually.
anon says
I would do some research on whether there is a good psychiatric emergency room near you, and keep their number handy. If you are ever in a situation again where your husband is talking about harming himself or anyone else that you aren’t sure is really an emergency, call and ask for a 2nd opinion on whether it is serious.
1 day at a time is great advice. Or even smaller: do the next right thing in any given moment. Give yourself permission to NOT think about it or talk about it for at least part of the day. You can even set aside a time period for worrying – like from 12-1 pm I will deal with this emotionally, otherwise I am going to keep doing the next right thing. Unless you are talking to a close friend, your weekend was fine, thanks. This crisis stage will pass, and whatever happens next will start to feel more normal.
Sending lots of strength!
So Anon says
I have been there. I have called the suicide hotline for my husband. I have had him committed. It is so, so hard. One of the many things I learned is that I cannot judge when he is safe. I’m too close to the situation and am not trained. You absolutely did the right thing by calling the hotline. Do it anytime you are concerned, and do not be afraid to ask, “Are you safe right now?”
And, I just want to add that you are doing an amazing job with all of this. It is really, gut punch, take you to your knees hard. Hang in there.
Anon for this says
If you have the money and the time, take a sick day and get a hotel for the day. Spend your work day there just laying in bed and watching TV. No kids, no husband. A day to cry in private.
anon for this says
A post on the main page got me thinking…how do those of you with a parent or parent-in-law with an addiction issue (pills and/or alcohol) manage that person’s interactions with your child? I don’t see any unsupervised interaction happening, but even things like having this grandparent hold a small child freak me out–is that overcautious on my part? I have some sense of when this person is using versus not, but there is also some grey area, and I don’t trust the person to be honest about it.
anon for this says
We required the addicted parent to be sitting down with one of us within arm’s reach while holding the child. We did not hesitate to take the child away from the parent whenever the parent seemed likely to drop the child.
It is critical for you and your partner to be on the same page regarding the rules for the addicted parent’s interactions with the child. It is also important for the addicted parent’s own child, not the child-in-law, to be the one to stand up to the addicted parent.
CPA Lady says
This might seem really harsh, but my dad has never met my daughter and he probably never will. He gets photos and an xmas card, but that’s that. He hasn’t met my sister’s kids either. It’s sad, but he made a lifetime of horrible decisions and those decisions have consequences.
hoola hoopa says
Big hugs. Having her father drop my infant brother (the first grandchild) was literally the stimulus for her and her siblings to stage an intervention. She’s open about it being the worst part of her entire life.
It must have been a salient moment for them, too, because her parents both entered rehab after decades of alcoholism They certainly never babysat (and I don’t recall them ever holding my younger cousins), but we gathered frequently. I knew them, and they adored us.
I completely agree that you and your partner need to be on the same page – I’d also advice using all other responsible adults in the family to be your eyes and support.
OP says
Thanks for these comments, and sorry to those who have experience with this issue. My partner and I are definitely on the same page. I think there is unlikely to be a situation where the addicted parent would be offering childcare, just because of geography and family dynamics. But a complicating factor is that the addicted parent is not open about their addiction with most of the family (and a big trust issue for me is them not being open earlier with me & my partner even though we picked up on it).
Betty says
I’m sure this is late in the day, so I’ll probably post again tomorrow when I have had time to think more: Klan fliers were left in my neighborhood this morning. I’m beside myself. They were left at bus stops. I don’t even know how to talk to my son in elementary school about this.
Anonymous says
I’m sorry. Maybe I’m naive, but I had no idea this was even still A Thing. And I’m so sad to find that it is.
My husband and I have talked a lot recently about how to talk to our kids about what is going on in America and making sure they grow up to be nice people with outdated qualities like scruples, respect, empathy, critical thinking, and curiosity. If there’s a silver lining to the current political climate at all, it’s that we are actively thinking about how to promote these qualities rather than just assuming our kids will pick them up by osmosis. I don’t think I have an answer, but at least the goal is there? That is half the battle.
mascot says
Where was this??
rosie says
That is terrifying. My hometown JCC (& synagogue b/c of the childcare centers there) were evacuated after the last round of bomb threats. Hugs. Sorry I do not have any advice about talking to your son about it.
PhilanthropyGirl says
I am so sorry.
I’m wondering if you can frame your discussion with your son around bullying? Bullying is a common topic for elementary school children – perhaps framing it in that way would give him some reference for what is happening?