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We were lucky enough to be gifted and handed down a lot of cute pairs of boots for the newborn and baby stage. However, I was way too intimidated by a lot of the boots to actually use them. Let me explain — many of the boots for babies that age don’t zip up the sides. I was too scared to try and cram a delicate baby foot and ankle into a boot, which meant he didn’t wear a lot of the cute ones we had. Now that he runs away from me when I try to put shoes on him (screaming, “No shoe! No shoe!”), I have a new reason to appreciate shoes that zip, like this one. Also, so many extra credit points for both being waterproof AND having a zipper on the side. These are absolutely adorable, and also unisex, but if you’re more into the duck boot look, I recommend these. They’re a both a little pricey for kids’ shoes, but I know my son is going to do a lot of snow and puddle sloshing this winter, so I want to be prepared. The black pair is $64.95 and the duck boot style is $74.95–$84.95 at Nordstrom. Obie Waterproof Boot
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Cb says
We’ve had good luck with the bargain leather mocs on Amazon but I do need to buy something more substantial for winter. The prices for kids shoes are ridiculous though! I’ve got a big-footed kid and have been handing down shoes to a mom of a more petite toddler in my baby group.
AIMS says
I get kids’ shoes on 6pm a lot, and many are available on amazon.
Annie says
Agreed – I don’t know why they are so expensive. We’ve just accepted the absurd price of kids shoes and only buys two pairs per season period — so Fall/Winter shoes is one pair of leather sneakers and one pair of boots.
Anonymous says
I’ve seen the StrideRote Made2Play boots for pretty cheap sometimes, if you’re not too picky about colors.
Anon says
Agreed. Shoes are the one thing where I’ve accepted Target or Walmart level pricing and the quality trade off that involves. I’d rather spend $10 on a pair of sneakers that will only last the 3 month season and be destroyed at the end (I donate to the Nike recycling program). I just spent $25 at Children’s Place on snow boots for each kid, which is in line with Target prices but appear to be slightly better quality. At least I can donate those at the end of the season.
In House Lobbyist says
I agree! I found a pair of tennis shoes that my kids like and will last about 3 months on amazon for $20. My Target is always a disaster in the kids shoe area that I can never find anything there anyway. Snow boots and fake Uggs also come from Amazon.
Anon says
We buy a fitted, “expensive” shoe (usually a sneaker in the $50 range) for every day wear and replace when she outgrows them (still going 4 months on this current pair) and then use target to fill in gaps for special events that we need in the $10-20 per pair price range (e.g., dress shoes, snow boots, things that are not likely to get daily wear (and thus reduce my paranoia about causing foot damage from lower quality shoes). We live in the midatlantic where sneakers are a feasible year round shoe though (and in the summer I will usually do a sneaker and a closed toe waterproof sandal).
Anonymous says
We also do this – but we buy those $50ish shoes at shoes dot com which always has 20-30% off. Usually the same New Balance sneakers over and over in progressively larger sizes. Then occasionally sandals or boots more cheaply.
Ms B says
We like Joe’s New Balance for sneakers at big discounts (slowest shipping EVER and we wait for the free ship sales once a month).
The most recent good buy were the low-rise, but water resistant, “Littleplum Kids Hiking Shoes” that I found on The River S*te for $20. I sized up a half size for The Kid per the comments and they have exceeded all expectations. Highly recommend!
Anonymous says
Hi ladies! I have a kid free work trip to New Orleans next month. Any hotel recommendations? I need to be walkable to the French Quarter. Thanks so much!
Tetra says
I just got back from a trip there and stayed at the Old No. 77, which was great! A little spooky (they say it’s haunted, and we did hear a lot of creaking noises) but the restaurant is fabulous and it’s walking distance to the quarter but far enough away to be quiet.
AnotherAnon says
I like the Sheraton at 500 Canal.
Delta Dawn says
I love love love the Hotel Monteleone. It has the Carousel Bar inside, which rotates and is so fun. Another beautiful hotel is the Roosevelt, and even if you don’t stay there, you should stop in and see the beautiful decorations they do at Christmastime, which will be up for your visit.
SC says
+1 to the Carousel Bar and visiting the Roosevelt (the Sazerac Bar is good for one drink too).
I had a great staycation/babymoon at the Ritz a few years ago, and they run special rates pretty often if there’s no convention in town (I went Easter weekend). I wasn’t too impressed with the Omni–nothing wrong with it, but the only great thing is the rooftop pool, and it will probably be too cold for that next month (although you never know here).
EB0220 says
Not really what you asked, but I LOVE The Columns. But you’d have to take the St Charles streetcar to the French Quarter.
Anonymous says
Thanks so much for all the hotel recommendations!!!
Anon in NYC says
I’ve had good luck (so far) with Bogs Waterproof Insulated Winter boots. The interior is fleecy, so they’re soft, and my kid can pull them on herself. My kid is incredibly picky with shoes, so I’m glad I was finally able to find a winter boot that worked for her!
Anonymous says
Thank you for fixing the collapse/expand feature!!
Redux says
YEs, thanks!
What Would You Do: Breastmilk Edition says
I left the breastmilk in the car last night. Should I throw it out? I took it out of my office fridge at 5:00, drove home, and left it in the car; it was about 55 degrees outside when I got home. When I remembered it at 5am the next morning, it was 45 degrees outside. So the milk sat in a non-running car for about 11 hours at somewhere between 55-45 degrees. Baby is 11 months old. I know I should probably throw it out, but it was several days worth of pumping and I just need someone else to make me do it because I CANNOT BEAR the thought. Thanks friends.
Anonymous says
I would throw it out, sorry. 55 is pretty far from fridge temp.
EB0220 says
Yes, as much as it pains me to say it….throw it. :(
Anonymous says
Your car wasn’t at 45. It started at 65+(assuming it was comfortable to ride in). If it was left outside, it probably gradually decreased to 50-55. Cars stay significantly warmer than the outside air for a long time. If the car was in a garage, the garage probably stayed above 50 and the car didn’t get much below 60. There’s no way this milk is safe.
Anonymous says
Throw it out. No question
anon says
Yup
DLC says
What are your favorite places for toddler boy tops? Looking for comfy, sturdy and cute, but in a sophisticated kind of way- ie no screaming/ busy graphics or wording. And no stripes. It seems like all boys clothes are stripes of some sort. I do think stripes are fun and colorful, but we have so may stripes tops and I’m looking to inject a little more variety in my son’s wardrobe. Does anyone make cute/subtle prints for boys? My first kid was a girl and I felt like there were so many more options for clothes that were well made and also appropriately tastefully patterned.
EB0220 says
I don’t have a boy but I’ve seen some friends’ boys in cute shirts from Tea. I find their prints generally more subtle.
Delta Dawn says
I get a lot of raglan tops at Old Navy. I have a $10 rule for daycare clothes– I will only buy tops that are less than $10 for daycare and play clothes, and Old Navy is great for this. I load up my cart with the ones I like and wait for them to have 40% off online, which they do every couple of weeks. They do have a lot of busy graphics, which I skip, and a lot of stripes, which I do buy but you can easily skip those too. Sometimes they have smaller/subtle prints– right now they have a “printed crew neck tee for toddler” that comes in small planets, robots, racecars, etc. Today they have 20% off online, and those tees are about $10 right now, if you don’t want to wait for the 40%.
anon says
+1. I’ve had good luck with Old Navy shirts for boys. My 8-year-old still has quite a few from ON. There are lots with obnoxious patterns, but if you look online, there are plenty of cute and colorful options. I also feel like ON does a good job selecting color pairings.
lawsuited says
+1 I like the brightly-coloured henley and raglan tees from ON. I also like the plaid flannel shirts from Gap.
Anonymous says
Have you tried H&M?
Anonymous says
+1 – I didn’t use it as much when my son was younger, but now that he is 6 H&M is one of the only places I can find affordable 100% cotton tops that aren’t completely obnoxious. When he was younger we used Carters a lot, and some Old Navy. But I was looking more for graphics and am not sure if they would meet your subtle criteria.
AnotherAnon says
Burt’s bees and Gap have been my best bets for sturdy, non-graphic tees. Shortly after 18 months my son became obsessed with trucks so now I just buy truck shirts from Carter’s on clearance. I have the same rule as Delta Dawn: I don’t send him to school in anything that cost more than $5, and that I would be sad if it got ruined.
ElisaR says
Hanna Anderssen has some cute semi-weird tops (I like semi-weird). They really hold up. Mini-Boden too.
Anonymous says
Uniqlo and h&m are my go tos, but they’re hit or miss. We do mostly solids. Baby gap sometimes.
Anon says
Mini Boden, Peek, Hanna Andersson, Zara, Gap, Cat & Jack from Target.
octagon says
Gymboree, Boden, Tea, Childrens Place.
Anonymous says
Flying this weekend with a teething baby who’s in a lot of pain – the last 3 days have been hell and I can see the teeth on the edge of breaking through. Will her pain be worse in the air? Anyone have any tips besides meds? (She can’t have Ibuprofen and I try to reserve Tylenol for night but will probably give her a dose right before we fly).
Anonymous says
I don’t think teething pain will be worse on a plane than anywhere else, but in your shoes I’d just use Tylenol around the clock. I really don’t like over medicating my kids, but when they’re having intense teething days and I give them pain meds, 20 minutes later they’re entirely different people. We’ve flown a ton with babies/toddlers and I still find it stressful enough that I’d want to attempt to reduce teething pain, if possible, to increase chances of happy baby over screaming baby.
OP says
Thanks. She doesn’t scream round the clock – she’s pretty happy during the day, but just wakes a lot more at night. I’m not too worried about crying on the plane unless the pressure makes the pain worse.
Anonymous says
I think you’ll be fine, there. We took kids getting their 1-year-old molars on an 8.5 hour trip and even though they’d been in a lot of teething pain at night they were totally chill during the flight, so I’m guessing the pressure can’t really have had an effect.
AnotherAnon says
Now that the tooth is poking through I would think it may bother her less, but I would still go with your instinct and give her a dose of Tylenol upon boarding. I’m pretty hesitant to medicate my kid, but I make exceptions for travel, mostly in deference to the other passengers.
OP says
Thanks. It hasn’t broken through yet, I can see it but it’s not through so I definitely think she’s still in pain. It’s a 1.5 hour daytime flight so I’m not that concerned about other passengers – I mean it would be pretty unpleasant for them if she screamed non-stop the whole time but she doesn’t do that even when she’s teething. I don’t think a little fussing or crying on take-off and landing is a big deal if people aren’t trying to sleep, but in general I’m very shruggy guy emoji about people who are bothered by babies making noise on planes. I’ve sat by so many drunk, unruly adults (even in first class), that the idea that babies and kids have to be seen and not heard on planes really honks me off. Sorry, that’s kind of off-topic, but it’s just a pet peeve of mine and I don’t feel like parents should have to make their kids utterly silent for plane rides.
AnotherAnon says
All fair points. I think a 1.5 hour plane ride is a lot different than a 3+ hour one. Also, I don’t mind my kid making some noise, but at 16 months he wanted to run the aisles and screamed when we made him sit on our laps so it was just easier if he slept the whole time.
AnotherAnon says
Paging moms of more than 2 kids. I’m 33 and we have a 20 month old. DH and I have always wanted four kids, but now I’m kind of at a loss as to how this is going to happen. I’d love to hear your experience and any advice – from how you decided to have more than 2, to how you manage day-to-day. DH and I are both from large families and grew up lower-middle class with SAHMs, so my kids’ will have a bit of a different experience. I don’t really have any mentors who model how to be a working mom to more than two kids…maybe I should look for one.
Anonymous says
I’m in big law with 3 young kids. We manage day-to-day because we have local family and an au pair. If I had a less demanding career, it wouldn’t be a walk in the park, but I think we could manage without as much help. Having 3 is not too much harder than having 2, but going back through the baby/toddler/constantly needing supervision phase one more time is no joke.
anon says
I thought having 3 was way harder! But I think that had to do with different personalities (my first was super chill, my next two were not) and spacing (my younger two were less than 2 years apart). I am also in big law. We manage day-to-day because we have a nanny, but when they were younger, we didn’t, and it was rough but manageable. Hardest part for us is that DH handled most of the evening (pick up, dinner, bath), but also travels. Now that they are older and we have the nanny, it’s more manageable.
As for mentors, one of my partners has 4 kids, so I always thought it was doable. We have very different approaches, but at least in terms of, is this going to kill my career, I always knew that it wouldn’t.
Anonymous says
Also in Big Law, I have three kids. My husband is in academic medicine. The exhaustion has been much more extreme with three kids. We have an awesome nanny, who also does quite a bit of household management. We also have a housekeeper come every other week. I have just accepted that almost 100% of my time will be work or childcare for now. But, it is not killing my career, and my children are doing fine.
Anonymous says
Just being blunt here – a lot of people will think you don’t take your career seriously if you have more than 2 and certainly more than 3. There are a lot of people that understand the desire to be a parent and the desire for your kid to have a sibling, but each kid (especially each bio kid, where you have to go through pregnancy, mat leave and nursing) is definitely a hit to your career and if you voluntarily do that more twice, it really sends the message that your career is just not a priority.
RR says
I don’t agree with this at all. I have three. Twins and then a third. It has not affected my career negatively at all, beyond the actual pregnancies and maternity leaves causing a bit of a hit for that year. When I had my third, I was already a respected partner in my firm. No one questioned whether I would continue to value and prioritize my career once I had three, and I did continue to value and prioritize my career when I had my third. It’s not the number of kids; it’s the dedication you show to your career. I know women who leaned out after 2; I know women who leaned out after 3; I know women who leaned out before having their first. And I know a partner with 4 bio kids (none multiples, so 4 pregnancies, maternity leaves, etc. in the late 80s/90s). If you continue to prioritize your career, no one thinks you don’t prioritize your career.
anon says
You do get a bit of a pass if you have multiples.
FVNC says
I also disagree with this, but I guess it would be firm/company specific. In my company’s law dept, it’s really common for lawyers to have three (or more) kids — in fact, I was asked a few times why we were stopping at 2! This is true for executives on down to newer lawyers.
OP says
I have a friend who’s currently experiencing this with her 3rd pregnancy. It’s pretty disappointing to me because she’s one of the hardest working women I know AND she’s a dedicated, intentional, organized mom. If I’m being honest right back though, my career is not that important to me. It’s something that I do to supplement our income and keep myself sane. IME people will judge you for: having kids, not having kids, having one kid, having more than 1, adopting, choosing IVF, choosing NOT to do IVF, and any other scenario you can think of so I’m not too worried about how my decision will be perceived. :)
Anonymous says
The other thing is…you just make it work. I have a friend who went for a 4th and got twins. Surprise! Did she ever think she’d be a mom of 5 boys? Nope!
They are insane and it’s chaos but she always says she has no regrets.
HSAL says
So you have just one kid right now? I’d say wait until after you have the second instead of worrying about it now. Having two will be significantly different from one and will probably give both you and your husband different perspectives on how three or four kids would change your lives.
We wanted two but have three because our second turned out to be our second and third. Whoops. It’s hard. Our families aren’t local, but visit frequently. All three are in daycare, so the cost is pretty enormous. I disagree with Anonymous at 11:31 that people will think you don’t take your career seriously, but it will probably impact it just by virtue of additional kids=additional sicknesses for both you and them, along with all the other time sucks that go along with having children.
I think finding a mentor is a good idea, but also don’t borrow trouble – ask this question again when you’ve got two and are considering the third.
ElisaR says
HSAL is giving good advice. I agree completely. I initially thought “maybe 2 or 3 kids, i don’t know?” and then after my 2nd was born I thought “What on earth was I thinking I can barely do this with 2 and in over my head right now. 3 is not possible for me.”
Anonymous says
Yeah, we always said we’d have 2 or 3 and now that we have toddler twins we’re pretty sure we’re stopping at 2 because I can’t imagine adding in another person I have to be responsible for.
Mama Llama says
Laura VanderKam has 4 kids, so you might find her books, especially “I Know How She Does It” interesting. She also does a working parent podcast called Best of Both Worlds, which she co-hosts with a doctor with 3 kids.
Anonymous says
I have 3: 5, 2.5 and 5 months. When we amstaryed out, DH and I both had Big Jobs. Over time, I’ve leaned out/back and now I have my own consulting practice. I make my own hours and make about 60% what I used to make working 50% or less effort and a lot more on my own schedule.
It isn’t a picnic, and it IS expensive. I had my just after I turned 34 and we chose the madness of having them so close together so we could Move On from the baby phase. Once the baby is a bit older, we will be getting an au pair. For now, my older 2 are in full day preschool and daycare 3x/week, I don’t work 2 days a week, and I have my mom and/or a babysitter and/or DH come hang with the baby while I work. This will get less sustainable but right now she’s a sleepy snuggle bug that likes to hang in the ergo and nap while I take calls. In a few months I’ll probably send her to the daycare my middle goes to, then we’ll get a full time summer nanny, then oldest will be in kindergarten, middle will go to part time preschool and I’ll get an au pair.
My middle is the hardest kid, so for us, 1->2 was the hardest transition. My 5 y/o more or less can babysit the baby. Baby holds her own bottle, 5 y/o replaces it when it falls out, stacks blocks for her to knock down etc. 2 y/o needs constant supervision and attention (as they do). It would be hard to have the younger two without my oldest around.
OP says
Thanks, this is really interesting!
Seafinch says
I had my first baby a week before my 33 birthday and wanted five, in an ideal world. I have some issues getting pregnant while nursing. It took more than two years to conceive #2, then I had two back-to-back (late-ish) miscarriages, had #3 at 38 and am now expecting #4 at 41. If I was even a year younger and/or had better pregnancies, we would still try for #5. I am in Canada and take full year maternity leaves and took an entire extra year to accompany my husband on an international posting. I am a federal government lawyer in a reasonably intense litigation field but manage a mostly regular 40 hour work week with maybe 5 weeks of travel per year . I absolutely could not manage it without: 1) a husband who does a huge amount of heavy lifting and doesn’t travel; 2) a live-in Au Pair (no other childcare); 3) a very strategically chosen house location. Our kids walk to school and all activities. My husband and I can bike to work in 30 minutes (drive in 15, bus in 30). 4) Very limited activities for kids. Right now only the 8 year old does any and she walks to Brownies and piano on two weeknights. They all played six weeks of rugby in the Spring at our neighbourhood field and that is it. We also chose to move near my in-laws who are bored and retired and can be very helpful. They are snowbirds and disappear for three + months a year but we use them a lot otherwise but don’t “need” them. I have leaned out but probably predominantly due to my husband’s career, not the kids. He is a streamer, straddling the margin between Tier A and Tier B and in order for him to hit his required checks, we have to take moves and postings. I don’t actually want to get promoted because a few extra grand isn’t worth having to manage other lawyers to me. I want to stay at the level I am at and actually practice (and specialize not manage). So the kids certainly impact how some people perceive me but those dinosaurs are slowly disappearing and my work speaks for itself. Prioritizing my husband’s career has had a bigger impact but this wouldn’t matter in many contexts outside our very specific military one, I suspect. If you dream of a big family, you can have it. It is unusual these days and we are regarded as freaks but we both march to the beat of our own drum and don’t mind opting out of the things people accept as essential.
OP says
Your last sentence is gold and something I needed to hear. Thank you!
Anonymous says
I have three and the oldest is in kindergarten. I would really like a 4th, but DH would not and it’s probably not in the cards. We opted for daycare and it is expensive, but doable with two healthy salaries. Both my job and DH’s are medium-big, but usually 40 hours a week. Short commute for at least one of us is key. I’m 34, and I don’t think my pregnancies or # of kids have impacted my career at all. I was just promoted 2 years after starting a job pregnant with my 3rd… This would be very person or company specific, I imagine.
Anonymous says
I know that I am probably being paranoid, but my third child, who is 13 month old has no words- except he will growl if he sees a lion or bear in a book. He also generally refuses to do hand gestures. We know he can do some limited signing (more and all done), but he generally won’t. He will occasionally waive good-bye or blow kisses, but he generally won’t. He will only clap if we are reading Llama Llama Hoppity Hop- where there is an instruction to clap. He was regularly giving us “high five”, but he often now refuses. He babbles and grunts. He does not do much pointing. I think he may be occasionally saying “ba” when he sees a ball, but this is with no consistency.
He makes eye contact. He plays with toys. He loves peek-a-boo. He wants us to read to him. He definitely knows his name, and he seems to know what “no” means.
My second child was speaking in sentences by 12 months, which I know is not normal. I also know that this little guy is having to compete for attention amongst a lot of “noise”. But it just worries me that his communication is so under-developed. Not sure what I am looking for here. Just needed to vent.
Anonymous says
It honestly doesn’t sound that abnormal to me. Most 12 month olds have only a handful of words, and not having any is not really a cause for concern as long as receptive language seems normal, which it does.
You acknowledged this in your post, but it bears emphasizing – speaking in sentences at 12 months is extraordinarily rare. I was speaking in full sentences just before I turned two, and I was considered very precocious by my parents, my doctors, and pretty much everyone who met me. I’ve literally never heard of a 12 month old using complete sentences and I really think you need to stop comparing these kids and holding him to impossible standards.
Anonymous says
Could there be a problem? Sure. But you may need to slow your roll if you’re basing it on your second child speaking in sentences at 12 months. My 23 month old just started linking 2 or 3 words together and I’m feeling pretty good about that.
anon says
If you’re worried, you should ask your pediatrician, but this doesn’t sound at all like an issue to me. Is he generally kind of independent? My second is pretty independent (he does what he wants, and it’s hard to convince him otherwise), and I could totally see him refusing to do things like this at 13 months.
FVNC says
I agree with the others that your 13 mo old seems pretty normal (heck, my 19 mo old doesn’t have much verbal communication). But, you know him best and if you feel something’s not *quite* right, raise it with your ped early. I recommend noting certain behaviors so you can rely on those notes (rather than memory) at the 15 and 18 mo checkups. If he’s making eye contact and clearly wants to interact with you, that sounds great, and more than likely the verbal and nonverbal communication skills will follow. And if not, then you’ll be on track for very early EI, which will be extraordinarily beneficial. Try not to worry, just keep an eye on things!
Anonymous says
I agree the other posters that he sounds pretty normal, but my take is that if you are at all concerned, it’s best to reach out to your pediatrician and local early intervention program now. Their evaluations will either provide reassurance to you, or help you get connected to appropriate therapy — which can take months to get in place depending on where you live. I’d also recommend an audiology visit, even if he hasn’t experienced ear infections — one of mine turned out to have persistent fluid in his ears (and thus eardrums that weren’t moving at all) despite having exactly zero ear infections.
AnotherAnon says
At 13 months “puppy” was my son’s only word. He had tubes put in at 14 months and then had a language explosion. I’m still not sure whether this was developmental or due to his hearing improving because he passed all his hearing tests before getting tubes. He now has a huge vocabulary which he likes to recite to me every day. Isn’t it funny how different each kid is? What helped me when people said weird, vaguely judgey things like “oh he’s not talking yet??” was to ignore (“Yup! Not talking yet!” change the subject) or say “We communicate in other ways than words.” What helped ease my internal, motherly worries were things just like you listed – the fact that he made eye contact, liked us to read to him (kind of), seemed to listen to/follow DH and my conversations, and was pretty good at signing. Hugs to you! I think he will be fine. You can always ask your ped for tips or feedback.
SC says
My kid had almost no words at 13 months, didn’t sign, and didn’t really communicate. It turned out that Kiddo had a lot of fluid in his ears, even when he wasn’t sick. (Does your 3rd snore? Has he had ear infections? Does he have balance issues?) Having tubes put in helped a lot, but we didn’t have that done until 22 months.
A pediatrician will evaluate kids for tubes based on ear infections (one standard is 3 in 6 months). Kiddo didn’t really get sick until he started daycare at 16 months, so we weren’t referred for tubes until 6 months later. But aside from the ear infections, the fluid build-up severely affected his hearing and probably also his balance. I wish we’d gone to an ENT sooner. Kiddo’s verbal skills and vocabulary have caught up (he’s 3.5), but we’re dealing with issues in OT now that may be related–gross motor planning, sensory issues related to noise and space, and verbal communication when frustrated/angry. (Admittedly, they may be completely unrelated.)
Anyways, there may not be a problem, but I would at least push to get your 3rd’s hearing evaluated. It can be easily done at the pediatrician’s office.
Anonymous says
I also posted above, but second the advice to have his ears checked. My kid had persistent fluid in his ears (heaven knows for how long) with no signs (no snoring, balance issues, or ear infections) except for the fact that he wasn’t talking. Also, I don’t know if this is true or just professional rivalry talking, but our audiologists told us that an audiologist’s or ENT examination is the way to go and not to rely on the general pediatrician’s examination – apparently the fluid can be difficult to detect in a kid who is not otherwise symptomatic.
Pogo says
+1 to ask the ped, but also – how is his receptive language? Does he understand when you give him instructions? Mine only had a couple words at 13mo (mostly just mama and dada) but we started asking him things like “bring us the ball” and he would do it. He definitely knows what we’re saying even if he can’t communicate back.
Also, ask his caregivers. Whenever I’m paranoid I ask daycare and find out that, for example, he was responding to his name there long before he did it for me. They also are very reassuring because they’ve seen such a wide range of developmental levels in kids who all turned out to be “normal”.
mascot says
My kid was a later talker (like closer to 2) and was super chatty once he finally decided to talk. Any chance your older kids are talking for him? I apparently did that to my brother who was 3 years younger, to the point that he wouldn’t ask for anything himself because he had me to run it all down for him. Once my parents figured it out and told me to quit, he started talking just fine.
lawsuited says
This sounds fairly similar to my son, although he was doing a few more signs (sleep, more, all done, please, thank you) and a fair bit of pointing. We were very focused on anticipating his needs and I don’t think he saw much need to communicate. My paed’s advice was to wait until 18 months before worrying, and now that he’s 19 months he’s got 50-60 words.
Anonymous says
I have a toddler who’s very likely to be an only child. I’d say it’s 75% choice and 25% not by choice (health condition that arose after birth and would make future pregnancies complicated and risky). What do I say when people ask if an only child was a choice? I feel bad saying it’s not by choice, because it mostly is and I feel like that implies fertility issues which I don’t have (I got pregnant with my first insanely quickly, like literally the first time we casually tried, which makes me feel extra guilty about suggesting there might be any issues in that regard). Buuuut it’s not completely by choice, and saying it is feels kind of off to me. I know “none of your business” is an answer, but let’s assume these are people I’m relatively close to and I want to answer.
Anonymous says
“I’m happy with Spencer!”
They’re being rude. Don’t answer them.
anon says
If you want to answer, that is great. But you need to remove all guilt from this analysis. There is no reason for you to feel guilty about any answer you give. You say several times “I feel bad,” “I feel like that implies fertility issues” and that makes you “feel extra guilty,” etc. You have nothing to feel guilty for! If they’re that close to you, just tell them what you said– it’s mostly by choice and also my doctor said a future pregnancy could have some risk. (Which also means you are choosing not to, due to the health risk, so it’s still by choice.)
Anonymous says
Vague response… For various reasons, we have decided that our family is complete.
anon says
“If only life were so simple… {new topic}”
CPA Lady says
One of the really useful things I read in the One and Only book is that only children frequently take cues from their parents about whether or not they should be happy that they are an only child. I’ve always been very upbeat and positive with my only about it, and she seems very happy to be an only so far. Almost all of her friends have siblings and she has never once asked for a sibling or indicated that she’s unhappy with the current arrangement. Of course that might change somewhere down the line.
So just be aware that no matter what you say, if you say it in front of your kid, (s)he’s listening.
Anonymous says
Anecdotally, I think this is very true. I like to say I’m the happiest only child ever, because I was an only child by choice and my parents were always like “Our family of three is perfect!” I have two close friends who are also only children. One had parents’ with a similar attitude and she was also happy. The other had parents who desperately wanted a second child (they had miscarriages and infertility issues) and apparently made that known to her. She thinks being an only child is the worst thing ever, to the point that she started the adoption process concurrently with TTC her first, because she could not even fathom the possibility of only having one child. To hear her talk about only childhood, it’s like she’s describing something worse than torture. Apparently she was lonely, miserable, cried all the time, prayed with her parents every night for a sibling, wrote letters to her non-existent sibling, etc. My experience was just the polar opposite of that (in fact at one point I remember panicking that my parents would have a second kid and begging them not to), and I think our parents’ attitude was a HUGE factor.
lawsuited says
“That’s the way it’s going to work out for our family, and we’re really happy with that.”
AwayEmily says
Any specific recommendations for cute toddler sweaters or non-zip sweatshirts you’ve come across? Prefeably unisex-ish (I have a 2.5yo daughter but want to hand them down to her baby brother eventually). We keep our house pretty cold and so I like to keep her in warmer tops on the weekends.
Anon says
Gap has a cable knit crew neck sweater I bought for my daughter in ivory and red that I think would be fine on a baby boy.
Anonymous says
Vaguely related, we also keep our house pretty cold and both parents generally wear sweaters, but most of the time the 1.5-year-olds refuse to put on a second layer. Can I figure that they’re old enough to tell me if they’re cold and otherwise not worry about it?
Anon in NYC says
Depends on their verbal skills, but if they’re not very verbal yet, I’d watch out for otherwise inexplicable crankiness. If they’re really cranky and the usual suspects aren’t working, add a second layer. But my daughter (3.5) seems to run warm, so I don’t usually worry about her clothing preferences absent her telling me she wants more clothes and/or if she’s really cranky.
Anonymous says
Thanks! They’re not full-sentences level verbal, but don’t hesitate to tell us when they are hungry/thirsty/lost a sock/etc., so are probably capable of communicating being cold.
Anonymous says
Primary.com
EB0220 says
+1
Anonymous says
I know the conventional wisdom around here is that returning to work is hard but it gets easier as time goes on. That hasn’t been my experience at all. Leaving my 3 month old was pretty easy – I loved her deeply, but she was basically a blob, so as long as we had childcare I trusted (which we do, a great nanny) it wasn’t really hard to leave her. But it’s gotten harder and harder as time goes on and now she’s 9 months and is so interactive – babbling, squealing when she sees me and her dad, reaching out for hugs, crawling, etc. – she just gets so much more fun and engaging every single day. And I’m finding it so hard to go to work and be at work – all I want to do is be with her. I cry every single Sunday night because I’m dreading the return to work and being away from her. Fridays and Mondays are horribly unproductive for me – Mondays because I’m sad and missing her, Fridays because I’m giddy with anticipation for the weekend.
I don’t think this is just a case of needing a new job. I loved my job pre-kids, and objectively it has a lot of advantages – interesting work and nice colleagues, but moderate hours and a very flex schedule so I can work from home or adjust my hours as needed if I need to do something with kiddo during the day. The one downside is pay – not much, about what we pay the nanny – but I know the nanny is a short-term thing and I’m definitely not at a stage in my life where I want more money at the expense of work-life balance.
Did anyone feel the same way? Did it get better? I had been prepared for a rough transition back to work after maternity leave, but I was definitely not prepared to go back relatively easily and have it get harder and harder every day.
Anon says
I think one of the hardest parts of going back at 3 months is that’s when they just start to get interactive. The first 3 months are horrible, and then right when they start to smile at you and actually realize you exist, you have to leave. (Can you tell I’m not a baby person?)
I had the hardest time between 9 and 15 months when my kids were doing all these fun new things (saying baba! pulling up to standing! starting to play with a toy!) and I felt like I was missing out. Especially because bedtimes and work schedules meant I only saw them for about an hour a day during the week. It felt like I was doing all the hard, unfun parts and missing all the “rewards” of the slog.
By about 1.5, I had more time with them in the evenings and didn’t feel like I was missing out on so much. Plus the ratio of unfun to fun parts started to tip heavily to fun, so more of my evenings and weekends could be spent on playing together and reading books and discovering new parks or whatever. So yes, from my perspective, it definitely gets better.
CPA Lady says
Well, 9 months is basically peak cute baby age. Age 1 was pretty dreadful (definitely my least favorite age so far, and I loved the baby age), with my spirited child at least– daily enraged tantrums starting right around 12-13 months, lack of communication skills, constant near death experiences, old enough to want to be constantly entertained, but too young to be able to do almost everything, still needed a ton of sleep and an extremely rigid schedule. So if you give it a few months the cute baby stage might start to pass. If it doesn’t maybe then it’s time to think about some other options or seeing if you can go part time.
Anonymous says
I did, and I started taking Mondays off. It was awesome. Not every Monday but between holidays and my PTO and sick leave (daycare baby…) I got 2-3 Mondays a month off. Highly recommend as it gave me 1:1 time but kept me fully engaged at work.
Pogo says
I focus on quality for the limited time I see my little every day. I remember the 9mo time period as the golden era, actually because like CPA Lady says, no tantrums! No running around trying to squeeze the cat or yank electronics out of the wall!
I will say I didn’t experience exactly what you’re going through, so maybe you should be considering other options. But I definitely miss my little nugget something fierce every single day, and I just focus on the time we do have together and the fun he has with his little daycare buds.
EB0220 says
I found that it gets easier as time goes on, after the 1 year mark. I found the first year uniformly difficult for one reason or another, and it really didn’t start getting gradually better until she turned 1.
ElisaR says
I can relate to what you’re saying. It is hard. But by 18 months or so (I realize that’s a ways off right now but it really isn’t in the grand scheme) I SO appreciated the fact that my son was in daycare. When he comes home and is singing the days of the week song and learning and making friends I realize…. wow, I can’t provide everything for him. He gets my love at home and learns a lot (and gets love) at school too.
lawsuited says
Yes, it fluctuates. I remember 9 mo being a rough time because LO was going through some separation anxiety, making sounds that sounded to us like “mama” and “dada”, and I missed his first steps which happened at daycare which broke my heart. But, he went through a random sleep regression at 15 mo, I was relieved I could drop off my grumpy LO at daycare and go drink coffee and talk to other adults at work.
ifiknew says
Hugs, I know EXACTLY how you feel. I went back to work when baby was 16 weeks and cried daily the last few weeks about returning to work. I worked ~40 hours in the office plus daily nights/weekends whjich was just way too much. I switched to a job that was purely 35-40 hours when baby was 9 months and I just switched again when she was 15 months to 20-25 hours a week. Part-time has been PERFECT.
The pain never diminished for me coming back from maternity leave, it never got easier and I know EXACTLY how you feel on Friday and Sundays. I agonized a lot over part-time because I made a lot of money and worked incredibly hard pre-kids, but it’s the best decision of my life even though I make 60% less than the pre-kid job.
Part-time was very hard in my industry and I networked a ton and kind of carved out this role for myself. It’s working out SUPER well, contrary to what everyone will tell you. I’d urge you to consider part-time if that’s of interest / feasible rather than quitting completely. My thought process was I can always quit completely, but atleast I can say I tried everything before I did.
Hugs, good luck.
SC says
I just need to put this out there. My 3.5 year old woke up around 11 pm last night, and I heard him crying in his room. When I went to check on him, he was trying to open the blinds to his window so he could “see a rainbow.” When I told him that he wasn’t going to see a rainbow at night, he had a complete melt down/exhausted tantrum because he really wanted to see one. I managed to convince him to lie down, close his eyes, and picture a rainbow in his head. He asked, “How do I do that?”, so I rubbed his back while describing a rainbow until he calmed down enough to go back to sleep (about 2 minutes because he really was exhausted). It was hilariously odd.
ElisaR says
oh man. kids. they’re the best.