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Updated: Nov 1, 2018 147 Comments · by

Nursing/Postpartum Tuesday: ‘Niche’ Organic Cotton Feeding Pillow

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\'Niche\' Organic Cotton Feeding Pillow

There’s a new player in town for breastfeeding pillows and crib mattresses and everything else: Nook Sleep Systems. This one has a heavily textured fabric and comes in eight colors. What’s nice about this pillow is that it can also be used as a side-sleeper pillow during pregnancy and to help a baby feel secure when he or she is learning to sit up, which I did with my My Brest Friend as well (my nursing pillow of choice) and the Boppy. This looks like a really nice, colorful, happy thing and it’s not hideous like some of the patterns from those two brands. If you’re looking for something a little more chic and still highly rated, do check this out. ‘Niche’ Organic Cotton Feeding Pillow

Psst: Looking for more info about nursing clothes for working moms, or tips for pumping at the office? We’ve got them both!

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Comments

  1. AIMS says

    Am I the only one who never used a nursing pillow? I see all these things – nursing pillows, nursing stools, nursing chairs – but I just can’t tell what they do for you that a regular pillow doesn’t.

    On a separate note, does anyone know if you can elect to make a health savings account deduction outside of the traditional enrollment period when you find out you’re pregnant or only when you actually have a child? I know babies count as qualifying events, but trying to figure out at what stage.

    • anne-on says

      It really depends on your company. I believe having a baby counts as a qualifying life event at my firm, but not being pregnant. So you can’t change your deductibles/coverage/FSA for yourself, but you can make one for your child’s coverage when you give birth (if your child will be covered by your company) – my husband handled all that as his company has better health insurance than mine does. Worth looking into which of you has better health coverage as well, just an FYI.

    • GCA says

      I couldn’t nurse sitting up, because of a strong letdown that was choking baby, so I had to nurse semi-reclining in bed. I found that more than a nursing pillow, I really needed a pillow under my elbow so my arm and wrist didn’t have to bear all the strain of supporting baby’s head. And when he could sit up, he wanted to crawl away, so we never used a nursing pillow to support him. So now we have two Boppys that are just kicking around and often get used as floor cushions when Mr GCA and I sit at the toddler table!*

      * if you cannot make your toddler sit at the dining table for meals, you take the meals to the toddler table.

      • Anon says

        +1 I had a strong letdown as well, plus two babies who ate for 45 minutes at a time, so the Boppy helped take strain off of my back/ arms/ shoulders. Once they were both done nursing, I bought less-babyish covers off Etsy with their names on them, and now they use them as floor pillows to watch TV or read books. My oldest is starting to use it as one of those bed rest pillows for reading in bed.

        It’s helping us delay buying those monstrous Pottery Barn stuffed chairs, so I’m all for the Boppy.

        • Kim says

          Fabulous, thank you! I’ve been putting off purchasing bean bags for the same reason, but don’t want the kids dirtying my couch. I think I’ll make a cover for my J-shaped pregnancy pillow and let them lounge on it.

    • Anonymous says

      I ended up using the nursing pillow most when we were done nursing — it was perfect to prop baby up and contain her for diaper changes and post-bath outfit changes.

    • Cb says

      Someone showed me how to prop myself / the baby up in a nice ergonomic position using the yoga bolsters I already had and while baby is still cooking, it does seem sensible.

      • SC says

        I went to a mom-and-baby yoga class, and it always ended with laying back on bolsters and feeding baby (nursing or bottles were fine). Those were definitely the most relaxing nursing sessions I ever had.

    • HSAL says

      I can start/stop/change my HSA deductions whenever, not just during open enrollment. I wouldn’t think you’d be limited to open enrollment because it’s not altering your plan at all, you’re just depositing more money in your HSA. I wish I had started my contributions as soon as I got pregnant, but I did it about halfway through.

    • Cornellian says

      I never use my boppy (maybe I will now that he’s getting closer to sitting up), but I used my brest friend ALL OF THE TIME. It is firmer and more structured. I felt like my newborn just would get wedged between me and the boppy. The brest friend straps on to your body and has adjustable sizing (I think it would probably fit a woman who was a size 2-16 or so post partum… a larger friend of mine had to build an extension of the strap, and now that I’m back to pre-pregnancy size, ti’s too loose on me).

      I was also injured in labor so had some limitations on how I could sit.

      • anon says

        + 1 – you can walk around wearing the my breast friend, which I did occasionally when my son was really fussy and needed to be walked around to calm down enough to latch. I also put another pillow under it to get the incline recommended for his reflux. I got it as a free handmedown but I loved it. It was a nice flat surface for him to lay on, so he didn’t need to lay on my arm, so I could use said arm to position my b**b.

        • Cornellian says

          the baby shelf! I walked around with that thing for months. Also used to do transfers to his bed when he fell asleep.

          I pulled it out the other day (mine is 5 months) and it looked comically small, but he still seemed happy nursing on it.

      • Anonymous says

        +1 to my Brest friend. I am one week postpartum, and it is so much easier for me to nurse my daughter with it. When I use a regular pillow, I end up hunched over too much and have to use both hands.

    • EB0220 says

      I never really used the nursing pillows but the nursing footstools are really great actually. My office has them in the nursing rooms and they are super handy.

    • H says

      I did not use a nursing pillow and did not want something so specific. I bought a lumbar pillow from ikea and it was the perfect size. Now, I’ve put a different pillow cover on it and it is on my couch in the family room. I don’t have a nursing pillow to get rid of. Win!

    • AEK says

      I got My Brest Friend and a Boppy at my shower. Loved MBF much more than regular pillow when baby was small. He stayed pretty small for a while (it took weeks to reach 8 pounds), and I needed the boost to get him. Once he could hold himself up, I didn’t use it as much. Hated Boppy for nursing but loved it for propping him up on the floor and even for tummy time. Plus, it’s cute (a brown fuzzy one with a turquoise owl) so it still sits in a window seat and I lean on it for story time.

      Frankly, I think it might also be that those of us with (very) small bo*bs need a taller pillow because the baby has to be up so high to reach them. I imagine large ones hang a little lower:)

    • JP says

      Could not have done the first 12 weeks without the brest friend. I did stick a small throw pillow under the brest friend to boost it up a bit and align the baby to my body better. She is a super slow nurser (once I started pumping when I went back to work, I realized it was because my milk comes out soooooo slowly until 17 minutes when there’s a huge let down) and would often go 20+ minutes per side–so we ate many a dinner with her nursing on the brest friend, covered in a napkin to catch sauce drips. Now that she’s bigger we don’t need it, but it was so useful at the beginning. Yes it’s a single use item, but it’s like $30 and will get used again for (hopefully) another kid, so I was fine with it. I liked it so much that I got another, inflatable one for the diaper bag and travel.

      We got a hand me down boppy but it just didn’t work for us. She kept slipping between the boppy and me. But we liked the boppy much better as a floor lounger and for tummy time. The square edges of the brest friend weren’t conductive to this.

    • Anonymous says

      Talk to your HR rep. It might depend how on how long ago open enrollment was and whether you’ve used any of the benefits already. Mine let me completely change my setup (insurance, FSA, HSA, etc…) when I found out I was unexpectedly pregnant but it was just a month after open enrollment so things hadn’t gone into effect. Still, I got the sense they might have let me do it even afterwards.

  2. Anonanonanon says

    For those of you who read “ask a manager”: Today’s #1 (re: the maternity clothes) made me see red! Not alison’s response, but the boss the poster wrote in about!

    • Anon says

      I’m not good at identifying fake letters, but that one pretty much screams “fake letter” to me. Designed to get everyone in the comments all up in arms about Bad Male Boss who doesn’t understand maternity pants have panels and can’t have shirts tucked into them.

      • Anonanonanon says

        I’ve worked with/for enough clueless males that I can totally see this happening.

      • anne-on says

        TSA agents (female ones mind you) didn’t understand that maternity pants had panels in them when I requested pat downs while flying when pregnant. I had more than one confused look of uh, where is the waistband? while I showed them how the panel worked. I can totally see a male boss not getting that.

      • CHJ says

        I’m 31 weeks pregnant and was getting dressed the other day when my husband said, “what’s that thing around your waist?” He was talking about the panel on my maternity jeans. I’ve been in maternity jeans for months AND this is our second kid. ?!?!?

        That said, he’s a VP and he would never, ever, ever say anything to a pregnant employee about what she’s wearing. He knows that much!

    • NewMomAnon says

      I had a female boss who used to get crazed when my shirt wasn’t tucked in. She had never had children (and was in her early 70’s so it wasn’t going to happen). I don’t know how she would have reacted to maternity clothing limitations, but could totally imagine a confrontation about that. In other ways she was a great boss, though.

  3. Anonymous says

    I went back to work yesterday and cried my eyes out last night (was actually ok during the work day). It’s not really an option financially for me to quit my job but I hate being away from my baby. I hear it gets better but any other words of wisdom or tips? I’m just miserable without her

    • lsw says

      The best advice I got on here was give it six months. Right now there are so many things going on – emotionally, hormonally, physically. Be kind to yourself. Allow yourself to ramp back up – don’t expect to hit the ground running. It’s okay to feel sad. Mondays are the worst. Pumping can bring on these feelings even more. I really believe it will get better. Hugs.

    • Cornellian says

      there is a book called the fifth trimester. I will link but it will get caught in moderation. I found it helpful.

    • Anon says

      Make a list of all the reasons you’re working. Google for some ideas, post here for some ideas. All the way from “I can buy her dinner” to “I’m teaching her what an independent woman looks like”. Keep the list in your pump bag (or purse) and look at it whenever you need support. Take it day by day, clear your calendar for the next few weeks so you have together-time to look forward to, and breathe.

      I’m the type who would never want to stay at home, but I still cried every day for the first week back. It’s hard and you’re hormonal and probably a little sleep deprived. But you’re normal, whatever you’re feeling. And you’ll be okay. So will she.

    • NewMomAnon says

      It helped me to remember that quitting is always an option (it really is) but landing another decent job is not always a given after you’ve quit. I think it’s great to say “give it six months,” but it’s also OK to say, “I’m going to take today one minute at a time” and just grind it out that way.

      Does your daycare send pictures? It helped me to see daycare folks cuddling my kiddo and playing with her. It also helped me to keep a huge trove of pictures and videos on my phone. And hugs.

    • Anonymous BigLaw Associate says

      It helped me to think A LOT about how it makes no financial sense for me to stay at home. I didn’t want to go back, and I still don’t want to be working and my youngest is 5. My husband feels the same way. Both of us would rather be stay at home parents, but we have come to terms with the fact that is not really ever going to happen for either of us. It takes time.

    • Anon says

      Oooh I could have absolutely written this post! I made people uncomfortable at work for days/weeks because I just. could. not. stop. crying. Seriously, one of my coworkers asking me how’s it going? would set me off. People in the elevator would practically run off to avoid my sniffling and red eyes.

      Things that helped:
      1. Putting together an “if I quit plan.” I had absolutely zero intention of using it and my husband was absolutely not on board, but somehow knowing that if I really wanted to, I could, made me feel better.
      2. Short weeks. Can you ramp up slowly? Do 3 days back, then take Wednesday off the next week, Thursday off the following week, etc? Knowing I only had to go two days, then three days, then four days made it easier.
      3. Baby still slept in our room, so even after we put her to sleep, I would lay next to her and literally just stare at her at night- the closeness helped.
      4. clear your weekends. I used to have some really fun, cool hobbies (but super time-consuming), but when it came down to doing those hobbies vs. spending time with my baby, I chose my baby every time. I would eventually like to get back into them and I’m sure I will, but for now, I really just need weekends to hang out with her, and if we do have activities like hanging out with friends or going somewhere, I bring her.
      5. Eventually, take a day off here and there and pretend to be a stay at home mom with your baby- I enjoy it, but I find that I start clock watching pretty hard for my husband to come home starting around 2PM, and it’s a good reminder that i would go bonkers if I didn’t work.

      Going back is really tough, I’m sorry. I struggled on maternity leave and thought I would be happy to be back, but just got punched in the gut with feelings the first month or so. But it really did get better! Daycare does a better job with her than I ever could and the whole family is better for me working. I also tried to tell myself that I really only had to go through this once- I will only ever go back to work after my first child once and once I got through it, it was done. Good luck! You can do it!

  4. Anonymous says

    Yup, I had to do the football hold for the first 6 weeks so the boppy helped a lot. DH also liked it to relax with her on the couch, and it’s good for grandparents whose arms aren’t used to holding babies for a long time. It can also be used for tummy time and learning to sit up.

  5. WWYD? says

    …if you had a 2-year-old…
    …and if your scientist spouse had 3 weeks of fieldwork in a remote location…
    …at the same time as you had to work a major international conference (as part of the organizing team, more programme than logistics) in another country (think WEF at Davos)?

    Originally the two work trips weren’t going to coincide, but now it looks like they might.

    There are no nannies or slightly underemployed aunts/ uncles; all grandparents are employed.

    WWYD?

    • AwayEmily says

      This is tough. Can you figure out a way to cobble together care via everyone compromising a little bit? Like, your spouse cuts his/her fieldwork a few days, you leave the conference a few days early, and one of the grandparents takes a couple of vacation days?

    • Anon says

      Are there any daycare teachers who don’t have kids and could be an after-hours nanny for 5 days for you? You just stock the house with food and supplies and they stay at your house with your kid? Then the grandparents fill in on whatever weekend help is needed?

      Are the grandparents even close to local? Could they each take one night at your place and just pickup kid straight from work, stay at your house, and then drop off the next morning?

      Do you have any friends/ neighbors who are SAHMs or SAHDs who could take in your kid for a week? They might like a random $1000 or so for a one-time week of work?

      • Anon says

        Forgot the last one – do you have any “mommy friends” that go to your same daycare? Could they take in your kid for a week (and offer to do the same for them if they need a week of help)? I’d totally be able to fit another car seat in my car, and could do the same dropoff/pickup routine since I’m going there anyway. And my 2yo would love having a week of sleepover fun with a friend.

    • Spirograph says

      Ooof, there is no easy answer for this! My first thought is to bring the 2 year old with you, and look into what childcare options are available local to the conference. If your company has a backup care plan, in general, this may be something they’d be willing to work with you on.

      What is your childcare situation normally? If this is just a matter of needing transportation to/from school and care in the evenings, maybe a daycare teacher would be willing to bring your child home with her (or stay in your home and housesit/babysit) for a couple weeks? What about other daycare families? I don’t have a super close relationship with any of the other parents in our daycare, but I would count them as friendly acquaintances, and I would take in one of my kids’ classmates for a week if the parents were really in a bind.

      Otherwise, what AwayEmily said.

    • WWYD? says

      ^ Why working parents make amazing employees: they’re masters of logistics and problem-solving…

      I like these ideas! Keep them coming! Thanks for helping me think through this. Not sure how kid would do with both parents away, so it looks like my best option is talking a grandparent into using vacation days and springing for grandparent and child to come with me.

      Grandparents are not at all local; most SAH and working parent neighbors have limited space in this HCOL city but it’s a thought!

      • WWYD? says

        (Best option is bringing grandparent and kid, because if I can take the last day off from the conference when all the programme and sponsor stuff is done, I’ll be able to actually spend time with them!)

        • shortperson says

          this has happened to us a few times. we dont have local grandparents but we have flown toddler to her grandparents on multiple occasions for this reason. she has a blast. then again, she has one grandma who is not working. grandpa takes extra time off when she’s visiting and she gets spoiled rotten. maybe the grandparents can cobble together care, by taking some time off, hiring local babysitters during the day, etc. can’t hurt to ask.

      • Anonymous says

        Is kid currently in daycare? Would a daycare teacher be interested in going on the trip? I’m thinking adjourning hotel rooms and daycare teacher can travel home separately at a later date if they want to travel around a bit afterwards. Pay an hourly rate for child hours required.

        Would a grandparent be interested in a few days vacation if you covered airfare (this has advantage of not necessarily needing two hotel rooms like you would need with daycare teacher).

        Alternative – How long is the overlap? Can scientist husband fly home for a couple days?

        • WWYD? says

          I sort of lost it with husband because my work has been planning our involvement with this conference since, oh, about March, while his fieldwork dates (in remote locations, so the whole team has to get in and out / to and from said locations together) have been up in the air; last month they said November; now there’s a potential reschedule… Is this the difference between the corporate and academic worlds?

          If his lab doesn’t have their sh*t together by the end of this week, when I would want to ask grandparents (who live across the country) for availability and start booking tickets, we agreed that I’m going and he’ll stay home.

    • Pigpen's Mama says

      Or some friends have college age kids who are home for the summer that are available for a few days?

      That’s tough (and my dual working parent nightmare, we don’t travel much for work, but when we do it’s always last minute), good luck!

    • Sabba says

      Is there a nanny agency in your city or a nearby major city? Mine has one that would be able to do a short-term placement of one (or two–you might need two!) nannies for this job. The nannies could work from your home or come with you to the conference. If the conference is in a safe location with museums and such in walking distance, I would bring the kid and one or two nannies (possibly substituting a friend for one of the nannies if there are any that could make the trip and are up for doing some childcare). Nanny agencies can be better than care.com for this type of thing. It would be expensive because you will need to pay for a lot of childcare, plus potentially travel, air and food for the nanny, but worth it for situations like this.

      • Sabba says

        To add: you may be able to get a nanny placement from an agency in your conference city, but that may be tougher because it may be harder to sort out which agencies are legitimate and to interview nannies unless you are very familiar with the country where the conference is being held.

        Another idea is to send out a message to any parenting facebook groups or email lists if you are involved in any. I was traveling 6 hours to a conference (bringing baby with me) and asked for some advice, and another mom gave me the name of her sister located in the conference city for babysitting. I knew the other mom, which isn’t always the case on facebook groups, but you may be surprised to find that your network already has resources that could help you out if you just ask.

        • Rainbow Hair says

          I would definitely contact the conference organizers to see if they have any childcare advice. I’ve seen it done where there is a room in the conference hotel + preschool teachers to give parents coverage during the day. Alternatively maybe a nanny to watch the kid in the hotel room during the conference? Esp. if there’s any way you can get a personal recommendation in that city.

    • EB0220 says

      Are there any local grandparents? If yes, couldn’t they do the kid daycare pickup routine and watch them in the evenings/overnight? If not, could kiddo go stay with grandparents and do drop-in care where grandparents live? Most Bright Horizons offer drop-in care if they have space, and we have used it a few times.

  6. AwayEmily says

    Random venting here: DD had her 15-month appointment yesterday. She’s 40th percentile for height and 70th for weight (she has an adorable little tummy!). Our pediatrician not-so-subtly shamed us for her weight (“well, this isn’t a big problem now, but definitely something to watch out for…”) and then suggested we switch from scrambled eggs to egg whites to reduce calories. He didn’t bother asking anything about her actual diet.

    Ugh I’m so annoyed. She is a healthy, Satter-fed kid who is meeting all her milestones and then some, who sleeps well and plays hard, and who eats pretty much zero processed food (I’m sure the day will come when she gets pickier, but right now she’s still happy to eat lots of veggies).

    Luckily this is our last appointment with this pediatrician (we’re moving). But crap like this is how parents and kids develop unhealthy relationships with food.

    • GCA says

      Funny, we had the inverse issue (70th percentile height, 30th weight) and our ped briefly weight-shamed our child as well. Basically, this is an opinion, not actual medical advice. So much rage.

    • Sabba says

      I’m also disgusted for you. Our pediatrician only worries if the child falls off in percentiles (like if she has always been 70th percentile for height but suddenly fell to 40th percentile), and even then the course of action would be to start looking at medical issues, not to jump to a diet for a 15-month old! Sounds like you are doing a good job and are right to switch doctors. My three year old is a great eater and very healthy, and I credit Satter for a lot of that.

    • layered bob says

      WHAT. UGH.

      Reminds me of the time I was at the gyn for an annual, (before I had kids) and asked if there was anything I could be doing now to have a healthier, safer pregnancy in 8-12 months when we would be ready to TTC. She glanced at my weight/height on the chart and told me I should lose 10% of my bodyweight. At the time I was recovering from years of disordered eating and had been doing some serious weightlifting to feel more powerful in my body again; my BMI had nudged up barely into the “overweight” category. I asked if that was really necessary, and she told me to switch to try switching to Diet Coke and left the room (I hadn’t touched soda in 15 years).

      • GCA says

        omfg, ugh! “Are you treating me as an individual patient, or are you treating me based on statistics?”

      • AwayEmily says

        OH MY GOD that is awful. And probably if you told her that you lifted she’d tell you to stick to the elliptical (actual advice I have gotten before from a doctor).

    • AwayEmily says

      Thank you all for validating my irritation about this. I feel much better now!!

    • ANon says

      I don’t see why you would call it “shaming” you for your child’s doctor to point out that you need to keep an eye on your daughter’s weight if in fact her weight is worrisome. That’s the doctor’s job. Is the doctor supposed to just ignore it if your child is developing a weight problem?

      Now…whether her weight is in fact worrisome is another story. Given your description about her eating and exercise habits, it doesn’t sound like it’s a problem at all.

      • AwayEmily says

        That’s a fair point, but I would say the doctor’s job is to help parents interpret what the data actually mean — and he failed at this. First, even without taking into consideration her exercise, eating, etc, then her weight is well within a standard deviation from the average. And, of course, the doctor *should* be taking into consideration all those other factors. Just as layered bob points out above, just looking at weight alone can be misleading. My read of the situation is that he gave a gut reaction rather than making reasoned, science-based inference, because when I pressed him he was not able to point to any actual red flags. But I at least knew enough to press him — not everyone would. If he had responded to my question by giving me evidence based on research or experience, then of course I would have taken him seriously.

  7. lsw says

    Ugh. That is terrible! I’m glad you’re moving and getting another ped. She’s 15 months old!

  8. Paging Sarah from 6/22 Post says

    Syncing your Outlook Calendar to your Google Calendar:

    Go to your Outlook calendar account online. Click “Share” and put in the email address for your Google calendar where you want the Outlook calendar to show up. You will receive an email entitled “You’re invited to share this calendar.” In tiny writing under the button that says “Accept and view calendar” you will see a link with an option to “Try adding an Internet calendar and providing this URL.” Right click the link and select “Copy this link address” from the drop down box. Then, go to your Google calendar. Under “Other calendars” select “Add by URL.” Paste the URL from the email into the box and select “Add Calendar.” Voila, your Outlook calendar will show up on your Google calendar app.

    I hope this all made sense. It is actually pretty simple, even though there seem to be a lot of steps.

  9. PrettyPrimadonna says

    Has anyone used the MuTu System for flattening your belly post partum? How about Restore Your Core? I am considering buying one of the programs and looking for reviews. TIA!

    • layered bob says

      I used MuTu, and basically liked it, although as it turned out what I really needed was some serious post-partum physical therapy – I should have started with the PT and learned some of the cues that way because it is really hard to learn how to actually use your core properly from a video, and I probably did more harm than good with MuTu before I started PT. I think there is a sale coming up on the 5th or 6th of July if you want to buy it then.

      I think for the next baby I am going to try the Restore Your Core people’s new program, One Strong Mama, because I don’t think MuTu is quite comprehensive enough.

    • ANon says

      I started seeing a physical therapist who specializes in pelvic floor issues. I tried following some post-partum exercise videos and thought I was doing the exercises correctly. When I started with a PT, she showed me how I was doing them incorrectly and showed me how to do them properly. I’m seeing really good progress. I’m 3.5 months postpartum.

  10. Lizochka says

    How do you all transport your baby’s bottles to daycare? We use the Dr. Brown’s wide-mouth 8 oz size, and my chunkster currently wants 5 of those during the period I’m at work. Before anybody gets crazy on me, each bottle only has 5 oz of milk in it, not the full 8.

    Anyway, all the coolers I can find on Amazon say they can fit 4, but not 5. What have others used and liked?

    Thanks!

  11. RDC says

    Belated thanks to everyone who posted about the dentist yesterday! Kiddo got to watch Daniel tiger while getting his teeth clean and left with a balloon, a sticker, AND a bouncy ball, so it was basically the best day ever.

    (For those in nova I can highly recommend Alexandria children’s dentistry!)

    • Anon in NYC says

      My daughter had a great first visit too! No tears, and lots of toys + stickers.

  12. DAR? says

    Daughters of the American Revolution was mentioned last week. I potentially qualify, but I do not want to make an affiliation that might cause embarrassment. Being from LA, I feel like I’m removed from most of the connotations associated with the group’s history. However, I am curious how other professional women around the country perceive the organization.

    • Cornellian says

      I also qualify and haven’t joined. I don’t really know that joining would offer me much, and it doesn’t seem like they’ve done enough to distance themselves from a very very racist background. The members don’t seem like folks I’d love to spend time with socially, and they don’t seem to be particularly useful for networking, anyway.

      I am involved with another historic preservation not for profit, which I prefer.

      • Rainbow Hair says

        When I was *young* I won an essay contest and got to have lunch with DAR (I also got a savings bond). It was weird to me even then, and I will never forget how horribly salty the yellow sauce on the chicken was, or the woman sitting next to me who said, “I only come here for the food!”

        • Anon says

          I won a DAR essay contest when I was young as well, and went to a local ceremony. I remember being frustrated because they were celebrating something they were born into, and just happened to have ancestors who came “at the right time”, not anything they did on their own. It felt very exclusionary, and as a kid I was very sensitive to being excluded. I think I qualified for a state contest but asked my teacher not to submit my materials since I’d never get to be a DAR (or something similar that my fifth-grade self would have said).

          I haven’t thought about it since that time, but I still have a general feeling that they’re exclusionary. I’d probably think “wow, you’re congratulating yourself for being a WASP. Good for you.” and keep an extra eye out for potentially problematic behavior.

          • Rainbow Hair says

            Ha, it was fifth grade for me too! An essay about Coming to America?

    • PatsyStone says

      I was at a conference this spring and another group at the hotel was a DAR event. I don’t know if this is typical, but the younger girls wore all-white dresses, which seemed weird. It also seemed like a lot of them were a hoot, attendees were mostly older. Lots of pins and regalia. I’d think it was interesting if someone mentioned it to me, but I wouldn’t do it unless I found it personally interesting and fulfilling.

  13. Anon for this says

    The other day at dinner, my daughter said something about making a “happy plate” (i.e. cleaning her place). She has picked this up somewhere, because we have never used that phrase at home. I’m not sure if its something they do at daycare or if its something she’s overheard from one of her friends.

    I’m hugely (over) sensitive about guilting or forcing children into ignoring their natural hunger cues because of some disordered eating issues in my past, and I’m trying to figure out the best way to ask her teacher about this. I tend to get overly emotional when discussing stuff like this and I don’t want to come off as crazy.

    • Rainbow Hair says

      Hmmm… Do you talk about “what is your body telling you?”

      That’s what we talk about in our house: “do you want more pasta? what is your tummy telling you?” (Though she also tells me “my tummy is excited to go swimming!’ so… it’s a work in progress.)

      You could probably put it pretty neutrally to daycare, like, “hey just FYI you don’t have to encourage Kiddo to clean her plate. We just tell her to listen to what her body needs — she likes to tell us if her tummy is hungry or full.” Not a criticism, just a “here’s how we do it!”

      • Tired Mommy says

        I stopped asking “what is your tummy telling you?” when the response I got was “My tummy wants reeses peanut butter cups!” :)

      • lsw says

        Echo asking your spouse to handle; just making sure your spouse clearly understands and validates your concerns first.

    • Anonymous says

      Our daycare does this and uses the exact same phrase. I mean this in the kindest way, but unless your daycare is different and more progressive than ours (and given the use of the phrase, I’m going to guess it’s not) I am not sure that there’s a way you’re not going to come off as a bit crazy to the teachers/director if you get all worried about this. I think you emphasize at home however you want (i.e., you’re a listen to your tummy house, or you’re a try a brownie bite of everything house, or none of the above, whatever), but I’d probably let this one go. Unless having a “happy plate” was tied to some kind of treat (which I think under DSS rules, that’s not possible, so if it is, you may have recourse there), I would let it go and move on.

  14. Splurge on a chair? says

    I am winding down pumping and assume nursing will stop somewhat soon (my baby is almost a year, that was my goal, anything beyond that – great). I was deciding on a fun splurge to reward myself for making it a year. I was considering getting a really nice chair for his room. We are moving, and he will have a bigger room. (Right now, his room is too small for a chair.) I was thinking of splurging on the Wren Swivel Glider from Room and Board. I’ve never paid big $$ for furniture before, and was wondering if it was worth it. I was thinking a nice glider would be a spot for us to read and snuggle on before bed, and thereby maintain some of the connection we had while nursing. There are much less expensive chairs from Target, for example, but did anyone get a nice chair like this and feel like it was worth it?

    • Anon in NYC says

      I love having a glider in my daughter’s room for the exact same reasons – it has been a nice place to snuggle before bed and read books. Now that my daughter is getting bigger (2), however, she wants to sit next to me on the glider which is more difficult. So if you’re going to spend the money and don’t really need/want the gliding feature, I might suggest getting a something like a chair-and-a-half or a small loveseat instead.

    • Rainbow Hair says

      Agree with NYC — we have a loveseat in Kiddo’s bedroom and it gets a ton of use, much more than the comfy armchair. We love it because mom/dad/Kiddo all fit for reading stories, and one parent can sort of crash out on it if necessary, and it’s excellent for snuggling.

    • Pigpen's Mama says

      I’d splurge on a nice chair, but consider getting a chair and a half sort of thing so when he’s a little older you can sit side by side.

      I bought an embarrassingly expensive glider and ottoman for my daughter’s room, mostly because I hated the traditional gliders with the wood frames and the less expensive ones that were all upholstered weren’t available in a color I liked.

      I kinda regret that purchase, even though it is super comfortable. I really wish I had gotten an inexpensive glider for nursing and then splurged on a nice wide chair for 2.5 on. She’s just a bit too big to comfortably snuggle and read in the chair, so now that she’s in a bed, we lie down together and barely use the chair.

    • Anonymous says

      Totally worth it. I ordered a Shermag rocker/recliner from TRU for my first and we still use at daily for bedtime stories at age 5. I bought a second one of the exact same chair for my youngest. Monte Designs also has really nice stuff. Extra bonus is that doing stories and pre-bedtime snuggles in the armchair instead of in kid’s bed seems to avoid the requests for me to lay down with them because I’m not on the bed for story time.

      You may well be able to continue nursing without pumping for 6 months or more so nice to have a cozy chair for nursing and reading books before bed.

    • Anon says

      For our nursery we splurged on a $1500 flexsteel leather rocker recliner. Found one wide enough to fit comfortably in with good pillow arms on the theory that the leather is easy to wipe various fluids off of (also protection plan). My husband and I sat on literally 100s of chairs over the course of several months and as we are both larger size people, that was the only thing comfortable. We figure it will last through several babies and then maybe we move it into our room.

    • ccla says

      I have this exact chair/ottoman combo (Wren from R&B) and think it was worth every penny. The fact that it swivels and glides is amazing for getting in and out w/ baby, though if you don’t have the ottoman maybe that aspect becomes less important – with the ottoman, the swivel allows me to keep it close to the chair and not have to shove it out of the way to get up while holding baby. Also, I highly recommend going with one of the sunbrella fabric options – cleanup for any spit or spill is a breeze!

    • Anon says

      Yes, splurge. We bought a recliner from Buy Buy Baby for my first child and I insisted on a second one for my next child’s room, too. It does feel a little ridiculous to spend so much money on such a thing but I like having somewhere comfortable to sit when one of them is awake in the middle of the night, before bed, etc. Worth every penny.

    • shortperson says

      i was all set on a chair and a half (sixpenny neva) but we happened to buy the new bed first. we got a super comfortable upholstered headboard bed and a really comfortable mattress (avocado) and we find reading stories so comfy there we arent getting a post-glider chair after all. frees up more space for playing.

  15. Milk Donation? says

    Has anyone done this? How did it work for you and are there any recommended resources? I have a hefty supply and a stocked freezer at 7 months. I pump more a day than my child eats. And frankly would be ok supplementing now with formula if I had to. I’m thinking the freezer stash (or future product) could be better used for other littles who need it.

    • Anonymous says

      That’s so great of you! I haven’t donated personally as I didn’t produce enough but I know of a few preemies in my local twins group who have really benefited. I think you would probably use your stash for your baby and donate excess future product as sometimes they require certain screening tests prior to donation.

      You can look up the milk bank closest to you here: https://www.hmbana.org/locations

    • Cornellian says

      Unfortunately I think in order to donate to a milk bank, you need to have been tested and certified (to make sure the milk is safe and also safely pumped/stored). You could get certified now and then drop off going forward, but that doesn’t help you with your backlog. It’s a great idea to pass it on, though!

      I imagine some folks will balk at this, but both my childbirth class alum list serve and my neighborhood parents list serve routinely have people offering or requesting milk. I had 3 oz of colostrum that went to the father of a 2 day old whose mom died unexpectedly, and have helped coordinate pick ups/drop offs for other donations.

      There is also a website where you can sell it or donate it. I’ll post separately. If I’m in that position I”ll probably just coordinate locally to avoid dealing with shipping, etc.

      • ANon says

        Reading about a dad seeking out colostrum for his 2-day-old baby because its mother died really broke my heart… I’m so glad you were able to donate 3 ounces to them.

      • (was) due in june says

        Yes, you can donate your frozen backlog. I did, to Mother’s Milk Bank in San Jose. They even took milk that was about 7 months old – it was all dated and labeled, so they were ok with it. You will get a bunch of blood tests and sign some papers.

    • anon says

      Just be aware that many women find pumped output tends to tank around 8-10 months, so be sure you are really okay with supplementing before you donate. I could reliably produce extra until then, and then suddenly could not.

      • Milk Donation? says

        I’m going to guess I’ll be ok, as I nursed my first to 15 months and only weaned then as I was just exhausted of it all (still had a generous supply). I know each time is different, but so far it’s pretty similar supply-wise. Thanks though!

    • Clementine says

      Yes! I did this!

      I actually donated both to a formal milk bank and did informal milk sharing.

      For the milk bank: I got blood tested and they had extra stringent requirements. I also needed paperwork filled out by both my Doctor and our pediatrician that okayed me to donate milk. I ended up donating 509 ounces to the milk bank, a fact I am incredibly proud of! They sent me coolers and I fed-exed them the milk.

      For the milk sharing: I was linked up through my doula to a couple of women who really needed milk. Because I was a ‘formal’ milk donor, I was a hot commodity! I ended up donating primarily to two moms, one of whom had had a double masectomy and was unable to nurse and the other who did not produce enough but had a daughter who did not tolerate any of the 47,000 types of formula she tried. I also know of the group Eats on Feets (get it? like meals on wheels?) which you will absolutely be able to find somebody who needs milk.

      If you post an email, I can answer any more questions!

    • Anon says

      I looked into it, but my local milk bank requires that you haven’t consumed any caffeine. As I drank coffee religiously during my morning pump, I was ineligible to donate. I was sad, but appreciate that they have stringent controls to protect the little ones.

      I found a local mom who was having trouble affording formula through my Facebook Moms Group and donated it directly to her. I did get an STD test and provide it to her so she could have peace of mind on that, and was super clear about my entire pumping/storing process and my food/drink intake. I was able to give her over 600 oz of milk, so I was happy to help her out.

      • Milk Donation? says

        Well, shoot. I definitely have consumed caffeine the entire time (though I did give up dairy, which as required herculean efforts) and am not likely to survive if I have to give it up. I didn’t even think about that being a barrier. I’ll have to do some more digging around.

        • Cornellian says

          I don’t think it’s a barrier for most people, just the banks who provide to preemies, special needs babies, etc.

  16. EE says

    I’ve both accepted donor milk and donated myself!

    Milk banks can be good, but getting signed up is a bit of a process and I know my local one in NY can be particular on what they accept (e.g., Nothing older than 3 months, and by the time they accept you, that limits what they’ll take from a back stash).

    For peer to peer donation, look up your city’s Facebook groups: Human Milk 4 Human Babies and/or Eats on Feets. Prospective recipients may ask you questions about your health, alcohol/drug usage, storage habits, etc. for understandable reasons but generally won’t ask for any testing or documentation. It’s typical for a recipient to offer to replace milk bags.

    Thank you for considering donating!

  17. Anonymous says

    Is it possible to avoid a nurse in your OBGYN practice? I love my doctor but have had really terrible experience with one of her nurses since getting a positive home pregnancy test. First, she told me I needed a dating ultrasound at 6 weeks, but after doing my own research and learning that ultrasounds can only date pregnancies to within 3-5 days and my period has never (in the five years I’ve been tracking it) varied from a 28 day cycle by more than 2 days, I called the office back to press them on the medical necessity of this ultrasound, and I got a second nurse who agreed with me that this ultrasound is not medically necessary (and therefore not recommended by ACOG) and probably wouldn’t be covered by insurance (would have been a nice thing for the first nurse to mention!).
    Then I spoke to the first nurse again to schedule my regular first pre-natal appointment and she tried to tell me that I might be 10 weeks pregnant now, despite the fact that I had my last period in mid-May. When I told her I had a completely normal period six weeks ago, she told me that was probably implantation bleeding. I finally broke down and practically shouted at her that there’s no way I’m 10 weeks pregnant, since we only began TTC a month ago. And her response was……. “You may have conceived in April if the birth control failed.”
    Ummmmmm….which do you think is more likely? That a c*ndom broke (without either me or my husband realizing it) after more than 10 years of using them 100% successfully or that we conceived the following month when we were regularly doing it without one? I just can’t with this woman and can’t imagine dealing with this for my entire pregnancy.

    • Anonymous says

      This is so crazy. I would complain to the doctor about the behavior and just avoid. Like if she picks up the phone, your battery is dying and you get ‘disconnected.’

    • CHJ says

      I’d consider changing practices, honestly. You will end up dealing with the nurses a lot — in some cases as much or more than the doctor — and it sounds like this is going to be a constant source of stress and frustration. I know you love your doctor, but I bet if you ask around, you could find another good practice that people really like.

    • Anon says

      This is a little bit besides the point, but I’ve had dating u/s with both my pregnancies, and they were covered by insurance. In fact, I’ve gotten u/s at nearly every appointment (quick ones, in the OB office — seems pretty standard in NYC area) and they are all covered as part of the visit.

      • Anonymous says

        Yeah, I know this varies widely based on OB. But my OB’s office does not normally do an u/s until 20 weeks unless you have symptoms of a problem or a history of miscarriages, and I’m generally against unnecessary medical interventions. It’s possible that my slightly irregular cycle would be a medical reason for an early ultrasound but I wanted a better explanation as to why. Apparently 10 week ultrasounds are just as reliable at dating (if not more so) than 6 week ultrasounds, so I’ll discuss the irregularity with the doc at the normal 10 week appointment and if she feels an ultrasound should be done then I’ll go for it.

        • October says

          I just met a woman who had her first u/s at 20 weeks and found out she is having twins! She was so shocked. Another reason for at least one early u/s :)

      • anon says

        +1 – I actually think it isn’t a bad idea to get one as it gives you some ammunition to avoid getting induced early if you are “measuring large” or something. I had one before I switched to a midwife, who then did almost no ultrasounds for the duration of my [42 week, ahem] pregnancy. I was glad to hear the baby’s heartbeat and know that meant it was likely viable too.

        All that being said, that nurse sounds impossible – it is hard for me to recover from being 100% convinced someone is a moron to give someone the benefit of the doubt in the future too.

    • ANon says

      There was an ultrasound technician that I couldn’t stand. I mentioned it to my doctor and asked her to put a note in my file that I was not to be scheduled with her ever again. I never had to see her again.

      If you want to keep your doctor, consider asking for the same thing. If your doctor says you have no choice but to deal with that nurse, then you’ll have to decide whether to stay with that doctor.

      Pregnancy is not the time to put up with people who piss you off. ;)

    • Anon says

      I recently had an issue I spoke to my doctor about regarding a concern I have with nurses in the hospital where I’ll deliver. My doctor was adamant about the need to speak up to a doctor if there are any issues. She said they assume that all is fine unless they are told otherwise. I’d start with a conversation with your doctor.

    • Rainbow Hair says

      Based on my experience, you might want to switch practices. Toward the end of pregnancy I had such a short fuse and there were the most irritating things, and I was always so close to tears… I just think, why add to your stresses if it can be avoided.

  18. EB0220 says

    The thread above about both parents traveling made me wonder….is it OK/normal to have trusted daycare teachers bring your kid home? We have a few awesome teachers that also babysit for us and it would be GREAT to have the option to have them bring my child home once in a while. Does anyone do this and what did you beforehand? (Check driving record, etc?) Do they use their own car or yours?

    • Clementine says

      I have one; however, she walks with baby if I get stuck at work. They have also gone to a nearby playground and hung out.

    • PatsyStone says

      I don’t do this, but one of my son’s teachers does it with a couple of kids I’ve seen (this is all-day preschool care). . She always drives them in her car, but I’m not sure what the full arrangement is. I probably wouldn’t do any additional checks, but I know and trust her.

    • Anonymous says

      Ha! I do this ALL THE TIME. I will only hire a babysitter if she can drive my child home from daycare. I keep an extra car seat in my garage and if I need someone to pick up my child, I just text and I pay for an extra half hour. I tell her something like, “please pick up [child] by 6, but the car seat is at home, so I’ll pay you beginning at 5:30.” It doesn’t take 30 minutes to get the car seat, but I believe in paying a bit of a premium for that. I hire teachers at my child’s daycare and honestly, I don’t check anything. I “interview” them and find out how comfortable they are with installing the car seat. They use their car. It’s a 7-minute, non-highway drive from daycare to my house, which might be why I’m so comfortable with the whole thing.

  19. AnonHere says

    Last week, I asked about hiring a male college student as an after-school babysitter for my 5 year old daughter. After the discussion on here, I decided to ask him for references and then interview him if those checked out. He named a family that I don’t know and couldn’t give me any contact information for them other than generally where their house is (think “2nd house on the left after the train tracks” sort of thing). I am baffled. I really want to tell him that if he can’t be bothered to do some basic legwork then I’m not interested in hiring him (and no one else will be either). Is that too harsh? Sheesh, kids these days!

    • Anon in NYC says

      I think it’s fine to say something gently. Something like, Hi __, unfortunately, I don’t think this isn’t going to work out as I’m looking for someone with a little more experience. Good luck on your employment search. As a suggestion, I think you will have more success if you collect contact information for your references. Regards, ___.

  20. LH says

    I’m new to the Corporette Moms site so forgive me if this topic has been way too common…

    My husband and I have been TTC since the beginning of the year. Any tips or hints for TTC? I am 31, healthy with very regular cycles. We usually get 2 well timed baby making sessions in a month. I am getting frustrated that it’s not happening yet. Any vitamins, foods, hints for TTC? I am thinking of cutting out alcohol, however, I’m not sure how much of an affect that will have.

    I apologize if I am coming off ungrateful or bratty. I know many of the women here and in my life have struggled with fertility.

    • Anonymous says

      You’ll probably get more replies if you post earlier in the day, but are you sure you are timing things right – are you tracking ovulation with test strips, temping/charting, or some other means and gardening just before ovulation (not after)? Not everyone ovulates on day 14. But if you are sure the timing is right, then I think you could consider talking to your OBGYN or a specialist. My understanding is that it can easily take 6 months even if everything is working right and timed correctly, but beyond that might be an indication something isn’t quite right. You are young enough that a doctor might want you to try longer though. I am no expert on this so hopefully others will have more insight. I know it is super frustrating!

      • October says

        I agree with Anonymous — are you positive you are ovulating, and when? If you haven’t already, I highly recommend reading Taking Charge of Your Fertility. So informative and eye-opening. For example, you could have regular cycles/ovulation, but your luteal phase may be too short for implantation and the methods suggested in the book can help you assess that. In terms of little tricks, I’ve heard that intimacy every other night (vs every night) is helpful for sperm count.

  21. LH says

    Both of these are very helpful. I have been taking ovulation tests and seems that I ovulate on the early side.

    • Anonanonanon says

      Let me know if you get this- but sometimes it just takes time. I got pregnant the first time on accident (like.. was on the pill) so when we tried it was a very frustrating experience. Now I’m pregnant, but it took us 8 months. It actually finally happened when I ignored the test strips (I have pretty irregular cycles and I’m not sure they were accurate) and went by mucus. It’s also the same month we spaced out our attempts a bit more (we were doing every other night for 2 weeks but some suggested that may be challenging sperm count-wise). It’s really impossible to say what factored in to success, but I will say that what mucus indicated and what the strips indicated were very different, and paying attention to mucus seems to have done the trick.

      HTH

        • Anon says

          Hey not sure if you’re still checking this thread, but I would also encourage you to have your husband get a sperm test- it’s easy and much less invasive than getting yourself tested, and it’s one thing you can cross off if all comes back fine. In my case, I TTC for a full year while I assumed I was the problem and drove myself crazy with timing, testing, etc, and it turned out my husband was the factor- within two months of him going off medication that was affecting his sperm, I was pregnant (and I had completely quit tracking anything by that point).

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