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Happy Tuesday! Ruffles aren’t usually my thing, but I like the ruffle effect here on this maternity/nursing top — the ruffles look artful without looking frou-frou. The sedate gray color makes a difference — ruffles are always a different story when pink is involved — but here it works. The top is $67, available at Nordstrom (also in a longer-sleeved black version and a red dress version) in sizes XS-L. Ruffles Cascade Maternity/Nursing Top
Psst: Looking for more info about nursing clothes for working moms, or tips for pumping at the office? We’ve got them both…
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- The concept of “backup care” is so stupid…
- I need tips on managing employees in BigLaw who have to leave for daycare pickup…
- I’m thinking of leaning out to spend more time with my family – how can I find the perfect job for that?
- I’m now a SAHM and my husband needs to step up…
- How can I change my thinking to better recognize some of my husband’s contributions as important, like organizing the shed?
- What are your tips to having a good weekend with kids, especially with little kids? Do you have a set routine or plan?
Anonymous says
Does anyone have experience with a speech therapist/speech language pathologist for a 3 year old? Kiddo is bright and her concepts are all spot on, she is pretty much understandable by people who don’t know her, but there are some sounds that are always transposed (classic s vs th, plus others). I don’t know how much is developmentally appropriate. Anyone get their little one evaluated or go to speech therapy for something that may be borderline? Did it help? Was it worth it?
NewMomAnon says
My pediatrician gave me a list of various sounds and when those sounds are considered “delayed.” A lot of them were much later than I expected; some weren’t expected until second or third grade. Maybe discuss with your pediatrician first?
mascot says
+1. We started speech therapy at 3 because we couldn’t understand what he was saying sometimes and strangers could understand even less. Our pediatrician referred us for a full hearing screen and speech screen. It’s a mild delay in the scheme of things, but was still significant enough to warrant county sponsored services through our school system. Also, it’s a slow process because language development takes years. We probably will have 5-6 years of therapy total for this.
AnonMN says
I posted something similar a year ago, and everyone assured me that a lot of the sounds I was expecting were actually supposed to come much later. A chart was posted, which I will post below, that was really helpful in seeing that my son was perfectly on track for speech development despite his classic mispronunciations.
AnonMN says
http://www.talkingchild.com/speechchart.html Here is the link
anne-on says
Just one thing to check – have you had her hearing checked with an ENT? It is also common to have speech issues if there is residual fluid in the ears.
NewMomAnon says
Yep, very true. That was what spurred my question to the pediatrician; kiddo had a few ear infections and started becoming harder to understand. Once those cleared up, her speech launched forward.
Anonymous says
Thanks all, this is really helpful! I have a medical background (although not pediatrician) and we’ve been fortunate that her ears have been clear since I monitor that pretty closely. (I had terrible ear infections as a kid). So hopefully hearing is less of a cause but will definitely get her checked out by an ENT.
AnonMN, thanks for the chart! Helps me feel a lot more comfortable with progress.
Terrible twos says
Help! My two-year-old daughter has become an absolute nightmare in the morning, making it impossible to get out the door. For example today she cried for about an hour in the house, and then after my husband got her out the door she cried all the way to daycare and was still crying when he left her.
We never know what exactly it is it’s going to set her off in the morning (maybe she wants to be picked up and we don’t do it, or we are out of a type of cereal, etc. ) I don’t think she’s tired because she wakes up on her own. We usually try to get food in to her as soon as possible as it seems to be a contributing factor. I will take any and all tips anyone may have. Our usual m.o. is to reward the good behavior and ignore bad behavior but that isn’t working anymore. I realize that I probably just have to power through the next year but I’m hoping that someone has some good coping mechanisms.
EB0220 says
You might try asking if anything hurts. I’ve also found that saying “It’s OK to be sad” sometimes helps. My husband and I disagree, but I haven’t found that ignoring works well for me.
NewMomAnon says
Is daycare a trigger? I know when we were going through teacher turnover or a difficult classroom transition, kiddo would be really volatile in the morning.
Also, how much language does she have? Two is right at the tipping point of language skills and can be a tough time for kids who really want to be understood but don’t have the language yet. If that’s the issue, it won’t be a full year of tantrums; maybe a few months until the language explosion happens.
Terrible twos says
She really likes daycare. She moved to a new room about two months ago and has been doing very well there. In the afternoon she doesn’t want to leave, so I don’t think it is daycare.
She is very very verbal, and even when she is really upset can usually tell us what’s wrong. It’s usually small things like she doesn’t want to get dressed etc. We have been giving her options (limited ones like two choices) and she often will reject both.
I should add that we have an eight week old baby brother in the house, but she loves him and has not been starved for attention. We generally have one parent with her at all times so that way she wasn’t feeling left out.
Anon says
I’m assuming you may still be on mat leave with an 8-week-old? If so, would it be possible/helpful to slow down your mornings and take her to daycare a little later? Perhaps she resents having to leave while mom and brother stay home? It could be a temporary fix for whatever is going on — and by the time you are back at work this phase may be over.
Terrible twos says
I am still on maternity leave but this behavior has really only ratcheted up in the last two weeks or so. There’s been no change in her routine in that timeframe (Dad’s been taking her into daycare at for the entirety of maternity leave), so I’m thinking it’s just a phase that we’re going to have to get through.
Blueberry says
My two-year-old (and my 4-year-old at that age) has a lot of freak-outs in the morning when he doesn’t get to control things. Like his clothes. If you force him to wear clothes he has not picked out, he cries and flings his body about in a way that makes me fear for his safety. So, if you don’t already, make sure you are giving her choices (within limits) — e.g., does she want to wear shirt x or shirt y? Does she want blueberries or strawberries with her cereal? The crying for not being picked up is hard. I try to explain slowly and clearly that if I don’t put him down, I can’t make him breakfast. Sometimes, I find a chore for him to do that takes his mind off it — usually helping unload the dishwasher. That’s the best I’ve got.
Terrible twos says
I like the chore idea. Really the only one that we’ve got for her at the moment is feeding the dog. She does love to do that. Any other age-appropriate chores? We have found that redirecting works, but sometimes it’s hard to get through the tantrum to redirect.
Blueberry says
Carrying breakfast things to the table is another one we sometimes do, although that one is obviously pretty risky if those things are full of food :) Unloading the dishwasher works surprisingly well, even for a 2-year-old. In the 2 or so years of having my kids do this, I’ve only had one broken dish, which occurred when my first started with the chore and seemed to want to see what would happened if he dropped a bowl on the ground on purpose… Having the kid bring silverware to the drawer consumes a fair amount of time, if you don’t mind re-sorting it all later.
Anonymous says
My kiddo was unloading the dishwasher (into my hands) before she was walking. Super great task for babies and toddlers.
Anon says
Maybe this is coincidental, but we give our 2yo (and our 4yo when she was that age) a spoonful of honey before bedtime. We started it as a wacky suggestion to help with DD’s eczema (use local honey so you’re getting exposure to local pollens, I don’t know) but noticed it really improved both her sleep at night and her behavior in the morning. I don’t know if she was just sleeping better, or if it helped her not be as hungry upon wakeup, but it seemed to work pretty regularly, and it’s having the same effect on my son.
Terrible twos says
I will try that! Thanks.
NewMomAnon says
I do this with a spoonful of peanut butter when kiddo is going through a growth spurt. It helps her sleep through the night.
Anonymous says
+1 for low blood sugar as a culprit… Another one we use is a cup of warm milk soon after waking up. It’s amazing what a difference it makes in mood.
CHJ says
My son wakes up starving and needs two breakfasts before we leave the house. It sounds like you’re feeding her breakfast immediately, which we do too. Have you tried offering her more food on the way out the door? If we have time, we’ll sit down for a second breakfast of yogurt or cereal, etc., but if we’re rushed, I’ll give him a banana in the car. It seems to really help.
I also try to pick as few battles as possible in the morning. I let my son pick out his clothes, even if his outfit is crazy. I also let him pick his breakfast food (within parameters because the options are always the same – cereal/oatmeal, pancakes, fruit, yogurt). Other than that, he’s pretty much free to play or hang out with us while we get ready.
LegalMomma says
I’m so glad I am not the only one who needs to offer two breakfasts! We moved to changing diaper/getting dressed as soon as we get my d out of the crib in the morning (just 2) — it minimizes the fight time later. This works about 90% of the time.
Terrible twos says
She gets two breakfasts! One here and one at daycare, but maybe we need to offer one on the way out the door.
Maddie Ross says
It’s worth a try. My LO essentially gets three breakfasts most mornings – one immediately upon waking (usually cereal with milk), a second as we’re getting ready to leave the house (usually graham crackers or a piece of fruit, sometimes a poptart or eggo if she’s lucky and I’m lazy), and then a third breakfast at school right at dropoff. So that’s three separate ‘breakfasts’ before 9:30 am. But, she generally grazes at dinnertime…
Rainbow Hair says
Oof, I certainly haven’t solved this problem, but here are some things we do.
Control — She gets to choose which parent takes her out of the crib (idk why this is a big deal for her, but it’s an easy enough concession to make). She gets to pick outfits. This started with me putting 5 appropriate outfits in baggies in a special box so she could pick one, but now it’s just “whichever purple thing is clean” because purple is ~everything~ right now. She gets to pick her spoons for breakfast (purple). We just cave on giving her a bunch of breakfast options: usually she has oatmeal *and* cereal or toast. Whatever. She gets to pour her own milk in her cereal from a little pitcher.
Predictability — we have a two-minute hourglass timer that comes out: “in two minutes we’re going to do your diaper change. Let’s watch for when the sand is finished!” I’ve been using “1-2-3 Magic” at home generally, and though it doesn’t really seem practical in the morning to give a time out, I’ve never got past “that’s one!” …I do think that knowing a boundary is just around the corner helps her… knowing what to expect?
Anon in NYC says
My daughter (almost 2) frequently has meltdowns in the morning if we aren’t paying enough attention to her. If we’re rushing around she is more prone to tears and whining. Also, she likes to be held/carried from her bedroom to the kitchen first thing in the morning (early morning cuddles, I guess?), and if we don’t do that it just starts the morning off in a more challenging fashion.
I have found that giving her some concentrated attention can be very effective in stemming off the tears.
Terrible twos says
Yeah maybe we just need to give in on carrying her. We’ve been trying to break that because I’m often caring the baby and can’t carry her at the same time. She’s usually satisfied with just holding someone’s hand but not in the mornings!
Anon in NYC says
Same with my daughter – she often wants to hold hands around the house and take us from room to room, but in the morning it has to be carrying her from her bedroom to the kitchen. She will plant herself in her bedroom and just wail “uppa uppa.” If we get to that point and eventually pick her up, it just means even longer that we have to hold her before we can do anything else (like feed her or get dressed).
NewMomAnon says
Aww. I remember getting so frustrated with my kiddo at age 2 when she wanted to be carried. Now I look back and realize she was still just a baby. I feel kind of bad about insisting she walk everywhere.
Anon in NYC says
I know, I realize that my response sounded so cold towards my kiddo! I really don’t mind carrying her. I could do without the tantrums if I didn’t carry her, though!
Also, OP, sometimes sitting down with my daughter and reading her a book or two really helps in the morning.
Sabba says
Maybe try playing with her for 15 minutes a day? Setting aside a block of time that is predictable really helps my daughter so that she knows she has my full attention at that point in the day.
anon says
This is not going to solve the root problem, but you can let her sleep in her clothes so you are fighting at least one less battle in the morning.
Terrible twos says
I think we’re gonna have to do that. The choice of clothes doesn’t seem to be a sticking point for her, but she’s just so overworked that she won’t get dressed.
shortperson says
i start with a big cuddle and hug in her glider, then she gets dressed, then more cuddles while we read a book. she moves fast through getting dressed because she wants a book. all the cuddles first thing seem to inoculate her the rest of the morning and help a lot.
Cate says
Has anyone read the book/tried the method 123 Magic? Thoughts on it? Was recommended by a friend. Our toddler is generally pretty good so our only system right now is threatening time out and very occasionally making her go to her room.
mascot says
It did wonders for our headstrong negotiator around age 5 and has generally cut down on emotional showdowns.
Cate says
Oooh, good to know. She negotiates A LOT. I’m sort of proud but also terrified.
ANP says
Yep! They use it at my kids’ school and we also use it at home. Highly recommend.
EB0220 says
I didn’t like it because it doesn’t fit my parenting style, but I got MANY glowing reviews of it from friends.
CPA Lady says
If you want to just read a summary of what the book says to do, I found a link at
http://csgreeley.org/sites/default/files/files/1-2-3-magic.pdf
I wish there were these cliff notes for all parenting books.
Rainbow Hair says
Oh hah! I just referenced it above. A former kindergarten teacher friend recommended it for us. For me the important thing has been that it has aligned me and my husband a lot. Given his druthers, he’d give about 3,904,823 chances before instituting a consequence. Given mine, consequences would be immediate. So it’s a compromise place for us.
The advice about not over-explaining, not negotiating, not trying to get your two-year-old to act/think/reason like an adult was pretty revelatory. It really scaled back the emotion in our household, in a productive way.
Maddie Ross says
I can recommend it, though as CPA Lady says, the summary is probably enough for most people. My H and I both skimmed the first 90 pages or so one night to get the gist. It was very helpful with our headstrong 3 yo. And still now we can “count her down” when we need her to pull her behavior together.
AnonMN says
What are everyone’s thoughts on chore/responsibility charts for preschoolers? My 3.5 yo refuses to get himself dressed in the morning, help with his shoes, etc. So we either get him dressed ourselves, or nag all morning until he finally gets dressed with our help. I really, really want to avoid a nagging morning, every morning. He tends to not be a very self-motivated kid, he loves to have things done for him even when he can do things himself, and his daycare teachers have asked us to keep working on having him be independent with things he can do himself.
I was thinking of making a responsibility chart with 1) get dressed 2) put on shoes 3) clear breakfast dishes, etc. With a reward that he gets to pick a book at the bookstore when he completes the chart (because we do not need any more toys in our house). Not every day, but maybe every 7 days? The potty chart worked really well to motivate him, which is why I was thinking of going this route.
Thoughts? Am I expecting too much from him? Do responsibility charts kill internal motivation? Any expereinces?
Anonymous says
You’re expecting way too much from a 3.5 year old. Focus on giving him lots of extra time to complete a task. So you put the shirt over his head and he puts in his arms himself. Try to build time into your routine so you don’t have to rush him and he can try something a few times. High fives and enthusiasm when he completes skills. Build in additional skills slowly.
and figure out what works for your life. I let my 5 year old sleep as late as possible and then dress her while she’s still laying down. She can do it but I don’t have patience for her crankiness in the morning. She practices skills lots of other times in the day. I empathize with her hatred of mornings. Night owls run in the family.
Anon says
Also, racing works in my house. See who can put shoes on faster, etc. but we are a competitive bunch…
Anonymous says
You’re kidding right? That’s the amount I help my 18 month old.
And what happens if your five year old is at the pool or a friend’s house and needs to go to the bathroom? You’ll let some other adult get her dressed?
EB0220 says
I’ve tried a few different things with my kids (currently 5 and 2). We have more trouble at bedtime, so I made a velcro chart with the bedtime tasks. I took a picture of my kid doing each one, printed the pictures and laminated them. Then I stuck two strips of velcro to half of a file folder, and bits of velcro to the back of each picture. She moves the tasks from top to bottom when she completes them. The key is that they can be done in any order she chooses. This works pretty well for us when they need some focus. For the morning,, you might start small with independence. Maybe he starts by picking his own clothes or getting his shoes. Then you add another step. I might start with: kiddo picks out clothes, clears plate or cup and gets shoes. I would help remove PJs, get clothes on, clear plate, put on shoes. Then keep adding things. Also, FWIW, my 2 year old LOVES putting her shoes on in the car, so we often do that. I think 3 is probably too young to really follow a chart per se, so I think it’s more about helping guide him through the steps. But since the potty chart worked for him, it could work here too.
CHJ says
My son is exactly that age, and one day I showed up at daycare and he didn’t see me, and I saw him put on his shoes and coat completely independently — at home he pretends like he can’t do that at all!
We’ve started giving him a quarter if he gets himself dressed in the morning, which he puts in his piggy bank. Once he has five quarters, he can get a Hot Wheel at the grocery store (they cost $0.99 plus tax). I’m not sure how long we’ll keep doing this because it seems egregious to pay him to put his clothes on, but it has been working really well to motivate him while he’s learning how to dress himself.
NewMomAnon says
I once hauled my kid semi-naked to the car because she wouldn’t get dressed in the morning (and was kicking me when I tried to help). That spurred several months of the best morning behavior…..
It’s slipping now though, and I’ve started setting multiple timers on my phone to end various activities. Breakfast ends when the first one goes off. Getting dressed ends with the second one. The third one signals end of shoes, sock and jackets, time to leave the house. We haven’t missed a cut-off yet, but my plan is to just end the activity and proceed with the next one. So if she’s not wearing pants, then we’ll put on shoes and socks without pants. If we have time left, she can put on pants. If not, we’re going to school without pants.
anon says
My 4.5 year old son is similar, and has always been – he was so happy to be spoon fed much longer than my friends’ babies. My son needs to be reminded of the next step in the morning routine, and he likes having help. We have a morning checklist that he was kind of into for a while, but I would still need to remind him to do his checklist, help with each step, etc. And we just don’t have enough time for him to take his sweet time on every step – I can’t get him to bed earlier, so I can’t wake him up earlier, etc etc.
Our rule is you must get dressed before you watch a video – that is a big motivator, but I often still need to help him and I am okay with that. For shoes and coats, the best motivator I have is making things into a game: I say, “I’m going to go into the bathroom and when I come out I am going to put on your shoes. I want to do it ALL BY MYSELF so definitely do not put your shoes on before I come out.” And then he puts his shoes on to “trick” me. I got this idea from preschool – they love it. I also sometimes make him a bargain, like if you do 1 shoe I will do the other.
He does lag a little in fine motor skills and hand strength for his age, which is either my fault or the reason he is a pain about getting dressed, etc.
I have also been known to use chocolate as a bribe. We take the bus/subway, so leaving the house without pants/shoes/coat is not an option.
SC says
I don’t have anything to add re: a chore chart, but honestly, the reward seems… excessive. I know books are good, but if he completes his tasks every week, that’s about 50 books in a year!
avocado says
At age 3.5, the stickers on the chart might be reward enough.
We have done some reward charts with our (older) kid with privileges as the reward instead of material objects. This has been successful as long as the privilege is something she really wants and wouldn’t otherwise get. This seems less like bribery to us than material rewards because it connects responsible big-girl behavior to big-girl privileges. At least that’s how we rationalize it. We also successfully bribed, ahem, rewarded her to potty train with a privilege, so it works with little kids too.
Anon says
For one, my 3.5 year old begged for a chore chart and chores when she saw one in target and I told her what it was…. So YMMV here. But it works well and she came up with the chores herself.
Second, if you allow TV time, there is a Daniel tiger about this very thing, and it has a song (because of course it does). We sing that often: clothes on/eat breakfast/brush teeth/put on shoes and OFF TO SCHOOL!!! We add in silly or weather appropriate things as well.
Anon says
So I know this has been asked before, but I’m at a low point today and looking for inspiration. I am a non equity partner at a twenty attorney litigation firm in a mid size city. I have been practicing for 12 years somehow. I hate litigation. I always have but just tried to stick it out for many years, and am finding I literally cannot motivate to do it anymore. And of course I would like better hours but to still make a decent salary – wouldn’t we all, right? What are your success stories for using your JD for non legal careers or branching out to other areas of the law after 12 years in one field?!!
Anon says
I’m a director at a state government agency after 8 years of litigation in a similar field. Love it. Killer benefits, I leave by 4:30 every day, the work is interesting and important. I took a salary cut but I got so much of my life back it was totally worth it. If you work it out on a per-hour basis I make much more now working 40 – 45 hours a week than when I worked 80. I also spend far less on backup childcare arrangements, meals out, etc.
anon says
So how does one find these? Also I feel like I look up state or county jobs and they want me to have 10 years experience in a super specific area with increasing management roles or something similar. Is yours not one of those?
Anon says
It helped me to frame my legal experience in ‘management’ terms – establish strategic direction, benchmark successes, supervising paralegals / associates, etc.
I came in at a lower level and was promoted twice in three years to my current position.
Where to find them? City, County, State, Federal (USA Jobs site), local bar associations, and state colleges / universities are good places to begin.
Anon says
I moved into labor relations/employee relations after 8 years of litigation. My department is full of recovering litigators and not everyone even had an employment or labor law background. I found the job by chance on a random job board but most of the non labor lawyers found it by networking.
Anon says
Good news – baby’s heartbeat evened out. Bad news: she appears to be unusually sensitive to caffeine so the caffeine ban stays in effect until delivery. It’s the lack of chocolate that is killing me the most. Well that and the fact that I’m in BigLaw transactional work and it is really, really hard to work the hours I do without more sleep (precluded by the hours) or a limited amount of caffeine (I was doing okay with the under 200 mg limit). So it goes.
Anonymous says
Try decaf coffee – the taste might give you a psychological boost. Starbucks Decaf is the best.
(was) due in june says
Decaf coffee has caffeine. And almost everything on the Starbucks menu has caffeine. I am extremely sensitive to caffeine so I have to avoid it completely.
OP, when I have to stay awake, constantly chewing something helps. Frozen peas, frozen corn, frozen grapes are decent options, or endless air-popped popcorn.
Anon in NYC says
Good news, yay! As for the bad news, I don’t think there is a lot of caffeine in unsweetened cocoa powder. I have started to make overnight oats with cocoa powder and it really does taste like chocolate pudding. But that sucks about no coffee. During my pregnancy, I was so affected by caffeine that I had to switch to 1 cup of decaf a day (from about 3-4 cups/day pre-preg). Caffeine made my heart race and I felt like I had to pass out. It sucked.
NewMomAnon says
A friend who did ER shifts in medical school said the nurses and doctors who do overnight shifts tend to rely on orange juice – the mix of vitamin C and sugar keeps them awake during the shift, but without the caffeine hangover to keep them awake after the shift ends. I know I couldn’t have done much orange juice while pregnant because the acid would’ve made life challenging, but might be something to try?
I also find that the ritual of my twice-daily tea habit is more important than the caffeine. Can you find an herbal tea you like? I’ve found some chamomile teas are OK substitutes for my Early Gray; avoid brands with spearmint.
Maddie Ross says
What helps me most when avoiding caffeine is just super cold water. Like absolutely frigid cold. Bonus of course is that you need lots of water while pregnant. And the bathroom breaks helped keep me awake, too.
H says
Can you take a 30 minute power nap in the middle of the day?
Pogo says
So glad baby is ok! That is a major bummer on the coffee/chocolate front.
Like others have suggested – what about chewing gum or non-chocolate candy as a treat (like ginger chews, I LOVE those and bonus they help with any tummy issues)?
For coffee I agree keeping the ritual is helpful – even if you’re filling up a water bottle from the kitchen rather than making a cup of coffee, it’s physically getting you up and away from the computer which helps me. Also doing a lap around the office and chatting.
Terrible twos says
ditto on the lap around the office. I found that that woke me up every afternoon if needed. Also walking up and down a couple flights of stairs was even better.
lsw says
Great news about the baby! That totally blows about no coffee. Hang in there.
OP says
Thanks for the tips and tricks. Will have to try some of these.
CLMom says
Quick question: is a train table worth the space they take up?
I have a lead on a nearly free one in good shape. We have the space in the house if I chose to give it up, and my daughter is 1.5 years old.
AnonMN says
No. Atleast not for us. My kids never actually wanted to play on the table, and always moved to the floor when I started them there, and it just became a head hitting hazard. It is now a coffee table in our bedroom, because we have a lot of extra space. I was glad I went with the normal wood one, otherwise it would have been a complete waste.
Train table lover says
yes. Ours also has become the lego table, the puzzle table, the race car table, the farm animal staging table, etc. I don’t see us getting rid of ours for several years (kids are 5&7). It’s nice for them to have a smooth flat space at their height that is not my coffee table.
avocado says
If it is nearly free and you have space and you will have no qualms about getting rid of it if it doesn’t work out, then go for it. If you are paying more than a nominal amount, I’d get a regular play table with multiple sets of legs in different heights so you can convert it to an art/homework table later.
A mom I know took the legs off her kid’s train table, put it on casters, and slid it under the bed. Genius.
CLMom says
The amount is nominal, and your post makes me wonder if bed risers might work to increase height later on.
Anon says
Maybe we know the same mom friend, because I was going to suggest taking the legs off and putting it on casters instead, and then in a few years you can screw on taller legs to make it into an art table.
The problem with most train tables is that your kids aren’t going to play with them everyday. So it takes up an insane amount of space for very little play-time. Sliding it under the bed, plus using it as an art table later, helps extend the life of a very limited-use item.
anon says
My son doesn’t use ours much for trains at least; he wants to play on the floor, even though the hard surface would work better. But it is a good height for crafts and other activities you might be supervising more closely. This is assuming it is just a table rather than something that can only be used for trains.
Anonymous says
We do trains on the floor. Train table is huge with simultaneously not providing enough space to really build fun stuff.
Will I regret no baby shower? says
Will I regret not having a baby shower? I am 26 weeks. My mother’s friends (and mom) are really pushing for a baby shower, although mom seems to be coming around to the idea that I might not have one. This is the first grandbaby in her very close circle of friends – friends who have been incredibly helpful/supportive during her last 8 months of cancer treatments/surgeries. My friends/sisters have offered to throw me one as well where I live. So far I have had no interest. This is our first baby, but I am really of the “we don’t need that much stuff” mindset – we ordered a crib, bought a travel system and extra car seat base for the second car, my MIL ordered us a pack and play and I know my mother bought us some sort of rocker/bouncer. I’ve been putting together a list in a notebook (but have thus far refused to register anywhere) of a few other things to get us started – crib sheets, swaddles, changing pad for the dresser, some onesies, a few bottles until we find out what she takes, a few boxes of different kinds of diapers until we find out what works for what I expect will be a very flat bottomed baby if she takes after her parents, wipes, etc.
My husband is much more excited about the baby stuff. I just view it as stuff to check off a list (but am excited about the actual human, just not all the stuff she needs or people think she needs). I also just only recently started feeling good (thank you Diclegis, finally). I am concerned that I might regret not having a shower, that not having a shower will disappoint my mother/her friends, that I won’t be able to muster up the appropriate amount of enthusiasm for the party. If I have 1, I think I have to have 2 to keep everyone happy (that’s what we did for my bridal shower), but maybe I can get away with inviting my local friends to my parents’ (2 hours away). Also thought about having one but just requesting that in lieu of traditional gifts, we would love books that they would recommend/their kids loved, but that feels pushy and will probably not be honored by the mom group (who are SO EXCITED about baby things).
Advice/thoughts/recommendations?
EB0220 says
I didn’t really want a shower necessarily. I refused to go to a baby store until well into my 2nd trimester. I registered for the bare minimum since I thought we might have to move just before or immediately after baby was born. I had a lot going on while I was pregnant (finishing grad school, husband job issues, deaths in family). My friends and sisters (gently) pushed me to have a shower, and it was absolutely wonderful. My sisters, mom and best friend flew in and a local friend hosted. They helped me wash, fold, and organize all the baby stuff. We watched Netflix. I have never felt so warm and fuzzy. So I highly recommend it.
cake batter says
Can you just have a celebratory brunch and not do the opening gifts thing or any games?
Anonymous says
Yep– party to celebrate the baby. Or a “books-only” shower, where people can bring board books for baby. You can never have enough books.
H says
+1 I was going to suggest books. Also, I was very skeptical about all of the stuff you need for a new baby, but you really do need a lot of stuff. At the very least, you could do a diaper shower and not specify brand so you’ll get all different kinds. You will go through A LOT of diapers. And if everyone brings you diapers, you can skip the awkward sit in the middle and everyone will watch me open presents drill.
Anonymous says
I loved having a shower. It’s acceptable to register for stuff that’s useful all through the first year – so sleepers in size 6-12 months, children’s books, children’s music CDs. If you get things you don’t like/won’t use but can’t return – then donate or put it on baby, take a picture, then donate.
It wasn’t the ‘stuff’ I liked about my shower. It was the good wishes and acknowledgement of shared experience. That so many of the women had been through pregnancy and childbirth and newborn days and had lovely memories and great tips to share. We had a big bowl with note cards nearby and people wrote short notes to me or the baby about parenthood. I stuck them into a scrap book. It was really nice to read through them when I had down days.
anne-on says
I really dislike being the center of attention, and was strongly ‘meh’ about a baby shower (I also had hyperemesis and felt like hell the entire time). That being said, I was shocked at how much I enjoyed my shower.
There was so much sharing of wisdom/commiseration/advice/love from friends, family, and members of the community as well as stories about their own motherhood/labor experiences/etc. It was much more of a bonding/safe space for sharing stories about motherhood and pregnancy than I expected (I thought I’d be bored out of my mind holding up clothing and cooing the whole time).
I’d also try to set expectations if possible – I was firm that I wanted something low-key with no humiliating games, more asking people to bring share board books/decorate a page for an ABC board book/decorate onesies/etc. than smell the melted candy bar in a diaper game.
PatsyStone says
+1 I didn’t want to have one, the only guests were all the ladies from one side the family (we’re not particularly close) and one co-worker. Dread was the word of the day. That said, we opened the gifts, ate the sandwiches, and opened all the gifts. And it was really nice and special. You have to remind yourself that part of the “fun” is letting well-wishers spend this tiny, hopeful moment of time with you. Now I kind of love going to showers. But dude, you do you. There’s no wrong thing to do.
avocado says
If you aren’t feeling it, you don’t have to do it. If your main hesitation is the gifts, a book shower is a great idea, as long as you don’t get offended when some people choose to give you other stuff too. If your husband is more into it than you are, you could request a couples’ shower.
I just could not deal with a shower, so I declined when one was offered (person offering is awesome and laid-back, so I didn’t worry too much about offending her). It wasn’t the stuff that bothered me as much as being the center of attention. I had hyperemesis and was in the middle of 2L and cite-checking and just did not have the bandwidth to act cheerful and have people looking at me for an entire shower. Plus I was afraid I’d throw up during the party. And I am generally opposed to baby showers since they were so painful to attend during the seemingly endless years before I got pregnant. My husband’s colleagues threw him a wonderful office shower with tons of people and good wishes and presents, and they didn’t ask me to attend. He loved it and everyone was happy.
Blueberry says
I didn’t have a baby shower. Some friends who also didn’t have a baby shower did a lovely afternoon party at their place to toast the new baby. It felt more chill and less gendered, so maybe you could plan for something like that after baby is born? I also showed up to my mom’s baby shower because I was born prematurely :) I don’t think anyone would be offended if you just asked for books.
Cdn anon says
I am not a fan of showers of any kind, and didn’t have a bridal shower or a baby shower.
Instead of a shower, my best girlfriends took me to high tea where they each gave me a baby book with a message inside. It was wonderful.
Strategy mom says
If you are neutral, I’d do it – think of it as a gift to your mom and the friends who supported her and cared for your family while she was sick. I’m sure it seems daunting to have to put on your game face for the shower, but you really won’t have to. You’ll be energized by the people around you and you’ll find it surprisingly easy to play along and be enthusiastic.
Ms. Gluten says
I was in a similar situation. I did not want a shower but my BFF was so excited to throw one. She flew in from out of state and coordinated a gorgeous shower. Unfortunately I was miserable the entire time leading up to the shower and I was even more miserable during the shower. I tried to communicate my wishes to BFF but she was hearing none of it. She worked very hard on the shower and I did my best to show my appreciation.
I became pregnant again when my first baby was 5 months old. My mother’s friends held a “Sip and See” for the 2nd baby when she was about 12 weeks old. Basically it was an excuse to hold the baby for a few minutes, drink alcohol and nibble on appetizers. It was lovely and very low stress.
Rainbow Hair says
I didn’t want a shower, or was like, “eh, neutral” about it. (Had no bridal shower, for comparison.) But I ended up having two, and loving them. My mom and sister threw one with family friends, and then my friends in my new city threw another. At the “mom” one, it was great to sit around with my sort of faux extended family (and some real extended family) and let them have a chance to kvell at me and such. No embarrassing games, but there was the option to decorate onesies, and my mom sang a song, and there was good healthy food (and champagne cocktails I think?). My friends threw a co-ed one, and the only “game” was that everyone brought baby photos of themselves and we had to guess who was who. There was also music, and there was beer. And good food. And mostly we sat around in my friend’s living room laughing and talking about the baby-to-be. It was low-key and great.
TBH, I was very very anxious about pregnancy. I was/am superstitious, and thought that if I felt too confident about the baby, something would go horribly wrong (I know this isn’t true, but it is how I felt). I also hate having everyone pay attention to me, and I was not a happy, glowing, effortless pregnant person by any stretch of the imagination. But! I am glad I didn’t let all of that stand in the way of celebrating a big, ultimately happy, change in my life.
Anon OP says
Thanks for all the advice. Will mull over it a little more and give my mother an answer this week. Appreciate the different perspectives.
P says
I hate baby showers and I hate being the center of attention, so I thought my own baby shower would be the Worst. I’m so glad I had one! It was a great big excuse to touch base and connect with so many of my girlfriends right before this new part of my life.
Katarina says
I did not want a shower, and did not enjoy my bridal shower. I initially turned down the baby shower, but the host persisted, and I had a really good time. We had a coed shower, which really helped take the focus off of me. My shower was also small and family only. I got pretty much everything I needed and few fun things.
Walnut says
I declined a baby shower and instead welcomed anyone who asked to come visit me after the baby was born. I ended up with a stead stream of visitors in months 2 and 3 of maternity leave and really enjoyed the one on one time with everyone.
Anonymous BigLaw Associate says
I did not want a baby shower for my kids, mainly because I do not like large gatherings of people and I did not want to get baby-related gifts. I would have felt like jumping through a hoop for me. I have absolutely no regrets. This kinda stuff isn’t for everyone.
Fwiw, we didn’t have a wedding for similar reasons. No regrets either.
avocado says
Or what about a brunch to celebrate your mother’s becoming a grandmother? I don’t know if that’s a thing that is done, but it would take the focus off of you somewhat. It would also lessen the pressure to have a second shower near your home.
Strategy mom says
We’re planning a trip to Europe at 26 weeks pregnant – I can’t remember what 26 weeks pregnant feels like. Will I be up for walking around a city and exploring? I assume short hikes are probably not a great idea. Can anyone remind me of how miserable or great I will be feeling at that point? Thanks!
Maddie Ross says
While obviously it totally depends on your pregnancy, I was still feeling pretty good at 26 weeks. I went to a black tie gala and danced in heels and attended an outdoor music festival around that time. I was still relatively small though, had my second tri energy, and was only just beginning to have issues sleeping.
Anon says
Currently 26 weeks pregnant and just did a reunion weekend at my law school. I do not remember it being that hilly, but the walking up and down hills was very grueling for me and made it very clear that there are some very stretched out muscles/tendons/etc. in my lower abdomen. We built in some rest time, but it was not enough. If you’re going to do it, I would recommend building in lots of rest/nap time and plan for about 50% of your normal activity level. Your feet will swell tremendously, especially if you are not used to walking that much.
Eating and drinking. Almost everywhere in Europe has sparkling water, but my recollection from my time there in college was that other nonalcoholic drinks were not prevalent (soda if you’re drinking that, fruit juices, milk, etc.). You are going to be way more thirsty than you remember, so you will need to carry a water bottle with you and refill constantly. If you’re still having food aversions, the smells/new foods may be problematic.
Temperature control. I am way more sensitive to heat now that I am pregnant – will be north of 90 tomorrow and I am already dreading my short walks to my car from my well A/Ced office. Make sure your hotel has a/c if you are traveling while it is warm.
Bathrooms. I remember public bathrooms in Europe not being a thing – always made it a point to pee whenever there was one available (in museums, restaurants, train stations, etc.).
Extra pillows. I have to sleep with my pregnancy pillow to get any sleep – took it with to Charlottesville. Would consider flying internationally with it (but maybe that’s overkill)? In any event, you will likely want to request extra pillows at wherever you’re staying.
Others may weigh in, but you might ask your OB what they recommend in terms of pre-scouting doctors/hospitals/etc. in case anything happens while you are there. 26 weeks is super early, but stranger things have happened.
Pogo says
That’s so funny I always think of Europe as having MORE public bathrooms than the US – you have to pay for them, but they’re actually nice.
CHJ says
I just got back from a trip to Spain at 25 weeks pregnant! It was great. A few thoughts:
– We walked a ton. I was getting between 25K-30K steps on my fitbit everyday. That was mostly fine, but there were a couple of days where I just needed to go back to the hotel and lie down for an hour. It also started to catch up with me near the end and I was pretty exhausted in the last couple of days.
– It was hot in Spain, and I would have loved a hotel with a pool. That might be worth seeking out depending on where you’re going.
– Food-wise, I felt great. For me, 25 weeks is still that good window between morning sickness and killer 3rd tri heartburn. I also ate tons of gelato.
– Clothing – I always struggle with not feeling frumpy in Europe, and maternity clothes exacerbate that for me. But I did splurge on a couple of items from Spanish maternity stores and then I felt awesome. And now that I’m home, those are some of my favorite maternity items.
– Not drinking is a bit of a bummer. Especially in Spain, where the tapas culture is built around drinking. I started treating myself with Coca-Cola at meals – womp womp.
– The flights were fine. My back hurt a bit on the way home, but that was probably from the built-up fatigue I mentioned before.
Overall – do it! Do it! We had so much fun and made tons of great memories.
Blueberry says
Depends on your pregnancy but assuming you are generally in good health and reasonably fit, I think this would be a great time for a vacation to Europe. I I took a vacation to Europe around maybe 24 weeks and was totally fine, and a weekend with long hikes at around 32 weeks. I was in reasonably good shape but not running marathons, and both were totally fine.
Anonymous says
Depends on where you are going. I loved being at the Tuscan sea coast at that stage but I found Rome sweltering and exhausting. Think countryside accommodation with occasional day trips into the city.
Strategy mom says
This is awesome advice!! Thank you! As suggested, I’m thinking it makes sense to make this more of a countryside trip than a city trip and we can drive from village to village and make it more loungy. Italian countryside it is! We’ll save Vienna for the next trip.
Anonymous says
9 weeks postpartum here – I would say it depends on your fitness level (before and during pregnancy) as well as how the pregnancy goes because each one is different! I felt good at 26 weeks, but I know some people who had pelvic girdle pain at that point. I took my last 3 mile hike at about 34 weeks pregnant, and we walked almost 4 miles the day before I went into labor (which probably triggered labor…). Another consideration is making sure your insurance will cover you out of the country and how comfortable are you with the *very very rare* chance that you could, for whatever reason, go into premature labor overseas and have a baby in the NICU?
Walnut says
I went to China at 25 weeks pregnant and everything went great. I wore a pair of compression socks on the plane and made sure to walk around and stretch every few hours. We did a lot of city exploring with a day at the Great Wall and recorded ~20k steps per day on the fitbit. One key item is to give yourself plenty of opportunities to drop into a coffee shop or restaurant to rest and don’t be disappointed if you call it a night earlier than normal. By 8PM most days, I was physically done.
Anonymous says
I just got back from a trip to Croatia at 27-28 weeks pregnant. It was awesome! I didn’t feel particularly limited in any way, but I’ve been super active my whole pregnancy. We walked a ton and did a lot of climbing around old castles and things. My legs did get more tired than they normally would, but it was survivable.
I also found not drinking to be a bit of a bummer, but I split glasses of wine with my husband during several of the dinners, which was enough to make me feel not completely deprived.
I still liked walking around cities and actually found that my back felt better on days with lots of walking than it did on travel days. Travel days (either in our rental car or the plane) were a little bit touch and go because I had pretty bad restless legs and some back pain.
CHL says
Does anyone have experience getting an airport shuttle or car service with car seats in DC? We’re flying into National and staying at my brother’s house in Silver Spring. Travelling during the workday so won’t ask them to pick us up, but we won’t need a car otherwise. Their house is about a mile from the Silver Spring Metro stop, so I think we will walk it for sightseeing but don’t really want to do it with luggage. Any other suggestions?
A says
I do not have personal experience with services as I live in the area. I do know that several services in the area have an option to select a car seat. If your child is over 1, uber family is an option, however, I have heard that sometimes there can be long wait times. I typically decide against planning and check the car seat. Then I do not have to arrange transportation in advance.
shortperson says
uber has carseats in DC. you might have to wait a while. see if your kid is big enough for the kind they hve, they are not for babies.
avocado says
Have one parent take an uber with the luggage and the other takes the kid on the Metro?
Em says
How do people make it through an hour long church service with a 15-month old (there is no nursery/child care)? My son spent all of church on Sunday in the lobby with one of use because every time they tried to come back to the pew he would start screaming and crying and throwing his pacifier/cheerios/ books. Send me your distraction tips!
October says
15-18 months was probably the hardest time (SO MUCH ENERGY! So little regard for direction!) But as SA loves to say on the main site, the only way out is through :) We probably had to take my son to the back at least once each Sunday, but we tried to abide by a “you must stay in our arms” rule — we wanted to encourage him to think the pew was more “fun” because he could move and play, and the back was NOT FUN because we restrained him. Also, we have never brought snacks to church; as you mention, it’s another thing to throw, and I feel kind of weird about encouraging eating in a house of worship.
My son is 21 months now and stays in church the majority of the time (though he does get loud/whiny at points). We bring books, trucks, let him walk on the kneelers, try to engage him in what’s happening (music! candles! bells! here’s the envelope for the collection!). I do spend a lot of time whisper-reading the books to him. Sitting around other people with kids that he can watch and wave at is also helpful.
In short — you just have to get through it at this age. He will learn this is something your family does, and he will learn to behave as he matures a little. Kudos for you to introducing him to church so young.
Anonymous says
books with lots of little flaps to open and iphone loaded with videos and pictures of himself and family members (sound off) to watch/flip through
Anon says
I’m fascinated that you’re even trying. We just… don’t go. None of us were getting a single thing out of it (adults were too busy distracting the kids to actually listen to anything in the service) and we felt like we were still too disruptive to others. Now that my youngest is 2, we’re going to try again and see if we can actually get something out of it this time, but my hopes are not high. We’re trying to practice sitting/ playing quietly and independently at home and in restaurants and hopefully we can work up to the full hour + service. Or at least get close.
Onlyworkingmomintulsa says
We go to the cry room. My kids are terribly behaved when we sit in the sanctuary. Maybe catholic school next year will help my 4 year old!
layered bob says
you’ve got to just do it. 12-18 months is the hardest, and it gets easier!
– set expectations in advance. We work on one thing at a time – first being quiet, then being still (after age 2+), then paying attention (after age 4+), then participating meaningfully (6+).
– no snacks
– quiet books and stuffed animals (small hand puppets) that are only for church
– whispered directions of interesting things to pay attention to
– topical books – picture books on baptism, communion, and common Bible stories or texts
– rituals for ways the child can be participatory (e.g. our daughter always gets to put the check in the offering)
– exercise before church (I get up early on Sundays and take the kids directly to the park in pajamas (and in the dark in the winter) before doing the rest of Sunday).
– sit by other young families
– Frame sitting in church as a privilege. Going out is no fun, very boring. If the littles make it through, lots of “I’m so glad I could attend church with you today; thanks for sitting with us through the service! I really enjoy being there with you and I am proud of how patient and attentive you were.”
– Finally, accept that church is not for you in this season. You have had many years of being able to “get something” out of the service and you will have that chance again, but for these years you have the formative role of helping your children develop the ability, joy, and habit of church attendance. Go in each week reminding yourself of this; then if you happen to be able to sing a song all the way through without restraining, correcting, hugging, or rocking a child you will have exceeded expectations!
layered bob says
also, a reminder in the back of our church: “Children have a tremendous capacity for faith, and the Spirit is at work here!”
They *are* getting something out if it. My 22-month old told me, completely unprompted, as we were getting her ready for bed on Sunday night, “Church, morning. Baby – water, head. Pastor. BAPTISM. God, love baby, family. Me, baptism? YES!” I had told her three or four weeks ago that when she was a baby, she had been baptized too, but she didn’t bring it up again until having seen the baptism in church that morning. She was squirmy and whiny during church that morning, but it resonated with her, and she gets it.
October says
Love that. My son, unprompted, turned to the people sitting around us last Sunday during a period of quiet, stuck out his hand, and cried out “Peace! Peace!” (the sign of peace is part of the liturgy in my Church). They are absorbing things, and showing them that attending church together is part of our family values and tradition is more important to me than being able to pay attention as I did in my pre-kids days. And I have hope that someday we’ll all sit quietly and pay attention again :) And when all heck breaks loose, I remind myself that Jesus said to let the children come to him, don’t send them away.
Edna Mazur says
This is us. We go every Sunday and I can’t remember the last time I actually got anything out of the homily/sermon. We go because attending church is a family value and important to us. It will take awhile, but I’m confident we will get back to the point where I can pay attention, except then I’ll be one of the more “experienced” moms smiling at the moms of babies/toddlers trying desperately to keep them quiet.
Pogo says
It is SO cute when kids do the sign of the peace.
I personally do not care if kids are ridiculous in church. Basically full on screaming or hitting is the only thing I’d side eye; playing with stuff, whispering, random outbursts, crawling around, sitting on the floor… they’re just being kids. It does not bother me.
mascot says
” but for these years you have the formative role of helping your children develop the ability, joy, and habit of church attendance.” Thank you for this. We are recently feeling the urge to start taking our child to church and this helps put things into perspective.
Marilla says
I try to bring my 18 month old to synagogue fairly often. She sometimes will last up to 20-30 minutes playing quietly on my lap, on the pew, standing and looking over at the action (Orthodox so separate seating, we sit in a slightly raised women’s section with a good view). Last week we got shushed and sent out because a 4 year old and my daughter were playing quietly in the back. I just accept that we’re there to get her used to being in synagogue and if we spend the majority of our time playing in the lobby or kids room (there’s no program for her age, only for kids 4+) then that’s OK. My husband has a dream of holding her during prayers/Torah reading but IMO that’s unrealistic.
Edna Mazur says
Concur with October, if you get taken out you get down and run, you have to be held, which is less fun than being in the pew with the kneelers, hymnals, etc. Hubby actually started taking them out to the car and strapping him in the car seat with hubby in there as well and temperature control but no books, toys, radio, etc. which he really hated.
Conversely for us, we recently found out having toys/activities was making the kid act out. If he lost interest in coloring, was over the book, toy went under the seat, there was commotion while fixing it or moving along to the next one. Kids are getting used to the fact that church is kind of boring.
As for throwing things. Food/toys get taken away if they get thrown, and that was about the age we bought a pacifier clip for church specifically after someone two rows ahead of us got beaned in the head with a particularly juicy one…
Clementine says
Hahah. We have ‘babysitters’ in church… a just turned 5 year old and 8 year old set of siblings. Our setup in church with an 18 month old goes: I sing in the choir and baby occasionally yells ‘MAMA!’ and waves when he sees me stand to sing or process.
Husband on one end of pew, one sibling on the other end of pew to block escape route, other sibling whose turn it is to play with the kiddo has the rest of the big pew. The siblings’ parents sit in the pew behind and help referee disputes about whose turn it is to play with Baby Clem.
Baby Clem likes to ‘talk back’ when people talk to him and so we get a lot of hilarious ‘baby commentary’ during the sermon and prayers. He has recently started announcing what everything is if he knows the word, so the whole church is repeatedly notified that there is a Book or a Flower or a whatever. I choose to laugh it off. As I’ve been told by very stoic older parishioners- if you don’t hear those sounds, it’s a bad sign for the church.
Blueberry says
It’s counterintuitive, but I like to sit up front so my kids can see the musicians or whatever else is going on up there. There is a service geared more towards families with kids that coincides with Sunday school time, and there is a praise band or whatever it’s called, so they are really into it. (Not personally a “praise band” kind of person, but I’ll take what I can get.) I don’t think I was brave enough to bring anyone on a consistent basis at 15 months though. There are so many families with kids at this service that nobody bats an eye, and half of the people in the pews are busy wrangling their own kids. We once went to an earlier service with our kids, and I felt a lot more awkward about it.
dry dipe overnight says
This morning my 10 month old woke up with a virtually dry diaper. This has never happened before (usually the damn thing weighs about 5 lbs). He is cutting a tooth but otherwise eating solids/nursing/drinking water normally. I called the pediatrician and they said to watch for wet dipes today and other signs of dehydration (crying without tears, dry mouth). My mom (watching him today) says he is in good spirits, acting normal, and has had a few little p00ps but no sopping wet diaper to replace his normal overnight pee. The triage nurse said it could just be a fluke but then terrified me by adding that a dry diaper for more than 8 hours can mean an ER trip. Has this happened to anyone else? (The triage nurse also suggested I give him pedialyte, so I picked some up today.)
JDJDTX says
I’ll start by saying that I am not a doctor. You say that his diaper wasn’t as wet as usual, but was it completely dry? I used the Pampers Swaddlers with the yellow/blue line indicator that let me know if the diaper was wet at all for my daughter. It helped put me at rest that I knew that she had peed some if not a normal volume.
My daughter did not care for the pedialyte, but I still tried to get her to take it in the bottle or sippy cup to help with keeping dehydration at bay.
Good luck!
dry dipe overnight says
Thank you – I miss the yellow/blue! His current size in Costco diapers doesn’t have it. I think it might have been slightly wet? I am not sure. Thank you for this, though!
Pogo says
It sounds like you’re doing all the right things.. that is kinda scary though. Hope it was a total fluke and little dude is ok!!
RDC says
I’m very late here, but in case you’re still checking – I might try diluted orange juice rather than pedialite. Or gatorade. My kid refuses to drink that stuff.
Blueberry says
Moms of room-sharing kids, any advice on getting them to lie down peacefully and go the f*ck to sleep? My 2-year-old and 4-year-old are driving me nuts. They were fine until about 2 months ago, but now at least one parent is required to stay or right outside their room for at least an hour after putting them down. Their bedtime is about 8:15, so definitely not too early. My 2-year-old is usually the culprit, and he often seems like he’s just not tired, but the problem is the same regardless of whether he’s had a 2-hour nap or a 30-minute nap. They just amp each other up, and start talking, yelling for us (even if we are right there), or running around like wild things. Sometimes one will escape and go to sleep in our bed, usually after we are too worn down from the process to put up a fight (not that this is a huge deal in the scheme of things — we just put him back in his bed when we go to sleep — but it’s a habit I’d rather avoid). Help?
Edna Mazur says
No, but let me know when you find out the answer. We have to put ours to sleep separately and move whoever isn’t in the room in there after they fall asleep. They usually don’t wake each other up much during the night. We tried to make them both go to sleep alone in their room last night which resulted in time outs for all, and we ended up dividing and conquering as usual anyway.
EB0220 says
My kids (2 and 5) really amp each other up at bedtime. Have you considered an earlier bedtime? For mine, even a difference of 15 min in their routine is the margin between calm and chaos. Or, could they have separate bedtimes depending on who falls asleep first? In our house, the 5 year old dropped her nap and is usually asleep really quickly (lights out at 8, asleep by 8:15 at the latest).
Blueberry says
Thanks, this makes sense. We used to put the littler one to bed earlier with no trouble, but he threw us for a loop by deciding from one day to the next that he’s a night owl. I may try putting my older kid to bed earlier next time my husband and I are both there for bedtime. He no longer naps so has an easier time falling asleep these days.
Maddie Ross says
Is 8:15 not early enough? My 4 yo goes to bed between 7:30-7:45. Nights are worse when she stays up later. Just a thought.
Blueberry says
Maybe not early enough for the older one. We’ve tried pushing it earlier for both of them, but the little one keeps him up. Will try putting the older one down earlier. Once he’s asleep, it takes a lot to wake him, so this might be the solution, at least on 2-parent nights.
no gifts, please says
We’re going to a birthday party for the toddler daughter of friends of ours. The invitation specified “no gifts, please”…I’ll respect their wishes and not bring one, but man – I’ve been burned by this before! The last time I encountered this, again for a little one’s birthday, they actually OPENED GIFTS in front of everyone. I was so embarrassed, even though I knew I shouldn’t be.
What would you guys do?
Blueberry says
We accidentally bought a gift for a no-gift party before remembering it was a no-gift party, and now it lives in the trunk of our car, saving us from anxiety over forgetting a gift. So maybe do this on purpose?
anon says
If someone is doing that kind of bait and switch, they DESERVE no gifts. Honestly, I would stop going to someone’s parties if they did that to me. It’s bizarre. I take people at their word when they say no gifts because I want to encourage saying what you mean and meaning what you say. If they then judge me harshly for doing exactly what they asked me to do, I do not care what they think of me. Opening gifts at a toddler party is asking for trouble anyway.
no gifts, please says
Great idea Blueberry, and anon, you rock!! I felt exactly the same, finding it to be just unspeakably rude. I almost feel like it’s even a jerky thing for fellow guests to do, too — you have to know that other people will do what’s “right,” essentially, and take the hosts at their word, and to bring gifts despite that is a disservice to and disrespectful to them. (Unless, I suppose, you’re really subtle about it.) And that’s of course very different from Blueberry’s idea, which is a great one.
anon says
To be fair, I understand why some people bring gifts anyway, especially if they are new to birthday parties (as with their first child when it is young), so I don’t really blame them for that, but the host shouldn’t make them a focus of the party in that situation. I guess maybe they felt the guests would be offended if they didn’t? I’m moderating my stance. I guess everyone would be better off if we just assumed people mean no gifts when they say it and assume good intentions from all involved. Either way, following directions can’t possibly be the wrong move to make.
Wehaf says
Bring a birthday card with a few small sheets of stickers inside. Keep them general interest (maybe animals), and don’t write a name or date on the card or envelope – just “Happy birthday from X and Y!”. If the party turns into a gift-opening thing, pull it out of your purse and hand it over. If it doesn’t, keep it for the next toddler birthday.
GCA says
I’m late, but I hate this! We always specify NO GIFTS PLEASE and then don’t indulge the gift-givers by opening gifts at the party, though we do (eventually) send all the thank-you notes. I like the birthday card suggestion, and frequently when other people say NO GIFTS I give them a birthday card anyway because it’s small and doesn’t take up space and isn’t *technically* a gift…
Anon says
I might be pregnant again. I woke up in horror in the middle of the night afte rDH and I DTD when I realized that I’d done the math wrong and I’m ovulating this week.
I had a baby this past summer (10 months now) and got my first period last month. I’m not back on the pill, so obviously this was a possibility, but not a likely one since I wasn’t getting my period and we don’t really even DTD that often.
We have 2 and a 3rd has conceptually always been on the table, but we were going to make a call once things had settled down with our 2nd, who has given us a run for our money in every way possible. So, this isn’t bad news, it’s just a potentially sharp turn on what I thought was a gentle winding road ;). Kids would all be 2 grades apart, though the first two are almost 3 years apart and the 2nd and possible 3rd would only be 18 months (but 2 schools years) apart.
I’m not going to enrich it to DH until I’m actually late, nonsense borrowing trouble, but the next few weeks are gonna be interesting. I have a bday coming up so maybe happy bday to me (one way or the other). Ugh, I don’t even know if I’m happy or horrified. Both, probably.
Anon says
I’m a west coastie (and therefore late to the party here) but if it helps–my reproductive endo told me that even the most fertile of couples only have a 25% chance of conceiving each month with appropriate timing.