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Readers love this concealer! It’s supposed to be great for erasing dark circles, and it’s got 3,000+ reviews on Amazon with a 4.3/5.0 rating — and the price is right! I’ve used it and liked it — I finished the container — but I think I had the wrong color for my skin. (There are several Amazon comments with tips on finding the right shade.) The options are fair, light, medium, and honey, as well as a neutralizer and brightener. You can find the concealer at Amazon, Ulta, and your local drugstore. Maybelline New York Instant Age Rewind
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Sales of note for 9.10.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 30% off your purchase
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – $29 and up select styles; up to 50% off everything else
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off wear-to-work styles; extra 30% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – 40-60% off everything; extra 60% off clearance
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – Extra 40% off sale styles
- Talbots – BOGO 50% everything, includes markdowns
- Zappos – 26,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Birthday sale, 40-50% off & extra 20% off select styles
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off all baby; up to 40% off all Halloween
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Extra 30% off sale styles
- Old Navy – 40% off everything
- Target – BOGO 25% off select haircare, up to 25% off floor care items; up to 30% off indoor furniture up to 20% off TVs
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- The concept of “backup care” is so stupid…
- I need tips on managing employees in BigLaw who have to leave for daycare pickup…
- I’m thinking of leaning out to spend more time with my family – how can I find the perfect job for that?
- I’m now a SAHM and my husband needs to step up…
- How can I change my thinking to better recognize some of my husband’s contributions as important, like organizing the shed?
- What are your tips to having a good weekend with kids, especially with little kids? Do you have a set routine or plan?
Clementine says
This product is seriously four star. I also love that it’s easy enough to just grab at Target. The container doesn’t leak and makes it really easy to apply while sitting in the parking lot of daycare or at your desk to fight the flattering effects of fluorescent lighting.
anne-on says
Agreed – super flattering, and easily buildable coverage.
RDC says
Ok – could someone talk me through the basics of using concelear for under-eye circles? I feel like I missed that part of growing up (probability because I didn’t need concealer when I started wearing makeup…). I have terrible dark circles but I only use moisturizer on my face, no foundation or other makeup. Can I use only concealer and have it look ok? Do I need other makeup to blend it with? Help please!
SC says
Personally, I find that concealer looks weird on me without some type of foundation or BB cream on the rest of my face. In addition to dark circles under my eyes, the rest of my face is often reddish and uneven. Having an under-eye area that looks lighter and smoother right next to the uneven skin tone around my nose looks more unnatural than using some foundation or BB cream and blending at the line between the two. If you have smooth, even skin generally and just under-eye circles, YMMV.
RDC says
Yeah, that’s my thought – it would look weird all by itself. But I guess maybe I just need to try it. Or (more likely) continue to live with my baggy eyes. Ah well.
CLMom says
I’ve been very happy with this product. I carry it everywhere.
anon says
I bought this based on ‘rette recommendations a few weeks ago and I LOVE it. The finish is natural and doesn’t get cakey or settle into my fine lines the way other (much pricier) concealers do. It’s also super easy to apply if your makeup skills are merely average. ;)
Breaking up roommates says
I have two same-gender children who have always shared a room even though we have enough bedrooms for them to have their own rooms. IIRC, I shared a room with my sister until I think I was in 5th or 6th grade (roughly puberty for me — I can remember charting my period (which I got when I was 11) in my own bedroom).
If you have had kids bunk together and then had them move into separate bedrooms, what seemed to be the turning point (other than moving)? Is there a natural one?
Anon says
I have opposite-gender kids sharing a room and they’re not at the separation point yet, but yes I’m thinking the oldest one’s puberty will be the catalyst. We’re going to do a “design your new room” for both kids so they can both be excited regardless of which one moves out. They’ll get to pick theme and wall color, and decide where the furniture goes. The rooms are across the hall from each other, so I’m assuming there may be some sleeping bags for a while until it gets easier, but we’re in no rush so not worried about it.
P says
I shared a room with my sister through my senior year. I actually preferred it. I had my own bedroom down in the basement, where I got dressed in the morning, but I slept in the top bunk in her room. I suppose this probably made me feel like I had my own space and could get some privacy if I wanted to. Different kids are different for sure, though.
Anonymous says
My sister and I are 20 months apart and while we technically had our own bedrooms, we voluntarily slept in the same room (she had a trundle bed) until I hit 7th or 8th grade. I then cared more about privacy and wanted my own space, but until then, we loved our “sleepovers”.
hoola hoopa says
We have two same gender kids sharing a room (age 8 and 5). They don’t love sharing a room but don’t truly hate it, either.
We have three bedrooms upstairs and one downstairs (picture a split level home). The third upstairs bedroom is being used by an opposite-gender sibling, so to give them their own room, one will need to move downstairs. They’ll be physically separated but also have increased access to a backdoor, etc. So for that reason, the trigger will be maturity and responsibility. Both in their own comfort in being on their own and OUR comfort of them being on their own.
We already have a hunch that we may not trust one of them down there as a teenager; hopefully the other will work out. Otherwise they may be stuck together until the older goes to college! (I’m not joking. Husband and I have already discussed that we’re willing to keep them both within ear shot until the oldest starts college – if they choose to stay at home, they can move downstairs and relish in the relative independence and separation.)
Butter says
Let’s talk about postpartum hair loss. I’m 15 months out, and still cannot believe what has been done to my hair. I’ve stopped losing it – I think the majority happened between 4-8 months pp – but have yet to have it grow all back in. While I’m assured that I don’t actually have bald spots, after a lifetime of thick hair it certainly feels that way. I chopped it to chin length hoping that would help, and instead it just made me feel like I have even less of it. Advice? Commiseration?
CPA Lady says
It took at least 2 years for my hair to get back to “normal”. Every time I read that crap about how your hair is back to normal by the time your kid is 1, I had to wonder how exactly that would be the case? My hair fell out in handfuls from 3-6 months postpartum. I had a full on receding hairline. So, in 6 months all the hair that fell out was supposed to come back and grow an entire foot? Nope.
One of the best things I did for my postpartum mental health was to find an amazing hairdresser and make a point to visit him regularly.
CPA Lady says
Oh, and I know this gets mentioned a lot, but hair loss can be a thyroid issue too, so make sure your thyroid levels are appropriate. I’ve had thyroid issues since my mid 20s, and I had to up my dose during pregnancy and am on a higher dose now than I was before I was pregnant.
Anon in NYC says
I lost so much hair at around 3-6 months PP that I looked like I had a giant bald spot on the front of my head. My mom was convinced that I had a thyroid condition (I didn’t). Now, at 2 years PP my hair looks mostly/completely “normal”.
AnonMN says
I started loosing my hair after I weaned (so around a year) and had super thin hair for about 3-4 months after that. At the advice of my stylist I started using a volumizing shampoo/conditioner (for a person who has always had thick and frizzy hair, this was not something on my radar). It helped, but my hair still required more frequent washings.
Now that summer humidity is here, it is starting to seem thicker. But, I can’t tell if that is just the weather, or if it is actually getting back to normal.
octagon says
Total commiseration. Also 15 months out, also still losing more each time I shower than I remember pre-baby. The most annoying part for me are the parts that have grown back that are like 3″ long at my temples — just long enough to stick out and not do anything except announce their presence yet.
Anon says
SAME. I’m 5 months post partum and the hair started coming out in larger chunks in the shower right at 3 months PP. It’s unreal. I can’t believe it’s going to keep coming out like that for another few months and I won’t be bald!
maternity leave coverage says
Semi-regular poster going anon because I’m paranoid about outing myself….
I’m 7 months pregnant with my first, and my maternity leave coverage was finally settled last week, because the VP of our org was planning on moving people around and promoting a couple of us (including me). I was finally feeling good about knowing who would handle my work while I was gone.
Then at the end of the week, the person who would have been my coverage left the company (took a better offer that our company didn’t counter). At this point, there are two open headcounts in my org above me. Other than the VP I don’t even know who I’d talk to about this (everyone else is a peer!).
Should I:
1) Do nothing. It’s not my job to figure out who is covering my work.
2) Talk to HR – mention that I have concerns about not only my coverage but about my planned promotion now that the org is in a bit of upheaval (this is true).
3) Go directly to VP – he is technically the one who has responsibility for my work at this point and should be in charge of assigning my coverage.
I’m trying to be patient in that I know HR and VP are scrambling since this guy really screwed them, but it’s making me a bit nervous as I have important deals that will be closing in the next couple months and I really want to know who to point people to. I don’t want to come off as whiny or acting like my maternity leave should be a big deal to them? However, doing nothing feels irresponsible. SOMEONE has to do my work while I’m gone, and at this point I need to know who that is.
Blueberry says
I’d say talking to VP sounds like the best course of action, perhaps once things have calmed down a bit. If you frame it as being proactive and collaborative, and I don’t see what you have to lose. Going to HR seems like it wouldn’t really do much to get at the issue, since presumably they don’t know the ins and outs of your work so couldn’t really help you figure out coverage. And saying nothing will just make you anxious and could increase the chances of things blowing up while you are on leave.
mascot says
Sit tight for right now. Things are in upheaveal, your company knows that they are this way and they are working on fixing it. You still have a few months before you leave. Can you start working on transition memos? That way you are channeling your energy on this into something useful and it will reflect favorably on you.
Walnut says
If you could choose a person (or multiple people) to cover your work, do you know who they are? If so, set up a meeting with VP and suggest that you start looping those people in. If you’re not in a situation where you can choose your backups, make sure you have meticulous notes sorted out by project/scope/area that will allow you to get your backup up to speed once assigned.
H says
Is the VP your boss? I would start there, especially since that person is responsible for your work ultimately. Write out everything you do and give it to him/her. I think it is smart to have a plan before you leave. Even if they might not know exactly who will be performing your duties (hopefully that will get resolved before you go on leave), at least you’ve told them exactly what needs to be done. I would also make sure processes and desk procedures are updated before you leave.
OP says
I guess he is my defacto boss post-upheaval, but it’s really unclear. I’m trying to be patient and let the dust settle before I go to him because I’m sure he has much bigger issues than my maternity coverage.
I think just making sure all my notes are up to date so that whoever gets brought in can get up to speed quickly is the best way to channel my energy. I’m just such a planner, and this is stressing me out!
Lurker says
My opinion depends on who gets hurt if the ball is dropped. If you are in house for a company and those deals falling through will just hurt your company, I’d say wait and let them figure it out. If you are an outside lawyer and deals falling through are going to hurt your individual clients, maybe lead to those clients jumping ship, maybe lead to malpractice complaints, then I think you have a duty to make sure they are covered while you are gone. If you are at a firm and there is no one available to do it, you have to propose them either hiring a temp or utilizing another firm as your coverage which they will be loathe to do. I’m in small law and our emergency planning includes a reciprocal agreement with another small firm for major disasters like someone having a heart attack if no one at our firm had the experience to do the work.
OP says
I’m not a lawyer, but your point still makes sense.
SC says
I would sit tight for a little while, but for a week max. Once things settle and people get used to the idea, go to the VP directly with a collaborative, proactive approach.
In the meantime, write transition memos, organize your files, have everything in one draft email to send to whoever needs it. I don’t mean to worry you, but I was placed on bed rest at 7 months and had my baby it 8 months–it’s unlikely, but things can happen, and you should be as organized/ready to transition as possible independently of the chaos around you.
lsw says
I don’t have much time today but something very, very similar happened to me – we had four out of six open positions (me and an admin were the only ones left) when I was 36 weeks. It all ended up fine….fine-ish. A lot of my work wasn’t done the way I would have liked, but that probably would have happened even if I had my one of my coworkers who left covering it. And some stuff sat for three months. If you like, email me at grrl_type at yahoo and I’d be glad to talk further.
Anon says
Is there harm in meeting with both HR and the VP in the same meeting to strategize on the next 6 months (pre leave, your leave, your return?)
OP says
That could have value… HR and VP have both separately talked to me about my coverage and my career trajectory, and both said I wasn’t supposed to talk to anyone else about it (because nothing was final). Now that everything hit the fan I’m not sure what they’re thinking for me or anyone else in the org.
I’m not worried about the future of the org, we’ll find people for the positions… but I am worried that all of my career development and projects will slip through the cracks while I’m on leave without top-down guidance.
Anonymous says
I am super late to this… but facing a similar situation (BD / Corp Finance Role). The major question is do YOU want the promotion (now or when you get back). If so you should talk to VP first, then HR so it is documented. The hiring strategy that HR will use to cover (if external help is needed) if you want you are ultimately going to replace the guy. IMO people can be pretty clueless about giving you a promotion unless you spell it out for them.
I had a few more months than you have (was at about 4 months when departure happened) but ultimately the wait and see / not sure how this is going to work out when you are gone has really hindered trying to take over some of the responsibilities. This is partly driven by not being aggressive enough in my own demands up front.
If you don’t want the vacated job – less urgency, but I would still go to VP first.
anon says
Any recommendations for inexpensive pants that accommodate large thighs? I’m especially looking for cotton-ish skinny or straight trousers appropriate for business casual office and weekend wear and that are at least 28″ inseam, preferably 30″. I used Mother’s Day to go shopping alone at Old Navy and found that all of their Pixie pants just do not work for my apparently massive thighs. If they fit in the waist, they are too tight in the thighs (and calves too but I can live with that). I am not particularly pear shaped – more rectangle I think – but increased weight training + fat has brought me here. I’m in the process of losing weight and don’t want to invest too much in case my size changes again.
Anon says
Pre-pregnancy, I bought my pants from express (but you likely have to size up) because I could get them in the appropriate tall length and they are machine washable. The stitching is less than stellar – I’ve had to retack the hems a few times, but for the price point and washability I don’t care. I don’t think I have big thighs, but I have very wide hips and I think they tend to correlate. I was pushing a size 16 to get them not so formfitting for work. I usually wait for a sale to keep the price down. Since getting pregnant, I’ve been making do with Old Navy tall maternity pants.
Anon says
To follow-up, I think they stopped stocking anything north of a 12 or 14 in store, so you may need to order a bunch online, try them on at home, and then you can return them to an Express store so you don’t have to pay shipping back.
anon says
Thank you! I will definitely check out Express. To clarify, I am not particularly tall – 5’6″ – I just can’t wrap my head around cropped pants. I feel like they make me look like I am wading through a flood or something, plus I like to have pants I can wear year-round. I am between a size 10 and 12 right now, so it seems like this shouldn’t be that difficult. I think I need a “curvy” cut but am not sure where to find one for cheap.
octagon says
Loft Julie fit.
AwayEmily says
Second. I have the same build as you (lots of heavy squats = strong/big thighs), and Loft has been great — they have multiple types of pants/fits and I can almost always find one that works.
FTMinFL says
If you’re game, Betabrand’s Dress Pant Yoga Pant is brilliant. They look like standard trousers and accommodate fluctuating sizes and proportions very well. Mine should be worn completely through, but have weathered more than 100 wears + washer/dryer very well.
CPA Lady says
Any suggestions on how to help my kiddo deal with her dad traveling all the time? It hasn’t seemed to really bother her before now, but he’s really ramping up into a lot of travel (three back to back mon-fri trips this month alone), and she’s starting to freak out about it. This morning she was clinging to his leg saying “I want to go to the airport wif you! I want to go wif you!” and crying. Ugh, so sad. She is also in a big daddy’s girl/mom sucks phase, so doing stuff like trying to cuddle her, etc are not well received at the moment.
Anonymous says
How old is she? She may or may not understand how long it will be before she sees him again and that can be really stressful. If possible have her be the one that leaves – like she goes out the door to be driven to daycare and then he leave for airport.
A few ideas:
1. special countdown clock for how many sleeps until Daddy is back (like you can get for Christmas etc)
2. Calendar with pictures of Daddy taped to the days Daddy is home and at breakfast point to which day is today for her.
3. Daddy needs to really lean in when he’s home. Extra cuddles, carrying (maybe babywearing), playing.
4. Special song that helps her understand when he will be back “Daddy comes home in 4 more sleeps, 4 more sleeps, 4 more sleeps. Daddy comes home in 4 more sleeps. 4 more sleeps ’til he’s home.” and change the number of sleeps as the week counts down.
Anonymous says
Lean into the suck? Sit with her and acknowledge that it’s hard when daddy leaves, you miss him too, and it makes you SO MAD and also sad that he’s gone. Let her be as sad she wants, and then maybe ask her if she’s ready to think about some fun things to do while he’s gone. Or ask her after you’ve acknowledged the suck if she wants a hug, or a kiss, or some other comfort. If she’s visual, have them make daisy chains together before he goes, or get a big magnetic board and let her take away magnets every night until he is home (or move them across a line, something to show in finite terms when he’ll be back).
With my 4 year old especially, I cannot talk him out of ANYTHING. so I usually do better when I basically follow his lead, then gently redirect.
CHJ says
DH has been traveling a lot this spring, and it sucks. My son (3 y.o.) is very emotional the whole time he’s gone, which makes solo parenting that much harder. Some things that have helped us:
– FaceTime every morning. DH and DS would even FaceTime while I showered, which was a huge help. DH would show him around his hotel room, show him the view out the window, etc. DS found this fascinating, every time.
– A lot of conversation about where DH is. Looking at maps, looking at pictures online of the location, talking about how long it takes to get there, etc.
– Little treats to develop your own routine for the time he’s gone. For us, this meant waffles for dinner, extra stories at bedtime, fun with colored bath tabs or bathtub fingerpaint, etc.
I also made sure to tell his daycare teachers that DH was gone, so they would understand why he might be a little more emotional. They even put a sticker on the classroom world map when DH was in Germany for a week, which was really sweet.
Blueberry says
Oh gosh, in the same boat, and it sucks. My husband left for a trip before the kids got up this morning, and my 4-year-old was inconsolable. He used to not be not phased at all, but a couple times recently, he has gotten super upset. Today, he got up out of bed early to try to say goodbye, but my husband was already gone :(. We might try having the parent who leaves leave a note or a picture saying where they are going and talking about how they will miss them but how they know kiddo is brave, etc, and showing that to kiddo before he has a chance to get upset. I don’t really know if this will work.
Blueberry says
And, unfortunately for us, facetime this morning didn’t help much, although it did manage to distract my 4-year-old enough that he didn’t require constant attention… so I guess that’s something. My phone started out the workday with 14% battery though.
Anonymous says
What about a wall map where you can put pushpins for the different spots visited? We got our 4 year old a Melissa and Doug world map placement and she loves it! She can already point out Syria (I volunteer with refugees) and Australia and asks lots of questions about different places we have visited.
Anonymous says
argh – placemat not ‘placement’
Blueberry says
This might be nice — he’s very into maps. I think the answer must have something to do with getting him interested in something related to his dad’s travel before he starts to lose his sh*t. Poor kid was crying from waking up till daycare drop-off today.
Anonymous says
What about a postcard collection? It’s old school but Dad could buy him a post-card in the hotel gift shop or airport gift shop pretty easily.
Blueberry says
I like that idea! Thanks!
GCA says
+1 to the postcard collection! Since kiddo was born, he’s accumulated a collection of postcards from around the world via our work trips!
Anon in NYC says
So sad! Do you facetime with him? What if he records short videos of himself so you can play them for her on repeat? My daughter loves to watch short videos of family members. It might be fun if dad records videos of himself at the airport about to get on the plane, or at the hotel, etc. (Or it could make it even worse – I’m not sure!)
avocado says
I have been traveling since my daughter was 2.5 years old. When she was little we put up a map so daddy could show her where mommy was, and I would send her a postcard or bring one home from each place I visited. She was not really interested in talking on the phone, and it actually seemed to make her miss me more. Special rituals (she and daddy eat at certain special restaurants whenever I’m gone) help. Now that she’s older, she still isn’t super excited about talking on the phone, but she does like to text me while I’m traveling. She does not like big goodbyes, especially driving me to the airport. She prefers that I just disappear while she’s at school.
FaceTime was not a thing when my kid was little, but you could try having daddy read bedtime stories over FaceTime if that’s part of your bedtime routine and FaceTime doesn’t make him miss daddy even more. Texting daddy pictures of what you’re doing and having daddy send back pictures of interesting things he sees can also be fun.
avocado says
Oops, sorry, your kiddo is “her” not “him”!
Pogo says
These tips are great – I know I’ll be using them in the future with kiddo.
The map is such a cute idea and honestly would help me remember where DH is.. sometimes I forget!!
Artemis says
A few already mentioned this but postcards really work for my kids, for anyone in the family traveling that they will miss (including grandparents). Getting real mail is SO FUN!!!! And even my kid who can’t read yet recognizes Daddy’s handwriting.
Also works–when my husband was leaving for work early and coming home late for weeks on end (so not traveling, but same effect for the kiddos), he would write them each a little note or draw a funny picture on a post-it note and post it on their placemat so they would see it at breakfast. If your husband pre-wrote notes for the duration of his trip, perhaps then you could place them every night so they were there in the morning. I know it will be one more thing for you to remember, but if it helps kiddo, that will make your life easier overall.
AwayEmily says
Ugh — we are moving (for my job, about five hours away) on August 1. Last week we toured a house. It was PERFECT. Yesterday we made an offer, it was verbally accepted — and then twelve hours later, somebody else came in with a MUCH higher bid, waiving inspection, etc etc. Nothing we could match. So disappointed — especially since we had about twelve hours where we thought we had the house and told everyone about it. And “perfect” houses like this in the city we’re moving to are very rare (we have been looking for ~3 months and this is the first one we would even seriously consider).
Anyone have reassuring stories about how their dream house fell through and then they magically found an even better one? I could really use some reassurance.
Blueberry says
Yes, this happened to me! August is a long way away — have faith!
Lurker says
Probably not worth the hassle but if it was verbally accepted, didn’t you now have a binding contract? Can they really go back on it like that? What did your Realtor have to say about it?
October says
I imagine it totally depends on the state. In NY, for example, nothing is binding until both parties sign the contract. Even after an offer is accepted, there is nothing to prevent the sellers going with someone else until the contract is signed.
AwayEmily says
Yup, this is our situation.
Anonymous says
This is true in our state (not NY or Georgia) too and I think is the general rule because of the statute of frauds.
bluefield says
Ha! Haven’t heard about that one in a while.
mascot says
Yeah, real estate contracts in my state (Georgia) must be in writing and signed to be binding per our statute of frauds law.
Lurker says
I was thinking the statute of frauds would be the reason but when I bought and sold property in my prior state, I remembered having x days from verbal acceptance to signing the contract. If we didn’t sign in those x days, they could renege. Likewise, we could renege if they didn’t sign in those days. I thought it was some type of grace period to get the contract done. Not sure how that would comport with the statute of frauds though so maybe it wasn’t enforceable.
Anonymous says
Yep. Saw a big, almost new house that we just loved. I really wanted new(ish) construction and all the finishes were exactly what we would have picked, and it was perfect. It was McMansion-y and when I saw it I felt like if I could buy that kind of house I would feel like I’d “made it.” I was in our new city house-hunting alone and by the time I could reach my husband/we could put together an offer, they had accepted another offer. We ended up buying a smaller house that we weren’t in love with when we toured it, mostly because it was about 20 years old and had an outdated, cheap builder-grade kitchen. A few years later, we feel that our house was absolutely perfect and we consider losing the “dream house” to be a huge gift. Our house is in a better school district, closer to our jobs and because it is smaller and older it was significantly cheaper and we put the excess cash toward a dream kitchen renovation to create a kitchen that was 100% ours (not only did we pick finishes but I actually designed the island) and repainting and redecorating the rest of the house to our tastes. We have a small family and our current house almost feels too big to maintain and clean so we’re super glad we didn’t buy more house. Plus, even with the kitchen reno, our mortgage was paid off much faster and we’ve put that money towards some incredible vacations. I know this is an awful feeling, but I trust it will have a happy ending.
(And you probably know this already, but they’re crazy to waive inspection. They could be buying an absolute money pit.)
RDC says
Similar – we bid on a house and lost, and ended up with a (slightly) cheaper one. I was really sad about missing out on the first house b/c it had a nicely remodeled kitchen. We ultimately did a total overhaul of the kitchen, which was a hassle, but now I absolutely love it and I’m so glad we didn’t get the other house.
Anonymous says
Yes. We wanted to go to an open house, got there and it had been cancelled. Life intervened and we never got around to make an offer, then it was sold. I was so sad. 2 years later we bought an even better for us house directly across the street. Who bought the first house? My kid’s current BFF and our favorite neighbors.
That said, we found our house by sending letters around to houses that were not on the market in neighborhoods that we loved.
RDC says
I’ve always found this approach intriguing – how did you decide which to reach out to? Could you find pictures of the inside or just go by what it looked like outside?
Anonymous says
It was in city I grew up in. Plus I wanted to be in a specific school district for a specific language program I was interested in sending my kids to (determined by address for elementary school). We wanted to be connected to the walking trail system that runs through our city so that limited areas as well. Our city has the map online with each house’s plot outline and the tax value noted (helped us guestimate price). I also used the Birds Eye map on Bing. I checked out which houses had good sized lots (big backyard important) and were on cul de sacs or small streets. Then we drove around a few streets and guestimated which houses would be big enough (wanted 4 bedrooms). We sent 30 letters, got 3 responses, saw 2 and bought 1. Our letter specified that we wanted a 4 bedroom or 3 bedrooms which could be renovated to 4 and that we wanted to close within 60 days.
We didn’t use an agent and had to deal with associated agentless seller craziness but it was worth it.
Redux says
What did your letter say? Did you give a price range in the letter? We really want to move to an area with low stock and I wonder if this might work for us.
Anonymous says
We didn’t give a price range in the letter but because of the tax values being public we had a ballpark. Price range was a relatively wide spread for us because we were looking in older areas so we would have expected to pay less and renovate certain places and then there were others
that looked move in ready from the outside.
Our letter had a few lines about why we were looking (growing family – talked about how many kids we had), why we liked the neighborhood, and what we were looking for “We are looking for a two story 4 bedroom home with a garage. We are also interested in 3 bedroom homes with enough space to create a 4th bedroom. If you think your current home might be our future home, please let us know. We are open to working with agents or proceeding via private sale.”
Redux says
Thanks for sharing this!
Pogo says
I think we lost a few houses before getting our current home. It is so, so stressful. You just need to remember that there is no “dream house” – every one has pros/cons (if it seems too perfect for the price, like this one appears to have been – was probably priced too low). I agree with others that I can’t imagine being anywhere other than our house now.
AwayEmily says
Thanks all, your responses have made me feel much better — and confident that one way or another, things will turn out the way they should.
Cate says
We lost the home we wanted and then bought a much more expensive (but longer term for us) home. Ooops! Sounds like a lot of people had the other happen, in a good way.
Anon says
This happened at the last house we lived in (it was a rental, but still). DH and I toured the home, fell in love, put in an application, and received a verbal acceptance. Literally two hours later, an older couple came in offering to pay 20% more rent with a longer lease term, so the landlord switched and decided to go with them. I was really disappointed.
Three weeks later, the realtor called me to ask if we still wanted the house at the lower rent we’d originally offered. Turns out, the tenants they’d decided to go with had tried to cover up some sketchy things on their credit report and the landlords were able to back out and come back to us. We moved in a month later and stayed there for almost 18 months (and would have stayed longer, if we hadn’t moved for DH’s job).
Hang in there, and good luck with your service.
anne-on says
Thought those who haven’t seen/read this yet might appreciate it – a lot in here resonated for me as a kid from a working class/lower middle class background suddenly going to a fancy private school.
https://www.nytimes.com/2017/05/12/your-money/standout-college-application-essays.html?_r=0
H says
Those were fascinating. Thank you for sharing.
NewMomAnon says
Awkward question – my daughter has started commenting about the hair on my chin, which has never worried me before but now that she’s talking about it All. The. Time, I’m self-conscious about it.
So, anyone have a favorite chin hair removal technique? I’ve tried those pre-waxed hair remover strips and they didn’t really work.
bluefield says
I have a mustache and I use Sally Hansen face hair remover cream (not sure if that’s what it’s actually called, but that is the purpose). You put it on, wait 5 mins, wipe it off. I’ve been using it for many many years. It works fine.
Anon says
http://www.sephora.com/level-setter-razors-P405529?skuId=1778398
Amelia Bedelia says
Kat, you put the wrong date on the most recent “day in the life” post — the Atlanta mum. you need to fix it because it was a good one!
August says
Which day? I tried to go back and find it – but could not.
August says
(I’m not Kat, but love this new series…)
Amelia Bedelia says
I actually received an email from Kat’s team noting that it was not supposed to be live at all. it will be released this week!
Sad Mom says
Hi friends — I am here to admit that I had a cr@ppy mother’s day. In my head, Hallmark holidays like this just do not matter…but I’m still disappointed and feel like my husband did not bring his A-game. Other than going to our local farmer’s market as a family, we didn’t do anything special or out of the ordinary. At the end of the night, husband fell asleep putting our two eldest to bed and I could NOT wake him up — so I had to clean up the toys outside, shut the house down, make school lunches, etc. Felt crummy.
To be fair, on Saturday night he proposed taking our kids somewhere for the day on Sunday so I could have time to myself, but that wasn’t what I wanted. I wanted to hang with them! And if I’m being honest, I wanted him to have picked out a gift — something little — in advance, that showed he was being thoughtful. (Yes, I realize this is selfish and possibly weird. I do think my feelings are compounded by the fact that it was also my birthday this week and he was off the gift-giving hook for that b/c I arranged my own birthday present/festivities with three girlfriends.)
Can you help me buck up and not feel so yucky about this? Am slightly afraid I’m going to unload on him full-force once we get home tonight, which isn’t good for anybody.
avocado says
Aww, sorry to hear you were disappointed. I would write this one off as a learning experience and try to let it go–vent away here instead of taking it out on him. Next time around, tell him a couple of weeks ahead of time what you would like to have. “So Mother’s Day is coming up. You know what would I would really like? I would love it if we had a fun outing as a family that I didn’t have to plan. Something like [list a few ideas to get him thinking in the right direction].” The gift is tougher–I usually tell my husband I don’t want any gifts or give him a list of things I want. I will also point out things I want throughout the year so he can file them away in his memory. Once in a great while he’ll come up with something thoughtful on his own, but I would feel weird telling him to come up with his own thoughtful idea.
Anonymous says
I’d be annoyed too that he fell asleep and left you to clean up and make school lunches on Mother’s Day. That stinks! My husband’s personality is such that I have to basically tell him exactly what I want and it sounds like your husband is similar. When he offered to take the kids I would have said, “No, I want to hang out and do something fun as a family. Let’s go to brunch at X fancy place (or whatever).” And I would tell him that even though it’s a silly Hallmark holiday you would like some small token of appreciation from him. Do you like flowers? I usually tell my husband to get that, because that way I’m getting what I want but there is still some element of surprise with what kind of arrangement he will choose.
I wouldn’t come home and flip out on him, but if you think you can talk about it in a calm way, you could let him know you were bummed and tell him what you’d like to do differently next year.
My birthday is also right near Mother’s Day and my celebrations usually get merged into one also, so I feel you on that. It’s also graduation season. My very first mother’s day was my husband’s sister’s graduate school graduation so I had to spend the day traveling with an infant for the very first time, hanging out with my in-laws, who I don’t especially like and not seeing my own mom (who I really wanted to spend my first mother’s day with). The day was all about celebrating his sister, and there was *zero* acknowledgement that it was Mother’s Day by anyone in his family or him, except for the token gift he gave me (that I had suggested). I’m still bitter about that, honestly.
mother day blues says
Mother’s Day is the worst holiday for this, especially when you see everyone else by comparison. Last year was similar for me but I finally broke down in tears by the end of the day and the message got through. This year was suitably stepped up – and we’re not talking anything over the top here – a photo mug and some nice remarks were really all I needed. It also helps that the kids are now old enough to get excited by it and fill that enthusiasm gap that was missing. It was so hard to make it A THING because we’re not usually into gifts, but it was making me really upset given that I had struggled with infertility and a difficult childbirth, so it was important to me. And I hated having to ask for it, but you just have to suck it up and do it. I’m sure you’re husband is not disappointing you to be a jerk – at least I hope not – it’s just that he’s not getting the importance of it all.
bluefield says
I had a similar experience, except I told my husband what to get me (really simple, inexpensive thing he could buy online w/ no shipping issues – think an e-giftcard), reminded him about it 3 weeks ago, and he still failed. When he hadn’t bought it by Saturday I told him that it was too late, I had already thought too much about something that I shouldn’t have to think about at all, and I would be choosing my own expensive, designer accessory present. I think it will be shoes.
ElisaR says
That is frustrating and I can commiserate. About 10 days before Mother’s Day I showed my husband a card I had bought for his mom from our 13 month old son….he said “oh I didn’t realize mothers day was coming up.” So I knew to lower my expectations. On Sunday morning he said “I decided I didn’t have to get you flowers since I get them so often during the year.” (he doesn’t). And he tried to have me put our son to bed (which I do Monday-Friday every week and many weekends) but saying “I figured you’d want to put him down since its mothers day”. No. No I don’t need to do that. And I’m 10 weeks pregnant so totally exhausted anyway. Ugh.
rakma says
DH dropped the ball on Mother’s Day last year, and I’m pretty sure I ended up ugly crying about the lack of appreciation (I was pregnant at the time, let’s say that contributed to the highly emotional response)
Once I was calmer (possibly months later) we had a discussion about it, where I said that I didn’t need him to be extravagant, but until our kids have their own money/transportation/ability to write, he needed to actively make sure that there was a physical representation of love and appreciation on Mother’s Day.
To his credit, this year he asked what I wanted/wanted to do, offered to give me a ‘day off’ (which is pretty hard to do while nursing, so I only took him up on the afternoon) I emailed him 4-5 gift suggestions (my birthday is also upcoming, so he has options but it’s still a ‘surprise’) and there was appropriate subterfuge with the 3yo, so that she ran to me shouting “Happy Mother’s Day” at the right time, which really made the day for me.
Am I ticked that I had to have that conversation? Yes. Am I slightly annoyed that I have to send him gift suggestions because he only seems to think of gift ideas for me in the $500+ range and that’s not in the budget right now? Yes. But I got my warm fuzzies on Mother’s Day, which is what I was after.
NewMomAnon says
That is hard, but are you expecting too much? I think on Mother’s Day, you either get intense family time, or a day of fewer responsibilities. It’s hard for dad to swing BOTH lots of family time and all the household responsibilities. So when you turned down a kid-free day, husband probably took that to mean you were choosing family time over reduced responsibilities.
You should discuss your understanding of Mother’s Day with your husband – tell him, “I know I didn’t communicate this very well this year, but on Mother’s Day, I generally expect [a small gift, card, some family time, and husband to do all the housework for the day]. I need you to remember that next year.”
Anon says
Agree that this seems to be mainly a communication of expectations issue. Honestly, I have a one-year-old and am pregnant and got nothing yesterday (ok, a kiss and I had him change the messy diaper). He even went golfing with my dad. And I am totally fine with it. It lets me off the hook for Father’s Day! I am not my husband’s mother; once my kid is old enough, maybe then I’ll start getting some messy crafts and cards. I’m learning that life with kids (and a husband) is much more pleasant when I drop the non-essential expectations — and Mother’s Day has become a racket of balancing honoring mothers with not offending the not-mothers. But, everyone is different. So think about what is important to you and have the conversation.
anon says
I too find that I have to be very specific with my husband about what I want for any kind of holiday or gift giving occasion. His father doesn’t even acknowledge my husband’s birthday – no phone call or anything – and I suspect that his family just didn’t do a lot of this stuff. Gift giving is not his love language. I’ve made it clear that on Mother’s Day and Valentine’s Day I require at a minimum a card – handmade is great but not necessary – and this year, I told him that I would like to get to sleep in and also have some time alone to go clothes shopping on Mother’s Day. Figuring out what I really wanted was actually harder than asking for it. I did also have to ask him to honor his commitment to doing bedtime on the weekend last night – he claims he misunderstood this agreement – which was annoying but worked out okay. I agree that it was also much easier this year as my son is almost 5 and was really into it being mother’s day and kept randomly yelling happy mother’s day. He also made me a card and gift at preschool that he was really excited about. (None of this prevented him from acting like a jerk 50% of the time of course).
Anon says
I’m on my 4th Mother’s Day (with 2 kids now) and finally had a good one. I told DH in advance what I wanted, and also talked it up a bit with my 4 y/o. 4 y/o did *not* let daddy forget anything and in fact selected my present herself.
On Monday I said: “DH, this weekend is mothers days day. I want bags of mulch, spread by you and possibly ODD. I want handmade cards. I want you to spend an entire day with the kids on sat shopping prepping for Mother’s Day so I can get some peace. I also do not want to do any dishes or laundry on Sunday.” Presto! Got my wish.
avocado says
A very good Mother’s Day present:
While out for Mother’s Day dinner, extremely picky eater declares that as a special Mother’s Day surprise for mommy, she will try a very small speck of guacamole because she knows it will make mommy happy. (Entirely her own idea, and a great sacrifice for a child who has heretofore strenuously resisted the idea of eating green mushy stuff.) She tastes the guacamole and her face lights up. Proceeds to eat many chips with guacamole and spends the rest of the evening talking about how much she likes guacamole and will mommy make some and can she have it in her lunch box.
AwayEmily says
this is fantastic (especially given your username)
avocado says
There is a reason I chose my name!
SC says
That is hilarious :-)
Last weekend, we had a friend over for brunch, and I made quiche. Kiddo refused to touch the quiche when we served it. The next morning, DH and I were eating the last two pieces for breakfast while Kiddo had something else that he normally likes. Kiddo pointed to DH’s piece and asked for some. His face lit up, and he started shoving quiche in his mouth until he finished DH’s entire piece. This weekend, I made the same quiche (on Saturday, while DH took Kiddo to his swim lesson and running errands) for Mother’s Day brunch with in-laws. Kiddo refused to touch it.
avocado says
Too funny! They only like a food when you don’t expect them to, right? I will not be at all surprised if I make mine guacamole next weekend and she says she doesn’t like it that much after all.
Andi says
I was thinking of the thread last week (main site, maybe?) where someone was complaining about upper income people taking rec center classes. I totally disagree with that complaint, but I have one that is maybe similar and I want a gut check.
It drives me nuts that stay-at-home moms register their kids for coveted rec center class times on weekend mornings, when the exact same classes are offered many more times on weekdays when working parents cannot go. I have several SAHM friends that do this for county swim and gymnastics classes, and the classes always fill up immediately so I get irritated if I can’t get my kid a spot. I’m sure if asked they would say they want their working spouse/partner to be able to attend, but I think I can count on 1 hand the number of times I’ve seen two parents participating with 1 kid beyond the first week of a class.
Am I being unreasonable?
Anonymous says
Even SAHMs frequently send their kids to some kind of preschool that meets on weekday mornings. Most kids older than three probably aren’t at home at 11 am on Wednesday, and certainly kids five and up are in real schools during normal working hours.
Andi says
You’re right. I should be more clear. My kid is in classes for kids approximately 18 months to 2.5, so definitely young kids, and the SAHMs I’m talking about do not have their kids in any kid of preschool yet.
Anonymous says
Ah ok, then I agree it’s annoying.
anon says
I don’t know if it’s reasonable or not, but I don’t blame you for being irked. So much about registering for kids’ activities annoys me, though. :) I feel like everything we want to do fills up fast or is offered at a completely unreasonable time for our family. I honestly don’t get how other families are making it work, from a logistics standpoint. Our open window for activities on weeknights is awfully narrow. Unlike you, I’ll do just about anything to avoid weekend lessons because nothing makes me crabbier than having a weekend filled with non-optional obligations.
TK says
Not unreasonable, it drives me crazy too. But there’s nothing you can do about it.
I feel the same way about short people sitting in the emergency row on airplanes.
NewMomAnon says
Hey! Airplanes are so uncomfortable that even short people have a hard time sitting in the regular seats.
– signed, I look at least 5’3″ in heels.
Anon says
Haha! As a short person, I’ll just say I have been completely randomly assigned to the exit row on more than one occasion. Also I feel like it evens out karmically by all the bonus space tall people get when randomly assigned to sit next to me.
NewMomAnon says
My pet peeve: elderly folks who do their grocery shopping at 8 am on weekends, and putter around blocking all the aisles while they sniff every vegetable and look for the milk with the longest expiration date. You are retired!!! You have no childcare obligations!!! Do your grocery shopping during the week and let me whirl through the store at lightning speed.
Betty says
I don’t think you’re being unreasonable at all. In our town, swim class sign up starts at 5 a.m. on Monday mornings every few months, and you have to sign up before 7 a.m. or all that is left are the Wednesday at 1pm classes or 6:45 pm classes for a 6 year old. Note: Do not sign up for 6:45 classes for a 6 year old. Said 6 year old will be a grumpy mess, tired, hungry and ready for bed but oddly wound up after class.
hoola hoopa says
Honestly, no, you’re not being reasonable. But I can understand the frustration.
FWIW, they are probably signing up for those times so that their partner can take the children to the activity and/or stay home with siblings so they don’t have to bring additional children.
hoola hoopa says
Ditto pp that activity registrations drive me nuts in general.
And in my town, there are zero weekend activities (no library book times, swim lessons, etc) because “the SAH moms want to spend time with their husbands and everyone is busy with sport activities (ie, little league) anyway.” I’d welcome the opportunity to fight it out with the SAH for the potential slot.
SoCalAtty says
I think it is the same frustration I have when tiny, compact cars (like Smart Cars or Minis) park in the full size spots, while the compact spots sent empty. There’s kind of a reason why there are both compact and full size spots, just like there is kind of a reason why there are both weekend and weekday classes. (Except in my town, where they aren’t offering ANY swim classes in the evenings / weekends this summer. How nice.)
Same frustration. Totally reasonable to be frustrated.
Andi says
Thanks all. I guess I should consider myself lucky we have any weekend offerings at all. And I’ll just keep fighting the 7:00am registration battle and crossing my fingers we get a spot!
August says
Any tips for pumping at a wedding? We are going to a wedding memorial day weekend. There is an early afternoon church, and then the reception is late afternoon. We have a babysitter (grandparent) where are staying about 20 minutes away, so baby is not close enough to leave to feed them (and that would be an unfair burden to the babysitter as they venue is downtown in a small city, no parking, grandparent).
I think I’ll need to pump once, possibly twice while I’m away from baby (~10 months old, eating about every 4-5 hours now). I bought a manual pump (can fit in a purse), and was going to just dump the milk. On work days I am gone 11 hours from baby and pump 3x. I can def go longer though… my body doesn’t really respond well to the pump and I only get ~2oz each time. I have not yet practiced with the manual pump. We’ll be taking a taxi too… debating if I should just suck it up and drive so I’d have a safe and clean place, then I could also have a cooler to keep the pumped milk?
I do not know the bride or groom, so I am not comfortable asking them to use the bridal suite. I left a message for the venue today to inquire. If the venue has only a couple bathroom stalls, I wouldn’t want to hold up people using the restroom either. It is a wedding/function facility, not a hotel.
August says
*meant to say its too much to ask the grandparents to bring the baby to me to eat…
anon says
Do you have to go? I mean, you don’t even know the bride or groom. If you have to go, I’d either drive separately or work with the venue to find a space.
August says
Driving seems like it might just make sense. I was hoping to have some cocktails since we have the babysitter… I don’t think I can have it both ways though.
Mrs. Jones says
This is hard. I was a bridesmaid in a wedding while I was still bf-ing son. I pumped in the bathroom at the church, between photos and ceremony, and just dumped the milk. Then I pumped in our car during the reception and put the milk in a cooler. You may just have to hide in the bathroom depending on what the venue has available. Good luck!
August says
I’d rather just skip it… it is a big inconvenience for my parents too to babysit. It is my husband’s cousin, and his extended family will all be there, we don’t see them often.
I am debating if I skip the church… there is a gap before cocktail hour/reception. Husband can go to the church with his family. I will be able to nurse baby and come a little late to the cocktail hour… then I shouldnt need to pump for the reception?
anon says
I also was a bridesmaid in a wedding while I was BFing and I’ve tried to block the details from my memory because the weekend was so stressful. We had two full days of activities, many of which did not have a great place to pump. So I stretched out my pumping sessions, or did it at oddball times, and hoped for the best. I nursed my 10-month-old in the hotel at night, where she refused to sleep. Oh, and it was 95 degrees with 80% humidity and I could not keep up on my fluids.
The result of stress, sleep deprivation and a messed-up pumping schedule was a raging case of mastitis right after the wedding. I don’t think it was coincidental.
August says
Oh no that sounds horrible :(
I now have such appreciation for friends that had to leave their kids to attend our wedding… ours was local, about ~1 hour drive from where most of our guests live. Definitely not easy though!
I was hoping to have some cockails (we’ve had a few dinners out locally), but I am thinking it may just make sense to not drink, drive, and save the milk…. the worst part is I barely get any milk from pumping on regular work days… it feels like so much work to get 5-6oz…. but I can’t just NOT pump.
Anon in NYC says
I went to a wedding when my daughter was ~4-5 months old and I was still nursing. We drove. It was an outdoor wedding that only had port-a-potties / no electrical plugs to spare. When I needed to pump, I just went to my car where I had a car adapter and used a nursing cover. I had a cooler bag that kept the the milk cool and I didn’t drink that much, so I didn’t dump it. It sort of sucked, but it really wasn’t that bad.
Blueberry says
I’d bring my electric pump and just leave it in a coat closet or somewhere else unobtrusive in the church. Churches have tons of nooks and crannies that aren’t usually in use. Then you can pump right after the wedding ceremony after it has quieted down? FWIW, at my wedding, I would not have blinked an eye if a guest I didn’t know had asked me or someone in the wedding party if there was a spot to pump. I never used the bridal suite area after getting ready to walk down the aisle anyway. (I did once get walked in on while stripped down to my waist br**stfeeding in the bridal suite area while a member of a bridal party once — that was pretty funny.) Maybe your partner (I assume he’s friends with bride or groom) can ask in advance if you don’t get a good answer from the venue on your own?
CHJ says
Can you go back to your hotel between the ceremony and reception, nurse, and then make it through the whole reception without pumping? I might bring the manual pump in case I get desperate, but I found that I wasn’t getting all that engorged by the 10-month mark anyway.
August says
Thanks for the feedback! Pumping in the church would work. It is a 15-20 min uber back to where we are staying… I might do that option. I don’t really get engorged at all, but that is a good idea.
Momata says
I would either: 1) go back to baby between ceremony and reception and nurse/pump to empty at home, then head back to the reception and party on, Garth; or 2) bring your actual real pump, find a place at the church to pump (even the bathroom after everyone has left), dump or keep in cooler portion of pump bag if you have that, stash pump in coatroom at reception, and party on, Garth.
Anonymous says
Couple of thoughts:
– The idea of dumping liquid gold is sacrilegious to me so if it would hurt your heart to do so as well, know that freshly pumped milk can keep without refrigeration for 7+ hours…so you don’t need to stress about also bringing a cooler (just make sure to bring a lid for it don’t rely on the pump to stop spills, ask me how I know that….)
– The manual pump rocks!!! I’m on kid 3 and just discovered it and now I exclusively use the manual pump (although I’m not away from baby too much as I’m back to work only part-time). But, when I go for several hour intervals and I feel full, I can get 4 oz from 1 side…which is as much or more than I ever got from electric pump. So, you might have similarly good luck, but maybe do a trial run so you can get a sense for it.
– I wouldn’t drive just because of the pump. Like others have said there is certainly bound to be a room or nook available.
Have fun!
Katarina says
I would plan on leaving on the early side and not pumping, but I am not prone to engorgement, an skipping occasional sessions never hurt my supply.
Anonymous says
I’m in almost the exact same situation memorial day weekend. My plan is to drive, leave the car at the reception, so I have a private place to pump in a pinch and also a place to leave the cooler. We’ll Uber to the hotel and back to pick up the car in the morning. It’s still 2 taxi/Uber rides, but the convenience of having your car. I can probably go 2- whenever I get back to the hotel after the reception, but I like options. And we were going to drive anyway, since its about 45 min from our house and we’re staying in a hotel closer (because date night! Yay for grandparents watching the kids).
Anon says
I did this twice. Both times I brought my electric pump with the battery backup. Once I pumped in the bathroom using the battery pack and then dumped. It was a 3 stall setup so i did use up the bathroom but I tried to pick a good time (toasts or a big dance, not sure which) and also, there were other toilets.
Second place was an old mansion setup with very few bathrooms. I talked to the caterer and found a nook/room. It was no big deal at all. I dumped them too, just because it was a hassle and my kid was already combo fed. Could have been fine with a cooler bag.