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Happy Monday! Kat here, as April is on vacation this week… Isabella Oliver has long been a beloved brand for maternity dresses for work, and I really like the desk-to-dinner vibes on this one, as well as the almost purplish navy color. I’m always a fan of a dolman sleeve, but it does sometimes create a problem for layering — you can either do a wrap or sleeveless vest like this one, or just layer the sleeves carefully beneath a regular blazer or sweater. The pictured dress is $129, available in sizes 0, 2, and 5, at Nordstrom. Leila Maternity Dress This post contains affiliate links and CorporetteMoms may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support! Building a maternity wardrobe for work? Check out our page with more suggestions along both classic and trendy/seasonal lines.Sales of note for 4.18.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 50% off full-price dresses, jackets & shoes; $30 off pants & skirts; extra 50% off sale styles
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything; extra 20% off purchase
- Eloquii – 50% off select styles; 60% off swim; up to 40% off everything else
- J.Crew – Mid-Season Sale: Extra 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off spring-to-summer styles
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – Spring Mid-Season Sale: Up to 50% off 100s of styles
- Nordstrom: Free 2-day shipping for a limited time (eligible items)
- Talbots – Spring Sale: 40% off + extra 15% off all markdowns; 30% off new T by Talbots
- Zappos – 29,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Up to 70% off baby items; 50% off toddler & kid deals & 40% off everything else
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off spring faves; 25% off new arrivals; up to 30% off spring
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Up to 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off kids’ spring-to-summer styles
- Old Navy – 30% off your purchase; up to 75% off clearance
- Target – Car Seat Trade-In Event (ends 4/27); BOGO 25% off select skincare products; up to 40% off indoor furniture; up to 20% off laptops & printers
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Anon says
I have been playing a game of insurance go around for weeks and finally got the Spectra S1 Plus (the one with the rechargeable battery) completely covered by our insurance. Before they were trying to charge me for the battery pack which was ridiculous because you need that to make it work. And the reimbursement amount was for any pump under $250 and the Spectra S1 Plus is under that amount. So I was in this weird loop where insurance would say it was fine and then I would go place the order with the pump suppliers and was told I had to pay this extra battery fee etc. The s2 was completely covered but I really want the rechargeable piece because I am pretty sure I will be pumping in a closet when I get back to work.
After weeks of me being stubborn, and spending too much time making calls, and my husband being like….give it up just pay the fee, I got it approved. AND the supplier of the pump was told that it needs to do this for everyone with this insurance plan. I talked to my insurance guy this morning and its in the mail coming to me and he said that he is issuing reimbursements for all the women in the last year who paid the battery fee. So win!
Boston Legal Eagle says
Woo go you! Glad you got it covered! I have the S1 (without a battery) and it’s fine at work because I just plug it in the mother’s room but it was kind of a pain at home to have to be close to an outlet whenever I needed to pump.
anon says
Woohoo! Good work!
LittleBigLaw says
Good job!! Small things like this make a big difference in the aggregate.
Flexi Lexi says
How open is biglaw to midlevels starting with a flextime arrangement? Would I have to put in some years at a full-time arrangement first? I am currently at a mid size firm where I work biglaw hours and get paid <50% as much and thinking about making a switch. I have a 8 month old though and have to leave by 4:45 each day for 5:30 daycare pick up (I get in by 8 or earlier though).
Any input is greatly appreciated (non-lawyers in similar situations too)!
Anonymous says
I don’t think it is at all realistic to think you can start a biglaw job leaving at 4:45 to go to day care. All that money is so that you can pay for the daycare that’s open late or hire an afternoon nanny.
Anon says
Sadly, I agree. This is a large part of why I didn’t have a baby in Big Law.
former biglaw says
I’ve seen someone start at 80% and take one day off each week if she could – that seems more realistic. But she was also coming from 100% biglaw and had two sets of twins under 4. I think there’s be a potential issue with perception if you were coming from mid-law and wanted to leave early, as if you hadn’t put in the time before (if that makes sense?) Unfair for sure, but just trying to give honest feedback!
anon says
If the group is desperate for someone with your qualifications and you can get back online within a few hours, this probably would have been ok at my firm.
Anon says
Are you working a lot at home currently? I don’t think 8-4:45 can be considered be biglaw hours. I’d be concerned that the switch would lead to a bigger increase in hours than you might be anticipating.
OP says
OP here – Should clarify a little. My inlaws help us out A LOT but they aren’t comfortable driving here so basically I pick him up from daycare and they help us most evenings. and I sign back on by 6/630 while they do the evening routine (my husband is back for this too). The work amount varies, but I usually work till at least 830. They are too old to watch him full-time during the day though. We don’t make enough to have nanny at home but potentially could if I got a pay bump.
I basically went from Biglaw to mid size firm (which did not improve my lifestyle, just ended up becoming more “attorney of all trades”) and am looking to just go back to biglaw if I am basically going to be working the same.
Boston Legal Eagle says
If you are looking for a better lifestyle, can you look beyond Biglaw, such as in-house? I know, easier said than done, but leaving for daycare pick-up at a set time will be much more accepted there, even if you have to log in later at night sometimes (hopefully rarely). In my experience with Biglaw, things pop up last minute all the time, and leaving at a certain time every day probably won’t be viewed well.
anon says
With this, I’d look at going back to Biglaw and plan to hire a nanny quickly if you get an offer. If you want out of the Biglaw lifestyle, look at other mid or small firms. I’m not one to jump to the in house recommendation because I hated it. :) Of course, there are many many types of in house and many different situations, it just wasn’t for me (the “jack of all trades” was just one issue I had, which is what made me think you may not like it either).
Anon says
This schedule honestly sounds miserable to me! I’d look for a different midlaw firm that would give you a little bit of any evening, at least.
anon says
Depends on the firm and the department. At my firm, this would be OK in some departments and not OK in others, largely depending on how much they need people and who the partners are. Also, you might explore hiring someone to pick up your kids.
Anon says
+1. At my firm, this would work in some groups but definitely not others, at least on a regular basis.
Podcast Recs - pretty please! says
On maternity leave and need all the podcast recs. Burning through all my usual favorites and baby is not here yet and so I need things to keep me company while I walk so many steps and do random house tasks!
What I have listened to:
10 Things that Scare Me
A few things with Claire and Erica
Believed
Call your Girlfriend
Cold
Criminal
Culture Gabfest
Death Sex and Money
Dirty Jon
Dr Death
Happier with Gretchen Rubin
Hidden Brain
Intractable
Invisbilia
Its been a Minute
Last Seen
Mom and Dad are Fighting
Mom Rage
Planet Money
Pop Culture Happy Hour
Radio Lab
More Perfect
Reply All
Serial (all seasons)
Story Corps
The Big One
The Daily
The Dream
The Drop Out
The Guilty Feminist
The Longest Shortest Time
The Sporkful
The Teacher’s Pet
This American Life
This is Love
Uncover
Unorthodox
Upfirst
Where Should we Begin with Esther Perel
Anonymous says
Radio shows available in podcast format:
Fresh Air
Science Friday
Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me
Boston Legal Eagle says
These are mostly parenting related ones so might not be useful yet but I like them:
Best of Both Worlds Podcast
Dear Sugars
Matt and Doree’s Eggcelent Adventure (IVF and now pregnancy-related, I just love the hosts)
Terrible, Thanks for Asking (might be a bit depressing)
The HeyDad Podcast
The Mom Hour
Anonymous says
I love the Mom Hour.
rakma says
Design Matters with Debbie Millman is a great interview podcast, and there’s a huge back catalog.
Patty Mayonnaise says
I really like Forever 35 and Best of Both Worlds.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
+1 to both of these! Forever35 especially is part of my self-care.
Anonymous says
+1 Forever 35!!! I also love YoungHouseLove if you’re into renovations/DIY/house stuff.
Mama Llama says
I am currently really enjoying Mothers of Invention – a podcast hosted by an Irish comedian and the first woman head of state of Ireland. It covers issues of climate justice and highlights feminist solutions to climate change in a very interesting and non-depressing way.
FVNC says
My current favorites are: The Drop Out (about Theranos), The Dream, and Best of Both Worlds.
Lyssa says
I really like Lexicon Valley (about language) from Slate and the Freakanomics podcast. Also More or Less (examining statistical claims) from the BBC is really good.
anon says
SInce you seem to like some true crime, My Favorite Murder. Also Keep It for pop culture, media, and a little bit of politics (Aminita from CYG is sometimes a guest on Keep It)
PregLawyer says
+1 for My Favorite Murder.
IP Attorney says
++++++++1!! LOVE My Favorite Murder
Em says
Guys We F*cked is still my favorite podcast, if you aren’t easily offended.
LittleBigLaw says
One Bad Mother
HM says
I love the TED Radio Hour!
Knope says
Bag Man
FiveThirtyEight Politics (if you’re into politics – otherwise, skip it)
Embedded
Savage Lovecast (based on the fact you’ve listened to Where Should We Begin, although note that this is VERY VERY VERY explicit)
Slow Burn
I also recommend downloading the NPR One app – I’ve discovered a bunch of new podcasts through that, or just enjoyed one-off episodes of shows.
JTM says
Stuff You Missed In History Class
anon says
To parents whose kids had stitches put in, how did you handle activities? Surgeon said to keep activities light and avoid swimming for 2-4 weeks to prevent risk of stitches falling out. Kiddo is miserable not doing tennis, soccer, swimming, and ballet, not going to birthday parties (they are all very active), not going to play ground, keeps begging me to go. Wondering if she at least can resume some activities (ballet?) soon.
Anon says
This is so specific because it really matters what kind of surgery and where in the body. I think you have to ask your surgeon/ped. My kid has had stitches but we were given no activity restrictions other than keeping the area dry.
Anonymous says
I’d just call the regular pediatrician and ask. Personally tennis, ballet, anc birthday parties would all be fine to me but depends where the stitches are and how old/responsible kid is.
Patty Mayonnaise says
I am having the hardest time deciding on a mini Babymoon. We have a toddler and family has offered to watch him, but only for 2 nights. While we’ve both individually traveled for work, etc., DH and I haven’t ever both spent a night away and it seems important to do that before we have 2! I had travel restrictions at the beginning of my pregnancy but am now able to take a short trip, but only have like the next month or so to do it. We’re on the East Coast and would LOVE to go someplace warm, but that seems so tricky for only 2 nights (and pricey at the last minute). What would you do?!
Anon says
Cup of Jo blogger often goes to Miami for 2 nights. Maybe do a search on her blog / and look at her instagram for inspiration.
Anon says
I would go to Miami if you can fly non-stop there. It’s very warm, near good medical care and isn’t too hard to go to just for 2 nights. I wouldn’t want the stress or expense of potentially having a baby in a foreign country, even someplace as close as the Caribbean.
AwayEmily says
I just want to say that perfect is the enemy of the good and even if it is not ideal timing or location or whatever, DO IT! I really regret not traveling before #2 arrived — I kind of conceptually understood it would be difficult afterwards but underestimated HOW difficult, between nursing and (more importantly) just the sheer difficulty of finding someone willing/able to watch a baby + toddler (my mom is willing but not totally able…).
Anonymous says
I would stay reasonably local and go to a cozy resort. Bedford Post Inn for inspiration.
Anonymous says
When are you going? If May or later, I highly recommend the Fairmont Southampton in Bermuda. Very short flight from NYC and very relaxing.
Patty Mayonnaise says
Thanks so much for the encouragement! We had been thinking of Miami – do you think early 3rd tri is too late to go?
Anon says
Depends on your risk tolerance, and how awful it would be for you financially and logistically to deliver in Miami and have a baby in a NICU there for a month or two. I didn’t travel anywhere I didn’t have significant support (local friends or family) past the point of viability, but I definitely skew paranoid on this.
anne-on says
+1, I had a few colleagues deliver early while on business trips in the 3rd trimester and it was a BIG part of why I refused to go anywhere that wasn’t driving distance after my 7th month (with my team’s express approval of course). I’d just be too nervous that I’d deliver early and then be stuck there with a baby in the NICU.
Anon says
I skewed paranoid on this as well. The last month I refused to go anywhere more than an hour’s drive from my hospital (i.e., not even downtown near the major city I live in).
AwayEmily says
I skew non-paranoid and continued traveling until around 37 weeks. But I very much agree with the above Anons that it’s all about your comfort level!
Pogo says
Same, my babymoon was at 36w I think. However I was technically only a 2.5 hr drive from my hospital and a 45 min drive from another large city that I would have been comfortable delivering in. With a flight you could potentially get stuck in that other city with a super early delivery.
Anonymous says
I traveled cross-country at 28 weeks with twins, with my MFM’s blessing, so it’s doable, but like the PP says, depends on your comfort level with risking potentially having baby in a far away NICU.
NYCer says
I flew from NYC to California at 29 weeks (back at almost 30) and was absolutely fine. Like everyone else has said though, it all comes down to your comfort level. Personally, I would probably have felt fine flying several hours away until 32 weeks or so.
I also highly recommend Miami if you decide to go somewhere. I have been many times for just 2 nights and it is always refreshing!
Patty Mayonnaise says
Thanks so much! Any specific hotel recs in Miami?
Anon says
One Hotel South Beach! So beautiful and relaxing.
anne-on says
The Faena would be my pick if you like nightlife/art. If you’re looking to chill out and have massages/amazing food the Mandarin is great. Both the Ritz Carlton’s are lovely, but the smaller one if much more out of the way/quiet and relaxing IMHO. I was ‘eh’ on the W’s and the Four Seasons there.
NYCer says
I second the rec for the One Hotel South Beach! I also like the Setai (the rooms are a tiny bit dated, but the pool area is smaller/quieter than the One Hotel).
In House Local says
I would stay local at a fancy hotel and skip flights. I would hole up and eat wonderful food and take a nap. Maybe visit the fancy hotel spa. We recently had a black tie event in our big city 30 minutes away- we got a fancy hotel room for the weekend and had a great time. We ate at new restaurants, caught up with friends we don’t normally see, and did our events. I wouldn’t want the hassle of packing and flying for only two nights.
Jewelry making kit for a four year old says
Anyone have a favorite jewelry making kit for a four year old? Should I go for one of those where the pieces pop together or is she likely too young for that? Thanks for the input!
Emily S. says
B.’s Pop! Arty was a hit with my 3 yo and 5 yo niece! http://www.mybtoys.com/toys/creative/pop-arty/
Anonymous says
My husband submitted a blood sample through my OB’s office for a genetic test, and was supposed to hear back by now. Should he be the one to call the doctor, or should I, since I’m the one with the relationship to the doctor?
Anon says
I think either of you can probably call. No news is generally good news, FYI.
anon says
Question for the hive (particularly older moms) – I am 40 and have one child who is four months old. DH and I would like one more child (our last) and I have 20 frozen eggs from when I was 35 saved up. This child was the result of one IVF cycle when I was 39, though I think I might have been able to get pregnant on my own (we only tried for four months, during which time I had a m/c and a chemical pregnancy – I was too worried about not being able to get pregnant and decided IVF was our best bet). I am combo feeding but plan to wean by six months. Once my period returns, would it even be worthwhile to try naturally or should I just thaw out my frozen eggs and see what I get? I know the risk of m/c, chromosomal abnormalities, etc. is quite high at my age (assuming I can get pregnant in the first instance). Also, if I do use those frozen eggs, would you do PGS? i’ve read a lot recently about the technology being fallible and perfectly good embryos being tossed. Thanks for any thoughts/suggestions.
ElisaR says
I had my first baby at 38 and 2nd at 40 but I do not have experience with IVF. However my thought is, once you know you’re ready to be pregnant, why bother trying to do it naturally? You already went through the egg harvestation which is a pain and you know it can work for you since you did it once before…. I wouldn’t be terribly concerned about the risks associated with getting pregnant naturally at 40+ but it just doesn’t seem necessary to wait even a few months to me. Again, I don’t have experience with IVF so maybe others will have more relevant insights. PS. I’m super impressed you’re already thinking ahead with a 4 month old! I was still in the blackhole at that point.
anon says
Fwiw, I have not been in this exact situation, but know the IVF rollercoaster and the timing quanderies. Personally, I would start trying naturally as soon as your period is back, while simultaneously getting back in touch with the clinic and getting the ball rolling on the bloodwork and maybe HSG and everything that takes a couple months anyway. Why spend $6k+ per frozen transfer if you don’t have to? The thing that would cut the other way is if you have another miscarriage. After my m/c, we were setting up for fast IVF because I was clearly getting pregnant with insemination but I just couldn’t take the trying and uncertainty anymore and wanted a more sure thing. Ymmv on that, obviously.
Personally I wouldn’t do PGS for eggs retrieved at 35, assuming your existing baby resulted from that same batch. But talk to your doctor, obviously. I have known people who used it to weed out when they had too many blastocysts, so it may depend on how the batch thaws and fertilizes and whether you end up with 2, or, say, 15.
Seafinch says
Pregnant with my 4th at 41. I would endorse this approach wholeheartedly. We have never done IVF but I always have gotten the ball rolling with testing etc.
oil in houston says
just to add that the technology of PGS isn’t fallible, the interpretation of it is. When we got our results, I called the director of the genetics clinic, who talked me through exactly what was wrong and whether there was a chance of self-correction (there wasn’t). Took 20mn and helped a lot
and at your age (mine), with the issues you’re describing (which I had), I wouldn’t waste time and use frozen eggs.
Anonymous says
Here was my situation if this helps any: I did IVF when I was 35 and ended up with 6 high-quality embryos. We implanted 2 embryos and ended up with 1 baby, leaving us with 4 frozen embryos. When I was 37, we decided to get pregnant again and took the “why not see if we can conceive on our own” approach. One month later, I was pregnant with our second kid. Three years later, I was 40, and we decide to have a 3rd kid. We discussed what approach to use (“natural” v. science-assisted, since we had been successful both ways) with our reproductive endocrinologist and my OB/GYN. Both advised to go the frozen embryo transfer route, which is what we ended up doing. The gave two reasons: (1) from a genetics standpoint, the embryos from when I was 35 were less likely to have any chromosomal abnormalities than any eggs/sperm my husband and I would be generating 5 years later, and (2) we might as well as use one of our already frozen embryos, since many people have a hard time figuring out what to do with any “leftover” embryos once their families are complete. This approach worked for us, but the cons are pretty obvious — $$$, time, medications, etc. (although an FET is easier than IVF, since you don’t have to do the harvesting). Hope this helps — good luck with your decision!
anon says
Four year old mom again – what do you do for party favors at this age? We’ve done bubbles in the past but I think we need to do something a bit better for big kids this time around! Would love suggestions on anything that was a hit. Oh and we don’t really have a theme (princess?) so can’t really go by that!
Anonymous says
Stickers. I try and do as little as possible.
Anonymous says
I like to make one of the party activities a craft project that they can take home as the party favor.
anon says
We love giving books as party favors!
Anon says
A book is nice, but so expensive! I can’t imagine spending $5 or more on each favor.
k says
You can get Golden Books or paperback books on amazon for under $5, and it’s fun to get one that matches the party theme or something the birthday child likes. And I often find by the time I put together a “favor bag,” with the bag, some little snacks, some candy, some crayons, some stickers, and a little notepad or something, I’ve spent $5 or more per kid anyway.
Set of 12 Golden Books for under $3 each:
https://www.amazon.com/Beloved-Disney-Classic-Little-Golden/dp/0736438785/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&qid=1549308898&sr=8-4&keywords=golden+book
Set of 5 for just over $3 each:
https://www.amazon.com/Patrol-Little-Golden-Book-Library/dp/1524764124/ref=sr_1_21?ie=UTF8&qid=1549308898&sr=8-21&keywords=golden+book
anne-on says
I try to also limit the junk toys while simultaneously acknowledging they allll want a treat. I’ve started to just opt for book (usually ordered through the scholastic book fairs to save $$) and full size candy bar (with gummies/skittles/etc. for the peanut allergic kids). Other hits have been blind boxes, race cars, or simply a small bag of candy.
Anon says
Do you have to give something? I honestly think this is a trend that can die. Who wants all that little stuff in their house? Who wants kids to have more sugar? Are they making something at the party like wands or crowns if its a princess party that they can wear home? I say that you have your kiddo hand out special stickers or tattoos when each kid leaves and tell them thank you for coming and thats that. Honestly other parents will thank you for making this the norm in your social circles.
anon says
+1. The party IS the treat.
FVNC says
I agree. The venues where we’ve hosted our kid’s party the past two years happened to give out balloons. We didn’t know this, and didn’t plan any favors. The kids got balloons, but otherwise would have gotten nothing. As far as I know, my kid has not lost friends over this, and I have not lost any mom friends. I promise I am not this grinchy in reach life :-)
Anonymous says
I detest party favors. However, when we hosted our first party for our daughter’s fifth birthday, here is what happened: For favors, I bought those little packets with a mini coloring book and crayons that Target used to sell in the dollar spot, keyed to the party theme. I thought they were cute and liked that they were consumable instead of the usual plastic junk. At the end of the party, all the kids demanded, “Where’s my goody bag?” As I handed out the coloring packs, most of the kids complained right to my face that they were “lame” and “not a real goody bag.” Even worse, none of the parents seemed embarrassed by their children’s behavior. Granted, we were at a pretty trashy day care that year, so YMMV if your school is crunchier or more posh.
Anonymous says
That is appalling! I also detest party favors and we just don’t do them. We had an art party one year and each kid took home the wrapped canvas they’d painted (10 for $15 at Michael’s, plus paint). Another year, we did a pinata and I figured the candy was the favor. The local bounce place gives balls as favors as part of their party package unless you upgrade to a water bottle, so we had balls one year. If you’re decorating with helium balloons, those also make good favors.
For the OP, if you must, I think bubbles are still great, my 4 yo would be thrilled. She would also spill them the first time she used them, but that’s ok. Stickers are also good. For the love of all that is holy (and oceans, and parents’ bare feet as they walk, unsuspecting around the house) please don’t send kids home with a bag of cheap plastic crap (tops, bouncy balls, noise-makers, pencil toppers, sticky goo) that will go in the trash within a week. 4 year olds also often have baby siblings, so avoiding choking hazards is always nice.
Emily S. says
I wholeheartedly support the death of party favors. We don’t need more stuff, especially party favors, which are usually cheap so they break after one use or are so small they are choking hazards for the little siblings. The exceptions are books and a wooden train whistle that got played with 3 times. I think that if kids are taught not to expect favors at a young age, they don’t know what they are missing. So this does not answer OP at all.
Anonymous says
We’ve still been getting bubbles at 4 year old birthday parties and believe me, they are still a huuuuuuuge hit.
Jeffiner says
We’ve been to a lot of 4 year old parties in the past couple of months. My daughter’s favorites were a mini coloring book and one of those pictures with the silver coating on it that you scratch off with a coin. That kept her busy for nearly an hour while I made dinner.
Anonymous says
If it’s within your budget, we love parties with ONE thing. Like, a water wow or scratch art or what have you book. They’re usually 2.99-3.99 at TJ Maxx.
We did a mermaid party with flippy sequin keychains and ocean themed bathtub growy sponges. We got the flippy things on amazon and they come in all kinds of shapes.
You could also do one on-theme fancy cookie, like mermaid cookie. My kid went to anscience party and came home with a plastic test tube full of nerds (fill your own) and a fancy sugar cookie designed to be an electron.
I hate bags of junk: plastic slinkys, bounce balls, gum, etc. that’s what usually comes with the venue-supplies ones.
anon says
I love party favors, and I try to do this. Those little lego baggies at the target checkout line are also good, and 4 is just starting to get into those. Or M&D craft kits. We also buy paintable ceramics from Oriental trading and pair with a little paint palette and paintbrush; kids love those.
Anonymous says
Oh, and we just went to one where the kids got a coloring/activity book, balloon, and small pack of crayon.
AwayEmily says
A helium balloon to take home (can also serve as decorations during the party). Bonus points: write their name on it with a sharpie.
Anonymous says
I am usually all DEATH TO THE PARTY FAVORS! (Though for cultural reasons, i.e., this is one of the only things we do from our cultural heritage, we usually do a piñata, which ends up being a bunch of tiny toys instead of tons of sugar).Anyway.
AwayEmily, I love your idea. Helium balloon says PARTY! And they can walk away with something that I can throw away later but entertains for a while. Plus host gets help cleaning up after the party when the decorations get taken away. Love it!
GCA says
We’ve only had a couple of 4yo birthday parties so far, but the usual things have been a hit (or frequently played with & otherwise unobtrusive): stickers or temp tattoos, ‘special’ crayons (in the shape of trains, rainbow crayons), glow bracelets/ LED rings or bracelets. Last year when we did a science theme for my son’s 3rd I gave out mini magnifying glasses, droppers and filter paper, plus a little printout with some suggestions for ‘experiments’.
DLC says
we once got an early reader book in a party favor bag and it might be the only party favor we’ve ever gotten that wasn’t immediately thrown away. (It was called Dancing Dinos)
The other thing that is fun and low maintenance, is having balloons at the party and letting each kid go home with one. It’s kind of like the craft idea where you kill two birds with one stone.
On also along those lines- piñata and letting the kids take home a bag of candy.
I will say, though, I personally dread it when my kid comes home with a party favor bag- it’s usually full of plastic trinkets that my daughter will hoard, but not put away and I end up stepping on in the middle of the night.
Anon in NYC says
I am not super anti-sugar, so I would say chocolate. Chocolate kisses, mini Hershey bars, etc. It’s consumable, parents can dole it out at their discretion, and then it’s gone.
shortperson says
for my four-year old’s frozen theme party earlier this year we did pez dispensers with frozen characters. big hit with parents and kids. most of the kids had never seen pez dispensers before. we also did a couple other cheap things (tattoos etc) i got personalized bags on etsy (store: owlalwaysremember) which were super cute but unnecessary.
Anon says
I’m firmly in the no party favor (and requesting no gifts on the invitation) camp.
I’ve never known my little ones to care one way or another unless there are favors, but there aren’t enough favors for siblings.
Ducky36 says
We had all of the kids make their own bookmarks. I cut construction paper into 2″ thick strips and set out stickers and markers on a table. At that age they tend to enjoy stickers. This gives them something to take that is cheap, isn’t junk, and is easy to either use or toss.
Daycare says
How late are your daycares open? We are starting the adoption process and are checking out our local daycares. They all open early, usually at 7 am but have pick up at 5:30 at the latest. I want essentially the same number of hours for care but would prefer to drop off at 8/8:30 and pick up at 6:30. What time do your daycare’s close?
So many people get out of work at 5:30 that it seems like an absurdly early time to close. My husband can get out at 5 but making sure he arrived for pickup by 5:30 on the dot is a stretch. We are trying to do a close to home rather than close to work daycare so we can share the responsibilities.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Ours is open 7am-6pm. Our last center was open 6am-6pm. I think 6pm is pretty standard around here (greater Boston). My husband leaves work before 5 to get there by 5:30 so that we can get the dinner/bedtime routine started at a reasonable time.
ElisaR says
ours is 7am-6pm too. But I know that is not the case with all daycares around me…. I agree, it’s ridiculous but for most families one parent is usually work nearby/from home with little to no commute. Otherwise I think you have to have a nanny.
Anonymous says
I needed a daycare that stayed open until 7:00pm and the only one I could find was associated with the local hospital system (probably to accommodate nurses’ schedules). Our current daycare closes at 6pm which seems to be more typical for our location. Agree that 5:30 is too early!
Anon says
7 am – 6 pm are the standard for the full service daycare centers in my Midwestern college town. The places that act more like preschools (although some take infants) are 8-5:30. We go to the latter kind of center and most people actually pick up more like 5. I have gotten her at 5:15 a couple times and she was the only one there.
I’ve never heard of being open until 6:30 pm, that strikes me as super late (although the Midwest generally runs on a somewhat earlier timetable than the rest of the country). Most infants and young toddlers go to bed by 7, so I don’t really know how a 6:30 pm pickup would work – how could you possibly get baby home, fed and put to bed in that timeframe?
Anonymous says
Lol no they don’t! I work near NYC andday care closes at 7. I work until 6:15 and have a commute (and leaving that early is pushing it). Kid goes to bed at 8:30 because that’s the earliest I can swing it.
Anonymous says
Um, no, most infants and toddlers do not go to bed by 7:00.
Anonymous says
Not ALL, but st least in my circles I can only think of a few kids/families where babies and toddlers are up past 7:30. Not a stretch to say that a daycare pickup at 6:30 would be hard for a lot of kids. We could’ve made it work with our first kid if the daycare was close to home (we did a 6:00 pick up plus 45 min drive…, with 7:00 dinner and 7:45 bedtime) but current baby can’t really stay up past 7 no matter what we try, and I’m glad we can now pick up 5:15 and be home 5:30.
octagon says
Ours is open 6:30-6:30 but it’s the only one that we found that keeps those hours. Standard in my area (Northern VA) is 7:30-6 with a couple that close at 5:30. FWIW, the 6:30 is a lifesaver for us – usually we are there by 6 but on the occasions when traffic blows up, it’s nice to not be stressed about making a daycare pickup. 5:30 would be an absolute nonstarter.
Anonymous says
DC suburb. Our daycare is 7am-6pm and all the other ones I can think of in town are also 7 or 7:30 to 6:00.
AnotherAnon says
First, congrats on starting this journey! Our first day care was open 7AM-6PM. As a small side note, we regularly dropped off after 8:30AM and it was no problem: the time they open does not mean they expect all kids to arrive at that time. Does your state have a web site where they post info for day cares? We used that to narrow our search, but a walk-through is a must (you probably already know this). Also, if you have an adoptive parents friend group, ask them who they use. If you don’t have one, I would highly encourage to find one because they are an invaluable resource for the myriad questions you will have trying to navigate the system. If all the day cares in your area really close at 5:30 (which seems very early to me) I would encourage you to expand your search. We chose a day care equidistant from our offices and kind of far from our home because they had better hours. That worked well for us, YMMV. Good luck!
AwayEmily says
Yeah, ours is 7 – 6 also. This is the standard time where we are (central NY). Is there any way that you and/or your husband could negotiate an earlier start time and earlier leave time at work? Like, 7:45 – 4:45 instead of 9 – 5? Maybe each of you could do those hours twice a week…
anon says
7 a.m.-6 p.m. here, although most kids are picked up by 5:30.
Anonymous says
Gah, none in our area are open later than 6. We would have to drive 30 min to get to one open past 6. And we live in a city!! Our baby is currently in one that’s open 7-6 and our preschooler’s program is only 7:30-5:30. That’s a struggle for us but it’s such a great daycare/preschool that we make it work, mostly because it’s less than a mile from home and from husband’s work, and I have a really flexible schedule.
Jeffiner says
Our daycare is 6:30-6:30, and they used to have limited slots for children to stay until 8:30. Most around here are 7-6. Our factory recently switched to a 6am-4pm shift, and I have no idea how any of those employees can do daycare.
SC says
7:30 am-5:30 pm is normal in my city (mid-size, SEUS).
DLC says
We have used both in home daycares and a large center.
The large centered open 6a-6pm.
The in home is 7p-5:30p, but our provider is also is more flexible if you are running late, or have one day a week where you need a later pick up. My first was in an in home that was open til 6p, but they closed at 4:30 on Fridays. I think the in homes in this area have to get a special license to officially be open past 5:30p.
We are in the MD suburbs of DC. (Also Maryland has a database for childcare providers where you can search by zip code and hours)
Anonymous says
Greater Boston: most large centers are 7-6 or 6-6 that we toured. In-homes skew toward earlier closing times but are overall cheaper, so part of what you pay for with a big center is extended hours. Also note that most centers will then have two shifts with a 12 or 13 hour day – so the teachers you drop kiddo off with in the morning will be gone when you pick her up (not necessarily good or bad, just something to consider).
anon says
Bay Area, 7:30-6:30 and ours is one of the few in the area that open that late. Most close by 5:30 or 6.
anon says
Silicon Valley, 5:30. We wanted a daycare that stayed open later, but it turns out that 5:30 is about the latest our kids can handle. We’ve had to make job and career adjustments.
Anonymous says
We had our daughter in one that was open 7-6:30 and it was an anomaly. Our next center was 7:30-6 which tends to be fairly common.
Boston burbs.
Anonymous says
DC suburb and ours is 6:30 to 6:30. Our previous daycare was 7-6.
JTM says
Our center is open 630AM – 6PM. 6PM closing time seems to be standard in our area.
Anon says
Do any of you have babies/toddlers that love fish? How much do you let them eat it? Do you worry about mercury consumption? My 11 month is a fish fiend. It is by far her favorite food and one of the only things she will consistently devour. DH & I only eat salmon for dinner once or twice a week, but then she usually eats leftovers for dinner and sometimes lunch for a couple of days so I’d say most days of the week she has at least some salmon. I tried to look this up and most things were about how fish is good and different ways to get your kids to eat fish, but I did find some guidelines saying no more than 2-3 servings/week of fish (even low mercury fish like salmon) for children, and she has more than that (especially because she eats SO MUCH whenever we offer her fish). We have been trying to cut back, but she seems so hungry on the days we don’t give her salmon. She will eat some plain baked or sauteed chicken, but isn’t enthusiastic about it. The only other meats that she shows this much interest in are much more processed/less healthy (frozen meatballs, lunch meats, etc.) She hates eggs and beans, and is iffy on nut butters, so getting her full without meat or fish is a challenge.
ElisaR says
hmmm my baby loves Dr. Praeger’s fishies but you’re making me think I need to try salmon for him! I don’t think it sounds that bad – salmon is low mercury and her likes will probably change 100x in the next year so it may not be the case that she eats a ton of fish and nothing else much longer.
Anon (OP) says
I know her tastes may change, but it’s been a consistent favorite since she started solids at 6 months old (it’s pretty much the only food she hasn’t blown hot and cold on) and I think mercury can cause issues in a relatively short timeframe.
AwayEmily says
Do we have the same baby? Mine will devour an entire salmon burger in like ten minutes.
We have started trying to get him on the sardine wagon instead, since those are much healthier and have minimal mercury issues. He’s iffy about just regular sardines but I’ve made some “sardine patties” (mushed sardine with eggs/breadcrumb) that he is pretty happy about.
rakma says
So it seems like there might be a texture component -the salmon patties and meatballs both have a softer texture than baked chicken. We used to make batches of turkey or chicken meatballs with grated apple and carrot, freeze them, and reheat a few for a quick kid lunch or dinner.
(Now that I think about it, I should probably make a batch of these for nights when I just can’t deal with dinner)
mascot says
Yeah, I agree that this may be a texture thing. Also, have you tried dark meat chicken? We use boneless skinless thighs in place of chicken breast in a lot of recipes. They’ve got better flavor and don’t get as dry as white meat.
rosie says
I wish mine would eat salmon, but she’s really only into fish sticks & sometimes shrimp. I have never seen suggestions that fish should be limited for littles (aside from fish high in mercury)–what does your peds say? I would make sure you’re feeding wild salmon, not farmed.
Anon (OP) says
There’s some evidence, although I think not super clear (because it’s funded by the fisheries) that farmed salmon is actually lower in mercury than wild salmon, so we’ve been buying farmed. Also, it’s cost prohibitive for us to buy wild salmon all the time – farmed is 1/3 the price or less. It didn’t really occur to me that it should be limited, because fish is so healthy IMO and salmon is a low mercury fish, but then a friend freaked out about mercury when I told her how much salmon my daughter eats, and I searched online and I found some sources saying kids, pregnant women and maybe even non-pregnant adults should limit even low mercury fish to no more than 2 servings/week and she has it way more than that (maybe 6-8 times/week, and I suspect at each of those meals she eats way more than a normal serving for her age).. I do plan to ask the ped but we don’t have an appointment for a while.
Pogo says
Definitely ask the ped, but I think they will probably tell you to stick to the published guidelines. I would check what they consider a “serving” though – do they consider a 4oz filet, even for kids?
My kiddo usually eats about 4-6 oz of salmon a week, which I’m ok with. He also has shrimp from time to time, but no more than 1-2x a week as well. I would just offer different proteins at the other meals – peanut butter, eggs, meatballs, poached chicken are some other favorites for our fish eater.
rosie says
I hear you on the price (although if you’re Costco members, they have frozen wild that’s more reasonable), but also take a look at potential for accumulation of toxins in farmed. My understanding was that the farming practices for salmon in particular are not great.
Lily says
Hmmm… how can I get my 1 year old to eat fish? Or anything closer to adult food. It’s been so difficult to feed him. Only things he will eat are crackers, cashew butter, carrot puree with some chicken puree mixed in. One time I made him salmon puree. He loved it. And the next time a week or two later, he wouldn’t open his mouth! Feeding has become such a big struggle! Both husband and i get tired and upset trying to get him to eat something other than crackers.
Anon (OP) says
Are you doing finger foods? My DD is definitely over purees. She will open her mouth for yogurt, because she still loves that (and we can mix in plain pureed vegetables for added nutritional content) but she won’t open her mouth for traditional purees. She likes feeding herself now, so I would definitely try that if you haven’t already.
She definitely does the thing where she loves a new thing and then won’t it eat again. I always thought it would be the opposite, where she’d hate everything at first and grow to like it. But I gave her some tofu once and she absolutely loved it, and then each time we gave it to her she ate less and less until eventually she just pushed it away immediately. It’s happened with a few other foods too. Kids are weird! And she’s definitely getting increasingly picky…she used to be a veggie fiend who loved broccoli, squash, cauliflower, etc., and now carrots are pretty much the only vegetable she’ll eat whole. We have to sneak veggies into her yogurt.
SC says
I don’t know specifically about mercury in salmon, but I try to make sure my kid is getting a pretty diverse diet. I’ve always tried to diversify when I get the feeling he’s eating one thing to the exclusion of others.
I would also assume this is a texture thing. My kid did not like the firm texture of most meats until he was quite a bit older–maybe 2 or even closer to 3. He loved processed meats, especially ham, bacon, and chicken sausage. Of course, I didn’t want to feed him those foods everyday. He also hated eggs, and still hates eggs, and he’s always been lukewarm on yogurt and cheese.
You said she doesn’t seem full on days she doesn’t eat salmon. The other meats you listed as alternatives are pretty lean, and salmon is high in (healthy) fat. She may be getting enough protein elsewhere in her diet, but not as much fat on days she doesn’t have salmon. Obviously, I don’t know, but if that might be the case, I’d try higher fat meats like chicken thighs or meatballs with 85-90% fat, or non-meat sources of fat like avocado, whole-milk yogurt, cheese, hummus or bean dips blended with olive oil, other dips, etc.
Also, is she still drinking formula/breastmilk? Or whole (cow’s) milk? That should be providing her with the protein and fat she needs, so she shouldn’t be hungry even if she doesn’t eat salmon.
Last thought–I like to put one thing I know my kid likes on the plate, then expose him to other foods. So you could continue to give her salmon, but reduce the portion, and provide other options that meet the same nutritional needs. When she’s done eating the salmon, just tell her it’s all gone. If she doesn’t eat anything else, then her formula/milk should supplement.
Anon (OP) says
Thanks, this is helpful. She’s still nursing, and I know that’s a nutritional backstop but we’re trying to make the transition away from that, since she currently nurses a lot. At 12 months we’ll introduce cow milk and hopefully that will replace some of the nursing.
Texture may be an element of it, but it can’t be entirely a texture thing because she loves chicken tenders at a restaurant or from the freezer, when they have a lot more salt, fat, etc. than plain chicken but aren’t any softer. We have tried adding garlic and other healthy seasonings but it doesn’t help that much. We should try dark meat chicken for added fat and flavor.
Pogo says
Oh, good point about whole milk – we always give kiddo whole milk and plain whole milk yogurt as well. Even if he eschews all other protein on that day, he’ll never refuse the sippy or the yogurt. Haven’t tried it but cottage cheese would be a good protein source as well (I’m sure he’ll hate it).
And I love the advice I got on here to just keep offering! You never know when kiddo will decide that something is tasty again.
lawsuited says
+1 to keep offering. My kid decided this weekend that cucumber is his favourite food after leaving it on his plate for months. I see my role at meal time as “offering a variety of healthy-ish foods” rather than getting my kid to eat. To cut down on food waste, I offer a small amount of a few different foods at the outset and give him more of any food he finishes and asks for more of.
shortperson says
whats wrong with low mercury fish??? i have seen guidelines limiting all fish consumption for pregnant women and . . . i just dont think they are scientifically valid. i think they put those out there because they think people arent smart enough to differentiate between low and high mercury fish. meanwhile there are a ton of benefits to low mercury fish consumption, like DHA. we call our kids grizzly bears because of their enthusiastic consumption of salmon and berries. we serve salmon at least once a week, with leftovers in lunches for a few days.
KateMiddletown says
Hi ya’ll – Thanks for all the recos earlier this year. First week back at work and today I’m wearing J Crew Going out blazer + Betabrand (where have you been all my life) + BR white tshirt. Tomorrow is Loft black blazer + Pleione top + Athleta work style pants. We got this.
Emily S. says
High five on feeling good in what you’re wearing!
Anon in NYC says
Ditto! It’s really nice to feel the part, and to just put your head down and work. Thinking of you and your family, KateMiddletown!
Anonymous says
I’ve been thinking of you and your little one – hope the week goes well!
GCA says
You’ve got this! (Even simpler – use those 2 pairs of pants for the week and just alternate each day, no one will notice.) Hope the week goes smoothly. I’ve been thinking of you and your family!
ifiknew says
Hi all, thinking about potty training my daughter. She’s only 20 months, but were expecting another baby in 4 months and she’s shown a lot of interest in the potty / we let her run around without a diaper sometimes and if she pees on the floor, she points to it and says pee pee / consistently tells me when she has a poopy diaper. I’m not sure if these are just normal 20 month old things though and not necessarily signs of potty training readiness.
I know the younger they are, the longer it takes to work and there’s regressions with a new baby, but I do want to capitalize on daytime training before baby comes if it’s worth trying.
Has anyone trained this early? I always thought about waiting closer to 2.5.
Anonymous says
She can tell you when she’s already gone potty, but can she tell you that she needs to go before she actually goes? The latter is the key.
Anonymous says
Ha, I was waiting and waiting for that to occur and by 34 months it had not (for pee; for #2 he figured it out). I actually think my son would never have figured it out if we hadn’t just gone ahead with potty training. He honestly peed almost 30x a day the first few days. Maybe because we were so close to 3 it worked really fast though. For the OP – personally, I would prefer a diapered 2 year old and a new baby to a not-reliably-potty-trained 2 year old.
Anon says
“personally, I would prefer a diapered 2 year old and a new baby to a not-reliably-potty-trained 2 year old.”
Same. Diapers are so easy compared to a kid that is not well-potty trained.
Marilla says
My daughter went through a similar super-aware phase at the same age. I chatted about it with her daycare teacher to get her take, and ended up waiting until 2.5/almost 3. She trained super quick at that age and it was manageable with a 3 month old at home. But if you want to give it a try I would just test out the Oh Crap naked method over a weekend and see what happens. Worst case scenario, you put the diapers back on and forget about it until another day.
ElisaR says
I haven’t tried it but if you read the book “Oh Cr@p” which has been recommended here many times, the author seems to think it’s possible! We did it at 27 months but the book made me think it could have happened earlier. The book has some specific recommendations for training those under 2.
LittleBigLaw says
We used Oh Cr!p with my 22 mo daughter and never looked back. Took about 3 days and it stuck. Every child is different but early training is possible.
Anonymous says
Instarted mine a time 21 and 22 months. They were both fullly daytime trained by 2. Every once in a while they’d have an accident (once a week? Usually less.) and almost always when at home and not prompted by teachers.
Seafinch says
Similar to above, my two older kids were trained at 22 and 24 months (one boy, one girl), pretty much in a couple of days, virtually no acciednts. We had some challenging childcare with #3 and waited for a summer holiday and trained her in one day at 27 months. All three were very straightforward. I definitely think it is worth trying. Our eldest was actually substantially day trained by 14 months (like maybe 70% and diapers still for naps) and we did a round of weekend bootcamp at 20 months, which was helpful but didn’t get the job done. It is common to hear not to push it or this is too early but it was stress free for us and they all ended up diaper free relatively early. We just do lots of liquids, potties everywhere, bare bums and constant sitting on it (no longer than a half hour between being sat down on it) and dedicate a weekend.
NWNW says
Almost 4 year old has suddenly realized that it is possible to say “no, I won’t follow the rules.” We had a lot of noncompliance as normal for a toddler/preschooler before, but not so much with the intentional disobedience until just now — the “I know it’s wrong and I’m choosing to do it anyway,” including things like running off the path into the woods (which he KNOWS is wrong) and other things. I think we’re handling it okay at home where we can do immediate consequences. How have you handled this at school, though?? We’ve gotten notes home a few times for, e.g., running away from teachers, refusing to follow other rules, and today he hold the teacher directly “I will not follow the rules.” This evidently warranted a call home to be sure we bring it up with him. He’s also VERY interested in, e.g., robbers and other “bad guys” who don’t follow the rules right now…
Anonymous says
This seems backwards–how can you be responsible for getting him to follow the rules at school if you’re not there? That’s the teachers’ job. I’d turn the tables and ask them how they are dealing with it and what you can do to support them.
NWNW says
Yes- they just want us to let him know they had to call us. Trying to figure out whether just saying “hey buddy, make sure you make safe choices” is going to have any impact at all.
Anonymous says
FWIW I think this behavior is super normal; he’s testing boundaries and trying to understand them. I think maybe asking you to bring it up with him at home is just an opportunity for you to emphasize how serious it is and so kiddo will know you and the teachers are in communication. When we had a similar incident we just talked to our son about how important it was to us that he listen to the teachers and make “okay choices” (Brooklyn progressive preschool, nothing is bad, just not okay) at school, how it was not okay with us that he wasn’t listening to the teacher, etc. Nothing ground breaking – just letting him know we were unhappy with him.
NWNW says
Thanks. Yes, they’re just looking to be sure he knows we know he’s doing it at school— just can’t figure out how to discuss it in a way that will make any impact. This was helpful.
Anonymous says
My kid’s teacher talked with me about how kiddo would look at her and then just blatantly ignore what she was saying. My really helpful response was, “yup, she does that to me, too. It’s normal for this age, right?”
We talk about how rules are there to keep everyone safe and teachers and parents want you to listen so everyone can be safe and have fun together. It doesn’t seem to change behavior much, but I’m banking on it sinking in eventually.
Side note, we participated in a child development study about how receptive kids are to following social norms and rules just because “everyone does it this way” at various ages and depending on parents attitudes toward authority, etc. Interesting to think about in the sense of raising very excellent sheep.
Anonymous says
At my kid’s daycare they play silly “break the rules” games to get that urge out of their system. Like you imagine a game where the rule is “no silly sounds” or “no smiling” etc. and then go from there …
Lana Del Raygun says
Quick question about postpartum PT — should I look for separate people to ask about pelvic floor issues and diastasis recti? The pelvic people all seem to highly specialized, and no one seems to mention DR, at least on their websites. (Also if anyone has any recs in DC please send them my way — the BCBS online search is clogged up with a million frickin’ chiropractors.)
Anonymous says
They ought to be able to handle both, I think. I would ask when you call the office. In Nova, I had a good experience with the PT at Virginia Hospital Center for both issues.
Anonymous says
Agree with the poster below that pelvic floor PT also includes DR (the muscles in both areas are related) and that Virginia Hospital Center is a good place to look. I saw Kristen Grandstaff for DR. An acquaintance saw and liked Pani Nazari, who used to be a senior PT at VHC and has since established her own practice in McLean. I’m not sure exactly which condition my acquaintance saw her for, but DR should be within her scope of practice.
TheElms says
Senior associate in biglaw up for counsel / partner in the next year or two; DH Partner in biglaw; due in the spring. No family in the area. I’m thinking about childcare. As soon as I got a positive pregnancy test we signed up for the big corporate daycare center with which DH’s firm has a preferential arrangement for wait list purposes. I am reasonably confident there will be an infant spot when we need one. The daycare is 2 short blocks from DH’s office and about 6 long blocks from my office. Daycare hours are 7:30am-6:30pm. Cost is about $2500 a month. How would you arrange your day in an ideal world in terms of drop off / pick up time and who does what? Would I be better off just getting a nanny or doing a nanny share?
Anon says
For $2500/month, I wouldn’t do a center. I’d pay a little more and get a nanny, which will spare you the drop off/pick up time and also the constant sick baby that first year.
SC says
+1.
Anonymous says
If you’re both in biglaw, IMO you need a nanny, or daycare + part-time nanny, unless your biglaw job is a whole lot different from mine! No way I could do only day care if my husband didn’t have a job that predictably ended every day at 5. Not to mention the number of days baby will be home sick. With two biglaw salaries, I wouldn’t bother with the logistics of a nanny share.
TheElms says
Isn’t the cost of a nanny going to be approximately double the cost of daycare? I’ve talked to folks at work and with taxes and overtime and coverage for nanny vacations they say they pay around $60k a year. Infant daycare even at $2500 a month is only $30k. I realize money isn’t the only consideration. But the $30k difference could pay for a part time nanny or lots of back up care.
Anonymous says
I couldn’t tell you because I’ve never actually had a nanny. What about daycare + a part-time housekeeper/babysitter that could pick up your kid from daycare when necessary and/or take care of baby for at least part of the day when baby inevitably comes down with daycare germs, in lieu of performing housekeeping tasks? Daycare with no formal backup seems like a recipe for lots of stress in your situation.
IP Attorney says
Although it’s likely dependent on your area, for us it is. We pay about $55k/year for our nanny (northeast). She was a godsend when I was in Biglaw because my husband couldn’t be home until closer to 7 pm and I was in Biglaw with west coast clients so there was no way I was making it home before 8 or 9 pm.
shortperson says
i think it really depends on the culture of your offices. as a senior associate in biglaw i can always get out to pick up kids before daycare. often work in the evenings if things are urgent. if your office has a facetime requirement or this would hurt you in partnership decision then, no. unless your husband can tag in on those days.
NYCer says
Unless you or your husband are in T&E (or another similarly predictable, non-emergency practice area), I honestly don’t see the daycare center working out. Trying to leave by 6pm every day to make it in time for pick-up seems like a recipe for disaster and/or a constant source of stress between you and your husband.
I know it is a lot more expensive, but I think that a nanny is the way to go. I don’t know any double biglaw couples who can make daycare work – everyone I know in that situation either has a nanny or at least a part-time baby sitter who does pick-up after school or after daycare.
TheElms says
Yes, I agree leaving by 6pm consistently sounds hard. My husband is reasonably good at leaving by 6:30pm because we have a dog. His practice is better suited to it than mine. But if I don’t leave, when do I see the baby awake other than in the middle of the night for feedings? I almost feel like having an immutable rule would be easier to enforce than a sometimes rule. Other associates leave by 5pm consistently for daycare pick up, but they tend to be part time.
NYCer says
That is a fair point about seeing the baby, and I hate to say it, part of the reason a lot of people leave biglaw after having kids. You definitely could give it a go with the daycare center and then readjust after a few months if leaving at 6 isn’t working? I am guessing that you would have to be willing to work from home after the baby goes to sleep sometimes, but at least you would be able to see him/her for a bit every evening.
I am in T&E and am happily Senior Counsel with no desire to make partner, so I am fortunate that I am able to leave on the earlier side. If I were in a more intense practice area, I probably would have found a different job years ago (that is just me being completely honest – obviously lots of kicka*s biglaw women make it work!!).