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Readers on Corporette were just talking about how they think that stilettos are not really popular anymore and how they’re flummoxed when they see women wearing them. They also noted that a lot of older women seem to primarily wear the Vara from Ferragamo, which can be great if you have $500 or $600 to spend, but if you’re on the hunt for a more affordable modern block heel, these Anne Klein shoes look pretty great. I like the dip in the vamp, which is always a flattering detail, and I like how they come in so many colors — we’re picturing the matte black, and there’s also a black patent that’s really nice, a sand patent, and a white patent, if that’s your jam. They’re available at Zappos for $84.95. Anne Klein Norwood Block Kitten Heel This post contains affiliate links and CorporetteMoms may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!Sales of note for 4.18.24
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
New mom says
Good morning! Can anyone provide a little insight into when it gets… not “easier,” but less overwhelming to be a working parent? We have a 4 month old and I just returned to work 1 month ago. Already it seems like we are barely getting done everything that needs to get done (stuff for daycare, work, meals) and I have no mental energy to think beyond the next day. Please, no comments like “just wait until he’s walking!” Or “until you have 2!”…. no one would have 2 if they felt this way all the time!! I really don’t think I am depressed or anxious… just teetering on the edge of being overwhelmed. Husband is helpful, he does daycare pickup, but the burden of nursing/pumping is something he can’t share…
Thank you!
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
Sending love – was right where you were a year-ish ago. This isn’t easy, not in any way – whether you have one or multiples, whether you have family support nearby or not. The return to work is tough for a new mum, and then adding pumping to the mix makes it even harder. I think the biggest thing is to take pressure off of yourself right now and realize “shortcuts” are your friend (e.g. grocery delivery, takeout, Prime Now, etc.) where you can afford and tolerate them.
I found it’s gotten easier and more fun as DS has gotten older, with a big jump in this direction at 6 months. Also, once I finished nursing at 1 year, it was amazing how much more parenting has been shared between me and DH vs. before. Not quite equal, but definitely more fair.
One thing I wish I had been better about is delegating the bottle cleaning/prep from pumping to my husband very clearly and let him know he could “help” with the BF in this way. After working/pumping all day, to come home, clean, make bottles, and re-pack everything was such a suck on my time and energy. Granted, he works a lot of late evenings but we could have found a better system. Also, I probably wouldn’t have listened to this advice when DS was 4 months – but throwing it out there – it’s okay to drop as many pumping sessions as you need to maintain sanity. You got this!
Anonymous says
At 4 months and one month back to work, you are really in the thick of it now. For us, things started to get easier as soon as baby started crawling. Once she was mobile she was instantly happier and stopped demanding to be held every second of the day. Then she turned 6 months old and started eating a ton of cereal, purees, and yogurt. Right around the same time, I gave up pumping and started giving her formula in the sippy cup while still nursing some. No longer being a ravenous baby’s sole source of nutrition did wonders for my sanity and ability to get things done. So just hang in there for another month or two, and one day you will look around and realize that things are no longer quite so crazy. You’ve got this!
Anonymous says
4 months old was the worst for me. It definitely gets better. Just imagine, in 2 months your baby will be able to sit up and eat solids (if not already). In 8 months he or she will be mostly eating solids and you will be worrying about how to STOP nursing/pumping so much (if not before). He or she may be able to walk out the door with you at 12 months – you won’t have to carry him/her all the time! It really gets easier. And sleep gets better, which makes everything more manageable. I think I felt like we started turning the corner around 6 months. They change so fast that first year that just when you think you’ve got something figured out, it stops working. Toddlers and older kids can be challenging in different ways but the initial adjustment to parenthood, and particularly my first few months back at work, were harder for me than anything else since (my son is 6.5).
KW says
I also have a 4 mo and have been back at work for a little over a month, so I feel you. Can you wear your baby at night while you make dinner or wash bottles/pump parts, etc? The most frustrating thing for me is when the baby just wants to be held (by mom, usually, not DH or our 7 yo) but there are a million other things I need to get done. Otherwise I try to streamline (meal prep on weekends or cook double batches for leftovers) and/or outsource as much as possible and let all the non-essentials go for the time being.
Anon says
For us it started getting easier right around 17-18 months (i.e., now), but I think that’s peculiar to my kid – it’s when we hit the milestones of consistent sleep, varied diet, good naps and a fair amount of independent play (and of course now we’re thinking about a second because why keep a good thing going). I stopped pumping at 9 months and we weaned at 15 months. Weaning was a big step for me, but my kiddo was a comfort nurser so finding new ways to comfort that she would accept was a challenge, and we still weren’t sleeping. Around 17 months is right around when we finally, finally, finally (despite every trick known to man, mother and god tried at least twice) started sleeping through the night consistently and had a bedtime routine that didn’t involve hours of screaming (she’s a stubborn one). She also eats pretty much what we eat, can play independently, and we no longer have to cart a stroller most places (we’re in suburbia) because she’s easy to carry (holds on) and loves to walk when we let her (i.e., in the restaurant or store, not through the parking lot).
anon says
do what you can afford to make your life easier. if this means buying another set of pump parts or some extra bottles, do it. if this means eating frozen meals or rotisserie chicken from the grocery store, that is fine too. i know you want to spend your weekend decompressing and relaxing, but i also try to do some prep on the weekends. also- if you want to exclusively nurse and pump for a year that is great and awesome! but if you decide it is too much and you want to do some combo feeding that is fine too. there is a great post on this site somewhere on combo feeding. Since DH obviously cannot nurse the baby, can he do other things like get the baby ready for bed, prep bottles for daycare, etc.? Think about your division of responsibilities and if there is any way to divide them up a bit better. How are you sleeping these days? is the baby sleeping through the night? if not, i promise it is a different ballgame once the baby starts to sleep better. if baby is not sleeping through the night and you are still feeding during the night, you could consider having DH offer a bottle instead of you nursing so that sometime you can get sleep too. Hang in there!!! I’m only 5 months ahead of you, and while there are definitely still times I feel like I am sinking and barely surviving, those days are definitely fewer than they were 5 months ago
Anonymous says
Hello New Mom, hugs and congratulations on the new baby! Full time working mom of 3 under 3 here. Please forgive my rambling response. I think it becomes less overwhelming when you are kind to yourself and allow yourself to just be. Let go of the comparison of yourself now to your prior self and the comparison of yourself to other moms, or comparison of yourself to an ideal. One of the hardest things I had to let go of mentally was knowing all these other moms that seemed to have it together and be able to juggle everything effortlessly. It took my therapist telling me, 1. you are not these people, you are you with your own unique needs and 2. they are going through more than what they’re showing. The biggest adjustment for me was going from 0 kids to 1 because I was always holding myself up to these other standards. And doing a lot of things that don’t need to be done and not asking for and/or accepting enough help from others. Why did I need to clean my own house every week? Who cares. I told myself I did, but I didn’t weigh the physical and emotional cost of pushing myself to do this or that with my wellbeing and peaceful quiet time with my new baby. If you could take a look at all the activities you do during the day and simply stop doing some of them, or outsource them, you’ll feel better immediately. Pretend in your mind you have only 12 hours in the day, and really really edit your activities. Here are some things I was doing after 1 baby that I’m not doing after 3 that have helped my sanity – hired a housekeeper for cleaning, I only do grocery park and pickup and almost never go in to the store anymore, I buy most foods semi-prepared, I eat the same breakfast and lunch almost every day, I stopped getting my nails done and just keep them clean and short. The list goes on. This is probably overstated/oversimplified, but I simply stopped caring what others thought of my circumstances and focused on what I needed to be happy in my circumstances. For example, many days, I need sleep more than I need to blowdry my hair (hello dry shampoo). Or I need to leave work at exactly 5pm (so I can have dinner done and then do daycare pickup before getting the kids) more than I need to impress my boss. That’s my sort of long answer. The shorter answer is that once you start getting better sleep you’ll feel better. And your sleep quality will be a function of how well your baby sleeps and what you decide to do for breastfeeding. I stopped breastfeeding at about 6 months and just getting 6 hours of continuous sleep after that made a big difference. You can do this momma!
FTMinFL says
THIS is what I was going to comment. Four months pp is a really hard time – everything is new and hard, there is so much overwhelm, and you are exhausted! It gets easier the day you can answer these two questions, prioritize the answers, and execute or delegate all tasks: What MUST be done? (eat, sleep, work, childcare…) How can I take care of myself? (make time to read, commit to two naps per week, buy myself coffee as a treat on my way to work every other day…)
This season is hard. Adjusting your expectations and finding some mental peace helps to make things easier. Listening to Laura Vanderkam’s “I Know How She Does It” was encouraging and empowering to me if audiobooks are your thing (I love my commute now!). FWIW, I felt like 6-7 months was a turning point for me with both of my kids where things started to get easier, then there was another around 12-13 months, and again around 18 months. You are perfectly well equipped to do this – don’t forget your oxygen mask. It will absolutely get easier.
RR says
I have three kids (they are 11, 11, and 5). It gets easier and surprisingly quickly, in part because you just get better at balancing, better at prioritizing, etc. It’s still very new at four months. That’s a hard age. When you have your first child, you add this whole big thing that you are constantly thinking about to your brain. It’s like someone throwing a grenade in your life. It’s never the same. And, you are only a month in to that balance–of course it’s hard right now! But, you adapt. Kids get older and more independent, and while that brings its own challenges, the challenges are different.
I think the key at this age is to focus on each day. Get up every day, do the best you can that day, and then let it go. That means that sometimes work wins, sometimes kid wins, sometimes it feels like no one wins. The key is to let it go and start fresh the next day. Over the course of your life, everything evens out. Those days that you feel like you suck at your job don’t define your career. Those days that you feel like you were a total mom failure don’t define your parenting. You get 10 years down the road and somehow the career is still fine and thriving, the kids are these super interesting people who still love you, and you even find time to get an occasional pedicure. Just do what you need to do right now to get through each day and make your life as easy as possible.
CHL says
You are right in the thick of it and it does get less overwhelming! For me, big milestones were: sleeping reliably through the night, stopping pumping, going to one nap a day, potty training, then 4 years old/dropping the nap altogether. I’ve also heard “survive until 5” and it’s absolutely true! Do what you need to just get through – meal prep, ordering in, get a housekeeper help, getting a sitter “just because.” Don’t listen to people who tell you to enjoy this magical phase of unicorns and rainbows — enjoy some snuggles and get some help but accept that you’re really in a hard time and there’s no shame in admitting that! In most other countries, you wouldn’t even be working right now. You can do it, just keep going!
Anonymous says
I’m on my 3rd kid and it gets way, way easier when you stop pumping. That might mean white-knuckle through for you knowing there’s an end, but it could also mean drop the daytime pumping and just nurse at night. Or give yourself til 6 months and then decide.
My first I pumped until 8 months (from month 3 she was in daycare). My second i pumped about 4 times and then switched her to formula during the day (she started daycare at 6 months so she was EBf until then). My third I’ve been able to keep home longer so she’s still primarily nursing at 8 months but whenever I’m not home to nurse her she gets formula.
AwayEmily says
+1 with both kids I didn’t consciously realize how much pumping was negatively affecting my mental health until I stopped. I know it’s not like this for everyone but it’s more common than you might think.
Anon says
Yeah I gave up pumping within a month or two of going back to work. I just hated it (the pumping room was dirty and it was sooo boring) and I felt like I wasn’t getting anything done at work because I was always pumping, getting ready to pump or getting back from pumping, but I wasn’t willing to stay at the office for longer hours just so I could pump. I switched to formula/solids during the day (she was about 6 months old at that point, I think) and continued nursing morning and night. She’s 18 months now and still nursing a lot in the mornings and evenings, so for me at least dropping pumps didn’t mean stopping the benefits of breastmilk and it was so good for my mental health.
Anon says
I wanted to comment the same thing. If you’re super committed to pumping and nursing, good for you. But a friend told me there’s no extra credit for doing this the hard way. Dropping down on pumping/nursing totally improved things and made for a better division of labor And it does get better.
Anonymous says
When you don’t have to worry about bottles it gets easier! Also those first couple months back are just the worst. Things that helped me: Doing as much as I could at work in terms of bottle prep- i.e. labeling the bottles for the next day after I pumped and washing all parts at the end of the day and just leaving them there. At night all I had to do was throw more bottles in my bag for the next day and put the nipples on the bottles that I pumped.
Anonymous says
I posted something very similar two years ago when I was first back at work and overwhelmed and got many helpful responses. It really does get better and looking back now I’m amazed at how I managed to function at work at all with how overwhelmed and exhausted I was, even with a very supportive partner.
My advice is to outsource what you can (house cleaning, meals, groceries). We got a lot of grocery deliveries during those months which isn’t usually something I like spending money on, but was worth it.Now we treat grocery shopping as a “let’s get the toddler out of the house!” adventure, so it’s not like you’re committed to doing that forever. Also, takeout/frozen meals are great, as well. Can you put your husband in charge of feeding adults because you’re feeding baby?
Last, remember that combo feeding is a totally viable option. If you’re not pumping quite enough to make all of baby’s daycare bottles at some point, one bottle a day of formula will not hurt and it can help take away some of the stress of being the sole provider of baby nutrition.
Anonymous says
4-6 months was the ‘worst’ part of new parenthood because I was so exhausted. I don’t know that it gets easier, but it gets different – new challenges pop up as kiddo grows.
New mom says
Thank you, thank you, thank you for all of the replies and validation…. this is really encouraging. I know there is no “easy” age for quite a while but this is extremely helpful. Baby still wakes up between 3-4 to eat so once we are able to drop that, I think things will get better. I also love the permission to pump less and to get more prepared meals. Thank you!!
Knope says
I also could have written this when I had a 4 month old. Two things:
1) I assume your LO is not sleeping through the night yet. I cannot tell you what a world of difference it made when mine did. I do not deal well with sleep deprivation, particularly when it involves constantly being woken up (vs. just having a shorter but consecutive chunk of sleep). Every baby is different on this, but 4-6 months was the hardest period for us for sleep – it got better from there and LO was sleeping through the night at 8 months, and I felt tons better.
2) I also found nursing/pumping to be overwhelming, but two things helped. First, we decided that I was the milk producer and my husband was the milk manager. I pumped into bottles in whatever form worked for me, and my husband was in charge of portioning bottles, made sure bottles were appropriately labeled for daycare, and washing my pump parts. Second, I tried for way too long to avoid combo feeding – I added in extra pumping sessions at home before bed or early in the morning, and it was all just too exhausting. Adding 2 oz of formula a day was totally fine for my baby and saved me a lot of time and heartache.
Hang in there – FWIW I have a 2 year old now and think it’s WAY easier than having an infant!
ranon says
I have a 7 month old. Its still a lot but one thing that really helped me was using the Kiinde bottle system. No bottles to clean. I pump into my pump bottles at work, dump each pumped bottle into a bag with screw top, put my pump bag bag with milk and pump parts in fridge all day (pump stays at my desk). At night I have no bottles to clean since bags are single use, I wash my pump parts as soon as I get home, they dry and in morning I throw them back into my pump bag and am out the door. I keep a box of Kiinde bags at work and extra boxes/bags at home. Also at 6 months we had an emergency and I had to use formula. She still gets 99% breastmilk but knowing if I dont have enough milk made up she has a back up has been a huge stress reliever. So once a day I was a few nipples and my flanges and pump bottles.
It does get easier/ more routine. First two months back at work were rough!
Boston Legal Eagle says
A bit late but I just want to echo what everyone else has said – I think you are in the worst phase right now and it absolutely will feel different and better in even just a few months. The first few months back at work with your first will not define your entire working parent experience! If the baby is not sleeping through the night yet, once he does, it will feel better. Once you stop pumping, it will feel even better. Once he has a regular nap and nighttime schedule, you will even be able to do things on your own again.
With my first, it took me about a year to really feel comfortable with parent life and work life (I started a new job, which didn’t help with the stress). Once I did, I even felt ready for #2, which we now have!
Agree that you should outsource anything you can, and get as much help as you can. If you have family nearby, use them as much as possible. You don’t have to do it all yourselves, and there are no prizes for doing it all yourselves.
lawsuited says
Things got easier for us when we weaned, sleep-trained and introduced solids around 5 months and then once LO went down to 2 naps around 9 months. By around 12 months it felt like we were really rocking and rolling and enjoying family life a lot. (Then I went and got pregnant and ruined that.) Really, from 4 months onwards I found it started to get easier if different ways.
Law mama says
I thought months 3-6 were the toughest- back to work, sleep regression, tons of nursing and pumping, multiple night wakeups, it’s all a lot. It got much better for me at 7-8 months when we were usually down to one nighttime waking and then TONS better around 11 months when I stopped pumping – so much more free time and my brain really cleared.
anon says
Sooooooooo when are kids supposed to be able to play independently? I’m not even asking for reading by themselves in a separate room…just you know, to not grab a book while I’m reading or to not sit on me while I’m trying to do sit-ups. I have a 13-month old and basically either my husband or I are constantly interacting or watching her. I am tired. I would like to work out or chop vegetables or read while she is awake! Am I doing this wrong?
Anonymous says
Janet Lansbury talks about kids being able to play independently at very young ages. Google her for more indepth ideas but the general idea is to create a “yes” space, where your child can safely interact with anything in the space.
anon says
Man, Janet Lansbury’s advice can be such a guilt-trip though, if it’s just not happening for your kid for whatever reason. I have a high-needs kiddo (both as a toddler and now as a 9-year-old), and her advice just … isn’t great for him and I daresay created problems for us/him. Meanwhile, younger daughter is a lot more naturally independent, but that goes in big swings. Sometimes she will happily play alone for an hour, other times, she’s glued to my him.
I guess what I’m saying is give yourself a wiiiiide continuum for what independence looks like.
Anon says
I’ve never heard of a 13 month old playing independently. Of course she’s going to be grabbing your book and trying to sit on you. There’s a reason people consider the baby and toddler years tough – you basically don’t have free time except when you have childcare or the baby is asleep. Pretty soon, you can involve her in cooking and working out, so you can get stuff done while she’s awake and in your care. I don’t know any parents of kids under about 6 that can read a book right in front of their kids without the kids wanting to interact with them though. Even if a child is capable of independent play, if mom is around and doing something that looks interesting, they’re going to want to participate.
ElisaR says
sadly, i find this to be true.
lawsuited says
+1 I involve my toddler in cooking (like, stirring cherry tomatoes endlessly with a wooden spoon) and cleaning activities so I can do them while he’s awake. Because, yeah, he needs attention during pretty well all his waking hours. I read books without interruptions during my commute.
Anonymous says
My 11 month old can sort of play independently? She’s very interested in us and especially our devices, but if I sit in the chair in her nursery she can generally play on the floor by herself for a little while and I can have my attention half elsewhere. I still keep some attention on her (eg, she babbles at me, I talk back to her) because I don’t want to ignore her if she’s trying to engage with me. We inadvertently practiced Janet Lansbury’s “benign neglect” theory because until recently my husband was working while also being her primary caregiver, so she spent a lot of her infancy playing on her own and only got dedicated parental attention when she needed something.
octagon says
For us it started happening about 2.5. Sorry. In the meantime, you can start by keeping her close while you are doing other things — on a stool while you are chopping/cooking (at a safe distance), or reading with her…. I found that the doing chores with kiddo in a back carrier made a big difference at that age too. Provided the closeness while also keeping my hands free.
Anonymous says
My older 2 started playing by themselves around 2.5. My oldest can play alone for or hours (hours!) at 5 and has been this way for like a year or so. Some of it is personality.
My 8 month old can amuse herself for a good 20 min with nobody else around. Frankly I think she likes being left alone ;)
Cb says
My 18 month old can manage 10 minutes or so, depending on the activity. Sometimes he’ll play in his crib or stack blocks, but books, duplo etc all need assistance. I was off this am and we must have read 20 books (or 5 books, 4 times each). It’s exhausting, not sure how SAHMs do it. I’d definitely need to use screens if I was home all day.
AIMS says
My daughter started to really do it around 2.5. She’s 3 now and will easily play by herself for stretches at a time. My 1 year old is starting to do it but definitely only when he has the safe space to do so, e.g., in his sister’s ‘kitchen’ or in their room when I block off a space where he can’t hurt himself and I’m sitting near by with, say, an iPad. But at this point it’s like 20 min stretches max.
But I can usually chop veggies, etc., by putting him in a high chair and giving him some spatula to play with while I talk to him about what I’m doing. It doesn’t always work but it lets me get a few things done at least.
Lana Del Raygun says
Can you put her in a play pen with some safe toys? You could even put it in the kitchen (if you have the space) so that she can still interact with you.
fallen says
I think it depends on the kid. My 5 year old started just recently, my 7 month old has always been able to play independently (for 30 mins!)
anon says
This! My oldest has always been able to play independently, since he was a baby. My middle son always had my oldest to play with. My youngest also just recently started, ~5, and she would strongly prefer being in the same room with a grownup.
chill says
I did pack n play with toys in the living room to great success. I could cook and listen to a podcast while she played. She quickly learned to do her own thing for a while, which has carried into her toddler phase. Though I only get real reading done after bedtime.
aelle says
My 18mo plays well independently if there are other people (especially children) around. If we are one-on-one, she wants my whole attention. Even if she doesn’t need me to participate, she wants an audience.
For chores and dinner prep, it really helps if she can watch or “help” (there’s no meaningful amount of help happening, but for example I can hand her the plates and glasses one by one to put on the dinner table, and it keeps her engaged and happy while I work in the kitchen). “Black box activities” that she can’t watch, like anything involving my phone or typing documents, seem to be the most frustrating for her.
Cb says
If there are people or a task (I got my son to get my slippers the other day!), I can get a few minutes of peace. But if any sort of electronic device is in view, he thinks it is time to Skype papa.
Anonymous says
Yeah, seconding that around 18 months they can often “help” and that buys you some time to unload the dishwasher without someone clinging to your legs.
Betty says
You are not doing anything wrong! I think that independent play can really depend on the individual child. My son (older) played independently at a younger age than my daughter. I think some of it is personality. Even though my daughter is now 5, she prefers to be where I am, preferably with some part of her touching some part of me. As a toddler, she needed to be in full body contact any time I was in the room. Either way and even as they get older, I found that if you want time to chop vegetables, exercise, etc. it really helps to have an activity that the kiddo can do on their own. Kinetic sand is great for this!
Anonymous says
I have high hopes for the day my son goes to college.
avocado says
Ha ha. You may not have to wait quite that long. Around the time she turned 11, my daughter suddenly decided that instead of following me around 24/7 and demanding that I sit next to her while she did her homework, she was happy to spend hours on end in her room with the door shut. Now I actually miss her sometimes.
Seafinch says
Highly kid and mood dependant. All of mine would play independently at a about a year but I couldn’t count on it, necessarily. My third is a barnacle. I just include her. She has kitchen shears to cut veggies (she is two) and she will spend hours “washing” dishes. I put something in the sink, bit of water and soap. She has been doing that since a year a old. Also will sit her at the breakfast table and give her play-doh and a few cutters etc. Let her stir a pot. Basically any make work projects.
GCA says
I never realized just how dependent this is on kid personality. My first was a bit of a barnacle as well. Even at 6 months – I’d leave the room for a minute and he’d freak out. Later on, we’d be on the playground talking to other parents and most of the time I’d be the one with the kid tugging on my hand going ‘Mom play with me! play with me’. I thought we’d somehow spoiled him…until kid 2 came along. My second is 6 months this week and she’s much happier to sit and play (gnaw on objects) on her own (and fall asleep on her own, etc).
With a young toddler, you have to either put them in a safe place or trail along after them anyway. Or wear them. (That *is* the workout, lol. The workout thing is a big part of why we have a jogging stroller.) It does get better though! At that age it’ll start off with 5 or 10-minute chunks and get longer. Even kid 1 can now entertain himself building a railroad in his room for a good half hour.
Anon says
My kid could play independently around 12 months for short (maybe 10 minute) stints of time. Whether she chose to play independently is a different question. We accomplished this by leaving her in a playyard with a gazillion toys and just walked out of the room – after a few minutes of screaming she’d settle in and play. Before she figured out how to climb out last week, she was up to around 30-45 minutes of independent play (enough to take a shower). At around 15 months we introduced the learning tower in the kitchen, which made things better for her because she could see what I was doing, play with stacking cups or nibble on snacks or whatever while I prepped dinner and we were both in the kitchen. At 18 months, if I’m in the room, she still probably needs to be “checking in” (i.e., touching me) every 5-10 minutes, but she will wander off and do things. She’s a climber and I refuse to live in house where every square inch is padded, so there’s still a fair amount of supervising. Also sesame street buys me 15 minute chunks of time throughout the day so that I can throw a load of laundry in, run out to the garage to restock something, etc., and we use that liberally.
Anonymous says
Yep, learning towers are great because then they feel involved, even if they’re just stacking silicone muffin cups while you’re cooking dinner.
Anonymous says
You are at the perfect age for what we called “baby jail” for our twins– a playard that took up about 1/3 of the living room but that had a foam floor we bought on Amazon and a huge pile of toys and books. They were okay in there for 30-45 minute stretches but only if we weren’t in the same room. If they could see us, they wanted out.
Anon says
This. We called ours “the cage” (when we had it shaped like an octagon) or “baby jail.” We’re still adjusting to losing all baby containment devices other than the highchair with the five point harness at 17 months. Tall adventurous climbers are the worst.
Anonymous says
Idk 4? A 13 month old needs constant supervision.
avocado says
Are normal high heels (to me “stilettos” are four inches high and probably bright red) really out of style? To me they are a classic look. Low block heels are like mom jeans—ironically trendy on the youth who have never seen them before, but frump city on anyone who is old enough to remember the 1990s. You never see Kate Middleton or Meghan Markle wearing block heels. I suppose maybe a tall block heel might be okay on someone my age, but these low block heels scream “grandma.”
Anon says
I think these heels look “grandma” to me too, but I have seen Kate Middleton wear block heels (though not low ones).
Anonymous says
I like the block heel trend in a higher heel or more modern shoe. Totally looks grandma in a black low heel.
Anonymous says
I am a bit of an Old, but I am old enough to remember seeing pictures of Catherine Deneuve and Jackie Onassis wearing low block heels and I always think that they are classic. I hated the movie Belle Du Jour, but I fell in love with the shoes. [It made sense to me — if you are in a city, you walk a lot, and these would look good and be wearable esp. in Europe where the paving materials are older than what we have here.] A lot of the female partners / counsel in my BigLaw firm, especially in the China/Japan/Asian offices wear something like Ferragamo Varas all the time and the look chic not dowdy (but I can see how dowdy is an easy reach depending on the rest of your outfit).
Anonymous says
I think a lot of the pushback over higher, thin heels comes from a place of “I’m now too old to wear these because they destroy my feet.” Like you, I consider them classics and can’t imagine them going out of style in general, although I think aspects of them can (particularly the toe– round v square v almond shape). I no longer wear high, thin heels because my office is casual enough that I don’t need to, and I’ve realized how much they were damaging my legs. But I still think they look awesome, and sometimes wish I could wear them!
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
+1. These scream FRUMP to me, but probably because I don’t have the natural chic-factor of a Jackie-O type. I need some sort of heel (and several other things) to feel business casual/professional polished.
Small Firm IP Litigator says
I wear everything from 4″ pumps to low-heeled pumps to low-heeled block heels to flats. But these particular shoes are dowdy – shape of the vamp? Agree you need to step up the rest of your outfit on the style-o-meter when wearing low-block heels or flats.
Bfeeding Mama says
Did anyone else find herself hanging onto to baby weight while bfeeding? I gained about 20 pounds while pregnant. I am now almost 5 months postpartum and my body is holding hard on to 15 pounds. I actually think I’ve put on weight since delivering my daughter. A lactation consultant told me that your body holds onto about 15 pounds while bfeeding that will fall off when you stop. Did anyone else experience this?
Anonymous says
I’m having a rather opposite experience. I breastfed and lost a lot of the weight quickly, but since I weaned about two and a half months ago (at 18 months), I’ve put back on about 10 pounds. I’ve attributed that to the fact that they say you need to take in about 300 more calories a day while breastfeeding. Interested to hear others’ experiences as well.
Anon says
This is me! BFing took me down 20 pounds below my pre-pregnancy weight (I only gained 18 pounds and had an 8.5 pound baby, yay for 9 months of puking), but since weaning 3 months ago at 15 months, I’ve put back on 10 pounds or so. Working on what “normal” portion sizes look like again.
anne-on says
+1. I lost A LOTof weight while nursing due to kiddo’s allergies (and didn’t gain much while pregnant thanks to the constant vomiting). I really had to watch my weight carefully since then and still think longingly of my skinny nursing days when I could truly eat like a teenage boy…as long as no dairy and eggs were involved, ha!
Anon says
15 pounds seems on the high side especially if you only gained 20 pounds while pregnant, but everyone I know including me hung onto 5+ pounds and clinging to some weight while BF-ing is definitely a thing.
E says
Yes. I didn’t start to lose the baby weight until I stopped nursing. My OB said some women just react to nursing that way.
Lana Del Raygun says
I seem to be holding on to about 10 lb, but I’m not back to my regular workouts yet so idk how hard.
Lana Del Raygun says
Although! I have been basically starving myself lately because I thought the lunches I’ve been packing were more nutritious than they actually were, and it still hasn’t gone anywhere. But maybe I’m making up the calories in the evening. Also I do not recommend starving yourself; diet culture is a terrible scourge and protein is wonderful
One brown eye says
You are not alone! This definitely happens to me. It surprised me with the first kid because it seemed everyone said bfeeding helped lose weight more quickly. I lose weight after delivery, then gain some back. Every time I drop a feeding session, I lose a bit more weight. Hang in there!
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
Sending love! I posted a while ago about this and got some lovely support from this community when I was feeling down, frustrated and frumpy. I definitely gained/held on to weight with the BF.
FWIW, I gained a lot more during pregnancy than you, too. DS is 14 (almost 15) months, I nursed and pumped until he was a year, and then came the holidays, where even with discipline, I wasn’t dropping weight. I JUST now feel like I’m in a good workout routine and am starting slowly (SLOWLY) to lose weight and find the new normal. I’ve also been working on reducing portions majorly (since it’s harder in this stage of life to completely cut out anything) and eating lots and lots of plants.
I didn’t get into a semblance of a workout routine until DS was around 10-11 months because of nursing/pumping and lots of solo parenting in the evenings. Thanks again to this community, I dropped a before-bed pumping session around 10 months that gave me more energy to squeeze in a PIIT28 workout in the evenings.
A few other GFs were back into a good workout routine a few months PP, with one weaning at 6 months, and have had an easier transition back but I’ve noticed, like all things kids/family, it is very case-by-case.
ElisaR says
i breastfed both my babies. One time I lost the weight no problem. One time, I didn’t and am still hanging on to it….. so I don’t think it’s necessarily tied to breastfeeding. At least in my experience.
Anon says
For some people, it’s definitely tied to breastfeeding. They’ve done studies about this and there’s all kinds of hormonal stuff that makes some people cling to weight while nursing. I dropped 5 pounds pretty much instantly when I stopped pumping at work, with no changes to my diet, exercise or sleep. Just because breastfeeding didn’t affect your ability to lose weight doesn’t mean it isn’t a huge factor for a large number of people.
ElisaR says
that’s why i said “at least in my experience.”
Seafinch says
Yes. I gain very little in pregnancy and lose it in about 36 hours. With my first, it came back once her caloric intake increased at four months (and nursing ceases to be hormonal), with my second, it never came back, with my third a little bit came back but it stayed and never went away…I weaned her at 27 months when I got pregnant again and I am now 8 months pregnant. I stay pretty soft while nursing despite being in the Army and working out pretty hard and with an excellent diet. I think with each one there was a major hormonal element and it is sort of out of many hands. I just ignore it and continue to focus on being strong and buff and assume it will sort itself out eventually. I am 41 now….so maybe it will never go away!
Anonymous says
I did not experience this with my first baby, but I did with my second. I am of the believe that your hormones after having the baby affect how much and how quickly you lose the weight (of course along with eating and activity level) and I swear that it’s not the same after each baby. That’s just my 2 cents.
ElisaR says
hmmm, you didn’t get lectured about studies by anonymous at 10:49 but i did? guess I am wording things too aggressively.
IP Attorney says
100% me. I gained 25 lbs during pregnancy but could not shed the last 10 lbs while breastfeeding until I started doing a weight focused work out a few times a week along with walking. Then it fell off while breastfeeding.
Anonymous says
It happened to me the first time, but now I’m not sure whether it was tied to stopping nursing or sleeping solidly all night, which occurred at the same time for kid 1. Kid 2 nursed a similar (short) time but still wakes up once a night (on a good night) and weight isn’t budging. I know there are correlations between sleep and weight.
Anonymous says
I’m looking for some spring break advice. My husband and I both had cases set for trial settle, so it looks like spring break is a go for our family (fingers crossed since getting our two schedules aligned is nearly impossible). We have two girls – 6 and 8. We went to Costa Rica last year and really loved it (especially a hotel that someone here recommended) and we have already done a few disney cruises. We live in Florida, so I am actually thinking that someplace with snow might be fun and the girls will love it because they have never experienced it. It will be the third week in March. From what I have read actual falling snow is rare in the US during that time. Is there a family snow resort someplace in Canada that is really geared toward kids? Or is there a place in the US that we may be able to see falling snow at that time. Thanks in advance for the help.
Anon says
I think the best place for snow would be a ski resort but that isn’t much fun unless you ski or want to learn. Canadian cities like Montreal would be perfect for a family trip, but falling snow in late March is by no means a guarantee. Some of the National Parks like Glacier would have snow at that time, but activities will be very limited at that time of year.
Anonymous says
When is your spring break?
Anonymous says
Oh sorry, I see late march – never mind.
Anonymous says
Mont Tremblant should still have snow then. Fly into Montreal (there are direct flights from most cities in Florida), head to Mont Tremblant for skiing/skating for 3-4 days. Drive back to Montreal for Biodome and exploring old Montreal for 2-3 days.
Banff/Lake Lousie are great but much further for just a week esp with time change. If you can get a direct flight into Calgary, Banff might be not that bad as it’s just an hour outside Calgary.
Anonymous says
Mont Tremblant looks great. Any recommendation on where to stay that makes things easy to get to etc?
Anonymous says
Definitely stay in the pedestrian village. I stayed at the Marriott but would have done the Fairmont if my budget allowed at as they have an outside pool open year-round at the base of the hill.
blueridge29 says
If you are up for a longer flight you should check out Whistler in British Columbia. It is a really great mountain and has a lot of entertainment to offer if you don’t ski. You also aren’t too far from Vancouver if you want to go into the city.
Good luck!
Anonymous says
Banff will almost definitely have snow in March (I got snowed on there in May!) and is beautiful, but you’d need to be up for spending lots of time outside in the cold.
Em says
A lot of mountain towns in Colorado will have snow in March. I took a trip to Estes Park in May of one year and some of the trails had just opened because they had been closed due to snow up until that point.
Anonymous says
Go to Denver! March is the snowiest month in Colorado. My birthday is March 23rd and it is almost always snowy or snowing that week.
EB says
Has anyone purchased from Hatch Maternity? Eyeing some of their sale items but they’re final sale and I am not sure if they will work on my body type – I’m 5’1″, petite, but big b bs – so like the opposite of their models.
Cate says
Yes and it’s been very hit or miss. Some items are my favorites, some look terrible. Which were you thinking of?
EB says
The slouch dress in the Sale section and the Buttondown Shirt. I think you have talked me out of it though if they are final sale and I can’t try them on first. Maybe I will buy some full price items instead.
shortperson says
if you buy with an amex card you can use return protection.
hatch has terrible customer service but they do have some cute stuff.
Marshmallow says
Agree, it’s often hit or miss for me too. I’m 5’4″ and a 6/8 before pregnancy, hourglass shape. Find that I need a size 2 in the more fitted styles (pants, structured tops) but a size 1 in dresses and softer tops otherwise I’m drowning. I have been very happy with the quality and style. It’s really hard to find maternity clothes that look modern.
You might also like Storq, by the way. It’s a more streamlined aesthetic and smaller line of styles, but the same idea with the clothes intended to be worn after pregnancy, too. They show the clothes on a range of body types. And their quality is awesome.
Anon for this says
My 3-year-old has been in 4 daycares in 3 years. The first center only for one week (moved due to safety issues), the next center was from 11 weeks to 18 months (moved because it was far from our house since we had to find a new daycare on short notice), the next center was from 18 months to 2 years (we loved it but it was sold after 6 months and the new owners were terrible), and now he has been in an in-home for about a year. There are a number of issues with the in-home, but the most concerning is that my son is bored. They spend most of the day watching TV or playing on an iPad and he does better with more structure. We found a preschool nearby that offers both part-time preschool (half days 3 days a week) and full-time daycare with preschool in the morning and free play in the afternoons. Originally we were planning to start part-time so he would still be going to the in-home in the afternoons and the other 3 days, and then transition him to full-time, but I am wondering if it would be better to just move him to full-time right away. Would a slow transition confuse a 3-year-old? I think I am feeling guilty for having to move him so many times and that is clouding my judgment on this, so I would appreciate any objective opinions.
Anonymous says
I would definitely put him in full time if you like the new place better. It’s a transition for him either way, and I would just go for it.
Anonymous says
I would move him to full time right away. Kids adjust faster to a new routine with it is consistent everyday. The part-time kids at my kids daycare always had the hardest time adjusting.
Hugs on the multiple daycares. He won’t remember the early moves. You did what you had to in order to keep him safe and well cared for.
Cb says
Move him right away. He’ll adjust and it sounds like he needs more activity / stimulation than he is currently getting.
ElisaR says
other vote for move to full time right away. I wouldn’t worry about the multiple daycares, it can really be a positive thing… babies are resilient and he will be none the wiser!
Anonymous says
Also voting for full-time right away!
Walnut says
Transition full time. My three year old has been in four daycares and has handled all of the transitions pretty well after a week or two of adjustment.
OP says
Thank you all for your responses! This makes me feel much better about the situation. Also, I called my husband and told him I “polled my internet moms” and they all said to do full time from the start. The best part is that I don’t even have to explain to him anymore what that means.
anon says
Ha! Awesome!
anon says
For people that slept trained, would your kiddo sometimes cry himself/herself? Slept trained baby months ago, but we STILL have nights where baby will cry for 10-20 minutes at nigh-time.
It breaks my heart and it’s a slippery slope of me taking him out (is he not tired?), reading a book, cuddling for a bit, trying again later or doing checks. I am wondering if I am doing something wrong or if there’s anything I can do to make it better.
Anonymous says
Yes, absolutely.
aelle says
How old is your child? Can he say “mama”? If so, I would encourage him to call out for you if he wants help, repeat it to him every time you put him down, and if he cries but does not call, I would interpret that as him choosing to cry himself to sleep and letting him be – provided you are confident enough he is not so distressed he cannot call you.
Anonymous says
Interesting, I would actually strongly not recommend this tactic, because I wouldn’t want my kid to think that I’ll come every time he calls my name. Signed, mom of a 2-year-old who would definitely ruin this system
anon says
I had the same thought! And it seems like it could make the crying even more heart-wrenching than it already is.
OP says
Child is 8 months old. And thats too bad, I find it unbearable to listen to it, had a very different experience sleep training my older kid (she CIO one night and slept like a dream since). Am I making it worse e by sometimes taking him out, reading a book, and trying later (often when I try later he doesn’t cry, but it drives me nuts because I have an older kiddo I need to also put to bed)? Or doing checks? I wonder if I shut the door and never came back if it would get better, maybe I am not being consistent enough.
Anonymous says
Don’t beat yourself up. It is impossible to know what would work best, so you just have to try something and muddle through. If crying for 15 minutes at bedtime some days is the worst thing that ever happens to him, he’s going to have a great life.
Anonymous says
Since you’ve mentionned finding the crying hard, if you don’t to want to continue with CIO, I recommend The No Cry Sleep Solution by Pantley. Not every method works for every kid so CIO might be a good fit for your oldest but not necessarily for this one.
AwayEmily says
YES this is totally normal. I think they sometimes have some built-up emotions from the day and the crib is a safe place to let them out. This was re-emphasized to me after my daughter (who we sleep-trained early on) was old enough to talk. She would cry at bedtime sporadically (maybe once every couple of weeks) and when she was two, I went in to see if she needed something and she told me very matter-of-factly to go away, she just needed to cry a little.
If I were you I would be really consistent and just shut the door (especially if he is going to sleep on his own after a little time) but def do whatever you feel comfortable with!
anon says
Haha, this made me laugh! I am surprised that my mother hasn’t told me a story about me doing this.
OP says
Thanks everyone for the encouragement and advice. I am going to take everyone’s advice and be more consistent.
I have also notice this tends to happen more after someone else other than husband or I or daytime caregiver put him to bed when I am out of the house, wonder if its separation anxiety.
One thing I am wondering too is if I have the right nap times? LO typically is up at 7:30, naps 10;30-12ish and then 2:30-4ish. Bedtime is at 8. Does that sounds like a good schedule? Wonder if I should tweak it a bit. I have noticed that anytime we have car naps it gets worse, so I try to avoid driving after 4…
Anonymous says
Sounds like a good schedule and agree with avoiding naps after 4pm if possible.
anon says
For some kids that last 4 hour wake time could be too long. It could be that you need to put him down a few minutes later for his second nap and earlier for bed time. It is often recommended that the first wake time of the day be the shortest, but your shortest wake time is in the middle of the day
Anon says
On the flip side my kid needed a longer than 4 hour interval before bed at that age. She was crying every time we tried to put her down and we couldn’t figure out why. I asked for advice here and some people suggested an earlier bedtime, but what finally worked was a later bedtime by half an hour, so she was up for a minimum of 4.5 hours before bed. I’ve since done some reading about baby sleep, and I think it just takes her longer than average to build up the “sleep pressure” needed to go to bed easily. She’s generally an easy-going baby but when she doesn’t want to do something, she lets us know, and the crying was her trying to tell us she wasn’t tired and wasn’t ready to sleep. Now that we let her stay up a little longer, she goes down without complaint and sleeps longer and later.
Anonymous says
This is so varied, which makes advice hard! I had two kids who at that age would wake up from their last nap and 3:30 and go to bed at 5:30 (and as toddlers could nap until 3 and go to bed at 6/6:30).
anon says
sleep training doesn’t mean baby doesn’t cry at bedtime, it means they can fall asleep independently. whether they want to and how they express that is a different story.
anon says
Similar to the question above, I have a 22 month old who cannot play by herself for more than 10 minutes at time. So when I am parenting alone (a lot since my husband works a lot), we have to do screen time when I need to take a shower, go #2, make a quick 20 minute meal, do the dishes etc. There’s just not enough time to only do all this when she’s sleeping. She’s also extremely active and high energy so I don’t trust she won’t hurt herself when I can’t be right there to supervise. Screen time is seen as the devil but when you are a SAHM or similar, I don’t know how you manage otherwise. It seems a bit easier if the kiddos are in daycare for most of the day and have really entertaining and engaging activities all day and there’s just a small amount of time at home.Maybe I’m just doing this all wrong ugh.
Anonymous says
High-quality television is not the devil. My daughter literally taught herself to read by watching Sesame Street and similar.
Anon says
My mom says I learned to spell watching Wheel of Fortune…
Anon says
My LO 18 month old applauds when someone gets a daily double right (clearly just responding to the audience applause, but still amusing).
ElisaR says
nah, you’re not doing anything wrong! For showering, I try to bring in a bunch of toys and watch him from the windowed shower door while I shower really quickly…. I have had to run out of the shower to stop him from playing with the toilet! There’s not great answer.
Cb says
I think you’re using screentime right. It’s a tool for you to get stuff done. On the days I’m solo, it’s a real struggle to fit everything into the 75-90 minutes between arriving home and bedtime.
Anonymous says
Not doing it all wrong. I definitely did screentime (esp. Daniel Tiger) but if you are looking for other ideas – I also did baby wearing – toddler tula is great for this, coloring or playdoh at kitchen table (put on a tray so easy to remove to set the table). I also switched to taking a bath at night which I found way more relaxing than shower in the morning.
If your kitchen is big enough you can get a learning tower so she can ‘help’ cook (take veggies you chop and but them in a bowl etc), or do coloring on the kitchen counter while you cook. We also moved the kids play kitchen into our main kitchen so they often like to ‘make supper’ while we do.
Anon says
Keep in mind that SAHMs usually have babies/toddlers who nap, or they have older kids who go to preschool (or both). Most SAHMs are not alone with their awake kids for 8 straight hours, five days a week. They use these breaks from the kids to do a lot of the essential household stuff so they don’t have long to-do lists when their kids are around and awake. You can’t compare it to doing daycare pickup, getting home and trying to make a meal, do bath and the bedtime routine and get your kid to bed, because there’s no built-in break for you in that time like there is during the day for SAHMs. And yes, most SAHMs I know do use some screentime, but not all day every day.
Anonymous says
Yup thanks! I’m the former career lady turned SAHM. My child is pretty good at independent play (I think it’s just personality – not parenting). But I usually prep a crockpot meal in the morning or use naptime to prep most of dinner so it just has to be put in the oven. We do 30 min/day of screen time right before her dad gets home because she’s usually crabby and getting tired around that time. This winter there’s been a lot of play doh and coloring (she’s 22 months).
AwayEmily says
Screen time is fine/normal, especially in those doses! I hope you are not feeling guilt about this, you sound like an awesome mom.
SC says
I don’t think screen time is the devil, and I don’t think you’re doing it all wrong. 22 months is a hard age because they’re really not independent, and parents do need some time for themselves.
If you want to limit screen time, can you have your daughter help you with some of the chores? Set her up with an activity at the kitchen table while you cook or do dishes–play-doh (I think it’s for 2+, technically), stickers, puzzle, etc. Can you create a safe space for her where she may get bumps or bruises, but not get seriously injured? But, yeah, sometimes an episode of Daniel Tiger is totally worth the chance to go #2 in peace.
Also, all of the SAHMs I know let their kids watch plenty of TV.
Anon says
We are 100% pro screen time in the preferred form of sesame street (either on the big TV, on mama’s phone or on an ipad in a baby-proof case). If your LO still stays in a playyard or PNP, you can put the kiddo in there with some non-electronic toys if you need to do things and you’re worried about it. They’ll eventually figure it out. My LO has climbed out of all those things, so screentime is our preferred method of getting things done. For meal prep, the learning tower noted above has made a vast improvement in “containing” her so I can supervise and meal prep at the same time.
anon says
THanks so much everyone, how does the leaning tower work? I see my daughter using the leaning tower to touch the stove or something. How do you keep them from touching the stuff on the counter / stove with this?
Anonymous says
Can’t touch the stove unless you place it in front of or close to the stove.
Anonymous says
We have a pretty small kitchen (in an apartment) but we just position the learning tower so kiddo can’t reach the stove when he’s in it. He can reach one of the counters, and that’s what I like about it. I give him some food to “chop”, or a big bowl to stir (spatula + dry corn or beans), or something to color. It’s really heavy and he can’t move it around without getting out of it and pushing it to another counter, and he’s 3.
anon says
The point is that they are able to reach the counter. Your kitchen needs to be large enough for you to set it up in a place where they can’t reach anything dangerous. The Learning Tower brand has a few height settings (I haven’t really looked at other brands–they may have the same feature) so that (hopefully) your kid can’t climb up onto the counter…or is at least deterred from doing so.
Anonymous says
Yeah, we put our learning tower so that the toddlers can only reach one counter (not the stove) and make sure not to put anything on that counter that we don’t mind if they play with. At the moment we keep a bunch of plastic bowls, muffin cups, and wooden spoons and they’ll climb up with stuffed animals or play food from their kitchen in the living room and amuse themselves for a while.
Walnut says
My kids just stand on chairs (3 and 1.5) while we prep dinner or whatnot. They find it fascinating, occasionally reach something that is messy or are given a task to do (rip up lettuce, etc.) I’ll also let them munch on carrots or another snack while cooking as well which keeps them occupied.
For the most part, though, we just embrace the mess at this age and let them be unsupervised at times when we’re trying to get stuff done. Mickey Mouse Clubhouse and Daniel Tiger also also useful tools.
Aly says
So my kid loves to help cook. We don’t have a learning tower, just a chair that she stands on. I include her in food prep. So, when chopping carrots, I chop and when a knife is out, she has to put her hands behind her back. But then when the knife is put away (out of reach), she gets to scoop the carrots in a pot. She often eats lots of raw veggies this way. She loves sprinkling salt on food, stirring etc. We’ve had accidents where things spill, but actually, she’s gotten much more helpful and coordinated over the past couple months. I get her to spoon leftovers into tupperware at night. She’s just over 2 now. But loves to be involved and helpful. Is it slower than me doing it myself? Oh ya. But it keeps her busy and proud of being helpful
PinkKeyboard says
We keep ours on top of the washer (side by side and right off the kitchen) to prevent unauthorized use, but my 3.5 year old will do some stove things like add pasta, stir soup or things I’m sauteeing, add veggies/meat to a pan… always supervised. She also loves to have her own cutting board and I give her a butter knife to cut veggies etc.
Anonymous says
My DH also works a lot. My secret as a parent is I always shower at night after DD is asleep. I go #2 with the door open (IF DH is not home) and almost all of our house is kid proof. Furniture secured, no breakables within reach, cabinet locks etc…our house isn’t highly decorated right now but it’s made our lives easier. so DD can play upstairs within earshot without me being worried. Dishes are also done when she’s asleep. On the weekends u can let them pile up all day and just do them after bedtime. Our routine is dinner/bath/bed/dishes/showers/make lunch/relax. Caveat is that I’m a strict believer in early bedtime so DD goes to sleep at 7pm. I’m done with everything by 8:30 at the latest (if I’m alone) and then I can relax. Also – screentime is not the devil, but we limit to 30 min/day
Anon says
We babyproofed our 11 month old daughter’s nursery excessively and I’m comfortable letting her play alone in there while I go to the bathroom or answer an urgent email. For dinner, I put her in her high chair with finger food while I prep a very quickly meal, we eat together and then I load the dishwasher while she plays nearby. I’m also not above just microwaving something or getting takeout when I’m solo parenting. I shower after she’s asleep and maybe tidy up a bit, but mostly I need that as me time to unwind and go to bed myself, since she has a later than normal bedtime (8-8:30). Screentime is definitely not the devil but just sharing how I make it work without (mostly because she’s too young to sit still for an educational program).
Anonymous says
+1 Everything in LO’s room is tied to the wall or otherwise secured/non-lethal. He typically “reads” to himself or plays with toys when I shower or do something in another room while solo parenting. Our only struggle with this has been that he will take stuff we need (say, a container of diaper cream) and hide it someplace (under toys in a basket, or in a drawer with socks lol). I am not kidding when I say we have reviewed the monitor footage to see where he put something!
Downstairs we have a similar setup with the den, which is blocked from the kitchen with a giant gate. He often complains for 2-3 minutes when he first gets locked in, but I explain it’s because the stove is on, or he wouldn’t stop playing with the cat’s water, or whatever he was doing that was preventing me from cooking/cleaning effectively. If you ignore him eventually he toddles over to play with one of his 800 million toys he has down there.
LO (18 mos) is not interested in screen time now (except looking at pictures of himself on the phone). Still waiting for the day he can be entertained by PBS kids.
anon says
Ha! I nannied for a family years ago and the remote went missing. They eventually found it (and a set of salad tongs that look like golf clubs) at the bottom of dad’s golf bag. LO had dropped it in there months before. He’s now 13 :(.
Anonymous says
How are you worried about her hurting herself? We gave up on trying to enforce rules for our 23-month-old and now let him stand on chairs and climb on the couch…we give reminders that if he isn’t careful about the edges he’ll fall off and get hurt (and he did slip off yesterday and get very startled), but have sort of adopted the policy that he can’t seriously injure himself and learning to be safe while climbing is a good life skill.
Anonymous says
+1 I only say no to things that are truely dangerous. Otherwise I say “be careful or you’ll get a boo boo” which my 22 month old understands. And we childproof like crazy so if she’s not in eyesight she’s still (probably) safe
Spectra S1 vs S2 says
Does anyone have a recommendation between the two? Should I do the S2 plus Medela battery pack? The reason I’m leaning towards paying the extra money for the S1 is I have two toddler at home and they tend to mess around with cords and outlets if, for example, we aren’t focused on them enough (like when pumping I would expect!) The idea of not having to argue with my 2.5 year old about staying away from the outlet ever might be worth $90 to be? I go back to work at around 14 weeks and plan to pump until around 6 months, so at that point all the pumping will be at my office. Prior to that, I’ll probably start pumping at home to build a stash, so maybe this is a moot point? Agh. I love not being tied to certain places to pump though.
anon says
I would definitely do the S1. It’s worth the extra money to not need the outlet. Try a few different vendors through your insurance company, because some vendors say it’s not covered but others will say it is..
AIMS says
I probably wouldn’t go out of my way to get the cordless one if you are only going to be using it that way at home for a bit. I feel like a toddler that wants to mess with cords would just mess with the tubes. If it’s really an issue get the small portable one that you can walk around with.
rosie says
Agree with this. The tubes are pretty fun to mess with/chew on/etc. I liked the S9 (smaller, portable) from Spectra for bringing to work and travel. I ended up EPing so I paid out of pocket for it (insurance S2)–the price was comparable to getting a fancy Sarah Wells bag, and the smaller pump was so much more convenient. YMMV but I found the output comparable to the S2. Not sure I’d use the S9 to establish supply at the beginning of bfeeding, but if you’re already there, I would think it would be fine.
Anon says
I love my S1 and would get it again in a heartbeat. Even in the office, not having to deal with potentially knocking over my coffee cup with the cord is amazing (maybe that’s just me though.)
If you travel at all, the S1 allows you to pump in places you otherwise couldn’t. It also makes it possible to get up and move around the room while pumping, if you need to, by simply picking up the pump.
Ranon says
I’m late but baby Buddha pump us amazing!!!
Everlong says
It’s ok. I am over considering screen time to be the devil. My children are getting far less television than I ever did, they are learning a lot, and it’s closely supervised. Life has been easier for all of us since I’ve just let. This. Go. You got this.
Live in nanny says
Does anyone have a live in nanny? Can you tell me what it’s like having someone there all the time? Does the nanny spend her free time in her room or in common areas of the house? I’m returning to work after maternity leave soon and about to start looking for a nanny. Having someone who lives in M-F would be helpful so we wouldn’t have to worry about getting home from work at a specific time, but I’m an introvert and working part time so will be spending a lot of time with the nanny as is, so not sure how it would be having someone there all the time.
Anon says
I’m an introvert who works at home a lot and it’s been harder than I expected just having a nanny in my house from 9- 5 M-F. I can’t even imagine having a live-in nanny. Also, I’m not sure what the point of a live-in M-F only nanny is. Generally a live-in nanny is paid less money because they don’t have to pay rent. If they can’t stay with you on weekends, they have to be paying rent somewhere, so they’re going to expect a regular nanny salary. Why not just find someone who is willing to work overtime and is flexible about the end time each day? Many nannies in my area are ok with working late some nights.
anon says
This. I would look for someone who is willing to work significant overtime. If that proves difficult, you may be able to tag team it. Get a full-time nanny for 7 am to 3 or 4 pm, and then add a college student or similar to do the later shift. Bonus of having two is that you’ll have two easy options for evening/weekend babysitters that your kid already knows.
OP says
We were planning to get a live out nanny with longer hours. I spoke to one nanny who said to come to where we live she would want to do live in M-F. I know there are live out nannies who would work late and that’s probably what we’ll end up with, but I’m curious to get a perspective of what it’s like to have someone live in before I dismiss it entirely.
anon says
Huh–interesting. I would ask around to see if there is a market for hiring this type of person–it may have just been the one nanny who thought that would be her ideal scenario. Personally, I wouldn’t be up for having a third adult living in my home. I need to much downtime/alone time to be comfortable with that long term. But, maybe it’s a thing and the best option in your particular market/location.
Anonymous says
Someone who arrives Monday morning and leave Friday evening (so 4 nights) would be very different from someone who is there 24/7. Would also allow you more flexiblity with scheduling early start or even split shifts (like 7-11 and then 4-8 if you’re off 11-4.
I can see that if it’s likely to involve frequent evening work that the nanny wouldn’t want to have to worry about getting home and getting back in the morning.
Anonymous says
I’ll add one more option is finding a nanny who is willing to stay over 1-2 nights a week (but obv you’d have to pay her for the late evening hours). My cousins wife just nannied like this for the past year. But she was a super good fit and loved the family. I think people who work odd hours find these sorts of arrangements.
Anonymous says
Can I ask why you are considering a live-in nanny instead of an au pair?
anne-on says
+1. If you’re looking to have someone live in I’d go with an au pair. A live in nanny is cheaper than live out but if you only need part time and live in an au pair is probably the best balance of cost for value as long as you can train.
OP says
I have twins who will be 4 months when I go back to work (3 months adjusted age), so I don’t feel comfortable with an au pair. Also, although I’m working part time, it’s part time in big law, so I’ll be home a couple of days a week but need more hours than an au pair is allowed to work. Once the kids are older, it sounds like a great option though!
Anon says
No experience with a hiring a live-in nanny, but my kid’s former nanny lived with us M-F for awhile to be closer to her next job (not related to childcare). It was amazing to have another grownup in the household that my child loved.
That said, I think it’d be tough to have a live-in nanny if you’re home a fair amount. Drawing the line between work mode and kindly person in the household mode would be really difficult.
Curious says
Question, I get the basic 3 months of FMLA at my job. I have enough sick time to take an extra month off of work and still have at least two weeks of sick time left when I come back. It’s not a common thing at my job to take extra time, but I have seen it done once by a long term employee. I think my boss would allow it but it will definitely be them doing me a favor. So, question is, do you think it’s worth it to fight for that extra month at home so that my LO goes to daycare at 4 months old instead of 3? Will it make that much of a difference? Anyone had experience with this?
Anonymous says
I would keep all the sick time to use after you go back to work so you’re not stressed out about the inevitable day care illnesses. You will be sick too, not just the baby.
Anon says
What time of year are you going back? If late spring/summer/early fall, I probably wouldn’t worry too much about having a lot of banked sick leave. It’s the first winter in daycare that’s brutal, not the first few months. If you’re going back in November-February, you probably want more than 2 weeks of accrued sick leave, unless you’ll accrue it super fast once you’re back.
Anon says
I fought for the extra month (so I had the 3-month FMLA and then an unpaid 4th month) and was incredibly, incredibly happy that I did. I think it made a huge difference in my feeling ready to go back to work. I felt so ready for adult time and jumped back in with a lot of energy. I had to really fight with my employer and put together a strong, written transition plan but I would do it again in a heartbeat. I also transitioned to formula around the same time (due in large part to my baby’s milk and soy allergy) and I was really happy to not have to pump too. 100% worth the fight in my opinion.
Anon says
I think it’s worth it (for you, I don’t think it makes any difference to your kid if they go to daycare at 3 months vs 4 months). I took 16 weeks and was really not ready to go back at 12 weeks even though my kiddo was sleeping through the night by then. Babies are basically (adorable) blobs for the first couple months and then get a lot more interactive and engaging. If I’d gone back to work right at 12 weeks, it would have felt like I was going back right when she was getting to be so much more fun. Having an extra 4 weeks at home with my smiling, laughing 3 month old was worth a lot to me and made me feel like maternity leave had actually been fun and not just physical recovery and changing diapers.
FP says
I live in a state that has a 4 month maternity leave as an option to supersede FMLA (unpaid) – and the extra month was wonderful. I think you should take the time. For me, the difference between 3 months and 4 months was sleeping much better through the night, being able to enjoy tummy time and move his head around, being more on a schedule/predictable, etc. A two week buffer when you get back will likely be enough, especially since you’ll start accruing more leave once you return.
Spirograph says
Worth it. I took the 3 month FMLA, and my husband stayed home for about a month after I went back to work. I would have loved to have another month. 3 months is when the baby gets a little easier and more interesting, and I was really frustrated that my husband got the “good part” of the leave block. I was physically OK going back to work at 12 weeks, but it was mentally tough. I was still exhausted, and my ability to focus was not back to normal. It’s hard to say whether that first month back would have been any less-hard if it was with a 16 week old baby at home rather than a 12 week old baby, but it certainly wouldn’t have been worse.
anon says
i might split the difference and try to get an extra 2 or maybe 3 weeks instead of all 4 and then bank the extra sick time. i went back to work at 14 weeks and was in such a better place mentally than i was at 12 weeks. i know it might sound silly bc it is only a two week difference, but for me it helped.
Lana Del Raygun says
I just came back after 12 weeks and that was about when I started to think “Okay, I need some structure in my life already.” LO started smiling a lot before I went back, so it’s not like I missed the milestone, but she is more sleepy and cranky in the evenings and I’m kind of bummed that I’m missing her fun daytimes.
Anon says
How’s your job?
I took 4 months with each kid (which was protected under state law).
-with kid 1, I loved my job, had control over my schedule, and felt like I was making a small, but important contribution to the world. I would have been happy going back at 3 months. We took an epic trip instead and it was a great use of time.
-with kid 2, I loved my job, but the hours and expectations were grueling and it was not as mission-oriented. I wouldn’t have wanted to go back earlier than 4 months.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Do it!! Doesn’t matter for the baby whether he/she starts at 3 or 4 months, but I think you will find that extra month to be so much more pleasant than the first 3. I was dreading going back at 10 weeks but felt more ready at the beginning of my 14th week – baby is much more smiley and has a better schedule.
Another suggestion, is your partner able to take any leave after you go back? I think it is so so important for partners to get that solo time, and it can really set up for an equal parenting relationship.
Anonymous says
+1, I did 18 weeks home with kiddo, and then DH did 4 weeks. My 18 was FMLA + paternity leave from the company + PTO. We don’t have separate PTO for sick and vacation (policy is “unlimited sick time”), so it was all my time for the year. Caveat: I knew for those 4 weeks I wouldn’t need to take a sick day for kiddo being out of daycare, and then even when I went back we have family nearby who can help in a pinch.
I would have been physically/emotionally fine to go back at 12w, but enjoyed the time with my son and I’m glad I took it. You don’t know how you will feel until baby is here, though, and I got the advice on this s1te to plan to take more, because employer is never going to argue if you change you mind and want to come back earlier – but they might not be happy in the opposite situation.
ElisaR says
PSA! The J. Crew “going out” blazer mentioned yesterday is 40% off today along with some other work clothes (I just bought more stuff I don’t need!)
Anonymous says
I am about to go Basic Brooklyn and order some clog boots. I do not actually live in Brooklyn and have no idea what exactly is in style. Black or brown? My first choice was gray, but the style I want doesn’t come in gray.
Cb says
Haha, no recs but I saw someone with the ‘strap’ on their bag recently and did think it looked very funky and cool so I’ll join you in your Brooklyn basic-ness.