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The colors in this skirt are so fun! They’re kind of neon-y, but the conservative length and cut of the skirt keep it from being too fun for a buttoned-up office. (It also comes in an understated black/white polka dot.) I like the way it’s styled with a white top, but I would probably do a crisp, collared, white button-up instead. Maybe even a fun belt. (Side note — how is everyone feeling about fashion belts nowadays?) Note that the description says it has a “saucy back vent.” I don’t know if that means there’s a high slit in the back or if it was just a copywriter trying to spice it up. Just a warning to check the view from the back before wearing. It’s only $16.97 at Nordstrom Rack. Philosophy Apparel Floral Vented Pencil Skirt
Macy’s has two options in plus sizes.
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Sales of note for 11.28.23…
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Nordstrom – Black Friday deals have started! 1,800+ sale items! Shop designer, get bonus notes up to $1200. Markdowns include big deals on UGG, Natori, Barefoot Dreams, Marc Fisher LTD, Vionic and more!
- Ann Taylor – Up to 40% off your purchase
- Banana Republic – 40% off your purchase, including cashmere; up to 60% off sale styles
- Banana Republic Factory – 60% off everything & extra 20% off purchase
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off almost everything; up to 50% off suiting & chinos; up to 40% off cashmere; extra 50% off sale styles
- Lands’ End – 50% off sitewide (readers love the cashmere)
- Summersalt – Up to 60% off (this reader favorite sweater blazer is down to $75)
- Stuart Weitzman – Extra 25% off full-price and sale styles with code
- Talbots – 50% off all markdowns and 30% off entire site — readers love this cashmere boatneck and this cashmere cardigan, as well as their sweater blazers in general
- Zappos – 29,000+ sale items (for women)! Check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kid shoe brands on sale.
Kid/Family Sales
- BabyJogger – 25% off 3 items
- Crate & Kids – Up to 50% off everything plus free shipping sitewide; save 10% off full price items
- J.Crew Crewcuts – 50% off everything + free shipping
- ErgoBaby – 40% off Omni Breeze Carrier, 25% off Evolve 3-in-1 bouncer, $100 off Metro+Stroller
- Graco – Up to 30% off car seats
- Nordstrom – Big deals on CRANE BABY, Petunia Pickle Bottom, TWELVElittle and Posh Peanut
- Strolleria – 25% off Wonderfold wagons, and additional deals on dadada, Cybex, and Peg Perego
- Walmart – Savings on Maxi-Cosi car seats, adventure wagons, rocker recliners, security cameras and more!
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Wandering toddler says
I have twin two year olds, and we’ve been having lots of wake-up problems for several months. It started with a string of winter sicknesses, so we’d go in when they’d cry and need to sit up a while because of congestion. Now I’m afraid we’ve ruined them…. one keeps waking up crying and screaming for us and is now able to open their door and walk to our doorway to yell for us.
Last night we let him cry and only got him when he left his room (twice) and then for good at 5:30. I want to cry….
Please help! SOS!
Mama Llama says
Ugh, that is rough! Would a gate on the door help? My daughter was still in a crib at 2, but at 3 we used a gate when we wanted to take a hard line about bed.
Anonymous says
I’m sorry! We had a horrible Jan/Feb/March because of illness that totally screwed up DD’s sleep. With consistency we’re finally back on track and sleeping through the night again. I’d definitely try the gate.
Anonymous says
I have twin boys. Between 2 and 3 was a rough time and since age three it’s been much better. What helped as a sippy of water in their bed, stuffies to snuggle with, advil (on occasion for a full week) when teething was bad, leaning into snuggles when awake (tula toddler got a lot of use), taking turns getting up to help them at night. Person who is not getting up sleeps with eye mask and ear plugs. On weekend we napped when they napped in the afternoon.
lala says
I remember that age being rough for night wakings. For one because they are transitioning beds, and I think I read somewhere that this is when they start going through a fear phase where everything is scary.
So I offer solidarity, because I think the only way we got out was to go through it.
Erin says
Well…I have nothing for you but pity and solidarity. I’ve got the same issue, but my kids aren’t twins. They *are* starting to share a room and my 2 year old is a terrible sleeper and is going through a fun sleep regression where she’s sleeping 8-5:30 instead of 8-7, and screaming upon waking as well as fussing at various times throughout the night (and putting herself back to sleep but waking up the entire house in the process). So while my 2 y/o isn’t super crabby, my preschooler is acting chronically sleep deprived, and mom is VERY TIRED since not only is mom the one that has to get up with toddler at 5:30am*, BUT! Mom is 35 weeks pregnant and up every few hours to pee.
Hang in there! I got a reprive earlier this week when toddler slept until 7 3 days in a row…but she’s been up pre-6 am for the past 3 days.
*mom has to get up because dad is absolutely FRIED at work and needs to get some sleep, whereas I happen to be able to function semi-humanly on only 5-6 hours of sleep vs DH who literally may (and has) crashed his car without 7 hours of decent sleep. Also, I only work part time, so most days I have a much lighter schedule than DH, who is out of the house 7:30-7 every day. And we talked about it and starting next week he’s going to go to bed at 9pm so he can take the toddler early shift if need be, since I’m now up all night peeing which is new and fun.
Sarabeth says
This is my life, except in my case my husband has just been out of town for the last week (at least we can split the wakeups when he’s home). Also not pregnant – you must be exhausted. We all got up at 5 am today. No one in our house needed to be awake then.
lawsuited says
My LO is only 1 so I don’t have to worry about him leaving his room, but I referred a lot to Dr. Craig Canapari’s website when we were sleeptraining our LO, and he has advice about toddlers as well.
https://drcraigcanapari.com/
avocado says
spamtest
Anonymous says
Sometimes being a working mom is so bad that its comical. Can anyone relate? I had 24 hours where I had the stomach flu in the evening, lost my metro card, got yelled at at work, and then literally the minute I walked in the door DD had a blowout that I had to cleanup and not get on my work dress.
Mama Llama says
Solidarity – sometimes all you can do is laugh. I hope you had a big glass of wine (or whatever you like) last night.
ElisaR says
so hard!
i had a very rough day on Tuesday which included: 2 outfits before 8am (for me and 5 month old), forgotten formula at home once I arrived at daycare, phone call from day care informing me 2 year old as pink eye and needed to be picked up, unable to leave work to do so but luckily my mother did, Rite Aid screwing up prescription because of Walgreens merger, Rite Aid figuring it out at 5:30 so I could drive across town in traffic to get prescription during toddler dinner hour, unexpected day off Weds because of pink eye….I’m even leaving out parts. It’s just CRAY CRAY!
Pogo says
Today came dangerously close to being a two outfits before 8 a.m. day for us. Instead I have minor spit up residue which I’m telling myself you can’t see, and hopefully no blood anywhere (LO had a doctor’s appointment and had blown drawn and I guess they don’t give bandaids to babies because choking hazard? Anyway, he was definitely clutching at me with his bloody finger and I wasn’t about to push the poor kid away!)
I barely contained the blowout that happened during breakfast. If I had picked him up just differently I would have had a third bodily fluid on me today!
Husband is away on business but so is my boss so at least there’s that. And I have a stretch of no meetings until 2 so I can actually get some work done.
lsw says
Solidarity.
Anonymous says
So I think this is just a personality thing…but I’d appreciate any insight. DD is 14 months old. She is terrified of swings, the slide, push-cars, and rocking horses. She’s otherwise a super social, communicative, and happy baby. Totally a normal kid. But she hates all playground equipment! I think it’s my fault because I didn’t put her on it a lot under one, and also by the time she was old enough it was really cold out. I think she’s just cautious?
Anonymous says
14 months is still really little – I would give it time. My son at that age hated touching sand, and I was convinced he was abnormal. By the time he was in preschool he was the kid who would never get out of the sandbox. Or dirt box.
Erin says
can you do it again with a playdate? My middle daughter was a bit fearful until her big sis went with her. And big sis was very hesitant until she did that stuff with her daycare and all the other kids did it, too.
And FWIW ODD is almost 5 and taking swim lessons. She’d been TERRIFIED of putting her face in the water and in her second swim lesson just dunked her entire head under, because that’s what other kids were doing. I almost fell off my chair.
CPA Lady says
My kid didn’t reliably play by herself on a playground until around age 3. Also, caution is good. I would much rather have a cautious child than one plunging head first off of every elevated surface.
NewMomAnon says
As the mom of a fearless toddler – so much yes to this. My kiddo attempted a playground rope bridge at 18 months old and I had to rescue her. Tried to climb a tall slide at the same time. I would much rather she just have played in the sand…
Anonymous says
Try taking her to a small playground designed for toddlers at a quiet time. My kids found regular kid playgrounds too overwhelming on busy weekends when they were that age.
BC says
Nothing is your fault! She’s doing her thing and she’ll be fine.
Sarabeth says
Kids that age get the weirdest fears. Mine was afraid of laughter. She grew out of it, and I bet yours will too.
Anon in NYC says
I literally just laughed out loud. I’ve never heard of a kid afraid of laughter!
OP – she’ll grow out of it! I agree with the recommendations to take her to smaller, quieter playgrounds. Ones that are designed for infants might be best. She can become more comfortable there. But, I found that my kid (who is very cautious) didn’t really start to enjoy playgrounds until she was around 2-ish, when her preschool started taking her almost daily.
Anonymous says
I bet she will get over it. On the other hand… my kiddo had no interest in swings and its turns out after we learned the hard way 3x that he actually gets motion sickness from swings. Not typical (he’s the only kid I know with this issue) but he’ll puke from too much swinging. So swings aren’t for everyone I guess is what I am trying to say.
Anon says
Yesterday was my second day back after being out on maternity leave and my 4.5 month old rolled over for the first time while I was at work. My mom (our nanny) told me when I got home, thinking the news would make me happy, and I burst into tears because I missed a milestone already.
Please tell me this working mom thing gets easier.
ElisaR says
it gets easier! when my 2nd baby turned over and they told me and I was like “sweet, so anyway did he do a poop today?”
man I sound like a jerk.
remember – the first time YOU get to see him do all that stuff is exciting and what is important.
Anon says
It does get easier. My daycare actually didn’t tell us about these milestones. Maybe ask your mom to do the same?
Erin says
agree, i’m 99% sure my daughter took her first steps at daycare, because when *I* saw her do it “for the first time,” she did like, 4 steps in a row.
FWIW, with my second, I missed her first steps because I was in the bathroom. My older kid saw them, though!
Anonymous says
Fwiw, some kids walk really well the first time – I was a late walker, but when I finally decided to walk I just stood up and walked across the room. My parents were speechless. And my mom was a SAHM so no chance I did it at daycare or a babysitter first.
lawsuited says
It gets so much easier! My first month back I cried most days and ran home (like, actually ran and if you knew me you would know I don’t run for much). TBH, I think a lot of that reaction was related to BF hormones because things improved quite dramatically for me once I weaned. I’ve been back at work 10 months now and don’t even recognize that version of myself. FWIW, my son walked for the first time at daycare. I was sad to have missed it but also excited that he was learning a new skill and super excited when I saw him walking at home that evening.
Anon in NYC says
I agree that the first time you see something happen it’s still going to be really exciting. Sure you may have some wistfulness that you didn’t see it when he or she did it for the VERY FIRST TIME, but it’s still really cool. Tell your mom to not share those sorts of things with you!
Anonymous says
The whole first year (and much of life after) is nothing but milestones. And you had 100% of the first 4.5 months of them (except when you were lucky enough to sleep). That is not undone in a day or a milestone.
I lost my first baby, and when I had the second, I am wired now to see things as being half-full: you had a baby and she hit a milestone. How awesome is that?! And you have a grandparent helping out — how awesome is that?
But, yes, it is hard. And the hardness doesn’t end, it just changes (she goes to middle school and is surrounded by mean girls and is dealing with anxiety and perfectionism). I know it was hard on my mom that I had lost a baby b/c I was still her baby and that I was hurting made her so sad that it was an unfixable hurt.
Anon says
I’m so sorry for your loss.
Thank you for helping me to reframe this in a positive way. It does really help.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Yes, it’ll get better! You are going through a massive change right now, especially if this is your first, and your hormones are likely still in play so it’s a very emotional time. Agree with the request to have your mom stop telling you things like this, as it’s not making you happy right now.
You will see so many milestones yourself and it’ll be great! Right now, my son is learning a bunch of words and songs from daycare and it’s so cool to hear him interact, even when obviously we’re not seeing it for the first time as we’re not the ones who taught him.
Pogo says
It gets better every day! FWIW, my daycare does not tell me if LO does anything there for the first time. She might comment on it eventually but will say he’s “getting close” (which means, she probably saw him do it already).
However, if it’s family – my husband and I do tell each other milestones over the phone when one of us is away. I missed his first sleeping through the night (oh, the irony). It might be harder for your mom to keep stuff to herself because it is her grandbaby and she’s probably bursting with pride, too!
I just focus on really treasuring our two hours together in the evening. I try to think of something fun for us to do every day, even if it’s just letting him try a new food and watching his face while he tastes it. So in that way, you get to make your own firsts! Some other things are taking him out in the jogging stroller (he saw his first bunny! and first great dane!), giving him a new toy, letting him explore a new part of the house or yard.
I try to leave chores til after he’s asleep so I’m not spending half the time I have with him every day running around cleaning stuff.
Anon says
I have a rule that my husband isn’t allowed to tell me new stuff like that. And that way when I see it for the first time, it can be the first for me. I was working from home yesterday when she said her first word (DaDa of course) in front of both of us, so that was kind of fun.
UPPAbaby says
I’m pregnant with my second, and I’m going to need a double stroller. I went with a very budget-friendly option when I was choosing my single stroller because I’m wired that way but also because there are a lot more single stroller options so I felt like I was still getting all the function I needed. I’ve looked at the double stroller options, decided on the UPPAbaby Vista, and found a used one in great condition but I’m still balking at the price. Tell me it’s a great stroller and totally worth it? Or tell me what budget-friendly double stroller you chose and still love?
ElisaR says
i haven’t figured out the solution to this yet – I commented the other day about the issue with using the vista as a double stroller.
Depending on the age of your first – the added “rumble” seat may not be ideal. It is only good up to 35 pounds and is pretty small (my 23 month old hit his head on the canopy when we tried it out at Buy Buy Baby).
Once the new baby is old enough to sit up in the stroller, he/she will move the rumble seat….. but that seat is low and juts out of the front of the stroller. Not where I would want my infant….
I haven’t figured out which stroller to get but I saw one at the playground that looked awesome: the austlen entourage. But it is NOT cheap. of course. So I’m still pondering.
Erin says
What’s your lifestyle? How will you use the double stroller? Zoo/neighborhood walks/disney? Daily commute in a city? Do you have a car you’ll be schlepping it in and out of?
My first was 2.9 when my second was born. I got a Joovy Caboose Ultralight which was perfect since my older one loved the Big Kid Bench. Once baby was out of the bucket, the double seat configuration worked really well for Disney when we needed 2 seats.
Anon says
I’ll second the Joovy Caboose Ultralight. My first was 2.5 when the second was born. We’re in a “walkable suburb” so not a city commute and we drive to work/ daycare, but can walk to parks and grocery store and such. We used the second seat for longer things like zoos and longer walks, until first was about 3 and wanted to use the Big Kid Bench all the time.
The usable part of the underbasket is pretty tiny if you’re using the second seat, which was my only complaint, but we just bought a carabiner to hold bags on the stroller handle.
Marilla says
I went with a budget option that I was super happy with for my first too. I found a good condition Citi Select double secondhand, also for an awesome price ($450 – it usually sells for $700 used in my area and is well over $1K new – everything is pricier in Canada). I’ve heard warnings that it might not be ideal and my 2 YO may be too tall for it fairly quickly.. but I wanted in-line not side by side, and worst case scenario when baby is big enough I can always look for a used umbrella double. Everyone I know with an Uppababy loves it, so if you found one for a good deal grab it and you can always resell later!
Anonymous says
I loved by Stroll-Air Duo. Each seat can rear face or forward face like the bugaboo donkey but it’s much more reasonably priced. also takes a carseat
Two Cents says
I bought the Vista double stroller as well and used it sometimes but it is heavy with two seats. Eventually, my 2 year old preferred to stand on the boogie board and the baby was in the seat. If your kids are far enough apart the older one will probably prefer the boogie board than actually being in a seat.
Anonymous says
What is the age gap?
I am due in a month with my second, my first will be 3 years old. I already have the Vista from my first but won’t be buying the rumble seat as others have noted- it has a 35 lb weight limit. I did buy the piggyback board and adapters so that we can do the car seat/bassinet + regular seat but note that in this configuration, the bassinet/car seat (i.e. the newborn) has to be on the bottom which isn’t great.
If you didn’t alreayd have the Vista like I do, I would not get it now for use as a double, because it really doesn’t get great reviews as a double. I love it as a single which is primarily how it will still be used (3 year old is staying in daycare while I am off on mat leave).
Everyone with kids closer in age swears by a side-by-side for double strollers. Depending on where you are located, accessibility laws require doors to be a certain width so wheelchairs can fit through, and most side-by-sides aren’t any wider. (The Vista is actually crazy wide for a single stroller).
The relatively new Valco side by side strollers are getting rave reviews and are relatively unknown. They go by different names in Canada/US but in Canada they go by the Duo Trend (seats can’t parent face but are bigger) and the Snap Ultra Duo (seats can parent face). Great canopies, can be flat from newborn stage, and relatively light for what you get. If my kids were closer in age I would get the Duo for sure. Bonus that they are priced way less than a new Vista.
lsw says
So I’ll say the caveat that we don’t use the Vista for a double, but I love it so much that I wanted to answer your question anyway. I bought it for $275 used and still was half afraid to tell my husband how much it cost. Now we both agree we’d go back and pay full price. It’s a dam n fine stroller.
We live in the city and have probably put literally hundreds of miles on it in almost two years.
Anonymous says
Fwiw, I used a loaner double stroller fewer than 5 times. I hate them. One kid in ergo, one in the City stroller. Or one walking and one riding in something. Or wagon, once the baby was big enough to sit up. Mine are a little less than 2 years apart. Unless you have a walking commute with both kids, you can really get by with just the single stroller.
PregAnon says
I’m 14w pregnant and my female boss (w kids) won’t stop commenting on it. We’ve had a series of very early meetings this week and every time I show up (early), she gasps like I’ve done the impossible. She keeps telling me how tired I look (I don’t – I’m making an effort to look great). She commented to my coworker that they should carry me up the stairs. I had a couple tired weeks in my first trimester but it didn’t impact work.
On a major call with like 50 important people, we were assigning projects. These are all due within the next 2-3 months. I volunteered for one, and she said (in front of all), “you’ll just have to make sure it’s done before November” (my due date). Yeah, duh. It’s due in June. My due date was completely irrelevant. Am I being over sensitive? I guess she’s just trying to be nice/sympathetic but if she were a man I would have gone to HR by now.
I’ve responded to the sick/tired comments with things like: “I’m pregnant, not dying.” “Actually I feel great.” “I’m perfectly able bodied.” “I’m not tired at all.” Etc. Do I need to be somehow more explicit?
GCA says
Yes, be more direct! I don’t think you’re being oversensitive. Something like, “Boss, I know you’re trying to be considerate, but I don’t think it does women in the company (or ‘our HR diversity team’ – I don’t know how exactly you would phrase this though) any favors when you make it sound like pregnant women are fragile flowers.”
Pogo says
That’s frustrating. I only had one person act this way and it was a dude, so I chalked it up to that. I would mention how uncomfortable it makes you and say that you don’t want to discuss your pregnancy at work. It is really irrelevant and she shouldn’t be brining it up on a call with 50 people, yikes.
anon says
People get so weird about pregnancy. I had a very, very senior partner try to micromanage my transition to maternity leave on a call with 20+ people. It was just bizarre since he knew I was on the team, but didn’t actually know what I was working on. We had never spoken before and I don’t know that he even knew who I was. But he specifically ordered me to write transition memos to hand off two tasks that I had never worked on and to stop billing immediately (with no transition memo) on a matter where I was critically involved. It was so weird and inappropriate. He also had my due date wrong, so the timing he ordered was also wrong.
After speaking with other partners, I was told not to correct him. I ended up writing two transition memos to the file stating that “So-and-so is responsible for X and I have no knowledge of the subject” and not billing for about a month’s worth of work on the matter where I was critically involved. It was ridiculous.
Anonymous says
What’s the age separation and do you need to fling it into a car regularly?
If not needing to put in a car: double BOB revolution. Best stroller ever. Mine are 20 months apart and gigantic and we really needed side by side.
If putting in a car: city mini double is what my friends swear by.
For daycare pickups: when the baby gets head stability, put in an umbrella stroller and have older child walk in and get checked into his/her room first.
UPPAbaby says
My kids will be 20 months apart as well. I live in the suburbs, so it will definitely need to go in/out of the car a lot. I looked at the Baby Jogger City Mini Double but it looks like I can’t use that with an infant seat?
Anonymous says
Yes, you can add a car seat to the City Mini double with an adapter.
I posted a long reply to you that looks like it is stuck in Mod. Look into the new Valco double strollers.
ANP says
Don’t know if this is helpful, I bought our “dream” double stroller for sale on Craigslist (in great shape). I was then able to sell it AT A PROFIT (!) about 4 years later when we were done using a double and ready to go back to single-only. All of this is to say that you might be able to recoup some of your costs. Plus, I think it’s totally worth it to have a great stroller — you’ll use it a ton and it’s not worth having a crummy one.
ANP says
Meh. This is for UPPAbaby.
anon says
Putting myself out there with this one. My 4.5 year old has started getting “incident reports” from her preschool. She’d been doing well all year, but in the past three weeks we’ve gotten four bad reports. The first was something about her laying on another kid during circle time and refusing to get up when she was asked. Another was something about hanging onto another kid’s coat during recess, refusing to let go and it escalating to her hair getting stepped on and pulled out somehow. Last week there was one where she punched the kid who had pulled out her hair the previous day. Yesterday she threw pea gravel in the face of a different kid who took her sidewalk chalk and wouldn’t give it back. She then ignored three teachers who tried to intervene and it took a fourth teacher to convince her to cooperate and go to the director’s office for a time out. Really not good. If this was your kid, how would you respond? We’ve been talking to her about the incidents and appropriate responses, as well as taking away TV time, but I’m not sure that it’s helping in the moment.
As background, she’s the youngest in her class with a late summer birthday and she has always struggled with getting out what she wants to say, especially when in stressful situations. She is generally not able to explain to a teacher what the other kid did to make her mad, so you never hear her side of the story. At the most, she will roar in anger. I suspect that a lot of these incidence relates to her getting frustrated with “losing” verbal negotiations with other more verbal kids, combined with her super strong personality. Regardless of the reason, she still can’t be hurting kids. I have no idea if there are mean girl or other dynamics going on that have triggered these new problems because she can’t tell me. Her teachers haven’t observed anything.
She has been assessed by a speech therapist and there were a few red flags noted in her report related to language processing, but she’s miles from qualifying for services. She can tell long, complex stories and is easily understood. She mainly struggles with communicating when stressed and relaying what happened in certain circumstances. She’s far ahead in pretty much every other developmental category other than speech.
Arg, it was one thing when she was struggling with this at 2, but she’s 4.5 and it is far less socially acceptable. Suggestions?
Anonymous says
There’s a couple Daniel Tiger episodes that deal with this that have really helped my kids. One talks about counting to 4 when you are upset to help calm down and the other talks about how it’s okay to be mad but it’s not okay to hurt someone.
I have zero guilt about a cartoon tiger being better able to teach my kid this stuff than me.
lawsuited says
So, if it were me, I think I’d take her to see a child psychologist or similar professional. I’m not a whatever-the-problem-therapy-is-the-solution person, but it seems like things have escalated over a short period of time so I’d want to act quickly. Your rationale for the behaviour makes total sense, but child communication skills and anger management strategies would be well beyond my pay grade so I’d need to recruit help to address the problem that you’ve (probably accurately) identified.
mascot says
+1. It sounds like some type of therapeutic intervention would help. We did a few months of “play therapy” to work on social skills and it seemed to help. The therapist would have a group session with a small group of similarly aged/behaved kids and they would do exercises in talking with one another, play a game and lose with out losing their tempers, etc.
SC says
+1. My 3-year-old has some similar behaviors, although they’ve been ongoing, not just in the last few weeks. We took him to a psychologist, who identified some issues and referred us to a play therapy group and some occupational therapy. We’re working to get that set up now.
Anonymous says
At my kids’ daycare they teach the kids to say “I don’t like that!” firmly when another kid is bothering them. Can you practice with her at home, maybe role play, so she can practice saying “I don’t like that!” and may “Help! Teacher!” or something so that the words come when she needs them? Just a thought.
anon says
I have never been able to get her to say any words when she’s in a tough situation. She can’t even get out a loud “No!” She will make a roaring sound, but no words. I’ve been modeling those words for her since she was 1 and learned to walk. I’m sure she’ll get there some day, but it may not be anytime soon.
As for a teacher’s help, she can’t manage to ask a teacher for help even if a teacher comes over. She can’t seem to put the pieces together to tell the teacher what’s going on or what she needs. I think this has taught her that if I teacher comes over then the other kid will tell the teacher their side (e.g., she pushed me) without hearing her side (e.g., he took my chalk), so the teacher ends up helping the other kid every.single.time. She doesn’t see teachers as a solution, but has enemies who always put her in time out or who make her give up the toy she wants.
Anonymous says
+1 role playing really helped my kid when she had issues with another kid at her daycare. We took turns with me pretending to be daughter and my kid pretending to be daycare kid and then switching up the roles.
And maybe another assessment re: expressive speech. A speech therapist will generally want to observe them in the childcare setting as well before making a diagnosis.
NewMomAnon says
Aww, that’s hard. Does she have sign language? When kiddo gets super mad or frustrated and loses her words, she will sometimes just sign “help” or “please” over and over (which is sad but more effective than roaring probably).
I love the 4 year old age, but it is one of the first turning points where I’ve had to actively step up my expectations of kiddo’s behavior, and that’s been uncomfortable for both of us. My first thought for you is to try to smooth it over with the teachers to protect your kiddo, but….it’s time for your kiddo to either learn a new way of expressing anger or get some help if she can’t do that. Life is only going to get harder if she can’t verbalize her hurt, especially once she enters elementary school environments where teachers are stretched even thinner.
anon says
Family therapy/child psychologist. Seriously. We had similar issues with my oldest and I am kicking myself for not starting therapy and evaluations earlier. Hopefully, you and the teachers will come back with better strategies to intervene.
What our son’s therapist has told us, is let the school behavior stay at school. Even in elementary school, with some kiddos, they need immediate consequences/reinforcement, and anything that happens later is just piling on the punishment and not actually teaching them how to handle the situation better in the moment. (Caveat: I realize this is not the typical advice given, but I’m sharing what has made our household more peaceful.) With all due respect to the parents with more typical kids, a few episodes of Daniel Tiger isn’t gonna solve it.
anon says
Thanks. This is really helpful. I wasn’t sure who the right person to talk to might be… a child therapist or a speech therapist? Many speech therapists do work on social interactions. I’m a bit concerned that a child psychologist would have trouble because DD doesn’t respond to questions or verbal cues about these sorts of interactions. You can talk “to” her about the issues and strategies, but you can’t talk “with” her. You just get a blank stare and blinks.
NewMomAnon says
Child psychologists who work with little kids will be ready for that level of communication – they’ll have her act things out with dolls, or color her feelings, or just play with her and observe, or watch her solve a problem and watch her emotions as she works it out. They know how to do this! And if they think it’s a speech issue, they’ll send you on to a speech therapist.
Marilla says
Tricycle recommendations for a 2 year old for this summer? Are tricycles still the thing to look for? I see a lot of 3-in-1, 4-in-1 type things being advertised. I’d rather not spend a ton, but this may end up being a grandma gift so it doesn’t need to be the cheapest option. Thanks!
Anonymous says
My kiddo got one of the 3 in 1 trikes for her first birthday. Even now at almost 3 I still find the parent handle on the back helpful to help her steer, but she isn’t the most coordinated 3 year old by any means.
Mom of a three year old says
BALANCE BIKE! They’re the new thing. They are great! We have a strider.
anon says
Yes! I was going to recommend this too. This was gifted to my son when he turned 2 by grandparents. He is a pro with it now at 2 and a half.
Anonymous says
+1
Learning to bike involves two skills – learning to balance and learning to peddle. Kids that learn to balance first generally learn the whole thing a lot faster and often don’t need training wheels when they move to a peddle bike.
Anon says
We have lots of grandparents who want to buy a Big Gift, and we spend tons of time outside, so we have several options for my kids and the neighbors:
– Plastic Fisher Price tricycle. Okay hit at toddler age, as soon as they could touch the pedals.
– Battery powered electric tricycle. Okay. They loved it around age 2, but impossible to keep charged so then it becomes a regular tricycle, see above. Also even if it’s charged, it moves super slow, so not as exciting as you’d think.
– Push Around Buggy car. HUGE hit for toddler and two. They love to be pushed in this thing. I HATE it, because I have to push it and also because the plastic wheels are super loud.
– Wiggle bike. They use it, but not a ton. More likely to cause an accident and then tears.
– Pewi Y-Bike. Gets used way more than I expected, by 1 year olds even up to age 6. This is one of the first ones they reach for (and fight over).
– Balance bike. One of my kids liked it, the other wouldn’t touch it. They reach for the scooters instead.
– Micro mini scooters. HUGE hit. At early 2 they were a little frustrated but within a couple months it was the clear favorite second choice pick, after the Y-Bike.
– “Real” toddler bike with training wheels. Once they’re old enough to reach the pedals, it replaced both the tricycle and the balance bike.
Booster seats says
If your kid is in a belted high back booster…how do you get them to strap themselves in without making the seatbelt always retract and lock? We just switched my kid and every time she buckles in, she pulls the seatbelt out so far that it “locks” and then the next time she gets in, it’s impossible for her to buckle.
avocado says
We kept our kid in a harnessed Nautilus until she was almost 8 because it was easier for her to buckle and unbuckle the car seat harness than the seatbelt. After we switched to a booster, we taught her to unlock the seatbelt herself by slowly letting it retract all the way. And it didn’t take long for her to figure out how to work the seatbelt without locking it up.
avocado says
Adding–we never used a high-back booster because that was what made the seatbelt so difficult to use. The backless booster was much simpler.
GCA says
So we were talking the other day about childcare costs – and today our daycare sent out the revised (and by revised, I mean they’re sticky downwards) tuition fees for the coming school year. Which, with an infant and a preschooler, nudges us up to more than 50% of household take-home. DH cannot graduate soon enough.
Knope says
I think we’ve covered this in the past, but I’d love to hear again anyone’s tips on how to become more efficient to free up time when you have kids. Work has become really busy recently and I have been struggling to keep up on cooking, cleaning, and actually being present with my kid. Ways I’ve saved time include:
1) run-commuting home from work (takes about the same time as the bus and I get a workout in);
2) using Fresh Direct for groceries and buying pre-cut (or cubed or spiralized or what have you) produce; and
3) putting my toddler’s high chair in the kitchen while he eats dinner so I can cook or do dishes during.
My DH is very helpful but because his job is even busier he’s not quite an equal partner for household stuff – the split is about 40/60, maybe 30/70 sometimes. We do split child care evenly though.
Any other tips?
Pogo says
You’ve hit some good ones. On #2 especially when DH is out of town I go all out on the prepared stuff. Lots of freezer meals – Whole Foods and Trader Joes both have a bunch you basically just heat up in a skillet. Or I just make myself a salad and give kiddo the salad fixins (tofu, cheese, beans, bell pepper, avocado, etc). Get Panera or Chipotle once a week.
Anon says
This isn’t necessarily an efficiency, but regarding your third point, I’d recommend eating dinner with your toddler as a great way to be present with him or her.
Anonymous says
This.
We only do one meal for kids and adults. I often wore my toddler on my back when cooking or set them up at the kitchen table with playdoh or a coloring book. Seek and find books are also great for keeping toddlers busy and you can chat with them about what they are looking for while you cook.
Anon says
My toddler loves to help cook. It isn’t always pretty, and obviously she can’t chop veggies or whatever. But she loves to stand on her stool at the counter and participate in some way. Last night she stirred pancake batter while a batch was already cooking for a while. And if they help cook it, they’re more excited to eat it. She also loves to help unload the dishwasher, so that can be quality time, too.
Anonymous says
Yes! one of my boys ‘ makes salad’ by putting the salad leaf by leaf from the salad spinner to the salad bowl.
Knope says
I really, really want to do this, but my little guy is only 13 months old, so 1) he is really ready for dinner right when i get home at 6, and I’m not (though sometimes I’ll have a snack with him), and 2) I make most of our meals on the weekends and just re-heat or assemble during the week. Also, DH doesn’t come home until at least 7, and while I love my son dearly I prefer to eat with DH at this point (he’s a bit better of a conversationalist :) ).
Anonymous says
We’re a later scheduled family. Our kids get a snack between 530-6pm and we eat dinner starting sometime between 6:45-7pm. They go to bed at 8pm/8:30max. It’s a schedule that’s like a full hour later than my BFF’s family but it works for us. You could also eat half with kid and half with DH if the meal has different components. What’s baby doing while you are eating with DH? Maybe sit him up and let him try some of your meals.
lsw says
I do the same – we just can’t eat with our son most nights. He goes to bed around 7 and we don’t get home until 6. I either cook with him eating in his chair in the kitchen or I try to sit with him and eat a small snack while he eats. Just doesn’t work for our family to do family meals right now.
Tfor22 says
Sorry if I double post or posted a fragment! I pared down my wardrobe so I spend less time deciding what to wear. I love to cook but try to cook once and eat twice, either freezing some or using it as a building block so I am halfway to another meal. My standards for work emails are less high, I used to agonize over getting the tone perfect. I try to do a load of laundry a day, usually first thing in the morning. Busy times of year (by which I mean now) it is all still impossible.
J says
Because we are selling our house soon, I recently took a day and a half off to spring clean – go through closets, purge, etc. etc. I used to have the attitude that doing so was a waste of time off, and I really hesitated to take time off while keeping my daughter in school. But the result has been amazing. It is so much easier and more efficient to keep our home clean. Having less “stuff” has made a big difference in our quality of life. This builds off of the above comment about paring down the wardrobe. Pare down as much as you can. I also make tons of slow cooker meals and cook every other night with leftovers the following night. Maybe consider a programmable slow cooker?
octagon says
All of a sudden at 26 months we’re getting a lot of “I can’t do it” whines — even when the “it” is something very basic, like putting on shoes or putting a book away. Is this a normal thing or something to be concerned about?
LegalMomma says
Totally normal. We talk about how we have to practice things so that we learn how to do it. And then point out when 3-year old succeeds see! you practiced and practiced and now you can do it! With lots of big congratulations. As she has gotten older we have also transitioned to just saying Yes you can! Are you trying to say you don’t want to do ___? Sometimes Mommy and Daddy have to do things we don’t want to, lets try and make this fun (or when you pick up your book you can do [insert fun thing here].)
GCA says
Following, because at 3 we’re suddenly getting a lot of ‘I can’t do X’ or ‘Mommy draw Y for me’ – not so much with physical tasks like putting on shoes or cleaning up, but things like (well, especially) arts and crafts. He’s totally on track in terms of fine motor skills, he just won’t even try. I’ve asked him ‘are you afraid it’ll come out wrong?’ and reminded him ‘the only way to get better at X is to do it, just like you practice dance/ swimming/ riding your scooter and look how fun it is now!’ Still, lots of resistance.
Anon in NYC says
Ugh yes. My daughter is turning 3 soon and would just rather have me do everything for her than do anything by herself. When we insist that she try she gives it a half hearted effort and then whines. So annoying.
AwayEmily says
Don’t know if this will work for an older kid but for my 2-and-change-year-old I often say “Why don’t you try it yourself first, and if you have trouble then I can help.” About 75% of the time she ends up being able to do it just fine herself.
anon says
At what age did you start reading books without illustrations to your kids? I’ve been reading chapters of Betsy Tacy to my 3-year old as she falls asleep (after more age appropriate fare) but I’m pretty sure it goes right over her head. I’m mostly doing it because I like to read it! Is this completely pointless? Anything else you’d recommend? I actually read it once the light’s off so it’s just words on my kindle…
ElisaR says
aw, that’s sweet! I don’t think it is pointless at all. She gets to hear your voice and even though it seems like she isn’t absorbing much, I bet she is. I often read to my son as he plays and think he isn’t listening to me at all….. but then he pipes up with a contribution and it cracks me up. I would think it will help with her vocabulary and such even if she can’t tell you the story she just listened to…..
avocado says
Totally not pointless! If you want her to follow the story more, I’d switch the order and read the chapter book while she’s awake, pointing at the words as you read, then read the familiar picture books as she drifts off. I think doing voices also helps kids follow the plot, as it makes it easier to keep track of who’s speaking. Betsy-Tacy should be fine, but if she isn’t into it then try something else. My kid just didn’t like some of my favorite books and would complain when I tried to read them aloud, so I stuck with the ones she did like.
Anon says
My baby’s daycare is right by my husband’s work, so he mostly does drop offs and pick ups. My office is in the opposite direction, but I will get in there about once a week. I have a good relationship with the teachers, but I feel left out.
While I would like a daycare closer to home, I’m not fond of the one down the street and the daycare we’re at is really great, so switching centers isn’t the answer here. Someone just tell me the positives of not having to do pick ups and drop offs every day to make me feel better.
EB0220 says
When your husband is the drop-off parent, he’ll pretty much become the default parent as far as daycare is concerned. Bring something for a party? Dad. Teacher appreciation week? Dad. etc. It’s a really great way to make sure your husband is very involved in your baby’s life and takes on some of those random little things that so often fall to mom. Also, my kids seem to have less separation anxiety with dad so it may be easier for him to do drop-offs when your baby gets older!
anon says
+1. This may be a good thing in the long run. So many couples run into issues with mom doing more, on every front. Having your DH handle the daycare routine can be an equalizer.
Anonymous says
could not agree with this more.
mascot says
Positives- you don’t walk into work covered in baby slime because someone used you as a tissue on the way into daycare, you don’t have worry that a meeting/phone call/ slow elevator is going to make you late for pickup and now you have to that absurd late charge that is calculated by the minute, you have a few minutes to decompress on your commute without listening to squawking baby raptor sounds while you sit in traffic.
AwayEmily says
When I had a baby three months ago, I pretty stopped doing all dropoffs and pickups of our two year old. I have to say, it has been AWESOME. I don’t have to deal with random meltdowns, I don’t have to feign politeness to the one teacher I don’t like very much, I don’t have to listen to anyone complaining about how their seatbelt is too tight. And the best part is when she gets home she is SO HAPPY to see me.
Anon in NYC says
Positive: when your kid turns into a biter you don’t have to deal with the incident report at pickup.
ElisaR says
I envy your position…..I am the only one that does drop off and pick up and its exhausting especially with 2 kids. My husband has never been able to help out and while it didn’t bother me for the first year or so….. I’m so over it.
Em says
This happened with us too at our first daycare. One of the teachers loved to make comments about how she “NEVER saw me” and “how great it was to see me doing drop off/pick up because they hadn’t seen me in MONTHS!” One time my son kicked off his shoe in the carseat on the way to school so I accidentally took him into daycare without a shoe, which mattered not at all because he wasn’t walking at that point. This teacher later explained to my husband that I sent him without a shoe because I didn’t know what was going on at daycare since I was never there. It became a running joke between me and my husband about what ridiculous comment she would make to me. On the bright side, if they ever needed anything, they always called my husband first.
lawsuited says
Everyone assumes mom is the primary parent. It is a stupid assumption and women (and men) are well-served every single time it is challenged. I expect you feel the “failure” to pick up your child from daycare more acutely than any dad every would because you butt up against that assumption each time your husband shows up instead of you. But you are actually doing yourself, your husband, the daycare folks, the other parents that see your husband and the other kids that see your husband a giant favour because assumptions that moms will pick up their kids from daycare are garbage. Assumptions that the parent who works closest to the daycare will pick up their kids are sensible.
P says
Not doing daycare drop-off/pick-up is the BIGGEST marital coup that I have pulled off in 10 years of marriage. It is SUCH A HUGE TIME-SUCK and as one other commenter pointed out, my husband is now in charge of making / cleaning baby bottles AND making/cleaning up after the toddler’s lunch, which is another huge time suck. Seriously he probably spends 10-15 hrs/week doing the combination of drop off, pickup and lunches. Second, he is also a late person, and he’ll stand me up any night of the week, but there’s no way he will leave his precious babies at daycare late – so another positive is that he is actually home at night to help out with the bedtime routine. If I did daycare pickup, he would probably waltz in every night as they were getting out of the bath because “something came up.” (Which, TBF, is what I often do to him now.)
I tell every pregnant working woman I know to try to allocate daycare drop off and pickup to their husband if they can swing it.
I do almost everything else house and kid related, so it’s not like I’m not pulling my weight.
Daycare playdates says
My kids go to daycare and preschool half days. My preschooler does the majority of her playdates after school (we pick both kids up, parent picks kid up from our house sometime before dinner).
I’d like to do a couple playdates for my 2 y/o, but her daycare is a mixed bag of full and part time kids, so I don’t know who would be available for a “weekday” play date. For those of you with ~2 y/os in daycare, (a) do you have any interest in playdates? And (b) what would work best? Meeting up at a playground on a weekend morning? How should i reach out? (C) I assume these are all supervised playdates, so would it be weird if I invited you & your kid to my house on a weekend, even though my husband and our other kids would likely be there too?
It’s like my kids part time preschoo
lsw says
Someone had posted recently about concerns with her toddler and speech. I mentioned then that we were going to have an Early Invention screening soon with my son who sounded similar at 21 months. We just had it this morning, and learned that he doesn’t qualify for services as he is still within the normal range. I feel really good about that – it was really reassuring for me. We learned the scope of normal is REALLY wide. I mean, we knew it was wide, but it’s wide. Our friend’s kid who is only a few days younger than hours is using 2-4 word sentences. My kid knows about 15 words total, uses less than a dozen consistently, and doesn’t speak in sentences at all. And we’re both normal.
I don’t know if the other mom is a regular reader, but wanted to let you know that I found some relief after the screening. They also provided us with some suggestions for working on his communication. All in all it was a great experience and really took a load off my mind.
Anonymous says
Hoping it’s not too late in the day. When pumping in the office, did any of you put a little sign outside your door to let people know that you are not to be disturbed (and possibly that you can be reached by email or a phone call?) If so, what exactly did you use for such a sign, and what did it say? I have an office with a frosted glass door (but some unfortunately un-frosted parts on top!), and I want to avoid people trying to peer in to understand whether I’m available or not when my door is closed.
Anon says
Ordered a “Please wait just a minute, nursing mom at work” door hanger via prime. A nursing co-worker just ordered the same sign. I think “milk it” makes it. Our doors don’t lock but we’re too busy to pack up to the nursing room, so the sign (in our 75-person office) seems to be the appropriate and culturally accepted way to handle it.