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Updated: Nov 1, 2018 136 Comments · by

Washable Workwear Wednesday: Linen Blazer with Ruffle Trim

Machine-Washable Work Clothes· Recent Recs

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Linen Blazer with Ruffle TrimA cute, springtime blazer that’s also machine washable — yes! This is a linen blazer, which would definitely work in my office but might be a “know your office” situation. The navy blue color looks like it has a chambray quality, and I like that the ruffles are the same color to add a bit of interest without overwhelming it. It also comes in a tan/black combo, which I personally had to write off because I just can’t wear that color, but I still think it’s cute. One reviewer pointed out that “standing collar” is in the description, and the photo of the model from behind shows the collar standing up, but it looks like you can also wear it down. The blazer comes in sizes 00–16 and is $118 at J.Crew Factory. (It was recently on sale for $89.50, so you may want to keep an eye out.) Linen Blazer with Ruffle Trim A plus-size option is at Lord & Taylor. Looking for other washable workwear? See all of our recent recommendations for machine washable work clothes, or check out our roundup of the best brands for washable workwear. This post contains affiliate links and CorporetteMoms may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!

Sales of note for 9.10.24

(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)

Kid/Family Sales

  • Carter’s – Birthday sale, 40-50% off & extra 20% off select styles
  • Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off all baby; up to 40% off all Halloween
  • J.Crew Crewcuts – Extra 30% off sale styles
  • Old Navy – 40% off everything
  • Target – BOGO 25% off select haircare, up to 25% off floor care items; up to 30% off indoor furniture up to 20% off TVs

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About April

April is a working mom, a longtime reader of CorporetteMoms, and wrote our morning fashion advice for working moms from April 2018 to October 2020. She has one child (born 2/17!) and she’s a public interest lawyer in NYC.

Comments

  1. AIMS says

    How often do you pump at work? At “peak production” with my 1st, I always did it 3/day to make what she needed for the next day. Now back at it with my 2nd, with a spectra pump which seems to be a bit more productive, and wondering if I can just do two times/day for 3 bottles. I experimented with it yesterday and it worked out but wondering if there is a downside I’m not considering or if this will become impossible as he gets bigger (he’s eating 5 oz bottles now, roughly 3 times a day while I’m gone). FWIW, I am not so focused on having extra so I’m fine with just enough to make it through the next work day.

    • H13 says

      How old is he? I did three times a day when I first went back to work and then cut back to two times a day. I also pumped before bed which would round out bottles for me on most days. I also used a Spectra the second time around and like it so much more. Pumping seemed less terrible somehow.

      I would see what happens with pumping two times. You can always add a session in or up the oats/water/brewers yeast/magical potions.

      Good luck!

    • J says

      I did three times per day. I’m mostly commenting to mention that I wish I’d had a Spectra. Seems like everyone loves them!

      • AIMS says

        The spectra is pretty great but I find the parts more annoying to clean and it’s actually one of the reasons making me want to pump less. Also, it looks nicer but I miss the discreet PIS black case. I feel like any day someone will ask me about the “cool new speaker” or whatever that I have tucked away in my big desk drawer.

    • AwayEmily says

      I don’t think it’s our imagination about the Spectra being better. I am currently using a Spectra with baby #2 and the other day I forgot a part and had to break out my old Medela PIS instead. It was definitely less efficient and kinda uncomfortable. Also, the horrible noise…

      Re: 2x vs 3x pumping…personally I find pumping 2x a day to be SO much easier timing-wise and logistics-wise that it might be worth giving it a try even if you end up needing to supplement a few ounces of formula. Worst case you can always go back to pumping 3x.

      • Anon says

        I pump 2x a day at work, with a feeding/pump session while I get ready for the day. It works out to (roughly) 7:30/8am at home, then 11:30 and 3:00 at work. I have a Spectra and get about 3oz per side per session.

        • Edna Mazur says

          This is me too, except 5:30 (putting on makeup at home) and then 9:00 and 1:00 at work. I only get about 4 oz total per session though.

        • IP Associate says

          +1. Except I nurse in the morning and pump once at night to round out what she’ll need for the next day.

    • Anonymous says

      Try pumping 2 times for 20 minutes each instead of 3 times for 15 minutes each. Even if you don’t get much milk in the last few minutes, it will help keep up supply by simulating demand. I also did oatmeal for breakfast every morning and noticed an impact on my supply. At work I kept a bag of oatmeal in the kitchen and just made it up in my mug with hot water whenever I needed a quick snack.

      • anon says

        If you are pumping in your own office, you can also do a power pumping session if you notice that your supply starts to dip a bit. You turn off the pump for 5-10 minutes at the send of a normal session, leaving everything set up. Work for those 5-10 minutes and then turn the pump on for 5 minutes to get one more let down. It is great for boosting supply.

      • Pogo says

        This is so interesting to read – everyone is so different! I always do a full 30min because I’m still getting so much milk coming out at 15min it wouldn’t be comfortable for me to stop (that is, I’d still feel full even after pumping).

    • Boston Legal Eagle says

      I pumped 3x a day for like a week when I went back to work and then dropped to 2x a day for the remainder of my pumping journey. I made enough for 3 bottles of about 5-6oz each to give to my son at daycare the next day. I had a bit of an oversupply though (constant plugged ducts) but 2x was so much easier on the schedule than 3x.

      Assuming things work out the same for baby 2, I’m planning to just start with 2x a day pumping, and supplementing with formula for any extra, if I don’t have an oversupply again.

      • Katala says

        Same. 2 pumps was enough to get 3 5-6 oz bottles. I never really pumped at home. With my first I kept that up and only really struggled with getting that much at around 8-9 months, which is when he started eating more solids. So it all worked out fine.

        I think the general advice is you don’t need to worry about pumping more volume as baby gets bigger. Your milk’s composition changes as they grow so that their intake is roughly the same volume until they start filling up on solids.

    • Anon in NYC says

      Granted, I had an oversupply, but I pumped 2x/day at work right from the start. I nursed her at home, but I also did a pre-bed pump for my own comfort. And I usually had to pump in the morning after nursing her (again, for my own comfort). All together, I found that that was plenty. My daughter was 14 weeks when I went back to work, but she was drinking about 18 oz at daycare.

    • Anonymous says

      With my first, I did 3x a day for several months, then scaled back to 2x. With my second (went back at 3M, she’s now 6M), I started with 2x. It’s just so much easier to schedule, and has been much better for me mentally. I do try to get in an extra session at home (pumping the other side at her first morning wakeup, usually), which gets me an extra 4-5 ounces. I come home with about 10 oz/ a day from work, and with the usual (but not every day) extra bottle from home, I’ve been able to keep up.

    • Anon says

      I started at 3x a day for the first two months back. Once DD turned 7 months I was 2-3x a day. At 8.5 months I dropped to 2x a day because it was just so much easier and she was ready for 2x meals a day, so her daytime milk consumption dropped. When pumping 3x, I would get anywhere from 11-16oz a day. Now that I dropped to 2x a day, I usually get 10-14oz a day. While I’m gone, at 9 months, she gets two meals of solids (with a sippy cup of water) and usually 1 8 oz bottle a day. Her appetite varies though, so sometimes she’ll take an extra half bottle if she’s super hungry or I’m gone longer than usual. We nurse usually 1-2x in the morning before I leave and then another 1-2 times in the evening after I get home.

      • Anon says

        I also have a spectra for work, and while it is much more comfortable, I find it takes longer. My pumping sessions are usually 40 minutes 2x a day (vs. when I was pumping 3x a day, I could get away with only 30). When I use the PISA at home from time to time, I can usually get the same amount of milk in 20-30 minutes. Fortunately I have my own office, so it’s easy to shut the door and just use the phone to talk to people and work through the whole 40 minutes, but, even 2 longer sessions is easier for me logistically than 3 shorter sessions.

        • AIMS says

          I had to play around with the settings a bit to find what worked for me. At first I felt like the PIS was more productive but now the Spectra is better and quicker.

    • Pogo says

      I only pump 2x. I think I did 3x for the first month or so but he never drank all the milk so I just froze it. Now back at work for 5 months my supply isn’t meeting his needs so I am dipping into that stash. However I am also totally fine with supplementing if need be.

      So I’d say give it a try only if you’re not worried about dipping into freezer or supplementing. If you’re the type to get anxiety around not pumping enough, I wouldn’t bother cutting back because the stress might be worse than the time saved!

      • AIMS says

        Thanks all! I am going to experiment further but I think this will be the new goal.
        Also, agree that everyone is so different and it’s nice to be reminded that there is no “normal” here. I think I’ve been lucky on the time issue because I almost never pump for more than 10-15 minutes but I am always amazed that some folks seem to be able to pump after nursing. I feel like no matter how much my babies consumed per nursing session, once I nursed, that was it and pumping was virtually pointless.

    • Leatty says

      When I first returned to work, I pumped three times a day, but after a week or two, I switched to twice a day. Then two months later, I dropped to once a day (but pumped for 35 mins or so). I have a ridiculous capacity, and I was able to consistently pump 15-20 oz in one long session. This worked so much better for me because I had to pump in a mother’s room that does not have a phone or computer, which meant that I lost not only the pumping time, but the undressing/dressing/walking to mothers’ room time.

  2. H13 says

    Anyone have trouble sleeping once they weaned? I just can’t seem to sleep all of sudden. I wake up 4/5/6+ times a night, sometimes for 30 minutes or more and I am wrecked.

    I don’t remember this happening with my first.

    • Meg Murry says

      Insomnia/wacked out sleep schedules is one of my major PMS symptoms (dating back to the very first time I started my period, its always been a thing for me). When I weaned, I had crazy bad PMS-y symptoms for my first few periods – so if insomnia was a PMS thing for you before it may be related.

      • H13 says

        I had one period about 7.5 weeks ago. My body is just out of whack. It has been so long since I really had a grasp of what my cycle is like (2+ years). But I am very irritable, moody, emotional, etc. so maybe this is PMS. I had some pretty severe lows after weaning the first time. I am hoping this is just hormones leveling back out.

        Thanks for the input!

        • Anonymous says

          Just to ask the obvious…no chance you are PG? But I’d chalk it up to crazy weaning hormones especially if you had a more abrupt weaning (liking going from multiple feedings a day to nothing). Insomnia can also be a symptom of a thyroid problem, so maybe go to your doctor if it lasts for more than 2 weeks? Sometimes temporary thyroid problems can pop up with pregnancy/postpartum/weaning.

          • H13 says

            Not sure if anyone will check back on this thread but I haven’t wondered if i am PG. It would be a one in a million chance (very little gardening, only protected) and I don’t have any other symptoms. Also, I really do not want to be.

            I think I may call my doctor. Last night I think I got about four hours of sleep. I am solo parenting for a few days and it is going to be rough.

    • lala says

      if you haven’t already, try upping your magnesium and/or taking an Epsom salt bath. This has always cured my insomnia related to hormonal shifts (and weaning is definitely a big one!)

  3. Cb says

    I figured you guys would appreciate my current predicament. My 9 month old refused to nap all morning and finally fell asleep in the checkout of IKEA. Clearly the answer is to sit in a comfy chair at IKEA and read my book until he wakes up, right?

  4. anon says

    I am so tired of dealing with unreliable babysitters. Either they don’t get back to us or they double book and then we’re scrambling at the last minute. We have a pretty deep “pool” of sitters but it seems like they’re always canceling or already booked (even when I try to secure them a month or two out). For that reason, I also never understand the blogs or podcasts that suggest getting a few extra hours of help here or there because it seems so hard to book. This is really more of a vent than a real question but where do people find these reliable sitters who are always available?

    • H13 says

      We have had the best luck with teachers from our daycare. We know and trust them and I book waaaaay out to get them (and pay them more). Depending on the age of your kid(s), I also have had some success having a younger sitter/mother’s helper in the neighborhood. She is excited to make money, her parents are nearby and she is often free. I only use her when I am either in the house or when the baby is asleep, however.

      Also, make it so that people want to sit for you. Pay them extra. Leave them good food. Those little things help move you to the top of the list. I babysat a lot in college and afterward in NYC and some parents would actually leave me a bottle of wine. I wouldn’t open it but the thought was nice.

    • EB0220 says

      That’s rough. I’ve found that high school kids can be tough because they have so many activities these days. If we get a neighborhood teenager, though, and they say they’re free, they always show up. I think it helps that the parents don’t want to make the neighbors mad so they make sure the babysitter doesn’t cancel unless they’re sick or something. We really prefer just out of college babysitters or older women. They seem to have more open calendars outside of working hours, have their own cars, and are mature enough not to cancel unless they’re sick. My 2c.

    • AwayEmily says

      Similar to what H13 said, I think having some kind of personal relationship with them (teacher at your kid’s daycare, neighbor, etc) decreases the chance of flakiness because they interact with you in other contexts as well.

      • anon OP says

        We do have personal relationships with them. One is a family member, one is the daughter of a coworker, etc. And we’ve tried daycare teachers but they don’t seem interested (which I understand after a week of work). Our kid is really easy and we pay well but I guess we just have extraordinarily bad luck.

    • Mama Llama says

      I think people generally underestimate how hard it is to find reliable help like this, particularly the time-management /self-care guru-types who seem to think you can manifest a sitter any time you want to go to yoga or whatever. (I’m looking at you Laura Vanderkam.)

      I’m sorry you are having such frustrating experiences. We recently signed up for very expensive nanny service that will send you well-screened baby-sitters on short notice, so we have access to that in a pinch, but have never used it because it costs so much.

    • BC says

      I just read Drop the Ball and she said her husband started a process where he group texts all the available sitters to offer the job so they can see they’re not the only one being asked. That way, the response comes quicker and the sitters feel more of a need to commit or back off so someone else can do it. I will point out that it seemed they had a very deep bench, so it wasn’t just like group texting 2 or 3 sitters.

    • Anonymous says

      So here’s what we do, but it’s a unique situation to my area. I live in NOVA and we have a nonprofit that organizes the in-home daycares in the area. They take care of monthly state inspections, background checks, etc…Our daughter attends one of these. We can then use any of the providers in the system for weekend babysitting. We then know that they’re reliable, have certifications, attend professional development, and their home is set up safely for children (and inspected monthly). They’re usually older ladies so I’ve never had one cancel. But again, unique to my situation.

    • Anonymous says

      Have you tried a sitting service? We use one and it’s a game-changer. The sitters at the one we use are all college students. They are “trained” and CPR certified, all vetted and background-checked. The biggest thing is that they have to show. And if something goes screwy, the owner finds a replacement. I pay a booking fee for it, but the hourly rate is totally comparable. I’d look to see if there’s something like this in your area.

      • FTMinFL says

        +1 this is what we do and we LOVE it. It is $39.99 per month for the service and we can book an unlimited number of sitters or nannies. They guarantee coverage for emergencies within 4 hours of request, but we have been able to have someone at our house within 30 minutes. We use the service for 3-4 date nights per month and backup care in the event that our nanny is sick/has an emergency and can’t care for the kids.

      • CCLA says

        Yep, highly recommend a service if you can swing the cost. And really the booking fee is totally worth the reliability and not having to put in the effort to build a deeper sitter network when we have zero family here. We do have a couple of sitters that I always ask first, but if neither is available, agency it is. They make an effort to send us people we’ve used before, but even if it’s someone new, I’ve never had a bad experience. Love that they’re all background checked, CPR trained, etc. Many also do dishes and fold laundry without my asking, which is amazing and totally worth the $. If you don’t think there are babysitting services in your area, check out nanny placement agencies – most also offer babysitting services like this.

        • CCLA says

          Oh, also – care dot com has a backup sitter service I’ve used when it was too late in the day to reach my usual nanny agency. Some employers offer this as a benefit, but I was surprised to find out it was part of the premium membership I had paid for (something like $120 a year?), and I don’t think it’s well advertised. They can get someone within a few hours usually, also CPR trained and background checked.

      • Katala says

        +1 we use Seeking Sitters which has locations in many cities. Your membership can be used anywhere. You can pay a monthly fee or a per-booking fee. I think I also had to pay maybe $50 initially. So, so worth it. I think the hourly rate is less than I would pay otherwise and we’ve never had anyone flake. We can sometimes get backup coverage same-day as well, but since it’s a lot of college students that’s not 100% reliable. Not knowing anyone in the area, this set up was key for us to feel comfortable since the sitters are vetted and background checked. We actually first used it in another city to watch our kiddo while we went to a wedding.

    • ellie says

      That would never fly in our neighborhood because sitters like to be on the moms circuit and know that one mom would tell another that they’re unreliable. Could you find sitters that also babysit for your neighbors etc. so they care about generally being seen as reliable?

  5. lsw says

    I am really lucky and have a generally good and easy relationship with my SD’s mom, but sometimes she just makes me SO MAD. Step-parenting is HARD. I’m trying to take deep breaths and keep my heart rate down and not let my hormonal rage take over.

      • lsw says

        My SD just turned 12 last week. (My son is 21 months. It’s amazing how parenting a tween and a toddler can be pretty similar sometimes…) I know we are so lucky that she is a good mom and not some crazy flake (most of the time) but wow, she can be a lot to handle. And it’s really hard when I see it affecting my SD. Sometimes it’s just a tough position to be in, especially if you are Type A Control Freak like me! Thanks for the solidarity.

        • Fellow Step-Mom says

          More hugs — and the hardest part of step-parenting for me is the responsibility without the control, especially when it comes to scheduling. Overall we’re in a good situation too, but it still can be hard. So solidarity and sympathy, my friend.

          • KateMiddletown says

            Yep. I officially became the SM when the girls were 15 and 17. Dealing with college applications and expenses has been… a learning experience. I try to confirm boundaries w/ my husband and try to keep open lines of communication, but whew, it’s not easy. There aren’t any disciplinary problems, just “bubble bursting” when we make it clear “this is what we are willing to do” and “this is not okay” (both with their mom and them, frankly.)

    • NewMomAnon says

      So an unrelated question from a mom to a stepmom – kiddo and I made a mother’s day present for her grandma, and she liked it so much that she asked to make one for her stepmom. I’m fine with that but I don’t know how a stepmom would feel about a mother’s day gift from kiddo, clearly made with help from mom. Is this a danger zone? We have an arms-length relationship; friendly but not friends, if that makes sense.

      Also, it might mean that her stepmom gets more gifts from kiddo than I do….which I’m trying really hard not to feel bummed about. Mother’s Day is such a minefield.

      • Anon says

        I’m not a stepmom, but I think you definitely do it. You are not raising the stepmom, you are raising your daughter. And helping her to follow her instinct to be giving and generous is tremendously valuable. If that happens to irk her stepmom, then I think stepmom is nuts, but also, who cares.

      • Anonymous says

        Sounds like kiddo puts stepmom in a similar category to grandma ‘ adult women in my life who care about me’. Which I guarantee kiddo views as a peripheral category to ‘mom’.

        If it makes it easier for you, maybe also make one for kiddo’s godmother or aunt? Even as an adult, I’ve often made small acknowledgments of the role other women have played in raising me.

      • lsw says

        I definitely agree with the two posters who responded. I think the stepmom would be honored (and maybe, if anything, embarrassed a little – hoping she is not encroaching on your day).

        And would it help you if you said to kiddo, “I love these projects that you are doing! Could we make one together for me to take to my office?” No shame in getting one for yourself, too!

      • Fellow Step-Mom says

        As a stepmom, I’d totally cry happy tears (away from my SD) if her mom helped her with a gift for me (of course my SD is now almost 20, so that would be weird). Heck, I get excited if I get a Happy Mother’s Day text from my SD that wasn’t prompted by my husband.

        And as I mom I thing doing so would be really hard, but the right thing to do, but you should also have no worries that your daughter would equate her with you.

        Agreed with the others that this is really more for your daughter and teaching her to be giving, rather than about her stepmom.

  6. Au Pairs says

    Thanks to everyone who weighed in yesterday about au pairs and other possible childcare solutions in our small college town. Getting several college students to cover the hours is appealing, especially since DH and I work from home a lot and would be around for supervision/emergencies more than most working parents. But wouldn’t they all then be household employees? Paying payroll taxes/withhholding income tax for lots of different people seems like a logistical nightmare and also maybe cost prohibitive.

    • Mama Llama says

      I would check on that. I’m not an expert, but I think if each one works under a certain number of days/hours, they are not considered employees.

    • Anonymous says

      Logistical nightmare if you end up needing like 4 people to cover the hours but I wouldn’t rule it out if you only need two people. That’s not a lot more work on the admin and you solve your child care problem vs. having to go the au pair route.

    • KateMiddletown says

      If they aren’t on Care.com you can ask them to create accounts and handle it that way.

    • Anonymous says

      I was a pro nanny for years and the only time I was paid on the books with taxes, withholding, etc, was when I worked fulltime. Otherwise it was just cash under the table.

    • BC says

      The plus side to paying them on the books (other than just being law abiding) is that you can take the child care tax credit. Honestly, I paid a nanny on the books (in my East Coast state) and it was so not worth it. It took 3 years after she stopped working for us/ our kid enrolled in daycare for the state to stop sending us letters saying we had unlawfully failed to pay for worker’s compensation or unemployment contributions. Every quarter I had to fax in a certificate to each separate division (so one for worker’s comp, a different one for unemployment) stating we had no household employees. And every quarter they told me they’d fix it for the next one.

      • SC says

        Haha. I am receiving these letters on a weekly basis. We had our CPA handle all the taxes, so I’m pretty confident it was done correctly and our state it just incompetent.

        I agree the administrative burden is too high. I mean, I want to do the right thing, but why does it have to be so hard?

    • Anonymous says

      homepay.com will take care of this so easily and then you are done and can even take child tax credits

      Most students who work PT will be OK working on the books. I gross up what we offer so our post-tax rate is competitive. And take out workers comp insurance while you are at it.

  7. Tyranny of the red band says

    In our daycare, you put a red band on a bottle to signify that it is pumped. No red band = formula. This ensures that workers know that they are dealing with bodily fluids and that they make sure never to mix up bottles.

    FWIW, I am small of chest and frequently need to supplement. I’d just to to nursing when I’m present, ditch the pump, and send only formula to daycare in a heartbeat but but but for telegraphing that so perfectly by never having red-banded bottles in the infant room.

    I know it’s supposed to be better. And my kid has been in 40 hours a week daycare since she was 12 weeks old, which I would prefer be 20 (biglaw not-easily-scalable job; I’m happy it’s only 40 hours in care + liberal at-home work in the evenings) in an ideal world.

    I just wish I weren’t made to be so public with my choices. This is kid #2. I feel that everyone commented when the various kids switched to cow’s milk with my first (so I know that if people notice that, they are also noticing the general switch from red band to no band for other reasons).

    I just hate this. I’m all for nursing, but I feel like this is living more in a fishbowl than I want.

    • CPA Lady says

      Whose judgement are you worried about? The teachers? Your kid’s classmates parents? Do you even know these people or have time to hang out with them? I doubt any of them give two hoots what you’re feeding your kid, and a comment does not mean a judgement. They were probably commenting on the milk and comparing themselves to you, because the only things we’re thinking about are ourselves– like “omg, Tyranny’s kid has already switched to cows milk? I need to get on that! I don’t even have any sippy cups! She must have her act more together than I do.”

      Please, by all means, do what you need to do to make your life more pleasant. I am really starting to think that whoever started the whole “breast is best (at all costs)” movement hated women and wanted them to be miserable.

    • Anonymous says

      Gently, I think you are giving people far more credit for noticing these things than they actually do. The daycare workers don’t care. You don’t get a gold medal or a prize for any of this so feel free to feed your child as you wish and ignore the noise.

    • Mrs. Jones says

      I can’t imagine most people would notice and/or care. Do what you need to do.

    • Anonymous says

      I feel so much pressure to pump. And as much as I hate carrying the PIS backpack around, it does telegraph “hey, I’m pumping b/c I am doing the best for my child.” B/c who wants to telegraph “barely keeping it together; not signing up for the pumping room with my state-in-infancy cohorts (so pls stop ASKING); doing what keeps me sane is actually best for my child.”

      Hate the pressure.

      • CPA Lady says

        I actually found it a huge breath of fresh air when I watched one of my junior league friends mix a bottle of formula for her baby in front of our entire provisional class. It was just such a relief to see someone doing that. She was not at all telegraphing “barely keeping it together.” At least that’s not what I took away from seeing that. I say “confident in my choices.”

        • Anonymous says

          That’s great. I was very much in the closet re formula use. It is looked down on so hard that you must be some crackhead parent or that something else must be wrong with you. It’s like even tobacco would be better for your baby than formula.

          I so hate this. I am OK with nursing. But will so be grateful when men can shoulder their half of the pumping burden.

          • Anonymous says

            So glad it’s not like this in my area. Most moms I know do a combination of nursing/pumping/formula.

          • Anon says

            “But will so be grateful when men can shoulder their half of the pumping burden.”

            Obviously not the same, but we agreed that my husband did the vast majority of the washing/sterilizing of pump parts and bottles when I was pumping full time. It felt like he was contributing to the cause that way. And it really was time-consuming. I made bottles, because I had a system for having daycare feed her bottles in the same order I pumped as much as possible.

          • avocado says

            Someone, I think it was Rainbow Hair, recently posted an article by a mom who felt obligated to BF but had mixed feelings about it. It was fantastic and highly relevant to this discussion. I searched and can’t find it–anyone else remember it?

        • CCLA says

          Formula user here, and never received any backlash, in public or at daycare. I had even run through scenarios in my head and what I’d say, but quickly realized no one seemed to care, or if they did, they kept it to themselves. I like how CPA Lady phrased it – “confident in my choices” – and am hopeful that the more people can make it not a THING, the less in-the-closet formula users will feel the need to be. Anecdotally at our daycare, by about 6 months old, most kiddos were receiving at least some formula. Though I do think it’s odd that they require a red band – I’d hope the center would take equal care making sure my kid got the right formula as they did to make sure another kid got the right pumped milk.

          • Anonymous says

            Also a formula feeder (exclusively from 2 mo) in an area of the country/social circle where it wasn’t the norm an I was pleasantly surprised that I never got a single comment in 10 months.

          • CPA Lady says

            I also never got a single comment. I don’t think the judgement really exists in real life the way it does on the internet. And if it does, it’s still not worth making your life a living hell to placate complete(ly rude) strangers.

      • Pigpen's Mama says

        I really don’t think most people care, and if they do they are {insert moderated word of choice}. Of course, it’s much easier to have that attitude three years down the road, but I’m 99% sure that if you stop now, in less than 6 months, you won’t spare this dilemma a single thought.

        I hated pumping, like most sane women, but I enjoyed breastfeeding, and by the time I was back for a few months, I just couldn’t keep up with pumping on any sort of schedule and my supply had gone kablooey.

        I finally decided to start supplementing with formula at 6 months because I realized it was more about me being able to say my child was exclusively breast-fed for a year, rather than any benefit she’d get out of it. By 8 months I was done pumping. My regret is that I wasn’t able to sustain breastfeeding in the morning/evening beyond 9 months, but my baby never seemed to miss it.

        Also, another thing that stopping pumping did for me — it freed up time and emotional energy for my baby, which really was more valuable than breastmilk.

    • Anonymous says

      Can you just send in formula with a red band? Presumably there is concern with going the other direction, but if they’re handling it with extra care, then what difference does it make if it will make you feel more comfortable with your choice.

  8. Aly says

    So, I have a concern and want a check with other moms. My kid is a year and half. When we go out in public, she’s well behaved. According to her daycare, she’s a delight. According to her dad, when it’s just the two of them she’s well behaved. But when it’s me and her, she’s not quite the same. Mostly, she just cries a lot. She’s easily comforted. She cries over everything though – me leaving a room, her cup being empty, a crayon breaking, etc.

    My husband says that she behaves this way I respond to her crying. I don’t necessarily give her what she wants, but I do crouch down to her level and give her a hug or say something. The thought of just ignoring her doesn’t make me feel good, but, frankly, I’m getting a bit frustrated. The kid I see in public isn’t the one I have in private. If it makes any difference, my husband is gone for at least 50% of the time on business travel, so I’m the primary parent. Thoughts? Ideas? Wait it out? TIA

    • Anon says

      I’m sorry I don’t really have any advice, but my LO was like that. Angel child in school and out in public but more difficult at home. I honestly think he’s a bit extroverted and was bored at home, which I can sympathize with because I’m the same way. There aren’t friends to play with (like school) or interesting things to see and do (out in public). He’s 3.5 now and much better, but he still asks if we’re doing anything after school, who’s coming over (we have friends over a lot), etc. Not sure what the answer is except maybe to keep the child busy? It’s kind of worked for us.

    • Marilla says

      I think a) it’s pretty normal for kids to have more meltdowns with mom than with anyone else, but also b) you may be registering her up and down emotions more than they are because you’re more sensitive to it (for a daycare teacher, I think they are used to frequent minor meltdowns that only take 2 seconds to resolve and don’t even notice it in the pattern of the day, if that makes sense). Lately my husband has commented a LOT about “oh she was so good when she was with me and now that you walked in she’s a mess” which increasingly irritates the heck out of me, so I’ve started listening in more when he’s “on duty” and honestly… she’s still 2 when she’s with him. It’s not that she’s an angel with him and a little terror with me.

      Long story short I don’t see anything wrong with what you’re doing! You’re acknowledging her feeling without necessarily always giving her what she wants. That’s totally normal good parenting, in my books.

    • Meg Murry says

      I think part of this is to be a little more selective with your sympathy and hugs. She’s crying because she’s genuinely upset about something? Getting down on her level and giving her hugs makes sense. She’s crying because the crayon broke or her cup is empty? Acknowledge the feeling and solve the problem but don’t turn it into a giant comforting session – “I know it makes you sad when your crayon breaks, but look, here’s another red crayon” or “I know you are upset when your cup is empty. Can you ask Mommy nicely for more milk? Ok, here’s your milk.”

      You don’t need to ignore her, but I think toning down the comforting and just straightforwardly solving the problem that lead to the crying in the first place may lead to less crying.

      It also could be that there are just certain times of the day when she is hungry or tired and more prone to tears – and you are the person handling those times. My kids have always needed more cuddles just before bedtime, and their responses to normal upsets are always bigger right before dinner. Totally normal, even if it is annoying.

    • AnotherAnon says

      No advice, but following. Also it sounds like you’re an attached parent which I think is a good thing! Mine is 14 months (which I know can be worlds apart from 18 months) and he’s the same. DH says “oh he’s always so chill for me; why does he melt down for you?” 1) he’s not chill: he has minor meltdowns around DH, DH just ignores them. 2) sometimes leaning into the clinginess can make it worse AT FIRST for us, but then LO ends up being more resilient after a few days/a week of everything upsetting him.

    • AIMS says

      I’m still like this with my mom! Kidding, but it’s maybe a little true.

      I think it could be an age thing coupled with the reaction she gets. My daughter started to do this and I try to acknowledge what she is feeling but give her an alternative way to react. E.g., “OK, let’s go get you more water, but next time just say, ‘Mommy, I need more water,’ you don’t need to cry about it.” I feel like this mostly works because it acknowledges how she feels and also tells her that her behavior is a bit much.

    • Anon in NYC says

      This is an age thing, and also probably a bit of a learned behavioral thing. My daughter is similar, plus she’s going through a Mommy phase where I’m the only one who will suffice for all manner of things. I tend to think of these times as periods where I’m helping her learn how to cope with the emotions that she can’t identify or articulate right now, giving her comfort and acknowledgment to the extent needed, and strengthening the bond between us. So, I would keep doing what you’re doing and perhaps also start to tell her things like, “Honey, if your cup is empty you can just ask me or Daddy for more water instead of crying.” And really, there are tons of times where my cup is empty and I want to whine about it, so I sort of get where she’s coming from!

    • Boston Legal Eagle says

      I’ve heard that kids, especially toddlers, have way more tantrums and crying sessions with those they’re closest to and where they feel safe enough to act out. So, for us, I think our son has wayyy more meltdowns at home than he does at daycare or when he’s with his grandparents, for example. Which is a bummer for us, because I feel like we get the worst of him when we just want to enjoy our time with him, but also reassuring that he feels safe enough with us to act that way! Small comforts when you’re in the throws of a crying fit, but I do try to remind myself of that.

      At 18 months, I think we still comforted him every time after crying, but now that he’s a little older, we try to let him just express his tantrum and cool off a little bit, without responding to every cry with sympathy (unless he’s obviously in pain or something). I try to just narrate what I think he’s feeling – like, “I know you’re upset that you wanted to open the container, but mommy’s going to help you open it…”

      • Anonymous says

        This. If your DH travels 50% then it’s not surprising that she behaves with him the same way as at daycare. You’re the primary parent so with you she feels safe to not keep it all together.

      • J says

        I agree with this. And oftentimes I liken it to how I unfairly take so much out on my husband. I need to stop!

      • Pogo says

        I’ve just started to deal with this and it’s weird to go from “baby is crying because he has an actual unmet physical need you must attend to promptly” to “baby is crying because the kitty ran away from him/he dropped his spoon/he can’t figure out how to open the baby gate and wants out”. I mean I know for him dropping his spoon is the worst thing ever, but it’s not the same as when he was teeny tiny and was crying from hunger or pain.

    • Pigpen's Mama says

      Ditto what the others said about being the primary parent and the safe emotional space.

      Also, in my experience, the crying over every frustration may taper off in the next 6 months or so as she becomes more verbal.

  9. What Would You Do? says

    The assistant director of my kids’ preschool just left with no notice and another management staff person was promoted to director. I don’t know if she was fired or quit when she heard that another person was being promoted to director. She was always kind and welcoming to our family and much better with my children than the owner/other management staff, and I would have liked to say thank you and goodbye. Is it worth speaking to the owner to ask about what happened? I can’t imagine that I’ll get an answer other than “she wasn’t a good fit for our team anymore”.

    The elephant in the room in all this is that we live in a diverse but racially divided northeastern city. The former assistant director was black and the owner and new management team is all white (so is our family FWIW). Our first daycare was was run by a director who was clearly racist and dismissive of the black teachers, and I am afraid I am seeing the same thing happening with this preschool. Obviously I’m not going to say anything to the owner about race, but the whole thing leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

    • Anonymous says

      I think even if you directly ask about what happened, the current director may not be inclined (or even able) to give you an honest answer.

      Maybe try: “I heard A.D. isn’t here anymore. So sad to see her go as she was really wonderful with our kids. Do you have any contact information for A.D.? I’d like to send a note letting her know we appreciated her work and she will be missed.”

    • Anon says

      You’re not going to get an answer, no matter how much you want one.

      Keep your eyes open for other actions that would make this part of a pattern. Make a habit to talk to the teachers, ask about their days, try to gauge if they seem happy and supported.

      You could schedule some time with the owner and start a discussion with her. I’d say something like “I’m concerned about the optics of having an all-white management team when our area is much more diverse than that. One of the reasons we moved to this area was for its diverse experiences, and I don’t want my children (or their peers) to grow up thinking only white people can be in charge. What does a successfully diverse team look like for you? What are you doing to promote diversity in your staff and management? What tools are you using to ensure each child’s culture and background is respected and celebrated?”

    • Jeffiner says

      How long have you been at the daycare? A director leaving with little to no notice literally happens every few months at mine. One director lasted less than 2 weeks. It used to bother me a lot, but I like everything else about the daycare, and the other daycares we interviewed avoided the question when we asked about staff turnover.

      The teachers stay the same (mostly) and my kid doesn’t seem bothered by the changes, although most of the directors do get involved in the kids’ classes. The only thing that frustrates me is that external activities (music classes, picture day, etc). get rescheduled or canceled in all the shuffling around.

      • What Would You Do? says

        We’ve been there a year and a half. The original director left after about two months due to a family illness, and the owner and the former assistant director have been running the show since then. Other staff and teachers have left during that time, but we’ve always gotten at least a couple days heads up before those departures.

  10. Anon says

    Does your kid’s school have a social media presence? My kid is in preschool and the school posts daily about the different activities and includes up 30 photos of kids from different classes. The school has a consent form for photos of kids. I did not consent to them taking photos and specifically asked them not to. With that, I see photos of my kid online every other day. They are group photos, never of my kid alone. I understand that it can be hard to move my kid out of a photo if they are in the middle of an activity-so I’m leftish that slide.
    My question is-who is the audience for these posts on Facebook, instagram, and their website? These are open groups, anyone can see the photos. If the posts are meant to be updated for parents, I wish that the school would send a weekly newsletter or something.
    Anyway, I am meeting with the director tonight and am hoping to share my concerns and hoping she understands.

    • Anonymous says

      We have a closed FB group for preschool parents and teachers only. Kids are posted with no faces showing. Pictures of hands finger painting or kids from behind etc. For elementary school I consented to sharing with email class listserve but not posting on school website or twitter.

      Your kid’s school is opening themselves up to liability if they are posting without consent. There are many reasons why pictures of where kids go to school should not be available online. I dealt with a child protection matter where grandma stalked all the local school websites until she figured out where kid went to school based on a picture she spotted, she then showed up at school in violation of the court order which was stressful for everyone.

    • Aly says

      Ooo I would not be keen on this either. Can you talk to them about making the FB/Insta private for parents only? That would be totally reasonable to me. Perhaps they are thinking of this as a marketing tool? I don’t know, but I think this is worth addressing with the director.

    • LittleBigLaw says

      I could have written this post. With our first, I asked them not to take photos and did not sign the authorization form. All over Facebook anyway. In my experience, the audience seems to be pretty broad – parents and other relatives (my out of town in-laws follow the page), but also lots of parents of kids who formerly attended but have aged out. Think about your own Facebook page. How often do you leave groups? Especially if they don’t show up on your timeline regularly?

      That said, I never addressed it because I also liked seeing what activities they were doing during the day. I do like Aly’s suggestion to request the page be made private but not sure how that would work in reality. Who boots off the folks who are no longer associated with the program? How often ar the rolls purged?

    • Anonymous says

      I don’t really have any advice but this was a dealbreaker for us in choosing daycares. There was a great center close to home but they post daily photos on a completely public Facebook page. We could have theoretically opted out but I was worried that 1) we would be in your situation with them ignoring our wishes and doing it anyway or 2) our kiddo would be ostracized as the weird kid who couldn’t be in photos. We ended up choosing a daycare farther away that takes photos of the kids but only for posting in the classrooms and a parent newsletter, which is fine with us. I’d probably be ok with a private Facebook group (although we personally keep her off FB) but public social media was a dealbreaker for me.

      Fwiw I think the audience is prospective parents. I’ve known people to check out these pages to get a sense of what the daycares are doing with the kids all day (obviously you get a better sense from touring, but people look at the social media pages to narrow down the list of places they want to tour).

    • Pogo says

      Hard nope on this. I would ask that they not post any pics with your kid in them since you haven’t consented. I’m not sure why they would need a public page other than for publicity purposes. In that case, a few carefully selected, full-parental-consent photos should suffice. This is what I’ve seen for any local daycares that have a website or social media presence.

      I almost wonder if they don’t realize its’ fully public?? Like maybe they’re not social media savvy?

    • Em says

      We also didn’t sign the consent form for our daycare to post pictures of my son on social media, because we don’t post them ourselves due to a bad experience with it. They posted a photo of him on their FB account one time, and I low key freaked out to my husband (I am a little sensitive due to the aforementioned bad experience), then asked if it was worth saying anything. He suggested it wasn’t because it was a one-time thing, but we should revisit it if it happened again, and I agreed. That was over a month ago and they haven’t posted a photo of him since. If it was happening regularly, I would say something. I get sponsored posts for our daycare on FB, so I think the purpose of these pictures is partially for advertising, although some of them are to share with the parents what the class is doing.

    • KateMiddletown says

      Yes, our school just started an Instagram and has a FB page. We signed OK to the consent forms, but I was surprised to see a photo of my daughter petting a goat come through my IG feed and this definitely gave me pause. I don’t think many families in our area have given negative consent, but I am very naive about that.

      I would totally tell the school, hey, you asked me if I was okay with this and I said no, and yet I see my child’s photo on the page. I think your instincts to be careful are on point, and I’m honestly rethinking my own position since it happened earlier this week.

    • Anon says

      I would 100% not be ok with this and would definitely say something. Are people really following preschools (or any school for that matter) on social media? Seems a bit creepy to me. An informative website should be plenty of web presence for a school.

    • AnotherAnon says

      Late in the day but chiming in – hard nope. I have a foster son and the state mandates that his face cannot be posted on social media for safety reasons. Can you address it with director as a safety issue? I just don’t see any non-marketing reason these photos need to be public. When I’m searching for day cares it’s nice to have photos of what the kids are doing, but I think the cons outweigh the pros. If I’m a potential client, I’m going to schedule a tour and if I’m a current client, I should be getting updates from the teachers themselves.

  11. pittsburgh recommendations? says

    We are taking a small road trip over Memorial Day weekend and planning on spending one night in Pittsburgh to break up the travel. Does anyone have any recommendations on where to stay or what to do for a few hours? We have one child, 8 months old. I’ve never been to Pittsburgh so I don’t know the different areas of the city.

    • lsw says

      Ooo! I live here so I feel uniquely qualified to answer your question. Feel free to email me at l s w ret te @ the gee m if you like.

      I assume with an 8 month old, you are looking more for things for you and your partner, not for your baby. If I’m wrong on that, I’m happy to supplement with some kid things.

      First off, I’d definitely check the weather before you make it here. It goes up and down until June. On Saturday we had snow flurries and today it was 82. So prepare that it may be cooler in the evenings and might rain a lot.

      Our museums are awesome. The Carnegie Museum of Natural History and the Art Museum are together in one sprawling building, so you can hit both with one admission. They are also adjacent to the main branch of the Carnegie Library, which is awesome and has a great kids’ section (right next to the coffee shop for parents).

      The inclines are really fun to ride and offer a great view of the city. There’s also some great ice cream up at the top.

      The Strip District is a lot of fun to stroll around – like an indoor/outdoor market, mostly food. Lots of Italian, Asian, Polish grocery stores that are fun to browse. Smallman Galley is a really unique place to eat, but can be crazy on the weekends.

      Our city parks are also great but might not be that much of interest to you unless you are from somewhere that is pretty different geographically.

      What sorts of things might you be interested in checking out? I love this city. I am from eastern PA but have lived here for 15 years.

  12. Dim Night Light? says

    I realized that the night lights in our kids’ rooms are too bright. Anyone have a recommendation for a night light that is not overly bright AND also has a cord? The outlets in both rooms are blocked by furniture, so we need something with a cord that can sit on the dresser.

    Or, any suggestions for light bulbs that are dimmer than a typical night light bulb?

    Thanks!

    • Pogo says

      what’s the purpose – being able to see in the room to do something (change a diaper) or for kiddo to have a comforting light?

    • Anonymous says

      our solution to this has been to put a red light bulb in the closet light and leave the door open a crack. The red color doesn’t wake them up as much at night (there’s some kind of reason for this per sciency DH). Helpful because we can open or close the closet door to adjust how much light we have in the room.

    • KateMiddletown says

      If it’s just for a little light, Target has a bunch of these. We had one that was a push on and off silicone covered bird that had a cord but also operated without. It became a toy so I eventually donated it. Now we use the light feature on our humidifier (most of the cheap amazon ones seem to have this feature now.)

    • Anonymous says

      We have the skip hop owl which functions as a nightlight and white noise machine. The light can be set to be very dim.

      • Cb says

        We have the elephant and really like it – although I look forward to weaning kiddo off ‘rock-a-bye baby’ all night long.

  13. Lily says

    About pumping.

    Can’t seem to get to comment as a reply, so here it guy goes.

    I started pumping since the baby was a few days old, and built a stash. I pumped after every feeding except at night, so about 4 times. I returned to work after 12 weeks. I now pump 3-4 times a day. First at 6 am in home, then at 10 am and 2 PM at work. I feed the baby around 7 PM. My husband and I take turns feeding him at night, usually around 1-3 an. So, if it is my husbands turn to feed, I pump one more time around 9 PM before going to sleep. Otherwise, I don’t pump. On weekends, I just breastfeed, no pumping unless it’s husband’s turn to do nightfeeding. I pump for about 16-20 minutes and get about 6oz. So far, it’s working out.

    My question is what to do with breastmilk that I pumped when he was one or two month old. If the composition of milk changes with age, will that old milk meet his nutritional needs, say at 6 months? I plan to stop breastfeeding/pumping once he is 6 months old.

    • lucy stone says

      You can still feed that to him. I know a number of women who stopped pumping at 6 months once their stash was built up to get them to a year.

    • AIMS says

      You can still feed it to him but I believe that milk is only good in the freezer for about ~ 3 months unless you have a deep freeze? So I would rotate the milk out so, e.g., feed him frozen milk now and freeze what you pump now.

      • Meg Murry says

        Yes, this – start to rotate in the frozen milk. The 2 rotational strategies I’ve seen that worked best were either:
        1) 1-2 feeds a day from frozen (using the oldest first), the rest from fresh
        2) Use frozen milk at daycare on Mondays (and possibly Tuesdays), then fresh the rest of the week, and freeze anything left fresh on Friday that you won’t need for the weekend.

    • lala says

      I rotated my freezer stash by having one daily bottle be freezer milk, and freezing a bag of new milk. This kept the freezer stash fresh and ensured they were still getting current milk as well. It looks something like this:
      – Baby drinks 3, 4oz bottles at daycare
      – I pump 12-16oz at work
      – Next day 2 bottles are from the milk from yesterday, 1 is thawed milk from the freezer.
      – 4-8 ounces go in freezer bags for the deep freeze.

      I always labeled the bottle of thawed milk to be used first (we had a number system on the bottle tops), that way it wouldn’t expire within the 24hour period.

    • Anonymous says

      You can feed it to him at any age. Frozen milk is good for 6 months in a regular fridge-freezer combo and 1 year in a deep freeze. After a year I’d probably just use it in baked goods for kid vs. dumping it.

  14. Anon says

    I’m super late to posting so I might re-post tomorrow in the hopes of catching the early and late team. I just want to thank the IVF veterans that responded to my call for help the other day. I was really getting worked up and you all brought me down to earth. Things have really improved. I’m likely to have 5 mature follicles with possibly 3 that could catch up by my egg retrieval on Friday. So thanks again for keeping me sane.

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