Family Vacations and Coworker Jealousy
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2019 Update: We still stand by this discussion on family vacations and coworker jealousy — but you may also want to check out our more recent discussion of what kind of family vacation is right for you.
Here’s what is perhaps an odd question: Do you ever feel like there is coworker jealousy surrounding your family vacations? What are your best tips for office etiquette and family vacations — what are the best tips on how to take family vacations without instilling coworker jealousy? (AND: How many “buffer” days to you take off to prepare/recover from your family vacation?)
It is a truth universally acknowledged that a vacation with kids is a trip — not a vacation! Still, as we’ve talked about before, many parents schedule regular family vacations, which means it may “feel” to coworkers like you’re going on lots of “fun trips.” (I vaguely remember feeling like this when I was a single girl working in BigLaw — and I think there’s definitely a difference to be made in “messaging” around the vacation.) Furthermore, because you may already know the upcoming dates and schedules for school and so forth, you may book the vacation and have it calendared FAR in advance — and that may make coworkers feel like you’re “taking” the best vacation dates. (We got into this a bit with our discussion of holidays, vacations, and office etiquette over at Corporette.)
So let’s talk about it: Do you ever feel like there is coworker jealousy about family vacations? Do you try to carefully handle your messaging about it, such as keeping your out-of-office message simple instead of detailed, particularly if your vacation is an obviously expensive trip like a cruise or a week at Disneyland?
A related question on the self-care side of things: How do you relax when you come back from your “vacation”? Do you take another vacation day for yourself to have a slow, lazy day, preferably with your kids back in daycare or school? Indulge yourself in a massage or a date night?
Psst: You may also want to check out our last discussion on the best family vacation resorts for working parents, Kat’s tips for flying with kids and using Airbnb with kids. If you’re got really little kids and are dreading lugging all of your STUFF with you on vacation, check out this post on companies that rent baby gear for vacations so you can have it waiting at your destination.
Picture via Shutterstock / Willow Dempsey.
I have the opposite feeling at my office – those without kids seem like they take some great (real!) vacations, some for multiple weeks, while those of us with kids talk about the logistical nightmares of travelling with little ones and end up not going very far. I try not to be too jealous of them b/c obviously I chose this life with kids and it’s just a season of my life, but I do listen fondly to their vacation stories!
For our most recent family trip, we came back on a Thursday and brought our son back to daycare that Friday so that we could have that extra day as a buffer to unpack and relax, in addition to the weekend before going back to work. I definitely recommend leaving at least a day or two when you come back before work to catch up and transition back into real life, preferably with someone else doing the childcare! We’re also doing a real vacation with just the two of us at the end of this month, courtesy of my parents babysitting. We did this last year too and it was amazing.
My OOO messages are pretty generic – just noting when I’m out, when I’ll be back. I haven’t seen anyone here put specifics in their messages, beyond something like they’re travelling internationally and may be slow to respond. This can mean work travel too.
Also – we have to spend more vacation time going home for family holidays b/c we don’t want to just have the kids skip them and can’t just fly out at night/early AM as easily, so I think we have less time available for fun vacations than co-worker w/o kids.
I also have the opposite issue! As a Federal employee, I have no paid parental leave. I can’t take a paid vacation because I used all my days for maternity leave. I also currently don’t have a vacation budget due to the high cost of daycare in DC and no Federal health insurance coverage for IVF.
We travel a lot with our two kids, but have never experienced co-worker jealousy. Maybe because I work with a mature team full of mostly DINKs, so they travel a lot as well. we have a decently low pressure job, and a large team, so we don’t have to coordinate vacations.
I get annoyed at the: “that would be way more fun without the kids” “I bet you can’t wait to travel without them” comments, even though I know they don’t mean anything by them. I actually love travelling with my kids, and find it to be really fun.
My OOO message is always very generic.
I don’t think this is a thing in my office, or if it is, I have managed to stay out of the loop somehow. There are four attorneys in my department (intellectual property – 3 attorneys until recently). My boss’s only “rule” is that we all not be out for extended periods at the same time. It has never been an issue.
Co-worker envy of family vacations is totally a thing in my office, even though it makes absolutely zero sense. We get one set of PTO days to cover both vacation and sick leave, so parents are always using up all our PTO for school closures and sick kids and have problems saving up enough PTO to take an actual vacation. Then when I do manage to take a vacation, one particular childless co-worker likes to send me vitriolic e-mails about how I am leaving him with all the work. Never mind that this guy takes more vacations than I do, during which I never bother him…
We don’t have a vacation budget; once every other year we travel halfway around the world to visit my family. Very small office (~12 people) and definitely no coworker envy here. I would like a vacation…!!
I’m taking my darling 3 yo, who has recently been acting like she is possessed by a demon, on a two hour drive after work to the city with an airport with direct flights, staying in a hotel over night, followed by a nearly 5 hour flight tomorrow morning, all solo. Plus two suitcases, two carry ons, and a carseat. Just call me pack mule. Woo “vacation”! Pray for me.
I realized this weekend that I haven’t taken a vacation other than trips to the shore with kiddo in 4 years. My first instinct was, “I should fix that!” and my next thought was….”or maybe not.” But the idea of a tropical vacation in January is appealing.
Hah! No — like most of you, it’s the opposite. I’m envious of their trips to exotic locations over Thanksgiving break while I’m in a Residence Inn in a mid-western suburb visiting my husband’s family.
Generally speaking, everyone in our office is pretty good about respecting our co-worker’s “vacation” time — the higher-ups protect the time of the people they supervise, with the understanding that no one takes advantage of it and you haven’t left anyone in the lurch. That being said, I don’t think anyone in our group has not had at least one vacation or trip interrupted by a work crisis…just not all of them.
Has anyone taken their child to the optometrist? My 6 year old is blinking nonstop and squinting. My eyesight started going at 7 or 8 so I’m going to take her in for an eye exam. Should I look for a pediatric optometrist, or is a regular optometrist OK? I’m concerned that if we go to a regular optometrist and she needs glasses, we’ll have to go somewhere else for kids glasses. Any experience/advice?
Question for the hive: I am currently four months pregnant and live apart from DH (I am trying to move to his city). A great job in gov’t came up in his city that I am very qualified for; however, there’s no way I’d want to start before having the baby. The added wrinkle is that I have almost six months of maternity leave saved up, which means that ideally, I wouldn’t want to start a new job until almost 10 months from now. I realize this is not realistic for almost any job, including a government one. Should I apply anyway and see where the chips fall? For all I know, I might not even get an interview.
Totally the opposite. Did MUCH more interesting travel before kids. Dramatically more interesting – safaris, Galapagos, that sort of thing – and older coworkers with families were sometimes a little jealous (but not to the point it was any kind of problem, more just that they wished they could go to some of these places). Family vacations now are very uninteresting to anyone besides parents of similarly aged children who want to know if the destination ended up being as family friendly as hoped. Very confusing post.
Oh my god this is some absolutely insane nonsense.
This is a weird post – I don’t know where to start.
One thing – no one thinks families with kids get the “best” weeks. They generally go in the summer – those are the worst weeks for crowds and summer heat in a lot of places. We typically take a spring in fall and spring, even with kids for those reasons. I’d rather our family have a better vacation experience – they can miss a week of school, they’ll be fine.