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I have vivid memories of an after-school class I took in elementary school that taught me embroidery. In all honesty, that was the last time I did embroidery, but I remember loving it. The mix of art while still following a pattern, keeping your hands busy, and coming away with a finished product was and is so appealing to me.
After a few weeks of staying at home, I needed an activity to keep my hands busy that wasn’t scrolling Instagram. I bought this starter pack on Amazon, and I’m already on my last pattern. I’ve had to watch some “how to” videos on certain stitches, but if you’re fairly dexterous with your hands you can catch on quickly.
The three-pack is $14.99 at Amazon. Embroidery Starter Kit
P.S. You may also want to check out our Corporette posts on cross-stitch for stress relief and coloring books for adults!
Kat also mentioned some embroidery options (for kids as well as adults) in her post on low-supervision activities to keep your kids busy while you’re working.
This post contains affiliate links and CorporetteMoms may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!
Sales of note for 4.18.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 50% off full-price dresses, jackets & shoes; $30 off pants & skirts; extra 50% off sale styles
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything; extra 20% off purchase
- Eloquii – 50% off select styles; 60% off swim; up to 40% off everything else
- J.Crew – Mid-Season Sale: Extra 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off spring-to-summer styles
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – Spring Mid-Season Sale: Up to 50% off 100s of styles
- Nordstrom: Free 2-day shipping for a limited time (eligible items)
- Talbots – Spring Sale: 40% off + extra 15% off all markdowns; 30% off new T by Talbots
- Zappos – 29,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Up to 70% off baby items; 50% off toddler & kid deals & 40% off everything else
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off spring faves; 25% off new arrivals; up to 30% off spring
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Up to 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off kids’ spring-to-summer styles
- Old Navy – 30% off your purchase; up to 75% off clearance
- Target – Car Seat Trade-In Event (ends 4/27); BOGO 25% off select skincare products; up to 40% off indoor furniture; up to 20% off laptops & printers
See some of our latest articles on CorporetteMoms:
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Nanny Pay says
Finalizing terms with our nanny in the next few days. She’s incredibility flexible and we just want to be fair. I was very caught up in what nanny’s take home pay will be, which I was struggling to think through (“How much is enough really??”), which fueled a conversation about paying over/under. DH suggested we think of it as employers do – as a gross salary and not get caught up in the net take home. Does anyone else think about their nanny pay this way?
With that mindset, I think we’re for the moment settled on a $45,000 salary for our nanny, for 9-5 hours/40 per week while we’re WFH (which is at the moment without an end date). We have one two year old. When we do go back to work we’ll make it 8-5/45 hours, and if we have OT hours above 40, we’d pay on top of the $45,000 at a fixed hourly rate.
None of us care about over vs. under in general, and frankly we had settled on under until we realized that would screw her on health insurance. This is a bridge position between her former daycare job and future teaching job while she goes to school at nights for the next ~2 years, so plenty of time for SS contributions and whatnot down the road. However, with $0 reported income she doesn’t qualify for anything but awful health insurance (she’s 26 in a few months and single). $20k reported gets her a few solid insurance options. Would you do all on? Half on half off? Way over thinking this?
FWIW, the incremental cost of going above table isn’t that material to us so not a driving factor in decision making – mostly just logistics and wanting to help her out. I officially have analysis paralysis. First nanny for us and first full-time nanny role for her.
Clementine says
I personally think you have to do all on the books for a full time employee. If we’re talking a half time or part time nanny I might be more flexible.
Unfortunately, that’s how it goes for nannies. They get a plan on the exchange (or through school) and it’s usually not great. As a student, she might have access to health insurance and you could offer to subsidize that.
FWIW, this is the roadblock I run into when we consider hiring a nanny.
anon says
Paying on the books is a pain, but it’s the right thing to do. What if shes gets hurt and needs workers’ comp (make sure you have coverage!)? What if something horrible happens and she needs SSDI? What if you fire her and she reports you to the state labor board or a tax authority?
IHeartBacon says
Yes, all of this. I pay on the books to protect myself.
Also, for the worker’s’ compensation coverage, most homeowner policies have it, so check yours.
IHeartBacon says
Also, on the worker’s compensation coverage issue, if she gets injured on the job and you don’t have worker’s compensation, she can sue you. If you have worker’s compensation, she is limited to workers compensation. At least that’s the law in my area.
Anonymous says
Taxes are not an optional thing you can opt in or out of based on how you feel. Pay your taxes.
Anonymous says
I would think about this as an employer, and I would never pay under the table. Thinking like an employer includes thinking about what compensation is required to attract and retain the employee. If other employers are paying under the table, you might have to calculate take-home pay to ensure that your offer is comparable from the nanny’s perspective.
IHeartBacon says
All of this.
anon says
We pay our nanny on the books. It’s incredibly expensive, but it’s the right thing to do – and may be important for her for other reasons that you can’t anticipate now.
We do have one part-time babysitter who we don’t pay on the books and who probably has worked enough hours for us that we should – she’s on a student visa that only allows her to work on campus (where there are no jobs right now and which is frankly insufficient for some of these young people studying here from developing countries who are sending money home!) I feel okay about it.
Boston Legal Eagle says
When you say neither of you particularly cares about under v. over – I think the nanny will very much care what her net take home will be. If you’re thinking $45K gross, that’s about $30K net (all ballpark figures, you should run the exact calcs), which is about $14/15/hour. Whereas if you want her to take home $45K, that would be a gross of around $60K for you to pay all in, which will give her a net salary of about $21/22/hour, which seems more market, at least where I am, would be more for more experienced nannies. If you’re looking at somewhere in the middle, the net could be something like $40K, with a gross closer to $55K (again, all ballpark). Nannies are expensive. If you want to save money and since you have one kid, you could look into a nanny share with another family.
I do think you should pay on the books for a long-term, full time nanny. I know lots of people don’t but it is legally required.
Anon says
How much does a household earn to afford to pay a nanny $60K? That sum is unimaginable to me, but I am not a lawyer like many of you.
Anonymous says
our HHI was around 200k when we paid that much for a nanny.
Anonymous says
So hypothetically: HHI ~200K, ~90K of which is the mom’s salary. $60K for a nanny would exceed the mom’s take-home pay even if she didn’t contribute to retirement, especially after you factor in the marriage tax penalty that applies to the lower earner’s wages.
Anonymous says
Actually it was more like $120k was the mom’s salary, but sure. In our case, I am private sector and DH is government. He needed to keep his job for the benefits, and be cause he likes it. I kept my job for the income. Nanny was not our first choice, but we didn’t realize you needed to get on daycare lists so early, and it was our only option when #1 was born. We switched to nanny share and then to daycare after a year.
As has been discussed numerous times on this s1te, it’s worth keeping your job even if most of your take home pay is going to childcare for lots of reasons:
1. Social Security eligibility
2. Keeping work history and skills fresh
3. Mental health (obviously person-specific)
4. 401k match
5. etc etc
AnotherAnon says
6. you just enjoy working and nuts to anyone who judges you for it.
Eek says
Why is the question whether it exceeds the mom’s salary? It’s equally likely it could exceed the dad’s salary. I’m not trying to split hairs, but I do think this is the wrong question.
Anonymous says
Okay, so then you were expecting your husband to go out to work for $0 net? I wouldn’t work for free, and I wouldn’t ask my husband to either.
Eek says
The cost of child care is insane, I will agree with that. And many people can’t afford a nanny for that reason. But if we’re talking about what a family can afford, I think you have to look at total HHI rather than one person’s salary.
If one parent wants to stay home or is even okay with staying home, then obviously it may not make sense to hire a nanny and pay that person more than that parent’s salary. It’s not so much that the family can’t afford the nanny, it’s that it isn’t logical for their personal and financial circumstances.
Anon says
We do this. It honestly about evens out with my salary but I like to think my ability to work and job are important. Lifetime earnings will make it worth it if our nanny allows me to stay in the workforce…
Anon says
Yes. When we had a nanny, the cost was higher than my take home pay. Two years later, I got divorced. I did not anticipate getting divorced, and if I had quit to stay home with my kid, I either would have been stuck in an unhappy marriage to have to start looking for a job while getting divorced, moving, and taking care of my then-2.5 year old… that would have sucked more than paying the nanny.
anon says
Check your privilege and pay on the books.
Spirograph says
You are not helping her out by paying her under the table. 2 years of SS makes a difference – no one knows if she will have future breaks in employment, and if she ends up needing to use these two years as part of the 30, $45k of income for 2 years averages much differently than two 0’s!
When we had a nanny, we paid on the books. This is the right thing to do for so many reasons related to social safety net for her, and also because it’s the law and tax fraud could put our jobs in jeopardy. We worked backwards from our nanny’s take home pay requirement, but I think it’s also fine to say that the salary is $45k and leave it at that.
Lana Del Raygun says
You should definitely pay her on the books! Do not go half and half, that’s nuts (and may result in you reporting below-minimum wages, depending on where you live).
Anon says
I fully believe you should pay on the books but I also recognize we are in desperate times and I would not fault someone who could only find childcare under the table and went with it. Since she’s open to on the books, you should go that way.
Pay those taxes says
You 100% need to pay her on the books. No real question here.
OP says
Ok, yes, convinced. I’m a rule follower (sometimes to a flaw). I was talking to so many in the last two weeks who are going or are currently under the table that I thought I was being extra-rule-follower-y by making this accommodation but decision made. On the table with Homepay it is. Heck, I had even started the homepay process and stopped because I was like WTF why is EVERYONE I talk to under the table but me. I think in more normal times I would have had months to figure this out; we’re doing it in two weeks or less given COVID, daycare craziness, job craziness and more. But, it’s the right thing to do. I can afford it. Moving on. Thanks, all.
Anon says
It is not an accommodation. It is the law. Lots of people break the law when it comes to nannies and it harms them, most of whom are women of color and immigrants. Please continue to educate yourself about what it means to be an employer, check out resources from National Domestic Workers Alliance or similar groups and be sure you are following best practices including having an actual contract and providing vacation / sick days. Your nanny may be “incredibly flexible” because they are desperate for a job but it is your job to treat them with respect.
Anon says
Look – people should obey the law, but I object to the paternalism of telling women of color and immigrants that I am in a better position than they are to decide how they should be paid. They are grown adults too and they get to make their own choices.
I paid my nanny on the books because I was a federal employee and worried about what it would do to my prospects for advancement, not because I thought I knew better than she did what would be good for her. (And I lost out on 2 prospects who refused to be paid on the books). And I second the person below who said nobody but lawyers and accountants follows the law. I was in competition with other parents who were willing to pay under the table and it made finding childcare much harder and more expensive.
Anon says
I know no one who pays on the books outside of those who are lawyers accountants etc and have a license in keapordy. It’s the rigjt thing to do sure but nanny want to be paid under the table too.
Anonymous says
Any suggestions for what to do with postpartum hair growth around the top of my head? I have tons of little 2-inch hairs that stick straight up and I can’t figure out how to look presentable without tons of straightening and product. Husband has suggested getting bangs … Other ideas?
AIMS says
My hairdresser suggested spraying hairspray on a toothbrush or eyebrow comb to get the to stay in place. It’s not ideal but it got me thru.
Clementine says
Hairspray on an old toothbrush to tame the weird little hairs then style as you always have. Postpartum hair is always weird – I would play with products and your part before I got bangs.
(Disclaimer: Drunk Clementine of yesteryear has more than once decided ‘I SHOULD DO BANGS’ and despite the fact that I didn’t do too bad of a job, it was never the right choice. Hence, my bang-phobic life.)
Lana Del Raygun says
I’m always on Team Bangs.
AIMS says
Paging the poster from a few days ago who wanted to live in walking distance of Grand Central.
There are totally options! Tudor City, Turtle Bay, the midtown east avenue east of 2nd ave. generally – I have friends who grew up there and/or live there now. The public schools (elementary) are good! Yes, it’s not the most family friendly neighborhood but it’s fine. Lots of other trade offs like lots of international people etc.
Camping with toddler says
We are going camping (“glamping,” really) for the first time with our 1.5 year old. DH and I were avid tent campers before becoming parents— very bare bones, pack-in, pack-out camping at state parks. We are booked for a stay at a glamping area (a “glamp-ground”? Eeeeshh….) with our toddler and I am SO excited, but have very little idea what to expect, either from the higher-end glamping experience or bringing a toddler. The setup includes a tent on a platform with a bed, and they even have a travel crib. There’s a separate bathhouse. The resort provides basic breakfast stuff that I think our toddler will eat, and we are on our own for food for the rest of the day (with access to a grill). There are hiking trails and general ability to run around outside.
What should we bring that’s maybe not obvious? We are bringing our playpen so we have somewhere definitely baby-proof if we need to set her down but have our hands free (it’s the big pop-up kind, not a pack n play), a ball to kick around, baby carrier for hiking, lots of kid-friendly snacks in addition to typical grilling food, ultra-pasteurized whole milk. Any unsung heroes of family camping trips at that age I’m overlooking?
Anonymous says
Sounds like you are well prepared. Pack more clothes than you think you will need for kid. In my experience they somehow get way dirty/wetter/messier when camping vs backyard play.
Cb says
Oh fun, the only other thing I might consider is some sort of shade? A golf umbrella or a pop up beach shade.
avocado says
What fun! I’ve never been glamping, but we have done a lot of car camping. I’d bring a shovel, a bucket, and trucks for playing in the dirt, a bug house if there’s a chance of catching fireflies, something to do inside the tent if it rains, bug spray and sunscreen, raincoats and rain boots, water bottles, and of course s’mores fixings and toasting forks. When my daughter was little she enjoyed “scavenger hike” checklists. We had a whole book of them written for the actual trails we hiked, and you can find generic ones on the web too.
avocado says
Oh, and flip-flops and a plastic basket or shower caddy for the bathhouse.
Anonanonanon says
A battery-powered fan or white noise machine? will your 1.5 year old be able to fall asleep if they hear you and your husband outside of the tent by the fire etc?
If you’re letting them stay up late, glow stick bracelets are fun.
octagon says
Small jar to collect bugs/fireflies to observe. Plenty of bug spray.
Lana Del Raygun says
Definitely get some kind of shade besides the tent, unless you can open it wayyy up to prevent stuffiness. Bug spray (wipes are handy) and sunscreen! And warmer pajamas for the toddler than you expect to need, especially if you don’t know yet whether she’ll stay in a sleeping bag.
AnotherAnon says
Definitely not an unsung hero, but we took kiddo to our annual PNW camping trip when he was that age. Bring 3x as many sets of clothes as you think your kid will need. If you’re traveling somewhere warm to somewhere cool, bring lots of layers (this seems like such basic advice but I really underestimated how cold kiddo would get, even running around). Mine was TERRIFIED of the shower enclosures, but we worked through it (we also only took like two showers in five days…it’s camping, not an insta photo shoot). I think it was just too loud and he didn’t love showering at that age. Don’t be afraid to: enforce naptime if kiddo needs it, and use the travel crib and play yard. Kiddo really needed a safe place that was all his own to rest and recharge so he could keep having fun with his cousins. Enjoy glamping!
Anonymous says
Can I ask where you are going? I think my toddler would really like camping (she is 2.5) but I am not down to full-on camp….honestly ever. Glamping as you describe it I would enjoy and I think would still check all the boxes of fun for her.
CCLA says
I am not OP, but we just booked a glamping trip at el capitan canyon in Santa Barbara. DH and went there pre-kids and loved it so I am optimistic for taking our kids who will at time of our visit be newly 2 and 4. They are currently only renting full cabins (which all have bathrooms, but also have firepits and picnic tables, etc.) but in non-COVID times they also have tent cabins that rely on shared bathroom facilities. They are because of COVID and lack of tent cabins currently booked all weekends until Sept, but weather is usually nice enough here to go reliably into Oct. We enjoyed tent camping pre-kids but think this will be the right balance until the little one is a little older.
OP says
I don’t see the harm in “outing” where we are going under this burner handle– it’s Firelight Camps in Ithaca, NY. Having never done glamping before, I can’t yet recommend it, but so far their customer service has been great and the photos on their website are gorgeous. Glamping setups like this are fairly easy to find if you google “glamping + destination” so I hope you find something near you! We love traditional camping, so the fancier aspects feel weird to me, but as a first camping venture with the kiddo this feels a lot more manageable. I think we’re past the stage where we would hit the road at 7:00 after work on a Friday, set up the tent in the dark, and trek to a port a potty in the middle of the night.
anon says
I know this question has been asked here a billion times. We’re TTC (our third) and so far not having luck (has only been three months but I’m 37 and anxious) – I don’t particularly want to start taking my temperature regularly, I feel like my temp is often all over the place! Would an ovulation tracker kit be the next obvious step? Anything else you’d recommend?We’ve been trying the EOD method but sometimes missing a day here or there. I realize this is silly to be getting anxious about already, but I also like collecting data and trying to figure things out.
Anonymous says
It’s a totally individual thing. The only cycle I used an ovulation tracker kit for was the only cycle I haven’t gotten pregnant. The data/tracking made me so stressed for some reason. Like I was trying to control something you
can’t control. We had luck on other cycles with EOD. After trying for only three months, do whatever makes you feel less anxious – whether that’s tracking, massage therapy or working out more etc. On ‘anything else you’d recommend?’ – it’s obviously total ancedata but I made a point of resting with my hips elevated on a pillow for 20 minutes afterwards each time.
Anon says
With the caveat that they actually made me MORE anxious, I did use ovulation tracking strips (and temped). I really didn’t like it, though. However, it was helpful when we ended up seeing a RE after 6 months without success, because we were able to quickly rule out a few potential issues as a result. We ended up needing IVF.
Anon says
Yes, this. Everyone thinks that you don’t “need” cycle tracking if (insert issue here). The only people who don’t need cycle tracking are the very, very fertile among us.
Cycle tracking can rule out things like estrogen dominance, luteal phase deficiency, and, to some extent, anovulation. Take your temperature every day in the morning first thing and input it into your app. If it varies, that’s an important piece of information if you seek fertility treatment.
Anonymom says
The clearblue OPKs worked for me within 2 cycles both times. I was putting it off to avoid going anxious but honestly it took out the mystery and made it much less anxiety inducing. So much less speculation. Highly recommend.
AnonATL says
Same. We tried for 1 or 2 cycles just winging it. The stress of testing with the ovulation every day was way better than that anxiety and sadness of another unsuccessful month.
anon. says
Same. I was 36 and 39. They worked great.
Anon says
I bought a cheap ovulation tracker kit with a bunch of test strips. It worked for me for two pregnancies. I really liked it and felt it lessened my sense of worrying over whether we were doing enough. And I didn’t have to check any other bodily signs, which I preferred.
GCA says
I tried for 8 months with my first, and I think OPKs would have helped, because I suspect my cycle (which is naturally long, it turns out) was still stabilizing after going off birth control. If your second kid is still little, and especially if you were nursing them, there’s a chance that your hormones are still going back to normal — having that chemical signal tell you when you’re ovulating could be useful.
Anonymous says
I did temping, observing cervical mucous, and test strips, and probably would have been fine with just the observations in hindsight. Temping was awful for me because you are supposed to do it when you first wake up, and I have trouble sleeping in the early morning anyway, so then I would question if I should take my temp when I needed to pee at 4 am or wait and never get back to sleep. It was not conducive to my mental health. The test strips are dead easy and seemed accurate to me. I used something called Wondfo strips from Amazon that were super cheap; not sure if they are still available or well-regarded.
Anon says
I used the Easy @ Home kit on amazon. It worked very well for me
Colorado Vacation says
Any recommendations on where to vacation in Colorado for a week in August with a 4 year old? She is closer to 5. Hoping for the eastern half of the state because of where we are driving from. Is 4 too young for YMCA of the Rockies? I’d prefer a hotel/resort, but if kiddo will be in heaven there, we’d consider it for at least a portion of the trip. Hoping for primarily outdoor activities. Thanks!
Spirograph says
We went to YMCA of the Rockies one summer when I was upper elementary school, so my younger brother was probably around 4-5. Do it! I remember one longer hike he got tired and was crying on the way back, but otherwise we all had a blast. We stayed in a cabin, went on hikes and to ranger talks, and built little survival shelters in the yard while my parents relaxed on the porch.
FWIW, my younger kids are almost 4 and 5.5, and hiking is their new favorite thing since we started doing it a lot in pandemic times. Any day they get to play in the woods is declared “THE BEST DAY EVER.” We’re tentatively planning to do a Western national park trip next summer.
octagon says
We did 2 weeks last summer in Grand Lake and it was fantastic. The town is small enough that it feels manageable, but there’s still plenty to do. Easy access to RMNP. Lots of little lakes nearby that had great sunrise wildlife viewing. The “beach” at Grand Lake was fun for a day, renting a boat was another day. Mini golf, bingo, etc. It’s maybe 30 (?) minutes past YMCA of the Rockies so you could also do day trips from there.
octagon says
Sorry, just realized that it’s near the Snow Mountain Ranch facility, not the main YMCA of the Rockies.
anon says
Our youngest was 4 during our Colorado trip last summer, and we had a great time! We did lots of hiking — nothing toooo crazy — and she managed just fine. The Y of the Rockies looked really cool, but I couldn’t convince DH to stay there. We ended up in a condo found on VRBO.
anon says
We went to Beaver Creek when my son was almost 2 and it was fantastic. It would be even better with a 4 year old. A lot of ski areas have sons of activities in the summer (at the very least, ride up a gondola!), tons of hiking, pools, etc.
IT says
I’ve heard GREAT things about the YMCA at the rockies from friends with little, little kids. (Like I’m pretty sure one of them was 4 even) It’s on my to-visit list next time we’re in there. I’d also look around the Colorado Springs area and at places along highway 24 going west. My in laws live in Woodland park and there are a TON of fun things to do around the pikes peak area – there’s a christmas/winter themed kiddie park that my daughter LOVED even at 2. There’s also the Florissant Fossil beds, garden of the gods, and Mueller state park all within a short drive of Woodland Park. And of course driving to the top of Pikes is super fun. Even if you can’t make it due to the top (conditions have to be pretty perfect), the drive up is still beautiful to make partially.
From my time estimates driving from KS, going to CO Springs vs Denver isn’t wildly out of the way, so it might not make a big difference from where you’re driving from.
Runner says
Seeking car seat advice. We have a Ford Fiesta and twins, 18 months old. They outgrew their little graco seats so we got some Diono car seats (the radian 3RXT) which are so big they touch the backs of the front seats even when we move either front seats up quite a bit — they just don’t fit.
So then we bought a Graco Milestone All in 1 car seat. It fits a little better but it’s top back still touches the seat back in front of it. I have the impression that this is a big safety no-no but maybe I am wrong?
Do we need a new car? I have been holding out to (1) win the lottery so we can buy a Tesla and (2) until husband gets a job and we really need one. I have a work issued car so we’ve been getting by with just our little fiesta for family use and I’d prefer to not have a car payment.
Any suggestions for super small rear facing seats?
TheElms says
The Graco Extend to Fit with the foot panel all the way in is the most compact front to back in the US I think. This article also compares front to back sizes but was published before the Graco Extend to Fit was released so its not included.
https://csftl.org/size-comparison-safety-1st-advance-ex-65-air/#:~:text=At%2027%20inches%20front%20to,seats%20back%20quite%20a%20bit.
anne-on says
The Clek’s and Diono’s have the smallest footprint I’ve found, and if the Diono doesn’t work for you I’d check the Clek. Bonus – I find the Clek the easiest car seat to install by FAR, it’s the only booster we use (and we have…a stupid number of booster’s now between my car/husband’s car/grandparent’s car/au pair car/extra in case we carpool/etc.) so I’ve put in/taken these out dozens of times and it really is a breeze.
Anonymous says
Plus one to the cleks. They have a shorter seat pitch than the dionos but just as narrow so they fit better rear facing in small cars compared to dionos. They worked for our twins in my small Suzuki.
Ms B says
Britax Roundabout?
We had a Roundabout and a Diono Radian. The Radian is much taller, but has a smaller “on seat” footprint. The Roundabout is shorter and may fit better for now, but if you have tall kids, they will outgrow it a lot sooner.
CCLA says
Check out Nuna Rava. I love our Cleks but they definitely take up more space than our ravas, so we use the cleks in my SUV and ravas in DH’s sedan. Until recently we had two rear-facing and they fit comfortably. The ravas (and cleks) work for extended rear-facing.
Anon says
Nuna rava fits well in our Impreza. I’ve heard graco extend 2 fit is ok rear facing but is a monster when you turn it around, so maybe avoid that one. I think car seats for littles has pictures of it in various cars
IT says
I don’t have any car seat suggestions, but we had to flip my daughters seat to front facing a bit sooner than we would have liked when we got our Model S (used!) so don’t get that tesla til you’re ready to do so. They’re decently roomy in the second seat, but not nearly as much as you’d think. (We also have a britax marathon, which is HUGE in terms of front to back foot print when rear facing I’ve heard, so YMMV with a smaller seat)
Still, hold out for it – they’re SO, so worth it. The Model Y (the new more affordable SUV) might be a good thing to try and snag once you’re ready for a new vehicle.
Anonymous says
I am extremely disturbed by the assumption that of 200K, 90K is the mom’s salary. Why not assume evenly distributed?! We’ve discussed this a zillion times on this board, and PP outlines the points more rationally than I will but UGH.
anon says
yup. That post was super problematic in general – this is just one of the reasons. Feeling pretty judged! And I wasn’t the PP.
Anonymous says
I’m the 200k anon, and yes, I had the same reaction. Esp given that several years later the pay gap is even more pronounced, and I’m bitter already because this just came up a few weeks ago when my husband’s boss literally asked him “what about your wife? why can’t she watch the kids?” in response to DH telling him that he’s taking family leave for childcare because of covid. My salary is more than 2x my husband’s. It’s 2020. Women can be high earners, too, and this board is the last place I thought people would forget that.
Anon says
Same reaction. HHI is ~400K, and I earn 70% of that. And my husband is so freaking proud of me (in general – not just b/c of my salary) and will happily correct anyone who assumes that my career should automatically take the backseat to his b/c I’m the woman and therefore must earn less.
Anonymous says
*high five* Same. One of the many things I love about my husband. Also, I want to point out that there’s no way my comp would have doubled+ by now if I’d dropped out of the workforce to be the caregiver. There are lots of good reasons to make that choice, but long term personal finances are not among them.
Anon says
What is your job, if you don’t mind me asking? Just curious, given your income level.
Anon says
Same. I’m at 300K (330K prior to my covid cut), DH is 0 (SAHD). When we were both working, I was at $260K and he was $120K.
Anon at 12:00pm says
I don’t know if you were asking me (trouble seeing the nesting of comments), but in case you were –
I’m in-house counsel, Fortune 500 company, total comp ~280K. My husband is in academia, total comp ~ 120K.
Anonymous says
Yep. HHI is $260K, I make around $95K/year. I would also really really enjoy staying home (as I’ve discovered especially with this pandemic; however:
– I have a really REALLY sweet retirement that is totally worth it.
– If my husband gets laid off or disabled or frankly just wants to quit his job, we have that flexibility
– I have worked really hard to get where I am. I don’t want to start over and don’t see a path where I can just press pause on my career and jump back in.
– If we get divorced or my husband dies, I need the knowledge that i’m able to provide for my family.
Do I question my decision to work? Yes, regularly. Do I actively make that decision to work? Yes, and I am very privileged to even have the option to step back.
Somebody phrased it like this to me – if you had the opportunity to make an investment that you got 100% ROI on for the first 4 years and then compounded ROI on for every year after that, would it be a ‘bad investment’? Think about daycare as an investment in both of your long term financial careers.
(And with all that, man… I wish so hard that I could only do the interesting parts of my job and work about 60%. )
Anonymous says
cyber security at a Fortune 500. Total comp is ~$270k. DH is a GS-14
As someone mentioned below, biggest pay jump was from switching companies, although i’ve also gotten raises and a promotion since then.
Anonymous says
So reverse the genders. Either way, it sucks to demand that one partner work and have essentially nothing to show for it.
Anonymous says
No one is demanding that anyone work, but I think the point was that even if the salary cancels out, you don’t have “nothing to show for it.”
Anon says
Childcare is a household expense. That’s why I asked about household income. It’s about what works for the family, including both partners.
Anonymous says
If you are thinking purely in terms of HHI, a $60K nanny will be at least half of take-home on $200K HHI, and well over half if you’re both maxing retirement. That is absolutely bonkers.
Anon says
It’s not bonkers by default – it’s bonkers to you. Which is totally fine. Personal finance is just that – personal. Different people have different priorities. Some people prioritize spending a huge chunk of their take-home pay on childcare so that both parents can remain in the workforce. They aren’t spending YOUR money on this, so I’m really not sure why you care so much.
Anon says
No, it doesn’t. People are smarter than that. And some people like their jobs.
I honestly expect people to be more strategic on this board? To understand lifetime earning potential calculations? Etc? Basic finance concepts? So maybe I just need to give this poster the benefit of the doubt. And assume they are a troll?
Anonymous says
Not a troll. I am disputing the contention that a nanny is “affordable” on $200K HHI. If you have no choice but to pay a nanny $60K out of $200K HHI, the system is broken. Whether or not you are willing to work for $0 net, it is objectively crazy that you should have to fork over one spouse’s entire salary for child care so both spouses can work. You should be able to find high-quality, affordable day care and not be forced to hire an expensive nanny. A family earning $200K and spending $60K on child care is not going to be able to save for retirement, or for college, pay off a mortgage early, or get ahead in any meaningful way. And $200K is an enormous income that should enable a family to be saving for the future.
Anon says
I agree the system is broken but it is not crazy or a bad financial choice to make to spend money on a nanny to enable both spouses to work, even if it means you can’t save for a few years. That completely ignores future earning potential and assumes zero value of working other than just income. If hiring a nanny for a few years enables you to stay in the workforce, those few years where you are not netting money from working is may be vastly offset by the future earnings you’ll have by staying in the workforce for those years.
Anon says
Anonymous, the thing is, that $60,000 a year is paying an entire person’s salary. The solution here is not some massive societal change; it’s to do a nannyshare. Hiring an adult to spend their entire working day with your child is not inexpensive, nor should it be.
Lana Del Raygun says
So the corollary here is that a couple with magic free childcare would not be able to “get ahead in any meaningful way” with a HHI of $140k, eh? That’s just not reasonable.
Anonymous says
Factoring in taxes, the equivalent income with magic free child care is more like $110K. If both earners max retirement, you are starting at $71K. Deduct taxes and insurance premiums and you’re left with maybe $3-4K per month to pay a mortgage and all living expenses, save for college, and build an emergency fund. In this scenario you’re getting ahead on retirement, but barely scraping by otherwise.
IHeartBacon says
Just like schooling is not forever, childcare is not forever either. I doubt anyone would ever argue that you shouldn’t go to college or graduate school because you will be doing all this work (studying, writing papers, taking exams, etc) and spending money on books and tuition for essentially no pay while in school. There are some short-term investments that pay out big-time in the end. For me, having childcare so I can continue working is a short-term investment with a big payout in the end of: constantly increasing income, savings, 401k, financial independence, and the sense of accomplishment and satisfaction in making a dent in the corporate status quo regarding women not making it to the upper echelon of leadership.
Anonymous says
Those numbers aren’t that hypothetical. They are close to actual numbers. I guess I am a loser because my husband earns a little more even though I am more educated and have a more “important” job. Those numbers are one of the reasons why I choose day care over a nanny. The example is meant to illustrate that $200K is not really enough to afford a nanny, unless you don’t find it demoralizing to fork over one partner’s entire salary to the nanny.
Anonymous says
It’s fine if those are YOUR numbers and you state as such! I don’t think anyone who makes less than their husband is a ‘loser’ – mine is about to start a new job where he is going from making less than me to about 3x my salary and I’m thrilled about it to be honest. But to talk about it as a hypothetical, as you did, assuming that mom will make less and should be the one to stay home, is not cool at all.
And I don’t find it demoralizing to fork over someone’s entire take-home to the nanny – we’ve been in that position before for the short-term. My kids love our nanny and as the parent, I’m glad to have another adult in our network who loves them and cares for them and allows me to work. I like working more than I like being responsible for childcare all the time. I’m a better mom when I work.
I think the problem is that instead of making this about how you feel and your situation, you projected that all over everyone else.
Anokha says
Also, to the earlier point, when it comes to career progression, there’s also considering the long game. Even if it’s net zero to afford a nanny, that time period is discrete. And if your suggested alternate is that someone should drop out of the workforce if they are “forking over your salary to the nanny”, I worry about what happens in four years, when the kid is back in school, and the parent is trying to reenter the job force with a four year gap.
anon says
OK, you wouldn’t feel demoralized in that situation, but I sure would! Even knowing what I know about lifetime earnings, I would not willingly fork over 2/3 of my income for a nanny. I just wouldn’t. That would feel super crappy to me. I’m not sure why everyone is jumping all over the OP; let’s assume she knows that the mom isn’t always the “lesser” earner. I know that even with our combined income of $180K, a nanny is out of the question, hence, we use daycare.
Anon says
It is amazing to me that you can have such a high household income and still pay such a huge percentage to childcare.
Amon says
A nanny is insane if you make $200j HHI. Personal finance should be about logic and practicality too, if it’s a very finite period ie waiting for daycare that’s one thing but this is absurd.
HSAL says
Our combined income is also around $180K and we pay about 45K/year for daycare. We could hire a nanny here (even over the table) for that, but use daycare for a variety of reasons. Monthly daycare is roughly 3/4 of my take-home and almost 1/3 of our household take-home, but it’s all family money. I would much rather work and only net $1K/month than be home with my kids all day. No offense to my children.
Anon says
This is a more mature response than I had – well said.
Anonanonanon says
Fwiw, there were times early in my career when I had a government salary and at the end of the day actually LOST money working in the Summers (looking strictly at what I brought home and what summer camp that covered my working hours cost). It was still 100% worth it to our family and I appreciate that my husband saw how important it was to me and my mental health and sense of self-worth to work. Bringing up the fact that it cost us money during those months or suggesting I not work because I wasn’t bringing home a lot would have honestly been a borderline-unforgivable offense to me. All of that to say, for many families it is very worth having both parents working for non-financial reasons. (Plus, I have more than doubled my salary since then and now slightly out-earn him!)
Anonymous says
But would you have called your child care “affordable” in those days?
Anon says
I’m pretty sure no one in this thread has called paying $60K/year for a nanny “affordable”. People do it, or have done it in the past, for a variety of circumstances. But I don’t think anyone is saying it’s affordable or arguing that childcare options in the US can be extremely limited, constricting, and expensive.
Anonymous says
The original $200K poster said you could afford a nanny on that income.
Eek says
I don’t think anyone ever said it was “affordable.” A poster above did say that she paid $60k for a nanny on a $200k household income. I would not call that “affordable,” personally, but some families could make it work. (We have a higher HHI than that and could not justify $60k for a nanny; thankfully they are not quite that much in our area and we have daycare as an option.)
Anonymous says
I never said it was affordable, I said that’s what our HHI was when we paid about that much for a nanny. I followed up to note that it was a short term thing until we could secure more affordable childcare. The choice for us at the time was one of us dropping out of the workforce or hiring a nanny. Paying for expensive childcare was a better choice for us than a parent staying home. It’s worth noting that we had no student loan debt, only one car, and housing costs that could be covered with only one income. Like someone else said, personal finance is personal, and that’s the choice we made and it worked fine for us, financially speaking.
Anonymous says
How are all of you doubling your salaries so quickly? I am getting raises and promotions as fast as humanly possible in my organization, and by the time I’ve doubled my starting salary in nominal dollars I’ll have been working there for 17 years and exhausted all possible promotions on the highest-level career path available. Doubling in real dollars will take even longer. Sigh. I guess I should have gone into biglaw.
Anon says
Yeah I’ve only ever been able to get meaningful raises by changing jobs. So many companies do not reward their employees or offer growth, in my experience. Obviously not the case for everyone.
Boston Legal Eagle says
The only way my husband has been able to significantly increase his salary in the last few years has been to change jobs. It wouldn’t have been possible if he stayed in his original orgs. I think that’s just the way it is now. There are certainly reasons to stay in one place for the long term, like benefits, vacation, goodwill, seniority, etc., but salary growth is probably not one of them.
Also for the posters above asking about nanny pay, FWIW of the coworkers I know who’ve had nannies, they were making around $350-400K total with two working parents. I agree that $200K is probably not enough to comfortably afford a nanny, at least here in HCOL Boston, but I also agree that it’s a household expense and thinking that you’re just “getting nothing” for your work if you pay your salary for childcare is problematic and keeps women held back in the workforce. Ideally, we’d all pay in with taxes and get subsidized care as even daycare is expensive. But a nanny is a true luxury IMO, so I don’t think it’s bad to say that even an upper middle class family would be paying a lot of their money for one.
Anonanonanon says
I’m not in law.
I worked in state government (so, notoriously low-paying) so the salary that doubled was not high to begin with. I made a lateral move at one point for a 20% raise (the highest they could give), left for a government-adjacent job that gave a huge ($30K) salary bump, then got promoted within that that came with another huge bump.
My first job in what I consider to be my career paid $50K. So, more-than-doubling just means I’m in the low-mid 100s now. I’m still very proud of/grateful for it, of course! But I didn’t go from 150K-300K or anything like that.
Redux says
Same! I doubled my salary by starting out as a legal aid attorney making $35k/year (less than what I made before becoming an attorney, btw). 8 years and several moves later, I am now a state government attorney and make $140k, and am the majority income for our household. A big leap, but I started out low and have almost certainly hit a ceiling. It’s all relative.
Lana Del Raygun says
I have almost doubled my salary since 2016 going from GS-7 ($43,684) to 9 to 11 to 12, and I will hit 13 ($102,663) this fall.
Susan says
I doubled in 2 years from starting, then took 9 years to double again – all without changing jobs. At 250 now.
DLC says
Anyone want to help come up with some creative explaining to my 8 year old? She just lost another tooth. Last month, when she lost a tooth, my mother (unbeknownst to me or my husband) crept into her room and left her ten dollars. We typically give $1/ tooth. So now I have to explain to 8 year old why a) she is not getting $10 again, and b) why the tooth fairy still hasn’t come (real answer: your parents are tired and fell asleep before you did. And then forgot). I feel like she doesn’t truly believe in the tooth fairy, but we all like to play along with the myth. Possible scenarios I can tell her?
Anonymous says
Are you sure you looked hard enough? Oh, look! Here is the dollar under your pillow.
The tooth fairy must have run out of dollar bills last time so she had to leave you a ten.
Anonymous says
Every 5th tooth is $10? May is the bonus month for tooth fairy so you get $10/tooth for May teeth? $1 is standard but she leaves one $10 per night so different kids get an extra treat each time? Eye tooth (or whatever kind of tooth is was) are worth more?
Anonymous says
Maybe the tooth fairy won the lottery last time, and maybe the tooth fairy couldn’t find your tooth last night. Also, you can’t explain the tooth fairy’s ways because you are not the tooth fairy.
Lana Del Raygun says
My inclination is to offer a silly explanation (the tooth fairy hired a subcontractor who doesn’t know how to read numbers!) with a wink-wink-nudge-nudge tone, to let her in on the myth/joke more.
IHeartBacon says
“the tooth fairy hired a subcontractor who doesn’t know how to read numbers!”
This just made my whole week.
DLC says
These are hilarious! Thank you.
I especially like the “how do I know what the tooth fairy is thinking?!?!” approach. Keep life mysterious.
Used infant carseat? says
Talk to me about your thoughts on trusted, used carseats. My sister has been using the infant seat that we used for my first. It’s now been used by 3 babies between the two of us, and we’re expecting again later this summer. It isn’t expired yet, and I know that it hasn’t been in an accident or anything like that.
Would you be comfortable using it again (so fourth baby on the same carseat), or should I just replace it?
Anon says
Yes
Signed, my kid is the 3rd kid in 3 years to use their car seat
anon says
Yeah, I would. I think there’s a big difference between getting a used carseat from some random person, and borrowing one from someone you know very well and trust to not be stupid about carseat safety.
Anonymous says
Yes, I have both received and given no accident unexpired car seats from close family members and friends.
Used infant carseat? says
Thanks all! I’m definitely okay with a trusted used seat (it was used by my nephew before we used it for our first), but have been questioning whether four babies in one carseat is too many. But I can’t really think of a reason other than it seems like it’s been used a lot. Buying a new one seems a little bit wasteful even though we can afford it.
Anonymous says
Foster mom here – I’ve used my infant carseat for… 4? babies over the years. Engineer husband is mostly concerned that plastic breaks down over time (expecially exposure to heat in the car) not that a 8-20 pound infant is putting that much stress on it.
Frankly, that sounds awesome and efficient. I have a mommaroo that has been used by 7 babies in 4.5 years… to the point where we actually burned out one motor and had to buy a new base (which the company gave us a ridiculous discount on).
Used infant carseat? says
Thanks! The plastic breaking down is a concern as the carseat is less than a year from its expiration date (and we do live in an area with very hot summers). I didn’t realize that could happen.
Anonymous says
Yes, but note that eventually car seats “expire”. I guess because materials degrade over time (??) My youngest was born when my oldest was 5, and by then, the infant car seat he and the middle sibling had used had passed its expiration date, so we bought a new one.
Used infant carseat? says
Yes, thanks! This one is not expired, though it will when the baby is around 6 months old or so. I’m thinking by then we can transition him to a convertible seat.
NYCer says
100% comfortable.
Walnut says
Totally comfortable. Our bucket seat was used by four kids. No accidents and within the expiration date.
Lana Del Raygun says
Yes, and not even like “I am comfortable with this risk.” I simply do not see this as a risky move at all.
Anon says
+1
Sitter Pay says
I need a gut check – I hired a daytime sitter temporarily for a couple of weeks while our regular one is unavailable. The amount that she asked to be paid is less than I expected to pay, only slightly above minimum wage. Do I pay her what she asked even though it seems low to me, and then figure I can always pay her more than what we agreed if I really lik her? Or do I tell her now that I’ll pay her a higher rate that seems closer to what I expected? Or is this all ridiculous and I should just pay her the rate she asked for and move on?
I know I’m overthinking this; I want to be fair but I don’t have a very good sense of what people pay in our area.
DLC says
When I was unemployed and watching kids, my rate was always lower than the going rate for nannies because I figured I wasn’t a CPR trained, early childhood expert; I was stopgap. There were some families who went ahead and paid closer to the market rate because they knew that my rate was low. There were others who paid what I was asking. It wasn’t a big deal either way. The extra money was nice, but not expected.
If you want to wait and see how she works out, I think it is ok to agree to her rate and then at the end of the week, give her a bump, and tell her you thought about it and felt like she should be getting more than she was asking.
Anon says
I used to undercharge for my services (tutoring) and was very grateful when women explained to me that I was doing a great job and should charge more. To have someone older back up your value with their hard-earned money meant a lot to me then, and, as an almost-middle aged woman, is a small part of the reason that I am assertive about salary negotiations in my corporate job.
Anonymous says
You should definitely set their standard higher than they ask for, if they’re really worth that much. So much of what people make in the future is dependent on what they made before. Get her started on the right foot!
Anon. says
We have hired one of our daycare teachers as a sitter while we all wait for daycare to reopen. I made an offer at an hourly rate, she countered at a lower rate. We have been paying the rate she set, paying in full for holidays/days off when we’re traveling/short days etc and intend to give a lump sum bonus at the end of the engagement.
Anonymous says
We had something similar happen – what on earth is with daycare teachers countering at lower rates?!
I asked her for her rate, she told us something ridiculously low, I said ‘what about X’ and she offered to meet in the middle. I just paid her what we offered anyway and said that her time was worth it and that she shouldn’t undersell herself.
Anonymous says
Pay her the rate she asked and give her a nice bonus at the end.